WEBVTT -  I Choose...Making The Time For Myself with Heather Dubrow

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<v Speaker 1>You're listening to I Choose Me with Jenny Garth.

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<v Speaker 2>Hey, everybody, welcome to I Choose Me. This podcast is

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<v Speaker 2>all about the choices we make and where they lead us.

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<v Speaker 2>My guest today is pretty much incredible, a reality TV icon,

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<v Speaker 2>an entrepreneur, an actress, a mother, a wife, a voice

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<v Speaker 2>of reason to so many, and an advocate for the

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<v Speaker 2>LGBTQ plus community, which is amazing. You know her from

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<v Speaker 2>multiple seasons of the Real Housewives of Orange County and

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<v Speaker 2>our podcast Let's Talk with Heather Dubro.

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<v Speaker 1>Here she is in front of me. Let's talk Heather Dubro.

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<v Speaker 1>I just did your podcast. Yes, it was amazing, loved

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<v Speaker 1>having you.

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<v Speaker 2>If you guys didn't hear it, go over and check

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<v Speaker 2>it out on Let's Talk with Heather Deubra.

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<v Speaker 1>But do you say DEBRAU to b This is why

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<v Speaker 1>they took me. When Terry and I got married, it

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<v Speaker 1>took me like fifteen years to change my name because

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<v Speaker 1>my name was Heather Page Can. It's a good name,

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<v Speaker 1>that's a great and it's not even a stage. That

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<v Speaker 1>was my name either. Page can't Ether Page Can and

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<v Speaker 1>I meet Terry and we get married, and it looks

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<v Speaker 1>the way it's spelled it looks like dubrow, like eyebrow,

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<v Speaker 1>and I hated that, so I said, down, my go,

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<v Speaker 1>if you change the spelling to like d u b

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<v Speaker 1>r e a u X like du bleau, I'm totally in.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah he would know. So it took me like fifteen years.

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<v Speaker 1>Then I finally changed it.

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<v Speaker 2>Well, I like it dubro dubro yes, like hey bro, heybro. Yeah,

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<v Speaker 2>the spelling really does throw me every time.

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<v Speaker 1>I lo, that's okay.

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<v Speaker 2>We were talking so much and we had such a

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<v Speaker 2>great conversation, so definitely check that out. But I realized

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<v Speaker 2>I came here thinking, oh, I'm so excited to meet her,

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<v Speaker 2>to get to know her. It's not the first time

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<v Speaker 2>that we've met, so embarrassing for me.

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<v Speaker 1>Correct it was a long time, but I appreciate that.

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<v Speaker 2>You're not mad at me about it, and now you're like,

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<v Speaker 2>you'll just tell me and remind me.

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<v Speaker 1>And now now I remember, Yes, we go way back, yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>way back, like almost twenty years. It's so good. It's

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<v Speaker 1>so good. And I did learn.

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<v Speaker 2>I feel much closer to you now because we never

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<v Speaker 2>sat down and had these kinds of definitely these amazing talks.

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<v Speaker 1>So I'm really.

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<v Speaker 2>Excited to be able to do that today with you

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<v Speaker 2>and getting to know you. I love the woman that

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<v Speaker 2>you are. You're You're inspirational, You're what you're doing with

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<v Speaker 2>your platform and as an entrepreneur things that you're doing.

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<v Speaker 2>You have your own fashion line. You've done amazing stuff

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<v Speaker 2>with your husband too, which I love. I've always wanted

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<v Speaker 2>to do work with my husband. He's in the restaurant world.

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<v Speaker 2>So it's not really Yeah.

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<v Speaker 1>So you don't have anything. Well, it's funny. I thought

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<v Speaker 1>I married a doctor. I didn't. Really, I married like

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<v Speaker 1>a TV star. It wasn't on my Bengo card, but

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<v Speaker 1>I created I'd say he's my Frankenstein, I say sometimes.

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<v Speaker 1>But you know his show Botch was really born out

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<v Speaker 1>of Housewives really well, I mean yeah, kind of because

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<v Speaker 1>he and Paul Nassif, who's ex wife was on Beverly

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<v Speaker 1>Hills Housewives, and we've known them since before they got

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<v Speaker 1>married a long time, so you know, that's really how

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<v Speaker 1>that was born. So what that platform has done for

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<v Speaker 1>us is you know huge.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, can I say something and you won't get mad

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<v Speaker 2>at me? No, I've never watched really anywhere, yeh, don't.

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<v Speaker 2>It's embarrassing to say at this point, because it's it's

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<v Speaker 2>a monster.

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<v Speaker 1>It's everywhere, It's everywhere, and I have such.

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<v Speaker 2>Profound appreciation for it because I understand what it takes

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<v Speaker 2>and the women, so many of the women on it

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<v Speaker 2>are just bad ass, amazing women. But I've never watched

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<v Speaker 2>an episode.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, so I watched like the first season of Beverly

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<v Speaker 1>Hills because we knew Paul and Adrian, and I was like, oh, like,

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<v Speaker 1>you know, let's watch them. So we watched like the

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<v Speaker 1>first season, I think, and that was it. And then

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<v Speaker 1>when I joined Orange County, I had never seen Orange County.

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<v Speaker 1>I knew nothing about it. And so was that the

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<v Speaker 1>second iteration of it? It was the first Orange County

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<v Speaker 1>to the original it is. Yeah, this will be the

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<v Speaker 1>nineteenth season of Orange County Housewives. Wow is that crazy?

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<v Speaker 1>And I started the show when my youngest was nine

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<v Speaker 1>months old and he just turned fourteen. You are a

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<v Speaker 1>completely different person when you started, completely different. But I

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<v Speaker 1>was on it and then I left and then I

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<v Speaker 1>came back. Okay, why did you leave? I left because

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<v Speaker 1>it had just changed and my kids were at an

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<v Speaker 1>age where, you know, it's like sort of an awkward

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<v Speaker 1>stage and just the universe. I've become really good at

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<v Speaker 1>listening to the universe when they're telling me yes or no,

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<v Speaker 1>because when I haven't listened, it hasn't gone well. And

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<v Speaker 1>it was really time to go. So I left, and

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<v Speaker 1>I left for four seasons, but with the pandemic it

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<v Speaker 1>turned into five years. So when I went back to

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<v Speaker 1>the show, it was literally ten years from the date

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<v Speaker 1>I joined, which was, yes, a decade later, completely different person.

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<v Speaker 1>But I came back to the show because I really

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<v Speaker 1>thought I could use the platform to start conversations in

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<v Speaker 1>other people's families. Because we have four kids, there are

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<v Speaker 1>different genders, different sexualities, and all with things. And I

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<v Speaker 1>got so many messages from kids and parents, some really

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<v Speaker 1>wonderful and some so tragic of things that had happened

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<v Speaker 1>in their families. And I thought, Okay, if we just

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<v Speaker 1>put our incredibly normal family, people have something to model,

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<v Speaker 1>they have something to look at.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, you just did an interview, I think with today

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<v Speaker 2>dot com about the diversity within your own family and

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<v Speaker 2>what an impact that has had on so many by

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<v Speaker 2>you just talking about it.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, and even just being there. So I had a

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<v Speaker 1>friend in high school that I was friendly with. We

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<v Speaker 1>weren't like great friends. We were friendly, and we've become

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<v Speaker 1>very good friends later in life. And this friend told

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<v Speaker 1>me that they, well, they're gay. And they told me

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<v Speaker 1>that they didn't understand being gay when we were in

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<v Speaker 1>high school because they didn't have any role models on

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<v Speaker 1>TV or in movies, nothing to look at. And they

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<v Speaker 1>told me that they had decided that by the time

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<v Speaker 1>they were a senior, if things had gotten better for them,

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<v Speaker 1>they were going to take their own lives. And I

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<v Speaker 1>never would have thought in a million years that this

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<v Speaker 1>incredibly confident person that I knew and now know would

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<v Speaker 1>have ever felt that way. But it's because they just

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<v Speaker 1>didn't have anything to say. This is who you are,

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<v Speaker 1>it's okay, it's okay. And so I thought, I don't

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<v Speaker 1>have to get on a soapbox. I don't have to

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<v Speaker 1>use my children as storylines. I don't have to tell

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<v Speaker 1>their stories for them. I don't have to do anything.

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<v Speaker 1>We just have to be be who you are, authentic. Yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>and that helps people, and it does. And I've been

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<v Speaker 1>able to do things on the show, like through an

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<v Speaker 1>event last year on the show for family equality and

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<v Speaker 1>presented at the GLAD Awards this year. We're doing something

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<v Speaker 1>with the Trevor Project and being able to do that

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<v Speaker 1>kind of thing and using the platform for that is amazing. Yeah.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, I've heard other women say that too, that it's

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<v Speaker 2>because of the platform that they were able to.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, and there's nothing wrong with using the platform for fame, fortune,

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<v Speaker 1>you know, whatever floats your boat, Like, that's totally fine.

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<v Speaker 1>But me coming back into this situation, that's what it's

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<v Speaker 1>been for me.

