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Speaker 1: Hey, this is Anning and Samantha and what kind of

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Speaker 1: stuff I never told your prediction if I heart radios

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Speaker 1: have to park. Today we are talking about emotional Labor

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Speaker 1: Holiday edition. Um if if you all remember a while back,

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Speaker 1: virgin I did an episode on emotional labor. But today

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Speaker 1: we're focusing specifically on the holidays and the work that

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Speaker 1: a lot of women do to make the holidays happen.

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Speaker 1: And Samantha and I have already talked about how the

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Speaker 1: holidays are a bit of a source of stress for us.

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Speaker 1: I like the holidays, I'll put that out there, but

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Speaker 1: they are extremely strudualed. They are not relaxing for me

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Speaker 1: at all. I have in general problem relaxing. So um

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Speaker 1: so in my case, when I look at what's stressing me,

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Speaker 1: it's the planning, the shopping them making a food plus

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Speaker 1: vegetarian because of my little brother, getting the timing of

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Speaker 1: everything right, bringing all the decorations down from the attic,

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Speaker 1: and that's down sets of stairs, um, setting them up,

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Speaker 1: getting the tree, it's setting that up, the lights, the ornaments,

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Speaker 1: hanging outside lights, finding gifts, wrapping them, writing cards, cleaning,

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Speaker 1: and then the worst part putting everything away. Stressed me

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Speaker 1: on just typing it. Yeah, I don't do any of

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Speaker 1: those stuff, and I'm still stressed. Apparently, like all of

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Speaker 1: my family members getting gifts cards, I am the best, worst, worst,

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Speaker 1: best gift giver because you know, I give them what

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Speaker 1: they want, but it's not very creative. Oh, we're gonna

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Speaker 1: talk about that a little bit more. That's interesting, I

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Speaker 1: will say. I'm just gonna throw this out here. I

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Speaker 1: from the research I read, a lot of people do

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Speaker 1: like gift cards. I don't do not. I'd rather get

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Speaker 1: no gift at all. I would rather have something. If

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Speaker 1: you were going to give me a gift card, I

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Speaker 1: wanted to be something that I will use. So if

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Speaker 1: you give me a card to Panera Starbucks, not gonna

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Speaker 1: be as happy. Oh no, because I don't go to

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Speaker 1: those places getting right, although it don't get me wrong,

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Speaker 1: sometimes soup is delicious. See what I don't like about

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Speaker 1: gift cards. I'm wondering if any of my relatives are

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Speaker 1: gonna listen to this. Well, I'll say it. I don't

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Speaker 1: like that you can't. I don't know how much is

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Speaker 1: on it, and I don't like the moment of I

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Speaker 1: have no idea how much is this gonna get me right,

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Speaker 1: especially when it comes to bank gift cards, because I

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Speaker 1: really would just probably have money or check. That's going

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Speaker 1: to be what it is. Um, I think I probably

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Speaker 1: have at least twenty seven dollars on past gift cards.

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Speaker 1: But I just, yeah, it is. It is a nice

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Speaker 1: little trick because either you can't spend it all right,

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Speaker 1: or you're gonna spend that and then extra on top

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Speaker 1: of that. It's like a gimmick. It is a gimmick.

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Speaker 1: And I'm sorry we're coming out strong gift cards. I

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Speaker 1: like gift cards, Like I said, oh well, agreed to

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Speaker 1: disagree on this point, um. Numerous studies have found that

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Speaker 1: women experience and increase in psychological stress during the holidays

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Speaker 1: greater than what men experience, and that this increase in

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Speaker 1: stress is the worst in the US. I actually really

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Speaker 1: enjoyed one of the interview subjects, um. Male interview subject.

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Speaker 1: When asked about this, he said, I thought people feel

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Speaker 1: stressed in the holidays. I thought they were like relaxing.

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Speaker 1: I don't, I've never heard of it. I wanted to

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Speaker 1: hug him and be like, oh, you wonderful, someone's really

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Speaker 1: been making this happen. But being very happy and blessed

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Speaker 1: hashtag blest hashtag blust um from a two thousand six

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Speaker 1: survey conducted by Greenberg, Quinnian Rosner quote, Holiday stress has

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Speaker 1: a particular impact on women, who take charge of many

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Speaker 1: of the holiday celebrations, particularly the tash related to preparing

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Speaker 1: meals and decorating the home. Women are more likely than

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Speaker 1: men to report an increase of stress during the holiday season.

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Speaker 1: In addition, they have a harder time relaxing during the

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Speaker 1: holidays and are more likely to fall into bad habits

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Speaker 1: to manage their stress, like comfort eating. Women are much

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Speaker 1: more likely to shoulder the work burden during family celebrations.

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Speaker 1: During Thanksgiving, women are nearly twice as likely to report

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Speaker 1: that they will cook sixty six percent of women versus

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Speaker 1: thirty percent of men, shot for food of women versus

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Speaker 1: thirty two percent of men, and clean dirty dishes seventy

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Speaker 1: percent of women versus forty one percent of men. Men,

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Speaker 1: on the other hand, are nearly twice as likely as

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Speaker 1: women to report that they will watch football ties percent

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Speaker 1: of women versus forty percent of men. So that's the

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Speaker 1: end of the quote. That was a whole big quote um.

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Speaker 1: Only a quarter of women feel that they can roll.

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Speaker 1: Lax during the holidays was another thing. It found um

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Speaker 1: and the main reasons women gave for their stress were money,

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Speaker 1: pressure of buying and wrapping gifts, and lack of time.

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Speaker 1: Another study found women are twice as likely yeah to

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Speaker 1: be behind the holiday feast. Oh yeah, my mom is

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Speaker 1: definitely a prime example. Yeah, of all of these things.

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Speaker 1: My mom gets very, very very stressed out. And then

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Speaker 1: my dad gets stressed out watching her, and so he

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Speaker 1: gets angry and will like be a little snyled with her,

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Speaker 1: and then she will get more angry and more anxious

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Speaker 1: because of that, and eventually called him a dess, which

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Speaker 1: is a holiday tradition. And I'm really excited. I hope.

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Speaker 1: I'm sure my niece may actually hear this. Please don't

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Speaker 1: report this to my mother, but it's become a kind

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Speaker 1: of a holiday tradition where she finally just breaks and

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Speaker 1: become very country and call him as um and then

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Speaker 1: she uh. But she has this whole expectation that it

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Speaker 1: must be perfect and these are the things that she

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Speaker 1: has to do. She doesn't want to ask anybody for help.

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Speaker 1: It's probably got to the point that my sister and

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Speaker 1: sister in laws are able to take a little bit

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Speaker 1: of the responsibility, and she'll allow it. But she also

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Speaker 1: decorates in themes. So she decorates in all of the homes.

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Speaker 1: And it is like Christmas threw up everywhere everywhere, Yes,

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Speaker 1: because one side maybe like country quaint Christmas and the

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Speaker 1: others and it's like fancy French Christmas. Like it's just absurd.

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Speaker 1: And I walk in. There's wreaths at the beginning, there's

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Speaker 1: probably lights already on the outside. You go in and

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Speaker 1: there is the fake snow, cotton snow everywhere, a little

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Speaker 1: bit of glitter and all these figuring stockings everywhere. It

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Speaker 1: is a thing and and and I feel, yes, I've

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Speaker 1: been very luckily lucky and privileged to be able to

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Speaker 1: celebrate it that way. But to me, I'm like, that's

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Speaker 1: not worth it. Yeah, and I'll say that's a lot

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Speaker 1: more than what I am doing. I know my mother

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Speaker 1: enjoys the stuff I think well to an extent, to

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Speaker 1: an extent, and that that is something to say, is

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Speaker 1: that some women really enjoyed in it. Um And it

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Speaker 1: makes me stressed out because I'm not creative and I'm

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Speaker 1: not very what's the word cutesie and homie, So I

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Speaker 1: have no knowledge of doing that. I have always get

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Speaker 1: the sag Charlie Brown tree because I think it's fantastic,

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Speaker 1: and a few little, um ridiculous trinkets on there, and

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Speaker 1: I think I bought some shiny balls, yes um, to

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Speaker 1: put on their red silver and gold, because I don't

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Speaker 1: like the typical um you know, you know. And then

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Speaker 1: that's it. And then my friend bought me two little

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Speaker 1: baby stockings for myself and my dog. That's cute, right,

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Speaker 1: I don't buy that for myself. My UM. I put

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Speaker 1: up a tiny sad Charlie Brown tree and my little

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Speaker 1: apartment that you've seen, um, and all of my ornaments

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Speaker 1: are Harry Potter doctor who like Captain America. So it's

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Speaker 1: a very personalized tree, which I like. UM. Kind of

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Speaker 1: going back to what you were saying about your dad

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Speaker 1: getting stress watching your mom, My dad used to it's

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Speaker 1: almost like he wanted to be involved, especially with shopping,

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Speaker 1: and then he would get so impatient and annoyed with

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Speaker 1: the shopping that we would have to leave early and

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Speaker 1: we didn't even get done what we had to get done. Right,

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Speaker 1: So we're gonna come back and talk to the talk

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Speaker 1: more about that in a little bit um. But okay,

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Speaker 1: no surprise that this added stress we're talking about is

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Speaker 1: not good for our health. Research shows that it can

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Speaker 1: lead to anxiety and depression, specifically research into holiday stress. Um.

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Speaker 1: There's a pressure to always do more. I should be

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Speaker 1: doing this or that, especially when children are evolved. UM.

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Speaker 1: Feeling like a failure, like you're not meeting these standards

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Speaker 1: that you're you're putting on yourself or that you feel

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Speaker 1: like society is placing on you. Um is not a

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Speaker 1: good mental state, not at all. No, Alright, So what

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Speaker 1: are we talking about? What's going on here? Several things? Actually,

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Speaker 1: so a quick recap for me as well, because I

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Speaker 1: wasn't here to do the emotional labor episode. But emotional

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Speaker 1: labor means, essentially is unpaid, usually unnoticed emotional labor we

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Speaker 1: do for those around us to keep them comfortable and happy,

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Speaker 1: and women do the bulk of it, or they do

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Speaker 1: in our pop culture definition. The term emotional labor was

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Speaker 1: originally coined in nineteen seventy nine by Arlie Russell hush

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Speaker 1: Child and apply to what the labor workers in the

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Speaker 1: service industry due to ensure a customer's happiness by putting

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Speaker 1: on a happy face basically. So she argues that we

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Speaker 1: overuse it these days and that way severely modeled the

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Speaker 1: original definition. But she does agree that there is something

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Speaker 1: happening and we don't quite have the language to express.

