WEBVTT - Losing Bob Saget & Finding Love Again with Kelly Rizzo

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<v Speaker 1>It's Thanksgiving.

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<v Speaker 2>Everybody, Happy Thanksgiving to you and to yours. I will

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<v Speaker 2>be in Vegas this weekend at the third night of

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<v Speaker 2>my residency at the Cosmo with my whole entire family

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<v Speaker 2>and all of my cousins nice and then I'm going

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<v Speaker 2>to do the tree lighting the next night at the Cosmo.

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<v Speaker 1>Oh that's the kind of team player I am.

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<v Speaker 3>Are you a family that like goes around and makes

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<v Speaker 3>everyone say what they're thankful for?

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<v Speaker 1>No?

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<v Speaker 2>Oh, no, see I am. I do that in other families,

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<v Speaker 2>but my family sucks. No one does stuff like that

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<v Speaker 2>in our family.

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<v Speaker 3>No.

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<v Speaker 2>No, they all think I'm you know, if I say

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<v Speaker 2>something like that, it's like, oh, Chelsea, so just spiritual.

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<v Speaker 1>She's in a cult, you know. It's like corny.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, everyone's It's more like who do you who's the

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<v Speaker 2>most annoying person at the stable?

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<v Speaker 1>To you would be a better question for my family members.

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<v Speaker 1>I see. Yeah.

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<v Speaker 2>So now I will be in Vegas for almost I

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<v Speaker 2>think for seventy two hours. This will be my longest

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<v Speaker 2>stretch in Vegas because my family is all coming and

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<v Speaker 2>they wanted, you know, the free rooms and I'm sure

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<v Speaker 2>whatever else I pay for. You know, So who knows,

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<v Speaker 2>I'll probably just break even performing and then leaving.

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<v Speaker 4>Yeah, I feel like twenty four to forty eight hours

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<v Speaker 4>is like kind of the max that you should be

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<v Speaker 4>in Vegas.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, And just to be clarified, I don't I am

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<v Speaker 2>not paying for those free rooms the casino is, but

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<v Speaker 2>I'm just saying, like that's why they're coming because it's free.

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<v Speaker 3>I mean, hey, yeah, so.

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<v Speaker 1>This will be my longest stretch in Vegas.

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<v Speaker 2>So if I'm alive next week, that'll be a miracle,

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<v Speaker 2>especially with all of my family members.

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<v Speaker 3>You're not a big gambler, right, you just like want

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<v Speaker 3>like gambell No.

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<v Speaker 1>I have exactly.

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<v Speaker 2>I have a little stipend that I use, and I

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<v Speaker 2>every time I come home exactly with what I left with,

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<v Speaker 2>and I just keep repurposing it.

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<v Speaker 1>Oh that's pretty good.

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<v Speaker 5>I love to gamble.

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<v Speaker 2>I like to gamble, and my sister likes to gamble too.

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<v Speaker 2>But my sister who likes to gamble isn't coming.

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<v Speaker 3>Oh dang.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, it's all my cousins and all of like there's

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<v Speaker 2>like forty of them and my cousins.

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<v Speaker 3>I'm gonna guess that's Shoshana that likes to gamble.

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<v Speaker 2>Shoshana exactly. Shoshana loves to gamble.

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<v Speaker 3>I like that.

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<v Speaker 2>The last weekend we were on tour together, she came

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<v Speaker 2>to the show in Philly and Bethlehem, and Bethlehem was

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<v Speaker 2>a casino, so she went and gambled and came back

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<v Speaker 2>and I was on stage.

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<v Speaker 1>I take photos with.

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<v Speaker 2>People after like people come up to the stage and

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<v Speaker 2>I take some selfies. And she came out while I

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<v Speaker 2>was taking photos and said, Okay, let's go. It's she

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<v Speaker 2>was done, she was wrapped. And then the next night

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<v Speaker 2>she came out. I called for my opener to come

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<v Speaker 2>out to take a picture with me on stage, and

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<v Speaker 2>she was six, so she had already gone home. My

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<v Speaker 2>sister came out when I called. I was like, Megan,

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<v Speaker 2>keep it going for Megan Gailey. And my sister came

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<v Speaker 2>running out and I'm like, what are you doing here?

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<v Speaker 2>And she said, she goes tell them I'm the Virgin

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<v Speaker 2>because I talk about her in my set. She goes

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<v Speaker 2>tell them I'm the Virgin, and then she waved to

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<v Speaker 2>the crowd. It was so ridiculous.

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<v Speaker 1>She a little bit of a ham like.

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<v Speaker 2>She like she's got some She's definitely got a very

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<v Speaker 2>distinctive personality. She's kind of like she's a lot like

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<v Speaker 2>my father. Like my father was a used car dealer.

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<v Speaker 2>She won't like this because she doesn't see it, but

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<v Speaker 2>she's very she's got side hustles going, you know, she's

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<v Speaker 2>always got like things going on in the side. But

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<v Speaker 2>she's got her ear piercing business. But she's also probably

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<v Speaker 2>like trading furniture online that she rides like or at

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<v Speaker 2>a sale and then like resells it on Craigslist. You know,

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<v Speaker 2>she's a scammer a little bit like that. She's like

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<v Speaker 2>my dad in that way and innovated. Yeah, she's yeah,

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<v Speaker 2>and she's always like she came on the vacation with us,

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<v Speaker 2>Molly and I, my cousin and I who she's been

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<v Speaker 2>traveling with me. Molly and I have carry on bags,

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<v Speaker 2>and my sister brought a suitcase for three days, a

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<v Speaker 2>huge suitcase with six pairs of shoes.

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<v Speaker 1>We're like, where are you? Where are you? I don't

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<v Speaker 1>even have that much and I'm the one performing what

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<v Speaker 1>are you? Where are you going?

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<v Speaker 2>She's like, I have to be ready for anything. I

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<v Speaker 2>don't know what we're going to get up to. I'm like, well,

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<v Speaker 2>we didn't get up to anything besides sitting around in

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<v Speaker 2>our hotel rooms all day.

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<v Speaker 3>That's kind of nice.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, exactly.

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<v Speaker 2>Our family's not motivated, we're not activity. Like you know,

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<v Speaker 2>I'm the one who's like that in my family.

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<v Speaker 3>Yeah, so you just push everybody to do.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, they think I'm on crack. I'm like, no, you

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<v Speaker 2>guys are fucking lazy. But when I'm with them, I

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<v Speaker 2>become also lazy.

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<v Speaker 4>I can kind of feel like if she's traveling with you,

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<v Speaker 4>she's like feels like she's got to be ready for anything.

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<v Speaker 2>She brought six pairs of sneakers. They were all the same,

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<v Speaker 2>Like what she was just clearly trying to show up

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<v Speaker 2>the shoes.

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<v Speaker 1>No heels.

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<v Speaker 2>She can't fit her feet into heels. Her feet are

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<v Speaker 2>like bricks, rectangular bricks. Remember Kathy the cartoon character that's

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<v Speaker 2>my sister's feet or like that.

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<v Speaker 3>Okay, great, well, Happy Thanksgiving every.

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<v Speaker 2>Happy Thanksgiving everyone. Our special guest today is Kelly Rizzo.

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<v Speaker 2>Please welcome Kelly.

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<v Speaker 1>Hi, Kelly Rizzo. I'm so happy to be here. I'm

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<v Speaker 1>always so happy to see you.

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<v Speaker 2>You're such a sweet person and you're always just you

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<v Speaker 2>have a nice aura around you.

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<v Speaker 1>I don't really see Auras.

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<v Speaker 2>But you have such kind eyes and you're always so

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<v Speaker 2>kind and Bob was. I met you obviously through Bob,

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<v Speaker 2>but Bob was also that way, like he was so

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<v Speaker 2>kind hearted, which is why he was so beloved. For

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<v Speaker 2>those of you listening, Kelly Rizseau was married to Bob

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<v Speaker 2>Saggat for how many years were you guys doing?

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<v Speaker 6>Only we were together six years but only married three

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<v Speaker 6>and a half years.

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<v Speaker 1>Three and a half years.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, well that's probably for the best. I mean, you know,

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<v Speaker 2>marriages don't really need to go beyond No, it ran

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<v Speaker 2>its course.

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<v Speaker 6>We did the thing that's all need to be. That's

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<v Speaker 6>really all it needed to be. It was cut short. However,

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<v Speaker 6>it was one of those things where I remember at

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<v Speaker 6>Bob's funeral or at the after party, Jeff Ross said,

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<v Speaker 6>and I don't blame him for saying this, but he goes,

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<v Speaker 6>you know, Kelly, you got robbed, And I'm like, even then,

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<v Speaker 6>even the week that we lost him, I was like, no,

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<v Speaker 6>I didn't I remember.

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<v Speaker 1>I don't know where I heard you talking about it,

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<v Speaker 1>but I remember you.

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<v Speaker 6>I had a hard time thinking I got robbed because

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<v Speaker 6>I felt so grateful for the time I got to

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<v Speaker 6>have with him.

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<v Speaker 2>So yeah, and since then, the things that you have

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<v Speaker 2>done with your grief, which is a real tenet of

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<v Speaker 2>this podcast is talking to people about how to deal

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<v Speaker 2>with grief, how to mobilize out of fear or grief.

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<v Speaker 1>For starters, you.

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<v Speaker 2>Have a podcast, right yeah, comfort Food, Comfort Food, which

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<v Speaker 2>is where you basically talk to someone about grieving over

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<v Speaker 2>a nice meal, right yeah, about their grief.

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<v Speaker 5>Yeah.

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<v Speaker 1>I mean it's a way to.

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<v Speaker 6>Make it a little bit more palatable and a little

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<v Speaker 6>bit more inviting because it's not a fun topic and

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<v Speaker 6>people hate talking about It's still really taboo, which is

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<v Speaker 6>so strang because we all go through it at some point.

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<v Speaker 6>So I was like, how can I make this a

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<v Speaker 6>little easier and a little bit more you know, fun

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<v Speaker 6>for lack of a better word.

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<v Speaker 2>Who were the people that helped you when you lost Bob, Like,

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<v Speaker 2>who were the people that helped put you in perspective?

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<v Speaker 2>Or was that just something that was innate in within

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<v Speaker 2>you that you were able to have kind of like a.

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<v Speaker 6>I mean it's one of those things where you know

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<v Speaker 6>when you go through something and somebody's like, oh, you're

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<v Speaker 6>so strong. I mean I didn't feel strong. I didn't

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<v Speaker 6>know what I was doing I'd never been through this before.

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<v Speaker 6>It was very new to me, never really lost anyone.

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<v Speaker 6>And I was very fortunate because Bob had had so

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<v Speaker 6>much death in his life and so much loss that

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<v Speaker 6>it was almost like I was leaning on him even

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<v Speaker 6>though he wasn't here, based on what he had taught

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<v Speaker 6>me about death and how to get through it, which

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<v Speaker 6>was laughing and you know, having really good people around

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<v Speaker 6>you and just understanding that this is life and this

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<v Speaker 6>is what happens, but to kind of always look at

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<v Speaker 6>the silver linings. And fortunately, because Bob was such a wonderful,

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<v Speaker 6>special human, he was surrounded by really wonderful people. So

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<v Speaker 6>I got through with his friends, his daughters, My sister

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<v Speaker 6>was the most instrumental person by far. I mean she's

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<v Speaker 6>slept in bed with me every single night for like

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<v Speaker 6>two months straight. But yeah, his friends, I mean, Jeff Ross,

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<v Speaker 6>John Mayer, all the full house people, they really were

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<v Speaker 6>his family. And so that kind of got imparted on

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<v Speaker 6>to me because they were so wonderful and they loved

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<v Speaker 6>him so much that they're like, we're going to be

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<v Speaker 6>there for her too.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, and then you started a grief kind of like

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<v Speaker 2>support group right online.

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<v Speaker 6>Yeah, so this is so brand new, so thanks for

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<v Speaker 6>letting me talk about it. It's called Comfort Club and

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<v Speaker 6>it's a membership and just an online kind of support

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<v Speaker 6>system where it's its own little social media network so

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<v Speaker 6>people feel. What I've learned in this past almost three

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<v Speaker 6>years now, which is crazy, is that so many people

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<v Speaker 6>are reaching out to me all the time, and a

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<v Speaker 6>lot of people feel very very alone in this and

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<v Speaker 6>they don't really know where to go. They don't know,

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<v Speaker 6>you know, and grief support groups are not really fun places.

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<v Speaker 6>I'm sure it's a lot of people who are in

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<v Speaker 6>the thick of it, really going through it. And I

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<v Speaker 6>get all these messages all the time and all these

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<v Speaker 6>dms like I just lost my husband, What do I

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<v Speaker 6>do help? And it's can't DM somebody back and have

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<v Speaker 6>it be really effective? So I'm like, how can I

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<v Speaker 6>create something that is a little bit more immersive and

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<v Speaker 6>a little bit more interactive and can really help people,

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<v Speaker 6>and that where they can meet each other and then

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<v Speaker 6>help each other. So I'm having great guests on, you know,

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<v Speaker 6>whether they're therapists or people who I would have had

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<v Speaker 6>on my podcast, and they come on and talk live

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<v Speaker 6>to the group and they can ask questions because on

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<v Speaker 6>a podcast you can't really I mean yours is different

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<v Speaker 6>because you can't take questions. But a lot of times,

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<v Speaker 6>you know, it's not really interactive, right, so these people

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<v Speaker 6>can actually talk to the guests, talk to the expert,

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<v Speaker 6>talk to the therapist, whoever it is. Because you know,

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<v Speaker 6>I make a big disclaimer, I'm not a therapist. I'm

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<v Speaker 6>just here to help facilitate this community.

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<v Speaker 2>So I do really on my podcast, I pretend I

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<v Speaker 2>am a therapist, and that I have a medical degree,

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<v Speaker 2>that I'm a PhD, that I am a certified Board

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<v Speaker 2>of pharmacologist, I'm a gynecologist, I'm a pharmacologist, on whatever

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<v Speaker 2>you need me to be. I'm actually none of those things,

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<v Speaker 2>but I do pretend that I am because I feel

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<v Speaker 2>like all of the things that you learn when you

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<v Speaker 2>go through something difficult and you lose somebody and you

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<v Speaker 2>go through the proper channels of therapy and grieving are

0:09:37.520 --> 0:09:40.240
<v Speaker 2>such valuable lessons. You know, it's so important to impart

0:09:40.280 --> 0:09:42.760
<v Speaker 2>that to other people who are struggling, and you know,

0:09:42.880 --> 0:09:45.680
<v Speaker 2>grief isn't necessarily only doesn't only have to do with

0:09:45.760 --> 0:09:48.920
<v Speaker 2>us losing someone. That's the most obvious way to be

0:09:48.960 --> 0:09:51.360
<v Speaker 2>grieving but you know, people are grieving this election. People

0:09:51.400 --> 0:09:55.680
<v Speaker 2>are grieving, you know, losses of relationships. When people don't die,

0:09:55.760 --> 0:09:57.720
<v Speaker 2>you know, there's grief everywhere.

