WEBVTT - This Isn't Co-Parenting 0:00:00.160 --> 0:00:04.240 Hello, gorgeous. It's La La Kent. Welcome to Untraditionally Laala. 0:00:06.559 --> 0:00:07.760 Hey babe, Welcome to the. 0:00:07.760 --> 0:00:12.920 Bonus episode of Untraditionally Lala. I had a listener call 0:00:13.000 --> 0:00:16.120 in and leave a message that I think a lot 0:00:16.120 --> 0:00:20.599 of parents who have gone through a separation, divorce, custody situation. 0:00:21.160 --> 0:00:23.119 I'm going to insert it and then we're going to 0:00:23.200 --> 0:00:25.040 discuss and I can't wait. 0:00:25.320 --> 0:00:27.920 Hey Lala, my name is Jessica, and I just wanted 0:00:27.960 --> 0:00:30.360 to leave a message because your podcast has truly helped 0:00:30.360 --> 0:00:32.080 me through some of the hardest years of my life. 0:00:32.640 --> 0:00:34.920 I've been divorced for homost four years now, and so 0:00:35.040 --> 0:00:38.080 much of what you talk about resonates with me. Like you, 0:00:38.680 --> 0:00:41.840 I feel I'm not really co parenting. I'm parenting alongside 0:00:41.840 --> 0:00:44.479 someone who is completely apps and emotionally and impossible to 0:00:44.520 --> 0:00:47.760 communicate with. Every concern to bring up has immediately turned 0:00:47.760 --> 0:00:50.159 into me attacking him instead of us working together for 0:00:50.240 --> 0:00:52.320 the kids. I have an eight year old son and 0:00:52.360 --> 0:00:54.680 a five year old daughter. My daughter is finally at 0:00:54.720 --> 0:00:56.760 the age where she's able to express her feelings and 0:00:56.760 --> 0:01:00.360 it's heartbreaking. Exchanges are often full of tears, so I'm 0:01:00.400 --> 0:01:03.080 usually one comforting her, redirecting her, and helping her process 0:01:03.120 --> 0:01:05.919 or emotions. Our dad just sits there and says nothing. 0:01:06.440 --> 0:01:09.039 Shortly after we filed for divorce, he got another woman 0:01:09.120 --> 0:01:11.600 pregnant within a month. Since then, there has been so 0:01:11.760 --> 0:01:15.840 many cross boundaries. His girlfriend has inserted herself into situations 0:01:15.880 --> 0:01:18.600 at school, and my daughter often comes home telling me 0:01:18.680 --> 0:01:21.160 how mean she is to her. But when I try 0:01:21.160 --> 0:01:24.080 to address it, I'm told I'm causing problems or attacking him. 0:01:24.400 --> 0:01:26.640 Then suddenly my daughter comes back with new toys or 0:01:26.640 --> 0:01:28.560 gifts the next week, and it feels like they're trying 0:01:28.640 --> 0:01:31.240 to buy her affection instead of addressing the actual issues. 0:01:31.840 --> 0:01:34.120 There's so many days that I feel completely alone in 0:01:34.160 --> 0:01:39.720 this experience. Listening to you talk honestly about navigating narcissic behavior, heartbreak, 0:01:39.840 --> 0:01:42.840 motherhood boundaries, and finding yourself again as they you feel 0:01:42.920 --> 0:01:46.000 seen in a way that very few things have. Your 0:01:46.040 --> 0:01:48.840 podcast reminds me that I'm not crazy, I'm not alone, 0:01:48.880 --> 0:01:51.160 and there are so many other women walking through this too. 0:01:51.680 --> 0:01:53.480 I could ask you one question, it would be this, 0:01:53.880 --> 0:01:56.400 that's the biggest one of self care or self preservation 0:01:56.600 --> 0:01:58.960 you found that helps you keep you sane while dealing 0:01:58.960 --> 0:02:02.400 with high conflict coparent situation. Yeause some things, I feel 0:02:02.440 --> 0:02:05.480 like I'm carrying this emotional weight of everything and I'm 0:02:05.520 --> 0:02:07.480 still trying to figure out how to protect my peace. 0:02:07.920 --> 0:02:10.400 Thank you so much for being vulnerable, honest, and creating 0:02:10.440 --> 0:02:12.880 a space where women like me needs You'll understand. I 0:02:12.919 --> 0:02:14.680 appreciate you so much. Thanks. 