WEBVTT - “I’M MOVING ON FROM SEX WORK” 0:00:00.040 --> 0:00:02.680 Hello, Hello, Hi. 0:00:02.800 --> 0:00:05.960 What's your name? Oh my god, yeah, I need it. 0:00:07.240 --> 0:00:08.760 I'm Lily Hire. 0:00:09.000 --> 0:00:12.320 Hey, Lily. What's up. How I'm Liles. 0:00:13.400 --> 0:00:17.680 Nice to meet you. Oh my gosh. Yeah. How's Are 0:00:17.720 --> 0:00:20.080 you excited for Christmas? Holiday? 0:00:21.320 --> 0:00:25.720 No? I no, I'm I'm not. I I'm not excited 0:00:25.760 --> 0:00:29.480 about them at all. I I viewed most holidays as 0:00:29.480 --> 0:00:35.200 interruptions to my life actually at this point, Yeah, yeah, 0:00:35.280 --> 0:00:38.559 I don't give it. Like New Year's I don't care. Christmas, 0:00:38.640 --> 0:00:43.280 I don't care. You know, I don't have I think 0:00:43.280 --> 0:00:45.120 it's for a few reasons. I mean, I don't have 0:00:45.120 --> 0:00:50.040 a real job, so I still I still, uh, I 0:00:50.080 --> 0:00:54.320 still have to work. I guess, yeah, I don't. I 0:00:54.320 --> 0:00:57.320 don't have like a kid, so I'm not doing that. 0:00:59.480 --> 0:01:05.160 Do you do you celebrate the passage of time? No? 0:01:05.640 --> 0:01:07.600 I try not to think about the passage of time, 0:01:07.760 --> 0:01:09.360 or I mean, I think about the passage of time 0:01:09.400 --> 0:01:15.679 a lot. I just don't. There's no reason for me 0:01:16.040 --> 0:01:20.319 to care about any of those holidays. I like the 0:01:20.400 --> 0:01:24.720 way that Christmas looks, and I like the way that 0:01:24.920 --> 0:01:31.840 Halloween looks, but I just I view them as interruptions, 0:01:31.880 --> 0:01:38.800 you know. I like, I like normal days and the 0:01:38.840 --> 0:01:41.160 holidays that kind of fuck them up. I know that 0:01:41.240 --> 0:01:43.520 sounds insane. I know I sound like a crazy person, 0:01:43.560 --> 0:01:45.240 but that's no, No. 0:01:45.200 --> 0:01:47.240 I don't think that's crazy at all. I think it's 0:01:47.319 --> 0:01:50.440 just you know, I think everyone has their like like 0:01:50.480 --> 0:01:53.720 opinion on it for sure, but I don't know for me. 0:01:53.800 --> 0:01:56.960 I'm just like I'm driving home right now, and like 0:01:57.240 --> 0:02:00.720 family stuff is weird, and I think it's weird for everyone. 0:02:01.320 --> 0:02:04.640 But as I get older, it's like, okay, I always 0:02:04.800 --> 0:02:06.920 just like I go home to family, and then I'm 0:02:06.920 --> 0:02:09.720 a year older and I'm like, oh cool, I care 0:02:09.760 --> 0:02:13.079 a little bit less about their opinion, and so it's 0:02:13.120 --> 0:02:16.720 like a nice little murker of like growth or lack 0:02:16.800 --> 0:02:18.960 of growth. And then I don't know, it's like a 0:02:19.040 --> 0:02:23.800 check in by the lights are pretty too, So I 0:02:23.800 --> 0:02:24.160 feel it. 0:02:24.880 --> 0:02:28.440 Why Why is family weird? 0:02:29.919 --> 0:02:35.600 So I am from like a very small town and 0:02:37.000 --> 0:02:42.280 like so I am twenty eighth and like there's just 0:02:42.360 --> 0:02:47.760 some like I'm trying to move internationally. I'm like bisexual. 0:02:47.800 --> 0:02:49.760 I've ben come out to like my parents yet, so 0:02:49.760 --> 0:02:52.480 it's kind of weird for that way. I've bes I 0:02:52.520 --> 0:02:55.040 have like a girl come over for Thanksgiving. It was 0:02:55.080 --> 0:02:59.239 like a situationship thing. But I didn't really have that 0:02:59.320 --> 0:03:02.320 conversation my parents yet. And then I like get home 0:03:02.360 --> 0:03:05.640 and I'm like, oh man, I'm still not like strong 0:03:05.760 --> 0:03:09.640 enough to have this conversation. I guess that's like, like 0:03:09.800 --> 