1 00:00:01,760 --> 00:00:05,120 Speaker 1: I am Younger, your host for this journey. I was 2 00:00:05,200 --> 00:00:09,639 Speaker 1: a hopeless love aholic but just could not get my 3 00:00:09,720 --> 00:00:14,120 Speaker 1: love to work. Then, after a series of heartbreaks and 4 00:00:14,320 --> 00:00:18,920 Speaker 1: deep heartache, I finally got clear about what love is 5 00:00:19,079 --> 00:00:22,360 Speaker 1: and what it is not. I want to share some 6 00:00:22,480 --> 00:00:27,760 Speaker 1: of what I've learned about love aholism. Welcome to the 7 00:00:27,800 --> 00:00:32,040 Speaker 1: Our Spot, a production of Shondaland Audio in partnership with 8 00:00:32,240 --> 00:00:48,720 Speaker 1: I Heart Radio. You know, sometimes I wake up in 9 00:00:48,760 --> 00:00:55,200 Speaker 1: the morning and I feel absolutely empowered. I feel divine 10 00:00:55,360 --> 00:01:00,440 Speaker 1: and blissful, and I think that I am the next 11 00:01:00,480 --> 00:01:07,680 Speaker 1: best thing to melt it butter on a pancake. And 12 00:01:07,680 --> 00:01:11,280 Speaker 1: then other days I wake up and I am truly 13 00:01:11,360 --> 00:01:17,120 Speaker 1: the wretched of the earth. I can remember every mistake 14 00:01:17,240 --> 00:01:20,600 Speaker 1: that I've made, every poor decision. I look out into 15 00:01:20,640 --> 00:01:24,160 Speaker 1: the world and I see road kill, and I think 16 00:01:24,200 --> 00:01:30,240 Speaker 1: that's my fault. The rising cost of gas, that's my fault. 17 00:01:30,480 --> 00:01:33,680 Speaker 1: Somebody's kids lost their tooth on the playground, and everything 18 00:01:33,800 --> 00:01:38,119 Speaker 1: is my fault. I don't think I'm alone in this experience. 19 00:01:38,800 --> 00:01:43,840 Speaker 1: But here's the distinction. On those days that I'm down 20 00:01:43,880 --> 00:01:47,920 Speaker 1: on myself, beating up on myself forgetting about all the 21 00:01:47,960 --> 00:01:53,279 Speaker 1: glorious work that I've done to heal myself. On those 22 00:01:53,360 --> 00:01:56,720 Speaker 1: days when I feel like I've totally missed the mark 23 00:01:57,360 --> 00:01:59,520 Speaker 1: and I need to go back and start all over. 24 00:02:01,360 --> 00:02:06,320 Speaker 1: Rather than accepting that to be the truth, I observe 25 00:02:06,400 --> 00:02:10,000 Speaker 1: it and I say, wow, I wonder where that's coming from. 26 00:02:10,080 --> 00:02:13,200 Speaker 1: Oh my goodness, look at what's up for me today. 27 00:02:13,240 --> 00:02:16,720 Speaker 1: But I'm also aware that there are many of us 28 00:02:16,880 --> 00:02:21,119 Speaker 1: who have those bad days and get stuck in them, 29 00:02:21,600 --> 00:02:25,079 Speaker 1: get stuck in what we haven't done, what we can't do, 30 00:02:25,280 --> 00:02:28,440 Speaker 1: what we don't do, and we use that as a 31 00:02:28,880 --> 00:02:32,799 Speaker 1: bat to beat ourselves down. So if you're one of 32 00:02:32,840 --> 00:02:35,000 Speaker 1: those people that are stuck in a bad day that 33 00:02:35,120 --> 00:02:37,840 Speaker 1: has been going on for sixteen years, I want to 34 00:02:37,840 --> 00:02:43,400 Speaker 1: say this, you can only solve the problem from the 35 00:02:43,680 --> 00:02:47,639 Speaker 1: level from what you're looking at it. If you're down 36 00:02:47,680 --> 00:02:52,239 Speaker 1: on yourself, down in the sub sub sub basement, looking 37 00:02:52,280 --> 00:02:54,880 Speaker 1: at yourself, you can only solve the problem from the 38 00:02:54,919 --> 00:03:00,040 Speaker 1: sub sub basement. If you're in the you know, the 39 00:03:00,120 --> 00:03:04,160 Speaker 1: dungeon of your life looking at yourself, you can only 40 00:03:04,200 --> 00:03:07,960 Speaker 1: solve the problem from the dungeon. And what many of 41 00:03:08,080 --> 00:03:13,280 Speaker 1: us don't understand is those days when you're down there, 42 00:03:13,960 --> 00:03:19,200 Speaker 1: it's simply because there's something coming up that you're ready 43 00:03:19,200 --> 00:03:23,120 Speaker 1: to heal. Now, you don't have to heal it by yourself. 44 00:03:23,160 --> 00:03:25,440 Speaker 1: You don't have to heal it on your own. You 45 00:03:25,600 --> 00:03:28,720 Speaker 1: don't even have to know what it is. But you 46 00:03:28,840 --> 00:03:32,640 Speaker 1: have to know that the dungeon days, the sub sub 47 00:03:32,680 --> 00:03:36,320 Speaker 1: basement days, the beat yourself up with a bad days, 48 00:03:36,760 --> 00:03:40,920 Speaker 1: those are days when something's coming up that needs to 49 00:03:41,000 --> 00:03:47,360 Speaker 1: be healed, and sometimes you need help. My caller today 50 00:03:47,680 --> 00:03:53,480 Speaker 1: has been in the dungeon of the sub basement and 51 00:03:53,560 --> 00:03:58,040 Speaker 1: she's done a great job, but today she's reaching out 52 00:03:58,120 --> 00:04:03,720 Speaker 1: for help. Let's take a greetings, beloved, welcome to the 53 00:04:03,880 --> 00:04:08,360 Speaker 1: R spot. How can I support God assists you today 54 00:04:08,480 --> 00:04:12,160 Speaker 1: as you face your relationship challenge, issue, problem, whatever it is. 55 00:04:13,080 --> 00:04:17,440 Speaker 1: Thank you so much, Really appreciate, appreciate you're taking time 56 00:04:17,480 --> 00:04:23,040 Speaker 1: to speak with me. Um. The relationship issue is with myself. 57 00:04:23,120 --> 00:04:26,680 Speaker 1: I think I understand that when I don't have a 58 00:04:26,800 --> 00:04:31,320 Speaker 1: relationship that I'm happy with with myself and I pretend 59 00:04:31,360 --> 00:04:35,600 Speaker 1: that outwardly, it always crumbles. And so my relationship problems 60 00:04:35,680 --> 00:04:39,240 Speaker 1: with me tell me how it manifests. Because so very 61 00:04:39,320 --> 00:04:45,880 Speaker 1: often a relationship issue is a relationship with yourself. It 62 00:04:46,000 --> 00:04:49,159 Speaker 1: just shows up with other people. But tell me how 63 00:04:49,200 --> 00:04:51,520 Speaker 1: that shows up in your life. Where do you see it? 64 00:04:51,600 --> 00:04:53,880 Speaker 1: How do you see it? How does it show up? 65 00:04:54,480 --> 00:04:58,200 Speaker 1: It manifests as me being a people pleaser, taking on 66 00:04:58,480 --> 00:05:02,359 Speaker 1: roles where I'm be more forgiving than