Speaker 1: Forever.
Speaker 2: This is the sound of the police, is too fato? Hey,
Speaker 2: what's up Marie? Hi? Friend?
Speaker 3: I was so late today and I was early. This
Speaker 3: is what is mercury and retrogred again? I don't know, Sis,
Speaker 3: I'm sorry. I stepped outside to catch the bus and
Speaker 3: I saw it leave SI, and I was like, well,
Speaker 3: I'm not chasing this bus down in this gentrified neighborhood. Sis,
Speaker 3: eyes low, your eyes low? Yeah, friend, I think I'm
Speaker 3: still high from yesterday. You we have got okay? Fuck everything,
Speaker 3: forget about my expertise, what about you?
Speaker 2: Not about you?
Speaker 3: Last night I did what I wasn't feeling good, but
Speaker 3: I was like, I know Marie's having a good night,
Speaker 3: but I was. I felt like shit, why because I
Speaker 3: started the new medication.
Speaker 2: So I'm out of it.
Speaker 3: I feel nauseous and just trash. Well you look good, friend,
Speaker 3: Thank you, this mock turtle that you got on, this
Speaker 3: hair and a pony. This fuck out the compliments, bitch?
Speaker 3: What was going on last night?
Speaker 2: Tell her?
Speaker 3: So I went to this weed infused dinner and I'm
Speaker 3: saying that we're dinner loosely. Well, white people invite you
Speaker 3: to dinner. It's gonna be past plates. It's gonna be
Speaker 3: small like tasting things. It's gonna be kale and scallops.
Speaker 3: It's gonna it's gonna be like is this a peanut sauce?
Speaker 2: Anyway?
Speaker 3: So yes, yes, why people invite you to dinner? Like
Speaker 3: when black folks, if I need a dinner, it's gonna
Speaker 3: be right with the little heat things, right. White folks
Speaker 3: are like, okay, well this is these are spring rolls,
Speaker 3: vegan with something sauce, prefern. I want a plate and
Speaker 3: a fork and knife I eat today, not finger food.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but then don't say that it's dinner, is what
Speaker 2: I'm saying.
Speaker 4: For me, That is dinner.
Speaker 2: A little well, y'all models or whatever.
Speaker 3: I need to get it together because were there to eat.
Speaker 2: Anyway? Okay, the dinner? What happened?
Speaker 3: Okay, so we're we're all there's a bunch of comedians.
Speaker 2: Were there there. I'm there with a dude. But you know,
Speaker 2: we look good together, so it doesn't matter.
Speaker 3: Okay, end of the show. We're sitting We're sitting in
Speaker 3: the corner of comedians.
Speaker 2: No friend, you know they all ugly. Oh wow, on
Speaker 2: the record before on the record, leave that they'll never
Speaker 2: invite you again sis, Well, well, I was in performances.
Speaker 2: I was just there. I have to be nice to
Speaker 2: be bop.
Speaker 3: The drinks were infused, the food was infused, and we
Speaker 3: were smoking in the room.
Speaker 2: We're just laughing the entire time. No, just me and
Speaker 2: him were smoking. Coronavirus good two of us.
Speaker 3: Last comic is on stage performing this lady planks on
Speaker 3: her face like not the comedians. Somebody in the audience
Speaker 3: just fell and let it on her face. Passed out,
Speaker 3: whole show over. That's what we needed shown this bit up.
Speaker 2: Did you start stealing?
Speaker 3: No, because they started putting stuff away, bitch, And I'm
Speaker 3: like I should have. I was just about to go
Speaker 3: to the bar to get another drink and this lady
Speaker 3: face planted and then and stayed there with their blood.
Speaker 2: Somebody was like it did and we high, so we're
Speaker 2: just like delayed it. Ah, laughing. We're laughing at this
Speaker 2: lady who let it on her face. Trash.
Speaker 3: Someone's like, call an ambulance. I was like, it's y'all
Speaker 3: would be better off just putting her in an uber. Yeah,
Speaker 3: that's what a real friend would do, is put you
Speaker 3: in an uber, not an ambulance.
Speaker 2: That's true.
Speaker 3: It's gonna cost her twenty three thousand dollars anyway. They
Speaker 3: don't care about her. They called an ambulance, the cops came.
Speaker 2: They made us all leave. Marie. It was the last
Speaker 2: comic of the night, and I was just starting to
Speaker 2: feel good. I was like, Oh, this is a cute
Speaker 2: little high and then record scratch you guys gotta go.
Speaker 3: So on the way out, I was like, well, I'm
Speaker 3: just grabbing drink because it's already done, like it was
Speaker 3: sitting there.
Speaker 2: So I just took it nice, you know, a little
Speaker 2: road beverage. What kind of drink was I don't know, girl.
Speaker 2: I think it had alcohol.
Speaker 3: I mean it had alcohol, and I think it had
Speaker 3: a weed in it, So that's why I took it.
Speaker 2: Did it get anybody's dick hard? And panties? What what
Speaker 2: I'm asking? You? Were there on a date? Yeah, but
Speaker 2: I didn't have panties on last night. I had a
Speaker 2: skirt on. You are hot?
Speaker 3: Oh my god, you fuck like I'm gonna catch pneumonium
Speaker 3: a pussy tonight. I love it sick, but I had
Speaker 3: a long what was it coughing? No, it was that coughing,
Speaker 3: but its nose was running you kiss music. You need
Speaker 3: some mutes next for that poos for that puls.
Speaker 2: So what happened? Did you hook up in the car?
Speaker 2: A little bit? A little bit, A little bit in
Speaker 2: the cart, bit on the go on the diicking dash.
Speaker 2: I love it? So yeah, yeah, yeah, it was what
Speaker 2: you do in the car. Okay, Sydney, you I forgot.
Speaker 2: This is not the Patreon somebody anyway, I'm living rightly
Speaker 2: through you. Fuck you, thank you friend. Oh wow, I
Speaker 2: know you got fucked.
Speaker 3: So okay, we'll talk about this on the Patreon that
Speaker 3: hopefully we can record soon.
Speaker 2: Ah, that's great. I'm happy for you. It was a
Speaker 2: little bit.
Speaker 3: It was a little hook up in the car, and
Speaker 3: then you know, we had to give somebody a ride,
Speaker 3: so it was like she found us.
Speaker 2: What did you get a ride somebody else?
Speaker 3: Don't worry about it, friend, anyway, that was what I
Speaker 3: was an expert in last night. I was an expert
Speaker 3: of just being high for twenty four hours?
Speaker 2: Was it a friend a mutual friend? Yes, well my friend?
Speaker 2: So oh wow, okay, yeah, interesting, okay, okay, here we go. Yep,
Speaker 2: how are you doing? Friend? What are you an expert in?
Speaker 2: That's absolutely nothing? Wow? That's how you feel.
Speaker 4: I mean, oh, you had a lot of questions for Maria.
Speaker 2: Yeah I am, and not a single response. Things make sense? Now?
Speaker 2: What makes sense why I wasn't invited?
Speaker 3: You want an invited because you are sober? Why would
Speaker 3: you go to a weed to watch everybody.
Speaker 4: Smoke, watch the girl pass out?
Speaker 2: Okay, I wouldnt catch a contact high. I would have.
Speaker 2: I would have gone live Sidney.
Speaker 3: I don't know why you'd be upset that I don't
Speaker 3: invite you to drug things.
Speaker 2: Well, sometimes you just want to get an invite. Girl.
Speaker 2: You wasn't in the right head space yesterday anyway, that's right.
Speaker 2: We literally just talked about this.
Speaker 3: I would have said, thank you for the invite. Girl,
Speaker 3: I love an invite Sydney. And I would be like,
Speaker 3: I can't go Sydney. You're messing with my high right now?
Speaker 2: All right? See how big my eyes are getting? Andrew,
Speaker 2: do you like invites even if you can't go?
Speaker 4: Yes, of course exactly.
Speaker 3: I'm not wasting an invite for somebody that's not gonna come.
Speaker 2: It's rich she was not gonna come.
Speaker 4: Yeah, we expect this sort of thing from you.
Speaker 3: WHOAHP do we expect this sort of thing from Sydney.
Speaker 4: Sydney is a little bit different.
Speaker 2: Wow, he's calling me sad?
Speaker 4: Okay, fuck you not calling you mean?
Speaker 2: He's calling me sad and sensitive. Well look, okay, all right,
Speaker 2: I don't know where else to go from here.
Speaker 3: I'm in a great mood. I'm feeling good. You guys
Speaker 3: are listening to this, and you can tell that I'm
Speaker 3: in a great mood. She is, So I'm just leaving
Speaker 3: it right there. I didn't do anything, Okay, I didn't
Speaker 3: do anything wrong.
Speaker 4: Nope, you didn't do anything, did anything right?
Speaker 2: And you you not doing this to me?
Speaker 3: Not not during, not during women's history?
Speaker 2: Is that what we do today? It is women's history.
Speaker 2: She wasn't gonna come, No, So why would I invite her, Marie?
Speaker 2: I invite you to stuff even if I think you
Speaker 2: can't come. It's a lot. There's plenty stuff that you
Speaker 2: do not invite me to.
Speaker 3: And then you're like, oh, I thought I thought I
Speaker 3: sent you the information.
Speaker 2: Well, let me see if I could add you to
Speaker 2: the like, if I could, Sydney.
Speaker 4: That was actually really good of Sydney, you were bitch.
Speaker 2: That does not sound like me at all.
Speaker 4: No, like the it doesn't sound like her voice, but
Speaker 4: like the way that she would talk in that sort
Speaker 4: of state.
Speaker 3: Andrew, I know Sydney, and that's what she does to me.
Speaker 3: That's not She's like, oh, I mean, i'll see if
Speaker 3: they have another I'll just see. Or they said that
Speaker 3: I could invite anybody, otherwise I would have invited you.
Speaker 2: I have never said that to me.
Speaker 3: You literally said, did I.
Speaker 2: Say that you're an expert in lying this? That's a
Speaker 2: expert in the lying. Wow, that is lies.
Speaker 3: Anytime there's like a channel, anytime there's like an invite, saving,
Speaker 3: I'm not saving it when you're not invited, I'd be like, yo,
Speaker 3: I'm not saying that you've not invited me the things,
Speaker 3: but I'm saying there are more things that you do
Speaker 3: not invite me to than you do.
Speaker 2: She's lying, Okay, all right, And you know my memory
Speaker 2: is trash.
Speaker 3: If you look, if you watch Sydney's stories or you
Speaker 3: go to Sydney's Instagram, and she's like here and she's
Speaker 3: there and she's moving and she's shaking.
Speaker 2: I'm not in all of them photo. That's a fucking lie.
Speaker 2: That's a fure in everything. Shack Sydney.
Speaker 3: We would be like, yeah, you could come, but uh,
Speaker 3: you want Marie to come to Absolutely she has to.
Speaker 3: Oh my god, she has to come anyway, Sydney, I
Speaker 3: didn't invite you to my date yesterday, so that was
Speaker 3: not gonna happen.
Speaker 2: Yep.
Speaker 3: But other people were invited to they were also on dates. Well,
Speaker 3: I guess I gotta just get a date. Maybe our
Speaker 3: guest is into women. Nah, wow, okay, no home, no homophobia.
Speaker 2: Don't do that, you asked me. I told you she
Speaker 2: should know.
Speaker 3: No, mean's no, let's talk about let's bring our guests
Speaker 3: in because she can weigh in on what she's heard
Speaker 3: thus far. I don't I don't have This is the
Speaker 3: first time in unofficial expert history that I don't have
Speaker 3: an expertise.
Speaker 2: Well, Sydney, because I asked if you have not, I
Speaker 2: really just I don't have one today. So it happens
Speaker 2: and it's fine. It's good.
Speaker 3: Okay, Well tea on te Uh Yeah, our guest today
Speaker 3: hot like fire Fuego. Speaking of Latina, Yes she is,
Speaker 3: she's Afro Latina.
Speaker 2: I'm not like Sydney.
Speaker 3: She's just back, hold on, hold on. She's a correspondent
Speaker 3: for the Daily Show. Yes, she's one of our dearest friends.
