1 00:00:01,840 --> 00:00:04,800 Speaker 1: I am a Yamler, your host for this journey. I 2 00:00:05,120 --> 00:00:09,440 Speaker 1: was a hopeless love aholic but just could not get 3 00:00:09,520 --> 00:00:14,040 Speaker 1: my love to work. Then, after a series of heartbreaks 4 00:00:14,080 --> 00:00:18,720 Speaker 1: and deep heartache, I finally got clear about what love 5 00:00:18,880 --> 00:00:21,960 Speaker 1: is and what it is not. I want to share 6 00:00:22,360 --> 00:00:27,600 Speaker 1: some of what I've learned about lover a holism. Welcome 7 00:00:27,640 --> 00:00:31,120 Speaker 1: to the R Spot, a production of shandaland Audio in 8 00:00:31,240 --> 00:00:47,840 Speaker 1: partnership with iHeartRadio. Welcome, Welcome, Welcome, Welcome to the Our Spot, 9 00:00:48,159 --> 00:00:52,960 Speaker 1: the place we come to discuss all things relationship. That's 10 00:00:53,000 --> 00:00:57,440 Speaker 1: the R in our Spot. I am a Yamla, your host, 11 00:00:57,520 --> 00:01:02,600 Speaker 1: your God, your friend on this journey through life and relationships, 12 00:01:03,160 --> 00:01:06,320 Speaker 1: whether you're joining us for the first time or whether 13 00:01:06,400 --> 00:01:10,759 Speaker 1: you're a long time listener. Today we are continuing our 14 00:01:10,959 --> 00:01:15,440 Speaker 1: conversation with doctor Chris Marsh. She's the author of the 15 00:01:15,480 --> 00:01:20,200 Speaker 1: book The Love Jones Cohort, Single and Living Alone in 16 00:01:20,240 --> 00:01:22,800 Speaker 1: the Black middle Class, and we know there's a lot 17 00:01:22,840 --> 00:01:27,119 Speaker 1: of that going on. Last week we focused on the 18 00:01:27,319 --> 00:01:31,679 Speaker 1: single hood aspect of her work and why you really 19 00:01:31,760 --> 00:01:35,560 Speaker 1: do need to stop asking us why are you single? 20 00:01:36,160 --> 00:01:40,279 Speaker 1: Maybe the real question is why are you married? This week, 21 00:01:40,520 --> 00:01:43,560 Speaker 1: we're going to be taking questions from the audience and 22 00:01:43,680 --> 00:01:48,480 Speaker 1: getting into the financial side of relationships along with the 23 00:01:48,520 --> 00:01:54,280 Speaker 1: benefits of family and the structural or social forces that 24 00:01:54,360 --> 00:01:57,880 Speaker 1: can limit the dating pool. Take a listen for you 25 00:01:58,120 --> 00:02:01,639 Speaker 1: just tuning in this as the Arts Live. My guest 26 00:02:01,680 --> 00:02:05,800 Speaker 1: today is doctor Chris Marsh and we are talking about 27 00:02:06,240 --> 00:02:10,000 Speaker 1: single and middle class, being single, in the middle class, 28 00:02:10,320 --> 00:02:13,560 Speaker 1: being in the middle class and being single. Is it you? 29 00:02:14,960 --> 00:02:17,080 Speaker 1: What do you do? Okay? So this is what I 30 00:02:17,080 --> 00:02:19,640 Speaker 1: want you all to do. Put your questions in the 31 00:02:19,720 --> 00:02:23,040 Speaker 1: chat and doctor Marsh and I will tackle them for you. 32 00:02:23,520 --> 00:02:27,040 Speaker 1: Doctor Marsh is a professor at the University of America. 33 00:02:27,200 --> 00:02:29,800 Speaker 1: Now you said you're a denographer. What is that word? 34 00:02:31,000 --> 00:02:34,560 Speaker 2: So I'm a demographer. So I looked at demographic trends. 35 00:02:34,639 --> 00:02:38,520 Speaker 2: I look at like fertility, immortality, migration, immigration, and I 36 00:02:38,600 --> 00:02:43,040 Speaker 2: build statistical models to understand that trends over time. It 37 00:02:43,120 --> 00:02:45,400 Speaker 2: sounds boring, but I promise you it's really really not. 38 00:02:45,760 --> 00:02:47,639 Speaker 3: And in some ways I give some. 39 00:02:47,600 --> 00:02:50,640 Speaker 2: Tables and some numbers in the book, but I also 40 00:02:50,760 --> 00:02:53,440 Speaker 2: talk to people. I talk to sixty five people and 41 00:02:53,560 --> 00:02:56,200 Speaker 2: that are single and living alone. So besides having like 42 00:02:56,280 --> 00:02:59,239 Speaker 2: the numbers, I also put like metaphorical meat on the 43 00:02:59,320 --> 00:03:02,400 Speaker 2: numeric bone when we understand this demographic trends. So I 44 00:03:02,400 --> 00:03:03,919 Speaker 2: just look at demographic trends over time. 45 00:03:04,160 --> 00:03:06,520 Speaker 1: Okay, I'm going to read some of these things that 46 00:03:06,560 --> 00:03:12,640 Speaker 1: are coming sipping tea with Steph. He needs the salary 47 00:03:12,800 --> 00:03:16,880 Speaker 1: and the intelligence to roll with me. Okay, what does 48 00:03:16,880 --> 00:03:19,520 Speaker 1: that mean? Intelligence? What does that mean? Does that mean 49 00:03:19,560 --> 00:03:21,320 Speaker 1: he has to be educated or he has to have 50 00:03:21,360 --> 00:03:25,320 Speaker 1: a good conversation. I don't know. Why is it always 51 00:03:25,400 --> 00:03:28,480 Speaker 1: about the middle class help the poor? Well, we're not 52 00:03:28,680 --> 00:03:31,720 Speaker 1: leaving the poor. This is one book, one topic. Oh 53 00:03:31,760 --> 00:03:34,880 Speaker 1: my god, Okay, here we go. Let me get a question. 54 00:03:35,440 --> 00:03:40,240 Speaker 1: I'm questioned out. Scroll up. Middle class people can't even 55 00:03:40,320 --> 00:03:44,560 Speaker 1: buy homes anymore? Is that true? See, let me tell 56 00:03:44,560 --> 00:03:47,800 Speaker 1: you something. Go ahead, go ahead, doctor marsh. 57 00:03:47,000 --> 00:03:49,000 Speaker 2: Yeah, no, yes, we have to unsay. It's hard out 58 00:03:49,040 --> 00:03:51,080 Speaker 2: here in the streets from middle class folks. It really 59 00:03:51,080 --> 00:03:54,240 Speaker 2: really is, which I think is the perfect conversation to 60 00:03:54,320 --> 00:03:57,800 Speaker 2: have for this podcast because we're talking about relationships. 61 00:03:58,080 --> 00:03:59,960 Speaker 3: One of the things I argue in the book. 62 00:03:59,720 --> 00:04:03,480 Speaker 2: Is that that we consider how we define family and 63 00:04:03,520 --> 00:04:04,920 Speaker 2: should we redefine family. 64 00:04:05,400 --> 00:04:07,680 Speaker 3: So if we think of the Census Bureau's. 65 00:04:07,400 --> 00:04:10,120 Speaker 2: Definition, So I'm a demographer. You look at national data. 66 00:04:10,480 --> 00:04:12,840 Speaker 2: Census Bureau in some ways can be the gold standard 67 00:04:12,880 --> 00:04:15,800 Speaker 2: of data. If we look at the Census Bureau definition 68 00:04:15,840 --> 00:04:19,479 Speaker 2: of family, family as someone that you're related to by blood, 69 00:04:20,000 --> 00:04:23,880 Speaker 2: marriage or adoption. So because I, Chris Marsh, I'm single, 70 00:04:23,960 --> 00:04:26,920 Speaker 2: living alone and don't have any children, I don't show 71 00:04:27,000 --> 00:04:29,040 Speaker 2: up in the census data as a family. 72 00:04:29,400 --> 00:04:32,839 Speaker 3: Why I show up in the census data as a household? 73 00:04:33,320 --> 00:04:33,839 Speaker 3: Let me tell you. 74 00:04:33,880 --> 00:04:37,839 Speaker 2: Where that's a problem for me, Because there's you have 75 00:04:37,880 --> 00:04:40,080 Speaker 2: to think about, like there's benefits to being considered a 76 00:04:40,120 --> 00:04:42,479 Speaker 2: family versus a household. I'm gonna give you three quick 77 00:04:42,480 --> 00:04:45,520 Speaker 2: examples and you'll understand these. One my Verizon cell phone, 78 00:04:45,560 --> 00:04:47,159 Speaker 2: I want to get a discount. I'll want that family 79 00:04:47,200 --> 00:04:49,760 Speaker 2: discount on my one cell phone from Verizon. Now that's 80 00:04:49,800 --> 00:04:52,600 Speaker 2: a kind of a benign example. A slightly more egregious 81 00:04:52,640 --> 00:04:54,000 Speaker 2: example would be. 82 00:04:55,400 --> 00:04:56,279 Speaker 3: Going on vacation. 83 00:04:56,720 --> 00:05:00,520 Speaker 2: Single occupancy is more expensive than double occupancy. Now, the 84 00:05:00,520 --> 00:05:02,680 Speaker 2: one that everybody can wrap their mind around on this 85 00:05:02,839 --> 00:05:05,200 Speaker 2: call and going to shake their head to is thinking 86 00:05:05,240 --> 00:05:09,599 Speaker 2: about the tax structure. A single hood penalty is built 87 00:05:09,680 --> 00:05:14,799 Speaker 2: into the tax structure. And so I have a dearest girlfriend, 88 00:05:13,839 --> 00:05:17,960 Speaker 2: her son. My god son passed away, her husband passed away. 89 00:05:18,160 --> 00:05:21,960 Speaker 2: Why can't her and I be considered a family. 