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Speaker 1: Hey, there're folks in this episode.

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Speaker 2: Our Love Stories series continues with what is undoubtedly the

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Speaker 2: most unorthodox married couple in our series, Couple number three,

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Speaker 2: Newlywed's Jacob and Samantha. He's gay, she's straight. They're married,

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Speaker 2: and they're here to help us, help you. Welcome to

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Speaker 2: this special Cuffing season edition of Amy and TJ and Robes.

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Speaker 2: We need to make this clear. They are in a

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Speaker 2: monogamous marriage even though he's a gay man, she's a

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Speaker 2: straight woman.

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Speaker 3: That's right.

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Speaker 4: This is Jeff Hoff and Samantha Greenstone. I first read

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Speaker 4: about this couple in the New York Times, and I

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Speaker 4: was fascinated because they are not your typical married couple,

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Speaker 4: and they really want to make it clear. This is

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Speaker 4: not to be confused with a lavender marriage.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, we to know what that want.

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Speaker 4: I had to google that as well. Basically, that's two

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Speaker 4: people who get together and and one person is gay

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Speaker 4: and is using the other as a beard, basically making

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Speaker 4: other people believe he or she is straight. All the

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Speaker 4: while they're stepping out of their marriage and having those

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Speaker 4: relationships that they actually wish they could have if it

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Speaker 4: weren't shunned or in some way frowned upon to be gay.

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Speaker 2: So it's a very important distinction.

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Speaker 3: Correct.

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Speaker 4: These are two people who love each other, who are

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Speaker 4: dedicated and devoted to one another, who are monogamous. And

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Speaker 4: the way well you'll hear Jeff say it for himself.

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Speaker 4: I don't want to put words in his mouth because

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Speaker 4: it really is fascinated. We asked him, you know, how

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Speaker 4: are you not gay? Why aren't you a bisexual? Why

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Speaker 4: aren't you a pan sexual? He addresses it all and

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Speaker 4: it really makes a lot of sense. It's ultimately one

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Speaker 4: soul connecting to another. It has nothing to do with

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Speaker 4: gender or sexual orientation.

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Speaker 2: And again, this is a monogamous, yes, monogamous relationship, but

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Speaker 2: a monogamous sexual relationship as well. And this is not

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Speaker 2: a situation where she's saying, Okay, you go do your

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Speaker 2: thing somewhere else. Absolutely not. It is not that. So

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Speaker 2: it's we were trying to get a diversity of couples.

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Speaker 2: This is as diverse as we could get.

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Speaker 4: Yep, it's true series, and it's cool because this wasn't

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Speaker 4: some impulsive thing they did either. They met at an

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Speaker 4: audition for Fiddler on the Roof, They dated for seven

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Speaker 4: years and really went through it debating whether or not

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Speaker 4: they could each make this kind of I don't want

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Speaker 4: to say sacrifice, but just devotion to one another despite

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Speaker 4: their differences, and they.

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Speaker 2: Have talked about it, they have talked about it publicly,

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Speaker 2: and they continue to promote, if you will, their relationship

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Speaker 2: and having this type of relationship and giving people another

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Speaker 2: way to think about relationships in marriage with their accounts

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Speaker 2: on social media in particular TikTok. But no matter where

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Speaker 2: you might be in your relationship and your dating life,

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Speaker 2: we could.

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Speaker 1: All use a little help. And this is why Ropes

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Speaker 1: and I've been doing this.

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Speaker 2: We have a number of couples we've talked to ask

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Speaker 2: them all the exact same list of relationship questions. Who

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Speaker 2: said I love you first? How often do you have sex?

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Speaker 2: How often do you fight? You go to bit angry?

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Speaker 2: You ever threatened to break up during an argument? Stuff

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Speaker 2: like that. But we got practical as well, about finances

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Speaker 2: and chores around the house.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, the things that a lot of times, the mundane

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Speaker 4: things that weigh couples down. But we, as we mentioned,

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Speaker 4: talk to a diverse bunch. We have an interracial couple

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Speaker 4: with a thirty year age difference, a couple celebrating eleven years,

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Speaker 4: but she was married when they first met. An actress

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Speaker 4: and a country singer and her pro soccer hubby who

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Speaker 4: lived in another continent. A mixed orientation and couple who

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Speaker 4: you're going to hear today.

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Speaker 2: So we're going to drop a new episode with a

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Speaker 2: new couple every single day leading up to Valentine's Day.

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Speaker 2: So today it is Samantha and Jacob. Please take a

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Speaker 2: listen to our conversation with him.

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Speaker 3: Thank you so much for being with us.

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Speaker 5: Thank younas.

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Speaker 6: We're so excited.

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Speaker 4: Oh good, because I hope you can match my enthusiasm.

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Speaker 4: So you guys kind of exploded in terms of being

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Speaker 4: known because the New York Times did an article on you.

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Speaker 3: You all, this is self described.

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Speaker 4: Are a mixed orientation couple. Tell us what that means?

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Speaker 6: Okay, So the technical definition of mixed orientation is that

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Speaker 6: one partner's sexual preference or their identity is different than

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Speaker 6: the other partners. So one person can be straight and

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Speaker 6: the other person can be gay or a whole slew

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Speaker 6: of whatever you identify as. But they're two different things

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Speaker 6: coming together in a relationship.

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Speaker 2: How does that work? Is the first question. I'm sure

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Speaker 2: you all get because it's just not something we're used

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Speaker 2: to seeing and hearing about totally.

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Speaker 6: So I think the most important thing for me as

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Speaker 6: the person who identifies as gay is to be able

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Speaker 6: to continue my identity outside of the fact that Samantha

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Speaker 6: and I are in a relationship, married, what have you.

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Speaker 6: And the reason is for the mental health benefits to

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Speaker 6: be able to own your identity as a person and

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Speaker 6: to say that doesn't change. It doesn't change who I

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Speaker 6: am just because my soulmate.

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Speaker 7: Is Samantha, right, And I think it works because we

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Speaker 7: are soulmates, and when you find your person in life,

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Speaker 7: it transcends whatever logic or anything we put ourselves into

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Speaker 7: a box as because like, your person's just your.

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Speaker 6: Person, right. And so people will say, well, then why

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Speaker 6: don't you identify as bisexual or why don't you identify

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Speaker 6: pan sexual or all these other labels that they have now,

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Speaker 6: And I think that those are all fantastic. I just

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Speaker 6: don't in my brain, fit into those categories. Bisexual means

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Speaker 6: you're attracted to both sexes, and outside of Samantha, I'm

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Speaker 6: not attracted to women. There would never be an instance

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Speaker 6: where a woman would be sexy to me and and

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Speaker 6: sexual as they say on Shit's Creek is about the wine,

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Speaker 6: not the label, And to me, the label is important.

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Speaker 6: I am attracted to men, so that doesn't fit my

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Speaker 6: definition either. So gay is the correct definition. But then

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Speaker 6: we also have to acknowledge the fact that I'm married

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Speaker 6: to a woman.

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Speaker 4: And so the next question I know that you all get,

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Speaker 4: so I want to get it out of the way,

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Speaker 4: is do you have a sex life and are you monogamous?

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Speaker 7: Yes?

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Speaker 6: And yes, right, which that also creates confusion for people

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Speaker 6: to say, say, how can you, as a gay man

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Speaker 6: have a sexual relationship with the woman? And that is

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Speaker 6: as we say, it's a sole connection. It's it's not

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Speaker 6: the same thing as that lustful one night stand sort

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Speaker 6: of energy. It's the closest we can be as a

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Speaker 6: couple when we are intimate. It's it's a closeness, it's

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Speaker 6: a bond. It's something transcendent of just sort of that lustful,

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Speaker 6: horny sort of stuff, and you know, and it's very

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Speaker 6: it's it's beautiful. There's nothing more wonderful than those moments.

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Speaker 7: And apparently I have to spell it out too to

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Speaker 7: some people because when we say intimate, people don't get that,

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Speaker 7: like we're having sex.

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Speaker 5: So we're having sex. Yes, it's not just like we

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Speaker 5: kiss and hold hands, right, but we have to be

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Speaker 5: that specific.

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Speaker 2: Do you relish the opportunity you have to get a

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Speaker 2: message out to show different type of love that people

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Speaker 2: aren't seeing. Or are you getting to a point of

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Speaker 2: folks leave us alone, don't want to answer any more questions.

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Speaker 2: Let us live our life and live our love and

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Speaker 2: you do your thing.

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Speaker 7: No, I think we do relish. That's the best way

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Speaker 7: that I could. I love that you put it that way,

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Speaker 7: because that is the perfect way to describe our passion

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Speaker 7: for this. I think had we had an example like

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Speaker 7: us at the beginning of our relationship, it would have

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Speaker 7: saved us a lot of confusion.

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Speaker 5: It would have saved us a lot of just feeling

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Speaker 5: like a freak show for a few years.

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Speaker 7: Yeah, because we knew we loved each other, but we

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Speaker 7: were so confused at the facts that this was working

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Speaker 7: because we'd never heard about it before or seen an example.

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Speaker 1: Yeah.