0:03:12.359 I guess that's like a part of it. So it's 0:03:12.400 --> 0:03:15.839 just like over time, it's like I don't know, it's 0:03:15.919 --> 0:03:19.520 just like little threads of that relationship and stuff. It's 0:03:19.520 --> 0:03:22.200 always like makes me feel weird. But they're also getting 0:03:22.200 --> 0:03:25.320 older and I have like nephews and shit now, so 0:03:25.360 --> 0:03:28.640 it's like I have to like show up for them 0:03:28.720 --> 0:03:32.320 because I love them, but it's also like a fear 0:03:32.360 --> 0:03:35.680 of lack of acceptance. But I don't really necessarily care, 0:03:36.000 --> 0:03:37.160 but I do. 0:03:37.320 --> 0:03:42.840 So so that every year you care a little less. 0:03:44.480 --> 0:03:48.280 I think so. But I haven't like pulled the trigger 0:03:48.480 --> 0:03:53.200 on like the action of it. Does that make sense? 0:03:54.000 --> 0:03:54.160 Uh? 0:03:54.640 --> 0:03:56.120 Yeah, sure that doesn't make sense. 0:03:57.120 --> 0:04:01.240 Yeah, But like it's not like like if they ever 0:04:01.320 --> 0:04:04.040 like asked me about it, then I'm like I wouldn't 0:04:04.040 --> 0:04:06.440 feel as weird, but it's just like hard to broach 0:04:06.480 --> 0:04:07.160 the conversation. 0:04:08.040 --> 0:04:08.440 Mm hmm. 0:04:09.320 --> 0:04:12.040 But that's that's just one little like chunk of stuff. 0:04:12.080 --> 0:04:22.279 But mm hmm. Yeah, so how are you spending the holidays. 0:04:23.279 --> 0:04:27.960 I'm gonna go visit parents and my brother and go 0:04:28.040 --> 0:04:31.279 through the nephews. And that's like another little aspect of 0:04:31.320 --> 0:04:34.200 it is he has He's only two years older than me, 0:04:34.360 --> 0:04:36.800 so he has like the house and the family and 0:04:36.839 --> 0:04:38.800 the wife and the white pick of sense. And I'm 0:04:38.800 --> 0:04:43.240 trying to like get out of the country and like travel, 0:04:43.440 --> 0:04:44.960 and I'm like, all over the place. 0:04:46.040 --> 0:04:50.919 Your nephew is two years older than you, that my 0:04:51.000 --> 0:04:51.600 brother's two. 0:04:51.560 --> 0:04:54.839 Years older than me. Okay, yes, okay, but he's like 0:04:54.960 --> 0:04:57.560 super accomplished, and I'm just like, oh, like I I 0:04:57.680 --> 0:05:01.839 have my accomplishments, but like I don't know, it's just 0:05:01.880 --> 0:05:04.320 like a weird like comparative thing. But I love them 0:05:04.400 --> 0:05:04.880 very much. 0:05:05.760 --> 0:05:08.479 Do you want the white picket fence life? 0:05:10.600 --> 0:05:10.680 No? 0:05:10.800 --> 0:05:12.880 But I think it makes things easier. 0:05:13.800 --> 0:05:16.520 In what in what way it makes things easier? Like 0:05:16.560 --> 0:05:17.560 what does it make easier? 0:05:19.640 --> 0:05:25.600 It's just like more like accepting I suppose, Okay, I 0:05:25.600 --> 0:05:31.719 guess do you what was that? No, I'm just driving. 0:05:31.760 --> 0:05:39.640 I'm sorry, what was that cat that was me? Yelling? Yeah? Yeah, 0:05:40.200 --> 0:05:44.920 I'm the cat you yeah? 0:05:44.960 --> 0:05:53.240 So hmm, okay, so you it's an easier life to 0:05:53.400 --> 0:05:56.600 explain to your family, is what you're saying. 0:05:58.080 --> 0:06:00.960 It's an easier life to explain them my family. And 0:06:01.120 --> 0:06:06.000 also I feel like the it's more mapped out, it's 0:06:06.040 --> 0:06:10.400 more linear, it's easier to do as opposed to like 0:06:10.480 --> 0:06:14.159 doing what we all individually want to do and have 0:06:14.279 --> 0:06:17.680 to explore and like jump into like the unknown, like 0:06:17.720 --> 0:06:20.000 that's what that's what we should be doing. But it's 0:06:20.040 --> 0:06:22.680 like scary and painful in a bunch of ways because 0:06:22.680 --> 0:06:26.240 we don't know what that's like, and fear is very 0:06:26.440 --> 0:06:29.839 uncomfortable when you're in it, and so there's like a 0:06:29.880 --> 0:06:33.520 part time it's like I wish I liked the white 0:06:33.520 --> 0:06:37.520 ticket fand situation, but I don't. So it's like on 0:06:37.640 --> 0:06:40.920 that jumping told of like moving forward. 