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Speaker 1: This is the Fread Show.

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Speaker 1: Fread Show is on. Is Stay or Go? All right? Jessica?

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Speaker 1: Good morning, Jessica. How are you? I'm good? How are

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Speaker 1: you doing? Great?

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Speaker 2: Jessica. I've got your your note here for stay or Go.

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Speaker 2: We're gonna at the end of this, we're gonna side

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Speaker 2: decide collectively the room and then everyone listening eight five

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Speaker 2: five five one three five the trajectory.

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Speaker 1: For the rest of your life.

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Speaker 2: Because I don't know if you knew this, and it's

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Speaker 2: in a fine print, but like, whatever we decide is

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Speaker 2: what you're gonna have to do with your life.

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Speaker 1: So here we go.

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Speaker 2: You Unfortunately, we're recently in a car accident and I'm sorry,

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Speaker 2: but you're okay. You're as okay, as can be now.

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Speaker 3: Right, Yeah, you know, it was a year and a

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Speaker 3: half ago, and I have a bunch of injuries that

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Speaker 3: you know, I survived. I'm here and I'm really happy

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Speaker 3: to be alive.

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Speaker 2: Good, and so there's some repercussions though, Like the life

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Speaker 2: is a little bit different now. You're not maybe moving

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Speaker 2: around as well as you were a year and a

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Speaker 2: half ago and things like that.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, of course, you know, I'm not really like able

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Speaker 3: to walk or really like act like myself. It's not

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Speaker 3: the same. And you know, I understand that it's kind

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Speaker 3: of a new version of me and that it would

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Speaker 3: be hard for.

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Speaker 1: Anybody to deal with.

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Speaker 3: But my husband has never said anything about that I

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Speaker 3: kind of look new or that I act a bit different.

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Speaker 3: But he has been treating me a bit different. He

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Speaker 3: doesn't really want to have sex with me, and he's

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Speaker 3: not really romantic.

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Speaker 1: He's just kind of different.

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Speaker 3: I guess, okay, and everything, you know, go ahead, oh, nories.

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Speaker 3: I've tried to talk to him about it, and he

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Speaker 3: keeps assuring me that he doesn't feel differently about me,

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Speaker 3: and he does say that I'm beautiful, but I don't know,

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Speaker 3: the actions aren't really saying the same thing and saying

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Speaker 3: the opposite.

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Speaker 2: Like like you're not you're not exercising as much, or

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Speaker 2: like you sort of form his change. I mean, what

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Speaker 2: what is what has changed exactly? Yeah?

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Speaker 3: I used to take classes every single day, different workout classes,

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Speaker 3: and I'm not really moving as well. So I can

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Speaker 3: take yoga maybe twice a week, which isn't the same

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Speaker 3: and it's I'm not even as good, of course as

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Speaker 3: I was before. And you know, I used to do

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Speaker 3: so many things around the house and I can't clean

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Speaker 3: as well, so I'm not really doing that as well.

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Speaker 3: You know, I had to buy like a little robot

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Speaker 3: that goes around the apartment.

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Speaker 4: Clean a little bit better.

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Speaker 1: Okay? And is this permanent? Like is it?

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Speaker 2: Are you in the process of I'm just trying to

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Speaker 2: sort of understand what what life looks like now, and

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Speaker 2: how is this sort of a permanent change over time?

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Speaker 2: Will you sort of rehab and then maybe be able

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Speaker 2: to to because I mean, I don't really care what

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Speaker 2: this guy thinks.

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Speaker 1: For yourself.

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Speaker 2: I mean, if you aspire to be this sounds like

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Speaker 2: fitness and that you know sort of thing was something

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Speaker 2: that was important to you prior you to your accident.

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Speaker 2: So is this something that you'll be able to get

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Speaker 2: back to or not.

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Speaker 1: I think not to the capacity I was doing before.

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Speaker 3: And yes I am and rehabit working towards being a

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Speaker 3: better version of myself is from the accident, but I'm

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Speaker 3: not there yet. It's been a year and a half

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Speaker 3: and it's going to take a bit of time, and

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Speaker 3: I'm doing my best.