0:09:57.400 --> 0:10:03.079
<v Speaker 6>Divorce, relationship, I mean friendships. People grieve friendships. So I

0:10:03.120 --> 0:10:05.400
<v Speaker 6>also am very specific about that, like, this is not

0:10:05.520 --> 0:10:08.920
<v Speaker 6>just if you're lost a spouse or lost anybody. This

0:10:09.040 --> 0:10:11.800
<v Speaker 6>is for any type of or some people just I

0:10:11.840 --> 0:10:15.120
<v Speaker 6>have some people that haven't really had a specific loss,

0:10:15.160 --> 0:10:17.240
<v Speaker 6>but they're just they're like, I just want a good

0:10:17.240 --> 0:10:19.560
<v Speaker 6>community that's comforting. I'm just having a tough time, and

0:10:19.600 --> 0:10:20.960
<v Speaker 6>I just want to meet some great people.

0:10:21.200 --> 0:10:23.400
<v Speaker 4>Well, when you talk so much about grief and loss

0:10:23.480 --> 0:10:26.360
<v Speaker 4>on your Instagram and on your podcast, so it seems

0:10:26.360 --> 0:10:29.240
<v Speaker 4>like a natural progression from the sorts of conversations you're

0:10:29.240 --> 0:10:30.440
<v Speaker 4>already having, then Yeah, And it's.

0:10:30.280 --> 0:10:34.000
<v Speaker 6>So strange because you know, you just said that going

0:10:34.040 --> 0:10:36.520
<v Speaker 6>through things does kind of give you this expertise in

0:10:36.520 --> 0:10:38.679
<v Speaker 6>a sense. But I still always feel like I'm not

0:10:38.720 --> 0:10:40.360
<v Speaker 6>an expert. I don't know what the hell I'm doing.

0:10:41.000 --> 0:10:43.960
<v Speaker 2>But I think people are always just looking for some support,

0:10:44.080 --> 0:10:47.320
<v Speaker 2>you know, like a ballast. And and because you've gone

0:10:47.360 --> 0:10:49.679
<v Speaker 2>through something, you do have something to say about it,

0:10:49.720 --> 0:10:53.080
<v Speaker 2>and you do have your personal experience to draw from,

0:10:53.120 --> 0:10:57.160
<v Speaker 2>and that is valuable, especially when somebody needs a reference

0:10:57.240 --> 0:11:00.079
<v Speaker 2>point or a perspective, and it's it's always helpful to

0:11:00.120 --> 0:11:02.040
<v Speaker 2>be able to talk to somebody who's been through something

0:11:02.040 --> 0:11:05.439
<v Speaker 2>that you're going through. So it doesn't matter if your expertise,

0:11:05.480 --> 0:11:08.960
<v Speaker 2>like it's you become an expert in humanity, you know,

0:11:09.240 --> 0:11:11.880
<v Speaker 2>and wanting to actually make other people feel better and

0:11:12.280 --> 0:11:14.880
<v Speaker 2>less alone. I think that's what it really comes down

0:11:14.920 --> 0:11:17.599
<v Speaker 2>to when even when you're going through the depths of

0:11:17.640 --> 0:11:20.000
<v Speaker 2>your despair and loss, it's like you're not the only

0:11:20.040 --> 0:11:22.679
<v Speaker 2>one you know someone else lost someone. There's millions of

0:11:22.679 --> 0:11:25.360
<v Speaker 2>people who are losing people every day, and for some reason,

0:11:25.400 --> 0:11:28.280
<v Speaker 2>there's comfort in that. There's comfort in knowing that there's

0:11:28.360 --> 0:11:30.439
<v Speaker 2>a sheer volume of people who may be going through

0:11:30.440 --> 0:11:31.560
<v Speaker 2>a similar experience.

0:11:31.880 --> 0:11:35.640
<v Speaker 6>And I think because it's also very unusual to have

0:11:35.720 --> 0:11:39.080
<v Speaker 6>to go through it publicly usually. I mean, that's not

0:11:39.120 --> 0:11:41.280
<v Speaker 6>a thing that typically people have to you know, if

0:11:41.320 --> 0:11:43.640
<v Speaker 6>you typically lose your spouse or something, it's you do

0:11:43.679 --> 0:11:48.680
<v Speaker 6>it privately. And because everyone loved Bob so much, I

0:11:48.760 --> 0:11:52.520
<v Speaker 6>felt that there was this you know, I almost didn't

0:11:52.559 --> 0:11:55.079
<v Speaker 6>need to help keep his legacy alive because he does

0:11:55.120 --> 0:11:58.640
<v Speaker 6>that on his own, but because he was such a

0:11:58.720 --> 0:12:02.280
<v Speaker 6>special one in a billion person, I'm like, I owe

0:12:02.320 --> 0:12:04.960
<v Speaker 6>it to him and to myself to do everything I

0:12:05.000 --> 0:12:09.720
<v Speaker 6>can to share about him. And while doing that, I

0:12:09.800 --> 0:12:12.079
<v Speaker 6>started talking a little bit more about the grief stuff too,

0:12:12.120 --> 0:12:16.040
<v Speaker 6>and then people naturally were like, hey, help me or

0:12:16.120 --> 0:12:18.120
<v Speaker 6>I want more of this, and I was like, oh gosh,

0:12:18.120 --> 0:12:20.600
<v Speaker 6>Like normally I talk about food and travel and music.

0:12:20.640 --> 0:12:22.160
<v Speaker 6>I'm like, so all of a sudden, here I am

0:12:22.160 --> 0:12:25.200
<v Speaker 6>talking about grief. But it when I saw that one

0:12:25.760 --> 0:12:28.240
<v Speaker 6>that that was actually helping people, I'm like, okay, this

0:12:28.360 --> 0:12:30.160
<v Speaker 6>needs to be more of the direction I go in.

0:12:30.240 --> 0:12:33.439
<v Speaker 1>So yeah, okay, So how can people join this group?

0:12:33.760 --> 0:12:37.480
<v Speaker 6>It's just comfort Club online dot com and it's it's

0:12:37.559 --> 0:12:42.240
<v Speaker 6>just yeah membership that there's different live events every month.

0:12:42.400 --> 0:12:45.440
<v Speaker 6>I do a Comfort Food Sundays every month where I

0:12:45.480 --> 0:12:48.360
<v Speaker 6>do live cooking so for you know, people get the

0:12:48.360 --> 0:12:50.559
<v Speaker 6>Sunday scaries, they don't want to be alone on a Sunday,

0:12:50.600 --> 0:12:52.560
<v Speaker 6>and so here, I, you know, will cook a recipe

0:12:52.559 --> 0:12:54.400
<v Speaker 6>that we can all cook together and then eat dinner

0:12:54.400 --> 0:12:59.000
<v Speaker 6>together virtually sweet and then yeah, it's it's only been

0:12:59.400 --> 0:13:01.600
<v Speaker 6>a little over a month, but it's been really wonderful

0:13:01.640 --> 0:13:01.959
<v Speaker 6>so far.

0:13:02.120 --> 0:13:05.280
<v Speaker 1>So I love that, And so I want.

0:13:05.160 --> 0:13:07.480
<v Speaker 2>To just honor Bob for a little bit because since

0:13:07.480 --> 0:13:09.720
<v Speaker 2>you were, tell me, what are you with some of

0:13:09.760 --> 0:13:12.000
<v Speaker 2>the things that made him so unique and special to

0:13:12.040 --> 0:13:13.480
<v Speaker 2>you and to the world.

0:13:13.679 --> 0:13:17.040
<v Speaker 6>Well, it's so interesting to say this to a comedian

0:13:17.080 --> 0:13:20.080
<v Speaker 6>because a lot of people don't understand this about comedians,

0:13:20.520 --> 0:13:26.880
<v Speaker 6>but comedians are incredibly deep and incredibly complex and have

0:13:27.000 --> 0:13:29.000
<v Speaker 6>usually gone through a really tough time, which is how

0:13:29.000 --> 0:13:34.520
<v Speaker 6>they became comedians. Incredibly deep, incredibly deep, incredibly complex, And

0:13:35.520 --> 0:13:38.560
<v Speaker 6>Bob was just this mix of He was hilarious but

0:13:38.679 --> 0:13:46.280
<v Speaker 6>also insanely neurotic, and also so giving and nurturing and

0:13:46.320 --> 0:13:49.320
<v Speaker 6>helpful and thoughtful, but also so needy, you know. I mean,

0:13:49.320 --> 0:13:53.600
<v Speaker 6>he was just everything. And it was truly you know,

0:13:53.679 --> 0:13:56.079
<v Speaker 6>I certainly did not go into this before I met him,

0:13:56.080 --> 0:13:58.920
<v Speaker 6>thinking like, oh, I'm gonna end up dating Bob Saggot

0:13:58.960 --> 0:14:00.600
<v Speaker 6>one day. Like that was just so strange. It was

0:14:01.240 --> 0:14:02.960
<v Speaker 6>when I first met him, it was such a foreign

0:14:02.960 --> 0:14:05.000
<v Speaker 6>concept to me. I was like, I can't like Bob Saget.

0:14:05.040 --> 0:14:08.920
<v Speaker 6>That's so weird, Like that's that Danny Tanner.

0:14:08.600 --> 0:14:10.840
<v Speaker 1>Guy, Like that's so weird. It was so bizarre to me.

0:14:11.400 --> 0:14:14.960
<v Speaker 6>But then I slowly started to realize, I'm like this,

0:14:15.280 --> 0:14:17.760
<v Speaker 6>I will never ever meet another person like this in

0:14:17.800 --> 0:14:24.600
<v Speaker 6>my entire life. He was just the most unique, special, hilarious, introspective,

0:14:25.880 --> 0:14:28.880
<v Speaker 6>deep person who just truly cared so much about the

0:14:28.960 --> 0:14:31.000
<v Speaker 6>people in his life and also just cared about That

0:14:31.400 --> 0:14:35.360
<v Speaker 6>was his last big hurrah where you know, his last

0:14:35.360 --> 0:14:37.280
<v Speaker 6>tour was called I Don't Do Negative.

0:14:37.320 --> 0:14:38.200
<v Speaker 1>All he wanted to do.

0:14:38.280 --> 0:14:39.600
<v Speaker 6>It was, you know, tough time in the world, and

0:14:39.600 --> 0:14:41.920
<v Speaker 6>he just wanted to make people happy. That's all he

0:14:41.960 --> 0:14:43.680
<v Speaker 6>ever wanted was just to make people happy.

0:14:43.760 --> 0:14:45.880
<v Speaker 2>So I think the thing that stands out most to

0:14:45.880 --> 0:14:49.480
<v Speaker 2>me about Bob is his enthusiasm. He was so enthusiastic.

0:14:49.600 --> 0:14:51.840
<v Speaker 2>You know, anytime I saw him, he was like, oh

0:14:51.840 --> 0:14:54.000
<v Speaker 2>my god, Chelsea, tell me everything, what's going on?

0:14:54.200 --> 0:14:55.520
<v Speaker 1>Like so excited to see you.

0:14:55.600 --> 0:14:57.520
<v Speaker 2>And it wasn't just me that he was like that

0:14:57.560 --> 0:15:00.240
<v Speaker 2>with obviously, that's what he exuded to everyone. It was

0:15:00.280 --> 0:15:03.240
<v Speaker 2>so genuine, genuine, right, It wasn't both full of shit

0:15:03.400 --> 0:15:05.680
<v Speaker 2>and it wasn't He wasn't jaded and he was never

0:15:06.000 --> 0:15:08.880
<v Speaker 2>a negative guy like there was. I don't know if

0:15:08.920 --> 0:15:10.560
<v Speaker 2>he had a dark side to him. I mean, I

0:15:10.560 --> 0:15:14.160
<v Speaker 2>guess we all do, but as far as male comedians go,

0:15:14.440 --> 0:15:17.359
<v Speaker 2>he was, you know, one of the least dark comedians

0:15:17.360 --> 0:15:18.160
<v Speaker 2>that I've ever met.

0:15:18.440 --> 0:15:21.320
<v Speaker 6>Yeah, it was more personally just because he always felt

0:15:21.320 --> 0:15:23.720
<v Speaker 6>the way to the world and he had so much

0:15:23.760 --> 0:15:24.840
<v Speaker 6>loss in his own life.

0:15:24.880 --> 0:15:27.040
<v Speaker 1>He did have. And when I say a dark side.

0:15:26.880 --> 0:15:29.920
<v Speaker 6>I don't mean you know where he was like secretly,

0:15:30.280 --> 0:15:32.800
<v Speaker 6>you know, off yelling at people or something like that.

0:15:32.840 --> 0:15:36.400
<v Speaker 6>I mean, he it was more he would just feel sad,

0:15:37.240 --> 0:15:40.920
<v Speaker 6>you know, and he just wanted to make people happy,

0:15:40.920 --> 0:15:43.040
<v Speaker 6>and so he was always struggling with like, oh God,

0:15:43.120 --> 0:15:45.600
<v Speaker 6>like the world can be a tough place, and but

0:15:45.640 --> 0:15:47.720
<v Speaker 6>all I want to do is help people, and y

0:15:48.160 --> 0:15:49.880
<v Speaker 6>you know, at the same time trying to be a

0:15:49.880 --> 0:15:53.400
<v Speaker 6>good dad and balance with his work. And you know,

0:15:53.440 --> 0:15:54.880
<v Speaker 6>even though he you know, was an actor and a

0:15:54.880 --> 0:15:56.960
<v Speaker 6>producer and director and all this stuff, like being a

0:15:56.960 --> 0:15:58.760
<v Speaker 6>comedian was what made him the happiest.

0:15:59.000 --> 0:16:02.160
<v Speaker 2>So yeah, and you're still very close with his girls,

0:16:02.200 --> 0:16:03.280
<v Speaker 2>obviously so close.

0:16:03.320 --> 0:16:04.160
<v Speaker 1>How old are they now?