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<v Speaker 2>I think that's such a brave choice, but not so

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<v Speaker 2>much brave because it's just your family.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, And I just I feel like I've been given

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<v Speaker 1>these kids for a reason. We were talking before on

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<v Speaker 1>my podcast, like I didn't or maybe it was even

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<v Speaker 1>before we started recording, you know, I started late. I

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<v Speaker 1>didn't know we'd have four kids. And it's just interesting

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<v Speaker 1>what life gives you. And then you think, why.

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<v Speaker 2>Tell me about that though, Tell me about you were

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<v Speaker 2>an actress full time, that was your jam, you were

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<v Speaker 2>doing it, you were killing it, you'd been doing a

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<v Speaker 2>lot of work, and then you had a baby.

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<v Speaker 1>So I yes. So my last show was a show

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<v Speaker 1>called That's Life. It was on CBS. I started the

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<v Speaker 1>show and it was like one of the shows you

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<v Speaker 1>and I were talking about, which is seventeen hours on set.

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<v Speaker 1>You're up at three thirty in the morning. There's no

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<v Speaker 1>social life. Xhausted. And I loved every second of it,

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<v Speaker 1>every second. And that show got canceled and I was

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<v Speaker 1>in pilot season and figuring it out. You know, We've

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<v Speaker 1>been trying to get pregnant. We had infertility and whatever,

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<v Speaker 1>and I was like, I need a break after going

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<v Speaker 1>to the fertility doctor and doing all the things. How

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<v Speaker 1>old are you thirty four? Okay, right? And so I

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<v Speaker 1>took a little break and then we were like, fuck it,

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<v Speaker 1>let's we're gonna do. We have to do IVF. That

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<v Speaker 1>was the next step that they told us, because we

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<v Speaker 1>had done all these you know, I UIs and all

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<v Speaker 1>these other things whatever. So I put it off and

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<v Speaker 1>then finally I go, let's do it. And of course

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<v Speaker 1>the day I schedule, you know, to have my embryos

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<v Speaker 1>and my eggs extracted, I think for the IVF, I

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<v Speaker 1>get a network test and I literally went to the

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<v Speaker 1>procedure in the morning, anesthesia not fun. Woke up from

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<v Speaker 1>the anesthesia, took a few hours at home, put on

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<v Speaker 1>my makeup, had a driver because I wasn't gonna drive,

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<v Speaker 1>and went to the network test, did not get the part.

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<v Speaker 1>I would like to tell you it's not a great ending.

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<v Speaker 1>But the great ending is I got pregnant. So yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>that took. And you know, it's funny because sometimes you

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<v Speaker 1>don't even know what to wish for, you know, like

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<v Speaker 1>you want the part, I want the baby, but you

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<v Speaker 1>were really keeping things open. You were like, yeah, see

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<v Speaker 1>what happens, let's roll the dice. And so I ended

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<v Speaker 1>up getting pregnant with twins. Oh yeah, And I got

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<v Speaker 1>pregnant with the twins, and we were living in LA

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<v Speaker 1>and you know, the rest is sort of history.

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<v Speaker 2>I love that you are very honest, You're a very

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<v Speaker 2>straight shooter, and you have good advice, Like I've already

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<v Speaker 2>had things that I'm going to go and check out

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<v Speaker 2>that we talked about. Well, what did we talked about earlier?

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<v Speaker 2>Not unpacking your suitcase right in a hotel room.

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<v Speaker 1>Yes, well, you have to be careful of the upholstery

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<v Speaker 1>because of bed books. Yes, got to watch for the

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<v Speaker 1>bed books. That is just so gross, and but it's

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<v Speaker 1>it's so gross. But we had bedbugs. Want a small

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<v Speaker 1>is what happened? We were we had just moved into

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<v Speaker 1>this house and I had this beautiful headboard made by

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<v Speaker 1>a local upholsterer from my daughter who was three, and

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<v Speaker 1>it was this pink, beautiful upholstered headboard with diamonds in it.

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<v Speaker 1>It was so cute and it was a local person

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<v Speaker 1>and I just said, hey, I bought the fabrics. I

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<v Speaker 1>don't know. That room came together last for some reason,

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<v Speaker 1>and I guess he made it in his little ware. Anyway,

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<v Speaker 1>there were bed bugs because my little cute girl, with

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<v Speaker 1>her little chubby cheeks, she'd wake up in the morning

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<v Speaker 1>and have all these bites on her face. And I

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<v Speaker 1>was like, what is going on? And then of course

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<v Speaker 1>we're looking it up. I'm looking it up, and if

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<v Speaker 1>they're in a line, they say it's bed bugs. And

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<v Speaker 1>now I'm freaking out because if you look to see

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<v Speaker 1>how you have to get rid of bed bugs, you

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<v Speaker 1>might as well just burn everything and leave. It's just

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<v Speaker 1>it's a disaster. So I call this company that someone

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<v Speaker 1>told me to call, and there's a dog that they

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<v Speaker 1>have come to your house to sniff out the bed bugs. Okay,

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<v Speaker 1>So I'm like, all right, So I call the place

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<v Speaker 1>and they and I'm expecting like a doberman, like some

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<v Speaker 1>big gnarly bug seeking thing. I open the door and

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<v Speaker 1>it is I am not kidding a poodle. It is

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<v Speaker 1>a small poodle.

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<v Speaker 2>That is.

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<v Speaker 1>And the person with the lesion, I'm like, really, it's

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<v Speaker 1>a poodle. Poodles go all right? So they bring the

0:11:29.840 --> 0:11:33.000
<v Speaker 1>dog in the house, and the dog they bring him upstairs.

0:11:33.000 --> 0:11:36.400
<v Speaker 1>The dog is upstairs, immediately goes to the headboard, to

0:11:36.440 --> 0:11:39.320
<v Speaker 1>the headboard, starts stiffing around. They take the headboard out,

0:11:39.520 --> 0:11:41.920
<v Speaker 1>they take it out to their truck. They slice it

0:11:41.960 --> 0:11:45.720
<v Speaker 1>open and there's bedbugs. So now they take the dog

0:11:45.840 --> 0:11:48.400
<v Speaker 1>back up to the room and the dog doesn't find anything.

0:11:49.160 --> 0:11:51.680
<v Speaker 1>Because I'm like, do I take the mattress out? Do

0:11:51.760 --> 0:11:53.240
<v Speaker 1>I call the guy? What happened?

0:11:53.800 --> 0:11:53.880
<v Speaker 2>No?

0:11:53.960 --> 0:11:57.240
<v Speaker 1>I just never used him again. I would think you

0:11:57.280 --> 0:11:59.240
<v Speaker 1>would have at least called him. And I think he

0:11:59.320 --> 0:12:02.360
<v Speaker 1>knows he has been bugs. How does he not know

0:12:02.520 --> 0:12:07.200
<v Speaker 1>he's infested with bed bugs? It was so gross, It

0:12:07.280 --> 0:12:09.640
<v Speaker 1>was so disgusting. But anyways, that sounds or disgusted. I

0:12:09.640 --> 0:12:11.040
<v Speaker 1>had to get her a new headboard, but I did.

0:12:17.440 --> 0:12:18.960
<v Speaker 2>I want to ask you a question, what is the

0:12:18.960 --> 0:12:22.440
<v Speaker 2>best advice you've ever been given? Oh, that's a big question.

0:12:22.520 --> 0:12:27.840
<v Speaker 1>I know that is a big question the best advice,

0:12:28.600 --> 0:12:34.080
<v Speaker 1>I mean, there's different categories of advice. I think. I

0:12:34.120 --> 0:12:37.160
<v Speaker 1>think one thing that sticks out in my mind is

0:12:37.200 --> 0:12:41.880
<v Speaker 1>that my mom told me, well, two things. My mom

0:12:41.960 --> 0:12:43.840
<v Speaker 1>told me two things that I thought were very very good.

0:12:43.880 --> 0:12:46.360
<v Speaker 1>One was be careful who you date because you can

0:12:46.400 --> 0:12:50.040
<v Speaker 1>fall in love with anyone. Okay, good advice, which really

0:12:50.080 --> 0:12:52.920
<v Speaker 1>is good advice because you know what, like all humans

0:12:52.960 --> 0:12:55.920
<v Speaker 1>have beautiful qualities, and yeah, you can find all the

0:12:55.920 --> 0:12:58.960
<v Speaker 1>good qualities. Yeah, and you can look yes, yeah. And

0:12:59.160 --> 0:13:02.079
<v Speaker 1>when you if you have a life, pat you have

0:13:02.280 --> 0:13:06.400
<v Speaker 1>things in your life that are important to you, and like, like,

0:13:06.600 --> 0:13:08.040
<v Speaker 1>all right, just off the top of my head, you

0:13:08.080 --> 0:13:11.280
<v Speaker 1>want children, right, and you meet someone who absolutely does

0:13:11.360 --> 0:13:14.200
<v Speaker 1>not want children, you should not date that person. That

0:13:14.320 --> 0:13:16.800
<v Speaker 1>is a red flag because you will never convince this

0:13:16.880 --> 0:13:20.280
<v Speaker 1>person to have children. It'll never be harmonious. No, no,

0:13:20.400 --> 0:13:22.800
<v Speaker 1>you can't do that, So be careful who you do. Okay, good,

0:13:22.840 --> 0:13:26.080
<v Speaker 1>That was that's number one, right, And then number two,

0:13:26.480 --> 0:13:28.400
<v Speaker 1>and this one I think is very very important is

0:13:28.440 --> 0:13:32.680
<v Speaker 1>to have friends of all ages and all stages of life.