my inner body 67 00:05:02,680 --> 00:05:05,920 Speaker 1: is really wanting me to to listen to in the 68 00:05:06,040 --> 00:05:09,080 Speaker 1: manifest of me not being able to trust myself as well. 69 00:05:09,520 --> 00:05:11,719 Speaker 1: So I may say yes knowing the answer is no. 70 00:05:12,120 --> 00:05:16,120 Speaker 1: I may want to say something where I I'm not happy, 71 00:05:16,440 --> 00:05:19,080 Speaker 1: and I may withhold that because I want to be 72 00:05:19,160 --> 00:05:22,760 Speaker 1: in trouble and I don't actually feel maybe that I 73 00:05:22,839 --> 00:05:28,359 Speaker 1: have taken up space. Okay, wow, I want you to 74 00:05:28,440 --> 00:05:32,120 Speaker 1: hear this with all of the love and respect, just 75 00:05:32,360 --> 00:05:37,279 Speaker 1: in my listening of what you are sharing. I often 76 00:05:37,440 --> 00:05:44,200 Speaker 1: say to my students that self diagnosis is misdiagnosis because 77 00:05:44,320 --> 00:05:49,080 Speaker 1: you you have diagnosed your problem and come up with 78 00:05:49,120 --> 00:05:52,920 Speaker 1: the solution. You. I don't understand why you're calling me. 79 00:05:53,160 --> 00:05:59,240 Speaker 1: You know you got I'm calling because I know the 80 00:05:59,320 --> 00:06:04,320 Speaker 1: problem is trauma and all of your speaking and your diagnosis, 81 00:06:05,720 --> 00:06:10,279 Speaker 1: I heard you say this, I don't want to be 82 00:06:10,800 --> 00:06:18,760 Speaker 1: in trouble. That's a trauma response. So somewhere in your experience, 83 00:06:20,920 --> 00:06:25,880 Speaker 1: perhaps growing up. It had to be growing up saying 84 00:06:25,920 --> 00:06:28,920 Speaker 1: what you wanted to say or what you needed to say, 85 00:06:29,240 --> 00:06:32,960 Speaker 1: standing up for yourself, asking for what you needed or want. 86 00:06:33,000 --> 00:06:38,919 Speaker 1: It wasn't met with warm and fuzzies. Well there was 87 00:06:38,960 --> 00:06:43,279 Speaker 1: no one to ask a young there was no one there. 88 00:06:44,120 --> 00:06:48,400 Speaker 1: I I My traumas are um sexual traumas and family 89 00:06:48,480 --> 00:06:53,720 Speaker 1: members um absent moms, um absent dad. Both have used 90 00:06:53,760 --> 00:06:56,640 Speaker 1: drugs and so yes, it's trauma, but not not that 91 00:06:56,680 --> 00:06:58,200 Speaker 1: I don't want to get in trouble, but I want 92 00:06:58,200 --> 00:07:00,520 Speaker 1: to find a place where I fit in al though, 93 00:07:01,200 --> 00:07:03,159 Speaker 1: you know, I want to release that guilty and shame 94 00:07:03,240 --> 00:07:05,440 Speaker 1: of not sitting in and I want to be able 95 00:07:05,480 --> 00:07:08,440 Speaker 1: to translate that into me being able to have family, 96 00:07:08,680 --> 00:07:13,120 Speaker 1: village people who want to stick around me despite me 97 00:07:13,240 --> 00:07:15,720 Speaker 1: maybe not having a mom and dad for example, or 98 00:07:15,880 --> 00:07:21,280 Speaker 1: me uh sometimes not always being um able to say no. 99 00:07:21,880 --> 00:07:26,520 Speaker 1: But mostly it's trauma from like not not having anyone 100 00:07:26,680 --> 00:07:31,040 Speaker 1: to ask, And in my attempts to examine that and 101 00:07:31,080 --> 00:07:32,840 Speaker 1: try to put it down, I guess that's stuff like no. 102 00:07:33,760 --> 00:07:36,080 Speaker 1: But I also tried to take on too much like 103 00:07:36,480 --> 00:07:39,160 Speaker 1: I was a victim as a child. You know, I 104 00:07:39,200 --> 00:07:41,360 Speaker 1: should have been nurtured, But that's not a Is that 105 00:07:41,400 --> 00:07:43,360 Speaker 1: a God given right that I'm supposed to be nurtured? 106 00:07:43,400 --> 00:07:46,040 Speaker 1: You know it makes me play that will advocate with myself. 107 00:07:46,360 --> 00:07:48,800 Speaker 1: So let me ask you a question, beloved, thank you 108 00:07:48,880 --> 00:07:54,440 Speaker 1: for your sharing. Where can you imagine? Where do you 109 00:07:54,520 --> 00:07:59,560 Speaker 1: think that the trauma exists within you? Where is it? 110 00:07:59,760 --> 00:08:03,360 Speaker 1: My My heart hurts because I didn't have someone to 111 00:08:03,440 --> 00:08:05,760 Speaker 1: comfort me. In fact, I had someone kind of turning 112 00:08:05,800 --> 00:08:08,440 Speaker 1: the cheek on me. And it hurts my feelings a lot. 113 00:08:08,520 --> 00:08:11,840 Speaker 1: But my heart aches about it because it is reality 114 00:08:11,880 --> 00:08:13,520 Speaker 1: and my mom could only get what she could get. 115 00:08:13,560 --> 00:08:15,960 Speaker 1: And you know, at the end of the day, life 116 00:08:16,000 --> 00:08:20,720 Speaker 1: does happen that way. My heart aches with so your 117 00:08:20,760 --> 00:08:23,640 Speaker 1: heart aches, and then you have the thought that tells 118 00:08:23,640 --> 00:08:25,760 Speaker 1: you why your heart is aching? Is that? Is that? 119 00:08:25,800 --> 00:08:31,400 Speaker 1: Would that be? So? Are you open to the possibility 120 00:08:31,440 --> 00:08:35,720 Speaker 1: that your trauma exists in your mind? Now that doesn't 121 00:08:35,720 --> 00:08:39,400 Speaker 1: mean you don't have a physical or an emotional response 122 00:08:39,480 --> 00:08:43,120 Speaker 1: to it, But are you open to the possibility that 123 00:08:43,240 --> 00:08:47,240 Speaker 1: your trauma exists in your mind? And I do think 124 00:08:47,280 --> 00:08:50,880 Speaker 1: it's in my mind. So are you open to the possibility? 125 00:08:50,960 --> 00:08:52,760 Speaker 1: I want you to hear this from a place of 126 00:08:52,920 --> 00:08:57,160 Speaker 1: loving concern and respect. Are you open to the possibility 127 00:08:57,240 --> 00:09:00,400 Speaker 1: that you are thinking with a trauma to eyes and 128 00:09:00,559 --> 00:09:06,240 Speaker 1: disease mind? Exactly it? Okay, breathe, I want you to 129 00:09:06,280 --> 00:09:09,320 Speaker 1: breathe through that. Tell me, tell me what's happening right now? 130 00:09:09,960 --> 00:09:15,160 Speaker 1: Tell me what's happening. Yeah, it's sad that I know 131 00:09:15,320 --> 00:09:18,720 Speaker 1: this and I can't do anything about it with Wait 132 00:09:19,320 --> 00:09:22,840 Speaker 1: a minute, Wait a minute, Wait a minute, wait a minute, 133 00:09:24,080 --> 00:09:28,520 Speaker 1: wait a minute. Breath. Take a breath, Take a breath. 