WEBVTT - #172 You don't need to love yourself more 0:00:00.280 --> 0:00:06.880 What's crazy about this? This highly controversial right A lot 0:00:06.880 --> 0:00:10.400 of people listening right now are about to really disagree 0:00:10.480 --> 0:00:15.080 with me. What's crazy about your email? About desperately needing 0:00:15.120 --> 0:00:17.680 to know how to pour into yourself and how to 0:00:18.160 --> 0:00:21.720 feel like you are enough for yourself. In the essence 0:00:22.600 --> 0:00:26.680 all of this, I'll say this as lightly and as 0:00:26.920 --> 0:00:29.760 lovingly as I can to you, all of this is 0:00:29.800 --> 0:00:46.080 an obsession with yourself. What's up? Everybody? Welcome to the podcast, 0:00:46.080 --> 0:00:49.839 Episode one seventy two. Thanks for watching and listening. It's 0:00:49.880 --> 0:00:52.040 gonna be fun. One got your questions lined up. If 0:00:52.040 --> 0:00:57.360 you want to ask me anything, email Granger Smith Podcast 0:00:57.640 --> 0:01:02.160 at gmail dot com. I'll answer it. We'll put it 0:01:02.200 --> 0:01:03.920 in the queue. My only thing is don't send the 0:01:03.920 --> 0:01:07.280 same email twice and don't make it too long. It 0:01:07.280 --> 0:01:09.800 makes it harder for me to read the entire question. 0:01:09.880 --> 0:01:12.679 And I don't have notes, I don't have anything prepared. 0:01:12.760 --> 0:01:15.039 I just go off of what these emails say. What 0:01:15.080 --> 0:01:17.880 the latest one in the queue is. I also host 0:01:18.080 --> 0:01:21.240 a radio show called After Midnight, and it's on every 0:01:22.120 --> 0:01:28.280 Country music iHeart station FM station in America. So and 0:01:28.319 --> 0:01:31.400 it runs from midnight to some stations five am. Some 0:01:31.560 --> 0:01:35.520 stations six am. What's crazy is how this podcast has 0:01:35.560 --> 0:01:39.720 started integrating into that radio show, and we've been speaking 0:01:39.760 --> 0:01:43.840 about these questions, sometimes right off of your questions on 0:01:44.080 --> 0:01:48.680 after Midnight, and then it spurs these great conversations that 0:01:48.720 --> 0:01:51.960 I get to have on the radio with people working 0:01:52.000 --> 0:01:55.880 the third shift, meaning to people the Amazon's stockers, the 0:01:56.040 --> 0:02:01.760 grocery store stockers, the newspaper deliverers, the the truck drivers, 0:02:01.920 --> 0:02:09.079 the all night workers, security ems, hospitals, police, it's been 0:02:09.120 --> 0:02:12.639 really inspirational to hear their stories and to read your 0:02:12.720 --> 0:02:16.480 questions on there. So some of y'all are the same 0:02:16.520 --> 0:02:20.360 people and some of y'all are completely different, but either way, 0:02:20.400 --> 0:02:23.200 it's been a blessing to have after midnight and to 0:02:23.440 --> 0:02:27.560 see it start to look more and more like this 0:02:27.639 --> 0:02:30.200 podcast for people that might need to hear it in 0:02:30.200 --> 0:02:32.520 the middle of the night. Let's get to the first 0:02:32.560 --> 0:02:36.679 one here again. If you have a question for me, 0:02:36.760 --> 0:02:39.680 email Grangersmith podcast at gmail dot com. The first one 0:02:39.680 --> 0:02:43.519 in the queue, subject line says having the no sex 0:02:44.000 --> 0:02:46.320 with a guy I am seeing. That's what the subject 0:02:46.400 --> 0:02:49.679 line says exactly. The email says, Hey, grangoud like to 0:02:49.720 --> 0:02:52.919 remain anonymous. I'm twenty six years old from Colorado. Recently 0:02:52.919 --> 0:02:56.160 started dating an X from college. When we were dating 0:02:56.160 --> 0:02:59.320 in college, we