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Speaker 6: So we basically timeline We were best friends for eighteen

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Speaker 6: months before dating, and then once we started dating, I say,

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Speaker 6: there was about a six to eight month honeymoon period

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Speaker 6: and then there was maybe three plus years of like,

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Speaker 6: so there was a lot of ups and downs of

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Speaker 6: confusion and what's going on here? And is this something

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Speaker 6: that's really going to last? And insecurities and things that

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Speaker 6: came up that I think come up in a lot

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Speaker 6: of relationships once that honeymoon period fizzles. But I think

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Speaker 6: that that was hyper intensified because of our dynamic and

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Speaker 6: because we didn't have anybody else to talk to about this.

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Speaker 7: So sometimes people on our videos will be like, we

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Speaker 7: get it, you're married to a gay man.

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Speaker 5: You don't have to tell us every time, And I'm like, no,

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Speaker 5: we do.

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Speaker 7: Because if we can reach one new person because of

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Speaker 7: that tagline, and we reached the right person who's like

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Speaker 7: also in this relationship dynamic, and we can cause them

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Speaker 7: to be a little less confused as they're just like

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Speaker 7: exploring their relationship, that's worth it.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, I mean it's beautiful. It's one soul recognizing another.

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Speaker 4: I think it's awesome. So I'll start now on the

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Speaker 4: questions that we have been asking everybody, but you just

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Speaker 4: are so special.

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Speaker 3: We had to ask a few out of the box.

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Speaker 3: So I thank you.

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Speaker 4: We we so appreciate your willingness to talk about it

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Speaker 4: because it's so special and it's so cool. So if

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Speaker 4: you could describe your relationship right now, each of you

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Speaker 4: in three words, what three words would you use?

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Speaker 6: I would say honest, I would say loyal.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, disloyal and honestly the same.

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Speaker 6: I think they're a little different because you can be

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Speaker 6: disloyal and you're to be honest.

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Speaker 2: You're right, okay, come on, so these are his words.

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Speaker 1: Let him have his words.

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Speaker 6: You get free too, and loyal, honest and playful.

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Speaker 5: Okay. And for me, I would say fun, happy and

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Speaker 5: just perfect.

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Speaker 2: Well, and you all already the next question here you

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Speaker 2: already said that you were friends, so best friends for

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Speaker 2: a while before you actually got into a relationship. But

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Speaker 2: was there immediate chemistry, whether that was friendship chemistry or

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Speaker 2: romantic chemistry when you first first met.

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Speaker 6: Yeah, the very first meeting, I say, was like a

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Speaker 6: fan meeting the diva at the stage door because Samantha

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Speaker 6: was going in for the callback of the show. They

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Speaker 6: were calling back. The Frumisarah's which, if you know Fiddler

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Speaker 6: on the Roof is this witch who comes in the

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Speaker 6: nightmare sequence, and there's more of a ghost witch, but

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Speaker 6: she's like in the room, it's quiet. Everybody else is

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Speaker 6: in the lobby in this like you, there's a lot

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Speaker 6: of audition energy and everybody's nervous, and I just hear

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Speaker 6: this like through the through the walls, and I'm like,

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Speaker 6: what is this And she comes out of the theater

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Speaker 6: and I knew it was her. I mean there was

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Speaker 6: like ten different girls in the room, and I knew

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Speaker 6: this was the person who made that cackle. And I

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Speaker 6: was like, if they don't give you that part, they're crazy.

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Speaker 6: And she goes, you know, thank you, thank you. You know,

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Speaker 6: she just funny to be out of there.

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Speaker 4: Yeah.

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Speaker 7: Like I'm like the type of person who it's like,

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Speaker 7: once I do an audition, I like to like just

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Speaker 7: leave the building and pretend it didn't happen, because it's

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Speaker 7: if you dwell on it, it just you know, it's

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Speaker 7: it can drive you cucko.

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Speaker 5: So I'm like he was telling me what I was

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Speaker 5: already thinking. I was like, I just killed that.

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Speaker 7: And then so I was like, great, he's like reaffirming that.

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Speaker 5: I feel like I just killed it, and he's telling

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Speaker 5: me that I just killed it.

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Speaker 6: But there was like this like immediate friend after once

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Speaker 6: we were cast and were in rehearsals together, we were

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Speaker 6: immediate friends, spending every minute together, I mean till four

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Speaker 6: in the morning. We would be hanging out every day

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Speaker 6: after rehearsal.

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Speaker 3: Was Sunrise Sunset? Was that a part of your wedding?

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Speaker 1: Uh?

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Speaker 8: No, no, no, Well I love that song.

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Speaker 6: I do too. I that's like the most beautiful. So

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Speaker 6: our friends did it at their wedding like a month

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Speaker 6: before ours, and it's like, you know, we let them,

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Speaker 6: let them have that one.

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Speaker 5: But he did enter the Phantom of the opera.

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Speaker 6: I did with a mask with a mask? Yeah, whoa?

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Speaker 5: So you love that?

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Speaker 6: Yeah, there's a there's a portion towards the end of

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Speaker 6: the musical where like she rips off his mask in

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Speaker 6: front of a bunch of people and there's like this scream,

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Speaker 6: and so I wanted that to open the wedding, but.

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Speaker 7: Of course then it sets off our two year old nieces,

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Speaker 7: who are the flower girls.

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Speaker 6: In the back.

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Speaker 9: They hear the scream and then you hear it's like

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Speaker 9: this beautiful moment where it's like the scream and then

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Speaker 9: Jacob's mom walks out to walk him down the aisle

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Speaker 9: to all I ask of you, but like, oh, she's

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Speaker 9: freaking out, and.

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Speaker 3: She's like, that's so funny. But that's so cool. Another

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Speaker 3: one of my favorite.

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Speaker 4: Musicals, who said I who said I love you?

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Speaker 3: First?

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Speaker 5: He did?

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Speaker 6: Did yeah, and he had threw tears. I was about

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Speaker 6: to say, yeah, I need that sort of drama.

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Speaker 1: You know what.

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Speaker 2: We will follow up there since you said there were

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Speaker 2: tears involved, What did the what did it look like

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Speaker 2: when you said I love you? What was the setting,

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Speaker 2: what was the scenario and what prompted it?

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Speaker 6: It was post coitus and yeah, we were laying in

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Speaker 6: bed and I just started crying and I said I

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Speaker 6: love you. And this was like what like a week

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Speaker 6: in questioning, I've been easy easy gal.

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Speaker 3: Oh my goodness, that's amazing.

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Speaker 4: So what is your age difference and has that had

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Speaker 4: any kind of impact on your relationship?

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Speaker 10: We are six six seven years, six and a half

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Speaker 10: years right now for six years because he's turned Yeah,

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Speaker 10: we're in like that six month grace period where we

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Speaker 10: get to be six months apart or six years apart.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, but in April we'll be seven years apart.

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Speaker 4: That's so Samantha, you're older, right, I'm older. Yeah, So

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Speaker 4: that's why we have the same thing. We're four and

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Speaker 4: a half years, I'm older and he loves it. When

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Speaker 4: there's a five year difference, because he can just somehow,

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Speaker 4: it just feels like he can just twist them.

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Speaker 1: Samantha is coming up very soon.

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Speaker 6: It's gonna be five years.

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Speaker 4: Like in like a week, we're in the five year difference.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I live.

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Speaker 7: For it, But I also think, don't they say that,

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Speaker 7: like women live longer. So I'm like, maybe, like the

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Speaker 7: age difference, like maybe it will like balance out and

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Speaker 7: will like to die at the same time. Universe, please

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Speaker 7: like not like from like a freak accident. I have

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Speaker 7: to like talk to the universe about these things.

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Speaker 6: Since well I almost feel like a freak accident would

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Speaker 6: be the easiest thing, like a year like ninety and

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Speaker 6: a freak accident happens in your bother.

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Speaker 5: Okay, so don't be like I want it to be

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Speaker 5: like that later on in life, not like.

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Speaker 6: Well yeah, way later on. Why last we've lived dark

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Speaker 6: gray golden years turning dark real quick?

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Speaker 2: Next question though, make suio it's not too dark. Okay,

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Speaker 2: this one should be okay. Why did you want to

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Speaker 2: be married? Why was it important to have that label

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Speaker 2: actually of marriage and to make it official.

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Speaker 7: It's fascinating because we've been raised in very different upbringings.

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Speaker 7: I my parents have been together since the day they married.

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Speaker 7: Both of my brothers married to their I mean their wives.

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Speaker 7: They were like long time dating before they started their marriages,

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Speaker 7: and so to me, I've always had an example of

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Speaker 7: just marriage being this beautiful, amazing.

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Speaker 5: Health the thing.

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Speaker 7: Jacob has divorced parents, his mom's been married several times, and.

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Speaker 6: Yeah, I had a very different perspective of marriage growing up,

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Speaker 6: and that when I was, like, before meeting Samantha and everything,

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Speaker 6: my whole thing was like I'm not going to get married,

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Speaker 6: and like that's not going to be my life. And yeah,

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Speaker 6: it just it became this thing over the years of

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Speaker 6: us dating where it was just like, of course, that's

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Speaker 6: what we want to do. That is, of course the

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Speaker 6: next step. And seeing her family being so rock solid

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Speaker 6: really helped me understand the beauty of that.

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Speaker 4: So you mentioned your family, Samantha, but I'm curious, did

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Speaker 4: you all both have the support of your friends and

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Speaker 4: your family. Did they support your relationship and ultimately your marriage.

