1 00:00:01,000 --> 00:00:06,360 Speaker 1: Conversations on life, style, beauty, and relationships. It's The Velvet's 2 00:00:06,400 --> 00:00:10,119 Speaker 1: Edge podcast with Kelly Henderson. Ray Tapas Here's the founder 3 00:00:10,160 --> 00:00:15,200 Speaker 1: of PSALM, which is essentially embodied leadership methodology. That is 4 00:00:15,200 --> 00:00:19,680 Speaker 1: a big tongue twister for me. That last word, Hi, Ray, 5 00:00:19,800 --> 00:00:23,120 Speaker 1: how are you? I'm so good, so happy to be here. 6 00:00:23,160 --> 00:00:25,759 Speaker 1: How are you? I'm good. Thanks, I'm so glad that 7 00:00:25,800 --> 00:00:28,160 Speaker 1: we're finally connecting. I feel like we've been back and forth. 8 00:00:28,280 --> 00:00:32,000 Speaker 1: It's been almost a year now, right, yeah, maybe longer, Yeah, 9 00:00:32,040 --> 00:00:37,800 Speaker 1: maybe longer. I love seeing any woman that's really just 10 00:00:38,080 --> 00:00:41,120 Speaker 1: like I can feel the energy even via Instagram of 11 00:00:41,200 --> 00:00:44,960 Speaker 1: just full embodiment, and I would say, like, maybe the 12 00:00:45,120 --> 00:00:48,320 Speaker 1: energy is just comfortability in your own skin, like just 13 00:00:48,400 --> 00:00:50,760 Speaker 1: being comfortable in your own skin. And I really feel 14 00:00:50,800 --> 00:00:53,840 Speaker 1: that from you. And so when we connected about what 15 00:00:53,920 --> 00:00:57,120 Speaker 1: you're doing and just the things that you're teaching other women, 16 00:00:58,000 --> 00:00:59,360 Speaker 1: that was the first thing that went into my head 17 00:00:59,360 --> 00:01:01,720 Speaker 1: because I'm always like, I want to go after people 18 00:01:01,720 --> 00:01:04,600 Speaker 1: who like they have something I want, you know, like, 19 00:01:05,080 --> 00:01:07,000 Speaker 1: and so I think for a lot of women that's 20 00:01:07,200 --> 00:01:09,400 Speaker 1: kind of a struggle these days. You say you're a 21 00:01:09,400 --> 00:01:12,919 Speaker 1: teacher for high achieving women who are ready to deepen 22 00:01:12,920 --> 00:01:16,920 Speaker 1: their overall quality and intimacy of their lives in every area. 23 00:01:17,080 --> 00:01:19,959 Speaker 1: Why high achieving women, Like, why do they seem to 24 00:01:19,959 --> 00:01:23,639 Speaker 1: come to you? Yeah, that seems to be the type 25 00:01:23,640 --> 00:01:26,480 Speaker 1: of women. And I think it's because I myself have 26 00:01:26,600 --> 00:01:31,560 Speaker 1: struggled with this high achieving perfectionist. The inner punisher has 27 00:01:31,640 --> 00:01:35,760 Speaker 1: been like a force in me. And I think that 28 00:01:35,800 --> 00:01:38,840 Speaker 1: our modern world kind of primes us for that. Right, Like, 29 00:01:38,920 --> 00:01:43,760 Speaker 1: there's competition, there's never enough, there's always this this pushing 30 00:01:43,800 --> 00:01:46,440 Speaker 1: forward and a real resistance that I see at least 31 00:01:46,480 --> 00:01:49,600 Speaker 1: to being right here and letting right here be enough. 32 00:01:50,160 --> 00:01:52,120 Speaker 1: And those tend to be you know, I work with everyone, 33 00:01:52,160 --> 00:01:53,680 Speaker 1: but those tend to be the women that are like, 34 00:01:53,760 --> 00:01:56,680 Speaker 1: all right, what I've done is not working, Like, let's 35 00:01:56,720 --> 00:02:00,120 Speaker 1: try something new. Yeah. So they finally come to you 36 00:02:00,120 --> 00:02:04,160 Speaker 1: when they're realizing the achieving isn't where it's all at. Yeah, 37 00:02:04,200 --> 00:02:05,840 Speaker 1: And we get to do that, We get to achieve 38 00:02:05,840 --> 00:02:08,600 Speaker 1: all the things, and hopefully not through this lens of 39 00:02:08,800 --> 00:02:12,520 Speaker 1: sacrificing everything else. You know. Yeah, I love that you 40 00:02:12,600 --> 00:02:14,960 Speaker 1: kind of just touched on this, But I wanted to 41 00:02:15,000 --> 00:02:19,400 Speaker 1: talk about inner protectors because immediately when I read about 42 00:02:19,840 --> 00:02:24,559 Speaker 1: high achieving women, and I have been in that category 43 00:02:24,600 --> 00:02:26,480 Speaker 1: for a lot of my life. But I think I 44 00:02:26,600 --> 00:02:31,279 Speaker 1: was always kind of just chasing needs that weren't necessarily 45 00:02:31,280 --> 00:02:34,160 Speaker 1: even about the achieving that I was doing, if that 46 00:02:34,240 --> 00:02:38,200 Speaker 1: makes sense, like feeling like for me to feel like 47 00:02:38,200 --> 00:02:40,920 Speaker 1: a whole person or for me to be enough, I 48 00:02:41,000 --> 00:02:44,080 Speaker 1: had to get X, Y, and Z, and that was 49 00:02:44,120 --> 00:02:46,480 Speaker 1: a protecting strategy for me because it kept me from 50 00:02:46,520 --> 00:02:49,360 Speaker 1: feeling some of the feelings I needed to feel. So 51 00:02:49,440 --> 00:02:52,880 Speaker 1: can you talk a little bit about what an inner 52 00:02:52,919 --> 00:02:56,960 Speaker 1: protector is? Yeah, you know, our inner protector shows up 53 00:02:57,360 --> 00:03:01,280 Speaker 1: in so many ways, some obvious and some really sneaky, 54 00:03:01,360 --> 00:03:04,079 Speaker 1: And the sneaky ways are often the more challenging ones 55 00:03:04,080 --> 00:03:07,280 Speaker 1: to work with because they're not front and center. But essentially, 56 00:03:07,320 --> 00:03:12,400 Speaker 1: our protector is a pattern, a habit, a way of 57 00:03:12,480 --> 00:03:16,280 Speaker 1: navigating challenging moments through life that is protecting us from 58 00:03:16,320 --> 00:03:18,920 Speaker 1: feeling something we don't want to feel. Sometimes as a 59 00:03:18,960 --> 00:03:21,360 Speaker 1: feeling we're very aware of, right, Like, I have a 60 00:03:21,360 --> 00:03:23,960 Speaker 1: lot of women come to me who want community, but 61 00:03:24,080 --> 00:03:28,280 Speaker 1: they have deep sisterhood wounds, mother wounds, abandonment wounds, and 62 00:03:28,320 --> 00:03:31,480 Speaker 1: so putting themselves out there feels terrifying. So they're a 63 00:03:31,520 --> 00:03:36,520 Speaker 1: protector is isolation and lone wolf and misindependent. Okay, others 64 00:03:36,640 --> 00:03:39,000 Speaker 1: can be very sneaky ones that we're not so aware 65 00:03:39,040 --> 00:03:43,720 Speaker 1: of how we are in relationships. You know, if intimacy 66 00:03:43,800 --> 00:03:47,080 Speaker 1: is something we're really craving and really desiring, but maybe 67 00:03:47,120 --> 00:03:50,160 Speaker 1: we don't have that back of ourself, we don't have 68 00:03:50,280 --> 00:03:54,240 Speaker 1: our deep trust in ourselves, our strong footing and relationship. 69 00:03:54,560 --> 00:03:57,280 Speaker 1: Our protector can come out in wild ways, right like 70 00:03:57,680 --> 00:03:59,880 Speaker 1: starting fights. Then we don't need to start a fight 71 00:04:00,160 --> 00:04:03,040 Speaker 1: or projection that we don't even realize we're projecting our 72 00:04:03,080 --> 00:04:05,640 Speaker 1: stuff onto our partner. And so through the work of 73 00:04:05,680 --> 00:04:08,640 Speaker 1: identifying our protectors, we can actually get closer to what 74 00:04:08,680 --> 00:04:11,800 Speaker 1: we really want and not getting our own way, you know. Yeah, 75 00:04:11,840 --> 00:04:13,520 Speaker 1: I mean that's what I was just thinking, is how 76 00:04:13,600 --> 00:04:17,320 Speaker 1: much of it is conscious versus subconscious. So I guess 77 00:04:17,360 --> 00:04:19,479 Speaker 1: maybe that's kind of some of the work that you're 78 00:04:19,520 --> 00:04:22,720 Speaker 1: doing with women. Yeah, yeah, I think we've got both. 79 00:04:22,760 --> 00:04:25,880 Speaker 1: We've got our we all know, like our things there 80 00:04:26,080 --> 00:04:29,280 Speaker 1: is again, and then we've got the sneakier ones that 81 00:04:29,600 --> 00:04:31,799 Speaker 1: we unpacked for our life. You know, there's no arrival. 82 00:04:31,920 --> 00:04:35,919 Speaker 1: I think it's a continual unpacking of healthier strategies and 83 00:04:36,200 --> 00:04:41,760 Speaker 1: less avoidant or like bracing for impact type of strategy 84 00:04:42,320 --> 00:04:45,919 Speaker 1: waiting for the next shoot a job kind of thing. Yeah. 85 00:04:46,120 --> 00:04:49,240 Speaker 1: You mentioned when you first reached out that you had 86 00:04:49,279 --> 00:04:52,200 Speaker 1: been listening to the podcast I did with Matt Zeeman 87 00:04:52,279 --> 00:04:55,120 Speaker 1: and he was talking about psychedelics, and you said, your 88 00:04:55,240 --> 00:04:59,080 Speaker 1: protector really came up during a mushroom ceremony. So he 89 00:04:59,200 --> 00:05:00,880 Speaker 1: and I shared. If you guys haven't listened, to go 90 00:05:00,920 --> 00:05:03,200 Speaker 1: back and listen to that podcast, because we both shared 91 00:05:03,880 --> 00:05:08,000 Speaker 1: about like I shared about my psilocybin journey, and he 92 00:05:08,040 --> 00:05:10,360 Speaker 1: also talked a lot about his experiences, and I did 93 00:05:10,360 --> 00:05:13,560 Speaker 1: not experience what you described, and so I'm fascinated and 94 00:05:13,600 --> 00:05:16,160 Speaker 1: I want to know. You said your protector came up 95 00:05:16,240 --> 00:05:19,320 Speaker 1: big time during your ceremony. Will you share that story 96 00:05:19,320 --> 00:05:24,719 Speaker 1: with listeners? Yeah? Yeah, I was with ten or twelve 97 00:05:24,760 --> 00:05:26,320 Speaker 1: other women, and I was the only one that had 98 00:05:26,360 --> 00:05:30,200 Speaker 1: this experience, which made the protector even stronger, right, because 99 00:05:30,200 --> 00:05:32,200 Speaker 1: then I was like, what's wrong with you? Why is 100 00:05:32,240 --> 00:05:38,680 Speaker 1: no one else having this? You're wrong? Yeah, But basically 101 00:05:38,720 --> 00:05:45,120 Speaker 1: I had never experienced that extreme shift in my physical sensation. 