WEBVTT - Ray & Anna Romano 0:00:14.836 --> 0:00:29.476 Pushkin. Hi. I'm Phil Donahue and I'm Marlowe Thomas, and 0:00:29.596 --> 0:00:32.556 we're going on a series of double dates to find 0:00:32.556 --> 0:00:40.756 out what makes a marriage last. Our date in Los 0:00:40.756 --> 0:00:44.716 Angeles with Ray and Anna Romano involved a little more 0:00:44.796 --> 0:00:47.636 staging than we were used to. That asked us to 0:00:47.676 --> 0:00:50.076 meet at a hotel near their home. So we got 0:00:50.116 --> 0:00:52.156 there a few hours early, and rather than sit in 0:00:52.156 --> 0:00:55.716 a noisy lobby, we booked a room, ordered room service, 0:00:55.916 --> 0:00:59.036 and then proceeded to rearrange all the furniture until the 0:00:59.116 --> 0:01:02.756 setting was just right. Once they arrived, we all rated 0:01:02.756 --> 0:01:06.036 the mini bar and everyone ate M and M's while 0:01:06.156 --> 0:01:10.116 Marlowe struggled with the recording equipment. That has to I 0:01:10.116 --> 0:01:12.836 can't believe you're doing it at all. Yeah, those are. 0:01:13.076 --> 0:01:15.476 But then when you press this button, does it like? 0:01:15.636 --> 0:01:18.436 Because it's something supposed to like, but I don't think. 0:01:18.516 --> 0:01:24.236 Let's see here, but you sorted it out like a chance, Yes, 0:01:24.636 --> 0:01:27.996 you had you had it upside down. Okay, well that's funny, 0:01:28.156 --> 0:01:33.676 that's kind of my personality. We finally settled down to talk. Well, 0:01:33.676 --> 0:01:37.596 first of all, you guys met how we worked together 0:01:37.636 --> 0:01:40.396 at a bank bank. We were bank tellers, we were 0:01:40.396 --> 0:01:43.196 really young, and I was bank teller. Oh, I think 0:01:43.236 --> 0:01:46.436 I started there when I was eighteen. He wasn't there yet. 0:01:46.796 --> 0:01:49.396 I started working there when I was twenty five. I 0:01:49.436 --> 0:01:52.756 lived at home till I was twenty nine. Wow. Yeah, 0:01:52.876 --> 0:01:56.836 so I drove my bike to work. I was pretty 0:01:56.916 --> 0:02:00.876 much like not the new stud guy working at the bank. 0:02:01.156 --> 0:02:03.356 Yeah when ye, when he started there, there was a 0:02:03.356 --> 0:02:05.836 bunch of young girls. We all worked there, and we're like, oh, 0:02:05.836 --> 0:02:10.036 there's a young guy starting here, yeah, you know or whatever. Um, 0:02:10.116 --> 0:02:12.796 and then he strolled it on a bike. I was 0:02:12.836 --> 0:02:16.836 just at late by the way, always ten. I should 0:02:17.436 --> 0:02:20.676 back then. It wasn't going to change about two years. 0:02:20.676 --> 0:02:24.076 And I left after two years, right, And then I 0:02:24.116 --> 0:02:28.596 asked her out after I had left the bank. Yeah, 0:02:28.716 --> 0:02:32.636 that's why I wasn't working anywhere. But little footnote she 0:02:32.756 --> 0:02:35.316 was the third girl I asked out at the bank. 0:02:35.756 --> 0:02:41.796 The first two said no, trust you get well, why 0:02:41.836 --> 0:02:43.876 did you live at home? Was that like an Italian thing? 0:02:46.076 --> 0:02:48.756 It was part that, But I think everyone in our 0:02:48.756 --> 0:02:52.596 neighborhood stayed home till they were married, most most of them, 0:02:52.596 --> 0:02:56.676 I would a lot of my buddies didn't move out 0:02:56.716 --> 0:02:59.516 until they got married. I just happened to get married later. 