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Speaker 1: Hey guys, welcome to this week's episode of the PSD podcast.

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Speaker 1: It's your girl, eban A. And before we begin, let's

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Speaker 1: do a little housekeeping. Um, please make sure to follow

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Speaker 1: me on all social media platforms at the Professional home Girl,

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Speaker 1: at the PhD podcast, and at eban a Beauty. Uh.

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Speaker 1: Make sure you visit my websites at the Professional Homegirl

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Speaker 1: dot com and eban a Beauty as well. And last

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Speaker 1: but not least, make sure you rate and review the

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Speaker 1: PSHD podcasts on all major streaming podcast platforms. So please

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Speaker 1: keep in mind that all of my guests are anonymous.

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Speaker 1: So let's speak in So. I'm very excited about this

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Speaker 1: week's episode. I feel like this is something that a

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Speaker 1: lot of women can relate to as far as being

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Speaker 1: in toxic relationships and heartbreak. So first up, let's talk

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Speaker 1: about the foundation of your heartbreak, which is not having

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Speaker 1: your father present in your life, which is something that

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Speaker 1: I can relate to as well as a lot of

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Speaker 1: my other guests. Tell us a little bit about that.

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Speaker 1: Oh wow, just right right, No, it's great. Um, well,

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Speaker 1: I think you know, you don't really understand the impact

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Speaker 1: of having your father until you become a little bit older. Um,

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Speaker 1: because you just can't grasp what, you know the effects

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Speaker 1: of it. So I do know that the positives were

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Speaker 1: me being you know, an overachiever, always wanting to excel,

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Speaker 1: always wanting to do things to be seen, which was

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Speaker 1: the consequence of feeling not seen by my dad. So

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Speaker 1: it was a plus though, right. No, I was, you know,

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Speaker 1: an honor student. I was vice president of my class.

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Speaker 1: He was very active. I was very active. I was

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Speaker 1: in drama club, I was U in French honor society.

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Speaker 1: I was you know, I had I think like a

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Speaker 1: four point one g p A in high school or

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Speaker 1: something like that. I was an overachiever and I was

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Speaker 1: always hard on myself, which is something that is still

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Speaker 1: kind of present. Um. I was always hard on myself

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Speaker 1: because I wanted to be great, you know, because I

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Speaker 1: couldn't understand why. Yeah, yeah, it wasn't enough. Why would

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Speaker 1: you choose not to be in my life? And he

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Speaker 1: was sprinkling and out here and there, but you know,

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Speaker 1: he was just never he was just never invested. And

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Speaker 1: that was my first heartbreak. And because my mom grew

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Speaker 1: up without her parents, both of her parents, yeah, she

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Speaker 1: she couldn't really teach me really, you know, how to

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Speaker 1: deal with that, or she didn't she didn't teach me

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Speaker 1: really about self love, or she just couldn't because I

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Speaker 1: think she was still rappling with how her life started,

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Speaker 1: you know, and she was doing what what she did

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Speaker 1: was she loved us so deeply because she didn't have

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Speaker 1: that love, but she still couldn't really teach me about

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Speaker 1: how do I love myself even though my dad chooses

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Speaker 1: not to. You wrote something about you said something about

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Speaker 1: people can only love at the capacity and know how to,

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Speaker 1: and I was like, damn, that is so true, because

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Speaker 1: I can't. You can't expect people to give you something

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Speaker 1: they never had it, so they can only reach a

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Speaker 1: certain level. Absolutely. Um. I learned that through a therapist

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Speaker 1: I had at the time, because I was dealing with

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Speaker 1: a whole bunch of crap guys in New York and

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Speaker 1: I was, you know, just I just wasn't loving myself,

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Speaker 1: you know. I was thinking, you know, the more I

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Speaker 1: love them, the more they will love me back. And

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Speaker 1: she told me, you know, the root of it was

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Speaker 1: because in my relationship with my dad, and that's my

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Speaker 1: thing that I realized when I was reading your book.

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Speaker 1: And even though all of my guests are anonymous if

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Speaker 1: you want to purchase her book and support her, because

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Speaker 1: I feel like this is a story that we all

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Speaker 1: can relate to, because I felt like when I was

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Speaker 1: reading it, I was reading a chapter out of my

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Speaker 1: own life. Make sure you email me at the Professional

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Speaker 1: Homeguard dot com and I give you her information. But

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Speaker 1: one thing I realized when I was reading your book

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Speaker 1: is so it's a pattern. And um, the men that

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Speaker 1: you were attracted to were broken and now available, which

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Speaker 1: is kind of similar to your father not being present.

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Speaker 1: And I was just like, wow, that's so crazy. No,

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Speaker 1: I mean, because you want to be this savior, right you.

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Speaker 1: You want them to see you want to give them

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Speaker 1: the love that you didn't get because you see something

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Speaker 1: great in them that you were hoping your dad's sawing you.

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Speaker 1: And so you're like telling them, no, you're great, you're amazing,

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Speaker 1: when actually they're damaging you at the same you know.

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Speaker 1: And yeah, I when when my therapist said you can

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Speaker 1: only he can only love you at the capacity that

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Speaker 1: he knows how. And then that was when I really

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Speaker 1: began to heal, um from my relationship with my dad,

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Speaker 1: when I just stopped expecting him to be this dad

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Speaker 1: where I could feel like Daddy's little girl, the dad

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Speaker 1: that I wanted when I realized that, oh he said

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Speaker 1: that thing to me, or he uh, he didn't help

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Speaker 1: me out when I needed him most, because that's the

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Speaker 1: capacity that he's knowing. So it's okay, it's okay, and

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Speaker 1: I gotta move on from that. But it's it's definitely work,

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Speaker 1: you know what I mean, it's work. It's work up yeah,

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Speaker 1: all the time. And if I can say this because

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Speaker 1: this always, like really really annoys me, especially with social media,

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Speaker 1: because you know, those conversations about black love and black

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Speaker 1: men and women and women need to heal their daddy issues.

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Speaker 1: I really wish that men would have a little bit

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Speaker 1: more grace. Yeah, because the thing is is that it's

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Speaker 1: a cycle, and like we wouldn't have daddy issues if

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Speaker 1: daddy had been there, which was the man in our life,

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Speaker 1: which starts with the man, and a lot of men

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Speaker 1: out here have mommy issues that they don't deal with,

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Speaker 1: they don't claim. And so I just have to say

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Speaker 1: that because I see that conversation all the time, and

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Speaker 1: just because a woman has daddy issues doesn't mean she's

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Speaker 1: not amazing, doesn't mean she's not working on herself. Doesn't

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Speaker 1: mean she can't be a boss. There's a lot of

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Speaker 1: boss women out there who is still dealing with some things,

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Speaker 1: but you can still love her. What was the conversation

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Speaker 1: like when you're both to your father? UM, when I

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Speaker 1: have a conversation, UM, just to let him know how

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Speaker 1: I felt. UM. So he's the type of man. He's

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Speaker 1: a country boy. You know, he drove trucks for a

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Speaker 1: really long time. He's not the one to talk about emotions,

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Speaker 1: but he will take some action. And I mean I

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Speaker 1: did see, you know, a little bit of action as

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Speaker 1: far as him, you know, trying to be better in

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Speaker 1: our relationship. But it started off with a letter I

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Speaker 1: sent him and I literally told him all the moments

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Speaker 1: that I felt invisible, that I felt hurt, that I

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Speaker 1: felt that he wasn't there. I told all the month.

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Speaker 1: But it isn't it crazy how you have to tell

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Speaker 1: your father that because I had a similar situation with

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Speaker 1: my father where I met him like maybe four years ago, no,

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Speaker 1: five years ago. And it's like the fact that I'm

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Speaker 1: telling you, as your child, as your offspring, how it

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Speaker 1: makes me feel you're not being there for me or

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Speaker 1: be a present in my life. It's like to me,

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Speaker 1: it's crazy because why do I have to tell you that,

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Speaker 1: like you should know. Well, again, that comes from whatever

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Speaker 1: relationship they had with their parents, because his dad wasn't

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Speaker 1: around either, and he was he's my dad's the only child.