102 00:05:45,320 --> 00:05:47,040 Speaker 1: Like I didn't do a lot of drinks. Growing up, 103 00:05:47,440 --> 00:05:49,720 Speaker 1: I hated the feeling of drinking too much, so just 104 00:05:49,800 --> 00:05:52,479 Speaker 1: being out of my body in any way was like 105 00:05:52,880 --> 00:05:56,520 Speaker 1: wildly uncomfortable. And so as the medicine started coming on, 106 00:05:56,640 --> 00:05:59,160 Speaker 1: any sensation that I got, my inner protector was like, 107 00:05:59,200 --> 00:06:03,560 Speaker 1: this isn't safe. Something's wrong. You took too much. You 108 00:06:03,600 --> 00:06:06,200 Speaker 1: didn't prepare enough. You don't have the navigation tools to 109 00:06:06,279 --> 00:06:09,599 Speaker 1: handle this. And so as much as I tried, you know, 110 00:06:09,640 --> 00:06:14,080 Speaker 1: my breathwork, my practices, everything I teach, I didn't have 111 00:06:14,120 --> 00:06:16,440 Speaker 1: an anchor to feel safe enough in my body. And 112 00:06:16,480 --> 00:06:18,600 Speaker 1: so there was no other choice in that moment than 113 00:06:18,640 --> 00:06:20,880 Speaker 1: my protector being like, I'll do the work for you, 114 00:06:21,800 --> 00:06:25,440 Speaker 1: which I think. Then really I couldn't even I mean, 115 00:06:25,480 --> 00:06:27,479 Speaker 1: we received the medicine we're meant to receive, but I 116 00:06:27,480 --> 00:06:30,279 Speaker 1: couldn't even really connect with the medicine because it was 117 00:06:30,320 --> 00:06:35,520 Speaker 1: me and me, just like in a drag down boxing match. Yeah. 118 00:06:35,640 --> 00:06:38,000 Speaker 1: Like I remember looking out the windows being like, okay, 119 00:06:38,000 --> 00:06:40,400 Speaker 1: the sun has not sorted to rise, so I've probably 120 00:06:40,400 --> 00:06:42,400 Speaker 1: got at least six more hours. Like I was just 121 00:06:42,520 --> 00:06:47,480 Speaker 1: in such like a clench. You know, Yeah, I love 122 00:06:47,520 --> 00:06:50,000 Speaker 1: it you say that that the medicine always gives us 123 00:06:50,000 --> 00:06:52,679 Speaker 1: what we need, and I think because that's what people 124 00:06:52,720 --> 00:06:54,240 Speaker 1: always say to me. They're like, well, tell me what 125 00:06:54,279 --> 00:06:56,000 Speaker 1: it's like. And I'm like, I can't tell you what 126 00:06:56,080 --> 00:06:57,640 Speaker 1: it's going to be like, though, you know, and I 127 00:06:57,680 --> 00:07:01,800 Speaker 1: will share my story a little borri It's like it's 128 00:07:01,839 --> 00:07:06,279 Speaker 1: also dressful because it's like I don't want them to 129 00:07:06,360 --> 00:07:08,440 Speaker 1: think that my experience is going to be what theirs 130 00:07:08,440 --> 00:07:11,880 Speaker 1: looks like, because you get exactly what you're supposed to 131 00:07:12,040 --> 00:07:14,800 Speaker 1: and not in a way that's like, oh, well my 132 00:07:14,880 --> 00:07:17,240 Speaker 1: trip was great and yours sounds scary or something, and 133 00:07:17,280 --> 00:07:21,120 Speaker 1: so that's like punishment. It's more like whatever we're supposed 134 00:07:21,200 --> 00:07:24,760 Speaker 1: whatever lesson we're supposed to meet, or whatever the thing 135 00:07:24,760 --> 00:07:27,040 Speaker 1: we're supposed to work through, like it's ready to be 136 00:07:27,160 --> 00:07:30,520 Speaker 1: seen and worked through. That's the thing we get. So 137 00:07:30,960 --> 00:07:33,880 Speaker 1: when you were realizing what was allized, did you understand 138 00:07:34,200 --> 00:07:36,920 Speaker 1: that that was a protector or did you not? Were 139 00:07:36,920 --> 00:07:39,920 Speaker 1: you like I just gotta let go? Like how did 140 00:07:39,960 --> 00:07:43,280 Speaker 1: you work through it? I didn't until like days after. 141 00:07:44,720 --> 00:07:47,480 Speaker 1: I remember coming down from the medicine and being with 142 00:07:47,520 --> 00:07:50,840 Speaker 1: my teacher and I just sobbed and I was like 143 00:07:51,040 --> 00:07:53,880 Speaker 1: in a lot of anger, and my protector was still there, 144 00:07:54,040 --> 00:07:56,520 Speaker 1: trying to protect me in the physical and me and 145 00:07:56,520 --> 00:07:59,560 Speaker 1: the spiritual. And I remember saying, like, I live such 146 00:07:59,560 --> 00:08:01,920 Speaker 1: a healthy life. I've worked so hard to not be 147 00:08:02,000 --> 00:08:04,320 Speaker 1: out of my body, and I just took fungus and 148 00:08:04,440 --> 00:08:06,760 Speaker 1: was disembodied, and like, what the fuck did I just do? 149 00:08:07,160 --> 00:08:08,880 Speaker 1: And just had like a ton of anger. I couldn't 150 00:08:08,920 --> 00:08:13,200 Speaker 1: even see the medicine yet, and she illuminated. My teacher 151 00:08:13,360 --> 00:08:15,600 Speaker 1: was like, I mean, just listen to the way you're talking, 152 00:08:15,640 --> 00:08:18,680 Speaker 1: like you're punishing yourself right now for trying to heal 153 00:08:19,440 --> 00:08:22,240 Speaker 1: like that punisher. It was illuminating to me a protector 154 00:08:22,280 --> 00:08:25,240 Speaker 1: I didn't really know I had. So I did get 155 00:08:25,240 --> 00:08:28,960 Speaker 1: the medicine, not in this beautiful, like gorgeous ceremony that 156 00:08:29,120 --> 00:08:32,240 Speaker 1: you know we probably hope for, but over you know, 157 00:08:32,320 --> 00:08:35,480 Speaker 1: my few weeks of integration, I've really got to see, Okay, 158 00:08:36,600 --> 00:08:39,640 Speaker 1: a surrender is not just like take a deep breath, 159 00:08:39,679 --> 00:08:42,440 Speaker 1: and surrender is such a nuanced thing. We have to 160 00:08:42,520 --> 00:08:44,280 Speaker 1: kind of be taught how to do, like we have 161 00:08:44,320 --> 00:08:48,000 Speaker 1: to be safety to feel like we can surrender. Yeah, 162 00:08:48,520 --> 00:08:51,880 Speaker 1: and that my medicine really was like thank God, I 163 00:08:51,920 --> 00:08:54,520 Speaker 1: found that that punisher was so alive because now I 164 00:08:54,520 --> 00:08:57,240 Speaker 1: get to work with her in such a dear way 165 00:08:57,360 --> 00:09:03,520 Speaker 1: and not just this further perpetua of punishing. Yeah, so 166 00:09:04,000 --> 00:09:06,680 Speaker 1: that's kind of what I was, like, the subconscious part 167 00:09:06,720 --> 00:09:08,840 Speaker 1: of the protector that I was mentioning. So you didn't 168 00:09:08,840 --> 00:09:11,160 Speaker 1: you weren't even aware that that was happening, right, like 169 00:09:11,240 --> 00:09:15,240 Speaker 1: in your life on a daily basis. So with people 170 00:09:15,320 --> 00:09:18,080 Speaker 1: listening that might be like, I mean, I'm good. I 171 00:09:18,080 --> 00:09:21,800 Speaker 1: don't think I have protectors. I mean we all have protectors, right, 172 00:09:21,800 --> 00:09:24,640 Speaker 1: and so how do we start to recognize these? I 173 00:09:24,679 --> 00:09:28,080 Speaker 1: think that we start looking at where in our life 174 00:09:28,120 --> 00:09:32,679 Speaker 1: we have a desire, because our desire and our pain 175 00:09:32,679 --> 00:09:35,920 Speaker 1: point or a vulnerability are very linked. Like we can't 176 00:09:35,960 --> 00:09:38,160 Speaker 1: have this grand desire without a It's like we got 177 00:09:38,200 --> 00:09:40,319 Speaker 1: a little skin in the game. So when we can 178 00:09:40,320 --> 00:09:42,439 Speaker 1: look at that contrast or that polarity of where our 179 00:09:42,440 --> 00:09:45,400 Speaker 1: desires are and what that activates in us, it could 180 00:09:45,440 --> 00:09:49,480 Speaker 1: be a worthiness, piece of vulnerability piece, a lack of 181 00:09:49,520 --> 00:09:53,480 Speaker 1: self trust piece like endless things. That's one space we 182 00:09:53,520 --> 00:09:57,720 Speaker 1: can start to explore. And I think another is where 183 00:09:57,720 --> 00:10:00,760 Speaker 1: you're seeing patterns continually happen in your life, for beliefs 184 00:10:00,760 --> 00:10:05,120 Speaker 1: continually start to trickle in. Like I I say, I 185 00:10:05,160 --> 00:10:07,320 Speaker 1: didn't know I had that protector, but now looking back, 186 00:10:07,320 --> 00:10:10,080 Speaker 1: I can track it. You know, I had a little 187 00:10:10,080 --> 00:10:13,080 Speaker 1: bit of like I would have big milestones and not 188 00:10:13,120 --> 00:10:14,960 Speaker 1: celebrate it and just move on to the next and 189 00:10:15,000 --> 00:10:18,000 Speaker 1: people would be like but like there was this kind 190 00:10:18,000 --> 00:10:21,400 Speaker 1: of like masculine come on, do you more, try harder, 191 00:10:21,480 --> 00:10:28,079 Speaker 1: be better? Yeah, but it was it was sneaky. Yeah. Yeah, 192 00:10:28,120 --> 00:10:32,440 Speaker 1: Well you talk a little bit about becoming Like part 193 00:10:32,480 --> 00:10:35,400 Speaker 1: of the work that you do in some is helping 194 00:10:35,440 --> 00:10:39,160 Speaker 1: women to become aware of emotions and sensations that we're avoiding. 195 00:10:39,160 --> 00:10:41,640 Speaker 1: So similar to what we're just talking about, Like how 196 00:10:41,679 --> 00:10:43,680 Speaker 1: often are you getting people who are like but why 197 00:10:43,880 --> 00:10:46,720 Speaker 1: what I want to do that? You know what I mean? Like, 198 00:10:47,360 --> 00:10:50,280 Speaker 1: like I think that our brains do such a good jobs. 199 00:10:50,280 --> 00:10:52,640 Speaker 1: Our brains are fascinating to me because they do such 200 00:10:52,679 --> 00:10:56,320 Speaker 1: a good job of protecting us from painful situations, and 201 00:10:56,360 --> 00:11:00,000 Speaker 1: so like it feels actually like our brains are really 202 00:11:00,120 --> 00:11:02,199 Speaker 1: kind and well intentioned because they just want to keep 203 00:11:02,240 --> 00:11:05,000 Speaker 1: us safe. But ultimately, like you said, it can start 204 00:11:05,000 --> 00:11:07,840 Speaker 1: showing up in patterns and that's been the case for me, 205 00:11:08,080 --> 00:11:12,040 Speaker 1: or like just complete burnout finally, because I'm like operating 206 00:11:12,080 --> 00:11:14,760 Speaker 1: on such a system of being so disconnected from all 207 00:11:14,800 --> 00:11:18,720 Speaker 1: of my feelings, So is it important to do that? 208 00:11:18,880 --> 00:11:22,400 Speaker 1: Like what if you're like listening, thinking, well, I don't 209 00:11:22,400 --> 00:11:26,480 Speaker 1: want to feel the pain, Like why should we? Yeah, 210 00:11:26,559 --> 00:11:30,240 Speaker 1: there's so many things. Okay, tell us all. First of all, 211 00:11:30,280 --> 00:11:34,520 Speaker 1: you likely are you likely are already are feeling that 212 00:11:34,559 --> 00:11:38,079 Speaker 1: pain you don't want to feel. Yeah, and that can 213 00:11:38,120 --> 00:11:40,719 Speaker 1: look like a feeling of lack, like I don't want 214 00:11:40,800 --> 00:11:43,640 Speaker 1: about this door because of all of the intensity that's there. 