0:06:40.920 --> 0:06:43.560 But so so what is jumping? What is jumping forward 0:06:43.600 --> 0:06:45.440 looking like for you these days? 0:06:47.480 --> 0:06:51.680 So about So I'm trying to, like I said, like 0:06:51.720 --> 0:06:55.159 get out of the country. I'm trying to do international teaching. 0:06:56.640 --> 0:06:59.200 I get like all of that, but it's like super expensive. 0:07:00.720 --> 0:07:02.720 So I'm like trying to like save up as much 0:07:02.720 --> 0:07:05.080 as I can and just like I don't know, like 0:07:05.160 --> 0:07:08.359 suck around and find out and see what happens, but 0:07:08.440 --> 0:07:11.200 it's also very scary because it's just like it's really 0:07:11.320 --> 0:07:15.200 me doing all of this and it's hard, and like 0:07:15.440 --> 0:07:19.480 financials are hard. I swear I had more to talk about. 0:07:20.520 --> 0:07:22.240 What do you mean? What what do you mean? You 0:07:22.240 --> 0:07:23.760 have a lot of stuff? What are you talking about? 0:07:23.760 --> 0:07:24.400 You have a lot of time. 0:07:24.960 --> 0:07:26.720 But there was like there were like so many like 0:07:26.840 --> 0:07:31.840 individual situations. I'm like and now I'm like, of course, 0:07:31.880 --> 0:07:34.600 it's like it's. 0:07:33.960 --> 0:07:37.400 Okay, So where where do you want to go to teach? 0:07:39.600 --> 0:07:44.200 So I went to Amsterdam back in October and it 0:07:44.320 --> 0:07:47.200 was so nice and like all the little coffee smoke 0:07:47.280 --> 0:07:50.680 shops and like I had truffles and it was just 0:07:50.800 --> 0:07:52.920 really it was it was a vibe. And there's a 0:07:53.000 --> 0:07:57.200 magic bookshops museum thing out there called the Writtman Museum 0:07:57.640 --> 0:08:00.280 or the Writtman Library, and it's full of like old 0:08:00.440 --> 0:08:04.840 magic books, so like King Solomon's like where he sealed 0:08:04.840 --> 0:08:06.960 all the demons into like the rings and stuff. All 0:08:07.000 --> 0:08:10.480 those books are on display and you can volunteer to 0:08:10.680 --> 0:08:14.400 like work there, and it was just really cool and 0:08:14.480 --> 0:08:16.920 I'm I don't know, it was like a good feeling. 0:08:18.360 --> 0:08:22.560 But Amsterdam's pool Morocco's on my list, Highland's on my list. 0:08:23.400 --> 0:08:27.840 Amsterdam's Amsterdam is one of my three favorite cities on 0:08:27.880 --> 0:08:30.360 the planet. Actually, Oh, it's. 0:08:30.200 --> 0:08:33.959 So fun and everyone's so nice and yeah, and it's 0:08:34.000 --> 0:08:37.280 like people party, but they're not like belligerent, like they 0:08:37.360 --> 0:08:39.920 know how to like I mean not. I'm not trying 0:08:39.960 --> 0:08:42.800 to generalize, because there were a couple like weirdo, like 0:08:43.160 --> 0:08:47.400 you know, uncomfy situations, but uh, for the most part of. 0:08:47.360 --> 0:08:51.040 It, dick okay, So you're trying to just kind of 0:08:51.080 --> 0:08:54.720 like run out abroad and do go on like little 0:08:54.720 --> 0:08:57.040 weird adventures, a. 0:08:57.000 --> 0:09:00.720 Weird little adventure. And then there's also like another part 0:09:00.760 --> 0:09:04.960 of this too is it's just like there's so much 0:09:05.000 --> 0:09:08.280 pressure because now I've been like