0:13:33.520 --> 0:13:37.480
<v Speaker 1>Because you know, when you're younger, obviously you're friends with

0:13:37.559 --> 0:13:41.840
<v Speaker 1>people your age. It's developmental when you're super young. It's

0:13:42.720 --> 0:13:44.079
<v Speaker 1>I can't think of the word I'm trying to look

0:13:44.120 --> 0:13:45.640
<v Speaker 1>for right now. But it's like, you know, you're in

0:13:45.679 --> 0:13:48.640
<v Speaker 1>a certain grade of school when you're older, or a

0:13:48.679 --> 0:13:51.800
<v Speaker 1>certain you know, a part of your life where you're

0:13:51.840 --> 0:13:55.200
<v Speaker 1>in college, so you're friends with college people, or you've

0:13:55.280 --> 0:13:58.439
<v Speaker 1>just you know, you're graduated, and your bubble can get

0:13:58.440 --> 0:14:02.240
<v Speaker 1>really too small. Yeah. And it's funny because I remember

0:14:02.520 --> 0:14:05.360
<v Speaker 1>when I was younger saying to my mom, Oh my gosh,

0:14:05.440 --> 0:14:08.480
<v Speaker 1>your friends, that couple that your friends with there so old,

0:14:08.640 --> 0:14:11.080
<v Speaker 1>Like why are you friends with them? And she said

0:14:11.080 --> 0:14:14.319
<v Speaker 1>to me, no, it's so good. They have a different perspective.

0:14:14.880 --> 0:14:18.160
<v Speaker 1>And so I have always made sure I have people

0:14:18.200 --> 0:14:21.760
<v Speaker 1>in my life that are older and that are younger.

0:14:21.880 --> 0:14:24.240
<v Speaker 1>I was, you know, recently when we moved back to

0:14:24.360 --> 0:14:26.560
<v Speaker 1>la you know, we were talking about going back to

0:14:26.560 --> 0:14:29.000
<v Speaker 1>scripted work, you and I recently, which I really do

0:14:29.080 --> 0:14:32.680
<v Speaker 1>want to do my own terms, as we both discussed,

0:14:32.680 --> 0:14:34.760
<v Speaker 1>and what makes sense for my life now. So I

0:14:34.880 --> 0:14:37.680
<v Speaker 1>joined the Groundlings, and I audition to the Groundlings, got

0:14:37.680 --> 0:14:39.680
<v Speaker 1>in and started taking class with the Groundlings. Oh my gosh,

0:14:39.760 --> 0:14:44.040
<v Speaker 1>you're so brave. You should do with me. Wow, I

0:14:44.040 --> 0:14:46.840
<v Speaker 1>can't even answer that. No, you should come take a class. Okay, wait,

0:14:46.920 --> 0:14:48.960
<v Speaker 1>just tell me what it's like first. It's I'm gonna

0:14:49.000 --> 0:14:50.360
<v Speaker 1>get back to that a second. But here's what I'm

0:14:50.360 --> 0:14:52.120
<v Speaker 1>going to tell you. I took the Groundings, and I

0:14:52.120 --> 0:14:54.240
<v Speaker 1>did it with a girlfriend of mine, also an actress.

0:14:54.320 --> 0:14:56.400
<v Speaker 1>You might hurt, but my friend Dina, who we've been

0:14:56.400 --> 0:14:58.800
<v Speaker 1>friends for a million years, and not only do we

0:14:58.800 --> 0:15:01.360
<v Speaker 1>have the best time, it was all I call them kids.

0:15:01.400 --> 0:15:03.640
<v Speaker 1>They were all the kids in the class. They were kids,

0:15:03.840 --> 0:15:06.840
<v Speaker 1>and they were great, and we'd go out with them,

0:15:06.920 --> 0:15:09.600
<v Speaker 1>we had dinners with them, we'd go to drinks. We'd

0:15:09.640 --> 0:15:12.040
<v Speaker 1>be like we were joking, like smoking a cigarette, like

0:15:12.080 --> 0:15:15.080
<v Speaker 1>we don't smoke anymore, but you know, like, oh, darlings,

0:15:15.320 --> 0:15:17.960
<v Speaker 1>in the few days, you were the old people. We

0:15:18.040 --> 0:15:20.600
<v Speaker 1>were the old people. They were the young people. It

0:15:20.640 --> 0:15:23.520
<v Speaker 1>was but you know what, I didn't feel any different

0:15:24.240 --> 0:15:28.280
<v Speaker 1>than they were at all, right, And it was unbelievably

0:15:28.360 --> 0:15:31.080
<v Speaker 1>fun and honestly, like I ended up doing this little

0:15:31.120 --> 0:15:33.040
<v Speaker 1>musical thing with one of them because she wrote this

0:15:33.120 --> 0:15:37.800
<v Speaker 1>show like it was just such an interesting fun Yeah,

0:15:37.840 --> 0:15:42.280
<v Speaker 1>really bold, fucking scary thing to do. But I'm sort

0:15:42.280 --> 0:15:44.280
<v Speaker 1>of in that mindset. I really encourage you to do

0:15:44.320 --> 0:15:46.800
<v Speaker 1>this too. Like I just started taking so I started

0:15:46.800 --> 0:15:48.800
<v Speaker 1>as a musical theater person. I was a singer and

0:15:48.880 --> 0:15:51.160
<v Speaker 1>a fourteen piece big band that I toured with fears.

0:15:52.160 --> 0:15:57.600
<v Speaker 1>I'm taking vocal lessons again. It's terrifying. I love this though.

0:15:57.680 --> 0:16:00.400
<v Speaker 2>It's a whole new You have the time now, you

0:16:00.440 --> 0:16:02.720
<v Speaker 2>are at the phase I'm like making the time.

0:16:02.840 --> 0:16:05.520
<v Speaker 1>Almost an empty nester, but I'm making the time. You're

0:16:05.560 --> 0:16:08.040
<v Speaker 1>so busy. I'm so busy. We still have the kids

0:16:08.040 --> 0:16:09.160
<v Speaker 1>even if they're not at home.

0:16:09.320 --> 0:16:12.280
<v Speaker 2>But do you feel like you're like consciously choosing what

0:16:12.320 --> 0:16:13.880
<v Speaker 2>it is that you want to take the time and do,

0:16:14.200 --> 0:16:16.560
<v Speaker 2>like making those brave decisions and choices.

0:16:16.920 --> 0:16:20.760
<v Speaker 1>I'm seeing what fits so Okay. So I like, like,

0:16:20.840 --> 0:16:23.240
<v Speaker 1>I can't take the next Groundlings class right now because

0:16:23.280 --> 0:16:26.040
<v Speaker 1>I have other obligations right so I'm putting it off

0:16:26.120 --> 0:16:28.960
<v Speaker 1>until May, and I'll do the next one in May.

0:16:28.960 --> 0:16:30.200
<v Speaker 1>But I know in my mind it would do that.

0:16:30.240 --> 0:16:32.840
<v Speaker 1>So I'm like, Okay, what day do I free and

0:16:32.880 --> 0:16:35.600
<v Speaker 1>what do I need to prioritize here? Okay, and then

0:16:35.600 --> 0:16:38.360
<v Speaker 1>I'll try something and if it fills me and feeds

0:16:38.400 --> 0:16:40.960
<v Speaker 1>my soul, I do it and if it doesn't, I'm out.

0:16:41.760 --> 0:16:43.920
<v Speaker 1>You don't need to waste time because you know the

0:16:43.960 --> 0:16:45.600
<v Speaker 1>you don't need to waste time. And didn't you feel

0:16:45.640 --> 0:16:48.480
<v Speaker 1>like when you hit fifty it was like I got

0:16:48.520 --> 0:16:53.000
<v Speaker 1>nothing to lose. Right, it's halftime, yep. Got to gather

0:16:53.080 --> 0:16:55.120
<v Speaker 1>the troops, put them in the locker room and go, Okay,

0:16:55.160 --> 0:16:57.520
<v Speaker 1>what do we do well last court? Last half? What

0:16:57.800 --> 0:17:01.000
<v Speaker 1>didn't we do well? We gotta move forward and there's

0:17:01.040 --> 0:17:04.120
<v Speaker 1>something different. Yeah, there's no more time to like stress

0:17:04.160 --> 0:17:08.280
<v Speaker 1>about it or feel upset about things that didn't go well. Right,

0:17:08.280 --> 0:17:10.320
<v Speaker 1>I just keep moving forward. You have to keep moving forward.