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Speaker 1: And so you guys have.

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Speaker 2: Talked about this, Jessica, and you've said, hey, you know,

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Speaker 2: I've noticed a difference since the accident, and I feel

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Speaker 2: like maybe you don't. I h what's the word I

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Speaker 2: would use. I'm not as appealing to you as I've

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Speaker 2: noticed that. I feel that you're not as appealing. I'm

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Speaker 2: not as appealing to you as I was before the accident.

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Speaker 2: And this guy has reassured you that he doesn't feel

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Speaker 2: any differently, but yet his actions, you know, as far

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Speaker 2: as intimacy and things like that, say say something different.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, it says something completely different, and you know it's

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Speaker 3: it's hurtful. And I've tried saying it many, many times,

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Speaker 3: and he just keeps reassuring me he feels the same way.

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Speaker 2: And so the question becomes like, is it is it

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Speaker 2: always going to be this way or is it something

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Speaker 2: that he that he adjusts to or does he come around?

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Speaker 2: Or I mean, is this the new sort of state

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Speaker 2: of normal in your in your marriage, in which case

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Speaker 2: you'd have to ask yourself are we ever going to

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Speaker 2: have the same connection? And if we're not, then what

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Speaker 2: does that look like? I assume that's kind of where

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Speaker 2: you're at. Yeah, no, it is what does your gut

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Speaker 2: tell you? Does your gut tell you that this is

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Speaker 2: that he'll come around? Or does does your gut tell

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Speaker 2: you that he's just not comfortable with the new normal

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Speaker 2: and and maybe he sees you differently despite and doesn't

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Speaker 2: want to hurt your feelings, which, of course it would

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Speaker 2: be devastating for your partner to say that to you.

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Speaker 3: You know, right now it feels like he sees differently,

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Speaker 3: which is why I keep asking him, you know, how

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Speaker 3: he feels about me? And I need to be reassured

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Speaker 3: right now it doesn't feel like he sees me in

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Speaker 3: the same way at all?

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Speaker 1: And how long could you go on like this before

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Speaker 1: you move on?

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Speaker 3: I don't know. It's hard because he's my husband and

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Speaker 3: I love him, so it's it's tricky. I just I

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Speaker 3: don't feel wanted or loved the way that I did before.

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Speaker 1: So I don't know, and I knew that.

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Speaker 2: I know that's kind of cliche to say, but I mean,

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Speaker 2: and from the guy who's never been married, but it

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Speaker 2: isn't in a relationship, but like you know, you marry someone,

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Speaker 2: this is supposed to be for life, and yeah, and

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Speaker 2: you're supposed to know in what is it that they

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Speaker 2: say in sickness and in health? I mean, so you

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Speaker 2: don't necessarily marry permanently the person who you married whenever

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Speaker 2: you do. You know, people obviously, time evolves and people

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Speaker 2: change and things happen and people age. And I'm sure

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Speaker 2: you know, maybe he's exactly the same guy as he

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Speaker 2: was whenever you married him.

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Speaker 1: I doubt it.

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Speaker 2: And it's very easy for all of us to say, well,

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Speaker 2: that's the deal, that's the code, that's what you agreed to.

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Speaker 2: But I mean, if we ask ourselves honestly, are we

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Speaker 2: prepared for our partner to get sicker? Were prepared for

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Speaker 2: our partner to decide that they don't want to take

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Speaker 2: care of themselves anymore? Are we prepared for our partner

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Speaker 2: to be in an accident? Are we truly prepared for that,

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Speaker 2: I wonder if people are being really honest. You hope

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Speaker 2: the answer is always yes, But is it really because

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Speaker 2: you know, who wants to become And I'm not saying

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Speaker 2: this is your example, but I mean, who really wants

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Speaker 2: to become a caregiver? Who really wants to have to do?