saving, So I've been 0:09:08.360 --> 0:09:11.520 doing like sex works for the past like five years 0:09:11.720 --> 0:09:14.840 just for the fact of saving because like I'm a 0:09:14.880 --> 0:09:17.760 librarian like by like trade and like you don't really 0:09:17.800 --> 0:09:20.440 get paid a whole lot. So I've been doing that 0:09:20.559 --> 0:09:22.439 like on the side to just like try to get 0:09:22.440 --> 0:09:24.800 more money, and like it's been working, but now I'm 0:09:24.840 --> 0:09:28.080 just like okay, like I'm so tired of it. And 0:09:28.080 --> 0:09:31.280 there's such an underbelly of all of that, and like 0:09:31.320 --> 0:09:34.360 I'm pro sex work, like do your thing, but I 0:09:34.400 --> 0:09:38.160 feel like there's so much more to it, and I'm like, 0:09:38.640 --> 0:09:43.360 my like my future is kind of like tinging on 0:09:43.760 --> 0:09:46.120 all this to work out. And I'm like, if kind 0:09:46.120 --> 0:09:49.000 of this comes to pass and all of the work 0:09:49.040 --> 0:09:52.960 I've done will, I don't know, it's just like it'll 0:09:53.080 --> 0:09:56.600 it'll be heavier. But I know that's like an anxiety 0:09:56.840 --> 0:09:59.600 like weather situation. So I'm trying not to think about 0:09:59.640 --> 0:10:02.000 that and like stay positive. 0:10:02.160 --> 0:10:05.640 But like, yeah, yeah, I see here that you you 0:10:05.679 --> 0:10:10.800 texted me saying I'm five years into I'm five years 0:10:10.840 --> 0:10:13.920 into non digital sex work, and I am losing my 0:10:14.040 --> 0:10:18.920 mind the complexity of the human underbelly. What does that mean? 0:10:19.760 --> 0:10:26.679 Yeah, I have so many stories. I have so many stories, 0:10:26.720 --> 0:10:32.520 but like like it's just some It's a whole wide 0:10:32.600 --> 0:10:37.120 range of clients. A lot of them are like middle age, 0:10:37.240 --> 0:10:42.280 divorced dads or like older men, and like there's been 0:10:42.640 --> 0:10:49.320 like really rather really like gross guys or like I 0:10:49.360 --> 0:10:52.520 don't know, like I'm very sensitive, I guess. And there's 0:10:52.600 --> 0:10:55.280 this one guy who had this like bigger house and 0:10:55.320 --> 0:10:57.440 like he would collect all of like people in attendo 0:10:57.559 --> 0:11:01.240 sixty four and all these devices and stuff, and he 0:11:01.320 --> 0:11:03.920 was super sweet, but he didn't have a date for 0:11:04.080 --> 0:11:07.960 like fifty years and he just like didn't know how 0:11:08.000 --> 0:11:10.160 to date or talk to women, and that was his 0:11:10.240 --> 0:11:13.640 thing and he was a sweetheart, and I'm just like 0:11:13.880 --> 0:11:16.680 that broke me. And then there's like other guys that 0:11:16.760 --> 0:11:20.679 are just like cheating on their wives and I don't know, 0:11:20.880 --> 0:11:22.920 or they're like or their daughters are the same age 0:11:22.920 --> 0:11:26.079 as me, and I'm like, this is weird. And I 0:11:26.160 --> 0:11:29.120 don't know, there's such a huge underbelly of it of 0:11:29.320 --> 0:11:32.439 just like there's so much that goes into it. I 0:11:32.480 --> 0:11:32.960 don't don't know. 0:11:34.440 --> 0:11:37.240 And you said, you've been doing that for five years. 0:11:38.200 --> 0:11:41.840 Yeah, yeah, since covid I was originally on. So I 0:11:41.880 --> 0:11:44.600 went to like a Christmas party and found out about 0:11:44.600 --> 0:11:47.280 like foot fetishes. It's like a very long story. And 0:11:47.320 --> 0:11:48.880 then I was like selling foot pictures. I was like 0:11:48.920 --> 0:11:52.199 read it and that was kind of fun, and then 0:11:52.760 --> 0:11:57.839 like I just like moved off of there. And yeah, so, 0:11:58.320 --> 0:12:00.760 like I said, it's a very long story. 