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Speaker 1: When we talk about women and emotional labor. In her mind,

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Speaker 1: were conflating perfectionism and simple labor, sometimes mental with emotional labor.

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Speaker 1: Emotional labor does very culturally some things American's point to

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Speaker 1: as emotional labor. Other cultures would view differently, And we

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Speaker 1: would love to hear any of the differences from our listeners.

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Speaker 1: So if y'all know or can say any of the differences,

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Speaker 1: please let us know. Yes, please, So during the holidays,

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Speaker 1: this work, emotional, mental, or just labor, whatever you want

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Speaker 1: to call it, increases exponentially. The planning part is really key.

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Speaker 1: That that background mental energy that you're expending on an

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Speaker 1: enormous scope of people, gifts, food, decorations, all of those things.

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Speaker 1: The expectation is for the holidays to be perfect and magical. Um.

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Speaker 1: If they aren't, which of course they won't be perfect, um,

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Speaker 1: it feels like failing, and that is a lot of pressure.

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Speaker 1: Making the holidays happen is work, and largely it is

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Speaker 1: and has been women's work. It's worked. Yes, some women

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Speaker 1: really love um, but others not so much. Are Maybe

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Speaker 1: it's just overwhelming and exhausting. Maybe like me, it's something

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Speaker 1: I do enjoy, but it's a lot. Yeah, and I

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Speaker 1: don't enjoy, so I try to avoid it at all costs. Yes, well,

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Speaker 1: it seems like you've been fairly successful. You're not failing,

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Speaker 1: you're succeeding and succeeding and not caring. There you go. Historically,

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Speaker 1: women have been responsible for making the holidays happen, going

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Speaker 1: back to the eighteenth century and probably even earlier before

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Speaker 1: women entered the workforce, is a part it was a

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Speaker 1: part of their duties as a housewife. This duty has

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Speaker 1: been solidified through various time periods and by various and atitutions,

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Speaker 1: cultural movements, and societal constructs like the cult of domesticity,

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Speaker 1: the cultivated image of the perfect housewife and mother, and

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Speaker 1: even religion. Kirk Cameron recently posted a video directed at

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Speaker 1: women in which she said, let your children, your family

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Speaker 1: see your joy in the way that you decorate your

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Speaker 1: home this Christmas, and the food that you cook, the

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Speaker 1: songs you sing, the stories you tell, and the traditions

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Speaker 1: you keep in several Christian circles. This is still viewed

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Speaker 1: all of those things still viewed as a women's duty

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Speaker 1: to make Christmas run smoothly for her family. Oh that

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Speaker 1: quote made me nauseous. It's not good. It's really good.

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Speaker 1: Then love it and you do you. But yeah, don't

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Speaker 1: face your status and whether or not you're doing well

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Speaker 1: as a parent or a wife on that bs. Yeah. Um,

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Speaker 1: and even as women have gotten jobs, the expectation that

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Speaker 1: will take charge of the holidays hasn't changed. Oh and also,

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Speaker 1: just to be clear, being a housewife is a job.

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Speaker 1: It's a hard job. It is very hard. It's just

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Speaker 1: an unpaid and unvalued wine. Um. And yeah, why is

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Speaker 1: it that women's work isn't seen as real work. It's

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Speaker 1: just something we're expected to do without pay, without recognition,

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Speaker 1: and perhaps it might even cost us to do it.

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Speaker 1: M hmm. Interesting. Christmas is expensive? It is so expensive?

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Speaker 1: Are expensive? Yes, we're going to get more into that.

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Speaker 1: As we've discussed on the show, women are still doing

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Speaker 1: more of the housework when compared to men in heterosexual

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Speaker 1: relationships or situations. They also are doing more of the

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Speaker 1: household budgeting, which is a major headache during the holidays obviously,

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Speaker 1: and also obvious, being responsible for gift and thoughtful ones

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Speaker 1: can put a dent in a woman's finances, a huge

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Speaker 1: dead Going back to those top reasons for holiday stress,

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Speaker 1: two of them, gift giving and money are all wrapped

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Speaker 1: up into this, and this further penalizes lower and middle

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Speaker 1: class women who might be word seem more than one

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Speaker 1: job and and able to afford childcare or other help

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Speaker 1: that could alleviate some holiday stress. So women spend considerably

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Speaker 1: more time and money when it comes to goes, more

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Speaker 1: out of buying for a wider network of people than

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Speaker 1: a one on one comparison. Yeah, so to kind of

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Speaker 1: explain that a bit more, we did want to focus

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Speaker 1: on gift giving for a second because that is such

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Speaker 1: a huge part of holiday stress. Wait wait wait wait

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Speaker 1: wait wait wait wait way back. Host pass host Kristen

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Speaker 1: and Molly did an episode on whether men or women

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Speaker 1: were are better at gift giving, So you can find

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Speaker 1: that an archive if you want. But right now, brief overview,

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Speaker 1: there is actually a decent amount of research around gender

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Speaker 1: differences and gift giving um and that research has found

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Speaker 1: that in general, gift giving is important to our social

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Speaker 1: relationships around the world. Bad gifts can negatively impact relationships,

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Speaker 1: and men are far more judgmental and bad gifts, while

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Speaker 1: women are more likely to downplay disappointment to protect the

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Speaker 1: relateationship and the other person's feelings. And women by gifts

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Speaker 1: for a wider group of friends UM, so they spend

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Speaker 1: more money on gifts and they are generally better at

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Speaker 1: selecting gifts. This sort of goes back to what we

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Speaker 1: discussed in our original Emotional Labor episode that women are

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Speaker 1: more willing to put in the work and invest in

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Speaker 1: friend groups UM other than men. That that goes back

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Speaker 1: to I know we brought it up recently in our

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Speaker 1: heartbreak episode, but how female whitterwers generally have more positive

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Speaker 1: health outcomes than male wittowers and they think it has

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Speaker 1: to do with this wider support group UM. The research

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Speaker 1: suggests that it has to do with this better gift

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Speaker 1: giving has to do with interpersonal interest, which is having

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Speaker 1: an interest in other people, and interpersonal reactivity, which is

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Speaker 1: the ability to take on another person's perspective. It could

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Speaker 1: also have to do with reputation um or to create

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Speaker 1: a sense of superiority or indebtedness, or to show off

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Speaker 1: and or this expect asia that we put on women

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Speaker 1: that we keep talking about that you have to be

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Speaker 1: good at these things. Yeah. Um. The research has also

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Speaker 1: found women are both more likely to give and to receive,

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Speaker 1: and that men with more egalitarian views and gay men

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Speaker 1: were more likely to be more involved in gift giving.

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Speaker 1: One study found that male to male gifts only accounted

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Speaker 1: for four percent of gift giving. It also found about

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Speaker 1: a lot of male gift giving. Um. In a lot

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Speaker 1: of male gift giving, the gift is actually picked out

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Speaker 1: and sometimes purchased and rapt by the woman. In the

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Speaker 1: context of heterosexual relationships, make smart hurt. If that's how

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Speaker 1: you like it to be, great, Well, no presents, bro,

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Speaker 1: My mom definitely did this, and you know that the

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Speaker 1: letter always says, like in her handwriting to Susan from Michael, like,

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Speaker 1: I do have a tradition where my father sends me

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Speaker 1: Valentine's Day candy and has for years, and he's so

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Speaker 1: proud of the fact that he has picked out the

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Speaker 1: candy for me specific whatever, hand picked and make sure

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Speaker 1: to tell me I picked this out for you, so

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Speaker 1: I know that it wasn't my mother, right right, right, right. Um.

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Speaker 1: Yet another study into gift giving found women view gift

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Speaker 1: giving as a responsibility and obligation to be checked off

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Speaker 1: of a list that they sometimes enjoy and sometimes don't,

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Speaker 1: whereas men see it as a chance to get something

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Speaker 1: for someone else that brings them as in the men pleasure.

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Speaker 1: A lot of these studies were conducted in Western societies,

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Speaker 1: though so again would love to hear from listeners from elsewhere.

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Speaker 1: From a study called The Perfect Present, Gift Giving and

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Speaker 1: gender norms among gifters, women ruled they not only spend

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Speaker 1: more time on gifts and give gifts to more people,

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Speaker 1: but they also invest more of their ideas of themselves

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Speaker 1: and the relationships in the process. This is part of

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Speaker 1: what makes women the single largest consumer group worldwide. If

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Speaker 1: we align these fightings with poverty statistics, we can extrapolate

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Speaker 1: that gender expectations and social pressures around gifting stress women

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Speaker 1: both economic and psychically. Poverty rates are higher among women,

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Speaker 1: and more than half of all children living in poverty

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Speaker 1: are cared for primarily by their mothers. The average person

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Speaker 1: celebrating Christmas, Kwanza and Orhankah will spend eight hundred and

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Speaker 1: four dollars and forty two cents up nearly five percent

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Speaker 1: over last year's actual seven sixty seven dollars and twenty

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Speaker 1: seven cents according to Prosper Insights and Analytic study. We

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Speaker 1: could also bring into the conversation ginger toys and the

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Speaker 1: impact that it has on reinforcing ginger contracts. And you

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Speaker 1: can listen to our Action Figure episodes for more on that. Yes,

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Speaker 1: and then there's the whole thing of giving women sexy

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Speaker 1: lingree which they might totally be into, but in straight relationships,

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Speaker 1: unless a woman specifically asked for it. To me, it

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Speaker 1: feels like it might be more of a gift or

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Speaker 1: the dude are like also a vacuum or something, and

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Speaker 1: less again the person specifically asked for it enthusiastically. I

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Speaker 1: really want this, right, Yeah, I really want to air

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Speaker 1: fire oven. Oh she said it here, noted Um. And

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Speaker 1: there's a great example of this whole thing in The

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Speaker 1: Simpsons when Homer buys Marge a bowling ball that has

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Speaker 1: his name engraved in it and it's cut to fit

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Speaker 1: his fingers perfect. Yes. Um. In all fairness, I'll be fair,

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Speaker 1: I was guilty of try and convince my little brother

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Speaker 1: he really wanted whatever video game I really wanted when

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Speaker 1: we were children and he usually did. We had similar taste,

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Speaker 1: but I'd be lying if I said I was being

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Speaker 1: al true. Started one in that game, I usually so

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Speaker 1: long and I'm like, well, I gotta put some things

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Speaker 1: on his right, Like I love you so much, so

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Speaker 1: you would love this gift. You would really dig it,

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Speaker 1: um anecdotally continued Anecdotally, my dad never wrapped gifts, and

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Speaker 1: the stuff he gave me was usually a random assortment

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Speaker 1: of items, like a football a few years ago. Uh, yeah,

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Speaker 1: I know that sometimes I liked a lot of times

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Speaker 1: I didn't. I do the b my bee. That was

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Speaker 1: one of the random gifts that I think he just

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Speaker 1: didn't think I'd like, but I really did. My mom,

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Speaker 1: on the other hand, gets me stuff based on something

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Speaker 1: I said in a random conversation months ago. I know.