90 00:05:22,760 --> 00:05:23,920 Speaker 3: And I can. 91 00:05:23,760 --> 00:05:26,000 Speaker 2: Get the benefits of being able of helping my god 92 00:05:26,120 --> 00:05:28,880 Speaker 2: daughter for like college or stuff like that. Why can't 93 00:05:28,920 --> 00:05:31,200 Speaker 2: we be considered a family. So I do think the 94 00:05:31,240 --> 00:05:34,760 Speaker 2: definition of family is too narrow, and we need to 95 00:05:34,839 --> 00:05:38,880 Speaker 2: expand the definition of family to include these non romantic, 96 00:05:39,080 --> 00:05:41,240 Speaker 2: nurturing relationships him. 97 00:05:42,040 --> 00:05:42,719 Speaker 1: At the end of the day, I. 98 00:05:42,680 --> 00:05:44,440 Speaker 2: Don't really care if you change the word family. I 99 00:05:44,480 --> 00:05:46,400 Speaker 2: do care that everybody gets the benefit of a family. 100 00:05:47,040 --> 00:05:50,800 Speaker 1: Okay, all right, here's a question for you. How do 101 00:05:51,000 --> 00:05:54,000 Speaker 1: I step out of my comfort zone to meet someone. 102 00:05:54,440 --> 00:05:57,000 Speaker 1: I tend to become shy when I see a nice 103 00:05:57,080 --> 00:05:59,480 Speaker 1: guy and I don't know how to approach him. Okay, 104 00:05:59,520 --> 00:06:02,159 Speaker 1: that they'll have nothing to do with middle class, black 105 00:06:02,279 --> 00:06:05,840 Speaker 1: single none of none of what we're talking about. 106 00:06:04,680 --> 00:06:08,800 Speaker 2: Oh, I don't give him. I'm not the advice person. However, 107 00:06:08,880 --> 00:06:12,039 Speaker 2: what I will say, Listen, every time I go to 108 00:06:12,080 --> 00:06:14,320 Speaker 2: the airport, I mean, somebody, take yourself to the airport. 109 00:06:14,360 --> 00:06:16,720 Speaker 3: I didn't say you have to go. I did say, 110 00:06:16,839 --> 00:06:19,320 Speaker 3: take yourself to the airport, get dressed up, go to airport. 111 00:06:19,360 --> 00:06:22,839 Speaker 2: I guarantee you mean somebody, but I don't. 112 00:06:22,960 --> 00:06:25,159 Speaker 3: But I don't give advice. But I don't give it vice. 113 00:06:25,360 --> 00:06:27,919 Speaker 1: Now, you know I said this years ago, and somebody 114 00:06:28,000 --> 00:06:31,039 Speaker 1: jumped all over me. You know where I attract men 115 00:06:31,200 --> 00:06:35,279 Speaker 1: all the time in the home depot, in the home depot, 116 00:06:35,720 --> 00:06:38,720 Speaker 1: and I know he's working on gout of business. And 117 00:06:38,839 --> 00:06:42,760 Speaker 1: I go and I just and they'll come over and 118 00:06:42,800 --> 00:06:47,640 Speaker 1: help me. And then and then they want to name 119 00:06:47,680 --> 00:06:50,520 Speaker 1: and the number. But once they recognize it's me, then 120 00:06:50,560 --> 00:06:55,000 Speaker 1: they then they just lose it. Okay, all right? Love 121 00:06:55,120 --> 00:06:58,080 Speaker 1: thinking about what family means? Good good, good, good good. 122 00:06:58,960 --> 00:07:02,600 Speaker 1: Here's a good one. Do you believe a marriage from 123 00:07:02,680 --> 00:07:06,880 Speaker 1: two different classes? I guess that's middle class and upper class, 124 00:07:06,960 --> 00:07:12,200 Speaker 1: middle class and working class. I guess that's what they mean. 125 00:07:12,280 --> 00:07:15,360 Speaker 1: Do you believe a marriage from two different classes can 126 00:07:15,400 --> 00:07:20,480 Speaker 1: be successful? Absolutely? Yeah, absolutely, I don't care what kind 127 00:07:20,520 --> 00:07:24,520 Speaker 1: of class you got, right, it's the love, it's the people, 128 00:07:24,520 --> 00:07:25,120 Speaker 1: it's the heart. 129 00:07:25,320 --> 00:07:27,320 Speaker 3: The only thing I just want to and I don't. 130 00:07:27,480 --> 00:07:29,120 Speaker 2: I don't want to put a value judgement and whatever 131 00:07:29,160 --> 00:07:30,560 Speaker 2: works for you, but I just want to be clear 132 00:07:30,640 --> 00:07:32,560 Speaker 2: kind of what the data kind of suggests, what the 133 00:07:32,600 --> 00:07:36,200 Speaker 2: social science literature suggests typically we married people in our orbit, 134 00:07:36,600 --> 00:07:38,920 Speaker 2: and typically you married somebody does have the same education, 135 00:07:39,040 --> 00:07:41,200 Speaker 2: the same kind of like background. But that doesn't mean 136 00:07:41,200 --> 00:07:43,720 Speaker 2: if you marror somebody outside that background, it won't be successful. 137 00:07:43,800 --> 00:07:46,680 Speaker 2: It is typically it's people that you're in close proximity to. 138 00:07:47,120 --> 00:07:50,600 Speaker 1: Okay, here's another one. Is it just me? Are there 139 00:07:50,680 --> 00:07:56,480 Speaker 1: statistics on the constant struggle to maintain yourself as middle class? 140 00:07:56,600 --> 00:07:57,920 Speaker 1: Are these statistics on that? 141 00:07:59,600 --> 00:08:02,240 Speaker 2: Yes, So there's a good conversation about like whether or 142 00:08:02,320 --> 00:08:05,760 Speaker 2: not there's downward mobility. If you are middle class, will 143 00:08:05,760 --> 00:08:08,120 Speaker 2: your children be middle class too? Where there'll be like 144 00:08:08,160 --> 00:08:10,960 Speaker 2: a downward mobility that happens. 145 00:08:10,600 --> 00:08:11,560 Speaker 3: And if we don't. 146 00:08:11,640 --> 00:08:13,680 Speaker 2: And that's one of the reasons why when I talk 147 00:08:13,720 --> 00:08:16,920 Speaker 2: about middle class, I always want to include a wealth 148 00:08:17,280 --> 00:08:21,800 Speaker 2: measure because when a global pandemic hits and the world 149 00:08:21,840 --> 00:08:24,480 Speaker 2: stops on its axes and some of us may not 150 00:08:24,520 --> 00:08:26,760 Speaker 2: go back to work, do we have assets that we 151 00:08:26,760 --> 00:08:27,560 Speaker 2: can draw from? 152 00:08:27,600 --> 00:08:29,160 Speaker 3: Not a value statement, but. 153 00:08:29,120 --> 00:08:31,480 Speaker 2: I got to understand when we think about that, these 154 00:08:31,480 --> 00:08:34,720 Speaker 2: wealth disparities that exist in America, do we have assets 155 00:08:35,040 --> 00:08:37,880 Speaker 2: that we can draw from? So it's if you don't 156 00:08:37,920 --> 00:08:39,920 Speaker 2: have assets or something to draw from. It's going to 157 00:08:39,960 --> 00:08:42,600 Speaker 2: be harder for the next generation. So you could actually 158 00:08:42,679 --> 00:08:45,120 Speaker 2: drop out of middle class datus. The generation behind you 159 00:08:45,160 --> 00:08:47,160 Speaker 2: can definitely drop out of middle class datus, and or 160 00:08:47,200 --> 00:08:49,400 Speaker 2: you could maintain it, or you might get some upward 161 00:08:49,440 --> 00:08:51,840 Speaker 2: mobility and like be considered upper middle class. And I 162 00:08:51,880 --> 00:08:53,600 Speaker 2: talk about some of that in the book as well. 163 00:08:54,400 --> 00:08:57,160 Speaker 1: Somebody is on their way to the airport and the 164 00:08:57,240 --> 00:08:59,959 Speaker 1: other person said, I met my husband at the home deeper. 165 00:09:02,520 --> 00:09:05,280 Speaker 1: Let me ask you a question. Let's go back into 166 00:09:05,320 --> 00:09:09,079 Speaker 1: that middle class again for just a moment. Are there 167 00:09:09,280 --> 00:09:15,800 Speaker 1: distinctions or differences or different challenges if you're thirty in 168 00:09:15,840 --> 00:09:18,720 Speaker 1: the middle class, forty in the middle class, fifty in 169 00:09:18,760 --> 00:09:21,840 Speaker 1: the middle class, because someone here said they were, they're 170 00:09:21,880 --> 00:09:24,840 Speaker 1: fifty five, they were married for twenty years, now they're 171 00:09:24,920 --> 00:09:29,640 Speaker 1: single again. So does your dating or does your singleness 172 00:09:30,280 --> 00:09:35,480 Speaker 1: shift or change based on your age? Does that question 173 00:09:35,640 --> 00:09:37,479 Speaker 1: make sense? I think it makes sense. 174 00:09:37,840 --> 00:09:39,600 Speaker 2: Yes, So I'm going to I'm going to answer that 175 00:09:39,679 --> 00:09:41,679 Speaker 2: question in two kind of ways. So one of the 176 00:09:41,800 --> 00:09:44,880 Speaker 2: questions I asked I asked about, like, who's more stigmatized 177 00:09:44,960 --> 00:09:48,520 Speaker 2: younger folks when you're single, younger folks or older folks 178 00:09:48,679 --> 00:09:50,800 Speaker 2: when you're a male or when you're a female. 