0:16:04.640 --> 0:16:10.640
<v Speaker 6>They're all in their thirties, so almost thirty two, thirty four,

0:16:10.760 --> 0:16:12.000
<v Speaker 6>thirty five, and thirty seven.

0:16:12.480 --> 0:16:12.960
<v Speaker 1>Wow.

0:16:13.120 --> 0:16:15.880
<v Speaker 6>Yeah, So it was nice because you know, I never

0:16:16.040 --> 0:16:18.240
<v Speaker 6>I never wanted kids. Well I didn't think I wanted kids,

0:16:18.240 --> 0:16:21.040
<v Speaker 6>and then I ended up not wanting kids, and which

0:16:21.080 --> 0:16:24.200
<v Speaker 6>is well, that was kind of a He's like I

0:16:24.280 --> 0:16:26.840
<v Speaker 6>at first he kept the option open, and then he's like,

0:16:27.200 --> 0:16:28.520
<v Speaker 6>I can't do it, and I was like, I don't

0:16:28.520 --> 0:16:30.360
<v Speaker 6>blame you. I wouldn't want to be pushing a stroller.

0:16:30.360 --> 0:16:31.920
<v Speaker 6>I don't want to push a stroller now, let alone.

0:16:31.920 --> 0:16:33.200
<v Speaker 6>It's seventy right.

0:16:33.120 --> 0:16:33.360
<v Speaker 1>You know.

0:16:33.600 --> 0:16:36.680
<v Speaker 6>And it was great because I had these three incredible

0:16:36.680 --> 0:16:38.680
<v Speaker 6>step daughters, so I just got to like drink martinis

0:16:38.680 --> 0:16:40.200
<v Speaker 6>with I didn't have to change.

0:16:40.280 --> 0:16:41.520
<v Speaker 2>I mean, that's really the way to do it, is

0:16:41.560 --> 0:16:44.080
<v Speaker 2>to get into some sort of step parenting situation if

0:16:44.120 --> 0:16:47.760
<v Speaker 2>you must, you know, because that can pay such dividends

0:16:47.760 --> 0:16:49.640
<v Speaker 2>too to joyfulness and happiness.

0:16:49.760 --> 0:16:51.560
<v Speaker 1>I have lots of step children in my life.

0:16:51.600 --> 0:16:54.960
<v Speaker 6>Well, I will say that you being so outspoken about

0:16:55.000 --> 0:16:58.120
<v Speaker 6>being child free inspired me to also be more outspoken

0:16:58.120 --> 0:17:02.320
<v Speaker 6>about it, because it is something that's a little taboo also,

0:17:02.640 --> 0:17:05.359
<v Speaker 6>and you always talking about it in the way that

0:17:05.400 --> 0:17:07.400
<v Speaker 6>you do in such a hilarious way, which I can't

0:17:07.400 --> 0:17:10.080
<v Speaker 6>do that, but you know, it just made me much

0:17:10.080 --> 0:17:12.440
<v Speaker 6>more open to talking about it more and making it

0:17:12.560 --> 0:17:15.359
<v Speaker 6>trying to normalize that a little bit, because it's weird

0:17:15.400 --> 0:17:16.800
<v Speaker 6>that it's not as normalized.

0:17:16.880 --> 0:17:17.960
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, I know, it's weird that.

0:17:18.000 --> 0:17:20.399
<v Speaker 2>And what's weird to me is for any man to

0:17:20.440 --> 0:17:22.919
<v Speaker 2>think that we all automatically want to be mothers. It's like,

0:17:23.040 --> 0:17:25.719
<v Speaker 2>excuse me, where would you get that fucking idea?

0:17:25.880 --> 0:17:29.359
<v Speaker 6>Yeah, it's really crazy to me because it is something

0:17:29.400 --> 0:17:32.800
<v Speaker 6>that like, when you were let's say fifteen, did you

0:17:32.840 --> 0:17:35.080
<v Speaker 6>think you wanted or did you know? From a very

0:17:35.080 --> 0:17:35.800
<v Speaker 6>early age, it.

0:17:35.760 --> 0:17:38.400
<v Speaker 2>Was like, wait, this isn't something I would ever want.

0:17:38.560 --> 0:17:40.159
<v Speaker 2>I don't want a newborn baby.

0:17:40.480 --> 0:17:44.600
<v Speaker 6>I never wanted it, and being pregnant always terrified me,

0:17:45.359 --> 0:17:48.040
<v Speaker 6>and I never want Even when I was a kid,

0:17:48.080 --> 0:17:49.800
<v Speaker 6>I was like, I don't really like being around kids,

0:17:50.320 --> 0:17:53.080
<v Speaker 6>but I just still thought that I would because it's

0:17:53.119 --> 0:17:55.919
<v Speaker 6>just what you do, you know, It's just kind of

0:17:55.920 --> 0:17:56.400
<v Speaker 6>the way.

0:17:56.240 --> 0:17:56.760
<v Speaker 1>Of the world.

0:17:56.840 --> 0:17:58.680
<v Speaker 2>And so I was like, oh, I'm sure what they're

0:17:58.720 --> 0:18:01.320
<v Speaker 2>counting on everyone for us to think we're supposed to

0:18:01.400 --> 0:18:03.840
<v Speaker 2>do what we want, what we're you know, we're supposed

0:18:03.880 --> 0:18:05.560
<v Speaker 2>to do things and not think too much about it,

0:18:05.760 --> 0:18:09.000
<v Speaker 2>think about it, you know, And it got to the

0:18:09.040 --> 0:18:12.600
<v Speaker 2>point where I was like, wait, I do have a

0:18:12.680 --> 0:18:13.119
<v Speaker 2>choice in this.

0:18:13.280 --> 0:18:18.119
<v Speaker 6>That's crazy interesting. And then when I met Bob at

0:18:18.119 --> 0:18:19.679
<v Speaker 6>first I still kind of wanted the option, and then

0:18:19.680 --> 0:18:21.880
<v Speaker 6>he's like, no, I can't. I can't do it again.

0:18:21.960 --> 0:18:23.400
<v Speaker 6>And then I was like, all right, well, choice made

0:18:23.440 --> 0:18:26.720
<v Speaker 6>for me because it reminded me always of that Sex

0:18:26.720 --> 0:18:30.840
<v Speaker 6>and the City Line with Carrie and Charlotte, when Charlotte's like,

0:18:30.840 --> 0:18:32.720
<v Speaker 6>I can't believe you're gonna give up a baby for

0:18:32.760 --> 0:18:34.840
<v Speaker 6>a man you hardly know, and She's like, why would

0:18:34.880 --> 0:18:36.720
<v Speaker 6>I give up a man for a baby I hardly

0:18:36.760 --> 0:18:39.680
<v Speaker 6>know I want? And I was like, it's Mike drop,

0:18:39.760 --> 0:18:42.080
<v Speaker 6>end of story, you know. I was like, that's that's it.

0:18:42.359 --> 0:18:43.639
<v Speaker 6>So I was like, I'm not going to give up

0:18:43.680 --> 0:18:48.200
<v Speaker 6>this wonderful person for something I don't even think I want.

0:18:48.320 --> 0:18:50.240
<v Speaker 1>So and so now you're dating someone else. Can we

0:18:50.240 --> 0:18:52.359
<v Speaker 1>talk about who you're dating? Ye breck and Meyer, who's

0:18:52.400 --> 0:18:52.919
<v Speaker 1>an actor.

0:18:53.119 --> 0:18:56.119
<v Speaker 2>Yes, I've known him for many, many years and we

0:18:56.119 --> 0:18:58.159
<v Speaker 2>were all at the Sarah Silverman party recently.

0:18:58.160 --> 0:19:01.520
<v Speaker 1>It's like yellow, I say hello back, He's a sweetheart.

0:19:01.840 --> 0:19:04.320
<v Speaker 2>That's a big arity, by the way, between Bob and

0:19:04.800 --> 0:19:06.920
<v Speaker 2>Brecon it is it is.

0:19:06.840 --> 0:19:11.360
<v Speaker 6>And but Bob was also Bob was so he surprised

0:19:11.359 --> 0:19:13.840
<v Speaker 6>people with how tall he was. Nobody thought that he

0:19:13.880 --> 0:19:15.000
<v Speaker 6>was that tall until they saw him.

0:19:15.000 --> 0:19:18.000
<v Speaker 3>A person six fourka, that's tall.

0:19:18.200 --> 0:19:18.680
<v Speaker 1>Yeah.

0:19:18.720 --> 0:19:21.960
<v Speaker 6>It's so interesting because they do have a lot of similarities.

0:19:22.480 --> 0:19:26.560
<v Speaker 6>They're both incredibly devoted fathers, and they're both probably the

0:19:26.560 --> 0:19:29.560
<v Speaker 6>two funniest people I've ever known. But then they're also

0:19:29.680 --> 0:19:32.359
<v Speaker 6>different in so many ways. And it's great because you know,

0:19:32.400 --> 0:19:35.879
<v Speaker 6>I've joked about this recently, is that I feel that

0:19:35.920 --> 0:19:39.399
<v Speaker 6>Brecan is the only person that Bob would be okay about.

0:19:39.760 --> 0:19:42.600
<v Speaker 6>He like, would not want me dating anybody, but he's like, oh,

0:19:42.640 --> 0:19:45.200
<v Speaker 6>it's going to be somebody. Fine, at least it's Brecon,

0:19:45.840 --> 0:19:50.000
<v Speaker 6>because he really loved Brecon and respected him. But they

0:19:50.040 --> 0:19:52.199
<v Speaker 6>weren't really close. It would be weird if they were

0:19:52.240 --> 0:19:54.600
<v Speaker 6>really close. But there they were close enough to where

0:19:54.640 --> 0:19:58.119
<v Speaker 6>they really really liked and respected each other, but not

0:19:58.600 --> 0:19:59.119
<v Speaker 6>best friends.

0:19:59.520 --> 0:20:01.320
<v Speaker 1>And you like to be with funny men.

0:20:02.160 --> 0:20:05.720
<v Speaker 6>Apparently Apparently now looking back, I'm like, how how did

0:20:05.720 --> 0:20:07.679
<v Speaker 6>I ever think that that was a non negotiable, Like

0:20:07.720 --> 0:20:09.800
<v Speaker 6>that's that's a mandatory It's.

0:20:09.600 --> 0:20:10.879
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, yeah, right right.

0:20:11.280 --> 0:20:13.159
<v Speaker 2>I mean, it's really nice to be around a funny

0:20:13.160 --> 0:20:14.280
<v Speaker 2>guy it is.

0:20:15.359 --> 0:20:16.600
<v Speaker 1>That's very helpful.

0:20:16.840 --> 0:20:19.480
<v Speaker 6>Yeah, we just laugh all day every day.

0:20:19.560 --> 0:20:21.840
<v Speaker 1>We just crack each other up. Okay, we're going to

0:20:21.880 --> 0:20:23.240
<v Speaker 1>take a break and we're going to be right back

0:20:23.240 --> 0:20:31.159
<v Speaker 1>with Kelly Rizzo. We're back with Kelly. Okay, We're going

0:20:31.200 --> 0:20:33.000
<v Speaker 1>to take some callers. We're gonna give advice, We're going

0:20:33.080 --> 0:20:36.280
<v Speaker 1>to give out comfort. Okay, so I'm pretending I'm a therapist.

0:20:36.359 --> 0:20:42.520
<v Speaker 4>Okay, here we got exactly exactly so, Sandy says Dear Chelsea.

0:20:43.119 --> 0:20:46.400
<v Speaker 4>In twenty twelve, I lost my beautiful sixteen year old son.

0:20:46.720 --> 0:20:49.240
<v Speaker 4>I spent the next several years participating in weekly grief

0:20:49.280 --> 0:20:51.919
<v Speaker 4>support groups, where it wasn't uncommon for people to express

0:20:51.960 --> 0:20:54.919
<v Speaker 4>their guilt and dissatisfaction for the type of memorial service

0:20:54.920 --> 0:20:57.480
<v Speaker 4>they were able to provide for their loved one while

0:20:57.480 --> 0:20:59.879
<v Speaker 4>in the depths of their grief. It bothered me that

0:21:00.080 --> 0:21:02.920
<v Speaker 4>a people's lives were not being appropriately honored, and b

0:21:03.440 --> 0:21:06.199
<v Speaker 4>grieving people were feeling badly about this on top of

0:21:06.240 --> 0:21:08.960
<v Speaker 4>all the emotions that come along with grief. So five

0:21:09.000 --> 0:21:12.280
<v Speaker 4>years ago I started an event planning business specializing in

0:21:12.320 --> 0:21:16.160
<v Speaker 4>celebrations of life. This work taps into a perfect combination

0:21:16.240 --> 0:21:20.440
<v Speaker 4>of my life experience, my education in psychology, my organizational skills,

0:21:20.480 --> 0:21:23.480
<v Speaker 4>and several of my creative talents. I'm known for hosting

0:21:23.520 --> 0:21:25.840
<v Speaker 4>the best parties, and I have a deep compassion and

0:21:26.000 --> 0:21:29.080
<v Speaker 4>unending patience for people in the depths of grief. The

0:21:29.119 --> 0:21:31.639
<v Speaker 4>trouble is, since this is a unique business model in

0:21:31.640 --> 0:21:33.760
<v Speaker 4>the United States, I'm afraid that I'm a bit ahead

0:21:33.760 --> 0:21:36.760
<v Speaker 4>of my time. I'm an introverted creative type who is

0:21:36.880 --> 0:21:39.920
<v Speaker 4>uncomfortable selling myself and have been struggling with figuring out

0:21:40.000 --> 0:21:42.879
<v Speaker 4>how to reach people who need my services. After some

0:21:42.880 --> 0:21:45.679
<v Speaker 4>slow periods last year, I incorporated planning other types of

0:21:45.720 --> 0:21:48.600
<v Speaker 4>events into my business. I've heard you talk about your

0:21:48.600 --> 0:21:51.920
<v Speaker 4>preference for celebrations of life over funerals on past episodes

0:21:51.920 --> 0:21:53.840
<v Speaker 4>of Dear Chelsea, so I thought i'd ask you for

0:21:53.880 --> 0:21:56.320
<v Speaker 4>your thoughts on this career path I've chosen and desperately

0:21:56.320 --> 0:21:58.920
<v Speaker 4>do not want to give up, because truly, no one

0:21:58.920 --> 0:22:01.320
<v Speaker 4>needs an event planner more than people suffering from grief.

0:22:01.600 --> 0:22:03.560
<v Speaker 4>Am I too ahead of my time for this endeavor?

