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Speaker 1: Am I the a hole for giving all my coworkers

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Speaker 1: different reasons of why missing my fingers?

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Speaker 2: Uh? Oh, I have.

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Speaker 1: Three fingers missing on my dominant hand. It's fine. I

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Speaker 1: can type my I can type and everything, and even

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Speaker 1: manage to tie my shoelaces most days. However, I won't

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Speaker 1: deny that it looks a bit odd to most people.

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Speaker 1: I only have my fourth and fifth fingers, so my

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Speaker 1: hand looks like a childhood drawing of a rabbit, and

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Speaker 1: not a good one my fourth and fifth fingers. But

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Speaker 1: you know what those can do.

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Speaker 2: He do a piece.

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Speaker 1: I'm I'm used to people asking about it, usually after

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Speaker 1: staring for a good minute or two, but I still

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Speaker 1: find it annoying. I really don't get why you'd think

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Speaker 1: it would be okay just ask someone about I wasn't

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Speaker 1: raised in a barn.

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Speaker 2: Usually I nip the question in the.

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Speaker 1: Bud by just explaining the truth from the get go,

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Speaker 1: assuming enough people will gossip about it and that the

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Speaker 1: message will spread by the end of the day. Anyway,

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Speaker 1: I started a new job about a month ago, and

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Speaker 1: I honestly could not face right to the same cycle again.

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Speaker 1: I'm sick of it. I felt the time had come

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Speaker 1: to not play into it anymore and make something out

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Speaker 1: of it. So I decided to make myself laugh.

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Speaker 2: There we go. When the first.

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Speaker 1: Coworker asked about it, I completely lied and told her

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Speaker 1: that I'd chewed them off as a baby, and oh

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Speaker 1: my god, then declined. I then decided to tell the

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Speaker 1: next person who asked that. I then decided to tell

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Speaker 1: the next person who asked that I cut them off

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Speaker 1: with a plastic knife at a picnic, and the next

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Speaker 1: person that I was born with six fingers and they

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Speaker 1: removed too.

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Speaker 2: Many, all genuinely ridiculous reasons.

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Speaker 1: But I'm a good actor, and they basically believed my

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Speaker 1: stupid lives.

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Speaker 2: I didn't expect them to.

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Speaker 1: I mean, a plastic knife through bone.

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Speaker 2: There you go.

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Speaker 1: Maybe they just thought there was no way I'd lied

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Speaker 1: about how I lost my fingers. Anyway, within three days

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Speaker 1: I learned that my co workers have been arguing about

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Speaker 1: the actual reason, and it seems like a lot of

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Speaker 1: them now actively disliked me.

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Speaker 2: For lying to them. Oh my god, I'm probably going.

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Speaker 1: To I'm probably going to have to make some cup

49
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Speaker 1: pick I'm probably going to have to make some cupcakes

50
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Speaker 1: over the weekend with my super cool three D printed

51
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Speaker 1: adaptive wisk to get them back into their good to

52
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Speaker 1: get back into their good books. Anyway, I told this

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Speaker 1: story to my brother and he told me that I

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Speaker 1: was an a hole. So am I the a hole?

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Speaker 3: Dude? If anyone should understand, it's your own brother, because

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Speaker 3: probably like growing up, they would always like he would

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Speaker 3: probably see the people like asking or like he just

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Speaker 3: made fun of them or.

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Speaker 2: Bro, all kids would be brutal for that song.

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Speaker 3: I'm shocked that his I thought it was gonna be like, Oh,

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Speaker 3: all of the coworkers were like.

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Speaker 2: What, why didn't you tell the Drews.

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Speaker 1: I mean, it seems like they are upset though, ye

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Speaker 1: by honestly, Op, Like, seems like this is something that

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Speaker 1: you've been having to deal with for a while, Like

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Speaker 1: you know, let that, let those jokes fly, make some

67
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Speaker 1: fun out of a bad situation and just keep rolling

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Speaker 1: with us.

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Speaker 2: Just let them fly, baby, let go.

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Speaker 3: But if you guys want to share your crazy stories

71
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Speaker 3: like this one, go to our slash Okop show where

72
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Speaker 3: we read your stories. Yes from your beautiful ass, So

73
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Speaker 3: send it in our slash Okop show and we'll read

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Speaker 3: it on the show.

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Speaker 2: This is Okyop.

