Speaker 1: Ridiculous crime is a production of My Heart Radio. Mr
Speaker 1: Zaron Burnett, what's up, Elizabeth Dutton? You know it's ridiculous,
Speaker 1: I do. Actually, For instance, daylight savings time kills people.
Speaker 1: Kills people, Yeah, I mean like NEDDA doesn't like strangle
Speaker 1: them in their sleep. But daylight savings time is responsible
Speaker 1: for a spike in deaths, specifically heart attacks. On the
Speaker 1: Monday after daylight savings time, people who report to hospitals
Speaker 1: with the heart attack goes up by almost really why
Speaker 1: just to change in time and we're very sensitive creatures
Speaker 1: and we don't really recognize that. So people get stressed
Speaker 1: and all of a sudden or they get you know,
Speaker 1: their body is unsorted out if you will, and they
Speaker 1: get a heart attack. Boom, my goodness c D. Yeah.
Speaker 1: Also just the shock away TV. Hey, okay, b r B,
Speaker 1: that's crazy. That is ridiculous. Literally, just one hour of
Speaker 1: time change hoses people to you know, have heart attacks
Speaker 1: will say, okay, that's that's bunkers. Yeah, we are very
Speaker 1: light sensitive. You know what else is ridiculous? No hit
Speaker 1: me with it singing so poorly that you get pinched
Speaker 1: for disturbing the piece. It sounds like something that could
Speaker 1: happen to me. This is a ridiculous crime. A podcast
Speaker 1: about absurd and outrageous capers, heists and cons. It is
Speaker 1: always murder free and ridiculous. Um are you a good singers, Aaron, Yes,
Speaker 1: yes I am. I am a smooth voice baritone. You go,
Speaker 1: you go all in on your singing. I do. I do.
Speaker 1: I like to sing, even though I do abysmally I know,
Speaker 1: but I love that you're just like there for it. No,
Speaker 1: I think that my real Like I say, you say
Speaker 1: that I had a singing style, it's gusto. You're gonna
Speaker 1: love the dude, I'm gonna tell you about that. It
Speaker 1: sounds like one of my people. Oh yeah, completely, I'm
Speaker 1: a terrible singer to how wouldn't say that? I sing
Speaker 1: for comic effects. That's not terrible in my book. But
Speaker 1: like I like to do what I call the junior
Speaker 1: high talent showing. You have you have to quote one
Speaker 1: finger to your ear like you're harmonizing in the studio
Speaker 1: singer totally, and you have to kind of alied over
Speaker 1: all the words because you're not a hundred percent sure
Speaker 1: what the words are. And then and then a whiny tone.
Speaker 1: I'm going to need an example. No, no, that's it
Speaker 1: only works in person, and we are in person. Well,
Speaker 1: there's people listening. There are strangers listening. The other thing
Speaker 1: with junior high talent show singing is that, um, if possible,
Speaker 1: you you put the you put your say, index finger
Speaker 1: into one ear and then with the other hand you
Speaker 1: have to hold a pen is your microphone, and you
Speaker 1: use your pinky and your ring finger you tap it
Speaker 1: to keep time, kind of like Whitney Houston would do.
Speaker 1: You know, there's just a whole there's a whole thing.
Speaker 1: So it's kind of personal. Maybe is just something you do,
Speaker 1: likeror No. I never did a talent show, never once
Speaker 1: competed because you know what, people gotta pay for my talent.
Speaker 1: Oh so if you're good at something, never do it
Speaker 1: for free, right like my celebrity impressions. So anyway back
Speaker 1: to singing, it's super I'm not gonna hit you. It's
Speaker 1: really incredible to be in the presence of someone who
Speaker 1: has good pipes, right. Oh yeah, but you can can
Speaker 1: actually saying if you're like your oldis read his best friend,
Speaker 1: you're still oh completely Do you remember how an American
Speaker 1: idol people got really into the first couple of weeks
Speaker 1: because it was all the really crap singers. Yeah. I
Speaker 1: have a lot of musician friends, and that was their
Speaker 1: absolute favorite thing to do, is to gather together and
Speaker 1: watch those episodes, just dying how bad people could sing.
Speaker 1: And I, you know, as a bad singer, I wouldn't
Speaker 1: defend them, but I wasn't nearly as entertained as they were. Right,
Speaker 1: But I mean, like people who go all in on
Speaker 1: bad singing, ridiculous hero my people. Right, I want to
Speaker 1: tell you a story about bad singing took place in Lumberton,
Speaker 1: North Carolina, in eighteen seventy two. Wow, not expect that
Speaker 1: not contemporary. Have you ever been to Lumberton? No, not
Speaker 1: that I'm aware of. My father could probably possibly correct that,
Speaker 1: but I'm sure he's been there, so he's definitely he
Speaker 1: may have say, he may have taken me through, and
Speaker 1: I just do not know. Probably we did a lot
Speaker 1: of traveling. You may not know. You might not have noticed.
Speaker 1: It's kind of a small town in the grand scheme
Speaker 1: of things. Twenty people say, yeah, and I'm imagine it's
Speaker 1: in like the hill country with the pines, and since
Speaker 1: it's Lumberton, it's well Yeah, it's that kind of liminal
Speaker 1: space between the coast and Carolina and the Piedmont region.