179 00:09:50,520 --> 00:09:51,000 Speaker 3: And I didn't. 180 00:09:51,000 --> 00:09:53,520 Speaker 2: I only had those two groups in the cohort and 181 00:09:53,559 --> 00:09:55,760 Speaker 2: a lot of the respondents. It was so interesting because 182 00:09:55,800 --> 00:09:57,920 Speaker 2: even I, as a scholar, couldn't figure out who was 183 00:09:57,960 --> 00:10:01,160 Speaker 2: more stigmatized, younger folks or older folks, men versus women. 184 00:10:01,400 --> 00:10:03,160 Speaker 2: And it was really interesting when you talked about like 185 00:10:03,200 --> 00:10:05,880 Speaker 2: younger folks, and when the respondents talked about younger folks 186 00:10:05,920 --> 00:10:09,000 Speaker 2: being single, they talked about how. 187 00:10:10,200 --> 00:10:10,760 Speaker 3: If you were. 188 00:10:10,679 --> 00:10:13,280 Speaker 2: Single younger, something must be wrong with you because you 189 00:10:13,280 --> 00:10:14,080 Speaker 2: have a bigger pool. 190 00:10:14,320 --> 00:10:17,040 Speaker 3: As you get older, your dating pool has died off. 191 00:10:17,280 --> 00:10:19,439 Speaker 1: Yes, that's right, right, so. 192 00:10:19,400 --> 00:10:21,760 Speaker 3: The numbers aren't the same, so they look at you differently. 193 00:10:21,960 --> 00:10:23,839 Speaker 3: And I was like, that's baffling to me. I've never 194 00:10:23,840 --> 00:10:25,920 Speaker 3: even really thought about that. And it's like, if you're. 195 00:10:25,760 --> 00:10:28,600 Speaker 2: A man in your single they're looking at you a 196 00:10:28,640 --> 00:10:31,160 Speaker 2: certain kind of way. If you're a woman and single, 197 00:10:31,320 --> 00:10:33,079 Speaker 2: look at you a certain kind of way. So I 198 00:10:33,120 --> 00:10:35,960 Speaker 2: couldn't figure out, like who's more stigmatized. But here's the thing. 199 00:10:36,280 --> 00:10:39,720 Speaker 2: The common denominators that being single, you're still stigmatized and 200 00:10:39,760 --> 00:10:41,400 Speaker 2: people still think something's wrong with you. So I when 201 00:10:41,440 --> 00:10:43,839 Speaker 2: I answer that that question that way, I also want 202 00:10:43,880 --> 00:10:45,400 Speaker 2: to kind of draw from, like some of the social 203 00:10:45,440 --> 00:10:48,560 Speaker 2: science literature, and one of the things that's really interesting 204 00:10:48,600 --> 00:10:52,000 Speaker 2: is that people that have never been married long term singles, 205 00:10:52,200 --> 00:10:54,640 Speaker 2: the data is kind of clear. We tend to be 206 00:10:54,800 --> 00:10:58,520 Speaker 2: happier as we age. Part of the reason why we 207 00:10:58,600 --> 00:11:02,240 Speaker 2: tend to be happier is because we've built a network 208 00:11:02,280 --> 00:11:03,840 Speaker 2: of friends. We have people that we can go to 209 00:11:03,920 --> 00:11:06,280 Speaker 2: church with, that we can go golfing with, that we 210 00:11:06,280 --> 00:11:08,760 Speaker 2: can use profanity with. I love profanity on a good day, 211 00:11:09,040 --> 00:11:11,160 Speaker 2: and people that we can go traveling with. So we've 212 00:11:11,160 --> 00:11:13,439 Speaker 2: built a whole network. You have a lot of people 213 00:11:13,480 --> 00:11:16,040 Speaker 2: like the person that just asked the question, who is 214 00:11:16,120 --> 00:11:20,319 Speaker 2: returning to single, And because they're returning to single, they 215 00:11:20,400 --> 00:11:21,840 Speaker 2: may have But I'm not saying that's the case for 216 00:11:21,880 --> 00:11:23,760 Speaker 2: the person that asked the question. But a lot of 217 00:11:23,800 --> 00:11:25,600 Speaker 2: times when you're married, you put all of your eggs 218 00:11:25,600 --> 00:11:29,960 Speaker 2: in the married basket and you don't cultivate those other relationships. 219 00:11:30,240 --> 00:11:31,800 Speaker 2: So you think, like, you know, this is a person 220 00:11:31,800 --> 00:11:32,959 Speaker 2: you're going to have for the rest of your life, 221 00:11:33,000 --> 00:11:33,320 Speaker 2: and your. 222 00:11:33,200 --> 00:11:34,400 Speaker 3: Soul to bill of goods, like you know, you're got 223 00:11:34,480 --> 00:11:34,840 Speaker 3: to live all the. 224 00:11:34,800 --> 00:11:36,720 Speaker 2: Rest of your life this person, but you find yourself 225 00:11:36,760 --> 00:11:40,319 Speaker 2: coming back single. So I would say that it's important 226 00:11:40,400 --> 00:11:45,360 Speaker 2: that we cultivate these other relationships beyond just the marriage relationship. Again, 227 00:11:45,440 --> 00:11:47,920 Speaker 2: that's why I am just so enamored with the show, 228 00:11:48,160 --> 00:11:51,880 Speaker 2: because it's not simply about just married relationships. It really 229 00:11:51,920 --> 00:11:55,560 Speaker 2: is thinking about how we need to cultivate these other relationships. 230 00:11:55,720 --> 00:11:58,760 Speaker 2: As a side note, real quick, there's also some data 231 00:11:58,800 --> 00:12:02,000 Speaker 2: that's suggesting that parts are leaving their partners when they 232 00:12:02,040 --> 00:12:06,400 Speaker 2: get sick. Your friends will be there for you, your 233 00:12:06,520 --> 00:12:09,640 Speaker 2: partner may or may not be there for you. I 234 00:12:09,679 --> 00:12:11,880 Speaker 2: have a dear girlfriend. If she hears it in my throat, 235 00:12:12,000 --> 00:12:14,560 Speaker 2: I'm a little sick. There's gonna be like the Trilogy, right, 236 00:12:14,960 --> 00:12:17,679 Speaker 2: there's going to be salted crackers. There's going to be 237 00:12:17,720 --> 00:12:20,120 Speaker 2: seven up and they're going to bed sick. 238 00:12:20,200 --> 00:12:23,680 Speaker 1: Some kind of suit my door, as opposed. 239 00:12:23,320 --> 00:12:25,559 Speaker 3: To some booth thing. It's like, well, baby, cash at 240 00:12:25,559 --> 00:12:26,800 Speaker 3: me some money and I'm gonna go to the store. 241 00:12:26,840 --> 00:12:34,480 Speaker 1: I'd be like, listen, somebody is asking a question. Kimberly 242 00:12:34,520 --> 00:12:37,000 Speaker 1: Wright is asking this question. She said her and her 243 00:12:37,040 --> 00:12:40,560 Speaker 1: husband rented a house for seventeen years. They bought a 244 00:12:40,600 --> 00:12:45,040 Speaker 1: house in twenty nineteen, and because he is the breadwinner, 245 00:12:45,360 --> 00:12:49,480 Speaker 1: the lone is in his name, but she's on the deed. 246 00:12:50,320 --> 00:12:53,160 Speaker 1: What does she need to do to be safe in 247 00:12:53,200 --> 00:12:57,040 Speaker 1: that arrangement? Now, I think that's a legal question, but 248 00:12:57,160 --> 00:13:02,640 Speaker 1: it is a question when you marry into or couple 249 00:13:02,800 --> 00:13:06,000 Speaker 1: into the middle class and your namemate and on none 250 00:13:06,000 --> 00:13:09,560 Speaker 1: of the paperwork, that's a problem. And I know that 251 00:13:09,600 --> 00:13:13,200 Speaker 1: as a lawyer, I've seen that. I've seen people who 252 00:13:13,960 --> 00:13:19,920 Speaker 1: marry into a relationship or go into a relationship. I've 253 00:13:19,920 --> 00:13:24,240 Speaker 1: had cases where they've been together twenty five thirty years 254 00:13:24,280 --> 00:13:28,320 Speaker 1: but weren't married. He dies and the ex wife or 255 00:13:28,360 --> 00:13:33,760 Speaker 1: the kids come in and swoop up everything. So what 256 00:13:33,800 --> 00:13:38,360 Speaker 1: do you think about prenups in middle class We'll talk 257 00:13:38,400 --> 00:13:38,839 Speaker 1: about that. 258 00:13:39,200 --> 00:13:40,000 Speaker 2: When we come back. 259 00:13:45,160 --> 00:13:48,280 Speaker 1: Welcome back to the R Spot. My guest today is 260 00:13:48,320 --> 00:13:51,560 Speaker 1: doctor Chris Marsh. We are here on the R Spot 261 00:13:51,640 --> 00:13:56,439 Speaker 1: and we are live on Instagram talking about doctor Marsha's 262 00:13:56,440 --> 00:14:01,520 Speaker 1: book The Love Jones Cohort being single and middle class 263 00:14:01,559 --> 00:14:04,560 Speaker 1: and living alone in America. What is it that you 264 00:14:04,640 --> 00:14:06,520 Speaker 1: was saying, Doctor Marsh. 