0:22:03.760 --> 0:22:06.080
<v Speaker 4>How do I lead the way into establishing new norms

0:22:06.080 --> 0:22:08.520
<v Speaker 4>for celebrating our dead in a society that doesn't seem

0:22:08.600 --> 0:22:10.159
<v Speaker 4>quite ready to think outside the box.

0:22:10.400 --> 0:22:12.640
<v Speaker 3>I'd love your input. All the best, Sandy.

0:22:13.400 --> 0:22:15.160
<v Speaker 5>Hi, Sandy, Hi Chelsea.

0:22:15.480 --> 0:22:18.080
<v Speaker 2>Hi there, this is our special guest Kelly Rizzos with

0:22:18.160 --> 0:22:18.720
<v Speaker 2>us today.

0:22:19.160 --> 0:22:20.400
<v Speaker 6>Hi Kelly, Hi Sandy.

0:22:20.760 --> 0:22:22.920
<v Speaker 2>I love that idea. I mean, that's what we had

0:22:22.920 --> 0:22:24.960
<v Speaker 2>for Bob right celebration of life.

0:22:25.600 --> 0:22:28.199
<v Speaker 6>Yeah, I mean, I just have to say, that is

0:22:28.280 --> 0:22:32.639
<v Speaker 6>the most incredible idea I have ever heard. And I

0:22:32.680 --> 0:22:36.400
<v Speaker 6>can't tell you how incredibly valuable that would have been

0:22:37.200 --> 0:22:40.080
<v Speaker 6>for me at the time I was in I mean,

0:22:40.600 --> 0:22:43.480
<v Speaker 6>I was incapable of doing anything, but I also fortunately

0:22:43.680 --> 0:22:45.359
<v Speaker 6>didn't have to do anything because a lot of people

0:22:45.359 --> 0:22:49.200
<v Speaker 6>stepped up. But there, to me is such a need

0:22:49.240 --> 0:22:53.960
<v Speaker 6>for that, and for you to even feel the slightest

0:22:54.000 --> 0:22:56.399
<v Speaker 6>bit of negativity around that, I just I hope that

0:22:56.960 --> 0:22:59.959
<v Speaker 6>you can embrace it fully because it is so neat,

0:23:00.800 --> 0:23:05.320
<v Speaker 6>is so important, and I've never heard of anyone doing that.

0:23:05.480 --> 0:23:08.280
<v Speaker 6>So to me, it's like you're kind of one in

0:23:08.320 --> 0:23:08.680
<v Speaker 6>a million.

0:23:08.760 --> 0:23:10.720
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, it feels like I'm like, it feels like a

0:23:10.720 --> 0:23:13.200
<v Speaker 2>service that will help many, many people. I think it's

0:23:13.240 --> 0:23:15.240
<v Speaker 2>just a matter of you getting the message out there.

0:23:15.640 --> 0:23:18.320
<v Speaker 2>It sounds like, so what is your like, where are

0:23:18.359 --> 0:23:20.040
<v Speaker 2>you what's your business strategy?

0:23:20.119 --> 0:23:21.360
<v Speaker 1>What have you been doing thus far?

0:23:22.320 --> 0:23:25.199
<v Speaker 5>Well, like I said, I did have to switch to

0:23:25.440 --> 0:23:29.280
<v Speaker 5>adding more events to my repertoire and just offering my

0:23:29.359 --> 0:23:33.399
<v Speaker 5>services to a wider scope of events, which has been fun.

0:23:33.520 --> 0:23:38.080
<v Speaker 5>But my heart really is with the grieving. So after

0:23:38.119 --> 0:23:40.439
<v Speaker 5>the pandemic, I was slammed with work. I had a

0:23:40.560 --> 0:23:42.960
<v Speaker 5>bunch and then it just suddenly dropped off and it

0:23:43.000 --> 0:23:44.520
<v Speaker 5>wasn't even people who died of COVID.

0:23:44.800 --> 0:23:45.920
<v Speaker 1>And where do you live?

0:23:46.040 --> 0:23:47.879
<v Speaker 5>I live in Bellingham, Washington, Okay?

0:23:47.920 --> 0:23:48.560
<v Speaker 1>And so is there?

0:23:48.720 --> 0:23:53.080
<v Speaker 5>How are you marketing this social media? Mostly I've reached

0:23:53.119 --> 0:23:55.720
<v Speaker 5>out to other event planners to let them know that

0:23:55.760 --> 0:23:57.879
<v Speaker 5>I specialize in this in case it's something that they

0:23:57.920 --> 0:24:01.080
<v Speaker 5>don't want to take on. I have, you know, all

0:24:01.119 --> 0:24:03.960
<v Speaker 5>of the funeral homes know that I exist. I've pretty

0:24:04.000 --> 0:24:05.920
<v Speaker 5>much covered everything that I can think.

0:24:05.920 --> 0:24:08.199
<v Speaker 1>Well, what about advertising with the obituaries?

0:24:08.800 --> 0:24:11.920
<v Speaker 5>You know, people don't really do obituaries very much anymore,

0:24:12.040 --> 0:24:12.320
<v Speaker 5>do they?

0:24:12.400 --> 0:24:14.119
<v Speaker 1>I guess not in the hard papers. They don't do

0:24:14.160 --> 0:24:15.040
<v Speaker 1>them online?

0:24:15.480 --> 0:24:18.600
<v Speaker 5>Yeah, not very often. They are done through the funeral homes.

0:24:18.600 --> 0:24:21.760
<v Speaker 5>And honestly, I'm kind of in competition with the funeral homes.

0:24:21.800 --> 0:24:23.320
<v Speaker 5>So they don't, you know.

0:24:24.320 --> 0:24:25.280
<v Speaker 1>I would think A.

0:24:25.520 --> 0:24:27.320
<v Speaker 2>I think obviously you want to broad in your social

0:24:27.359 --> 0:24:30.359
<v Speaker 2>media advertisement as much as you can by spreading the

0:24:30.359 --> 0:24:33.200
<v Speaker 2>word and having people who have used your business continue

0:24:33.240 --> 0:24:35.920
<v Speaker 2>to spread the word, but also making sure that your

0:24:35.960 --> 0:24:39.720
<v Speaker 2>messaging is in temples and churches and congregations that are

0:24:39.720 --> 0:24:42.320
<v Speaker 2>in your area to let people know that there's another

0:24:42.359 --> 0:24:46.920
<v Speaker 2>option other than a funeral organizations or like even retirement

0:24:46.960 --> 0:24:49.760
<v Speaker 2>homes going into their Have you done that?

0:24:50.359 --> 0:24:50.600
<v Speaker 4>Yeah?

0:24:50.720 --> 0:24:51.960
<v Speaker 1>Yeah.

0:24:52.080 --> 0:24:54.760
<v Speaker 4>There might also be an opportunity, sort of a business

0:24:54.800 --> 0:24:58.960
<v Speaker 4>to business opportunity talking to elder law and estate planning attorneys.

0:24:59.240 --> 0:25:01.600
<v Speaker 5>I did that as well. Did you already it saturate?

0:25:01.680 --> 0:25:01.880
<v Speaker 4>Yeah.

0:25:01.880 --> 0:25:04.560
<v Speaker 5>I sent out marketing materials to all of them. Yeah.

0:25:05.000 --> 0:25:08.000
<v Speaker 4>It may be a little bit more of interacting with

0:25:08.040 --> 0:25:11.919
<v Speaker 4>them on a personal basis, like calling, having a meeting,

0:25:12.080 --> 0:25:14.639
<v Speaker 4>sitting down talking to them a little bit about why

0:25:14.680 --> 0:25:16.800
<v Speaker 4>this is something somebody might want to include actually in

0:25:16.840 --> 0:25:21.040
<v Speaker 4>their estate plans, because marketing like it's so like you said,

0:25:21.080 --> 0:25:23.119
<v Speaker 4>outside the box four people in the US, that it

0:25:23.240 --> 0:25:26.639
<v Speaker 4>might take more like maybe you are having events and

0:25:26.680 --> 0:25:29.280
<v Speaker 4>speaking for fifteen minutes about like why you feel like

0:25:29.320 --> 0:25:32.040
<v Speaker 4>this is an even better way to celebrate someone's life.

0:25:32.280 --> 0:25:33.240
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, that's a great idea.

0:25:33.520 --> 0:25:35.399
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, yeah, if you could do that, Like if you

0:25:35.400 --> 0:25:39.480
<v Speaker 2>could talk to people's families at a retirement community, or

0:25:39.520 --> 0:25:40.120
<v Speaker 2>you go in and.

0:25:40.080 --> 0:25:41.639
<v Speaker 1>You talk to all the people in the home.

0:25:41.760 --> 0:25:44.080
<v Speaker 2>You know, how do you want to spend how do

0:25:44.160 --> 0:25:46.120
<v Speaker 2>you want to be celebrated when your life is over?

0:25:46.160 --> 0:25:47.600
<v Speaker 1>Here? Do you want to have a funeral?

0:25:47.680 --> 0:25:50.040
<v Speaker 2>Like I'm here to offer something If this sounds I mean,

0:25:50.080 --> 0:25:52.159
<v Speaker 2>you really do have to kind of have a conversation

0:25:52.240 --> 0:25:54.400
<v Speaker 2>with them about it. I think that's how you get

0:25:54.400 --> 0:25:57.719
<v Speaker 2>people to convert to the idea of not you know,

0:25:57.920 --> 0:26:01.680
<v Speaker 2>a funeral is so funereal, so depressing. You know, there

0:26:01.760 --> 0:26:05.159
<v Speaker 2>is an upbeat, more positive way of looking at like

0:26:05.200 --> 0:26:08.560
<v Speaker 2>transitioning out of life. And I mean even talking to

0:26:08.600 --> 0:26:12.359
<v Speaker 2>people in hospitals, you know, who are dealing with like

0:26:12.440 --> 0:26:15.520
<v Speaker 2>difficult decisions and stuff like that. But I feel like

0:26:15.560 --> 0:26:18.120
<v Speaker 2>retirement communities are just so like if you could talk

0:26:18.160 --> 0:26:19.720
<v Speaker 2>to the people that are there, and if you could

0:26:19.720 --> 0:26:22.840
<v Speaker 2>talk to family members of the people that are there

0:26:22.920 --> 0:26:25.040
<v Speaker 2>to give them the option, because I'm sure it's more.

0:26:25.080 --> 0:26:26.960
<v Speaker 1>I mean, everyone has to either bury or.

0:26:27.080 --> 0:26:30.359
<v Speaker 2>Cremate somebody, right, Yeah, so there's that cost anyway, But

0:26:30.720 --> 0:26:33.000
<v Speaker 2>are your costs kind of commensurate with the cost of

0:26:33.040 --> 0:26:33.600
<v Speaker 2>a funeral?

0:26:33.960 --> 0:26:36.600
<v Speaker 5>Yeah, And I mean I've had to keep them that way,

0:26:36.840 --> 0:26:40.200
<v Speaker 5>even though what I create is far better than, yes,

0:26:40.240 --> 0:26:44.160
<v Speaker 5>what the average funeral is. And I'll tell you what

0:26:44.240 --> 0:26:49.840
<v Speaker 5>I have found is elderly people. They have their plans

0:26:49.920 --> 0:26:51.199
<v Speaker 5>kind of set in place, and a lot of them

0:26:51.240 --> 0:26:54.280
<v Speaker 5>don't want anything. And they also have lived long enough

0:26:54.320 --> 0:26:56.560
<v Speaker 5>that a lot of their friends are no longer here

0:26:57.040 --> 0:27:00.639
<v Speaker 5>to participate. So those aren't really the people that have

0:27:00.920 --> 0:27:06.520
<v Speaker 5>hired me. It has been people who have lost somebody tragically, suddenly, unexpectedly,

0:27:06.640 --> 0:27:09.560
<v Speaker 5>far too young, who are just wiped out by grief

0:27:09.600 --> 0:27:14.040
<v Speaker 5>and need somebody to step in and celebrate. I've helped

0:27:14.080 --> 0:27:17.560
<v Speaker 5>celebrate some pretty incredible people in some pretty incredible ways.

0:27:18.280 --> 0:27:20.320
<v Speaker 5>So it's been, you know, it's all been just a

0:27:20.400 --> 0:27:23.960
<v Speaker 5>learning curve because there's no like literally, I think there's

0:27:24.040 --> 0:27:27.600
<v Speaker 5>five businesses in the entire country that do what I do,

0:27:28.240 --> 0:27:30.320
<v Speaker 5>and I was one of the first, so and none

0:27:30.359 --> 0:27:33.000
<v Speaker 5>of us are getting very much work. So it's just

0:27:33.040 --> 0:27:34.960
<v Speaker 5>a really new concept.

0:27:34.760 --> 0:27:37.520
<v Speaker 6>Isn't One of the big selling points also, that a

0:27:37.600 --> 0:27:40.600
<v Speaker 6>funeral is usually within a few days to a week

0:27:40.720 --> 0:27:44.320
<v Speaker 6>or so after somebody passes, where what you're doing kind

0:27:44.320 --> 0:27:49.880
<v Speaker 6>of gives them more time to prepare and to plan something.

0:27:49.880 --> 0:27:50.439
<v Speaker 1>W'ere a funeral.

0:27:50.480 --> 0:27:52.840
<v Speaker 6>I mean, you're so rushed, and sometimes you're like, I mean,

0:27:52.840 --> 0:27:55.280
<v Speaker 6>for instance, Bob and I never ever talked about what

0:27:55.920 --> 0:27:59.480
<v Speaker 6>he wanted. Fortunately, you know, obviously with his family and

0:27:59.520 --> 0:28:03.399
<v Speaker 6>everything so involved, Like we did what we think he

0:28:03.440 --> 0:28:06.240
<v Speaker 6>would actually really have loved, but we never talked about it,

0:28:06.280 --> 0:28:08.639
<v Speaker 6>so I didn't know, and we were so rushed, you know,

0:28:08.680 --> 0:28:11.560
<v Speaker 6>everything happened so quickly that you're like, oh God, am

0:28:11.560 --> 0:28:13.520
<v Speaker 6>I doing this right? What am I doing to where

0:28:13.560 --> 0:28:16.600
<v Speaker 6>your services? You know, you can have much more time

0:28:16.640 --> 0:28:19.320
<v Speaker 6>to prepare and do it right and do what you

0:28:19.359 --> 0:28:20.879
<v Speaker 6>think the person would really have wanted.