0:12:00.920 --> 0:12:05.160 But and so we're I mean, were you able to 0:12:05.440 --> 0:12:08.080 save up what you needed to save up in those 0:12:08.120 --> 0:12:08.720 five years? 0:12:09.000 --> 0:12:12.439 Yeah? Yeah, yeah, so I I did I did enough 0:12:12.960 --> 0:12:15.319 and I set like emergency fund the side and all 0:12:15.360 --> 0:12:18.760 of that. But now that I'm like looking at I'm 0:12:18.840 --> 0:12:21.679 just like, okay, like everything needs to work out now, 0:12:21.760 --> 0:12:23.200 so I'm trying to pip it out of it, and 0:12:23.240 --> 0:12:25.400 so there's like an extra like heavy weight on it. 0:12:27.400 --> 0:12:30.360 So I don't know, well, what do. 0:12:30.320 --> 0:12:36.120 You mean everything needs to work out. 0:12:34.160 --> 0:12:40.000 Like for moving right, for taking that? Like I don't 0:12:40.200 --> 0:12:42.520 like what I'm trying to think of what I. 0:12:42.520 --> 0:12:48.760 Mean, like like what is working out? I mean like 0:12:48.800 --> 0:12:51.360 you like, are you trying to get a job, Like 0:12:51.400 --> 0:12:54.280 you're trying to get a job in one of these places. 0:12:54.920 --> 0:12:58.480 Yeah, yeah, And so I'm just like I have like 0:12:58.640 --> 0:13:02.480 job fair scheduled and stuff. But I feel like if 0:13:02.559 --> 0:13:05.480 things it's always like the what is it, prepare for 0:13:05.559 --> 0:13:08.480 the prepare for the worst, hope for the best sort 0:13:08.480 --> 0:13:13.080 of thing. Yeah. Yeah, So I'm like I wanted to 0:13:13.120 --> 0:13:16.720 work out, but then in the back of my head, 0:13:16.720 --> 0:13:20.640 I'm like if it doesn't, then like what was the 0:13:20.720 --> 0:13:21.600 point of all of this? 0:13:23.480 --> 0:13:25.320 What was the point of saying And it's not. 0:13:25.280 --> 0:13:28.240 Just and it's not just with yeah, like doing doing 0:13:28.280 --> 0:13:32.160 the sex work or saving up or you know, like 0:13:32.280 --> 0:13:35.360 all of the energy and research and all of it, 0:13:36.520 --> 0:13:39.040 and like, I don't know, that's like a point of anxiety. 0:13:41.720 --> 0:13:46.720 Mm hmm hmmm, what was the point of it? 0:13:48.720 --> 0:13:51.720 Yeah, because like it's just really it's kind of like 0:13:51.760 --> 0:13:55.040 a relationship where you like, was it sun cost fallacy? 0:13:55.080 --> 0:13:58.120 Where you put so much of yourself into something and 0:13:58.160 --> 0:14:01.520 then for whatever reason if like it doesn't work out, 0:14:01.640 --> 0:14:05.160 then you're I don't know, it's just it's hard. 0:14:06.880 --> 0:14:08.760 Yeah, but I don't know, man, life is the sun 0:14:08.840 --> 0:14:13.160 costs fallacy? I mean, what was the point of knowing? 0:14:16.480 --> 0:14:19.000 My theory with that is like you have to do something. 0:14:19.520 --> 0:14:22.080 What else are you going to do? Just you have 0:14:22.160 --> 0:14:24.120 to do something. You have to pick something to do, 0:14:24.240 --> 0:14:26.360 So I'm like I might as well see the world. 0:14:26.440 --> 0:14:31.680 And I don't know. And it's also like the sex 0:14:31.720 --> 0:14:36.360 work too, is just like I don't know, Like I 0:14:36.680 --> 0:14:40.280 grew up in a very like religious background and so 0:14:40.440 --> 0:14:43.680 it's just really especially now with like the over I 0:14:43.680 --> 0:14:47.960 think an oversaturation of sex work like throughout the Internet 0:14:48.040 --> 0:14:50.520 and in general because of COVID, like people really picked 0:14:50.600 --> 0:14:52.680 up on it. A lot of sex workers will complain 0:14:52.720 --> 0:14:57.520 about that because of how obersaturated it is. So it's 0:14:57.560 --> 0:15:00.040 just like I had a point. 