265 00:14:06,640 --> 00:14:09,400 Speaker 2: Actually a few of the respondents actually talked about pring ups, 266 00:14:09,440 --> 00:14:10,320 Speaker 2: and again I'm about it. 267 00:14:10,360 --> 00:14:11,839 Speaker 3: If you about it. I'm about it. I don't judge you. 268 00:14:11,960 --> 00:14:14,800 Speaker 2: Whatever works for you, and I really don't care. But 269 00:14:14,840 --> 00:14:17,320 Speaker 2: if that's what y'all agree upon, that's what y'all agree upon. 270 00:14:17,360 --> 00:14:20,680 Speaker 2: I think it's so unfortunately allow outside circumstances or outside 271 00:14:20,800 --> 00:14:23,680 Speaker 2: noise to determine what works best for us. 272 00:14:23,960 --> 00:14:27,560 Speaker 3: But similar comment that I have similar conversation in the book. 273 00:14:27,960 --> 00:14:29,000 Speaker 3: I think it's chapter seven. 274 00:14:29,080 --> 00:14:31,720 Speaker 2: It's about wealth and one of the things that's really 275 00:14:31,760 --> 00:14:35,480 Speaker 2: really clear, people don't have estate planning, especially when you're 276 00:14:35,480 --> 00:14:40,320 Speaker 2: talking about black folks. Prince John Singleton and Aretha the 277 00:14:40,440 --> 00:14:44,680 Speaker 2: Queen of Soul did not have a live a will 278 00:14:44,840 --> 00:14:47,480 Speaker 2: or living trust. If you are single, we talk about 279 00:14:47,520 --> 00:14:49,480 Speaker 2: it in the book. You need to make sure you 280 00:14:49,520 --> 00:14:51,240 Speaker 2: have a will and a living trust. I don't care 281 00:14:51,280 --> 00:14:53,560 Speaker 2: how little you have. I don't care how much you have, 282 00:14:53,680 --> 00:14:56,560 Speaker 2: but you worked for whatever you have. Especially for those 283 00:14:56,640 --> 00:14:58,160 Speaker 2: that are single, you want to make sure that you 284 00:14:58,200 --> 00:14:59,960 Speaker 2: have a will or living trust and you know exactly 285 00:15:00,040 --> 00:15:01,880 Speaker 2: where your assets are going to go. 286 00:15:02,240 --> 00:15:05,040 Speaker 1: And again, yeah, I say a little or how much, 287 00:15:05,160 --> 00:15:10,000 Speaker 1: that's right. Have a will or a living trust, whether 288 00:15:10,040 --> 00:15:14,360 Speaker 1: you're even if you're married, have it, because you give 289 00:15:14,400 --> 00:15:17,640 Speaker 1: away you lose so much when you die into state 290 00:15:18,040 --> 00:15:22,200 Speaker 1: and it can be a hot mess if you have 291 00:15:22,280 --> 00:15:26,320 Speaker 1: a house, even a car, even a car. Please please please, 292 00:15:26,760 --> 00:15:29,840 Speaker 1: I'm gonna find me two lawyers or two friends. We're 293 00:15:29,840 --> 00:15:32,800 Speaker 1: gonna do a class on why you need a will 294 00:15:33,080 --> 00:15:34,840 Speaker 1: and why you need some life insurance. 295 00:15:35,200 --> 00:15:36,040 Speaker 3: You know, it's funny. 296 00:15:36,080 --> 00:15:37,520 Speaker 2: I won't tell you the name of the company, but 297 00:15:37,560 --> 00:15:39,160 Speaker 2: they I wrote the book, and they reached out to 298 00:15:39,200 --> 00:15:41,480 Speaker 2: me and they're like, we really appreciate this conversation about 299 00:15:41,480 --> 00:15:43,440 Speaker 2: like singles, because think about it, when you look like 300 00:15:43,480 --> 00:15:46,520 Speaker 2: a state planninger, you look like wealth management commercials. You 301 00:15:46,520 --> 00:15:50,040 Speaker 2: have same sex couples, you have interracial couples, you even 302 00:15:50,080 --> 00:15:52,520 Speaker 2: have single parents. Where's the single person? 303 00:15:53,120 --> 00:15:54,400 Speaker 3: You don't see them in the commercials. 304 00:15:54,520 --> 00:15:55,760 Speaker 2: And so they reached out to me. They're like, this 305 00:15:55,800 --> 00:15:57,600 Speaker 2: is a really great conversation. How can we tap into 306 00:15:57,640 --> 00:16:00,520 Speaker 2: this market? And they just felt very explore And I 307 00:16:00,600 --> 00:16:02,600 Speaker 2: was like, I'm not trying. You're not trying to use 308 00:16:02,640 --> 00:16:04,760 Speaker 2: me to exploit this group of people, but I think, 309 00:16:04,760 --> 00:16:07,200 Speaker 2: you know, use your wisdom, find a group, a group 310 00:16:07,240 --> 00:16:10,040 Speaker 2: that's really supportive of you, and maybe we put something 311 00:16:10,040 --> 00:16:12,040 Speaker 2: together and we talk to these singles and we have 312 00:16:12,160 --> 00:16:14,000 Speaker 2: them put their estate plans together. 313 00:16:14,120 --> 00:16:17,040 Speaker 1: Yeah, really, really really, particularly if you are single and 314 00:16:17,200 --> 00:16:20,000 Speaker 1: middle class and you own the house, you own a condo, 315 00:16:20,760 --> 00:16:23,880 Speaker 1: please please have a will. You can do it the 316 00:16:24,000 --> 00:16:27,320 Speaker 1: ninety nine dollar will on legal Zoom. But that is 317 00:16:27,360 --> 00:16:30,280 Speaker 1: so so important, and particularly the young people. You know, 318 00:16:30,320 --> 00:16:33,400 Speaker 1: my daughter died at thirty one. She owned a house 319 00:16:33,720 --> 00:16:37,320 Speaker 1: and she had a will. Okay, so it's very very 320 00:16:37,360 --> 00:16:43,480 Speaker 1: important in our culture as people of color, black, brown, 321 00:16:44,480 --> 00:16:47,120 Speaker 1: we do the family thing and we pass stuff on. 322 00:16:47,560 --> 00:16:51,280 Speaker 1: But you we live in the society where everything you 323 00:16:51,280 --> 00:16:54,520 Speaker 1: know is black and white on paper. So I think 324 00:16:54,560 --> 00:16:56,120 Speaker 1: you we need to do. 325 00:16:56,240 --> 00:16:58,920 Speaker 2: Yes, yes, I talk of the book. I think about 326 00:16:58,920 --> 00:17:00,800 Speaker 2: how like my father wrote something on the back of 327 00:17:00,880 --> 00:17:02,480 Speaker 2: a napkin. I was like, this is what we knocking 328 00:17:02,480 --> 00:17:04,240 Speaker 2: ready to do. We're not gonna have this written on 329 00:17:04,240 --> 00:17:05,720 Speaker 2: the back of a napkin and was putting your safety 330 00:17:05,720 --> 00:17:06,919 Speaker 2: to deposit box, and we're going. 331 00:17:06,840 --> 00:17:09,359 Speaker 3: To go through best legal documents and let's go ahead 332 00:17:09,400 --> 00:17:10,639 Speaker 3: and do that. Let's just go ahead and do that. 333 00:17:10,640 --> 00:17:15,680 Speaker 1: Point Yeah, yeah, yeah, okay. My grandma Steve buried his 334 00:17:15,760 --> 00:17:17,760 Speaker 1: money back in the day. My grandmother did too. She 335 00:17:17,840 --> 00:17:20,720 Speaker 1: kept it in the freezer. My grandmother wrapped her little 336 00:17:20,720 --> 00:17:23,440 Speaker 1: dollar's up and put him in the freezer. Okay, here 337 00:17:23,480 --> 00:17:26,040 Speaker 1: it is. Yeah, I'm a van Zain. Can we do 338 00:17:26,080 --> 00:17:29,520 Speaker 1: a talk on protecting our assets. I'm a single woman 339 00:17:29,760 --> 00:17:33,720 Speaker 1: with a new home. I don't have any documented for 340 00:17:33,960 --> 00:17:37,440 Speaker 1: my only child if something happens to me. Okay, doctor March, 341 00:17:37,560 --> 00:17:39,480 Speaker 1: she need to be on that right, come on tell 342 00:17:39,520 --> 00:17:40,440 Speaker 1: her Tella Tella. 343 00:17:40,680 --> 00:17:44,080 Speaker 3: Yes, like absolutely, I hope that we do do a show. 344 00:17:44,200 --> 00:17:46,840 Speaker 2: But I think that we need to have legal documents 345 00:17:46,880 --> 00:17:49,840 Speaker 2: in a place and never You're never too young, and 346 00:17:49,880 --> 00:17:52,359 Speaker 2: you're never too old, and I don't care how little 347 00:17:52,400 --> 00:17:54,920 Speaker 2: you have or how much you have, you've worked hard 348 00:17:54,920 --> 00:17:55,239 Speaker 2: for it. 349 00:17:55,560 --> 00:17:57,879 Speaker 3: Put a legal document in place so people. 350 00:17:57,640 --> 00:18:01,040 Speaker 2: Know exactly what you want to happen if something were 351 00:18:01,119 --> 00:18:01,840 Speaker 2: to happen to you. 352 00:18:02,040 --> 00:18:05,040 Speaker 1: Yeah, I've got it written down on paper and from 353 00:18:05,040 --> 00:18:08,399 Speaker 1: my typewriter, and I have a legal will, and I 354 00:18:08,400 --> 00:18:10,879 Speaker 1: got a folder in the thing that say this is 355 00:18:10,920 --> 00:18:13,200 Speaker 1: what I want. Don't be messing with me and don't 356 00:18:13,200 --> 00:18:17,280 Speaker 1: have me laying around for fifty two days weeping and wailing. 357 00:18:17,600 --> 00:18:19,680 Speaker 1: Get in, get out, put me in the box, because 358 00:18:19,680 --> 00:18:21,240 Speaker 1: I don't know where I'm going and I want to 359 00:18:21,240 --> 00:18:26,200 Speaker 1: get there on time. Okay, somebody says, yeah, somebody has 360 00:18:26,240 --> 00:18:29,560 Speaker 1: a very good question, Uh, doctor marsh. They want to know, 361 00:18:30,480 --> 00:18:33,920 Speaker 1: how do you define wealth? I think that's a good 362 00:18:33,960 --> 00:18:36,960 Speaker 1: thing because just a little money in the bank that's 363 00:18:37,080 --> 00:18:39,000 Speaker 1: not wealth. How are you defining wealth? 