WEBVTT - The Love Jones Cohort with Dr. Kris Marsh: Part 2 0:00:01.840 --> 0:00:04.800 I am a Yamler, your host for this journey. I 0:00:05.120 --> 0:00:09.440 was a hopeless love aholic but just could not get 0:00:09.520 --> 0:00:14.040 my love to work. Then, after a series of heartbreaks 0:00:14.080 --> 0:00:18.720 and deep heartache, I finally got clear about what love 0:00:18.880 --> 0:00:21.960 is and what it is not. I want to share 0:00:22.360 --> 0:00:27.600 some of what I've learned about lover a holism. Welcome 0:00:27.640 --> 0:00:31.120 to the R Spot, a production of shandaland Audio in 0:00:31.240 --> 0:00:47.840 partnership with iHeartRadio. Welcome, Welcome, Welcome, Welcome to the Our Spot, 0:00:48.159 --> 0:00:52.960 the place we come to discuss all things relationship. That's 0:00:53.000 --> 0:00:57.440 the R in our Spot. I am a Yamla, your host, 0:00:57.520 --> 0:01:02.600 your God, your friend on this journey through life and relationships, 0:01:03.160 --> 0:01:06.320 whether you're joining us for the first time or whether 0:01:06.400 --> 0:01:10.759 you're a long time listener. Today we are continuing our 0:01:10.959 --> 0:01:15.440 conversation with doctor Chris Marsh. She's the author of the 0:01:15.480 --> 0:01:20.200 book The Love Jones Cohort, Single and Living Alone in 0:01:20.240 --> 0:01:22.800 the Black middle Class, and we know there's a lot 0:01:22.840 --> 0:01:27.119 of that going on. Last week we focused on the 0:01:27.319 --> 0:01:31.679 single hood aspect of her work and why you really 0:01:31.760 --> 0:01:35.560 do need to stop asking us why are you single? 0:01:36.160 --> 0:01:40.279 Maybe the real question is why are you married? This week, 0:01:40.520 --> 0:01:43.560 we're going to be taking questions from the audience and 0:01:43.680 --> 0:01:48.480 getting into the financial side of relationships along with the 0:01:48.520 --> 0:01:54.280 benefits of family and the structural or social forces that 0:01:54.360 --> 0:01:57.880 can limit the dating pool. Take a listen for you 0:01:58.120 --> 0:02:01.639 just tuning in this as the Arts Live. My guest 0:02:01.680 --> 0:02:05.800 today is doctor Chris Marsh and we are talking about 0:02:06.240 --> 0:02:10.000 single and middle class, being single, in the middle class, 0:02:10.320 --> 0:02:13.560 being in the middle class and being single. Is it you? 0:02:14.960 --> 0:02:17.080 What do you do? Okay? So this is what I 0:02:17.080 --> 0:02:19.640 want you all to do. Put your questions in the 0:02:19.720 --> 0:02:23.040 chat and doctor Marsh and I will tackle them for you. 0:02:23.520 --> 0:02:27.040 Doctor Marsh is a professor at the University of America. 0:02:27.200 --> 0:02:29.800 Now you said you're a denographer. What is that word? 0:02:31.000 --> 0:02:34.560 So I'm a demographer. So I looked at demographic trends. 0:02:34.639 --> 0:02:38.520 I look at like fertility, immortality, migration, immigration, and I 0:02:38.600 --> 0:02:43.040 build statistical models to understand that trends over time. It 0:02:43.120 --> 0:02:45.400 sounds boring, but I promise you it's really really not. 0:02:45.760 --> 0:02:47.639 And in some ways I give some. 0:02:47.600 --> 0:02:50.640 Tables and some numbers in the book, but I also 0:02:50.760 --> 0:02:53.440 talk to people. I talk to sixty five people and 0:02:53.560 --> 0:02:56.200 that are single and living alone. So besides having like 0:02:56.280 --> 0:02:59.239 the numbers, I also put like metaphorical meat on the 0:02:59.320 --> 0:03:02.400 numeric bone when we understand this demographic trends. So I 0:03:02.400 --> 0:03:03.919 just look at demographic trends over time. 0:03:04.160 --> 0:03:06.520 Okay, I'm going to read some of these things that 0:03:06.560 --> 0:03:12.640 are coming sipping tea with Steph. He needs the salary 0:03:12.800 --> 0:03:16.880 and the intelligence to roll with me. Okay, what does 0:03:16.880 --> 0:03:19.520 that mean? Intelligence? What does that mean? Does that mean 0:03:19.560 --> 0:03:21.320 he has to be educated or he has to have 0:03:21.360 --> 0:03:25.320 a good conversation. I don't know. Why is it always 0:03:25.400 --> 0:03:28.480 about the middle class help the poor? Well, we're not 0:03:28.680 --> 0:03:31.720 leaving the poor. This is one book, one topic. Oh 0:03:31.760 --> 0:03:34.880 my god, Okay, here we go. Let me get a question. 