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Speaker 2: And then but that's what we agreed to. But I

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Speaker 2: guess what I'm trying to get to is the other

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Speaker 2: side of this, the honest side where it's this, wasn't

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Speaker 2: you know that he thought he was marrying one thing

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Speaker 2: and now he feels like he's getting something different and

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Speaker 2: he's having a hard time with that connection. That that's

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Speaker 2: a him problem, not a you problem. But I mean

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Speaker 2: I think we, you know, we kind of have to

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Speaker 2: be honest with ourselves that this is something that could

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Speaker 2: happen in any relationship, despite people saying over and over again, stick,

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Speaker 2: this is it in health, this is what you're supposed

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Speaker 2: to do. And so I guess I'm going with this

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Speaker 2: is at what point do you say this guy is

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Speaker 2: clearly not prepared for that. He said it, but he

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Speaker 2: doesn't mean it, and you know he may love you,

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Speaker 2: but I guess you know, at what point do you say,

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Speaker 2: I need to hit reset on this, Like this, this

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Speaker 2: guy's not clearly in it for everything. He's not all in,

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Speaker 2: and so maybe I need to move on and find

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Speaker 2: somebody who is, because you can't be expected to live

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Speaker 2: this way feeling kind of rejected for the rest of

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Speaker 2: your life. I mean, how long are you supposed to

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Speaker 2: wait for this guy to decide that he's above all this?

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Speaker 3: I don't know, you know, is it another year, is

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Speaker 3: it another couple months.

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Speaker 1: I don't know.

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Speaker 3: It's hard because you know, if I was in his position,

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Speaker 3: of course, I think i'd be acting differently, But I

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Speaker 3: don't know, and.

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Speaker 5: You don't suspect that there's any shenanigans going on, like

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Speaker 5: he may be in another situation.

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Speaker 3: Oh okay, I mean he's he's like word wise, he's

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Speaker 3: really been there for me, you know, he always says

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Speaker 3: that I'm beautiful and is very loving in words, but

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Speaker 3: the actions are not really there.

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Speaker 1: Yeah.

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Speaker 6: This is really sad, and I'm really sorry that you

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Speaker 6: guys are going through this. And I feel like, to

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Speaker 6: a friend's point, like, yeah, maybe he's not prepared, but

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Speaker 6: is anybody ever prepared for a transition like this in life?

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Speaker 6: When you become the caregiver, whether it's to your partner,

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Speaker 6: an aging parent, even your children. Like this can happen

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Speaker 6: to anybody, so nobody's exempt from any of this. So

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Speaker 6: I do think that he needs to step it up

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Speaker 6: and be the husband that he promised to be when

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Speaker 6: he said right through sickness and through health. And yes,

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Speaker 6: not everybody's equipped to be that, I understand, but we

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Speaker 6: that's chosen family, right when you marry somebody, it's chosen family.

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Speaker 7: Like we are now a unit. So like I feel like.

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Speaker 1: Well, that's what I mean.

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Speaker 2: I mean, people say this, but are they really prepared

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Speaker 2: by the way, you know, And I don't know your

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Speaker 2: situation completely, Jessica, but like I mean, you're you're you're mobile,

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Speaker 2: you're still you're exercising, you're working at it, you're trying

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Speaker 2: to be your best self. You're limited in certain ways.

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Speaker 2: I mean, it could be so much worse. People deal

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Speaker 2: with much worse every single day, And I guess I

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Speaker 2: just wonder, you know, maybe there's a transition period where

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Speaker 2: he sort of mourns what used to be, but then

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Speaker 2: then you step it up and you go, Okay, no,

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Speaker 2: it's I married more than this.

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Speaker 1: It was.

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Speaker 2: It's it's deeper than that, and it sounds like maybe

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Speaker 2: he didn't. I mean, a year and a half is

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Speaker 2: a long time to wait for someone to uh for

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Speaker 2: you to feel wanted again, and you deserve to feel wanted.