0:03:00.436 --> 0:03:03.836 But also I was kind of nowhere in my career 0:03:04.156 --> 0:03:07.556 or what I wanted to do. I had dropped out 0:03:07.556 --> 0:03:11.196 of college and I was kind of in nowhere land 0:03:11.636 --> 0:03:15.116 until he met me. It all came together, and when 0:03:15.116 --> 0:03:17.796 I met her was the same time I also started 0:03:17.836 --> 0:03:20.996 doing stand up comedy. I always tell her she took 0:03:21.036 --> 0:03:23.196 a gamble because she went out with a guy who 0:03:23.236 --> 0:03:25.756 lived at home and rode a bike to work, and 0:03:25.836 --> 0:03:29.836 now she has her own movie theater. Okay, all right, 0:03:29.916 --> 0:03:36.076 will you deserve it? Yeah? Thank you, believe me. Well, 0:03:36.076 --> 0:03:38.796 what was it about him? I mean, did I want 0:03:39.116 --> 0:03:43.556 with a guy? Yeah? You know, honestly, I think it 0:03:43.676 --> 0:03:47.196 just grew from a friendship into a relationship. So I 0:03:47.236 --> 0:03:50.716 think we were friend he became friends, and he was 0:03:50.756 --> 0:03:53.596 funny and he was kind and sweet. He really was 0:03:53.996 --> 0:03:58.116 an easy personality. You know. We didn't have any expectations 0:03:58.196 --> 0:04:01.556 when we were dating. It wasn't like and we just 0:04:01.636 --> 0:04:04.156 kind of did it. It was like what Rocky says, 0:04:04.196 --> 0:04:07.236 and U what's the home side of Rocky? It fills gaps. 0:04:07.756 --> 0:04:10.676 He was, I got gaps, She got gaps. Together, we 0:04:10.756 --> 0:04:15.396 filled gaps. I think that's true with us. We filled gaps. Yeah, 0:04:15.436 --> 0:04:18.036 and so you didn't. So he looked like he was 0:04:18.076 --> 0:04:22.076 going nowhere, so you could be Yeah, I didn't. I 0:04:22.116 --> 0:04:24.356 didn't care. I guess it didn't matter. I didn't have 0:04:24.556 --> 0:04:26.436 but to be. But to tell you the truth, I've 0:04:26.436 --> 0:04:30.476 always said this, she would be happy if I was 0:04:30.516 --> 0:04:36.036 a plumber, if a plumber made the same amount of money. Yeah, well, 0:04:36.196 --> 0:04:42.036 you weren't looking to fix things up at the time. 0:04:42.076 --> 0:04:44.716 I was like twenty seven. I guess I was about 0:04:44.716 --> 0:04:47.276 a year and a half, two years into my stand up, 0:04:47.316 --> 0:04:50.276 so it's still very early, still very early. I'm still 0:04:50.316 --> 0:04:53.676 I'm still not making a living. I'm doing it at 0:04:53.756 --> 0:04:56.596 night and I'm working with my friend who owns a 0:04:56.596 --> 0:04:59.916 futime mattress company during the day. I never had the 0:05:00.036 --> 0:05:02.276 idea this is going to be my career stand up 0:05:02.356 --> 0:05:04.876 when we started dating, I just love to do it, 0:05:04.916 --> 0:05:07.836 and I just kept doing it. You musn't trusted something 0:05:07.876 --> 0:05:10.876 about him, right, He It was funny and he was 0:05:10.916 --> 0:05:14.116 just kind. You know, he's just a good person. I 0:05:14.116 --> 0:05:22.876 haven't heard the words yet. Did you did it take 0:05:22.916 --> 0:05:26.796 you when you started dating to get married? Two years? Yeah? 0:05:26.836 --> 0:05:30.076 Two years? Yeah, But I think we were both ready 0:05:30.156 --> 0:05:35.236 to be married. I remember one time. I don't know 0:05:35.276 --> 0:05:39.236 what the reason was, but I got jealous somehow. It 0:05:39.276 --> 0:05:41.876 was the first time I felt like this, and I 0:05:41.876 --> 0:05:45.916 don't know, I just felt like it kind of crossed over, 0:05:46.076 --> 0:05:53.596 you know, for me. But I think we just both 0:05:53.676 --> 0:05:57.156 had the same goals without really even talking about it. 0:05:57.236 --> 0:05:59.636 You know, we both wanted kids and family, and that's 0:05:59.636 --> 0:06:03.196 what we really wanted, so everything else was a bonus. 0:06:03.516 --> 0:06:07.676 You know. It wasn't like a It just evolved. It 0:06:07.796 --> 0:06:13.116 wasn't a shocking me proposing in her. No, No, it 0:06:13.236 --> 0:06:18.556 just was a slow realization that that we both agree 0:06:19.076 --> 0:06:21.596 we want to get married. So having lived with your 0:06:21.636 --> 0:06:24.276 mom and dad all that time and he moved in 0:06:24.476 --> 0:06:27.356 for the first time for yeah, I used to do 0:06:28.116 --> 0:06:31.276 stories about that in might stand up. These are jokes, 0:06:31.316 --> 0:06:34.436 but but these were true. Like day one when