Speaker 3: She invites us to all the events she does invites
Speaker 3: from them either oh wow, okay, okay, you know. And
Speaker 3: on that note, let's give it up for our chatty expert.
Speaker 2: D'll say, slow, our talkative expert.
Speaker 3: Regardless of what that website said uh in their Instagram.
Speaker 2: I am not Afro Latina. I've never said I was
Speaker 2: Afro Latina.
Speaker 3: But your name is Dulce and you speak of the
Speaker 3: Spanish right, Because my family's from Miami. So my mother
Speaker 3: had a friend who is a Cuban friend growing up
Speaker 3: with and she liked the name, so she gave it
Speaker 3: to me. And then when you go to school in Miami,
Speaker 3: you start taking Spanish in kindergarten. So when we moved back,
Speaker 3: I was in the fourth grade, so I started. I
Speaker 3: took Spanish class every single day, fourth grade, fifth grade,
Speaker 3: sixth grade.
Speaker 2: So I loved. That's how people should say my name.
Speaker 3: No one says that all grew up mostly in Georgia
Speaker 3: with the name like Doula Sap, So I've never been called.
Speaker 2: Like, so you lived in Miami but also Georgia mostly.
Speaker 3: Well, I've lived in Georgia, Florida, Oklahoma, and Colorado.
Speaker 2: Good God, Colorado. Yeah, so Oklahoma, you're doing a lot. Okay,
Speaker 2: was your family on the run? I don't know.
Speaker 3: My child sponsored by U haul. So I was born
Speaker 3: in Miami. We moved to Oklahoma. My brother was born
Speaker 3: in Oklahoma, and then when my parents put up, we
Speaker 3: moved to Colorado and then we left.
Speaker 2: Colorado was a bad divorce. Yeah, they took the state.
Speaker 3: We love because like me and my mom are born
Speaker 3: in Miami. My father, my brother born in Oklahoma City.
Speaker 3: We moved to Colorado because my mother's home girl was there.
Speaker 3: So when they left, we went there. And then we
Speaker 3: moved to Atlanta because my uncle lived there. And then
Speaker 3: we moved back to Miami after Hurricane Andrew, and then
Speaker 3: we moved back to Atlanta.
Speaker 2: Sounded like she was running from some debtors. Yeah, I
Speaker 2: mean born the American Girl people, because them fuckers could
Speaker 2: find me anywhere, that girl the doll people.
Speaker 3: Yes, that day a magazine showed up wherever the fuck
Speaker 3: we live, I'd have told them nothing.
Speaker 2: Did you have an American girl dog?
Speaker 3: Not till I was twenty four years old, you had
Speaker 3: you got Addie.
Speaker 2: I got Addie for my twenty fourth birthday.
Speaker 3: Literally, you you don't say, slow, yeah, got Addie the
Speaker 3: slave doll for your twenty fourth birthday because my mother said,
Speaker 3: I'm not buying a nine year old one hundred dollar
Speaker 3: a dollar? What the fuck do I look like? Do
Speaker 3: you still have Addie? Yes, she's in her Kinsinnana dress.
Speaker 3: And you say that you're not like who well Addie is?
Speaker 3: Because my for my thirtieth birthday, I had a doubler kntiinnana.
Speaker 3: So I had a kna.
Speaker 2: Doubla kin Signeta. It's double fifteen.
Speaker 3: Don't say I don't whatever you come, everybody do that come.
Speaker 2: That's what you are. That story. My mother hates Gloria Stepan.
Speaker 2: She won't tell me what.
Speaker 3: Oh she won't her and my aunt because I was
Speaker 3: telling them about one of my friends. Their cousin was
Speaker 3: in the Gloria Stepan Broadway show, and my aunt was
Speaker 3: staying with us for a little bit, and I was like, oh, mommy,
Speaker 3: you know Roley and Sally their colored their cousins in
Speaker 3: the Gloria Stephan Musical, and both of them, not looking
Speaker 3: at each other, took a beat and went, man, fuck
Speaker 3: Gloria Stephan.
Speaker 2: I was like, what just happened?
Speaker 3: Oh, they're both from they both grew up in Miami.
Speaker 3: Neither one of me would tell me what the beef is. Well,
Speaker 3: where's Gloria Stefan from. She's Cuban, so she grew up
Speaker 3: in Miami. Okay, so maybe she stole somebody. Man, I
Speaker 3: don't know everybody, let me do that. All I know
Speaker 3: is she was twenty one when I was born, so
Speaker 3: I don't know what happened Gloria my mother.
Speaker 2: Well, how old was Gloria when you was born? Because
Speaker 2: I suppose too they know each other.
Speaker 3: She said, are you actually I'm sixty two years old.
Speaker 2: I'm much amazing. Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you.
Speaker 2: I'm eternal. You're beautiful.
Speaker 3: I think you're so much friend. Yea, my skin has
Speaker 3: been sucking up, especially since I came back to Puerto Rico.
Speaker 3: My skin has been fucking What happened in Puerto Rica?
Speaker 3: I was filming a movie.
Speaker 2: Okay, dropped some credits. Let's talk about it. What film?
Speaker 2: It's called chick Fight. It's about to be a girl fight.
Speaker 2: What a fun song. I love that song. I love
Speaker 2: throwing bows. I need to be on the playlist. It's
Speaker 2: about to be a girl fight. What a whisper? And
Speaker 2: then we throw them boats. Little John went about the swag.
Speaker 2: She really meant that. What happened to broke Valentine?
Speaker 3: She was on Love and Hip Hop Hollywood. It was
Speaker 3: absolute basuda. She was starting all the drama and people
Speaker 3: kept calling her broke. But then she started calling other
Speaker 3: people broke. It was a mess.
Speaker 2: Well she was broke, that's why she was on the show.
Speaker 2: Well her broke Valentine. Yes, yes, they were, they were,
Speaker 2: they were. I love a pun they were.
Speaker 3: But I will say her baby hairs were not poor poor,
Speaker 3: they were very like ripping.
Speaker 2: Yeah, okay, so she had I mean, you gotta be
Speaker 2: laid down. You're talking shit, man.
Speaker 3: Your hair should look good if you're an employeed, you
Speaker 3: know what I mean, Like always be ready for like
Speaker 3: a job to call.
Speaker 2: Justin gaze. What were we just talking about me being
Speaker 2: in a movie? Ah?
Speaker 3: Yes, yes, So I was in Puerto Rico for a
Speaker 3: month shooting this movie, Chick Fight's independent film.
Speaker 2: And I'm like the second lead in the movies.
Speaker 3: Okay, number two on the call sheet, number two on
Speaker 3: the call sheet like three.
Speaker 2: Ah, okay, it don't matter. The zero's is cute.
Speaker 3: She did, okay, And so yeah, we were down there.
Speaker 3: So it's like me Malin Ackerman, Bella Thorne, Bella Thorn,
Speaker 3: Alec Baldwin, Kevin.
Speaker 2: Nash, Oh wow, you got names on there, Alec Mapa
Speaker 2: fortune filmster. So it was a lot of fun, Like Baldwin,
Speaker 2: is there something Alec Baldwin is not doing right now? Hey,
Speaker 2: that man is work.
Speaker 3: You gotta feed all them days, the kids. He guess
Speaker 3: like he just had like another baby. Okay, he's the
Speaker 3: white Eddie Murphy.
Speaker 2: They still swimming, they still come on, Michael Phelps.
Speaker 3: So that's whady cut my nails down because I had
Speaker 3: to learn how I had to do all this fight
Speaker 3: choreograt to fight somebody fight choreography.
Speaker 2: But you you seem like you can already. You seem
Speaker 2: like you already.
Speaker 3: I think anybody could throw some hands if you really
Speaker 3: had to. No, I haven't been, like I feel like
Speaker 3: my wrist strength is not I don't know words hurt,
Speaker 3: but my fist they.
Speaker 2: Don't very is very loose and game just a very limp,
Speaker 2: just very what noodle.
Speaker 3: No, Because like I just had to because like my
Speaker 3: nails were too long for my fist to close, So
Speaker 3: I had to get my nails cut.
Speaker 2: There well, usually if you have long now you can't
Speaker 2: fight nobody.
Speaker 3: But they didn't stop anybody from along second generation of suburbs.
Speaker 2: Thank you so much. Okay, I get your here, friend, Okay,
Speaker 2: well I got that. My mother worked very hard for
Speaker 2: me to speak this way. Okay, but your named is Sloan. Listen,
Speaker 2: you have a middle name Lazaria.
Speaker 3: La when you're Afro Latina stopping.
Speaker 2: Why are you denying your roots?
Speaker 3: Because my grandmother was from South Georgia and my grandfather
Speaker 3: is from North Florida. She was born by the river basically,
Speaker 3: and then my father sided from Oklahoma.
Speaker 2: Ain't no Latinos in Oklahoma? They don't they are?
Speaker 3: Now somebody had had an affair with Muddy Mighty. They
Speaker 3: sing that song to me every time I tell them
Speaker 3: my name is Marie. That's it's like, but I didn't say,
Speaker 3: but it's not Maria. No, But they're like Maddy, and
Speaker 3: I'm like, it's Marie. I love that song they played
Speaker 3: all the time. I was like, please that whine and
Speaker 3: as on that song, troke mezy.
Speaker 2: You know you're my love. Nobody hit him in the mouth.
Speaker 2: He made me so mad.
Speaker 3: You make me so mad telling us that you're not
Speaker 3: Afro Latin. Well say something is Spanish to us about us?
Speaker 2: Yes? What ye say something in Spanish about us? Podcast?
Speaker 2: Why do I have to come on? Speaking of the Spanish?
Speaker 2: Did I speak customer service Spanish? Okay? Well that was fine.
Speaker 3: Listen, Okay, let's do a little rock say for Spanish President.
Speaker 2: I do tell me that when I was working at
Speaker 2: a job, he was like, because he asked me from
Speaker 2: specs a little bit.
Speaker 3: He was like, we can alway speak Spanish. You just
Speaker 3: pressed too. And I was like, I don't know what
Speaker 3: you talk about, but that shit is hilarious. No, it's
Speaker 3: confusing because it's the thing I can tell you. I
Speaker 3: can't tell your lights back on. That's why I love Okay,
Speaker 3: so wait, you gotta do the call. So because I
Speaker 3: would get that, I would work at the place and
Speaker 3: the thing would come and think, this is me and
Speaker 3: sitting at our house, the the lights them color bring gracious,
Speaker 3: put your mark on it?
Speaker 2: Uh so? And the lights on in here? What's up?
Speaker 2: And we paid the bill? See, we pay the bill
Speaker 2: and we don't know how much? Is it? Information?
Speaker 3: Oh nomenalquentare?
Speaker 2: Oh my number nine one seven? What's your name? No, Brey,
Speaker 2: I thought it was you said number. Got shut up.
Speaker 2: Sydney Washington nine one seven tele nine one seven.
Speaker 3: To two four four four four Okay direction address? Uh
Speaker 3: huh okay uh one Eddy seven.
Speaker 2: Okay, don't give them your real that's not my dress
Speaker 2: one seven Putnam Avenue.
Speaker 3: Okay, Gee, this call, I can't okay, get wold with me, bitch.
Speaker 3: I just want to put my fucking lights on.
Speaker 2: What's good? What the problem is, hope, Let me transfer
Speaker 2: you to that's it. Let me transfer you. That's it.
Speaker 2: You're not gonna get loud. I can't get loud. I
Speaker 2: work here.
Speaker 3: I heard that when you're on a customer service call,
Speaker 3: when you start to curse, they can hang up on you.
Speaker 2: Is that true?
Speaker 3: When they cursed you, you can hang up on them? No,
Speaker 3: I thought when the customers started cursing at you. Yeah,
Speaker 3: you guys can hang up. But it depends on where
Speaker 3: you work, because some places you can't hang up no
Speaker 3: matter how they're talking to you.
Speaker 2: Oh which places they'd be on the phone with me? Yeah,
Speaker 2: when they stay like Dick Verizon.
