Speaker 1: It's Thanksgiving.
Speaker 2: Everybody, Happy Thanksgiving to you and to yours. I will
Speaker 2: be in Vegas this weekend at the third night of
Speaker 2: my residency at the Cosmo with my whole entire family
Speaker 2: and all of my cousins nice and then I'm going
Speaker 2: to do the tree lighting the next night at the Cosmo.
Speaker 1: Oh that's the kind of team player I am.
Speaker 3: Are you a family that like goes around and makes
Speaker 3: everyone say what they're thankful for?
Speaker 1: No?
Speaker 2: Oh, no, see I am. I do that in other families,
Speaker 2: but my family sucks. No one does stuff like that
Speaker 2: in our family.
Speaker 3: No.
Speaker 2: No, they all think I'm you know, if I say
Speaker 2: something like that, it's like, oh, Chelsea, so just spiritual.
Speaker 1: She's in a cult, you know. It's like corny.
Speaker 2: Yeah, everyone's It's more like who do you who's the
Speaker 2: most annoying person at the stable?
Speaker 1: To you would be a better question for my family members.
Speaker 1: I see. Yeah.
Speaker 2: So now I will be in Vegas for almost I
Speaker 2: think for seventy two hours. This will be my longest
Speaker 2: stretch in Vegas because my family is all coming and
Speaker 2: they wanted, you know, the free rooms and I'm sure
Speaker 2: whatever else I pay for. You know, So who knows,
Speaker 2: I'll probably just break even performing and then leaving.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I feel like twenty four to forty eight hours
Speaker 4: is like kind of the max that you should be
Speaker 4: in Vegas.
Speaker 2: Yeah, And just to be clarified, I don't I am
Speaker 2: not paying for those free rooms the casino is, but
Speaker 2: I'm just saying, like that's why they're coming because it's free.
Speaker 3: I mean, hey, yeah, so.
Speaker 1: This will be my longest stretch in Vegas.
Speaker 2: So if I'm alive next week, that'll be a miracle,
Speaker 2: especially with all of my family members.
Speaker 3: You're not a big gambler, right, you just like want
Speaker 3: like gambell No.
Speaker 1: I have exactly.
Speaker 2: I have a little stipend that I use, and I
Speaker 2: every time I come home exactly with what I left with,
Speaker 2: and I just keep repurposing it.
Speaker 1: Oh that's pretty good.
Speaker 5: I love to gamble.
Speaker 2: I like to gamble, and my sister likes to gamble too.
Speaker 2: But my sister who likes to gamble isn't coming.
Speaker 3: Oh dang.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's all my cousins and all of like there's
Speaker 2: like forty of them and my cousins.
Speaker 3: I'm gonna guess that's Shoshana that likes to gamble.
Speaker 2: Shoshana exactly. Shoshana loves to gamble.
Speaker 3: I like that.
Speaker 2: The last weekend we were on tour together, she came
Speaker 2: to the show in Philly and Bethlehem, and Bethlehem was
Speaker 2: a casino, so she went and gambled and came back
Speaker 2: and I was on stage.
Speaker 1: I take photos with.
Speaker 2: People after like people come up to the stage and
Speaker 2: I take some selfies. And she came out while I
Speaker 2: was taking photos and said, Okay, let's go. It's she
Speaker 2: was done, she was wrapped. And then the next night
Speaker 2: she came out. I called for my opener to come
Speaker 2: out to take a picture with me on stage, and
Speaker 2: she was six, so she had already gone home. My
Speaker 2: sister came out when I called. I was like, Megan,
Speaker 2: keep it going for Megan Gailey. And my sister came
Speaker 2: running out and I'm like, what are you doing here?
Speaker 2: And she said, she goes tell them I'm the Virgin
Speaker 2: because I talk about her in my set. She goes
Speaker 2: tell them I'm the Virgin, and then she waved to
Speaker 2: the crowd. It was so ridiculous.
Speaker 1: She a little bit of a ham like.
Speaker 2: She like she's got some She's definitely got a very
Speaker 2: distinctive personality. She's kind of like she's a lot like
Speaker 2: my father. Like my father was a used car dealer.
Speaker 2: She won't like this because she doesn't see it, but
Speaker 2: she's very she's got side hustles going, you know, she's
Speaker 2: always got like things going on in the side. But
Speaker 2: she's got her ear piercing business. But she's also probably
Speaker 2: like trading furniture online that she rides like or at
Speaker 2: a sale and then like resells it on Craigslist. You know,
Speaker 2: she's a scammer a little bit like that. She's like
Speaker 2: my dad in that way and innovated. Yeah, she's yeah,
Speaker 2: and she's always like she came on the vacation with us,
Speaker 2: Molly and I, my cousin and I who she's been
Speaker 2: traveling with me. Molly and I have carry on bags,
Speaker 2: and my sister brought a suitcase for three days, a
Speaker 2: huge suitcase with six pairs of shoes.
Speaker 1: We're like, where are you? Where are you? I don't
Speaker 1: even have that much and I'm the one performing what
Speaker 1: are you? Where are you going?
Speaker 2: She's like, I have to be ready for anything. I
Speaker 2: don't know what we're going to get up to. I'm like, well,
Speaker 2: we didn't get up to anything besides sitting around in
Speaker 2: our hotel rooms all day.
Speaker 3: That's kind of nice.
Speaker 1: Yeah, exactly.
Speaker 2: Our family's not motivated, we're not activity. Like you know,
Speaker 2: I'm the one who's like that in my family.
Speaker 3: Yeah, so you just push everybody to do.
Speaker 2: Yeah, they think I'm on crack. I'm like, no, you
Speaker 2: guys are fucking lazy. But when I'm with them, I
Speaker 2: become also lazy.
Speaker 4: I can kind of feel like if she's traveling with you,
Speaker 4: she's like feels like she's got to be ready for anything.
Speaker 2: She brought six pairs of sneakers. They were all the same,
Speaker 2: Like what she was just clearly trying to show up
Speaker 2: the shoes.
Speaker 1: No heels.
Speaker 2: She can't fit her feet into heels. Her feet are
Speaker 2: like bricks, rectangular bricks. Remember Kathy the cartoon character that's
Speaker 2: my sister's feet or like that.
Speaker 3: Okay, great, well, Happy Thanksgiving every.
Speaker 2: Happy Thanksgiving everyone. Our special guest today is Kelly Rizzo.
Speaker 2: Please welcome Kelly.
Speaker 1: Hi, Kelly Rizzo. I'm so happy to be here. I'm
Speaker 1: always so happy to see you.
Speaker 2: You're such a sweet person and you're always just you
Speaker 2: have a nice aura around you.
Speaker 1: I don't really see Auras.
Speaker 2: But you have such kind eyes and you're always so
Speaker 2: kind and Bob was. I met you obviously through Bob,
Speaker 2: but Bob was also that way, like he was so
Speaker 2: kind hearted, which is why he was so beloved. For
Speaker 2: those of you listening, Kelly Rizseau was married to Bob
Speaker 2: Saggat for how many years were you guys doing?
Speaker 6: Only we were together six years but only married three
Speaker 6: and a half years.
Speaker 1: Three and a half years.
Speaker 2: Yeah, well that's probably for the best. I mean, you know,
Speaker 2: marriages don't really need to go beyond No, it ran
Speaker 2: its course.
Speaker 6: We did the thing that's all need to be. That's
Speaker 6: really all it needed to be. It was cut short. However,
Speaker 6: it was one of those things where I remember at
Speaker 6: Bob's funeral or at the after party, Jeff Ross said,
Speaker 6: and I don't blame him for saying this, but he goes,
Speaker 6: you know, Kelly, you got robbed, And I'm like, even then,
Speaker 6: even the week that we lost him, I was like, no,
Speaker 6: I didn't I remember.
Speaker 1: I don't know where I heard you talking about it,
Speaker 1: but I remember you.
Speaker 6: I had a hard time thinking I got robbed because
Speaker 6: I felt so grateful for the time I got to
Speaker 6: have with him.
Speaker 2: So yeah, and since then, the things that you have
Speaker 2: done with your grief, which is a real tenet of
Speaker 2: this podcast is talking to people about how to deal
Speaker 2: with grief, how to mobilize out of fear or grief.
Speaker 1: For starters, you.