0:02:15.000 --> 0:02:18.520 So this has so many different layers because at the 0:02:18.639 --> 0:02:21.960 very beginning, remember I'm five years out, so I have 0:02:23.080 --> 0:02:24.639 a thirty thousand foot view. 0:02:24.760 --> 0:02:25.919 I've had a lot of time. 0:02:25.720 --> 0:02:30.600 To process and discover what works what doesn't work. I've 0:02:30.639 --> 0:02:34.920 been in contact with many different family lawyers who have 0:02:35.120 --> 0:02:37.960 kind of given me the lay of the land, what's acceptable, 0:02:38.000 --> 0:02:42.720 what isn't. And it is one of the toughest roads 0:02:42.760 --> 0:02:46.120 to navigate co parenting. And there is a point in 0:02:46.120 --> 0:02:47.840 time where you have to throw your hands up and 0:02:47.880 --> 0:02:51.960 say this person is impossible to co parent with, and 0:02:52.000 --> 0:02:55.080 in order to protect my peace, I will parallel parent 0:02:55.160 --> 0:02:58.520 with them. Now, parallel parenting versus co parenting means that 0:02:58.560 --> 0:03:02.720 you do not necessarily work together. It's two very separate households. 0:03:03.040 --> 0:03:09.320 There's very little communication unless it's necessary. MYX and I 0:03:09.360 --> 0:03:12.080 pay for an app that we communicate through If you 0:03:12.120 --> 0:03:14.560 don't want to do that, you can you stick to 0:03:14.760 --> 0:03:20.000 just email because I know what's acceptable in court, right 0:03:20.080 --> 0:03:22.880 Like text messages don't really hold up. So that's why 0:03:22.960 --> 0:03:25.840 I went for the route of ofw which is our 0:03:25.880 --> 0:03:26.480 family wizard. 0:03:27.160 --> 0:03:29.600 I think the biggest thing is your piece. 0:03:29.800 --> 0:03:33.000 If you can learn to disconnect from this person and 0:03:33.120 --> 0:03:36.160 know that you are simply an energy source when you 0:03:36.240 --> 0:03:40.080 pop off, when you engage, when he gets you riled up, 0:03:40.400 --> 0:03:44.080 he has officially plugged in and now you're fucked. If 0:03:44.080 --> 0:03:47.600 it's not when you read his messages and he wants 0:03:47.640 --> 0:03:51.240 to call you a liar or you're causing problems, only 0:03:51.520 --> 0:03:56.560 acknowledge the things that are absolutely necessary. It's not your 0:03:56.680 --> 0:04:03.480 job to go back to I'm not a liar, I'm 0:04:03.560 --> 0:04:06.760 not just trying to cause problems. Stick to the facts 0:04:07.080 --> 0:04:12.720 about the child and leave the insults alone. Don't take 0:04:12.760 --> 0:04:16.120 them personally this person, and it's easier said than done. 0:04:16.160 --> 0:04:19.479 Like I remember, my entire household, including my mom and brother, 0:04:19.839 --> 0:04:22.640 were heavily affected when we were at the height of 0:04:22.680 --> 0:04:27.000 the custody situation. So the way that you conquer the 0:04:27.040 --> 0:04:33.479 peace is really being able to look at messages or 0:04:33.520 --> 0:04:37.760 communication with him and try to hone in on the 0:04:37.800 --> 0:04:41.320 things that actually matter, right, because I remember going back 0:04:41.360 --> 0:04:45.080 and forth on ofw just insanely and it was just 0:04:45.120 --> 0:04:47.000 such a fucking waste of time. I would have a 0:04:47.000 --> 0:04:50.480 more productive conversation with a brick wall. So leaving it 0:04:50.960 --> 0:04:54.200 just very simple, don't give him a lot, because again, 0:04:54.200 --> 0:04:55.760 you don't want him to be able to plug into you. 0:04:57.240 --> 0:05:01.680 With the girlfriend's situation. Oh, you're gonna. 