215 00:11:44,320 --> 00:11:46,320 Speaker 1: So then we stay on the surface and eventually we 216 00:11:46,360 --> 00:11:49,800 Speaker 1: get to this space of like what do I really 217 00:11:49,840 --> 00:11:51,440 Speaker 1: like looking around you? And like what do I really 218 00:11:51,480 --> 00:11:55,560 Speaker 1: even have? Right? So yes, Like I just had a 219 00:11:55,559 --> 00:11:57,920 Speaker 1: woman graduate Salm and she's like, I don't really love 220 00:11:58,360 --> 00:12:00,920 Speaker 1: big emotions. I do, really, I'm in the brain. I'm 221 00:12:00,960 --> 00:12:05,240 Speaker 1: a teacher, Like I'm pretty good at just compartmentalizing. And 222 00:12:05,840 --> 00:12:09,920 Speaker 1: she's like, I would love to share my life with somebody. 223 00:12:10,040 --> 00:12:12,240 Speaker 1: I would love to not work sixty hours a week 224 00:12:12,240 --> 00:12:16,920 Speaker 1: and just distract myself and call that enough. Yeah. We 225 00:12:16,960 --> 00:12:18,960 Speaker 1: get to a point where we're like, Okay, I'm fine, 226 00:12:19,080 --> 00:12:22,480 Speaker 1: and find's not enough anymore. Yeah, it's funny you said that. 227 00:12:22,559 --> 00:12:25,400 Speaker 1: I had a friend at dinner last night, say, you know, 228 00:12:25,400 --> 00:12:27,640 Speaker 1: I've worked my whole life to get to this point, 229 00:12:28,040 --> 00:12:30,400 Speaker 1: and now I got here and I'm just like over it. 230 00:12:30,480 --> 00:12:33,360 Speaker 1: I don't care. And it's just so interesting because I 231 00:12:33,400 --> 00:12:35,400 Speaker 1: do think our culture is set up that way a lot. 232 00:12:35,440 --> 00:12:38,720 Speaker 1: You know, we're chasing these like mile markers so often, 233 00:12:39,520 --> 00:12:41,319 Speaker 1: and then we get there and like you said, you 234 00:12:41,400 --> 00:12:43,360 Speaker 1: just kind of pass by it. You're like, oh, got 235 00:12:43,400 --> 00:12:47,440 Speaker 1: their check done, but it's not satisfying at a soul level, 236 00:12:47,840 --> 00:12:52,120 Speaker 1: so it feels incomplete. Maybe like that would be the 237 00:12:52,160 --> 00:12:54,080 Speaker 1: feeling that I would describe. What's a feeling that you 238 00:12:54,160 --> 00:12:57,160 Speaker 1: hear women describing a lot of times when they're not 239 00:12:57,400 --> 00:13:01,920 Speaker 1: really like fully embodying all their feelings and emotions. Numb. 240 00:13:03,520 --> 00:13:07,040 Speaker 1: Come to me, feeling numb, and then what that translates 241 00:13:07,040 --> 00:13:11,559 Speaker 1: into is chasing peak experiences. Right, So I'm feeling numb 242 00:13:11,600 --> 00:13:13,680 Speaker 1: because I don't want to feel the challenge. But then 243 00:13:13,800 --> 00:13:17,720 Speaker 1: our bodies are craving more or alcohol or shopping or 244 00:13:19,000 --> 00:13:20,679 Speaker 1: you know, all the things, because we do want to 245 00:13:20,679 --> 00:13:23,640 Speaker 1: feel more and to feel more of a good thing, 246 00:13:23,679 --> 00:13:25,440 Speaker 1: Like we got to just be okay, feeling a little 247 00:13:25,440 --> 00:13:28,120 Speaker 1: bit more of the challenge to which that polarity work 248 00:13:28,160 --> 00:13:30,200 Speaker 1: is a big piece of sealm as well, like how 249 00:13:30,240 --> 00:13:34,280 Speaker 1: do we prime our nervous system for the contrast of life? 250 00:13:34,360 --> 00:13:37,320 Speaker 1: Like it is full of contrast, And when we let 251 00:13:37,400 --> 00:13:41,560 Speaker 1: go of that fear, that's where like true expansion, true love, 252 00:13:41,640 --> 00:13:45,400 Speaker 1: true fulfillment, true success starts to trickle in. What do 253 00:13:45,440 --> 00:13:48,680 Speaker 1: you mean polarity? Tell me more about that. So it's 254 00:13:48,800 --> 00:13:51,079 Speaker 1: you know, it's a law of the universe of everything. 255 00:13:52,040 --> 00:13:56,480 Speaker 1: Everything has its it's opposite equal and so, and we 256 00:13:56,520 --> 00:13:59,600 Speaker 1: need that for balance, we need that for harmony. So 257 00:13:59,679 --> 00:14:01,880 Speaker 1: as your I'm sure you can testify to this. As 258 00:14:01,920 --> 00:14:04,719 Speaker 1: you've gained more success, I'm sure there's also been more 259 00:14:04,800 --> 00:14:09,600 Speaker 1: challenge and more just a headache and pain and criticism 260 00:14:09,600 --> 00:14:12,800 Speaker 1: and who knows what else. And saying true like, the 261 00:14:12,880 --> 00:14:15,880 Speaker 1: deeper you get in love, the more vulnerability and heartbreak 262 00:14:15,960 --> 00:14:20,320 Speaker 1: is there. We can't have one without the other. God, 263 00:14:20,440 --> 00:14:23,160 Speaker 1: that one just hit me because I think in relationships 264 00:14:23,160 --> 00:14:25,480 Speaker 1: a lot of times we just want the good stuff. 265 00:14:26,200 --> 00:14:30,080 Speaker 1: And so it's like, that's just interesting to think about 266 00:14:30,120 --> 00:14:33,640 Speaker 1: on a deeper level, because if you're not actually allowing 267 00:14:33,840 --> 00:14:37,120 Speaker 1: space for the painful emotions. You probably can't feel loved 268 00:14:37,120 --> 00:14:40,040 Speaker 1: to the capacity that you could if you just opened 269 00:14:40,040 --> 00:14:46,200 Speaker 1: yourself completely up hordably. Oh that one just hit me. Okay, well, 270 00:14:46,280 --> 00:14:49,440 Speaker 1: let's talk about some of the work that you do, 271 00:14:49,640 --> 00:14:52,880 Speaker 1: and I kind of want to understand what it looks 272 00:14:52,920 --> 00:14:56,520 Speaker 1: like when people come to sell, like what is the 273 00:14:56,600 --> 00:15:01,480 Speaker 1: process and what can they expect moving forward? Yeah, so 274 00:15:01,680 --> 00:15:06,920 Speaker 1: SALAM is essentially embodied leadership, and really it's everything we're 275 00:15:06,920 --> 00:15:09,160 Speaker 1: talking about. We moved through life so fast and with 276 00:15:09,200 --> 00:15:12,680 Speaker 1: these goals and these checklists, and how often are we 277 00:15:12,720 --> 00:15:17,640 Speaker 1: actually feeling the entire sensory experience? And you had mentioned 278 00:15:17,680 --> 00:15:21,920 Speaker 1: the brain being such a beautiful protector, and the brain 279 00:15:22,320 --> 00:15:25,800 Speaker 1: is going off of the body. So the brain is 280 00:15:25,840 --> 00:15:30,320 Speaker 1: creating a meaning, creating a filter, creating a strategy based 281 00:15:30,360 --> 00:15:33,200 Speaker 1: off of a past lived experience, whereas the body, if 282 00:15:33,200 --> 00:15:36,080 Speaker 1: we're open to it, is responding to right now. And 283 00:15:36,120 --> 00:15:39,160 Speaker 1: so the point of sensual embodiment is not like roses 284 00:15:39,160 --> 00:15:42,560 Speaker 1: and orgasms and white. Yeah, it's like true attunement to 285 00:15:42,640 --> 00:15:45,760 Speaker 1: the now. So we can move in alignment and clarity. 286 00:15:46,560 --> 00:15:49,640 Speaker 1: So when women join CELM, there's an application process and 287 00:15:49,680 --> 00:15:53,840 Speaker 1: we've usually got about two cohorts running at once. Ten 288 00:15:53,880 --> 00:15:56,200 Speaker 1: women are in each cohort ten or less, so they're 289 00:15:56,280 --> 00:16:00,920 Speaker 1: very intimate, they're very personal. It's about fifty percent curriculum 290 00:16:00,920 --> 00:16:03,560 Speaker 1: that I'm teaching and then fifty percent like what that 291 00:16:03,680 --> 00:16:06,560 Speaker 1: is activating in your life. So it's not a like 292 00:16:06,800 --> 00:16:13,160 Speaker 1: content heavy, certification like study program. It's really embodiment and 293 00:16:13,280 --> 00:16:16,880 Speaker 1: infiltrating all of this into your daily experience. So it's 294 00:16:16,880 --> 00:16:19,920 Speaker 1: a three month program. We weave together for a little 295 00:16:19,920 --> 00:16:23,240 Speaker 1: over three months, we're meeting every single week, and then 296 00:16:23,280 --> 00:16:26,840 Speaker 1: halfway through there's the option for an in person ceremony, 297 00:16:26,960 --> 00:16:29,280 Speaker 1: so I bring a year to my home in Nashville. 298 00:16:29,400 --> 00:16:32,600 Speaker 1: Now we're together for two days and we basically take 299 00:16:32,640 --> 00:16:35,360 Speaker 1: everything we're doing in selm and we bring it, you know, 300 00:16:35,400 --> 00:16:37,760 Speaker 1: like hearts on the floor in a circle together and 301 00:16:37,800 --> 00:16:40,760 Speaker 1: we work it out. All the wounds come up, all 302 00:16:40,800 --> 00:16:42,960 Speaker 1: of the fears of being seen come up, the fears 303 00:16:42,960 --> 00:16:46,440 Speaker 1: of being too much, not enough, feeling all the things 304 00:16:46,440 --> 00:16:48,480 Speaker 1: we don't want to feel. And so we get that 305 00:16:48,560 --> 00:16:52,240 Speaker 1: anchor point to be in person together and then have 306 00:16:52,360 --> 00:16:56,280 Speaker 1: another month and a half of coaching and mentoring. I've 307 00:16:56,320 --> 00:17:00,080 Speaker 1: never heard it explained so well, the balance between the 308 00:17:00,080 --> 00:17:02,800 Speaker 1: brain and the body and what I have found at 309 00:17:02,880 --> 00:17:05,080 Speaker 1: least I don't know if you resonate with this at all, 310 00:17:05,119 --> 00:17:09,240 Speaker 1: but I did about a decade of like therapy and 311 00:17:09,359 --> 00:17:12,960 Speaker 1: twelve step work, and I have so much head knowledge. 