0:03:35.440 --> 0:03:40.240 I'm questioned out. Scroll up. Middle class people can't even 0:03:40.320 --> 0:03:44.560 buy homes anymore? Is that true? See, let me tell 0:03:44.560 --> 0:03:47.800 you something. Go ahead, go ahead, doctor marsh. 0:03:47.000 --> 0:03:49.000 Yeah, no, yes, we have to unsay. It's hard out 0:03:49.040 --> 0:03:51.080 here in the streets from middle class folks. It really 0:03:51.080 --> 0:03:54.240 really is, which I think is the perfect conversation to 0:03:54.320 --> 0:03:57.800 have for this podcast because we're talking about relationships. 0:03:58.080 --> 0:03:59.960 One of the things I argue in the book. 0:03:59.720 --> 0:04:03.480 Is that that we consider how we define family and 0:04:03.520 --> 0:04:04.920 should we redefine family. 0:04:05.400 --> 0:04:07.680 So if we think of the Census Bureau's. 0:04:07.400 --> 0:04:10.120 Definition, So I'm a demographer. You look at national data. 0:04:10.480 --> 0:04:12.840 Census Bureau in some ways can be the gold standard 0:04:12.880 --> 0:04:15.800 of data. If we look at the Census Bureau definition 0:04:15.840 --> 0:04:19.479 of family, family as someone that you're related to by blood, 0:04:20.000 --> 0:04:23.880 marriage or adoption. So because I, Chris Marsh, I'm single, 0:04:23.960 --> 0:04:26.920 living alone and don't have any children, I don't show 0:04:27.000 --> 0:04:29.040 up in the census data as a family. 0:04:29.400 --> 0:04:32.839 Why I show up in the census data as a household? 0:04:33.320 --> 0:04:33.839 Let me tell you. 0:04:33.880 --> 0:04:37.839 Where that's a problem for me, Because there's you have 0:04:37.880 --> 0:04:40.080 to think about, like there's benefits to being considered a 0:04:40.120 --> 0:04:42.479 family versus a household. I'm gonna give you three quick 0:04:42.480 --> 0:04:45.520 examples and you'll understand these. One my Verizon cell phone, 0:04:45.560 --> 0:04:47.159 I want to get a discount. I'll want that family 0:04:47.200 --> 0:04:49.760 discount on my one cell phone from Verizon. Now that's 0:04:49.800 --> 0:04:52.600 a kind of a benign example. A slightly more egregious 0:04:52.640 --> 0:04:54.000 example would be. 0:04:55.400 --> 0:04:56.279 Going on vacation. 0:04:56.720 --> 0:05:00.520 Single occupancy is more expensive than double occupancy. Now, the 0:05:00.520 --> 0:05:02.680 one that everybody can wrap their mind around on this 0:05:02.839 --> 0:05:05.200 call and going to shake their head to is thinking 0:05:05.240 --> 0:05:09.599 about the tax structure. A single hood penalty is built 0:05:09.680 --> 0:05:14.799 into the tax structure. And so I have a dearest girlfriend, 0:05:13.839 --> 0:05:17.960 her son. My god son passed away, her husband passed away. 0:05:18.160 --> 0:05:21.960 Why can't her and I be considered a family. 0:05:22.760 --> 0:05:23.920 And I can. 0:05:23.760 --> 0:05:26.000 Get the benefits of being able of helping my god 0:05:26.120 --> 0:05:28.880 daughter for like college or stuff like that. Why can't 0:05:28.920 --> 0:05:31.200 we be considered a family. So I do think the 0:05:31.240 --> 0:05:34.760 definition of family is too narrow, and we need to 0:05:34.839 --> 0:05:38.880 expand the definition of family to include these non romantic, 0:05:39.080 --> 0:05:41.240 nurturing relationships him. 0:05:42.040 --> 0:05:42.719 At the end of the day, I. 0:05:42.680 --> 0:05:44.440 Don't really care if you change the word family. I 0:05:44.480 --> 0:05:46.400 do care that everybody gets the benefit of a family. 