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Speaker 1: Hello, Hello, Hi.

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Speaker 2: What's your name? Oh my god, yeah, I need it.

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Speaker 1: I'm Lily Hire.

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Speaker 2: Hey, Lily. What's up. How I'm Liles.

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Speaker 1: Nice to meet you. Oh my gosh. Yeah. How's Are

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Speaker 1: you excited for Christmas? Holiday?

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Speaker 2: No? I no, I'm I'm not. I I'm not excited

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Speaker 2: about them at all. I I viewed most holidays as

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Speaker 2: interruptions to my life actually at this point, Yeah, yeah,

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Speaker 2: I don't give it. Like New Year's I don't care. Christmas,

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Speaker 2: I don't care. You know, I don't have I think

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Speaker 2: it's for a few reasons. I mean, I don't have

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Speaker 2: a real job, so I still I still, uh, I

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Speaker 2: still have to work. I guess, yeah, I don't. I

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Speaker 2: don't have like a kid, so I'm not doing that.

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Speaker 1: Do you do you celebrate the passage of time? No?

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Speaker 2: I try not to think about the passage of time,

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Speaker 2: or I mean, I think about the passage of time

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Speaker 2: a lot. I just don't. There's no reason for me

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Speaker 2: to care about any of those holidays. I like the

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Speaker 2: way that Christmas looks, and I like the way that

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Speaker 2: Halloween looks, but I just I view them as interruptions,

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Speaker 2: you know. I like, I like normal days and the

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Speaker 2: holidays that kind of fuck them up. I know that

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Speaker 2: sounds insane. I know I sound like a crazy person,

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Speaker 2: but that's no, No.

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Speaker 1: I don't think that's crazy at all. I think it's

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Speaker 1: just you know, I think everyone has their like like

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Speaker 1: opinion on it for sure, but I don't know for me.

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Speaker 1: I'm just like I'm driving home right now, and like

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Speaker 1: family stuff is weird, and I think it's weird for everyone.

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Speaker 1: But as I get older, it's like, okay, I always

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Speaker 1: just like I go home to family, and then I'm

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Speaker 1: a year older and I'm like, oh cool, I care

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Speaker 1: a little bit less about their opinion, and so it's

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Speaker 1: like a nice little murker of like growth or lack

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Speaker 1: of growth. And then I don't know, it's like a

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Speaker 1: check in by the lights are pretty too, So I

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Speaker 1: feel it.

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Speaker 2: Why Why is family weird?

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Speaker 1: So I am from like a very small town and

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Speaker 1: like so I am twenty eighth and like there's just

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Speaker 1: some like I'm trying to move internationally. I'm like bisexual.

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Speaker 1: I've ben come out to like my parents yet, so

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Speaker 1: it's kind of weird for that way. I've bes I

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Speaker 1: have like a girl come over for Thanksgiving. It was

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Speaker 1: like a situationship thing. But I didn't really have that

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Speaker 1: conversation my parents yet. And then I like get home

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Speaker 1: and I'm like, oh man, I'm still not like strong

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Speaker 1: enough to have this conversation. I guess that's like, like

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Speaker 1: I guess that's like a part of it. So it's

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Speaker 1: just like over time, it's like I don't know, it's

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Speaker 1: just like little threads of that relationship and stuff. It's

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Speaker 1: always like makes me feel weird. But they're also getting

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Speaker 1: older and I have like nephews and shit now, so

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Speaker 1: it's like I have to like show up for them

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Speaker 1: because I love them, but it's also like a fear

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Speaker 1: of lack of acceptance. But I don't really necessarily care,

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Speaker 1: but I do.

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Speaker 2: So so that every year you care a little less.

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Speaker 1: I think so. But I haven't like pulled the trigger

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Speaker 1: on like the action of it. Does that make sense?

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Speaker 3: Uh?

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Speaker 2: Yeah, sure that doesn't make sense.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, But like it's not like like if they ever

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Speaker 1: like asked me about it, then I'm like I wouldn't

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Speaker 1: feel as weird, but it's just like hard to broach

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Speaker 1: the conversation.

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Speaker 2: Mm hmm.

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Speaker 1: But that's that's just one little like chunk of stuff.

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Speaker 2: But mm hmm. Yeah, so how are you spending the holidays.

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna go visit parents and my brother and go

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Speaker 1: through the nephews. And that's like another little aspect of

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Speaker 1: it is he has He's only two years older than me,

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Speaker 1: so he has like the house and the family and

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Speaker 1: the wife and the white pick of sense. And I'm

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Speaker 1: trying to like get out of the country and like travel,

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Speaker 1: and I'm like, all over the place.

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Speaker 2: Your nephew is two years older than you, that my

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Speaker 2: brother's two.

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Speaker 1: Years older than me. Okay, yes, okay, but he's like

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Speaker 1: super accomplished, and I'm just like, oh, like I I

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Speaker 1: have my accomplishments, but like I don't know, it's just

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Speaker 1: like a weird like comparative thing. But I love them

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Speaker 1: very much.

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Speaker 2: Do you want the white picket fence life?

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Speaker 4: No?

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Speaker 1: But I think it makes things easier.

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Speaker 2: In what in what way it makes things easier? Like

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Speaker 2: what does it make easier?

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Speaker 1: It's just like more like accepting I suppose, Okay, I

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Speaker 1: guess do you what was that? No, I'm just driving.

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Speaker 1: I'm sorry, what was that cat that was me? Yelling? Yeah? Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I'm the cat you yeah?

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Speaker 2: So hmm, okay, so you it's an easier life to

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Speaker 2: explain to your family, is what you're saying.

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Speaker 1: It's an easier life to explain them my family. And

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Speaker 1: also I feel like the it's more mapped out, it's

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Speaker 1: more linear, it's easier to do as opposed to like

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Speaker 1: doing what we all individually want to do and have

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Speaker 1: to explore and like jump into like the unknown, like

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Speaker 1: that's what that's what we should be doing. But it's

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Speaker 1: like scary and painful in a bunch of ways because

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Speaker 1: we don't know what that's like, and fear is very

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Speaker 1: uncomfortable when you're in it, and so there's like a

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Speaker 1: part time it's like I wish I liked the white

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Speaker 1: ticket fand situation, but I don't. So it's like on

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Speaker 1: that jumping told of like moving forward.

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Speaker 2: But so so what is jumping? What is jumping forward

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Speaker 2: looking like for you these days?

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Speaker 1: So about So I'm trying to, like I said, like

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Speaker 1: get out of the country. I'm trying to do international teaching.

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Speaker 1: I get like all of that, but it's like super expensive.

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Speaker 1: So I'm like trying to like save up as much

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Speaker 1: as I can and just like I don't know, like

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Speaker 1: suck around and find out and see what happens, but

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Speaker 1: it's also very scary because it's just like it's really

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Speaker 1: me doing all of this and it's hard, and like

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Speaker 1: financials are hard. I swear I had more to talk about.

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Speaker 2: What do you mean? What what do you mean? You

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Speaker 2: have a lot of stuff? What are you talking about?

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Speaker 2: You have a lot of time.

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Speaker 1: But there was like there were like so many like

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Speaker 1: individual situations. I'm like and now I'm like, of course,

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Speaker 1: it's like it's.

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Speaker 2: Okay, So where where do you want to go to teach?

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Speaker 1: So I went to Amsterdam back in October and it

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Speaker 1: was so nice and like all the little coffee smoke

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Speaker 1: shops and like I had truffles and it was just

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Speaker 1: really it was it was a vibe. And there's a

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Speaker 1: magic bookshops museum thing out there called the Writtman Museum

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Speaker 1: or the Writtman Library, and it's full of like old

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Speaker 1: magic books, so like King Solomon's like where he sealed

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Speaker 1: all the demons into like the rings and stuff. All

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Speaker 1: those books are on display and you can volunteer to

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Speaker 1: like work there, and it was just really cool and

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Speaker 1: I'm I don't know, it was like a good feeling.

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Speaker 1: But Amsterdam's pool Morocco's on my list, Highland's on my list.

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Speaker 2: Amsterdam's Amsterdam is one of my three favorite cities on

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Speaker 2: the planet. Actually, Oh, it's.

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Speaker 1: So fun and everyone's so nice and yeah, and it's

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Speaker 1: like people party, but they're not like belligerent, like they

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Speaker 1: know how to like I mean not. I'm not trying

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Speaker 1: to generalize, because there were a couple like weirdo, like

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Speaker 1: you know, uncomfy situations, but uh, for the most part of.

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Speaker 2: It, dick okay, So you're trying to just kind of

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Speaker 2: like run out abroad and do go on like little

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Speaker 2: weird adventures, a.

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Speaker 1: Weird little adventure. And then there's also like another part

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Speaker 1: of this too is it's just like there's so much

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Speaker 1: pressure because now I've been like saving, So I've been

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Speaker 1: doing like sex works for the past like five years

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Speaker 1: just for the fact of saving because like I'm a

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Speaker 1: librarian like by like trade and like you don't really

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Speaker 1: get paid a whole lot. So I've been doing that

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Speaker 1: like on the side to just like try to get

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Speaker 1: more money, and like it's been working, but now I'm

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Speaker 1: just like okay, like I'm so tired of it. And

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Speaker 1: there's such an underbelly of all of that, and like

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Speaker 1: I'm pro sex work, like do your thing, but I

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Speaker 1: feel like there's so much more to it, and I'm like,

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Speaker 1: my like my future is kind of like tinging on

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Speaker 1: all this to work out. And I'm like, if kind

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Speaker 1: of this comes to pass and all of the work

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Speaker 1: I've done will, I don't know, it's just like it'll

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Speaker 1: it'll be heavier. But I know that's like an anxiety

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Speaker 1: like weather situation. So I'm trying not to think about

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Speaker 1: that and like stay positive.

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Speaker 2: But like, yeah, yeah, I see here that you you

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Speaker 2: texted me saying I'm five years into I'm five years

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Speaker 2: into non digital sex work, and I am losing my

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Speaker 2: mind the complexity of the human underbelly. What does that mean?

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I have so many stories. I have so many stories,

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Speaker 1: but like like it's just some It's a whole wide

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Speaker 1: range of clients. A lot of them are like middle age,

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Speaker 1: divorced dads or like older men, and like there's been

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Speaker 1: like really rather really like gross guys or like I

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Speaker 1: don't know, like I'm very sensitive, I guess. And there's

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Speaker 1: this one guy who had this like bigger house and

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Speaker 1: like he would collect all of like people in attendo

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Speaker 1: sixty four and all these devices and stuff, and he

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Speaker 1: was super sweet, but he didn't have a date for

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Speaker 1: like fifty years and he just like didn't know how

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Speaker 1: to date or talk to women, and that was his

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Speaker 1: thing and he was a sweetheart, and I'm just like

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Speaker 1: that broke me. And then there's like other guys that

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Speaker 1: are just like cheating on their wives and I don't know,

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Speaker 1: or they're like or their daughters are the same age

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Speaker 1: as me, and I'm like, this is weird. And I

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Speaker 1: don't know, there's such a huge underbelly of it of

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Speaker 1: just like there's so much that goes into it. I

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Speaker 1: don't don't know.

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Speaker 2: And you said, you've been doing that for five years.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, since covid I was originally on. So I

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Speaker 1: went to like a Christmas party and found out about

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Speaker 1: like foot fetishes. It's like a very long story. And

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Speaker 1: then I was like selling foot pictures. I was like

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Speaker 1: read it and that was kind of fun, and then

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Speaker 1: like I just like moved off of there. And yeah, so,

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Speaker 1: like I said, it's a very long story.

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Speaker 2: But and so we're I mean, were you able to

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Speaker 2: save up what you needed to save up in those

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Speaker 2: five years?

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Speaker 1: Yeah? Yeah, yeah, so I I did I did enough

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Speaker 1: and I set like emergency fund the side and all

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Speaker 1: of that. But now that I'm like looking at I'm

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Speaker 1: just like, okay, like everything needs to work out now,

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Speaker 1: so I'm trying to pip it out of it, and

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Speaker 1: so there's like an extra like heavy weight on it.

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Speaker 1: So I don't know, well, what do.

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Speaker 2: You mean everything needs to work out.

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Speaker 1: Like for moving right, for taking that? Like I don't

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Speaker 1: like what I'm trying to think of what I.