you 0:06:34.476 --> 0:06:39.356 move in with someone is a crucial day because you 0:06:39.356 --> 0:06:41.716 know there's decisions to be made on day one that 0:06:41.756 --> 0:06:44.116 you don't think are important when you're living on your own, 0:06:44.476 --> 0:06:46.916 like what side of the bed do you get? And 0:06:46.956 --> 0:06:49.676 I thought that was trivial, and then I realized that's 0:06:49.716 --> 0:06:53.236 your side for life right there, And I blew the call. 0:06:53.516 --> 0:06:59.116 I didn't I didn't look at the TV. And yeah, 0:06:59.436 --> 0:07:02.076 I think we were also brought up the same way 0:07:02.436 --> 0:07:05.876 where his mom did you know, took care of the 0:07:05.916 --> 0:07:09.756 man in the mouse. My mother very italian Us, But 0:07:09.796 --> 0:07:12.836 I didn't do a lottle. First little launcher I ever 0:07:12.916 --> 0:07:15.036 did was was when I got the TV show. I 0:07:15.116 --> 0:07:17.156 had to come out of here by myself, and I 0:07:17.156 --> 0:07:18.916 remember having to call you and say where do I 0:07:18.916 --> 0:07:22.636 put the thing and whatever? Yeah. Yeah, so I think 0:07:22.636 --> 0:07:24.996 we had a lot of the same background, so we 0:07:25.076 --> 0:07:28.276 kind of just fell into our roles, which I wish 0:07:28.356 --> 0:07:30.796 we didn't fall into those roles because I do everything. 0:07:30.876 --> 0:07:33.396 But yeah, it wasn't like all of a sudden living 0:07:33.396 --> 0:07:36.156 on my own. It was like I was still being 0:07:36.196 --> 0:07:41.276 taken care of. That's the thing that you know, the 0:07:41.316 --> 0:07:43.676 fact that you're both Italian and my mom was Sicilian. 0:07:43.756 --> 0:07:46.116 My father's lemonade and there was a lot of screaming 0:07:46.116 --> 0:07:48.436 in our house. Yeah. Bill always said in his house, 0:07:48.716 --> 0:07:52.596 everything was very quiet, you know. Yea, his parents didn't fight. 0:07:52.956 --> 0:07:55.196 I was a great shock to him because I'm because 0:07:55.196 --> 0:07:56.916 you're a fighter and gonna hear it right away and 0:07:56.916 --> 0:07:58.436 I'm through with it in three minutes. He on the 0:07:58.436 --> 0:08:03.756 other hand. Yeah, I think that's it too. We get 0:08:03.756 --> 0:08:05.996 mad and then it's over. You know we're done. Well, 0:08:06.076 --> 0:08:09.196 how do you fight? Do you fight the same way? 0:08:09.356 --> 0:08:13.516 We fight the same way? She yells at me normally 0:08:13.596 --> 0:08:17.276 when we have a disagreement, I get loud, you getting 0:08:17.276 --> 0:08:20.636 loud to me. I don't return it because I know 0:08:21.196 --> 0:08:24.516 I'm always the one in trouble, so for me to 0:08:24.876 --> 0:08:26.996 flip it on you, like, I don't think I have 0:08:27.036 --> 0:08:33.116 the right, I'm glad I'm always the one. I think 0:08:33.156 --> 0:08:36.356 she's also very good at um. Like I'm quick tempered 0:08:36.356 --> 0:08:38.716 and I'll get mad and I don't think things through 0:08:38.796 --> 0:08:41.076 and he'll be like, okay, all right, all right, calm 0:08:41.116 --> 0:08:43.076 down for a second. You're the one that comes and 0:08:43.156 --> 0:08:45.516 makes about Do you ever apologize after you've started that 0:08:45.716 --> 0:08:47.876 or No, he's a one that you don't apologize to 0:08:47.916 --> 0:08:52.076 each other a couple of times. I mean, it has 0:08:52.116 --> 0:08:54.676 to be a big fight if it's stupid little fights. No, 0:08:55.596 --> 0:08:58.356 we don't really apologize. We just get over it and that. 0:08:58.876 --> 0:09:00.596 But even like not to go back to my act, 0:09:01.556 --> 0:09:04.356 but it's all about a guy is always trying to 0:09:04.356 --> 0:09:08.436 score points with his wife. And what I've what I've 0:09:08.476 --> 0:09:11.476 realized is this game where we're trying to score points. 