0:28:21.560 --> 0:28:24.280
<v Speaker 5>And I do always encourage my people not to try

0:28:24.359 --> 0:28:27.240
<v Speaker 5>not to rush it. There's some who just need it

0:28:27.280 --> 0:28:29.720
<v Speaker 5>to be over with that For the most part, people

0:28:29.800 --> 0:28:31.840
<v Speaker 5>want to take the time so they can get used

0:28:31.880 --> 0:28:33.640
<v Speaker 5>to the idea that they need to do this thing.

0:28:33.840 --> 0:28:37.000
<v Speaker 5>And the more time I have, the more epic I

0:28:37.040 --> 0:28:40.080
<v Speaker 5>can truly make the event be for them and really

0:28:40.240 --> 0:28:42.840
<v Speaker 5>dig into who the person was and find ways to

0:28:42.880 --> 0:28:46.440
<v Speaker 5>reflect who they were in this celebration that we're creating

0:28:46.440 --> 0:28:51.320
<v Speaker 5>of their life, and everybody loves the events. I've had

0:28:52.320 --> 0:28:55.800
<v Speaker 5>families tell me that, you know, they were absolutely terrified

0:28:55.800 --> 0:29:00.520
<v Speaker 5>and dreading coming to their person's celebration of life, but

0:29:00.680 --> 0:29:05.120
<v Speaker 5>felt an overwhelming sense of joy and love when they left.

0:29:05.960 --> 0:29:08.720
<v Speaker 5>So it's kind of a magical service that I can

0:29:08.720 --> 0:29:11.720
<v Speaker 5>provide for people. And beyond just creating the event, I

0:29:11.840 --> 0:29:16.920
<v Speaker 5>provide I know what grief is like, and I provide

0:29:17.080 --> 0:29:19.520
<v Speaker 5>support and let them know that they're not crazy while

0:29:19.520 --> 0:29:22.840
<v Speaker 5>they're going through you know, what they're experiencing, sometimes for

0:29:22.880 --> 0:29:24.080
<v Speaker 5>the first time in their lives.

0:29:24.480 --> 0:29:26.760
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, okay, well we're going to we'll help you. Promoted

0:29:26.840 --> 0:29:28.600
<v Speaker 1>on this podcast. What is the name of your.

0:29:28.480 --> 0:29:30.880
<v Speaker 5>Business, Epic Celebrations and.

0:29:30.920 --> 0:29:33.440
<v Speaker 1>You service anywhere in the country or is it just

0:29:33.480 --> 0:29:34.160
<v Speaker 1>in your area?

0:29:34.640 --> 0:29:39.880
<v Speaker 5>I generally work between Bellingham and Seattle, Okay in county.

0:29:39.880 --> 0:29:42.520
<v Speaker 5>Excuse me, but I am certainly willing to travel for

0:29:42.640 --> 0:29:43.400
<v Speaker 5>my services.

0:29:43.680 --> 0:29:45.440
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, yeah, well I think Yeah.

0:29:45.480 --> 0:29:48.000
<v Speaker 2>I'm sorry, we don't have a better like mark business

0:29:48.080 --> 0:29:50.880
<v Speaker 2>strategy for you, but we will try to spread the

0:29:50.880 --> 0:29:52.960
<v Speaker 2>word over here because I think that is the definite

0:29:53.000 --> 0:29:55.040
<v Speaker 2>way to deal with losing a loved one, especially in

0:29:55.120 --> 0:29:57.640
<v Speaker 2>a tragic way, you know, you don't you want to

0:29:57.680 --> 0:29:59.880
<v Speaker 2>go out with remembering all of the beauty that they

0:30:00.040 --> 0:30:03.800
<v Speaker 2>brought and kind of having a more modern way of

0:30:03.840 --> 0:30:07.640
<v Speaker 2>looking at death rather than death being the final you know,

0:30:07.880 --> 0:30:10.200
<v Speaker 2>and such an ending and such a smack in the face.

0:30:10.480 --> 0:30:13.920
<v Speaker 2>And especially for people who you who lose loved ones unexpectedly,

0:30:13.960 --> 0:30:14.960
<v Speaker 2>that's exactly.

0:30:14.560 --> 0:30:16.280
<v Speaker 1>What you need, you know, in the face of that.

0:30:16.720 --> 0:30:17.520
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, well, I.

0:30:17.440 --> 0:30:19.880
<v Speaker 6>Will definitely keep it in mind too since I deal with, yeah,

0:30:19.920 --> 0:30:21.640
<v Speaker 6>a lot of greeting people all the time.

0:30:22.200 --> 0:30:24.760
<v Speaker 5>H Yeah, Well, I think it's just really important to, like,

0:30:25.040 --> 0:30:28.080
<v Speaker 5>I appreciate the opportunity to put the idea out there

0:30:28.080 --> 0:30:31.520
<v Speaker 5>in a larger sphere, you know, so people are thinking about,

0:30:31.640 --> 0:30:33.440
<v Speaker 5>you know, different ways, and that there are people who

0:30:33.440 --> 0:30:37.200
<v Speaker 5>can help in that, and just to start thinking about

0:30:37.400 --> 0:30:40.600
<v Speaker 5>thinking outside the box of what you know, we how

0:30:40.640 --> 0:30:43.240
<v Speaker 5>we celebrate the lives of our people once they're not here.

0:30:43.560 --> 0:30:46.360
<v Speaker 2>And also, you know, another way to kind of maybe

0:30:46.440 --> 0:30:49.000
<v Speaker 2>outreach for you to do is people are able to

0:30:49.000 --> 0:30:53.520
<v Speaker 2>get euthanized in Oregon, so if they're planning that and Washington, right,

0:30:53.560 --> 0:30:56.400
<v Speaker 2>oh right, yeah, So I mean, is there any way

0:30:56.440 --> 0:31:01.240
<v Speaker 2>to kind of couple your services or with with those

0:31:01.400 --> 0:31:04.080
<v Speaker 2>with those programs that are actually because those people know

0:31:04.120 --> 0:31:06.400
<v Speaker 2>they're going to die, and that's kind of what they.

0:31:06.840 --> 0:31:08.520
<v Speaker 3>Can be around for their celebration of life.

0:31:08.600 --> 0:31:10.760
<v Speaker 5>Right. Yeah, And one of the services that I offer.

0:31:10.880 --> 0:31:13.840
<v Speaker 5>You spoke with Katie Kuric about this on a previous podcast,

0:31:13.840 --> 0:31:16.240
<v Speaker 5>which was part of what led me to contact you,

0:31:16.400 --> 0:31:18.800
<v Speaker 5>was she talked about the idea of living memorials for

0:31:18.840 --> 0:31:21.240
<v Speaker 5>when somebody is sick and know they're going to pass,

0:31:21.280 --> 0:31:24.560
<v Speaker 5>and then having a celebration when they have all of

0:31:24.560 --> 0:31:26.680
<v Speaker 5>the people around them who can hug them and love

0:31:26.720 --> 0:31:28.680
<v Speaker 5>on them one last time so that they leave this

0:31:28.760 --> 0:31:33.280
<v Speaker 5>world feeling full of love instead of fear. Yeah.

0:31:33.320 --> 0:31:34.960
<v Speaker 1>That's really beautiful idea too.

0:31:35.160 --> 0:31:37.600
<v Speaker 5>So yeah, yeah, and that's one of the services I offer.

0:31:37.720 --> 0:31:39.560
<v Speaker 5>But haven't been taken up on that one yet.

0:31:39.960 --> 0:31:42.520
<v Speaker 2>Okay, Well, I think it will happen. I think people

0:31:42.600 --> 0:31:45.000
<v Speaker 2>will come around to this idea. It's very you. You

0:31:45.040 --> 0:31:46.520
<v Speaker 2>are a little ahead of your time, but that's a

0:31:46.520 --> 0:31:48.840
<v Speaker 2>good thing. That's not a bad thing. What are the

0:31:48.880 --> 0:31:51.400
<v Speaker 2>other events that you're doing to supplement your company.

0:31:51.480 --> 0:31:54.080
<v Speaker 5>I've done some corporate events and I've done some baby showers.

0:31:54.120 --> 0:31:56.320
<v Speaker 5>So it's been kind of fun to work on the

0:31:56.320 --> 0:31:59.240
<v Speaker 5>opposite end of things. Yeah, I did some birthday parties,

0:31:59.280 --> 0:32:02.560
<v Speaker 5>and it's been really joyful to actually get to meet

0:32:02.600 --> 0:32:05.600
<v Speaker 5>the people that I'm helping plan parties for. You know,

0:32:05.760 --> 0:32:08.120
<v Speaker 5>I tend to fall in love with the honorees that

0:32:08.160 --> 0:32:11.080
<v Speaker 5>I create celebrations of life for, and then I don't

0:32:11.600 --> 0:32:13.760
<v Speaker 5>get to meet them. I just have to find ways

0:32:13.800 --> 0:32:17.160
<v Speaker 5>of bringing a piece of who they were into me

0:32:17.240 --> 0:32:19.760
<v Speaker 5>and holding them in my heart even though I never

0:32:19.800 --> 0:32:22.400
<v Speaker 5>get to meet them. But it's really it's pretty heartbreaking

0:32:22.440 --> 0:32:24.960
<v Speaker 5>to know that I've missed out on knowing some really

0:32:25.000 --> 0:32:26.720
<v Speaker 5>really cool people in this world.

0:32:27.800 --> 0:32:30.840
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, the circle of life, Yeah, the whole spectrum.

0:32:31.040 --> 0:32:33.480
<v Speaker 2>Well, good for you for doing this work. It's really

0:32:33.480 --> 0:32:35.560
<v Speaker 2>really you meaningful, you know.

0:32:35.760 --> 0:32:38.040
<v Speaker 5>Thank you. Thanks for bringing attention to it.

0:32:38.240 --> 0:32:40.280
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, Sandy, so tell us one more time. It's Epic

0:32:40.320 --> 0:32:41.360
<v Speaker 3>Celebrations dot.

0:32:41.200 --> 0:32:45.680
<v Speaker 5>Com, Epic Celebrations NW for Northwest dot Com.

0:32:45.920 --> 0:32:48.440
<v Speaker 4>All right, great, Well, let's also offline a little bit

0:32:48.480 --> 0:32:50.960
<v Speaker 4>more about potential B to B strategies. I'd like to

0:32:51.000 --> 0:32:53.200
<v Speaker 4>hear kind of like what all of you tried and

0:32:53.200 --> 0:32:55.640
<v Speaker 4>and offer some suggestions for more stuff to try.

0:32:55.720 --> 0:32:58.880
<v Speaker 5>Okay, all right, thanks Sandy, Thanks everybody.

0:32:58.520 --> 0:33:02.000
<v Speaker 1>Thank you bye bye bye. That is it?

0:33:02.040 --> 0:33:05.160
<v Speaker 3>That is a really cool idea, really cool, right, Yeah.

0:33:05.240 --> 0:33:07.160
<v Speaker 4>I just feel like getting that idea in front of

0:33:07.240 --> 0:33:09.640
<v Speaker 4>people in a way where you know, obviously you don't

0:33:09.640 --> 0:33:11.479
<v Speaker 4>know if somebody's going to have a sudden death, but

0:33:11.800 --> 0:33:13.840
<v Speaker 4>where it's sort of like they remember, like, oh my gosh,

0:33:13.840 --> 0:33:15.920
<v Speaker 4>there's a woman who came and spoke at such and

0:33:15.960 --> 0:33:18.760
<v Speaker 4>such like two years ago, and she would be perfect

0:33:18.760 --> 0:33:20.400
<v Speaker 4>to jump in and help out with this.

0:33:20.520 --> 0:33:22.600
<v Speaker 6>Oh well, now I know about it'll be on my radar.

0:33:22.640 --> 0:33:24.840
<v Speaker 6>And yeah, as you said, she's a bit ahead of

0:33:24.840 --> 0:33:29.040
<v Speaker 6>her time, but there's also very little competition, so m m.

0:33:29.400 --> 0:33:30.440
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, right exactly.

0:33:30.520 --> 0:33:33.040
<v Speaker 2>That's also nice for people who have a terminal diagnosis

0:33:33.320 --> 0:33:36.240
<v Speaker 2>to make this kind of plan, you know, people who

0:33:36.280 --> 0:33:40.320
<v Speaker 2>know that they're not going to make it, and they

0:33:40.360 --> 0:33:43.480
<v Speaker 2>could plan an either life celebration before they pass on,

0:33:44.200 --> 0:33:47.880
<v Speaker 2>or you know, employ her to actually make their funeral

0:33:48.000 --> 0:33:49.800
<v Speaker 2>something that they're going to want to be at.

0:33:49.920 --> 0:33:51.840
<v Speaker 1>You know, you know, what do you think about that?

0:33:51.880 --> 0:33:55.600
<v Speaker 6>The where you're at your own funeral almost.

0:33:55.600 --> 0:33:59.160
<v Speaker 1>I mean, I'm down for that. I don't mind that idea.

0:33:59.440 --> 0:34:00.800
<v Speaker 1>Hardy's like, wait, that'd be amazing.

0:34:00.880 --> 0:34:02.680
<v Speaker 6>The part of me is like, oh wow, that's you

0:34:02.720 --> 0:34:04.960
<v Speaker 6>always have those dreams of like being at your own funeral,

0:34:05.000 --> 0:34:06.560
<v Speaker 6>like what that would be like, you know, like did

0:34:06.560 --> 0:34:07.640
<v Speaker 6>would anybody show up?

0:34:08.120 --> 0:34:11.200
<v Speaker 1>And then it's like you get to see who shows up? Yeah?

0:34:11.520 --> 0:34:14.200
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, I like the idea of a celebration of life

0:34:14.200 --> 0:34:16.000
<v Speaker 2>for sure, because I don't want a funeral.

0:34:16.360 --> 0:34:17.360
<v Speaker 1>I want a party.

0:34:17.560 --> 0:34:19.480
<v Speaker 4>Yeah, but it's a little easier to party while the

0:34:19.480 --> 0:34:20.600
<v Speaker 4>person's still there.

0:34:20.640 --> 0:34:23.080
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, or have a party in my honor without me.

0:34:23.160 --> 0:34:23.960
<v Speaker 1>I'm fine either way.

0:34:24.080 --> 0:34:25.880
<v Speaker 3>Yeah. And there's just been plates of drugs everywhere.

0:34:25.920 --> 0:34:28.600
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, plates of drugs. Musham's to see all of that

0:34:28.680 --> 0:34:30.080
<v Speaker 2>good stuff more.