slept together. Since then, I've gotten involved 0:02:59.320 --> 0:03:02.000 with the church and decided to wait until marriage to 0:03:02.080 --> 0:03:06.600 have sex. I'm not sure how to talk to him 0:03:07.160 --> 0:03:09.640 about this. I would like some advice on how to 0:03:09.639 --> 0:03:15.040 approach this conversation with him. Thanks so much. Anonymous almost 0:03:15.240 --> 0:03:19.200 said your name. I almost said, that's why, if you're 0:03:19.200 --> 0:03:20.960 gonna say you're anonymous, you don't need to tell me 0:03:20.960 --> 0:03:25.200 your name because I might accidentally read it. Okay, let's 0:03:25.200 --> 0:03:29.600 dive into this. This is interesting, not necessarily interesting in 0:03:29.919 --> 0:03:33.360 what you're asking. It's pretty I understand your question, but 0:03:33.440 --> 0:03:36.440 it's interesting. And I see this a lot on these 0:03:36.520 --> 0:03:39.040 questions as I'm you know, one hundred and seventy two 0:03:39.080 --> 0:03:45.320 episodes in we have a communication problem. Do you ever 0:03:45.400 --> 0:03:51.000 think about that? Like and Anonymous? And it's not it's 0:03:51.040 --> 0:03:54.880 by far not a knock on you. It's just it's 0:03:54.880 --> 0:03:58.480 an observation that you would rather ask me who you've 0:03:58.480 --> 0:04:01.800 never met, and I just host a podcast and sing 0:04:01.800 --> 0:04:05.360 country music, and you would rather ask me a question 0:04:06.480 --> 0:04:10.040 to ask me how you could ask a question when 0:04:10.040 --> 0:04:14.920 in reality, I don't understand what would be bad about 0:04:14.960 --> 0:04:20.000 just just telling him this same thing just as candid 0:04:20.040 --> 0:04:23.400 as possible. And here's the thing. I think sometimes we 0:04:24.120 --> 0:04:28.080 worry that a friend or a family member or a 0:04:28.200 --> 0:04:33.200 spouse or a boyfriend girlfriend is going to look down 0:04:33.240 --> 0:04:37.320 on us or get angry with us, or not understand us, 0:04:38.240 --> 0:04:43.960 or make fun of us. And so sometimes we just 0:04:44.000 --> 0:04:46.960 need to start the conversation by saying, hey, this is awkward, 0:04:47.640 --> 0:04:50.960 or hey, I feel uncomfortable saying this, or hey, this 0:04:51.000 --> 0:04:53.560 is difficult for me. I need to tell you something 0:04:53.560 --> 0:04:56.479 that that's kind of hard and it's difficult for me 0:04:56.560 --> 0:04:58.719 to bring this subject up, but I'm going to do 0:04:58.800 --> 0:05:03.919 it because it matters and you matter to me. So 0:05:04.000 --> 0:05:05.640 I think if you kind of preface it with that 0:05:06.320 --> 0:05:09.200 and you say just what you said to me in 0:05:09.240 --> 0:05:12.720 the email, you just say that to this guy. So 0:05:12.920 --> 0:05:14.560 if you sit him down and it's like, hey, I 0:05:15.600 --> 0:05:20.000 know we used to do this certain thing back then, 0:05:20.520 --> 0:05:24.880 and I'm changed and I don't want to do it anymore, 0:05:26.400 --> 0:05:29.359 and I wanted to bring this up to you, A 0:05:29.360 --> 0:05:30.880 couple of things happen when you say it. When you 0:05:30.920 --> 0:05:32.359 say it just like that, a couple of things are 0:05:32.400 --> 0:05:36.160 going to happen one you're going to know by his 0:05:36.320 --> 0:05:41.000 response what kind of guy he is and his investment 0:05:41.080 --> 0:05:46.120 in you is going to be. You know, if he's like, well, 0:05:46.200 --> 0:05:50.279 then I'm out, okay, good, good for you now, you know, right? 