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Speaker 1: A lot of the days have also shown that, um,

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Speaker 1: women shot for Christmas all year round. Men started like

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Speaker 1: the week of Christmas, And that was definitely my mother.

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Speaker 1: She she shops all year round. She sees a good cell,

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Speaker 1: she will get it. Yeah, that is what I've discovered

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Speaker 1: for me. She actually buys based on past likes. So

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Speaker 1: I may no longer like it, but it has a

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Speaker 1: tradition to it still end up getting it. It's kind

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Speaker 1: of like those wooden angels I said one time I

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Speaker 1: liked one. Yeah, I don't know what to do with them.

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Speaker 1: I haven't did the same thing. I actually don't even

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Speaker 1: remember saying I like teacups and I can't drink tea,

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Speaker 1: but she can't see a teacup every year, so it's thoughtful.

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Speaker 1: It is thoughtful, and they're pretty. I kind of use

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Speaker 1: them as a decoration. Um. I remember once my ex boyfriend,

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Speaker 1: I can't remember why, but he was showing me a

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Speaker 1: screenshot of his laptop and it was around Christmas time,

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Speaker 1: and one of the tabs was how to wrap a gift,

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Speaker 1: and that made me laugh. I'm awful at wrapping gifts.

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Speaker 1: And my mother is Queen. She is the Martha Stewart

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Speaker 1: of wrapping is always a piece of art. I really

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Speaker 1: wish I could show you. I will. I'll take this,

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00:20:19,840 --> 00:20:22,000
Speaker 1: but all of us feel guilty in trying to open

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Speaker 1: these presents because it's so elaborately beautiful. Yeah, and I'm like, Okay,

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Speaker 1: I'm just gonna put some brown tape on it. Maybe

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Speaker 1: I'll put the newspaper here and my name onto the bag. Awesome.

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Speaker 1: I almost say, gift bags one my favorite thing. Yeah,

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00:20:35,040 --> 00:20:37,760
Speaker 1: like gift bags and tissue paper, I do. Um. I

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Speaker 1: wrapped my mom's gift because she wraps mine and I

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Speaker 1: used to be really good at wrapping. And something's gone

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Speaker 1: terribly wrong. I don't know. I lost it somewhere. I

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Speaker 1: lost my mojo. Um. One year. I got pretty much

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Speaker 1: everyone in my life a gift a couple of years ago,

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Speaker 1: and that was a very expensive endeavor. Um. But I

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Speaker 1: have this note on my phone that I opened when

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Speaker 1: anyone mentions something that I think would be a good

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Speaker 1: gift for them. So it kind of just I'm more

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Speaker 1: of someone I would rather get a gift that I

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Speaker 1: know you'll really love than just buy you something because

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Speaker 1: it's Christmas time. Um, and I've got to get you something.

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Speaker 1: Thus far, you've done really well with my gifts. Yes,

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Speaker 1: I just take you off for drinks. Oh, I love that.

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Speaker 1: I'd rather have that almost always. UM. And I do

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Speaker 1: want to say here, I have plenty, plenty, plenty of

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Speaker 1: female friends who are terrible at gifts. Apologies, you know

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Speaker 1: who you are. UM to me again, I love drinks,

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Speaker 1: that's number one. UM. And I have a few male

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Speaker 1: friends who are really great at them. Um. So these

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Speaker 1: are these are generalities were supported by research, but there's

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Speaker 1: still kind of there are obviously exceptions. Um. And it's

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Speaker 1: really the societal expectation and pressure that's the heart of

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Speaker 1: the issue here. If that's something that you love to do,

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Speaker 1: it's great. I used to be really good at it

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Speaker 1: and very thoughtful. I just got really tired. It's exhausting.

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Speaker 1: It's probably the main point of this episode. Could really

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Speaker 1: just be exhausting. That's getting older. It's harder and harder

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Speaker 1: to get you something that you may not already have

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Speaker 1: bought yourself, or that you you know you don't necessarily need.

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Speaker 1: It's kind of our because it's I'm like, oh, I

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00:22:05,440 --> 00:22:07,359
Speaker 1: have everything? What is what do you give someone who

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Speaker 1: has everything? Conversation? In our society, we assume that it's

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Speaker 1: in women's nature to be more thoughtful and more able

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Speaker 1: to manage the emotions of others. It comes with the

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Speaker 1: territory of being emotional, which we all know isn't true.

401
00:22:20,520 --> 00:22:22,800
Speaker 1: These things don't just come naturally or easily for all

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Speaker 1: of us. Also, these emotions of ours only seem to

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Speaker 1: be good when they're boosting men in some way. And

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00:22:28,600 --> 00:22:31,600
Speaker 1: other studies have found because women are painted as more

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Speaker 1: caring and giving, they feel the need to perceive themselves

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Speaker 1: that way. So nevertheless, then the expectation contributors to an

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00:22:38,440 --> 00:22:41,080
Speaker 1: environment that rewards been for doing what women are simply

408
00:22:41,160 --> 00:22:44,080
Speaker 1: expected to do and punished for not doing it. And

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Speaker 1: studies have found that women do a brunt of the

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Speaker 1: work of kinship that is, an interpersonal network of family

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Speaker 1: and friends, whether they are hers or not, basically the

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Speaker 1: work of maintaining social ties, which absolutely is work in

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Speaker 1: the heterosexual context. If a wife or mom dies, the

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Speaker 1: work is left undone and it was spoken about and

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Speaker 1: the emotional labor episode. And one study posits that because

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Speaker 1: the holidays are primarily about children and traditionally children have

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Speaker 1: been women's responsibilities by proxy, the holidays um and making

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00:23:18,160 --> 00:23:25,760
Speaker 1: the magical has always become or is women's responsibilities. Yeah. Um.

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Speaker 1: I found a really interesting study about the work behind

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Speaker 1: what we culturally conceive as love that really made me

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Speaker 1: think about the gender differences and how we expect people

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Speaker 1: to express love for women. I would argue that this

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Speaker 1: planning of the holidays has gotten twisted up with how

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Speaker 1: we demonstrate our love and at the same time our

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Speaker 1: value like look at how much I'm contributing. UM. And

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Speaker 1: I'm not saying it's wrong if that's how someone truly

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Speaker 1: wants to show their love, but the obligation to do

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Speaker 1: so or else be judged as not loving or caring,

429
00:23:56,720 --> 00:24:02,200
Speaker 1: that's that's a problem um for me. Uh My brothers,

430
00:24:02,480 --> 00:24:05,120
Speaker 1: I'll say, they will help if I ask with all

431
00:24:05,119 --> 00:24:08,440
Speaker 1: of these things, the decorations in particular, but then it's

432
00:24:08,480 --> 00:24:13,560
Speaker 1: my responsibility to delegate to show them how to do everything. Um,

433
00:24:13,600 --> 00:24:18,080
Speaker 1: and them growing increasingly, we're annoyed. Uh. And all the while,

434
00:24:18,119 --> 00:24:20,080
Speaker 1: the expectation is that I am the one that will

435
00:24:20,119 --> 00:24:22,520
Speaker 1: do it, and that helping me is something that they do.

436
00:24:22,600 --> 00:24:24,800
Speaker 1: I have the kindness of their hearts, um, and it

437
00:24:24,800 --> 00:24:29,040
Speaker 1: should be complimented, right whereas I'm just gonna I guess

438
00:24:29,040 --> 00:24:34,720
Speaker 1: spent my day doing this anyway. UM. And now we've

439
00:24:34,800 --> 00:24:37,879
Speaker 1: got to talk about the kids, all the children, the children.

440
00:24:38,040 --> 00:24:39,560
Speaker 1: But first we've got to take a quick break for

441
00:24:39,560 --> 00:24:56,800
Speaker 1: a word from our sponsor. And we're back. Thank you sponsor. Okay,

442
00:24:56,880 --> 00:25:01,200
Speaker 1: So I'm a single lady, are you Yeah? And I've

443
00:25:01,240 --> 00:25:05,080
Speaker 1: got enough stress, Thank you very much. UM. And Samantha

444
00:25:05,080 --> 00:25:08,199
Speaker 1: and I have talked about the single lady. Stress of

445
00:25:08,240 --> 00:25:11,040
Speaker 1: being asked by all your family members why you're single

446
00:25:11,119 --> 00:25:15,639
Speaker 1: around the holidays. But I have plenty of female friends

447
00:25:15,640 --> 00:25:19,040
Speaker 1: who have children, and they have things on their plate

448
00:25:19,119 --> 00:25:21,640
Speaker 1: that I don't when it comes to the holidays. A lot,

449
00:25:21,720 --> 00:25:25,240
Speaker 1: a lot of very stressful things. So many things. Yes,

450
00:25:25,800 --> 00:25:29,840
Speaker 1: taking pictures for holiday cards also expensive, um and sending

451
00:25:29,880 --> 00:25:33,160
Speaker 1: those out, booking the photographer, finding outfits, choosing the best

452
00:25:33,160 --> 00:25:36,439
Speaker 1: photo of handwriting messages and addresses, taking the kids to

453
00:25:36,440 --> 00:25:39,720
Speaker 1: see Santa, baking cookies for a holiday function at school,

454
00:25:39,800 --> 00:25:43,359
Speaker 1: tipping the post worker, Contacting everyone and wishing them happy

455
00:25:43,400 --> 00:25:46,080
Speaker 1: holidays on both sides of the family if a significant

456
00:25:46,080 --> 00:25:47,919
Speaker 1: other is involved. This is one of my biggest pet peeves.