0:34:30.239 --> 0:34:33.480
<v Speaker 4>Next question is not about grief, but this comes from

0:34:33.760 --> 0:34:37.920
<v Speaker 4>they're using thoseudonyms spiraling. Dear Chelsea. I'm a forty year

0:34:37.920 --> 0:34:40.400
<v Speaker 4>old woman who recently moved to a new city and state.

0:34:40.760 --> 0:34:43.640
<v Speaker 4>I really enjoy playing tennis, and since moving, I've joined

0:34:43.640 --> 0:34:45.640
<v Speaker 4>some leagues and have been meeting a lot of people.

0:34:46.520 --> 0:34:47.400
<v Speaker 3>Last Sunday, I was.

0:34:47.400 --> 0:34:49.319
<v Speaker 4>Playing tennis with one of my teams, and I think

0:34:49.360 --> 0:34:52.520
<v Speaker 4>I overheard our team captain talking about me to another teammate.

0:34:53.000 --> 0:34:55.719
<v Speaker 4>She said about me, she doesn't look like she'd be good,

0:34:55.719 --> 0:34:59.239
<v Speaker 4>but she is right. I cannot stop thinking about it.

0:35:00.000 --> 0:35:02.520
<v Speaker 4>Always been self conscious, so the comment cut really deep.

0:35:03.200 --> 0:35:04.960
<v Speaker 4>I don't think the captain was trying to talk bad

0:35:05.000 --> 0:35:07.359
<v Speaker 4>about me. I actually think she was trying to say

0:35:07.360 --> 0:35:09.680
<v Speaker 4>something nice about me. But it's really caused me to

0:35:09.719 --> 0:35:12.719
<v Speaker 4>spiral a bit. She also doesn't know I overheard her.

0:35:13.080 --> 0:35:15.160
<v Speaker 4>I mean, what's wrong with me? Why can't I just

0:35:15.160 --> 0:35:17.200
<v Speaker 4>focus on the good part and not on the looks part?

0:35:17.360 --> 0:35:19.520
<v Speaker 4>Any advice, sincerely, Spiraling.

0:35:20.560 --> 0:35:22.880
<v Speaker 2>We're talking about we were talking about dark you know,

0:35:23.120 --> 0:35:26.240
<v Speaker 2>your dark side, Like we all have a shadow self,

0:35:26.480 --> 0:35:29.399
<v Speaker 2>and our shadow self is you know some psychiatrists refer

0:35:29.520 --> 0:35:33.400
<v Speaker 2>to that. Some people is like, oh, it's just your ego,

0:35:34.160 --> 0:35:36.680
<v Speaker 2>however you want to frame it. We have voices in

0:35:36.719 --> 0:35:39.160
<v Speaker 2>our head that are telling us one story, and then

0:35:39.200 --> 0:35:42.080
<v Speaker 2>there's reality. And the reality is that she was giving

0:35:42.080 --> 0:35:44.400
<v Speaker 2>you a compliment, and who gives a shit what she

0:35:44.560 --> 0:35:47.080
<v Speaker 2>thinks about whether or not you look like you're a

0:35:47.080 --> 0:35:49.799
<v Speaker 2>good athlete or not. The compliment is that you are,

0:35:50.360 --> 0:35:53.600
<v Speaker 2>and she's surprised. That's all her business, Like, it's none

0:35:53.640 --> 0:35:56.319
<v Speaker 2>of your business. But the thoughts that you're having that

0:35:56.360 --> 0:35:59.680
<v Speaker 2>are related to this are your insecure thoughts, your ego thoughts,

0:35:59.719 --> 0:36:02.440
<v Speaker 2>your shut of self thoughts. That is your job to

0:36:02.520 --> 0:36:05.880
<v Speaker 2>quiet those thoughts, and that is through like daily work

0:36:05.960 --> 0:36:10.360
<v Speaker 2>to understand that other people's opinions of you don't matter.

0:36:10.480 --> 0:36:11.680
<v Speaker 1>They're not your business.

0:36:12.239 --> 0:36:14.920
<v Speaker 2>And sometimes even when they tell you about their opinions

0:36:14.920 --> 0:36:17.279
<v Speaker 2>of you, it doesn't matter. You're not as long as

0:36:17.280 --> 0:36:19.920
<v Speaker 2>you're not hurting someone, hurting someone's feelings, or be acting

0:36:19.960 --> 0:36:22.799
<v Speaker 2>in a destructive way towards yourself or towards others. That

0:36:22.960 --> 0:36:25.080
<v Speaker 2>is work you have to do on yourself, and that's

0:36:25.120 --> 0:36:28.960
<v Speaker 2>can be daily affirmations of why of all the things

0:36:29.280 --> 0:36:32.480
<v Speaker 2>that you see about yourself, that you are strong, that

0:36:32.520 --> 0:36:36.239
<v Speaker 2>you are capable, that you're active in your sport, and

0:36:36.320 --> 0:36:38.000
<v Speaker 2>all of the other good things that you have in

0:36:38.040 --> 0:36:42.200
<v Speaker 2>your life, or a gratitude journal, you know, writing down

0:36:42.239 --> 0:36:45.120
<v Speaker 2>ten things that you're happy and grateful about. You just

0:36:45.239 --> 0:36:47.000
<v Speaker 2>kind of have to get to like a little bit

0:36:47.000 --> 0:36:50.280
<v Speaker 2>of a higher frequency than to let all these little

0:36:50.320 --> 0:36:52.640
<v Speaker 2>comments from other people that you weren't even supposed to

0:36:52.719 --> 0:36:55.400
<v Speaker 2>hear in the first place. Remember, you weren't supposed to

0:36:55.480 --> 0:36:57.000
<v Speaker 2>hear that in the first place. If she had a

0:36:57.080 --> 0:36:59.440
<v Speaker 2>choice to say that with knowing you would hear it,

0:36:59.480 --> 0:37:01.480
<v Speaker 2>she wouldn't I have chosen for you to hear it.

0:37:01.800 --> 0:37:03.879
<v Speaker 2>Therefore there's nothing for you to do about it. You're

0:37:03.880 --> 0:37:06.279
<v Speaker 2>definitely not gonna say anything to her about it.

0:37:06.320 --> 0:37:10.000
<v Speaker 1>Who cares? You don't want to? Like that's aggravating an issue.

0:37:10.200 --> 0:37:12.600
<v Speaker 2>But I think all of our negative self talk like

0:37:13.000 --> 0:37:16.200
<v Speaker 2>that is a daily exercise that you have to recognize

0:37:16.200 --> 0:37:19.200
<v Speaker 2>that you're doing a And now you recognize that you're

0:37:19.239 --> 0:37:21.160
<v Speaker 2>doing it, I'm telling you that you're doing it. You

0:37:21.360 --> 0:37:23.839
<v Speaker 2>wrote in because of this, and you have to start

0:37:23.880 --> 0:37:27.239
<v Speaker 2>to disassemble that. And every day is like, I am

0:37:27.280 --> 0:37:29.839
<v Speaker 2>not what other people think about me. I am what

0:37:29.920 --> 0:37:33.239
<v Speaker 2>I am, And you're contributing in a valuable way to

0:37:33.280 --> 0:37:36.759
<v Speaker 2>something that you really enjoy. That's your takeaway, not the

0:37:36.760 --> 0:37:40.880
<v Speaker 2>negative thing that is meaningless to me. So, while I

0:37:40.960 --> 0:37:43.759
<v Speaker 2>know it's difficult to hear things about yourself sometime, I

0:37:43.880 --> 0:37:46.160
<v Speaker 2>really just would want to implore you to like dig

0:37:46.200 --> 0:37:48.640
<v Speaker 2>a little deeper into who you really are, the essence

0:37:48.640 --> 0:37:51.759
<v Speaker 2>of who you are as a person, and then you

0:37:51.840 --> 0:37:54.680
<v Speaker 2>become a lot less affected by what other people think

0:37:54.719 --> 0:37:57.719
<v Speaker 2>of you. And that can work with meditation too. You

0:37:57.719 --> 0:38:01.160
<v Speaker 2>can achieve that goal through meditation, through graditude lists, through

0:38:01.480 --> 0:38:04.479
<v Speaker 2>affirmations every day. But I would pick one of those

0:38:04.520 --> 0:38:07.560
<v Speaker 2>things and really focus on doing that activity every single

0:38:07.640 --> 0:38:10.120
<v Speaker 2>day to just kind of bring yourself up a little

0:38:10.160 --> 0:38:13.040
<v Speaker 2>bit more so you're not as vulnerable to others in

0:38:13.200 --> 0:38:14.600
<v Speaker 2>things that are not that important.

0:38:15.400 --> 0:38:18.759
<v Speaker 6>Yeah, you nailed that one thousand percent. I mean I

0:38:18.840 --> 0:38:21.000
<v Speaker 6>was just thinking the same thing, like, what other people

0:38:21.080 --> 0:38:22.040
<v Speaker 6>think of you is.

0:38:22.200 --> 0:38:23.080
<v Speaker 1>Not your business.

0:38:23.719 --> 0:38:27.160
<v Speaker 6>And it can be hard, of course to you know,

0:38:27.160 --> 0:38:29.520
<v Speaker 6>you hear something gossipy and negative.

0:38:29.760 --> 0:38:31.600
<v Speaker 1>It sounds it's a high.

0:38:31.440 --> 0:38:33.440
<v Speaker 6>School thing, you know, it's that thing that you would

0:38:34.280 --> 0:38:36.600
<v Speaker 6>let can you latch on to when you were when

0:38:36.640 --> 0:38:39.600
<v Speaker 6>you were younger, And it can be hard to you know,

0:38:39.640 --> 0:38:41.960
<v Speaker 6>if you hear somebody saying something about about you. But

0:38:42.000 --> 0:38:44.680
<v Speaker 6>as you said, she wasn't meant to hear it. It

0:38:44.880 --> 0:38:48.680
<v Speaker 6>was ultimately a positive. And didn't she say, like, I'm

0:38:48.719 --> 0:38:50.880
<v Speaker 6>not even sure she was talking about me. Let's just

0:38:51.239 --> 0:38:53.200
<v Speaker 6>pretend she wasn't even talking about you, it wasn't even

0:38:53.200 --> 0:38:56.160
<v Speaker 6>about you. Just pretend that you didn't even hear because

0:38:56.160 --> 0:38:57.759
<v Speaker 6>it wasn't even about you. It could have been about

0:38:57.800 --> 0:39:00.439
<v Speaker 6>somebody else. You don't know for sure, that's true.

0:39:00.480 --> 0:39:04.960
<v Speaker 2>Also, Yeah, So just work on your stuff, work on it.

0:39:05.280 --> 0:39:07.920
<v Speaker 2>We all have a responsibility to each other as women

0:39:07.960 --> 0:39:10.719
<v Speaker 2>and as human beings to get better at being ourselves.

0:39:10.760 --> 0:39:12.880
<v Speaker 2>We all have a responsibility to kind of improve our

0:39:12.920 --> 0:39:16.440
<v Speaker 2>own mental health and our own mental self assuredness. Our

0:39:16.480 --> 0:39:19.880
<v Speaker 2>self assuredness is like, you have to be aware of

0:39:19.920 --> 0:39:23.319
<v Speaker 2>your behavior and then oh, oh, look at what I

0:39:23.360 --> 0:39:28.000
<v Speaker 2>got hurt about. Oh that's me being silly or insecure

0:39:28.160 --> 0:39:31.360
<v Speaker 2>or small. Never mind, wipe that away like it's like

0:39:31.440 --> 0:39:34.160
<v Speaker 2>water off a duck's back. Let it fall off of you,

0:39:34.280 --> 0:39:37.360
<v Speaker 2>and actually physically think about those comments falling off of you,

0:39:37.760 --> 0:39:40.200
<v Speaker 2>because that's something that I do a lot, and it works.

0:39:40.760 --> 0:39:43.319
<v Speaker 2>You just think about the fact that, Okay, I've set

0:39:43.360 --> 0:39:45.719
<v Speaker 2>with this emotion. It didn't feel nice, and now I'm

0:39:45.760 --> 0:39:46.799
<v Speaker 2>letting it go and moving on.

0:39:47.160 --> 0:39:47.520
<v Speaker 1>That's good.

0:39:47.520 --> 0:39:49.879
<v Speaker 6>I like that envisioning the water off a ducts back.

0:39:50.040 --> 0:39:54.120
<v Speaker 3>Mm hmmm hm. So Luke says dear Chelsea.

0:39:54.480 --> 0:39:56.759
<v Speaker 4>I'm a thirty four year old single gay man, and

0:39:56.800 --> 0:39:59.320
<v Speaker 4>life has been equal parts horrible and generous to me.

0:40:00.040 --> 0:40:02.560
<v Speaker 4>I met my husband online when I was seventeen, he

0:40:02.640 --> 0:40:05.480
<v Speaker 4>was eighteen. There wasn't a weird age gap. Even talking

0:40:05.520 --> 0:40:07.680
<v Speaker 4>about it now, I want to pull younger me aside

0:40:07.760 --> 0:40:09.880
<v Speaker 4>and say Oh, honey, you have so much time to

0:40:09.920 --> 0:40:10.480
<v Speaker 4>fall in love.

0:40:10.640 --> 0:40:11.400
<v Speaker 3>Don't rush it.

0:40:12.080 --> 0:40:14.399
<v Speaker 4>Well, we rushed it, and I rebelled against every piece

0:40:14.400 --> 0:40:16.840
<v Speaker 4>of guidance my family had to offer. We got married

0:40:16.840 --> 0:40:19.840
<v Speaker 4>and never looked back. We both ended up being successful

0:40:19.880 --> 0:40:22.239
<v Speaker 4>in our careers and build a great life together. And

0:40:22.280 --> 0:40:25.440
<v Speaker 4>then he died in a car accident. I was and

0:40:25.480 --> 0:40:28.640
<v Speaker 4>still am, completely devastated. And this was four years ago.

0:40:28.960 --> 0:40:31.000
<v Speaker 4>Three months after he died, I learned that I was

0:40:31.040 --> 0:40:34.240
<v Speaker 4>the sole beneficiary of a one million dollar life insurance policy.

0:40:34.840 --> 0:40:37.160
<v Speaker 4>That policy has since paid out, and I donated a

0:40:37.200 --> 0:40:39.680
<v Speaker 4>large chunk of that to charities that I know he loved.

0:40:39.840 --> 0:40:40.920
<v Speaker 3>The rest I invested.