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Speaker 1: He was a mama's boy. Um, he didn't know and

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Speaker 1: I and to be quite honest, I think he's still

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Speaker 1: learning how to love. I mean, I thought my dad

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Speaker 1: got married at forty two. He didn't marry my mom. Um.

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Speaker 1: He got married at forty two, and the first few

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Speaker 1: years were a little rough because he at forty two,

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Speaker 1: who still didn't know how to be a man, unfortunately,

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Speaker 1: And so um, you know, men are not groomed to

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Speaker 1: deal with feelings. They're not groom to nurture um, you know,

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Speaker 1: especially back in the days. I think I think parents

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Speaker 1: are doing a little bit better with that now because

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Speaker 1: they're more cognizant of like what happens if you know,

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Speaker 1: you raise your son like this, um. But they weren't

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Speaker 1: raised to to deal with emotions and um, to understand

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Speaker 1: what it's like to to love your little girl, to

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Speaker 1: respect and love women. They weren't raised like that. So

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Speaker 1: I'm from the stuff, right, And so too. But so

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Speaker 1: when I read this on your book, I was like,

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Speaker 1: oh my god, I remember this saying because your mom

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Speaker 1: told you and I remember my mom, and like pretty

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Speaker 1: much every woman in the soft will be like, you

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Speaker 1: can't be out there messing with every time, Dick and Harry.

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Speaker 1: So in your book, you discussed three types of men

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Speaker 1: that were significant in your past. So let's start with Tom.

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Speaker 1: And when I was reading about these men, I was like, girl,

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Speaker 1: these things are crazy and it's so funny because, like

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Speaker 1: you said, we as women we over compensate so much

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Speaker 1: for a man to like realize that we're the one

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Speaker 1: where we lose we lose awareness of self. Yeah, And

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Speaker 1: it's like girl, like the way and then it's like

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Speaker 1: I think about it from the man point of view

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Speaker 1: and I'm like, yo, you don't even see what you're

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Speaker 1: doing to this woman, Like you think it's okay to

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Speaker 1: treat a woman like this, and you come from a

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Speaker 1: woman like girl, you had me in your book, and

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Speaker 1: I was just like, because it's amazing what men would do.

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Speaker 1: And granted people would do only what you allow them

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Speaker 1: to do, but it's like home on, like right, right,

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Speaker 1: So let's start with Tom tell Us about Tom. Tom

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Speaker 1: wasn't the Dick and Harry. Okay, So Tom, and I

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Speaker 1: hope I get the man right because I got my notes.

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Speaker 1: I got my notes. So Tom is when you met

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Speaker 1: the party? Okay? So Tom? I met him at a

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Speaker 1: party in New York. Gorgeous man um, lots of finesse.

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Speaker 1: But he was there with a woman, like okay, you know,

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Speaker 1: red Flag. I was like okay, and um, he was

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Speaker 1: being very nice and you know, but you know, he

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Speaker 1: was with a date. But then he happened to tell

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Speaker 1: my friend that I was at the party with that

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Speaker 1: he was interested in me, which you know, yes, red Flag,

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Speaker 1: like he's interested in me. Gave her my numbers to

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Speaker 1: contact him. But he was, you know, like he was

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Speaker 1: like persistent at the party, he was, Yeah, he was.

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Speaker 1: He was chatty. He was very chatty with me, and

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Speaker 1: I was like, okay, this is interesting. Um, And you know,

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Speaker 1: I was young and stupid, and I you know, I

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Speaker 1: was excited about the attention, not realizing that I am

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Speaker 1: helping him, enabling him to be a toxic man or two,

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Speaker 1: to have this toxic um energy right now, because I

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Speaker 1: should have shut that down as a grown woman. I

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Speaker 1: wasn't grown then, but as a grown woman, you should

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Speaker 1: shut that down. That shouldn't even have happened. So that started, Um,

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Speaker 1: I think about three years of just mess, you know,

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Speaker 1: often on mess of me wanting to be loved by

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Speaker 1: this man, and you know that it just never happened.

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Speaker 1: And so what happens is if you don't learn the

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Speaker 1: lesson the first time, you're gonna keep going through that

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Speaker 1: same lesson through it. You're gonna keep going through it.

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Speaker 1: And then that's how I got to the other two men,

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Speaker 1: because I didn't learn my lesson. Um, what do you

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Speaker 1: think you learned from Tom? Like, what do you think

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Speaker 1: the lesson was from Tom? Oh? I think the lesson

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Speaker 1: the lesson with who I don't even know. It's just

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Speaker 1: so much, I would say, because one thing I got

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Speaker 1: from um reading about time, I was like, Yo, why

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Speaker 1: do we ignored the red flags? Yeah? And and that's

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Speaker 1: so funny that you said that, because I used to

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Speaker 1: keep this list of red flags one of my journals.

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Speaker 1: I think I had started like this long list of

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Speaker 1: red flags. Um, you just gotta you got to Yeah,

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Speaker 1: that should have that should have never started, you know

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Speaker 1: what I mean? And that is that was a big lesson.

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Speaker 1: I guess I would say that was probably the biggest

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Speaker 1: um is that, yeah, that should have never started, That

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Speaker 1: should have never went anywhere. And also learning how to

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Speaker 1: cut things off quicker. It took me a long time

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Speaker 1: ago relationships for me to realize, like, you gotta cut

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Speaker 1: these things off quick. Why are you continuing this off

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Speaker 1: and on and going back and hoping that he sees

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Speaker 1: the amazing nous in you? And it's like, no, cut

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Speaker 1: it off. Everything has an expiration date. Everything. And then

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Speaker 1: even when I was reading when you was like and

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Speaker 1: I was like damn, because I had this conversation with

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Speaker 1: my homegirl because she was in a similar situation. She

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Speaker 1: told the guy that she loved him and he was

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Speaker 1: just like, oh all right, and I was like what,

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Speaker 1: and you know, it crushed her. So when I read

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Speaker 1: it in your book, I was just like, yo, these

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Speaker 1: things are crazy, Like how do you think yeah, all right,

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Speaker 1: how do you think that's okay? Like that was such

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Speaker 1: a significant moment. I feel like that. I feel like

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Speaker 1: a light bulb went off your head because it went

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Speaker 1: off like wow, yeah, I love you and he was

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Speaker 1: just like okay, well I gotta go to work. Wait

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Speaker 1: a minute, like I'm sorry, um, but yeah, that was.

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Speaker 1: That was a moment. Um, listen to anybody who ever

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Speaker 1: said those three words. Those three words are heavy with

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Speaker 1: a lot, and if someone doesn't and it takes a

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Speaker 1: lot to say it, it takes because it it wasn't

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Speaker 1: right away it was I was. I was indeed at

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Speaker 1: that point. And so yeah, it takes a lot. I mean,

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Speaker 1: it should take a lot to say those words and

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Speaker 1: really really mean it and to to back it up.

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Speaker 1: And so if the other person is just like, oh

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Speaker 1: okay and passive about it, please do yourself a favor

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Speaker 1: and never ever see that person. Um. Yeah, yeah, okay,

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Speaker 1: let's move on to Dick. Dick Dick was. I would

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Speaker 1: actually say Dick was probably the most significant guy I

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Speaker 1: have dated in my life, really absolutely why because that

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Speaker 1: was I. I think I had hit rock bottom. I

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Speaker 1: was completely bankrupt emotionally when I was with him. We

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Speaker 1: had met at work and we had created a friendship

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Speaker 1: and I was friends for a very long time. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: we were friends for a very long time, and he

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Speaker 1: had always kept asking me to go out and I

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Speaker 1: was like no, but I enjoyed our friendship. Um. At

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Speaker 1: the time, I was acting in New York. He he's

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Speaker 1: an actor, and so we also connected that way. And

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Speaker 1: you know, I was looking looking again for love and

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Speaker 1: someone to love me because I had not yet invested

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Speaker 1: that loving myself. And I thought like, oh, oh my god, Well,

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Speaker 1: you know what, he's my friend. He's always wanting to

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Speaker 1: go out. Maybe this is the guy that I've been

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Speaker 1: overlooking because you know, you read all these books and

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Speaker 1: it's like love could be writing right under your nose

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Speaker 1: and sounds like, okay, maybe that's it. But yeah, he

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Speaker 1: was the most significant because he became so nasty. Um,

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Speaker 1: he would call me names and like he was just

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Speaker 1: so he was so mean at times, and I mean

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Speaker 1: he was very clear, um in a couple of moments

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Speaker 1: that a lot of moments that I was not significant

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Speaker 1: norm priority to him. Um, he would lock in my face.