Speaker 1: So there's like piny woods, but there's swamps um and
Speaker 1: it's on the Lumber River lumber because they would transport
Speaker 1: lumber on it. Um. But actually I think that maybe
Speaker 1: they named it there's a there's I'll get into this anyway. Um,
Speaker 1: it's a big town for that area, Like what are
Speaker 1: you talking um? But you know, from most other places
Speaker 1: you think, oh, it's tiny, and what it's it's I
Speaker 1: grew up in a small town of people people we
Speaker 1: would have laughed at, right. So in the late seventeen
Speaker 1: hundred's early eighteen hundreds, it was a big draw for
Speaker 1: a lot of people, both white and free. Families of
Speaker 1: color from Virginia moved to And again it's probably because
Speaker 1: of the Lumber River. Um. The Lumber goes through North Carolina,
Speaker 1: crosses the state line into South Carolina because Lumberton is
Speaker 1: like just above this date line, and then becomes the
Speaker 1: little p D River and that's pe e d E
Speaker 1: not p period deep period and then the little p
Speaker 1: D flows into the regular p D and then goes
Speaker 1: down to Georgetown, South Carolina. So that's that sort of
Speaker 1: waterway up to get supply that Indigo out lumber out
Speaker 1: whatever lumber to build bad stuff. And uh. In Lumberton,
Speaker 1: a high proportion of the population identifies as Lumby Indian.
Speaker 1: And uh, the Lumby Indian that's not really a big
Speaker 1: widely known populations. Who are the Lumbi Indians. Well, you know,
Speaker 1: this thing is that they are a recognized Native American
Speaker 1: tribe by both the state of North Carolina and federally,
Speaker 1: but they don't get federal benefits because there's no known
Speaker 1: treaty between the Lumbi and the U. S government, So
Speaker 1: they never dealt with the US governments. And then now
Speaker 1: over time the US government eventually said, okay, we recognize you,
Speaker 1: but you are a sovereign nation inside of well, they
Speaker 1: never they were never defeated in a war, never removed
Speaker 1: from their land, so there's no treaty established with them. Um.
Speaker 1: But they're a pretty significant portion of the population. Um
Speaker 1: and uh. They also there's some overlay and bleed in
Speaker 1: from like Iroquois in New York came down before settlers arrived. Um.
Speaker 1: And then there's like a back and forth and there's
Speaker 1: sort of a beef between the New York Iroquois and
Speaker 1: the faction in North Carolina. That's interesting the New York Iroquois.
Speaker 1: I wonder if they had some historic like you know,
Speaker 1: family lineage that they remember and the language is the same,
Speaker 1: and so yeah, that's why I would imagine that it
Speaker 1: must be. Yeah, So it's an interesting You've got this
Speaker 1: really fascinating place. During the Civil War, Lumberton had resistance
Speaker 1: fighters working against the Confederacy for the Union, and they
Speaker 1: just wanted to like disrupt Confederate staff. So they're like
Speaker 1: they're attacking supply lines and boats going down the lumber
Speaker 1: but also just like holdings, like they went after the elite.
Speaker 1: And there was this one gang who was already established
Speaker 1: and like stealing livestock and stuff. That was like their
Speaker 1: their gig exactly. And then during the war they went
Speaker 1: political and they really rose up against the white elites
Speaker 1: and it was like poor whites, people of color, free
Speaker 1: or otherwise joined together in this insurgency to take down
Speaker 1: plantations and stuff. It's like Fred Hampton's dreamed of the
Speaker 1: Rainbow Coalition bond. And then they just went like completely
Speaker 1: ham on the power completely completely. So this I'm telling
Speaker 1: you all of this, not just because it's fascinating, but
Speaker 1: to kind of help you understand where we are in Lumberton.
Speaker 1: It's this really interesting place. So while it's small and
Speaker 1: it's pretty rural, I would say very rural, but people
Speaker 1: there don't think of Lumberton itself is rural. And they
Speaker 1: got a real strong spirit of defiance completely completely and
Speaker 1: so um it's a little bit more mysterious and interesting
Speaker 1: because of the swampy nature. So the Warrens spoiler and
Speaker 1: then reconstruction began, and that's where we find ourselves. So
Speaker 1: I want you to imagine it Lumberton, North Carolina, in
Speaker 1: eighteen seventy two. Can you smell the reconstruction. It's a
Speaker 1: quiet Sunday morning. Walking down the street, you pass a
Speaker 1: simple wooden building. It's the Methodist church in town. The
Speaker 1: windows are open, you can hear the words of the pastor.
Speaker 1: And then now, I don't know what you're not. You're
Speaker 1: not in church. I don't want to ask, you know,
Speaker 1: at this time, I don't think that's a very popular
Speaker 1: thing to not be in church on the Sunday morning. However,
Speaker 1: you hear the pastor announced to the congregation to hymn
Speaker 1: they're going to sing. They begin singing. It is absolutely horrible.
Speaker 1: It is unholy, terrifying. I want you to stop. Let's
Speaker 1: listen to some ads. I have to cleanse the palette,
Speaker 1: and then I'm going to tell you exactly what was
Speaker 1: happening inside that little church. Yes, I'm gonna need some explanations.
Speaker 1: Yeah you are. So. When we left off, you were
Speaker 1: walking down the street in eighteen seventy two in Lumberton,
Speaker 1: North Carolina, cutting Church. I'm on my way. It's a Sunday,
Speaker 1: I'm cruising around. People are going, what's he doing out?
Speaker 1: I'm like, what are you doing out? Exactly? Turning around
Speaker 1: on them. You heard Sunday services coming from this Methodist church.
Speaker 1: You stopped to listen. I do want to say, on
Speaker 1: a side note, there's a really good chance, since this
Speaker 1: was a Methodist church in the eighteen hundreds, that there
Speaker 1: was no piano, accompaniment or organ or anything. I've been
Speaker 1: trying to figure out if that's the case. Did they
Speaker 1: have musical instruments? I could. It was hard trying to
Speaker 1: figure out if this was a particular I don't know
Speaker 1: denomination sect of the Methodist Church UM, but a lot
Speaker 1: of them didn't use instruments for once in my life.
Speaker 1: I'm going to try and be historically accurate. Let's let's
Speaker 1: hear it. I don't think I can do it. I'm
Speaker 1: going to go with my default of making things up.