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Speaker 5: Yes, one thousand percent.

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Speaker 7: Yeah, I've never felt from any aspect of our life

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Speaker 7: that we weren't supported. The only time I feel like

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Speaker 7: I actually feel like our relationship helped reiterate.

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Speaker 5: Who the loving people in our lives were.

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Speaker 7: Friendship wise, it always felt like we had our family support,

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Speaker 7: but the people who like can't wrap their.

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Speaker 5: Heads around our dynamic.

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Speaker 7: Once we started being so vocal about just Jacob being

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Speaker 7: gay and just talking about being in a mixed orientation relationship,

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Speaker 7: we saw that some friends were like, well, this is

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Speaker 7: making me feel conflicted about my own gay identity, and

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Speaker 7: we're like, okay, Like they're just like, that's not like

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Speaker 7: someone who's like a lifer.

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Speaker 3: I like that.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, you all on newlyweds now not through the whole

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Speaker 2: first year of marriage, but how would you describe marriage

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00:19:04,400 --> 00:19:07,960
Speaker 2: so far? And has something changed in the relationship once

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Speaker 2: it became official.

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Speaker 6: Well, interesting, we've just been through probably one of the

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Speaker 6: most insane months of our lives with the buyers. Yeah,

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00:19:18,240 --> 00:19:23,040
Speaker 6: and it's put some of our family members the homes

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Speaker 6: have burned down.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, like my brother's home burned down, and then our in.

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Speaker 6: Law or his in laws allasades and.

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Speaker 7: We've kind of like put our lives on hold to

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Speaker 7: help them.

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Speaker 6: Yeah. So we had basically six weeks into marriage we

355
00:19:37,440 --> 00:19:40,800
Speaker 6: went into this thing where it was like it was

356
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Speaker 6: almost like the universe putting it to the test and

357
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Speaker 6: saying like, how devoted are you to your family and

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Speaker 6: devoted to being a team together and getting through a

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Speaker 6: crazy ass time.

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Speaker 1: Wow.

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Speaker 7: So it's like crazy that we went from like the

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Speaker 7: highest time in our life to like, yeah, this like

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Speaker 7: dark time.

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Speaker 6: Yeah, so I put yeah, yeah, the Palisades was our community.

365
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Speaker 6: I mean, I work for her brother, taking care of

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Speaker 6: his kids, taking them to school. We spend our holidays

367
00:20:11,520 --> 00:20:15,119
Speaker 6: there or spent our holidays there, and it's just like

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Speaker 6: to see it all disappear is pretty pretty devastating, and

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Speaker 6: it's like that was that was something that anchored us

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Speaker 6: to where we live and made us feel a sense

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Speaker 6: of community. And it wasn't just like a couple people

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Speaker 6: lost their house. It was a whole you know, community.

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Speaker 5: But we got through it together one thousand percent.

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Speaker 6: Yeah.

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Speaker 7: And I think it's interesting because I've been saying to

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Speaker 7: people like, he doesn't feel any different than when.

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Speaker 5: We were dating, Like it feels like we've always been married.

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Speaker 7: But it did feel on the day of the wedding

379
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Speaker 7: like I felt like maybe like a spiritual shift a

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Speaker 7: little bit where I was like, okay, like we are

381
00:21:00,200 --> 00:21:03,720
Speaker 7: now in this I felt like our relationship was always

382
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Speaker 7: predetermined in the stars, I don't think that. It's like

383
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Speaker 7: I feel like it's just our fate to be together.

384
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Speaker 5: So then when we were like making it.

385
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Speaker 7: Like official by law and in the stars, it did

386
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Speaker 7: kind of feel.

387
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Speaker 5: Like okay, like I do feel like we have a

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Speaker 5: little extra magic. Now.

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Speaker 6: Well, the first time you said husband, oh yeah, that's weird.

390
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Speaker 6: That's really weird. This is my husband rail now.

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Speaker 3: Really, so I love that.

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Speaker 4: How important is we've discussed and established that you all

393
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Speaker 4: have a sex life, But how important is physical touch

394
00:21:41,320 --> 00:21:43,959
Speaker 4: to you? Like holding hands and just you know, some

395
00:21:44,000 --> 00:21:46,280
Speaker 4: people don't like it, some people aren't touching really, how

396
00:21:46,359 --> 00:21:48,120
Speaker 4: are How do you all handle physical touch?

397
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Speaker 5: I think it's very important.

398
00:21:50,760 --> 00:21:54,040
Speaker 7: Like Jacob like helps reassure me about anything in life

399
00:21:54,240 --> 00:21:55,359
Speaker 7: through physical touch.

400
00:21:55,480 --> 00:21:57,960
Speaker 6: Yeah, and we all like sometimes we'll wake up in

401
00:21:58,000 --> 00:22:00,000
Speaker 6: the morning and as we all do, like I guess

402
00:22:00,119 --> 00:22:02,080
Speaker 6: up and make coffee and then we're like we just

403
00:22:02,119 --> 00:22:05,560
Speaker 6: start working and then she'll be like, we haven't hugged

404
00:22:05,640 --> 00:22:10,600
Speaker 6: or my kiss a hug right now, I'm just like warm,

405
00:22:10,640 --> 00:22:12,960
Speaker 6: Like I get up and I'm like work and it's

406
00:22:13,040 --> 00:22:15,280
Speaker 6: like two or he'll.

407
00:22:15,080 --> 00:22:16,280
Speaker 5: Be like to be able to be like, can we

408
00:22:16,280 --> 00:22:18,919
Speaker 5: have a hug right now? We're always checking in and

409
00:22:18,960 --> 00:22:19,600
Speaker 5: being like we.

410
00:22:19,480 --> 00:22:22,640
Speaker 7: Need hug each other right now, or it happens naturally

411
00:22:22,760 --> 00:22:24,520
Speaker 7: like of course, like if we're like watching a movie

412
00:22:24,600 --> 00:22:27,800
Speaker 7: or something, or we're just like out and about, but

413
00:22:28,200 --> 00:22:30,520
Speaker 7: we have to remind ourselves if we're working, we're like,

414
00:22:30,560 --> 00:22:33,480
Speaker 7: we gotta we gotta check in right now because it'll

415
00:22:33,480 --> 00:22:34,640
Speaker 7: help us be less crazed.

416
00:22:35,080 --> 00:22:37,639
Speaker 2: So Samantha's must struggle every morning that she comes out

417
00:22:37,680 --> 00:22:40,239
Speaker 2: of the bedroom just right to work. I tell her

418
00:22:40,280 --> 00:22:43,080
Speaker 2: the first thing. The first time we engage in the morning,

419
00:22:43,320 --> 00:22:47,880
Speaker 2: there are two laptops in between us. We're making eye

420
00:22:47,960 --> 00:22:50,480
Speaker 2: contact with two laptops, and there we go. We're going

421
00:22:50,480 --> 00:22:52,440
Speaker 2: at it. So that's a very important.

422
00:22:52,600 --> 00:22:54,360
Speaker 4: We do try to like give each other a hug

423
00:22:54,400 --> 00:22:57,080
Speaker 4: when we go up to warm up our coffee or whatever,

424
00:22:57,200 --> 00:22:58,240
Speaker 4: our tea, and then.

425
00:22:58,200 --> 00:23:01,320
Speaker 3: Like hey, baby, walking back. That is very important.

426
00:23:01,560 --> 00:23:04,359
Speaker 7: But is there also amazing to know that you just

427
00:23:04,560 --> 00:23:07,320
Speaker 7: like are so secure in your relationship that you can

428
00:23:07,320 --> 00:23:09,399
Speaker 7: be like, oh, here we are, like we're working, and

429
00:23:09,480 --> 00:23:12,480
Speaker 7: like just being next to one another right now is

430
00:23:13,040 --> 00:23:15,399
Speaker 7: enough because we're comfortable enough with one another.

431
00:23:15,520 --> 00:23:17,480
Speaker 5: Like I think that's there's some merit.

432
00:23:17,200 --> 00:23:17,840
Speaker 6: There as well.

433
00:23:18,280 --> 00:23:20,480
Speaker 2: Yeah, and to that point, next question, how often do

434
00:23:20,520 --> 00:23:20,840
Speaker 2: you fight?

435
00:23:21,560 --> 00:23:25,320
Speaker 6: Oh? You know, it's funny. When we were going through

436
00:23:25,400 --> 00:23:29,479
Speaker 6: our period of insecurity, there was a lot of fighting.

437
00:23:29,680 --> 00:23:33,639
Speaker 6: There was for the early years were plagued with a

438
00:23:33,640 --> 00:23:38,720
Speaker 6: lot of that because I was not a verbal person.

439
00:23:38,760 --> 00:23:41,760
Speaker 6: I say that my my like default is like a

440
00:23:41,840 --> 00:23:45,080
Speaker 6: brooding James Dean, Like I just kind of go around

441
00:23:45,119 --> 00:23:48,720
Speaker 6: being just like yeah, yeah, right, I know what.

442
00:23:48,720 --> 00:23:53,160
Speaker 3: That's like seeing James Dean over here too, yes, and it's.

443
00:23:53,080 --> 00:23:53,760
Speaker 6: Just like it.