0:09:12.876 --> 0:09:17.076 We're always behind. We're always behind. You never feel you 0:09:17.156 --> 0:09:19.916 have to score points with me. I always I guess 0:09:19.916 --> 0:09:23.556 I don't do anything wrong. No, no, it's not that 0:09:23.636 --> 0:09:25.836 you don't do anything wrong. It's not. It's that you 0:09:25.916 --> 0:09:29.876 do so much more good. You know where I feel like, 0:09:29.996 --> 0:09:32.236 if I see the guy selling the flower on the corner, 0:09:32.676 --> 0:09:34.276 you know, let me get it and bring it home 0:09:34.316 --> 0:09:36.956 because it'll score some points. Where she doesn't feel that 0:09:37.236 --> 0:09:39.156 she's a she's a head and points. Well, I think 0:09:39.156 --> 0:09:44.316 that's true. Well, listen when I was doing my show 0:09:44.356 --> 0:09:46.356 and all that, she's the one home with the four kids, 0:09:46.356 --> 0:09:48.996 and she's the one and I'm the one going on 0:09:49.076 --> 0:09:51.796 the road and going to wherever to film and going here. 0:09:52.676 --> 0:09:55.756 Of course she's ahead and points. You know, she's the 0:09:55.796 --> 0:10:01.196 one holding the fort down and I'm paying for the fort. 0:10:01.556 --> 0:10:08.076 But thank god, that will. So trust is a big thing. 0:10:08.156 --> 0:10:11.036 So trust was up a thing you guys had to 0:10:11.076 --> 0:10:14.236 work on. You had that, Yeah, we had that. I 0:10:14.276 --> 0:10:18.116 think for us it was he became the Hollywood star 0:10:18.836 --> 0:10:21.116 and I really was like the stay at home mom 0:10:21.236 --> 0:10:23.996 and I didn't have a career. I didn't have I 0:10:24.036 --> 0:10:27.436 was not in this business. So I stayed in Queens 0:10:27.516 --> 0:10:29.836 for the first season and he moved out. So he 0:10:29.876 --> 0:10:32.196 was living with his single friend who was always looking 0:10:32.236 --> 0:10:37.196 for girls, and I told him to every Raymond, I 0:10:37.236 --> 0:10:39.436 stayed in Queens with my three kids. I didn't we 0:10:39.476 --> 0:10:45.636 only had three. Him he living with this friend of his. 0:10:46.196 --> 0:10:47.916 I told the friend, I go, you're not allowed to 0:10:47.916 --> 0:10:50.636 bring girls up there. I don't care. I don't care. 0:10:50.716 --> 0:10:53.756 We're paying for the apartment. You're not having girlfriends up there, 0:10:53.916 --> 0:10:56.916 you know, because you know, now here's a new celebrity. 0:10:56.956 --> 0:10:59.956 I don't know what it's like. You girls, you know, 0:11:00.036 --> 0:11:02.756 are looking for the next best thing. And I just 0:11:02.916 --> 0:11:04.556 I didn't want. Of course, I don't want. I have 0:11:04.596 --> 0:11:07.196 three little kids, you know. I I think he was 0:11:07.236 --> 0:11:12.516 a lawyer, was very loyal, but still it doesn't even 0:11:12.516 --> 0:11:15.156 matter that you're loyal. I worry about the other women, 0:11:15.196 --> 0:11:23.916 the women, because they may force you to see So anyway, 0:11:23.956 --> 0:11:25.716 there was a little bit of that, and maybe I 0:11:25.756 --> 0:11:29.276 was a little like worried, but not I really I 0:11:29.316 --> 0:11:32.076 trusted him. I really trusted phil la Ren asked my 0:11:32.156 --> 0:11:35.036 husband out to lunch and I said, I don't think so, 0:11:35.556 --> 0:11:40.476 I really do under the purpose. Well, the women in 0:11:40.556 --> 0:11:44.916 my office would claim that if a female cast came 0:11:44.956 --> 0:11:49.156 on to me, I didn't know what was happening. That 0:11:49.236 --> 0:11:51.476 was good, that was a good thing. But he had 0:11:52.516 --> 0:11:56.596 his show. Right the day after the show, she invited 0:11:56.676 --> 0:11:59.356 him to lunch. He called me. I was in New York, 0:11:59.356 --> 0:12:01.316 he was in Chicago. I was working and he was 0:12:01.356 --> 0:12:03.676 working and he said to me, you know, Sophia Laurent 0:12:03.796 --> 0:12:06.396 called me inviting me to lunch. What do you think. 