0:05:51.560 --> 0:05:55.760 And if he's like, well, I don't under I don't 0:05:55.800 --> 0:05:58.760 totally get it. I'm going to respect you and I'm 0:05:58.760 --> 0:06:02.040 going to respect your wish, but I don't totally get it. 0:06:02.560 --> 0:06:04.960 Can you help me to understand why you don't want to? 0:06:05.839 --> 0:06:09.599 So now you've got a witnessing opportunity and that's good. 0:06:11.000 --> 0:06:16.000 But either way, saying it is so critical, and saying 0:06:16.080 --> 0:06:19.400 it soon is so important. Just to say all of 0:06:19.440 --> 0:06:22.240 the information and to admit that you're vulnerable about it, 0:06:22.279 --> 0:06:23.880 and just to bring it all out in the open 0:06:23.960 --> 0:06:27.200 and stumble through and mumble the words and stutter and 0:06:28.279 --> 0:06:31.839 say you're embarrassed and speak it and be vulnerable and 0:06:32.400 --> 0:06:35.960 then play off of how he responds to that and 0:06:36.160 --> 0:06:40.279 let it go from there. That's your only play here, 0:06:41.080 --> 0:06:45.520 That's it. Because you don't want this to happen on 0:06:45.600 --> 0:06:49.240 Saturday night on the couch after the movie and things 0:06:49.279 --> 0:06:53.960 are getting frisky and you're like trying to use body 0:06:54.040 --> 0:06:58.400 language to tell him no Ah, that's weird, right, Like 0:06:58.640 --> 0:07:01.760 no one wants to be in that situation. She need 0:07:01.839 --> 0:07:07.560 to tell him soon, really soon, and how he responds 0:07:07.680 --> 0:07:11.280 is going to be huge on telling you what kind 0:07:11.320 --> 0:07:17.960 of guy is. Next question subject client says, lost my 0:07:18.040 --> 0:07:21.360 way in faith grandem My name is Caitlin. I've been 0:07:21.360 --> 0:07:23.840 a Christ follower since a young age. My grandmother led 0:07:23.880 --> 0:07:26.520 me to no Christ. She passed away in November of 0:07:26.600 --> 0:07:30.000 twenty one, and ever since, I've struggled to open my Bible, 0:07:30.160 --> 0:07:34.120 go to church and even pray. I feel her telling 0:07:34.160 --> 0:07:36.280 me to be in church again. But it's like I 0:07:36.320 --> 0:07:37.600 get to the door of the church and then I 0:07:37.720 --> 0:07:40.040 just break down and struggle to go in. I struggle 0:07:40.040 --> 0:07:41.720 to worship. I struggle to find a church where I 0:07:41.720 --> 0:07:46.240 could be fed and feel the Lord working. Any advice 0:07:46.280 --> 0:07:49.480 on what I should do? Thanks for everything your podcast 0:07:49.640 --> 0:07:53.960 gets me through the Monday morning ruts. Well, Caitlyn, thanks 0:07:54.000 --> 0:07:57.480 for the email. I appreciate you so much for listening 0:07:57.520 --> 0:07:59.960 and trusting me. All of y'all trusting me with your questions. 0:08:00.360 --> 0:08:03.360 Let's dive in. Let's like start picking apart your email here. 0:08:04.840 --> 0:08:08.440 I'm sorry that you lost your grandmother. We'll start with that, 0:08:09.920 --> 0:08:12.400 truly sorry. She sounds like she was a great woman 0:08:12.960 --> 0:08:16.840 and she had a big influence on you, and so 0:08:17.080 --> 0:08:22.080 losing her you feel like some of that influence is gone, 0:08:22.360 --> 0:08:25.720 which is interesting if you think about it, because your 0:08:25.720 --> 0:08:31.840 grandmother gave you that influence, especially the christ follower apart, 0:08:32.440 --> 0:08:34.440 so that when she is gone, you could be on 0:08:34.480 --> 0:08:38.000 your own and be okay, like that's that's what she 0:08:38.080 --> 0:08:40.760 did it for. She didn't tell you all that stuff 0:08:41.160 --> 0:08:44.959 and demonstrate all that stuff to you, so that only 0:08:45.000 --> 0:08:49.280 when she's around you participate with her. She did it 0:08:49.360 --> 0:08:52.040 knowing one day I'm going to pass on this legacy. 