Speaker 1: So let's pretend you're walking down and you hear the
Speaker 1: preacher and then you hear a cassio keyboard with the
Speaker 1: samba beat startup. You're shocked, Like, once you get over
Speaker 1: this anachronistic detail, how is there electricity batteries? Where did
Speaker 1: that keyboard come from? Is it made of wood? What's
Speaker 1: going on here? And why is time traveling? Zarin? Playing it?
Speaker 1: A brother gotta eat? Can you imagine like you walk
Speaker 1: by this church in eighteen seventy two Lumberton, and you
Speaker 1: look in the window and there's you, blue dreadlocked Zaren,
Speaker 1: like just hammering away at a cassio keyboard to the
Speaker 1: and people are terrified. They're just soiling themselves. I can't
Speaker 1: imagine that. I like imagining that, alright, So let's get
Speaker 1: let's work through that deep breath. You hear the singing start,
Speaker 1: so amid the quiet tones of the congregants, rises a
Speaker 1: beast and that man's voice is like no other. It
Speaker 1: is loud, it is out of time, it is out
Speaker 1: of tune. It's me it very well could be. You
Speaker 1: know what you're hearing is the distinctive non dulcet tones
Speaker 1: of William Lincolf, my man, William Lincolf. William Lincolf born
Speaker 1: in Prussia in the early eight hundreds. At some point
Speaker 1: he makes his way to North Carolina. How why who knows?
Speaker 1: I'm thinking a boat. I think he flew on a
Speaker 1: Cassio keyboard. He to Cassio keyboard like a surfboard across
Speaker 1: the Atlantic. But Zuckerberg just above the water, and he
Speaker 1: had like white face paint on like Zucherberg, and he
Speaker 1: was a cyborg. So he gets to North Carolina and
Speaker 1: he takes a young bride works as a tailor. They
Speaker 1: turn out a bunch of kids. That's the customer of
Speaker 1: the day. He was super super religious, deeply powerfully religious.
Speaker 1: And the way that he expressed that devotion was through
Speaker 1: the gift of song. But you said he sings terrible. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: so he doesn't care about the gift he's offering the Lord. Now,
Speaker 1: all you can say is his way of worshiping is
Speaker 1: like vigorous Manus. He sings at an absolute deafening volume,
Speaker 1: kind of like someone I know else, So everyone else is,
Speaker 1: you know, just like normal volume, and he is voice
Speaker 1: imodulation to order, like so loud um full throated, like
Speaker 1: he's just all in on it. He sings all the
Speaker 1: notes in all the keys, so like there's no discernible tune.
Speaker 1: He's just all over the map with this. And this
Speaker 1: is my favorite thing about him. He keeps singing after
Speaker 1: it's so after the song it's over. What does that mean?
Speaker 1: Like he's just making a well, like he's not singing
Speaker 1: along with everyone else like this. It reminds me of um.
Speaker 1: In my my work, people have birthdays, as happens in humanity,
Speaker 1: and then they're like zoom meetings where people then, you know,
Speaker 1: because of the pandemic, people are apart, so they sing
Speaker 1: happy birthday to each other on zoom and no one
Speaker 1: is singing at the same time, and it's like this
Speaker 1: crazy cacophony. Why no singing at the same time delays
Speaker 1: technologically or men tie, I don't know, just like so
Speaker 1: it's all over the place, And that's kind of how
Speaker 1: I think of LINKA. So that people are singing and
Speaker 1: then they get to the end of the song and
Speaker 1: he's still got about four bars left, so he's just
Speaker 1: going bar right no, And like everyone everyone's just sitting
Speaker 1: there silently side eyeing him. So he keeps time for
Speaker 1: no tune. No man, you know, he's just so he's
Speaker 1: in his mind. He's he's serving the Lord. This is
Speaker 1: the best way he knows how. Don't hide your light
Speaker 1: under a bushel. If he thinks he's bringing him closer
Speaker 1: to God, it's the best he can do. Then hey,
Speaker 1: there it is he live laugh, live laugh, lo catterwall
Speaker 1: sing like nobody's listening. Are you okay over there? Yes,
Speaker 1: we had like a total mind meld there we did.
Speaker 1: Um I like live laugh, look Catterwall, that's nice, thank you.
Speaker 1: It's l apostrophe Catterwall, Catterwall. Uh. But he's he thinks
Speaker 1: that like he can do this, and so should you.
Speaker 1: Everybody just sing let it out, don't know rules, just vibes,
Speaker 1: lift up, herents, make a joyful noise. Preacher, those getting
Speaker 1: complaints from who? Everybody? I thought they all say no,
Speaker 1: just him. Everyone else sings like an absolute angel. I'm
Speaker 1: only here in the one dude's voice overtaking all the
Speaker 1: rest of them. I thought they were all singing. He
Speaker 1: was just the worst. I wish example, No, that would
Speaker 1: be amazing. No, it's everyone's singing like peacefully, perfectly, your
Speaker 1: typical church singing. And then he he comes like stomping
Speaker 1: in on his like vocal moon boots on everybody. But
Speaker 1: I was down in the Los Angeles, been visiting my
Speaker 1: mother and went to Hurt Church and there was a
Speaker 1: woman who was two rows behind me who was doing
Speaker 1: pretty much what you're describing. And I got to watch
Speaker 1: people in real time be like looking around on my
Speaker 1: I forgive her what. We're in church. Don't you think
Speaker 1: that like most church congregations or most religious congregations in
Speaker 1: which there is singing to be had, there's there's always
Speaker 1: someone depends. I mean, we're also where I grew up,
Speaker 1: people wouldn't do that just out of like, you know,
Speaker 1: their own self protection. Where she was like, I don't care,
Speaker 1: I'm singing what because me and the Lord are together
Speaker 1: right now? And I was like, oh wow. But I
Speaker 1: was into it because she was feeling it. Everyone else
Speaker 1: was like shooting like cold eye stairs and I'm like, judge,
Speaker 1: not a church, yeah, Judge, not anyway exactly. Well. I
Speaker 1: can remember growing up there were kids who would sort
Speaker 1: of just kind of drift in and out of it.