0:12:07.596 --> 0:12:10.076 I said, Well, if she had invited you to lunch 0:12:10.436 --> 0:12:13.076 before she did the show, I'd understand that because that 0:12:13.116 --> 0:12:18.556 means she wants to know. What if she invites you 0:12:18.596 --> 0:12:21.196 to lunch after the show? Yeah, he said, yeah, that's 0:12:21.236 --> 0:12:23.116 what I thought. I get more. The funny thing is 0:12:23.116 --> 0:12:25.356 I get more jealous than she does. And I'm the 0:12:25.436 --> 0:12:27.396 one in the scenes with the women here. They're not 0:12:27.436 --> 0:12:31.876 a lot, but it's on occasion. Yeah. And I had 0:12:31.916 --> 0:12:35.636 to do it with the show Vinyl that I did 0:12:35.916 --> 0:12:39.196 about rock and roll in the seventies. It was on HBO. 0:12:39.276 --> 0:12:42.316 It was like two two years ago, and I had 0:12:42.356 --> 0:12:45.316 to do a scene with the threesome. So too young? 0:12:46.036 --> 0:12:49.956 Are you're going to tell that part that the young girls, 0:12:50.796 --> 0:12:54.036 young naked girls. Yeah, it was HBO, it was Mick 0:12:54.156 --> 0:12:56.156 Jagger was producing it. It was it was on for 0:12:56.236 --> 0:12:59.036 one season. It was about rock and roll in the seventies. 0:12:59.076 --> 0:13:03.076 So I play a music producer or whatever, after which 0:13:03.076 --> 0:13:04.556 she goes, all right, well, what was it like? Tell 0:13:04.596 --> 0:13:06.396 me what the scene was like. I asked a lot 0:13:06.436 --> 0:13:09.916 of details. I needed to hear the details. I told him. 0:13:09.916 --> 0:13:12.556 I said, it's it's it's horrible. There's a guy there 0:13:12.596 --> 0:13:15.476 and there's a boom mic there, and you know, we're 0:13:15.516 --> 0:13:22.036 wearing protective stuff and she's sitting uh here whatever. I 0:13:22.116 --> 0:13:30.236 was like, where's she sitting here? It's so anyway, So 0:13:30.316 --> 0:13:32.796 that ends, and then she was in. It was in 0:13:32.836 --> 0:13:34.276 New York. We filmed it, and then she had to 0:13:34.276 --> 0:13:36.396 fly back to LA and I called her after the 0:13:36.436 --> 0:13:38.316 plane lands and I go, how was your friend? She 0:13:38.316 --> 0:13:40.876 said it was good. I sat next to this actor, 0:13:40.876 --> 0:13:45.916 this young Latino actor, and he wanted me. He found 0:13:45.916 --> 0:13:49.796 out I was your husband, and he gave me his card. 0:13:50.316 --> 0:13:52.996 So right away, now I'm the jail. I'm like, what 0:13:53.036 --> 0:13:56.356 do you mean he gave you his card? Question? She's like, 0:13:56.356 --> 0:13:57.876 what do you mean he gave me his card? Because 0:13:57.876 --> 0:14:00.196 he knows. I'm He goes, but why would he give 0:14:00.236 --> 0:14:02.156 his card? I go and I kept going, and she's 0:14:02.196 --> 0:14:04.476 getting annoyed. I go, what was his name? What was 0:14:04.516 --> 0:14:07.676 his name? And she stops me and she goes, what 0:14:07.796 --> 0:14:09.396 was the name of a girl that sat on your 0:14:09.476 --> 0:14:18.436 coricks them up? Oh god? I did this movie with 0:14:18.556 --> 0:14:22.476 Christmas Stofferson and we're in bed, you know, kissing and 0:14:22.556 --> 0:14:27.996 whatever and whens and the scene was literally four minutes long. 0:14:28.036 --> 0:14:30.036 And when the movie was over, he said, head is 0:14:30.036 --> 0:14:32.676 the longest fucking love scene I've ever seen in my life. 0:14:37.636 --> 0:14:51.996 We'll have more. After a quick break, we're back to 0:14:52.076 --> 0:14:56.436 our conversation with Ray and Anna Romano. They've been together 0:14:56.556 --> 0:14:59.676 for more than thirty years, not an easy thing to 0:14:59.716 --> 0:15:03.596 do in Hollywood. So Marlowe asked, what's the glue that 0:15:03.756 --> 0:15:08.596 keeps them together? It's that we're compatible. She's this person 0:15:08.716 --> 0:15:12.716 on this person. I'm this person who performs, and part 0:15:12.756 --> 0:15:15.516 of me needs attention and this and that that doesn't 0:15:15.556 --> 0:15:21.236 threaten her and she doesn't feel neglected by that, you know, 0:15:21.636 --> 0:15:25.196 and especially in this business, the pieces have to fit 0:15:25.356 --> 0:15:28.516 that way. I feel like he needs that attention from 0:15:28.876 --> 0:15:31.956 other people. All I want is the attention from my family. 