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Speaker 2: Mean, like like what is working out? I mean like

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Speaker 2: you like, are you trying to get a job, Like

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Speaker 2: you're trying to get a job in one of these places.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, And so I'm just like I have like

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Speaker 1: job fair scheduled and stuff. But I feel like if

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Speaker 1: things it's always like the what is it, prepare for

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Speaker 1: the prepare for the worst, hope for the best sort

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Speaker 1: of thing. Yeah. Yeah, So I'm like I wanted to

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Speaker 1: work out, but then in the back of my head,

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Speaker 1: I'm like if it doesn't, then like what was the

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Speaker 1: point of all of this?

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Speaker 2: What was the point of saying And it's not.

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Speaker 1: Just and it's not just with yeah, like doing doing

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Speaker 1: the sex work or saving up or you know, like

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Speaker 1: all of the energy and research and all of it,

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Speaker 1: and like, I don't know, that's like a point of anxiety.

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Speaker 2: Mm hmm hmmm, what was the point of it?

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Speaker 1: Yeah, because like it's just really it's kind of like

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Speaker 1: a relationship where you like, was it sun cost fallacy?

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Speaker 1: Where you put so much of yourself into something and

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Speaker 1: then for whatever reason if like it doesn't work out,

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Speaker 1: then you're I don't know, it's just it's hard.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, but I don't know, man, life is the sun

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Speaker 2: costs fallacy? I mean, what was the point of knowing?

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Speaker 1: My theory with that is like you have to do something.

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Speaker 1: What else are you going to do? Just you have

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Speaker 1: to do something. You have to pick something to do,

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Speaker 1: So I'm like I might as well see the world.

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Speaker 1: And I don't know. And it's also like the sex

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Speaker 1: work too, is just like I don't know, Like I

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Speaker 1: grew up in a very like religious background and so

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Speaker 1: it's just really especially now with like the over I

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Speaker 1: think an oversaturation of sex work like throughout the Internet

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Speaker 1: and in general because of COVID, like people really picked

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Speaker 1: up on it. A lot of sex workers will complain

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Speaker 1: about that because of how obersaturated it is. So it's

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Speaker 1: just like I had a point.

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Speaker 2: As I mean, it's a noble profession. I believe that.

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Speaker 1: Oh yeah, hell yeah yeah.

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Speaker 2: So I don't think you it's not like you uh

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Speaker 2: did I. I I genuinely think that doing sex work.

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Speaker 2: I mean it's more noble of a way of making

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Speaker 2: money than like like buying and selling cryptocurrency.

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Speaker 1: Oh no, I agree. And it's like there's a part

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Speaker 1: of it that's really fun, like really fun, and like

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Speaker 1: I got a lot of like I grew a lot

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Speaker 1: because of it.

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Speaker 2: Mm hmm.

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Speaker 1: But it's also like a double edged thing. And yeah,

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Speaker 1: because I've watched a couple of videos who before. It's

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Speaker 1: just something that like the both sides that it doesn't

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Speaker 1: you're talking about.

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Speaker 2: So I don't know what was the point of anything.

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Speaker 2: I mean, you you you uh you helped people, you

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Speaker 2: uh saved money in an attempt to enrich your own life.

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Speaker 2: You got to You're gonna get to attempt to travel

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Speaker 2: and do these things. It sounds like there were points.

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Speaker 2: It sounds like it has not been a completely vapid

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Speaker 2: experience for you.

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Speaker 1: No, it's just I don't know where to put it at,

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Speaker 1: you know, and also where to put the experience and

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Speaker 1: like it unlocked like a whole new part of myself

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Speaker 1: and also unlock a whole new understanding of like other

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Speaker 1: people and the debating and all of it. So it's

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Speaker 1: just about like processing and like integrating, you know.

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Speaker 4: Mm hmm.

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Speaker 2: Okay, So what what if things were like what what's

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Speaker 2: the vision for things working out perfectly? Like if you

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Speaker 2: wave your magic wand and everything works out perfectly? How's

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Speaker 2: that look? Long?

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Speaker 1: Okay, so long, long, long term goal I want to

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Speaker 1: have And I feel like this. I talk a lot

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Speaker 1: about this too different people, so it might be a

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Speaker 1: little identifying, but whatever. But like the end then goal

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Speaker 1: is I want to have a house with a little

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Speaker 1: covered porch like a little cabin, and it's a wrap

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Speaker 1: around covered porch, and then the front there is a

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Speaker 1: little tiny lake that freezes over in the winter, and

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Speaker 1: there's a little fire pit and you can go swimming

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Speaker 1: in the lake when it's warm outside. And then I

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Speaker 1: want to have a rocking chair in the covered porch,

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Speaker 1: and I want to have a cat in my lap

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Speaker 1: and a cup of tea, and inside I have an

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Speaker 1: Alaskan king bed and refrigerator which have like all the

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Speaker 1: different types of ice in it, like the moon shades

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Speaker 1: ice and the ones with the holes in it and

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Speaker 1: the crushed ice, and I want to have like a

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Speaker 1: little bit of wood so I can go like hiking

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Speaker 1: in and whatnot. And I want to be a little

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Speaker 1: old lady in my roccing chair with my cat and

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Speaker 1: my tea fire blazing. You can hear the ice crackle,

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Speaker 1: the snow for snowfall just falls and then I have

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Speaker 1: a brain aneurism and that's it. Oh and then you

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Speaker 1: die and so yeah, so I'm sorry. I'm trying to

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Speaker 1: like work backwards, all right.

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Speaker 2: You want to make it? Yeah, you want to You

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Speaker 2: want to make it to eighty and die.

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Speaker 1: It depends on the state in my body, right, and

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Speaker 1: then like what's going on because rather eighty is very

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Speaker 1: like I met very young eighty year olds, and I

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Speaker 1: met very like old eighty year olds or seventy year olds, right,

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Speaker 1: so it's like it depends on like how things work out.

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Speaker 1: But I'm like, okay, I need Like a house on

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Speaker 1: a lake is very expensive, right, like unless you're an

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Speaker 1: Airbnb or like generational wealth or something like, it's really

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Speaker 1: hard to come by. But I'm like, does it have

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Speaker 1: to be in the States? Can it be someplace else?

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Speaker 3: Does it?

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Speaker 1: Can it be in cannabis? So I'm trying to go

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Speaker 1: like lake hopping and like see what's up. I don't know.

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Speaker 1: That's like the ultimate goal. But then there's like a

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Speaker 1: bunch of stuff in between.

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Speaker 2: Okay, you want to exist next to a lake. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: I think we can do that. I think it's an

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Speaker 2: achievable goal for you.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, but not like a huge lake, but like enough

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Speaker 1: that I can like swim in it, but not super

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Speaker 1: big that it has made you know what I mean,

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Speaker 1: like not like finger lake lakes.

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Speaker 2: What's your name is, Lily? Yeah, I mean you can

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Speaker 2: go to a lake. You can go sit by a

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Speaker 2: lake right now.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, but like there's no lakes where I live, Like

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Speaker 1: you have to drive to go to a lake. I

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Speaker 1: need to live, like I need a lake community.

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Speaker 2: Okay you don't, Yeah, I mean you can just go

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Speaker 2: to a lake. You don't, yeh You I think hard? No,

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Speaker 2: it's not hard. I feel like you're Yeah, what you

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Speaker 2: just described is not. I mean you want like own it.

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Speaker 2: I guess you're talking about like you want to own

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Speaker 2: a lake house. But uh, I mean here's the thing.

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Speaker 2: Whether you own a lake house or whether you own

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Speaker 2: a lake house or you go to a lake, you're

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Speaker 2: still fucking at the lake.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, been so expensive, That's what I'm saying. I'm like, well,

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Speaker 1: what do you what do I have to do? What's

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Speaker 1: going on? And then there's so much more stuff in

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Speaker 1: between that you know, and there's so many lakes out there.

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Speaker 1: Also lighthouses. That's another one. I want to have a

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Speaker 1: lake and lighthouse hopping.

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Speaker 2: Have you ever been to a lighthouse?

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Speaker 1: I've been to many lighthouses. And also I think I

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Speaker 1: was a sailor in a past life because every time

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Speaker 1: I go to lighthouse and it's like rocky shores and

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Speaker 1: it's like crashing up. I just fucking cry like a

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Speaker 1: little baby, and I think I die at sea.

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Speaker 2: When are you gonna go on your journey to wherever

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Speaker 2: you're going?

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Speaker 1: I don't know. So I'm doing some school stuff and

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Speaker 1: I have to quit my job because it's unpaid by

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Speaker 1: teaching student teaching for three months, which is bullshit, and

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Speaker 1: then I don't know. I have to figure figure it

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Speaker 1: out so hopefully by spring. But if that doesn't work,

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Speaker 1: then I'm probably gonna go West or something like Pacific

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Speaker 1: Northwest is really cool but also very expensive, so I

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Speaker 1: don't know, what's.

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Speaker 2: Your what's your brother think about your life when you

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Speaker 2: talk to him and you're like, oh, you have a

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Speaker 2: this and that and the other thing. I'm doing this.

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Speaker 1: I I don't know if I've ever like talked to

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Speaker 1: him about like a little bit of the jealousy aspects

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Speaker 1: of it. But he's pretty supportive, you know. He's like

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Speaker 1: my older brothers, so we're pretty tight. Like I know

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Speaker 1: you're tight with your sister, So it's kind of like similar, right,

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Speaker 1: that's nice because you like, yeah, yeah, you're like a

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Speaker 1: little kid and like you kind of hate each other.

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Speaker 1: And he was like my first bully and was like

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Speaker 1: the Barby's head is off my doll and like throw

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Speaker 1: them on the roof and like she'd me with this

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Speaker 1: beabie gun. But then I would like beat him up

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Speaker 1: when you want to PlayStation, you know. And then it's

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Speaker 1: like you get older and things change, but you still

386
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Speaker 1: have that like deep connection. And I came out to

387
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Speaker 1: him and he was just like that just makes you cooler,

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Speaker 1: and he's like when can I meet her? And I'm

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Speaker 1: you know, so it's it's it's nice that way. So

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Speaker 1: do you have pretty supportive No, I have like a

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Speaker 1: situation thing. But man, women are hard, like honestly and

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Speaker 1: like a little scary. You know. Sure it's like a

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Speaker 1: little intimate dating, but yeah, and also too, it's like

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Speaker 1: with everything going on, I'm like, I just don't have

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Speaker 1: Like I got on Hinge and went on a couple

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Speaker 1: of dates with girls, and there was one girl I

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Speaker 1: really liked, but like, I just I just don't have

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Speaker 1: the energy your time. And also if I'm like trying

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Speaker 1: to move in six months or whatever, it's not very fair.

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Speaker 2: So I don't know, Well, Lily, I wish you good

401
00:23:29,960 --> 00:23:34,600
Speaker 2: luck on your journeys. I think thank you. I don't

402
00:23:34,640 --> 00:23:37,720
Speaker 2: know what I think I wish. I don't know whether

403
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Speaker 2: I wish I had something motivational. I wish I had

404
00:23:40,080 --> 00:23:41,840
Speaker 2: something motivational to say to you, But.

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Speaker 1: I I don't even know if there's a like a problem.

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00:23:47,880 --> 00:23:51,439
Speaker 1: I'm just afraid all the time, but like not like

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00:23:51,520 --> 00:23:54,399
Speaker 1: I'm just internalizing it and I'm chill about it. But

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00:23:54,440 --> 00:23:56,240
Speaker 1: then like if I think about it too much, I

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Speaker 1: just like panic. But we're five.

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Speaker 2: I think you can get to a lake. I think

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Speaker 2: we can do that for you.

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00:24:05,280 --> 00:24:07,800
Speaker 1: I think so too. I'm just like, where, you know,

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Speaker 1: there's so many of them.

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Speaker 2: Lily, is there anything else you want to say to

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Speaker 2: the people of the computer before we go.

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Speaker 1: There's a good quote that I read in a book

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Speaker 1: that I completely forgot, and it's this is also out

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00:24:24,359 --> 00:24:28,040
Speaker 1: of this also this is also adding myself a little bit.

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Speaker 1: But I think it was like, don't slow dance with

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Speaker 1: your skeletons. And I just really fuck with that.