Speaker 2: Have a podcast, right yeah, comfort Food, Comfort Food, which
Speaker 2: is where you basically talk to someone about grieving over
Speaker 2: a nice meal, right yeah, about their grief.
Speaker 5: Yeah.
Speaker 1: I mean it's a way to.
Speaker 6: Make it a little bit more palatable and a little
Speaker 6: bit more inviting because it's not a fun topic and
Speaker 6: people hate talking about It's still really taboo, which is
Speaker 6: so strang because we all go through it at some point.
Speaker 6: So I was like, how can I make this a
Speaker 6: little easier and a little bit more you know, fun
Speaker 6: for lack of a better word.
Speaker 2: Who were the people that helped you when you lost Bob, Like,
Speaker 2: who were the people that helped put you in perspective?
Speaker 2: Or was that just something that was innate in within
Speaker 2: you that you were able to have kind of like a.
Speaker 6: I mean it's one of those things where you know
Speaker 6: when you go through something and somebody's like, oh, you're
Speaker 6: so strong. I mean I didn't feel strong. I didn't
Speaker 6: know what I was doing I'd never been through this before.
Speaker 6: It was very new to me, never really lost anyone.
Speaker 6: And I was very fortunate because Bob had had so
Speaker 6: much death in his life and so much loss that
Speaker 6: it was almost like I was leaning on him even
Speaker 6: though he wasn't here, based on what he had taught
Speaker 6: me about death and how to get through it, which
Speaker 6: was laughing and you know, having really good people around
Speaker 6: you and just understanding that this is life and this
Speaker 6: is what happens, but to kind of always look at
Speaker 6: the silver linings. And fortunately, because Bob was such a wonderful,
Speaker 6: special human, he was surrounded by really wonderful people. So
Speaker 6: I got through with his friends, his daughters, My sister
Speaker 6: was the most instrumental person by far. I mean she's
Speaker 6: slept in bed with me every single night for like
Speaker 6: two months straight. But yeah, his friends, I mean, Jeff Ross,
Speaker 6: John Mayer, all the full house people, they really were
Speaker 6: his family. And so that kind of got imparted on
Speaker 6: to me because they were so wonderful and they loved
Speaker 6: him so much that they're like, we're going to be
Speaker 6: there for her too.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and then you started a grief kind of like
Speaker 2: support group right online.
Speaker 6: Yeah, so this is so brand new, so thanks for
Speaker 6: letting me talk about it. It's called Comfort Club and
Speaker 6: it's a membership and just an online kind of support
Speaker 6: system where it's its own little social media network so
Speaker 6: people feel. What I've learned in this past almost three
Speaker 6: years now, which is crazy, is that so many people
Speaker 6: are reaching out to me all the time, and a
Speaker 6: lot of people feel very very alone in this and
Speaker 6: they don't really know where to go. They don't know,
Speaker 6: you know, and grief support groups are not really fun places.
Speaker 6: I'm sure it's a lot of people who are in
Speaker 6: the thick of it, really going through it. And I
Speaker 6: get all these messages all the time and all these
Speaker 6: dms like I just lost my husband, What do I
Speaker 6: do help? And it's can't DM somebody back and have
Speaker 6: it be really effective? So I'm like, how can I
Speaker 6: create something that is a little bit more immersive and
Speaker 6: a little bit more interactive and can really help people,
Speaker 6: and that where they can meet each other and then
Speaker 6: help each other. So I'm having great guests on, you know,
Speaker 6: whether they're therapists or people who I would have had
Speaker 6: on my podcast, and they come on and talk live
Speaker 6: to the group and they can ask questions because on
Speaker 6: a podcast you can't really I mean yours is different
Speaker 6: because you can't take questions. But a lot of times,
Speaker 6: you know, it's not really interactive, right, so these people
Speaker 6: can actually talk to the guests, talk to the expert,
Speaker 6: talk to the therapist, whoever it is. Because you know,
Speaker 6: I make a big disclaimer, I'm not a therapist. I'm
Speaker 6: just here to help facilitate this community.
Speaker 2: So I do really on my podcast, I pretend I
Speaker 2: am a therapist, and that I have a medical degree,
Speaker 2: that I'm a PhD, that I am a certified Board
Speaker 2: of pharmacologist, I'm a gynecologist, I'm a pharmacologist, on whatever
Speaker 2: you need me to be. I'm actually none of those things,
Speaker 2: but I do pretend that I am because I feel
Speaker 2: like all of the things that you learn when you
Speaker 2: go through something difficult and you lose somebody and you
Speaker 2: go through the proper channels of therapy and grieving are
Speaker 2: such valuable lessons. You know, it's so important to impart
Speaker 2: that to other people who are struggling, and you know,
Speaker 2: grief isn't necessarily only doesn't only have to do with
Speaker 2: us losing someone. That's the most obvious way to be
Speaker 2: grieving but you know, people are grieving this election. People
Speaker 2: are grieving, you know, losses of relationships. When people don't die,
Speaker 2: you know, there's grief everywhere.
Speaker 6: Divorce, relationship, I mean friendships. People grieve friendships. So I
Speaker 6: also am very specific about that, like, this is not
Speaker 6: just if you're lost a spouse or lost anybody. This
Speaker 6: is for any type of or some people just I
Speaker 6: have some people that haven't really had a specific loss,
Speaker 6: but they're just they're like, I just want a good
Speaker 6: community that's comforting. I'm just having a tough time, and
Speaker 6: I just want to meet some great people.
Speaker 4: Well, when you talk so much about grief and loss
Speaker 4: on your Instagram and on your podcast, so it seems
Speaker 4: like a natural progression from the sorts of conversations you're
Speaker 4: already having, then Yeah, And it's.
Speaker 6: So strange because you know, you just said that going
Speaker 6: through things does kind of give you this expertise in
Speaker 6: a sense. But I still always feel like I'm not
Speaker 6: an expert. I don't know what the hell I'm doing.
Speaker 2: But I think people are always just looking for some support,
Speaker 2: you know, like a ballast. And and because you've gone
Speaker 2: through something, you do have something to say about it,
Speaker 2: and you do have your personal experience to draw from,
Speaker 2: and that is valuable, especially when somebody needs a reference
Speaker 2: point or a perspective, and it's it's always helpful to
Speaker 2: be able to talk to somebody who's been through something
Speaker 2: that you're going through. So it doesn't matter if your expertise,
Speaker 2: like it's you become an expert in humanity, you know,
Speaker 2: and wanting to actually make other people feel better and
Speaker 2: less alone. I think that's what it really comes down
Speaker 2: to when even when you're going through the depths of
Speaker 2: your despair and loss, it's like you're not the only
Speaker 2: one you know someone else lost someone. There's millions of
Speaker 2: people who are losing people every day, and for some reason,
Speaker 2: there's comfort in that. There's comfort in knowing that there's
Speaker 2: a sheer volume of people who may be going through
Speaker 2: a similar experience.
Speaker 6: And I think because it's also very unusual to have
Speaker 6: to go through it publicly usually. I mean, that's not
Speaker 6: a thing that typically people have to you know, if
Speaker 6: you typically lose your spouse or something, it's you do
Speaker 6: it privately. And because everyone loved Bob so much, I
Speaker 6: felt that there was this you know, I almost didn't
Speaker 6: need to help keep his legacy alive because he does
Speaker 6: that on his own, but because he was such a
Speaker 6: special one in a billion person, I'm like, I owe
Speaker 6: it to him and to myself to do everything I
Speaker 6: can to share about him. And while doing that, I
Speaker 6: started talking a little bit more about the grief stuff too,
Speaker 6: and then people naturally were like, hey, help me or
Speaker 6: I want more of this, and I was like, oh gosh,
Speaker 6: Like normally I talk about food and travel and music.
Speaker 6: I'm like, so all of a sudden, here I am
Speaker 6: talking about grief. But it when I saw that one
Speaker 6: that that was actually helping people, I'm like, okay, this
Speaker 6: needs to be more of the direction I go in.
Speaker 1: So yeah, okay, So how can people join this group?
Speaker 6: It's just comfort Club online dot com and it's it's
Speaker 6: just yeah membership that there's different live events every month.