0:15:32.076 --> 0:15:34.036 I don't really need it from it and me, and 0:15:34.116 --> 0:15:36.356 she doesn't even get it from me as much as 0:15:36.476 --> 0:15:43.196 I should not yet she you Catholic Italian. Yeah, the 0:15:43.276 --> 0:15:48.436 father and all that. You know, my father was very undemonstrative, 0:15:48.516 --> 0:15:50.796 and it was just hard to show anything like that. 0:15:51.036 --> 0:15:52.996 But you know what, I don't even think it's only 0:15:53.036 --> 0:15:56.116 that because I notice. I think it's genetic. I think 0:15:56.156 --> 0:16:00.916 it's something you're born with me. Maybe my father never 0:16:00.956 --> 0:16:03.956 said he loved me to me. Never, So I go 0:16:03.996 --> 0:16:06.596 out of my way to make sure my kids don't 0:16:06.636 --> 0:16:10.356 feel that. But even when I do, it doesn't roll 0:16:10.516 --> 0:16:13.596 off the tongue. It doesn't come natural. Yes, but I 0:16:13.676 --> 0:16:17.156 do it, but so I feel self conscious doing it. 0:16:17.276 --> 0:16:20.596 So they pick up on that a little bit. You know. Well, 0:16:20.876 --> 0:16:26.116 my kids are now, they now say I love you. Yeah, 0:16:26.116 --> 0:16:30.236 it was hard, hard, Yeah. Yeah. Was it hard for 0:16:30.276 --> 0:16:33.476 you though to tell them? Yeah? Yeah, it's weird of 0:16:33.676 --> 0:16:36.196 just some people. Yeah. The first time you told me 0:16:36.236 --> 0:16:39.916 he loved me, we were in Chicago, near his home. 0:16:39.956 --> 0:16:42.836 We were taking a walk and he said to me, Okay, 0:16:42.876 --> 0:16:47.996 I'm going to play a card here for it, play 0:16:47.996 --> 0:16:51.316 a card here, I said, yeah, he said, I love you, 0:16:51.756 --> 0:16:56.036 I said, that's a card. He's trying to see if 0:16:56.036 --> 0:16:58.276 you're trying to see if I can get it out, 0:16:59.476 --> 0:17:02.276 because his parents never said I can come natural. My 0:17:02.356 --> 0:17:05.876 parents said I love you all the time. We cried. 0:17:05.996 --> 0:17:10.636 My father cried all the time for everybody, very right, right, Yeah, 0:17:10.716 --> 0:17:13.116 it was completely different kind of Well, how about the 0:17:13.156 --> 0:17:17.196 first time we kissed. Yeah, so the first time we kissed, 0:17:17.236 --> 0:17:19.916 he drove me home to my mom's house and we 0:17:20.116 --> 0:17:23.596 made out in the car. So we were done, and 0:17:24.556 --> 0:17:25.756 I don't know what, you know, I don't know what 0:17:25.756 --> 0:17:27.596 to do next week. So I look at him and 0:17:27.636 --> 0:17:29.996 he literally is not looking at me. He can't even 0:17:29.996 --> 0:17:36.116 look at me. He's looking straight straight ahead, and I'm like, um, okay, 0:17:36.236 --> 0:17:39.076 so I'll see you tomorrow. I don't know you'll call me. 0:17:39.116 --> 0:17:43.676 I don't know. It was so awkward. Ye afterwards was awkward, 0:17:43.756 --> 0:17:47.276 but during it was fine. You know, So, what have 0:17:47.316 --> 0:17:52.396 you learned from being married this long that you would 0:17:52.476 --> 0:17:57.236 pass on? Well? I think you shouldn't decide until you 0:17:57.716 --> 0:18:00.356 know the person totally, you know. I think by the 0:18:00.396 --> 0:18:03.756 time we decided, you knew who I was and I 0:18:03.796 --> 0:18:05.996 knew who you were. But we were together two years, 0:18:06.076 --> 0:18:08.676 where some people date ten years, they get married and 0:18:08.716 --> 0:18:11.996 then get supporting. And I never understood showing that, you know, 0:18:12.996 --> 0:18:17.676 so what's the big surprise. Yeah, I don't know. What 0:18:17.796 --> 0:18:22.836 about stress? Who handles it better? We stress over different things. 