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Speaker 1: He would just do all these things, and I, like

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Speaker 1: a little puppy, would keep going back. And that's why

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Speaker 1: I say it was the most significant relationship I had

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Speaker 1: because he was the one who taught me all of

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Speaker 1: the things would love is not And I'm very clear

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Speaker 1: on that now, Yeah, because I think it with Dick,

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Speaker 1: he was the one that, um, like, you want to

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Speaker 1: go out like he was the one that kind of

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Speaker 1: made you question yourself, like and I'm not gonna know

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Speaker 1: why ugly, and I'm just like yo, I'm like, it's

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Speaker 1: just crazy to me. And you say, like, I think

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Speaker 1: one time he took you out and y'all went somewhere.

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Speaker 1: I was like five minutes within the house and you

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Speaker 1: were like, really, m m mmmm he took me out. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: it was right around the corner. I remember us being

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Speaker 1: out with some friends and he wouldn't even pick up

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Speaker 1: my tab for ut wings um um. Also, when all

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Speaker 1: this was going on, what were you thinking, like when

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Speaker 1: you having these conversations with yourself. I wasn't having these conversations.

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Speaker 1: I think this was more so like with friends and

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Speaker 1: like why is he acting like this? And you know,

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Speaker 1: but you know, I'm still young. I'm still not even

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Speaker 1: seeing clearly, and I'm not even seeing myself. You know,

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Speaker 1: you don't need to see yourself because you're thinking it's

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Speaker 1: the other person, it's their fault, and it's like, it's not.

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Speaker 1: It's mine. It's mine. It's my fault. It's me. It's

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Speaker 1: me who is allowing him to do these things. It's

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Speaker 1: me who was not saying listen, I'm amazing. If you

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Speaker 1: don't want this, that's that's fine. Let's not do this.

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Speaker 1: It's me. I was just so wrapped up into and

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Speaker 1: trying to prove to people that I was worthy of

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Speaker 1: their love connected to my dad. You know, I was

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Speaker 1: just so like, I am a great person, and I

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Speaker 1: am giving and I'm supportive, and I am there for

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Speaker 1: you in whatever you need. And yes, you might have

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Speaker 1: talked to me like a dog two days ago. And

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Speaker 1: you know, I mean he literally said I could never

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Speaker 1: be his woman. Wow, I could never be his woman.

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Speaker 1: And the defining moment and with all those things, with

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Speaker 1: all those things, it was that subtle moment which I'm

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Speaker 1: sure you know many other women have probably had. It

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Speaker 1: was a subtle thing that he did. My mom had

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Speaker 1: passed away and he was supposed to come and see me,

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Speaker 1: and instead he created an argument so that he will

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Speaker 1: have come. Yeah, And that was the moment. I was like, never,

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Speaker 1: I will never talk to you again. I never did.

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Speaker 1: And then you also found out that he had a

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Speaker 1: whole girlfriend and different city. The whole girlfriend that I

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Speaker 1: found out about on Facebook. I was like, oh my

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Speaker 1: my heart, were this fell out? As I was like,

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Speaker 1: you know, sometimes like, you know, I wonder what he

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Speaker 1: you know, I just wanted to go to his page.

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Speaker 1: I never went to his page, and I realized, like,

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Speaker 1: oh wait, his name isn't popping up. This is like

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Speaker 1: back back back in the days. His name isn't popping up.

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Speaker 1: Did he delete me? And um, I don't know, I

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00:19:17,880 --> 00:19:19,679
Speaker 1: don't know how I found that, But anyway, I was

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00:19:19,720 --> 00:19:22,439
Speaker 1: able to get his page and saw, you know, it

335
00:19:22,520 --> 00:19:24,240
Speaker 1: was now you know, they were late. I'm in a

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Speaker 1: in a relationship, in the relationship with this person. And

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Speaker 1: I'm like, really, I mean pictures and everything, and I'm like,

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Speaker 1: this was two days after he said to me. I

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Speaker 1: think he said, I think I'm falling in love with

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Speaker 1: you two days before, and so I'm getting all excited,

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Speaker 1: hanging onto those little crumbs, right, And then two days

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Speaker 1: later I found out he's in a whole relationship with

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Speaker 1: someone that he moved to the West Coast to be

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Speaker 1: with and it didn't work out, and he came back

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Speaker 1: and I was there, don't know, still being his friend,

346
00:20:03,440 --> 00:20:05,480
Speaker 1: and then found out he was talking to another girl

347
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Speaker 1: at the same time that you work with, that I

348
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Speaker 1: worked with. It was a mess. It was as niggas

349
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Speaker 1: ain't ship. I know when people listen to my podcast,

350
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Speaker 1: I stay saying at ship, but niggas really ain't ship, yo,

351
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Speaker 1: cause you're bold. You're really bold. That's what it is.

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Speaker 1: How dare you talk to somebody that I'm working with

353
00:20:27,840 --> 00:20:30,480
Speaker 1: all the women in the world and you won't talk

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Speaker 1: to my coworker. Right, it was really it was really bad.

355
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Speaker 1: And I don't know if he has gotten any better

356
00:20:37,119 --> 00:20:42,639
Speaker 1: with guys today because I'm seeing a whole new generation. Yeah,

357
00:20:42,720 --> 00:20:46,520
Speaker 1: that's so different. And now that i'm you know, I'm

358
00:20:46,560 --> 00:20:50,320
Speaker 1: on the West Coast and so it's just I'm just like, wow,

359
00:20:50,920 --> 00:20:53,080
Speaker 1: guys are not even putting in effort in They don't

360
00:20:53,119 --> 00:20:55,399
Speaker 1: have to no more. They don't have to because I

361
00:20:55,440 --> 00:20:58,680
Speaker 1: feel like women, certain women is going to only expect

362
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Speaker 1: certain things from it. I feel like if you're just

363
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Speaker 1: a woman, that's just like you don't really expect too

364
00:21:03,920 --> 00:21:05,600
Speaker 1: much because maybe you're still in the searcher trying to

365
00:21:05,600 --> 00:21:07,640
Speaker 1: find who you are. You don't even care. Men don't

366
00:21:07,680 --> 00:21:11,120
Speaker 1: have to do nothing. And also I feel like nowadays

367
00:21:11,160 --> 00:21:14,480
Speaker 1: women are moving like men. But I think that's what

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00:21:14,600 --> 00:21:17,480
Speaker 1: it is, and I mean it's a cycle, right, It's like,

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Speaker 1: you know, if if you if you want to, if

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Speaker 1: you're a woman and you know you want the traditional

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Speaker 1: you know, the man is head house, all the kind

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Speaker 1: of stuff. Then you got guys making you feel bad

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Speaker 1: about that and calling and calling you names. Then if

374
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Speaker 1: you say, okay, I'm gonna boss up, I'm gonna take

375
00:21:35,200 --> 00:21:36,760
Speaker 1: care of myself. I don't need you to do that.

376
00:21:36,840 --> 00:21:40,159
Speaker 1: I got that. Then this we too independent. So it's like,

377
00:21:40,200 --> 00:21:42,520
Speaker 1: what do you want? What do you want us to be?

378
00:21:43,160 --> 00:21:46,320
Speaker 1: You know, because I can't win for losing, so I

379
00:21:46,359 --> 00:21:49,320
Speaker 1: can't win for losing, you know, And and then I

380
00:21:49,320 --> 00:21:51,440
Speaker 1: mean again, you know, I get so tired of those

381
00:21:51,440 --> 00:21:56,240
Speaker 1: conversations because it's like you're not understanding how you contributed

382
00:21:56,359 --> 00:22:00,160
Speaker 1: to this. You know, women, for black women for own

383
00:22:00,200 --> 00:22:02,480
Speaker 1: time have been head a household because the men didn't

384
00:22:02,520 --> 00:22:06,240
Speaker 1: want to be father's children, so they had to boss up.