444
00:23:54,200 --> 00:23:57,880
Speaker 7: Meanwhile, I have a degree in communications with a mind,

445
00:23:58,160 --> 00:23:58,800
Speaker 7: so I'm.

446
00:23:58,560 --> 00:24:03,040
Speaker 5: Like really, yeah exactly. So it's like I love talking

447
00:24:03,080 --> 00:24:04,440
Speaker 5: about people and feelings.

448
00:24:04,520 --> 00:24:07,360
Speaker 6: Let's talk about it. She's like Robin Williams are doing

449
00:24:07,440 --> 00:24:08,640
Speaker 6: stand up. It's just like.

450
00:24:12,600 --> 00:24:15,600
Speaker 2: We need to take a beat between jokes, please.

451
00:24:17,040 --> 00:24:17,359
Speaker 7: Breath.

452
00:24:17,640 --> 00:24:21,199
Speaker 5: I like, yeah, so see the sweat building up.

453
00:24:21,480 --> 00:24:24,400
Speaker 6: Yeah, that was That was a challenge the first few

454
00:24:24,480 --> 00:24:27,960
Speaker 6: years because I was just like a wall and didn't

455
00:24:27,960 --> 00:24:31,560
Speaker 6: want to didn't know how to verbalize, and had to

456
00:24:31,560 --> 00:24:34,120
Speaker 6: do the therapy and had to do all the things

457
00:24:34,160 --> 00:24:37,760
Speaker 6: that get you to a place where you can verbalize healthily.

458
00:24:38,359 --> 00:24:41,600
Speaker 6: Now it's a lot less I mean, it's it's a

459
00:24:41,640 --> 00:24:44,400
Speaker 6: lot less frequent, it's a lot less intense.

460
00:24:44,880 --> 00:24:48,080
Speaker 7: We just we call it we have words with one another. Yeah,

461
00:24:48,160 --> 00:24:50,840
Speaker 7: it's not like fighting, it's just we have words.

462
00:24:50,880 --> 00:24:51,120
Speaker 6: Yeah.

463
00:24:51,280 --> 00:24:51,840
Speaker 5: Sometimes.

464
00:24:53,480 --> 00:24:56,080
Speaker 3: Now do you go to bed angry? Have you gone

465
00:24:56,080 --> 00:24:56,720
Speaker 3: to bed angry?

466
00:24:56,760 --> 00:25:00,520
Speaker 4: I know people always say that's a big advice, never

467
00:25:00,560 --> 00:25:01,520
Speaker 4: go to bed angry.

468
00:25:01,800 --> 00:25:04,639
Speaker 11: Right, We've gone to bed angry a couple times, But

469
00:25:04,680 --> 00:25:07,840
Speaker 11: I feel like we do in our consciousness, like even

470
00:25:07,920 --> 00:25:12,000
Speaker 11: if we are angry at one another, will still kiss.

471
00:25:12,280 --> 00:25:13,560
Speaker 5: Good each other good night.

472
00:25:13,640 --> 00:25:14,919
Speaker 6: Bill be Like we can go to.

473
00:25:14,920 --> 00:25:17,760
Speaker 5: Bed angry but still acknowledge that we might not wake

474
00:25:17,840 --> 00:25:21,320
Speaker 5: up next the next day, and we don't want.

475
00:25:21,119 --> 00:25:23,760
Speaker 7: To like wake up without even if we're mad at

476
00:25:23,760 --> 00:25:26,920
Speaker 7: one another, without having kissed one another before we went

477
00:25:26,960 --> 00:25:27,359
Speaker 7: to sleep.

478
00:25:27,640 --> 00:25:31,080
Speaker 6: Yeah, And it's just like you know that we've gotten

479
00:25:31,119 --> 00:25:33,440
Speaker 6: a lot better about it. We've gotten a lot better

480
00:25:33,520 --> 00:25:38,479
Speaker 6: about shortening the Her brother said to us, said to

481
00:25:38,480 --> 00:25:41,760
Speaker 6: me before we got married, He's like, you know certain

482
00:25:41,800 --> 00:25:44,919
Speaker 6: things do I feel like changed about my marriage was

483
00:25:44,960 --> 00:25:47,880
Speaker 6: that you realize you just have to get over things

484
00:25:47,960 --> 00:25:50,800
Speaker 6: quicker and like that this is this is who you're

485
00:25:50,840 --> 00:25:54,480
Speaker 6: married to, and you've got to pick out, and I

486
00:25:55,320 --> 00:25:59,360
Speaker 6: read this really interesting thing about this, like Buddhist philosophy

487
00:25:59,480 --> 00:26:02,640
Speaker 6: that's called like the two arrows. Like you, you don't

488
00:26:02,640 --> 00:26:05,879
Speaker 6: want to suffer both arrows, and the first arrow is

489
00:26:05,920 --> 00:26:08,200
Speaker 6: the things you can avoid in life, So you can't

490
00:26:08,200 --> 00:26:11,200
Speaker 6: avoid the conflict, you can't avoid the pains and the suffering.

491
00:26:11,560 --> 00:26:16,600
Speaker 6: But the second arrow comes from you dwelling and from lingering,

492
00:26:16,640 --> 00:26:19,320
Speaker 6: and that's the more painful one, is just sitting there

493
00:26:19,400 --> 00:26:23,080
Speaker 6: and holding on to things. And that I'm really trying

494
00:26:23,160 --> 00:26:27,600
Speaker 6: to not suffer the second arrow in life.

495
00:26:26,720 --> 00:26:32,280
Speaker 7: And I make sure he suffers.

496
00:26:32,440 --> 00:26:35,680
Speaker 3: Amazing advice. I have never heard it changed.

497
00:26:35,359 --> 00:26:37,400
Speaker 6: The way I think because I was like, you know that,

498
00:26:37,480 --> 00:26:40,520
Speaker 6: it's it's so easy to just dwell and woe is

499
00:26:40,640 --> 00:26:41,399
Speaker 6: me all the time.

500
00:26:42,680 --> 00:26:44,680
Speaker 2: Well, next question here we'll go to some more practical

501
00:26:44,720 --> 00:26:47,560
Speaker 2: things around the house that every couple has to deal with.

502
00:26:47,680 --> 00:26:51,240
Speaker 2: How do you manage finances? Are you all a joint

503
00:26:51,359 --> 00:26:54,399
Speaker 2: or separate account and separate money kind of folks or what?

504
00:26:55,280 --> 00:26:57,000
Speaker 5: Well, this is we.

505
00:26:56,960 --> 00:26:59,320
Speaker 7: Didn't get a prenup or anything. Our prenup is a

506
00:26:59,400 --> 00:27:01,320
Speaker 7: verbal agree that if.

507
00:27:01,200 --> 00:27:03,080
Speaker 5: He sets up, I get everything.

508
00:27:04,440 --> 00:27:05,080
Speaker 1: That's solid.

509
00:27:05,480 --> 00:27:09,000
Speaker 5: Okay, So now it's now it's on record.

510
00:27:11,760 --> 00:27:12,440
Speaker 3: That's amazing.

511
00:27:13,240 --> 00:27:16,840
Speaker 7: But we we haven't, like when it comes to finances,

512
00:27:16,840 --> 00:27:21,119
Speaker 7: we just operate as one. We haven't like merged our

513
00:27:21,160 --> 00:27:23,600
Speaker 7: accounts or anything, because it's some we're still like in

514
00:27:23,640 --> 00:27:27,919
Speaker 7: the phase of like name changes everything, but when it

515
00:27:28,000 --> 00:27:31,040
Speaker 7: comes to just that, we just yeah.

516
00:27:30,880 --> 00:27:34,479
Speaker 6: We say what's mine is yours? Yeah? Ours? And I

517
00:27:34,520 --> 00:27:38,120
Speaker 6: think we've been through like our early dating. I mean

518
00:27:38,160 --> 00:27:41,520
Speaker 6: I literally had zero dollars when we first started dating,

519
00:27:41,520 --> 00:27:43,879
Speaker 6: and I was just like there were times when I

520
00:27:44,040 --> 00:27:48,280
Speaker 6: borrowed money from Samantha, or like we we've been both

521
00:27:48,320 --> 00:27:50,880
Speaker 6: been through periods where it's like we've been with each

522
00:27:50,920 --> 00:27:53,280
Speaker 6: other through so many ups and downs of that that

523
00:27:53,359 --> 00:27:57,600
Speaker 6: it's just like we're in this together r actually every which.

524
00:27:57,400 --> 00:28:00,920
Speaker 7: Way, and we just even like Jacob has a meeting

525
00:28:01,000 --> 00:28:02,880
Speaker 7: or like if there's or if I have a meeting,

526
00:28:02,880 --> 00:28:06,200
Speaker 7: if there's something involved where there's like some financial aspect

527
00:28:06,320 --> 00:28:10,080
Speaker 7: of it, we're both physically there because we're like, this

528
00:28:10,200 --> 00:28:12,040
Speaker 7: is our business, this is our life.

529
00:28:12,080 --> 00:28:13,879
Speaker 5: We want to make sure that.