Speaker 1: Little kids who didn't weren't worried about peer pressure or anything.
Speaker 1: You know, you're three and four year old. I love
Speaker 1: that totally, Like anyone acting up somewhere like where it's
Speaker 1: not hurting anybody anyway. Anyone is fully engaged. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: love full engagement. So the preachers getting complaints, there's a
Speaker 1: significant portion of the congregation that finds it absolutely hilarious,
Speaker 1: like they're just cracking up. I would be one of
Speaker 1: those people, and I would be encouraging him. No, go on,
Speaker 1: hey can we get William like a solo on this
Speaker 1: next one? Because my spirit I think of when I
Speaker 1: think of what his singing is like, I think of
Speaker 1: that recording of Enrique Iglesias singing at a concert and
Speaker 1: then Mike picked up his actual singing and not the
Speaker 1: prerecorded track that the audience was getting. I don't remember this,
Speaker 1: Oh okay, search on YouTube Enrique Iglesias live Fail Rhythm Divine,
Speaker 1: and I promise you you will never hear That's well,
Speaker 1: first of all, we don't hear that song as much
Speaker 1: as we used to have to. But if you it's
Speaker 1: the best thing. And that's how I imagine link also
Speaker 1: check it out. That's my modern day linkol and my
Speaker 1: my idea. Anyway, so some people find it hilarious, there's
Speaker 1: a whole other group that finds it so appalling that
Speaker 1: they have to take action. The They convinced the preacher
Speaker 1: to stop singing in the services altogether. The preacher so
Speaker 1: that way lincol can't. Yeah, they're like, guess what if
Speaker 1: you don't nobody's singing now? He just he just reads
Speaker 1: the words to the hymn. He's basically reading a psalm,
Speaker 1: and they're They're like, don't nobody sing this. I'm just
Speaker 1: going to read it, no joyful noise like Rex Harrison,
Speaker 1: my fair Lady talks singing, no none, none. And so
Speaker 1: the congregation, though, they don't like that, because of course
Speaker 1: they want to lift up their hearts right there's they've
Speaker 1: got the spirit, they need the tunes. Um. So the
Speaker 1: singing starts up again, and Lincoln was like, yeah, I'm
Speaker 1: going to aurally assault my fellow man, just ram it
Speaker 1: into him. Um. After one really solemn and moving sermon,
Speaker 1: a leading member of the church gets up walks over
Speaker 1: to Link off. Now, luckily I was able to find
Speaker 1: a transcription of their conversation. Oh this is a rare
Speaker 1: from two good thank you from research. Thanks so much.
Speaker 1: So he walks up study Link. I was like, hey, hey, listen,
Speaker 1: what the preacher just said was pretty heavy, totally. He's like, oh,
Speaker 1: you get it. Cool? Cool, and then Link starts to
Speaker 1: breathe in. No, no, no, no, wait, draw your brakes there, Willie,
Speaker 1: what do you mean? He says, well, when you're seeing
Speaker 1: it makes people. And Willie says joyful and bathed in
Speaker 1: the love of Christ, not exactly. The other guy says,
Speaker 1: well what then, well, most of these folks laugh loud
Speaker 1: a lot, Like I said, the preacher's sermon really serious,
Speaker 1: and Willy said, yeah, you know it was. Well Widow
Speaker 1: Martin over there, she's quietly sobbing yikes. As Willie, Oh
Speaker 1: that that totally sucks. Now this is again, word for work,
Speaker 1: total transcription. I was like, so, maybe you could go
Speaker 1: ahead and not sing this one, you know, just sit
Speaker 1: it out. And Willie's like, you know what, dude, you
Speaker 1: know I sing for the Lord. And they're just having
Speaker 1: this staring contest. Guys like, well this time. The Lord
Speaker 1: wants you to put a cork in it. He just
Speaker 1: told me so. Linka was like, all right, point taken,
Speaker 1: doesn't sing on that one. Everyone's overjoyed. They're like singing along.
Speaker 1: They just had this really moving sermon. They just watched
Speaker 1: this conversation happen, and one of them happened to have
Speaker 1: a transcription machine that was came with it came with
Speaker 1: the cassio keyboard, and so she's like reading it back
Speaker 1: to the congregation. It was an amazing sight. It sounds
Speaker 1: like moving. It was, and it really I don't know
Speaker 1: why we don't have a movie of that yet. But
Speaker 1: so he gets it, he realizes, don't do this, and
Speaker 1: that's going to come in later, so keep that in mind.
Speaker 1: At one point he's able to be talked out of it.
Speaker 1: A Christmas miracle. Yeah, But the next time lincols like
Speaker 1: I'm all in baby starts and after that, the elder
Speaker 1: presiding elder in the church, he's like, guess what, I'm
Speaker 1: not preaching anymore. If you're going to do this, you're
Speaker 1: gonna make a mess of this. I'm not doing it.
Speaker 1: I wouldn't preach. Wow, what would Jesus say? He would say, oh,
Speaker 1: so someone hasn't seen Jesus Christ Superstar. Like yeah. They
Speaker 1: gather everybody up and they tell him to dress like
Speaker 1: they're in Jesus Christ Superstar and they he's a tailor.
Speaker 1: He makes the outfits for everybody. They so much fringe
Speaker 1: at this point. The so the pastor the church leaders,
Speaker 1: they meet with Lincolf. They call him in and they
Speaker 1: confront him about this, tell him to pipe it down again.
Speaker 1: On Monday. They're like, hey, you got to come by
Speaker 1: the church. Could you just stop by, like, you know,
Speaker 1: just we got I got a little something to you know,
Speaker 1: work on with you. And he thinks, oh great, you
Speaker 1: know we can. We're going to build the Easter display.
Speaker 1: In the the finals for choir trying outs come on Willie.