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00:24:35,160 --> 00:24:37,960
Speaker 2: What don't slow dance with your skeleton? What does that mean?

422
00:24:39,400 --> 00:24:43,120
Speaker 1: Don't slow dance with your skeleton? So like all the

423
00:24:43,160 --> 00:24:46,879
Speaker 1: past stuff, dance with it, but don't hold it that tightly,

424
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Speaker 1: don't like stick and ruminate on it. Let it go

425
00:24:50,840 --> 00:24:53,639
Speaker 1: in a salsa. Do a little salsa. Don't slow dance.

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Speaker 2: Okay, I like that. I'll keep that in mind. Yeah, yeah,

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00:24:59,320 --> 00:25:02,760
Speaker 2: thank you, litt have a good rest of your life.

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Speaker 2: I'm rooting for you. I think you'll I think you'll

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Speaker 2: find your lake.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. And by the way, I'm going to see you

431
00:25:08,720 --> 00:25:09,240
Speaker 1: on the tour in.

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Speaker 2: Then try Oh cool?

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00:25:11,359 --> 00:25:15,400
Speaker 1: Well where yep, I'm trying to go for Pittsburgh.

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Speaker 2: Okay, sick, Okay, I'll be there.

435
00:25:18,359 --> 00:25:21,280
Speaker 1: Yeah cool. I'll introduce myself if you. I don't know

436
00:25:21,280 --> 00:25:23,800
Speaker 1: when tickets get released, but I.

437
00:25:24,440 --> 00:25:27,399
Speaker 2: Actually don't really know either, but sometime in the next

438
00:25:27,440 --> 00:25:31,400
Speaker 2: few months. But but yes, no, if you if you're like, hey,

439
00:25:31,440 --> 00:25:34,680
Speaker 2: I'm the lady who wanted to who did sex work

440
00:25:34,720 --> 00:25:39,040
Speaker 2: and wanted to go to a lake and other other things,

441
00:25:39,280 --> 00:25:46,000
Speaker 2: other things, I will one hundred percent remember. Cool, awesome,

442
00:25:47,040 --> 00:25:48,640
Speaker 2: Thank you, Lily. I'll see around the universe.

443
00:25:49,240 --> 00:25:52,600
Speaker 1: Yeah, take care you too.

444
00:25:53,680 --> 00:25:54,800
Speaker 2: I kind of want to go to a lake. A

445
00:25:54,880 --> 00:25:56,000
Speaker 2: lake sounds nice.

446
00:25:59,520 --> 00:26:00,800
Speaker 5: From Umi?

447
00:26:01,560 --> 00:26:04,720
Speaker 2: Hello, Hello, Hi? What is your name?

448
00:26:05,520 --> 00:26:06,639
Speaker 3: My name is Yumi.

449
00:26:07,000 --> 00:26:10,480
Speaker 2: Where did you get the name Umi from?

450
00:26:10,560 --> 00:26:13,000
Speaker 3: I honestly don't know. Since I was a kid, I

451
00:26:13,600 --> 00:26:17,360
Speaker 3: always liked liked it. My actual name starts with the why.

452
00:26:17,640 --> 00:26:20,320
Speaker 1: So you me.

453
00:26:22,480 --> 00:26:25,359
Speaker 2: Uh you me yum yumie. What's going on with you? Yumi?

454
00:26:25,440 --> 00:26:29,840
Speaker 2: How's life? How's how how are you? How is your existence?

455
00:26:30,240 --> 00:26:32,959
Speaker 2: What's going on? What you want to talk about?

456
00:26:33,560 --> 00:26:34,520
Speaker 1: Well, it's going good.

457
00:26:34,680 --> 00:26:38,040
Speaker 3: I just got to my apartment. I have a little

458
00:26:38,080 --> 00:26:41,320
Speaker 3: cat named Share and she's super cool. Sorry, I'm like

459
00:26:41,400 --> 00:26:49,320
Speaker 3: super nervous, so I'm a little bit hyper ventilating, and well,

460
00:26:49,359 --> 00:26:52,000
Speaker 3: I had a really rough year. I did text in

461
00:26:52,080 --> 00:26:55,960
Speaker 3: quite a few things, but yeah, it was kind of rough.

462
00:26:56,119 --> 00:26:59,800
Speaker 3: Just now barely getting on my feet and stuff, went

463
00:26:59,840 --> 00:27:04,080
Speaker 3: through a crazy breakup and then now I'm just at

464
00:27:04,080 --> 00:27:08,440
Speaker 3: my new apartment after leaving that relationship and never thought

465
00:27:08,480 --> 00:27:10,480
Speaker 3: I would have my own apartment, and now I do

466
00:27:10,760 --> 00:27:11,359
Speaker 3: in the city.

467
00:27:11,440 --> 00:27:12,320
Speaker 4: It's pretty cool.

468
00:27:14,160 --> 00:27:21,679
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, why why was Why was things rough? What

469
00:27:21,880 --> 00:27:24,480
Speaker 2: was bad? It's for you to talk about.

470
00:27:25,800 --> 00:27:29,160
Speaker 3: Uh yeah, I mean whatever. I'm down to talk about whatever.

471
00:27:29,440 --> 00:27:34,159
Speaker 3: Uh So, Yeah, I mean I left that relationship because

472
00:27:34,200 --> 00:27:34,720
Speaker 3: there was.

473
00:27:34,680 --> 00:27:36,880
Speaker 4: Like some abuse going on.

474
00:27:38,960 --> 00:27:44,840
Speaker 3: I have a daughter with him and she's poor, and yeah,

475
00:27:44,840 --> 00:27:49,000
Speaker 3: it's just not a great relationship. I actually, through reading,

476
00:27:49,520 --> 00:27:54,280
Speaker 3: learned that he's the cobt narcissist and so that was

477
00:27:54,359 --> 00:27:56,720
Speaker 3: kind of rough, which I'm still coming to terms with,

478
00:27:57,000 --> 00:27:59,080
Speaker 3: just the fact that there's a lot of these people

479
00:27:59,119 --> 00:28:02,600
Speaker 3: out there that are really bad underneath.

480
00:28:03,480 --> 00:28:07,359
Speaker 2: Well, now, what is it what makes somebody a covert narcissist.

481
00:28:08,320 --> 00:28:11,399
Speaker 3: Well, like an overt narcissist is usually a person that

482
00:28:12,840 --> 00:28:18,960
Speaker 3: they like outwardly are self centered, you know, self interested,

483
00:28:19,200 --> 00:28:23,640
Speaker 3: like screw over others to get ahead, and a covert

484
00:28:24,160 --> 00:28:29,040
Speaker 3: doesn't do that to your face. They do that over time. So,

485
00:28:29,240 --> 00:28:33,560
Speaker 3: like once it got to the point where I was

486
00:28:33,600 --> 00:28:36,280
Speaker 3: doing really good in my career and I think that's

487
00:28:36,280 --> 00:28:39,520
Speaker 3: when he turned and he like started to be like

488
00:28:39,720 --> 00:28:43,080
Speaker 3: a super different person to me. And what it's called

489
00:28:43,120 --> 00:28:45,880
Speaker 3: like the discard phase, where like they start to like

490
00:28:46,680 --> 00:28:49,200
Speaker 3: kind of discard you, but you don't know it because

491
00:28:49,240 --> 00:28:52,800
Speaker 3: it's covert.

492
00:28:53,560 --> 00:28:56,000
Speaker 2: Why DoD, Why was what was it about you doing

493
00:28:56,040 --> 00:28:59,600
Speaker 2: well in your career that you believe made him made

494
00:28:59,680 --> 00:29:00,800
Speaker 2: him want to discard you.

495
00:29:02,840 --> 00:29:06,560
Speaker 3: I think that he was intimidated by it. I think

496
00:29:07,400 --> 00:29:10,520
Speaker 3: since the beginning of the relationship, he was always at

497
00:29:10,560 --> 00:29:15,920
Speaker 3: a better position than I was, and I don't know,

498
00:29:15,960 --> 00:29:19,040
Speaker 3: I think it intimidated him. It made him feel less

499
00:29:19,080 --> 00:29:22,600
Speaker 3: than I work at a law firm that's like very

500
00:29:22,600 --> 00:29:26,560
Speaker 3: well known in the area, and so I think that

501
00:29:26,640 --> 00:29:31,560
Speaker 3: some of that kind of I don't know, I think

502
00:29:31,600 --> 00:29:36,120
Speaker 3: that me being in this good position just maybe intimidated

503
00:29:36,200 --> 00:29:38,560
Speaker 3: him to where he felt threatened.

504
00:29:39,720 --> 00:29:40,440
Speaker 4: Things like that.

505
00:29:40,680 --> 00:29:46,280
Speaker 3: And I don't know. I mean, you know, naurcistists really

506
00:29:46,320 --> 00:29:49,760
Speaker 3: loved power too, so I think that was part of it,

507
00:29:49,840 --> 00:29:52,680
Speaker 3: is where like he felt that he didn't have as

508
00:29:52,760 --> 00:29:56,760
Speaker 3: much power. I was doing well now, making good money

509
00:29:57,760 --> 00:30:01,200
Speaker 3: and so yeah.

510
00:30:01,960 --> 00:30:07,600
Speaker 2: Hmm, okay, and uh, you you have a kid with him?

511
00:30:08,520 --> 00:30:11,280
Speaker 3: Yeah, I was just gonna say I'm literally currently still

512
00:30:11,320 --> 00:30:17,080
Speaker 3: going through Well, it's not custody anymore, it's just child

513
00:30:17,080 --> 00:30:18,040
Speaker 3: support stuff.

514
00:30:20,600 --> 00:30:21,000
Speaker 1: Yeah.

515
00:30:21,040 --> 00:30:22,719
Speaker 4: He uh.

516
00:30:22,840 --> 00:30:26,080
Speaker 3: He's screwed me over in legal hariots too, because I

517
00:30:26,120 --> 00:30:30,760
Speaker 3: can't afford an attorney, and so he, with his attorney

518
00:30:30,800 --> 00:30:35,280
Speaker 3: has screwed me over with you know, stuff like child support.

519
00:30:35,400 --> 00:30:38,360
Speaker 3: And so right now I'm still trying to fight against

520
00:30:38,440 --> 00:30:42,360
Speaker 3: that because of the fact that I'm paying him child

521
00:30:42,360 --> 00:30:46,360
Speaker 3: support because he screwed me over. He ent his attorney

522
00:30:46,400 --> 00:30:48,560
Speaker 3: light to the judge to get.

523
00:30:48,360 --> 00:30:49,400
Speaker 4: Out of child support.

524
00:30:50,400 --> 00:30:51,920
Speaker 2: So where is your kid now?

525
00:30:53,920 --> 00:30:57,440
Speaker 3: She's with him. We do half and half join custody,

526
00:30:57,720 --> 00:31:00,600
Speaker 3: which is another thing. He baptized her without me knowing,

527
00:31:00,640 --> 00:31:04,960
Speaker 3: which is crazy. Oh yeah, like, and that's a thing

528
00:31:04,960 --> 00:31:08,000
Speaker 3: that goes against the joint custody. But in legal matters,

529
00:31:08,040 --> 00:31:10,400
Speaker 3: I mean, how are you gonna really you can't take

530
00:31:10,480 --> 00:31:13,800
Speaker 3: back a baptism or anything, which I'm not against at all,

531
00:31:14,200 --> 00:31:17,080
Speaker 3: but the fact that it was hidden is really messed up.

532
00:31:17,160 --> 00:31:19,200
Speaker 2: You know. So, do you guys at least live in

533
00:31:19,240 --> 00:31:19,960
Speaker 2: the same city?

534
00:31:21,360 --> 00:31:21,640
Speaker 3: Yeah?

535
00:31:21,640 --> 00:31:23,040
Speaker 1: We dom h.