530
00:28:14,800 --> 00:28:18,280
Speaker 6: And we love we are Hollywood. We love Hollywood, we

531
00:28:18,359 --> 00:28:21,159
Speaker 6: love old Hollywood and all of that, but we're trying

532
00:28:21,240 --> 00:28:24,920
Speaker 6: to like also reframe that idea that there's so much

533
00:28:25,200 --> 00:28:27,960
Speaker 6: out here of this like you're out for yourself and

534
00:28:28,080 --> 00:28:31,320
Speaker 6: like you're the only one. And you see these couples

535
00:28:31,320 --> 00:28:34,920
Speaker 6: in this sort of toxic dynamic where they're like fight,

536
00:28:35,040 --> 00:28:37,960
Speaker 6: they're clawing their own way up the ladder, and they're

537
00:28:38,000 --> 00:28:40,960
Speaker 6: not working together as a team, and it's like, you're

538
00:28:41,000 --> 00:28:43,719
Speaker 6: so much stronger when you're the power couple.

539
00:28:43,960 --> 00:28:46,160
Speaker 1: Yeah, what do we do with that?

540
00:28:46,240 --> 00:28:50,000
Speaker 2: There's, to your point, this idea that folks do want

541
00:28:50,000 --> 00:28:52,920
Speaker 2: to hold on to some level of independence and their identity.

542
00:28:52,960 --> 00:28:55,720
Speaker 2: Think you're giving something up if you're creating a new unit,

543
00:28:56,000 --> 00:28:57,680
Speaker 2: that means you've lost yourself.

544
00:28:57,280 --> 00:28:58,520
Speaker 1: If you're forming a new group.

545
00:28:58,560 --> 00:29:01,920
Speaker 2: I don't know that to your point, don't necessarily subscribe

546
00:29:02,000 --> 00:29:03,680
Speaker 2: to that, but I think a lot of people are

547
00:29:03,680 --> 00:29:04,680
Speaker 2: starting to think that way now.

548
00:29:04,960 --> 00:29:07,640
Speaker 4: I think so when you look back at our parents,

549
00:29:07,640 --> 00:29:09,920
Speaker 4: I mean, it was teamwork. It was yeah one, it

550
00:29:10,080 --> 00:29:13,880
Speaker 4: was one bank account, it was together, and that, you know,

551
00:29:14,040 --> 00:29:18,680
Speaker 4: the separate mentality really can so you know, divisions, I

552
00:29:18,760 --> 00:29:21,480
Speaker 4: totally get that. What about just all the mundane things

553
00:29:21,480 --> 00:29:24,959
Speaker 4: that sometimes end up creating fights or disagreements with like

554
00:29:24,960 --> 00:29:27,080
Speaker 4: splitting household chores and you.

555
00:29:27,040 --> 00:29:29,880
Speaker 3: Know, how how you manage all of that does what

556
00:29:30,920 --> 00:29:32,360
Speaker 3: that I get an earth? I do know.

557
00:29:32,480 --> 00:29:35,680
Speaker 5: Chores except for laundry. I don't cook.

558
00:29:35,920 --> 00:29:38,800
Speaker 7: I don't really do much of the cleaning because I'm

559
00:29:38,840 --> 00:29:39,520
Speaker 7: not good at it.

560
00:29:39,640 --> 00:29:41,480
Speaker 5: And Jacob has let me.

561
00:29:41,440 --> 00:29:44,440
Speaker 6: Eat the kitchen way in the kitchen, and I I'm

562
00:29:44,480 --> 00:29:47,800
Speaker 6: in there like, oh, but I love to cook. That's

563
00:29:47,840 --> 00:29:50,760
Speaker 6: always been my thing. I love to cook. Samantha will

564
00:29:50,760 --> 00:29:53,480
Speaker 6: find a recipe and be like, Okay, see if you

565
00:29:53,520 --> 00:29:54,160
Speaker 6: can make this.

566
00:29:54,760 --> 00:29:57,200
Speaker 7: Yeah, Like I'm very good about being like here's what

567
00:29:57,240 --> 00:29:59,280
Speaker 7: we're eating, here's this healthy recipe.

568
00:30:00,040 --> 00:30:02,280
Speaker 5: Oh, let's try this. I've heard about this new thing.

569
00:30:02,360 --> 00:30:03,560
Speaker 5: Let's get this ingredient.

570
00:30:04,400 --> 00:30:08,400
Speaker 7: So I'm very good about like helping give purpose in

571
00:30:08,440 --> 00:30:08,959
Speaker 7: the kitchen.

572
00:30:09,360 --> 00:30:13,800
Speaker 5: But I am not the purpose in fact, like the thing.

573
00:30:13,840 --> 00:30:15,680
Speaker 7: I don't know if like this was like my saving

574
00:30:15,800 --> 00:30:18,800
Speaker 7: grace from the universe or it just was coincidence, but

575
00:30:18,880 --> 00:30:22,840
Speaker 7: I once lit the kitchen on fire while cleaning, and so.

576
00:30:24,480 --> 00:30:27,920
Speaker 5: Yeah, I was like this is great. So now this

577
00:30:28,040 --> 00:30:31,120
Speaker 5: is showing that I am vanished from the kitchen.

578
00:30:31,640 --> 00:30:33,480
Speaker 2: Wait, somebody to have to ask, how did you do that?

579
00:30:34,160 --> 00:30:38,760
Speaker 7: Okay, So during the pandemic, we were teaching a pod

580
00:30:38,880 --> 00:30:43,760
Speaker 7: school up in Berkeley, California, for a neighborhood of.

581
00:30:43,840 --> 00:30:49,160
Speaker 6: Kids and these Berkeley parents, everything has to be homemade,

582
00:30:49,600 --> 00:30:56,320
Speaker 6: organic everything. So our cleaning fluid was like gasoline, flamml

583
00:30:58,080 --> 00:31:01,960
Speaker 6: whatever they gave us in this thing with this stove

584
00:31:02,120 --> 00:31:05,640
Speaker 6: that's like two hundred years old, with the pilot light

585
00:31:05,760 --> 00:31:10,040
Speaker 6: exposed on the side from the from the burners, and

586
00:31:10,200 --> 00:31:12,720
Speaker 6: she's spraying that stuff all over the top of the

587
00:31:12,760 --> 00:31:19,120
Speaker 6: stove and it just ignites. Yeah, and the kids. I'm yelling.

588
00:31:19,160 --> 00:31:21,560
Speaker 6: I'm like, get the kids out of here. I'm like,

589
00:31:22,640 --> 00:31:23,400
Speaker 6: there's a fire.

590
00:31:23,760 --> 00:31:27,360
Speaker 5: What is it called? I think we're sure.

591
00:31:28,320 --> 00:31:29,280
Speaker 6: It's like no more.

592
00:31:29,600 --> 00:31:34,040
Speaker 5: Yeah, He's like, you're just banned from the kitchen. I'm like, few, great.

593
00:31:34,160 --> 00:31:34,800
Speaker 1: I had to ask.

594
00:31:34,920 --> 00:31:37,800
Speaker 2: I had to ask, all, right, next question here? How

595
00:31:37,960 --> 00:31:41,480
Speaker 2: much alone time or I should I say time away

596
00:31:41,520 --> 00:31:42,280
Speaker 2: from each other?

597
00:31:42,480 --> 00:31:44,160
Speaker 1: Do you feel you need if any?

598
00:31:46,360 --> 00:31:49,200
Speaker 6: I think I don't know if we need it. I

599
00:31:49,320 --> 00:31:53,520
Speaker 6: always feel it's refreshing sometimes, like there'll be days where

600
00:31:53,520 --> 00:31:56,120
Speaker 6: we're like the last few weeks dealing with the fires

601
00:31:56,160 --> 00:31:59,480
Speaker 6: and stuff, we were like together NonStop, and the last

602
00:31:59,480 --> 00:32:02,440
Speaker 6: few days we've gotten back to life and like Samantha

603
00:32:02,440 --> 00:32:04,600
Speaker 6: has done some work and gotten her hair done, and

604
00:32:04,640 --> 00:32:07,760
Speaker 6: I feel like some of the space has been good,

605
00:32:07,800 --> 00:32:10,160
Speaker 6: and like it just makes you when she comes home,

606
00:32:10,200 --> 00:32:12,760
Speaker 6: it just makes you a little more excited to see

607
00:32:12,760 --> 00:32:15,200
Speaker 6: each other as opposed to like dealing with hard stuff

608
00:32:15,240 --> 00:32:16,240
Speaker 6: together all day.

609
00:32:16,720 --> 00:32:19,520
Speaker 7: But I think like we don't really like do like

610
00:32:19,720 --> 00:32:22,760
Speaker 7: we go out together. We don't have like separate lives

611
00:32:22,800 --> 00:32:24,680
Speaker 7: where it's like I go hang out with girls.

612
00:32:25,760 --> 00:32:28,520
Speaker 5: It's like we would rather do life together.

613
00:32:29,560 --> 00:32:33,120
Speaker 6: We have mutual All of our friends are mutual, and

614
00:32:33,160 --> 00:32:36,120
Speaker 6: that's just they know that, and that's our life and

615
00:32:36,160 --> 00:32:39,120
Speaker 6: we love it. We'd prefer to be seeing the world

616
00:32:39,160 --> 00:32:41,520
Speaker 6: through each other's eyes while we're hanging out.

617
00:32:41,880 --> 00:32:44,400
Speaker 3: Yeah, I love that you're a unit. You come, you're

618
00:32:44,400 --> 00:32:44,880
Speaker 3: a package.