Speaker 1: So he goes down there like you know what pipe down?
Speaker 1: Actually pipe off? Turn it off? That was a really
Speaker 1: popular phrase. Then, um, you're causing a disturbance. They tell him,
Speaker 1: you know, you're ruining the worship for everybody and linkas response, now,
Speaker 1: I do have a direct quote from this, and I'm
Speaker 1: gonna do his errand and I quote, I will worship
Speaker 1: my God and that as part of my worship. It
Speaker 1: is my duty to sing. Don't get in the way
Speaker 1: of the man's duty. So, um, I really want to
Speaker 1: stop for one second and wonder what his wife and
Speaker 1: kids made of this. Oh, he's married. I was always
Speaker 1: pictured No, but I was picturing him always is like
Speaker 1: not like a confirmed bachelor. But I mean like the
Speaker 1: guy in town who's like he's never going to be married.
Speaker 1: Well that's the behavior of like this, like loose cannon.
Speaker 1: But he's got a wife and a bunch of kids.
Speaker 1: So imagine what is the wife doing. Dude, I don't know,
Speaker 1: but I know what the kids are doing. Because my
Speaker 1: mother can't sing, is she My mom says that when
Speaker 1: my brother and I were little, and she would try
Speaker 1: and sing us like bedtime songs or like you know,
Speaker 1: lullaby we're like the songs for the sleep, they're called lullabyes. Guys,
Speaker 1: um we my brother she has she's so tone deaf,
Speaker 1: and my brother and I would say, please stop. Tender
Speaker 1: tender moment when your children look up to you and say, mommy,
Speaker 1: please stop singing. Put to their little hands on your
Speaker 1: mouth to close it. Mother. I don't. I don't have
Speaker 1: any memory of that. But also it's like super young apparently.
Speaker 1: Um So I apologize to her for however, and I
Speaker 1: was like, well, you know that's why I stopped singing
Speaker 1: to you. Um yeah, the kids? Where's the wife? Deaf?
Speaker 1: Where the kids? Were they all bad singers? Were they
Speaker 1: proud of his love of God? You know? I would
Speaker 1: imagine that they devote What if they all just had
Speaker 1: like they were absolute songbirds, like they just had beautiful voices,
Speaker 1: that would be awesome. Yeah, that'd be funny and that.
Speaker 1: And yet they also know like how important it is
Speaker 1: to him and how pious he is. The letter rip,
Speaker 1: They're like this pony wants to run. Just open up, baby,
Speaker 1: and I digress as usual. Um so, how can you
Speaker 1: argue against his need to sing in order to feed
Speaker 1: his soul? Really? Obviously, clearly I cannot. Lincoln keeps singing.
Speaker 1: He just keeps, and it splits the congregation again hilarious
Speaker 1: versus irritated. Are there any defenders who are like the
Speaker 1: brothers feeling Lord speaking in voices? He's speaking in whatever
Speaker 1: that is. So the indignant worshippers they they'd had enough.
Speaker 1: They go to the law. They can't take it anymore. Yeah,
Speaker 1: he gets indicted for disturbing a religious congregation, and it
Speaker 1: goes to trial in the spring term the Robeson County
Speaker 1: Superior Court eighty three. So when we get back from
Speaker 1: these beautiful ads dulcet tones, I'm going to tell you
Speaker 1: about what happened in court. Please all right. So when
Speaker 1: we left off, William lincolf of Lumberton, North Carolina, Billy
Speaker 1: Links he'd been charged with disturbing the piece due to
Speaker 1: horrendous singing. So he goes to trial over this. Judge
Speaker 1: Daniel L. Russell second, No, do we know? Do we
Speaker 1: know if he represented himself and he did not. He
Speaker 1: got he got himself a lawyer. Good for him, because
Speaker 1: I was just wondering it seemed like kind of possibly
Speaker 1: a chance. Went he went to a guy and said,
Speaker 1: suit up, put on your best sear, sucker, we're going
Speaker 1: to court doing this. Come on, man, fighting for the song. Exactly.
Speaker 1: So Daniel L. Russell is the judge presiding over the trial.
Speaker 1: He later becomes the forty nine governor of North Carolina.
Speaker 1: Was totally unrelated to this incident. And at the trial,
Speaker 1: the state calls a ton of witnesses. They have done
Speaker 1: for a second, the whole churchloads think about how ridiculous
Speaker 1: it is for this to be at trial. How little
Speaker 1: do they have going on that they'll spend an entire
Speaker 1: you know, it's like they're not going to make complete out.
Speaker 1: They're not going, oh yeah, that the judge didn't just
Speaker 1: dismiss it on off hands right now? Come on, it's ridiculous.
Speaker 1: I am a busy person. It goes to trial. So
Speaker 1: one of the witnesses calls by this called by the state,
Speaker 1: is a fellow congregant, and the prosecutor says to the witness,
Speaker 1: will explain what his singing sounds like. Do you need
Speaker 1: a demonstration? This is why I'm so irritated that court
Speaker 1: TV didn't exist in eighteen seventy three. That does no
Speaker 1: one think of me what I need in my life.
Speaker 1: I need the following scene in my life, and it's you.
Speaker 1: You can only read about it. I need to hear it.
Speaker 1: So the witness says, the only way I can convey
Speaker 1: it is to imitate it sound that old legal practice.
Speaker 1: Do you want to hear a song went a little
Speaker 1: to something like this. The only that he's on the
Speaker 1: stand he or she, It's never specified. They just say
Speaker 1: the witness, so gender neutral witness his wife, don't put
Speaker 1: this in the court record. She's she's got like a
Speaker 1: like a potato bag over her head so that she
Speaker 1: can't be identified. She's like garbling her voice. I think
Speaker 1: mustache and a monocle. She's kind of man in her
Speaker 1: house dress. He's like that, that gentleman looks oddly like
Speaker 1: my sweet Eliza. Um. I don't know what his wife's
Speaker 1: name was anyhow, so says he has to that witness ses,
Speaker 1: I have to imitate it, and then totally lets loose
Speaker 1: on what is recorded as being a very close rendition
Speaker 1: of the way that he Croon's all hell breaks loose
Speaker 1: in the courtroom. People lose it. The entire place is dying, laughing,
Speaker 1: doubled over. Everybody's lapping at an imitation of it. The
Speaker 1: entire gallery right, all the lawyers, his own, included the jury.