0:17:10.400 --> 0:17:12.840
<v Speaker 1>I'm not always good at this, but I'm really trying

0:17:12.880 --> 0:17:17.399
<v Speaker 1>to consciously make sure that every day. Like sometimes you

0:17:17.440 --> 0:17:19.480
<v Speaker 1>know when you wake up in the morning and you go, oh,

0:17:19.480 --> 0:17:22.760
<v Speaker 1>what do I have to do today? I go, what

0:17:22.880 --> 0:17:25.080
<v Speaker 1>do I get to do today? I go what do

0:17:25.119 --> 0:17:27.240
<v Speaker 1>I get to do today? And even if it sucks,

0:17:27.520 --> 0:17:30.040
<v Speaker 1>I'm trying to find like something within the day. Like

0:17:30.080 --> 0:17:33.520
<v Speaker 1>I'm obsessed with plates right now. Oh that's a good obsession. Yeah.

0:17:33.520 --> 0:17:35.480
<v Speaker 1>I used to be into running and all these things,

0:17:35.480 --> 0:17:38.000
<v Speaker 1>but my body can't handle it anymore. So you know

0:17:38.080 --> 0:17:41.200
<v Speaker 1>what that's Okay, I've realized that there's different ages and

0:17:41.240 --> 0:17:44.680
<v Speaker 1>stages for fitness also, right, And now I'm obsessed with pilates.

0:17:45.119 --> 0:17:47.080
<v Speaker 1>I love it and I love this place I go,

0:17:47.200 --> 0:17:49.640
<v Speaker 1>and it makes me happy when I'm there. So even

0:17:49.680 --> 0:17:51.640
<v Speaker 1>if that's the only great thing, that's how I'm gonna

0:17:51.640 --> 0:17:52.080
<v Speaker 1>start my day.

0:17:52.760 --> 0:17:55.199
<v Speaker 2>It's hard to say I get to go to the

0:17:55.240 --> 0:17:57.040
<v Speaker 2>gym today, all right.

0:17:56.840 --> 0:17:59.199
<v Speaker 1>If you hate it, but you could say no, I

0:17:59.240 --> 0:18:01.600
<v Speaker 1>get it. I used to hate it too. I had

0:18:02.240 --> 0:18:04.840
<v Speaker 1>a switch with it a number of years ago because

0:18:04.880 --> 0:18:07.880
<v Speaker 1>I never was a workout person. I never liked it.

0:18:08.800 --> 0:18:13.040
<v Speaker 1>Had to hate hate hate. But then when like orange

0:18:13.080 --> 0:18:16.960
<v Speaker 1>theory became a thing, I started going there and I

0:18:17.000 --> 0:18:19.960
<v Speaker 1>really developed a love for like running and the hit

0:18:20.000 --> 0:18:23.000
<v Speaker 1>thing and whatever. But my body started breaking down from

0:18:23.040 --> 0:18:25.679
<v Speaker 1>that kind of exercise after a decade of that. So

0:18:25.760 --> 0:18:28.119
<v Speaker 1>now I'm into this and this is great for your body,

0:18:28.119 --> 0:18:30.040
<v Speaker 1>and it's you know what, you get to lie down

0:18:30.119 --> 0:18:33.119
<v Speaker 1>for half the class. I really highly recommend me. I

0:18:33.200 --> 0:18:35.840
<v Speaker 1>know it's dark. It's like dark too. There's this like

0:18:36.040 --> 0:18:39.359
<v Speaker 1>hot mat class that I go to. It's so good.

0:18:39.520 --> 0:18:41.400
<v Speaker 1>I thought you were going to say something about the instructor,

0:18:41.440 --> 0:18:45.520
<v Speaker 1>but okay, oh, the mat. No, there's no hot instructor,

0:18:45.640 --> 0:18:48.520
<v Speaker 1>no class. I mean it's usually women, which are women,

0:18:48.640 --> 0:18:51.320
<v Speaker 1>they are hot, but like, yeah, yeah, I'm not looking

0:18:51.320 --> 0:18:54.680
<v Speaker 1>for that. No, so anyway, so yeah. So But even

0:18:54.720 --> 0:18:57.639
<v Speaker 1>if it's not that, you have to build something into

0:18:57.680 --> 0:19:02.919
<v Speaker 1>your day, even if it's you or like frothed coffee

0:19:03.400 --> 0:19:07.199
<v Speaker 1>that you love that you sit and you scroll, or

0:19:07.280 --> 0:19:10.640
<v Speaker 1>you whatever it is that you that guilty pleasure thing

0:19:10.720 --> 0:19:13.280
<v Speaker 1>that you do, you got to focus on that thing. Yep,

0:19:13.440 --> 0:19:14.040
<v Speaker 1>that's so true.

0:19:14.160 --> 0:19:18.040
<v Speaker 2>Have you ever given advice to someone who didn't want it, like,

0:19:18.320 --> 0:19:19.600
<v Speaker 2>and that backfired for you?

0:19:19.680 --> 0:19:22.760
<v Speaker 1>Oh? I'm sure a million times that's happened. I really,

0:19:23.880 --> 0:19:27.320
<v Speaker 1>What do you mean? You're sure? Because because I'm so outspoken,

0:19:27.800 --> 0:19:30.520
<v Speaker 1>you know, and when I was younger, I'm sure I

0:19:30.600 --> 0:19:33.679
<v Speaker 1>felt like, if I'm perfectly honest, that I knew better

0:19:34.400 --> 0:19:37.520
<v Speaker 1>than someone else did and had the best advice. I

0:19:37.560 --> 0:19:42.600
<v Speaker 1>think I've become much better at listening as I've gotten older. Yeah,

0:19:42.920 --> 0:19:45.520
<v Speaker 1>reading the room maybe, and reading the room and not

0:19:45.640 --> 0:19:48.480
<v Speaker 1>being so verbose about things sometimes. You know, it's okay

0:19:48.520 --> 0:19:52.119
<v Speaker 1>to not tell everyone exactly you want, you think, but

0:19:52.760 --> 0:19:56.200
<v Speaker 1>if someone asks for my opinion, I'm happy to give

0:19:56.240 --> 0:19:59.760
<v Speaker 1>it right, there's a difference. There is a difference. Yes,

0:20:00.240 --> 0:20:03.000
<v Speaker 1>if someone comes to you and asks for advice, they

0:20:03.080 --> 0:20:07.240
<v Speaker 1>want your expertise on something, they want your perspective. Yeah,

0:20:07.240 --> 0:20:09.040
<v Speaker 1>And if they don't like it, then they really didn't

0:20:09.040 --> 0:20:11.400
<v Speaker 1>want it in the first place, and then that's fucked right. Well.

0:20:11.400 --> 0:20:13.919
<v Speaker 1>And also they if they don't take your advice like

0:20:13.960 --> 0:20:15.760
<v Speaker 1>they don't, well they don't have.

0:20:15.680 --> 0:20:17.080
<v Speaker 2>To take they don't have to take it, but it'd

0:20:17.080 --> 0:20:19.200
<v Speaker 2>be better for them if they did, right.

0:20:19.280 --> 0:20:20.919
<v Speaker 1>But I mean, don't you say that with your kids? Sometimes,

0:20:20.960 --> 0:20:22.200
<v Speaker 1>like my eighteen year old will come to you and

0:20:22.280 --> 0:20:25.520
<v Speaker 1>be like mom, and then ask me this whole thing,

0:20:25.560 --> 0:20:28.359
<v Speaker 1>and I'll listen, and I'll think to myself, what does

0:20:28.400 --> 0:20:32.320
<v Speaker 1>she want mess here? But then I'll give my honest

0:20:32.359 --> 0:20:38.439
<v Speaker 1>advice and then she'll say yeah, no, no. But what

0:20:38.480 --> 0:20:40.760
<v Speaker 1>I do notice is it will still make her think.

0:20:40.960 --> 0:20:43.359
<v Speaker 1>It'll be in the back of her mind, yes, and

0:20:43.680 --> 0:20:46.840
<v Speaker 1>it might inform right she ends up course, of course,

0:20:47.040 --> 0:20:48.119
<v Speaker 1>but they'll never admit it.

0:20:48.280 --> 0:20:57.440
<v Speaker 2>No. What about this marriage of yours? You have been

0:20:57.480 --> 0:21:02.000
<v Speaker 2>married to the same man, sorry, because that's not the

0:21:02.000 --> 0:21:02.560
<v Speaker 2>case for me.

0:21:03.240 --> 0:21:09.119
<v Speaker 1>The same man over every day every day. How do

0:21:09.160 --> 0:21:09.720
<v Speaker 1>you do it?

0:21:10.280 --> 0:21:14.240
<v Speaker 2>Like I love change, and I feel like I've changed

0:21:14.280 --> 0:21:17.119
<v Speaker 2>my husband's a few times and that's been really fun.