536
00:31:28,320 --> 00:31:31,760
Speaker 2: So you had a kid with this guy, I guess

537
00:31:31,760 --> 00:31:36,840
Speaker 2: I'm I'm very interested. I suppose in like, and because

538
00:31:36,840 --> 00:31:40,000
Speaker 2: it's a fearful thought, and I'm sorry that this happens

539
00:31:40,040 --> 00:31:44,360
Speaker 2: to you. It's a fearful thought that you like kind

540
00:31:44,400 --> 00:31:51,840
Speaker 2: of like trust someone enough to do really big, serious

541
00:31:51,960 --> 00:31:54,880
Speaker 2: life things with them. And I assume you, you know,

542
00:31:55,680 --> 00:31:59,080
Speaker 2: you know, don't do those things like foolishly or quickly

543
00:31:59,120 --> 00:32:03,320
Speaker 2: you do those things. Is even even even if you

544
00:32:03,360 --> 00:32:05,760
Speaker 2: do them over time, even if you do everything right,

545
00:32:06,720 --> 00:32:10,840
Speaker 2: and you you do everything, what would what's the word

546
00:32:11,480 --> 00:32:18,760
Speaker 2: cautiously cautiously optimistically? You could still wind up being like,

547
00:32:19,240 --> 00:32:22,160
Speaker 2: what the fuck? I never I don't think I knew

548
00:32:22,200 --> 00:32:25,200
Speaker 2: this person? Is that? What is that? What you feel

549
00:32:25,200 --> 00:32:29,080
Speaker 2: like happened to you? Or did you feel like there

550
00:32:29,120 --> 00:32:33,360
Speaker 2: you were ignoring like signs of some kind?

551
00:32:35,400 --> 00:32:38,320
Speaker 3: You know, I don't think it was signs per se,

552
00:32:38,480 --> 00:32:41,479
Speaker 3: because at the beginning it was very much like love bombing,

553
00:32:41,520 --> 00:32:45,600
Speaker 3: and that's part of the narcissistic personality to get into

554
00:32:45,680 --> 00:32:48,200
Speaker 3: relationships and things like that, the love.

555
00:32:48,040 --> 00:32:49,040
Speaker 1: Of bombing phase.

556
00:32:49,240 --> 00:32:52,920
Speaker 3: And then just over time I started to realize like

557
00:32:53,560 --> 00:32:57,920
Speaker 3: I'm not being given the you know, love and things

558
00:32:57,960 --> 00:33:02,680
Speaker 3: like that of you know, reallyationship. And then closer to

559
00:33:02,720 --> 00:33:06,520
Speaker 3: the end, it was just kind of in my face,

560
00:33:06,600 --> 00:33:09,320
Speaker 3: where like he just didn't care about my time. He

561
00:33:09,440 --> 00:33:12,960
Speaker 3: thought his own stuff was much more important than me,

562
00:33:13,960 --> 00:33:16,320
Speaker 3: you know, like even when I was giving birth, like

563
00:33:16,840 --> 00:33:21,680
Speaker 3: it was about him. And you know, usually when you

564
00:33:21,880 --> 00:33:24,320
Speaker 3: are your significant others giving birth, you know you want

565
00:33:24,320 --> 00:33:27,160
Speaker 3: to comfort them, you know, pat them, things like that,

566
00:33:27,200 --> 00:33:30,680
Speaker 3: and that just doesn't didn't happen. And so over time

567
00:33:30,840 --> 00:33:33,240
Speaker 3: and then I'm now in a new relationship where I

568
00:33:33,280 --> 00:33:36,960
Speaker 3: do see the actual like love and affection that does

569
00:33:37,040 --> 00:33:41,440
Speaker 3: go into a relationship that just wasn't there before. But

570
00:33:41,680 --> 00:33:44,880
Speaker 3: it is pretty scary because it's like you don't really

571
00:33:45,280 --> 00:33:47,160
Speaker 3: see it because at the beginning and there, it's like

572
00:33:47,280 --> 00:33:49,440
Speaker 3: it's like a lot of love bombing. So it's like,

573
00:33:51,080 --> 00:33:53,480
Speaker 3: do you think that it's going to be that way,

574
00:33:53,560 --> 00:33:56,400
Speaker 3: you know, for years and years to come. But then,

575
00:33:57,600 --> 00:34:00,360
Speaker 3: like for my example, it just felt like at a

576
00:34:00,440 --> 00:34:05,080
Speaker 3: point he just didn't care, you know, to to even

577
00:34:05,160 --> 00:34:07,320
Speaker 3: pretend to be a good partner.

578
00:34:08,880 --> 00:34:10,080
Speaker 2: How long were you with him?

579
00:34:10,080 --> 00:34:10,160
Speaker 4: For?

580
00:34:10,360 --> 00:34:14,440
Speaker 2: Four years? Said? Yeah, I'm sorry, the kid is four

581
00:34:14,520 --> 00:34:16,120
Speaker 2: years old? How long were you with the guy?

582
00:34:17,040 --> 00:34:17,720
Speaker 4: Three years?

583
00:34:17,760 --> 00:34:22,879
Speaker 3: So last year December was when everything started to hit

584
00:34:22,920 --> 00:34:28,799
Speaker 3: the fan. Yeah, it just it went really it went

585
00:34:28,880 --> 00:34:32,960
Speaker 3: downhill pretty quickly. But it all started kind of like

586
00:34:33,360 --> 00:34:38,000
Speaker 3: a few years ago in July. I you know, this

587
00:34:38,080 --> 00:34:41,600
Speaker 3: might be very sensitive, but like I went through an

588
00:34:41,640 --> 00:34:46,000
Speaker 3: abortion and so like he just wasn't there and when

589
00:34:46,000 --> 00:34:48,279
Speaker 3: we talked about it, it just really came down to

590
00:34:48,360 --> 00:34:51,640
Speaker 3: his Catholic guilt about it all, and so he like

591
00:34:52,400 --> 00:34:53,640
Speaker 3: pushed me away as.

592
00:34:53,480 --> 00:34:54,399
Speaker 1: Well because of it.

593
00:34:54,520 --> 00:34:58,640
Speaker 3: So, you know, it just over time, just a lot

594
00:34:58,640 --> 00:35:02,239
Speaker 3: of little things here and there where it's like, you know,

595
00:35:02,280 --> 00:35:05,000
Speaker 3: you don't do those kinds of things to the person

596
00:35:05,040 --> 00:35:07,919
Speaker 3: that you love. And now he's in a new relationship

597
00:35:07,920 --> 00:35:11,200
Speaker 3: with someone that's my girl. And it's because I know

598
00:35:11,320 --> 00:35:15,160
Speaker 3: this because apparently my current boyfriend was in a band

599
00:35:15,200 --> 00:35:18,200
Speaker 3: with her and she was a lead singer. And now

600
00:35:18,320 --> 00:35:26,280
Speaker 3: my current boyfriend had screwed his current girlfriend, which is crazy.

601
00:35:28,640 --> 00:35:32,400
Speaker 2: Huh, where'd you meet your current boyfriend?

602
00:35:33,160 --> 00:35:34,280
Speaker 4: On field? Actually?

603
00:35:34,880 --> 00:35:36,640
Speaker 2: Field? What's going on? On Field?

604
00:35:37,920 --> 00:35:41,759
Speaker 3: It's actually I mean, if you want well, when I

605
00:35:41,800 --> 00:35:44,799
Speaker 3: was looking, I was never intending to be in a relationship,

606
00:35:44,880 --> 00:35:48,399
Speaker 3: and actually, like we talked, I was talking to him

607
00:35:48,440 --> 00:35:51,279
Speaker 3: for months and months until I decided to be in

608
00:35:51,320 --> 00:35:54,479
Speaker 3: a relationship with him. And I mean, if you want

609
00:35:54,560 --> 00:35:56,880
Speaker 3: sex and don't on a relationship, get on field.

610
00:35:58,400 --> 00:36:02,480
Speaker 2: I gotta imagine the people. Yeah, but I gotta imagine

611
00:36:02,520 --> 00:36:07,520
Speaker 2: the like I catta imagine. If you're a woman on

612
00:36:07,560 --> 00:36:12,640
Speaker 2: that website, it's like you have eight hundred trillion messages,

613
00:36:13,160 --> 00:36:15,399
Speaker 2: and if you're a guy, it's probably not. I don't

614
00:36:15,440 --> 00:36:17,640
Speaker 2: I gotta imagine that's it's skewed.

615
00:36:19,719 --> 00:36:20,200
Speaker 5: Mm hmmm.

616
00:36:20,600 --> 00:36:23,080
Speaker 3: Yeah it is, from what I've heard on his end

617
00:36:23,120 --> 00:36:26,359
Speaker 3: of it. Yeah, for me, it was to a point

618
00:36:26,440 --> 00:36:28,879
Speaker 3: kind of overwhelming. And I don't want to sound kind

619
00:36:28,880 --> 00:36:32,080
Speaker 3: of like, I don't know, like a conceited or anything,

620
00:36:32,120 --> 00:36:34,719
Speaker 3: but I mean for a woman, it's pretty overwhelming. The

621
00:36:35,480 --> 00:36:38,560
Speaker 3: dating apps, because I was on quite a few actually

622
00:36:38,680 --> 00:36:41,200
Speaker 3: before I decided to get off of them.

623
00:36:42,200 --> 00:36:44,160
Speaker 2: Was which one was the best? Was it Field?

624
00:36:46,760 --> 00:36:47,120
Speaker 1: Yeah?

625
00:36:47,160 --> 00:36:51,759
Speaker 3: To be honest, I think Field, And I think I

626
00:36:51,840 --> 00:36:55,920
Speaker 3: was on Bumble too, but yeah, Tinder was a lot

627
00:36:55,960 --> 00:37:00,640
Speaker 3: of like flaky men actually, and then I never got

628
00:37:00,640 --> 00:37:01,800
Speaker 3: on the Hinge either.

629
00:37:02,520 --> 00:37:08,279
Speaker 2: Mm hm. So I see of your own apartment now,

630
00:37:08,719 --> 00:37:10,560
Speaker 2: it sounds like life is good. So it sounds like

631
00:37:10,560 --> 00:37:12,839
Speaker 2: life is better for you. It sounds like things are good.

632
00:37:14,040 --> 00:37:14,400
Speaker 1: It is.

633
00:37:15,000 --> 00:37:18,759
Speaker 3: I'm, you know, thankfully there's some break between school, but

634
00:37:18,800 --> 00:37:22,640
Speaker 3: I'm also going to school, and you know last semester.

635
00:37:22,800 --> 00:37:25,200
Speaker 3: This semester, I had a I had my first like

636
00:37:25,360 --> 00:37:28,640
Speaker 3: real panic attack, and I think it had to do

637
00:37:28,719 --> 00:37:32,640
Speaker 3: a lot with adderall, which is why I stopped taking it.

638
00:37:35,200 --> 00:37:41,080
Speaker 2: Yeah what what about like you're just doing doing You're

639
00:37:41,080 --> 00:37:42,080
Speaker 2: doing too much adderall?

640
00:37:43,400 --> 00:37:44,600
Speaker 4: Well I took.

641
00:37:45,600 --> 00:37:48,360
Speaker 3: I think it was it was like an anxiety panic

642
00:37:48,400 --> 00:37:51,440
Speaker 3: attack where it was kind of broad on because I

643
00:37:51,520 --> 00:37:55,560
Speaker 3: smoked some weed. But earlier that day I had taken

644
00:37:55,680 --> 00:37:59,040
Speaker 3: like some adderall because I'm studying, and so I think

645
00:37:59,080 --> 00:38:01,520
Speaker 3: I had a moment of just like panic.

646
00:38:01,360 --> 00:38:06,120
Speaker 1: Which like was the weed really like brought it out?

647
00:38:06,239 --> 00:38:09,399
Speaker 4: I think because it's just I.

648
00:38:09,360 --> 00:38:12,319
Speaker 3: Was already on edge, and I think the weed, which

649
00:38:12,360 --> 00:38:15,680
Speaker 3: I don't usually like, I don't usually get really high,

650
00:38:15,719 --> 00:38:19,279
Speaker 3: but for some reason this hit like really messed with

651
00:38:19,320 --> 00:38:21,799
Speaker 3: me and my boyfriend had to pick me up and

652
00:38:21,920 --> 00:38:24,200
Speaker 3: drive to take me to the hospital.

653
00:38:24,239 --> 00:38:25,200
Speaker 4: It is really scary.