Speaker 3: Now, when I Power company, when people would start yelling
Speaker 3: and cussing, I would put them on hold. Because I
Speaker 3: couldn't hang up, but I could put them on hold,
Speaker 3: So I go, one moment, please, ma'am, and i'd put
Speaker 3: it on hold until they hung up. Sometimes they oh,
Speaker 3: they're mad enough, they're not gonna hang up. So i'd
Speaker 3: put them on hold and they're like, why'd you put
Speaker 3: me on hold? This is one moment please, And I
Speaker 3: put them on and I put them on hold until
Speaker 3: they calmed the fuck down.
Speaker 2: Because usually if you put somebody on hold, it's like, okay,
Speaker 2: I'm acting like in an asshole.
Speaker 3: Because one lady, I put her on hold and she
Speaker 3: was like, okay, you were right, thank you so much,
Speaker 3: and she calmed the fuck down.
Speaker 2: But yeah, how long did you have her on hold?
Speaker 2: A minute?
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, but no, but I put her on hold
Speaker 3: a couple of times too, be listening to that whole.
Speaker 2: Music pissed off. As soon as they get back.
Speaker 3: I'll be like, I'm gonna say that, Yeah, that's how
Speaker 3: people just yell. And then, because like we couldn't cause
Speaker 3: our calls we were calling through, they were calling through
Speaker 3: a computer, and so it would delegate the calls to everybody,
Speaker 3: so our supervisor could just tap into your computer and
Speaker 3: listen to any call of anybody at any time, so
Speaker 3: they could always monitor us. So they knew how long
Speaker 3: calls were, how long it took us to answer the call,
Speaker 3: if we put someone on hold, you.
Speaker 2: Were sorry to bother you, Yeah, it was.
Speaker 3: It was a call call center, So they always knew
Speaker 3: how long you were on because they could say because
Speaker 3: I would.
Speaker 2: And then they had like a DM system. So I
Speaker 2: would be on a call and I would get an
Speaker 2: instant message from my supervisor saying, you've been on this
Speaker 2: call too long? Hang up? How long is too long?
Speaker 2: More than five minutes? What? Oh? Wow? Yeah, I'll be
Speaker 2: on the phone. And not only did what was I expected?
Speaker 2: Feed up on the couch just like, well, talk to
Speaker 2: me about what other opportunities you have available?
Speaker 3: Right, So not only would the call have to be
Speaker 3: less than five minutes, but I also was trying to
Speaker 3: They also wanted us to sell warranties to people for
Speaker 3: like their water heater and like their electric system.
Speaker 2: Girl, how long did you have this born ass job? Oh?
Speaker 2: I worked there for a couple of months, but the
Speaker 2: best way is the way I quit this job. Let's chat.
Speaker 2: So that job.
Speaker 3: So my favorite thing was like people would call into
Speaker 3: the Spanish line because the weight would be shorter. So
Speaker 3: one time, I'm this guy called into the Spanish line
Speaker 3: and my greeting comes in Spanish, so he knows it's
Speaker 3: a Spanish call.
Speaker 2: I know the Spanish call.
Speaker 3: And he calls in and he goes, hey, you speak English?
Speaker 3: And I was like, yes, sir, I do. He's like, yeah,
Speaker 3: I'm just trying to pay my bill. And this is
Speaker 3: on Mondays. We have to work a ten hour day
Speaker 3: and we only got a thirty minute lunch break. What
Speaker 3: so only on Mondays in Georgia is not did you
Speaker 3: get two thirty minute breaks just nore.
Speaker 2: You to eat at your desk? No?
Speaker 3: There, we had a lunch room. But so I had
Speaker 3: been at work all fucking day and he was my
Speaker 3: last call. So I was like, fuck, I'm gonna have
Speaker 3: fun with this fool. So he's like, you speak English.
Speaker 3: I was like, yes, sir, I do. I say, hey,
Speaker 3: I try to pay my bill. I make sure I
Speaker 3: don't turn my lights off. I said, sir, what I do? Apologize?
Speaker 3: But since you called the Spanish line, I have to
Speaker 3: conduct this call in Spanish.
Speaker 2: He was like, oh, y'all speak English.
Speaker 3: I was like, sir, we're currently speaking English. But I'm
Speaker 3: sorry I could do this. He's like, but I'll speak
Speaker 3: that ship. I was like, I hear you sing, so
Speaker 3: then why did.
Speaker 2: You press too?
Speaker 3: Because he just wants to hurry because he wanted because
Speaker 3: the wait was so long for the English.
Speaker 2: Sure, but you don't speak Spanish and so but the
Speaker 2: thing is.
Speaker 3: The people who speak who use the Spanish line, we
Speaker 3: have to be able to do both calls.
Speaker 2: You can't just do only the.
Speaker 3: Spanish line, right, right, so everybody knows that, but now
Speaker 3: we know life hack hit the Spanish Spanish line.
Speaker 2: Right.
Speaker 3: So he's like, you are not gonna help me. I said, sir, okay,
Speaker 3: go ahead and give me your information.
Speaker 2: Right. So the way I quit this job is a
Speaker 2: job I had before called me back and wanted me
Speaker 2: to come back, and we're gonna give me more money.
Speaker 3: This job was at I used to work at a
Speaker 3: payroll deduction company. Okay, huh, I said, whatever that means.
Speaker 3: So this is one of those companies where it's say
Speaker 3: you wanted to buy a refrigerator, but you didn't have
Speaker 3: the money to buy refrigerator right now, so long what
Speaker 3: it would be is it was a benefit for your job.
Speaker 3: So you know how you would get like health and
Speaker 3: she wance to your job, or some places they give
Speaker 3: you like a discount for gym membership. This was one
Speaker 3: of those places where if you made a certain amount
Speaker 3: of money you could buy certain things. So say you
Speaker 3: wanted to buy a computer, instead of you buying it
Speaker 3: on credit or getting a loan, they would deduct.
Speaker 2: Like from your salary. Yeah, from your south every week,
Speaker 2: every week or whatever your pay period. Oh that's what
Speaker 2: you're like when you buy your phone, when you like
Speaker 2: do the payment plan for your phone. Yeah exactly. Oh okay,
Speaker 2: but what was fucked up?
Speaker 3: If somebody quit their job, we also couldn't get our
Speaker 3: stuff back, oh, because then they we just have to
Speaker 3: send you to collections.
Speaker 2: Because it's because we did.
Speaker 3: It all over the country, and we did Puerto Rico
Speaker 3: and Hawaii and Alaska. So if somebody got a washing
Speaker 3: machine and then they left that job, we can't roll
Speaker 3: up in your house and take this washing machine back
Speaker 3: because you live in fucking Montana. So if you got
Speaker 3: to take a washing machine back to Sears or weed
Speaker 3: use a collection Sears. Yeah, So it was like, okay,
Speaker 3: so about how you quit this show? So what happened
Speaker 3: was so that job called me back.
Speaker 2: They wanted to give me more money.
Speaker 3: The job that I had at the power company if
Speaker 3: you didn't give them two weeks notice and.
Speaker 2: They would cut your power off. Ha.
Speaker 3: But what was fucked up was we were doing customer
Speaker 3: service for a power company in Florida, but we couldn't
Speaker 3: tell people we were in Georgia because they weren't because
Speaker 3: technically they weren't allowed to have an employees outside of
Speaker 3: the say to Florida.
Speaker 2: So okay, every week, know that when we call these places,
Speaker 2: niggas be in India.
Speaker 3: Yeah, okay, no, but that was part of the contract,
Speaker 3: is that they could only use Americans for their call center.
Speaker 3: So since we weren't allowed to say that we were
Speaker 3: in Georgia every day, they would give us the weather
Speaker 3: for Lakeland, Florida, where the office was at shadiest fuck right,
Speaker 3: it's wild. I worked so many fucking jobs. So if
Speaker 3: you don't give them two weeks notice, instead of paying
Speaker 3: you ten dollars an hour, they would pay you seven
Speaker 3: to seventy five, which is minimum wage.
Speaker 2: Right, So I go to start star. I was talking
Speaker 2: to my mom. I said, what should I do?
Speaker 3: She said, Okay, listen on Monday, tell them your car, like,
Speaker 3: tell them you can't come in like you're sick or something.
Speaker 2: She's like, and go back to that job. If you
Speaker 2: don't like it, then go back to the power company.
Speaker 2: Because my mama has pulled all kinds of stuff with
Speaker 2: these jobs, because people like, quit a job and you
Speaker 2: go to another job, you don't like that job. I
Speaker 2: don't even got no job.
Speaker 3: So what I did was I went to that job
Speaker 3: on Monday because I was telling my supervisor all about this,
Speaker 3: and she was like, looks like the Lord doesn't bless
Speaker 3: you girl, because Ms Donna didn't give a fuck. We
Speaker 3: came back one time two hours late for lunch and
Speaker 3: was very drunk on Margarita's and she was like, y'all
Speaker 3: gonna do me like this. He was like, we sorry,
Speaker 3: Miss Donna. She's like, all right, hurry up. So Donna
Speaker 3: ain't give a fuck. Right, two hour lunch droon called Margarita,
Speaker 3: came back.
Speaker 2: Didn't bring spicy. We couldn't.
Speaker 3: We couldn't get a spicy see margarita for Donna in
Speaker 3: the paper cup, not out of Chili's. They was paying
Speaker 3: too much attention, so Chili's. I started on Monday. I
Speaker 3: called them and I say, hey, I'm having car trouble.
Speaker 3: I'm not gonna be able to come in today. But
Speaker 3: I've already started the other job. Now, yes, I know
Speaker 3: that my check hits Wednesday night at midnight. So Tuesday
Speaker 3: I called in and they're like, don't say where you at.
Speaker 3: I was like, the mechanics said, he's waiting for a part.
Speaker 3: I still can't come out. I was like, I'm not
Speaker 3: near the bus line. I can't get in.
Speaker 2: I'm sorry. I near the bus and I was.
Speaker 3: Very much near a bus line was very close to
Speaker 3: my apartment. So I was like, I can't come in.
Speaker 3: I'm sorry, And so they call him in and so
Speaker 3: the dude called me back. He's like, listen, we need
Speaker 3: the mechanic to fax us this paperwork say that you
Speaker 3: get your car fixed. I said, okay, I got doctor's
Speaker 3: not right. I said, okay, absolutely, what's the facts number?
Speaker 3: I take the facts number down. I'm on my phone.
Speaker 3: Why am I I'm not taking no facts number down
Speaker 3: because it doesn't Also, this doesn't exist, right, So I
Speaker 3: take the fact number down. He's like, okay, well we
Speaker 3: need it. And I was like, okay, sure, I'll let
Speaker 3: him know. I'll let him know Wednesday morning. They called me,
Speaker 3: so I say, we haven't gotten the facts. I'm so sorry,
Speaker 3: So I'll call him. I'll figure this out. I know
Speaker 3: my check hits at midnight, right, just playing this game
Speaker 3: so I can get my ten dollar an hour checking
Speaker 3: out of seven seventy five. Right, Oh, I told me, so,
Speaker 3: you didn't go Monday, didn't go Tuesday, supposed to get
Speaker 3: paid Wednesday at midnight? Did you go to work on Wednesday?
Speaker 3: Absolutely not, because I was already at another job. No,
Speaker 3: I get it right, because I started on Monday, because
Speaker 3: this job paid me more.
Speaker 2: So and I dollar and.
Speaker 3: But said me A dollar more an hour is a
Speaker 3: lot technically and supposed right. But I didn't have to
Speaker 3: say dollars a week, it's right, And I didn't have
Speaker 3: to deal with that bullshit of working at the power
Speaker 3: company on people crying and cussing me off the phone
Speaker 3: all the time. It's a totally different campaign. These people
Speaker 3: are calling to get computers, refrigerators and ship I got
Speaker 3: some instead of somebody going please my parents. Like So
Speaker 3: a woman called and said that her parents were on
Speaker 3: life support and we had turned her fucking lights off,
Speaker 3: so now lie no, no, no, no, no, no no, my
Speaker 3: mama melts it. No no, no, it was notated on
Speaker 3: her account. And those people you're not allowed to buy
Speaker 3: Florida state law. You can't cut their lights off because
Speaker 3: there's people on actual life support and she's too elderly parents.