0:15:00.040 --> 0:15:04.880 As I mean, it's a noble profession. I believe that. 0:15:05.120 --> 0:15:07.400 Oh yeah, hell yeah yeah. 0:15:07.440 --> 0:15:10.600 So I don't think you it's not like you uh 0:15:11.120 --> 0:15:15.200 did I. I I genuinely think that doing sex work. 0:15:16.000 --> 0:15:18.520 I mean it's more noble of a way of making 0:15:18.560 --> 0:15:23.000 money than like like buying and selling cryptocurrency. 0:15:24.880 --> 0:15:28.480 Oh no, I agree. And it's like there's a part 0:15:28.480 --> 0:15:31.400 of it that's really fun, like really fun, and like 0:15:31.560 --> 0:15:34.520 I got a lot of like I grew a lot 0:15:34.560 --> 0:15:35.240 because of it. 0:15:35.920 --> 0:15:36.320 Mm hmm. 0:15:36.560 --> 0:15:39.400 But it's also like a double edged thing. And yeah, 0:15:39.440 --> 0:15:44.080 because I've watched a couple of videos who before. It's 0:15:44.120 --> 0:15:46.480 just something that like the both sides that it doesn't 0:15:46.480 --> 0:15:47.200 you're talking about. 0:15:48.240 --> 0:15:49.880 So I don't know what was the point of anything. 0:15:49.920 --> 0:15:56.120 I mean, you you you uh you helped people, you 0:15:57.520 --> 0:16:01.560 uh saved money in an attempt to enrich your own life. 0:16:02.440 --> 0:16:06.160 You got to You're gonna get to attempt to travel 0:16:06.200 --> 0:16:08.720 and do these things. It sounds like there were points. 0:16:10.560 --> 0:16:13.440 It sounds like it has not been a completely vapid 0:16:14.600 --> 0:16:17.400 experience for you. 0:16:17.440 --> 0:16:20.640 No, it's just I don't know where to put it at, 0:16:21.120 --> 0:16:26.560 you know, and also where to put the experience and 0:16:26.720 --> 0:16:30.240 like it unlocked like a whole new part of myself 0:16:30.360 --> 0:16:34.080 and also unlock a whole new understanding of like other 0:16:34.240 --> 0:16:39.600 people and the debating and all of it. So it's 0:16:39.640 --> 0:16:42.920 just about like processing and like integrating, you know. 0:16:43.640 --> 0:16:44.040 Mm hmm. 0:16:48.120 --> 0:16:53.200 Okay, So what what if things were like what what's 0:16:53.240 --> 0:16:56.800 the vision for things working out perfectly? Like if you 0:16:56.840 --> 0:16:59.280 wave your magic wand and everything works out perfectly? How's 0:16:59.320 --> 0:17:05.000 that look? Long? 0:17:05.200 --> 0:17:08.399 Okay, so long, long, long term goal I want to 0:17:08.520 --> 0:17:12.600 have And I feel like this. I talk a lot 0:17:12.640 --> 0:17:14.920 about this too different people, so it might be a 0:17:14.920 --> 0:17:19.720 little identifying, but whatever. But like the end then goal 0:17:19.920 --> 0:17:22.560 is I want to have a house with a little 0:17:22.560 --> 0:17:25.360 covered porch like a little cabin, and it's a wrap 0:17:25.400 --> 0:17:28.199 around covered porch, and then the front there is a 0:17:28.200 --> 0:17:31.600 little tiny lake that freezes over in the winter, and 0:17:31.760 --> 0:17:35.240 there's a little fire pit and you can go swimming 0:17:35.240 --> 0:17:38.040 in the lake when it's warm outside. And then I 0:17:38.040 --> 0:17:39.920 want to have a rocking chair in the covered porch, 0:17:40.160 --> 0:17:41.639 and I want to have a cat in my lap 0:17:41.760 --> 0:17:44.280 and a cup of tea, and inside I have an 0:17:44.320 --> 0:17:47.399 Alaskan king bed and refrigerator which have like all the 0:17:47.400 --> 0:17:49.879 different types of ice in it, like the moon shades 0:17:49.920 --> 0:17:51.560 ice and the ones with the holes in it and 0:17:51.600 --> 0:17:54.760 the crushed ice, and I want to have like a 0:17:54.760 --> 0:17:56.720 little bit of wood so I can go like hiking 0:17:56.760 --> 0:17:59.280 in and whatnot. And I want to be a little 0:17:59.280 --> 0:18:02.280 old lady in my roccing chair with my cat and 0:18:02.320 --> 0:18:06.320 my tea fire blazing. You can hear the ice crackle, 0:18:06.760 --> 0:18:10.199 the snow for snowfall just falls and then I have 0:18:10.280 --> 0:18:13.080 a brain aneurism and that's it. Oh and then you 0:18:13.119 --> 0:18:16.320 die and so yeah, so I'm sorry. I'm trying to 0:18:16.320 --> 0:18:17.919 like work backwards, all right. 