Speaker 6: I do a Comfort Food Sundays every month where I
Speaker 6: do live cooking so for you know, people get the
Speaker 6: Sunday scaries, they don't want to be alone on a Sunday,
Speaker 6: and so here, I, you know, will cook a recipe
Speaker 6: that we can all cook together and then eat dinner
Speaker 6: together virtually sweet and then yeah, it's it's only been
Speaker 6: a little over a month, but it's been really wonderful
Speaker 6: so far.
Speaker 1: So I love that, And so I want.
Speaker 2: To just honor Bob for a little bit because since
Speaker 2: you were, tell me, what are you with some of
Speaker 2: the things that made him so unique and special to
Speaker 2: you and to the world.
Speaker 6: Well, it's so interesting to say this to a comedian
Speaker 6: because a lot of people don't understand this about comedians,
Speaker 6: but comedians are incredibly deep and incredibly complex and have
Speaker 6: usually gone through a really tough time, which is how
Speaker 6: they became comedians. Incredibly deep, incredibly deep, incredibly complex, And
Speaker 6: Bob was just this mix of He was hilarious but
Speaker 6: also insanely neurotic, and also so giving and nurturing and
Speaker 6: helpful and thoughtful, but also so needy, you know. I mean,
Speaker 6: he was just everything. And it was truly you know,
Speaker 6: I certainly did not go into this before I met him,
Speaker 6: thinking like, oh, I'm gonna end up dating Bob Saggot
Speaker 6: one day. Like that was just so strange. It was
Speaker 6: when I first met him, it was such a foreign
Speaker 6: concept to me. I was like, I can't like Bob Saget.
Speaker 6: That's so weird, Like that's that Danny Tanner.
Speaker 1: Guy, Like that's so weird. It was so bizarre to me.
Speaker 6: But then I slowly started to realize, I'm like this,
Speaker 6: I will never ever meet another person like this in
Speaker 6: my entire life. He was just the most unique, special, hilarious, introspective,
Speaker 6: deep person who just truly cared so much about the
Speaker 6: people in his life and also just cared about That
Speaker 6: was his last big hurrah where you know, his last
Speaker 6: tour was called I Don't Do Negative.
Speaker 1: All he wanted to do.
Speaker 6: It was, you know, tough time in the world, and
Speaker 6: he just wanted to make people happy. That's all he
Speaker 6: ever wanted was just to make people happy.
Speaker 2: So I think the thing that stands out most to
Speaker 2: me about Bob is his enthusiasm. He was so enthusiastic.
Speaker 2: You know, anytime I saw him, he was like, oh
Speaker 2: my god, Chelsea, tell me everything, what's going on?
Speaker 1: Like so excited to see you.
Speaker 2: And it wasn't just me that he was like that
Speaker 2: with obviously, that's what he exuded to everyone. It was
Speaker 2: so genuine, genuine, right, It wasn't both full of shit
Speaker 2: and it wasn't He wasn't jaded and he was never
Speaker 2: a negative guy like there was. I don't know if
Speaker 2: he had a dark side to him. I mean, I
Speaker 2: guess we all do, but as far as male comedians go,
Speaker 2: he was, you know, one of the least dark comedians
Speaker 2: that I've ever met.
Speaker 6: Yeah, it was more personally just because he always felt
Speaker 6: the way to the world and he had so much
Speaker 6: loss in his own life.
Speaker 1: He did have. And when I say a dark side.
Speaker 6: I don't mean you know where he was like secretly,
Speaker 6: you know, off yelling at people or something like that.
Speaker 6: I mean, he it was more he would just feel sad,
Speaker 6: you know, and he just wanted to make people happy,
Speaker 6: and so he was always struggling with like, oh God,
Speaker 6: like the world can be a tough place, and but
Speaker 6: all I want to do is help people, and y
Speaker 6: you know, at the same time trying to be a
Speaker 6: good dad and balance with his work. And you know,
Speaker 6: even though he you know, was an actor and a
Speaker 6: producer and director and all this stuff, like being a
Speaker 6: comedian was what made him the happiest.
Speaker 2: So yeah, and you're still very close with his girls,
Speaker 2: obviously so close.
Speaker 1: How old are they now?
Speaker 6: They're all in their thirties, so almost thirty two, thirty four,
Speaker 6: thirty five, and thirty seven.
Speaker 1: Wow.
Speaker 6: Yeah, So it was nice because you know, I never
Speaker 6: I never wanted kids. Well I didn't think I wanted kids,
Speaker 6: and then I ended up not wanting kids, and which
Speaker 6: is well, that was kind of a He's like I
Speaker 6: at first he kept the option open, and then he's like,
Speaker 6: I can't do it, and I was like, I don't
Speaker 6: blame you. I wouldn't want to be pushing a stroller.
Speaker 6: I don't want to push a stroller now, let alone.
Speaker 6: It's seventy right.
Speaker 1: You know.
Speaker 6: And it was great because I had these three incredible
Speaker 6: step daughters, so I just got to like drink martinis
Speaker 6: with I didn't have to change.
Speaker 2: I mean, that's really the way to do it, is
Speaker 2: to get into some sort of step parenting situation if
Speaker 2: you must, you know, because that can pay such dividends
Speaker 2: too to joyfulness and happiness.
Speaker 1: I have lots of step children in my life.
Speaker 6: Well, I will say that you being so outspoken about
Speaker 6: being child free inspired me to also be more outspoken
Speaker 6: about it, because it is something that's a little taboo also,
Speaker 6: and you always talking about it in the way that
Speaker 6: you do in such a hilarious way, which I can't
Speaker 6: do that, but you know, it just made me much
Speaker 6: more open to talking about it more and making it
Speaker 6: trying to normalize that a little bit, because it's weird
Speaker 6: that it's not as normalized.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I know, it's weird that.
Speaker 2: And what's weird to me is for any man to
Speaker 2: think that we all automatically want to be mothers. It's like,
Speaker 2: excuse me, where would you get that fucking idea?
Speaker 6: Yeah, it's really crazy to me because it is something
Speaker 6: that like, when you were let's say fifteen, did you
Speaker 6: think you wanted or did you know? From a very
Speaker 6: early age, it.
Speaker 2: Was like, wait, this isn't something I would ever want.
Speaker 2: I don't want a newborn baby.
Speaker 6: I never wanted it, and being pregnant always terrified me,
Speaker 6: and I never want Even when I was a kid,
Speaker 6: I was like, I don't really like being around kids,
Speaker 6: but I just still thought that I would because it's
Speaker 6: just what you do, you know, It's just kind of
Speaker 6: the way.
Speaker 1: Of the world.
Speaker 2: And so I was like, oh, I'm sure what they're
Speaker 2: counting on everyone for us to think we're supposed to
Speaker 2: do what we want, what we're you know, we're supposed
Speaker 2: to do things and not think too much about it,
Speaker 2: think about it, you know, And it got to the
Speaker 2: point where I was like, wait, I do have a
Speaker 2: choice in this.
Speaker 6: That's crazy interesting. And then when I met Bob at
Speaker 6: first I still kind of wanted the option, and then
Speaker 6: he's like, no, I can't. I can't do it again.
Speaker 6: And then I was like, all right, well, choice made
Speaker 6: for me because it reminded me always of that Sex
Speaker 6: and the City Line with Carrie and Charlotte, when Charlotte's like,
Speaker 6: I can't believe you're gonna give up a baby for
Speaker 6: a man you hardly know, and She's like, why would
Speaker 6: I give up a man for a baby I hardly
Speaker 6: know I want? And I was like, it's Mike drop,
Speaker 6: end of story, you know. I was like, that's that's it.
Speaker 6: So I was like, I'm not going to give up
Speaker 6: this wonderful person for something I don't even think I want.
Speaker 1: So and so now you're dating someone else. Can we
Speaker 1: talk about who you're dating? Ye breck and Meyer, who's
Speaker 1: an actor.
Speaker 2: Yes, I've known him for many, many years and we
Speaker 2: were all at the Sarah Silverman party recently.
Speaker 1: It's like yellow, I say hello back, He's a sweetheart.
Speaker 2: That's a big arity, by the way, between Bob and
Speaker 2: Brecon it is it is.
Speaker 6: And but Bob was also Bob was so he surprised
Speaker 6: people with how tall he was. Nobody thought that he
Speaker 6: was that tall until they saw him.