Speaker 3: So I don't want to deal with that bullshit anymore. Okay, well,
Speaker 3: how I get on that list? How do I get
Speaker 3: on there? The life support power list? I think a
Speaker 3: doctor has to tell the got in the facts. So
Speaker 3: they're blowing up my phone on Wednesday.
Speaker 2: I'm sorry. I'll get in touch with him. I'm so sorry.
Speaker 2: I'm so sorry.
Speaker 3: Call him and eat this facts right hits on Wednesday night.
Speaker 3: They call me on Thursday. I don't answer the phone
Speaker 3: because I checked my count my money's in there. So Thursday,
Speaker 3: the lady from the temp agency calls me and she
Speaker 3: leaves me a message. She goes, hey, don't say this
Speaker 3: is Lauren from Rands. Dad. Oh yeah, I am no longer.
Speaker 3: I'm flagged. I can no longer work for them ever again.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah me neither. I got fired from my job
Speaker 2: well because the way I left.
Speaker 3: So she leaves me just mess she's like, Hey, don't
Speaker 3: say it's Lauren from Rydstad, just calling to see what's
Speaker 3: going on, and if the car's okay, if you're going
Speaker 3: to be coming in, Or you got another job and
Speaker 3: told us that your car didn't work so you didn't
Speaker 3: get paid seven dollars an hour. But she had a
Speaker 3: Kaiser Sourday moment in the fucking message. She figured out
Speaker 3: what happened in the middle of the fucking message, and
Speaker 3: she goes, Or you got another job and you didn't
Speaker 3: want us to pay you seven seventy five, so you
Speaker 3: didn't tell us you got another job because you didn't
Speaker 3: give us two weeks notice. But if that didn't happen,
Speaker 3: call me back, Like that was the fucking message she
Speaker 3: left me. If I could have kept a voicemail, that
Speaker 3: would have been clutched, that would have voiced because I
Speaker 3: would have been perfect at and deleted it after fucking
Speaker 3: fourteen days, like I could never get the pocket at
Speaker 3: and T deletes voicemail. If you do it, they don't
Speaker 3: after you listen to it, they would delete the like
Speaker 3: to fourteen days.
Speaker 2: Well this was me the old phones. It's I'm also
Speaker 2: twenty ten. Yes, it's just like a flip. This is
Speaker 2: a Motorola razor. Yeah.
Speaker 3: So they and so they kept calling me and I
Speaker 3: didn't call back, and so I got a message later
Speaker 3: it was like, well, you know, you can no longer
Speaker 3: work for Ranstad And I was like, cool, you look,
Speaker 3: I don't, I don't, I don't. I know, I know
Speaker 3: worked for office team.
Speaker 2: I fucking careme fucking care.
Speaker 3: But can they like look up that where you at
Speaker 3: and they could just call them and be like, hey, no,
Speaker 3: no they.
Speaker 2: This is before.
Speaker 3: They don't know my new job is. You can't search
Speaker 3: for somebody you anything. She blacklisted from getting the job. Now,
Speaker 3: in twenty twenty, I had somebody call me about the
Speaker 3: temp job and a woman would not get off. I said, ma'am,
Speaker 3: I'm not interested by the customer service job in Georgia.
Speaker 3: And I was already in La working and she was like,
Speaker 3: I was like, I'm not interested. She's like, well, you're
Speaker 3: no longer draw market. I said, no, ma'm I'm no
Speaker 3: longer a draw market. I don't need this job. Thank
Speaker 3: you so much.
Speaker 2: I'm fun employed right, I'm finding plant, I'm working. And
Speaker 2: she would not get the fuck off my phone. Is
Speaker 2: this when you were at the daily show.
Speaker 3: No, this is when I was, This is when I
Speaker 3: was in LA working. It's before I got a daily show.
Speaker 3: And this bitch was not get off my phone. And
Speaker 3: she's just like, I just want to make sure, I know,
Speaker 3: take care of her account to see why you're not available,
Speaker 3: and I was like, you know what, Google me and
Speaker 3: I'll tell you why. Tailor moment, I kind of did
Speaker 3: where were you working?
Speaker 2: But because I'd done like comedy knock.
Speaker 3: Out a bunch of times and then like I done
Speaker 3: so much for True TV that she was like okay.
Speaker 3: And I heard her and she was like what, okay,
Speaker 3: thank you. And then I heard her type and ship
Speaker 3: and she was like, thank you so much for your time.
Speaker 3: We'll take you off O account. But they were she
Speaker 3: was because she would knocket off the fucking phone.
Speaker 2: Couldn't you just hang up?
Speaker 3: I love a good hang up, which is why I
Speaker 3: missed land lines, because you could slam a phone or
Speaker 3: a flip phone, you could just poop.
Speaker 2: But this is different.
Speaker 3: I found out when I set up my internet for
Speaker 3: a Verizon. Those fuckers gave me a landline number and
Speaker 3: I was like, I don't need this' so you're paying
Speaker 3: for internet and phone. Well, they're saying, because of the internet,
Speaker 3: you have to have the phone line. I was like,
Speaker 3: this is the future. What are you talking about living?
Speaker 3: Don't you live in Queens you have a landline literally
Speaker 3: literally over My neighbors do have a very loud and
Speaker 3: it'd be like rack, it's so loud, Like I'm gonna
Speaker 3: go answer your phone place you knock on the wall.
Speaker 3: I don't, but I want to. I'm raised better than that,
Speaker 3: but I want to go. Your granddaughter's looking for you,
Speaker 3: answer your phone?
Speaker 2: Ring that phone be so loud. They'll say, your such
Speaker 2: a storyteller. You know that I telling it.
Speaker 3: Yeah, when you're when you're at the diner together, you're like,
Speaker 3: you get this mad hip because we're like, okay, the
Speaker 3: story is coming.
Speaker 2: Listen. But that's like I don't know if it's like
Speaker 2: a Southern thing.
Speaker 3: Maybe that's I think it's a Southern It could be,
Speaker 3: but like telling it like.
Speaker 2: Being able to tell like a good story. Okay, well
Speaker 2: says tell us a good story.
Speaker 3: Maybe maybe about a journey that you took, or maybe
Speaker 3: about a date gone wrong, or.
Speaker 2: I can tell you what happened to me girl.
Speaker 3: It was okay because my listeners don't know, but she's
Speaker 3: got her hand out.
Speaker 2: She's like, go go go, literally waving it down. She's
Speaker 2: letting you know, just gonna be good. Well, it's ridiculous.
Speaker 3: So it was after the rap party for the movie
Speaker 3: that I did in Puerto Rico on us bring it back,
Speaker 3: making it going. Also, my skin looks so good, my
Speaker 3: lips were so full. I'm not supposed to be here.
Speaker 3: I looked gorgeous when I came back. So this is
Speaker 3: not the climate meant for me. And got gotta got it.
Speaker 3: And so so we're leaving the rap party because there
Speaker 3: wasn't any food, and so we're like, okay, we'll go
Speaker 3: down the street. There's a sushi place. We go down there,
Speaker 3: got it and very good sushi Puerto Rico. Why because
Speaker 3: they fry a lot of these rolls and I'm a
Speaker 3: big fan of a deep fried sushi roll.
Speaker 2: Fun.
Speaker 4: Fun.
Speaker 3: Black people love fried foods, if you didn't now, and
Speaker 3: when we loved sushi's because it's usually cooked fish.
Speaker 2: That's the afro in you.
Speaker 3: The Latin was ordering in Spanish Puerto Rica, o gabe baby.
Speaker 2: I left that up to my friends.
Speaker 3: So, uh so we get to this restaurant and I
Speaker 3: walk in and I see that there's a ceiling tile
Speaker 3: that is bulging with water, like literally just a nipple
Speaker 3: on the ceiling, because I didn't notice until I walked
Speaker 3: by to sit next to my friend and the biggest
Speaker 3: drop of water just just slap me.
Speaker 2: In the titta in the titta on my on my
Speaker 2: right one. The water was a breastman, What do you want?
Speaker 3: I mean, I hear you because there was a full
Speaker 3: nipple on the ceiling. Well, then why sit on your
Speaker 3: the titty system? I didn't, okay, but I was walking
Speaker 3: because I didn't notice it because I don't usually look
Speaker 3: up when i'm walking in restaurants.
Speaker 2: That's true, right, So I feel drop of water? What
Speaker 2: something's amiss? I look up, full sea cup, full beat
Speaker 2: cup of a nipple on this fucking ceiling tile dripping water. Right,
Speaker 2: So I come in and my friends with me, and
Speaker 2: he's like, okay, don't sit there. I'll sit there. So
Speaker 2: he's near the drip. I'm not. Who is this man?
Speaker 3: Oh, the PA's in the movie. More important, he's supposed
Speaker 3: to sit there? Yes, More importantly, how good was how
Speaker 3: good was the food that y'all were like? Yeah, under
Speaker 3: this crumbling seal.
Speaker 2: Well, there was nowhere else to say. Could you have
Speaker 2: gone somewhere else? Yeah? Perhaps, No, you just filmed a movie.
Speaker 2: It was really late though, because we just left the
Speaker 2: rat party.
Speaker 3: So we did just find places that were like open, okay,
Speaker 3: because it's like one in the morning. Yes, you could
Speaker 3: have gone to like a subway with some Nigerian guys.
Speaker 2: Shut up. They usually got like taco trucks out there.
Speaker 2: No they don't. It's Puerto Rico, so they have taco houses.
Speaker 2: Shut up. It's not a taco vendor like a hut,
Speaker 2: taco hut, taco hut. This is not a taco place.
Speaker 2: This is Puerto Rico, Mexico. It's not a sushi place.
Speaker 2: And then here we are. We are right, So how
Speaker 2: dare you for us? I'm just giving you the information.
Speaker 2: We're not the nature.
Speaker 3: I'm not saying our culture almost the d audacity in Spanish, Yeah,
Speaker 3: yo no say I was like, yo no, I was
Speaker 3: gonna write that down too.
Speaker 2: Como a d say you got nerve.
Speaker 3: Nerve also yo say so because those those those those
Speaker 3: slang terms. So there could be a different way to
Speaker 3: say it in Spanish, and depending on what country you're in,
Speaker 3: it could be completely different.
Speaker 2: Is you got to say with a lisp if you're
Speaker 2: in Spain? They got that list.
Speaker 3: Business, And I'm like, so y'all wanted to make a
Speaker 3: king feel so good about herself that for generations, you
Speaker 3: motherfucker's had a lisp. I can still do it, Si,
Speaker 3: they still do it Coomo fifty fifth?
Speaker 2: So what anyway? So so the pa is under the titty.
Speaker 3: Oh yes, my friends, it is underneath the ceiling titty.
Speaker 3: And we walk in and I'm just looking up and
Speaker 3: I was like, Oh, this ceiling is gonna cave it.
Speaker 3: And that's all I said. I was like, Oh, this
Speaker 3: is the problem. Seiling is gonna cave in. I got
Speaker 3: the giant drop of water on the titties.
Speaker 2: You said, I'm not gonna sit there, So I'm fine, right,
Speaker 2: So I'm not gonna sit there. I'm good. I'm off
Speaker 2: to the side ceiling titty near Jose.
Speaker 3: I should be good, right, Yes, So thirty minutes go by,
Speaker 3: I get my food and I had all this per
Speaker 3: deem that they had given us, because you know, it's
Speaker 3: American money in Puerto Rico. So I was like, you know,
Speaker 3: like a kid, just living like a k And there
Speaker 3: was like, like how much was the per diem?
Speaker 2: Oh fuck?
Speaker 3: We gotten like per diem like every week, so like
Speaker 3: a bunch of money and number I don't know.
Speaker 2: Like six.
Speaker 3: A week, no, not per week, and depending on what
Speaker 3: the working week was, I don't know what the rate
Speaker 3: was per day.