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Speaker 2: So I don't know, maybe that's the conversation. You know,

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Speaker 2: maybe it's And I would love to know what people

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Speaker 2: have been through this or you know, after pregnancy or

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Speaker 2: or or or you know, and I get it sound

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Speaker 2: all about women. You know, maybe a guy went through

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Speaker 2: an accident and he was, you know, very physically fit

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Speaker 2: and then now he's not as much. Or maybe maybe

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Speaker 2: people just lose the energy or the will, or they

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Speaker 2: get busy and they don't prioritize things that were once

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Speaker 2: important to them, that people once found attractive. But I

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Speaker 2: guess at what point do you sit down and say, look,

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Speaker 2: I you know, you say that you care about me

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Speaker 2: the same way, but it doesn't feel that way. And

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Speaker 2: if it's never going to feel that way again, then

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Speaker 2: you know, maybe maybe our connection is lost. And that's

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Speaker 2: very very sad, but that may be the reality. I mean,

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Speaker 2: is it is it something worth talking about in those terms?

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Speaker 3: Yeah?

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Speaker 2: I mean.

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Speaker 3: I've spoken to him about these terms, but I think

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Speaker 3: it's about putting a timeline. Don't you think about when

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Speaker 3: when it starts to affect me that I can't be

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Speaker 3: in this or do this anymore where I feel unwanted

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Speaker 3: for this long?

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Speaker 1: Well, the timeline is yours.

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Speaker 2: By the way I started interrupt you, the timeline is

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Speaker 2: yours to make like you can't really go to him

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Speaker 2: and be like, hey, I'll tell you. I give you

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Speaker 2: six months to get your act together and remember the

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Speaker 2: person you marry and the and the person inside of

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Speaker 2: here or else. I mean, I think you have to

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Speaker 2: decide at some point do you think he's ever going

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Speaker 2: to come around? And if not, you know, you obviously

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Speaker 2: still bring a tremendous amount of value to the world.

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Speaker 2: You're the same exact person that he married, So off

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Speaker 2: we go.

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Speaker 7: I think they should try counseling.

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Speaker 5: I don't think she should give up on him, because

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Speaker 5: the way that she said, he's still speaking to her

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Speaker 5: and he's still you know, telling her she's beautiful. Maybe

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Speaker 5: he's just going through a mental transition of trying to

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Speaker 5: find his footing in you all's new reality. Like you know,

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Speaker 5: when when something happens to your partner that changes you too.

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Speaker 5: So maybe he's just going through a rough time, and

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Speaker 5: I may I think maybe you guys can work it

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Speaker 5: out in counseling.

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Speaker 7: I don't. I don't want to tell you throw your

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Speaker 7: marriage away.

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Speaker 2: No, I definitely think maybe there's a different Maybe some

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Speaker 2: help with the communication would be good.

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Speaker 1: But yeah, but I mean, if he's not.

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Speaker 2: A year and a half is a long time for

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Speaker 2: a guy to tell you one thing and act differently. Sure,

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Speaker 2: So yeah, Jess, let me take some phone calls on this.

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Speaker 2: I want to see what people have to say. But

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Speaker 2: I wish you the best.

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Speaker 1: Thank you. Yeah, that's hard.

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Speaker 2: I mean again, you know, people say, oh, yeah, I'm

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Speaker 2: in it for the long haul, I'm in it for

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Speaker 2: whatever it is. And then but then is sometimes you realize, well,

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Speaker 2: now this maybe they're not in fact, And then and

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Speaker 2: then I think, is it wrong to say, Okay, well

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Speaker 2: you're not the you weren't actually in this for sickness

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Speaker 2: in and hell, so we got to move on. I

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Speaker 2: gotta do something else. I got to find somebody who

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Speaker 2: values this version of me. I thought it was you.

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Speaker 2: But it's not tough because otherwise you just live your

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Speaker 2: whole life, the rest of your life like this. I

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Speaker 2: mean if you tried everything. Is there any shame in

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Speaker 2: prioritizing yourself? I mean, maybe there's shame on his side

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Speaker 2: because well, he didn't live up to his end of

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Speaker 2: the deal. But hey, Holly, yes, Hi, Holly, Hey, good morning.

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Speaker 1: Say or go? What do you think?