134 00:09:29,880 --> 00:09:33,720 Speaker 1: Hear me. I want you to hear this. Good. You 135 00:09:33,840 --> 00:09:41,720 Speaker 1: are thinking with a traumatized and a diseased mind. There 136 00:09:41,920 --> 00:09:48,080 Speaker 1: is no way that you can figure this out because 137 00:09:48,120 --> 00:09:52,360 Speaker 1: the same traumatized mind that remembers the trauma is the 138 00:09:52,440 --> 00:09:55,880 Speaker 1: same traumatized mind you're trying to use to get the results. 139 00:09:56,280 --> 00:10:00,800 Speaker 1: So you're diagnosing yourself with a traumatized mind. You're writing 140 00:10:00,840 --> 00:10:08,000 Speaker 1: the prescription with the traumatized mine. You're questioning, judging, challenging 141 00:10:08,000 --> 00:10:11,520 Speaker 1: yourself with a traumatized mind. Can you receive what I 142 00:10:11,600 --> 00:10:16,080 Speaker 1: just said to you? And so what I want you 143 00:10:16,200 --> 00:10:20,480 Speaker 1: to hear me say from a place of loving concern 144 00:10:20,559 --> 00:10:26,920 Speaker 1: and respect is stop it. Just stop it, just stop it. 145 00:10:27,760 --> 00:10:31,600 Speaker 1: That's it. We'll talk about that when we come back. 146 00:10:39,520 --> 00:10:41,960 Speaker 1: Welcome back to the our spot. Let's pick up where 147 00:10:41,960 --> 00:10:46,120 Speaker 1: we left off. First of all, your first prescription is, 148 00:10:46,640 --> 00:10:49,440 Speaker 1: I don't care if you're talking to yourself, to your son, 149 00:10:49,640 --> 00:10:56,480 Speaker 1: to anybody. You must speak in ten words of less okay, 150 00:10:57,640 --> 00:11:01,840 Speaker 1: because what happens is you're spinning. You start and then 151 00:11:01,880 --> 00:11:05,000 Speaker 1: you go in and in and in and in. You're 152 00:11:05,200 --> 00:11:09,040 Speaker 1: you're on a hamster. You you're circulating the on the 153 00:11:09,160 --> 00:11:14,199 Speaker 1: thoughts over and over. That's how you escape the trauma. Yeah, 154 00:11:14,520 --> 00:11:17,040 Speaker 1: you have to stop it. And the way you're going 155 00:11:17,080 --> 00:11:21,360 Speaker 1: to stop your mind from running it shut your mouth. 156 00:11:22,120 --> 00:11:24,800 Speaker 1: Tell me what you hear me saying, because I don't 157 00:11:24,840 --> 00:11:27,400 Speaker 1: want you to. I don't want to hamste in the 158 00:11:27,440 --> 00:11:30,640 Speaker 1: wheel to start spinning. Tell me what you hear me saying. 159 00:11:30,679 --> 00:11:33,040 Speaker 1: You don't have to repeat the words that I said, 160 00:11:33,320 --> 00:11:35,360 Speaker 1: but I want to know what you are hearing me 161 00:11:35,400 --> 00:11:39,199 Speaker 1: say to you. What I'm hearing is that I am 162 00:11:39,280 --> 00:11:44,319 Speaker 1: finding ways to cope with my trauma and so many 163 00:11:44,400 --> 00:11:46,680 Speaker 1: words going in and out of what you know, what 164 00:11:46,760 --> 00:11:49,200 Speaker 1: you feel, and I really just need to be still. 165 00:11:51,000 --> 00:11:55,839 Speaker 1: Stop going down this rabbit hole of trauma. If you 166 00:11:55,920 --> 00:12:00,120 Speaker 1: want to stop it. You got to stop trying to 167 00:12:00,320 --> 00:12:03,720 Speaker 1: escape it. Okay, now that's not what I said, but 168 00:12:03,800 --> 00:12:06,120 Speaker 1: that's what you heard, and that's what I needed to know. 169 00:12:06,760 --> 00:12:10,000 Speaker 1: I needed to hear what you what you were listening to, 170 00:12:10,320 --> 00:12:14,760 Speaker 1: because I sense that you don't hear. You listen to 171 00:12:14,800 --> 00:12:18,160 Speaker 1: what's playing in your mind, and your mind has picked 172 00:12:18,240 --> 00:12:22,880 Speaker 1: up little tidbits of information and and things in your 173 00:12:23,040 --> 00:12:26,520 Speaker 1: quest to try to help yourself. How brilliant are you 174 00:12:27,840 --> 00:12:30,000 Speaker 1: that you said, Okay, I need to do something. Let 175 00:12:30,080 --> 00:12:34,560 Speaker 1: me do something. The challenges the same mind that holds 176 00:12:34,600 --> 00:12:37,840 Speaker 1: the trauma. And we've all been traumatized to some degree 177 00:12:37,920 --> 00:12:41,320 Speaker 1: or another. But it sounds to me like you've got 178 00:12:41,360 --> 00:12:46,080 Speaker 1: a physical imprint and impression of trauma, and emotional imprint 179 00:12:46,200 --> 00:12:50,600 Speaker 1: and impression of trauma, and then the mental imprint and 180 00:12:50,800 --> 00:12:54,400 Speaker 1: impression of trauma, and you're trying to figure out how 181 00:12:54,520 --> 00:13:02,800 Speaker 1: to heal or grow or develop up physically, mentally and emotionally. 182 00:13:02,920 --> 00:13:06,440 Speaker 1: But you're using the same traumatized mind. So what you're doing, beloved, 183 00:13:06,840 --> 00:13:10,720 Speaker 1: is you're re traumatizing yourself. I'm doing this and I 184 00:13:10,760 --> 00:13:12,800 Speaker 1: can't get it done. I get so far and it 185 00:13:12,840 --> 00:13:15,880 Speaker 1: doesn't happen, and I don't trust myself and I and 186 00:13:16,800 --> 00:13:22,040 Speaker 1: you re traumatize in yourself. So here's another possibility for 187 00:13:22,080 --> 00:13:24,560 Speaker 1: you to consider. First, let me make sure that that 188 00:13:24,640 --> 00:13:27,920 Speaker 1: made sense to you. Does that make sense? Because I 189 00:13:27,920 --> 00:13:31,720 Speaker 1: I want to be very mindful that you don't hear 190 00:13:31,840 --> 00:13:36,360 Speaker 1: me saying you're doing it wrong. No, I don't hear 191 00:13:36,400 --> 00:13:40,920 Speaker 1: that I'm doing it wrong. I hear that. That's ten words. 192 00:13:41,280 --> 00:13:44,240 Speaker 1: I don't hear you say I'm doing it wrong. Period. 