Speaker 2: I don't know.
Speaker 3: By the end of the movie, I had like six
Speaker 3: hundred dollars saved though, because I was I wasn't spending
Speaker 3: months I think about it, yeah, month, and then for
Speaker 3: the month, right, and then I would eat on set,
Speaker 3: and then when we would go out, other people would pay.
Speaker 2: Per right right, right right, So I just had I'm
Speaker 2: like money, So so you're paying for everybody?
Speaker 3: Well, I was going to because it was like there
Speaker 3: was because I was like I got all this per
Speaker 3: diem yep, and you with the pas, right, get no money?
Speaker 2: Okay? And with one PA and then with a wardrobe, makeup.
Speaker 3: Hair yeah, all those people not trying to pull their
Speaker 3: card out. I'm not about wardrobe heads okay, oh okay,
Speaker 3: thank you, head of wardrobe, head of makeup, head of.
Speaker 2: Regulars.
Speaker 3: But there was a PA there named Hosey Okay, right,
Speaker 3: So we're sitting I'm saying I don't think. I was like, okay,
Speaker 3: I got some for DMS, let me pay for dinner, okay, right,
Speaker 3: But you didn't say it up top, because when you
Speaker 3: tell people you're paying for them up top, they order
Speaker 3: real crazy. They're like, I'm gonna get to lops the
Speaker 3: dragon roll, I'm gonna get a rainbow.
Speaker 2: This you live And I knew. I was like, you
Speaker 2: know what, let me just get it, but you didn't
Speaker 2: tell them you were paying.
Speaker 3: I didn't even think about it until I sat down
Speaker 3: got it cause I wouln't pay attention when anybody was ordered, like,
Speaker 3: you know what, I'm gonna get this. And as I
Speaker 3: finished this, thought I'm gonna get dinner. I'm gonna pay
Speaker 3: for dinner's coming, you know, well, last night's here, it'll
Speaker 3: be fine. Something hits me in my head.
Speaker 2: Was it?
Speaker 3: It was the ceiling and most of it hit Jose
Speaker 3: So all of that hit me was literally bouncing off
Speaker 3: of him. Fuck and then so and my food was delicious,
Speaker 3: you had already ate it. And I was in the
Speaker 3: middle of eating my food and now it is covered
Speaker 3: and ceiling tile. My glass is knocked off the table,
Speaker 3: it broke, Margarita was gone.
Speaker 2: I had a nice different.
Speaker 3: The wardrobe ed who was sitting on so like basically like,
Speaker 3: so Jose was where you are, I'm here, he is here,
Speaker 3: ceiling sile falls on him and then just comes across
Speaker 3: the whole table hits Kia. I've got ceiling tied down
Speaker 3: my shirt and all this other shit just there was
Speaker 3: no water because all the water went straight down. I
Speaker 3: just got hit with tile. So yes, like I hit
Speaker 3: with ceiling like my head. I was like, oh my god.
Speaker 3: So I'm like what the fuck. And then I stood
Speaker 3: up and I'm just like, I am now the owner
Speaker 3: of this restaurant. And then that's the latina and her
Speaker 3: that's the black.
Speaker 2: That's the black. That's the black.
Speaker 3: Because then the waiter looked at me like what And
Speaker 3: I was like, so restaurant. I was like, I'm not yelling. Now,
Speaker 3: the fucking owner of this restaurant heard you. That's a
Speaker 3: sentence for us to know I have. I was he
Speaker 3: was like, well do you? I was like, He's like, well,
Speaker 3: do you want another? Rolls like I don't want anything
Speaker 3: else from here. I want to leave. I mean, if
Speaker 3: the if the dining room looked there's what what did
Speaker 3: the kitchen ceiling look like?
Speaker 2: I don't know. You had a tile and your fucking.
Speaker 3: And my afro because thank god that hair icy tunerole girl.
Speaker 3: It was all the pastos in my nice fried, trimp
Speaker 3: little role I had going on. So then Omar, who
Speaker 3: uh did my hair for the movie, he came up
Speaker 3: to me and I was like, oh, Mar, are you
Speaker 3: that man?
Speaker 2: He's like, oh, Mika, you have all of this in
Speaker 2: your hair and he's just pulling ceiling tile pieces out
Speaker 2: of So how what percentage were you through with your food?
Speaker 2: Fifty sixty percent? Was like, was I still had at
Speaker 2: least seventy five percent of my food left?
Speaker 3: Oh?
Speaker 2: That sucks.
Speaker 3: I was mad as ship and I was hungry because
Speaker 3: it's good. It was good, and I had some You
Speaker 3: know when you're like saving like a last little cheesy
Speaker 3: piece or the last like flavor of full piece for
Speaker 3: last and somebody eats it or it falls, you.
Speaker 2: Know what that feels like? Yes, now, Maddin, that be
Speaker 2: the whole plate. The whole plate. Girl.
Speaker 4: Wait, were the other people okay they were actually hit No?
Speaker 3: Yeah, Jose got a whole bunch of while are you
Speaker 3: asking real question your hair?
Speaker 2: No? No, no, there was like ceiling top down my shirt.
Speaker 5: No.
Speaker 3: Jose was fine, but he was just so like jarred
Speaker 3: by the situation. And I was like, because when we
Speaker 3: got up, I was like, are you okay?
Speaker 2: And he was like, you said the ceiling was gonna fall,
Speaker 2: and then it fell.
Speaker 4: I was like, so he's blaming it on you.
Speaker 2: No, no, no, he was just surprise he was.
Speaker 3: I was like, he said, that's that Centuria, that's that
Speaker 3: y'allake ship.
Speaker 2: And I was like, what are you talking about?
Speaker 3: He was just like I was like, yeah, I could
Speaker 3: look at the ceiling and tell it was gonna cave in.
Speaker 2: It's soaking wet.
Speaker 3: I just didn't think it would happen while I was
Speaker 3: sitting at the table thirty minus as after I said it,
Speaker 3: I would have I would have held my food in
Speaker 3: my lap.
Speaker 2: Listen, my lap wasn't safe either.
Speaker 3: We're gonna eat at the bar, I'm gonna have to
Speaker 3: be But is there anything outside y'all?
Speaker 2: Y'all got anything in the back? So I so y'all
Speaker 2: didn't have to pay right?
Speaker 3: Absolutely not, absolutely not, because then I'm standing outside like
Speaker 3: just trying to get like stealing towel out of my
Speaker 3: titties and ship.
Speaker 2: And somebody's kink. Somebody could have been like an opportunity
Speaker 2: to I don't know.
Speaker 3: All I know Listen, all I know is medicoat and
Speaker 3: this other nigga didn't give a fuck. So that was
Speaker 3: that was the messed up because 'all just was like,
Speaker 3: I just there was no one.
Speaker 2: Maybe there was of a woman, I don't know, but
Speaker 2: that's not happening. Don't say you never been with a
Speaker 2: woman before.
Speaker 3: No, you didn't even let a little makeout happen.
Speaker 2: Listen. I love like their arms and warms the back.
Speaker 3: I know some have some women from the West Side
Speaker 3: that got just like but talking, what are you right now?
Speaker 2: Do you like basketball? Playing fast? Yeah? That should have
Speaker 2: been on official thing along. That's well, this is what
Speaker 2: we do every love. This is what we do. No,
Speaker 2: I don't know. You've never remember a man. Yeah, of
Speaker 2: course she has. I don't know if she was a
Speaker 2: gold star or not. No, you can tell by my shoulders.
Speaker 3: I used to say, Dick, I don't know, are these
Speaker 3: dicks shoulder?
Speaker 2: How tiny they are?
Speaker 3: You know that's because I was doing it a lot.
Speaker 3: What sucking dick gives you slim shoulders?
Speaker 2: That's not true. That workout, that's not really not true.
Speaker 3: No, wait, didn't it make your next strong man when
Speaker 3: it's more neck than shoulders. Yeah, if your shoulders are involved,
Speaker 3: I don't know what's.
Speaker 2: Said. Breath stretched shape. Let it go on that I'm done.
Speaker 2: And then one day you're just like no mass all right,
Speaker 2: they'll say somebody might come ahead and turn you out.
Speaker 2: I don't appreciate that. I'm just giving you. Don't say
Speaker 2: what is your type anything, anything that's a live don't
Speaker 2: do that.
Speaker 3: I mean, on the record, just tell people what your
Speaker 3: type is, because we got people listening. Okay, for the record,
Speaker 3: my type is one employed. And when I say I
Speaker 3: mean career, don't you can't just have a job. I
Speaker 3: have a fucking career also, so you just want him
Speaker 3: to have a job in the face. So he said, anybody, no, no,
Speaker 3: not done. That's classes very much.
Speaker 2: Classes. I'm not you're not here for the homeless community.
Speaker 3: Come on, girl, you know the homeless community feel like
Speaker 3: a safe space that dasty dick, lay it down.
Speaker 2: Not feel break your back. Girl. You have a long
Speaker 2: day in your career.
Speaker 3: You come back with some dusty day career Dick is
Speaker 3: giving you what it's like.
Speaker 2: Well, I've been working all day to nine to five.
Speaker 2: Dick is lazy.
Speaker 3: Yeah, you mean that dusty dick that hasn't been doing
Speaker 3: ship all day but live in a box. Dick man,
Speaker 3: literally dick just in you. That's literally literally broke. Dudes,
Speaker 3: I don't even know that, see sol, right, but I
Speaker 3: can't yet.
Speaker 2: That's good.
Speaker 3: You're saying you can't bring him to a work event.
Speaker 3: I can't marry this motherfucker. I can't marry Braun.
Speaker 2: That's true.
Speaker 3: No, no, no, you can't marry broke because you can bang broke,
Speaker 3: but you can't marry bro Okay, so.
Speaker 2: Employed career, career, What does he look like?
Speaker 3: Rude? Okay, you can suck for if you want to.
Speaker 3: How about you convert them.
Speaker 2: Sydney's a missionary. How about you? You know it's a
Speaker 2: soup kitchen, sys. I'm here to help.
Speaker 3: I'm here to help invert them to the employing mother
Speaker 3: of the boom Gosh, Princess Diana of the.
Speaker 2: I'm neither one of those women needed this. Listen.
Speaker 3: They would make a beanie baby of Sydney if they could,
Speaker 3: and they absolute salute Sydney Bear, Sydney Bear, citing bear,
Speaker 3: I mean, the skinniest bear anyone should be strong, and
Speaker 3: pussy would be one of it. It'd be wet, wrong,
Speaker 3: leaky faucett.
Speaker 2: Soaking, wet, soaking, wet like sugar, like a s They
Speaker 2: yelled that part of that song.
Speaker 3: Hey, okay, so they'll say, so you want them employed
Speaker 3: with a career because.
Speaker 2: We've got to be equally yoke because I can't be
Speaker 2: with the poor. And what do they look like? I
Speaker 2: did like my ma? This tall because I'm five four.
Speaker 3: Okay, Look, if they're a celebrity, who would have celebrity
Speaker 3: look like?
Speaker 2: For them? Give me skin tones?
Speaker 4: This?
Speaker 2: What's the complexion looking like? I'm very old. I'm very
Speaker 2: wide with that. So Sydney was right.
Speaker 3: Anybody, I'm an equal opportunity employer. But I have been
Speaker 3: trying to I've been trying to lean to more of
Speaker 3: the brown, the blacks, trying to lean to them. Yeah brown,
Speaker 3: so Indian. No, you're not here for Aladdin and them
Speaker 3: for Aladdin is not Indian. That's Middle Eastern. So when
Speaker 3: I say Indian, I mean all of them. Okay, that's that's.
Speaker 2: Well. She stands in her tooth, standing back.
Speaker 3: Now, I'm gonna tell you as fire as them seeks
Speaker 3: them niggas Okay, you just want to you know, you
Speaker 3: know who fine is fucked them seeks?
Speaker 2: You never heard of that? Never? Wow, that was a seek.
Speaker 2: Now you know what I'm saying. Oh my god, damn
Speaker 2: niggas is God be everywhere? And it wasn't Lesson. That's
Speaker 2: not who you've been saying. I thought it was chiks.