0:05:01.400 --> 0:05:02.200 Remember this mom. 0:05:03.279 --> 0:05:08.560 When Ocean was little, she had really bad ezema and 0:05:09.240 --> 0:05:13.640 we were taking her off of like formula and things 0:05:13.680 --> 0:05:16.800 like that and implementing the whole milk. And I had 0:05:16.839 --> 0:05:20.680 sent him an ofw letting him know, like what we 0:05:20.800 --> 0:05:23.040 use at our house and what's best for her skin 0:05:23.279 --> 0:05:25.280 and all of these things. Well, the nanny reaches out 0:05:25.279 --> 0:05:28.039 to me and says that the new girlfriend had put 0:05:28.080 --> 0:05:32.160 together a grocery list, and she said that Ocean's skin 0:05:32.320 --> 0:05:38.159 needs to get used to other detergents and that she'll 0:05:38.200 --> 0:05:41.640 be fine drinking you know whatever other milk. She was 0:05:41.680 --> 0:05:43.800 basically saying, Ocean doesn't need those things, like this is 0:05:43.839 --> 0:05:45.400 what we're having and Ocean will get used to it. 0:05:45.440 --> 0:05:48.240 Ocean was very little when the nanny told me this. 0:05:49.640 --> 0:05:51.920 I did go buck wild, but I think you have. 0:05:51.880 --> 0:05:55.479 To really lay down the law of this is what 0:05:55.640 --> 0:05:59.120 is expected. When my child is over there, she is 0:05:59.160 --> 0:06:03.320 communicating with me, we have open dialogue. If I hear 0:06:03.800 --> 0:06:07.000 that she is being mistreated, I will have to take 0:06:07.040 --> 0:06:10.040 a different route and try to make it not threatening, 0:06:10.040 --> 0:06:11.640 because if you go to court, you don't want to threaten. 0:06:11.720 --> 0:06:14.279 I mean, I've learned a lot since the beginning of 0:06:14.320 --> 0:06:19.040 my custody situation, but really, chat GBT can to definitely 0:06:19.080 --> 0:06:22.239 help you out, Like this is what I want to say. 0:06:22.560 --> 0:06:26.680 Put it in legal terms, and just make sure that 0:06:26.760 --> 0:06:30.520 you continue having open dialogue and letting your child. 0:06:30.240 --> 0:06:32.159 Know that like you're safe at this house. 0:06:32.320 --> 0:06:34.960 She's gonna get older and kids clock when someone's trying 0:06:35.000 --> 0:06:36.400 to buy their love, like you don't have to tell 0:06:36.480 --> 0:06:39.000 them their love is being bought. They learn the difference 0:06:39.040 --> 0:06:42.120 between someone spending time with them and being nice and 0:06:42.200 --> 0:06:44.160 someone buying them shit and disappearing. 0:06:44.640 --> 0:06:45.640 She's going to get used to that. 0:06:46.279 --> 0:06:49.640 So when I was dealing at the very beginning with 0:06:49.680 --> 0:06:54.159 all of this, my I really leaned deep into my 0:06:54.279 --> 0:06:56.719 faith because I knew that what was going on was 0:06:56.800 --> 0:07:03.000 way bigger than me. And once you realize you don't 0:07:03.040 --> 0:07:08.320 have control over something, it is very freeing because just 0:07:08.360 --> 0:07:10.760 people by nature, especially when it comes to the most 0:07:10.880 --> 0:07:13.640 vulnerable piece of you, which is your heart also known 0:07:13.680 --> 0:07:17.760 as your children, are involved, it's hard to not have 0:07:17.880 --> 0:07:23.240 full control. So I would say the Serenity prayer over 0:07:23.400 --> 0:07:26.360 and over and over again, and I would as I 0:07:26.400 --> 0:07:28.200 would say it, which for those of you who don't 0:07:28.240 --> 0:07:30.600 know what it is, it's God, grant me the serenity 0:07:30.640 --> 0:07:32.320 to accept the things I cannot change. And then I 0:07:32.360 --> 0:07:35.280 would list the things I couldn't change, the courage to 0:07:35.400 --> 0:07:37.640 change the things I can what I can change, I 0:07:37.640 --> 0:07:40.720 would list them off, and the wisdom to know the difference, 0:07:40.840 --> 0:07:42.840 what is the difference between the two, and I would 0:07:42.960 --> 0:07:47.600 just loop on that over and over again. Then I 0:07:47.640 --> 0:07:53.760 would