193 00:13:44,600 --> 00:13:46,680 Speaker 1: Does you're getting ready to get on that train again 194 00:13:47,400 --> 00:13:53,280 Speaker 1: and go into an explanation. No explanation is required ten 195 00:13:53,320 --> 00:13:55,800 Speaker 1: words or less, otherwise you're gonna be on the train, 196 00:13:56,360 --> 00:14:03,120 Speaker 1: riding yourself into your triggers. You terrify yourself. That's what 197 00:14:03,160 --> 00:14:07,080 Speaker 1: it feels like to me, because you're so afraid that 198 00:14:07,120 --> 00:14:10,000 Speaker 1: you're not going to get it and you're not going 199 00:14:10,040 --> 00:14:12,679 Speaker 1: to do it wrong. I don't know if any of 200 00:14:12,720 --> 00:14:15,160 Speaker 1: that lands for you, but that's what it feels like 201 00:14:15,360 --> 00:14:18,880 Speaker 1: to me. Oh, yes, I am. I'm terrified that I'm 202 00:14:18,880 --> 00:14:21,400 Speaker 1: not going to get it right. Um, and I think 203 00:14:21,560 --> 00:14:30,119 Speaker 1: it's because like I thought this long, Uh, I'm terrified 204 00:14:30,200 --> 00:14:33,520 Speaker 1: that I'm not going to get it right. Period. That's 205 00:14:33,560 --> 00:14:36,160 Speaker 1: ten words. You don't need more than that, but I 206 00:14:36,240 --> 00:14:38,880 Speaker 1: want you to be aware of it. This is because 207 00:14:38,880 --> 00:14:42,000 Speaker 1: you've got to start catching this because even if you 208 00:14:42,040 --> 00:14:44,120 Speaker 1: get outside help, you're not going to be with them 209 00:14:44,160 --> 00:14:47,520 Speaker 1: all the time. There's still work that you have to do. Yeah, 210 00:14:48,520 --> 00:14:53,400 Speaker 1: you said a very clear statement, I'm terrified that I'm 211 00:14:53,480 --> 00:14:57,640 Speaker 1: not going to get it right now. Attached to that 212 00:14:57,800 --> 00:15:02,960 Speaker 1: thought is a feeling. It's the terror. It maybe the sadness, 213 00:15:03,320 --> 00:15:06,200 Speaker 1: and maybe the shame and maybe the guilt. But there 214 00:15:06,240 --> 00:15:11,680 Speaker 1: are things attached to that feeling. But rather than sit 215 00:15:12,120 --> 00:15:15,520 Speaker 1: and be present with the feeling, you jump right into 216 00:15:15,560 --> 00:15:19,560 Speaker 1: the next thing that justifies and talks about what it 217 00:15:19,640 --> 00:15:22,480 Speaker 1: is that you're feeling. You can't talk about your feelings, 218 00:15:22,480 --> 00:15:25,960 Speaker 1: You've gotta feel him. But what that does is it 219 00:15:26,040 --> 00:15:31,160 Speaker 1: really bypasses the feeling and takes you into the traumatized 220 00:15:31,240 --> 00:15:37,320 Speaker 1: mind that probably retriggers something that you didn't get right 221 00:15:37,760 --> 00:15:44,280 Speaker 1: and suffered for. Is that making sense to you now 222 00:15:44,320 --> 00:15:48,520 Speaker 1: that we know you're thinking with a traumatized mind that 223 00:15:48,640 --> 00:15:54,320 Speaker 1: remembers the trauma. That traumatized mind well use as your 224 00:15:54,480 --> 00:15:58,920 Speaker 1: speaking to re traumatize you. And that's why you're on 225 00:15:59,040 --> 00:16:02,280 Speaker 1: this perpetual circle of never seeming to get to where 226 00:16:02,320 --> 00:16:05,200 Speaker 1: you want to go, because you can only solve the 227 00:16:05,320 --> 00:16:07,960 Speaker 1: problem at the level at which you see it. So 228 00:16:08,160 --> 00:16:13,040 Speaker 1: you see the problem as no parents, not trusting yourself, 229 00:16:14,280 --> 00:16:16,800 Speaker 1: doing this, and not getting that. That's how you see 230 00:16:16,800 --> 00:16:19,240 Speaker 1: the problem, So you can only solve it from that level. 231 00:16:19,240 --> 00:16:22,760 Speaker 1: I want to take you to another level. Here's a level. 232 00:16:23,160 --> 00:16:26,880 Speaker 1: You're trying to parent yourself, but you've never been parented, 233 00:16:27,840 --> 00:16:31,080 Speaker 1: so you don't know how to do it. You're trying 234 00:16:31,160 --> 00:16:34,920 Speaker 1: to parent yourself. You're trying to raise yourself, guide yourself, 235 00:16:35,320 --> 00:16:40,040 Speaker 1: nurture yourself, nourish yourself, protect yourself, teach yourself. You're trying 236 00:16:40,080 --> 00:16:42,040 Speaker 1: to do all of that and it was never done 237 00:16:42,080 --> 00:16:44,040 Speaker 1: for you. So how do you expect to know how 238 00:16:44,040 --> 00:16:46,000 Speaker 1: to do that? I don't know how. I don't know 239 00:16:46,080 --> 00:16:49,280 Speaker 1: what I'm doing the thing I got. But since you 240 00:16:49,320 --> 00:16:54,440 Speaker 1: were never parented, you may not have an appropriate skill 241 00:16:54,560 --> 00:16:59,080 Speaker 1: set to do the parenting. And you have parented your 242 00:16:59,160 --> 00:17:02,560 Speaker 1: son of the best of your ability to give him 243 00:17:02,680 --> 00:17:06,720 Speaker 1: much of what you didn't have. And so when you 244 00:17:06,760 --> 00:17:12,000 Speaker 1: look at a traumatized mind and an empty parenting basket, 245 00:17:12,160 --> 00:17:16,679 Speaker 1: let's say, and the traumatized heart, the fact that you 246 00:17:16,720 --> 00:17:21,560 Speaker 1: would say a relationship issue is with myself. It's the 247 00:17:21,600 --> 00:17:27,920 Speaker 1: way the deceptive intelligence is re traumatizing you. Because if 248 00:17:27,960 --> 00:17:30,639 Speaker 1: I had a uh, if I had a good relationship 249 00:17:30,680 --> 00:17:32,800 Speaker 1: with myself, I wouldn't do this. I wouldn't do that. 250 00:17:32,840 --> 00:17:37,240 Speaker 1: I wouldn't be this, and this wouldn't happen. You need 251 00:17:37,359 --> 00:17:44,359 Speaker 1: outside intervention. Tell me what you've heard me say. Doesn't 252 00:17:44,400 --> 00:17:46,920 Speaker 1: matter what the words are. I just want to know 253 00:17:47,200 --> 00:17:51,159 Speaker 1: what you've heard me say. I'm my worst enemy in 254 00:17:51,280 --> 00:17:53,920 Speaker 1: terms of trying to hear my trauma because I'm doing 255 00:17:53,920 --> 00:17:57,280 Speaker 1: it from the trauma of mind and trying to parself 256 00:17:57,960 --> 00:18:02,520 Speaker 1: without parent you know, being parents, said, is not the 257 00:18:02,560 --> 00:18:06,200 Speaker 1: way that I'm going to get the satisfaction that I'm 258 00:18:06,240 --> 00:18:10,480 Speaker 1: looking for in terms of not uh feeling that this 259 00:18:10,640 --> 00:18:17,040 Speaker 1: trauma is impacting you know, my growth. Yeah good, Okay, 260 00:18:17,160 --> 00:18:23,920 Speaker 1: that's much better than the first time what I said. 261 00:18:26,960 --> 00:18:31,520 Speaker 1: So you've got a lot of information that's being processed 262 00:18:31,560 --> 