Speaker 3: It seems now a chic is something different than a sik. Okay, well,
Speaker 3: let me seek what a sek is because I thought
Speaker 3: it was something. I thought it was a chic. Niggas
Speaker 3: you spelled sek s I k h. You didn't see
Speaker 3: that wedding video the men coming and dancing and was
Speaker 3: killing a sh okay, okay, okay, So you like a
Speaker 3: seek me?
Speaker 2: Okay?
Speaker 3: Since I said a letter, you could have said, yes, okay,
Speaker 3: that's a campaign. I feel like a lot of how
Speaker 3: a little turbine on different campaign. That's not just because
Speaker 3: the men cover their head, you know how like like Muslim,
Speaker 3: we heard a here job the men cover their head.
Speaker 2: Help her. See what you're saying.
Speaker 3: But so you want to seek, you're seeking to seek.
Speaker 3: I don't know what they prayed to, so I don't know.
Speaker 3: All I know is is that I wasn't like nice
Speaker 3: like a brown and like in tan. I don't mind
Speaker 3: a beard as long to keep your face clean. That
Speaker 3: coronavirus save that, bitch. Yeah, and a ginger is strong
Speaker 3: enough to stop that. Uh ginger ol Yo, you're so blad.
Speaker 2: That's afrod. That is definitely the afro, which is not
Speaker 2: a thing. I only have that. But we did do
Speaker 2: the thing, like you know, a little DNA test. My
Speaker 2: brother did his. What is it?
Speaker 3: So it's black white and just a a Native American.
Speaker 3: My mother did hers square like it is a distant
Speaker 3: ancestor well, my mother did wear Sydney just around the river.
Speaker 3: My mother did hers, and she had black white Native
Speaker 3: America and then Pakistan, India, Burma area.
Speaker 2: And we don't know who fun that is because it
Speaker 2: was like, you know, far far far far far from
Speaker 2: Native America in your forehead or what if it's just black, No,
Speaker 2: I see it.
Speaker 3: You and your the skin tone to okay, you got
Speaker 3: like red undertones right because you know, you got high
Speaker 3: cheek bones. I got high cheek bones. You got high
Speaker 3: cheek bones. So we can just leave that is blackness.
Speaker 3: That's slavery.
Speaker 2: But my lips are too small. I can say that.
Speaker 3: That's the light you got the bottom list the bottom is, well,
Speaker 3: that's the astro.
Speaker 2: The top is the latina. That's what it is. There's
Speaker 2: no latina. That's the Puerto Rican. Bottom of lip is Dominican.
Speaker 3: I've been cheated. I've been cheated. The bottom lip is Haitian.
Speaker 3: Top lip is Dominican.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 3: I asked my mother the other day why her lips
Speaker 3: were bigger than mine, and she's like, well, we got
Speaker 3: different parents, and.
Speaker 2: Well, what's your dad's lips look like? Are the lips
Speaker 2: smaller in Oklahoma and niggas? So they got full lips niggas.
Speaker 2: I don't know. We still don't know where your type is.
Speaker 2: It's seek, I guess listening. Is there any seeks?
Speaker 3: Listen like I'm trying to get like in the blacks, Like,
Speaker 3: do you're like big bodies?
Speaker 2: You like slim bodies? I try. I like a fuller man, okay,
Speaker 2: fluffy man, not fluffy? Okay, we can't both be big Okay,
Speaker 2: so so they gotta be they have to be in
Speaker 2: shape with abs.
Speaker 3: No, No, I don't like apps because you don't like as.
Speaker 3: Don't I love as? I say to say that if
Speaker 3: a man is very muscular, he's very heavy, like if
Speaker 3: he works out a lot, well, yes.
Speaker 2: Because muscle wats more than fat. Yes.
Speaker 3: So if the dudes were a muscular you can't breathe
Speaker 3: because I've been with dudes are in very good shapes.
Speaker 2: So you were a missionary bitch.
Speaker 3: Oh, I do all of the things. But if it's missionary,
Speaker 3: you sure you don't. I feel like you want to
Speaker 3: be on top.
Speaker 2: I have.
Speaker 3: I feel like you're in charge. You know now, I
Speaker 3: don't want to be in charge of the show in
Speaker 3: the bedroom. You're more submissive, then yes, because I don't
Speaker 3: want to.
Speaker 2: I'm not. I'm not trying to run. No, man, I'm
Speaker 2: trying to take it. Yes, I'm she's a let me
Speaker 2: hand on something. What is wrong with you?
Speaker 4: Stop asking people to do that?
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, I had a long day at work. I'm
Speaker 2: just gonna lay here. I know I am not a
Speaker 2: Pilo queen. No, you know what I mean? No, No, No,
Speaker 2: I work. I work. I'm gonna get up like no,
Speaker 2: I'm gonna like, I'm gonna lay on my side type person.
Speaker 3: I do all of the Listen, if you showed up,
Speaker 3: we're gonna work because I don't know if I obaus
Speaker 3: see you again in the work.
Speaker 2: No, wow, you're one night not with that tween and
Speaker 2: one night stands. I'm not a queen of one night stands.
Speaker 3: But I don't have to catch it very often, so
Speaker 3: when I do catch it, I got Because you're busy.
Speaker 2: You you on planes every day. We're talking to me.
Speaker 3: Let me lack about this is what we need to
Speaker 3: chat about. Okay, you took fifty eight minutes to get
Speaker 3: ten minutes on the clock, syst Let's get it.
Speaker 2: Let's talk about why.
Speaker 3: These raggedy s men ain't approaching. Yes, because we're intimidating. Yes,
Speaker 3: I've heard that what you just had a date last
Speaker 3: night took him six years to approach.
Speaker 2: Well six years, I mean it's basically why did you
Speaker 2: even listen? You gotta show up in the can Listen.
Speaker 3: Your man could be making your sandwich right now. You
Speaker 3: might be working at the bodega.
Speaker 2: Oh no he's not. That's a career. No, he can
Speaker 2: own aeg that Sydney I got is a sandwich artists.
Speaker 3: A sandwich artist owns the building, but he likes to
Speaker 3: get like from his hands journey.
Speaker 2: He owns the building.
Speaker 3: I said, you need to see you need to see.
Speaker 3: I need a least, I need a title, I need
Speaker 3: a mortgage.
Speaker 2: Say that's why these niggas are coming up to you asking.
Speaker 3: For you like you know you have for credit, you
Speaker 3: have for first month securty.
Speaker 2: How am I asking for too much? You want to
Speaker 2: have their hair wrapped? No, I need.
Speaker 3: Someone who's at least at my level. Why the do
Speaker 3: I have to go down? You don't have to go down? Okay,
Speaker 3: hold on, don't tell the listeners what your love is.
Speaker 2: Bitch, am on TV. Come on, that needs to be
Speaker 2: merch TV. Merch some comic as. You have roommates, pitch
Speaker 2: them on TV. No, do I look like having someone
Speaker 2: else live here? Why go to the bathroom.
Speaker 3: It's just me in this bitch, shut up but naked?
Speaker 3: All door open, of course out that's my house. Areola's
Speaker 3: out on the sink?
Speaker 2: Hey, I wear a house dressed, so I'm not out
Speaker 2: here in stress. I'm very so I love a house stress.
Speaker 3: Don't say the neighbors we want to see you walk
Speaker 3: into the refrigerator.
Speaker 2: Just just bear. You won't see any of that.
Speaker 3: My curtains, stack clothes, that's my currents are sheer and
Speaker 3: they don't even boom fun.
Speaker 2: Listen, this is why people are in approaching. You're not
Speaker 2: putting yourself out there.
Speaker 3: The window wide open, walk by, see her ass crack
Speaker 3: every day. Don't open coach open? What Flora do you
Speaker 3: live on second second floor? I've seen her, I've been
Speaker 3: by behind a tree. Just look like, get changed.
Speaker 2: You let your young Harvey Weinstein live.
Speaker 3: This is absolutely this is an attractive Weinstein. The original
Speaker 3: is ugly, And every time I saw him, I'm like,
Speaker 3: who let this happen?
Speaker 2: Everybody?
Speaker 3: You let the dogs out?
Speaker 2: But you know what, I didn't have a female comic
Speaker 2: asked me one time. She was like, so do you
Speaker 2: deal with like like a guy?
Speaker 3: Because I had a girl asked me if like because
Speaker 3: some dude hit her up and said that she had
Speaker 3: to sleep with them to be on a show.
Speaker 2: I said a show, a bar show. Huh comedy that's
Speaker 2: what they said, Uh, comedy show in location. I was like, bitch,
Speaker 2: not a.
Speaker 3: Tour, no at venue, sleep with it. So he asked
Speaker 3: her this and she was like, absolutely not. How bad
Speaker 3: is his dick that he has to tell women that?
Speaker 3: Or how desperate are some of these people are?
Speaker 2: How are some people that they would have greeted this bullshit?
Speaker 2: How bad are these sents? This was in Atlanta? But
Speaker 2: hold on laught in school, right, all right? No? This
Speaker 2: was this was this is the urban rooms. That wasn't that?
Speaker 4: What?
Speaker 3: No, listen, I'm performing for a play the food I'm not.
Speaker 3: I'm not sleep with nobody to do a room with
Speaker 3: j R crickets.
Speaker 2: You're not spreading them. Thanks for women, you're not spreading them.
Speaker 3: Gams for wings, No them the limited pepper wings, them
Speaker 3: hot limon peppers.
Speaker 2: Right.
Speaker 3: But girls that asked me, you know it's they asked me,
Speaker 3: do I deal with a lot of the uh, like
Speaker 3: harassment or like highly sexual malgate is right, And I'm like, no.
Speaker 2: I'm not a girl. These people want to so I.
Speaker 3: Just got to lie. Don't say you are? You are
Speaker 3: type people.
Speaker 2: I see you work, I see when you talk. You
Speaker 2: are a stage type. You are I just haven't met
Speaker 2: them yet. So, yes, nigga, are you always in a car? Bitch?
Speaker 2: Take public transportation?
Speaker 3: But that but if I'm on public transportation with somebody
Speaker 3: who has to take public transportation, they don't have to
Speaker 3: though you don't have to either, Yeah, but get on that.
Speaker 3: Don't have to get on since you need to interact
Speaker 3: with your community.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you know, but you are some understand. The train
Speaker 2: makes me so anxious and I hate this. Okay, hold on,
Speaker 2: don't let me let me tell you what you need
Speaker 2: to do. You need to Okay, you.
Speaker 3: Need to get out of the Queen's get on the train,
Speaker 3: see somebody that you like and be like, hey, you
Speaker 3: want to get my uber ex and boom, there you go.
Speaker 2: Okay, I don't approach man, because I can tell you.
Speaker 3: Listen, it's you said, I am some people's type, right, yeah, girl,
Speaker 3: I can people like you, but I don't know who
Speaker 3: that is. So I can't be hollering as a random
Speaker 3: man because how sad is that's about what about your type?
Speaker 3: Don't run the ball in their cart? You know what
Speaker 3: I'm saying?
Speaker 2: What you want see these niggas?
Speaker 3: Hold on, let me say that they start getting the
Speaker 3: uber axe and he's like, no, I'm good now, I'm
Speaker 3: just sad and that's about your shore and.
Speaker 2: Then get off. You just said you're still in the car. Yeah,
Speaker 2: and this is what you do just walking. This man
Speaker 2: chose to walk. You tell the driver to slow just
Speaker 2: slow down, slow down, pull over, and you say you
Speaker 2: go on my way, daddy. But you say where you
Speaker 2: headed and he says, I'm going to work, and then
Speaker 2: you should have your backs and be like you work
Speaker 2: on commission. Big mistake, huge, you're pretty woman, that niggas.
Speaker 3: But also like, these men are dumb and at least
Speaker 3: I say this, I say this like with love, but
Speaker 3: like from the bottom.
Speaker 2: Of my stupid heart. These men arepid stupid.