654
00:38:25,760 --> 00:38:33,279
Speaker 2: Yeah wait, you combined weed weed in adderall. I do Yeah,

655
00:38:31,960 --> 00:38:35,200
Speaker 2: I do that all the time. And it's and it's

656
00:38:35,280 --> 00:38:37,880
Speaker 2: I do it all the time. And you want to

657
00:38:37,880 --> 00:38:42,720
Speaker 2: know something crazy, what I do it all the time.

658
00:38:42,800 --> 00:38:49,520
Speaker 2: I do it all the time, and every time it's

659
00:38:49,560 --> 00:38:55,400
Speaker 2: a terrible idea. You would think, and you would think

660
00:38:55,960 --> 00:38:59,240
Speaker 2: that's the weirdest part. You would think after the first

661
00:38:59,280 --> 00:39:03,440
Speaker 2: time of doing it and realizing it's a terrible idea,

662
00:39:04,080 --> 00:39:08,520
Speaker 2: you would not continue to do it all the time.

663
00:39:09,239 --> 00:39:12,759
Speaker 2: But yet it makes perfect sense to me my dumb brain.

664
00:39:12,840 --> 00:39:16,239
Speaker 2: I think this has how a lot of people's brains work. Mind, Like,

665
00:39:16,480 --> 00:39:20,160
Speaker 2: my dumb brain is like, oh, if you smoke weed

666
00:39:21,040 --> 00:39:24,400
Speaker 2: while you're on a stimulant, it's it's like you did nothing.

667
00:39:24,920 --> 00:39:27,040
Speaker 2: You know, It's like a net becomes a net zeal

668
00:39:27,920 --> 00:39:31,239
Speaker 2: it cancels down. But that's the that's the dumbest thing

669
00:39:31,400 --> 00:39:35,120
Speaker 2: of all time that I keep And it's extra dumb

670
00:39:35,160 --> 00:39:36,600
Speaker 2: because I continue to believe it.

671
00:39:38,200 --> 00:39:40,920
Speaker 3: Yeah, and well, I think because you know, weed is

672
00:39:40,960 --> 00:39:42,960
Speaker 3: actually like a sollucinogenic.

673
00:39:43,000 --> 00:39:44,920
Speaker 1: It's not like a down or like alcohol.

674
00:39:45,400 --> 00:39:48,360
Speaker 3: So if I ever feel like on adderall, I'm like

675
00:39:48,440 --> 00:39:50,279
Speaker 3: a little bit too much on the edge, then I'll

676
00:39:50,320 --> 00:39:52,839
Speaker 3: tick like I'll have like a beer or something that

677
00:39:52,880 --> 00:39:55,919
Speaker 3: helps me bring me down. But I think I'm done

678
00:39:55,960 --> 00:39:58,759
Speaker 3: with adderall because my panic attack scared the shit out

679
00:39:58,800 --> 00:40:02,200
Speaker 3: of me, like it was a associative, Like my heart

680
00:40:02,280 --> 00:40:05,440
Speaker 3: was chalenting, like I was in the er with my

681
00:40:05,640 --> 00:40:08,399
Speaker 3: headphones on, trying to like just breathe, and.

682
00:40:08,320 --> 00:40:10,520
Speaker 1: It wouldn't stop until it gave me some.

683
00:40:12,280 --> 00:40:14,359
Speaker 3: Like I don't know, it's the same family as Dan.

684
00:40:14,680 --> 00:40:16,320
Speaker 3: I think it was aut Avant or something.

685
00:40:17,160 --> 00:40:20,960
Speaker 2: Yeah, out events cool, I love drugs.

686
00:40:22,680 --> 00:40:27,480
Speaker 3: Yeah, and yeah, sometimes it's you know, just you know,

687
00:40:27,800 --> 00:40:31,320
Speaker 3: sometimes it's not smart the way that we keep doing

688
00:40:31,360 --> 00:40:34,480
Speaker 3: the thing that we know is not good for us

689
00:40:34,520 --> 00:40:37,120
Speaker 3: to do, which I mean that's me still with weed.

690
00:40:38,600 --> 00:40:43,040
Speaker 2: Uh yeah, no, today I want like since I've been working,

691
00:40:43,040 --> 00:40:45,600
Speaker 2: I've been working on I've just been like working like

692
00:40:46,440 --> 00:40:52,359
Speaker 2: NonStop for like a week, and I like, unlike the

693
00:40:52,480 --> 00:40:56,120
Speaker 2: fucking like fourth day of it, I started like just

694
00:40:56,160 --> 00:40:58,799
Speaker 2: being like I don't want to be like how do

695
00:40:58,840 --> 00:41:00,400
Speaker 2: I how do I how do I make myself like

696
00:41:00,560 --> 00:41:04,040
Speaker 2: not conscious through this work? And I was like, I know,

697
00:41:04,520 --> 00:41:07,520
Speaker 2: I'll it's it's I guess. I was like working on

698
00:41:07,640 --> 00:41:10,960
Speaker 2: all this shit. And then I was like, Okay, let

699
00:41:11,040 --> 00:41:15,960
Speaker 2: me take a vivance so of course I can get

700
00:41:15,960 --> 00:41:18,360
Speaker 2: all this work done, but then also let me smoke

701
00:41:18,400 --> 00:41:20,560
Speaker 2: weed so I can pretend not to be here.

702
00:41:22,760 --> 00:41:25,480
Speaker 3: Yeah. Well, for me, it helps me get unstuck when

703
00:41:25,520 --> 00:41:28,040
Speaker 3: I'm doing like homework and I'm like stuck on a

704
00:41:28,160 --> 00:41:30,640
Speaker 3: sentence or something. I'm like, yeah, let me just smoke

705
00:41:30,680 --> 00:41:34,640
Speaker 3: a little weed. It'll give me some creative juices, maybe

706
00:41:34,680 --> 00:41:38,839
Speaker 3: like switch my mindset, which it has, and I think,

707
00:41:38,920 --> 00:41:41,399
Speaker 3: you know, maybe the adderall. I think it just got

708
00:41:41,440 --> 00:41:43,560
Speaker 3: to a point where it was just maybe doing too much.

709
00:41:44,560 --> 00:41:47,000
Speaker 2: Yeah, I don't all be doing much.

710
00:41:47,040 --> 00:41:50,560
Speaker 3: I mean, like like thirty milligrams a day is what

711
00:41:50,600 --> 00:41:52,560
Speaker 3: I had taken that day, So it was not much

712
00:41:52,600 --> 00:41:58,400
Speaker 3: at all, but yeah started, Yeah, yeah, I started. I

713
00:41:58,600 --> 00:42:01,640
Speaker 3: like five, and like I'm one hundred and twenty pounds,

714
00:42:01,640 --> 00:42:04,040
Speaker 3: so maybe that's something to do with how much I

715
00:42:04,080 --> 00:42:04,640
Speaker 3: can take in.

716
00:42:05,600 --> 00:42:08,200
Speaker 1: But yeah, it was, it was, it is crazy.

717
00:42:09,200 --> 00:42:11,560
Speaker 2: So what's next for your life? Human?

718
00:42:14,040 --> 00:42:23,160
Speaker 3: Well, well, I'm gonna probably keep smoking weed. You know,

719
00:42:24,560 --> 00:42:27,680
Speaker 3: I'm going to be studying for the el sat here soon,

720
00:42:27,760 --> 00:42:31,160
Speaker 3: so I might be going back on at all. He knows.

721
00:42:31,440 --> 00:42:35,720
Speaker 3: And then what else, I guess keep working my butt

722
00:42:35,760 --> 00:42:39,279
Speaker 3: off to nearly pay this rent. I don't know.

723
00:42:41,719 --> 00:42:44,239
Speaker 2: That's life, man, You just gotta pay the rent.

724
00:42:46,800 --> 00:42:50,560
Speaker 1: Yeah.

725
00:42:50,680 --> 00:42:52,640
Speaker 2: Well, I'm sorry all those things happened to you, but

726
00:42:52,680 --> 00:42:54,399
Speaker 2: I'm also glad to hear that it sounds like you're

727
00:42:54,440 --> 00:42:58,360
Speaker 2: doing pretty good. Notwithstanding, Yeah, no.

728
00:42:58,400 --> 00:43:01,760
Speaker 3: I'm doing pretty good. I mean, I definitely recommend reading

729
00:43:02,560 --> 00:43:06,040
Speaker 3: about you know, culvert narcissism and narcissism in general. I

730
00:43:06,080 --> 00:43:08,680
Speaker 3: think that it helps a lot. I think all women

731
00:43:08,760 --> 00:43:14,000
Speaker 3: should read this book called why, like how Why is

732
00:43:14,040 --> 00:43:16,640
Speaker 3: he so angry? Or something like that. I can't remember

733
00:43:16,680 --> 00:43:21,279
Speaker 3: the author, but it basically talks about men and their

734
00:43:21,280 --> 00:43:23,760
Speaker 3: aggression and things like that, and I think women should

735
00:43:24,280 --> 00:43:28,600
Speaker 3: read it just to kind of get those red flags in,

736
00:43:28,719 --> 00:43:31,160
Speaker 3: but also the green flags. I think green flags are

737
00:43:31,440 --> 00:43:33,160
Speaker 3: more important than the red flags.

738
00:43:33,200 --> 00:43:37,400
Speaker 2: Too interesting, Okay, so give us give us the thesis.

739
00:43:37,600 --> 00:43:43,239
Speaker 2: What were the main red flags discussed? And then what

740
00:43:43,280 --> 00:43:46,680
Speaker 2: were the main green flags discussed?

741
00:43:49,680 --> 00:43:56,400
Speaker 3: The puts beyond the spot a little bit, but.

742
00:43:55,120 --> 00:43:57,040
Speaker 2: I mean from what you remember.

743
00:43:58,080 --> 00:44:03,960
Speaker 3: From what our remembers were the red flags, Like, I

744
00:44:04,000 --> 00:44:08,399
Speaker 3: think if they don't put much consideration into what you want,

745
00:44:09,160 --> 00:44:14,319
Speaker 3: especially not considering you know, boundaries are super important, even

746
00:44:14,400 --> 00:44:17,360
Speaker 3: if it's like a small thing like for example, like

747
00:44:17,480 --> 00:44:19,920
Speaker 3: my current boyfriend, I'm like, you can't sleep over tonight

748
00:44:20,160 --> 00:44:22,320
Speaker 3: and you have to put your foot down or else,

749
00:44:22,400 --> 00:44:26,120
Speaker 3: like it'll keep going, and so like I think just

750
00:44:26,760 --> 00:44:31,960
Speaker 3: having that kind of you know, your your own autonomy

751
00:44:31,960 --> 00:44:35,640
Speaker 3: over your your own self without trying, without letting it

752
00:44:36,160 --> 00:44:40,480
Speaker 3: overstep at all, because it just then it's like kind

753
00:44:40,480 --> 00:44:45,799
Speaker 3: of a domino effect where it just keeps happening, and

754
00:44:45,840 --> 00:44:51,080
Speaker 3: then the boundaries are number one, I think, And then

755
00:44:51,360 --> 00:44:55,799
Speaker 3: the green flag is really just I think listening to.

756
00:44:55,760 --> 00:44:56,560
Speaker 4: Your body too.

757
00:44:58,200 --> 00:45:00,960
Speaker 3: You know, it's like your body feels good around this

758
00:45:01,040 --> 00:45:05,080
Speaker 3: person and at peace. That that's very important because another

759
00:45:05,120 --> 00:45:08,640
Speaker 3: red flag is when your body is reacting poorly, like

760
00:45:09,040 --> 00:45:10,680
Speaker 3: I was getting a ton of ut eyes.

761
00:45:11,160 --> 00:45:12,319
Speaker 1: I was getting a ton of ut.

762
00:45:12,320 --> 00:45:17,480
Speaker 3: Ice with my ex, and I think that was when

763
00:45:17,480 --> 00:45:19,120
Speaker 3: I was my head was getting a ton of ut

764
00:45:19,239 --> 00:45:22,200
Speaker 3: eyes and like act me like all the time all

765
00:45:22,280 --> 00:45:25,480
Speaker 3: the time, which is not the case now. And so

766
00:45:25,680 --> 00:45:28,400
Speaker 3: the other green flags, I mean just someone that really

767
00:45:28,640 --> 00:45:33,680
Speaker 3: genuinely wants to know you as a human, not just whatever.