364 00:18:39,760 --> 00:18:41,760 Speaker 2: Right? It's really funny because I was having a conversation 365 00:18:41,840 --> 00:18:44,000 Speaker 2: with a student about whether or not they're rich or 366 00:18:44,000 --> 00:18:46,280 Speaker 2: whether they're now in the NFL, whether or not they're rich, 367 00:18:46,600 --> 00:18:48,440 Speaker 2: or whether or not they're wealthy. If you have a 368 00:18:48,480 --> 00:18:50,520 Speaker 2: whole bunch of money in your account, you're checking account, 369 00:18:50,560 --> 00:18:54,159 Speaker 2: you would be considered rich. But wealth is when you 370 00:18:54,359 --> 00:19:00,199 Speaker 2: have assets that are building wealth for you. Because all 371 00:19:00,240 --> 00:19:02,400 Speaker 2: this money in this account goes, you can draw from 372 00:19:02,400 --> 00:19:04,480 Speaker 2: this asset and you can still live. So I talk 373 00:19:04,480 --> 00:19:07,920 Speaker 2: about wealth, it's some kind of asset. In most cases, 374 00:19:08,320 --> 00:19:11,480 Speaker 2: our biggest asset is going to be our house. Yeah, 375 00:19:11,560 --> 00:19:13,840 Speaker 2: But in some cases you have, especially in Black America, 376 00:19:13,880 --> 00:19:16,520 Speaker 2: you have like entrepreneurs, so you have businesses. Some people 377 00:19:16,640 --> 00:19:20,240 Speaker 2: have gold and precious metals. I ain't there yet, but 378 00:19:20,240 --> 00:19:22,480 Speaker 2: I'd love to get there one day. And so do 379 00:19:22,600 --> 00:19:26,160 Speaker 2: you think of this assets that's what makes you wealthy? 380 00:19:26,320 --> 00:19:28,840 Speaker 2: But just having a bank account with six figures doesn't 381 00:19:28,840 --> 00:19:30,320 Speaker 2: make you wealthy, that just makes you rich. 382 00:19:30,560 --> 00:19:34,119 Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, that is so so very important because I 383 00:19:34,160 --> 00:19:37,679 Speaker 1: am not rich, but I am wealthy. I am wealthy 384 00:19:37,720 --> 00:19:42,160 Speaker 1: because I have a lot of catalog of publications that 385 00:19:42,320 --> 00:19:44,760 Speaker 1: the minute I take my last breath, everybody going to 386 00:19:44,760 --> 00:19:47,359 Speaker 1: be running to buy my book. Okay, all right, and 387 00:19:48,160 --> 00:19:50,480 Speaker 1: I ain't even here. They going to be making money. 388 00:19:50,680 --> 00:19:54,199 Speaker 1: So I have to manifest my wealth. Somebody said they 389 00:19:54,240 --> 00:19:57,280 Speaker 1: were married for I can't remember how many years, and 390 00:19:57,320 --> 00:20:01,200 Speaker 1: their husband passed and he didn't have a a will. Well, 391 00:20:01,440 --> 00:20:03,639 Speaker 1: you know, that's that's important. 392 00:20:03,800 --> 00:20:05,600 Speaker 2: I mean, we really can't say it enough, but we 393 00:20:05,640 --> 00:20:08,359 Speaker 2: really can't stress it enough. It's something to think about, 394 00:20:08,480 --> 00:20:10,399 Speaker 2: and I think, but I also think, what's the issue. 395 00:20:10,400 --> 00:20:12,119 Speaker 2: This came up on the book a little bit. We 396 00:20:12,240 --> 00:20:15,080 Speaker 2: have to think about the history of black Americans in particular, 397 00:20:15,280 --> 00:20:18,480 Speaker 2: and how we don't trust these institutions, and how we're 398 00:20:18,520 --> 00:20:21,840 Speaker 2: afraid to go ahead and do these living trusts and 399 00:20:21,880 --> 00:20:24,200 Speaker 2: these wills and so on and so forth. But we've 400 00:20:24,240 --> 00:20:26,679 Speaker 2: got to kind of move past that and understand that 401 00:20:26,720 --> 00:20:28,320 Speaker 2: we want to make sure people that are coming behind us, 402 00:20:28,359 --> 00:20:29,800 Speaker 2: our meeces, our nephews, are god children. 403 00:20:29,800 --> 00:20:32,840 Speaker 3: Whoever may be they're set up well, So please think. 404 00:20:32,720 --> 00:20:35,120 Speaker 2: About trying to engage these institutions and put these living 405 00:20:35,119 --> 00:20:36,040 Speaker 2: trusts and wills together. 406 00:20:36,520 --> 00:20:42,080 Speaker 1: Yes. Now, another big conversation that I've heard lately, Dr 407 00:20:42,160 --> 00:20:48,600 Speaker 1: marsh is generational wealth. Yes, if you're single and middle class, 408 00:20:48,800 --> 00:20:52,040 Speaker 1: meaning you've got some assets, you've got some wealth. How 409 00:20:52,080 --> 00:20:55,720 Speaker 1: do we build generational wealth? How do we do that? 410 00:20:56,480 --> 00:21:00,199 Speaker 2: Okay, so that's like a super duper great question to 411 00:21:00,280 --> 00:21:03,040 Speaker 2: the kind of conversation we were having earlier. We have 412 00:21:03,080 --> 00:21:04,399 Speaker 2: to think about it. If something happened to me, So 413 00:21:04,400 --> 00:21:06,199 Speaker 2: I've got a couple of assets. If something happens to me, 414 00:21:06,320 --> 00:21:07,560 Speaker 2: who was it going to go to. It's going to 415 00:21:07,600 --> 00:21:10,239 Speaker 2: go to the next generation. I don't have children, so 416 00:21:10,280 --> 00:21:11,600 Speaker 2: it's not going to go to my children, but it's 417 00:21:11,600 --> 00:21:12,560 Speaker 2: going to go to my god daughter. 418 00:21:12,640 --> 00:21:14,480 Speaker 3: I'll give us some stuff to my students. I love 419 00:21:14,560 --> 00:21:15,160 Speaker 3: my students. 420 00:21:15,200 --> 00:21:17,560 Speaker 2: I am only a professor because I admire and adore 421 00:21:17,560 --> 00:21:19,639 Speaker 2: my students. The day they get on my nerves, I'm 422 00:21:19,720 --> 00:21:22,800 Speaker 2: leaving being a professor and doing something completely different. So 423 00:21:23,080 --> 00:21:25,840 Speaker 2: we need to think about how our assets can hopefully 424 00:21:25,840 --> 00:21:29,320 Speaker 2: help the next generation. I want to complicate this conversation 425 00:21:29,640 --> 00:21:31,400 Speaker 2: just a bit though, and I want. 426 00:21:31,200 --> 00:21:33,920 Speaker 3: You to stay with me. It was funny because I 427 00:21:33,920 --> 00:21:36,120 Speaker 3: did something for b ET a little while ago. 428 00:21:36,119 --> 00:21:38,199 Speaker 2: And you know, you do a two hour interview, they 429 00:21:38,200 --> 00:21:41,159 Speaker 2: put a thirty minute snippet up on social media and 430 00:21:41,200 --> 00:21:43,440 Speaker 2: so they heard me say like, well, if you want 431 00:21:43,440 --> 00:21:47,720 Speaker 2: to improve marriage rates for Black Americans, pay Black Americans reparations. 432 00:21:48,200 --> 00:21:50,359 Speaker 2: So here's the conversation that I have in the book. 433 00:21:50,400 --> 00:21:51,960 Speaker 2: And I think that this is important, So just stay 434 00:21:52,000 --> 00:21:56,440 Speaker 2: with me for a second. There's a huge generational wealth 435 00:21:56,480 --> 00:21:59,760 Speaker 2: gap that existed an American and I don't think it's 436 00:21:59,760 --> 00:22:02,320 Speaker 2: going to be closed on the individual level. 437 00:22:02,560 --> 00:22:04,800 Speaker 3: It has to have federal intervention. 438 00:22:05,320 --> 00:22:08,520 Speaker 2: And the way that we close this wealth gap is 439 00:22:08,560 --> 00:22:12,880 Speaker 2: to pay reparations to Black Americans. To do anything less 440 00:22:12,880 --> 00:22:15,879 Speaker 2: than that and put the onus only on the individual 441 00:22:16,040 --> 00:22:19,080 Speaker 2: to close the wealth gap. When this is a federal process, 442 00:22:19,080 --> 00:22:21,720 Speaker 2: there are federal laws in place that built it is 443 00:22:21,760 --> 00:22:25,560 Speaker 2: short sighted and that's a heavy burden that Black Americans 444 00:22:25,600 --> 00:22:28,440 Speaker 2: have to carry. Now, I don't care where you sit 445 00:22:28,520 --> 00:22:31,399 Speaker 2: in that conversation. I don't care where you sit with reparations. 446 00:22:31,440 --> 00:22:34,280 Speaker 2: All I'm asking you to do is to sit in 447 00:22:34,320 --> 00:22:37,000 Speaker 2: the conversation and see where you fit in that conversation. 448 00:22:37,440 --> 00:22:41,520 Speaker 1: Yeah, well, I'm not even going to touch that with 449 00:22:41,640 --> 00:22:48,080 Speaker 1: a ten foot poll. Them reparations, I cannot, I cannot. 