Speaker 3: They don't know nothing. Sometimes they don't know what their
Speaker 3: type is. Sometimes you have to let them know that
Speaker 3: you they type right. Sometimes you approach that I've done that,
Speaker 3: I've done the I've done the I'm standing here to
Speaker 3: get you, but I'm not just like amen.
Speaker 2: Let's go.
Speaker 3: It just depends on well, don't say amen, let's go
Speaker 3: like this, he's not a dog.
Speaker 2: But then you know, sometimes you just gotta yes.
Speaker 3: Sometimes you just gotta talk to them and then they
Speaker 3: like see you and they're like, oh dudes, and they've
Speaker 3: been like, oh my god, I would not because I
Speaker 3: had a dude say like I am not usually, which
Speaker 3: is so unnecessary.
Speaker 2: It's unnecessary.
Speaker 3: Keep it in your head, sir, right, But it's like, oh,
Speaker 3: I'm not usually attracted to women who look like you,
Speaker 3: but you're and I'm just like, you didn't need any
Speaker 3: of the beginning of that sentence. You needed send your
Speaker 3: picture to us so we can post it on the
Speaker 3: fucking page and if you follow the rules or like
Speaker 3: her criteria, slide in our dms and then we'll sift.
Speaker 2: Through these niggas and we'll we'll send them me away.
Speaker 3: We got men on this podcast that had models sliding
Speaker 3: in their d from and been like, I want to
Speaker 3: go to day.
Speaker 2: Yeah we have. We have premium listeners, premium premium.
Speaker 3: Pussy, and I feel like it's gotta be some premium
Speaker 3: penises where I have premium pussy. But what Marie was
Speaker 3: saying is that men have said to me to think
Speaker 3: I'm intimidating by clip but but it's by me being
Speaker 3: a comic or me being on the Daily Show, So
Speaker 3: just my job and has nothing to do with me.
Speaker 2: That being said.
Speaker 3: That being said, every male comic that we know has
Speaker 3: had a female slide in his DM.
Speaker 2: You come up to him after a show to talk
Speaker 2: to him.
Speaker 3: Credit, ain't got no, They got roommates, but that's no
Speaker 3: credits and some of them some of them missing teeth.
Speaker 3: Oh No, We've seen plenty of women fuck these comics,
Speaker 3: and it's always very confusing, Like what I seen one
Speaker 3: of my fucker get up and I'm like, I'm just
Speaker 3: in the like I'm in the back on this motherfucker.
Speaker 2: Is a girlfriend.
Speaker 3: Yeah, you have fifteen roommates and something showing up to
Speaker 3: be sixteen. You have a sheet as a door, but okay,
Speaker 3: but some bits you're showing up to get dropped off in. Okay,
Speaker 3: your mattress looks like a crumbled up piece of paper,
Speaker 3: look like a yoga matt but somebody got on that.
Speaker 3: Somebody got on that with you. Mattress on the floor
Speaker 3: directly direct frame, no frame, no nothing, no box, fring twin,
Speaker 3: mattress on the floor, no sheet, And I'm like, how
Speaker 3: pressed are these.
Speaker 2: Women in New York?
Speaker 3: It's nothing just New York, though, women all over the world,
Speaker 3: all over they see they see somebody perform, they like it.
Speaker 3: They go after it.
Speaker 2: Press press, breast press, that's what they No.
Speaker 3: I've had comics tell me, like out of comics tell
Speaker 3: me it was like after a show, like because even
Speaker 3: headline after a show, there was a forty five minute
Speaker 3: window for him to hook up from with a chick
Speaker 3: who had come to the show.
Speaker 2: Forty five minute window.
Speaker 3: If you have to catch a bitch after forty five minutes,
Speaker 3: he's not fucking anybody that night.
Speaker 2: So somebod these dudes have a science to this ship,
Speaker 2: because I've seen get the mathematics together. Come on, I
Speaker 2: got my kissing my purse. Well, figure this numbers.
Speaker 3: What I can tell you is that single men do
Speaker 3: not come to comedy shows.
Speaker 2: With they boys. A bunch of men. That's not true.
Speaker 3: That's not I have toured so much. It'd be singing
Speaker 3: people at the knitting factory.
Speaker 2: No, they're singing. No, that's a different situation. What's the situation.
Speaker 3: The knitting factor is more like a bar situation. I'm
Speaker 3: talking about clubs. I'm usually in clubs. Dragon, Oh yeah, okay,
Speaker 3: bar barches. We heard you don't say listen and the
Speaker 3: words of my people, A kick dog will holler.
Speaker 2: I said nothing to offend your lifestyles. You said, been
Speaker 2: talking about I'd be in the clurb club.
Speaker 3: I'm saying, when I headline a comedy club, there's a
Speaker 3: there's no one coming up after to me afterwards.
Speaker 2: Since maybe should stop headlining, Maybe you should be in
Speaker 2: the bar.
Speaker 3: Okay, you're trying to get eight out or no, Hello,
Speaker 3: you want to.
Speaker 2: Be happy, if you want to be rich? Pick what? Yeah,
Speaker 2: you want to your back now, or you just want
Speaker 2: to have a back.
Speaker 3: What do you want a lonely match, yes, a lonely
Speaker 3: back or a broken back? Listen, I have good health care,
Speaker 3: so I could get it fixed if it gets broke. Exactly,
Speaker 3: I've got sagging insurance. Why don't you just y'all are
Speaker 3: acting like all of us, get out me. I can
Speaker 3: tell you stop the headlining at the Dead Crow and.
Speaker 2: Stop doing movies. You're still doing movies, and get out.
Speaker 2: Get all those people.
Speaker 3: Swore I was gonna pull a nigga Puerto Ricos busy
Speaker 3: as I Wasn't anybody as busy as I was.
Speaker 2: You see the way you're speaking on here, You're you're
Speaker 2: doing a nigga right now. That's quiver like. Well, I
Speaker 2: was gonna talk to her, but she's so busy. That's
Speaker 2: not my problem. It is your problem.
Speaker 3: Is it's your problem because he's still having said exactly
Speaker 3: when somebody has popped that up, pop that thing two
Speaker 3: weeks ago. You know you want a regular dude, right
Speaker 3: because this is a dude I had known from Atlanta
Speaker 3: who this is this is a TBT, right, But you
Speaker 3: need a good TBT, like in the midd I need.
Speaker 2: But I say, you're too busy for what you want.
Speaker 2: You want consistent dick. But then they see you on
Speaker 2: the road, they're like, what about me? What about me?
Speaker 3: Okay, no, Monday through Thursday. I am in New York,
Speaker 3: so oh I don't know, that's what the schedule is.
Speaker 3: So Monday people, you should be getting some I.
Speaker 2: Should be beat. Yes, I should be at least Tuesday.
Speaker 3: At least you should be with a dude that's just
Speaker 3: like hitting his tims together, yes, like clapping.
Speaker 2: It and they keeping it. They keeping a white white
Speaker 2: sox on.
Speaker 3: They keeping a wife beater on, but they put it
Speaker 3: in their mouth and they just like hold it.
Speaker 2: You know what. I will not. I would not be harassed.
Speaker 2: I would not be made fun of. We're not making
Speaker 2: fun of you.
Speaker 3: We're not because because no, no, no, because men are
Speaker 3: intimidated by me too.
Speaker 2: But that's because you're mean. Marie. Oh wow, let's talk
Speaker 2: about that. She's not Yeah, she's not even inviting us
Speaker 2: to think. You'll say, Marie is what five three and.
Speaker 3: She is hurting niggas feelers on a daily basis, and
Speaker 3: yet people every once in a while will slider my
Speaker 3: d MS from the ND or whatever. Hey, I have
Speaker 3: a bit of a crush on you. I like you
Speaker 3: watched me perform, You saw what I was talking about.
Speaker 3: Why didn't you just come up to me after the shower?
Speaker 3: Why did you wait to the DM? I'm not I'm
Speaker 3: not I'm not responding to the DM. I don't feel
Speaker 3: sorry for I don't feel that I don't have people's
Speaker 3: side of my d MS. But it's just like, sorry, one,
Speaker 3: your kids are as old as I am, and well
Speaker 3: that's somebody with a career syst. I want to have
Speaker 3: my own. Listen, girl, yo, I didn't know we were
Speaker 3: still selling Chryslers. That's what I didn't know, selling Chryslers
Speaker 3: things out here in my age, like my mother's age,
Speaker 3: trying to talk to me out here, selling strong crisis
Speaker 3: in Detroit.
Speaker 2: Sorry, I can't not do this. I can't help you.
Speaker 3: Well, I mean the dude in Detroit might be rich. Sis,
Speaker 3: you only need twelve dollars to buy a house in Detroit. Listen,
Speaker 3: why don't we all just buy our house because we
Speaker 3: don't want to live in Detroit. You don't have to
Speaker 3: live here on the property. Yeah, but who gonna how
Speaker 3: we're gonna we're not gonna airbnb it. Who's gonna go to.
Speaker 2: Detroit to stay that.
Speaker 3: Listen, when these white folks come in and try to
Speaker 3: gentrify ship, they got to pay you because what they
Speaker 3: do is they find a dilapidy area and then all
Speaker 3: of a sudden they put a tire restaurant in it,
Speaker 3: and and then they all show up.
Speaker 2: It'sian fusion, right, they.
Speaker 3: Put a tire restaurant in it. It's the bad signal
Speaker 3: of white folks. Right, we got tied. And then they
Speaker 3: show the fuck up. They're throwing the sprouts and that
Speaker 3: nobody can afford to live there. Look, this is all
Speaker 3: that I'm mean. I'm gonna say, I think I agree
Speaker 3: with Sydney. You should put yourself out there more so
Speaker 3: people will see you if you're what is put myself
Speaker 3: out there?
Speaker 2: I mean they've heard that before. What does that mean? Okay?
Speaker 2: So like like if there's stuff.
Speaker 3: That and you know, we we fun employed two sis,
Speaker 3: it's you know we should it's about to it's about
Speaker 3: to be.
Speaker 2: You flew flew out, you flying everybody out. Yeah, Okay,
Speaker 2: come down, sis, we bar bitches? What we don't have
Speaker 2: bitches in Miami? And ain't nobody called me like sixty
Speaker 2: were all on spirit. No, just know we're doing bar Thanks,
Speaker 2: we're on a bar budget, nigga, you're not head.
Speaker 3: Lining and now we flow like Jet Blue or John
Speaker 3: Blue is nice sh s s sure, but it's miami'sis
Speaker 3: Miami before, It's very cute.
Speaker 2: Miami is cheap. Always came back. That's why my niggas
Speaker 2: went to Miami all the time.
Speaker 3: Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, but I don't remember what
Speaker 3: I was saying, but it was you were trying to
Speaker 3: explain to me what uh oh I say? Put yourself
Speaker 3: out there like that thing. Because if you're okay, look,
Speaker 3: if this is where it's.
Speaker 2: Stop hanging out with comedian.
Speaker 3: If this is what your day is, if it's wake up,
Speaker 3: jump in a car, go to work, jump in a car,
Speaker 3: go to a show, jump in a car, go home,
Speaker 3: the only people you meet is uber drivers and comedians
Speaker 3: and people you work with. If you're not doing things,
Speaker 3: if you're not doing things like more social things like
Speaker 3: oh I took a I took a class at this
Speaker 3: place where I walked to the muffin place, like you
Speaker 3: meet people when you're out and about. You're not gonna
Speaker 3: meet people sitting in your car, even if you don't
Speaker 3: want to get on the train, like maybe take a
Speaker 3: train one stop or like you and get out.
Speaker 2: What does coronavirus I'm supposed to be getting on this disease?
Speaker 2: Say you want to have.
Speaker 3: You you just so you don't want to have no diseases,
Speaker 3: but you want to be lonely. You think Uber drive
Speaker 3: has coronavirus and a nigga like uber drivers can't get coronavirus.
Speaker 2: I'm fully sure that they can't, Okay, because.
Speaker 3: People jumping out of that and they're traveling the world.
Speaker 3: So you're probably gonna get coronavirus in an uber fast
Speaker 3: and you get it on there.
Speaker 2: I can buy yourself.