457
00:25:47,920 --> 00:25:50,199
Speaker 1: I do not like that. Again, if you like it,

458
00:25:50,480 --> 00:25:52,359
Speaker 1: good for you. But why am I suddenly having to

459
00:25:52,400 --> 00:25:56,679
Speaker 1: contact your mom and tell her happy holidays? Anyway? So

460
00:25:56,760 --> 00:26:01,600
Speaker 1: that's my problem. Um, Getting gifts for kids, hiding those gifts,

461
00:26:01,880 --> 00:26:05,960
Speaker 1: making Christmas magical. That might involve you know, one year,

462
00:26:06,280 --> 00:26:08,720
Speaker 1: my my parents did a whole They got on the

463
00:26:08,800 --> 00:26:11,400
Speaker 1: roof and there was a whole thing, and I mean

464
00:26:11,400 --> 00:26:14,320
Speaker 1: it really did it made it magical, But oh my gosh,

465
00:26:14,320 --> 00:26:17,000
Speaker 1: it must have been so much work a new one,

466
00:26:17,160 --> 00:26:21,160
Speaker 1: moving the elf on the shelf constantly, constantly, constantly and

467
00:26:21,840 --> 00:26:25,680
Speaker 1: smiling through all of that. Um, that is a lot

468
00:26:25,720 --> 00:26:30,560
Speaker 1: of work and again exhausting. Sure. One of the biggest

469
00:26:30,600 --> 00:26:34,240
Speaker 1: things when um, we're you're looking at arguments around emotional

470
00:26:34,320 --> 00:26:37,120
Speaker 1: labor what we have sort of pop culturally been calling

471
00:26:37,160 --> 00:26:41,199
Speaker 1: emotional labor. Just don't do those things then, um, And

472
00:26:41,240 --> 00:26:44,080
Speaker 1: if you don't, you could not do them, but it

473
00:26:44,080 --> 00:26:46,880
Speaker 1: would come at the cost of disappointment of loved ones,

474
00:26:47,040 --> 00:26:50,680
Speaker 1: maybe voice disappointment, right, as well as probably judgment from

475
00:26:50,680 --> 00:26:55,080
Speaker 1: some judgment. And in the case of a kid, it's

476
00:26:55,080 --> 00:27:02,879
Speaker 1: sad hi sad. It's expected that women will consider the

477
00:27:02,880 --> 00:27:06,560
Speaker 1: feelings of others, so not doing so is seen as

478
00:27:06,720 --> 00:27:10,840
Speaker 1: a failure. And with kids involved, this expectation, reinforced by

479
00:27:10,840 --> 00:27:14,879
Speaker 1: an enormous library of holiday movies and women's magazines, is

480
00:27:14,960 --> 00:27:18,359
Speaker 1: all the higher, right. And obviously Cameron's a little comment

481
00:27:18,880 --> 00:27:21,680
Speaker 1: right that was recently made, and I think it's it's

482
00:27:21,840 --> 00:27:25,360
Speaker 1: fair to say. I know my friend groups, the men

483
00:27:25,720 --> 00:27:30,320
Speaker 1: or the partners and spouses have have absolutely for them

484
00:27:30,320 --> 00:27:32,520
Speaker 1: and they will do a lot of it as well. Now,

485
00:27:33,440 --> 00:27:35,760
Speaker 1: but as we see, still not the cultural norm and

486
00:27:35,800 --> 00:27:40,240
Speaker 1: it should be right absolutely um. In my family. I

487
00:27:40,560 --> 00:27:42,480
Speaker 1: was just thinking of little things my mom did that

488
00:27:42,480 --> 00:27:45,600
Speaker 1: made it magical that I probably didn't appreciate how much

489
00:27:45,640 --> 00:27:47,600
Speaker 1: work and planning went into them. One of my favorites

490
00:27:47,800 --> 00:27:51,520
Speaker 1: was we make gingerbread cookies every year, which requires at

491
00:27:51,600 --> 00:27:55,920
Speaker 1: least one day to let the dough chill in the fridge. Um,

492
00:27:55,960 --> 00:27:58,240
Speaker 1: and a lot of cleaning afterwards, a very messy cookie

493
00:27:58,240 --> 00:28:01,960
Speaker 1: to make. UM also used to make the gingerbread man

494
00:28:02,040 --> 00:28:05,560
Speaker 1: or woman. One of them would run away and would

495
00:28:05,720 --> 00:28:08,800
Speaker 1: leave clues around the house as to its whereabouts. She

496
00:28:08,960 --> 00:28:11,320
Speaker 1: did this for the first time when I was fourteen,

497
00:28:12,440 --> 00:28:16,920
Speaker 1: and I loved it, Like I immediately fell in love

498
00:28:16,960 --> 00:28:21,240
Speaker 1: with the whole thing. Um, that's really elaborate. Yeah, it

499
00:28:21,359 --> 00:28:24,040
Speaker 1: was so fun. She knows I'm really competitive. Like I've

500
00:28:24,080 --> 00:28:28,000
Speaker 1: said in previous episode, she still hides eastern exploring. UM.

501
00:28:28,119 --> 00:28:29,920
Speaker 1: But because I loved it so much, it became a

502
00:28:29,960 --> 00:28:32,680
Speaker 1: thing she did every year, and she confided me once

503
00:28:32,720 --> 00:28:36,600
Speaker 1: I became older that she found it really stressful because eventually,

504
00:28:36,600 --> 00:28:38,680
Speaker 1: like you run out of clue ideas, that's like where

505
00:28:38,680 --> 00:28:42,720
Speaker 1: else is it gonna go? Um? So things like that,

506
00:28:42,760 --> 00:28:47,680
Speaker 1: they really do involve a lot more than perhaps we recognize. Um.

507
00:28:47,800 --> 00:28:50,720
Speaker 1: She also used to get out her fanciest dishes, but

508
00:28:50,800 --> 00:28:53,240
Speaker 1: over the years, to make the holidays less stressful, we

509
00:28:53,240 --> 00:28:58,080
Speaker 1: don't do it anymore. My family has changed holiday mills

510
00:28:58,120 --> 00:29:02,480
Speaker 1: a lot, and it's become rather than the full feast,

511
00:29:02,920 --> 00:29:06,280
Speaker 1: sometimes it's become sandwiches because my mom was like, I'm

512
00:29:06,280 --> 00:29:09,800
Speaker 1: not doing it this year. That's fair, mom, that's fair. Uh.

513
00:29:09,840 --> 00:29:13,360
Speaker 1: Sometimes she will do lasagna, so like an Italian throwback.

514
00:29:14,040 --> 00:29:18,200
Speaker 1: Nobody in my family said a time, um, and so

515
00:29:18,280 --> 00:29:20,560
Speaker 1: she would do things like that as well as like Thanksgiving.

516
00:29:21,000 --> 00:29:23,800
Speaker 1: If we had a giant feast during Thanksgiving, Christmas is

517
00:29:23,840 --> 00:29:25,880
Speaker 1: going to be the lesser, that's what would be like.

518
00:29:26,040 --> 00:29:27,960
Speaker 1: It's just kind of because she's like, I do all

519
00:29:28,000 --> 00:29:30,080
Speaker 1: of this, and she put so much on her plate.

520
00:29:30,440 --> 00:29:32,800
Speaker 1: We all end up with thinking, Okay, that's fine, that's fine.

521
00:29:33,080 --> 00:29:36,360
Speaker 1: Just gonnat sandwiches. I love sandwiches. But that's still elaborate.

522
00:29:36,360 --> 00:29:38,840
Speaker 1: Sandwich is my mom has four types of bread that's

523
00:29:38,880 --> 00:29:42,200
Speaker 1: on the table, as well as five meats or options,

524
00:29:42,240 --> 00:29:44,200
Speaker 1: as well as a lot of sides, so it's still elaborate.

525
00:29:44,240 --> 00:29:48,200
Speaker 1: But yeah, she's As we've gotten older, she would slow down.

526
00:29:48,320 --> 00:29:51,160
Speaker 1: But now that the child grandchildren are older, she's kind

527
00:29:51,160 --> 00:29:54,640
Speaker 1: of come back to that mentality a little bit, trying

528
00:29:54,640 --> 00:29:58,080
Speaker 1: to celebrate for the younger kids, but great grandkids, Yeah,

529
00:29:58,080 --> 00:30:00,560
Speaker 1: we were better year. So it's kind of like back

530
00:30:00,600 --> 00:30:03,560
Speaker 1: to Okay, we're celebrating a little less because they don't

531
00:30:03,560 --> 00:30:05,880
Speaker 1: know what exactly what's going on. And all of her

532
00:30:05,960 --> 00:30:09,360
Speaker 1: grandkids are teenagers so they don't care as much and

533
00:30:09,360 --> 00:30:13,160
Speaker 1: we're all adults. So but it's the whole thing it is. Um,

534
00:30:13,640 --> 00:30:16,960
Speaker 1: that's something that i've uh and I don't want to

535
00:30:16,960 --> 00:30:20,600
Speaker 1: make it sound like so I cook the meal, but

536
00:30:20,760 --> 00:30:24,200
Speaker 1: my mom is there the whole time, and she's she helps,

537
00:30:24,240 --> 00:30:27,560
Speaker 1: and UM, I have made it into a thing that

538
00:30:27,640 --> 00:30:31,120
Speaker 1: I enjoy. It's just the stress and the obligation mostly

539
00:30:31,160 --> 00:30:34,400
Speaker 1: of the the planning and making sure everything comes out

540
00:30:34,400 --> 00:30:40,880
Speaker 1: at the right time. UM. And we have slowly and

541
00:30:40,920 --> 00:30:43,200
Speaker 1: it's mostly me to the annoyance of everyone else. But

542
00:30:43,280 --> 00:30:45,640
Speaker 1: since I'm cooking it, I'm like, we're not cooking that

543
00:30:45,680 --> 00:30:47,680
Speaker 1: anymore because I don't really like it. And if you

544
00:30:47,800 --> 00:30:50,160
Speaker 1: want it, you can cook it. Um. So our menu

545
00:30:50,200 --> 00:30:54,320
Speaker 1: has also gotten a little bit more condensed. Um, you've

546
00:30:54,360 --> 00:30:56,920
Speaker 1: taken a lot more responsibility. I guess you're the only

547
00:30:56,920 --> 00:30:59,600
Speaker 1: female in your family, as I'm the youngest and I'm

548
00:30:59,720 --> 00:31:03,120
Speaker 1: not the only female. Yeah, kind of going to my

549
00:31:03,160 --> 00:31:04,800
Speaker 1: sister and my sister in laws and I just kind

550
00:31:04,800 --> 00:31:07,240
Speaker 1: of show up. I'm still treated look at the teenager,

551
00:31:07,280 --> 00:31:09,800
Speaker 1: which is cool. I'm gonna I'm listen to the kids

552
00:31:09,840 --> 00:31:13,000
Speaker 1: table not doing things great. I actually was thinking about

553
00:31:13,040 --> 00:31:15,479
Speaker 1: that the other day, and and I was trying to

554
00:31:15,760 --> 00:31:21,320
Speaker 1: reason out why, in my personal experience, the women do