450 00:22:48,560 --> 00:22:50,320 Speaker 3: Not everybody wants to have the conversation. People just don't 451 00:22:50,320 --> 00:22:51,080 Speaker 3: want to have a conversation. 452 00:22:51,080 --> 00:22:54,720 Speaker 1: But I'm just like, it's it's a conversation that we 453 00:22:54,840 --> 00:23:00,240 Speaker 1: need to have for a variety of reasons. But we're 454 00:23:00,240 --> 00:23:06,760 Speaker 1: gonna talk. Let's talk about our relationship with reparations. 455 00:23:06,600 --> 00:23:08,040 Speaker 3: That's the point. So that's the point. 456 00:23:08,040 --> 00:23:09,760 Speaker 2: Though I do believe that you were to pay Black 457 00:23:09,760 --> 00:23:11,000 Speaker 2: Americans reparations, the. 458 00:23:10,960 --> 00:23:12,240 Speaker 3: Marriage rates might change. 459 00:23:12,280 --> 00:23:14,640 Speaker 2: You might see an increase of black folks getting married 460 00:23:14,680 --> 00:23:17,119 Speaker 2: because we have access to capital now, and because we 461 00:23:17,119 --> 00:23:19,520 Speaker 2: have access to capital, we have people that are looking 462 00:23:19,640 --> 00:23:21,560 Speaker 2: like us, doing things and building. 463 00:23:21,280 --> 00:23:23,440 Speaker 3: Things, and now we're more likely to partner or to marry. 464 00:23:23,600 --> 00:23:25,399 Speaker 3: It is my argument, that is my theory. 465 00:23:25,520 --> 00:23:27,080 Speaker 2: The only way we got it, the only way my 466 00:23:27,160 --> 00:23:28,880 Speaker 2: theory could we know if it works. 467 00:23:28,720 --> 00:23:30,840 Speaker 3: Or not is to pay us preparations and see what happens. 468 00:23:30,920 --> 00:23:34,640 Speaker 1: Well, you know, in terms of old reparation, the concept 469 00:23:34,680 --> 00:23:38,280 Speaker 1: forty acres and the mule. Now, I don't want no donkey, 470 00:23:38,320 --> 00:23:40,280 Speaker 1: I don't want him. I don't want the donkey. I 471 00:23:40,280 --> 00:23:43,000 Speaker 1: don't want him. But you know what, for me in 472 00:23:43,040 --> 00:23:47,719 Speaker 1: this day and age, I didn't educate my children. I 473 00:23:47,720 --> 00:23:50,320 Speaker 1: didn't educate my children. I was a young single mom 474 00:23:50,400 --> 00:23:53,920 Speaker 1: growing up. So my commitment in life was to educate 475 00:23:53,960 --> 00:23:58,560 Speaker 1: my grandchildren. Reparations for me would be that my grandchildren 476 00:23:58,640 --> 00:24:02,640 Speaker 1: could go to college for free. Reparations for me would 477 00:24:02,680 --> 00:24:06,399 Speaker 1: be that, you know, there's a fun that my grandkids 478 00:24:06,440 --> 00:24:12,560 Speaker 1: could go to to get a home. You know how 479 00:24:12,640 --> 00:24:16,000 Speaker 1: much would forty acres cost today in the middle class neighborhood. 480 00:24:16,200 --> 00:24:21,000 Speaker 1: Will let that be my grandchildren's down payment on their home. 481 00:24:21,280 --> 00:24:23,679 Speaker 1: So it doesn't have to be for me today forty 482 00:24:23,720 --> 00:24:26,840 Speaker 1: acres and the mule. But how can we construct those 483 00:24:26,920 --> 00:24:30,720 Speaker 1: reparations in a way that would be conducive to my 484 00:24:30,880 --> 00:24:36,160 Speaker 1: needs today? I don't need. I got rabbits and fox 485 00:24:36,480 --> 00:24:40,959 Speaker 1: and two dogs and the squirrels. The squirrels. That's driving 486 00:24:41,000 --> 00:24:44,959 Speaker 1: me crazy, But you know it's so I think that 487 00:24:45,240 --> 00:24:49,439 Speaker 1: to broaden it, that concept of what reparations would be today, 488 00:24:49,720 --> 00:24:52,760 Speaker 1: and I think it would support because I know someone 489 00:24:53,520 --> 00:24:59,040 Speaker 1: been in relationship for twenty years and haven't been haven't 490 00:24:59,040 --> 00:25:03,800 Speaker 1: gotten married, because he's an artist and you know, his 491 00:25:03,880 --> 00:25:06,760 Speaker 1: income is up and down, and he says, I can't 492 00:25:06,800 --> 00:25:09,880 Speaker 1: marry a woman if I can't buy a house, and 493 00:25:09,640 --> 00:25:15,000 Speaker 1: I can't do that. And literally he's never been married 494 00:25:15,000 --> 00:25:18,600 Speaker 1: and he's a he and he's middle income middle I 495 00:25:18,680 --> 00:25:23,159 Speaker 1: would consider middle class even though he doesn't own the house. 496 00:25:24,280 --> 00:25:25,800 Speaker 3: Yeah, can you be middle. 497 00:25:25,520 --> 00:25:26,800 Speaker 1: Class and not own a home? 498 00:25:27,160 --> 00:25:29,160 Speaker 3: Okay? So yes you can. 499 00:25:29,760 --> 00:25:34,120 Speaker 2: The definition that I use in some of my quantitative work, 500 00:25:34,160 --> 00:25:35,679 Speaker 2: not in the book, but some of my work that 501 00:25:35,720 --> 00:25:38,520 Speaker 2: builds up to the book, you had to also have 502 00:25:39,000 --> 00:25:41,840 Speaker 2: a home to be considered middle class. You had to 503 00:25:41,880 --> 00:25:45,280 Speaker 2: have educate some kind of higher education. You had to 504 00:25:45,280 --> 00:25:48,040 Speaker 2: be like you had to be like a professional managerial position. 505 00:25:48,600 --> 00:25:50,520 Speaker 2: You had to have income that was above the threshold 506 00:25:50,560 --> 00:25:53,040 Speaker 2: I can't remember what the threshold was for median households. 507 00:25:53,240 --> 00:25:54,960 Speaker 2: And then you also had to own a home. Part 508 00:25:55,000 --> 00:25:56,600 Speaker 2: of the reason again, why I wanted to do that 509 00:25:56,640 --> 00:26:00,199 Speaker 2: because in the literature it talks about the fragility of 510 00:26:00,240 --> 00:26:03,040 Speaker 2: the black middle class, that black Americans are one or 511 00:26:03,080 --> 00:26:06,360 Speaker 2: two paychecks away from poverty, especially when you. 512 00:26:06,320 --> 00:26:07,400 Speaker 3: Don't have the assets. 513 00:26:07,720 --> 00:26:10,600 Speaker 2: So I'm trying to argue that there's this new demographic 514 00:26:10,600 --> 00:26:14,639 Speaker 2: group that exists. So I use the strictest measures possible 515 00:26:15,040 --> 00:26:17,639 Speaker 2: to define middle class, and everybody says, well, if you 516 00:26:17,680 --> 00:26:20,800 Speaker 2: would have relaxed the standards for a home ownership, would 517 00:26:20,840 --> 00:26:25,119 Speaker 2: it have increased the group? Actually, education having a bachelor's degree. 518 00:26:25,160 --> 00:26:27,280 Speaker 2: The thirty three percent of the US population have a 519 00:26:27,320 --> 00:26:28,600 Speaker 2: bachelor's degree, I. 520 00:26:28,480 --> 00:26:30,520 Speaker 3: Think almost I talk about in the book. 521 00:26:30,840 --> 00:26:33,359 Speaker 2: I think maybe seventy percent of people own homes or 522 00:26:33,359 --> 00:26:33,720 Speaker 2: stuff like that. 523 00:26:33,760 --> 00:26:34,640 Speaker 3: I can't remember the number. 524 00:26:34,680 --> 00:26:37,800 Speaker 2: So it's actually education was the hardest variable to load 525 00:26:38,080 --> 00:26:39,000 Speaker 2: on being middle class. 526 00:26:39,040 --> 00:26:41,600 Speaker 3: It actually wasn't owing a home or not really. 527 00:26:42,080 --> 00:26:52,320 Speaker 1: Yeah, we'll talk about that when we come back. So 528 00:26:54,359 --> 00:26:57,520 Speaker 1: my bachelor's degree serves absolutely no purpose. Well, none of 529 00:26:57,520 --> 00:27:00,320 Speaker 1: my degree serves no purpose. My law degree, you don't 530 00:27:00,359 --> 00:27:04,200 Speaker 1: serve no purpose. My master's degree does serve a purpose. 531 00:27:04,320 --> 00:27:08,840 Speaker 1: My master's because my master's degree is in spiritual psychology. 532 00:27:09,240 --> 00:27:11,760 Speaker 1: So I do use that. 533 00:27:12,000 --> 00:27:14,399 Speaker 2: But those variables, again, I'm not trying to I know 534 00:27:14,480 --> 00:27:17,040 Speaker 2: people might suggest those variables are elitists, but I have 535 00:27:17,119 --> 00:27:20,400 Speaker 2: to understand, I'm trying to establish this group in the 536 00:27:20,440 --> 00:27:23,160 Speaker 2: social science literature. So I had to use what other 537 00:27:23,200 --> 00:27:25,240 Speaker 2: measures were used in the past to say this group 538 00:27:25,320 --> 00:27:27,960 Speaker 2: is here. That's why I use those measures. I don't 539 00:27:27,960 --> 00:27:30,119 Speaker 2: adhere to those measures. It's what I'm trying to do 540 00:27:30,200 --> 00:27:33,040 Speaker 2: to say, I'm using your own measures, your own measurements, 541 00:27:33,040 --> 00:27:34,760 Speaker 2: to say, this group is here, and let's have more 542 00:27:34,760 --> 00:27:38,159 Speaker 2: conversations about people that are single and living alone. But 543 00:27:38,200 --> 00:27:40,439 Speaker 2: I also think like part of the conversation too, is 544 00:27:40,440 --> 00:27:45,000 Speaker 2: that there's an emergence of scholarship being written on singles. 