0:05:47.040 --> 0:05:50.800 Okay, all right, here's a question for you. How do 0:05:51.000 --> 0:05:54.000 I step out of my comfort zone to meet someone. 0:05:54.440 --> 0:05:57.000 I tend to become shy when I see a nice 0:05:57.080 --> 0:05:59.480 guy and I don't know how to approach him. Okay, 0:05:59.520 --> 0:06:02.159 that they'll have nothing to do with middle class, black 0:06:02.279 --> 0:06:05.840 single none of none of what we're talking about. 0:06:04.680 --> 0:06:08.800 Oh, I don't give him. I'm not the advice person. However, 0:06:08.880 --> 0:06:12.039 what I will say, Listen, every time I go to 0:06:12.080 --> 0:06:14.320 the airport, I mean, somebody, take yourself to the airport. 0:06:14.360 --> 0:06:16.720 I didn't say you have to go. I did say, 0:06:16.839 --> 0:06:19.320 take yourself to the airport, get dressed up, go to airport. 0:06:19.360 --> 0:06:22.839 I guarantee you mean somebody, but I don't. 0:06:22.960 --> 0:06:25.159 But I don't give advice. But I don't give it vice. 0:06:25.360 --> 0:06:27.919 Now, you know I said this years ago, and somebody 0:06:28.000 --> 0:06:31.039 jumped all over me. You know where I attract men 0:06:31.200 --> 0:06:35.279 all the time in the home depot, in the home depot, 0:06:35.720 --> 0:06:38.720 and I know he's working on gout of business. And 0:06:38.839 --> 0:06:42.760 I go and I just and they'll come over and 0:06:42.800 --> 0:06:47.640 help me. And then and then they want to name 0:06:47.680 --> 0:06:50.520 and the number. But once they recognize it's me, then 0:06:50.560 --> 0:06:55.000 they then they just lose it. Okay, all right? Love 0:06:55.120 --> 0:06:58.080 thinking about what family means? Good good, good, good good. 0:06:58.960 --> 0:07:02.600 Here's a good one. Do you believe a marriage from 0:07:02.680 --> 0:07:06.880 two different classes? I guess that's middle class and upper class, 0:07:06.960 --> 0:07:12.200 middle class and working class. I guess that's what they mean. 0:07:12.280 --> 0:07:15.360 Do you believe a marriage from two different classes can 0:07:15.400 --> 0:07:20.480 be successful? Absolutely? Yeah, absolutely, I don't care what kind 0:07:20.520 --> 0:07:24.520 of class you got, right, it's the love, it's the people, 0:07:24.520 --> 0:07:25.120 it's the heart. 0:07:25.320 --> 0:07:27.320 The only thing I just want to and I don't. 0:07:27.480 --> 0:07:29.120 I don't want to put a value judgement and whatever 0:07:29.160 --> 0:07:30.560 works for you, but I just want to be clear 0:07:30.640 --> 0:07:32.560 kind of what the data kind of suggests, what the 0:07:32.600 --> 0:07:36.200 social science literature suggests typically we married people in our orbit, 0:07:36.600 --> 0:07:38.920 and typically you married somebody does have the same education, 0:07:39.040 --> 0:07:41.200 the same kind of like background. But that doesn't mean 0:07:41.200 --> 0:07:43.720 if you marror somebody outside that background, it won't be successful. 0:07:43.800 --> 0:07:46.680 It is typically it's people that you're in close proximity to. 0:07:47.120 --> 0:07:50.600 Okay, here's another one. Is it just me? Are there 0:07:50.680 --> 0:07:56.480 statistics on the constant struggle to maintain yourself as middle class? 0:07:56.600 --> 0:07:57.920 Are these statistics on that? 0:07:59.600 --> 0:08:02.240 Yes, So there's a good conversation about like whether or 0:08:02.320 --> 0:08:05.760 not there's downward mobility. If you are middle class, will 0:08:05.760 --> 0:08:08.120 your children be middle class too? Where there'll be like 0:08:08.160 --> 0:08:10.960 a downward mobility that happens. 