312 00:17:12,960 --> 00:17:15,320 Speaker 1: I say this all the time, and I was just 313 00:17:15,720 --> 00:17:18,120 Speaker 1: wanting to feel better so bad that I probably read 314 00:17:18,560 --> 00:17:21,000 Speaker 1: like any book you could think of, or you know, 315 00:17:21,119 --> 00:17:26,520 Speaker 1: any curriculum inspired program. I've done it all, I feel like, 316 00:17:27,280 --> 00:17:30,320 Speaker 1: and then what the last couple of years has really 317 00:17:30,720 --> 00:17:34,560 Speaker 1: brought up for me is having that head knowledge and 318 00:17:34,600 --> 00:17:36,680 Speaker 1: then also getting to a place in my life where 319 00:17:36,680 --> 00:17:41,639 Speaker 1: I just experienced complete burnout and crash because I was 320 00:17:41,720 --> 00:17:45,879 Speaker 1: operating still so stuck in my head, and like even 321 00:17:45,880 --> 00:17:50,040 Speaker 1: though I was making decisions that seemed maybe logical on paper, 322 00:17:50,320 --> 00:17:53,320 Speaker 1: like logical being the keyword, because it was mind driven. 323 00:17:53,680 --> 00:17:56,639 Speaker 1: My body always knew I shouldn't be doing certain things 324 00:17:56,760 --> 00:17:59,159 Speaker 1: that ended up not working out, but I wasn't. I 325 00:17:59,200 --> 00:18:01,879 Speaker 1: couldn't get there, like I wasn't allowing it or I 326 00:18:01,880 --> 00:18:04,880 Speaker 1: would kind of like let that disconnect happen. So I 327 00:18:04,920 --> 00:18:06,960 Speaker 1: feel like now what I'm doing is a lot more 328 00:18:06,960 --> 00:18:09,560 Speaker 1: somatic kind of therapy. Like, first of all, could you 329 00:18:09,560 --> 00:18:12,639 Speaker 1: talk about that difference maybe because I didn't even understand, 330 00:18:12,680 --> 00:18:14,720 Speaker 1: Like I think it's a little more talked about now, 331 00:18:14,720 --> 00:18:18,840 Speaker 1: but like I didn't understand the difference between talk therapy 332 00:18:19,000 --> 00:18:21,639 Speaker 1: and then like somatic therapy. So can you explain to 333 00:18:21,640 --> 00:18:25,159 Speaker 1: the listeners the difference there? Yeah, and our journey is 334 00:18:25,280 --> 00:18:28,359 Speaker 1: very similar. Do you think that it is helpful to 335 00:18:28,440 --> 00:18:32,959 Speaker 1: have the mind awareness first, because the somatic world is 336 00:18:33,440 --> 00:18:38,480 Speaker 1: it's the unseen, the unfelt, the untangible rights really hard 337 00:18:38,960 --> 00:18:42,280 Speaker 1: for humans to like dive fully into without some of that. 338 00:18:42,200 --> 00:18:46,640 Speaker 1: That makes sense, Yeah, foundation, so not knocking any of that. 339 00:18:46,680 --> 00:18:49,399 Speaker 1: A lot of the mind work has been pivotal for me. 340 00:18:49,960 --> 00:18:54,240 Speaker 1: Same And it's like we all know the people that 341 00:18:54,280 --> 00:18:58,960 Speaker 1: are really good at consuming and regurgitating information when we're 342 00:18:59,000 --> 00:19:00,920 Speaker 1: only living in the mud. That's kind of what we're 343 00:19:00,960 --> 00:19:05,680 Speaker 1: doing to ourselves. We're like memorizing things. And then there's 344 00:19:05,680 --> 00:19:08,640 Speaker 1: a disconnect again because the mind is simply responding off 345 00:19:08,680 --> 00:19:11,600 Speaker 1: of the sensations that we're getting in the body, and 346 00:19:11,640 --> 00:19:14,040 Speaker 1: then we're putting this like filtration on it and forcing 347 00:19:14,080 --> 00:19:16,000 Speaker 1: everything to go through that. That's why we get stuck 348 00:19:16,040 --> 00:19:20,639 Speaker 1: in loops. We have agree that when we're vulnerable with women, 349 00:19:21,119 --> 00:19:23,520 Speaker 1: we get judged and hurt and so then we don't 350 00:19:23,560 --> 00:19:26,200 Speaker 1: even know it, but our body, our mind rather because 351 00:19:26,200 --> 00:19:30,399 Speaker 1: it's trying to protect us, is seeking out proof for that. Yeah, 352 00:19:30,440 --> 00:19:33,400 Speaker 1: over and over and over again. When we can drop 353 00:19:33,400 --> 00:19:36,320 Speaker 1: into the body a little bit more, we can track, 354 00:19:36,400 --> 00:19:38,760 Speaker 1: Like right now, even you and me, Like, what sensation 355 00:19:39,400 --> 00:19:42,280 Speaker 1: is alive? I bet we're probably feeling something in the 356 00:19:42,320 --> 00:19:45,119 Speaker 1: same spots in our body because we're in this field 357 00:19:45,119 --> 00:19:47,879 Speaker 1: together right now on real time, you know. So it's 358 00:19:47,920 --> 00:19:51,080 Speaker 1: creating a little bit more truth, that's creating more intimacy. 359 00:19:51,160 --> 00:19:56,960 Speaker 1: It's creating more more I want to say, accurate wisdom 360 00:19:57,000 --> 00:19:59,400 Speaker 1: to be able to have that access point with the body, right, 361 00:19:59,400 --> 00:20:02,600 Speaker 1: Like you're saying someone's presenting you with something and you're like, 362 00:20:02,640 --> 00:20:06,040 Speaker 1: on paper, this looks great, and if you can feel 363 00:20:06,080 --> 00:20:08,080 Speaker 1: that thing in your body, that's like, but wait, it's 364 00:20:08,119 --> 00:20:11,480 Speaker 1: not the time, it's not the person, not yet. That's 365 00:20:11,520 --> 00:20:16,000 Speaker 1: where our life becomes this aligned masterpiece with ourself instead 366 00:20:16,000 --> 00:20:21,240 Speaker 1: of a plug and play pattering. Yeah, a lot of 367 00:20:21,240 --> 00:20:24,280 Speaker 1: times I won't even know why, Like what you just 368 00:20:24,359 --> 00:20:27,280 Speaker 1: explained is even more to script than what I would 369 00:20:27,320 --> 00:20:30,000 Speaker 1: be able to figure out yet. But like I'll have 370 00:20:30,080 --> 00:20:32,639 Speaker 1: this feeling and there's a specific feeling I get in 371 00:20:32,680 --> 00:20:35,720 Speaker 1: my gut that I'm now really in touch with. I 372 00:20:35,800 --> 00:20:38,000 Speaker 1: still don't fully understand it, but I don't know that 373 00:20:38,080 --> 00:20:40,359 Speaker 1: I need to, or maybe it'll just become more clear 374 00:20:40,400 --> 00:20:42,840 Speaker 1: as I keep doing it. But if I feel it, 375 00:20:43,680 --> 00:20:46,879 Speaker 1: I make a decision, like if it's a no or whatever, 376 00:20:47,160 --> 00:20:50,160 Speaker 1: and I won't always know why, and sometimes it doesn't 377 00:20:50,160 --> 00:20:53,399 Speaker 1: play out till months later, but there's always a reason, 378 00:20:53,480 --> 00:20:57,360 Speaker 1: and my body is always right. There has never been 379 00:20:57,440 --> 00:21:01,040 Speaker 1: one time where I'm like my gut was wrong. There never, 380 00:21:01,920 --> 00:21:05,040 Speaker 1: like ever my mind has been wrong, you know, like 381 00:21:05,080 --> 00:21:08,040 Speaker 1: I've made decisions based on that or like we said, 382 00:21:08,080 --> 00:21:11,960 Speaker 1: the paper or what other people are telling me. But 383 00:21:11,960 --> 00:21:15,720 Speaker 1: if I go against my body every time, it's wrong. 384 00:21:15,960 --> 00:21:18,399 Speaker 1: And if I go with my body, even if I 385 00:21:18,440 --> 00:21:22,439 Speaker 1: don't understand, it's right. Yeah. And I think something that 386 00:21:22,600 --> 00:21:25,520 Speaker 1: is so challenging is we're in a society that wants 387 00:21:25,520 --> 00:21:30,159 Speaker 1: to see data and proof and and so again, like 388 00:21:30,200 --> 00:21:32,760 Speaker 1: coming back to the high achieving aspects of ourselves, it 389 00:21:32,760 --> 00:21:36,240 Speaker 1: can be very challenging to trust that. Like I don't 390 00:21:36,240 --> 00:21:40,000 Speaker 1: know why, but it's a no, yeah, And people are 391 00:21:40,040 --> 00:21:44,439 Speaker 1: like what, Yeah, it doesn't make sense. You know, and 392 00:21:44,480 --> 00:21:46,879 Speaker 1: I've had to do that with you know, business agreements 393 00:21:46,880 --> 00:21:49,920 Speaker 1: and business partnerships where I'm like, I look fucking crazy 394 00:21:50,080 --> 00:21:53,160 Speaker 1: just because I've got a hunch. And of course there's 395 00:21:53,200 --> 00:21:55,239 Speaker 1: there's practices that we have so we're not just like 396 00:21:55,520 --> 00:21:58,840 Speaker 1: flailing around with every single else we get. But like 397 00:21:58,880 --> 00:22:01,280 Speaker 1: you said, the body knows it's never wrong, and when 398 00:22:01,320 --> 00:22:03,480 Speaker 1: we can get to a place of like it's cool 399 00:22:03,720 --> 00:22:08,880 Speaker 1: if people misunderstand me, like it's cool. Yeah, but it's hard. 400 00:22:09,240 --> 00:22:12,600 Speaker 1: It's very hard. It's hard. I even it's even bigger 401 00:22:12,640 --> 00:22:14,840 Speaker 1: for me than if people misunderstand me, because sometimes it's 402 00:22:14,880 --> 00:22:17,800 Speaker 1: like I don't even understand, like I'm just like I 403 00:22:17,880 --> 00:22:21,639 Speaker 1: don't know, but I'm having that feeling and for whatever reason, 404 00:22:21,680 --> 00:22:24,000 Speaker 1: I can't settle it. And what I no longer do 405 00:22:24,119 --> 00:22:26,840 Speaker 1: is try to settle my gut, like I just go 406 00:22:26,920 --> 00:22:28,840 Speaker 1: with it, do you know what I mean? Whereas in 407 00:22:28,880 --> 00:22:31,439 Speaker 1: the past I would be like, oh, but this sounds 408 00:22:31,480 --> 00:22:34,480 Speaker 1: so good, like just it's okay, you're just nervous whatever, 409 00:22:34,520 --> 00:22:37,119 Speaker 1: and now I'm like no, no no, no, no. For whatever reason, 410 00:22:37,160 --> 00:22:41,159 Speaker 1: my gut cannot calm down into this. And so whatever 411 00:22:41,240 --> 00:22:43,160 Speaker 1: I need, if I need to work through something that'll 412 00:22:43,200 --> 00:22:47,320 Speaker 1: present itself. If I need to say no, I'll find 413 00:22:47,320 --> 00:22:49,800 Speaker 1: out later why. Like it's just I don't know, it's 414 00:22:49,840 --> 00:22:53,520 Speaker 1: always in tune. I love that you brought that piece 415 00:22:53,600 --> 00:22:55,800 Speaker 1: up around. I used to try to push down an 416 00:22:55,840 --> 00:22:59,639 Speaker 1: uncomfortable feeling, and now I let it. Yeah, that's such 417 00:22:59,760 --> 00:23:03,160 Speaker 1: an important peace. Like our body doesn't waste energy. It's 418 00:23:03,200 --> 00:23:05,919 Speaker 1: not giving us a sensation just to like fuck around, 419 00:23:06,119 --> 