Speaker 3: A person six fourka, that's tall.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 6: It's so interesting because they do have a lot of similarities.
Speaker 6: They're both incredibly devoted fathers, and they're both probably the
Speaker 6: two funniest people I've ever known. But then they're also
Speaker 6: different in so many ways. And it's great because you know,
Speaker 6: I've joked about this recently, is that I feel that
Speaker 6: Brecan is the only person that Bob would be okay about.
Speaker 6: He like, would not want me dating anybody, but he's like, oh,
Speaker 6: it's going to be somebody. Fine, at least it's Brecon,
Speaker 6: because he really loved Brecon and respected him. But they
Speaker 6: weren't really close. It would be weird if they were
Speaker 6: really close. But there they were close enough to where
Speaker 6: they really really liked and respected each other, but not
Speaker 6: best friends.
Speaker 1: And you like to be with funny men.
Speaker 6: Apparently Apparently now looking back, I'm like, how how did
Speaker 6: I ever think that that was a non negotiable, Like
Speaker 6: that's that's a mandatory It's.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, right right.
Speaker 2: I mean, it's really nice to be around a funny
Speaker 2: guy it is.
Speaker 1: That's very helpful.
Speaker 6: Yeah, we just laugh all day every day.
Speaker 1: We just crack each other up. Okay, we're going to
Speaker 1: take a break and we're going to be right back
Speaker 1: with Kelly Rizzo. We're back with Kelly. Okay, We're going
Speaker 1: to take some callers. We're gonna give advice, We're going
Speaker 1: to give out comfort. Okay, so I'm pretending I'm a therapist.
Speaker 4: Okay, here we got exactly exactly so, Sandy says Dear Chelsea.
Speaker 4: In twenty twelve, I lost my beautiful sixteen year old son.
Speaker 4: I spent the next several years participating in weekly grief
Speaker 4: support groups, where it wasn't uncommon for people to express
Speaker 4: their guilt and dissatisfaction for the type of memorial service
Speaker 4: they were able to provide for their loved one while
Speaker 4: in the depths of their grief. It bothered me that
Speaker 4: a people's lives were not being appropriately honored, and b
Speaker 4: grieving people were feeling badly about this on top of
Speaker 4: all the emotions that come along with grief. So five
Speaker 4: years ago I started an event planning business specializing in
Speaker 4: celebrations of life. This work taps into a perfect combination
Speaker 4: of my life experience, my education in psychology, my organizational skills,
Speaker 4: and several of my creative talents. I'm known for hosting
Speaker 4: the best parties, and I have a deep compassion and
Speaker 4: unending patience for people in the depths of grief. The
Speaker 4: trouble is, since this is a unique business model in
Speaker 4: the United States, I'm afraid that I'm a bit ahead
Speaker 4: of my time. I'm an introverted creative type who is
Speaker 4: uncomfortable selling myself and have been struggling with figuring out
Speaker 4: how to reach people who need my services. After some
Speaker 4: slow periods last year, I incorporated planning other types of
Speaker 4: events into my business. I've heard you talk about your
Speaker 4: preference for celebrations of life over funerals on past episodes
Speaker 4: of Dear Chelsea, so I thought i'd ask you for
Speaker 4: your thoughts on this career path I've chosen and desperately
Speaker 4: do not want to give up, because truly, no one
Speaker 4: needs an event planner more than people suffering from grief.
Speaker 4: Am I too ahead of my time for this endeavor?
Speaker 4: How do I lead the way into establishing new norms
Speaker 4: for celebrating our dead in a society that doesn't seem
Speaker 4: quite ready to think outside the box.
Speaker 3: I'd love your input. All the best, Sandy.
Speaker 5: Hi, Sandy, Hi Chelsea.
Speaker 2: Hi there, this is our special guest Kelly Rizzos with
Speaker 2: us today.
Speaker 6: Hi Kelly, Hi Sandy.
Speaker 2: I love that idea. I mean, that's what we had
Speaker 2: for Bob right celebration of life.
Speaker 6: Yeah, I mean, I just have to say, that is
Speaker 6: the most incredible idea I have ever heard. And I
Speaker 6: can't tell you how incredibly valuable that would have been
Speaker 6: for me at the time I was in I mean,
Speaker 6: I was incapable of doing anything, but I also fortunately
Speaker 6: didn't have to do anything because a lot of people
Speaker 6: stepped up. But there, to me is such a need
Speaker 6: for that, and for you to even feel the slightest
Speaker 6: bit of negativity around that, I just I hope that
Speaker 6: you can embrace it fully because it is so neat,
Speaker 6: is so important, and I've never heard of anyone doing that.
Speaker 6: So to me, it's like you're kind of one in
Speaker 6: a million.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it feels like I'm like, it feels like a
Speaker 2: service that will help many, many people. I think it's
Speaker 2: just a matter of you getting the message out there.
Speaker 2: It sounds like, so what is your like, where are
Speaker 2: you what's your business strategy?
Speaker 1: What have you been doing thus far?
Speaker 5: Well, like I said, I did have to switch to
Speaker 5: adding more events to my repertoire and just offering my
Speaker 5: services to a wider scope of events, which has been fun.
Speaker 5: But my heart really is with the grieving. So after
Speaker 5: the pandemic, I was slammed with work. I had a
Speaker 5: bunch and then it just suddenly dropped off and it
Speaker 5: wasn't even people who died of COVID.
Speaker 1: And where do you live?
Speaker 5: I live in Bellingham, Washington, Okay?
Speaker 1: And so is there?
Speaker 5: How are you marketing this social media? Mostly I've reached
Speaker 5: out to other event planners to let them know that
Speaker 5: I specialize in this in case it's something that they
Speaker 5: don't want to take on. I have, you know, all
Speaker 5: of the funeral homes know that I exist. I've pretty
Speaker 5: much covered everything that I can think.
Speaker 1: Well, what about advertising with the obituaries?
Speaker 5: You know, people don't really do obituaries very much anymore,
Speaker 5: do they?
Speaker 1: I guess not in the hard papers. They don't do
Speaker 1: them online?
Speaker 5: Yeah, not very often. They are done through the funeral homes.
Speaker 5: And honestly, I'm kind of in competition with the funeral homes.
Speaker 5: So they don't, you know.
Speaker 1: I would think A.
Speaker 2: I think obviously you want to broad in your social
Speaker 2: media advertisement as much as you can by spreading the
Speaker 2: word and having people who have used your business continue
Speaker 2: to spread the word, but also making sure that your
Speaker 2: messaging is in temples and churches and congregations that are
Speaker 2: in your area to let people know that there's another
Speaker 2: option other than a funeral organizations or like even retirement
Speaker 2: homes going into their Have you done that?
Speaker 4: Yeah?
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 4: There might also be an opportunity, sort of a business
Speaker 4: to business opportunity talking to elder law and estate planning attorneys.
Speaker 5: I did that as well. Did you already it saturate?
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 5: I sent out marketing materials to all of them. Yeah.
Speaker 4: It may be a little bit more of interacting with
Speaker 4: them on a personal basis, like calling, having a meeting,
Speaker 4: sitting down talking to them a little bit about why
Speaker 4: this is something somebody might want to include actually in
Speaker 4: their estate plans, because marketing like it's so like you said,
Speaker 4: outside the box four people in the US, that it
Speaker 4: might take more like maybe you are having events and
Speaker 4: speaking for fifteen minutes about like why you feel like
Speaker 4: this is an even better way to celebrate someone's life.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's a great idea.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, if you could do that, Like if you
Speaker 2: could talk to people's families at a retirement community, or
Speaker 2: you go in and.
Speaker 1: You talk to all the people in the home.
Speaker 2: You know, how do you want to spend how do
Speaker 2: you want to be celebrated when your life is over?
Speaker 1: Here? Do you want to have a funeral?
Speaker 2: Like I'm here to offer something If this sounds I mean,
Speaker 2: you really do have to kind of have a conversation
Speaker 2: with them about it. I think that's how you get
Speaker 2: people to convert to the idea of not you know,
Speaker 2: a funeral is so funereal, so depressing. You know, there
Speaker 2: is an upbeat, more positive way of looking at like
Speaker 2: transitioning out of life. And I mean even talking to
Speaker 2: people in hospitals, you know, who are dealing with like
Speaker 2: difficult decisions and stuff like that. But I feel like
Speaker 2: retirement communities are just so like if you could talk
Speaker 2: to the people that are there, and if you could
Speaker 2: talk to family members of the people that are there
Speaker 2: to give them the option, because I'm sure it's more.