0:18:22.876 --> 0:18:26.116 That's the problem. Why I'm worse is because I stress 0:18:26.196 --> 0:18:29.716 over things that you really shouldn't. You know, I'm neurotic. 0:18:29.756 --> 0:18:34.196 I'm the neurotic one. I'll stress over you know, what's 0:18:34.196 --> 0:18:36.996 this bump, what's this thing that guy he hates me, 0:18:37.196 --> 0:18:40.916 you know, stuff like that. But constantly all day there's 0:18:40.956 --> 0:18:46.356 something you know I am. I'm neurotic. I'm I'm a hypochondriact. 0:18:46.716 --> 0:18:49.916 I'm a pessimist, and I obsess over things where she 0:18:50.156 --> 0:18:55.356 stresses over things like yeah, I stress over like real things, 0:18:55.356 --> 0:18:57.396 and that's when I am the rational one. I stress 0:18:57.436 --> 0:18:59.516 over the kids, you know, if they're not working, they're 0:18:59.516 --> 0:19:03.196 not going to school, or it's just the real life 0:19:03.276 --> 0:19:06.436 things where he's just obsessed over a little Yeah. Well, 0:19:06.436 --> 0:19:09.076 there's a there's a great saying that a good marriage 0:19:09.276 --> 0:19:11.596 people don't go crazy at the same time. We go 0:19:11.636 --> 0:19:16.116 crazy at the same time. So when he panics, I panic, 0:19:16.116 --> 0:19:18.756 and when I panic, key panics and I've been trying 0:19:18.756 --> 0:19:22.076 to really work on that, which is when he panics, 0:19:22.476 --> 0:19:25.716 I really try very hard not to and he tries 0:19:25.876 --> 0:19:27.516 not think we do that. I think we do that 0:19:27.556 --> 0:19:31.596 pretty good. Interviewing other people about marriage is really interesting 0:19:31.756 --> 0:19:33.636 because every time we do, we get in the car 0:19:33.636 --> 0:19:35.316 and say, well, do we do that? Do you do? 0:19:35.476 --> 0:19:37.716 You know? One of the things we were thinking through 0:19:37.956 --> 0:19:42.756 is about what we really get from the other that 0:19:42.796 --> 0:19:45.196 we just can't get anyplace else, and not love and 0:19:45.276 --> 0:19:48.396 sex and those things, but other emotional things. And I'm 0:19:48.436 --> 0:19:52.316 a very self reliant person. I'm very resourceful and tough 0:19:52.356 --> 0:19:55.276 and all that. But when I get blue or down, 0:19:56.636 --> 0:19:59.836 only one person can make it better, and that's Phil. 0:20:00.156 --> 0:20:03.076 He will talk me out of where I put myself. 0:20:03.076 --> 0:20:04.916 And one of those people who always feels I said 0:20:04.956 --> 0:20:07.876 the wrong thing somewhere and did you see that person's face? 0:20:07.876 --> 0:20:09.956 I mean, I really, why did I say that then? 0:20:10.116 --> 0:20:12.836 Because are you kidding? You're the most interesting person at 0:20:12.876 --> 0:20:15.916 the party. Are you crazy? You know? He'll just bring 0:20:15.916 --> 0:20:19.596 me all the way from zero up. So I'm trying 0:20:19.596 --> 0:20:22.796 to figure out how that If there's that in U guys, 0:20:23.036 --> 0:20:26.116 I think, well, I get what I get from her 0:20:26.316 --> 0:20:29.076 is the truth. You know, in this business where everyone 0:20:29.116 --> 0:20:32.716 either is phony or kissing her ass. You know, I 0:20:32.756 --> 0:20:36.076 know that's not going to happen with her. She's just 0:20:36.116 --> 0:20:39.236 gonna tell me the truth and not be mean about it. 0:20:39.276 --> 0:20:41.836 But it's exactly what I want. You know, you can 0:20:41.916 --> 0:20:46.196 count on it. Yes, perfect example. And when Everybody Loves 0:20:46.276 --> 0:20:50.196 Raymond premiered, I was in LA and she was home 0:20:50.236 --> 0:20:52.916 with the kids, and so to celebrate, we were going 0:20:52.956 --> 0:20:55.716 to go to Vegas, me and Kevin James, my buddy. 