385
00:22:06,400 --> 00:22:08,880
Speaker 1: And then they talked their little girls to make sure

386
00:22:08,920 --> 00:22:11,479
Speaker 1: that they always take care of themselves. So it's a cycle.

387
00:22:12,200 --> 00:22:15,199
Speaker 1: And there was men wasn't around because they father wasn't around.

388
00:22:15,240 --> 00:22:17,640
Speaker 1: So it was like the picture was already the picture

389
00:22:17,800 --> 00:22:23,040
Speaker 1: right before their eyes, right right, So okay, let's talk

390
00:22:23,080 --> 00:22:28,200
Speaker 1: about Harry girl. That was that was a mess. Joke.

391
00:22:29,119 --> 00:22:32,560
Speaker 1: Oh my god, you know what, so I'll tell them. Okay,

392
00:22:32,600 --> 00:22:36,080
Speaker 1: So let mean Harry, I can't remember how we met.

393
00:22:36,240 --> 00:22:40,439
Speaker 1: He was you know, he looked amazing always, you know,

394
00:22:40,560 --> 00:22:46,560
Speaker 1: had a great suit on, jacket, everything, and was just

395
00:22:46,680 --> 00:22:53,680
Speaker 1: broke as a joke, girl, broke as a joke. Um,

396
00:22:53,800 --> 00:22:55,760
Speaker 1: he I mean it was a mess. He owed his

397
00:22:56,080 --> 00:22:58,600
Speaker 1: ex money that I found. I mean, every single day

398
00:22:58,640 --> 00:23:02,439
Speaker 1: I will find out something I found, you know, I

399
00:23:02,480 --> 00:23:06,800
Speaker 1: think maybe maybe a week or two in I found

400
00:23:06,840 --> 00:23:08,800
Speaker 1: out I knew he had a son, and then a

401
00:23:08,840 --> 00:23:11,880
Speaker 1: week or two win just you know again, Facebook, Thank

402
00:23:11,920 --> 00:23:19,640
Speaker 1: you Facebook, Facebook, Like a girl, investigate, investigate, found out

403
00:23:19,640 --> 00:23:22,639
Speaker 1: that he had a daughter. He failed to mention, failed

404
00:23:22,640 --> 00:23:25,919
Speaker 1: to mention. I'm like, why didn't you say anything about

405
00:23:25,960 --> 00:23:27,840
Speaker 1: your daughter? And he was like, oh, you know, I

406
00:23:27,880 --> 00:23:29,639
Speaker 1: was gonna get around to it, but it was like

407
00:23:29,720 --> 00:23:32,920
Speaker 1: that's very important. So also with that, it was like,

408
00:23:33,000 --> 00:23:36,439
Speaker 1: you know, he wasn't completely present with his daughter and

409
00:23:36,560 --> 00:23:38,440
Speaker 1: she didn't live in the States, but I just felt

410
00:23:38,440 --> 00:23:40,639
Speaker 1: like he wasn't doing enough. So that's a that's a

411
00:23:40,760 --> 00:23:44,120
Speaker 1: red flag. Ladies. Um, don't be with no man who

412
00:23:44,160 --> 00:23:47,760
Speaker 1: ain't taking care of his kids. He has to take

413
00:23:47,760 --> 00:23:51,200
Speaker 1: care of his kids. Um. But yeah, it was that.

414
00:23:51,520 --> 00:23:56,440
Speaker 1: And then you know, gosh, I'm going to his apartment

415
00:23:56,480 --> 00:23:58,880
Speaker 1: one night and then there was a letter on the door.

416
00:23:59,240 --> 00:24:04,200
Speaker 1: Didn't get the victed. I'm like, what is happening me?

417
00:24:04,920 --> 00:24:08,359
Speaker 1: And it was just all a mess. Um. During that time,

418
00:24:08,480 --> 00:24:13,080
Speaker 1: he had decided that he wanted to become a business

419
00:24:13,400 --> 00:24:16,399
Speaker 1: music manager for this artist that he just met. A

420
00:24:16,440 --> 00:24:22,359
Speaker 1: young lady met at um one of these like empowerment seminars,

421
00:24:22,440 --> 00:24:25,760
Speaker 1: and so he invited me to. I met her um

422
00:24:25,800 --> 00:24:30,399
Speaker 1: as well. She had a beautiful voice. Um. Yeah, I

423
00:24:30,440 --> 00:24:32,600
Speaker 1: met her a couple of times, and you know, at

424
00:24:32,640 --> 00:24:34,880
Speaker 1: that time, I was really trying to I had learned.

425
00:24:34,920 --> 00:24:37,440
Speaker 1: I felt like I did learn a few lessons from

426
00:24:37,520 --> 00:24:39,879
Speaker 1: you know, the other two guys, and I was like,

427
00:24:39,920 --> 00:24:41,879
Speaker 1: I'm gonna try to be you know, mature, and I'm

428
00:24:41,880 --> 00:24:44,199
Speaker 1: gonna you know, Okay, you got some meetings with this

429
00:24:44,280 --> 00:24:48,520
Speaker 1: young lady's fund. By the way, too, he was older

430
00:24:48,560 --> 00:24:53,879
Speaker 1: than me. Yeah, yeah, that's a key, right. I think

431
00:24:53,880 --> 00:24:55,639
Speaker 1: it was about forty four when we met. So it

432
00:24:55,720 --> 00:24:58,480
Speaker 1: was like, okay, he's making a career change kind of late,

433
00:24:58,600 --> 00:25:02,280
Speaker 1: and like, but okay, I Sai ported Um come to

434
00:25:02,359 --> 00:25:07,679
Speaker 1: find out. Um one lovely weekend when I'm going to

435
00:25:08,119 --> 00:25:10,720
Speaker 1: to his apartment because I had a key, he wasn't

436
00:25:10,760 --> 00:25:13,640
Speaker 1: there and he didn't come home for the whole weekend

437
00:25:14,440 --> 00:25:17,240
Speaker 1: and I was trying to find out where he was,

438
00:25:17,640 --> 00:25:20,720
Speaker 1: and he happened to be spending the weekend with this

439
00:25:20,800 --> 00:25:25,960
Speaker 1: young lady that I had met several times. When we

440
00:25:26,160 --> 00:25:28,760
Speaker 1: I'm calling him, I'm like, what is going on? And

441
00:25:28,800 --> 00:25:32,199
Speaker 1: then when we finally UM happened to meet, when he

442
00:25:32,240 --> 00:25:35,000
Speaker 1: finally gets the courage to sit down with me and

443
00:25:35,040 --> 00:25:37,640
Speaker 1: like really talk to me, he tells me that they're

444
00:25:37,640 --> 00:25:42,439
Speaker 1: in a relationship, and I'm like, oh, yeah, did we

445
00:25:42,520 --> 00:25:50,600
Speaker 1: break up? Now? Harry to them old to be too old,

446
00:25:51,240 --> 00:25:54,080
Speaker 1: too old. What I found out was that, and that

447
00:25:54,200 --> 00:25:57,119
Speaker 1: was probably one of the first times. But there are

448
00:25:57,119 --> 00:26:01,879
Speaker 1: some men who are opportunists, absolutely opportunist, And that was

449
00:26:01,920 --> 00:26:03,760
Speaker 1: the first guy I've ever seen like that. And he

450
00:26:03,920 --> 00:26:07,359
Speaker 1: was just looking for somebody who was on the rise.

451
00:26:07,480 --> 00:26:09,040
Speaker 1: I mean, I was doing my thing, but it wasn't

452
00:26:09,160 --> 00:26:11,800
Speaker 1: enough for him. And she had just gotten some funding

453
00:26:11,880 --> 00:26:14,040
Speaker 1: for her business, so he wanted to jump on that

454
00:26:14,119 --> 00:26:19,160
Speaker 1: because she had just landed some funding. So I got

455
00:26:19,160 --> 00:26:21,119
Speaker 1: to be Catholic of these men, because I'm telling you,

456
00:26:21,200 --> 00:26:26,560
Speaker 1: these men are no jokes. You're no joke. And so

457
00:26:26,640 --> 00:26:32,240
Speaker 1: they're I mean they're still they got married and um yeah,

458
00:26:32,280 --> 00:26:37,240
Speaker 1: they're running her business together. So have you spoken to

459
00:26:37,280 --> 00:26:40,360
Speaker 1: any of these men or have they reached out to you? Yes?