Speaker 1: I mean, everyone has to either bury or.
Speaker 2: Cremate somebody, right, Yeah, so there's that cost anyway, But
Speaker 2: are your costs kind of commensurate with the cost of
Speaker 2: a funeral?
Speaker 5: Yeah, And I mean I've had to keep them that way,
Speaker 5: even though what I create is far better than, yes,
Speaker 5: what the average funeral is. And I'll tell you what
Speaker 5: I have found is elderly people. They have their plans
Speaker 5: kind of set in place, and a lot of them
Speaker 5: don't want anything. And they also have lived long enough
Speaker 5: that a lot of their friends are no longer here
Speaker 5: to participate. So those aren't really the people that have
Speaker 5: hired me. It has been people who have lost somebody tragically, suddenly, unexpectedly,
Speaker 5: far too young, who are just wiped out by grief
Speaker 5: and need somebody to step in and celebrate. I've helped
Speaker 5: celebrate some pretty incredible people in some pretty incredible ways.
Speaker 5: So it's been, you know, it's all been just a
Speaker 5: learning curve because there's no like literally, I think there's
Speaker 5: five businesses in the entire country that do what I do,
Speaker 5: and I was one of the first, so and none
Speaker 5: of us are getting very much work. So it's just
Speaker 5: a really new concept.
Speaker 6: Isn't One of the big selling points also, that a
Speaker 6: funeral is usually within a few days to a week
Speaker 6: or so after somebody passes, where what you're doing kind
Speaker 6: of gives them more time to prepare and to plan something.
Speaker 1: W'ere a funeral.
Speaker 6: I mean, you're so rushed, and sometimes you're like, I mean,
Speaker 6: for instance, Bob and I never ever talked about what
Speaker 6: he wanted. Fortunately, you know, obviously with his family and
Speaker 6: everything so involved, Like we did what we think he
Speaker 6: would actually really have loved, but we never talked about it,
Speaker 6: so I didn't know, and we were so rushed, you know,
Speaker 6: everything happened so quickly that you're like, oh God, am
Speaker 6: I doing this right? What am I doing to where
Speaker 6: your services? You know, you can have much more time
Speaker 6: to prepare and do it right and do what you
Speaker 6: think the person would really have wanted.
Speaker 5: And I do always encourage my people not to try
Speaker 5: not to rush it. There's some who just need it
Speaker 5: to be over with that For the most part, people
Speaker 5: want to take the time so they can get used
Speaker 5: to the idea that they need to do this thing.
Speaker 5: And the more time I have, the more epic I
Speaker 5: can truly make the event be for them and really
Speaker 5: dig into who the person was and find ways to
Speaker 5: reflect who they were in this celebration that we're creating
Speaker 5: of their life, and everybody loves the events. I've had
Speaker 5: families tell me that, you know, they were absolutely terrified
Speaker 5: and dreading coming to their person's celebration of life, but
Speaker 5: felt an overwhelming sense of joy and love when they left.
Speaker 5: So it's kind of a magical service that I can
Speaker 5: provide for people. And beyond just creating the event, I
Speaker 5: provide I know what grief is like, and I provide
Speaker 5: support and let them know that they're not crazy while
Speaker 5: they're going through you know, what they're experiencing, sometimes for
Speaker 5: the first time in their lives.
Speaker 1: Yeah, okay, well we're going to we'll help you. Promoted
Speaker 1: on this podcast. What is the name of your.
Speaker 5: Business, Epic Celebrations and.
Speaker 1: You service anywhere in the country or is it just
Speaker 1: in your area?
Speaker 5: I generally work between Bellingham and Seattle, Okay in county.
Speaker 5: Excuse me, but I am certainly willing to travel for
Speaker 5: my services.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, well I think Yeah.
Speaker 2: I'm sorry, we don't have a better like mark business
Speaker 2: strategy for you, but we will try to spread the
Speaker 2: word over here because I think that is the definite
Speaker 2: way to deal with losing a loved one, especially in
Speaker 2: a tragic way, you know, you don't you want to
Speaker 2: go out with remembering all of the beauty that they
Speaker 2: brought and kind of having a more modern way of
Speaker 2: looking at death rather than death being the final you know,
Speaker 2: and such an ending and such a smack in the face.
Speaker 2: And especially for people who you who lose loved ones unexpectedly,
Speaker 2: that's exactly.
Speaker 1: What you need, you know, in the face of that.
Speaker 3: Yeah, well, I.
Speaker 6: Will definitely keep it in mind too since I deal with, yeah,
Speaker 6: a lot of greeting people all the time.
Speaker 5: H Yeah, Well, I think it's just really important to, like,
Speaker 5: I appreciate the opportunity to put the idea out there
Speaker 5: in a larger sphere, you know, so people are thinking about,
Speaker 5: you know, different ways, and that there are people who
Speaker 5: can help in that, and just to start thinking about
Speaker 5: thinking outside the box of what you know, we how
Speaker 5: we celebrate the lives of our people once they're not here.
Speaker 2: And also, you know, another way to kind of maybe
Speaker 2: outreach for you to do is people are able to
Speaker 2: get euthanized in Oregon, so if they're planning that and Washington, right,
Speaker 2: oh right, yeah, So I mean, is there any way
Speaker 2: to kind of couple your services or with with those
Speaker 2: with those programs that are actually because those people know
Speaker 2: they're going to die, and that's kind of what they.
Speaker 3: Can be around for their celebration of life.
Speaker 5: Right. Yeah, And one of the services that I offer.
Speaker 5: You spoke with Katie Kuric about this on a previous podcast,
Speaker 5: which was part of what led me to contact you,
Speaker 5: was she talked about the idea of living memorials for
Speaker 5: when somebody is sick and know they're going to pass,
Speaker 5: and then having a celebration when they have all of
Speaker 5: the people around them who can hug them and love
Speaker 5: on them one last time so that they leave this
Speaker 5: world feeling full of love instead of fear. Yeah.
Speaker 1: That's really beautiful idea too.
Speaker 5: So yeah, yeah, and that's one of the services I offer.
Speaker 5: But haven't been taken up on that one yet.
Speaker 2: Okay, Well, I think it will happen. I think people
Speaker 2: will come around to this idea. It's very you. You
Speaker 2: are a little ahead of your time, but that's a
Speaker 2: good thing. That's not a bad thing. What are the
Speaker 2: other events that you're doing to supplement your company.
Speaker 5: I've done some corporate events and I've done some baby showers.
Speaker 5: So it's been kind of fun to work on the
Speaker 5: opposite end of things. Yeah, I did some birthday parties,
Speaker 5: and it's been really joyful to actually get to meet
Speaker 5: the people that I'm helping plan parties for. You know,
Speaker 5: I tend to fall in love with the honorees that
Speaker 5: I create celebrations of life for, and then I don't
Speaker 5: get to meet them. I just have to find ways
Speaker 5: of bringing a piece of who they were into me
Speaker 5: and holding them in my heart even though I never
Speaker 5: get to meet them. But it's really it's pretty heartbreaking
Speaker 5: to know that I've missed out on knowing some really
Speaker 5: really cool people in this world.
Speaker 1: Yeah, the circle of life, Yeah, the whole spectrum.
Speaker 2: Well, good for you for doing this work. It's really
Speaker 2: really you meaningful, you know.
Speaker 5: Thank you. Thanks for bringing attention to it.
Speaker 3: Yeah, Sandy, so tell us one more time. It's Epic
Speaker 3: Celebrations dot.
Speaker 5: Com, Epic Celebrations NW for Northwest dot Com.
Speaker 4: All right, great, Well, let's also offline a little bit
Speaker 4: more about potential B to B strategies. I'd like to
Speaker 4: hear kind of like what all of you tried and
Speaker 4: and offer some suggestions for more stuff to try.
Speaker 5: Okay, all right, thanks Sandy, Thanks everybody.
Speaker 1: Thank you bye bye bye. That is it?
Speaker 3: That is a really cool idea, really cool, right, Yeah.