0:21:17.440 --> 0:21:19.840
<v Speaker 1>But how do you stay with the same man for

0:21:20.440 --> 0:21:24.880
<v Speaker 1>twenty four we're together twenty eight years? Twenty eight Yeah,

0:21:24.920 --> 0:21:29.959
<v Speaker 1>we've been married twenty five and a half. Yeah, marriage

0:21:30.040 --> 0:21:33.080
<v Speaker 1>is hard work. I will say, you know we met

0:21:33.359 --> 0:21:35.040
<v Speaker 1>we didn't. I mean we met when I was twenty

0:21:35.119 --> 0:21:38.840
<v Speaker 1>seven and he was thirty eight, so it's I wasn't

0:21:38.840 --> 0:21:42.200
<v Speaker 1>twenty two. We got married when I was thirty Again,

0:21:42.440 --> 0:21:46.480
<v Speaker 1>wasn't twenty two. Now I can give you a million

0:21:46.560 --> 0:21:50.159
<v Speaker 1>reasons why I think we're together. I think the honest

0:21:50.160 --> 0:21:52.480
<v Speaker 1>to God truth is marriage is a leap of faith

0:21:52.880 --> 0:21:56.440
<v Speaker 1>and you have absolutely no idea what you're getting into

0:21:56.600 --> 0:21:59.800
<v Speaker 1>until you get into it. Nope, yep, at all you have.

0:22:00.080 --> 0:22:02.199
<v Speaker 1>You have the best of intentions, and that's why if

0:22:02.200 --> 0:22:04.840
<v Speaker 1>there are red flags before you're walking down the aisle,

0:22:05.240 --> 0:22:06.000
<v Speaker 1>do not do it.

0:22:06.240 --> 0:22:08.840
<v Speaker 2>No. I know it's hard to do though. Sometimes there's

0:22:08.840 --> 0:22:12.439
<v Speaker 2>a few little red flags. Maybe they're pink, I know.

0:22:12.560 --> 0:22:14.720
<v Speaker 1>But that's why I hate when I hear people get

0:22:14.800 --> 0:22:21.000
<v Speaker 1>married fast, and I don't understand why people rush into marriage. Yeah,

0:22:21.000 --> 0:22:22.959
<v Speaker 1>and the truth is, when you have a child with

0:22:23.000 --> 0:22:27.280
<v Speaker 1>someone as you know, that's the forever moment. Marriage is

0:22:27.320 --> 0:22:30.280
<v Speaker 1>not necessarily forever, right. I don't understand why people like

0:22:30.320 --> 0:22:31.879
<v Speaker 1>they meet, they want to rush, they want to get

0:22:31.920 --> 0:22:34.720
<v Speaker 1>into it. I will tell you that there's certain moments

0:22:34.760 --> 0:22:37.840
<v Speaker 1>in a relationship you don't get back. You don't get

0:22:37.840 --> 0:22:40.639
<v Speaker 1>back the courtship period, and you don't get back the

0:22:40.720 --> 0:22:45.919
<v Speaker 1>engaged period, because it's once you're married, then you're just married.

0:22:46.520 --> 0:22:49.080
<v Speaker 1>Then it's just ticking of time. So I highly recommend

0:22:49.119 --> 0:22:53.320
<v Speaker 1>that people enjoy all of those things. And again, if

0:22:53.359 --> 0:22:56.440
<v Speaker 1>there are red flags that means it is not time

0:22:56.480 --> 0:22:59.320
<v Speaker 1>to get married, you got to figure that out. Yeah,

0:22:59.400 --> 0:23:02.560
<v Speaker 1>like dig into those red flags before you I mean

0:23:02.680 --> 0:23:06.040
<v Speaker 1>like I didn't have those red flag of course when

0:23:06.040 --> 0:23:08.840
<v Speaker 1>you're dating someone. Yeah, people you know, they urk you.

0:23:08.840 --> 0:23:10.879
<v Speaker 1>You got to figure out if you can live together,

0:23:11.000 --> 0:23:14.159
<v Speaker 1>you know, all those normal sort of things. But you know,

0:23:14.520 --> 0:23:16.359
<v Speaker 1>like we were talking about before, if someone is saying

0:23:16.720 --> 0:23:18.600
<v Speaker 1>they don't want to have kids, you want to have kids.

0:23:18.640 --> 0:23:20.840
<v Speaker 1>They don't like to travel. You like to travel. You

0:23:20.880 --> 0:23:24.439
<v Speaker 1>are very active. They're a couch potato. They like to

0:23:24.520 --> 0:23:29.280
<v Speaker 1>have guys' nights or guys weekends every weekend. You know

0:23:30.200 --> 0:23:32.520
<v Speaker 1>it depends on what's important to you. Some people like

0:23:32.600 --> 0:23:37.000
<v Speaker 1>I can't remember who I just read an actress she

0:23:37.280 --> 0:23:39.600
<v Speaker 1>just got married last year. I have to think of

0:23:39.600 --> 0:23:43.000
<v Speaker 1>her name. And she and her husband live in separate states. Huh,

0:23:43.040 --> 0:23:45.280
<v Speaker 1>and they love it and it's perfect for them. They

0:23:45.359 --> 0:23:49.800
<v Speaker 1>both have their own careers. He's maybe I don't remember

0:23:49.800 --> 0:23:52.080
<v Speaker 1>what he does, but anyway, they both have very significant

0:23:52.119 --> 0:23:56.119
<v Speaker 1>careers and they're great and when they come together, they

0:23:56.200 --> 0:23:58.040
<v Speaker 1>have the best time and they love each other. But

0:23:58.080 --> 0:24:01.119
<v Speaker 1>this is how their relationship works that model. It's not

0:24:01.240 --> 0:24:03.840
<v Speaker 1>me to judge what will or will not work for

0:24:03.880 --> 0:24:07.840
<v Speaker 1>someone else, but for me, like I could not have

0:24:07.880 --> 0:24:10.280
<v Speaker 1>been with someone that didn't want kids. That would have

0:24:10.280 --> 0:24:12.520
<v Speaker 1>been a hard note, even though again I wasn't someone

0:24:12.600 --> 0:24:15.280
<v Speaker 1>that was like dying to have children my whole life.

0:24:15.320 --> 0:24:18.040
<v Speaker 1>But I just felt like it was something I would do.

0:24:18.280 --> 0:24:22.159
<v Speaker 1>At twenty seven, you said, did you know what you're like,

0:24:22.320 --> 0:24:25.280
<v Speaker 1>what your non negotiables were? No, not at all. That's

0:24:25.280 --> 0:24:26.639
<v Speaker 1>why I'm saying it was a leap of faith. But

0:24:26.720 --> 0:24:28.440
<v Speaker 1>I think that wait, wait, wait, how long did you

0:24:28.440 --> 0:24:31.280
<v Speaker 1>wait till you got married? So we dated for a

0:24:31.359 --> 0:24:34.720
<v Speaker 1>year and a half, okay, got engaged and then we

0:24:34.720 --> 0:24:36.760
<v Speaker 1>were engaged for a year and then got married. But

0:24:36.800 --> 0:24:40.119
<v Speaker 1>remember he's ten and a half years older, so when

0:24:40.119 --> 0:24:43.960
<v Speaker 1>we got married, he was forty, so it was like

0:24:44.640 --> 0:24:48.000
<v Speaker 1>it felt okay. I think if he had been my

0:24:48.119 --> 0:24:50.720
<v Speaker 1>age or a couple years older, we probably would have

0:24:50.720 --> 0:24:54.439
<v Speaker 1>waited longer to get married. Yeah, that's what I think.

0:24:54.480 --> 0:24:58.880
<v Speaker 1>You learn a lot about I did all the things

0:24:58.920 --> 0:25:01.080
<v Speaker 1>you said we shouldn't be doing. I got married.

0:25:01.359 --> 0:25:03.800
<v Speaker 2>I got engaged three months into a relationship and married

0:25:03.840 --> 0:25:04.720
<v Speaker 2>six months and two.

0:25:04.840 --> 0:25:05.119
<v Speaker 1>Yeah.

0:25:05.240 --> 0:25:07.439
<v Speaker 2>That and you were young. And when you're that age,

0:25:07.600 --> 0:25:09.840
<v Speaker 2>it wasn't that young, this old. This was in my

0:25:10.080 --> 0:25:11.879
<v Speaker 2>early forties. This was my current.

0:25:12.000 --> 0:25:15.520
<v Speaker 1>Oh oh, this wasn't you. But you're still together.

0:25:15.680 --> 0:25:17.640
<v Speaker 2>I told you I like change. He doesn't like when

0:25:17.640 --> 0:25:20.040
<v Speaker 2>I say that because he gets little nervous. But we're

0:25:20.119 --> 0:25:20.719
<v Speaker 2>still together.

0:25:20.800 --> 0:25:23.320
<v Speaker 1>How long have you live? Been together? Ten years? That's

0:25:23.359 --> 0:25:28.320
<v Speaker 1>a long time. It's funny, I interviewed. You want to

0:25:28.359 --> 0:25:30.680
<v Speaker 1>know what's crazy. I haven't had an alcohol week two

0:25:30.760 --> 0:25:32.960
<v Speaker 1>weeks right now, and I think it's given me brain fog.

