WEBVTT - Samantha | Betrayal Weekly 0:00:00.080 --> 0:00:03.360 Hi, everyone, we have some exciting news to share. ABC 0:00:03.480 --> 0:00:06.880 News Studios has turned Caroline Brega's story from Betrayal season 0:00:06.920 --> 0:00:10.280 four into a docuseriies you'll get to meet the people involved, 0:00:10.480 --> 0:00:13.319 You'll hear from people who have never spoken before, and 0:00:13.400 --> 0:00:15.800 you get to see where this story took place. We 0:00:15.840 --> 0:00:18.239 are so proud and excited to share it with you all. 0:00:19.079 --> 0:00:22.759 Stream Betrayal Dirty Secrets now on Hulu or Hulu for 0:00:22.800 --> 0:00:23.440 Disney Plus. 0:00:25.400 --> 0:00:28.080 It was like not being able to look away from 0:00:28.080 --> 0:00:31.040 her car accident. I couldn't look away. I couldn't put 0:00:31.040 --> 0:00:34.120 it down. It was almost like reading a novel. But 0:00:34.240 --> 0:00:47.840 this was my real life. 0:00:48.200 --> 0:00:51.520 I'm Andrea Gunning and this is Betrayal, a show about 0:00:51.520 --> 0:00:54.800 the people we trust the most and the deceptions that 0:00:54.960 --> 0:01:02.600 change everything. Samantha Gray as a professor of psychology. Over 0:01:02.640 --> 0:01:05.440 the years, She's taught a variety of classes. 0:01:06.120 --> 0:01:11.280 I was teaching couples in family therapy. I taught adolescent development. 0:01:11.560 --> 0:01:16.120 I taught an undergrad class called Psychology and Technology. 0:01:17.520 --> 0:01:20.600 She got her start in the academic world exploring how 0:01:20.720 --> 0:01:24.240 tech shapes are personal identity and how we relate to 0:01:24.280 --> 0:01:28.720 each other. Samantha has always loved technology when she was 0:01:28.760 --> 0:01:31.520 growing up in the eighties. Her favorite toy was a 0:01:31.520 --> 0:01:32.080 wiz Kid. 0:01:32.760 --> 0:01:35.600 It was literally a laptop. It had a little handle, 0:01:35.760 --> 0:01:37.840 so I would carry it like it was a little briefcase. 0:01:38.600 --> 0:01:40.679 That kind of went along with my vibe. 0:01:41.040 --> 0:01:43.960 Her vibe, which Samantha describes. 0:01:43.440 --> 0:01:48.960 As opinionated, inquisitive, and bookish. 0:01:49.000 --> 0:01:52.320 Whenever she was around her more rowdy cousins, I was 0:01:52.400 --> 0:01:52.840 just kind. 0:01:52.680 --> 0:01:57.000 Of like patting my pearls, like, oh my, like they're 0:01:57.040 --> 0:02:00.320 going to play in the dirt, Like, oh no, I 0:02:00.440 --> 0:02:03.040 had my little purse and I was right at the 0:02:03.080 --> 0:02:03.840 adults table. 0:02:05.320 --> 0:02:07.640 Samantha wanted to be the first in her family to 0:02:07.640 --> 0:02:08.600 go to college. 0:02:08.919 --> 0:02:11.520 I'd read the newspaper with my dad and we'd watch 0:02:11.680 --> 0:02:13.240 the nightly news together. 0:02:13.960 --> 0:02:17.440 Samantha's dad was in the military. Growing up, they moved 0:02:17.480 --> 0:02:17.919 a lot. 0:02:18.600 --> 0:02:21.520 I was born in Chicago, but then we moved to 0:02:21.680 --> 0:02:25.920 Texas and then Georgia, and then we moved to Germany 0:02:26.840 --> 0:02:28.079 and then California. 0:02:28.919 --> 0:02:33.960 Finally her family settled down in Indianapolis, Indiana. In high school, 0:02:34.080 --> 0:02:36.880 Samantha floated between a few social groups. 0:02:37.280 --> 0:02:40.240 I wasn't in the super nerdy group. I wasn't in 0:02:40.440 --> 0:02:43.239 the cool kids group. I was right there in the middle. 0:02:43.600 --> 0:02:46.040 I was the editor for my high school newspaper. 0:02:46.960 --> 0:02:50.440 She wasn't really into high school sports unless she was 0:02:50.480 --> 0:02:52.440 writing about a game for the school paper. 0:02:52.880 --> 0:02:57.040 We got passes to go to the football games and 0:02:57.160 --> 0:03:01.720 report from the sidelines. I was like VIP coming through. 