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Speaker 1: I'm Samuel Donner and I'm John Fry and we read

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Speaker 1: the funniest stories on the internet.

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Speaker 2: Alrighty another Karen.

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Speaker 3: One. Karen assaults me, steals my Christmas gift for my

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Speaker 3: mother and calls me a faith.

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Speaker 1: What that's That's not what you should be doing. No, no, no,

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Speaker 1: none of that, none of that. Cross it off the list.

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Speaker 3: Trying to get out of here, Opie says, I was

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Speaker 3: online shopping this morning when I saw these gorgeous outdoor

85
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Speaker 3: Christmas lights at a really great price for my local store.

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Speaker 2: Oh it's beginning, Lord, like Christmas everywhere. Go take a

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Speaker 2: look at the five and ten.

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Speaker 1: Listening once again, candy canes and silver lens.

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Speaker 3: You know when you when you hear a song, you're like, oh,

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Speaker 3: I totally know the lyrics to that, and then you

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Speaker 3: sing it without any.

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Speaker 2: Support and you're like, I don't know the lyrics. You

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Speaker 2: saved it for us.

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Speaker 1: I barely kneed the lyrics the fifth and ten.

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Speaker 3: That's impressive. And so here's a deal. My mother loves Christmas.

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Speaker 2: Who doesn't. But here's the sad part.

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Speaker 3: She's never had the money or the time to put

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Speaker 3: up any lights, but she's always.

99
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Speaker 2: Longed to have some yeah, so that light.

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Speaker 3: I decided that as an early Christmas present, I would

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Speaker 3: get her some that she could be proud of what

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Speaker 3: it's done, A nice sweet gesture of the op is

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Speaker 3: a woman.

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Speaker 1: Oh I should say woman, good woman, lady, good lady,

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Speaker 1: good good daughter. I love how I got to woman's

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Speaker 1: son before daughter.

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Speaker 3: Listen, people, when you're in ten thousand stories, sometimes you

108
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Speaker 3: don't hit the mark.

109
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Speaker 2: You goo sometimes, And I just now.

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Speaker 3: Opie purchased some great deals online that light up like

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Speaker 3: a reindeer, my mother's favorite, some colorful strike strings, some

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Speaker 3: candy canes, so on and so forth, like she got

113
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Speaker 3: the whole kitten kaboodle here. I ordered them, paid with

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Speaker 3: my credit card, and was actually able to pick them

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Speaker 3: up in the store the same day for less than

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Speaker 3: one hundred dollars, a total steal. Wow, how wonderful is

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Speaker 3: this story so far? And how it won't end like this?

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Speaker 2: Oh?

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Speaker 3: No, when I get there, I see that there's a

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Speaker 3: long line at customer services, So I decided to browse

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Speaker 3: for a bit. I ended up getting another super duper

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Speaker 3: deal on a pair of dripping icicle lights.

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Speaker 1: Oh I won't get one free, dude, Dude, Opie's going

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Speaker 1: a hand stealing deals right or left and right. Not

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Speaker 1: even Black Friday you getting deals.

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Speaker 2: She is a thief of great deals. Oh.

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Speaker 3: I then added a strand of light up garland so

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Speaker 3: she could decorate inside more with the tree. Now I

129
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Speaker 3: know this is a lot, but I made good money

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Speaker 3: from doing remote lab work at my university, and I

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Speaker 3: had saved up enough for tuition, so I decided to

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Speaker 3: spoil my family after a not so great year. So

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Speaker 3: I go to pay it so kind o Opie's it's

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Speaker 3: like truly a beautiful thing.

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Speaker 2: Her mother has never had the time or money.

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Speaker 3: She's getting all these great you know, and just like

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Speaker 3: keeps adding to it, which I love. So it's going

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Speaker 3: to be a very I'm just imagining the most festive

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Speaker 3: outdoor arrangement.

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Speaker 2: Can't wait.

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Speaker 3: I can't wait, right, So I go to pay, and

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Speaker 3: sure enough, the line of customer service is now a

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Speaker 3: lot shorter. I get in line and wait about twenty minutes,

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Speaker 3: and then I'm up at the counter. I present my

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Speaker 3: email proving my purchase, but it takes a bit for

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Speaker 3: the customer service person to scan the QR code as

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Speaker 3: the device.

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Speaker 2: Wasn't reading it correctly.

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Speaker 3: I had no problem with that because hey, things happen. Yeah,

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Speaker 3: but then suddenly my own cart slammed into my side.