00:18:36,800 Speaker 1: through a disease mind. Traumatized mind not a bad thing, 263 00:18:37,160 --> 00:18:41,439 Speaker 1: but I want you to understand it is unkind and 264 00:18:41,760 --> 00:18:46,440 Speaker 1: unloving to expect yourself to do something that you've never 265 00:18:46,520 --> 00:18:49,840 Speaker 1: been taught how to do. You're trying to heal yourself 266 00:18:49,880 --> 00:18:52,480 Speaker 1: and you've never really even been taught how to hear 267 00:18:52,560 --> 00:18:57,639 Speaker 1: yourself or take care of yourself. So I'm going to 268 00:18:57,760 --> 00:19:05,560 Speaker 1: give you this recommendation and encourage you to really hold 269 00:19:05,680 --> 00:19:08,200 Speaker 1: your feet to the fire when it comes to speaking 270 00:19:08,240 --> 00:19:12,439 Speaker 1: more than ten words. Okay, so tell me what you 271 00:19:12,480 --> 00:19:14,840 Speaker 1: know now that you didn't know when you call me. 272 00:19:15,400 --> 00:19:17,919 Speaker 1: I know that it is not my fault for the 273 00:19:17,960 --> 00:19:22,280 Speaker 1: way that I feel. Period. That's a sentence. Next thought, 274 00:19:23,240 --> 00:19:25,639 Speaker 1: I'm here because I'm ready to change the way that 275 00:19:25,680 --> 00:19:31,439 Speaker 1: I've been feeling. Period. Take a breath. Next thought, I 276 00:19:31,560 --> 00:19:34,800 Speaker 1: have a traumatized mind, and I have to be mindful 277 00:19:35,160 --> 00:19:39,800 Speaker 1: of not letting it be in control. Period. Good. Now, 278 00:19:39,920 --> 00:19:44,040 Speaker 1: take the breath. And I don't want you to say 279 00:19:44,040 --> 00:19:47,919 Speaker 1: you have a traumatized mind, because you have a brilliant mind. 280 00:19:49,280 --> 00:19:53,320 Speaker 1: The distinction is this, not that I have a traumatized mind, 281 00:19:53,680 --> 00:19:59,720 Speaker 1: but that my mind has been traumatized. Period. Yes, if 282 00:19:59,760 --> 00:20:04,840 Speaker 1: I'm not careful, it will control me and retraumatize me. Period. 283 00:20:06,359 --> 00:20:10,320 Speaker 1: Do you hear the difference? Yes, But you've done well. 284 00:20:10,760 --> 00:20:14,359 Speaker 1: Good for you. Thank you, even if in your mind 285 00:20:15,080 --> 00:20:19,159 Speaker 1: you have to say blah blah blah. Period. When you 286 00:20:19,160 --> 00:20:25,639 Speaker 1: find yourself down in six eighty seven words period. I 287 00:20:25,800 --> 00:20:30,040 Speaker 1: remember h m hmmm, or just say let me stop 288 00:20:30,119 --> 00:20:33,000 Speaker 1: right here, m hm, and I want to hear from 289 00:20:33,000 --> 00:20:44,879 Speaker 1: you okay, yes, thank you. Very often we don't realize 290 00:20:45,440 --> 00:20:49,680 Speaker 1: how upset we are with ourselves. We're upset with ourselves 291 00:20:49,680 --> 00:20:52,680 Speaker 1: that we didn't do it right. We're upset with ourselves 292 00:20:52,760 --> 00:20:56,280 Speaker 1: about our bad behavior. We've done so much and things 293 00:20:56,320 --> 00:21:00,480 Speaker 1: are still unfolding as they always have. Well, here is 294 00:21:01,040 --> 00:21:06,080 Speaker 1: something to consider. You cannot clear an upset with the 295 00:21:06,160 --> 00:21:11,359 Speaker 1: object of the upset. So if you are upset with you, 296 00:21:11,359 --> 00:21:15,200 Speaker 1: you are not going to be able to clear that upset. 297 00:21:16,160 --> 00:21:19,280 Speaker 1: Those are the days when you need help. When you're 298 00:21:19,280 --> 00:21:23,320 Speaker 1: in your pattern, you need help. When you're beating yourself up, 299 00:21:23,640 --> 00:21:26,479 Speaker 1: when you need help, and most of all, if you 300 00:21:26,520 --> 00:21:32,040 Speaker 1: are diagnosing yourself, you need help. And my next caller 301 00:21:32,400 --> 00:21:36,680 Speaker 1: is learning all about healing. We'll talk to her when 302 00:21:36,680 --> 00:21:49,480 Speaker 1: we come back. Welcome back to the our spot. I 303 00:21:49,560 --> 00:21:54,080 Speaker 1: am e Yanla, your host for this incredible journey into 304 00:21:54,160 --> 00:21:59,320 Speaker 1: the bowels and the belly and the heart of relationships 305 00:21:59,800 --> 00:22:03,600 Speaker 1: now out. I did a show some time ago with 306 00:22:03,640 --> 00:22:08,879 Speaker 1: a woman named Christie, and the nature of her relationship 307 00:22:09,560 --> 00:22:14,359 Speaker 1: with her son had shifted, but she hadn't, so we 308 00:22:14,480 --> 00:22:21,359 Speaker 1: talked about some of the nuances of parenting an adult child. Well, 309 00:22:21,840 --> 00:22:24,879 Speaker 1: my caller, Christie is checking in, so I want to 310 00:22:24,920 --> 00:22:28,200 Speaker 1: find out from her how things have gone and how 311 00:22:28,240 --> 00:22:31,000 Speaker 1: she's grown and what she's learned. So let's check in 312 00:22:31,040 --> 00:22:38,639 Speaker 1: with Christine. Hey ms, Christie, how are you doing this? 313 00:22:38,840 --> 00:22:42,720 Speaker 1: I'm doing well. How are you? I'm good? I'm good. 314 00:22:42,920 --> 00:22:47,000 Speaker 1: So catch me up. When I last spoke to you, 315 00:22:47,000 --> 00:22:49,800 Speaker 1: you were living with your son as a result of 316 00:22:49,920 --> 00:22:53,280 Speaker 1: some health challenges, and you were wanting to get out 317 00:22:53,359 --> 00:22:57,080 Speaker 1: and you were wanting to resolve some challenges with him. 318 00:22:57,400 --> 00:22:59,800 Speaker 1: So tell me where you are today and what's going on. 319 00:23:00,920 --> 00:23:03,640 Speaker 1: So just no, from the bottom of my heart, every day, 320 00:23:03,640 --> 00:23:06,080 Speaker 1: all day, I thank you for everything that you have done. 321 00:23:06,560 --> 00:23:09,800 Speaker 1: Where am I today? I am in Alabama with my 322 00:23:10,040 --> 00:23:14,280 Speaker 1: UM cousins, an older cousins who I call aunt and 323 00:23:14,960 --> 00:23:19,880 Speaker 1: m her daughter UM. And I realized along the way 324 00:23:19,920 --> 00:23:23,080 Speaker 1: that I made I feel like I made a mistake UM, 325 00:23:23,160 --> 00:23:25,800 Speaker 1: because there was a riff there with my son and 326 00:23:25,840 --> 00:23:30,080 Speaker 1: I for a while, his girlfriend, you know, started having 327 00:23:30,440 --> 00:23:34,720 Speaker 1: feelings or issues about me be my being there and 328 00:23:37,080 --> 00:23:39,080 Speaker 1: had put like a time limit on it and said, 329 00:23:39,320 --> 00:23:42,840 Speaker 1: you know, she wanted me to be in my own Well, 330 00:23:42,960 --> 00:23:44,840 Speaker 1: if I wasn't able to move out by August and 331 00:23:44,960 --> 00:23:47,720 Speaker 1: she would move away, and then they would you know, 332 00:23:47,800 --> 00:23:49,360 Speaker 1: he would move with me and then they would see 333 00:23:49,359 --> 00:23:53,320 Speaker 1: each other whatever. So I didn't want that to be 334 00:23:53,440 --> 00:23:55,399 Speaker 1: the issue. So at the end of the day, I 335 00:23:55,480 --> 00:23:59,960 Speaker 1: just um M. I was scheduled for breast cancer surge. 