0:03:03.040 --> 0:03:07.520 My access to the cool kids was having to interview players. 0:03:07.800 --> 0:03:10.280 One of those cool kids was a guy we're going 0:03:10.320 --> 0:03:11.040 to call Michael. 0:03:11.680 --> 0:03:15.800 Michael was popular. He was a football player. He was 0:03:15.880 --> 0:03:19.120 tall and big. Everyone called him Big Michael. 0:03:20.600 --> 0:03:23.120 Michael had moved out of his parents' house and lived 0:03:23.160 --> 0:03:26.799 on his own. He already seemed like an adult, and 0:03:26.840 --> 0:03:28.680 Samantha admired. 0:03:28.160 --> 0:03:32.280 That he was already kind of grown and maybe that 0:03:32.320 --> 0:03:34.640 helped him be the cool guy because he had his 0:03:34.800 --> 0:03:35.800 stuff together. 0:03:36.960 --> 0:03:40.520 They both stayed in Indianapolis for college, but they weren't 0:03:40.560 --> 0:03:45.800 in touch. A few years into college, a guy Samantha 0:03:45.880 --> 0:03:48.840 was talking to invited her to a house party at 0:03:48.840 --> 0:03:53.440 his place he lived with a roommate. When Samantha got 0:03:53.440 --> 0:03:55.920 to the party, her date went off to smoke with 0:03:55.960 --> 0:03:58.680 his friends, leaving Samantha alone. 0:03:59.360 --> 0:04:03.880 I didn't I didn't drink. I felt uncomfortable. 0:04:04.440 --> 0:04:08.760 Samantha wandered through the party feeling out of place. Then 0:04:08.800 --> 0:04:12.400 she walked past the door to the garage. She immediately 0:04:12.520 --> 0:04:17.200 recognized Michael. It turned out he was her dates roommate. 0:04:17.800 --> 0:04:22.039 He had converted the garage to a game room. He 0:04:22.120 --> 0:04:23.520 had speakers picked up in there. 0:04:24.279 --> 0:04:26.600 Michael and some of his friends were hanging out on 0:04:26.640 --> 0:04:29.280 a couch in the garage playing video games. 0:04:29.680 --> 0:04:33.040 So I was like, okay, like video games, Like there's 0:04:33.320 --> 0:04:35.640 a targeted activity with these people in this room. 0:04:36.240 --> 0:04:39.440 Samantha made her way over to the couch. Michael saw 0:04:39.480 --> 0:04:42.240 her approaching and immediately made room for her to sit 0:04:42.320 --> 0:04:46.040 next to him. He handed her controller and showed her 0:04:46.080 --> 0:04:46.640 how to play. 0:04:48.080 --> 0:04:53.599 He's very charismatic, very cacarious, charming. I remember having a 0:04:53.640 --> 0:04:54.279 great time. 0:04:55.040 --> 0:04:58.159 They took turns playing a golf video game and laughed 0:04:58.160 --> 0:05:02.719 at each other's mistakes. Hanging out with Michael, Samantha finally 0:05:02.839 --> 0:05:07.440 felt relaxed at the party. After a while, Samantha got 0:05:07.520 --> 0:05:09.360 up to head back into the main house. 0:05:10.160 --> 0:05:11.520 You had to go down a step to get to 0:05:11.560 --> 0:05:14.680 the loom. I was coming out of the garage and 0:05:14.960 --> 0:05:19.760 I fell off that step. I hyper extended my knee 0:05:20.000 --> 0:05:23.880 and the whole party got quiet. 0:05:24.400 --> 0:05:28.240 Everyone stopped and stared at her. She was so embarrassed. 0:05:28.920 --> 0:05:31.680 I was in searing pain. I was like, let me 0:05:31.720 --> 0:05:33.600 just go home and get out of here. Everything, it'll 0:05:33.640 --> 0:05:36.240 be fine. I went to stand up and I couldn't 0:05:36.320 --> 0:05:37.479 fare wait on it. 0:05:38.240 --> 0:05:41.480 She couldn't get up. She looked around the room, waiting 0:05:41.520 --> 0:05:44.840 for someone to help her. She spotted her date, but 0:05:44.880 --> 0:05:49.000 he just seemed embarrassed on her behalf. But then she 0:05:49.120 --> 0:05:52.520 felt hands lifting her up. It was Michael. 