619
00:32:44,960 --> 00:32:48,600
Speaker 5: Heally, yes, and I miss someone when I'm not with him.

620
00:32:48,760 --> 00:32:57,960
Speaker 6: Yeah.

621
00:32:58,000 --> 00:33:00,280
Speaker 4: So Jacob, you said you've gone to therapy. Have you

622
00:33:00,320 --> 00:33:02,800
Speaker 4: all gone to couples therapy? Have you ever seen an

623
00:33:02,880 --> 00:33:03,640
Speaker 4: emperors together?

624
00:33:04,320 --> 00:33:06,000
Speaker 5: Here's what's going to blow your mind.

625
00:33:06,760 --> 00:33:11,800
Speaker 7: So yeah, okay, so we were we saw a couple's therapist,

626
00:33:12,720 --> 00:33:15,520
Speaker 7: like during some of this confusion of like our relationship

627
00:33:15,560 --> 00:33:19,720
Speaker 7: and we're like, you know, like this relationship sometimes confuses

628
00:33:19,840 --> 00:33:27,560
Speaker 7: us because Jacob's gay, I'm straight. The therapist is like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

629
00:33:28,320 --> 00:33:33,160
Speaker 7: I consider myself a straight woman, but I am married

630
00:33:33,440 --> 00:33:36,000
Speaker 7: to a woman and she's the only woman I've ever

631
00:33:36,040 --> 00:33:37,280
Speaker 7: been attracted to ever.

632
00:33:37,920 --> 00:33:41,200
Speaker 5: But with the exception of her, I'm a straight woman.

633
00:33:41,560 --> 00:33:44,440
Speaker 5: And we're like, wait a minute, there's more of us

634
00:33:44,480 --> 00:33:44,840
Speaker 5: out there.

635
00:33:45,000 --> 00:33:48,160
Speaker 7: Yeah, and like this is like how like I know

636
00:33:48,240 --> 00:33:51,360
Speaker 7: the universe just like, yeah, what's you where you need

637
00:33:51,400 --> 00:33:51,840
Speaker 7: to be?

638
00:33:51,840 --> 00:33:53,880
Speaker 3: Because you didn't know that that was the case ahead

639
00:33:53,920 --> 00:33:54,160
Speaker 3: of time?

640
00:33:54,240 --> 00:33:56,160
Speaker 6: No, no, yeah, it was just like one of those

641
00:33:56,280 --> 00:34:01,360
Speaker 6: random zoom like teledoct title, yeah exactly, and we're.

642
00:34:01,760 --> 00:34:03,880
Speaker 5: Was going through his healthcare provider.

643
00:34:03,640 --> 00:34:06,360
Speaker 6: Yeah, telling and it was just like it was a

644
00:34:06,480 --> 00:34:09,560
Speaker 6: human moment, but it was I think that is part

645
00:34:09,560 --> 00:34:12,239
Speaker 6: of what's aided us and being able to be where

646
00:34:12,280 --> 00:34:14,560
Speaker 6: we're at and be so open the way we are

647
00:34:14,719 --> 00:34:18,359
Speaker 6: is that having that kind of anchor us. And then

648
00:34:18,440 --> 00:34:21,960
Speaker 6: we start talking about it more openly with people, and

649
00:34:22,040 --> 00:34:26,000
Speaker 6: of course in theater, more people start coming to us

650
00:34:26,040 --> 00:34:28,680
Speaker 6: and saying, you know, this is the dynamic we have

651
00:34:28,840 --> 00:34:31,000
Speaker 6: in our relationship, and we're like, well, yeah, but I

652
00:34:31,040 --> 00:34:35,120
Speaker 6: guess that right. You know, I've all seen that relationship.

653
00:34:35,160 --> 00:34:37,520
Speaker 6: We've all seen those couples where you're like that dude

654
00:34:37,600 --> 00:34:40,400
Speaker 6: is gay and you just know it, and you're like

655
00:34:40,480 --> 00:34:43,440
Speaker 6: they're married though, but like there's this elephant in the

656
00:34:43,560 --> 00:34:46,719
Speaker 6: room and they don't and it's like acknowledge it and

657
00:34:46,760 --> 00:34:51,640
Speaker 6: it'll feel so much better. Wow, I mean really, yeah.

658
00:34:51,280 --> 00:34:52,640
Speaker 2: Wow, you are right.

659
00:34:53,200 --> 00:34:56,440
Speaker 4: Everyone knows a couple where you're left. I know that

660
00:34:56,960 --> 00:34:58,960
Speaker 4: man is gay, right, I've said that.

661
00:34:59,360 --> 00:35:02,279
Speaker 6: Yes, and and it's it's like this thing and then

662
00:35:02,320 --> 00:35:04,920
Speaker 6: he feels this weird like I've seen it a lot

663
00:35:04,960 --> 00:35:07,480
Speaker 6: where like then he'll like try to overcop and say

664
00:35:07,560 --> 00:35:11,000
Speaker 6: by doing things that clearly are like overland masculine, and

665
00:35:11,040 --> 00:35:15,279
Speaker 6: you're like coughing up, just like relax, but or it's

666
00:35:15,360 --> 00:35:18,960
Speaker 6: just like all this stuff that that causes that turmoil

667
00:35:19,000 --> 00:35:21,839
Speaker 6: in your brain as a person. And we've even had

668
00:35:21,840 --> 00:35:25,360
Speaker 6: people come to us, like older gay men or older

669
00:35:25,400 --> 00:35:28,280
Speaker 6: men who have been married to women and are like, look,

670
00:35:28,640 --> 00:35:31,680
Speaker 6: I've been like sneaking around on my wife for thirty

671
00:35:31,800 --> 00:35:35,920
Speaker 6: years with men and and she didn't know. And I'm like,

672
00:35:36,360 --> 00:35:39,239
Speaker 6: oh my god, like and she didn't know, like and

673
00:35:39,719 --> 00:35:41,360
Speaker 6: it's just like, first of all, how is she not

674
00:35:41,560 --> 00:35:44,080
Speaker 6: understanding that you're gay? Because like I look at you

675
00:35:44,160 --> 00:35:47,800
Speaker 6: one time, and I know you're gay, but like it's

676
00:35:47,920 --> 00:35:51,600
Speaker 6: just like to save people that all of that is

677
00:35:51,640 --> 00:35:53,400
Speaker 6: what is really important.

678
00:35:54,200 --> 00:35:58,000
Speaker 2: Can I take a personal just help me with this?

679
00:35:58,120 --> 00:36:00,239
Speaker 2: She does. She says this to me all the time. Well,

680
00:36:00,280 --> 00:36:03,160
Speaker 2: he's obviously gay. Well, couples like you were described by

681
00:36:03,200 --> 00:36:05,760
Speaker 2: there for a second, we all know. So my question

682
00:36:05,960 --> 00:36:08,600
Speaker 2: is when those couples, when you see those couples, does

683
00:36:08,680 --> 00:36:10,600
Speaker 2: she know he's gay?

684
00:36:10,840 --> 00:36:11,040
Speaker 6: Right?

685
00:36:11,080 --> 00:36:14,279
Speaker 2: I always ask that question, is is everybody in on it?

686
00:36:14,400 --> 00:36:17,280
Speaker 6: Yeah? I wonder that too. I feel like maybe there's

687
00:36:17,480 --> 00:36:21,120
Speaker 6: there's that there's something she she knows in her heart

688
00:36:21,200 --> 00:36:22,640
Speaker 6: but isn't saying in her brain.

689
00:36:23,360 --> 00:36:27,120
Speaker 7: Or do we have like this extra like gaydar in

690
00:36:27,239 --> 00:36:31,279
Speaker 7: our detection because we are like in the theater. Like

691
00:36:31,560 --> 00:36:34,279
Speaker 7: for me, it's like I have my whole life been

692
00:36:34,320 --> 00:36:38,120
Speaker 7: surrounded by gays. I don't know that that's like a

693
00:36:38,280 --> 00:36:42,440
Speaker 7: non theater person's perspective in the world.

694
00:36:43,080 --> 00:36:45,480
Speaker 5: I mean, also, I grew up in southern California.

695
00:36:45,880 --> 00:36:49,600
Speaker 7: So if you're not growing up there where you like,

696
00:36:49,880 --> 00:36:51,759
Speaker 7: or in a state or a place where you have

697
00:36:51,920 --> 00:36:55,240
Speaker 7: all of these examples around you at all time, given

698
00:36:55,400 --> 00:36:58,880
Speaker 7: what you're doing for in your life. I don't know

699
00:36:59,000 --> 00:37:02,520
Speaker 7: that everyone has that ability. I think some people are like, oh,

700
00:37:02,560 --> 00:37:03,880
Speaker 7: I've never met a gay person.