0:18:19.000 --> 0:18:20.960 You want to make it? Yeah, you want to You 0:18:20.960 --> 0:18:23.760 want to make it to eighty and die. 0:18:24.920 --> 0:18:27.919 It depends on the state in my body, right, and 0:18:27.920 --> 0:18:31.640 then like what's going on because rather eighty is very 0:18:31.680 --> 0:18:33.920 like I met very young eighty year olds, and I 0:18:34.040 --> 0:18:37.199 met very like old eighty year olds or seventy year olds, right, 0:18:37.680 --> 0:18:40.840 so it's like it depends on like how things work out. 0:18:42.560 --> 0:18:44.760 But I'm like, okay, I need Like a house on 0:18:44.800 --> 0:18:47.280 a lake is very expensive, right, like unless you're an 0:18:47.320 --> 0:18:50.400 Airbnb or like generational wealth or something like, it's really 0:18:50.440 --> 0:18:52.480 hard to come by. But I'm like, does it have 0:18:52.560 --> 0:18:55.280 to be in the States? Can it be someplace else? 0:18:55.320 --> 0:18:55.520 Does it? 0:18:55.760 --> 0:18:57.960 Can it be in cannabis? So I'm trying to go 0:18:58.080 --> 0:19:04.560 like lake hopping and like see what's up. I don't know. 0:19:05.080 --> 0:19:06.919 That's like the ultimate goal. But then there's like a 0:19:06.920 --> 0:19:08.080 bunch of stuff in between. 0:19:10.160 --> 0:19:15.320 Okay, you want to exist next to a lake. Yeah, 0:19:15.920 --> 0:19:17.720 I think we can do that. I think it's an 0:19:17.720 --> 0:19:18.800 achievable goal for you. 0:19:20.000 --> 0:19:23.119 Yeah, but not like a huge lake, but like enough 0:19:23.240 --> 0:19:26.800 that I can like swim in it, but not super 0:19:26.840 --> 0:19:28.879 big that it has made you know what I mean, 0:19:29.000 --> 0:19:31.000 like not like finger lake lakes. 0:19:31.200 --> 0:19:37.040 What's your name is, Lily? Yeah, I mean you can 0:19:37.040 --> 0:19:39.080 go to a lake. You can go sit by a 0:19:39.160 --> 0:19:40.040 lake right now. 0:19:42.960 --> 0:19:46.840 Yeah, but like there's no lakes where I live, Like 0:19:46.880 --> 0:19:48.240 you have to drive to go to a lake. I 0:19:48.240 --> 0:19:51.200 need to live, like I need a lake community. 0:19:53.040 --> 0:19:55.480 Okay you don't, Yeah, I mean you can just go 0:19:55.520 --> 0:20:02.359 to a lake. You don't, yeh You I think hard? No, 0:20:02.440 --> 0:20:04.199 it's not hard. I feel like you're Yeah, what you 0:20:04.320 --> 0:20:06.879 just described is not. I mean you want like own it. 0:20:06.880 --> 0:20:08.680 I guess you're talking about like you want to own 0:20:08.720 --> 0:20:13.560 a lake house. But uh, I mean here's the thing. 0:20:13.560 --> 0:20:15.520 Whether you own a lake house or whether you own 0:20:15.560 --> 0:20:17.280 a lake house or you go to a lake, you're 0:20:17.280 --> 0:20:19.840 still fucking at the lake. 0:20:20.119 --> 0:20:23.440 Yeah, been so expensive, That's what I'm saying. I'm like, well, 0:20:23.720 --> 0:20:25.480 what do you what do I have to do? What's 0:20:25.520 --> 0:20:28.520 going on? And then there's so much more stuff in 0:20:28.560 --> 0:20:31.440 between that you know, and there's so many lakes out there. 