0:05:53.240 --> 0:05:57.279 Michael went into straight action. He came over. He's like, 0:05:57.320 --> 0:05:59.839 can you stand on it? We tried that I couldn't. 0:06:00.520 --> 0:06:03.200 When it became clear that she couldn't stand on her own, 0:06:03.880 --> 0:06:05.240 Michael didn't hesitate. 0:06:05.920 --> 0:06:11.080 He literally scooped me into his arms in front of 0:06:11.160 --> 0:06:15.920 my date, takes me outside, carrying me, puts me in 0:06:16.240 --> 0:06:19.839 his car, buckles me in, drove me to the hospital. 0:06:21.080 --> 0:06:25.080 Samantha was awestruck. Michael was taking care of her like 0:06:25.120 --> 0:06:27.240 it was the most natural thing in the world. 0:06:28.040 --> 0:06:32.640 I thought highly of him and was grateful because my date, 0:06:32.680 --> 0:06:35.280 I don't think, had a car or a driver's license. 0:06:35.880 --> 0:06:38.440 He literally swept me off my feet. 0:06:39.560 --> 0:06:42.440 The next day, she got a text from Michael. He 0:06:42.480 --> 0:06:45.360 had gotten her number from someone at the party, so 0:06:45.400 --> 0:06:48.120 he could check in on her. He asked her how 0:06:48.120 --> 0:06:49.039 her knee was doing. 0:06:49.760 --> 0:06:53.880 After that, it was like we'd never stop talking. 0:06:54.760 --> 0:06:58.200 She learned more about his life. Even though they were young, 0:06:58.520 --> 0:07:01.960 Michael was already a dad. He had two daughters with 0:07:01.960 --> 0:07:06.760 his ex girlfriend. He was balancing parenting with going to college. 0:07:07.440 --> 0:07:12.320 This didn't scare Samantha away. Michael was responsible and seemed 0:07:12.360 --> 0:07:13.360 like a great dad. 0:07:13.840 --> 0:07:16.120 I just felt like we had so much to talk about. 0:07:16.320 --> 0:07:20.680 Their conversations became more and more flirty. Michael invited her 0:07:20.760 --> 0:07:24.320 back to his house to play video games. This time 0:07:25.040 --> 0:07:26.200 it was just the two of them. 0:07:26.720 --> 0:07:32.520 We had our first kiss at his house in that garage, 0:07:32.560 --> 0:07:34.320 pretending to play video games. 0:07:35.000 --> 0:07:38.320 After that, they started going on dates. In a lot 0:07:38.360 --> 0:07:41.760 of ways, Michael and Samantha were pretty different, but the 0:07:41.760 --> 0:07:44.520 more they hung out, the more they found things they 0:07:44.560 --> 0:07:45.280 had in common. 0:07:45.920 --> 0:07:50.840 We were two kids coming from families that we were 0:07:50.880 --> 0:07:56.040 the first generation to go to college. He was innately intelligent, 0:07:56.520 --> 0:07:59.200 but he was quick witted for sure, and so I 0:07:59.200 --> 0:08:04.040 think we kind of acted over both wanting and academic life, 0:08:04.080 --> 0:08:06.600 like to go to college and to talk about the 0:08:06.640 --> 0:08:07.960 classes that we were in. 0:08:08.640 --> 0:08:12.520 Whenever she was with Michael, life felt brighter and more fun. 0:08:13.560 --> 0:08:19.840 I was definitely head over heells. Michael could do no 0:08:20.240 --> 0:08:22.920 wrong in Miyes. He was so kind to me. He 0:08:23.040 --> 0:08:24.000 was hilarious. 0:08:26.160 --> 0:08:30.640 Six months later, they made their relationship official. When people 0:08:30.640 --> 0:08:34.160 from their high school saw them out together. They were confused. 0:08:34.800 --> 0:08:38.559 Michael was super social in high school. Everyone remembered him, 0:08:39.200 --> 0:08:41.960 but Samantha had flown under the radar. 0:08:42.679 --> 0:08:46.400 I'd be standing right next to him and they'd be like, Michael, 0:08:46.760 --> 0:08:49.920 what's that big night? They would not acknowledge me, and 0:08:49.960 --> 0:08:53.040 I'd realized they didn't know that we were together. And 0:08:53.080 --> 0:08:56.680 so then when he would bring me into the conversation, 0:08:57.080 --> 0:08:59.480 they were like, oh, hey, how do you know like 0:09:00.080 --> 0:09:04.400 to go to our high school? I was yep. 0:09:04.920 --> 0:09:07.600 People seemed to think they were an odd couple, but 0:09:07.679 --> 0:09:10.520 neither of them cared about what other people thought. 