0:25:33.040 --> 0:25:37.560
<v Speaker 1>Not drinking No, no normally or Norman Lear famous Norman Lear,

0:25:38.000 --> 0:25:42.920
<v Speaker 1>adorable who passed away last year. Anyway, Norman Lear who

0:25:42.920 --> 0:25:45.520
<v Speaker 1>you know who I don't know normally er he created

0:25:46.880 --> 0:25:49.840
<v Speaker 1>a million television shows all in the family, like a

0:25:49.920 --> 0:25:53.520
<v Speaker 1>million TV shows love him, like the King of the

0:25:53.560 --> 0:25:56.439
<v Speaker 1>sitcom and he lived to like one hundred and one. Anyway,

0:25:56.480 --> 0:25:59.000
<v Speaker 1>he was on the show and we were talking and

0:25:59.040 --> 0:26:02.159
<v Speaker 1>he was talking about his failed marriages and he was

0:26:02.160 --> 0:26:04.280
<v Speaker 1>worrying about one wife in particular. When I go, how

0:26:04.320 --> 0:26:06.440
<v Speaker 1>long were you married? And he said thirty years. I go,

0:26:06.560 --> 0:26:10.560
<v Speaker 1>that's not a failed marriage. That's thirty years is a

0:26:10.720 --> 0:26:14.480
<v Speaker 1>huge long life together. When marriage was created, people didn't

0:26:14.520 --> 0:26:17.639
<v Speaker 1>live past like eighteen. I don't think it was intended

0:26:17.840 --> 0:26:20.200
<v Speaker 1>for people to be together for fifty six years. It is,

0:26:20.480 --> 0:26:23.480
<v Speaker 1>you know, not the norm for people to be together.

0:26:23.720 --> 0:26:27.000
<v Speaker 1>What do you get divorced after three like they call

0:26:27.040 --> 0:26:29.960
<v Speaker 1>it a gray divorce. It's very I just ran into

0:26:30.000 --> 0:26:32.240
<v Speaker 1>someone last night who was telling me that his parents

0:26:32.240 --> 0:26:36.000
<v Speaker 1>are getting divorced after thirty years and they're in their seventies,

0:26:36.040 --> 0:26:37.960
<v Speaker 1>and it's called it's a new thing. They're called it

0:26:37.960 --> 0:26:41.240
<v Speaker 1>a gray divorce, like gray hair. Uh huh that older

0:26:41.280 --> 0:26:43.960
<v Speaker 1>people like they just they hit a wall and they're like,

0:26:44.320 --> 0:26:46.080
<v Speaker 1>or no, I'm done. Yeah, how many years I got

0:26:46.160 --> 0:26:50.639
<v Speaker 1>left by bye, not doing with you. I love them.

0:26:51.240 --> 0:26:53.280
<v Speaker 1>That's so funny. I feel bad for your husband now

0:26:53.280 --> 0:26:57.840
<v Speaker 1>I'm worried, but I really do like this great divorce thing. Yeah,

0:26:57.920 --> 0:27:00.680
<v Speaker 1>it's always on the table, you know, a few years.

0:27:00.720 --> 0:27:03.879
<v Speaker 1>But you're well, we'll never go great. Let's be honest,

0:27:04.920 --> 0:27:08.320
<v Speaker 1>that's not really in our future. I'm gonna go white, Betty, No,

0:27:09.000 --> 0:27:12.840
<v Speaker 1>you're a gorgeous blonde. Just keep it stop. So so

0:27:13.440 --> 0:27:17.160
<v Speaker 1>we I think it's a leap of faith. I think

0:27:17.240 --> 0:27:21.760
<v Speaker 1>that we've been lucky and we have really done a

0:27:21.800 --> 0:27:26.840
<v Speaker 1>good job of upping our game decade by decade as

0:27:26.920 --> 0:27:31.840
<v Speaker 1>it's been needed. And that's been so good for us

0:27:32.080 --> 0:27:36.320
<v Speaker 1>because neither of us are like therapy kids. Like we

0:27:36.359 --> 0:27:39.240
<v Speaker 1>didn't go to therapy, our parents didn't really talk to us.

0:27:39.400 --> 0:27:42.320
<v Speaker 1>We're like flying by the seat of our pants here.

0:27:42.920 --> 0:27:46.679
<v Speaker 1>But I think both kind of you know, reasonably intelligent people,

0:27:47.200 --> 0:27:53.919
<v Speaker 1>and him for sure, Hyer Transurgeon and we separately have

0:27:54.640 --> 0:27:56.919
<v Speaker 1>come to each other at different times and been like,

0:27:57.080 --> 0:27:59.560
<v Speaker 1>look what are we doing with this? This isn't working.

0:28:00.240 --> 0:28:02.399
<v Speaker 1>You know, what's going on with you? What's going on

0:28:02.440 --> 0:28:06.320
<v Speaker 1>with us. It's really important to date your spouse and

0:28:06.840 --> 0:28:10.600
<v Speaker 1>that continue to date Terry believes in going to sleep mad.

0:28:11.960 --> 0:28:14.520
<v Speaker 1>Some people don't. Some people want to fix it before

0:28:15.240 --> 0:28:17.320
<v Speaker 1>does he explain why. He thinks that's because he thinks

0:28:17.359 --> 0:28:18.760
<v Speaker 1>the end of the night, it's a bad idea. And

0:28:18.760 --> 0:28:23.159
<v Speaker 1>he's right, you're tired, especially you've had dreams or anything.

0:28:23.200 --> 0:28:26.800
<v Speaker 1>It's just it's not the time. Yeah, daytime is better,

0:28:27.760 --> 0:28:31.560
<v Speaker 1>you know, learn how to fight healthy. Yeah, and you

0:28:31.560 --> 0:28:33.440
<v Speaker 1>have to learn each other's fighting styles and you have

0:28:33.480 --> 0:28:34.800
<v Speaker 1>to meet in the middle somewhere. Yeah.

0:28:34.840 --> 0:28:37.920
<v Speaker 2>You learn so much about a person as the years tick.

0:28:38.360 --> 0:28:40.520
<v Speaker 2>You think you know everything and then you learn something new.

0:28:40.680 --> 0:28:42.520
<v Speaker 1>Yeah. But I have to say, like, we're best friends.

0:28:42.560 --> 0:28:45.360
<v Speaker 1>We do you know, we've done We've written three books together.

0:28:45.480 --> 0:28:48.880
<v Speaker 1>We you know, it's our hobby. We've done TV shows together.

0:28:49.160 --> 0:28:53.240
<v Speaker 1>We love that we have product line together. We sell supplements.

0:28:53.240 --> 0:28:56.480
<v Speaker 2>And you're like, relationship goals. Have you ever done like

0:28:56.520 --> 0:28:58.640
<v Speaker 2>a like a couple's retreat?

0:28:59.240 --> 0:29:03.680
<v Speaker 1>No? No, like saying like bring back the fire? No? Nothing,

0:29:03.720 --> 0:29:06.680
<v Speaker 1>like like like's a host water go to to one?

0:29:06.880 --> 0:29:06.960
<v Speaker 2>No?

0:29:07.440 --> 0:29:10.280
<v Speaker 1>Would you know what we do? We just go to Paris? Oh? Yeah,

0:29:10.440 --> 0:29:14.320
<v Speaker 1>have some time together. Yeah. We're really good, really really

0:29:14.320 --> 0:29:18.480
<v Speaker 1>good at dating each other. And I have to say,

0:29:18.720 --> 0:29:23.920
<v Speaker 1>you know, I because I wasn't working for a bunch

0:29:23.960 --> 0:29:28.160
<v Speaker 1>of years when the kids were little. There was like

0:29:28.400 --> 0:29:29.920
<v Speaker 1>I mean, I did a couple of pilots that kind

0:29:29.920 --> 0:29:32.480
<v Speaker 1>of thing, but I wasn't like steadily working. There was

0:29:32.520 --> 0:29:34.640
<v Speaker 1>like a seven eight year period of time where I

0:29:34.720 --> 0:29:39.440
<v Speaker 1>was just home and he, you know, is a surgeon

0:29:39.520 --> 0:29:42.240
<v Speaker 1>and he was at work and like busy busy. So

0:29:42.440 --> 0:29:45.440
<v Speaker 1>except for that period of time, we've been really good

0:29:45.480 --> 0:29:50.480
<v Speaker 1>at taking time together. And because he wasn't that he's

0:29:50.520 --> 0:29:52.680
<v Speaker 1>not a baby person. Sweet, he's never don't want to make

0:29:52.720 --> 0:29:54.800
<v Speaker 1>himself like a bad dad, Like he's great now that

0:29:54.880 --> 0:29:58.720
<v Speaker 1>he goes he goes to babies. He hates children, but

0:29:58.840 --> 0:30:00.840
<v Speaker 1>now that the kids are older, like he's the best