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Speaker 8: I think? Definitely say it sounds a lot like my

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Speaker 8: husband when I had gone through cancer chemo radiation, and

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Speaker 8: I told him that I'm, you know, felt comfortable being intimate,

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Speaker 8: but he was so afraid of not wanting to hurt me,

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Speaker 8: not wanting me to feel comfortable, not wanting me to

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Speaker 8: feel pressure. And it just sounds like he's very supportive

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Speaker 8: of her and these are the bumps in the world

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Speaker 8: that we go through in a marriage.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, But do you think but that's I guess

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Speaker 2: That's what I'm getting at, is that's what you think,

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Speaker 2: and that's what you hope your partner thinks when they

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Speaker 2: agree to be with you for life. But do you

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Speaker 2: think that at this rate, that's really the commitment that like,

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Speaker 2: do you think that's really where his head is?

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Speaker 8: I do, from just hearing what she's saying about him

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Speaker 8: being so supportive, I don't think we have a right

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Speaker 8: to tell anybody you know, what to do with their

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Speaker 8: bodies and how to change. And I think that it

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Speaker 8: does sound like he is willing, you know, to be

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Speaker 8: there through thick and thin and talk to her about it.

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Speaker 8: And I do feel sorry for her that she feels

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Speaker 8: it that a certain way, but I hope that she

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Speaker 8: can get a little bit of comfort maybe thinking that

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Speaker 8: that's how he's feeling.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I guess just a year and a half of

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Speaker 2: words and actions that don't match the words, that's that's

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Speaker 2: a long time to wonder if if he's going to

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Speaker 2: come around, if he's going to accept the new normal.

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Speaker 2: So I don't know how I mean to use it.

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Speaker 2: A year and a half? Is it two years? Is

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Speaker 2: it three? Is it five? Is it ten? It?

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Speaker 1: Is it?

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Speaker 2: We married each other? So if the if the intimacy

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Speaker 2: aspect of this relationship has now fundamentally changed, it doesn't matter.

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Speaker 2: We just stick with it. Like I guess, that's my question.

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Speaker 2: I don't know, you know, so the holly, thank you

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Speaker 2: and I'm sorry you've been through that. Yeah, final thought, no,

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Speaker 2: final thought, go ahead.

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Speaker 7: I appreciate that.

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Speaker 8: No, I do I know, so, I do know that

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Speaker 8: it's a long time. I just want to know that

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Speaker 8: I have been there. It was quite a while, but

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Speaker 8: again it was just on his side mostly, and so

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Speaker 8: I'm sorry that she's going through it. And I thank

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Speaker 8: you guys. I love you. I will listen to you

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Speaker 8: every day.

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Speaker 1: Thank you very much. Have a good day.

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Speaker 8: Thanks you too.

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Speaker 2: Glad you called Michelle. Hi, Michelle, good morning, goodnighting. Hey Michelle,

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Speaker 2: So just to RecA here if you're just tuning in.

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Speaker 2: This woman, Jessica in Sergo. She had an accident and

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Speaker 2: it sounds like she's I mean, she's not completely immobile

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Speaker 2: by any means, but she's sort of not the version

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Speaker 2: of herself sounds like physically that she was prior to

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Speaker 2: the accident. She's working at it, but she feels kind

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Speaker 2: of rejected by her partner now and he says that

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Speaker 2: he doesn't feel any differently, but his actions don't back

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Speaker 2: that up. And it's been a year and a half

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Speaker 2: of this and they have had the conversations and they've

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Speaker 2: tried to work through it, but it's not changing.

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Speaker 1: You know, what do you do?

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Speaker 9: You know, I've been married now twenty seven years, and

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Speaker 9: that's kind of what marriage is. You're going to have

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Speaker 9: those ups and downs, those ups and downs might last a.

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Speaker 3: Couple of years, but it's not.

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Speaker 9: I mean, it's a matter if you're in it for

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Speaker 9: the long run. And it really really sounded to me

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Speaker 9: like she's carrying baggage, that she's feeling less of herself

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Speaker 9: and she might be putting that on him. I think

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Speaker 9: should go talk to somebody. But I don't think that's

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Speaker 9: why you walk away. I mean, when you see these

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Speaker 9: couples that have been married sixty years, you don't think

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Speaker 9: they've had their stuff. And I'm my husband and I

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Speaker 9: have had our stuff and we're finally, twenty seven years later,

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Speaker 9: getting to the other side, I hope, with that rainbow

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Speaker 9: and where it's just like fabulous.