0:09:10.760 --> 0:09:13.800 We would drive up from Indian Flis to Lake Michigan. 0:09:14.240 --> 0:09:17.000 There was this gorgeous peer and we'd go out on 0:09:17.040 --> 0:09:19.840 the pier and we would pack like a picnic. 0:09:20.440 --> 0:09:23.360 This was more than just a summer flame. They continued 0:09:23.480 --> 0:09:28.440 dating throughout college. As the seasons changed, their relationship stayed 0:09:28.480 --> 0:09:30.080 steady and grew stronger. 0:09:30.679 --> 0:09:34.320 A lot of things weren't very traditional. I didn't really 0:09:34.920 --> 0:09:38.120 cook and clean. He did the cooking. 0:09:39.040 --> 0:09:42.079 Another untraditional thing they did is that while they were 0:09:42.120 --> 0:09:46.000 both in college, they decided to get married at the courthouse. 0:09:46.800 --> 0:09:50.560 One because they were in love, and two because being 0:09:50.559 --> 0:09:54.480 married would help Samantha qualify for financial aid on her tuition. 0:09:55.320 --> 0:09:58.840 The arrangement worked for both of them. Samantha and Michael 0:09:58.920 --> 0:10:00.679 made just enough money to scrape by. 0:10:01.400 --> 0:10:04.960 We were really struggling. We only gay gas at a 0:10:05.000 --> 0:10:08.520 gas station called Speedway, and we'd save up our points. 0:10:09.040 --> 0:10:14.520 There were times where that was dinner, like hot dogs, natchos, whatever. 0:10:15.080 --> 0:10:20.520 In her senior year, Samantha started applying to PhD programs. 0:10:19.840 --> 0:10:25.160 And I got into a PhD program straight out of undergrad. 0:10:25.160 --> 0:10:28.679 The program was in Tennessee. It would be a big change, 0:10:29.120 --> 0:10:32.760 but this was more than just an academic opportunity. There 0:10:32.880 --> 0:10:34.160 was a lot at stake. 0:10:34.600 --> 0:10:37.120 When I got into a PhD program. It was this 0:10:37.320 --> 0:10:40.120 amazing opportunity to really change our lives. 0:10:40.520 --> 0:10:43.280 So Samantha and Michael decided to move to Tennessee for 0:10:43.280 --> 0:10:47.800 a few years. Michael's daughters stayed in Indiana with their mom. 0:10:48.160 --> 0:10:50.560 It was a big sacrifice for him to be away 0:10:50.559 --> 0:10:53.320 from his kids, but they knew they were building a 0:10:53.320 --> 0:10:57.280 better life for all of them. Starting over was challenging. 0:10:58.000 --> 0:11:01.080 Grad school was tough. It was very oddbous that my 0:11:01.360 --> 0:11:05.400 peers had backgrounds that were different than mine. They would 0:11:05.480 --> 0:11:10.640 talk about their vacation backpacking through Europe or whatever. We 0:11:11.160 --> 0:11:17.720 qualified and were on food stamps. 0:11:19.280 --> 0:11:22.800 Even though their lifestyle wasn't glamorous, they were happy. 0:11:23.400 --> 0:11:27.400 He was so fun. He was this bigger than life character, 0:11:27.520 --> 0:11:30.600 like he wanted to grab life and live it. And 0:11:30.640 --> 0:11:32.920 so even though we didn't have a lot of money, 0:11:33.280 --> 0:11:35.560 we were also in a new part of the country. 0:11:36.280 --> 0:11:40.320 We were in eastern Tennessee, which butts up to the 0:11:40.440 --> 0:11:45.000 Smoky Mountains. We would pack a picnic and go to 0:11:45.080 --> 0:11:46.240 the Smoky mountains. 