460
00:26:40,680 --> 00:26:49,240
Speaker 1: So what's so Tom? The first? One funny thing? Last year,

461
00:26:49,800 --> 00:26:54,080
Speaker 1: I was out with some girlfriends. Um, we went out

462
00:26:54,119 --> 00:26:57,920
Speaker 1: to Palas Verdes, which is a beautiful like place, um

463
00:26:58,000 --> 00:27:01,640
Speaker 1: here in California, and it was at a resort. Now

464
00:27:01,680 --> 00:27:04,680
Speaker 1: you don't know about this place unless you know California.

465
00:27:05,080 --> 00:27:07,760
Speaker 1: This is like far right, this is like far out,

466
00:27:07,920 --> 00:27:11,479
Speaker 1: is excluded. And with my girlfriends, we walked into the

467
00:27:11,520 --> 00:27:19,000
Speaker 1: bar and there is Tom. What you know, like this

468
00:27:19,000 --> 00:27:24,720
Speaker 1: this is not happening, right, Um, this is not happening.

469
00:27:24,720 --> 00:27:26,720
Speaker 1: And he had reached out to me a few times,

470
00:27:26,760 --> 00:27:29,600
Speaker 1: like on LinkedIn, just be like hey, you know whatever.

471
00:27:29,720 --> 00:27:34,399
Speaker 1: I never responded. Um. So he jumps up, he you know,

472
00:27:34,520 --> 00:27:37,840
Speaker 1: said hey, you know, and he introduced himself to my

473
00:27:37,960 --> 00:27:41,800
Speaker 1: friend and then very quickly before any other conversation could happen,

474
00:27:41,920 --> 00:27:50,120
Speaker 1: he says, this is my fiance, you know. Yeah, and

475
00:27:50,840 --> 00:27:54,480
Speaker 1: the whole conversation he made it as if we were

476
00:27:54,520 --> 00:27:56,800
Speaker 1: like long time, but of course he did. That's what

477
00:27:56,880 --> 00:28:00,040
Speaker 1: niggas do, not that when we had ever dated, and

478
00:28:00,400 --> 00:28:03,120
Speaker 1: we had every day, but just like, yeah, oh my god,

479
00:28:03,280 --> 00:28:05,080
Speaker 1: you know what to shut that down before y'all even

480
00:28:05,080 --> 00:28:09,440
Speaker 1: got started. That's what I wanted to do. And the

481
00:28:09,720 --> 00:28:13,560
Speaker 1: sad thing about that it was a few weeks later

482
00:28:14,640 --> 00:28:18,920
Speaker 1: he reached out to me again on and he was like, Hey,

483
00:28:18,920 --> 00:28:21,200
Speaker 1: I'm gonna be back in town. I want to have dinner.

484
00:28:21,880 --> 00:28:24,439
Speaker 1: And I was like, no, I'm gonna be busy, you know,

485
00:28:24,640 --> 00:28:28,560
Speaker 1: like I'm not I can't have dinner. Um, and he

486
00:28:28,680 --> 00:28:30,919
Speaker 1: was like, why won't you give me your personal number.

487
00:28:31,400 --> 00:28:33,360
Speaker 1: I was like, you could just contact me right here

488
00:28:33,359 --> 00:28:37,600
Speaker 1: through number four. And then he like he invites me

489
00:28:37,720 --> 00:28:41,800
Speaker 1: to his airbnb when he gets in town. He's like,

490
00:28:41,840 --> 00:28:43,800
Speaker 1: you sure you don't want to come? Come sit by

491
00:28:43,800 --> 00:28:47,680
Speaker 1: the pool with me, and I'm like, is he kidding? Engaged?

492
00:28:48,200 --> 00:28:52,240
Speaker 1: But then that lets you know, to any woman who

493
00:28:52,280 --> 00:28:54,320
Speaker 1: is listening to it, or anyone who's listening to this,

494
00:28:54,920 --> 00:28:57,719
Speaker 1: please don't be getting upset with these foods. When they

495
00:28:57,800 --> 00:29:03,640
Speaker 1: get engaged or get married or getting relationships, a lot

496
00:29:03,680 --> 00:29:09,920
Speaker 1: of times they still foolish. They still foolish. Wow, yep.

497
00:29:10,280 --> 00:29:12,920
Speaker 1: Have Dick or Harry reached out to you? Um, Dick

498
00:29:13,000 --> 00:29:15,840
Speaker 1: would reach out to me a lot. Um when I

499
00:29:15,880 --> 00:29:18,640
Speaker 1: have first moved to the West Coast, used to reach

500
00:29:18,640 --> 00:29:21,720
Speaker 1: out to me pretty often and I never would respond.

501
00:29:21,840 --> 00:29:25,160
Speaker 1: So I think he finally got the picture. And I

502
00:29:25,200 --> 00:29:28,040
Speaker 1: didn't hear too much from Harry. Um. I think I

503
00:29:28,080 --> 00:29:30,320
Speaker 1: got like maybe an email from him when my mom

504
00:29:30,360 --> 00:29:33,760
Speaker 1: passed and that was it. Listen, one thing I learned.

505
00:29:33,800 --> 00:29:36,440
Speaker 1: They always come back, but that means take them back.

506
00:29:37,080 --> 00:29:41,280
Speaker 1: I always come back, but don't take them back unless

507
00:29:41,320 --> 00:29:44,200
Speaker 1: you really want to and you know it's gonna be it,

508
00:29:44,320 --> 00:29:46,720
Speaker 1: But don't waste your time because that would be another

509
00:29:46,760 --> 00:29:51,240
Speaker 1: headache that you don't need another. Yeah. I also read

510
00:29:51,320 --> 00:29:57,200
Speaker 1: that you are seligant. Yes, um six and a half years.

511
00:29:57,280 --> 00:30:03,800
Speaker 1: Oh yes, yes, that's amazing. So when you get to that,

512
00:30:04,040 --> 00:30:09,600
Speaker 1: like what made you get to that point? Child? It's hard. Listen,

513
00:30:09,680 --> 00:30:12,640
Speaker 1: I'm not even gonna make it sound cute. That means

514
00:30:12,640 --> 00:30:16,440
Speaker 1: you got really good a good level of discipline. Well,

515
00:30:16,480 --> 00:30:20,400
Speaker 1: I mean one, being on the West Coast actually helps

516
00:30:20,440 --> 00:30:22,800
Speaker 1: because you know, the dating is a little bit different.

517
00:30:23,520 --> 00:30:26,320
Speaker 1: Um too, you know, because all of that stuff was

518
00:30:26,360 --> 00:30:28,120
Speaker 1: going down in New York, and I just felt like

519
00:30:28,160 --> 00:30:31,400
Speaker 1: I couldn't be I couldn't hear clearly, you know, like

520
00:30:31,480 --> 00:30:34,200
Speaker 1: I couldn't hear God clearly, and so I had to

521
00:30:34,280 --> 00:30:37,280
Speaker 1: just stop. And I had tried to do it before

522
00:30:37,320 --> 00:30:39,280
Speaker 1: many times, and you know, I would do it for

523
00:30:39,280 --> 00:30:41,040
Speaker 1: a few months, or I'll do it for maybe I

524
00:30:41,040 --> 00:30:44,640
Speaker 1: think the longest was like a year. Um, but I

525
00:30:44,680 --> 00:30:49,200
Speaker 1: just had to like stop because I just couldn't hear anymore.