Speaker 1: This is a jury trial, by the way, not a
Speaker 1: bench trial. How what was the VOI dear like in
Speaker 1: this jury trial? Is they're selecting the jury, They're like, hey,
Speaker 1: can you sing us a couple of bars? So everyone's
Speaker 1: doubled over, like people can't breathe. They're just like, hold
Speaker 1: on this, we can stop. They're cracking up um, and
Speaker 1: it was determined that, yeah, that's a disturbing that is
Speaker 1: a complete disturbance. And then the issue becomes, well, did
Speaker 1: he intend to disturb? Did he know he was disturbing people? Now?
Speaker 1: So remember when he's convinced not to sing that time.
Speaker 1: I think I like to say it was agreeing out
Speaker 1: of the kindness of his heart and the solemnity of
Speaker 1: the moment. But sure, we can go with your It
Speaker 1: shows he knows like disturbing, you know, the mayonnaise out
Speaker 1: of this place, and so he's capable of not singing
Speaker 1: when necessary and when asked on a one off yes,
Speaker 1: was it intentional all the other times? Then I mean whatever. Well,
Speaker 1: so it's kind of the question of does he mistake
Speaker 1: the salt for sugar or did he just one time
Speaker 1: put it in and one time remember not to put
Speaker 1: it in. I think he doesn't need to know the
Speaker 1: difference between salt and sugar in this case, and he's
Speaker 1: just thinking. It's why he's crystally what's different about what
Speaker 1: you're doing what I'm doing? Yeah, that could be. It
Speaker 1: could be. So they get all these other witnesses to
Speaker 1: come forward. They're all talking about how how disruptive it is,
Speaker 1: and it is a disturbance of the piece. But they're
Speaker 1: also witnesses that come forward and they're like, you know,
Speaker 1: he's a really strict member of this church he has.
Speaker 1: One of them said he had exemplary deportment. Thank you,
Speaker 1: just like you and so and just in his behalf
Speaker 1: representing you channel him a lot. I feel for him. Yea,
Speaker 1: so he I know you do, he means, but he's
Speaker 1: dead serious about it. So it's not like he's some
Speaker 1: clown just looking to cause trouble and acting up. The
Speaker 1: boy couldn't help it. He had to. He had to
Speaker 1: hit him up. He had to hit him up Prussian style.
Speaker 1: So Lincolf comes up to testify and he begs the
Speaker 1: jury when to think of it this way. He says,
Speaker 1: if I didn't intend to disturb anyone, then I must
Speaker 1: not be guilty. It's pretty fair, right what his speaking
Speaker 1: voice was like, however, he was like all talking. I
Speaker 1: like to imagine that he got up and said, if
Speaker 1: I didn't want to disturb anybody, like he's just quiet
Speaker 1: and meek and like really precise, if I didn't want
Speaker 1: to disturb anybody, like really precise elocution. And then he's
Speaker 1: like and ready. Oh I wonder if dogs held. When
Speaker 1: he's saying so, he's like, look, dude, if I didn't
Speaker 1: want to disturb anyone, then I'm not guilty. The judge
Speaker 1: is like, you big, Nope, I'm going to stop you
Speaker 1: right there, Mr Lincolf, what's up, Mr judge? The judge says,
Speaker 1: He turns and tells the jury listen. Intent had nothing
Speaker 1: to do with it, and or not. The question is
Speaker 1: whether his act of singing was disturbing to others. So
Speaker 1: did it disturb the congregation? Yes? Or no? Not? Did
Speaker 1: he mean to so? Then their opinion of the disturbance
Speaker 1: is the only measure of a disturbance. That's what he's saying.
Speaker 1: He's like, if they got disturbed, they were disturbed, right,
Speaker 1: which I guess is a good measure. Yeah, But that's
Speaker 1: like the measure for violence, which is like, I have
Speaker 1: the right to swing my fist right up till it
Speaker 1: hit your nose, and then it's like, okay, my right ends.
Speaker 1: But him singing is a little different. He can't, like,
Speaker 1: you know, swing his voice in a way that doesn't
Speaker 1: hit noses. If he stayed at home, If he stay
Speaker 1: at home and minded his own catterwalls in his own walls.
Speaker 1: He the judge says, Okay, under these parameters, the evidence
Speaker 1: is clear that he did that. He's guilty. I'd say
Speaker 1: forgive him. And the judge is like, and I co quote,
Speaker 1: it's a general principle that every man is presumed to
Speaker 1: have intended the necessary consequences of his own acts. I
Speaker 1: do not agree with that. That doesn't make even a
Speaker 1: lick of sense. And this guy goes on to become
Speaker 1: governor that every man is presumed to have intended the
Speaker 1: necessary What? What the hell? How many times do we
Speaker 1: see people do stuff where we do in our own life,
Speaker 1: where we we don't know how think what the consequences
Speaker 1: are going, to act out of emotion before you can
Speaker 1: act out of reason, and then you rationalize what what
Speaker 1: you did? Well, you know, I have to understand why
Speaker 1: I did that. I think we've determined that the judge
Speaker 1: was a sociopath. No slander intended. It's a joke, people.
Speaker 1: I don't want his estate coming after. So the judge
Speaker 1: Shocker finds Lincol guilty of the misdemeanor of disturbing a
Speaker 1: religious congregation, and as a punishment, he loved to find
Speaker 1: against him. No, man, how much you hit him with
Speaker 1: four million dollars and in today's money now, like you know,
Speaker 1: you gotta like work at the lumber yard or like,
Speaker 1: because he finds him one penny. So it's largely symbolic.