00:23:09,359 Speaker 1: you know. And so when we can and that's you know, 420 00:23:09,720 --> 00:23:12,440 Speaker 1: part of when I talk about bringing pleasure around our pain, 421 00:23:13,000 --> 00:23:15,399 Speaker 1: that's a piece of it is can we just open 422 00:23:15,520 --> 00:23:19,000 Speaker 1: up to this uncomfortable feeling so we can extract the lesson, 423 00:23:19,080 --> 00:23:22,919 Speaker 1: the medicine, the wisdom, the redirection instead of pushing it 424 00:23:22,960 --> 00:23:28,160 Speaker 1: down grabbing a pilling in more hours, going faster. When 425 00:23:28,160 --> 00:23:30,400 Speaker 1: we can soften our body enough to feel what's really there, 426 00:23:30,440 --> 00:23:32,920 Speaker 1: it doesn't matter if it makes sense up here. When 427 00:23:33,000 --> 00:23:35,400 Speaker 1: we can soften enough to truly feel it, that's where 428 00:23:35,440 --> 00:23:37,960 Speaker 1: clarity comes in. That doesn't have to make sense to 429 00:23:38,000 --> 00:23:41,680 Speaker 1: feel clear. Yeah. When I think one of the things 430 00:23:41,680 --> 00:23:44,280 Speaker 1: that I was getting confused and something you said actually 431 00:23:44,320 --> 00:23:46,000 Speaker 1: just really help me with this. But you said, the 432 00:23:46,040 --> 00:23:48,640 Speaker 1: body is in the present, and like the mind can 433 00:23:48,680 --> 00:23:50,439 Speaker 1: be in the past. Is that right? Is that what 434 00:23:50,480 --> 00:23:53,560 Speaker 1: you said? Okay? And so with that, because some of 435 00:23:53,600 --> 00:23:56,400 Speaker 1: the time, when I would be having like an emotion 436 00:23:56,440 --> 00:23:59,600 Speaker 1: come up from my gut, I would associate I'd be like, oh, well, 437 00:23:59,600 --> 00:24:02,400 Speaker 1: maybe the just fear from a past experience, and I'm 438 00:24:02,400 --> 00:24:05,199 Speaker 1: putting it on this. But that is when I'm in 439 00:24:05,280 --> 00:24:07,880 Speaker 1: my head. Like what you just said is so clarifying 440 00:24:07,960 --> 00:24:10,960 Speaker 1: for me, because if it's coming from my gut and 441 00:24:11,080 --> 00:24:14,479 Speaker 1: my body, it's probably in the moment right now. And 442 00:24:14,480 --> 00:24:18,720 Speaker 1: if it's me over analyzing a situation, maybe that is 443 00:24:18,760 --> 00:24:22,080 Speaker 1: a past trigger. Is that a good way to decipher it? 444 00:24:22,200 --> 00:24:24,200 Speaker 1: A great way? And I'll throw in like a little 445 00:24:24,200 --> 00:24:28,560 Speaker 1: piece to make it extra confusing, Okay, are we can 446 00:24:28,640 --> 00:24:30,880 Speaker 1: have the opposite in a way. So if you get 447 00:24:30,920 --> 00:24:34,400 Speaker 1: yourself in a mind loop that can sense in your body, right, 448 00:24:34,520 --> 00:24:37,840 Speaker 1: you go anxiety right into your body by starting to 449 00:24:38,240 --> 00:24:41,880 Speaker 1: do the mind thing. Okay, But like you already said, 450 00:24:41,960 --> 00:24:44,160 Speaker 1: it's when you get that first initial feeling and it's 451 00:24:44,160 --> 00:24:46,600 Speaker 1: in the body first, and then the mind starts creating 452 00:24:47,080 --> 00:24:52,960 Speaker 1: the trails. Then you know the difference, you know, Yeah, yeah, 453 00:24:51,800 --> 00:24:55,280 Speaker 1: say for sure, Wait to say that part again, Like 454 00:24:55,359 --> 00:24:59,600 Speaker 1: they ping pong. It's it takes a discernment practice to understand, 455 00:24:59,640 --> 00:25:03,119 Speaker 1: like coming from my body first or is my mind influencing. 456 00:25:04,840 --> 00:25:07,080 Speaker 1: That's one of the ways that meditation really helps me 457 00:25:07,119 --> 00:25:10,760 Speaker 1: because it helps quiet my mind a lot. Well, how 458 00:25:10,800 --> 00:25:14,680 Speaker 1: important I mean, I know everyone in this world, I'm 459 00:25:14,680 --> 00:25:17,760 Speaker 1: sure it's important to operate in connection with our body, 460 00:25:18,080 --> 00:25:21,119 Speaker 1: but I do feel like there's something with women specifically 461 00:25:21,240 --> 00:25:24,800 Speaker 1: where our intuition is our guiding force and it's like 462 00:25:25,600 --> 00:25:29,119 Speaker 1: a huge skill set that we have as women. So 463 00:25:29,160 --> 00:25:30,960 Speaker 1: can you talk a little bit about that, Like how 464 00:25:31,000 --> 00:25:33,480 Speaker 1: important is it for women to be in touch with 465 00:25:33,520 --> 00:25:38,719 Speaker 1: themselves this way? I mean so important for everybody. Yeah, 466 00:25:39,720 --> 00:25:43,480 Speaker 1: Like you know, and I hope when listeners are hearing this, 467 00:25:43,800 --> 00:25:47,040 Speaker 1: I'm not strictly talking gender, but the masculine and the 468 00:25:47,119 --> 00:25:50,320 Speaker 1: feminine in all of us and as a whole, right, 469 00:25:50,359 --> 00:25:53,760 Speaker 1: like men and women, so both if men were leading 470 00:25:53,960 --> 00:25:58,919 Speaker 1: from their body and from their intuition, they'd be healthier, right, 471 00:25:58,960 --> 00:26:01,200 Speaker 1: they'd be leading their women or their partners or their 472 00:26:01,200 --> 00:26:05,600 Speaker 1: business or whatever in a clearer way. And to get 473 00:26:05,640 --> 00:26:09,919 Speaker 1: your question, with women, the nature of the feminine is 474 00:26:10,000 --> 00:26:13,360 Speaker 1: feeling based. It's why we have more emotions it's why 475 00:26:13,440 --> 00:26:16,240 Speaker 1: we have a more sensitive field. It's why we have 476 00:26:16,320 --> 00:26:19,639 Speaker 1: the waves, like we're given that as a gift, because 477 00:26:19,720 --> 00:26:25,639 Speaker 1: it's our coding to women respond. Men are decisive, and 478 00:26:25,680 --> 00:26:28,480 Speaker 1: we've got both in us, Like you've got your masculine 479 00:26:28,560 --> 00:26:31,680 Speaker 1: essence that can turn on, you've got yours, You've all 480 00:26:31,680 --> 00:26:36,800 Speaker 1: got both. And there's been a big this is probably 481 00:26:36,920 --> 00:26:40,000 Speaker 1: like touch some buttons on people, but this like hustle 482 00:26:40,200 --> 00:26:42,320 Speaker 1: girl boss, I can do everything a man can do, 483 00:26:42,400 --> 00:26:45,280 Speaker 1: has actually and I want to be like so successful 484 00:26:45,320 --> 00:26:49,240 Speaker 1: and have all the things too, so likely, and we 485 00:26:49,320 --> 00:26:52,760 Speaker 1: don't operate the same, like the woman does not operate 486 00:26:52,800 --> 00:26:55,560 Speaker 1: the same. That's why so many women are burnt out. 487 00:26:56,040 --> 00:26:58,760 Speaker 1: So why women are having a struggle with Why is 488 00:26:58,800 --> 00:27:01,240 Speaker 1: all this weight on me that's not coming off? Why 489 00:27:01,240 --> 00:27:05,600 Speaker 1: am I always fatigued? Why is my relationship falling apart? 490 00:27:05,720 --> 00:27:10,120 Speaker 1: Why is I can't communicate? Like we're not operating from 491 00:27:10,280 --> 00:27:14,879 Speaker 1: our natural coding. Yeah, it's fast paced, never enough do 492 00:27:14,920 --> 00:27:17,879 Speaker 1: it like a man. Prove ourselves and the feminine in 493 00:27:18,000 --> 00:27:21,160 Speaker 1: us has really been pushed away. And so with that 494 00:27:21,320 --> 00:27:24,560 Speaker 1: now there's just intrinsically we push the feminine away. In 495 00:27:24,600 --> 00:27:27,040 Speaker 1: one aspect, we push your away in others. So now 496 00:27:27,119 --> 00:27:30,600 Speaker 1: there's shame around our sexuality, they're shame around our emotions, 497 00:27:30,640 --> 00:27:34,399 Speaker 1: they're shame around our body, right, And so when we 498 00:27:34,440 --> 00:27:37,240 Speaker 1: can start to come back to that, And this doesn't 499 00:27:37,280 --> 00:27:39,520 Speaker 1: mean all my women out there, like in corporate world, 500 00:27:39,560 --> 00:27:43,439 Speaker 1: you have to completely rattle your life, but it's bringing 501 00:27:43,440 --> 00:27:45,840 Speaker 1: back little moments in your day where you can find her, 502 00:27:46,800 --> 00:27:48,600 Speaker 1: where you can track her, you can feel her. You 503 00:27:48,600 --> 00:27:51,480 Speaker 1: can say to yourself, like throw the book away, throw 504 00:27:51,520 --> 00:27:54,000 Speaker 1: the logic away, what does my body need right now? 505 00:27:55,680 --> 00:27:57,919 Speaker 1: I mean that like if every single woman asks herself 506 00:27:57,920 --> 00:28:03,240 Speaker 1: that every day like that, And I love, well, I 507 00:28:03,320 --> 00:28:05,920 Speaker 1: love that you touched on the Girl Boss because and 508 00:28:05,960 --> 00:28:08,280 Speaker 1: I have gotten some shit for saying this too, but 509 00:28:08,320 --> 00:28:10,879 Speaker 1: I'm like, that's not it. Like and I tried to 510 00:28:10,920 --> 00:28:13,480 Speaker 1: operate from that place and that was when everything started 511 00:28:13,520 --> 00:28:17,320 Speaker 1: to fall apart. And it's not bad per se, it's 512 00:28:17,359 --> 00:28:21,280 Speaker 1: just like knowing that for me to operate at my 513 00:28:21,400 --> 00:28:24,200 Speaker 1: highest capacity, it's probably not going to look like that. 514 00:28:24,880 --> 00:28:26,760 Speaker 1: And like the other thing that I was just thinking 515 00:28:26,760 --> 00:28:29,440 Speaker 1: when you were talking was talking about how women like 516 00:28:29,480 --> 00:28:31,840 Speaker 1: we do have more feelings. And I used to feel 517 00:28:31,840 --> 00:28:36,000 Speaker 1: so much shame about that, like to try to stifle 518 00:28:36,080 --> 00:28:39,520 Speaker 1: those things or like like I'm a super sensitive person 519 00:28:39,720 --> 00:28:42,479 Speaker 1: in general, and that made me feel weak. But I like, 520 00:28:42,680 --> 00:28:44,480 Speaker 1: now I'm starting to be like, wait, no, this is 521 00:28:44,520 --> 00:28:47,680 Speaker 1: like an extra superpower because I can get so much 522 00:28:47,680 --> 00:28:50,520 Speaker 1: more in tune with everyone around me than a lot 523 00:28:50,520 --> 00:28:52,240 Speaker 1: of people that I see, you know, so it's like 524 00:28:52,320 --> 00:28:54,960 Speaker 1: finding the ways to use that in a positive capacity. 