0:08:10.600 --> 0:08:11.560 And if we don't. 0:08:11.640 --> 0:08:13.680 And that's one of the reasons why when I talk 0:08:13.720 --> 0:08:16.920 about middle class, I always want to include a wealth 0:08:17.280 --> 0:08:21.800 measure because when a global pandemic hits and the world 0:08:21.840 --> 0:08:24.480 stops on its axes and some of us may not 0:08:24.520 --> 0:08:26.760 go back to work, do we have assets that we 0:08:26.760 --> 0:08:27.560 can draw from? 0:08:27.600 --> 0:08:29.160 Not a value statement, but. 0:08:29.120 --> 0:08:31.480 I got to understand when we think about that, these 0:08:31.480 --> 0:08:34.720 wealth disparities that exist in America, do we have assets 0:08:35.040 --> 0:08:37.880 that we can draw from? So it's if you don't 0:08:37.920 --> 0:08:39.920 have assets or something to draw from. It's going to 0:08:39.960 --> 0:08:42.600 be harder for the next generation. So you could actually 0:08:42.679 --> 0:08:45.120 drop out of middle class datus. The generation behind you 0:08:45.160 --> 0:08:47.160 can definitely drop out of middle class datus, and or 0:08:47.200 --> 0:08:49.400 you could maintain it, or you might get some upward 0:08:49.440 --> 0:08:51.840 mobility and like be considered upper middle class. And I 0:08:51.880 --> 0:08:53.600 talk about some of that in the book as well. 0:08:54.400 --> 0:08:57.160 Somebody is on their way to the airport and the 0:08:57.240 --> 0:08:59.959 other person said, I met my husband at the home deeper. 0:09:02.520 --> 0:09:05.280 Let me ask you a question. Let's go back into 0:09:05.320 --> 0:09:09.079 that middle class again for just a moment. Are there 0:09:09.280 --> 0:09:15.800 distinctions or differences or different challenges if you're thirty in 0:09:15.840 --> 0:09:18.720 the middle class, forty in the middle class, fifty in 0:09:18.760 --> 0:09:21.840 the middle class, because someone here said they were, they're 0:09:21.880 --> 0:09:24.840 fifty five, they were married for twenty years, now they're 0:09:24.920 --> 0:09:29.640 single again. So does your dating or does your singleness 0:09:30.280 --> 0:09:35.480 shift or change based on your age? Does that question 0:09:35.640 --> 0:09:37.479 make sense? I think it makes sense. 0:09:37.840 --> 0:09:39.600 Yes, So I'm going to I'm going to answer that 0:09:39.679 --> 0:09:41.679 question in two kind of ways. So one of the 0:09:41.800 --> 0:09:44.880 questions I asked I asked about, like, who's more stigmatized 0:09:44.960 --> 0:09:48.520 younger folks when you're single, younger folks or older folks 0:09:48.679 --> 0:09:50.800 when you're a male or when you're a female. 0:09:50.520 --> 0:09:51.000 And I didn't. 0:09:51.000 --> 0:09:53.520 I only had those two groups in the cohort and 0:09:53.559 --> 0:09:55.760 a lot of the respondents. It was so interesting because 0:09:55.800 --> 0:09:57.920 even I, as a scholar, couldn't figure out who was 0:09:57.960 --> 0:10:01.160 more stigmatized, younger folks or older folks, men versus women. 0:10:01.400 --> 0:10:03.160 And it was really interesting when you talked about like 0:10:03.200 --> 0:10:05.880 younger folks, and when the respondents talked about younger folks 0:10:05.920 --> 0:10:09.000 being single, they talked about how. 0:10:10.200 --> 0:10:10.760 If you were. 0:10:10.679 --> 0:10:13.280 Single younger, something must be wrong with you because you 0:10:13.280 --> 0:10:14.080 have a bigger pool. 0:10:14.320 --> 0:10:17.040 As you get older, your dating pool has died off. 0:10:17.280 --> 0:10:19.439 Yes, that's right, right, so. 0:10:19.400 --> 0:10:21.760 The numbers aren't the same, so they look at you differently. 0:10:21.960 --> 0:10:23.839 And I was like, that's baffling to me. I've never 0:10:23.840 --> 0:10:25.920 even really thought about that. And it's like, if you're. 0:10:25.760 --> 0:10:28.600 A man in your single they're looking at you a 0:10:28.640 --> 0:10:31.160 certain kind of way. If you're a woman and single, 0:10:31.320 --> 0:10:33.079 look at you a certain kind of way. So I 0:10:33.120 --> 0:10:35.960 couldn't figure out, like who's more stigmatized. But here's the thing. 