0:11:47.040 --> 0:11:50.320 Michael always reminded Samantha that life wasn't supposed to be 0:11:50.400 --> 0:11:53.640 one long sprint. They had to take time to slow 0:11:53.720 --> 0:11:57.240 down and enjoy where they were. Sitting by his side, 0:11:57.400 --> 0:12:01.240 the smoky mountains wrapping around them, remembered how far they 0:12:01.280 --> 0:12:01.760 had come. 0:12:02.480 --> 0:12:05.760 Here we are with this fresh mountain air, and like 0:12:05.960 --> 0:12:08.920 here you are on a PhD program. Things are looking up. 0:12:09.280 --> 0:12:11.800 We're still poor, but gosh, darn't it like we're just 0:12:11.880 --> 0:12:14.040 on the cusp of things being good. 0:12:15.400 --> 0:12:18.600 Samantha and Michael dreamed of having a child one day. 0:12:19.280 --> 0:12:22.880 Michael was already supporting his two daughters back in Indiana, 0:12:22.960 --> 0:12:25.080 and they just didn't have the money to afford to 0:12:25.160 --> 0:12:26.560 raise a child of their own. 0:12:27.320 --> 0:12:30.679 I knew we did not have money, but I did 0:12:31.000 --> 0:12:34.560 want to have a kid. I still wanted to dream 0:12:34.600 --> 0:12:40.000 about it, and we did. He was also a big dreamer, so. 0:12:40.080 --> 0:12:43.240 In between late night classes and long shifts at work, 0:12:43.679 --> 0:12:45.600 they allowed themselves to dream. 0:12:46.080 --> 0:12:49.280 I remember us sitting at the computer in the hallway 0:12:49.320 --> 0:12:53.920 and our house. I opened a Microsoft word document and 0:12:54.679 --> 0:12:58.920 we created this list of baby names if I had 0:12:58.960 --> 0:13:03.040 a girl. I always wanted one of these gender neutral names, 0:13:04.120 --> 0:13:07.679 names that were like Andy or Peyton. 0:13:09.040 --> 0:13:11.440 There was one baby name that was at the top 0:13:11.480 --> 0:13:15.360 of Samantha's list. We're going to use a pseudonym that 0:13:15.440 --> 0:13:16.920 shares the same unique style. 0:13:17.000 --> 0:13:19.719 Samantha loves Ellington. 0:13:21.880 --> 0:13:25.760 She didn't know any other kids with that name. Michael 0:13:26.000 --> 0:13:29.160 loved it too. At this point in her life, having 0:13:29.200 --> 0:13:32.480 a kid was still far away, but she hoped that 0:13:32.559 --> 0:14:01.280 dream might one day be within reach. Even though they 0:14:01.320 --> 0:14:04.439 didn't have a lot of money, Samantha and Michael were happy. 0:14:04.840 --> 0:14:08.240 They were in love, and they had big plans for 0:14:08.320 --> 0:14:12.160 their future. After years of hard work, Samantha got her 0:14:12.240 --> 0:14:16.520 PhD in psychology. She got an internship and then a 0:14:16.600 --> 0:14:20.200 postdoctoral fellowship, and not just any fellowship. 0:14:20.640 --> 0:14:23.320 I got to do my post stoc with Cambridge Hospital 0:14:23.520 --> 0:14:27.080 in Massachusetts. That is a Harvard medfellowship. 0:14:27.520 --> 0:14:31.360 Walking across campus was a real pinch me moment for Samantha. 0:14:32.040 --> 0:14:35.600 Here I am with a school id for Harvard, and 0:14:35.760 --> 0:14:39.600 I'm going to Harvard Libraries. I'm on Harvard campus for 0:14:39.760 --> 0:14:43.080 someone from my background. Never would I have thought that 0:14:43.160 --> 0:14:45.960 I would have had any opportunity like that. 0:14:49.000 --> 0:14:51.840 They moved to a town thirty minutes outside of Boston. 0:14:52.480 --> 0:14:55.640 It was the start of a new chapter. Michael had 0:14:55.640 --> 0:14:59.280 a steady job and Samantha was chasing her dreams. In 0:14:59.320 --> 0:15:02.480 their free time, they explored their new city together. 0:15:03.240 --> 0:15:08.000 We were enjoying being on an ocean, like we are Midwesterners. 0:15:08.520 --> 0:15:12.080 We got an apartment that was walking distance to the beach. 0:15:12.640 --> 0:15:16.880 It was grand. We started to eat better. It was 0:15:16.880 --> 0:15:19.280 like we had just enough money to enjoy a few 0:15:19.280 --> 0:15:20.560 of the finer things. 0:15:21.400 --> 0:15:25.400 Gas Station hot dogs were replaced by fancier options. 