336 00:24:00,800 --> 00:24:03,760 Speaker 1: The insurance canceled like a few days before that, so 337 00:24:03,880 --> 00:24:06,000 Speaker 1: it was like a few things happened back to back, 338 00:24:06,040 --> 00:24:09,480 Speaker 1: so I ended up moving. Um or I'm sorry, calling 339 00:24:09,520 --> 00:24:12,480 Speaker 1: my cousin to say I just needed to leave Callahassee 340 00:24:12,520 --> 00:24:16,480 Speaker 1: because I didn't, you know, felt like this end was coming. 341 00:24:17,000 --> 00:24:21,480 Speaker 1: Still not employed, can't seem to I always have business ideas. 342 00:24:21,520 --> 00:24:23,320 Speaker 1: I can't seem to get any of those to catch 343 00:24:23,440 --> 00:24:26,399 Speaker 1: or move the motivation along the way. Because there's so 344 00:24:26,480 --> 00:24:29,440 Speaker 1: much going on, I get depressed. So I just decided 345 00:24:29,480 --> 00:24:34,400 Speaker 1: to come to Alabama and came to Alabama to work 346 00:24:34,440 --> 00:24:36,879 Speaker 1: on the medical aspect because I didn't want to have 347 00:24:37,720 --> 00:24:40,959 Speaker 1: half or need my son's girlfriend because he works ten 348 00:24:41,000 --> 00:24:45,320 Speaker 1: hour days to help me through after surgery, especially if 349 00:24:45,320 --> 00:24:48,760 Speaker 1: she doesn't want me to be there. Um. I hate 350 00:24:48,840 --> 00:24:50,679 Speaker 1: being at this point in my life where I'm forty 351 00:24:50,680 --> 00:24:54,240 Speaker 1: five and nowhere to go, and I just feel like I, 352 00:24:54,840 --> 00:24:59,879 Speaker 1: you know, at my at my breaking point. Oh, Mr Christie, 353 00:25:00,080 --> 00:25:05,639 Speaker 1: mm hmm. I hear a lot going on here, but 354 00:25:06,040 --> 00:25:11,760 Speaker 1: where I want to focus, if you are open to it, 355 00:25:11,840 --> 00:25:16,800 Speaker 1: is on this experience of cancer. Yes. I heard you 356 00:25:16,840 --> 00:25:21,840 Speaker 1: say you're having surgery for breast cancer tomorrow. Yes, ma'am 357 00:25:21,960 --> 00:25:26,080 Speaker 1: six am. I decided to do the whole complete mispect 358 00:25:26,119 --> 00:25:28,120 Speaker 1: to me, so I wouldn't have to so I could 359 00:25:28,119 --> 00:25:30,040 Speaker 1: be free. I just see it as like I'm I 360 00:25:30,080 --> 00:25:34,280 Speaker 1: feel like I'm I guess, like burdensome in a bad 361 00:25:34,320 --> 00:25:37,160 Speaker 1: situation and I'm living with this one and that one 362 00:25:37,200 --> 00:25:40,200 Speaker 1: and trying to like get up and I just can't 363 00:25:40,359 --> 00:25:43,200 Speaker 1: get up. It's just the whole thing is one thing. 364 00:25:43,480 --> 00:25:46,040 Speaker 1: I can't really look for it or look for a job, 365 00:25:46,119 --> 00:25:49,440 Speaker 1: but you know, I just it's just just a lot. 366 00:25:49,720 --> 00:25:52,800 Speaker 1: So I just want to be preistances I can be, 367 00:25:53,680 --> 00:25:58,080 Speaker 1: Mr Christie. A job should be the last thing on 368 00:25:58,240 --> 00:26:03,960 Speaker 1: your mind. You are fighting for your life, right, But 369 00:26:04,040 --> 00:26:06,919 Speaker 1: I don't have an income and that's the problem. No, 370 00:26:07,200 --> 00:26:11,040 Speaker 1: that's not the problem. The problem is you think that 371 00:26:11,160 --> 00:26:16,560 Speaker 1: you have to be of the solution, and you don't. 372 00:26:18,240 --> 00:26:25,160 Speaker 1: You're expecting something of yourself right now that is totally impossible. Ms. Christie, 373 00:26:25,160 --> 00:26:30,120 Speaker 1: you are facing the possibility of losing both of your 374 00:26:30,200 --> 00:26:36,159 Speaker 1: breast at six am tomorrow morning. Why are you worried 375 00:26:36,160 --> 00:26:39,240 Speaker 1: about an income? You got to know that God's got 376 00:26:39,240 --> 00:26:43,440 Speaker 1: your back. You've got to know that God's got your 377 00:26:43,520 --> 00:26:48,240 Speaker 1: back and that you will have what you need if 378 00:26:48,280 --> 00:26:53,119 Speaker 1: you stop trying to make it happen. Ms. Christie, Your life, 379 00:26:54,480 --> 00:26:57,399 Speaker 1: your life is more important, even if it's not the 380 00:26:57,520 --> 00:27:00,840 Speaker 1: life you want right now. If you have a life, 381 00:27:00,880 --> 00:27:03,240 Speaker 1: you can build it into what it is you desire. 382 00:27:04,320 --> 00:27:09,000 Speaker 1: But right now, you are fighting a disease body with 383 00:27:09,080 --> 00:27:12,880 Speaker 1: a disease mind. You've got to focus on your healing. 384 00:27:13,600 --> 00:27:17,720 Speaker 1: You've got to focus on recovery. You have to focus 385 00:27:17,760 --> 00:27:22,800 Speaker 1: on that. Yeah, right, And I heard you say that 386 00:27:22,840 --> 00:27:24,280 Speaker 1: you do want to be with your something, but his 387 00:27:24,400 --> 00:27:28,720 Speaker 1: girlfriend doesn't want you there any longer. So when I 388 00:27:28,760 --> 00:27:31,199 Speaker 1: go back now, I went back for one day and 389 00:27:31,240 --> 00:27:33,880 Speaker 1: it was fun, and then I went back for two 390 00:27:33,880 --> 00:27:36,880 Speaker 1: weeks earlier this month, she was gone for a part 391 00:27:36,880 --> 00:27:40,000 Speaker 1: of the time, and um, when she came back. You know, 392 00:27:40,040 --> 00:27:44,399 Speaker 1: we were always cordial, but I can feel I don't know. 393 00:27:44,520 --> 00:27:46,520 Speaker 1: I'm able to feel stuff, so I can feel the 394 00:27:46,560 --> 00:27:51,680 Speaker 