768
00:45:33,880 --> 00:45:37,279
Speaker 3: Want to know you want to know the things that

769
00:45:37,320 --> 00:45:39,000
Speaker 3: would benefit then, you know.

770
00:45:40,640 --> 00:45:46,400
Speaker 2: M Yeah, it's interesting the way you said because when

771
00:45:46,440 --> 00:45:48,520
Speaker 2: you're talking about the body stuff, I kind of interpreted

772
00:45:48,560 --> 00:45:51,360
Speaker 2: that as like a mental like if you like feel

773
00:45:51,360 --> 00:45:55,120
Speaker 2: a sense of like like we if you feel like

774
00:45:55,160 --> 00:45:59,319
Speaker 2: a weird underlying sense of anxiety around them. But you're

775
00:45:59,360 --> 00:46:03,560
Speaker 2: talking about as far as like, uh, physical ailments.

776
00:46:04,600 --> 00:46:08,800
Speaker 3: Yeah, No, definitely physical ailments. I mean because over time,

777
00:46:09,000 --> 00:46:12,320
Speaker 3: you're with this person so much that that anxiety you

778
00:46:13,280 --> 00:46:17,920
Speaker 3: probably already are feeling is probably just a culmination that

779
00:46:17,960 --> 00:46:21,400
Speaker 3: you don't realize, you know. So like the anxiety is

780
00:46:21,440 --> 00:46:24,359
Speaker 3: not something that you can really pinpoint and be like, oh,

781
00:46:24,400 --> 00:46:27,400
Speaker 3: I'm having anxiety when I'm around this person. You can't

782
00:46:27,440 --> 00:46:30,360
Speaker 3: because you're always with this person, you know.

783
00:46:30,560 --> 00:46:31,880
Speaker 1: And so yeah, the.

784
00:46:32,160 --> 00:46:35,920
Speaker 3: Body, the acne and the utiy is like if you're

785
00:46:35,960 --> 00:46:40,279
Speaker 3: not feeling good down there, something's not right because I

786
00:46:40,320 --> 00:46:41,560
Speaker 3: wasn't doing anything different.

787
00:46:42,360 --> 00:46:54,520
Speaker 2: So you know, mhm, what was the uh catalystic incident

788
00:46:55,719 --> 00:46:59,239
Speaker 2: or a catalyst for picking up the book? Was there

789
00:46:59,320 --> 00:47:01,040
Speaker 2: like one thing or was it just like.

790
00:47:03,480 --> 00:47:04,759
Speaker 4: I actually googled it.

791
00:47:04,840 --> 00:47:08,360
Speaker 3: I was at our apartment in my with my daughter

792
00:47:08,400 --> 00:47:08,799
Speaker 3: in bed.

793
00:47:08,880 --> 00:47:12,440
Speaker 1: I was on my phone googling stuff, and I don't know.

794
00:47:12,480 --> 00:47:14,160
Speaker 1: For some reason, never occurred.

795
00:47:13,800 --> 00:47:16,240
Speaker 3: To me that I could have been emotional abuse because

796
00:47:16,239 --> 00:47:19,320
Speaker 3: I felt like I was being abused, but I didn't

797
00:47:19,360 --> 00:47:21,520
Speaker 3: know what it was, and so I started to google it,

798
00:47:21,520 --> 00:47:24,440
Speaker 3: which you know, in hindscho like it does sound like

799
00:47:24,520 --> 00:47:29,680
Speaker 3: something that's like like something that you can already Like

800
00:47:30,160 --> 00:47:33,640
Speaker 3: it doesn't sound like a big revelation thing, but it

801
00:47:33,680 --> 00:47:35,920
Speaker 3: is when you're in a relationship for that long a

802
00:47:35,960 --> 00:47:38,640
Speaker 3: time where you've been emotionally abused for so long that

803
00:47:38,680 --> 00:47:42,120
Speaker 3: you don't really realize that you're being emotionally bion. And

804
00:47:42,160 --> 00:47:45,600
Speaker 3: so I did googling and then saw all the things

805
00:47:45,640 --> 00:47:49,040
Speaker 3: in that googling that he was doing were the same

806
00:47:49,120 --> 00:47:53,680
Speaker 3: things until I started to do a lot of audio.

807
00:47:53,280 --> 00:47:55,760
Speaker 1: Books and buy the books.

808
00:47:55,840 --> 00:47:59,719
Speaker 3: And you know, it was rough because when you're reading it,

809
00:47:59,800 --> 00:48:04,120
Speaker 3: you're like crying because it's like, holy shit, why did

810
00:48:04,120 --> 00:48:06,719
Speaker 3: I not connect the dots?

811
00:48:07,400 --> 00:48:10,560
Speaker 2: Yeah? Yeah, but yeah, I feel like that's how a

812
00:48:10,600 --> 00:48:12,680
Speaker 2: lot of the shit starts as you just start, especially

813
00:48:12,680 --> 00:48:16,120
Speaker 2: nowadays with like AI and everything. Everyone's everyone's always going

814
00:48:16,120 --> 00:48:20,520
Speaker 2: to like chat EPT and Gemini being like, uh, hey,

815
00:48:20,560 --> 00:48:23,480
Speaker 2: is it normal for like my boyfriend to do this,

816
00:48:23,640 --> 00:48:25,839
Speaker 2: my girlfriend to do this, or even if icking going

817
00:48:25,840 --> 00:48:28,279
Speaker 2: to Reddit before that being like is it normal for

818
00:48:28,360 --> 00:48:30,920
Speaker 2: this that and the other? Yeah, you know, and I

819
00:48:31,000 --> 00:48:36,799
Speaker 2: do in a sense believe that have I kind of

820
00:48:37,040 --> 00:48:42,440
Speaker 2: am on the camp of having to ask is your answer,

821
00:48:44,640 --> 00:48:45,400
Speaker 2: especially if.

822
00:48:45,239 --> 00:48:50,839
Speaker 6: You have to ask a lot mm hmm. I mean

823
00:48:50,880 --> 00:48:55,560
Speaker 6: I might be wrong about that, but I mean that's right.

824
00:48:55,600 --> 00:48:58,600
Speaker 3: I mean, when you're starting to the Google like is

825
00:48:58,760 --> 00:49:02,279
Speaker 3: my like, what's wrong with my relationship? Like, it's you know,

826
00:49:02,400 --> 00:49:05,960
Speaker 3: definitely cost for concerns. Although I love chat GIBT, I

827
00:49:06,000 --> 00:49:09,600
Speaker 3: hate how everything everybody hates fucking AI and chat GBT,

828
00:49:09,800 --> 00:49:12,120
Speaker 3: I think it's great. I think it's a great tool

829
00:49:12,160 --> 00:49:15,239
Speaker 3: and people need to you know, jump on the train

830
00:49:15,320 --> 00:49:17,880
Speaker 3: before it leaves them.

831
00:49:18,040 --> 00:49:21,239
Speaker 2: Well. I think I think the thing people enjoy about

832
00:49:21,239 --> 00:49:24,360
Speaker 2: it is that it has some form of like it

833
00:49:24,719 --> 00:49:31,959
Speaker 2: allows you, uh kind of like a free confidential perspective,

834
00:49:32,640 --> 00:49:33,280
Speaker 2: I suppose.

835
00:49:36,360 --> 00:49:38,960
Speaker 3: I mean, I think people should be more concerned about

836
00:49:39,000 --> 00:49:43,759
Speaker 3: the energy that it's consuming and how our electric bill

837
00:49:43,880 --> 00:49:48,280
Speaker 3: is going up because the companies that own the AI

838
00:49:48,600 --> 00:49:51,920
Speaker 3: is not really paying their fair share. But also we

839
00:49:51,960 --> 00:49:55,239
Speaker 3: need to think about nuclear energy as well to kind

840
00:49:55,280 --> 00:49:56,560
Speaker 3: of help that.

841
00:49:57,440 --> 00:50:00,879
Speaker 2: My favorite thing about chatsheep Tea is that I can

842
00:50:00,960 --> 00:50:04,920
Speaker 2: use it to make images of Woody from toy story

843
00:50:05,000 --> 00:50:07,040
Speaker 2: making out with Winnie the Pooh, and then I can

844
00:50:07,080 --> 00:50:08,320
Speaker 2: print them out.

845
00:50:09,120 --> 00:50:13,920
Speaker 3: Oh my gosh, there's a snake and mobbit, there's a

846
00:50:13,920 --> 00:50:18,000
Speaker 3: snake in mind, There's a snake in my poo.

847
00:50:18,760 --> 00:50:21,279
Speaker 2: The snake and my poo. Dude, I wonder if there's

848
00:50:21,280 --> 00:50:23,719
Speaker 2: ever been a porn parody of Winnie the Pooh where, like,

849
00:50:23,800 --> 00:50:25,800
Speaker 2: you know how he's always getting stuck in that hole

850
00:50:26,000 --> 00:50:30,200
Speaker 2: because he's getting his honey. There's gotta be a porn

851
00:50:30,280 --> 00:50:34,120
Speaker 2: parody of like a guy. There's gotta be a gay

852
00:50:34,280 --> 00:50:37,920
Speaker 2: porn parody, or maybe a straight porn parody, maybe like

853
00:50:37,920 --> 00:50:38,320
Speaker 2: a gender.

854
00:50:40,480 --> 00:50:42,360
Speaker 3: Definitely gotta be out there.

855
00:50:42,840 --> 00:50:46,000
Speaker 2: Where he's stuck in the hole because of the honey,

856
00:50:46,080 --> 00:50:48,200
Speaker 2: and then like piglet comes up to him and starts

857
00:50:48,200 --> 00:50:52,080
Speaker 2: sucking him in the ass. I'm gonna all right, I

858
00:50:52,120 --> 00:50:54,560
Speaker 2: got I got in trouble the last time I did this,

859
00:50:54,840 --> 00:50:56,879
Speaker 2: but I don't I don't care. I'm gonna do it again.

860
00:50:56,920 --> 00:51:00,000
Speaker 2: I'm gonna go. I'm gonna can I google this real quick?

861
00:51:00,040 --> 00:51:03,920
Speaker 2: Is that all right? Okay? Hold on, the last time

862
00:51:03,960 --> 00:51:05,800
Speaker 2: I did this, people got pissed off of me. But okay,

863
00:51:06,239 --> 00:51:14,160
Speaker 2: Winnie the Pooh porn parody Winnie the a lot of it.

864
00:51:14,160 --> 00:51:17,000
Speaker 2: It's a lot of a lot of like Hentai, Okay,

865
00:51:17,080 --> 00:51:20,839
Speaker 2: I'm trying to find like a live action one. They're all,

866
00:51:23,440 --> 00:51:30,720
Speaker 2: you know what, there is not a lot askept if Okay,

867
00:51:30,719 --> 00:51:36,800
Speaker 2: I'm gonna you know what, Yeah, let's see. Okay, where

868
00:51:37,200 --> 00:51:44,319
Speaker 2: can I find a live action porn parody of Winnie

869
00:51:44,920 --> 00:51:51,960
Speaker 2: the Poo where he is stuck in his honey hole

870
00:51:52,760 --> 00:51:59,920
Speaker 2: and gets fucked in the ass by piglet? Okay? All right,

871
00:52:00,040 --> 00:52:05,320
Speaker 2: I just used at least three bottles of water. Okay,

872
00:52:05,320 --> 00:52:08,200
Speaker 2: it said I can't help with finding or describing sexually

873
00:52:08,239 --> 00:52:11,120
Speaker 2: explicit content like that, Well, fucking what's the point of view?

874
00:52:11,320 --> 00:52:11,720
Speaker 5: Exactly?

875
00:52:14,600 --> 00:52:16,360
Speaker 2: No, there's nothing on Google. Really, it's a lot of

876
00:52:16,480 --> 00:52:18,320
Speaker 2: there's like Hentai and stuff.

877
00:52:19,280 --> 00:52:21,040
Speaker 1: I think I have to go to the dark web

878
00:52:21,120 --> 00:52:21,400
Speaker 1: for it.

879
00:52:22,440 --> 00:52:24,960
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm gonna download tour Okay, Wait, Winnie the Pooh

880
00:52:24,960 --> 00:52:31,719
Speaker 2: gay porn xxx parody? Okay, No, No, there's nothing like

881
00:52:31,760 --> 00:52:37,840
Speaker 2: what I'm describing here. H all right, I think we should.