525 00:28:55,200 --> 00:28:57,000 Speaker 1: You have a line on your website that I love 526 00:28:57,640 --> 00:29:02,240 Speaker 1: it said, um for since sensitive women becoming liberated leaders. 527 00:29:03,040 --> 00:29:05,560 Speaker 1: And I really do feel this shift in our culture 528 00:29:05,600 --> 00:29:10,479 Speaker 1: a little bit of like the women are feminine energy 529 00:29:10,560 --> 00:29:13,440 Speaker 1: maybe being a little more tapped into Do you feel 530 00:29:13,480 --> 00:29:16,200 Speaker 1: that like this, like, hey, we are a little more sensitive, 531 00:29:16,200 --> 00:29:17,880 Speaker 1: and let's figure out how to use that in a 532 00:29:17,960 --> 00:29:21,800 Speaker 1: positive way. You know, it's hard to tell if I'm 533 00:29:21,800 --> 00:29:24,120 Speaker 1: seeing that because I'm just surrounded by it now. We're 534 00:29:24,680 --> 00:29:28,560 Speaker 1: feeling a collective shift. I'm not sure. I would love 535 00:29:28,600 --> 00:29:33,560 Speaker 1: to say yes, and I'm gonna hold that vision, and 536 00:29:33,960 --> 00:29:35,920 Speaker 1: you know, I just want to kind of circle back 537 00:29:35,920 --> 00:29:39,360 Speaker 1: to like it's not that we can't do all of 538 00:29:39,680 --> 00:29:41,960 Speaker 1: the things right, Like when we're talking about girl boss 539 00:29:42,000 --> 00:29:46,360 Speaker 1: hustle culture, it's gonna chose them different. Yeah, right, a 540 00:29:46,440 --> 00:29:49,440 Speaker 1: masculine might have, and you might be a more masculine 541 00:29:49,440 --> 00:29:52,280 Speaker 1: embodied woman. Right, this is going to be on a 542 00:29:52,360 --> 00:29:56,840 Speaker 1: unique spectrum for you. For me, I cannot do more 543 00:29:56,880 --> 00:30:00,320 Speaker 1: than like three meetings a day, and I can't be 544 00:30:00,320 --> 00:30:03,600 Speaker 1: responding to like scheduling and tech and it like a 545 00:30:03,680 --> 00:30:05,480 Speaker 1: man might be able to do that and like it 546 00:30:05,600 --> 00:30:08,760 Speaker 1: not tacks his energetic field. For me, like every single 547 00:30:08,800 --> 00:30:12,560 Speaker 1: piece of interaction takes a little piece from me, right 548 00:30:13,160 --> 00:30:15,840 Speaker 1: for me to be successful, I just know I have 549 00:30:15,880 --> 00:30:18,080 Speaker 1: to do it a little different. So I just want 550 00:30:18,080 --> 00:30:19,760 Speaker 1: to give that kind of statement of it's not that 551 00:30:19,840 --> 00:30:24,200 Speaker 1: because you're a woman, you can't just yeah, it's hard 552 00:30:24,240 --> 00:30:26,480 Speaker 1: to put it that into words, but I like, I 553 00:30:26,520 --> 00:30:28,600 Speaker 1: think we're you and I are saying the same thing too, 554 00:30:28,640 --> 00:30:32,400 Speaker 1: And I think sometimes maybe i've presented it publicly as 555 00:30:32,480 --> 00:30:34,880 Speaker 1: like no, it's not it's not that, it's not the 556 00:30:34,920 --> 00:30:37,600 Speaker 1: girl Boss, but it's like what you just said, like 557 00:30:37,640 --> 00:30:40,000 Speaker 1: our day for me at least, And maybe there are 558 00:30:40,080 --> 00:30:43,480 Speaker 1: women who operate differently, But like, I didn't realize how 559 00:30:43,760 --> 00:30:47,040 Speaker 1: much I was inhibiting myself by operating on such a 560 00:30:47,160 --> 00:30:50,520 Speaker 1: strict schedule with no pause, Like I have to have 561 00:30:50,640 --> 00:30:53,880 Speaker 1: pause to set into myself and now there will be 562 00:30:53,960 --> 00:30:56,640 Speaker 1: days where I have to walk myself back from my 563 00:30:56,760 --> 00:31:00,200 Speaker 1: shame that I need a break, Like it takes. It's 564 00:31:00,240 --> 00:31:02,640 Speaker 1: taking a lot of rewiring for me to be like 565 00:31:02,720 --> 00:31:08,200 Speaker 1: it's okay to not be everywhere all the time, posting 566 00:31:08,240 --> 00:31:11,240 Speaker 1: all the time, doing all this stuff, Like it's more 567 00:31:11,320 --> 00:31:16,440 Speaker 1: about quality for me instead of like quantity. Maybe I 568 00:31:16,480 --> 00:31:20,360 Speaker 1: don't know. I still have that. I still often I'm like, 569 00:31:20,760 --> 00:31:23,160 Speaker 1: my story is a little different. I'm like, who am 570 00:31:23,200 --> 00:31:26,200 Speaker 1: I to delegate all this to my assistant? Who am 571 00:31:26,240 --> 00:31:28,000 Speaker 1: I to say that I can only do three meetings 572 00:31:28,000 --> 00:31:31,240 Speaker 1: a day? Like, right, I have those stories come up, 573 00:31:31,360 --> 00:31:33,800 Speaker 1: and then I have to walk myself back to Like 574 00:31:33,840 --> 00:31:37,320 Speaker 1: if that's not enough, then I don't know what to 575 00:31:37,320 --> 00:31:40,120 Speaker 1: tell you. Yeah, I tell you tell me, you know, 576 00:31:42,040 --> 00:31:44,400 Speaker 1: Like I, as I've gotten deeper on my journey, I 577 00:31:44,440 --> 00:31:47,440 Speaker 1: just know what my capacity is for the world to 578 00:31:47,560 --> 00:31:51,240 Speaker 1: get the most embodied and liberated and pure version of me. 579 00:31:51,440 --> 00:31:53,960 Speaker 1: I can go faster and do more, but you're gonna 580 00:31:54,000 --> 00:31:56,840 Speaker 1: get like the short tempered, the not as embodied than 581 00:31:56,880 --> 00:31:59,560 Speaker 1: not as intuitive version of me. And I don't like 582 00:31:59,680 --> 00:32:03,320 Speaker 1: that for as much. So right, what's not bringing your 583 00:32:03,440 --> 00:32:09,640 Speaker 1: full skill set to the table. That seems like the 584 00:32:09,720 --> 00:32:11,400 Speaker 1: way that I heard you just say that seems like 585 00:32:11,400 --> 00:32:15,840 Speaker 1: it comes with a lot of self acceptance, confidence and 586 00:32:15,880 --> 00:32:18,680 Speaker 1: who you are, appreciation for who you actually are, and 587 00:32:18,760 --> 00:32:23,400 Speaker 1: not trying to be any different than that. Yeah. Yeah, Well, 588 00:32:23,480 --> 00:32:29,040 Speaker 1: let's talk a little bit about tapping into pleasure practice 589 00:32:29,440 --> 00:32:32,760 Speaker 1: and what that looks like. I know you mentioned you 590 00:32:32,760 --> 00:32:34,680 Speaker 1: were like, I can go really far with this or 591 00:32:34,720 --> 00:32:37,080 Speaker 1: I can keep it a little service level. I tend 592 00:32:37,120 --> 00:32:39,360 Speaker 1: to go really far. So let's just go so talk 593 00:32:39,400 --> 00:32:44,440 Speaker 1: about it. Oh yes, Oh where do you even start? 594 00:32:44,800 --> 00:32:48,680 Speaker 1: Is I think that this when people first hear me 595 00:32:48,720 --> 00:32:52,560 Speaker 1: talk about it, it gets misunderstood. Okay, and I'll just 596 00:32:52,600 --> 00:32:54,959 Speaker 1: say what I'm not saying. What I'm not saying is 597 00:32:55,200 --> 00:32:57,480 Speaker 1: bring pleasure in to just like take a break from 598 00:32:57,520 --> 00:33:01,720 Speaker 1: the pain or toxic positivity, like feel the good and everything. 599 00:33:01,800 --> 00:33:05,280 Speaker 1: It's so not that like bringing up can actually be 600 00:33:05,480 --> 00:33:10,320 Speaker 1: such a deep and painful initiation at first. Okay, we're 601 00:33:10,320 --> 00:33:13,760 Speaker 1: bringing up any residual shame that maybe we were unaware 602 00:33:13,760 --> 00:33:17,440 Speaker 1: of or aware of. We're bringing up new layers of vulnerability. 603 00:33:17,760 --> 00:33:20,480 Speaker 1: We're feeling things deeper you can't have. Like we've talked 604 00:33:20,480 --> 00:33:23,440 Speaker 1: about you can't have pleasure without feeling. So we're up 605 00:33:23,480 --> 00:33:27,360 Speaker 1: a whole new spectrum of feeling. But one of the 606 00:33:27,360 --> 00:33:29,840 Speaker 1: things that has been time and time again, it's funny, 607 00:33:29,840 --> 00:33:31,959 Speaker 1: it's what I get the most pushed back for and 608 00:33:32,000 --> 00:33:34,920 Speaker 1: then also the most like Holy Bucket worked for. So 609 00:33:35,040 --> 00:33:41,600 Speaker 1: the balance in contrast, yes, but is pleasure for alcomizing 610 00:33:41,600 --> 00:33:46,280 Speaker 1: and like moving pain through the body. And what I'm 611 00:33:46,280 --> 00:33:48,440 Speaker 1: seeing with women is women are coming to me and 612 00:33:48,480 --> 00:33:53,360 Speaker 1: they're having these big fears, these big moments of grief, 613 00:33:53,480 --> 00:33:58,720 Speaker 1: these really painful experiences happening in their life. And when 614 00:33:58,760 --> 00:34:00,719 Speaker 1: I tell them that we want to do this practice 615 00:34:00,720 --> 00:34:02,440 Speaker 1: with them, they're like, how the fuck do you expect 616 00:34:02,440 --> 00:34:04,680 Speaker 1: me to feel this? Even more it's already taking over 617 00:34:04,840 --> 00:34:06,680 Speaker 1: my life, like I'm going to sink into the abyss 618 00:34:06,720 --> 00:34:10,640 Speaker 1: and not yeah, which is again is the mind, the 619 00:34:10,719 --> 00:34:12,440 Speaker 1: mind saying like it's not safe to go there. The 620 00:34:12,480 --> 00:34:16,000 Speaker 1: body is fully equipped to feel all the way. And 621 00:34:16,040 --> 00:34:18,279 Speaker 1: so what we're doing in a pleasure practice to move pain. 622 00:34:18,440 --> 00:34:20,600 Speaker 1: And of course I'm guiding them through this, and then 623 00:34:20,640 --> 00:34:22,439 Speaker 1: they're taking it home to the privacy of their house 624 00:34:22,480 --> 00:34:27,280 Speaker 1: to do the practice. But we're essentially wrapping your body 625 00:34:27,480 --> 00:34:30,680 Speaker 1: in the full sensation of whatever the pain is. So 626 00:34:30,760 --> 00:34:34,080 Speaker 1: let's say I had a client lose a friend, a 627 00:34:34,080 --> 00:34:38,240 Speaker 1: friend died, and I had her wrap herself in the full, 628 00:34:38,719 --> 00:34:41,880 Speaker 1: full experience, like put on the sad playlist, take yourself 629 00:34:41,880 --> 00:34:44,399 Speaker 1: all the way there. We are always teetering in our 630 00:34:44,440 --> 00:34:48,040 Speaker 1: modern world of feeling it just enough, and it becomes 631 00:34:48,040 --> 00:34:50,439 Speaker 1: the scary monster under the bed that's like always there. 