1: friction and the you know, the dislike which hadn't said 395 00:27:51,720 --> 00:27:55,679 Speaker 1: anything to her or whatever. But I don't I don't know. Well, 396 00:27:55,800 --> 00:27:59,240 Speaker 1: it's a common situation, you know. One of y'all is 397 00:27:59,280 --> 00:28:02,840 Speaker 1: the other woman. Either his heart is with you and 398 00:28:02,920 --> 00:28:06,000 Speaker 1: she's the other woman, or she his heart is with 399 00:28:06,040 --> 00:28:10,920 Speaker 1: her and you're the other woman. So that's normal. It's 400 00:28:10,960 --> 00:28:13,199 Speaker 1: hard to have two queens on the same throne, and 401 00:28:13,280 --> 00:28:15,520 Speaker 1: the throne right now it is your son's heart, and 402 00:28:15,560 --> 00:28:18,760 Speaker 1: that's how it feels. Come here with me, and I'm 403 00:28:18,760 --> 00:28:21,679 Speaker 1: gonna hold you. I'm not gonna let you go in 404 00:28:21,720 --> 00:28:26,119 Speaker 1: this process. I want you to say this with me. 405 00:28:27,160 --> 00:28:30,440 Speaker 1: I need help. I need help. The help I need 406 00:28:30,680 --> 00:28:34,760 Speaker 1: is what The help I need is God? Yeah, and 407 00:28:34,800 --> 00:28:40,040 Speaker 1: what else family and support? Help I need is mental health. 408 00:28:40,280 --> 00:28:43,600 Speaker 1: The help I need is somebody to take care of me. 409 00:28:45,720 --> 00:28:48,800 Speaker 1: You're facing the possibility of losing both of your breast tomorrow. 410 00:28:48,840 --> 00:28:51,440 Speaker 1: You're not gonna be able to use your arms. How 411 00:28:51,440 --> 00:28:55,160 Speaker 1: are you gonna feed yourself? I know? And then I'm 412 00:28:55,200 --> 00:28:59,760 Speaker 1: around here, are you with people? Well? Because you're thinking 413 00:29:00,120 --> 00:29:05,600 Speaker 1: the disease mind in a disease body. When the body 414 00:29:05,760 --> 00:29:09,840 Speaker 1: is diseased and you're speaking about the experience of cancer, 415 00:29:10,280 --> 00:29:15,240 Speaker 1: it influences everything, so you can't see correctly, you can't 416 00:29:15,280 --> 00:29:20,200 Speaker 1: hear because you need help. You you need help. Is 417 00:29:20,240 --> 00:29:23,040 Speaker 1: your eighty two year old aunt gonna take care of 418 00:29:23,080 --> 00:29:28,360 Speaker 1: you after the surgery? Mom My cousin is whisky said 419 00:29:28,480 --> 00:29:30,880 Speaker 1: she's gonna do a lot of it. But the point 420 00:29:31,040 --> 00:29:34,080 Speaker 1: was that my aunt would be home, you know, all days, 421 00:29:34,120 --> 00:29:36,760 Speaker 1: so if I needed something, she can like get it 422 00:29:36,760 --> 00:29:39,520 Speaker 1: out the kitchen or bring me some water or things 423 00:29:39,560 --> 00:29:42,000 Speaker 1: like that. But I don't want to depend because you 424 00:29:42,040 --> 00:29:47,239 Speaker 1: need help. You can't you you will be dependent, So 425 00:29:47,320 --> 00:29:49,240 Speaker 1: get that out of your brain. I don't want to 426 00:29:49,280 --> 00:29:54,400 Speaker 1: depend upon. That's a disease thought. That's a disease thought. 427 00:29:54,560 --> 00:29:57,560 Speaker 1: I don't want to depend on. Until you heal, You're 428 00:29:57,600 --> 00:30:00,880 Speaker 1: gonna have to be dependent, So stop not liking it. 429 00:30:03,520 --> 00:30:07,200 Speaker 1: Stop it. You need help. You need help to get 430 00:30:07,280 --> 00:30:11,760 Speaker 1: you through recovery from your surgery. You need help to 431 00:30:12,120 --> 00:30:18,880 Speaker 1: be connected to grace and mercy to give you what 432 00:30:18,920 --> 00:30:23,240 Speaker 1: you need. I want to encourage you to surrender the 433 00:30:23,360 --> 00:30:30,000 Speaker 1: resistance of how it shows up. You need help and 434 00:30:30,200 --> 00:30:35,800 Speaker 1: the job ain't it right? Now? I have Bill I 435 00:30:35,880 --> 00:30:40,760 Speaker 1: know I do too, is worrying about the bill, going 436 00:30:40,800 --> 00:30:45,880 Speaker 1: to get it paid. What's more important, you're healing. But 437 00:30:45,960 --> 00:30:50,040 Speaker 1: I want you to hold this thought because my concern 438 00:30:50,840 --> 00:30:54,880 Speaker 1: is tomorrow morning, at six o'clock, they're gonna put some 439 00:30:54,960 --> 00:30:58,440 Speaker 1: drugs in your body to put you to sleep, and 440 00:30:58,480 --> 00:31:02,920 Speaker 1: they're going to remove, uh, your breast. That's my concern. 441 00:31:03,480 --> 00:31:07,479 Speaker 1: Is your son gonna be there for the surgeon? I 442 00:31:07,520 --> 00:31:11,040 Speaker 1: asked them and I got, uh, you know, wanted my 443 00:31:11,080 --> 00:31:13,800 Speaker 1: granddaughter to have an appointment, so that appointment happened to 444 00:31:13,840 --> 00:31:16,760 Speaker 1: be tomorrow. So I told him to just go ahead 445 00:31:16,760 --> 00:31:18,920 Speaker 1: and take care of her. And he's supposed to come 446 00:31:19,000 --> 00:31:22,000 Speaker 1: this weekend if he can. But you know whatever, So 447 00:31:22,200 --> 00:31:25,320 Speaker 1: I can suspect that you're feeling quite alone right now. 448 00:31:25,760 --> 00:31:29,440 Speaker 1: I do. I was always a people person and always 449 00:31:29,480 --> 00:31:32,720 Speaker 1: the one who's trying to hype everybody up and be 450 00:31:32,840 --> 00:31:35,800 Speaker 1: positive and optimistic, and that has just not been the 451 00:31:35,880 --> 00:31:39,360 Speaker 1: case with me during his journey. So tell me where 452 00:31:39,360 --> 00:31:43,160 Speaker 1: are you and your faith walk and your religious foundation? 