0:30:00.920 --> 0:30:03.280
<v Speaker 1>and he's the best relationship with our kids, and he's

0:30:03.360 --> 0:30:08.440
<v Speaker 1>such a good connected dad of this age and up

0:30:08.840 --> 0:30:10.960
<v Speaker 1>that it's been so amazing. But I will tell you

0:30:11.520 --> 0:30:15.200
<v Speaker 1>he loves me, and I say this very confidently, more

0:30:15.240 --> 0:30:17.120
<v Speaker 1>than anyone in the world. And he would choose me

0:30:17.240 --> 0:30:20.600
<v Speaker 1>over the children. Like if he stops loving me, he's

0:30:20.640 --> 0:30:25.680
<v Speaker 1>not capable of loving because that's because that's him. That's

0:30:25.680 --> 0:30:28.120
<v Speaker 1>got to feel like such a good place to be

0:30:28.520 --> 0:30:32.320
<v Speaker 1>it's great and he has your back. He does you

0:30:32.320 --> 0:30:33.840
<v Speaker 1>give a lot of advice. Who do you go to

0:30:34.000 --> 0:30:38.280
<v Speaker 1>for advice? Him? I go to him. I'll talk to

0:30:38.320 --> 0:30:43.719
<v Speaker 1>my kids sometimes, depending on what the situation is. I

0:30:43.840 --> 0:30:49.200
<v Speaker 1>have some trusted people girlfriends in my life, depending on

0:30:49.240 --> 0:30:52.040
<v Speaker 1>what the situation is that I feel really comfortable. I

0:30:52.080 --> 0:30:55.320
<v Speaker 1>got burned a number of years ago. Look, relationships just

0:30:55.360 --> 0:30:58.040
<v Speaker 1>like anything, you know, it's they go up and down.

0:30:58.560 --> 0:31:01.200
<v Speaker 1>Terry and I don't fight about real things. I have

0:31:01.280 --> 0:31:05.120
<v Speaker 1>to say, well, bicker like most people bicker. But there's

0:31:05.120 --> 0:31:09.120
<v Speaker 1>been very few big, heavy things. But there was one

0:31:09.160 --> 0:31:11.200
<v Speaker 1>once years ago. We were kind of fighting about being

0:31:11.200 --> 0:31:13.760
<v Speaker 1>on a reality show because it took its toll, as

0:31:13.800 --> 0:31:15.600
<v Speaker 1>you know, and we had to have a come to

0:31:15.680 --> 0:31:18.080
<v Speaker 1>Jesus moment where I said to him, look, we either

0:31:18.160 --> 0:31:20.600
<v Speaker 1>figure out how to do this or we get off

0:31:20.600 --> 0:31:23.840
<v Speaker 1>this show because this it's not working. And during that

0:31:23.880 --> 0:31:26.240
<v Speaker 1>period of time, I talked to who I thought was

0:31:26.360 --> 0:31:30.440
<v Speaker 1>a girlfriend of mine about this, and she repeated things

0:31:30.480 --> 0:31:33.960
<v Speaker 1>I said and twisted him and you know, started a

0:31:34.040 --> 0:31:36.280
<v Speaker 1>narrative out there, and I was just like it, really

0:31:36.360 --> 0:31:38.760
<v Speaker 1>that broke me, and it was very hard for me

0:31:38.800 --> 0:31:41.200
<v Speaker 1>to open up to people about things like that.

0:31:41.440 --> 0:31:44.920
<v Speaker 2>So I keep that tight tight. I think that's the

0:31:44.920 --> 0:31:45.800
<v Speaker 2>best way to keep it.

0:31:45.880 --> 0:31:46.719
<v Speaker 1>Yeah. Absolutely.

0:31:46.960 --> 0:31:50.440
<v Speaker 2>My husband is ultimately like my best friend, and I

0:31:50.520 --> 0:31:52.920
<v Speaker 2>go to him and gives me a different perspective than

0:31:52.920 --> 0:31:55.880
<v Speaker 2>I have. He keeps me grounded, he tells, he calls

0:31:55.880 --> 0:31:57.920
<v Speaker 2>me out. Yeah, just yesterday.

0:31:58.360 --> 0:32:01.040
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, And it's hard to hear that stuff mind us too.

0:32:01.240 --> 0:32:03.920
<v Speaker 1>It's so annoying, and it's really annoying when they're right.

0:32:04.160 --> 0:32:07.560
<v Speaker 1>They're always right. Terry's always right. It's so annoying.

0:32:07.880 --> 0:32:10.120
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, that's what they say about marriage though. It's like

0:32:10.320 --> 0:32:12.560
<v Speaker 2>holding that mirror up. They're the mirror.

0:32:12.720 --> 0:32:14.360
<v Speaker 1>But then if you don't want to know, don't ask.

0:32:14.400 --> 0:32:16.160
<v Speaker 1>He'll say that to me too, But that I'll say

0:32:16.160 --> 0:32:18.760
<v Speaker 1>to him, And this is how we teach each other. Right,

0:32:19.160 --> 0:32:22.960
<v Speaker 1>I'll go listen right now. I don't want you to

0:32:22.960 --> 0:32:24.400
<v Speaker 1>fix it. I don't want to hear what you have

0:32:24.440 --> 0:32:26.960
<v Speaker 1>to say. Just let me vent. I need to cry.

0:32:27.040 --> 0:32:29.080
<v Speaker 1>I need to vent, and then you could do that.

0:32:29.320 --> 0:32:32.200
<v Speaker 1>Just give me a minute. Yeah, that's good communication. Yes,

0:32:32.320 --> 0:32:34.479
<v Speaker 1>you got to tell them they're not mind readers. If

0:32:34.520 --> 0:32:36.640
<v Speaker 1>you expect them to be mind readers, you both lose,

0:32:37.440 --> 0:32:38.720
<v Speaker 1>very very true.

0:32:39.800 --> 0:32:43.760
<v Speaker 2>I think that it's important to maintain that independence from

0:32:43.800 --> 0:32:45.920
<v Speaker 2>your husband, even when you are as close. I think

0:32:45.960 --> 0:32:47.640
<v Speaker 2>it sounds like you're as close to your husband.

0:32:47.680 --> 0:32:50.520
<v Speaker 1>I'm very good. Can't be codependent. No, no, I love

0:32:50.600 --> 0:32:53.880
<v Speaker 1>time away from him. Yeah, but I feel like that

0:32:54.080 --> 0:32:59.360
<v Speaker 1>happens with us. It happens sort of naturally, because of

0:32:59.400 --> 0:33:03.120
<v Speaker 1>the hour, because of the jobs. It just kind of happens.

0:33:03.160 --> 0:33:05.680
<v Speaker 1>But I have to say, I mean, I hate to

0:33:05.680 --> 0:33:07.040
<v Speaker 1>say these things out loud, because you know, when you

0:33:07.040 --> 0:33:09.120
<v Speaker 1>talk nicely about your relationship, it always goes to shit.

0:33:09.520 --> 0:33:11.160
<v Speaker 1>You always fight that night. If you say so, I'm

0:33:11.160 --> 0:33:13.840
<v Speaker 1>gonna just pooh poo poop. But yeah, but all I

0:33:13.880 --> 0:33:17.200
<v Speaker 1>have to say is, like, we'll go away together. Like

0:33:17.240 --> 0:33:19.880
<v Speaker 1>we were just in Paris dropping off my daughter at

0:33:19.880 --> 0:33:23.200
<v Speaker 1>school and we spent some time with her. Dropped her

0:33:23.240 --> 0:33:26.400
<v Speaker 1>at school. She's there for the semester, and when we

0:33:26.480 --> 0:33:28.480
<v Speaker 1>dropped her, we ended up we stayed a few extra

0:33:28.560 --> 0:33:30.480
<v Speaker 1>days because we love Paris. It's like our happy place.

0:33:30.480 --> 0:33:32.520
<v Speaker 1>So we stayed there a few days and we came home.

0:33:32.880 --> 0:33:35.880
<v Speaker 1>We fly home, we get home and we go out

0:33:35.920 --> 0:33:40.120
<v Speaker 1>to dinner together. Wow, Like we just you like to

0:33:40.160 --> 0:33:42.160
<v Speaker 1>be just like to be together. I like that.

0:33:42.400 --> 0:33:45.560
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, I'm kind of the same way you just said

0:33:45.560 --> 0:33:48.239
<v Speaker 2>your daughter is doing a semester in Paris. I had

0:33:48.400 --> 0:33:50.680
<v Speaker 2>my daughter do a semester in London, and I was

0:33:51.720 --> 0:33:52.720
<v Speaker 2>very difficult for me.

0:33:52.800 --> 0:33:55.920
<v Speaker 1>Why. I don't know, it's just smelled so far away. Well,

0:33:55.960 --> 0:33:58.160
<v Speaker 1>so my son, so the twins. So he my son

0:33:58.200 --> 0:34:00.880
<v Speaker 1>went to Italy first semester and she's in Paris now.