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Speaker 2: I am see.

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Speaker 3: It's interesting. So Opie had some strategy here. She had

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Speaker 3: put herself between the cart and the exit. She's read

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Speaker 3: one too many horror stories of people just like grabbing

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Speaker 3: it and running off with it, so she so she

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Speaker 3: did this preemptively.

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Speaker 2: Whoa wait, what happened?

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Speaker 3: So op had read a bunch of stories about how

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Speaker 3: people like, as you're like at the checkout, people just

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Speaker 3: grabbed the cart and run for it.

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Speaker 2: What right?

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Speaker 3: So she had actually before any any bad stuff went down,

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Speaker 3: she had strategically positioned herself so someone.

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Speaker 2: Could She was like in the way of people getting

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Speaker 2: the cart.

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Speaker 3: So interestingly, she was prepared for this disaster to a degree.

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Speaker 2: Oh my god, it's kind of interesting circumstances.

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Speaker 3: So she did this to play it safe, and in

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Speaker 3: theory it actually kind of worked, except for the fact

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Speaker 3: that now that someone had rammed her cart into her,

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Speaker 3: she was in a lot of pain. It rammed into

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Speaker 3: her hip bone and her knee, knocking her onto the

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Speaker 3: floor and almost.

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Speaker 2: Whacking her hand. Oh my god.

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Speaker 3: The crazy lady who did this then tried to run

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Speaker 3: over her with the cart. What so she's down now

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Speaker 3: Op is down on the ground and the assailant is

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Speaker 3: trying to get away with her cart by running.

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Speaker 2: The ridiculous gid you. This show is sponsored by Better

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Speaker 2: Help You Know Same.

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Speaker 3: It seems like this podcast has just become the Internet

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Speaker 3: asking us to fix their problems in their life.

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Speaker 1: Right all Rightah? I mean like, hey, we're happy to

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Speaker 1: do that. We're happy to share some advice. But John,

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Speaker 1: I think we should face the music. We're not professionals.

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Speaker 2: I mean, we're pretty dang good. We are. We are.

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Speaker 1: But if you want to share your thoughts and feelings

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Speaker 1: with a professional, someone who can actually sit down and

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Speaker 1: like solve the problems in your life, there is a

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Speaker 1: place you can go.

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Speaker 3: Yes, the perfect place to go is Better Help. It's

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Speaker 3: online therapy. You could do it in your Jami's. You

193
00:08:35,480 --> 00:08:37,520
Speaker 3: fill out a questionnaire and they match you with an

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Speaker 3: incredible licensed professional who isn't Sam and John. And if

195
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Speaker 3: you don't like to persson your match with same, you

196
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Speaker 3: can switch any time with no extra cost.

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Speaker 1: Hey, that sounds like a deal within deal. So if

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Speaker 1: you want to live a more empowered life, therapy can

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Speaker 1: okop today and get ten percent off your first month.

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Speaker 1: That's Better Help h e LP dot com slash kop.

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Speaker 2: Imagine ridiculous. And then she started screaming, you stupid little faive.

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Speaker 2: This lady was literally trying to steal the car.

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Speaker 1: I feel like this is the the worst heist in history,

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Speaker 1: Like the dumbest heist I've ever seen or heard of.

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Speaker 1: It's like Fast and Furious, but with carts and Karens.

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Speaker 3: Carts and Karen Karens from Universal Studios.

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Speaker 2: That's my car, you bitch. Karen's not have it. It's starring

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Speaker 2: Vin Diesel Fast Karen.

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Speaker 3: No my cart, this is mine. Oh man, that'd be funny.

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Speaker 3: I mean he's already ball so he could don.

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Speaker 2: The wig very easy.

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Speaker 3: So, needless to say, Oh p was super pissed. So

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Speaker 3: she goes and call security and she's screaming at the

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Speaker 3: lady to stop her from trying to get the car.

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Speaker 3: And then guess what happened? What OP is the one

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Speaker 3: that ends up detained? Oh my god, the Karen the

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Speaker 3: security guard detains Op. Yes, that's ridiculous, dude, know who

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Speaker 3: did it attain? This is a Guantanamo Bay situation. Serious

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Speaker 3: freaking lock it up the wrong people.

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Speaker 2: Oh my gosh, it's really not good.