545 00:27:45,680 --> 00:27:48,080 Speaker 2: And I say in the preface of the book, I 546 00:27:48,119 --> 00:27:50,800 Speaker 2: say that this really is a love letter to Black 547 00:27:50,840 --> 00:27:53,439 Speaker 2: women in a lot of ways, because whether or not 548 00:27:53,520 --> 00:27:56,320 Speaker 2: it's an adaptation, we had to do it or we 549 00:27:56,520 --> 00:27:59,359 Speaker 2: chose to do it. Black women have been doing singlehood 550 00:27:59,359 --> 00:28:02,240 Speaker 2: for a very long time, and we are showing the world. Yeah, 551 00:28:02,240 --> 00:28:04,600 Speaker 2: we're showing Americans, we are showing the world. We are 552 00:28:04,640 --> 00:28:07,080 Speaker 2: showing other racial and ethnic groups how to do this. 553 00:28:07,440 --> 00:28:08,960 Speaker 2: So what you're not too ready to do is make 554 00:28:09,000 --> 00:28:11,239 Speaker 2: this a face that doesn't look like me, because it 555 00:28:11,400 --> 00:28:13,600 Speaker 2: has been we have shown other people how to do it. 556 00:28:13,680 --> 00:28:15,280 Speaker 2: So that's another reason why I want to write the book, 557 00:28:15,280 --> 00:28:17,520 Speaker 2: to say, you know, let's get black women their flowers. 558 00:28:17,840 --> 00:28:21,760 Speaker 1: Yeah, and black women who are working hard and who 559 00:28:21,880 --> 00:28:26,880 Speaker 1: are making the choice to be single. I want more 560 00:28:26,880 --> 00:28:30,000 Speaker 1: of us to make that choice from our souls and 561 00:28:30,080 --> 00:28:35,440 Speaker 1: not from disappointment, not from disappointment that past relationships didn't work. 562 00:28:35,840 --> 00:28:38,760 Speaker 1: And also to look at all of the things that 563 00:28:38,800 --> 00:28:42,120 Speaker 1: you've said. When we accumulate wealth, how do we pass 564 00:28:42,160 --> 00:28:46,720 Speaker 1: it on to other members of our family? Understanding that 565 00:28:46,800 --> 00:28:50,920 Speaker 1: wealth isn't about money, it's also about assets, you know, 566 00:28:51,040 --> 00:28:56,280 Speaker 1: to start doing little investments that we can. I have 567 00:28:56,720 --> 00:28:59,520 Speaker 1: a home that I live in, but black women, as 568 00:28:59,560 --> 00:29:02,600 Speaker 1: a black women, want to really acquire. I like land. 569 00:29:03,040 --> 00:29:06,080 Speaker 1: I want land and property. That's that's my thing. I 570 00:29:06,120 --> 00:29:08,800 Speaker 1: don't need cars and boats and all of that. I 571 00:29:08,840 --> 00:29:12,440 Speaker 1: want some land because when the stuff go left, I 572 00:29:12,480 --> 00:29:14,040 Speaker 1: want to be able to go out there and plant 573 00:29:14,080 --> 00:29:18,200 Speaker 1: me some tomatoes and some string beans. So my thing 574 00:29:18,280 --> 00:29:22,360 Speaker 1: is land. Doctor marsh is the author of the Love 575 00:29:22,560 --> 00:29:28,880 Speaker 1: Jones cohort. Being single and living alone and the middle class? 576 00:29:29,240 --> 00:29:32,719 Speaker 1: What do you want to leave our listeners with? I 577 00:29:32,760 --> 00:29:35,880 Speaker 1: thank all of you for tuning in today. Somebody said 578 00:29:35,920 --> 00:29:38,680 Speaker 1: I'm tired of paying bills alone. We'll stop making them. 579 00:29:38,840 --> 00:29:41,320 Speaker 1: If you don't want to pay them, don't make no bills. 580 00:29:42,360 --> 00:29:44,720 Speaker 3: Don't but please do not get married. 581 00:29:44,920 --> 00:29:47,320 Speaker 2: Justin can find somebody or partner or Jesse can find 582 00:29:47,320 --> 00:29:48,200 Speaker 2: somebody to pay your bill. 583 00:29:48,360 --> 00:29:51,200 Speaker 1: Okay, but you know how many people are doing that. 584 00:29:51,280 --> 00:29:54,440 Speaker 1: That's a whole other conversation. About the women who say 585 00:29:54,480 --> 00:29:57,240 Speaker 1: I want a partner that makes two fifty two, three 586 00:29:57,320 --> 00:30:00,280 Speaker 1: hundred thousand dollars and they ain't even got a college degree. 587 00:30:00,360 --> 00:30:02,800 Speaker 1: That's a whole number conversation. What do you want us 588 00:30:02,800 --> 00:30:06,040 Speaker 1: to know about being single, being middle class in the 589 00:30:06,080 --> 00:30:07,840 Speaker 1: new world, in the New Age. 590 00:30:09,080 --> 00:30:11,400 Speaker 2: Well, the first thing I wanted to say is, please 591 00:30:11,560 --> 00:30:13,480 Speaker 2: go and buy the book. 592 00:30:13,360 --> 00:30:14,920 Speaker 1: The Love Jones Cohort. 593 00:30:15,400 --> 00:30:17,520 Speaker 2: Yeah, the Love Joe's Cohort signal I living Alone in 594 00:30:17,520 --> 00:30:20,120 Speaker 2: the Black middle class. You can find them on most bookstores. 595 00:30:20,440 --> 00:30:22,400 Speaker 2: I also have an audiobook, so you can read the 596 00:30:22,400 --> 00:30:24,520 Speaker 2: audio book. Please let me know when about what you 597 00:30:24,560 --> 00:30:26,400 Speaker 2: think when you read the book. There's two things I 598 00:30:26,400 --> 00:30:28,600 Speaker 2: want to say about reading the book. It is an 599 00:30:28,600 --> 00:30:32,680 Speaker 2: academic book, so the introduction in chapter one are theoretically dense. 600 00:30:33,040 --> 00:30:35,200 Speaker 3: If that's not you get down and you don't. 601 00:30:35,000 --> 00:30:38,600 Speaker 2: Appreciate that, just skip on to chapter two and read 602 00:30:38,600 --> 00:30:41,560 Speaker 2: the stuff from chapter two on. I wrote the book, 603 00:30:41,600 --> 00:30:43,480 Speaker 2: and I try to flip through the first chapter, so 604 00:30:43,520 --> 00:30:46,640 Speaker 2: that's not I'm not really a theoretical person. But buy 605 00:30:46,680 --> 00:30:48,600 Speaker 2: the book, read it to the very end. Read the 606 00:30:48,600 --> 00:30:51,080 Speaker 2: appendencies because I mean the afterword, because there's some really 607 00:30:51,160 --> 00:30:54,600 Speaker 2: juicy stuff in the afterword. Also, when you read the book, 608 00:30:54,760 --> 00:30:57,520 Speaker 2: be sure and read the footnotes because I am a 609 00:30:57,520 --> 00:30:59,880 Speaker 2: black woman who is an academic, and so there's so 610 00:31:00,000 --> 00:31:01,760 Speaker 2: certain things that I couldn't say in the book because 611 00:31:01,760 --> 00:31:03,440 Speaker 2: my editor was like, doctor marsh you go off on 612 00:31:03,480 --> 00:31:03,960 Speaker 2: a tangent. 613 00:31:04,000 --> 00:31:05,800 Speaker 3: Can you can you imagine him saying that? 614 00:31:05,840 --> 00:31:07,800 Speaker 2: But okay, if you go off on a tangent, put 615 00:31:07,840 --> 00:31:09,800 Speaker 2: stuff in the footnotes. And he's like, but keep the 616 00:31:09,800 --> 00:31:11,719 Speaker 2: footnotes to a bare minimum. I have one hundred and 617 00:31:11,760 --> 00:31:13,880 Speaker 2: twenty footnotes because I have stuff that I want to say. 618 00:31:14,000 --> 00:31:15,760 Speaker 2: Let me just give a golden nugy about one footnote. 