0:08:52.080 --> 0:08:55.439 I'm gonna be gone, and she's going to continue in 0:08:55.480 --> 0:08:58.000 this path and then she's going to teach it to 0:08:58.040 --> 0:09:02.760 her daughter and her daughter for that and so for 0:09:02.880 --> 0:09:08.720 you now, and all all respect to you, Caitlin, for 0:09:08.840 --> 0:09:11.960 you now to say you're falling backwards and you you 0:09:12.040 --> 0:09:15.120 don't want to follow up on this, you don't want 0:09:15.160 --> 0:09:19.080 to participate, and the action of faith that your grandmother 0:09:19.160 --> 0:09:24.600 taught you is a disrespect to your grandmother. Like I said, 0:09:24.760 --> 0:09:27.760 I don't I mean that in the best way possible 0:09:27.800 --> 0:09:31.760 to you, but it is a disrespect to what meant 0:09:31.880 --> 0:09:34.360 so much to your grandmother for you to just say, 0:09:34.440 --> 0:09:37.240 I'm I don't know. I can't really go in. It's 0:09:37.280 --> 0:09:40.560 too hard for me because it makes me think of her. Well, 0:09:40.600 --> 0:09:43.040 that's not the reason she taught it to you, so 0:09:43.080 --> 0:09:49.080 you remember her? Does that make sense? Whenever I see 0:09:49.080 --> 0:09:53.000 the question like this, lost my faith or excuse me, 0:09:53.080 --> 0:09:56.400 lost my way in faith? I think it's like I 0:09:56.440 --> 0:09:59.080 heard ambersay the other day, Well didn't it didn't just 0:09:59.120 --> 0:10:03.400 drop out of your pocket? Where is it? Just it's 0:10:03.400 --> 0:10:05.520 like you lost you left your purse or something, and 0:10:05.559 --> 0:10:08.800 you lost it. You left it on the train and 0:10:08.880 --> 0:10:12.480 seat one a it's gone. Like That's not what happens 0:10:12.520 --> 0:10:15.480 with faith. So we have to go back and think 0:10:15.559 --> 0:10:18.720 practically about what is faith? How did I lose it? 0:10:18.760 --> 0:10:22.240 Is it possible to lose? Is it possible to cultivate? 0:10:22.559 --> 0:10:26.520 Is it possible to make bigger? Well, so let's dive 0:10:26.559 --> 0:10:29.840 into that. I guess that's what your question is going 0:10:29.880 --> 0:10:34.600 to be about. When you were younger and you were 0:10:34.600 --> 0:10:38.280 with your grandmother and she was showing you this stuff. 0:10:39.240 --> 0:10:41.600 In my opinion, because of my life and when I 0:10:41.640 --> 0:10:43.760 think back on the times when I thought I had 0:10:43.800 --> 0:10:45.959 a lot of faith, and then turned out I didn't 0:10:46.200 --> 0:10:48.920 at all what I was doing. I was just mimicking 0:10:49.000 --> 0:10:51.520 those people around me and being caught up in the moment. 0:10:51.600 --> 0:10:53.680 So the moment was lifting me up and I thought, Wow, 0:10:53.720 --> 0:10:57.360 my faith is awesome right now. But in reality, I 0:10:57.440 --> 0:11:00.200 was just in the moment of those around me, in 0:11:00.240 --> 0:11:03.600 the moment of what your grandmother was doing. But on 0:11:03.640 --> 0:11:07.880 your own time away from your grandmother, completely separated from her. 0:11:09.360 --> 0:11:13.320 I'm being willing to bet that you weren't diligent in 0:11:13.400 --> 0:11:17.440 reading your Bible and going to church. What else did 0:11:17.520 --> 0:11:20.080 you say here worship? I'd be willing to bet those 0:11:20.080 --> 0:11:22.760 were usually tied to your grandmother. With your grandmother, so 0:11:22.800 --> 0:11:25.640 now that she's gone, faith is an action. Faith is 0:11:25.679 --> 0:11:28.800 a verb, so we acted out, we practically speak. This 0:11:28.840 --> 0:11:32.520 is the perfect example that I use of baseball all 0:11:32.559 --> 0:11:36.480 the time when people say I lost my faith. I say, 0:11:36.520 --> 0:11:38.319 if you were playing baseball and you said I lost 0:11:38.400 --> 0:11:41.120 my swing, I would then say, what are you doing? 