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Speaker 2: So that's an interesting perspective because a year and a

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Speaker 2: half that was like a long time, But then when

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Speaker 2: you think of it over the course of a lifetime,

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Speaker 2: a year and a half is nothing, I guess. But

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Speaker 2: that's the thing that that's what we're trying to get

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Speaker 2: to here, And of course we're not dumb radio people

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Speaker 2: going to figure it out.

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Speaker 1: But it's like, you know, in.

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Speaker 2: Five years, if nothing changes and you saw the signs,

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Speaker 2: then is it like, well, I maybe maybe this isn't

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Speaker 2: the guy that I thought I married. Maybe he's not

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Speaker 2: actually committed the way that I thought he was, and

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Speaker 2: so we probably should have moved on a while ago.

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Speaker 1: You know.

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Speaker 2: I guess it's how do you know, Michelle, And I

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Speaker 2: guess what you're saying is you don't necessarily know, but hey,

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Speaker 2: we made this commitment, so we're going to stick with

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Speaker 2: it for ever.

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Speaker 1: Yeah that's a good question.

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Speaker 9: Yeah, I mean, it's just that's kind of what you

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Speaker 9: signed up for. I mean, I guess that's how I

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Speaker 9: view it. It's you know, and you know, maybe they

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Speaker 9: don't have kids. You know, maybe it's not complicated as complicated.

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Speaker 9: I have four kids, so you know, maybe it's not

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Speaker 9: that complicated without kids, but with kids. Yeah, now I

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Speaker 9: think that's good. It's part of what when you see

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Speaker 9: the people that have been married sixty years and you say,

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Speaker 9: you know, what's they have secret sauce. It's like it's

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Speaker 9: times like this when you have much rough patches, that that's.

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Speaker 3: The secret sauce.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, thank you, Michelle, have a good day.

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Speaker 8: I love you, guys, Hey love you.

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Speaker 2: When she makes a good point, my grandparents are married

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Speaker 2: for almost seventy years, it's like you're gonna tell me

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Speaker 2: in seventy years there weren't you know, lots of the

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Speaker 2: health issues.

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Speaker 7: There was a decade. Granny probably was like, but.

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Speaker 1: Do we even still have those same like?

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Speaker 2: And again this is now, this is getting even like

399
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Speaker 2: more deep, but do we even still have those same value?

400
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Speaker 1: Is anymore like? Is that even? Is that?

401
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Speaker 2: And I guess that's what I was getting at prior

402
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Speaker 2: is are people really getting married anymore? Truly thinking in

403
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Speaker 2: their head, no matter what happens, this.

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Speaker 1: Is for life.

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Speaker 2: Because if you if that's not your mentality, then what

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Speaker 2: Michelle is saying doesn't really matter because that person isn't

407
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Speaker 2: isn't feeling the same thing, like, they don't see it

408
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Speaker 2: the same way. They're already out and so this is

409
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Speaker 2: just not to hurt her feelings. This is almost to

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Speaker 2: make it her idea, you know, so to assuage some

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Speaker 2: form of guilty.

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Speaker 1: Rachel, Rachel, who are you talking to?

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Speaker 8: I'm talking to like three people?

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Speaker 2: Oh, because I'm going to listen to your you know,

415
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Speaker 2: external dialogue there. But I can think I came in

416
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Speaker 2: mid sentence, what did you want to say? Good morning

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Speaker 2: and welcome?

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Speaker 8: Good morning?

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Speaker 4: I was just saying, he is in caregiving mode right now,

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Speaker 4: that part of his brain is just turned off. He's

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Speaker 4: obviously in love with her and wants to take care

422
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Speaker 4: of her. They need to see an intimacy therapist. And

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Speaker 4: to put it lightly, I think she in that intimacy

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Speaker 4: department needs to take things into her own hands and

425
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Speaker 4: make some purchases.

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Speaker 2: Purchases. Oh oh, okay, all right, we can leave it there. Purchases.

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Speaker 2: I think we can fill in the blank on that one.