882
00:52:40,080 --> 00:52:44,120
Speaker 2: I think I'm what's your name again? Umi?

883
00:52:45,400 --> 00:52:45,640
Speaker 3: Umi?

884
00:52:45,800 --> 00:52:46,000
Speaker 1: Yes?

885
00:52:47,120 --> 00:52:48,319
Speaker 2: Yu mean? Is there anything else you want to say

886
00:52:48,360 --> 00:52:49,640
Speaker 2: to the people of the computer before we go?

887
00:52:52,200 --> 00:52:55,239
Speaker 3: I'm just so happy I got on and I hope

888
00:52:55,239 --> 00:52:57,279
Speaker 3: everybody has happy holidays.

889
00:52:58,840 --> 00:53:01,239
Speaker 2: Uh, thank you, Yumi. Have a good rest of your

890
00:53:01,360 --> 00:53:05,759
Speaker 2: entire life rooting for you, and I'll see you around

891
00:53:05,760 --> 00:53:14,799
Speaker 2: the universe. Man, Marry merry, Christmas Fish. I can't be

892
00:53:14,880 --> 00:53:18,200
Speaker 2: the first one to come up with that idea because

893
00:53:18,280 --> 00:53:21,200
Speaker 2: it's that classic like, oh, step bro, I'm stuck in

894
00:53:21,360 --> 00:53:27,279
Speaker 2: the laundry machine thing. But Winnie the Pooh was doing

895
00:53:27,320 --> 00:53:29,600
Speaker 2: that way before. It was like a porn thing.

896
00:53:31,920 --> 00:53:33,280
Speaker 1: All from Lauren.

897
00:53:34,480 --> 00:53:37,000
Speaker 2: Hello, Hi, what's going on?

898
00:53:37,600 --> 00:53:40,920
Speaker 4: I mean kind of a lot? But what's new with that?

899
00:53:42,640 --> 00:53:43,800
Speaker 2: Have we spoken before?

900
00:53:44,120 --> 00:53:44,440
Speaker 1: We have?

901
00:53:44,520 --> 00:53:44,640
Speaker 3: Not?

902
00:53:45,800 --> 00:53:47,439
Speaker 2: Beautiful? What's your name?

903
00:53:47,840 --> 00:53:49,640
Speaker 4: I've tried to get on for a couple of months now.

904
00:53:49,640 --> 00:53:51,040
Speaker 5: I'm Lauren, Lauren.

905
00:53:51,120 --> 00:53:52,680
Speaker 2: Nice to meet you, Lauren. What's going on with you?

906
00:53:52,719 --> 00:53:54,480
Speaker 2: How's how's how's existing?

907
00:53:56,160 --> 00:53:56,359
Speaker 5: Oh?

908
00:53:56,600 --> 00:53:59,879
Speaker 4: Existing? Is? It's all right? I mean, just got off work,

909
00:54:00,200 --> 00:54:01,200
Speaker 4: hanging out with my cat?

910
00:54:02,920 --> 00:54:07,239
Speaker 2: Very nice, very nice? Would you want to call in

911
00:54:07,239 --> 00:54:08,640
Speaker 2: today about Lauren?

912
00:54:11,080 --> 00:54:14,720
Speaker 4: I feel like I've kind of pigeonholed myself with my career.

913
00:54:14,719 --> 00:54:18,360
Speaker 4: But I'm also very, very young, so it's like, obviously

914
00:54:18,440 --> 00:54:21,520
Speaker 4: I didn't but it's my passion. But at the same time,

915
00:54:21,640 --> 00:54:24,239
Speaker 4: I'm not sure that I want to continue to do it.

916
00:54:24,600 --> 00:54:26,600
Speaker 4: So I'm in a weird stand still with that.

917
00:54:27,800 --> 00:54:31,359
Speaker 5: Uh hold you, I'm nineteen, but.

918
00:54:31,320 --> 00:54:33,720
Speaker 4: I have five years of experience in this career field.

919
00:54:34,239 --> 00:54:35,040
Speaker 2: What is it.

920
00:54:36,480 --> 00:54:37,680
Speaker 4: I'm a cook.

921
00:54:39,120 --> 00:54:42,880
Speaker 2: Okay, what do you want to do?

922
00:54:45,120 --> 00:54:47,359
Speaker 4: Well, this is what I've always wanted to do. And

923
00:54:47,440 --> 00:54:50,320
Speaker 4: I got my first cook job when I was fourteen

924
00:54:50,360 --> 00:54:54,399
Speaker 4: because I started living on my own then. So I've

925
00:54:54,400 --> 00:54:56,480
Speaker 4: always wanted to do this, And I went to culinary school.

926
00:54:56,480 --> 00:54:59,439
Speaker 4: I ended up dropping out because of circumstances and moved

927
00:54:59,480 --> 00:55:04,800
Speaker 4: back home. But yeah, I've always wanted to be a teacher.

928
00:55:04,880 --> 00:55:08,279
Speaker 4: But I don't know if I have the bandwidth to

929
00:55:08,320 --> 00:55:09,600
Speaker 4: deal with children for that long.

930
00:55:10,440 --> 00:55:14,040
Speaker 2: Yeah, and it sounds like it sucks, frankly doing with

931
00:55:14,160 --> 00:55:15,000
Speaker 2: children for that long.

932
00:55:16,360 --> 00:55:16,480
Speaker 5: Uh.

933
00:55:17,360 --> 00:55:19,760
Speaker 2: Okay, what I mean? What's going on in the kitchen

934
00:55:19,800 --> 00:55:22,399
Speaker 2: these days? Is it? Are you in any like are

935
00:55:22,400 --> 00:55:25,080
Speaker 2: you in a lot of Gordon Ramsey situations? Or are

936
00:55:25,120 --> 00:55:29,120
Speaker 2: you just like, is it this is a kitchen too hot?

937
00:55:29,560 --> 00:55:32,080
Speaker 2: Is it? Is it literally you cannot stand the heat

938
00:55:32,160 --> 00:55:34,480
Speaker 2: so you must get out of the kitchen or a

939
00:55:34,520 --> 00:55:35,399
Speaker 2: metaphoric right.

940
00:55:35,360 --> 00:55:40,239
Speaker 4: Bobby Flay style. Well, I don't work in like a

941
00:55:40,320 --> 00:55:44,200
Speaker 4: traditional kitchen, so I'm not in restaurant service. It's like

942
00:55:44,239 --> 00:55:46,960
Speaker 4: a food production company. It's kind of like factor, but

943
00:55:47,040 --> 00:55:54,160
Speaker 4: it's like local mm hmm, so it's not that pressing.

944
00:55:54,320 --> 00:55:55,880
Speaker 4: But the owners got.

945
00:55:55,640 --> 00:55:57,120
Speaker 1: Some issues and it's this whole thing.

946
00:55:57,200 --> 00:55:59,080
Speaker 3: But what can you do?

947
00:55:59,360 --> 00:56:10,640
Speaker 5: I'm just a right, yeah, Well let's see, so you

948
00:56:10,840 --> 00:56:13,520
Speaker 5: want to what did you did you say already what

949
00:56:13,560 --> 00:56:14,720
Speaker 5: you wanted to pivot into.

950
00:56:16,440 --> 00:56:19,400
Speaker 4: I was thinking about teaching, but teaching I really do

951
00:56:19,560 --> 00:56:21,400
Speaker 4: enjoy cooking. It's my passion.

952
00:56:22,000 --> 00:56:24,760
Speaker 2: Okay, why wait? What if you taught cooking?

953
00:56:26,400 --> 00:56:28,600
Speaker 4: That's I've been thinking that. I was like, oh, I

954
00:56:28,600 --> 00:56:33,879
Speaker 4: should just do that. But that's I hated almost every

955
00:56:33,880 --> 00:56:36,040
Speaker 4: single one of my culinary teachers. They're kind of droop.

956
00:56:36,239 --> 00:56:37,760
Speaker 4: So I don't want to be that person.

957
00:56:38,320 --> 00:56:40,400
Speaker 2: You don't have to be. That's a good reason to

958
00:56:40,440 --> 00:56:43,680
Speaker 2: be a culinary teacher. I'm serious. That's a good reason.

959
00:56:43,840 --> 00:56:46,399
Speaker 2: Is if everyone or if you are in a thing

960
00:56:46,440 --> 00:56:48,880
Speaker 2: and you're like, everyone who does this is a fucking asshole,

961
00:56:49,480 --> 00:56:51,319
Speaker 2: it's a good reason to want to do it because

962
00:56:51,360 --> 00:56:53,080
Speaker 2: you're like, oh, I could do it and then not

963
00:56:53,480 --> 00:56:56,919
Speaker 2: be an asshole, right.

964
00:56:57,120 --> 00:56:59,040
Speaker 4: I mean, I just I've always wanted to be a

965
00:56:59,080 --> 00:57:02,760
Speaker 4: teacher or something in that sense where I can talk

966
00:57:02,800 --> 00:57:04,799
Speaker 4: to people and like help them out, because I went

967
00:57:04,840 --> 00:57:07,480
Speaker 4: through a lot when I was younger, so I always

968
00:57:07,520 --> 00:57:10,839
Speaker 4: wanted to help people in that sense because I went

969
00:57:10,840 --> 00:57:13,319
Speaker 4: through it alone, and that was dog shit.

970
00:57:17,960 --> 00:57:25,600
Speaker 2: Well yeah, why were okay, why were your culinary teachers' assholes?

971
00:57:25,640 --> 00:57:26,560
Speaker 2: What was wrong with them?

972
00:57:28,440 --> 00:57:28,760
Speaker 1: Well?

973
00:57:29,240 --> 00:57:31,800
Speaker 4: I went to a school in Utah. I'm originally from

974
00:57:32,640 --> 00:57:35,000
Speaker 4: I grew up in Idaho, and I went down to

975
00:57:35,120 --> 00:57:36,880
Speaker 4: Utah and.

976
00:57:38,320 --> 00:57:38,800
Speaker 1: All of my.

977
00:57:38,800 --> 00:57:41,560
Speaker 4: Classmates were just they had zero experience, and I guess

978
00:57:41,560 --> 00:57:43,600
Speaker 4: that's why you go to school. But they treated me

979
00:57:43,800 --> 00:57:46,360
Speaker 4: like that. And I had already been in this career

980
00:57:46,360 --> 00:57:48,880
Speaker 4: for four years and I didn't really learn anything, and

981
00:57:48,880 --> 00:57:50,480
Speaker 4: they weren't trying to help me. And I was like,

982
00:57:50,480 --> 00:57:53,240
Speaker 4: well this sucks because I just spent all this money

983
00:57:53,240 --> 00:57:55,480
Speaker 4: to go here and I got pretty much nothing out

984
00:57:55,520 --> 00:57:55,760
Speaker 4: of it.

985
00:57:57,840 --> 00:58:01,120
Speaker 2: Okay, wait, but what like they didn't want to help you?

986
00:58:01,240 --> 00:58:05,320
Speaker 2: Like they weren't. It wasn't like them them as a people,

987
00:58:05,640 --> 00:58:08,280
Speaker 2: like like could you, I mean, could you go become

988
00:58:08,360 --> 00:58:10,280
Speaker 2: a culinary teacher person?

989
00:58:12,120 --> 00:58:12,320
Speaker 1: Yeah?

990
00:58:12,360 --> 00:58:16,200
Speaker 4: I probably could. I would need like teaching certifications and

991
00:58:16,240 --> 00:58:21,160
Speaker 4: then finding a place in this really finding somewhere to work.

992
00:58:21,240 --> 00:58:23,880
Speaker 4: And yeah you have to go to like actual college.

993
00:58:23,880 --> 00:58:27,520
Speaker 4: And I've always I've never wanted to go to courge.

994
00:58:28,000 --> 00:58:31,520
Speaker 2: Couldn't you what? I think? You just like a I thought,

995
00:58:31,560 --> 00:58:32,480
Speaker 2: you just need a knife.

996
00:58:35,400 --> 00:58:38,080
Speaker 1: I wish, oh, I would already be doing that if

997
00:58:38,120 --> 00:58:38,920
Speaker 1: that's all I needed.