0:10:36.280 --> 0:10:39.720 The common denominators that being single, you're still stigmatized and 0:10:39.760 --> 0:10:41.400 people still think something's wrong with you. So I when 0:10:41.440 --> 0:10:43.839 I answer that that question that way, I also want 0:10:43.880 --> 0:10:45.400 to kind of draw from, like some of the social 0:10:45.440 --> 0:10:48.560 science literature, and one of the things that's really interesting 0:10:48.600 --> 0:10:52.000 is that people that have never been married long term singles, 0:10:52.200 --> 0:10:54.640 the data is kind of clear. We tend to be 0:10:54.800 --> 0:10:58.520 happier as we age. Part of the reason why we 0:10:58.600 --> 0:11:02.240 tend to be happier is because we've built a network 0:11:02.280 --> 0:11:03.840 of friends. We have people that we can go to 0:11:03.920 --> 0:11:06.280 church with, that we can go golfing with, that we 0:11:06.280 --> 0:11:08.760 can use profanity with. I love profanity on a good day, 0:11:09.040 --> 0:11:11.160 and people that we can go traveling with. So we've 0:11:11.160 --> 0:11:13.439 built a whole network. You have a lot of people 0:11:13.480 --> 0:11:16.040 like the person that just asked the question, who is 0:11:16.120 --> 0:11:20.319 returning to single, And because they're returning to single, they 0:11:20.400 --> 0:11:21.840 may have But I'm not saying that's the case for 0:11:21.880 --> 0:11:23.760 the person that asked the question. But a lot of 0:11:23.800 --> 0:11:25.600 times when you're married, you put all of your eggs 0:11:25.600 --> 0:11:29.960 in the married basket and you don't cultivate those other relationships. 0:11:30.240 --> 0:11:31.800 So you think, like, you know, this is a person 0:11:31.800 --> 0:11:32.959 you're going to have for the rest of your life, 0:11:33.000 --> 0:11:33.320 and your. 0:11:33.200 --> 0:11:34.400 Soul to bill of goods, like you know, you're got 0:11:34.480 --> 0:11:34.840 to live all the. 0:11:34.800 --> 0:11:36.720 Rest of your life this person, but you find yourself 0:11:36.760 --> 0:11:40.319 coming back single. So I would say that it's important 0:11:40.400 --> 0:11:45.360 that we cultivate these other relationships beyond just the marriage relationship. Again, 0:11:45.440 --> 0:11:47.920 that's why I am just so enamored with the show, 0:11:48.160 --> 0:11:51.880 because it's not simply about just married relationships. It really 0:11:51.920 --> 0:11:55.560 is thinking about how we need to cultivate these other relationships. 0:11:55.720 --> 0:11:58.760 As a side note, real quick, there's also some data 0:11:58.800 --> 0:12:02.000 that's suggesting that parts are leaving their partners when they 0:12:02.040 --> 0:12:06.400 get sick. Your friends will be there for you, your 0:12:06.520 --> 0:12:09.640 partner may or may not be there for you. I 0:12:09.679 --> 0:12:11.880 have a dear girlfriend. If she hears it in my throat, 0:12:12.000 --> 0:12:14.560 I'm a little sick. There's gonna be like the Trilogy, right, 0:12:14.960 --> 0:12:17.679 there's going to be salted crackers. There's going to be 0:12:17.720 --> 0:12:20.120 seven up and they're going to bed sick. 0:12:20.200 --> 0:12:23.680 Some kind of suit my door, as opposed. 0:12:23.320 --> 0:12:25.559 To some booth thing. It's like, well, baby, cash at 0:12:25.559 --> 0:12:26.800 me some money and I'm gonna go to the store. 0:12:26.840 --> 0:12:34.480 I'd be like, listen, somebody is asking a question. Kimberly 0:12:34.520 --> 0:12:37.000 Wright is asking this question. She said her and her 0:12:37.040 --> 0:12:40.560 husband rented a house for seventeen years. They bought a 0:12:40.600 --> 0:12:45.040 house in twenty nineteen, and because he is the breadwinner, 0:12:45.360 --> 0:12:49.480 the lone is in his name, but she's on the deed. 0:12:50.320 --> 0:12:53.160 What does she need to do to be safe in 0:12:53.200 --> 0:12:57.040 that arrangement? Now, I think that's a legal question, but 0:12:57.160 --> 0:13:02.640 it is a