0:15:26.000 --> 0:15:29.600 Lobster rolls on the beach. Yeah, it was just it 0:15:29.640 --> 0:15:30.400 was so cool. 0:15:30.960 --> 0:15:33.040 But that winter in Boston was bitter. 0:15:33.720 --> 0:15:38.160 It was like the snowpocalypse. And even Bostonians were telling me. 0:15:38.240 --> 0:15:41.960 They're like, no, Samantha, like this is not normal. We 0:15:42.040 --> 0:15:44.520 can now believe that this is your one year in Boston. 0:15:45.400 --> 0:15:48.720 Michael was working a retail job with Verizon. When the 0:15:48.760 --> 0:15:52.520 temperatures dropped below zero, he still had to go into work. 0:15:53.440 --> 0:15:55.480 Then one day he got sick. 0:15:56.480 --> 0:16:00.840 He caught pneumonia and was hot hospitalized. 0:16:01.800 --> 0:16:05.440 In the hospital, while they were treating Michael's pneumonia, the 0:16:05.480 --> 0:16:12.080 doctors noticed something even more alarming. Michael had heart failure, and. 0:16:11.880 --> 0:16:14.280 They were like, how has no one told you that 0:16:14.360 --> 0:16:17.160 you have heart failure before? Because this is pretty advanced. 0:16:17.840 --> 0:16:20.520 There's no way no one told you that you had 0:16:20.640 --> 0:16:25.520 major heart issues. And he was like, oh, someone may 0:16:25.520 --> 0:16:29.120 have said something, but it didn't seem a serious. 0:16:29.600 --> 0:16:33.680 Michael hadn't told Samantha anything about this. Even now, he 0:16:33.800 --> 0:16:37.840 was downplaying it, but the doctors were clear he needed 0:16:37.840 --> 0:16:45.280 to start treatment immediately after he caught pneumonia. Michael never 0:16:45.400 --> 0:16:46.280 fully recovered. 0:16:46.720 --> 0:16:51.200 It was a stark difference to go from walking around 0:16:51.240 --> 0:16:58.720 and enjoying the fall to pretty quickly having a significant disability. 0:16:59.600 --> 0:17:02.000 His heart couldn't keep up, so he'd run out of breath. 0:17:02.600 --> 0:17:06.160 Michael was forced to slow down. He'd kept his heart 0:17:06.200 --> 0:17:10.800 issues under wraps for years, but now they were impossible 0:17:10.840 --> 0:17:11.520 to ignore. 0:17:12.280 --> 0:17:14.639 He just became more sick, and that was the first 0:17:14.640 --> 0:17:18.080 time that I realized that his health would become a 0:17:18.080 --> 0:17:19.400 big part of our lives. 0:17:19.960 --> 0:17:24.639 After a year in Boston, Samantha's postdoc fellowship ended, she 0:17:24.760 --> 0:17:27.480 and Michael moved home to Indianapolis. 0:17:27.800 --> 0:17:30.720 I was able to secure a tenure track job with 0:17:30.800 --> 0:17:32.679 the University of Indianapolis. 0:17:32.800 --> 0:17:35.800 It was a dream job. She'd get to teach classes 0:17:35.800 --> 0:17:40.000 in psychology and technology. She would even run her own lab. 0:17:40.600 --> 0:17:44.440 My lab was about social technology and communication. 0:17:45.280 --> 0:17:47.640 But Michael's doctors were worried about the move. 0:17:48.480 --> 0:17:50.639 They were like, when you get out of our care, 0:17:50.960 --> 0:17:53.320 you absolutely need to take this seriously. When you get 0:17:53.320 --> 0:17:57.399 to Indiana, like, you have to immediately connect with a 0:17:57.440 --> 0:17:58.840 team of doctors. 0:18:00.440 --> 0:18:04.399 When they got settled back in Indiana, Michael's health got worse. 0:18:05.080 --> 0:18:08.560 He was living with advanced heart failure. It was a 0:18:08.560 --> 0:18:10.520 scary diagnosis. 0:18:12.320 --> 0:18:14.480 I think he was trying to put on a strong 0:18:14.520 --> 0:18:18.480 face for everyone else, but behind the curtain, he definitely 0:18:18.480 --> 0:18:19.439 couldn't hide it from me. 0:18:20.600 --> 0:18:24.359 Soon, even basic tasks like getting around the house became 0:18:24.480 --> 0:18:25.560 challenging for Michael. 0:18:26.160 --> 0:18:29.000 There were times I had to help him to the bathroom. 