WEBVTT - Connection happens after hours

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<v Speaker 1>Welcome to Before Breakfast, a production of iHeartRadio. Good Morning.

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<v Speaker 1>This is Laura, Welcome to the Before Breakfast podcast. Today's

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<v Speaker 1>tip is that connection often happens after hours. Relationships tend

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<v Speaker 1>to be built by spending relaxed time together. That is,

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<v Speaker 1>time not necessarily in meetings or doing work tasks. This

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<v Speaker 1>is often time at happy hours or dinners and the like.

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<v Speaker 1>That may not sound fair, but the good news is

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<v Speaker 1>that it is still possible to take advantage of this fact.

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<v Speaker 1>Even if you want a good work life balance, and

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<v Speaker 1>even if you don't drink, you just have to be

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<v Speaker 1>creative and strategic. So I am definitely an introvert, but

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<v Speaker 1>when I get to a networking event like a reception

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<v Speaker 1>where the pickings are good, I become one of the

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<v Speaker 1>most social people around. I come early, I stay late,

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<v Speaker 1>I rally people to go out for drinks afterwards. I

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<v Speaker 1>spend most of my time working by myself, and I

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<v Speaker 1>know that strong professional relationships are built through this relaxed

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<v Speaker 1>social time spent together, so I want to take advantage

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<v Speaker 1>of it. Now. I know that this insight that connections

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<v Speaker 1>are often built after hours is not the most wonderful

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<v Speaker 1>or fair reality I have heard numerous times that working

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<v Speaker 1>moms can't do happy hours, which isn't true, but I

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<v Speaker 1>do understand that if you are racing to make a

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<v Speaker 1>six pm daycare pickup, you can't hit the bar for

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<v Speaker 1>some relaxed drinks with colleagues at five forty five pm.

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<v Speaker 1>And if those colleagues are forging alliances and choosing who

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<v Speaker 1>they want to work with on projects at drinks after

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<v Speaker 1>four forty five pm or five forty five pm, our

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<v Speaker 1>parent with the daycare pickup could be out of luck.

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<v Speaker 1>There is also the truth that alcohol makes people more relaxed,

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<v Speaker 1>which is good for feeling friendly, but bad if people

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<v Speaker 1>become too friendly. If you are worried that might happen,

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<v Speaker 1>you could skip those drinks even if you don't have

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<v Speaker 1>a daycare pickup. And if people are forging alliances at

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<v Speaker 1>five point forty five pm over drinks, again, you are

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<v Speaker 1>out of luck. So what to do about this? The

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<v Speaker 1>first thing is to structure your life so you can

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<v Speaker 1>say yes sometimes when it makes sense. If there is

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<v Speaker 1>a daycare pickup or a nanny who needs to be

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<v Speaker 1>sent home, but there are two parents and a family,

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<v Speaker 1>you split it so either party could theoretically have a

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<v Speaker 1>more relaxed end of the work day twice a week

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<v Speaker 1>or so. If there aren't two parents, maybe you have

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<v Speaker 1>someone else help out twice a week. If you want

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<v Speaker 1>to stay late, fine, if you wind up coming home,

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<v Speaker 1>no problem. It's great to have an extra set of

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<v Speaker 1>hands for an hour or two. Either way, you also

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<v Speaker 1>want to set up your life so you can do

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<v Speaker 1>things like go to conferences. Again, that means either parent

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<v Speaker 1>needs to be capable of covering for a few days,

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<v Speaker 1>and if that's not an option, it is time to

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<v Speaker 1>enlist family, friends, neighbors, or paid caregivers. Then, when you go,

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<v Speaker 1>be sure to take advantage of any social opportunities, be

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<v Speaker 1>your most extroverted self. You can bring other people along,

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<v Speaker 1>but it's still good to try to meet new people.

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<v Speaker 1>Usually this isn't going to be too crazy. In a

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<v Speaker 1>business context. You can stay at the bar to eleven,

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<v Speaker 1>go to bed at eleven thirty, wake up at seven

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<v Speaker 1>thirty in your hotel room, and be at an eight

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<v Speaker 1>thirty am panel without too much rushing. And in all

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<v Speaker 1>these cases you do not need to drink alcohol. People

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<v Speaker 1>wouldn't blink an eye at you drinking club soda or

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<v Speaker 1>juice or water. The honest truth is, even if somebody

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<v Speaker 1>did have an issue for whatever reason, most people have

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<v Speaker 1>no idea what you are drinking, especially if you do

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<v Speaker 1>your own ordering and do it a little quietly. Most

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<v Speaker 1>mocktails look very festive. When I rally people to go

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<v Speaker 1>to a bar, I will order a drink to make

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<v Speaker 1>sure the bar is getting revenue, but I might just

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<v Speaker 1>take a sip or two. I'm happy other people are

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<v Speaker 1>with me whatever they are drinking. I assume most people

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<v Speaker 1>are the same, but I know that not everyone wants

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<v Speaker 1>to go to bars in places like that for various reasons.

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<v Speaker 1>The good news is that you can also create some

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<v Speaker 1>relaxed occasions that feel like they are after hours during

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<v Speaker 1>work hours. I am a big fan of teams having

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<v Speaker 1>some sort of late social lunch on Fridays and then

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<v Speaker 1>not noticing if people leave not too long afterwards. If

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<v Speaker 1>lunch starts at one point thirty, you could get people

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<v Speaker 1>to stay until two thirty or three most likely, and

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<v Speaker 1>many people will treat this time at the lunch and

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<v Speaker 1>at the end of the lunch and immediately afterwards as

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<v Speaker 1>the equivalent of relaxed after hours. You'll still have those

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<v Speaker 1>relaxed conversations if you are having a team happy hour,

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<v Speaker 1>have it at four pm so people can leave at

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<v Speaker 1>five pm. You can also proactively plan breakfasts and coffees

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<v Speaker 1>with people you want to get to know better. Especially

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<v Speaker 1>if you are doing this somewhere other than your office,

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<v Speaker 1>you will have created an occasion for becoming friends in

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<v Speaker 1>a different context. And moving a relationship to a different

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<v Speaker 1>context is what makes it feel like you have crossed

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<v Speaker 1>from your colleagues to friends. The relaxed vibe of being

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<v Speaker 1>not at work is what makes that possible. Connections often

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<v Speaker 1>happen after hours. Relationships are often what make work feel

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<v Speaker 1>more fun, and sometimes they're what make big breakthroughs possible.

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<v Speaker 1>If you have a full life and want work life balance,

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<v Speaker 1>it can be a little harder to make these after

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<v Speaker 1>hours connections happen, but it is not impossible at all,

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<v Speaker 1>and in general, people are a good use of time

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<v Speaker 1>in the meantime. This is Laura. Thanks for listening, and

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<v Speaker 1>here's to making the most of our time. Thanks for

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<v Speaker 1>listening to Before Breakfast. If you've got questions, ideas, or feedback,

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<v Speaker 1>you can reach me at Laura at Laura vandercam dot com.

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<v Speaker 1>Before Breakfast is a production of iHeartMedia. For more podcasts

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<v Speaker 1>from iHeart Media, please visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts,

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