0:34:00.920 --> 0:34:03.160
<v Speaker 1>And at first I was like, could you coordinate to

0:34:03.240 --> 0:34:04.760
<v Speaker 1>be gone at the same time, right, But then I

0:34:04.800 --> 0:34:08.200
<v Speaker 1>realized I got to go to Europe all year and

0:34:08.400 --> 0:34:11.840
<v Speaker 1>I love it, and you know, again like finding joy

0:34:13.000 --> 0:34:15.080
<v Speaker 1>in things like we were talking about finding time for

0:34:15.160 --> 0:34:18.520
<v Speaker 1>classes or finding time for this. I will go to

0:34:18.600 --> 0:34:21.800
<v Speaker 1>Europe for the This is not relatable. I'm just gonna

0:34:21.920 --> 0:34:25.120
<v Speaker 1>say this before. This is not a relatable thing. When

0:34:25.120 --> 0:34:27.719
<v Speaker 1>I'm about to say, I apologize in advance. Ready, but

0:34:27.880 --> 0:34:32.160
<v Speaker 1>I will go to Paris for the weekend if I

0:34:32.200 --> 0:34:36.719
<v Speaker 1>have time for hits and giggles, if there's a thing

0:34:36.880 --> 0:34:40.200
<v Speaker 1>like my son was done with his tour in Italy

0:34:40.280 --> 0:34:43.399
<v Speaker 1>and it was my youngest son's birthday and I didn't

0:34:43.440 --> 0:34:45.279
<v Speaker 1>really concept think about the fact we were going for

0:34:45.280 --> 0:34:47.880
<v Speaker 1>a weekend, but I took them skiing in the French

0:34:47.920 --> 0:34:50.879
<v Speaker 1>Alps for four days and it was like a long

0:34:50.920 --> 0:34:53.840
<v Speaker 1>weekend and it was a long way to go, but

0:34:54.120 --> 0:34:56.720
<v Speaker 1>it was so great and the two of them bonding

0:34:56.760 --> 0:34:58.360
<v Speaker 1>and I went skiing for the first time and it

0:34:58.440 --> 0:35:00.680
<v Speaker 1>was fantastic. And so now my daughter there and she's like,

0:35:00.760 --> 0:35:04.000
<v Speaker 1>I'm lonely, I miss you, I'm homesick. I go I

0:35:04.080 --> 0:35:05.919
<v Speaker 1>may have a weekend. That's the thing.

0:35:06.280 --> 0:35:10.120
<v Speaker 2>Because you and I are both homemakers. Yes, we want

0:35:10.280 --> 0:35:12.600
<v Speaker 2>our homes to be the sanctuary for our family. It

0:35:12.680 --> 0:35:15.400
<v Speaker 2>sounds like we're very similar in respect. How what is

0:35:15.440 --> 0:35:17.719
<v Speaker 2>it like when your kids they don't want to leave?

0:35:17.880 --> 0:35:20.239
<v Speaker 2>It's so good where they were at home.

0:35:20.400 --> 0:35:22.279
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, I hear kids want to stay here the like

0:35:22.480 --> 0:35:25.440
<v Speaker 1>thirty Now. Honestly, I'm okay with it. I don't know.

0:35:26.120 --> 0:35:30.280
<v Speaker 1>I want them to be close, but not that close. Yeah.

0:35:30.280 --> 0:35:33.279
<v Speaker 2>Well my daughter, yeah, well two of my girls are

0:35:33.320 --> 0:35:35.799
<v Speaker 2>still at home, and our house is small and the

0:35:35.840 --> 0:35:37.560
<v Speaker 2>bedrooms are all right together.

0:35:37.719 --> 0:35:40.920
<v Speaker 1>Yeah. There is no privacy, privacy, yeah at all. And

0:35:40.960 --> 0:35:42.279
<v Speaker 1>they're cool with that. There.

0:35:42.560 --> 0:35:44.759
<v Speaker 2>I did that on purpose because they were teenagers. When

0:35:44.800 --> 0:35:46.879
<v Speaker 2>about the house UNDERSTI wanted to keep them close.

0:35:47.000 --> 0:35:48.520
<v Speaker 1>You wanted to hear what was calling. I'm kind of

0:35:48.560 --> 0:35:51.040
<v Speaker 1>like I knew more. Yeah right, but I want you.

0:35:51.160 --> 0:35:53.040
<v Speaker 1>I like that you like change. It might be time

0:35:53.080 --> 0:35:56.799
<v Speaker 1>to move. I have thought about it, definitely thought about it.

0:35:57.280 --> 0:36:00.319
<v Speaker 1>Oh I love our conversation. Yeah too good.

0:36:00.360 --> 0:36:04.280
<v Speaker 2>I have to ask you one last question, Heather Deubro,

0:36:04.719 --> 0:36:06.800
<v Speaker 2>what was your last I choose me moment?

0:36:09.440 --> 0:36:14.000
<v Speaker 1>I mean, Swiss alps ain't bad. Yeah, but that's not it.

0:36:14.160 --> 0:36:20.680
<v Speaker 1>I really think it's going back to vocal lessons, and

0:36:20.680 --> 0:36:23.440
<v Speaker 1>I would say just in the category I signed up for,

0:36:23.719 --> 0:36:26.919
<v Speaker 1>like a bunch of things, a bunch of classes where

0:36:26.960 --> 0:36:29.799
<v Speaker 1>I'm really choosing me. It's a really hard thing. I

0:36:29.800 --> 0:36:31.960
<v Speaker 1>wonder if you feel the same way, where you know

0:36:32.080 --> 0:36:36.160
<v Speaker 1>you want to put things out into the world to

0:36:36.239 --> 0:36:38.279
<v Speaker 1>make them real and put you know, manifest them. But

0:36:38.320 --> 0:36:41.760
<v Speaker 1>there's also a school of thought where don't tell people

0:36:41.760 --> 0:36:44.200
<v Speaker 1>what you're doing, show them when it happens. And I

0:36:44.200 --> 0:36:45.640
<v Speaker 1>feel like when I was younger, it was like, oh,

0:36:45.680 --> 0:36:47.279
<v Speaker 1>I don't want to tell anyone because it'll jinx it

0:36:47.360 --> 0:36:49.839
<v Speaker 1>or it'll this, or it all that kind of over that,

0:36:50.040 --> 0:36:52.759
<v Speaker 1>like I don't really care. Like I loved when I

0:36:52.800 --> 0:36:54.400
<v Speaker 1>told you that I'm doing this class you. You were

0:36:54.400 --> 0:36:57.359
<v Speaker 1>a little horrified and kind of excited at the same time. Right,

0:36:57.680 --> 0:37:00.360
<v Speaker 1>That's how I was. And I feel like i'm me

0:37:01.440 --> 0:37:05.720
<v Speaker 1>by pushing myself out of my comfort zone and into

0:37:05.719 --> 0:37:08.759
<v Speaker 1>these areas because again, we have nothing to lose. And

0:37:08.800 --> 0:37:10.800
<v Speaker 1>by the way, and you don't give a fuck, I

0:37:10.840 --> 0:37:12.680
<v Speaker 1>don't give a fuck. And if I could just toot

0:37:12.800 --> 0:37:17.399
<v Speaker 1>our horns any collectively, like we look really good and

0:37:17.840 --> 0:37:22.560
<v Speaker 1>we're talented, and we're thriving, and our audience watches TV,

0:37:22.760 --> 0:37:26.040
<v Speaker 1>so why not. Yeah, I mean you said it, it's

0:37:26.080 --> 0:37:29.279
<v Speaker 1>time to go back. I love that, right, So this

0:37:29.360 --> 0:37:31.440
<v Speaker 1>is a first step. And what's also really great is

0:37:31.640 --> 0:37:33.680
<v Speaker 1>remember when you're younger and you're like, oh shit, if

0:37:33.719 --> 0:37:36.080
<v Speaker 1>something doesn't happen in the next six months, I'm done.

0:37:36.239 --> 0:37:38.600
<v Speaker 1>Nothing will ever happen again. Where will I be? I'll

0:37:38.640 --> 0:37:40.839
<v Speaker 1>shrivel up and die. Now you're like, I'm already all

0:37:40.880 --> 0:37:42.880
<v Speaker 1>it doesn't matter. Three months, six months, next year, or

0:37:42.880 --> 0:37:46.239
<v Speaker 1>whatever it happens, it happens. It's fine, exactly. Yeah, Oh

0:37:46.320 --> 0:37:48.399
<v Speaker 1>you're set. You're just in a great place in your life.

0:37:48.440 --> 0:37:50.640
<v Speaker 1>I can feel it. Yeah, so are you. It's so good.

0:37:50.800 --> 0:37:53.359
<v Speaker 1>I love it. Thank you so much, Thank you for

0:37:53.400 --> 0:37:56.960
<v Speaker 1>having me. I loved meeting you. I mean, well, now

0:37:57.080 --> 0:37:59.040
<v Speaker 1>you really know, and yeah, I know you so well.

0:37:59.120 --> 0:37:59.600
<v Speaker 1>I love it.