take sage and listen to this song by Lauren Daegel, 0:07:54.520 --> 0:07:58.239 which is trust in You, and it would talk about 0:07:58.640 --> 0:08:00.560 when you're not moving the mountain, that I need you 0:08:00.640 --> 0:08:04.520 to move, when you won't part the waters, and basically 0:08:04.560 --> 0:08:06.120 saying like I'm going to trust in your plan. 0:08:06.640 --> 0:08:07.440 So I would do that. 0:08:07.960 --> 0:08:11.440 I staged and then I light my Palo Santo and 0:08:11.440 --> 0:08:13.920 I would do it in the apartment bathroom and I 0:08:13.960 --> 0:08:17.600 would be sobbing during the Laurendego one, and then I'd 0:08:17.600 --> 0:08:22.360 turn on Break My Soul by Beyonce and Palo Santo. 0:08:22.160 --> 0:08:23.680 And I'm just look in the mirror and aren't. 0:08:23.440 --> 0:08:24.280 You will not bring my. 0:08:26.240 --> 0:08:26.360 Can? 0:08:26.440 --> 0:08:28.880 I also bring up one song that I feel like 0:08:29.120 --> 0:08:30.920 gave you a shitload of power. 0:08:31.080 --> 0:08:31.520 What one? 0:08:32.480 --> 0:08:35.880 I think it's Taylor Swift, but it's strong enough to 0:08:36.000 --> 0:08:39.480 kill a man. That when you were going through your 0:08:39.640 --> 0:08:43.040 worst times. I remember being in the range Rover. That's 0:08:43.040 --> 0:08:45.360 how long ago this was, yeah, and you turning that 0:08:45.640 --> 0:08:48.840 on and I would see a change in your demeanor 0:08:49.720 --> 0:08:52.520 like you felt like you were you were on your back, 0:08:52.640 --> 0:08:55.160 and right when that song came on, you would just 0:08:55.200 --> 0:08:56.720 see you. You would even like get up in the 0:08:56.760 --> 0:08:58.640 car and lean forward. I was like, Oh, this bitch 0:08:58.720 --> 0:09:01.880 is up, she's ready to fight that. So that song, 0:09:01.960 --> 0:09:05.040 I will say, just for me, turned you around to 0:09:05.559 --> 0:09:08.920 cat ice, sharp enough to kill a man. Whatever that 0:09:08.960 --> 0:09:13.240 one is that I feel like turned you into a beast. 0:09:13.600 --> 0:09:16.280 Oh and then when they talk about the egg wife. 0:09:17.559 --> 0:09:18.640 That you're thickest thieves. 0:09:18.679 --> 0:09:24.800 Now the thieves, she looks so pretty, Oh so good. 0:09:25.080 --> 0:09:28.040 No, I remember that really being a turnaround song for you. 0:09:28.240 --> 0:09:33.880 Yes, I think having a really good, like nighttime routine 0:09:33.960 --> 0:09:35.880 and before you go to bed, I highly recommend too 0:09:35.920 --> 0:09:42.320 magnesium to Hilarian root, baby yourself, give yourself a facial. 0:09:42.400 --> 0:09:45.760 Remember this is not your forever. Remember that you are powerful. 0:09:45.760 --> 0:09:48.240 And I know that this sounds so cheesy and so corny, 0:09:48.240 --> 0:09:50.080 but I would have to sit and look at myself 0:09:50.080 --> 0:09:53.560 in the mirror and watch myself sobbing and looking so 0:09:53.679 --> 0:09:56.360 broken and then having to say, now it's time to 0:09:56.440 --> 0:09:59.719 like put your fucking war paint on, because you're not 0:09:59.760 --> 0:10:01.520 gonna to take me out when it comes to my. 0:10:01.480 --> 0:10:04.679 Babies, like I will fuck your shit out. 0:10:05.320 --> 0:10:07.160 And you have to get into that mindset and find 0:10:07.160 --> 0:10:10.920 your good song, say that serenity, prayer, find whatever higher power. 0:10:10.960 --> 0:10:13.400 I don't care if it's a tree outside, you find 0:10:13.440 --> 0:10:15.800 it and you go. You're gonna be my saving grace 0:10:16.120 --> 0:10:18.880 when I'm feeling weak, I'm gonna need you to take 0:10:18.920 --> 0:10:22.439 over and be there to support me. And it changes 0:10:22.480 --> 0:10:27.360 everything I'm telling you without and I would recommend on 0:10:27.400 --> 0:10:30.640 hard days, don't drink. I'm not telling anyone to get sober. 