0:11:42.280 --> 0:11:44.720 Are you talking to a coach? Are you watching video 0:11:44.760 --> 0:11:47.760 of yourself? Are you going to the batting cages? Show 0:11:47.880 --> 0:11:51.200 me what you're doing right now that's ending up with 0:11:51.280 --> 0:11:55.079 a bad swing. So, Caitlin, what are you doing right 0:11:55.080 --> 0:11:59.240 now that's ending up with bad faith. And you would say, 0:12:00.120 --> 0:12:03.960 pretty sure, I'm not doing anything. Just like the baseball 0:12:03.960 --> 0:12:07.319 player would say, I'm sitting on the couch eating cheetos 0:12:07.440 --> 0:12:10.240 wondering why I have a bad swing, and I would say, 0:12:10.280 --> 0:12:12.880 get your butt off the couch and pick up the 0:12:12.880 --> 0:12:17.760 baseball bat and go to the batting cages. So Caitlin, 0:12:19.520 --> 0:12:23.480 go into that bill that church building, go back in there, 0:12:25.120 --> 0:12:27.520 and then, just like the email before this, be vulnerable, 0:12:27.720 --> 0:12:31.520 be honest. Don't don't act like you're somebody you're not. 0:12:32.040 --> 0:12:34.880 Don't don't go into the congregation and be like, yeah, 0:12:34.880 --> 0:12:37.120 this is great. Jesus is great, I love love God, 0:12:37.240 --> 0:12:41.160 everything's great. Talk to someone, find a find an elder, 0:12:41.440 --> 0:12:44.240 find the pastor find someone, find a sister there and 0:12:44.280 --> 0:12:46.439 just go I'm struggling. Can I talk to you. I'm 0:12:46.480 --> 0:12:49.840 struggling right now. I lost my grandmother and she she 0:12:50.200 --> 0:12:52.840 was this for me. Now I need to know what this, 0:12:53.120 --> 0:12:56.440 what this really is? This whole church things, whole faith thing, 0:12:57.240 --> 0:12:59.960 so Bible thing, like what is it? I need to know? 0:13:00.040 --> 0:13:02.280 Oh but I do. I can tell you right now 0:13:02.360 --> 0:13:06.480 something's missing. There's a hole in my soul right now, 0:13:06.480 --> 0:13:08.440 and I'm trying to fill it with other stuff. And 0:13:08.520 --> 0:13:11.560 I thought Grandma filled it. But now that Grandma's gone, 0:13:11.559 --> 0:13:15.240 I realized she wasn't the thing that I needed. She 0:13:15.360 --> 0:13:17.280 wasn't what was filling the space. And I know it 0:13:17.320 --> 0:13:19.560 has something to do with faith, has something to do 0:13:19.600 --> 0:13:22.880 with this church. But I need help. Can you help me? 0:13:24.440 --> 0:13:28.920 Open up like that? Be honest, be vulnerable. Tell them 0:13:28.960 --> 0:13:32.280 that you're struggling. Tell them, Tell people that you're you 0:13:32.320 --> 0:13:35.680 don't know what to do. Tell your wise counsel in 0:13:35.720 --> 0:13:41.880 your church that. And that's a great first step. It's 0:13:41.920 --> 0:13:44.160 a great first step. You know. It's equivalent to It's 0:13:44.240 --> 0:13:47.240 equivalent to the baseball player going to a coach and going, man, coach, 0:13:47.760 --> 0:13:51.080 I can't swing. I can't swing. Watch me, watch me, 0:13:51.640 --> 0:13:54.680 I've lost it. I used to be such a great hitter. 