632 00:34:51,200 --> 00:34:53,239 Speaker 1: And so we create a safe space, you know, we 633 00:34:53,360 --> 00:34:55,120 Speaker 1: make sure there's someone in the house that you know 634 00:34:55,239 --> 00:34:58,920 Speaker 1: is there in case we need support. We put on 635 00:34:58,960 --> 00:35:01,920 Speaker 1: the sad song. We let our body feel it all 636 00:35:01,920 --> 00:35:05,160 Speaker 1: the way. We use the breath, we use movement practices 637 00:35:05,239 --> 00:35:07,960 Speaker 1: to open up the body so we're not in a restriction, 638 00:35:08,120 --> 00:35:09,920 Speaker 1: we're not in a freeze, we're not in a brace, 639 00:35:10,600 --> 00:35:13,960 Speaker 1: and we let the emotion come as it will. Sometimes 640 00:35:13,960 --> 00:35:18,239 Speaker 1: it's through sound, sometimes it's shaking, sometimes it's crying. And 641 00:35:18,600 --> 00:35:20,279 Speaker 1: mind you, these women have been working with me now 642 00:35:20,320 --> 00:35:23,680 Speaker 1: for a time, so they've got some time. Yeah, and 643 00:35:23,719 --> 00:35:26,399 Speaker 1: then we eventually start to bring touch into their body. 644 00:35:26,400 --> 00:35:29,000 Speaker 1: They're doing this on their own, but bringing touch in 645 00:35:29,080 --> 00:35:31,800 Speaker 1: so we're still connecting with the body even in deep 646 00:35:31,880 --> 00:35:35,520 Speaker 1: grief and deep pain and deep fear, and eventually it 647 00:35:35,560 --> 00:35:38,160 Speaker 1: takes as long as it takes, but they bring pleasure in. 648 00:35:38,280 --> 00:35:41,239 Speaker 1: They move into a self pleasure practice because what starts 649 00:35:41,280 --> 00:35:45,279 Speaker 1: to happen is we dissolve this barrier of pleasure and pain. 650 00:35:45,719 --> 00:35:49,160 Speaker 1: It becomes one, It becomes one big sensation. And if 651 00:35:49,200 --> 00:35:52,280 Speaker 1: they can get themselves to pique pleasure to an orgasmic state, 652 00:35:52,760 --> 00:35:55,640 Speaker 1: the vibration of the orgasm can actually start to move 653 00:35:55,719 --> 00:35:59,200 Speaker 1: that pain fully through the body and the sounds woo woo. 654 00:35:59,320 --> 00:36:03,400 Speaker 1: It's actually very like how our bodies were designed totally. 655 00:36:03,440 --> 00:36:06,680 Speaker 1: You know, it makes complete sense to me, because energy 656 00:36:06,680 --> 00:36:10,400 Speaker 1: in its natural state is moving. When energy stops moving, 657 00:36:10,440 --> 00:36:14,359 Speaker 1: it becomes disorganized. It shows up, as you know, all 658 00:36:14,400 --> 00:36:16,520 Speaker 1: of the ways it shows up in our physical body 659 00:36:16,560 --> 00:36:20,400 Speaker 1: in our daily life. So when we can be courageous 660 00:36:20,520 --> 00:36:23,719 Speaker 1: enough to feel that scary feeling, that painful feeling all 661 00:36:23,760 --> 00:36:27,239 Speaker 1: of the way and hold ourselves with pleasure right there 662 00:36:27,320 --> 00:36:30,000 Speaker 1: next to it, and then bring ourselves to that peak 663 00:36:30,080 --> 00:36:32,360 Speaker 1: experience of letting it move all the way through the body, 664 00:36:32,640 --> 00:36:36,200 Speaker 1: there is so much liberation and freedom on that other side. 665 00:36:36,400 --> 00:36:39,120 Speaker 1: And I've yet to have a client not experience it. Really. 666 00:36:40,160 --> 00:36:42,040 Speaker 1: Watch after this, I'll have like a bunch of women 667 00:36:42,080 --> 00:36:47,880 Speaker 1: that I'm triggering. So far, I've never had a woman. 668 00:36:48,760 --> 00:36:51,080 Speaker 1: I've had women. Wait, you know, some women go through 669 00:36:51,080 --> 00:36:53,279 Speaker 1: SELM and they never even try it and then I 670 00:36:53,280 --> 00:36:55,239 Speaker 1: get a text six months later and they're like, oh 671 00:36:55,280 --> 00:37:00,400 Speaker 1: my god, we didn't it happened. Yeah, I actually had 672 00:37:00,400 --> 00:37:04,480 Speaker 1: that experience. I was thinking this was crazy, but a 673 00:37:04,520 --> 00:37:06,399 Speaker 1: friend of mine was like, you should go try this 674 00:37:06,520 --> 00:37:11,320 Speaker 1: tontric massage thing. And there was no that this sounds 675 00:37:11,360 --> 00:37:13,439 Speaker 1: like I was like getting a happy ending. It wasn't 676 00:37:13,480 --> 00:37:20,080 Speaker 1: like that, but it was the experience of using breath 677 00:37:20,520 --> 00:37:24,480 Speaker 1: and someone else's energy to help shift, Like I could 678 00:37:24,560 --> 00:37:28,239 Speaker 1: physically feel energy shifting in my body and like you said, 679 00:37:28,239 --> 00:37:32,239 Speaker 1: a lot of sound and release, and then she sent 680 00:37:32,320 --> 00:37:34,280 Speaker 1: me home with homework just like what you're talking about. 681 00:37:34,320 --> 00:37:37,839 Speaker 1: And like, I think that it does sound scary, especially 682 00:37:38,000 --> 00:37:41,319 Speaker 1: as women. It's like I don't remember being taught that 683 00:37:41,320 --> 00:37:44,040 Speaker 1: that was okay, you know, Like I do feel like 684 00:37:44,120 --> 00:37:45,759 Speaker 1: men have a little bit of a leg up on 685 00:37:45,880 --> 00:37:49,279 Speaker 1: us there because they're taught that that is good from 686 00:37:49,400 --> 00:37:52,239 Speaker 1: day one, and we're taught to make sure they have 687 00:37:52,360 --> 00:37:55,640 Speaker 1: good like but it's there's some sort of tie where 688 00:37:55,680 --> 00:37:58,840 Speaker 1: it's like when you can shift into actually feeling the 689 00:37:58,960 --> 00:38:01,880 Speaker 1: energy within your body, there is so much power and 690 00:38:02,000 --> 00:38:06,439 Speaker 1: so much release in a different way of just like, 691 00:38:06,520 --> 00:38:09,040 Speaker 1: oh yeah, that felt really good. I had an orgasm 692 00:38:09,120 --> 00:38:13,000 Speaker 1: or whatever. It's like a full body release, an expression 693 00:38:13,160 --> 00:38:16,600 Speaker 1: of emotion and all of that. Yeah, and I'm not right. 694 00:38:16,719 --> 00:38:19,680 Speaker 1: I don't know if that even made sense. Oh for sure. 695 00:38:19,800 --> 00:38:22,440 Speaker 1: And I think when we which we haven't been taught this, 696 00:38:22,600 --> 00:38:25,400 Speaker 1: but when we stop seeing even just the orgasm or 697 00:38:25,400 --> 00:38:29,359 Speaker 1: sexuality as that was good or that wasn't good, and 698 00:38:30,320 --> 00:38:33,359 Speaker 1: as your body is a vessel that can heal you, 699 00:38:33,600 --> 00:38:36,160 Speaker 1: like your body every single thing it needs to heal you, 700 00:38:36,200 --> 00:38:39,880 Speaker 1: the sound frequency through your voice, the vibration through your orgasm, 701 00:38:39,920 --> 00:38:43,680 Speaker 1: and your breath, the movement, your body has everything, And 702 00:38:43,719 --> 00:38:46,960 Speaker 1: so sometimes yeah, your orgasms and a sex magic practice 703 00:38:47,040 --> 00:38:51,240 Speaker 1: might look and sound like death. Yeah, what you're seeing imporn. 704 00:38:51,400 --> 00:38:54,640 Speaker 1: It's not what you've been taught. Like, No, when we 705 00:38:54,640 --> 00:38:58,719 Speaker 1: see ourselves as a healing vehicle, I think all that 706 00:38:58,760 --> 00:39:04,280 Speaker 1: starts to shift. I love that. I love that expression. Um, well, 707 00:39:04,320 --> 00:39:08,880 Speaker 1: if people are looking okay, let's say someone is listening 708 00:39:08,920 --> 00:39:10,640 Speaker 1: to this and they're like, you know what, my life 709 00:39:10,760 --> 00:39:14,600 Speaker 1: is pretty good though, but I'm feeling that unfulfilled feeling. 710 00:39:14,640 --> 00:39:16,840 Speaker 1: Like what would you say would be a good place 711 00:39:16,880 --> 00:39:21,399 Speaker 1: to start? You know, a lot of women do come 712 00:39:21,480 --> 00:39:24,120 Speaker 1: and well, I wouldn't say a lot. Most women come 713 00:39:24,160 --> 00:39:29,040 Speaker 1: to me pretty struggling, but they're like things are good, 714 00:39:29,040 --> 00:39:31,880 Speaker 1: but I want what you have, Like I want I 715 00:39:31,920 --> 00:39:34,320 Speaker 1: want full expression, I want vulnerability. I just want to 716 00:39:34,360 --> 00:39:37,640 Speaker 1: feel more free. And it's like wherever you are is 717 00:39:37,680 --> 00:39:40,839 Speaker 1: a perfect place to start, as long as there is 718 00:39:40,880 --> 00:39:44,759 Speaker 1: a enough willingness to come in and not you know, 719 00:39:44,800 --> 00:39:46,640 Speaker 1: to come in with the beginner's mindset and come in 720 00:39:46,719 --> 00:39:52,760 Speaker 1: open to seeing a different perspective and knocking your way. Yeah, 721 00:39:52,840 --> 00:39:54,880 Speaker 1: and like wherever you are is a perfect place to start. 