998
00:58:39,320 --> 00:58:41,880
Speaker 2: Couldn't you Well, I don't know what the it's. It's

999
00:58:41,880 --> 00:58:46,800
Speaker 2: not like you're teaching heart surgery. Can't you just what's

1000
00:58:46,800 --> 00:58:50,280
Speaker 2: the difference this? What is the difference between you have

1001
00:58:50,400 --> 00:58:52,880
Speaker 2: like a knife and you know how to make food

1002
00:58:53,960 --> 00:58:57,280
Speaker 2: and you just go on like Airbnb experience to make

1003
00:58:57,400 --> 00:59:02,240
Speaker 2: fucking cooking classes or whatever? Verse is like an accredation.

1004
00:59:03,560 --> 00:59:05,840
Speaker 2: I think I'm gonna go on a rant if that's

1005
00:59:06,080 --> 00:59:10,160
Speaker 2: Is that okay with you? I think? And I okay?

1006
00:59:10,200 --> 00:59:17,720
Speaker 2: I think accredation is it's a fucked up system, even

1007
00:59:17,760 --> 00:59:18,960
Speaker 2: for doctors.

1008
00:59:19,240 --> 00:59:20,800
Speaker 5: You know, like.

1009
00:59:22,440 --> 00:59:26,360
Speaker 2: Who who gives? Who's who bestows? I don't really mean

1010
00:59:26,440 --> 00:59:31,280
Speaker 2: any of this, but maybe I do the who bestows accredation?

1011
00:59:32,560 --> 00:59:36,600
Speaker 4: Who who makes you qualified to do open heart surgery?

1012
00:59:37,680 --> 00:59:41,840
Speaker 2: Exactly? What? Look if you can do it, Look, if

1013
00:59:41,880 --> 00:59:43,520
Speaker 2: you can do it, you can do it. If you can't,

1014
00:59:43,560 --> 00:59:46,480
Speaker 2: you can't, Right, I don't. I don't need some fucking

1015
00:59:47,240 --> 00:59:50,280
Speaker 2: douchebag to tell me whether or not I can't agree exactly.

1016
00:59:50,440 --> 00:59:53,880
Speaker 2: I'm serious, and listen, I mean I'm actually not serious

1017
00:59:53,960 --> 00:59:55,640
Speaker 2: when it comes to open heart surgery. But I'm a

1018
00:59:55,640 --> 00:59:58,360
Speaker 2: little serious actually, actually no, I'm a little serious when

1019
00:59:58,400 --> 00:59:59,960
Speaker 2: it comes to open heart surgery. Like if there's some

1020
01:00:00,160 --> 01:00:05,320
Speaker 2: kind of like rain a man like I learned how

1021
01:00:05,320 --> 01:00:11,000
Speaker 2: to do surgery on YouTube, guy like, uh, well let

1022
01:00:11,080 --> 01:00:16,320
Speaker 2: him do it. Who cares? You know what? All systems

1023
01:00:16,360 --> 01:00:23,200
Speaker 2: are made up? But I mean especially Yeah, that's why. Yeah,

1024
01:00:23,200 --> 01:00:24,880
Speaker 2: that's why I don't think you should need a degree

1025
01:00:24,880 --> 01:00:26,240
Speaker 2: to be a doctor. I think you just be able

1026
01:00:26,280 --> 01:00:28,480
Speaker 2: to do it. I think if you, I think if

1027
01:00:28,520 --> 01:00:34,800
Speaker 2: you watch YouTube videos about how this stuff works, because

1028
01:00:34,800 --> 01:00:38,920
Speaker 2: the knowledge is objective, the the knowledge is objective. The

1029
01:00:39,040 --> 01:00:45,520
Speaker 2: accredation is the subjective part of it. You know, Like

1030
01:00:45,560 --> 01:00:49,120
Speaker 2: you like you know how to cook things. You could

1031
01:00:49,200 --> 01:00:54,440
Speaker 2: probably teach people how to cook things. Fire makes shit

1032
01:00:54,640 --> 01:00:57,600
Speaker 2: hot enough for you to eat it, whether you have

1033
01:00:58,720 --> 01:01:01,560
Speaker 2: an accredation for something or not. So why don't you

1034
01:01:01,560 --> 01:01:02,600
Speaker 2: just do it? I don't know.

1035
01:01:05,160 --> 01:01:08,480
Speaker 4: Yeah, I mean, like I could teach cooking and not

1036
01:01:08,600 --> 01:01:11,120
Speaker 4: go to like college to get a teaching degree and

1037
01:01:11,160 --> 01:01:13,920
Speaker 4: do that. But it wouldn't be like in a school setting,

1038
01:01:14,240 --> 01:01:17,120
Speaker 4: you know, it would just be like, Hey, I'll come

1039
01:01:17,160 --> 01:01:19,120
Speaker 4: to your house and teach you and your husband how

1040
01:01:19,120 --> 01:01:22,560
Speaker 4: to cook, be strogan Off or something that.

1041
01:01:22,600 --> 01:01:28,560
Speaker 2: Sounds awesome, that sounds great, Well start your own school

1042
01:01:28,760 --> 01:01:31,400
Speaker 2: and then be like, well, fuck you, you're not fucking accredited.

1043
01:01:32,440 --> 01:01:32,960
Speaker 2: What do you know?

1044
01:01:33,600 --> 01:01:36,520
Speaker 4: Right, It's like anyone with a degree, you can't teach your.

1045
01:01:37,040 --> 01:01:38,280
Speaker 2: Yeah, I don't.

1046
01:01:38,600 --> 01:01:38,880
Speaker 1: I don't.

1047
01:01:38,960 --> 01:01:41,680
Speaker 2: I feel like I don't know. It's like it's like,

1048
01:01:41,680 --> 01:01:47,280
Speaker 2: do I need an accredation to microwave chicken nuggets? I

1049
01:01:47,280 --> 01:01:49,240
Speaker 2: hope not, because I've been doing that a lot.

1050
01:01:50,920 --> 01:01:53,480
Speaker 4: I think everyone does. I mean, shit, I'm a cook,

1051
01:01:53,480 --> 01:01:56,760
Speaker 4: and I still I'll be like, hmm, I want some mac.

1052
01:01:57,120 --> 01:02:03,960
Speaker 4: I want some Kraft mac and cheese and chicken nuggets.

1053
01:02:05,200 --> 01:02:09,680
Speaker 2: Yeah, I don't know. I think you should just do.

1054
01:02:09,480 --> 01:02:15,960
Speaker 2: I know that's your name again, Lauren, Lauren, Lauren. I

1055
01:02:16,000 --> 01:02:17,280
Speaker 2: don't know, Lauren. I don't know what you should do

1056
01:02:17,320 --> 01:02:19,800
Speaker 2: with your life. But I don't know what you should

1057
01:02:19,800 --> 01:02:27,040
Speaker 2: do with your life. But I think you should. Uh.

1058
01:02:28,040 --> 01:02:31,440
Speaker 2: I don't think you need permission to, like, you know,

1059
01:02:31,560 --> 01:02:35,600
Speaker 2: teach people how to cook. I know I sound stupid,

1060
01:02:35,600 --> 01:02:37,520
Speaker 2: but I also know that I'm a genius.

1061
01:02:37,600 --> 01:02:43,920
Speaker 4: Yeah no, Well that's.

1062
01:02:41,920 --> 01:02:44,600
Speaker 2: My accredation is that I'm a genius, and that's your

1063
01:02:44,680 --> 01:02:47,400
Speaker 2: fucking accredation too, Lauren.

1064
01:02:48,360 --> 01:02:52,160
Speaker 4: Yeah, I am a teacher at this point. I mean,

1065
01:02:52,240 --> 01:02:54,320
Speaker 4: I'm the sous chef at my company, so I do

1066
01:02:54,480 --> 01:02:57,160
Speaker 4: train all of the new hires, and most of them,

1067
01:02:57,600 --> 01:03:00,000
Speaker 4: like r VP, will just hire randos off the sho

1068
01:03:00,040 --> 01:03:02,040
Speaker 4: street and I have to teach them how to cook.

1069
01:03:02,040 --> 01:03:03,960
Speaker 4: And they've never had a day of experience in their

1070
01:03:04,000 --> 01:03:08,200
Speaker 4: life and farm two for two, so I can't.

1071
01:03:08,520 --> 01:03:13,760
Speaker 2: There we go and that's very soon, I am. That's

1072
01:03:13,920 --> 01:03:17,120
Speaker 2: very very sue. I don't know what sue means. How

1073
01:03:17,120 --> 01:03:17,600
Speaker 2: do you spell that?

1074
01:03:17,720 --> 01:03:18,120
Speaker 5: S o U.

1075
01:03:19,960 --> 01:03:20,840
Speaker 4: S o U?

1076
01:03:21,040 --> 01:03:23,320
Speaker 2: S Seuss.

1077
01:03:25,560 --> 01:03:30,080
Speaker 4: French? The French really messed up the whole culinary.

1078
01:03:30,680 --> 01:03:32,840
Speaker 2: I actually I know a Seuss chef and he makes

1079
01:03:33,000 --> 01:03:36,640
Speaker 2: very good green eggs and ham.

1080
01:03:36,680 --> 01:03:40,760
Speaker 4: Oh I can't say I've ever made green eggs and hands.

1081
01:03:40,760 --> 01:03:42,000
Speaker 1: So never mind.

1082
01:03:42,160 --> 01:03:46,400
Speaker 2: That was That was stupid joke. Oh you wanna hear?

1083
01:03:46,480 --> 01:03:47,640
Speaker 2: You wanna hear? You want to hear a joke I

1084
01:03:47,680 --> 01:03:56,520
Speaker 2: came up with today? Absolutely, Okay, Uh, do you know

1085
01:03:56,600 --> 01:03:58,480
Speaker 2: the movie slum Dog Millionaire?

1086
01:04:00,800 --> 01:04:01,160
Speaker 1: Nope?

1087
01:04:02,040 --> 01:04:07,760
Speaker 2: Yet you're nineteen? Okay, what year were you born? What

1088
01:04:07,880 --> 01:04:08,240
Speaker 2: the fuck?

1089
01:04:09,640 --> 01:04:10,680
Speaker 4: Two thousand and six?

1090
01:04:11,600 --> 01:04:19,040
Speaker 2: Okay, all right, the movie slum Dog Millionaire. It's about

1091
01:04:19,080 --> 01:04:24,760
Speaker 2: a It's about a poor boy from the slums who

1092
01:04:25,120 --> 01:04:31,400
Speaker 2: goes on an incredible journey across the scenic country of

1093
01:04:31,440 --> 01:04:38,720
Speaker 2: India in an emotional, an action packed adventure. And I

1094
01:04:38,760 --> 01:04:42,080
Speaker 2: think that movie is a much better movie than four

1095
01:04:42,160 --> 01:04:46,360
Speaker 2: oh one K Millionaire, which is about a guy sitting

1096
01:04:46,360 --> 01:04:49,120
Speaker 2: at a computer for a very long time.

1097
01:04:51,320 --> 01:04:52,480
Speaker 4: Watching those charts.

1098
01:04:52,600 --> 01:05:00,000
Speaker 2: Man, Okay, I think, uh, I think I'm gonna go.

1099
01:05:00,360 --> 01:05:04,160
Speaker 2: I think I'm gonna go. I'm gonna go punch myself

1100
01:05:04,160 --> 01:05:06,600
Speaker 2: in the face. Lauren, is there anything else you want

1101
01:05:06,600 --> 01:05:10,560
Speaker 2: to say to the people of the computer before we go?

1102
01:05:10,560 --> 01:05:12,240
Speaker 4: Go hug your mom if you have one.

1103
01:05:13,040 --> 01:05:19,480
Speaker 2: That's nice. I like that sentiment. Thank you for saying that. Yeah,

1104
01:05:19,960 --> 01:05:21,680
Speaker 2: good luck, Lauren. I'll see you around the universe.

1105
01:05:22,320 --> 01:05:23,240
Speaker 4: You're around the universe.

1106
01:05:23,320 --> 01:05:27,880
Speaker 1: Gick goes on the line taking your phone calls.

1107
01:05:27,680 --> 01:05:31,320
Speaker 2: Every night, never goes to his se He's teaching you

1108
01:05:31,320 --> 01:05:35,320
Speaker 2: a loud of your life, but he's not really an expert.