0:13:54.760 --> 0:13:57.480 Now watch me. Look here's how I'm holding the bat. 0:13:57.720 --> 0:14:01.959 Here's my feet. I've watched a video. Look look at 0:14:01.960 --> 0:14:05.320 my form. Help me, coach, I need help, And he goes, Okay, 0:14:05.400 --> 0:14:09.800 let's get going. Let's get to work. Start at the beginning, 0:14:10.679 --> 0:14:18.280 and that's that's a good place for you. Let's hit 0:14:18.320 --> 0:14:22.720 another one. I'm getting into preaching mode. Subject line here says, 0:14:22.720 --> 0:14:26.000 how do I pour into myself? How do I pour 0:14:26.080 --> 0:14:28.880 into myself? Hey Granger, I've been listening to the podcast 0:14:28.880 --> 0:14:30.760 for a few months now. I've always said I was 0:14:30.760 --> 0:14:33.200 going to write you and hope that you would read 0:14:33.240 --> 0:14:35.560 my email, and you might not get to this one, 0:14:35.600 --> 0:14:38.240 but I hope you do. I always hear you talk 0:14:38.240 --> 0:14:42.760 about pouring into people and pouring into yourself. My question 0:14:42.960 --> 0:14:46.600 is how do I pour into myself. I've always felt 0:14:46.640 --> 0:14:50.600 like I'm not enough for anyone and even myself. Thank 0:14:50.640 --> 0:14:52.320 you for reading this if you get a chance. Thanks 0:14:52.320 --> 0:14:56.360 for everything you do, Emily, Emily, thanks, thanks for the 0:14:56.440 --> 0:15:00.960 kind words, and I'm excited to tell you that I'm 0:15:01.000 --> 0:15:04.000 currently reading your email on the podcast. So you made it. 0:15:04.120 --> 0:15:06.520 We did it. Here we are. Now let's get into it. 0:15:07.840 --> 0:15:11.200 What you're asking me, I could tell right away you're 0:15:11.240 --> 0:15:13.760 throwing other people in there, pouring into people. But what 0:15:13.800 --> 0:15:17.400 you really want to know is how do I love myself. 0:15:19.120 --> 0:15:22.360 I don't feel like I'm good enough for anyone, yes, 0:15:22.800 --> 0:15:25.920 but for myself. The main focus, that's the main part 0:15:25.960 --> 0:15:28.920 of the email is I don't love myself and I 0:15:28.960 --> 0:15:32.800 feel like I'm not good enough for myself and I 0:15:32.800 --> 0:15:40.120 would say, what's crazy about this? This highly controversial right 0:15:40.640 --> 0:15:42.360 A lot of people listening right now are about to 0:15:42.960 --> 0:15:49.320 really disagree with me. What's crazy about your email? About needing, 0:15:50.520 --> 0:15:53.480 desperately needing to know how to pour into yourself and 0:15:53.520 --> 0:15:57.320 how to feel like you are enough for yourself in 0:15:57.320 --> 0:16:02.080 the essence of you to plating this and thinking and 0:16:02.160 --> 0:16:06.680 listening to my podcast. According to your words, you're always 0:16:06.720 --> 0:16:09.320 saying you're going to write in and hope that I 0:16:09.400 --> 0:16:14.120 read it about the subject of pouring into yourself and 0:16:14.160 --> 0:16:18.920 feeling like you are enough. All of this, I'll say 0:16:18.920 --> 0:16:21.840 this as lightly and as lovingly as I can to you. 0:16:22.000 --> 0:16:28.360 All of this is an obsession with yourself. How do 0:16:28.440 --> 0:16:33.760 I know? Because I'm human and I feel the compulsion 0:16:34.000 --> 0:16:39.760 of that obsession myself. All of us are obsessed with ourselves. 0:16:40.240 --> 0:16:43.400 That's all we think about, that's all we talk about, 0:16:43.480 --> 0:16:46.280 that's all we worry about. That's all we want. That's 0:16:46.320 --> 0:16:50.920 all we need is how to comply and love and 0:16:51.040 --> 0:16:57.080 accept and nurture ourselves. That's what we want. That's what 0:16:57.160 --> 0:17:02.480 consumer commercialism is driving. That's what commercials want you to see. 0:17:02.840 --> 0:17:06.200 How to make yourself better, how to make yourself look better? 