Speaker 4: I just feel like getting that idea in front of
Speaker 4: people in a way where you know, obviously you don't
Speaker 4: know if somebody's going to have a sudden death, but
Speaker 4: where it's sort of like they remember, like, oh my gosh,
Speaker 4: there's a woman who came and spoke at such and
Speaker 4: such like two years ago, and she would be perfect
Speaker 4: to jump in and help out with this.
Speaker 6: Oh well, now I know about it'll be on my radar.
Speaker 6: And yeah, as you said, she's a bit ahead of
Speaker 6: her time, but there's also very little competition, so m m.
Speaker 3: Yeah, right exactly.
Speaker 2: That's also nice for people who have a terminal diagnosis
Speaker 2: to make this kind of plan, you know, people who
Speaker 2: know that they're not going to make it, and they
Speaker 2: could plan an either life celebration before they pass on,
Speaker 2: or you know, employ her to actually make their funeral
Speaker 2: something that they're going to want to be at.
Speaker 1: You know, you know, what do you think about that?
Speaker 6: The where you're at your own funeral almost.
Speaker 1: I mean, I'm down for that. I don't mind that idea.
Speaker 1: Hardy's like, wait, that'd be amazing.
Speaker 6: The part of me is like, oh wow, that's you
Speaker 6: always have those dreams of like being at your own funeral,
Speaker 6: like what that would be like, you know, like did
Speaker 6: would anybody show up?
Speaker 1: And then it's like you get to see who shows up? Yeah?
Speaker 2: Yeah, I like the idea of a celebration of life
Speaker 2: for sure, because I don't want a funeral.
Speaker 1: I want a party.
Speaker 4: Yeah, but it's a little easier to party while the
Speaker 4: person's still there.
Speaker 1: Yeah, or have a party in my honor without me.
Speaker 1: I'm fine either way.
Speaker 3: Yeah. And there's just been plates of drugs everywhere.
Speaker 2: Yeah, plates of drugs. Musham's to see all of that
Speaker 2: good stuff more.
Speaker 4: Next question is not about grief, but this comes from
Speaker 4: they're using thoseudonyms spiraling. Dear Chelsea. I'm a forty year
Speaker 4: old woman who recently moved to a new city and state.
Speaker 4: I really enjoy playing tennis, and since moving, I've joined
Speaker 4: some leagues and have been meeting a lot of people.
Speaker 3: Last Sunday, I was.
Speaker 4: Playing tennis with one of my teams, and I think
Speaker 4: I overheard our team captain talking about me to another teammate.
Speaker 4: She said about me, she doesn't look like she'd be good,
Speaker 4: but she is right. I cannot stop thinking about it.
Speaker 4: Always been self conscious, so the comment cut really deep.
Speaker 4: I don't think the captain was trying to talk bad
Speaker 4: about me. I actually think she was trying to say
Speaker 4: something nice about me. But it's really caused me to
Speaker 4: spiral a bit. She also doesn't know I overheard her.
Speaker 4: I mean, what's wrong with me? Why can't I just
Speaker 4: focus on the good part and not on the looks part?
Speaker 4: Any advice, sincerely, Spiraling.
Speaker 2: We're talking about we were talking about dark you know,
Speaker 2: your dark side, Like we all have a shadow self,
Speaker 2: and our shadow self is you know some psychiatrists refer
Speaker 2: to that. Some people is like, oh, it's just your ego,
Speaker 2: however you want to frame it. We have voices in
Speaker 2: our head that are telling us one story, and then
Speaker 2: there's reality. And the reality is that she was giving
Speaker 2: you a compliment, and who gives a shit what she
Speaker 2: thinks about whether or not you look like you're a
Speaker 2: good athlete or not. The compliment is that you are,
Speaker 2: and she's surprised. That's all her business, Like, it's none
Speaker 2: of your business. But the thoughts that you're having that
Speaker 2: are related to this are your insecure thoughts, your ego thoughts,
Speaker 2: your shut of self thoughts. That is your job to
Speaker 2: quiet those thoughts, and that is through like daily work
Speaker 2: to understand that other people's opinions of you don't matter.
Speaker 1: They're not your business.
Speaker 2: And sometimes even when they tell you about their opinions
Speaker 2: of you, it doesn't matter. You're not as long as
Speaker 2: you're not hurting someone, hurting someone's feelings, or be acting
Speaker 2: in a destructive way towards yourself or towards others. That
Speaker 2: is work you have to do on yourself, and that's
Speaker 2: can be daily affirmations of why of all the things
Speaker 2: that you see about yourself, that you are strong, that
Speaker 2: you are capable, that you're active in your sport, and
Speaker 2: all of the other good things that you have in
Speaker 2: your life, or a gratitude journal, you know, writing down
Speaker 2: ten things that you're happy and grateful about. You just
Speaker 2: kind of have to get to like a little bit
Speaker 2: of a higher frequency than to let all these little
Speaker 2: comments from other people that you weren't even supposed to
Speaker 2: hear in the first place. Remember, you weren't supposed to
Speaker 2: hear that in the first place. If she had a
Speaker 2: choice to say that with knowing you would hear it,
Speaker 2: she wouldn't I have chosen for you to hear it.
Speaker 2: Therefore there's nothing for you to do about it. You're
Speaker 2: definitely not gonna say anything to her about it.
Speaker 1: Who cares? You don't want to? Like that's aggravating an issue.
Speaker 2: But I think all of our negative self talk like
Speaker 2: that is a daily exercise that you have to recognize
Speaker 2: that you're doing a And now you recognize that you're
Speaker 2: doing it, I'm telling you that you're doing it. You
Speaker 2: wrote in because of this, and you have to start
Speaker 2: to disassemble that. And every day is like, I am
Speaker 2: not what other people think about me. I am what
Speaker 2: I am, And you're contributing in a valuable way to
Speaker 2: something that you really enjoy. That's your takeaway, not the
Speaker 2: negative thing that is meaningless to me. So, while I
Speaker 2: know it's difficult to hear things about yourself sometime, I
Speaker 2: really just would want to implore you to like dig
Speaker 2: a little deeper into who you really are, the essence
Speaker 2: of who you are as a person, and then you
Speaker 2: become a lot less affected by what other people think
Speaker 2: of you. And that can work with meditation too. You
Speaker 2: can achieve that goal through meditation, through graditude lists, through
Speaker 2: affirmations every day. But I would pick one of those
Speaker 2: things and really focus on doing that activity every single
Speaker 2: day to just kind of bring yourself up a little
Speaker 2: bit more so you're not as vulnerable to others in
Speaker 2: things that are not that important.
Speaker 6: Yeah, you nailed that one thousand percent. I mean I
Speaker 6: was just thinking the same thing, like, what other people
Speaker 6: think of you is.
Speaker 1: Not your business.
Speaker 6: And it can be hard, of course to you know,
Speaker 6: you hear something gossipy and negative.
Speaker 1: It sounds it's a high.
Speaker 6: School thing, you know, it's that thing that you would
Speaker 6: let can you latch on to when you were when
Speaker 6: you were younger, And it can be hard to you know,
Speaker 6: if you hear somebody saying something about about you. But
Speaker 6: as you said, she wasn't meant to hear it. It
Speaker 6: was ultimately a positive. And didn't she say, like, I'm
Speaker 6: not even sure she was talking about me. Let's just
Speaker 6: pretend she wasn't even talking about you, it wasn't even
Speaker 6: about you. Just pretend that you didn't even hear because
Speaker 6: it wasn't even about you. It could have been about
Speaker 6: somebody else. You don't know for sure, that's true.
Speaker 2: Also, Yeah, So just work on your stuff, work on it.
Speaker 2: We all have a responsibility to each other as women
Speaker 2: and as human beings to get better at being ourselves.
Speaker 2: We all have a responsibility to kind of improve our
Speaker 2: own mental health and our own mental self assuredness. Our
Speaker 2: self assuredness is like, you have to be aware of
Speaker 2: your behavior and then oh, oh, look at what I
Speaker 2: got hurt about. Oh that's me being silly or insecure
Speaker 2: or small. Never mind, wipe that away like it's like
Speaker 2: water off a duck's back. Let it fall off of you,
Speaker 2: and actually physically think about those comments falling off of you,
Speaker 2: because that's something that I do a lot, and it works.