619 00:31:15,760 --> 00:31:17,280 Speaker 2: Then what's something I wanting to leave you with? 620 00:31:17,800 --> 00:31:19,880 Speaker 3: In the book, we talked about like black middle class 621 00:31:19,920 --> 00:31:21,760 Speaker 3: identity and what that means being middle class and so 622 00:31:21,800 --> 00:31:24,880 Speaker 3: on and so forth. So the respondents talked about W. E. B. 623 00:31:25,000 --> 00:31:31,040 Speaker 2: Du Bois and this idea of the talented tenth basic sense. W. E. B. 624 00:31:31,160 --> 00:31:34,200 Speaker 2: Du boys was a sociologist, well known cyciologist, and he 625 00:31:34,280 --> 00:31:36,600 Speaker 2: said ten percent of black America are going to help 626 00:31:36,600 --> 00:31:39,640 Speaker 2: improve all of the ninety percent of black America. He 627 00:31:39,720 --> 00:31:43,120 Speaker 2: pushed back against his own idea. Here's what's really interesting 628 00:31:43,200 --> 00:31:45,760 Speaker 2: about that. I had to be sensitive to the data. 629 00:31:45,840 --> 00:31:47,520 Speaker 2: The respondents talked about W. E. B. 630 00:31:47,600 --> 00:31:49,120 Speaker 3: Du Boys, so I had to talk about him in 631 00:31:49,160 --> 00:31:49,520 Speaker 3: the book. 632 00:31:49,880 --> 00:31:53,440 Speaker 2: But I put a footnote because what people very rarely 633 00:31:53,600 --> 00:31:56,440 Speaker 2: know is that there was another scholar at the exact 634 00:31:56,520 --> 00:31:59,840 Speaker 2: same time who was writing as W. E. B. Du Boys, 635 00:32:00,160 --> 00:32:03,120 Speaker 2: and this scholar was suggesting, if you would improve the 636 00:32:03,120 --> 00:32:05,959 Speaker 2: life chances of black women, you'll improve the life chances 637 00:32:06,000 --> 00:32:09,440 Speaker 2: of everybody. But her work was not getting published. Her 638 00:32:09,560 --> 00:32:13,880 Speaker 2: name was Anna Julia Cooper, one of the first black 639 00:32:13,880 --> 00:32:16,480 Speaker 2: women in the country to have a PhD. Part of 640 00:32:16,480 --> 00:32:18,800 Speaker 2: the reason why her work wasn't getting published is because 641 00:32:18,840 --> 00:32:21,560 Speaker 2: they were gatekeepers that prevented her work from getting published. 642 00:32:21,760 --> 00:32:24,600 Speaker 2: One of the gatekeepers was W. E. B. 643 00:32:24,760 --> 00:32:25,560 Speaker 1: Wow. 644 00:32:25,920 --> 00:32:28,800 Speaker 2: The argument is is that he actually plagiarized her stuff 645 00:32:28,920 --> 00:32:31,320 Speaker 2: later on in life. I, as a black woman and 646 00:32:31,320 --> 00:32:33,280 Speaker 2: an academic, will not write a book where Anna Julia 647 00:32:33,320 --> 00:32:35,440 Speaker 2: Cooper is not somewhere in my book. So if you 648 00:32:35,480 --> 00:32:38,200 Speaker 2: don't read the footnotes, you missed out on that wonderful 649 00:32:38,280 --> 00:32:39,360 Speaker 2: kind of conversation. 650 00:32:39,760 --> 00:32:42,920 Speaker 3: Okay, so what do I want to leave you with? 651 00:32:43,200 --> 00:32:46,040 Speaker 2: Oh my gosh, there's so many things that we could 652 00:32:46,360 --> 00:32:46,880 Speaker 2: talk about. 653 00:32:46,880 --> 00:32:49,480 Speaker 3: If there was one thing that I wanted to leave 654 00:32:49,560 --> 00:32:50,200 Speaker 3: you with. 655 00:32:51,440 --> 00:32:51,720 Speaker 1: Wow. 656 00:32:52,520 --> 00:32:54,480 Speaker 3: I think, like I said before. 657 00:32:55,080 --> 00:32:59,640 Speaker 2: It's important for us to de stigmatize single hood. 658 00:33:00,040 --> 00:33:01,360 Speaker 3: I don't want you to get in. 659 00:33:01,680 --> 00:33:06,760 Speaker 2: I don't want you to stay in relationships that are abusive, toxic, unfulfilling, 660 00:33:06,920 --> 00:33:09,920 Speaker 2: and unrewarding simply because you don't want to hold the 661 00:33:10,000 --> 00:33:12,080 Speaker 2: title of single. I also want you to think about 662 00:33:12,120 --> 00:33:15,440 Speaker 2: whether or not the singleness is based on individual behavior 663 00:33:15,680 --> 00:33:19,760 Speaker 2: or are there like structural forces that actually constrain your 664 00:33:19,840 --> 00:33:22,600 Speaker 2: dating market and that's why you're single. I think when 665 00:33:22,600 --> 00:33:26,680 Speaker 2: we leave it at the individual conversation, women in particular 666 00:33:26,720 --> 00:33:27,480 Speaker 2: are like, what was me? 667 00:33:27,600 --> 00:33:30,120 Speaker 3: Something's wrong with me. I'm not fast enough, I'm not 668 00:33:30,200 --> 00:33:30,880 Speaker 3: praying enough. 669 00:33:30,920 --> 00:33:33,680 Speaker 2: I'm not thin enough, I'm not thick enough, I'm not 670 00:33:33,800 --> 00:33:34,680 Speaker 2: dark enough, I'm. 671 00:33:34,560 --> 00:33:35,320 Speaker 3: Not light enough. 672 00:33:36,000 --> 00:33:39,480 Speaker 2: Let's step back and think about how like structure, how 673 00:33:39,960 --> 00:33:44,280 Speaker 2: society might play into this conversation. And when we do that, 674 00:33:44,600 --> 00:33:48,120 Speaker 2: it allows us to have a more positive relationship with ourselves, 675 00:33:48,520 --> 00:33:50,600 Speaker 2: which is really, really, really important. 676 00:33:51,000 --> 00:33:55,280 Speaker 1: Yeah, and if you are single, and if you do 677 00:33:55,360 --> 00:34:00,920 Speaker 1: have assets or wealth, make it a choice. You know, 678 00:34:01,040 --> 00:34:04,240 Speaker 1: because the one thing I found very interesting you said 679 00:34:04,280 --> 00:34:08,440 Speaker 1: you defined middle class as the people who were considered 680 00:34:08,440 --> 00:34:11,200 Speaker 1: that they've done everything right. They've got the good job, 681 00:34:11,239 --> 00:34:13,920 Speaker 1: they've got the good education, blah blah blah, and a 682 00:34:14,040 --> 00:34:18,600 Speaker 1: partner may be one of the rewards for doing the 683 00:34:18,680 --> 00:34:22,319 Speaker 1: right things. And it's really not, I really hear on 684 00:34:22,400 --> 00:34:26,279 Speaker 1: the R spot, I talk about building your relationship with yourself. 685 00:34:26,760 --> 00:34:29,880 Speaker 1: Celebrate the fact that you did get the education, that 686 00:34:29,960 --> 00:34:32,160 Speaker 1: you do have, the home, that you do have a 687 00:34:32,200 --> 00:34:35,440 Speaker 1: few little ducats that you can spend on your nieces 688 00:34:35,440 --> 00:34:38,799 Speaker 1: and your nephews and your grandma, and feel good about that. 689 00:34:39,160 --> 00:34:41,120 Speaker 1: One of the things, you know, one of the ways 690 00:34:41,160 --> 00:34:46,279 Speaker 1: that I stay single because I you know, I have 691 00:34:46,360 --> 00:34:49,680 Speaker 1: a natural. When I was growing up, guys never said 692 00:34:49,680 --> 00:34:51,680 Speaker 1: to me that I was pretty. They never told me 693 00:34:51,719 --> 00:34:56,000 Speaker 1: I was pretty. I was always sexy. I was always sexy. 694 00:34:56,040 --> 00:34:59,080 Speaker 1: So I have this thing, and you know, when I'm 695 00:34:59,120 --> 00:35:03,880 Speaker 1: on the prow I know where I know where to 696 00:35:03,920 --> 00:35:07,120 Speaker 1: put the perfume on my body so that you know 697 00:35:07,200 --> 00:35:10,680 Speaker 1: I'm sending out those vibes. I know which button the button. 698 00:35:11,080 --> 00:35:14,040 Speaker 1: I know which shoes to wear, so since I'm single 699 00:35:14,040 --> 00:35:20,960 Speaker 1: about choice, I don't put no perfume on them places letter. 700 00:35:22,760 --> 00:35:25,400 Speaker 2: I say, celebrate you, right, I say, put that perfume 701 00:35:25,400 --> 00:35:26,200 Speaker 2: off for yourself. 702 00:35:26,239 --> 00:35:31,200 Speaker 3: Put them shoes off for yourself, nurturing. 703 00:35:32,440 --> 00:35:35,319 Speaker 1: I have my shoes and my and my push up 704 00:35:35,320 --> 00:35:37,759 Speaker 1: bra that I do for me. But when I have 705 00:35:37,880 --> 00:35:40,320 Speaker 1: that on, that's for me. But when I'm on the prowl, 706 00:35:40,680 --> 00:35:43,520 Speaker 1: I got a whole another, a whole nother way of being. 707 00:35:45,880 --> 00:35:50,440 Speaker 1: Doctor marsh Thank you so much for joining us, and 708 00:35:50,560 --> 00:35:53,000 Speaker 1: thank you to all of you out there for tuning 709 00:35:53,000 --> 00:35:57,040 Speaker 1: into the Art Spot today and every week. Whether it 710 00:35:57,239 --> 00:36:00,280 Speaker 1: be where to pick up a man and I'm telling 711 00:36:00,360 --> 00:36:04,600 Speaker 1: you don't sleep on the home depot, some real cuties there, 712 00:36:05,200 --> 00:36:08,160 Speaker 1: or if you want to know how to define wealth. 713 00:36:08,840 --> 00:36:12,120 Speaker 1: I hope you really learn something today that you didn't 714 00:36:12,160 --> 00:36:15,840 Speaker 1: know before. Be sure to join us next week for 715 00:36:16,040 --> 00:36:20,440 Speaker 1: our season finale. That's right. Time flies when you're learning 716 00:36:20,480 --> 00:36:24,319 Speaker 1: a lot. In the meantime, stay in peace and not 717 00:36:24,680 --> 00:36:33,040 Speaker 1: in pieces. Fine. The R Spot is a production of 718 00:36:33,160 --> 00:36:38,560 Speaker 1: Shondaland Audio in partnership with iHeartRadio. For more podcasts from 719 00:36:38,600 --> 00:36:44,000 Speaker 1: Shondaland Audio, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever 720 00:36:44,080 --> 00:36:46,200 Speaker 1: you listen to your favorite shows.