526
00:30:49,280 --> 00:30:52,480
Speaker 1: And it was just like, I need to just start

527
00:30:52,520 --> 00:30:55,920
Speaker 1: with all these you know, dysfunctional relationships so that I

528
00:30:55,960 --> 00:30:58,080
Speaker 1: can hear from God and hear what he wants me,

529
00:30:59,320 --> 00:31:02,080
Speaker 1: his purpose is for me, and all of that trying

530
00:31:02,080 --> 00:31:05,600
Speaker 1: to find love from you know, people who didn't love themselves.

531
00:31:05,720 --> 00:31:08,600
Speaker 1: I just had to put it into it. Yeah, that

532
00:31:08,720 --> 00:31:10,120
Speaker 1: is so because I think a lot of times we

533
00:31:10,160 --> 00:31:13,040
Speaker 1: get in our own way and we constantly keep asking

534
00:31:13,080 --> 00:31:15,360
Speaker 1: God for lego show me the way, give me a sign,

535
00:31:16,080 --> 00:31:18,760
Speaker 1: what's my next move, and like it'd be so cluttered

536
00:31:18,840 --> 00:31:21,200
Speaker 1: in our own space that you can't even hear or

537
00:31:21,280 --> 00:31:24,680
Speaker 1: see what he's showing you. Yeah, I mean, just because

538
00:31:24,720 --> 00:31:28,360
Speaker 1: how could I possibly hear what he wanted when I'm

539
00:31:28,400 --> 00:31:33,360
Speaker 1: crying over crazy people. You know, I'm crying over these people,

540
00:31:33,520 --> 00:31:35,120
Speaker 1: like you know, I mean it was I mean, I

541
00:31:35,200 --> 00:31:38,800
Speaker 1: had some low moments. I mean, and I mean there's

542
00:31:38,840 --> 00:31:41,040
Speaker 1: no way that you can like here, There's no way

543
00:31:41,080 --> 00:31:44,280
Speaker 1: that God can show you who you are when you

544
00:31:44,360 --> 00:31:48,640
Speaker 1: are dependent on people who don't matter. You gotta cut

545
00:31:48,680 --> 00:31:55,440
Speaker 1: it off. Wow. Now that's amazing almost seven years. So

546
00:31:55,520 --> 00:32:01,400
Speaker 1: are you waiting for marriage or not? Really? That would

547
00:32:01,440 --> 00:32:05,120
Speaker 1: be nice. And I mean listen if you if you

548
00:32:05,160 --> 00:32:08,080
Speaker 1: want to wait from marriage, I think that's great. Um.

549
00:32:08,120 --> 00:32:10,240
Speaker 1: I think at one point I was like maybe, but

550
00:32:10,360 --> 00:32:12,800
Speaker 1: like I just want to find someone that I can trust.

551
00:32:12,960 --> 00:32:16,400
Speaker 1: You know that, I like, this is for real, this

552
00:32:16,520 --> 00:32:19,480
Speaker 1: is like the person God sent me. And I mean

553
00:32:19,560 --> 00:32:22,520
Speaker 1: maybe I always till marriage, but I just want to

554
00:32:22,520 --> 00:32:26,000
Speaker 1: be able to make the best decision, you know what

555
00:32:26,080 --> 00:32:28,520
Speaker 1: I mean. And I just wasn't making good decisions. And

556
00:32:30,440 --> 00:32:33,240
Speaker 1: because though when you'll be making bad decisions all the time,

557
00:32:33,920 --> 00:32:38,080
Speaker 1: up up, you know, I think about all those times,

558
00:32:38,200 --> 00:32:41,280
Speaker 1: all those nights, all of those years that I was

559
00:32:41,360 --> 00:32:43,600
Speaker 1: crying over people that didn't matter, when I could have

560
00:32:43,640 --> 00:32:48,600
Speaker 1: been doing other things. Girl, chument, I can't get the

561
00:32:48,680 --> 00:32:51,160
Speaker 1: time back. I mean, it was a lesson. I don't

562
00:32:51,200 --> 00:32:54,120
Speaker 1: regret it because all those things maybe who I am, heck,

563
00:32:54,160 --> 00:32:57,200
Speaker 1: all those things allowed me to write the book. But

564
00:32:57,280 --> 00:33:00,840
Speaker 1: at the same time, you know, if really just stopped

565
00:33:00,880 --> 00:33:02,880
Speaker 1: for a moment and think about your life and think

566
00:33:02,920 --> 00:33:05,840
Speaker 1: about where you have been spending your energy, if you

567
00:33:05,840 --> 00:33:08,720
Speaker 1: are spending your energy and all of these places that

568
00:33:08,760 --> 00:33:11,480
Speaker 1: don't matter, Who would you be that don't serve you,

569
00:33:11,760 --> 00:33:14,080
Speaker 1: that don't serve you, serve you? Who would you be?

570
00:33:14,640 --> 00:33:17,040
Speaker 1: Who would you be? You know what I mean? Um,

571
00:33:17,280 --> 00:33:20,479
Speaker 1: Because I mean, as we see, especially with you know,

572
00:33:20,560 --> 00:33:27,320
Speaker 1: social media, people are dying early. Young girl. I just

573
00:33:27,360 --> 00:33:31,840
Speaker 1: saw somebody today on on social media on Instagram, and

574
00:33:31,960 --> 00:33:34,720
Speaker 1: I was like Jesus Christ, Like, I was like, yo,

575
00:33:35,440 --> 00:33:39,560
Speaker 1: they will continue to do right, be nice to people,

576
00:33:39,680 --> 00:33:43,480
Speaker 1: like because people are dying young, like and people don't

577
00:33:43,520 --> 00:33:45,760
Speaker 1: have anything to lose, so they would take your life

578
00:33:45,760 --> 00:33:49,360
Speaker 1: in a minute or like It's just crazy because I'm

579
00:33:49,360 --> 00:33:51,560
Speaker 1: just like, yo, people are dying there like thirty years old,

580
00:33:51,640 --> 00:33:53,800
Speaker 1: and I'm like, when I turned thirty two, I was

581
00:33:53,840 --> 00:33:56,840
Speaker 1: just like, yo, thank you God, because some people not

582
00:33:56,880 --> 00:34:01,760
Speaker 1: even making it a thirty absolutely absolutely that's that's nothing

583
00:34:01,800 --> 00:34:04,160
Speaker 1: but the truth. So it's like you gotta look at

584
00:34:04,160 --> 00:34:08,239
Speaker 1: that and say, okay, listen, tomorrow is not promised to me.

585
00:34:09,120 --> 00:34:11,239
Speaker 1: Every single day. I need to I need to be

586
00:34:11,320 --> 00:34:14,759
Speaker 1: doing what I'm supposed to be doing, you know, to

587
00:34:15,080 --> 00:34:21,439
Speaker 1: to be doing my purpose. That's important, you know, Doring

588
00:34:21,520 --> 00:34:24,279
Speaker 1: you talk about your low your low moments, What are

589
00:34:24,360 --> 00:34:26,200
Speaker 1: some ways did you kept your spirits up? Like how

590
00:34:26,239 --> 00:34:29,480
Speaker 1: did you get back into the groove of things of

591
00:34:29,600 --> 00:34:33,040
Speaker 1: being happy and being like how you would normally feel

592
00:34:33,080 --> 00:34:35,600
Speaker 1: about yourself. Because I know how low moments feel, and

593
00:34:35,640 --> 00:34:37,520
Speaker 1: sometimes you just feel like you just can't get out

594
00:34:37,520 --> 00:34:41,239
Speaker 1: of it. Yeah, and it's true. Um, it is really

595
00:34:41,280 --> 00:34:44,600
Speaker 1: really hard because you know, people say do this or

596
00:34:44,640 --> 00:34:48,560
Speaker 1: do that, but if you feel depressed, you don't want

597
00:34:48,560 --> 00:34:51,799
Speaker 1: to do those things. One, you really have to have

598
00:34:51,880 --> 00:34:55,040
Speaker 1: some good people around you. I mean, like that is

599
00:34:55,280 --> 00:34:58,000
Speaker 1: key number one when I stay have good people, I

600
00:34:58,040 --> 00:35:00,399
Speaker 1: mean people who are not gonna judge you, I mean

601
00:35:00,520 --> 00:35:03,200
Speaker 1: people who are gonna be They'll they'll push you when