0:40:41.520 --> 0:40:43.600
<v Speaker 4>As you can imagine, his family is coming out of

0:40:43.600 --> 0:40:46.120
<v Speaker 4>the woodwork with their handout, and my inclination is to

0:40:46.160 --> 0:40:47.800
<v Speaker 4>tell them to fuck off entirely.

0:40:48.120 --> 0:40:52.680
<v Speaker 3>What are your thoughts? Thank you, Luke. This is tricky.

0:40:52.920 --> 0:40:53.600
<v Speaker 3>This is tricky.

0:40:54.200 --> 0:40:57.680
<v Speaker 2>I mean, I don't think it's fair to have to

0:40:57.719 --> 0:41:01.120
<v Speaker 2>give handouts to everybody, and his family if those were

0:41:01.160 --> 0:41:04.040
<v Speaker 2>his wishes. Yeah, is it the insurance policy or was

0:41:04.080 --> 0:41:05.480
<v Speaker 2>it an insurance policy?

0:41:05.520 --> 0:41:05.640
<v Speaker 6>Oh?

0:41:05.719 --> 0:41:07.480
<v Speaker 1>I see, so that is a little bit different. What

0:41:07.520 --> 0:41:08.520
<v Speaker 1>do you think about this?

0:41:08.640 --> 0:41:17.640
<v Speaker 6>An insurance policy is a very deliberate, very calculated situation,

0:41:18.600 --> 0:41:21.400
<v Speaker 6>you know, like he set that up for him. It

0:41:21.480 --> 0:41:25.680
<v Speaker 6>wasn't This wasn't like a probate situation where he died

0:41:25.680 --> 0:41:27.560
<v Speaker 6>and left a bunch of money and it's like who does.

0:41:27.480 --> 0:41:27.920
<v Speaker 1>It go to?

0:41:28.040 --> 0:41:30.920
<v Speaker 6>Well, they were married, and the family's like what about me?

0:41:31.080 --> 0:41:34.640
<v Speaker 6>Where his family? This was a very deliberate situation. Obviously,

0:41:34.680 --> 0:41:37.440
<v Speaker 6>if it was a different type of inheritance, that maybe

0:41:37.600 --> 0:41:40.200
<v Speaker 6>is a little bit more disputable. But I feel like

0:41:41.000 --> 0:41:43.680
<v Speaker 6>life insurance policy is just very specific.

0:41:43.440 --> 0:41:46.560
<v Speaker 4>Right right, And I think my big question is what

0:41:46.640 --> 0:41:49.719
<v Speaker 4>kind of relationship did you have with them before this?

0:41:49.920 --> 0:41:52.120
<v Speaker 3>You know, did you have a good relationship with them?

0:41:52.280 --> 0:41:55.000
<v Speaker 4>Were they people that you saw it Thanksgiving and holidays

0:41:55.000 --> 0:41:57.800
<v Speaker 4>and this sort of thing, or are you just hearing

0:41:57.840 --> 0:41:59.960
<v Speaker 4>from them now. I think that makes a big difference

0:42:00.080 --> 0:42:01.239
<v Speaker 4>and sort of the answers to that.

0:42:01.400 --> 0:42:04.160
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, But it's also not your responsibility to be doling

0:42:04.200 --> 0:42:06.360
<v Speaker 2>out like you know, we're talking about a million dollars,

0:42:06.360 --> 0:42:08.960
<v Speaker 2>and while that may sound like a lot of money,

0:42:09.320 --> 0:42:11.760
<v Speaker 2>that goes very quickly, you know when you start giving

0:42:11.800 --> 0:42:14.640
<v Speaker 2>it away to different people, And as you just said,

0:42:14.800 --> 0:42:16.879
<v Speaker 2>and insurance policy is not set up for your other

0:42:17.400 --> 0:42:20.080
<v Speaker 2>family members like your brothers and your sisters.

0:42:20.280 --> 0:42:23.200
<v Speaker 1>It's set up for your partner. That's what it is, right.

0:42:23.120 --> 0:42:26.279
<v Speaker 6>And that's that coming from his bank account. It's not

0:42:26.320 --> 0:42:28.120
<v Speaker 6>like it's not like this is his money. He worked

0:42:28.160 --> 0:42:30.880
<v Speaker 6>for his whole life and he's leaving it all to

0:42:31.000 --> 0:42:33.719
<v Speaker 6>him like this is insurance money, right.

0:42:34.239 --> 0:42:36.319
<v Speaker 2>I don't know if you're feeling really guilty that you

0:42:36.360 --> 0:42:39.120
<v Speaker 2>want to give them money, that's that's really a personal decision.

0:42:39.200 --> 0:42:41.719
<v Speaker 1>I don't think you have any obligation to do that.

0:42:42.400 --> 0:42:46.120
<v Speaker 2>And yes, are you in regular communication with these people,

0:42:46.200 --> 0:42:47.600
<v Speaker 2>or if they came out of nowhere, if they came

0:42:47.640 --> 0:42:49.440
<v Speaker 2>out of nowhere, or you hadn't heard from them for

0:42:49.440 --> 0:42:52.080
<v Speaker 2>a while, one more reason to not worry about it.

0:42:52.320 --> 0:42:54.799
<v Speaker 2>But I wouldn't let yourself be racked with guilt. You

0:42:54.840 --> 0:42:57.040
<v Speaker 2>were in that relationship for a really long time, and

0:42:57.160 --> 0:43:00.160
<v Speaker 2>I believe that you deserve that insurance policy.

0:43:01.040 --> 0:43:04.359
<v Speaker 6>And I will say that you are not alone in this.

0:43:04.360 --> 0:43:09.000
<v Speaker 6>This is so common and is almost a little bit

0:43:09.080 --> 0:43:12.799
<v Speaker 6>more the norm when somebody passes away and there's you know,

0:43:12.840 --> 0:43:15.680
<v Speaker 6>whether there's a step situation and exes and all this

0:43:15.719 --> 0:43:20.040
<v Speaker 6>stuff and children involved that it usually can be very

0:43:20.080 --> 0:43:23.719
<v Speaker 6>messy and it usually can create so many problems. I

0:43:23.800 --> 0:43:26.560
<v Speaker 6>was so fortunate that we had none of that, thank god.

0:43:27.000 --> 0:43:30.680
<v Speaker 6>But that's not the norm my situation. We talk all

0:43:30.680 --> 0:43:32.759
<v Speaker 6>the time. We're always like, we are so lucky that

0:43:32.840 --> 0:43:36.200
<v Speaker 6>we didn't have that type of because a lot of times,

0:43:36.239 --> 0:43:39.840
<v Speaker 6>just somebody passes away, it is just a catalyst for

0:43:40.880 --> 0:43:42.120
<v Speaker 6>your worst self.

0:43:41.880 --> 0:43:43.359
<v Speaker 1>To come from. Yeah. Absolutely.

0:43:43.520 --> 0:43:45.680
<v Speaker 2>I mean I was just with a friend on vacation

0:43:45.760 --> 0:43:48.240
<v Speaker 2>who was dealing with this and I could not believe

0:43:48.280 --> 0:43:50.600
<v Speaker 2>the stories. I was just like, oh my god, money

0:43:50.600 --> 0:43:52.239
<v Speaker 2>brings out the worst in everybody.

0:43:52.640 --> 0:43:55.400
<v Speaker 4>My family is all in elder law and estate planning,

0:43:55.480 --> 0:43:57.879
<v Speaker 4>So like, everybody, go get your estate plan done because

0:43:57.920 --> 0:44:00.239
<v Speaker 4>that you know, when you do pass, you can make

0:44:00.280 --> 0:44:03.319
<v Speaker 4>these choices before any of that happens. You can say

0:44:03.360 --> 0:44:05.800
<v Speaker 4>how you want things to go and nobody has to

0:44:05.880 --> 0:44:06.360
<v Speaker 4>argue about it.

0:44:06.440 --> 0:44:07.680
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, I've done my estate planning.

0:44:07.719 --> 0:44:09.400
<v Speaker 2>I just re up to my estate planning and make

0:44:09.400 --> 0:44:11.760
<v Speaker 2>sure that my cousin doesn't get to make medical decisions

0:44:11.760 --> 0:44:14.360
<v Speaker 2>in my favor because she'll keep me alive no matter what.

0:44:14.520 --> 0:44:16.400
<v Speaker 2>And I was like, listen, bitch, I have another cousin

0:44:16.440 --> 0:44:19.120
<v Speaker 2>that will euthanize me. And so he's gonna be the

0:44:19.120 --> 0:44:21.640
<v Speaker 2>one that has the medical decision making.

0:44:21.800 --> 0:44:24.280
<v Speaker 1>I don't want to fight anything. I'm ready. I'm ready

0:44:24.320 --> 0:44:25.480
<v Speaker 1>to go if need.

0:44:25.360 --> 0:44:27.080
<v Speaker 3>Be all right.

0:44:27.160 --> 0:44:29.200
<v Speaker 4>And you know, one other thing that Luke brought up

0:44:29.200 --> 0:44:31.560
<v Speaker 4>when we did sort of a pre interview call was

0:44:32.239 --> 0:44:37.239
<v Speaker 4>being a very young widower is something very unique or

0:44:37.320 --> 0:44:38.440
<v Speaker 4>is uncommon?

0:44:38.440 --> 0:44:40.239
<v Speaker 3>Would you have any words of advice for him?

0:44:41.120 --> 0:44:46.120
<v Speaker 6>Yeah, just knowing that you feel like when it happens

0:44:46.160 --> 0:44:49.279
<v Speaker 6>to you that you're the only one because you're like,

0:44:49.400 --> 0:44:53.000
<v Speaker 6>oh my god, I was not planning this. I was

0:44:53.040 --> 0:44:56.440
<v Speaker 6>anticipating that. I mean, in my situation, I knew that

0:44:56.520 --> 0:45:01.359
<v Speaker 6>I'd probably be a widow maybe in my sixties or seventies,

0:45:01.400 --> 0:45:04.520
<v Speaker 6>but I certainly wasn't anticipating it at forty two when

0:45:04.560 --> 0:45:08.479
<v Speaker 6>it was three years ago. And I will say, when

0:45:09.000 --> 0:45:12.919
<v Speaker 6>you go through it, you start like so many people

0:45:12.960 --> 0:45:14.640
<v Speaker 6>start to come out of the woodworks, and you do

0:45:14.760 --> 0:45:18.720
<v Speaker 6>have such a support group of people that you meet

0:45:18.920 --> 0:45:21.960
<v Speaker 6>who they're like, i'm a young widow too, or I'm

0:45:21.960 --> 0:45:24.200
<v Speaker 6>a young widower also, and I've met so many people

0:45:24.200 --> 0:45:26.680
<v Speaker 6>who have and then you feel less alone and it

0:45:26.719 --> 0:45:28.760
<v Speaker 6>sounds like this was four years ago.

0:45:28.880 --> 0:45:31.000
<v Speaker 1>So it's really tough.

0:45:31.400 --> 0:45:34.479
<v Speaker 6>But if he can find that support from other people

0:45:34.520 --> 0:45:36.520
<v Speaker 6>who have gone through it at a similar age. You

0:45:36.600 --> 0:45:38.840
<v Speaker 6>do feel alone, but you're not alone. There are so

0:45:38.920 --> 0:45:39.799
<v Speaker 6>many people.

0:45:39.560 --> 0:45:42.680
<v Speaker 2>And it's really important not to let people put guilt

0:45:42.760 --> 0:45:45.520
<v Speaker 2>on you. I know you might feel that like that's

0:45:45.520 --> 0:45:49.439
<v Speaker 2>a natural reaction to them coming and saying we want

0:45:49.480 --> 0:45:50.120
<v Speaker 2>money to.

0:45:50.440 --> 0:45:53.880
<v Speaker 1>Or whatever they're doing. You can't let people guilt you

0:45:53.920 --> 0:45:54.600
<v Speaker 1>into things.

0:45:54.840 --> 0:45:56.840
<v Speaker 2>You have to kind of really sit with this decision

0:45:56.920 --> 0:45:59.560
<v Speaker 2>and think about what's right for you and what's appropriate

0:45:59.640 --> 0:46:03.480
<v Speaker 2>for you, and that is appropriate insurance policy is for

0:46:03.560 --> 0:46:04.040
<v Speaker 2>the partner.

0:46:04.120 --> 0:46:04.920
<v Speaker 1>That's appropriate.

0:46:05.200 --> 0:46:08.719
<v Speaker 2>So anything other complicated feelings you have around it have

0:46:08.840 --> 0:46:11.719
<v Speaker 2>been brought on by his family, and so I want

0:46:11.719 --> 0:46:13.520
<v Speaker 2>you to be very aware of that and where the

0:46:13.560 --> 0:46:15.160
<v Speaker 2>feelings of guilt are coming from.

0:46:15.640 --> 0:46:19.480
<v Speaker 6>Yes, you've done absolutely nothing wrong. It's hard enough to

0:46:19.520 --> 0:46:21.440
<v Speaker 6>go through the loss of the partner without all of

0:46:21.480 --> 0:46:24.920
<v Speaker 6>this other stuff and a lot of people who aren't

0:46:24.960 --> 0:46:27.799
<v Speaker 6>in your shoes and who haven't experienced a loss of

0:46:27.800 --> 0:46:31.000
<v Speaker 6>a spouse and how absolutely gut wrenching it is. It

0:46:31.160 --> 0:46:33.760
<v Speaker 6>just goes back to the hole. When someone is grieving,

0:46:34.640 --> 0:46:36.840
<v Speaker 6>there's no wrong way to do it. You can't judge

0:46:36.840 --> 0:46:39.879
<v Speaker 6>them because if you haven't been through it. You don't

0:46:39.920 --> 0:46:40.480
<v Speaker 6>know what it's like.

0:46:41.040 --> 0:46:43.879
<v Speaker 4>Yeah, all right, Luke, check back in with us, keep

0:46:43.920 --> 0:46:46.759
<v Speaker 4>us posted, and we can take a quick break and

0:46:47.120 --> 0:46:49.440
<v Speaker 4>come back with a kind of silly little question to

0:46:49.440 --> 0:46:49.799
<v Speaker 4>wrap up.

0:46:49.800 --> 0:46:50.080
<v Speaker 1>Perfect.

0:46:50.160 --> 0:46:52.960
<v Speaker 2>Let's go, Let's let's end on something light today. It's

0:46:53.000 --> 0:46:55.560
<v Speaker 2>been a bit heavier. Okay, we're gonna take a break up.

0:46:55.560 --> 0:47:02.520
<v Speaker 2>We'll be right back with Kelly Rizzo. And we're back.