Speaker 2: You just think about the fact that, Okay, I've set
Speaker 2: with this emotion. It didn't feel nice, and now I'm
Speaker 2: letting it go and moving on.
Speaker 1: That's good.
Speaker 6: I like that envisioning the water off a ducts back.
Speaker 3: Mm hmmm hm. So Luke says dear Chelsea.
Speaker 4: I'm a thirty four year old single gay man, and
Speaker 4: life has been equal parts horrible and generous to me.
Speaker 4: I met my husband online when I was seventeen, he
Speaker 4: was eighteen. There wasn't a weird age gap. Even talking
Speaker 4: about it now, I want to pull younger me aside
Speaker 4: and say Oh, honey, you have so much time to
Speaker 4: fall in love.
Speaker 3: Don't rush it.
Speaker 4: Well, we rushed it, and I rebelled against every piece
Speaker 4: of guidance my family had to offer. We got married
Speaker 4: and never looked back. We both ended up being successful
Speaker 4: in our careers and build a great life together. And
Speaker 4: then he died in a car accident. I was and
Speaker 4: still am, completely devastated. And this was four years ago.
Speaker 4: Three months after he died, I learned that I was
Speaker 4: the sole beneficiary of a one million dollar life insurance policy.
Speaker 4: That policy has since paid out, and I donated a
Speaker 4: large chunk of that to charities that I know he loved.
Speaker 3: The rest I invested.
Speaker 4: As you can imagine, his family is coming out of
Speaker 4: the woodwork with their handout, and my inclination is to
Speaker 4: tell them to fuck off entirely.
Speaker 3: What are your thoughts? Thank you, Luke. This is tricky.
Speaker 3: This is tricky.
Speaker 2: I mean, I don't think it's fair to have to
Speaker 2: give handouts to everybody, and his family if those were
Speaker 2: his wishes. Yeah, is it the insurance policy or was
Speaker 2: it an insurance policy?
Speaker 6: Oh?
Speaker 1: I see, so that is a little bit different. What
Speaker 1: do you think about this?
Speaker 6: An insurance policy is a very deliberate, very calculated situation,
Speaker 6: you know, like he set that up for him. It
Speaker 6: wasn't This wasn't like a probate situation where he died
Speaker 6: and left a bunch of money and it's like who does.
Speaker 1: It go to?
Speaker 6: Well, they were married, and the family's like what about me?
Speaker 6: Where his family? This was a very deliberate situation. Obviously,
Speaker 6: if it was a different type of inheritance, that maybe
Speaker 6: is a little bit more disputable. But I feel like
Speaker 6: life insurance policy is just very specific.
Speaker 4: Right right, And I think my big question is what
Speaker 4: kind of relationship did you have with them before this?
Speaker 3: You know, did you have a good relationship with them?
Speaker 4: Were they people that you saw it Thanksgiving and holidays
Speaker 4: and this sort of thing, or are you just hearing
Speaker 4: from them now. I think that makes a big difference
Speaker 4: and sort of the answers to that.
Speaker 2: Yeah, But it's also not your responsibility to be doling
Speaker 2: out like you know, we're talking about a million dollars,
Speaker 2: and while that may sound like a lot of money,
Speaker 2: that goes very quickly, you know when you start giving
Speaker 2: it away to different people, And as you just said,
Speaker 2: and insurance policy is not set up for your other
Speaker 2: family members like your brothers and your sisters.
Speaker 1: It's set up for your partner. That's what it is, right.
Speaker 6: And that's that coming from his bank account. It's not
Speaker 6: like it's not like this is his money. He worked
Speaker 6: for his whole life and he's leaving it all to
Speaker 6: him like this is insurance money, right.
Speaker 2: I don't know if you're feeling really guilty that you
Speaker 2: want to give them money, that's that's really a personal decision.
Speaker 1: I don't think you have any obligation to do that.
Speaker 2: And yes, are you in regular communication with these people,
Speaker 2: or if they came out of nowhere, if they came
Speaker 2: out of nowhere, or you hadn't heard from them for
Speaker 2: a while, one more reason to not worry about it.
Speaker 2: But I wouldn't let yourself be racked with guilt. You
Speaker 2: were in that relationship for a really long time, and
Speaker 2: I believe that you deserve that insurance policy.
Speaker 6: And I will say that you are not alone in this.
Speaker 6: This is so common and is almost a little bit
Speaker 6: more the norm when somebody passes away and there's you know,
Speaker 6: whether there's a step situation and exes and all this
Speaker 6: stuff and children involved that it usually can be very
Speaker 6: messy and it usually can create so many problems. I
Speaker 6: was so fortunate that we had none of that, thank god.
Speaker 6: But that's not the norm my situation. We talk all
Speaker 6: the time. We're always like, we are so lucky that
Speaker 6: we didn't have that type of because a lot of times,
Speaker 6: just somebody passes away, it is just a catalyst for
Speaker 6: your worst self.
Speaker 1: To come from. Yeah. Absolutely.
Speaker 2: I mean I was just with a friend on vacation
Speaker 2: who was dealing with this and I could not believe
Speaker 2: the stories. I was just like, oh my god, money
Speaker 2: brings out the worst in everybody.
Speaker 4: My family is all in elder law and estate planning,
Speaker 4: So like, everybody, go get your estate plan done because
Speaker 4: that you know, when you do pass, you can make
Speaker 4: these choices before any of that happens. You can say
Speaker 4: how you want things to go and nobody has to
Speaker 4: argue about it.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I've done my estate planning.
Speaker 2: I just re up to my estate planning and make
Speaker 2: sure that my cousin doesn't get to make medical decisions
Speaker 2: in my favor because she'll keep me alive no matter what.
Speaker 2: And I was like, listen, bitch, I have another cousin
Speaker 2: that will euthanize me. And so he's gonna be the
Speaker 2: one that has the medical decision making.
Speaker 1: I don't want to fight anything. I'm ready. I'm ready
Speaker 1: to go if need.
Speaker 3: Be all right.
Speaker 4: And you know, one other thing that Luke brought up
Speaker 4: when we did sort of a pre interview call was
Speaker 4: being a very young widower is something very unique or
Speaker 4: is uncommon?
Speaker 3: Would you have any words of advice for him?
Speaker 6: Yeah, just knowing that you feel like when it happens
Speaker 6: to you that you're the only one because you're like,
Speaker 6: oh my god, I was not planning this. I was
Speaker 6: anticipating that. I mean, in my situation, I knew that
Speaker 6: I'd probably be a widow maybe in my sixties or seventies,
Speaker 6: but I certainly wasn't anticipating it at forty two when
Speaker 6: it was three years ago. And I will say, when
Speaker 6: you go through it, you start like so many people
Speaker 6: start to come out of the woodworks, and you do
Speaker 6: have such a support group of people that you meet
Speaker 6: who they're like, i'm a young widow too, or I'm
Speaker 6: a young widower also, and I've met so many people
Speaker 6: who have and then you feel less alone and it
Speaker 6: sounds like this was four years ago.
Speaker 1: So it's really tough.
Speaker 6: But if he can find that support from other people
Speaker 6: who have gone through it at a similar age. You
Speaker 6: do feel alone, but you're not alone. There are so
Speaker 6: many people.
Speaker 2: And it's really important not to let people put guilt
Speaker 2: on you. I know you might feel that like that's
Speaker 2: a natural reaction to them coming and saying we want
Speaker 2: money to.
Speaker 1: Or whatever they're doing. You can't let people guilt you
Speaker 1: into things.
Speaker 2: You have to kind of really sit with this decision
Speaker 2: and think about what's right for you and what's appropriate
Speaker 2: for you, and that is appropriate insurance policy is for
Speaker 2: the partner.
Speaker 1: That's appropriate.
Speaker 2: So anything other complicated feelings you have around it have
Speaker 2: been brought on by his family, and so I want
Speaker 2: you to be very aware of that and where the
Speaker 2: feelings of guilt are coming from.
Speaker 6: Yes, you've done absolutely nothing wrong. It's hard enough to
Speaker 6: go through the loss of the partner without all of
Speaker 6: this other stuff and a lot of people who aren't
Speaker 6: in your shoes and who haven't experienced a loss of
Speaker 6: a spouse and how absolutely gut wrenching it is. It
Speaker 6: just goes back to the hole. When someone is grieving,
Speaker 6: there's no wrong way to do it. You can't judge
Speaker 6: them because if you haven't been through it. You don't
Speaker 6: know what it's like.