555
00:31:21,440 --> 00:31:24,320
Speaker 1: make the holidays happen. And one of them is the

556
00:31:24,360 --> 00:31:27,400
Speaker 1: whole reason I started cooking is Um. I had it

557
00:31:27,440 --> 00:31:29,440
Speaker 1: in my head. I was I was in high school,

558
00:31:29,560 --> 00:31:32,320
Speaker 1: and I thought, you know, when I get married, I

559
00:31:32,360 --> 00:31:33,880
Speaker 1: won't know how to cook anything. So I asked my

560
00:31:33,880 --> 00:31:35,560
Speaker 1: mom one year, I want to learn how to cook

561
00:31:35,680 --> 00:31:37,280
Speaker 1: all of the things that you cook so I can

562
00:31:37,320 --> 00:31:39,720
Speaker 1: make it for what I thought. I was going to

563
00:31:39,840 --> 00:31:42,320
Speaker 1: have my own family, and I want to be able

564
00:31:42,360 --> 00:31:44,920
Speaker 1: to do it. And just that tradition of passing on

565
00:31:45,440 --> 00:31:49,440
Speaker 1: recipes and traditions, um. And then then from there it

566
00:31:49,520 --> 00:31:51,400
Speaker 1: just became the next year was a practice here, and

567
00:31:51,440 --> 00:31:57,240
Speaker 1: now every years. That's okay. I was mostly my fault,

568
00:31:57,240 --> 00:32:01,360
Speaker 1: that's okay. UM. Also, my mom has a policy of

569
00:32:01,360 --> 00:32:03,960
Speaker 1: silly hats so we won't fight with each other. That

570
00:32:04,040 --> 00:32:05,960
Speaker 1: is surprisingly effective and I think I should write a

571
00:32:05,960 --> 00:32:08,440
Speaker 1: blog post about it. If you know how to deal

572
00:32:08,440 --> 00:32:11,760
Speaker 1: with Alliday is sillyettes. Um. But that's another example of

573
00:32:11,800 --> 00:32:15,160
Speaker 1: managing the emotions of others. And it does feel like

574
00:32:15,240 --> 00:32:18,200
Speaker 1: the holidays have been sold. Is this wonderful time where

575
00:32:18,200 --> 00:32:21,720
Speaker 1: everyone is happy. If that doesn't happen, then you're doing

576
00:32:21,760 --> 00:32:24,480
Speaker 1: them wrong or something's gone wrong. And the job of

577
00:32:24,520 --> 00:32:29,280
Speaker 1: everyone making everyone happy falls so often to women, um,

578
00:32:29,320 --> 00:32:31,560
Speaker 1: and a lot of us, I'm sure a lot of listeners. Uh.

579
00:32:31,760 --> 00:32:33,760
Speaker 1: We don't get along with our family all the time.

580
00:32:34,200 --> 00:32:36,880
Speaker 1: So it's like this one time of year, we're all performing,

581
00:32:36,960 --> 00:32:38,920
Speaker 1: and if only we can make it this holiday great,

582
00:32:39,480 --> 00:32:42,040
Speaker 1: then we can stay together. If if I can make

583
00:32:42,080 --> 00:32:44,640
Speaker 1: this one good enough, I can keep this family together.

584
00:32:45,440 --> 00:32:49,600
Speaker 1: And that's something that I really internalized. Um My, I've

585
00:32:49,640 --> 00:32:52,760
Speaker 1: recently come to realize that my need to make people

586
00:32:52,760 --> 00:32:56,240
Speaker 1: happy is so strong and so much a part of

587
00:32:56,400 --> 00:33:00,480
Speaker 1: how I've defined myself for so long. I literally sometimes

588
00:33:00,480 --> 00:33:03,600
Speaker 1: feel like I'm a comedian coming on stage after the

589
00:33:03,680 --> 00:33:06,239
Speaker 1: last comedian who totally bombed, and I've got to like

590
00:33:06,800 --> 00:33:12,080
Speaker 1: salvage this situation, and it's it's tiring, um, but it's

591
00:33:12,200 --> 00:33:14,240
Speaker 1: to the point that I made twenty dollars. Somebody gave

592
00:33:14,240 --> 00:33:17,440
Speaker 1: me twenty dollars at my dad's wake for being entertaining,

593
00:33:17,600 --> 00:33:23,240
Speaker 1: entertaining best. Yeah, I'm always seen as the sarcastic, witty one.

594
00:33:23,280 --> 00:33:24,800
Speaker 1: So I'll come in with a little bit of banter

595
00:33:25,320 --> 00:33:27,760
Speaker 1: and then just sit quietly and hopes that no one

596
00:33:27,800 --> 00:33:31,600
Speaker 1: brings up politics. That's my new family tradition. Yeah, it's

597
00:33:31,600 --> 00:33:35,880
Speaker 1: a good one. So we see this in so many

598
00:33:35,920 --> 00:33:40,280
Speaker 1: holiday movies. The dad is working too hard colecting his kids,

599
00:33:40,600 --> 00:33:43,480
Speaker 1: or his kids forgets to get the gift, burns the food,

600
00:33:43,720 --> 00:33:49,280
Speaker 1: which sounds like the cost. He realizes he has to

601
00:33:49,320 --> 00:33:52,360
Speaker 1: put in some effort. Even if you look at Santa

602
00:33:52,360 --> 00:33:54,960
Speaker 1: Claus as I said, uh, he gets all the credit

603
00:33:55,000 --> 00:33:58,040
Speaker 1: for delivering these toys one day a year, but Mrs

604
00:33:58,080 --> 00:34:00,680
Speaker 1: Claus is doing all the stuff behind the scenes all

605
00:34:00,720 --> 00:34:06,320
Speaker 1: the time, thanklessly and gets no credit. Uh So in

606
00:34:06,360 --> 00:34:08,719
Speaker 1: A Bad Mom's Christmas, in which one of the characters say,

607
00:34:08,760 --> 00:34:13,200
Speaker 1: is your mom, moms don't enjoy, we give joy. Yeah,

608
00:34:13,440 --> 00:34:17,279
Speaker 1: I find that there's only a handful of I'm much

609
00:34:17,280 --> 00:34:19,920
Speaker 1: more a Halloween horror movie person. But there are a

610
00:34:19,920 --> 00:34:22,520
Speaker 1: handful of holiday movies I watch every year, and I

611
00:34:22,600 --> 00:34:26,080
Speaker 1: find that the plot line is always man working too hard,

612
00:34:27,320 --> 00:34:29,680
Speaker 1: wife is doing all this stuff in the background, and like,

613
00:34:29,800 --> 00:34:32,320
Speaker 1: one day you're gonna be so upset that you missed

614
00:34:32,360 --> 00:34:36,600
Speaker 1: this time with whoever, poor Johnny, And then they do

615
00:34:36,800 --> 00:34:39,319
Speaker 1: one They get like one gift, ye, and it's like

616
00:34:40,040 --> 00:34:41,880
Speaker 1: it was the perfect gift, but a lot of times

617
00:34:41,920 --> 00:34:44,120
Speaker 1: it was the wife who said you should have gotten

618
00:34:44,120 --> 00:34:48,120
Speaker 1: that months ago, right, it really is. I try to

619
00:34:48,120 --> 00:34:50,160
Speaker 1: watch all of these holiday movies because I feel like

620
00:34:50,160 --> 00:34:52,600
Speaker 1: I'm failing because I don't like Christmas and I've tried

621
00:34:52,640 --> 00:34:54,719
Speaker 1: to make myself like it, and that has a lot

622
00:34:54,800 --> 00:34:57,920
Speaker 1: of emotional trauma baggage in that, and which is the

623
00:34:57,920 --> 00:35:00,360
Speaker 1: reason I don't like it. But I do love watching

624
00:35:00,680 --> 00:35:03,799
Speaker 1: holiday movies trying to get into the spirit, and one

625
00:35:03,800 --> 00:35:06,200
Speaker 1: of and my family watches it to. My dad's favorite

626
00:35:06,239 --> 00:35:09,480
Speaker 1: movie is The Santa Claus as we just recently talked about.

627
00:35:09,520 --> 00:35:11,880
Speaker 1: But it is hilarious because he is an awful father

628
00:35:12,960 --> 00:35:15,239
Speaker 1: and the only redeeming thing is he gets tricked into

629
00:35:15,320 --> 00:35:18,440
Speaker 1: being Santa Claus, who's then again neglects is good because

630
00:35:18,440 --> 00:35:21,160
Speaker 1: he has to be saying class but everything's okay because

631
00:35:21,160 --> 00:35:23,600
Speaker 1: he's Santa Claus. Like it was just amazing. And the

632
00:35:23,640 --> 00:35:26,640
Speaker 1: mom looks like the bad guy just like in everything else.

633
00:35:27,280 --> 00:35:30,200
Speaker 1: Um step stepdad, and this one is just a complete

634
00:35:30,880 --> 00:35:35,000
Speaker 1: idiot portrayed as an idiot. Anyway. Yeah, yeah, I also

635
00:35:35,080 --> 00:35:38,480
Speaker 1: like that movie. But it is funny how it reminds

636
00:35:38,520 --> 00:35:41,480
Speaker 1: me of there's this list called the Iceman List. It's

637
00:35:41,480 --> 00:35:43,160
Speaker 1: about how, if you rewatch a lot of movies from

638
00:35:43,160 --> 00:35:47,759
Speaker 1: the eighties, the bad guy is actually probably right, um right.

639
00:35:48,320 --> 00:35:51,040
Speaker 1: And the mom in that movie, I feel if you

640
00:35:51,160 --> 00:35:54,200
Speaker 1: had an ex who all of a sudden gained all

641
00:35:54,239 --> 00:35:56,760
Speaker 1: this way it looked a certain way, and was saying,

642
00:35:57,040 --> 00:36:00,000
Speaker 1: well this the sun is saying the Santa Claus. I'm

643
00:36:00,000 --> 00:36:05,160
Speaker 1: it have some concerns. Really, I think that's legitmic He's

644
00:36:05,239 --> 00:36:07,920
Speaker 1: not mentally stable. This is how he's trying to win

645
00:36:08,000 --> 00:36:11,080
Speaker 1: my child over. Oh boy, now we're going on a

646
00:36:11,160 --> 00:36:15,000
Speaker 1: different road. Be on the lookout for the Santa Claus.