0:47:03.120 --> 0:47:04.200
<v Speaker 1>We are back.

0:47:04.760 --> 0:47:05.120
<v Speaker 5>Well.

0:47:05.680 --> 0:47:09.399
<v Speaker 4>I identify with Cindy here because, you know, being a Midwestern kid,

0:47:09.400 --> 0:47:11.760
<v Speaker 4>as I know you are, Kelly, you know our families

0:47:11.760 --> 0:47:13.480
<v Speaker 4>are a little more conservative when it comes to what

0:47:13.520 --> 0:47:17.720
<v Speaker 4>we do with our body modification. So Cindy says, Dear Chelsea.

0:47:18.239 --> 0:47:20.600
<v Speaker 4>I'm in my thirties and recently got a little lip

0:47:20.600 --> 0:47:24.360
<v Speaker 4>filler for the first time. I'm happy with the results,

0:47:24.400 --> 0:47:27.719
<v Speaker 4>but I find myself constantly afraid of being judged by

0:47:27.760 --> 0:47:30.799
<v Speaker 4>my friends and coworkers. I also live far away from

0:47:30.800 --> 0:47:34.400
<v Speaker 4>my parents, and I'm dreading their reaction. They screamed at

0:47:34.440 --> 0:47:36.560
<v Speaker 4>my sister when she got her nose pierced, so they

0:47:36.600 --> 0:47:39.880
<v Speaker 4>definitely don't like body modifications. My fear is that my

0:47:39.920 --> 0:47:42.360
<v Speaker 4>parents will be disappointed in me for changing the features

0:47:42.360 --> 0:47:44.600
<v Speaker 4>they gave me, and I don't want to break their hearts.

0:47:45.160 --> 0:47:47.080
<v Speaker 4>Do you think I should give my parents a heads

0:47:47.160 --> 0:47:49.520
<v Speaker 4>up about the filler or should I just act normal

0:47:49.560 --> 0:47:51.759
<v Speaker 4>and not say anything when I finally see them. Thanks

0:47:51.800 --> 0:47:53.520
<v Speaker 4>so much for your advice, Cindy.

0:47:54.200 --> 0:47:55.840
<v Speaker 2>I definitely don't think you should give the heads up

0:47:55.880 --> 0:47:58.360
<v Speaker 2>to anyone about anything, Like it's really not their fucking

0:47:58.400 --> 0:48:01.880
<v Speaker 2>problem or their business. And if it's noticeable enough, like

0:48:01.920 --> 0:48:04.440
<v Speaker 2>if it's a big change from how you looked before,

0:48:05.160 --> 0:48:07.759
<v Speaker 2>then I think you should go in there with like

0:48:07.840 --> 0:48:10.520
<v Speaker 2>a plan about why you did it, explaining to them

0:48:10.560 --> 0:48:12.200
<v Speaker 2>that it was important for you and that this has

0:48:12.239 --> 0:48:14.880
<v Speaker 2>been something you've felt insecure about and that you've seen

0:48:15.040 --> 0:48:15.759
<v Speaker 2>everybody else.

0:48:15.880 --> 0:48:18.799
<v Speaker 1>Everybody fucking does this. Everybody does it.

0:48:18.840 --> 0:48:21.920
<v Speaker 2>I've done it, Like it's okay, it doesn't matter, Like

0:48:22.360 --> 0:48:24.120
<v Speaker 2>whatever's going to make you feel better. First of all,

0:48:24.120 --> 0:48:26.040
<v Speaker 2>your lips get thinner as you get older, so like

0:48:26.200 --> 0:48:29.640
<v Speaker 2>there's that a men's get thicker as they get older.

0:48:30.480 --> 0:48:31.400
<v Speaker 1>How that happens?

0:48:31.440 --> 0:48:34.880
<v Speaker 2>It's like, but also like whatever you need to do

0:48:34.960 --> 0:48:36.920
<v Speaker 2>to make yourself feel better, who gives a shit? Like

0:48:36.960 --> 0:48:39.000
<v Speaker 2>you don't owe them an explanation, And if they if

0:48:39.040 --> 0:48:42.160
<v Speaker 2>it's not noticeable enough. They probably won't even fucking notice.

0:48:42.239 --> 0:48:44.640
<v Speaker 2>So I don't know how much you got done. But

0:48:45.080 --> 0:48:49.080
<v Speaker 2>like everyone is doing this and it's that's it. You

0:48:49.160 --> 0:48:51.399
<v Speaker 2>always wanted bigger lips. That's all you have to say

0:48:51.560 --> 0:48:53.560
<v Speaker 2>is I wish I had bigger lips. I've always wanted

0:48:53.560 --> 0:48:55.560
<v Speaker 2>bigger lips. Can you believe how lucky I am that

0:48:55.600 --> 0:48:58.160
<v Speaker 2>they provide this and you could just go and get

0:48:58.160 --> 0:49:00.839
<v Speaker 2>it done. It didn't have to get so, I didn't

0:49:00.880 --> 0:49:02.239
<v Speaker 2>have to go under the knife. I didn't have to

0:49:02.280 --> 0:49:04.520
<v Speaker 2>do anything drastic. I just got a little lip injector

0:49:04.680 --> 0:49:06.239
<v Speaker 2>that will dissolve if I don't like it.

0:49:06.320 --> 0:49:07.960
<v Speaker 1>I mean, life is a miracle.

0:49:09.120 --> 0:49:13.600
<v Speaker 6>Yeah, I mean, I'm with you completely, and that you're

0:49:13.640 --> 0:49:19.280
<v Speaker 6>an adult, you're in your thirties. I understand the still

0:49:19.280 --> 0:49:23.000
<v Speaker 6>appreciation for what your parents think. But it's one thing

0:49:23.000 --> 0:49:24.400
<v Speaker 6>if you were like in high school and they're like,

0:49:24.440 --> 0:49:26.520
<v Speaker 6>I'm not gonna pay for college if you do this, okay,

0:49:26.520 --> 0:49:28.319
<v Speaker 6>it's like you're kind of still under their thumb, like

0:49:28.360 --> 0:49:30.359
<v Speaker 6>they can't just go out and do that.

0:49:30.719 --> 0:49:32.480
<v Speaker 1>However, I mean I.

0:49:32.440 --> 0:49:35.840
<v Speaker 6>Come from a very different like my mom lived in

0:49:35.880 --> 0:49:38.360
<v Speaker 6>the Playboy mansion in the sixties, when I had like

0:49:38.400 --> 0:49:40.200
<v Speaker 6>my nose done in my boobs on, she was like,

0:49:40.480 --> 0:49:43.400
<v Speaker 6>you go girl, Like she loved all that stuff. But

0:49:43.440 --> 0:49:45.360
<v Speaker 6>then again, like they hated all the tattoos. I have

0:49:45.400 --> 0:49:47.399
<v Speaker 6>so many tattoos. And my dad is you know, born

0:49:47.440 --> 0:49:51.040
<v Speaker 6>in Sicily, very old school Sicilian, and he's would freak

0:49:51.080 --> 0:49:54.080
<v Speaker 6>out about them. But I still just didn't care. I'm like,

0:49:54.160 --> 0:49:56.680
<v Speaker 6>they're still gonna love me no matter what. They're not

0:49:56.719 --> 0:50:00.759
<v Speaker 6>gonna disown me, and they get over it.

0:50:00.800 --> 0:50:01.680
<v Speaker 1>They get over it.

0:50:01.800 --> 0:50:03.560
<v Speaker 6>Yeah, they might be mad for a few minutes and

0:50:03.560 --> 0:50:06.040
<v Speaker 6>well like why'd you do that? Five minutes later, they're

0:50:06.120 --> 0:50:08.920
<v Speaker 6>not going to care. So just you're building this up

0:50:08.960 --> 0:50:11.200
<v Speaker 6>too much. Yeah, they'll get over it.

0:50:11.360 --> 0:50:14.359
<v Speaker 4>Yeah, And it's the way you feel, isn't silly. That's

0:50:14.360 --> 0:50:15.719
<v Speaker 4>not what I'm trying to say by this is a

0:50:15.760 --> 0:50:18.680
<v Speaker 4>silly question. But if this gives you confidence, that's the

0:50:18.680 --> 0:50:20.799
<v Speaker 4>thing that matters. And I do think that's true. Like

0:50:20.920 --> 0:50:23.680
<v Speaker 4>parents sometimes are like weird about something like a nose ring,

0:50:23.760 --> 0:50:26.239
<v Speaker 4>but like not about hey, your lips look a little

0:50:26.239 --> 0:50:27.080
<v Speaker 4>bit different.

0:50:26.880 --> 0:50:28.919
<v Speaker 2>But also just come from a place of like when

0:50:28.920 --> 0:50:32.480
<v Speaker 2>you do deal with it, your enthusiasm has to override

0:50:32.560 --> 0:50:37.480
<v Speaker 2>their criticism, Like I'm so happy I did this. Thank goodness,

0:50:37.560 --> 0:50:40.080
<v Speaker 2>this service is available, Thank god I can afford it.

0:50:40.320 --> 0:50:42.719
<v Speaker 2>You can just pop into someone's office and do this, like,

0:50:42.760 --> 0:50:45.400
<v Speaker 2>oh my god, I'm so grateful. Like you have to

0:50:45.480 --> 0:50:49.600
<v Speaker 2>overshadow their pessimism or negativity and with the fact that

0:50:49.600 --> 0:50:51.560
<v Speaker 2>their daughter's happy that you made that choice.

0:50:51.800 --> 0:50:52.160
<v Speaker 3>Yeah.

0:50:52.560 --> 0:50:54.680
<v Speaker 6>Yeah, Like I feel good about myself. And if you

0:50:54.680 --> 0:50:56.040
<v Speaker 6>want to be mad at me, be mad at me.

0:50:56.120 --> 0:50:58.640
<v Speaker 6>But I'm sure you'll get over it. And yeah, we'll

0:50:58.680 --> 0:50:59.880
<v Speaker 6>have a wonderful holidays.

0:51:00.320 --> 0:51:01.560
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, exactly.

0:51:01.680 --> 0:51:03.640
<v Speaker 1>Cut to I want to see it before and after picture.

0:51:05.600 --> 0:51:07.359
<v Speaker 3>Please send that Cindy you.

0:51:07.520 --> 0:51:09.800
<v Speaker 1>Okay, So, Kelly, thank you for coming today.

0:51:09.840 --> 0:51:11.840
<v Speaker 2>So listen to people if you want to be in

0:51:11.840 --> 0:51:15.160
<v Speaker 2>a support group for grief or you know, probably other

0:51:15.200 --> 0:51:18.160
<v Speaker 2>things too. I imagine it will expand beyond just grief. Right,

0:51:18.840 --> 0:51:19.480
<v Speaker 2>you can go.

0:51:19.400 --> 0:51:21.760
<v Speaker 1>To comfort Club online dot com.

0:51:21.560 --> 0:51:23.880
<v Speaker 2>Comfort Club online dot com, and then you can also

0:51:23.920 --> 0:51:26.880
<v Speaker 2>tune into Kelly's podcast, which is comfort Food, which.

0:51:26.719 --> 0:51:29.520
<v Speaker 1>Is available on anywhere you get podcasts.

0:51:29.080 --> 0:51:32.040
<v Speaker 2>Which is also about grief and handling grief with a

0:51:32.080 --> 0:51:36.160
<v Speaker 2>little bit more support and more comfort over food and

0:51:36.239 --> 0:51:39.400
<v Speaker 2>actually using it as a guide to not even for yourself.

0:51:39.440 --> 0:51:41.840
<v Speaker 2>If you're necessarily going through grief, but if for someone

0:51:41.880 --> 0:51:44.080
<v Speaker 2>that you love is going through grief, figuring out a

0:51:44.120 --> 0:51:46.759
<v Speaker 2>better way to be available for them exactly.

0:51:46.880 --> 0:51:50.040
<v Speaker 6>And it's just really great advice for not only how

0:51:50.080 --> 0:51:51.680
<v Speaker 6>to get through it yourself, but how to help people

0:51:51.760 --> 0:51:54.319
<v Speaker 6>going through it in your life. Because if we haven't

0:51:54.360 --> 0:51:57.200
<v Speaker 6>gone through it yet, someone we know has gone through

0:51:57.200 --> 0:52:00.319
<v Speaker 6>it or is going through it. Yeah, thank you so

0:52:00.360 --> 0:52:02.080
<v Speaker 6>much for thank you so much for having me. Yes,

0:52:02.320 --> 0:52:05.560
<v Speaker 6>so lovely to see you. Yeah, always always. Okay, we'll

0:52:05.600 --> 0:52:06.520
<v Speaker 6>see you guys next week.

0:52:07.640 --> 0:52:10.000
<v Speaker 1>Okay, guys. Stand up shows that I have coming up.

0:52:10.160 --> 0:52:13.799
<v Speaker 2>I am going to San Diego on eleven, twenty nine,

0:52:13.880 --> 0:52:16.759
<v Speaker 2>that has tickets available. Oh, I'm coming to Vegas on

0:52:16.800 --> 0:52:20.960
<v Speaker 2>November thirtieth, right after Thanksgiving and their tickets available for that.

0:52:21.080 --> 0:52:23.680
<v Speaker 2>And then I'll be in Des Moines, Iowa December fifth.

0:52:23.760 --> 0:52:28.640
<v Speaker 2>December sixth is Omaha, and then December twenty eighth, I'm

0:52:28.640 --> 0:52:31.160
<v Speaker 2>coming in New Orleans right before New Year's and then

0:52:31.160 --> 0:52:34.040
<v Speaker 2>I'll be in Atlanta, Georgia on December twenty ninth. And

0:52:34.120 --> 0:52:36.040
<v Speaker 2>those are the rest of my stand up dates for

0:52:36.080 --> 0:52:39.399
<v Speaker 2>this year. It's over New Tour New Year.

0:52:40.320 --> 0:52:42.720
<v Speaker 4>If you'd like advice from Chelsea, shoot us an email

0:52:42.760 --> 0:52:45.600
<v Speaker 4>at Dear Chelsea podcast at gmail dot com and be

0:52:45.600 --> 0:52:48.680
<v Speaker 4>sure to include your phone number. Dear Chelsea is edited

0:52:48.680 --> 0:52:52.319
<v Speaker 4>and engineered by Brad Dickard executive producer Catherine Law and

0:52:52.400 --> 0:52:54.839
<v Speaker 4>be sure to check out our merch at Chelseahandler dot

0:52:54.840 --> 0:52:57.640
<v Speaker 4>com