428
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Speaker 2: So she needs to sort of maybe she needs to

429
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Speaker 2: make you're saying she used to spice things up in

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Speaker 2: some ways.

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Speaker 1: Maybe see.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, And honestly, they really do need to see a

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Speaker 4: sex therapist because.

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Speaker 1: I don't put this all on her at all.

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Speaker 2: Like maybe partially, I mean, maybe she's emitting or emoting

436
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Speaker 2: some kind of you know, feeling of insecurity, which is unattractive,

437
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Speaker 2: But like you know, it's also his job to sort

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Speaker 2: of meet her where she is. If in fact we're

439
00:19:56,119 --> 00:19:58,000
Speaker 2: doing this whole lifelong thing, it isn't on.

440
00:19:58,119 --> 00:20:01,000
Speaker 4: Her at all. I do not think on her at all.

441
00:20:01,119 --> 00:20:04,320
Speaker 4: He has that part of his brain has just turned

442
00:20:04,359 --> 00:20:07,280
Speaker 4: off because of whatever she went through. It was trauma

443
00:20:07,720 --> 00:20:10,520
Speaker 4: and he's been through trauma too, right, watching her get

444
00:20:10,560 --> 00:20:15,880
Speaker 4: better and watching her body possibly be broken in places

445
00:20:15,920 --> 00:20:19,640
Speaker 4: he doesn't want to hurt her and he's in mommy mode.

446
00:20:19,760 --> 00:20:23,440
Speaker 4: He is taking care of her, and it's sometimes hard

447
00:20:23,480 --> 00:20:25,919
Speaker 4: to turn that part of your brain back on.

448
00:20:26,440 --> 00:20:28,479
Speaker 1: Yeah, that makes sense. Thank you, Rachel, have a good

449
00:20:28,560 --> 00:20:29,320
Speaker 1: damn glad you called.

450
00:20:29,800 --> 00:20:32,320
Speaker 2: Yep. It's just so hard to know, and everyone's saying

451
00:20:32,359 --> 00:20:34,439
Speaker 2: stay like all the text, all the things, it's just

452
00:20:34,480 --> 00:20:37,000
Speaker 2: so hard to know, Like is this a phase or

453
00:20:37,680 --> 00:20:38,680
Speaker 2: is the switch off?

454
00:20:40,280 --> 00:20:41,600
Speaker 7: I think only time will tell.

455
00:20:41,880 --> 00:20:44,320
Speaker 5: I think if you're in a marriage, got to you

456
00:20:44,359 --> 00:20:46,680
Speaker 5: gotta kind of go through it first before you make

457
00:20:46,720 --> 00:20:48,880
Speaker 5: such this hard decision, which you would be.

458
00:20:48,840 --> 00:20:53,080
Speaker 2: Leaving, because I mean, you know, maybe he's like, if

459
00:20:53,119 --> 00:20:55,920
Speaker 2: I just sort of stick around and try not to

460
00:20:56,000 --> 00:20:59,879
Speaker 2: hurt her feelings, then that's better than admitting to myself

461
00:21:00,119 --> 00:21:02,119
Speaker 2: to the world that I don't like the new version

462
00:21:02,160 --> 00:21:03,920
Speaker 2: of her and I want out, because then that makes

463
00:21:03,960 --> 00:21:06,960
Speaker 2: you the bad guy. So you know, that's that would

464
00:21:07,000 --> 00:21:09,159
Speaker 2: be My biggest concern is like are you hanging on

465
00:21:09,320 --> 00:21:12,320
Speaker 2: like you you love me or maybe you're in love

466
00:21:12,359 --> 00:21:14,119
Speaker 2: with me, but like are you still attracted to me?

467
00:21:14,160 --> 00:21:16,040
Speaker 2: And if you're not, how long do we play that game?

468
00:21:16,280 --> 00:21:19,280
Speaker 5: Right, but explore I say, explore all options before you

469
00:21:19,359 --> 00:21:20,159
Speaker 5: make the decision.

470
00:21:20,240 --> 00:21:23,240
Speaker 1: Purchases, Yes, purchase purchases