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Speaker 3: So then Op twisted out of the security guard's hold

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Speaker 3: and ripped the receipt out of her pocket to shove

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Speaker 3: it in their face. I have the receipt. You nasty

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Speaker 3: insults got him. We didn't censor that one, OPI did.

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Speaker 3: Now he was startled and steps back and then stares

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Speaker 3: at the receipt. I snap at him that he needs

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Speaker 3: to get a pair of glasses because I have a receipt,

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Speaker 3: and this bitsh does not and calls me straight and

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Speaker 3: furthermore call me a freaking ambulance. Now, at this point,

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Speaker 3: another older security guard, a manager, and a supervisor come over.

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Speaker 3: The older security guard started berating the younger one for

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Speaker 3: jumping to conclusions and detaining me.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 3: Now the manager checks my receipt and oh, wouldn't you

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Speaker 3: know it's all mine?

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Speaker 2: Yeah, j combs that it again.

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Speaker 3: Case solved, And furthermore, Karen has no receipts whatsoever.

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Speaker 2: Boy.

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Speaker 3: Now, of course the lady starts wailing about how I

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Speaker 3: must have stolen a harvest saint, only to have the

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Speaker 3: trio go and get CCTV evidence. Wow, that it is

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Speaker 3: not hers, So they have a receipt. They have the CCTV.

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Speaker 2: Like more evidence do they need?

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Speaker 3: Ow?

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Speaker 2: Much more do we need here? For real?

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Speaker 3: I then have to sit on a bench with all

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Speaker 3: my items. I started to pack up while this crazy

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Speaker 3: Karen was detained. Police and EMTs arrived not too long after,

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Speaker 3: and the EMT started loading me on the stretcher. Turns

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Speaker 3: out my ankles badly twisted, so I wanted to go

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Speaker 3: to a hospital just to be sick. I give my statement,

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Speaker 3: press charges, and then the supervisor comes over to me. Goodness,

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Speaker 3: I'm burping today too many lentils. The supervisor was very

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Speaker 3: apologetic and asks if I want anything from the store

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Speaker 3: for free as compensation for this?

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Speaker 2: Does that give me the whole thing for free?

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Speaker 1: Bro?

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Speaker 3: I'm like, okay, I need a freeze cart man, free.

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Speaker 2: Cart I want I want? You know what I want?

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Speaker 3: If we're going Christmas themed, I want a legit like

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Speaker 3: horror carriage Santa slay Stye, yeah, like giant ones beautiful

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Speaker 3: one thousand dollars minimum.

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Speaker 2: So here's here's what OP told him.

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Speaker 3: All I want is for a the idiot security guard

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Speaker 3: to either be rigorously retrained or fired. He wanted to

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Speaker 3: have her purchases held until she's able to come back,

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Speaker 3: so at least retrieve the items that she came for

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Speaker 3: later because she's being skirted off to the hospital. Here

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Speaker 3: and see the crazy lady, who, by the way, is

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Speaker 3: now screaming, you'll hear from my son.

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Speaker 2: He's a lawyer. Yeah, good luck with that.

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Speaker 3: Okay, that this Karen be banned from the entire chain.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, they agreed to all. They agreed to all the conditions.

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Speaker 2: They were like, this is fair, we'll do it.

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Speaker 3: The security guard who detained me improperly looked horrified, and

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Speaker 3: apparently crazy lady heard that. It went deathly pale and

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Speaker 3: fainted right there.

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Speaker 2: Carriage is straight up fate right now.

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Speaker 1: Whether that was real faint or I feel like it's

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Speaker 1: a fake faint.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, so hey, And now I'm sitting in a high

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Speaker 3: hospital bed, my ankle in a cast, with hip and

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Speaker 3: knee pain, my elbow bruised, and having to call my

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Speaker 3: grandparents to pick me.

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Speaker 1: Up the Christmas gift that you would have wanted. I

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Speaker 1: love how like Opie is coming in with such pure intentions,

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Speaker 1: like I just want to get some lights from my

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Speaker 1: family and Karen comes in like Karen maul bumper cart

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Speaker 1: and freaking bumms into Opie's ankle, breaks it, and that

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Speaker 1: drives to steal everything Like dude, Christmas, we need a

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Speaker 1: Christmas miracle, and the miracle should be that Karen should

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Speaker 1: be smited from the earth. Yes, just control all delete amen,

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Speaker 1: brother oh Man. But if you haven't already subscribe, subscribe.

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Speaker 2: That button and we see you next time. See you soon.