701
00:37:03,640 --> 00:37:06,360
Speaker 6: Before, so yeah. I mean, I grew up in a

702
00:37:06,480 --> 00:37:11,719
Speaker 6: very very like Christian My dad's side is very Christian conservative,

703
00:37:11,920 --> 00:37:16,040
Speaker 6: and they they've been really lovely and very supportive through

704
00:37:16,040 --> 00:37:19,920
Speaker 6: all of this and it's been amazing. But I was

705
00:37:19,960 --> 00:37:23,240
Speaker 6: afraid to talk to them about being gay, and they

706
00:37:24,680 --> 00:37:27,440
Speaker 6: it shocked them, and I'm like, it's really shocking you,

707
00:37:27,640 --> 00:37:30,200
Speaker 6: Like a kid who did theater and listened to Share

708
00:37:30,239 --> 00:37:33,040
Speaker 6: at five years old is like, you're really and they

709
00:37:33,040 --> 00:37:34,560
Speaker 6: were like, yeah, I just thought that was like the

710
00:37:34,640 --> 00:37:37,600
Speaker 6: music you like. So I do think some people have

711
00:37:37,719 --> 00:37:39,359
Speaker 6: an obliviousness to it.

712
00:37:40,120 --> 00:37:40,400
Speaker 3: Wow.

713
00:37:40,680 --> 00:37:43,080
Speaker 4: But I think it's cool that you're out there saying

714
00:37:43,480 --> 00:37:46,640
Speaker 4: it can exist, it can coexist. Yeah, And that's what's

715
00:37:46,680 --> 00:37:51,200
Speaker 4: so cool, which I love so much about your story.

716
00:37:51,239 --> 00:37:53,719
Speaker 4: Have you all in any of your fights, and this

717
00:37:53,800 --> 00:37:55,960
Speaker 4: might have been earlier on, have you ever threatened to

718
00:37:56,000 --> 00:37:58,839
Speaker 4: break up, to leave, to end things. Has it ever

719
00:37:58,920 --> 00:38:01,279
Speaker 4: gotten to that within your relationship?

720
00:38:01,760 --> 00:38:04,879
Speaker 10: Yes, many times, but I feel like it's used more

721
00:38:04,920 --> 00:38:08,000
Speaker 10: as a weapon, as an arguments weapon.

722
00:38:08,280 --> 00:38:10,000
Speaker 5: It's ever a reality.

723
00:38:10,520 --> 00:38:13,520
Speaker 6: There's never been a moment where I thought, yeah, this

724
00:38:13,800 --> 00:38:15,520
Speaker 6: ever we're gonna be.

725
00:38:15,719 --> 00:38:19,600
Speaker 7: It's more just like, let's be theatrical exactly.

726
00:38:19,640 --> 00:38:21,680
Speaker 6: We get there, let's go there.

727
00:38:23,520 --> 00:38:26,000
Speaker 4: It's so cool that you guys, it's probably bad in

728
00:38:26,040 --> 00:38:29,200
Speaker 4: some ways that you're both dramatic and theatrical, but I like,

729
00:38:29,239 --> 00:38:33,320
Speaker 4: I come from a whole family of theater directors and actors,

730
00:38:33,320 --> 00:38:36,200
Speaker 4: and so, yes, I am dramatic and theatrical. And he's like,

731
00:38:36,320 --> 00:38:36,960
Speaker 4: what the.

732
00:38:36,920 --> 00:38:40,840
Speaker 2: Actor, Yes, I so, and I come from a family

733
00:38:40,920 --> 00:38:44,240
Speaker 2: of guys that are a cool of a fan. It's

734
00:38:44,400 --> 00:38:47,840
Speaker 2: just just chill. But to that point about threatening to

735
00:38:47,880 --> 00:38:50,719
Speaker 2: walk out, I've said to her she has stopped at

736
00:38:50,760 --> 00:38:54,080
Speaker 2: the door before because she'll threadn I'm leaving. I said,

737
00:38:54,920 --> 00:38:57,840
Speaker 2: if you walk out that door, please know we're done

738
00:38:58,040 --> 00:39:00,200
Speaker 2: and you're not coming back in that door. Don't don't

739
00:39:00,200 --> 00:39:02,600
Speaker 2: threaten me. It's fine if you want to leave, but

740
00:39:02,760 --> 00:39:05,120
Speaker 2: don't don't threaten me. I just don't play that thing.

741
00:39:05,239 --> 00:39:07,160
Speaker 2: So it's funny to hear you all say you both

742
00:39:07,400 --> 00:39:09,719
Speaker 2: like understood, I didn't really mean so you know what

743
00:39:09,840 --> 00:39:10,280
Speaker 2: I did.

744
00:39:10,160 --> 00:39:11,600
Speaker 4: When he said that to me, I'm like, okay, I'm

745
00:39:11,600 --> 00:39:13,680
Speaker 4: not going to leave because I knew he mentioned I

746
00:39:13,719 --> 00:39:13,960
Speaker 4: was like.

747
00:39:13,960 --> 00:39:15,839
Speaker 3: Right, well, I mean I kind of was just kidding, but.

748
00:39:17,400 --> 00:39:20,520
Speaker 6: You're good.

749
00:39:23,320 --> 00:39:25,400
Speaker 4: Like what we want is for you to run after

750
00:39:25,440 --> 00:39:28,319
Speaker 4: me and say don't leave. You know that's that's not

751
00:39:28,320 --> 00:39:30,800
Speaker 4: going to go well with him. So I have learned

752
00:39:30,880 --> 00:39:31,920
Speaker 4: not to threaten it.

753
00:39:32,040 --> 00:39:34,840
Speaker 8: I haven't again, Like, yeah, I feel like once you

754
00:39:35,040 --> 00:39:36,960
Speaker 8: threat like you threaten it, you're like, oh, I don't

755
00:39:37,000 --> 00:39:39,319
Speaker 8: like how that felt, and I don't I won't do

756
00:39:39,360 --> 00:39:41,600
Speaker 8: it again. But like part of it was like, why

757
00:39:41,680 --> 00:39:44,600
Speaker 8: is someone not writing like a song for us in

758
00:39:44,600 --> 00:39:45,760
Speaker 8: this moment where it should.

759
00:39:45,520 --> 00:39:45,839
Speaker 6: Be, Like.

760
00:39:50,520 --> 00:39:52,239
Speaker 2: Jacob, I didn't even get off the couch when she

761
00:39:52,280 --> 00:39:57,120
Speaker 2: said it.

762
00:39:56,000 --> 00:39:59,280
Speaker 9: Resurrect right now and score this moment please?

763
00:40:01,520 --> 00:40:03,319
Speaker 2: All right, last a few things we want to hit

764
00:40:03,400 --> 00:40:06,360
Speaker 2: you all with here. What would you both say? Biggest

765
00:40:06,360 --> 00:40:10,120
Speaker 2: compromise you've had to make to make sure this relationship

766
00:40:10,560 --> 00:40:11,960
Speaker 2: worked or was better?

767
00:40:13,400 --> 00:40:17,880
Speaker 6: Biggest compromise for me was opening up verbally. That was

768
00:40:18,239 --> 00:40:22,960
Speaker 6: a huge, huge wall that And it's not that I

769
00:40:23,040 --> 00:40:26,319
Speaker 6: have a hard time communicating of you know, on a

770
00:40:26,400 --> 00:40:29,759
Speaker 6: surface level, with any any time, but when it came

771
00:40:29,800 --> 00:40:33,680
Speaker 6: to really getting to the nitty gritty things, it took

772
00:40:33,760 --> 00:40:35,680
Speaker 6: a lot of work and compromise.

773
00:40:36,120 --> 00:40:38,160
Speaker 5: Wow, this is hard for me.

774
00:40:38,280 --> 00:40:40,880
Speaker 7: But you I think that you didn't make a compromise

775
00:40:40,920 --> 00:40:43,279
Speaker 7: there too, and like you really had to compromise like

776
00:40:43,360 --> 00:40:48,960
Speaker 7: your desire of wanting to be alone with your feelings

777
00:40:49,000 --> 00:40:53,240
Speaker 7: to no, it's okay to feel feel things.

778
00:40:53,520 --> 00:40:58,440
Speaker 6: It was greater than the Missouri compromise in eighteen twenty.

779
00:40:58,960 --> 00:40:59,880
Speaker 5: Is that exasciar?

780
00:41:00,280 --> 00:41:04,680
Speaker 7: Yes, Oh my gosh, he's really good with Like give

781
00:41:04,760 --> 00:41:08,400
Speaker 7: him a random year of like what movie won the

782
00:41:08,440 --> 00:41:10,280
Speaker 7: Academy Award and this.

783
00:41:10,200 --> 00:41:13,120
Speaker 5: Year he'll know it. It's insane.

784
00:41:13,480 --> 00:41:15,320
Speaker 1: We're not going to quism. We're not going to quim.

785
00:41:15,320 --> 00:41:16,080
Speaker 1: We're not gonna quism.

786
00:41:17,120 --> 00:41:20,720
Speaker 4: My biggest problem, Yeah, what was your biggest compromise, Samantha,

787
00:41:21,880 --> 00:41:22,960
Speaker 4: My need.

788
00:41:23,040 --> 00:41:26,520
Speaker 5: For like immediate resolve. Like I had to learn to

789
00:41:26,600 --> 00:41:28,560
Speaker 5: be more patient with Jacob.

790
00:41:28,719 --> 00:41:32,280
Speaker 7: And I'm not a patient person, I think by nature,

791
00:41:32,920 --> 00:41:38,920
Speaker 7: so Jacob communication and like like just just needing to

792
00:41:39,000 --> 00:41:42,680
Speaker 7: be patient with knowing that Jacob would eventually get where

793
00:41:42,680 --> 00:41:45,480
Speaker 7: I needed him to be in terms of our communication.