0:20:33.000 --> 0:20:35.560 Also lighthouses. That's another one. I want to have a 0:20:35.640 --> 0:20:36.720 lake and lighthouse hopping. 0:20:38.960 --> 0:20:40.480 Have you ever been to a lighthouse? 0:20:42.640 --> 0:20:44.760 I've been to many lighthouses. And also I think I 0:20:44.800 --> 0:20:46.920 was a sailor in a past life because every time 0:20:47.080 --> 0:20:50.800 I go to lighthouse and it's like rocky shores and 0:20:50.840 --> 0:20:54.159 it's like crashing up. I just fucking cry like a 0:20:54.160 --> 0:20:58.080 little baby, and I think I die at sea. 0:20:58.440 --> 0:21:01.439 When are you gonna go on your journey to wherever 0:21:01.480 --> 0:21:01.920 you're going? 0:21:04.520 --> 0:21:09.000 I don't know. So I'm doing some school stuff and 0:21:09.080 --> 0:21:14.280 I have to quit my job because it's unpaid by 0:21:14.600 --> 0:21:20.240 teaching student teaching for three months, which is bullshit, and 0:21:20.280 --> 0:21:22.800 then I don't know. I have to figure figure it 0:21:22.840 --> 0:21:28.680 out so hopefully by spring. But if that doesn't work, 0:21:28.720 --> 0:21:32.560 then I'm probably gonna go West or something like Pacific 0:21:32.600 --> 0:21:38.199 Northwest is really cool but also very expensive, so I 0:21:38.200 --> 0:21:44.560 don't know, what's. 0:21:44.359 --> 0:21:48.199 Your what's your brother think about your life when you 0:21:48.240 --> 0:21:50.840 talk to him and you're like, oh, you have a 0:21:50.920 --> 0:21:53.240 this and that and the other thing. I'm doing this. 0:21:55.240 --> 0:21:58.760 I I don't know if I've ever like talked to 0:21:58.840 --> 0:22:02.120 him about like a little bit of the jealousy aspects 0:22:02.160 --> 0:22:06.800 of it. But he's pretty supportive, you know. He's like 0:22:06.840 --> 0:22:08.560 my older brothers, so we're pretty tight. Like I know 0:22:08.640 --> 0:22:11.360 you're tight with your sister, So it's kind of like similar, right, 0:22:11.960 --> 0:22:15.119 that's nice because you like, yeah, yeah, you're like a 0:22:15.119 --> 0:22:16.960 little kid and like you kind of hate each other. 0:22:17.000 --> 0:22:19.120 And he was like my first bully and was like 0:22:19.560 --> 0:22:21.680 the Barby's head is off my doll and like throw 0:22:21.720 --> 0:22:23.040 them on the roof and like she'd me with this 0:22:23.119 --> 0:22:25.359 beabie gun. But then I would like beat him up 0:22:25.359 --> 0:22:28.520 when you want to PlayStation, you know. And then it's 0:22:28.560 --> 0:22:32.320 like you get older and things change, but you still 0:22:32.359 --> 0:22:35.040 have that like deep connection. And I came out to 0:22:35.119 --> 0:22:37.080 him and he was just like that just makes you cooler, 0:22:38.240 --> 0:22:39.680 and he's like when can I meet her? And I'm 0:22:39.760 --> 0:22:42.800 you know, so it's it's it's nice that way. So 0:22:42.920 --> 0:22:47.320 do you have pretty supportive No, I have like a 0:22:47.400 --> 0:22:55.080 situation thing. But man, women are hard, like honestly and 0:22:55.240 --> 0:22:59.320 like a little scary. You know. Sure it's like a 0:22:59.320 --> 0:23:04.280 little intimate dating, but yeah, and also too, it's like 0:23:04.320 --> 0:23:06.720 with everything going on, I'm like, I just don't have 0:23:06.920 --> 0:23:09.480 Like I got on Hinge and went on a couple 0:23:09.520 --> 0:23:13.040 of dates with girls, and there was one girl I 0:23:13.040 --> 0:23:15.960 really liked, but like, I just I just don't have 0:23:16.359 --> 0:23:19.200 the energy your time. And also if I'm like trying 0:23:19.200 --> 0:23:21.560 to move in six months or whatever, it's not very fair. 0:23:22.800 --> 0:23:29.879 So I don't know, Well, Lily, I wish you good 0:23:29.960 --> 0:23:34.600