0:18:29.359 --> 0:18:32.200 The fluid on his legs was so great that sometimes 0:18:32.240 --> 0:18:36.120 he couldn't stand. I was like five to two and 0:18:36.680 --> 0:18:41.639 he was over three hundred pounds. I ended up hurting 0:18:41.680 --> 0:18:44.920 my own back trying to help him. It was very 0:18:44.960 --> 0:18:46.360 difficult to be a caregiver. 0:18:47.280 --> 0:18:50.840 It was a stressful time. Samantha had started working long 0:18:50.960 --> 0:18:54.399 hours as a professor. In her time off, she was 0:18:54.440 --> 0:18:55.359 caring for Michael. 0:18:56.040 --> 0:18:59.520 It almost made my love for him grow because I 0:18:59.640 --> 0:19:03.880 was worse read about his health and him not being around. 0:19:04.760 --> 0:19:07.159 It became clear that Michael was going to need a 0:19:07.160 --> 0:19:10.680 heart transplant, but planning for that procedure was a long 0:19:10.800 --> 0:19:14.679 and complicated process. They needed a more immediate treatment to 0:19:14.760 --> 0:19:18.359 keep him stable, so Michael's doctors started him on a 0:19:18.400 --> 0:19:21.520 medication that flowed through a twenty four hour IV. 0:19:22.400 --> 0:19:24.960 He wore a backpack and we hid the pump in 0:19:25.000 --> 0:19:27.960 his little backpack. It was to keep him comfortable, but 0:19:28.160 --> 0:19:30.720 it was so terrifying that, like you had to keep 0:19:30.760 --> 0:19:34.040 the batteries loaded so that this medicine would continuously flow. 0:19:34.640 --> 0:19:38.359 If it stopped, he could have died. 0:19:40.200 --> 0:19:43.520 It was terrifying, and their dreams for the future were 0:19:43.520 --> 0:19:44.359 put on pause. 0:19:45.440 --> 0:19:49.200 We're still relatively young. Going to the cardiollaist every two 0:19:49.240 --> 0:19:52.679 weeks wasn't on our to do list before. It was 0:19:52.920 --> 0:19:56.520 a mess. Trying to take care of his physical health 0:19:56.720 --> 0:20:01.159 and trying to get tenure. It was extremely stressful. 0:20:01.960 --> 0:20:05.600 Michael's doctors advised him not to work. Samantha was making 0:20:05.800 --> 0:20:09.360 enough money to cover their bills, and any strenuous physical 0:20:09.400 --> 0:20:11.960 effort was too much of a risk for his heart. 0:20:12.680 --> 0:20:15.280 But Michael did not take this advice well. 0:20:15.960 --> 0:20:19.760 He was not someone who enjoyed being told no or 0:20:19.840 --> 0:20:23.800 having things taken away. He's always been a competitive person. 0:20:24.200 --> 0:20:26.720 He was an athlete in his younger years. He's always 0:20:26.720 --> 0:20:30.000 considered himself healthy and able bodied. 0:20:31.000 --> 0:20:34.000 Against the advice of his doctors, he kept working. 0:20:35.440 --> 0:20:38.920 I was telling him, like, Michael, sit down, I can 0:20:39.480 --> 0:20:41.800 pay the bills. All you need to do is focus 0:20:41.880 --> 0:20:45.439 on your health. I was agreeing with them, doctors. I 0:20:45.480 --> 0:20:51.080 saw his condition. The evidence was very clear cut, and 0:20:51.840 --> 0:20:54.719 I was like, what if your medicine runs out, what 0:20:54.800 --> 0:20:58.080 if you have a stroke or something happens. 0:20:58.920 --> 0:21:01.080 Michael insisted that he felt fine. 0:21:01.800 --> 0:21:04.840 He was on a lot of prednizone, which I called 0:21:04.880 --> 0:21:08.280 the duct tape of medicine, just a general steroid that 0:21:08.320 --> 0:21:10.560 makes you feel great. That's how sick he was. But 0:21:10.640 --> 0:21:14.240 he didn't understand they're trying to keep me comfortable. He 0:21:14.320 --> 0:21:16.120 only understood I feel great. 0:21:16.720 --> 0:21:19.800 No matter what she said, Samantha could not get Michael 0:21:19.840 --> 0:21:22.679 to stop working. He said they needed the money. 0:21:23.440 --> 0:21:29.320 I couldn't understand why he was so money hungry. 