647
00:36:15,120 --> 00:36:20,520
Speaker 1: The Feminist movie. Another thing I wanted to bring up

648
00:36:20,560 --> 00:36:25,800
Speaker 1: as magazines because I've noticed around this time magazine's filled

649
00:36:25,840 --> 00:36:29,200
Speaker 1: with recipes and life hacks to make it look like

650
00:36:29,680 --> 00:36:33,320
Speaker 1: pulling off the holidays is so easy, so it's supposed

651
00:36:33,360 --> 00:36:36,719
Speaker 1: to look effortless. Um. And I've also found so many

652
00:36:36,719 --> 00:36:40,239
Speaker 1: advice pieces and articles researching for this episode about how

653
00:36:40,280 --> 00:36:43,080
Speaker 1: to fin all the holiday things that you need to

654
00:36:43,080 --> 00:36:45,359
Speaker 1: fit in on top of a full time job with

655
00:36:45,480 --> 00:36:49,359
Speaker 1: children in the mix, and make it look easy. Um.

656
00:36:49,400 --> 00:36:51,959
Speaker 1: And that's part of the equation to here. Not only

657
00:36:52,040 --> 00:36:54,879
Speaker 1: are we putting in all of this hard work, we're

658
00:36:55,000 --> 00:36:58,000
Speaker 1: acting like it's not hard work. We're hiding it away.

659
00:36:58,560 --> 00:37:00,720
Speaker 1: Um And I feel like this is something as women

660
00:37:01,000 --> 00:37:05,040
Speaker 1: were conditioned to not complain, to be graceful under pressure,

661
00:37:06,040 --> 00:37:08,759
Speaker 1: otherwise you'll be the bad type of emotional Right. You

662
00:37:08,800 --> 00:37:10,880
Speaker 1: need to show that you have it all and that

663
00:37:10,920 --> 00:37:18,200
Speaker 1: means you've gotten all of your holiday the core perfect place. Yeah,

664
00:37:18,280 --> 00:37:20,960
Speaker 1: Sony movies also about that about putting up the usually

665
00:37:21,080 --> 00:37:23,120
Speaker 1: I find it movies men do that part there, but

666
00:37:23,160 --> 00:37:26,520
Speaker 1: putting up the lights and competing with your neighbors. Um. So,

667
00:37:26,560 --> 00:37:28,799
Speaker 1: everything we're talking about in this episode is not just

668
00:37:28,920 --> 00:37:31,520
Speaker 1: confined to the home. It can even ripple out to

669
00:37:31,560 --> 00:37:34,560
Speaker 1: work and things like planning an office party or a

670
00:37:34,600 --> 00:37:38,040
Speaker 1: secret Santa exchange or for those in the retail or

671
00:37:38,080 --> 00:37:42,000
Speaker 1: service industry dealing with stressed out shoppers or diners or

672
00:37:42,040 --> 00:37:45,600
Speaker 1: what have you. Women in general place really high expectations

673
00:37:45,600 --> 00:37:48,200
Speaker 1: on themselves. We know this combined with the fact that

674
00:37:48,400 --> 00:37:50,600
Speaker 1: for a lot of us, we grew up watching our

675
00:37:50,640 --> 00:37:53,400
Speaker 1: grandmothers and our mothers doing this holiday labor, and we

676
00:37:53,480 --> 00:37:55,880
Speaker 1: feel the need to fill that role, which is what

677
00:37:55,880 --> 00:37:57,719
Speaker 1: you're trn to be doing any and I refused to do.

678
00:37:58,120 --> 00:38:01,200
Speaker 1: All of this can be exacerbated by things like seasonal

679
00:38:01,200 --> 00:38:05,759
Speaker 1: effective disorder, anxiety or depression, And as I said, a

680
00:38:05,800 --> 00:38:08,279
Speaker 1: lot of my own background is that I have a

681
00:38:08,360 --> 00:38:11,160
Speaker 1: lot of trauma attached to this time of year. So

682
00:38:11,200 --> 00:38:13,239
Speaker 1: I'm like, this is the worst holiday of the year

683
00:38:13,280 --> 00:38:15,719
Speaker 1: and I hate everything, but I'm trying to get it

684
00:38:15,760 --> 00:38:19,759
Speaker 1: together and become an adult like and being like, I

685
00:38:20,360 --> 00:38:22,759
Speaker 1: can I can handle Christmas. I can like it. My mother,

686
00:38:23,719 --> 00:38:26,879
Speaker 1: God bless her, she has tried for years because I've

687
00:38:27,000 --> 00:38:30,200
Speaker 1: I've never really liked it, and she's tried for years,

688
00:38:30,320 --> 00:38:33,880
Speaker 1: from guilting me to trying to make everything perfect for

689
00:38:33,960 --> 00:38:36,799
Speaker 1: me to get me to like this holiday because she

690
00:38:36,840 --> 00:38:38,960
Speaker 1: loves it so much. And of course they're very religious,

691
00:38:39,000 --> 00:38:41,440
Speaker 1: and that has a whole different perspective for them as well.

692
00:38:41,640 --> 00:38:44,200
Speaker 1: But yeah, I think for me this type of year,

693
00:38:44,480 --> 00:38:46,640
Speaker 1: I want to ignore it and I couldn't imagine what

694
00:38:46,680 --> 00:38:50,080
Speaker 1: that would be like as a mother. That just that

695
00:38:50,200 --> 00:38:52,520
Speaker 1: terrifies me. I'm like, I'm needn't fail as a mother

696
00:38:52,880 --> 00:38:56,200
Speaker 1: if I ever did become one because I don't enjoy

697
00:38:56,239 --> 00:38:59,080
Speaker 1: these holidays. But I've been told as a single person,

698
00:38:59,239 --> 00:39:01,920
Speaker 1: if you had kids, you would like this holiday more.

699
00:39:01,960 --> 00:39:05,799
Speaker 1: You would understand. I can see. I can see how

700
00:39:05,840 --> 00:39:09,560
Speaker 1: it's both extremely stressful but can be extremely rewarding to

701
00:39:09,600 --> 00:39:12,480
Speaker 1: make a child feel that type of joy. I know

702
00:39:12,520 --> 00:39:15,919
Speaker 1: those when my siblings who are divorced competition and who

703
00:39:15,960 --> 00:39:21,200
Speaker 1: can give the most the happiest. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,

704
00:39:21,200 --> 00:39:25,640
Speaker 1: I read about that that as well. That's one word

705
00:39:25,640 --> 00:39:29,120
Speaker 1: for it. Um. We do have some advice. We try

706
00:39:29,160 --> 00:39:32,560
Speaker 1: to end on an advice usually um bubbs. We have

707
00:39:32,640 --> 00:39:50,320
Speaker 1: one more quick break forward from our sponsor and we're back,

708
00:39:50,600 --> 00:39:53,439
Speaker 1: Thank you sponsor. And yes, there are some tips out

709
00:39:53,480 --> 00:39:56,160
Speaker 1: there if the holidays are something that's stressful for you.

710
00:39:56,640 --> 00:39:59,319
Speaker 1: Here we go. So my people all stressed stressed out,

711
00:39:59,440 --> 00:40:02,319
Speaker 1: so take time for self care and that might be

712
00:40:02,360 --> 00:40:06,040
Speaker 1: whatever you wanted to be reading, yoga, meditation, making time

713
00:40:06,120 --> 00:40:08,960
Speaker 1: for friends, or for me, sitting in a fiddle position

714
00:40:08,960 --> 00:40:11,400
Speaker 1: in the corner, rating for the season to go away

715
00:40:12,120 --> 00:40:16,840
Speaker 1: in the darkness. Very specific. I'm just saying, hey, you

716
00:40:16,880 --> 00:40:20,680
Speaker 1: know it works for you. Um. Experts also recommend stepping

717
00:40:20,680 --> 00:40:24,279
Speaker 1: back from social media if you find yourself feeling stressed. UM.

718
00:40:24,400 --> 00:40:27,719
Speaker 1: We've talked about before. Playing that comparison game is ever good.

719
00:40:28,400 --> 00:40:30,440
Speaker 1: It can make you feel like everyone is having a

720
00:40:30,480 --> 00:40:33,760
Speaker 1: better holiday than you. Everyone did a quote better job

721
00:40:33,960 --> 00:40:37,040
Speaker 1: than you. Love the comparisons. If you're not the one

722
00:40:37,160 --> 00:40:41,360
Speaker 1: behind the holiday stuff, find wasteed support that person unasked.

723
00:40:41,560 --> 00:40:44,720
Speaker 1: Stock up on wrapping supplies, help with gift buying and wrapping,

724
00:40:44,880 --> 00:40:47,520
Speaker 1: handle the cars through the dishes. If a child is

725
00:40:47,520 --> 00:40:49,160
Speaker 1: in the mix, figure out if they're going to need

726
00:40:49,200 --> 00:40:52,520
Speaker 1: to bring dishes to school or something like that. Coordinate

727
00:40:52,520 --> 00:40:55,400
Speaker 1: with the extended family, and of course, notice and express

728
00:40:55,480 --> 00:40:58,640
Speaker 1: your gratitude. I mean, it is Christmas. Tis the season

729
00:40:58,800 --> 00:41:02,799
Speaker 1: to the season for that stuffy um. And again, I

730
00:41:02,840 --> 00:41:06,560
Speaker 1: do want to say, I actually really, really really love cooking.

731
00:41:06,640 --> 00:41:11,799
Speaker 1: I I love the decorations. I honestly think if I

732
00:41:11,840 --> 00:41:14,719
Speaker 1: didn't do it one year, my brothers would not care.

733
00:41:15,320 --> 00:41:17,560
Speaker 1: They wouldn't care at all except about the food, but

734
00:41:17,600 --> 00:41:20,000
Speaker 1: like the decorations, is not their thing. But I really

735
00:41:20,040 --> 00:41:23,920
Speaker 1: like it. Um, But I don't like that expectation that

736
00:41:24,000 --> 00:41:27,080
Speaker 1: I'm the one that will do it um. Planning this

737
00:41:27,120 --> 00:41:30,040
Speaker 1: big meal with everybody's favorite thing. Although again I have

738
00:41:30,080 --> 00:41:34,440
Speaker 1: started to cut back on that. Um. Yeah, and and

739
00:41:34,480 --> 00:41:37,920
Speaker 1: some things have have prepped days before. And also I

740
00:41:38,000 --> 00:41:40,400
Speaker 1: work and they don't give us a day before Thanksgiving

741
00:41:40,440 --> 00:41:43,560
Speaker 1: off getting all the ingredients, setting the table. It is

742
00:41:43,600 --> 00:41:46,160
Speaker 1: a lot um. But I have turned it into a

743
00:41:46,200 --> 00:41:47,960
Speaker 1: time that I get to spend with my mom and

744
00:41:48,000 --> 00:41:51,319
Speaker 1: we we listen to music and we drink wine and

745
00:41:51,360 --> 00:41:55,560
Speaker 1: we talk um. And I like it. It's one of

746
00:41:55,560 --> 00:41:58,000
Speaker 1: my favorite things. I think that's my favorite thing about

747
00:41:58,040 --> 00:42:00,680
Speaker 1: the holidays, spending that time with my mom. It still

748
00:42:00,719 --> 00:42:03,000
Speaker 1: sucks that if one year I decided I really didn't

749
00:42:03,000 --> 00:42:05,799
Speaker 1: want to do it, it wouldn't happen, or either my

750
00:42:05,840 --> 00:42:08,880
Speaker 1: mom would do it, and then I'd feel guilty about it. Um.