453 00:31:43,240 --> 00:31:45,520 Speaker 1: Where do you sit in that? Where what are you 454 00:31:45,560 --> 00:31:50,760 Speaker 1: and your Catholic Baptists? You know nothing? So I say 455 00:31:50,800 --> 00:31:54,479 Speaker 1: it's Christian. But I don't know because I I follow 456 00:31:55,120 --> 00:32:00,200 Speaker 1: your teaching, which is like unity to me, unity teaching. Okay, 457 00:32:00,280 --> 00:32:02,600 Speaker 1: so you done. You then you know about Christ, you 458 00:32:02,680 --> 00:32:05,560 Speaker 1: know about Jesus, you know about the Holy Spirit, you 459 00:32:05,600 --> 00:32:09,760 Speaker 1: know about that God is the greatest. But I understand 460 00:32:09,760 --> 00:32:12,760 Speaker 1: when you say creator and all that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, Okay, 461 00:32:12,800 --> 00:32:14,720 Speaker 1: Well you know I talked to a broad audience. I 462 00:32:14,760 --> 00:32:17,160 Speaker 1: want everybody to feel welcome. I don't care if you 463 00:32:17,200 --> 00:32:21,680 Speaker 1: call it Harry, it don't matter to me. I want 464 00:32:21,720 --> 00:32:23,960 Speaker 1: you to holess thought and I want you to say 465 00:32:24,000 --> 00:32:25,440 Speaker 1: it with me, and I want to see if you 466 00:32:25,440 --> 00:32:32,240 Speaker 1: can feel it in your body. God, say that God, 467 00:32:32,560 --> 00:32:36,880 Speaker 1: I surrender myself to you, take care of everything. I 468 00:32:36,960 --> 00:32:41,360 Speaker 1: surrender myself to you, take care of everything. And when 469 00:32:41,520 --> 00:32:46,760 Speaker 1: you pray that prayer, when you speak those words, you've 470 00:32:46,800 --> 00:32:49,680 Speaker 1: got to know that, no matter what it looks like, 471 00:32:49,760 --> 00:32:53,959 Speaker 1: God is taken care of it. Because you're focused in 472 00:32:54,040 --> 00:32:58,840 Speaker 1: your attention has to be on healing your body, and 473 00:32:58,960 --> 00:33:02,560 Speaker 1: that's going to create a major, massive shift in who 474 00:33:02,600 --> 00:33:06,160 Speaker 1: you are as a woman. I know that has to 475 00:33:06,240 --> 00:33:10,360 Speaker 1: be your focus and your priority to heal that, to 476 00:33:10,520 --> 00:33:13,160 Speaker 1: be with that, to observe that, to grow in that 477 00:33:13,240 --> 00:33:15,760 Speaker 1: to sit in that you don't have time to be 478 00:33:15,800 --> 00:33:18,760 Speaker 1: worrying about a job and a storage unit, and you 479 00:33:18,840 --> 00:33:24,000 Speaker 1: haven't made any mistakes. You have not, you haven't. You 480 00:33:24,080 --> 00:33:29,959 Speaker 1: were thinking what a disease? Minds right, grace, give yourself grace. 481 00:33:31,680 --> 00:33:34,120 Speaker 1: I want you to focus on your healing. Ms Christie, 482 00:33:34,160 --> 00:33:36,280 Speaker 1: I thank you so much for calling me back. We 483 00:33:36,320 --> 00:33:40,080 Speaker 1: can't even talk about you and your son because we're 484 00:33:40,120 --> 00:33:42,440 Speaker 1: not even gonna raise that issue. We're gonna focus on 485 00:33:42,560 --> 00:33:47,600 Speaker 1: your healing. Okay, yes, ma'am, Thank you. Ms. Christie, Thank 486 00:33:47,640 --> 00:33:52,440 Speaker 1: you so much for your time. There comes a moment 487 00:33:52,800 --> 00:33:56,120 Speaker 1: in our lives when we have to surrender to the 488 00:33:56,240 --> 00:34:00,840 Speaker 1: divine and trust and believe and know that it will 489 00:34:00,880 --> 00:34:03,840 Speaker 1: be taken care of. Because there comes a moment when 490 00:34:03,880 --> 00:34:08,560 Speaker 1: our humanness reaches its limits, but the Divine is always 491 00:34:08,600 --> 00:34:13,160 Speaker 1: there to open us up to greater possibility. Where where 492 00:34:13,239 --> 00:34:19,160 Speaker 1: where in our teaching, our our education, Where in our training, 493 00:34:19,239 --> 00:34:23,600 Speaker 1: our conditioning, our programming as human beings are we taught 494 00:34:24,000 --> 00:34:26,719 Speaker 1: how to move through some of the challenges that we 495 00:34:26,840 --> 00:34:30,960 Speaker 1: face in life. We're not. Ms. Christie is right there. God, 496 00:34:31,520 --> 00:34:34,400 Speaker 1: I surrender myself to you take care of everything. I 497 00:34:34,400 --> 00:34:36,919 Speaker 1: don't know how to do this. I don't know how 498 00:34:37,040 --> 00:34:40,759 Speaker 1: to do this. So Ms Christie can learn how to 499 00:34:40,800 --> 00:34:43,920 Speaker 1: be a better parent to her son when she learns 500 00:34:43,920 --> 00:34:46,560 Speaker 1: how to be a better child to the father. That's 501 00:34:46,560 --> 00:34:49,279 Speaker 1: a lesson that some of us really need to learn. 502 00:34:51,040 --> 00:34:54,399 Speaker 1: I know for myself, I had never been parented at 503 00:34:54,440 --> 00:34:57,000 Speaker 1: the physical level, so I didn't know how to be 504 00:34:57,200 --> 00:35:00,839 Speaker 1: parented by the divine If I was and parented by 505 00:35:00,880 --> 00:35:03,680 Speaker 1: my father, who I could see, my mother, my stepmother, 506 00:35:03,800 --> 00:35:06,239 Speaker 1: my aunt, my uncle who I could see, I had 507 00:35:06,360 --> 00:35:10,319 Speaker 1: no idea how to be parented by my source that 508 00:35:10,480 --> 00:35:14,839 Speaker 1: I couldn't see. So many of us I don't know 509 00:35:14,920 --> 00:35:20,560 Speaker 1: how to parent because we haven't been parented. And if 510 00:35:20,600 --> 00:35:24,120 Speaker 1: we haven't been parented at the physical level, we must 511 00:35:24,239 --> 00:35:30,600 Speaker 1: learn how to be parented by the Divine God. I 512 00:35:30,640 --> 00:35:34,480 Speaker 1: surrender Mrs Christie to you. She doesn't know how to 513 00:35:34,520 --> 00:35:38,040 Speaker 1: do this and I don't know how to help her. 514 00:35:39,239 --> 00:35:42,520 Speaker 1: All I can do is lover and surrender her to you. 515 00:35:42,719 --> 00:35:48,680 Speaker 1: God take care of everything. I hope this has been 516 00:35:48,719 --> 00:35:51,840 Speaker 1: helpful to someone, And if you have a question about 517 00:35:52,000 --> 00:35:55,839 Speaker 1: this or any other relationship issue, you can call me 518 00:35:55,960 --> 00:36:00,000 Speaker 1: live at seven seven five three zero seven seven seven 519 00:36:00,040 --> 00:36:02,279 Speaker 1: and SUCCE eight. Now be sure to follow me on 520 00:36:02,360 --> 00:36:06,319 Speaker 1: social media for all of the calling times and until then, 521 00:36:06,800 --> 00:36:17,320 Speaker 1: stay in peace and not pieces. The R Spot is 522 00:36:17,360 --> 00:36:21,880 Speaker 1: a production of Shondaland Audio in partnership with I Heart Radio. 523 00:36:22,560 --> 00:36:26,480 Speaker 1: For more podcasts from Shondaland Audio, visit the I Heart 524 00:36:26,560 --> 00:36:30,600 Speaker 1: Radio app, Apple podcast, or wherever you listen to your 525 00:36:30,640 --> 00:36:31,440 Speaker 1: favorite shows.