Speaker 1: So they just wanted to embarrass my dude. Yeah, totally
Speaker 1: and make him run up his court fees, I guess
Speaker 1: because he's um. But that's not where this story ends.
Speaker 1: I hope it ends with him being elected to governor.
Speaker 1: It ends with him winning American Idol the very did
Speaker 1: you know he was the first winner of American Idol.
Speaker 1: Lincoln William Lincoln. He appeals the decision because he's no fool,
Speaker 1: and his case makes it to the North Carolina Supreme Court.
Speaker 1: He literally does make it to the highest court, state
Speaker 1: Supreme Court. They review the case and the evidence, and
Speaker 1: they determined that let me read to you the end
Speaker 1: of their decision. This is a coup quote. Yes, yeah,
Speaker 1: that's for you. I do it all for you and
Speaker 1: your quotes. It was not contended by the state upon
Speaker 1: the evidence that he had any intention or purpose to
Speaker 1: disturb the congregation, but on the contrary, it was it
Speaker 1: was admitted that he was conscientiously taking part in the
Speaker 1: religious services. This admission by the state puts an end
Speaker 1: to the prosecution. It is true, as said by His Honor,
Speaker 1: that a man is generally presumed to intend the consequences
Speaker 1: of his acts, But here the presumption is rebutted by
Speaker 1: a fact admitted by the state. It would seem that
Speaker 1: the defendant is a proper subject for the discipline of
Speaker 1: his church, but not for the discipline of the courts.
Speaker 1: Thank you separation of church and state. Son, right, this
Speaker 1: church needs to handle their own business and not go
Speaker 1: crying and or you know that what they could do
Speaker 1: forgive him just gonna keep saying that that would be amazing. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but I mean it's like handle your business in your
Speaker 1: own house. Isn't this why Jesus gave you all those
Speaker 1: rules or whatever? Is because of the moments where you
Speaker 1: don't want to when you don't get what you want
Speaker 1: or you don't want you know, you're somebody's saying, You're like,
Speaker 1: I wish you would stop. You're like, you know what
Speaker 1: I need to be better? I should turn the other cheek.
Speaker 1: I should forgive him. Like all the messages are literally
Speaker 1: about those moments. I mean, usually much grander terms of
Speaker 1: violence and suffering. But you know, I think that time
Speaker 1: traveling Zeron should go give a sermon about this at
Speaker 1: the church. Give me my time machine back right, and
Speaker 1: then just like like you know what I'm gonna I
Speaker 1: think we've all learned a lesson here today, people, and
Speaker 1: then you launch into a Meanwhile, they're just like then
Speaker 1: they run me out of town. Yeah, we're both gonna
Speaker 1: put a pin in that one. Um. So, I don't
Speaker 1: know what happened to William Lincoln after that. I don't
Speaker 1: know if he found a new church. This was his
Speaker 1: one wild moment where he made the news. Yeah. I
Speaker 1: don't think he wanted to. I don't think so. But
Speaker 1: I mean just saying that this was in his life.
Speaker 1: This boiled down to the record recorded event. Yeah. Well,
Speaker 1: and from what I could find, um in all the records,
Speaker 1: that's his it. You know. There's there's some like census
Speaker 1: appearances by him. And then he lived out the rest
Speaker 1: of his days right there in Lumberton. So he got
Speaker 1: celebrated today. Yeah, well, he gets celebrated all over the world.
Speaker 1: The stories I am not I am both real and surreal.
Speaker 1: Thank you, guys. I meant to say I am so
Speaker 1: real right now, this story the the wire service for
Speaker 1: this article get and the information on it gets sent
Speaker 1: all over the world. It's printed in papers all across
Speaker 1: the United States. So this guy's name. But did the
Speaker 1: Mark Twain write about him? How did everybody he wanted?
Speaker 1: If you get like, if you look in the archives
Speaker 1: of newspapers at the time, it's it's all over the
Speaker 1: United's are global phenomenon one Europe. They reprinted the story
Speaker 1: in Europe. They ran a story about it in New
Speaker 1: Zealand Williams in their Lives, I guess, or they're just like,
Speaker 1: look at these ways, just one guy. Yeah, but no,
Speaker 1: everyone loves this story. And uh, legal journals at the
Speaker 1: time they reprinted the case because it was just like
Speaker 1: the most ridiculous court case, like look at this. And
Speaker 1: then in some of the some of the journals um
Speaker 1: to add to the ridiculousness, they published poems about the case.
Speaker 1: I love that. I think it's so awesome how poems
Speaker 1: were like a part of everyday life back then. You know,
Speaker 1: they wouldn't write a poem about that, oh yeah, and
Speaker 1: they'd be in the paper. And people memorize poems. People
Speaker 1: wrote their own poems. We need that again, well not really,
Speaker 1: I don't want to hear that. Um so the poems
Speaker 1: and then for decades up until today these modern time
Speaker 1: well us right here. But also i'd say every twenty
Speaker 1: thirty years, it gets someone writes an article in a
Speaker 1: in a newspaper about you know what the most ridiculous
Speaker 1: court case was, like a legal academic thing that just
Speaker 1: keeps getting kicked around because every but it's in like
Speaker 1: regular like daily papers of just you know, you want
Speaker 1: to hear a wacky story. It's filler, but it's crazy
Speaker 1: that he made it all the way through. You know
Speaker 1: who I can imagine telling the heck out of this story?
Speaker 1: Uh not me? Apparently Paul Harvey and page two that guy,
Speaker 1: because he'd always surprise you. You'd be like, wait, whoa
Speaker 1: And that guy turned out to be Dwight die Eisenhower.
Speaker 1: You're like, oh man, you got me a game. Paul Harvey.