0:17:06.440 --> 0:17:10.679 Feel better, run better, swing the bat better. Everything is 0:17:10.720 --> 0:17:14.760 about how do I make myself better? Why? Because I'm 0:17:14.800 --> 0:17:18.400 obsessed with myself. I love myself. I love myself. I'm 0:17:18.560 --> 0:17:23.400 so obsessed with myself. That's what everyone thinks, and everyone 0:17:23.440 --> 0:17:28.040 has to suppress that thought because the world says, you 0:17:28.080 --> 0:17:31.280 know what, the problem is, you don't love yourself enough, 0:17:31.720 --> 0:17:35.639 and that obsession inside of you, the psychopath inside of 0:17:35.680 --> 0:17:38.440 all of us goes, Yeah, you're right, I don't love 0:17:38.520 --> 0:17:41.600 myself enough. I need to love myself more. I want 0:17:41.800 --> 0:17:44.960 You're right, I want to love myself more. Because why 0:17:45.040 --> 0:17:49.480 because I hate myself? Yeah, I hate myself. So that's 0:17:49.520 --> 0:17:51.919 what the world wants to you. The world wants you 0:17:51.960 --> 0:17:54.440 to start thinking that it's gotten so bad with you 0:17:55.480 --> 0:18:00.800 that now you hate yourself. What's the opposite of hate? 0:18:00.920 --> 0:18:03.760 Everyone's like it's love. No, the opposite of hate is 0:18:04.000 --> 0:18:12.600 not love. The opposite of hate is indifference. Guess what 0:18:12.680 --> 0:18:17.240 the opposite of love is saying? The opposite of love 0:18:17.880 --> 0:18:21.120 is in difference. The opposite of hate is in difference. 0:18:21.960 --> 0:18:27.080 Hate and love are tight. They're close brothers. They are 0:18:27.119 --> 0:18:32.600 both obsessions forms obsessions in a relationship with ours. When 0:18:32.600 --> 0:18:38.680 we're talking about ourselves now in difference means, imagine imagine 0:18:38.680 --> 0:18:43.280 being indifferent to yourself for one second. We'll start with you, Emily. 0:18:44.119 --> 0:18:46.320 I'm ragging on you because you wrote the email, but 0:18:46.400 --> 0:18:49.919 you represent me and a lot of people, all humans, 0:18:49.960 --> 0:18:56.200 I would argue, all humans. Imagine feeling indifferent about yourself. 0:18:57.200 --> 0:19:01.119 H I don't really care. I wake up in the 0:19:01.119 --> 0:19:06.600 morning and my back hurts. I don't really care. I 0:19:06.600 --> 0:19:09.240 don't brush my teeth because I don't really care that 0:19:09.280 --> 0:19:11.920 I have bad breath or that I have plaque. Yeah, 0:19:12.480 --> 0:19:15.159 don't care. I don't brush my hair or get a 0:19:15.200 --> 0:19:17.879 haircut because I don't care what people think about me, 0:19:18.400 --> 0:19:20.520 and I don't care with the way the hair fells 0:19:20.560 --> 0:19:25.400 on my head either way, don't really care. I don't 0:19:25.400 --> 0:19:28.560 really drink water because it's kind of annoying and I 0:19:28.600 --> 0:19:32.320 don't really care. And sometimes I skip meals sometimes I 0:19:32.359 --> 0:19:35.800 eat them. Either way, not a big deal out I 0:19:35.840 --> 0:19:38.240 go about my day. I don't have a job because 0:19:38.280 --> 0:19:41.639 I don't need money, because I don't really care about money. 0:19:42.080 --> 0:19:44.640 But it's not that I have some kind of good 0:19:44.680 --> 0:19:48.760 feeling about not having money. I just could have money 0:19:48.840 --> 0:19:52.040 or could not. Either way, I don't really care. I 0:19:52.040 --> 0:19:55.080 don't have a relationship because I don't need anybody, not 0:19:55.160 --> 0:19:58.520 because I'm that content. It's just because I don't really care. 0:20:00.040 --> 0:20:04.159 Do you know anyone like that? No, you don't. No 0:20:04.240 --> 0:20:07.639 one is like that. No one is indifferent to themselves. 