question when you marry into or couple 0:13:02.800 --> 0:13:06.000 into the middle class and your namemate and on none 0:13:06.000 --> 0:13:09.560 of the paperwork, that's a problem. And I know that 0:13:09.600 --> 0:13:13.200 as a lawyer, I've seen that. I've seen people who 0:13:13.960 --> 0:13:19.920 marry into a relationship or go into a relationship. I've 0:13:19.920 --> 0:13:24.240 had cases where they've been together twenty five thirty years 0:13:24.280 --> 0:13:28.320 but weren't married. He dies and the ex wife or 0:13:28.360 --> 0:13:33.760 the kids come in and swoop up everything. So what 0:13:33.800 --> 0:13:38.360 do you think about prenups in middle class We'll talk 0:13:38.400 --> 0:13:38.839 about that. 0:13:39.200 --> 0:13:40.000 When we come back. 0:13:45.160 --> 0:13:48.280 Welcome back to the R Spot. My guest today is 0:13:48.320 --> 0:13:51.560 doctor Chris Marsh. We are here on the R Spot 0:13:51.640 --> 0:13:56.439 and we are live on Instagram talking about doctor Marsha's 0:13:56.440 --> 0:14:01.520 book The Love Jones Cohort being single and middle class 0:14:01.559 --> 0:14:04.560 and living alone in America. What is it that you 0:14:04.640 --> 0:14:06.520 was saying, Doctor Marsh. 0:14:06.640 --> 0:14:09.400 Actually a few of the respondents actually talked about pring ups, 0:14:09.440 --> 0:14:10.320 and again I'm about it. 0:14:10.360 --> 0:14:11.839 If you about it. I'm about it. I don't judge you. 0:14:11.960 --> 0:14:14.800 Whatever works for you, and I really don't care. But 0:14:14.840 --> 0:14:17.320 if that's what y'all agree upon, that's what y'all agree upon. 0:14:17.360 --> 0:14:20.680 I think it's so unfortunately allow outside circumstances or outside 0:14:20.800 --> 0:14:23.680 noise to determine what works best for us. 0:14:23.960 --> 0:14:27.560 But similar comment that I have similar conversation in the book. 0:14:27.960 --> 0:14:29.000 I think it's chapter seven. 0:14:29.080 --> 0:14:31.720 It's about wealth and one of the things that's really 0:14:31.760 --> 0:14:35.480 really clear, people don't have estate planning, especially when you're 0:14:35.480 --> 0:14:40.320 talking about black folks. Prince John Singleton and Aretha the 0:14:40.440 --> 0:14:44.680 Queen of Soul did not have a live a will 0:14:44.840 --> 0:14:47.480 or living trust. If you are single, we talk about 0:14:47.520 --> 0:14:49.480 it in the book. You need to make sure you 0:14:49.520 --> 0:14:51.240 have a will and a living trust. I don't care 0:14:51.280 --> 0:14:53.560 how little you have. I don't care how much you have, 0:14:53.680 --> 0:14:56.560 but you worked for whatever you have. Especially for those 0:14:56.640 --> 0:14:58.160 that are single, you want to make sure that you 0:14:58.200 --> 0:14:59.960 have a will or living trust and you know exactly 0:15:00.040 --> 0:15:01.880 where your assets are going to go. 0:15:02.240 --> 0:15:05.040 And again, yeah, I say a little or how much, 0:15:05.160 --> 0:15:10.000 that's right. Have a will or a living trust, whether 0:15:10.040 --> 0:15:14.360 you're even if you're married, have it, because you give 0:15:14.400 --> 0:15:17.640 away you lose so much when you die into state 0:15:18.040 --> 0:15:22.200 and it can be a hot mess if you have 0:15:22.280 --> 0:15:26.320 a house, even a car, even a car. Please please please, 0:15:26.760 --> 0:15:29.840 I'm gonna find me two lawyers or two friends. We're 0:15:29.840 --> 0:15:32.800 gonna do a class on why you need a will 0:15:33.080 --> 0:15:34.840 and why you need some life insurance. 0:15:35.200 --> 0:15:36.040 You know, it's funny. 0:15:36.080 --> 0:15:37.520 I won't tell you the name of the company, but 0:15:37.560 --> 0:15:39.160 they I wrote the book, and they reached out to 0:15:39.200 --> 0:15:41.480 me and they're like, we really appreciate this conversation about 0:15:41.480 --> 0:15:43.440 like singles, because think about it, when you look like 0:15:43.480 --> 0:15:46.520 a state planninger, you look like wealth management commercials. You 0:15:46.520 --> 0:15:50.040 have same sex couples, you have interracial couples, you even 0:15:50.080 --> 0:15:52.520 have single parents. Where's the single person? 