Speaker 4: Yeah, all right, Luke, check back in with us, keep
Speaker 4: us posted, and we can take a quick break and
Speaker 4: come back with a kind of silly little question to
Speaker 4: wrap up.
Speaker 1: Perfect.
Speaker 2: Let's go, Let's let's end on something light today. It's
Speaker 2: been a bit heavier. Okay, we're gonna take a break up.
Speaker 2: We'll be right back with Kelly Rizzo. And we're back.
Speaker 1: We are back.
Speaker 5: Well.
Speaker 4: I identify with Cindy here because, you know, being a Midwestern kid,
Speaker 4: as I know you are, Kelly, you know our families
Speaker 4: are a little more conservative when it comes to what
Speaker 4: we do with our body modification. So Cindy says, Dear Chelsea.
Speaker 4: I'm in my thirties and recently got a little lip
Speaker 4: filler for the first time. I'm happy with the results,
Speaker 4: but I find myself constantly afraid of being judged by
Speaker 4: my friends and coworkers. I also live far away from
Speaker 4: my parents, and I'm dreading their reaction. They screamed at
Speaker 4: my sister when she got her nose pierced, so they
Speaker 4: definitely don't like body modifications. My fear is that my
Speaker 4: parents will be disappointed in me for changing the features
Speaker 4: they gave me, and I don't want to break their hearts.
Speaker 4: Do you think I should give my parents a heads
Speaker 4: up about the filler or should I just act normal
Speaker 4: and not say anything when I finally see them. Thanks
Speaker 4: so much for your advice, Cindy.
Speaker 2: I definitely don't think you should give the heads up
Speaker 2: to anyone about anything, Like it's really not their fucking
Speaker 2: problem or their business. And if it's noticeable enough, like
Speaker 2: if it's a big change from how you looked before,
Speaker 2: then I think you should go in there with like
Speaker 2: a plan about why you did it, explaining to them
Speaker 2: that it was important for you and that this has
Speaker 2: been something you've felt insecure about and that you've seen
Speaker 2: everybody else.
Speaker 1: Everybody fucking does this. Everybody does it.
Speaker 2: I've done it, Like it's okay, it doesn't matter, Like
Speaker 2: whatever's going to make you feel better. First of all,
Speaker 2: your lips get thinner as you get older, so like
Speaker 2: there's that a men's get thicker as they get older.
Speaker 1: How that happens?
Speaker 2: It's like, but also like whatever you need to do
Speaker 2: to make yourself feel better, who gives a shit? Like
Speaker 2: you don't owe them an explanation, And if they if
Speaker 2: it's not noticeable enough. They probably won't even fucking notice.
Speaker 2: So I don't know how much you got done. But
Speaker 2: like everyone is doing this and it's that's it. You
Speaker 2: always wanted bigger lips. That's all you have to say
Speaker 2: is I wish I had bigger lips. I've always wanted
Speaker 2: bigger lips. Can you believe how lucky I am that
Speaker 2: they provide this and you could just go and get
Speaker 2: it done. It didn't have to get so, I didn't
Speaker 2: have to go under the knife. I didn't have to
Speaker 2: do anything drastic. I just got a little lip injector
Speaker 2: that will dissolve if I don't like it.
Speaker 1: I mean, life is a miracle.
Speaker 6: Yeah, I mean, I'm with you completely, and that you're
Speaker 6: an adult, you're in your thirties. I understand the still
Speaker 6: appreciation for what your parents think. But it's one thing
Speaker 6: if you were like in high school and they're like,
Speaker 6: I'm not gonna pay for college if you do this, okay,
Speaker 6: it's like you're kind of still under their thumb, like
Speaker 6: they can't just go out and do that.
Speaker 1: However, I mean I.
Speaker 6: Come from a very different like my mom lived in
Speaker 6: the Playboy mansion in the sixties, when I had like
Speaker 6: my nose done in my boobs on, she was like,
Speaker 6: you go girl, Like she loved all that stuff. But
Speaker 6: then again, like they hated all the tattoos. I have
Speaker 6: so many tattoos. And my dad is you know, born
Speaker 6: in Sicily, very old school Sicilian, and he's would freak
Speaker 6: out about them. But I still just didn't care. I'm like,
Speaker 6: they're still gonna love me no matter what. They're not
Speaker 6: gonna disown me, and they get over it.
Speaker 1: They get over it.
Speaker 6: Yeah, they might be mad for a few minutes and
Speaker 6: well like why'd you do that? Five minutes later, they're
Speaker 6: not going to care. So just you're building this up
Speaker 6: too much. Yeah, they'll get over it.
Speaker 4: Yeah, And it's the way you feel, isn't silly. That's
Speaker 4: not what I'm trying to say by this is a
Speaker 4: silly question. But if this gives you confidence, that's the
Speaker 4: thing that matters. And I do think that's true. Like
Speaker 4: parents sometimes are like weird about something like a nose ring,
Speaker 4: but like not about hey, your lips look a little
Speaker 4: bit different.
Speaker 2: But also just come from a place of like when
Speaker 2: you do deal with it, your enthusiasm has to override
Speaker 2: their criticism, Like I'm so happy I did this. Thank goodness,
Speaker 2: this service is available, Thank god I can afford it.
Speaker 2: You can just pop into someone's office and do this, like,
Speaker 2: oh my god, I'm so grateful. Like you have to
Speaker 2: overshadow their pessimism or negativity and with the fact that
Speaker 2: their daughter's happy that you made that choice.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 6: Yeah, Like I feel good about myself. And if you
Speaker 6: want to be mad at me, be mad at me.
Speaker 6: But I'm sure you'll get over it. And yeah, we'll
Speaker 6: have a wonderful holidays.
Speaker 3: Yeah, exactly.
Speaker 1: Cut to I want to see it before and after picture.
Speaker 3: Please send that Cindy you.
Speaker 1: Okay, So, Kelly, thank you for coming today.
Speaker 2: So listen to people if you want to be in
Speaker 2: a support group for grief or you know, probably other
Speaker 2: things too. I imagine it will expand beyond just grief. Right,
Speaker 2: you can go.
Speaker 1: To comfort Club online dot com.
Speaker 2: Comfort Club online dot com, and then you can also
Speaker 2: tune into Kelly's podcast, which is comfort Food, which.
Speaker 1: Is available on anywhere you get podcasts.
Speaker 2: Which is also about grief and handling grief with a
Speaker 2: little bit more support and more comfort over food and
Speaker 2: actually using it as a guide to not even for yourself.
Speaker 2: If you're necessarily going through grief, but if for someone
Speaker 2: that you love is going through grief, figuring out a
Speaker 2: better way to be available for them exactly.
Speaker 6: And it's just really great advice for not only how
Speaker 6: to get through it yourself, but how to help people
Speaker 6: going through it in your life. Because if we haven't
Speaker 6: gone through it yet, someone we know has gone through
Speaker 6: it or is going through it. Yeah, thank you so
Speaker 6: much for thank you so much for having me. Yes,
Speaker 6: so lovely to see you. Yeah, always always. Okay, we'll
Speaker 6: see you guys next week.
Speaker 1: Okay, guys. Stand up shows that I have coming up.
Speaker 2: I am going to San Diego on eleven, twenty nine,
Speaker 2: that has tickets available. Oh, I'm coming to Vegas on
Speaker 2: November thirtieth, right after Thanksgiving and their tickets available for that.
Speaker 2: And then I'll be in Des Moines, Iowa December fifth.
Speaker 2: December sixth is Omaha, and then December twenty eighth, I'm
Speaker 2: coming in New Orleans right before New Year's and then
Speaker 2: I'll be in Atlanta, Georgia on December twenty ninth. And
Speaker 2: those are the rest of my stand up dates for
Speaker 2: this year. It's over New Tour New Year.
Speaker 4: If you'd like advice from Chelsea, shoot us an email
Speaker 4: at Dear Chelsea podcast at gmail dot com and be
Speaker 4: sure to include your phone number. Dear Chelsea is edited
Speaker 4: and engineered by Brad Dickard executive producer Catherine Law and
Speaker 4: be sure to check out our merch at Chelseahandler dot
Speaker 4: com