0:20:08.240 --> 0:20:12.720 They either are obsessed with themselves through loving themselves through vanity, 0:20:13.000 --> 0:20:16.360 or they're obsessed with themselves through hating themselves. And to 0:20:16.400 --> 0:20:19.040 the point of the top of the line, the top 0:20:19.400 --> 0:20:22.679 form of self love, brother of hate, the top of 0:20:22.720 --> 0:20:26.480 it is suicide. It's the very pinnacle of all this, 0:20:26.760 --> 0:20:31.600 because suicide says I am so obsessed with myself and 0:20:31.680 --> 0:20:35.600 I'm currently hurting mentally, physically, whatever, and I don't care 0:20:35.880 --> 0:20:40.480 about anyone else but myself and ending this pain. I 0:20:40.480 --> 0:20:43.159 don't care the repercussions this does to my family, or 0:20:43.240 --> 0:20:46.439 my friends, or my work coworkers or anyone around me. 0:20:46.560 --> 0:20:51.720 I don't care. So I'm gonna kill myself because that 0:20:52.080 --> 0:20:55.960 will finally be the final act of self love to 0:20:56.040 --> 0:21:00.480 turn off that pain switch. I will do anything self 0:21:00.560 --> 0:21:05.840 love to make myself feel better, to feel peace, to 0:21:05.920 --> 0:21:13.119 feel not in pain anymore. I told you all this 0:21:13.240 --> 0:21:16.119 is controversial, but I'm very passionate about it, and I 0:21:16.160 --> 0:21:19.879 think about it a lot, because I'm surrounded in this 0:21:19.960 --> 0:21:25.280 world by this idea of self love, self status. Even 0:21:25.359 --> 0:21:28.719 self hate is an obsession that we have to We 0:21:28.800 --> 0:21:33.159 have to realize that self hate is in itself a 0:21:33.520 --> 0:21:37.439 form of self love because of the obsession. But what 0:21:38.400 --> 0:21:44.000 does Jesus say? What does the Bible say? What does 0:21:44.040 --> 0:21:51.840 the fundamental undertone of Christianity say? Love others like you 0:21:51.920 --> 0:21:57.040 love yourself. Notice there, it doesn't say love others and 0:21:57.080 --> 0:22:00.480 try to love yourself less. It doesn't say love others 0:22:00.680 --> 0:22:05.480 but don't love yourself. It says love others like you 0:22:05.560 --> 0:22:11.119 love yourself, knowing you're already You're already love yourself. So 0:22:11.160 --> 0:22:15.359 if you could pour into others that same amount, to 0:22:15.440 --> 0:22:18.520 that level, you could pour into others and love others 0:22:18.560 --> 0:22:21.280 at the same level that you love yourself. If you 0:22:21.320 --> 0:22:27.520 could do that, you're gonna get the promised peace and hope, 0:22:28.400 --> 0:22:34.280 enjoy the fruits of that love. That's what the Bible promises, 0:22:34.480 --> 0:22:37.240 and so emily through all this. That's a long way 0:22:37.280 --> 0:22:43.520 to say. If you could pour into others as you 0:22:43.560 --> 0:22:52.480 pour into yourself, if you could do it that hard, reckless, total, 0:22:52.680 --> 0:22:57.359 reckless abandonment, then you're gonna be in a good place. 0:23:00.960 --> 0:23:08.520 Let's take a break. 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Now, 0:25:13.680 --> 0:25:17.000 working with a therapist could help you understand these things 0:25:17.119 --> 0:25:19.600 help you breathe a little bit easier, because when you 0:25:19.600 --> 0:25:22.560 feel empowered, you feel like you're better prepared to take 0:25:22.600 --> 0:25:25.359 on everything that life throws at you. Now I understand 0:25:25.600 --> 0:25:27.879 that when I say that, you think it's laying on 0:25:28.200 --> 0:25:31.240 the red couch with the carpet and the chandelier and 0:25:31.280 --> 0:25:33.800 you're talking to somebody and that's super expensive, and they're 0:25:33.840 --> 0:25:35.800