Speaker 1: I would like to hear Steve Harvey. Apparently you want
Speaker 1: to hear anyone but me tell it like that. I
Speaker 1: just thought, so if I'm talking about other people telling
Speaker 1: this story, yeah, thank you for telling that story. Let
Speaker 1: me tell you who would have told it better. You
Speaker 1: know who would have been better? Anybody? Thanks? Thanks much.
Speaker 1: You know what, why don't you take a little bit
Speaker 1: of your own advice? Nice? I was thinking, like legal
Speaker 1: scholars in journalists the story, and I was like, you know,
Speaker 1: it would be a great journalist to tell this story.
Speaker 1: Is Paul Harvey? Because not a clown like this, Gal.
Speaker 1: I didn't sure. I'm funny to you. I make you laugh,
Speaker 1: give me my baseball bat. So they like it's weird
Speaker 1: crimes in courts whatever that other people can tell far
Speaker 1: better than I just did. No worries. No worries, bro
Speaker 1: When now tell me, expert, was your ridiculous take away
Speaker 1: that you think that more people should be writing poems
Speaker 1: or people should write poems? Be no, they shouldn't. Point counterpoint.
Speaker 1: I'm just going to argue with myself about this. I
Speaker 1: really long for the days when poetry was important. But oh,
Speaker 1: hot biscuits, I do not want to hear anyone's poems
Speaker 1: right now. I want someone to come up to me
Speaker 1: and tell me they wrote a poem about something, and
Speaker 1: I can say, stop, this is not the time for that,
Speaker 1: and that will just be all the time. That's a
Speaker 1: very poetic moment. I think that my feelings about this
Speaker 1: would best be expressed in song. Please. I think that
Speaker 1: there's two ridiculous elements that play here. Someone sings so badly,
Speaker 1: that's I love that ridiculousness, but also that someone gets
Speaker 1: charged for singing so badly. Yeah, I'm completely make this top.
Speaker 1: Like I grew up it in town where a lady
Speaker 1: got charged for snoring so loudly. Her neighbors called the police, right,
Speaker 1: and people that made fun of us that they were
Speaker 1: on the Daily Show. They interviewed the cop and everything.
Speaker 1: It was embarrassing, But this totally tops that. I think
Speaker 1: that this that's maybe she's his descendant, just like a
Speaker 1: spiritual descendant. I think it's really important that we remember
Speaker 1: that every single person, you know, we find connection and
Speaker 1: purpose and meaning in different ways, and like our beliefs
Speaker 1: are our own. You know, you may be like part
Speaker 1: of a group that believes all the same thing, but
Speaker 1: at the end of the day, it's just you and
Speaker 1: whomever you believe in. Um. You know, I'm always saying like,
Speaker 1: as long as you're not hurting anyone, I don't care
Speaker 1: what you do. But then we have to define hurting,
Speaker 1: Like how I don't know is that is his sonic
Speaker 1: attack qualify as pain or suffering? And is he interrupting
Speaker 1: other people's opportunity to be connected to something like at
Speaker 1: that time, any of them would want to a solemn
Speaker 1: communion with the Lord, and he was making that impult.
Speaker 1: I think they should have just kicked him out. I
Speaker 1: don't understand, like, this isn't the place for you. Go
Speaker 1: find another for you, Like put your finger up to
Speaker 1: his lips. This isn't the place. The stories are always
Speaker 1: a except for to you. Sorry, William, maybe trying to baptist.
Speaker 1: They can't sing for anything. No way, he would not
Speaker 1: make it in any church. He has to start his
Speaker 1: own church, maybe the Church of the Wild, I think,
Speaker 1: And then it's just him and a bunch of wolves
Speaker 1: just like yowling all over the country. He could have
Speaker 1: found one of them snake handler churches. I don't think
Speaker 1: they have like real high requirements inside that building. But
Speaker 1: I say, like, you know what, don't take it to
Speaker 1: the lock. Just kick him out, start your own church
Speaker 1: and beds. I'm in favor of people to be kicked out.
Speaker 1: That's all I have to say on the matter. I'm done.
Speaker 1: You don't have to go home, But can't you know,
Speaker 1: why don't you go find someone else to tell you?
Speaker 1: This is the rest of the page two. Well, you
Speaker 1: can find us online you the collective you at Ridiculous
Speaker 1: Crime on both Twitter and Instagram, And if you have
Speaker 1: a tip for us about a ridiculous crime that you
Speaker 1: want to hear about out, or if you want to
Speaker 1: confess to a ridiculous crime, you can email us at
Speaker 1: Ridiculous Crime. I really wish we had an A O
Speaker 1: L account for that would be so good alta Vista,
Speaker 1: But no ridiculous crime at gmail dot com. We could
Speaker 1: get one at your mom dot com. I'm still are
Speaker 1: you just trying to insult me over in our race?
Speaker 1: What do we get at your mom? Your mom dot com?
Speaker 1: And it was just the best because it was so dumb, like,
Speaker 1: are you for real right now? I was like, yes,
Speaker 1: I'm surreal right now, real surreal? All right. I've I
Speaker 1: can't do anymore, so I tune in next time. When
Speaker 1: Zaren tells stories, it's only Zaren can tell them. I
Speaker 1: swear to God, I'm going to sing the next song,
Speaker 1: the whole thing. I'm singing the whole damn thing. Ridiculous
Speaker 1: Crime is hosted by Elizabeth Dutton and Zaren Burnett, Produced
Speaker 1: and edited by internationally renowned liturgical dance sensation Dave Kusten.
Speaker 1: Research is by noted songbird Marissa Brown. The theme song
Speaker 1: is by Fugitive choir Boys Thomas Lee and Travis Dutton.
Speaker 1: Executive producers are pipe organist Ben Bolan and handbell choir
Speaker 1: conductor Noel Brown. Ridiculous Crime is a production of iHeart Radio.
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