751
00:42:08,920 --> 00:42:13,839
Speaker 1: But my notorious hatred of doing the dishes has led

752
00:42:13,880 --> 00:42:16,160
Speaker 1: to me not doing them anymore. My brother and his

753
00:42:16,239 --> 00:42:19,600
Speaker 1: fiance I do them, so that is, honestly is the

754
00:42:19,760 --> 00:42:22,520
Speaker 1: usually if I hate doing the dishes. Is he doing

755
00:42:22,520 --> 00:42:25,360
Speaker 1: it because his fiance suggested it? I don't know. I

756
00:42:25,440 --> 00:42:29,680
Speaker 1: have no way of knowing without asking, um, but I

757
00:42:29,680 --> 00:42:32,640
Speaker 1: mean he in particular, he knows how much I hate

758
00:42:32,640 --> 00:42:34,799
Speaker 1: doing the dishes because We've got a huge fight about

759
00:42:34,800 --> 00:42:40,480
Speaker 1: it one year. So I'm glad that that's gone away. Um.

760
00:42:40,560 --> 00:42:43,680
Speaker 1: And yeah, until we start recognizing and valuing the workwomen do,

761
00:42:44,360 --> 00:42:47,279
Speaker 1: this is going to be a thing, right And for

762
00:42:47,320 --> 00:42:51,239
Speaker 1: those who have recognized that this is what women do

763
00:42:51,280 --> 00:42:55,520
Speaker 1: and have taken up part of the responsibility, good job. Yeah,

764
00:42:55,680 --> 00:42:58,200
Speaker 1: proud of you. Yeah, I'm proud of you women that

765
00:42:58,239 --> 00:43:01,279
Speaker 1: were doing it all or it And yeah, speak up,

766
00:43:02,080 --> 00:43:06,360
Speaker 1: encourage other there's be an example, right. Yeah. And we

767
00:43:06,400 --> 00:43:09,480
Speaker 1: would love to hear l g pt Q plus stories

768
00:43:09,560 --> 00:43:13,319
Speaker 1: as well, um, because a lot of this was specifically

769
00:43:13,360 --> 00:43:18,080
Speaker 1: heterosexual uh situations. So yeah, I love to know how

770
00:43:18,080 --> 00:43:22,080
Speaker 1: it plays out in different types of relationships. But that

771
00:43:22,160 --> 00:43:27,239
Speaker 1: brings us to the end of this our emotional labor holiday.

772
00:43:27,239 --> 00:43:32,799
Speaker 1: Happy holidays, Happy holidays. Hopefully they're not stressful, they're enjoyable

773
00:43:33,320 --> 00:43:36,640
Speaker 1: and more than a freaking fourth of you can relax.

774
00:43:36,880 --> 00:43:41,120
Speaker 1: That blew my mind. It makes sense, But wow, Um,

775
00:43:41,160 --> 00:43:43,640
Speaker 1: if you want to hide, you can hide with me. Yeah,

776
00:43:43,840 --> 00:43:48,000
Speaker 1: if you want any company, Samantha, I'm always available if

777
00:43:48,000 --> 00:43:50,399
Speaker 1: you don't want me around. The awesome this word thing

778
00:43:50,440 --> 00:43:53,160
Speaker 1: that I start watching holiday movies, but they're not really

779
00:43:53,200 --> 00:43:59,080
Speaker 1: holiday movies. So you know the fourth about die Hard,

780
00:43:59,400 --> 00:44:01,800
Speaker 1: I hope to talk about that. But then Harry Potter,

781
00:44:01,920 --> 00:44:06,560
Speaker 1: for some reason, it's both Halloween and Christmas. Yeah, I

782
00:44:06,680 --> 00:44:09,440
Speaker 1: do that. And then I do watch horror movies just

783
00:44:09,600 --> 00:44:12,480
Speaker 1: to be angry about not angry, but to put my

784
00:44:12,520 --> 00:44:15,839
Speaker 1: emotions into something. And I'm like, there we go. Now

785
00:44:15,880 --> 00:44:18,120
Speaker 1: I'm gonna do more destruction now with all of these

786
00:44:18,160 --> 00:44:20,879
Speaker 1: horror films. There are a lot of Christmas horror movies.

787
00:44:20,920 --> 00:44:23,719
Speaker 1: I'm just gonna put that out there. I might be

788
00:44:23,840 --> 00:44:27,560
Speaker 1: on a panel about that actually coming up. Somebody asked me, like,

789
00:44:27,760 --> 00:44:31,080
Speaker 1: do you have any examples? Twenty examples? Okay, you might

790
00:44:31,120 --> 00:44:34,239
Speaker 1: be good for this, all right. Anyway, I did want

791
00:44:34,239 --> 00:44:37,040
Speaker 1: to read some listener mail to close up, Everett wrote,

792
00:44:37,120 --> 00:44:39,160
Speaker 1: I was really excited to see the episode about farming

793
00:44:39,200 --> 00:44:41,279
Speaker 1: in your podcast feed. I love the show, by the way,

794
00:44:41,280 --> 00:44:43,640
Speaker 1: Oh thank you. I was excited because that's what I do.

795
00:44:43,760 --> 00:44:45,480
Speaker 1: I'm still in school, but for a few weeks in

796
00:44:45,520 --> 00:44:47,759
Speaker 1: the summer and on Saturdays in the academic year. I

797
00:44:47,800 --> 00:44:50,800
Speaker 1: work with the Food Project. We're based out of Massachusetts

798
00:44:50,800 --> 00:44:53,640
Speaker 1: in the North Shore and Greater Boston. We do a

799
00:44:53,640 --> 00:44:55,560
Speaker 1: lot of work related to the stuff you talked about,

800
00:44:55,560 --> 00:44:58,920
Speaker 1: food justice and social justice, plus a youth component. A

801
00:44:58,960 --> 00:45:01,239
Speaker 1: big part to me is how we bring people from

802
00:45:01,239 --> 00:45:04,040
Speaker 1: across these communities and sure we have a diverse group.

803
00:45:04,360 --> 00:45:06,919
Speaker 1: Every summer, we hire thirty six new high school aged

804
00:45:07,000 --> 00:45:09,839
Speaker 1: people in both our regions for six weeks. They work

805
00:45:09,880 --> 00:45:13,440
Speaker 1: together on our farms. They could be from a homogeneous

806
00:45:13,480 --> 00:45:16,760
Speaker 1: sheltered community or a more urban one where gardening isn't common,

807
00:45:16,880 --> 00:45:19,520
Speaker 1: or any other background, and we meet people that we

808
00:45:19,560 --> 00:45:22,400
Speaker 1: wouldn't otherwise since the system doesn't tend to make communication

809
00:45:22,480 --> 00:45:26,400
Speaker 1: between these places very easy. I love the Food Project

810
00:45:26,520 --> 00:45:29,480
Speaker 1: and I love the people. I consider it like family.

811
00:45:29,760 --> 00:45:32,200
Speaker 1: We educate communities and the youth in our programs, and

812
00:45:32,200 --> 00:45:36,319
Speaker 1: there's lots of opportunities for leadership by youth. We build

813
00:45:36,360 --> 00:45:38,680
Speaker 1: raised bed gardens in urban communities that don't have a

814
00:45:38,680 --> 00:45:40,920
Speaker 1: lot of access to fresh food, as well as distributing

815
00:45:40,960 --> 00:45:44,240
Speaker 1: food at hunger relief organizations or through our farmers Market

816
00:45:44,480 --> 00:45:46,720
Speaker 1: We've done work with state programs to make farmers markets

817
00:45:46,719 --> 00:45:50,000
Speaker 1: more affordable too. I could genuinely keep talking for three hours,

818
00:45:50,040 --> 00:45:52,120
Speaker 1: so I'll leave a link to our website if you're interested,

819
00:45:52,440 --> 00:45:56,040
Speaker 1: and that link is the Food Project dot org. That

820
00:45:56,080 --> 00:45:59,600
Speaker 1: sounds like you're doing amazing work. Yeah, that's amazing. Yeah,

821
00:46:00,239 --> 00:46:03,719
Speaker 1: food justice is something that's really important to me. This

822
00:46:03,760 --> 00:46:07,080
Speaker 1: sounds really cool and we we appreciate you sharing it.

823
00:46:08,360 --> 00:46:11,479
Speaker 1: Ruth wrote, I just listened to your Female Monster show

824
00:46:11,640 --> 00:46:13,520
Speaker 1: and I thought of a couple of characters who are

825
00:46:13,560 --> 00:46:16,960
Speaker 1: tangentially related to the topic. Neither truly monsters, but they

826
00:46:17,000 --> 00:46:19,400
Speaker 1: fit the parameters of a couple of the topics mentioned.

827
00:46:20,920 --> 00:46:23,239
Speaker 1: The first is a character whose name escapes me, but

828
00:46:23,280 --> 00:46:26,000
Speaker 1: she was played by Isabella Russellini in the movie Death

829
00:46:26,040 --> 00:46:28,120
Speaker 1: That Comes Her. I've been thinking about this movie for

830
00:46:28,360 --> 00:46:31,480
Speaker 1: so because I can't I was like, why haven't we

831
00:46:31,520 --> 00:46:33,359
Speaker 1: mentioned it? And then there then I thought it back.