0:21:31.000 --> 0:21:35.200 Michael's health made other aspects of their relationship more challenging. 0:21:35.800 --> 0:21:39.480 There was a difference in our level of physical intimacy 0:21:39.600 --> 0:21:42.600 that came along with some of the woes of being 0:21:42.640 --> 0:21:43.800 a heart failure patient. 0:21:44.600 --> 0:21:49.120 Things were hard. They were stressed about money, work, intimacy, 0:21:49.600 --> 0:21:50.400 and the future. 0:21:51.000 --> 0:21:54.119 Everything we were going through felt like the pamphlets you 0:21:54.119 --> 0:21:58.240 would read in the lobby at the cardiologist's office for 0:21:58.400 --> 0:22:02.800 families going through heart to transplant. He felt like financial stress, 0:22:03.160 --> 0:22:05.440 relationship stress, intimacy issues. 0:22:06.720 --> 0:22:09.600 All the while, Michael kept coming to her with ways 0:22:09.640 --> 0:22:12.920 to make more money. One day, he told her he'd 0:22:12.960 --> 0:22:16.920 found a lucrative business model, a trucking company. 0:22:17.080 --> 0:22:21.520 Bred box type trucks that just delivered clients' for big 0:22:21.560 --> 0:22:24.280 box stores like Low's Home Depot, stuff like that. 0:22:24.840 --> 0:22:28.639 He'd always wanted to be an entrepreneur. Samantha already knew 0:22:28.800 --> 0:22:32.879 she couldn't stop Michael from working, so if he'd found 0:22:32.880 --> 0:22:36.520 something he was excited about, she wouldn't stand in his way. 0:22:37.160 --> 0:22:40.439 In this weird time where I felt like he was 0:22:40.840 --> 0:22:44.000 losing himself a little bit, losing his identity, I did 0:22:44.000 --> 0:22:47.040 want him to be happy, and I wanted to support him. 0:22:47.600 --> 0:22:49.520 I was like, Okay, I'll get on board because he's 0:22:49.560 --> 0:22:50.480 going to do it anyway. 0:22:51.400 --> 0:22:54.040 Michael enrolled in a training program to learn about the 0:22:54.080 --> 0:22:58.159 trucking industry. The trainings were extensive and took place in 0:22:58.200 --> 0:23:00.440 North Carolina. 0:23:00.080 --> 0:23:03.880 Beat anywhere from three days to a week, so he'd 0:23:03.920 --> 0:23:06.920 get a hotel and do the training and then come. 0:23:06.720 --> 0:23:11.359 Back whenever he was gone. Samantha worried about him, but 0:23:11.440 --> 0:23:14.080 at the time she was working a lot too. 0:23:14.840 --> 0:23:18.439 I was working as a tenure track professor, and it 0:23:18.560 --> 0:23:21.680 is so much work teaching a class for the first 0:23:21.720 --> 0:23:25.000 time and having to prepare the materials. I was at 0:23:25.040 --> 0:23:28.000 the office until one two in. 0:23:27.960 --> 0:23:31.760 The morning with all the travel and hotels attending these 0:23:31.800 --> 0:23:35.800 trainings became expensive, but Michael found a solution. He had 0:23:35.840 --> 0:23:37.960 a friend in the program who would let him stay 0:23:37.960 --> 0:23:38.639 at his house. 0:23:39.400 --> 0:23:44.119 I was like, that's very kind of them. Are you sure. 0:23:45.200 --> 0:23:48.439 Michael assured her that it was totally fine and that 0:23:48.520 --> 0:23:51.800 his friend was happy to host him. A few days later, 0:23:52.160 --> 0:23:54.000 he left again for North Carolina. 0:23:55.880 --> 0:23:59.200 One day, he sent me a text message to tell 0:23:59.240 --> 0:24:02.720 me that he was going to church, and I was like, oh, 0:24:02.760 --> 0:24:04.960 my goodness, you went to church. We haven't gone to 0:24:05.040 --> 0:24:07.320 church in a long time, but we both come from 0:24:07.320 --> 0:24:09.160 families that faith is really important. 0:24:09.880 --> 0:24:13.639 Michael texted her throughout the church service, telling her about 0:24:13.640 --> 0:24:16.840 the amazing singer he was watching. She happened to be 0:24:16.920 --> 0:24:19.920