0:15:53.120 --> 0:15:54.400 You don't see them in the commercials. 0:15:54.520 --> 0:15:55.760 And so they reached out to me. They're like, this 0:15:55.800 --> 0:15:57.600 is a really great conversation. How can we tap into 0:15:57.640 --> 0:16:00.520 this market? And they just felt very explore And I 0:16:00.600 --> 0:16:02.600 was like, I'm not trying. You're not trying to use 0:16:02.640 --> 0:16:04.760 me to exploit this group of people, but I think, 0:16:04.760 --> 0:16:07.200 you know, use your wisdom, find a group, a group 0:16:07.240 --> 0:16:10.040 that's really supportive of you, and maybe we put something 0:16:10.040 --> 0:16:12.040 together and we talk to these singles and we have 0:16:12.160 --> 0:16:14.000 them put their estate plans together. 0:16:14.120 --> 0:16:17.040 Yeah, really, really really, particularly if you are single and 0:16:17.200 --> 0:16:20.000 middle class and you own the house, you own a condo, 0:16:20.760 --> 0:16:23.880 please please have a will. You can do it the 0:16:24.000 --> 0:16:27.320 ninety nine dollar will on legal Zoom. But that is 0:16:27.360 --> 0:16:30.280 so so important, and particularly the young people. You know, 0:16:30.320 --> 0:16:33.400 my daughter died at thirty one. She owned a house 0:16:33.720 --> 0:16:37.320 and she had a will. Okay, so it's very very 0:16:37.360 --> 0:16:43.480 important in our culture as people of color, black, brown, 0:16:44.480 --> 0:16:47.120 we do the family thing and we pass stuff on. 0:16:47.560 --> 0:16:51.280 But you we live in the society where everything you 0:16:51.280 --> 0:16:54.520 know is black and white on paper. So I think 0:16:54.560 --> 0:16:56.120 you we need to do. 0:16:56.240 --> 0:16:58.920 Yes, yes, I talk of the book. I think about 0:16:58.920 --> 0:17:00.800 how like my father wrote something on the back of 0:17:00.880 --> 0:17:02.480 a napkin. I was like, this is what we knocking 0:17:02.480 --> 0:17:04.240 ready to do. We're not gonna have this written on 0:17:04.240 --> 0:17:05.720 the back of a napkin and was putting your safety 0:17:05.720 --> 0:17:06.919 to deposit box, and we're going. 0:17:06.840 --> 0:17:09.359 To go through best legal documents and let's go ahead 0:17:09.400 --> 0:17:10.639 and do that. Let's just go ahead and do that. 0:17:10.640 --> 0:17:15.680 Point Yeah, yeah, yeah, okay. My grandma Steve buried his 0:17:15.760 --> 0:17:17.760 money back in the day. My grandmother did too. She 0:17:17.840 --> 0:17:20.720 kept it in the freezer. My grandmother wrapped her little 0:17:20.720 --> 0:17:23.440 dollar's up and put him in the freezer. Okay, here 0:17:23.480 --> 0:17:26.040 it is. Yeah, I'm a van Zain. Can we do 0:17:26.080 --> 0:17:29.520 a talk on protecting our assets. I'm a single woman 0:17:29.760 --> 0:17:33.720 with a new home. I don't have any documented for 0:17:33.960 --> 0:17:37.440 my only child if something happens to me. Okay, doctor March, 0:17:37.560 --> 0:17:39.480 she need to be on that right, come on tell 0:17:39.520 --> 0:17:40.440 her Tella Tella. 0:17:40.680 --> 0:17:44.080 Yes, like absolutely, I hope that we do do a show. 0:17:44.200 --> 0:17:46.840 But I think that we need to have legal documents 0:17:46.880 --> 0:17:49.840 in a place and never You're never too young, and 0:17:49.880 --> 0:17:52.359 you're never too old, and I don't care how little 0:17:52.400 --> 0:17:54.920 you have or how much you have, you've worked hard 0:17:54.920 --> 0:17:55.239 for it. 0:17:55.560 --> 0:17:57.879 Put a legal document in place so people. 