Speaker 3: You heard that you're gonna be lonely with the sniffles, you.
Speaker 2: Know what, I'm buying that up in the name of Jesus.
Speaker 2: What saying I'm gonna be long.
Speaker 3: If you think you're lonely, now wait and wait for
Speaker 3: the beat, wait until to night girl to be lonely.
Speaker 3: If you were into girls, because I'm your is it's.
Speaker 2: Her and Domo all the time. Sydney. You'll be on
Speaker 2: this podcast complaining about not being No women don't say
Speaker 2: what right here? It's so funny.
Speaker 3: If you were a man, there would be someone typing
Speaker 3: an angry email right now.
Speaker 2: Dare they trade her?
Speaker 4: Like that?
Speaker 2: I was like, I wish more people wuld treat me
Speaker 2: like we're well, well we're having fun.
Speaker 3: Let's just run through everybody in the studio where they
Speaker 3: meet people, where you can meet people that's not on
Speaker 3: an app Andrew, where you.
Speaker 4: Meeting people who doesn't start with me, start with Sydney.
Speaker 2: Sydney, where her lips got real world? I go, I
Speaker 2: meet them on the pod. Oh, but you're on in
Speaker 2: my hand though.
Speaker 3: But I do say, like I like a taller I
Speaker 3: would I like a taller man educated. When I say educated,
Speaker 3: I mean you know some good book learning.
Speaker 2: You can read and you read read so a little
Speaker 2: bit gay.
Speaker 3: Oh no not that read like read you can read,
Speaker 3: but you also read books.
Speaker 2: Oh like maybe having like books on the sho Oh,
Speaker 2: that'd be nice. I don't do that. I read subtitles, okay, okay,
Speaker 2: parasite to watch that? I watch that because I do
Speaker 2: watch a Korean drama.
Speaker 3: We know, Okay, tall can read, has most of his teeth.
Speaker 3: I'm a tooth part stop listen if you missing those
Speaker 3: moler I can't say nothing, but you gotta have you
Speaker 3: gotta have all the show teeth. Yes, yes, yes, the
Speaker 3: starting five, the starting five. I want a whole lineup.
Speaker 2: Got to have an offensive line as well. Let's see.
Speaker 3: Okay, so tall with his teeth, employed, has to be nice,
Speaker 3: has to be intelligent. Okay, he sounds like you want
Speaker 3: a lot. He needs to be nice and smart. Men
Speaker 3: can't be both of these those things. They're either smart
Speaker 3: and mean or they're nice and stupid. And you want
Speaker 3: him to be You want him to be nice, smart
Speaker 3: and tall, taller than me? You Okay, so since five six,
Speaker 3: since you tall, I'm five four with your hair and stuff,
Speaker 3: and since you five yeah, sis, the citties in this hair,
Speaker 3: I am. I do, but I have I have a
Speaker 3: presence exactly out thank you for the present. And that's
Speaker 3: what I'm saying about being like, you know, put myself
Speaker 3: out there. These titties are always out there. Okay, but
Speaker 3: don't say you stay in jagging okay, not jagging leg
Speaker 3: legging like well, it's always like okay, well, dulse it's
Speaker 3: on the go.
Speaker 2: You're day. She said, you be having your fabletics.
Speaker 3: Oh, I would love a fathletic. You got the beant
Speaker 3: box because you be booked. Yo, honorship, I keep a rainbow.
Speaker 3: Don't say first of all, when I see you, like
Speaker 3: tell you dressed the funk up?
Speaker 2: I'm like, yo, I know what I'm doing. No, obviously,
Speaker 2: thank you. Friend. Yeah, like i'd be like yo, d'l
Speaker 2: say should be married? I think that every day. Okay, cooking,
Speaker 2: are you cook? It's the story?
Speaker 3: Since I see it, let's let's talk about your your building.
Speaker 3: Is there a roof situation? What's the max capacity at
Speaker 3: the apartment? And we maybe do a little shin dig
Speaker 3: everybody bring a friend. There's no roof situation. I do
Speaker 3: have a good size of part. What's the what's the
Speaker 3: fire code capacity in the in the unit? You think
Speaker 3: like twenty people?
Speaker 2: Ten I could get I can define get in there.
Speaker 2: Since with your with your daily show hookup, you we
Speaker 2: could get to a hotel somewhere. You're trying to have
Speaker 2: a hotel party.
Speaker 3: Yeah, okay, you're trying to be scandalous. I'm trying. I'm
Speaker 3: trying to strange to me help us. Okay, but I
Speaker 3: don't want strangers in my house. Okay, So maybe that's
Speaker 3: why we got to hick them out, take them out
Speaker 3: the house. Maybe we should have a party. That's why
Speaker 3: we got to have it.
Speaker 2: We should have a party. We get we get a Q,
Speaker 2: little DJ, tell the job. Listen. You know, y'all can
Speaker 2: hook us up with a hotel. Let's go.
Speaker 3: Well, they do have a party at Hurley's and Harley's
Speaker 3: is cute? Well Hurley, Yeah, it's Harley's. They have a
Speaker 3: party upstairs. They just have one on Friday. Is that Uh,
Speaker 3: it's it's forty eight.
Speaker 2: Oh since the Midtown, that's right, Yeah, you can't get in.
Speaker 2: So something on the Lower east Side. I don't listen.
Speaker 3: Some downtown, you know, I don't know all these places
Speaker 3: make right? Something Downtown says below fourteenth, below.
Speaker 2: Fourteen, Andrew will come. You're gonna bring somebody, and we'll
Speaker 2: bring it Hurleys.
Speaker 3: If Andrew brings somebody somebody for Andrew, hand people. You
Speaker 3: think you don't have straight people in his life, Andrew
Speaker 3: have some straights.
Speaker 2: You're gonna throw down. But like you know, we got
Speaker 2: gay friends, we got straight friends.
Speaker 3: Everybody, bring your friends, kay, kay, people love being around
Speaker 3: straight people to be like, I'm better than all of
Speaker 3: these people.
Speaker 2: That's why black people like being around white people, vice versa.
Speaker 2: Everyone thinks they're better than they're better than us.
Speaker 3: I don't say we gotta wrap this ship up because
Speaker 3: we got another episode. So honey, this was a chat
Speaker 3: we did. We did, we chopped it up. Yeah, I'm
Speaker 3: glad that we got to talk more because because I
Speaker 3: got you to hit on me. Honestly, you're coming diner.
Speaker 3: I always hit on you.
Speaker 2: You're coming to the tonight because you know we're gonna
Speaker 2: go to the diner. So yeah, I'm coming. Wait, you
Speaker 2: always hit you don't hit on me. Sydney hits on everybody. Well,
Speaker 2: the thing is hair, Marie, what's where there's my layup.
Speaker 2: That's the layup. She hits on everybody.
Speaker 3: No, you're supposed to be like, Nah, Sydney is Sydney,
Speaker 3: but you just trod on yourself.
Speaker 2: Sidney. You don't even want to bang a comedian. Don't
Speaker 2: do that. Well, this is not just any of them,
Speaker 2: and this is a headlining home.
Speaker 3: Okay, I'm not just anybody, she said. She says she
Speaker 3: needs somebody tall and employed who reads books and has
Speaker 3: a penis.
Speaker 2: I have them.
Speaker 3: I have several people different colors, small, medium, in a large,
Speaker 3: what size you want the lord.
Speaker 2: I've just been practicing on my strap game.
Speaker 3: That's why the shoulders. Her hardness goes to the shoulders.
Speaker 3: He got suspenders on. Dumb, she got to step on
Speaker 3: her collar.
Speaker 2: Ignorant, it came a glasses. It's trying to wrap it up.
Speaker 3: Okay, we'll wrap it up in Okay, don't say tell
Speaker 3: people where they can find you headlining and getting tiles
Speaker 3: falling on you.
Speaker 2: Yes, I'm not in Puerto Rico. Thank you so much
Speaker 2: for just blessing. You got a website. I do have
Speaker 2: a website, those says Loan dot com on myself's at
Speaker 2: dull Sace Loan.
Speaker 3: Yeah. I actually have my own podcast that's coming out
Speaker 3: soon that you'll have to be on, called that Black
Speaker 3: Ass Show. It's coming out in March. This is March, right, Yeah,
Speaker 3: we're in March. Yeah, so it's coming out this month,
Speaker 3: and it's about like the black TV and movies and
Speaker 3: media that as like, you know, help shape culture in
Speaker 3: our lives and such.
Speaker 2: Okay, come to plug. We could have talked about all
Speaker 2: that on the podcast. You're right on this year podcast.
Speaker 2: But we learned so much about each other.
Speaker 3: We learned that Sydney is too much uh, and we
Speaker 3: confirm that marine.
Speaker 2: No, she's mean, which means but I've always known that
Speaker 2: I was mean. But you what you never say it out?
Speaker 2: What do you say it all the time?
Speaker 3: I think that's when in her bio and Twitter it
Speaker 3: literally says your mean friend.
Speaker 2: It does. I forgot, but I saw you internalized the
Speaker 2: first second ago, Mr meriend dot com. She does not internalize.
Speaker 3: I don't people say they say to me all the time.
Speaker 3: You are one of your Instagram is my favorite throw.
Speaker 2: Because I'm so mean or because I'm so honest.
Speaker 3: Oh, because you don't care. Ah, well see that's what
Speaker 3: that's That's why I don't be very honest. It's very
Speaker 3: like it's a lot of you laughing at people, which
Speaker 3: is why people don't be sliding into my d M
Speaker 3: the same thing.
Speaker 2: Don't say, yes you do, but your eyeliner. I loved
Speaker 2: your eyeliner. I love your makeup video thinks He's like,
Speaker 2: I gotta figure she's saying that you're pretty SI. Yeah,
Speaker 2: that's what she said to me, and I'm out here.
Speaker 2: She's flirting back. She said you pretty. No, I said
Speaker 2: you're pretty. You're pretty.
Speaker 3: I don't say it's hitting on you, Marie, Well, I
Speaker 3: look more like a man.
Speaker 2: Also, don't say thanks, I'm employed. Yeah.
Speaker 3: I tell pretty girls that they're pretty because a lot
Speaker 3: of times pretty girls don't get compliments without someone having
Speaker 3: on tary your motive. I love telling people they're pretty. Yeah,
Speaker 3: your skin looks amazing. You're thriving because my skin was
Speaker 3: just acting a fucking donkey. Okay, don't say Sloan dot com.
Speaker 3: Don't say Sloan on Instagram, Twitters.
Speaker 2: The Facebook's uh not on black planet? Did you know
Speaker 2: black plans?
Speaker 3: So?
Speaker 2: Yeah, it came back so long water back. Oh man.
Speaker 2: Andrew didn't know what it was, but you're not a blackland.
Speaker 4: I still don't really know what it is.
Speaker 2: It was just black, that's all it was.
Speaker 4: Okay, how.
Speaker 2: Were you say? You old bitches? No? You all? Okay? Well, Andrew,
Speaker 2: thank you so much for throwing shot. Very young wed it.
Speaker 2: We need it because I remember when Facebook started. Keep
Speaker 2: us humble, Andrew, keep us home, Marie humble. Don't say
Speaker 2: we gotta go. You talking too much, bitch. That's when
Speaker 2: I came here. You did, you succeeded? Friend?
Speaker 3: Bye, guys, rate comment, subscribe, go on our Patreon. You
Speaker 3: know there's probably an episode or two up there, gotta
Speaker 3: be you know, do the review.
Speaker 2: Spell our name right. They don't ask for much. Drop
Speaker 2: a dig picking, so.
Speaker 3: Don't say yeah, my whole name solons wow, drop a
Speaker 3: DM people. I've been sending me dick pic since I
Speaker 3: did a thing on Comedy Central, but it's a lot.
Speaker 2: Of Hey, I don't want to be rude. Are you
Speaker 2: sure you actually want to want to see this?
Speaker 3: I'm like, oh, say, we gotta go. Hi, I'm helping.
Speaker 3: I'm helping you show us some of these dicks.
Speaker 2: Bye, guye bye, you want.
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