602
00:35:03,239 --> 00:35:05,080
Speaker 1: you need to be pushed, but they will also nurture

603
00:35:05,120 --> 00:35:06,839
Speaker 1: you when you need to be nurtured. They're able to

604
00:35:06,920 --> 00:35:10,279
Speaker 1: like really fill out the temperature where you're at and

605
00:35:10,320 --> 00:35:13,919
Speaker 1: say Okay, today, she don't need tough love today this

606
00:35:14,120 --> 00:35:17,799
Speaker 1: you know what I mean? Um, people who are who

607
00:35:18,000 --> 00:35:21,040
Speaker 1: are not gonna be jealous when you start taking because

608
00:35:21,120 --> 00:35:25,440
Speaker 1: that has happened to me where we've been praying for

609
00:35:25,520 --> 00:35:27,920
Speaker 1: me for years so that I could get here, and

610
00:35:28,040 --> 00:35:30,600
Speaker 1: now I'm here and now you're upset, So I don't understand,

611
00:35:30,920 --> 00:35:32,800
Speaker 1: you know what I mean. So you gotta be around

612
00:35:32,800 --> 00:35:36,680
Speaker 1: people who genuinely I mean genuinely to see you win

613
00:35:37,040 --> 00:35:39,239
Speaker 1: because when you win, they win and they know it

614
00:35:39,239 --> 00:35:41,880
Speaker 1: ain't nothing but a prayer going around in a circle.

615
00:35:42,239 --> 00:35:46,480
Speaker 1: People that will pray for you. People that, um there.

616
00:35:46,680 --> 00:35:50,080
Speaker 1: I need to be with people who have empathy because

617
00:35:50,080 --> 00:35:53,359
Speaker 1: I'm an EmPATH. You know, I need for people to

618
00:35:53,520 --> 00:35:56,520
Speaker 1: empathize with me. It ain't gotta be my whole full circle,

619
00:35:56,600 --> 00:35:58,960
Speaker 1: but I need like one or two people who can

620
00:35:59,080 --> 00:36:01,400
Speaker 1: understand what I feels like to be in the trenches

621
00:36:01,520 --> 00:36:05,000
Speaker 1: because I like to be on this. Girl, you just

622
00:36:05,040 --> 00:36:08,600
Speaker 1: gotta do this, But you gotta understand today I feel

623
00:36:08,680 --> 00:36:11,680
Speaker 1: like the world is against me, and so like, how

624
00:36:11,719 --> 00:36:14,360
Speaker 1: can you how can you you know, empathize with me

625
00:36:14,440 --> 00:36:17,400
Speaker 1: in this moment and still encourage me. So I would say,

626
00:36:17,760 --> 00:36:21,400
Speaker 1: have a really great circle, and honestly, as hard as

627
00:36:21,440 --> 00:36:23,799
Speaker 1: it might be, if you don't have one, UM, you

628
00:36:23,840 --> 00:36:28,279
Speaker 1: should probably start to reevaluate that because I do that

629
00:36:28,440 --> 00:36:31,880
Speaker 1: probably twice a year. Who are the people I'm spending

630
00:36:31,880 --> 00:36:35,879
Speaker 1: the most and I'm and I'm serious of yourself. Oh absolutely,

631
00:36:35,960 --> 00:36:39,080
Speaker 1: it's like and it keeps me clear too about my expectations.

632
00:36:39,320 --> 00:36:41,920
Speaker 1: So I'll take a piece of paper and I'll say, Okay,

633
00:36:41,960 --> 00:36:44,160
Speaker 1: this is my person that I can do everything with.

634
00:36:44,320 --> 00:36:46,200
Speaker 1: This is my person that I like to go out with.

635
00:36:46,600 --> 00:36:48,640
Speaker 1: This is these are some people that, like, I think

636
00:36:48,680 --> 00:36:50,560
Speaker 1: they're really cool. We haven't spent a lot of time,

637
00:36:50,560 --> 00:36:52,279
Speaker 1: but I think I really want to spend more time

638
00:36:52,320 --> 00:36:54,239
Speaker 1: with them. So how can I arrange for us to

639
00:36:54,320 --> 00:36:56,600
Speaker 1: like get a little bit closer? Like I'm very dreadful.

640
00:36:57,560 --> 00:37:00,640
Speaker 1: I curate who is around me because it is important

641
00:37:00,680 --> 00:37:05,000
Speaker 1: to me, UM, getting out of those low moments. Of course,

642
00:37:05,200 --> 00:37:09,280
Speaker 1: your Bible UM, and I don't. And that's not cliche.

643
00:37:09,760 --> 00:37:12,600
Speaker 1: I mean just even if you're not even clearly understanding

644
00:37:12,680 --> 00:37:15,760
Speaker 1: what the Bible is saying, like, the more you read

645
00:37:15,800 --> 00:37:18,960
Speaker 1: it and you know, you pull up whatever translations you need,

646
00:37:19,120 --> 00:37:23,399
Speaker 1: Reading promotionals, listening to sermons on line TV Jake's has

647
00:37:23,440 --> 00:37:27,719
Speaker 1: helped me out of many a time. Girl, um um.

648
00:37:27,760 --> 00:37:31,160
Speaker 1: But that is really really important because you know, sometimes

649
00:37:31,239 --> 00:37:33,800
Speaker 1: we forget the power that we have in the authority

650
00:37:33,880 --> 00:37:37,240
Speaker 1: that God has given us. We get so wrapped around

651
00:37:37,360 --> 00:37:41,000
Speaker 1: what's happening and what we don't have that we forget

652
00:37:41,080 --> 00:37:47,200
Speaker 1: to be grateful. When you start looking at the things

653
00:37:47,239 --> 00:37:49,640
Speaker 1: that you have in the gratitude. Man, it's some people

654
00:37:49,760 --> 00:37:53,560
Speaker 1: that are really doing bad out here. Okay, it's some

655
00:37:53,640 --> 00:37:58,120
Speaker 1: people that are really really doing bad out here. And

656
00:37:58,160 --> 00:38:01,279
Speaker 1: if you take a moment and just a hold on

657
00:38:02,000 --> 00:38:05,200
Speaker 1: this is what I'm in is so temporary. God has

658
00:38:05,320 --> 00:38:08,000
Speaker 1: blessed me, and I mean it could be it could

659
00:38:08,040 --> 00:38:11,120
Speaker 1: be something as simple as you know, hey, I was

660
00:38:11,200 --> 00:38:14,759
Speaker 1: able to get my nails done today, Thank God. You know.

661
00:38:15,000 --> 00:38:17,799
Speaker 1: I think being thankful for like the littlest things like

662
00:38:18,360 --> 00:38:20,480
Speaker 1: I can really make a difference. Because even when I

663
00:38:20,560 --> 00:38:23,239
Speaker 1: wake up or if I get something on sale, or

664
00:38:23,320 --> 00:38:25,719
Speaker 1: like I got some something free, or just like the

665
00:38:25,840 --> 00:38:27,279
Speaker 1: one of those things, I'm like, you know what, thank

666
00:38:27,280 --> 00:38:29,440
Speaker 1: you so much, God, because that's you didn't have to

667
00:38:29,480 --> 00:38:31,440
Speaker 1: do that. And I think that we get so focused

668
00:38:31,480 --> 00:38:33,279
Speaker 1: on all we saw this person in the bins, we

669
00:38:33,320 --> 00:38:35,880
Speaker 1: saw this person traveling here like we don't know when

670
00:38:35,880 --> 00:38:37,520
Speaker 1: people have to go through. And I always tall you

671
00:38:37,560 --> 00:38:41,240
Speaker 1: that Instagram is a perception, what people want you to see.