722 00:39:55,080 --> 00:39:57,160 Speaker 1: I don't know that there's that there's much more to 723 00:39:57,680 --> 00:40:01,480 Speaker 1: it than that, um, start up a practice with yourself, 724 00:40:02,080 --> 00:40:05,640 Speaker 1: just especially if you're in that category of high achieving, 725 00:40:05,719 --> 00:40:09,440 Speaker 1: fast paced, like challenge yourself, can you do five minutes 726 00:40:09,480 --> 00:40:11,319 Speaker 1: a day? Because if you can't, we've got some things 727 00:40:11,320 --> 00:40:15,520 Speaker 1: to change, stood there. Yeah, and I heard just a 728 00:40:15,520 --> 00:40:19,479 Speaker 1: lot of maybe if you feel like you're lacking joy 729 00:40:19,600 --> 00:40:22,200 Speaker 1: or fulfillment, and like, I think that we can have 730 00:40:22,320 --> 00:40:26,280 Speaker 1: a lot in our material world and still have those 731 00:40:26,320 --> 00:40:29,600 Speaker 1: feelings and so if you or like for me, it 732 00:40:29,719 --> 00:40:33,600 Speaker 1: was I just didn't know myself. And as much as 733 00:40:33,640 --> 00:40:36,640 Speaker 1: I thought I was like an independent thinker, when I 734 00:40:36,680 --> 00:40:38,520 Speaker 1: really sat with myself and someone would be like, well, 735 00:40:38,560 --> 00:40:40,000 Speaker 1: what do you like? What do you want to do? 736 00:40:40,080 --> 00:40:43,960 Speaker 1: And I was like, I have no fucking clue. Like literally, 737 00:40:44,000 --> 00:40:46,520 Speaker 1: even though I had a lot of outwardly success or 738 00:40:46,560 --> 00:40:49,200 Speaker 1: people were like, oh, you're killing it, I just couldn't 739 00:40:49,200 --> 00:40:52,000 Speaker 1: even tap into what my own desires were in life. 740 00:40:52,880 --> 00:40:58,319 Speaker 1: And you know that you didn't know. Does that make sense? Yeah? 741 00:40:59,120 --> 00:41:01,200 Speaker 1: I don't know if it was that tangible as like 742 00:41:01,280 --> 00:41:04,000 Speaker 1: this one moment, because it was over such a long 743 00:41:04,080 --> 00:41:08,080 Speaker 1: period of time of just like having that question asked 744 00:41:08,160 --> 00:41:10,800 Speaker 1: and then trying to maybe like learn through my mind, 745 00:41:11,040 --> 00:41:13,279 Speaker 1: and like you said, I needed all of that foundation 746 00:41:13,400 --> 00:41:16,520 Speaker 1: and I needed to understand my childhood and my past 747 00:41:16,520 --> 00:41:19,520 Speaker 1: and how any of that was affecting me. But then 748 00:41:20,120 --> 00:41:22,560 Speaker 1: I think what happened was just getting to the place 749 00:41:22,600 --> 00:41:26,640 Speaker 1: of like complete crash. And so I obviously would hope 750 00:41:26,640 --> 00:41:28,360 Speaker 1: that no one else has to get to that point, 751 00:41:28,400 --> 00:41:30,160 Speaker 1: but for me, it was I had to get to 752 00:41:30,200 --> 00:41:33,480 Speaker 1: the place of like, I physically can't do this anymore, 753 00:41:34,280 --> 00:41:37,279 Speaker 1: and then my mind shutting down, and then like just 754 00:41:37,360 --> 00:41:39,080 Speaker 1: all of it was all at the same time to 755 00:41:39,200 --> 00:41:41,640 Speaker 1: just be like, Okay, something's got to give and I 756 00:41:41,719 --> 00:41:43,640 Speaker 1: have to stop. Like it was just like I had 757 00:41:43,680 --> 00:41:46,440 Speaker 1: to stop. Yeah, you know, ideally we don't all have 758 00:41:46,520 --> 00:41:50,040 Speaker 1: to hit rock bottom or before we get there, but 759 00:41:50,080 --> 00:41:52,239 Speaker 1: I think many of us do because one thing that 760 00:41:52,760 --> 00:41:54,239 Speaker 1: a lot of I have a woman I'm working with 761 00:41:54,239 --> 00:41:56,120 Speaker 1: one on one right now, and she's still she's been 762 00:41:56,120 --> 00:41:57,520 Speaker 1: with me for six months, and every once in a 763 00:41:57,560 --> 00:42:00,719 Speaker 1: while has that like, but I do you actually have 764 00:42:00,800 --> 00:42:02,919 Speaker 1: a good life? Like who am I to even want more? 765 00:42:03,400 --> 00:42:06,160 Speaker 1: Like son't you know? There's the element of we don't 766 00:42:06,160 --> 00:42:08,040 Speaker 1: know what we want? And then there's also this like 767 00:42:08,200 --> 00:42:10,239 Speaker 1: am I allowed to want more? Like there's a whole 768 00:42:10,239 --> 00:42:13,799 Speaker 1: world struggling out there like am I allowed? And what 769 00:42:13,840 --> 00:42:16,160 Speaker 1: I'll say to that is like you and your highest 770 00:42:16,200 --> 00:42:19,319 Speaker 1: expression is really fucking good for everyone around you, Like 771 00:42:20,000 --> 00:42:22,399 Speaker 1: people in their body, more people in their truth, more 772 00:42:22,400 --> 00:42:25,800 Speaker 1: people healing. Like one of my like mottos and selm 773 00:42:25,920 --> 00:42:28,080 Speaker 1: is what's best for you is inherently what's best for 774 00:42:28,120 --> 00:42:31,320 Speaker 1: those around you. So yeah, I agree, you are worthy 775 00:42:31,320 --> 00:42:37,160 Speaker 1: of more. Yeah, yeah, we do themes every month we 776 00:42:37,239 --> 00:42:40,480 Speaker 1: do like a word, and this month is metamorphosis. And 777 00:42:40,560 --> 00:42:43,520 Speaker 1: so if you had to look at some of maybe 778 00:42:43,560 --> 00:42:46,520 Speaker 1: your journey and then now what you're seeing and the 779 00:42:46,560 --> 00:42:50,120 Speaker 1: women that you work with, what does metamorphosis look like? 780 00:42:50,680 --> 00:42:55,640 Speaker 1: The first thing that's coming through is like letting die 781 00:42:56,120 --> 00:43:01,040 Speaker 1: everything you thought was the thing. Yeah, and die the 782 00:43:01,880 --> 00:43:06,160 Speaker 1: safety nets, even some of the tools you know that 783 00:43:06,200 --> 00:43:10,600 Speaker 1: we're like latching onto, because the true freedom is like 784 00:43:10,719 --> 00:43:12,439 Speaker 1: who you be when you don't have any of that? 785 00:43:12,840 --> 00:43:15,680 Speaker 1: Like you know, I'm going through. Me and my partner 786 00:43:15,719 --> 00:43:18,359 Speaker 1: are going through some pretty large challenges right now in life, 787 00:43:18,440 --> 00:43:22,440 Speaker 1: not together but externally. Yeah, there's some moments where I'm like, 788 00:43:22,480 --> 00:43:24,560 Speaker 1: I'm like looking in my tool bag. I don't fucking 789 00:43:24,600 --> 00:43:26,799 Speaker 1: have the tool, Like yeah, teacher, and I don't fucking 790 00:43:26,800 --> 00:43:30,520 Speaker 1: have the tool. Yeah. Like metamorphosis has been like who 791 00:43:30,560 --> 00:43:33,719 Speaker 1: do you be when it's dark as fuck and like, 792 00:43:33,920 --> 00:43:37,120 Speaker 1: my life's out and you've got nothing but you and 793 00:43:37,239 --> 00:43:39,120 Speaker 1: I hope And that's my intention that that's what I'm 794 00:43:39,120 --> 00:43:42,480 Speaker 1: bringing my students, is that ability of having yourself without 795 00:43:42,480 --> 00:43:44,319 Speaker 1: the books and the podcast and the tools and the 796 00:43:44,360 --> 00:43:47,600 Speaker 1: meds and all the things. I love that without the 797 00:43:47,680 --> 00:43:51,239 Speaker 1: safety nets. Um, okay, Well, if anyone is listening and 798 00:43:51,320 --> 00:43:53,440 Speaker 1: they are interested in the program, I know you also 799 00:43:53,560 --> 00:43:55,799 Speaker 1: do a big trip. Can you talk a little bit 800 00:43:55,800 --> 00:43:58,919 Speaker 1: about what that is. Yeah, So salam is the three 801 00:43:58,920 --> 00:44:02,279 Speaker 1: month container and then the option if you want to 802 00:44:02,360 --> 00:44:04,799 Speaker 1: keep working and keep diving deeper. We let women who 803 00:44:04,840 --> 00:44:07,960 Speaker 1: have gone through SELM come into embodied leaders and that's 804 00:44:07,960 --> 00:44:11,040 Speaker 1: just and that's like deep dive. We have guest speakers. 805 00:44:11,080 --> 00:44:14,319 Speaker 1: Women who go through that are exercising their leadership and 806 00:44:14,320 --> 00:44:17,040 Speaker 1: they're leading some of the calls and through that is 807 00:44:17,080 --> 00:44:19,920 Speaker 1: the Rewilding Retreat. And so we go to Costa Rica. 808 00:44:20,080 --> 00:44:22,759 Speaker 1: We spend a week and a half. We're doing all 809 00:44:22,760 --> 00:44:26,120 Speaker 1: the work and we're refusing pleasure and like it's so 810 00:44:26,200 --> 00:44:28,920 Speaker 1: important to me to bring women into a space of 811 00:44:28,920 --> 00:44:31,440 Speaker 1: like the work it gets to be enjoyable. I so 812 00:44:31,640 --> 00:44:33,600 Speaker 1: don't want to the field of like we have to 813 00:44:33,640 --> 00:44:35,440 Speaker 1: be in the dark and in the fight every day 814 00:44:35,480 --> 00:44:38,200 Speaker 1: and bring up your shadow Like, yeah, life's going to 815 00:44:38,280 --> 00:44:42,120 Speaker 1: do that already. Yeah, So we surf. The surf medicine 816 00:44:42,200 --> 00:44:45,640 Speaker 1: is real. We do a psilocybin practice a ceremony there 817 00:44:46,200 --> 00:44:49,319 Speaker 1: and r in the all away from all the distractions 818 00:44:49,360 --> 00:44:55,520 Speaker 1: and just you, your sisters, the Truth Nature Amazing once 819 00:44:55,560 --> 00:44:58,440 Speaker 1: a year and it's for people who gone through gone okay, 820 00:44:59,160 --> 00:45:01,319 Speaker 1: So if anyone is interested in any of that, where 821 00:45:01,320 --> 00:45:04,520 Speaker 1: would they find you? Right now? The best place is 822 00:45:04,560 --> 00:45:08,719 Speaker 1: just going to Instagram Ray Chech. Every post is going 823 00:45:08,800 --> 00:45:10,600 Speaker 1: to give you a little bit of insight of SELM. 824 00:45:10,640 --> 00:45:13,440 Speaker 1: There's highlight reels about SELM, and then there's an application 825 00:45:13,440 --> 00:45:16,640 Speaker 1: in my bio and if we get you know, if 826 00:45:16,640 --> 00:45:19,319 Speaker 1: we're halfway through a cohort and we get enough applications, 827 00:45:19,400 --> 00:45:21,680 Speaker 1: we're always open to starting new cohorts and kind of 828 00:45:21,719 --> 00:45:26,799 Speaker 1: staggering them. So we run Salm all year long. Amazing, right, 829 00:45:26,920 --> 00:45:28,760 Speaker 1: thank you for being here. I'm so glad we finally 830 00:45:28,760 --> 00:45:30,719 Speaker 1: got to connect. And I'll put all the info for 831 00:45:30,760 --> 00:45:33,319 Speaker 1: you guys in the description of this podcast. Go check 832 00:45:33,320 --> 00:45:35,160 Speaker 1: it out. I just love your Instagram page in general 833 00:45:35,200 --> 00:45:36,760 Speaker 1: because I feel like you have a lot of wisdom 834 00:45:36,800 --> 00:45:38,880 Speaker 1: and a lot of this energy comes through. So if 835 00:45:38,920 --> 00:45:42,040 Speaker 1: you guys for feeling that to go check that out 836 00:45:42,040 --> 00:45:45,160 Speaker 1: as well. Again, Thank you, thank you so much. It 837 00:45:45,280 --> 00:45:46,680 Speaker 1: was so good to be here and connect with you 838 00:45:46,719 --> 00:45:49,120 Speaker 1: in this way. Thank you guys for listening. Thanks for 839 00:45:49,200 --> 00:45:52,160 Speaker 1: listening to the Velvet's Edge podcast with Kelly Henderson, where 840 00:45:52,160 --> 00:45:55,080 Speaker 1: we believe everyone has a little velvet and a little edge. 841 00:45:55,320 --> 00:45:59,640 Speaker 1: Subscribe for more conversations on life, style, beauty and relationships. 842 00:46:00,000 --> 00:46:06,040 Speaker 1: Search Velvet's Edge wherever you get your podcasts. M HM