832
00:46:33,400 --> 00:46:36,080
Speaker 1: I was like, there are a lot of problems. Oh,

833
00:46:36,480 --> 00:46:38,640
Speaker 1: I haven't seen it within that movie, and I think

834
00:46:38,680 --> 00:46:41,400
Speaker 1: it's that tire. It is that tired as well. But

835
00:46:41,520 --> 00:46:44,839
Speaker 1: this whole becoming youngest, thaying youngest thing beautiful satan, then

836
00:46:45,320 --> 00:46:49,080
Speaker 1: like this is very problematic, and of course it makes uh,

837
00:46:49,400 --> 00:46:53,239
Speaker 1: the male character the hero of all. The whole thing

838
00:46:53,360 --> 00:46:54,719
Speaker 1: kind of makes the men look at bad guys. But

839
00:46:54,800 --> 00:46:56,919
Speaker 1: it is a really good movie. Yeah, and I would,

840
00:46:57,040 --> 00:46:59,359
Speaker 1: I mean a lot of the monsters we mentioned, um,

841
00:47:00,040 --> 00:47:03,440
Speaker 1: their ultimate goal was youth and beauty, and that's why

842
00:47:03,520 --> 00:47:05,800
Speaker 1: they did the things, the monstrous things they did so

843
00:47:06,000 --> 00:47:08,359
Speaker 1: perfect the example. Yeah, I'll have to check it out.

844
00:47:08,880 --> 00:47:14,680
Speaker 1: You haven't seen it? No, oh my, okay. Anyway, Ruth

845
00:47:14,760 --> 00:47:19,040
Speaker 1: continues about that she is the character who gives two

846
00:47:19,080 --> 00:47:21,600
Speaker 1: women played by Goldie Hawn and Meryl Streep the power

847
00:47:21,680 --> 00:47:24,879
Speaker 1: of immortality and eternal youth at a great price. Of course,

848
00:47:25,120 --> 00:47:27,080
Speaker 1: will not strictly speaking a monster. She plays in the

849
00:47:27,120 --> 00:47:29,719
Speaker 1: fears becoming old and ugly and losing their beauty. She

850
00:47:29,840 --> 00:47:33,440
Speaker 1: gives them an quote Alixer to drink, and things do

851
00:47:33,600 --> 00:47:37,839
Speaker 1: not work out as they expect. I imagine. Um, there

852
00:47:37,920 --> 00:47:40,880
Speaker 1: was an unexpected moral in the story. But the evil beautiful,

853
00:47:40,960 --> 00:47:44,279
Speaker 1: which remains the second is more mundane. But it makes

854
00:47:44,320 --> 00:47:46,160
Speaker 1: me stop and think about the naming of the character.

855
00:47:46,480 --> 00:47:50,080
Speaker 1: And the TV show cheers the most terrifying thing. I'm all,

856
00:47:50,320 --> 00:47:52,960
Speaker 1: I'm just kidding. Frasier's wife is named a lil If.

857
00:47:53,320 --> 00:47:56,560
Speaker 1: She is considered cold and calculating. She is a psychiatrist

858
00:47:56,680 --> 00:47:58,920
Speaker 1: and very good at scaring the crep out of all

859
00:47:59,000 --> 00:48:02,200
Speaker 1: of Frasier's friends. She's very pale, it was very dark hair,

860
00:48:02,480 --> 00:48:06,120
Speaker 1: played by the amazing bb new Worth. She's not true villain,

861
00:48:06,200 --> 00:48:08,960
Speaker 1: but she's portrayed in that light because she is different

862
00:48:09,000 --> 00:48:11,440
Speaker 1: from other women, because she wants things her way, and

863
00:48:11,480 --> 00:48:14,920
Speaker 1: because she's still beautiful. Is the naming of the character symbolic.

864
00:48:15,400 --> 00:48:17,120
Speaker 1: I don't know, but it gives me pause to think

865
00:48:17,120 --> 00:48:20,800
Speaker 1: about a couple of characters I had otherwise passed by. Oh. Also,

866
00:48:20,960 --> 00:48:22,920
Speaker 1: there was a book written by an author named George

867
00:48:22,960 --> 00:48:25,799
Speaker 1: McDonald called Lilith, which was a novel about this evil

868
00:48:25,880 --> 00:48:29,080
Speaker 1: woman from the biblical story. She's quite a monster in

869
00:48:29,160 --> 00:48:32,439
Speaker 1: that one. I love Forever and Ever. And I didn't

870
00:48:32,440 --> 00:48:34,600
Speaker 1: realize because I didn't watch the second season and I

871
00:48:34,719 --> 00:48:37,960
Speaker 1: just didn't pay attention. Uh, Sabrina the new one, yea

872
00:48:38,280 --> 00:48:40,200
Speaker 1: Lilith is one of the main characters, and I kind

873
00:48:40,200 --> 00:48:44,399
Speaker 1: of completely forgotten to completely And I was like, oh, hello,

874
00:48:44,960 --> 00:48:46,600
Speaker 1: a friend of mine brought that up to me. I

875
00:48:46,719 --> 00:48:50,080
Speaker 1: was like, oh, yeah, completely like because I hadn't watched

876
00:48:50,120 --> 00:48:52,799
Speaker 1: it in so long our season, and then I never

877
00:48:52,880 --> 00:48:55,440
Speaker 1: watched a second and I just recently took it back

878
00:48:55,560 --> 00:48:59,600
Speaker 1: up and I was like, oh, oh yeah, yeah, I

879
00:49:00,000 --> 00:49:02,799
Speaker 1: I've got to say I'm loving all of these UH

880
00:49:03,800 --> 00:49:07,200
Speaker 1: horror and yeah, please keep sending in suggestions. I'm gonna say,

881
00:49:07,200 --> 00:49:09,680
Speaker 1: we're gonna talk about this until next Halloween. I love it.

882
00:49:09,800 --> 00:49:12,360
Speaker 1: I would absolutely, do you know I would? And I

883
00:49:12,400 --> 00:49:15,560
Speaker 1: always love a good recommendation for something to check out, right, Um,

884
00:49:15,800 --> 00:49:19,480
Speaker 1: so please keep sending those are away right just so

885
00:49:19,680 --> 00:49:22,200
Speaker 1: you know, because we did have the conversation about coughing,

886
00:49:22,280 --> 00:49:23,920
Speaker 1: We've had a cup full of texts talking to us

887
00:49:23,920 --> 00:49:26,840
Speaker 1: about coughing and other people other podcasts talking about it

888
00:49:27,040 --> 00:49:29,400
Speaker 1: as well. As we got to mention um when they

889
00:49:29,440 --> 00:49:31,480
Speaker 1: were showing us a whole list of like the seasons,

890
00:49:32,000 --> 00:49:34,640
Speaker 1: it shows like fall is cofing season and this is

891
00:49:34,680 --> 00:49:36,200
Speaker 1: what this is. It was really cute. I'll have to

892
00:49:36,360 --> 00:49:38,040
Speaker 1: repost it, but I have not liked it a lot.

893
00:49:38,719 --> 00:49:40,920
Speaker 1: Um while we're here, we want to do some shoutouts.

894
00:49:41,400 --> 00:49:44,440
Speaker 1: While we were thinking about stress and and loving each

895
00:49:44,480 --> 00:49:47,399
Speaker 1: other and so the season best Forever to Pods, which

896
00:49:47,520 --> 00:49:51,520
Speaker 1: is UH podcast by Alyssa who talks about friendships and

897
00:49:51,600 --> 00:49:53,719
Speaker 1: the great stories behind them, and it's so great because

898
00:49:53,760 --> 00:49:55,719
Speaker 1: I think it's such a different take on how to

899
00:49:55,920 --> 00:49:58,600
Speaker 1: maintain or just talk about amazing friendships that have happened,

900
00:49:58,960 --> 00:50:01,560
Speaker 1: or she brings onto and guests talking about different subjects

901
00:50:01,560 --> 00:50:04,120
Speaker 1: and I think it's really cute. And also some kind

902
00:50:04,160 --> 00:50:07,399
Speaker 1: of Brown podcast, which is Natalie who identifies herself as

903
00:50:07,640 --> 00:50:10,719
Speaker 1: indigenous black woman, talks about race and ethnicity and being

904
00:50:10,800 --> 00:50:14,040
Speaker 1: multi racial in the US, including interracial adoption which is

905
00:50:14,120 --> 00:50:17,319
Speaker 1: what rare. And she's also highlighted November I know it's

906
00:50:17,560 --> 00:50:21,879
Speaker 1: over almost um as the Netive Native American Awareness Month,

907
00:50:22,320 --> 00:50:24,920
Speaker 1: and she has brought in a whole series called Red

908
00:50:24,960 --> 00:50:28,480
Speaker 1: November and bringing in a different guests and having awesome, awesome,

909
00:50:28,640 --> 00:50:31,680
Speaker 1: awesome episodes about that. So shout out to y'all. Yeah,

910
00:50:31,840 --> 00:50:34,959
Speaker 1: we love it. Thank you, Yes, thank you, and thanks

911
00:50:35,080 --> 00:50:37,239
Speaker 1: to the listeners who wrote in. If you would like

912
00:50:37,280 --> 00:50:38,960
Speaker 1: to write to us, we would love to hear from you.

913
00:50:39,040 --> 00:50:41,239
Speaker 1: You can email us at Stuff Media, mom Stuff at

914
00:50:41,280 --> 00:50:43,719
Speaker 1: iHeart media dot com. You can also find us on

915
00:50:43,800 --> 00:50:47,600
Speaker 1: Twitter at mom Stuff Podcast or on Instagram at Stuff

916
00:50:47,640 --> 00:50:50,960
Speaker 1: I've Never Told You. Thanks as always to our super

917
00:50:51,000 --> 00:50:55,080
Speaker 1: producer Andrew Howard. Thanks to you for listening, and we

918
00:50:55,200 --> 00:50:56,880
Speaker 1: hope a lot more good things are coming your way.

919
00:50:56,960 --> 00:50:58,520
Speaker 1: That's Florence thing. I don't know why I did it,

920
00:50:59,120 --> 00:51:03,759
Speaker 1: but hey go got favorite podsyle Favor, brain stuff, all

921
00:51:03,840 --> 00:51:07,000
Speaker 1: the things I love. A lot more good things are

922
00:51:07,040 --> 00:51:09,920
Speaker 1: coming here with Actually, I hope that the holidays are

923
00:51:10,000 --> 00:51:12,040
Speaker 1: not as stressful and if it is, that you have

924
00:51:12,120 --> 00:51:16,799
Speaker 1: a chance to take in what you need to rest. Yes,

925
00:51:17,480 --> 00:51:22,239
Speaker 1: that's a nice sentiment. Uh. Stuff, I've never told he

926
00:51:22,360 --> 00:51:24,359
Speaker 1: was a protection of I Heart Radio's How Stuff Works.

927
00:51:24,640 --> 00:51:27,319
Speaker 1: For more podcasts from my Heart Adio, visit the iHeartRadio app,

928
00:51:27,320 --> 00:51:29,880
Speaker 1: Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.