672
00:38:41,680 --> 00:38:43,480
Speaker 1: It's not the real deal. So it's like you've got

673
00:38:43,600 --> 00:38:45,560
Speaker 1: to be thankful man, because like you said, things can

674
00:38:45,719 --> 00:38:48,919
Speaker 1: always be a lot worse. Things could be a lot

675
00:38:49,080 --> 00:38:53,200
Speaker 1: worse at any moment um. What does some advice you

676
00:38:53,200 --> 00:38:58,600
Speaker 1: will give to your younger self? Mhmm, gosh, I would

677
00:38:58,640 --> 00:39:08,480
Speaker 1: have gave me so much advice. I would say, I

678
00:39:08,520 --> 00:39:15,520
Speaker 1: would tell myself you are enough. The message that God

679
00:39:15,600 --> 00:39:25,279
Speaker 1: gave you will come to pass. Um. I think that's

680
00:39:25,280 --> 00:39:29,920
Speaker 1: probably it. I think that's it. You are enough. I

681
00:39:29,960 --> 00:39:33,440
Speaker 1: think you are It's really important, is really in? That

682
00:39:33,480 --> 00:39:36,719
Speaker 1: would have taken me a whole lot further. You you

683
00:39:36,800 --> 00:39:40,200
Speaker 1: are enough? And last but not least, What es some

684
00:39:40,320 --> 00:39:42,839
Speaker 1: advice you would get up to other women that are

685
00:39:42,880 --> 00:39:49,800
Speaker 1: in toxic relationships? M m so, whether it be romantic

686
00:39:49,920 --> 00:39:52,960
Speaker 1: or friendships, because I also talk about friendships in the book,

687
00:39:53,400 --> 00:39:56,280
Speaker 1: um that can be toxic, which you know some people

688
00:39:56,800 --> 00:40:01,160
Speaker 1: don't forget that. You know, friendships can't get toxic, and

689
00:40:01,239 --> 00:40:07,800
Speaker 1: you might have to you know, cut that off. Really

690
00:40:07,880 --> 00:40:13,680
Speaker 1: ask yourself, do you feel better when you're with this person,

691
00:40:13,880 --> 00:40:16,759
Speaker 1: or do you feel worse? And I know that's like

692
00:40:16,800 --> 00:40:19,120
Speaker 1: a question that you know people have said that, like,

693
00:40:19,160 --> 00:40:21,400
Speaker 1: you know, do you feel your any energy? Dress? Like

694
00:40:21,680 --> 00:40:25,440
Speaker 1: really ask yourself, because if you don't feel better when

695
00:40:25,480 --> 00:40:28,360
Speaker 1: you're with someone, and sometimes it might not even be

696
00:40:28,760 --> 00:40:31,239
Speaker 1: especially with you know, new friends or people you know

697
00:40:31,320 --> 00:40:33,920
Speaker 1: you're meeting, you might not can put your finger on it,

698
00:40:33,960 --> 00:40:38,640
Speaker 1: but you just don't feel great yourself. Remove yourself, you

699
00:40:38,680 --> 00:40:43,360
Speaker 1: have the question or something. Remove yourself. Yeah, but you

700
00:40:43,440 --> 00:40:46,760
Speaker 1: know something right, something ain't right. It's okay, you want

701
00:40:46,800 --> 00:40:50,919
Speaker 1: you do not have to have an exact reason why

702
00:40:51,000 --> 00:40:54,120
Speaker 1: you just don't want to fool with somebody. You might

703
00:40:54,160 --> 00:40:59,359
Speaker 1: not know exactly, but your discernment and telling you just

704
00:40:59,480 --> 00:41:05,120
Speaker 1: remove your self. It's the Holy Spirit. You don't you

705
00:41:05,120 --> 00:41:08,920
Speaker 1: don't even don't fight it. Don't fight it. Um. I

706
00:41:09,040 --> 00:41:11,480
Speaker 1: know that you also know that they are enough, know

707
00:41:11,600 --> 00:41:14,600
Speaker 1: that they are a queen, know that God has chosen

708
00:41:14,680 --> 00:41:18,439
Speaker 1: them to do great things. And you, I mean, yes,

709
00:41:18,600 --> 00:41:20,640
Speaker 1: we all want to have love. We do, but you

710
00:41:20,680 --> 00:41:23,200
Speaker 1: want to have the love that God has for you.

711
00:41:23,200 --> 00:41:25,680
Speaker 1: You want to have the love that you deserve and

712
00:41:25,719 --> 00:41:29,560
Speaker 1: if you do not have it in the relationships that

713
00:41:29,640 --> 00:41:32,920
Speaker 1: you're in, get out of them, because there's something better.

714
00:41:33,160 --> 00:41:35,600
Speaker 1: They're gonna be people who gonna love the way you laugh,

715
00:41:35,719 --> 00:41:38,359
Speaker 1: or love the way you do that you too much

716
00:41:39,160 --> 00:41:41,279
Speaker 1: and not gonna. I had a man tell me that

717
00:41:41,320 --> 00:41:44,600
Speaker 1: I was too smart, I was too strong, and I

718
00:41:44,719 --> 00:41:48,240
Speaker 1: and that, and thank God to um Dick, I knew

719
00:41:48,680 --> 00:41:51,680
Speaker 1: I can't date you because this woman that I am

720
00:41:51,719 --> 00:41:54,680
Speaker 1: today took years for me to get here. So don't

721
00:41:54,680 --> 00:41:57,840
Speaker 1: you dare tell me I'm too strong or I'm too anything,

722
00:41:58,239 --> 00:42:01,839
Speaker 1: because that's not love. That means you're too weak if

723
00:42:01,880 --> 00:42:08,440
Speaker 1: I'm too strong, girl, So you know, um, I'm not

724
00:42:08,480 --> 00:42:09,920
Speaker 1: saying go out there and be like, I don't need

725
00:42:10,000 --> 00:42:11,799
Speaker 1: no man, but I want to love. I want to

726
00:42:11,800 --> 00:42:16,040
Speaker 1: be married. But I do really believe that the right man,

727
00:42:16,200 --> 00:42:19,200
Speaker 1: it's gonna love all of you, the flaws, the good,

728
00:42:19,320 --> 00:42:24,120
Speaker 1: the bad, every single part of you. And when my friend,

729
00:42:24,160 --> 00:42:26,439
Speaker 1: my married friends tell me, don't settle, and I really

730
00:42:26,480 --> 00:42:31,319
Speaker 1: believe that, don't settle, don't settle. Keep keep doing you,

731
00:42:31,400 --> 00:42:35,719
Speaker 1: keep doing your purpose, keep building your empire, and and

732
00:42:35,960 --> 00:42:39,759
Speaker 1: you know that king will come, those good friends will come. Yeah,

733
00:42:39,880 --> 00:42:43,080
Speaker 1: that's so true. It's funny how you find good friends. Well,

734
00:42:43,120 --> 00:42:45,960
Speaker 1: in my opinion, you find good friends in your later years.

735
00:42:46,560 --> 00:42:49,279
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, opposed, you're having friends in here when you

736
00:42:49,400 --> 00:42:52,399
Speaker 1: was younger. M you know what, and you know how

737
00:42:52,400 --> 00:42:54,000
Speaker 1: people used to say, oh, you don't even know you

738
00:42:54,000 --> 00:42:56,640
Speaker 1: don't get new friends where you're older. Actually, you're right,

739
00:42:56,760 --> 00:42:58,600
Speaker 1: I think so. I never thought about that, but you're right,

740
00:42:59,200 --> 00:43:03,520
Speaker 1: some really good I got some amazing people in my thirties. Yeah,

741
00:43:04,280 --> 00:43:11,640
Speaker 1: I prefer I prefer finding friends down Yeah, yeah for sure. Yeah. Well, guys,

742
00:43:11,680 --> 00:43:13,799
Speaker 1: if you have any question for my guests, I think

743
00:43:13,840 --> 00:43:16,080
Speaker 1: this episode is something that we all can relate to.

744
00:43:16,239 --> 00:43:20,200
Speaker 1: Please email me at hello at the Professional Homeguard dot com.

745
00:43:20,640 --> 00:43:22,760
Speaker 1: I would make sure she gets those and she answer

746
00:43:22,800 --> 00:43:24,560
Speaker 1: them for you answer them for you. Make sure you

747
00:43:24,600 --> 00:43:26,040
Speaker 1: email as well if you want to know more about

748
00:43:26,040 --> 00:43:29,720
Speaker 1: her books so you can support her. And until next time, guys.

749
00:43:30,239 --> 00:43:30,520
Speaker 1: Later