794
00:41:46,600 --> 00:41:47,920
Speaker 5: What I need from communication.

795
00:41:48,320 --> 00:41:51,520
Speaker 6: We can rebuild him, we have the technology.

796
00:41:57,560 --> 00:42:00,520
Speaker 7: But yeah, just like knowing that, you know, I have

797
00:42:00,719 --> 00:42:02,759
Speaker 7: to be patient with him and he has to come

798
00:42:03,239 --> 00:42:05,960
Speaker 7: to this conclusion because he has to like learn these

799
00:42:06,080 --> 00:42:11,320
Speaker 7: tools and he has to want this for himself. I'm

800
00:42:11,440 --> 00:42:16,000
Speaker 7: like immediate gratification, and so being patient with him and

801
00:42:16,200 --> 00:42:21,480
Speaker 7: sacrificing or compromising my need for immediate gratification, I think

802
00:42:21,600 --> 00:42:22,759
Speaker 7: was my biggest compromise.

803
00:42:23,719 --> 00:42:26,440
Speaker 4: Totally good, all right, And I think the final question

804
00:42:27,600 --> 00:42:29,840
Speaker 4: and you, yes, your newly weds, Yes you're in your

805
00:42:29,880 --> 00:42:31,759
Speaker 4: first year of marriage, but you've been together for eight

806
00:42:31,840 --> 00:42:34,520
Speaker 4: years through a lot of ups and downs. What would

807
00:42:34,600 --> 00:42:37,759
Speaker 4: you say the key to your success has been? And

808
00:42:37,840 --> 00:42:39,560
Speaker 4: what do you think it is about the two of

809
00:42:39,640 --> 00:42:42,960
Speaker 4: you that will make this relationship be a forever one.

810
00:42:44,600 --> 00:42:51,080
Speaker 6: Openness and honesty. Those two things keep it the motor running. Yeah,

811
00:42:51,200 --> 00:42:51,600
Speaker 6: we have this.

812
00:42:52,239 --> 00:42:54,680
Speaker 7: This is like our catchphrase and our relationship that we

813
00:42:54,760 --> 00:42:57,280
Speaker 7: are brutally honest without being brutal.

814
00:42:58,480 --> 00:43:00,840
Speaker 5: And I think we won't even.

815
00:43:00,680 --> 00:43:05,080
Speaker 7: Tell each other a white lie. That's how how important

816
00:43:05,200 --> 00:43:08,760
Speaker 7: it is to just be that transparent with one another.

817
00:43:08,800 --> 00:43:12,879
Speaker 7: And we'll see like other couples or friends who are like, Okay,

818
00:43:12,880 --> 00:43:14,879
Speaker 7: I'm just going to not tell my purchase to this thing,

819
00:43:14,960 --> 00:43:16,840
Speaker 7: and I'm you know, like little things like that, and

820
00:43:16,880 --> 00:43:21,600
Speaker 7: I'm like, I can never imagine not sharing everything with Jacob.

821
00:43:21,680 --> 00:43:24,400
Speaker 7: I think the fact that we are so eager to

822
00:43:24,480 --> 00:43:29,600
Speaker 7: share everything, the good, the bad, and we're so comfortable

823
00:43:29,920 --> 00:43:32,359
Speaker 7: with being that open and honest.

824
00:43:32,440 --> 00:43:34,480
Speaker 5: That's what's going to make us last forever.

825
00:43:34,560 --> 00:43:38,920
Speaker 7: It's because I'm so excited to tell him every detail

826
00:43:39,000 --> 00:43:42,160
Speaker 7: of my life. And I think when you have someone

827
00:43:42,440 --> 00:43:46,360
Speaker 7: that you are so excited to share every aspect of

828
00:43:46,480 --> 00:43:50,040
Speaker 7: your life with, that's like a true partner because you

829
00:43:51,400 --> 00:43:53,800
Speaker 7: get to like be on this ride of life together,

830
00:43:54,040 --> 00:43:57,520
Speaker 7: which is ultimately I feel like the essence of our

831
00:43:57,600 --> 00:44:01,359
Speaker 7: love story is just finding the person that you want

832
00:44:01,440 --> 00:44:04,560
Speaker 7: to do life with who makes life the most fun

833
00:44:05,760 --> 00:44:07,239
Speaker 7: journey alongside.

834
00:44:08,000 --> 00:44:11,040
Speaker 3: I mean literally, I'm about to turn RN. I love

835
00:44:11,120 --> 00:44:13,880
Speaker 3: your story. You guys are so beautiful, So thank you.

836
00:44:14,160 --> 00:44:16,440
Speaker 6: Thanks for having us. Guys were so fun. Guys are

837
00:44:16,480 --> 00:44:19,239
Speaker 6: so fun. This is the first time we've ever right

838
00:44:19,360 --> 00:44:22,759
Speaker 6: talked to another couple in this way, which is really

839
00:44:22,880 --> 00:44:25,400
Speaker 6: cool because I feel like you guys can relate on

840
00:44:25,600 --> 00:44:28,520
Speaker 6: the couple things and we can have We had got

841
00:44:28,600 --> 00:44:31,600
Speaker 6: to have those moments that were like, yeah, it just

842
00:44:31,880 --> 00:44:32,960
Speaker 6: just bonded in.

843
00:44:33,000 --> 00:44:35,640
Speaker 2: That way, But that connectivity is there, and that's what

844
00:44:35,680 --> 00:44:37,680
Speaker 2: we were hoping to do with all these couples that

845
00:44:37,880 --> 00:44:40,520
Speaker 2: you you all the four of us, so the two couples,

846
00:44:40,760 --> 00:44:43,120
Speaker 2: we couldn't be more different in how we got together

847
00:44:43,160 --> 00:44:45,040
Speaker 2: and how it happened, and where we're from and all

848
00:44:45,160 --> 00:44:48,560
Speaker 2: these things. Almost every answer you all gave, there's something

849
00:44:48,640 --> 00:44:50,560
Speaker 2: we could relate to or something we could pluck out

850
00:44:50,560 --> 00:44:52,279
Speaker 2: and say, oh, we can apply that to us. So

851
00:44:52,360 --> 00:44:54,359
Speaker 2: it doesn't matter what you look like and where you're

852
00:44:54,360 --> 00:44:57,279
Speaker 2: from and all these things. Couples can relate. So that's

853
00:44:57,480 --> 00:44:58,120
Speaker 2: bad to be able to do.

854
00:44:58,239 --> 00:45:00,160
Speaker 6: And that's what we want to do with the our

855
00:45:00,280 --> 00:45:05,200
Speaker 6: relationship dynamic. Isn't be like this super weird, trendy couple,

856
00:45:05,360 --> 00:45:08,520
Speaker 6: like we're trying to show the world we're very pretty

857
00:45:08,600 --> 00:45:12,400
Speaker 6: much like everybody else. This this dynamic is going on

858
00:45:12,760 --> 00:45:15,520
Speaker 6: and it's there, and we've had people try to tell

859
00:45:15,600 --> 00:45:19,040
Speaker 6: our story in this like over sensationalized way, and it's

860
00:45:19,200 --> 00:45:20,400
Speaker 6: just it's like it's just.

861
00:45:20,480 --> 00:45:24,720
Speaker 5: A love story really and it's pures essence.

862
00:45:24,880 --> 00:45:29,080
Speaker 7: It's like we just want people to I feel like

863
00:45:29,120 --> 00:45:31,160
Speaker 7: there's so many boxes when people are like looking for

864
00:45:31,280 --> 00:45:33,279
Speaker 7: a mate that they're like, he must be rich, he

865
00:45:33,400 --> 00:45:35,840
Speaker 7: must be handsome, he must have this, you know, and

866
00:45:35,960 --> 00:45:40,320
Speaker 7: it's like all of those things great if that's like

867
00:45:40,440 --> 00:45:44,160
Speaker 7: how but their distractions on what you really should be

868
00:45:44,239 --> 00:45:46,880
Speaker 7: looking for and you should be looking for how someone

869
00:45:47,000 --> 00:45:51,200
Speaker 7: makes you feel. And so we're like hoping that more

870
00:45:51,360 --> 00:45:55,360
Speaker 7: people just like pay attention to the feeling and like

871
00:45:56,080 --> 00:46:01,080
Speaker 7: kind of start to ignore the noises and the you know, expectations,

872
00:46:01,280 --> 00:46:04,000
Speaker 7: because I think that's more people will be in the

873
00:46:04,120 --> 00:46:06,360
Speaker 7: right relationships if they just pay attention to that.

874
00:46:06,960 --> 00:46:10,880
Speaker 3: Yeah, that is so well said, such good advice for

875
00:46:11,000 --> 00:46:14,400
Speaker 3: everyone listening. Thank you. That's all I can say. Thank you,

876
00:46:14,719 --> 00:46:17,440
Speaker 3: and we love you and we are rooting for you.

877
00:46:19,480 --> 00:46:21,680
Speaker 5: If you're ever in l A, please let us know.

878
00:46:21,840 --> 00:46:23,520
Speaker 6: Let's do dinner. We would love to.

879
00:46:23,560 --> 00:46:28,000
Speaker 4: Don't be surprised when we reach out.

880
00:46:28,160 --> 00:46:29,480
Speaker 6: Okay, okay, please do