0:20:56.316 --> 0:20:58.716 And when I told her We're going to Vegas, she was, oh, 0:20:58.716 --> 0:21:01.236 you're going to Vegas. I'm meantime, I'm home with the kids. 0:21:01.516 --> 0:21:03.476 I go, but my show premiered, and I was kind 0:21:03.476 --> 0:21:07.556 of being mockingly cocky, you know, I was saying, do 0:21:07.596 --> 0:21:11.876 you understand what is happening right now? I'm being broadcast 0:21:11.956 --> 0:21:15.276 in front of the whole United States? Okay, thirty million 0:21:15.316 --> 0:21:17.036 people are going to see me tonight. You know, I'm 0:21:17.036 --> 0:21:21.756 just trying to be annoying whatever. I'm going to be 0:21:21.756 --> 0:21:25.036 a star tomorrow, And to which she said, You're still 0:21:25.076 --> 0:21:34.956 the dick I married. That was so wonderful. We had 0:21:34.996 --> 0:21:37.956 such a great time with ray and Anna. After we 0:21:38.036 --> 0:21:41.596 wrapped up. We realized we had completely forgotten to ask 0:21:41.636 --> 0:21:44.796 about one very important experience that they had gone through together. 0:21:45.556 --> 0:21:48.276 Days later, we called them on the phone to hear 0:21:48.356 --> 0:21:52.916 the story. So, were you alone when you got the news, Anna, 0:21:53.116 --> 0:21:55.116 or were you was rayed with you with the doctor? 0:21:55.236 --> 0:21:59.316 How did it happen? Well, the kind of caused this 0:21:59.436 --> 0:22:02.436 found a lump, So we did a mammogram and they 0:22:02.516 --> 0:22:05.636 found something. I picked up the phone. You were crying 0:22:06.916 --> 0:22:09.836 and I thought immediately thought it was my father because 0:22:09.876 --> 0:22:14.836 my father was was close to to leaving our Yeah, 0:22:14.916 --> 0:22:19.196 and then you told me that ye yeah, yeah, yeah, 0:22:19.196 --> 0:22:22.076 I got I was very upset. And then you went 0:22:22.076 --> 0:22:24.316 for the biopsy. Yeah. We had to wait a whole 0:22:24.316 --> 0:22:26.796 weekend to get the results. And then when we got 0:22:26.796 --> 0:22:29.836 the results, it was like Monday morning. At night, Monday morning, 0:22:29.876 --> 0:22:32.276 we were together because we were waiting for him for 0:22:32.316 --> 0:22:34.796 them to call. You know, yeah, we called from the bathroom. 0:22:34.796 --> 0:22:36.636 I remember, we were in the bathroom. You know, it's 0:22:36.756 --> 0:22:39.356 very nerve, you're nervous. All weekend. We were hosting a 0:22:39.476 --> 0:22:44.516 Super Bowl party. That weekend. We had fifteen fifty at 0:22:44.596 --> 0:22:47.156 least people over our house and we just had to 0:22:47.356 --> 0:22:52.316 you know, uh, through it. That's sure. That was very scary, Yeah, 0:22:52.596 --> 0:22:55.156 very very But we were first trying to say, look, 0:22:55.796 --> 0:22:58.916 let's not let's not think it's anything until we know 0:22:58.996 --> 0:23:01.436 it's something. You know that. I think it was like 0:23:01.596 --> 0:23:04.316 nine am on a Monday they called us. You know, 0:23:04.596 --> 0:23:09.836 first we kind of got emotional and um, but then 0:23:09.836 --> 0:23:12.756 we immediately wanted to didn't want to waste any time, 0:23:12.956 --> 0:23:15.716 you know. I remember I had to call my manager 0:23:15.796 --> 0:23:18.756 and cancel. It kind of hit me then when I 0:23:18.756 --> 0:23:21.676 had to tell him why, Um, I was in my member, 0:23:21.716 --> 0:23:23.196 I was in the closet, and I got a little. 0:23:23.556 --> 0:23:26.676 I got a little. It overtook me a little bit. 0:23:27.076 --> 0:23:29.356 So at that moment when you got the phone call, 0:23:29.996 --> 0:23:34.316 they said, um, so it is breast cancer. And of course, 0:23:34.636 --> 0:23:37.836 you know whatever, I'm going to get emotional. I know, 0:23:39.076 --> 0:23:42.036 wouldn't I'm getting emotional listening to it. I don't know. 0:23:42.076 --> 0:23:45.996 I think when you get the news just well, I 0:23:46.076 --> 0:23:49.436 think I was all weekend just trying to convince myself, 0:23:49.796 --> 0:23:51.756