0:17:57.640 --> 0:18:01.040 Know exactly what you want to happen if something were 0:18:01.119 --> 0:18:01.840 to happen to you. 0:18:02.040 --> 0:18:05.040 Yeah, I've got it written down on paper and from 0:18:05.040 --> 0:18:08.399 my typewriter, and I have a legal will, and I 0:18:08.400 --> 0:18:10.879 got a folder in the thing that say this is 0:18:10.920 --> 0:18:13.200 what I want. Don't be messing with me and don't 0:18:13.200 --> 0:18:17.280 have me laying around for fifty two days weeping and wailing. 0:18:17.600 --> 0:18:19.680 Get in, get out, put me in the box, because 0:18:19.680 --> 0:18:21.240 I don't know where I'm going and I want to 0:18:21.240 --> 0:18:26.200 get there on time. Okay, somebody says, yeah, somebody has 0:18:26.240 --> 0:18:29.560 a very good question, Uh, doctor marsh. They want to know, 0:18:30.480 --> 0:18:33.920 how do you define wealth? I think that's a good 0:18:33.960 --> 0:18:36.960 thing because just a little money in the bank that's 0:18:37.080 --> 0:18:39.000 not wealth. How are you defining wealth? 0:18:39.760 --> 0:18:41.760 Right? It's really funny because I was having a conversation 0:18:41.840 --> 0:18:44.000 with a student about whether or not they're rich or 0:18:44.000 --> 0:18:46.280 whether they're now in the NFL, whether or not they're rich, 0:18:46.600 --> 0:18:48.440 or whether or not they're wealthy. If you have a 0:18:48.480 --> 0:18:50.520 whole bunch of money in your account, you're checking account, 0:18:50.560 --> 0:18:54.159 you would be considered rich. But wealth is when you 0:18:54.359 --> 0:19:00.199 have assets that are building wealth for you. Because all 0:19:00.240 --> 0:19:02.400 this money in this account goes, you can draw from 0:19:02.400 --> 0:19:04.480 this asset and you can still live. So I talk 0:19:04.480 --> 0:19:07.920 about wealth, it's some kind of asset. In most cases, 0:19:08.320 --> 0:19:11.480 our biggest asset is going to be our house. Yeah, 0:19:11.560 --> 0:19:13.840 But in some cases you have, especially in Black America, 0:19:13.880 --> 0:19:16.520 you have like entrepreneurs, so you have businesses. Some people 0:19:16.640 --> 0:19:20.240 have gold and precious metals. I ain't there yet, but 0:19:20.240 --> 0:19:22.480 I'd love to get there one day. And so do 0:19:22.600 --> 0:19:26.160 you think of this assets that's what makes you wealthy? 0:19:26.320 --> 0:19:28.840 But just having a bank account with six figures doesn't 0:19:28.840 --> 0:19:30.320 make you wealthy, that just makes you rich. 0:19:30.560 --> 0:19:34.119 Yeah. Yeah, that is so so very important because I 0:19:34.160 --> 0:19:37.679 am not rich, but I am wealthy. I am wealthy 0:19:37.720 --> 0:19:42.160 because I have a lot of catalog of publications that 0:19:42.320 --> 0:19:44.760 the minute I take my last breath, everybody going to 0:19:44.760 --> 0:19:47.359 be running to buy my book. Okay, all right, and 0:19:48.160 --> 0:19:50.480 I ain't even here. They going to be making money. 0:19:50.680 --> 0:19:54.199 So I have to manifest my wealth. Somebody said they 0:19:54.240 --> 0:19:57.280 were married for I can't remember how many years, and 0:19:57.320 --> 0:20:01.200 their husband passed and he didn't have a a will. Well, 0:20:01.440 --> 0:20:03.639 you know, that's that's important. 0:20:03.800 --> 0:20:05.600 I mean, we really can't say it enough, but we 0:20:05.640 --> 0:20:08.359 really can't stress it enough. It's something to think about, 0:20:08.480 --> 0:20:10.399 and I think, but I also think, what's the issue. 0:20:10.400 --> 0:20:12.119 This came up on the book a little bit. We 0:20:12.240 --> 0:20:15.080 have to think about the history of black Americans in particular, 0:20:15.280 --> 0:20:18.480 and how we don't trust these institutions, and how we're 0:20:18.520 --> 0:20:21.840 afraid to go ahead and do these living trusts and 0:20:21.880 --> 0:20:24.200 these wills and so on and so forth. But we've 0:20:24.240 --> 0:20:26.679 got to kind of move past that and understand that 0:20:26.720 --> 0:20:28.320