0:10:31.440 --> 0:10:33.559 You're having a hard time and you're like, I need 0:10:33.600 --> 0:10:36.960 a cocktail. It makes everything so much worse. It heightens 0:10:37.000 --> 0:10:39.960 every emotion and then the next day get ready to 0:10:40.000 --> 0:10:41.280 want to drive your car off a cliff. 0:10:41.920 --> 0:10:43.480 YEA highly recommend. 0:10:43.880 --> 0:10:46.320 On the days that are good, crack open the wine, 0:10:46.559 --> 0:10:47.280 have a good time. 0:10:47.600 --> 0:10:53.800 The bad days alcohol, yes, get the placebo if you need. 0:10:53.960 --> 0:10:55.080 That is my advice. 0:11:08.600 --> 0:11:13.400 I think remembering nothing is forever. The bad times pass, 0:11:14.240 --> 0:11:16.320 but the good times also passed. So when you have 0:11:16.400 --> 0:11:21.160 the good days, I just relish in them and be grateful. 0:11:21.240 --> 0:11:22.199 Practice gratitude. 0:11:22.240 --> 0:11:24.680 When when you're in the gutter and you're like I am, 0:11:24.920 --> 0:11:28.040 at my wits end, try to think of the things 0:11:28.080 --> 0:11:29.760 that are going right in your life. And I think 0:11:29.800 --> 0:11:32.120 the biggest one is focusing on health with everything that 0:11:32.120 --> 0:11:33.599 my mom's been going through. 0:11:34.280 --> 0:11:40.560 Knowing that when everyone around you is healthy, you have 0:11:40.679 --> 0:11:42.800 life by the balls. Everything else is going to work 0:11:42.840 --> 0:11:43.400 itself out. 0:11:44.440 --> 0:11:47.920 And then I think the most one of the most 0:11:47.960 --> 0:11:51.600 important things too is finding your support system. I was 0:11:51.880 --> 0:11:56.200 fortunate enough to have my mom quit her job, leave 0:11:56.200 --> 0:11:59.560 her whole life behind, move out to be with me 0:11:59.760 --> 0:12:03.160 and watch ocean while also getting me on my feet 0:12:03.200 --> 0:12:06.760 and finding my new normal, which I love you for that, Mom. 0:12:07.520 --> 0:12:10.520 And then Easton followed shortly after, and I just had 0:12:10.559 --> 0:12:14.000 like I had my pod. That's for those of you 0:12:14.000 --> 0:12:16.240 who haven't watched vander Pump Rules, like my pod. I 0:12:16.280 --> 0:12:18.360 think of us as like orcas. No one leaves the pod, 0:12:18.400 --> 0:12:21.320 you just add to the pod. So if you don't 0:12:21.320 --> 0:12:24.920 have the luxury of being near family, find your close 0:12:25.000 --> 0:12:29.160 circle who you're safe with, and you can just pass 0:12:29.240 --> 0:12:33.240 the rock to. Because you guys saved me in so 0:12:33.400 --> 0:12:35.959 many of those moments. 0:12:36.280 --> 0:12:40.200 We're happy we could be available and do that. You 0:12:40.240 --> 0:12:41.960 were very strong. I hope you know that. 0:12:42.760 --> 0:12:44.880 I felt like I was on autopilot. I didn't even 0:12:44.920 --> 0:12:46.280 know how I was getting anything done. 0:12:46.320 --> 0:12:48.960 The autopilot. Hey, whatever you gotta do to get through 0:12:49.000 --> 0:12:51.080 I don't fucking care. Yeah you did it. 0:12:51.920 --> 0:12:55.240 I season for everybody else in the same thing, if 0:12:55.240 --> 0:12:57.199 you've got a fucking I like autopilot. 0:12:57.280 --> 0:12:58.679 Like, as long as you get through it, there's no 0:12:58.800 --> 0:12:59.520 right or wrong way. 0:12:59.600 --> 0:13:01.960 I agree with you get through it. 0:13:02.200 --> 0:13:02.320 Ye. 0:13:03.600 --> 0:13:05.120 Season ten of vander Pump Rules. 0:13:05.160 --> 0:13:07.800 I think I'm so fond of it because I feel 0:13:07.840 --> 0:13:11.760 like it quite literally saved my soul. Like I was 0:13:11.800 --> 0:13:15.240 in such a dark place and it gave me a 0:13:15.280 --> 0:13:20.040 sense of normalcy and somewhere to be and somewhere where 0:13:20.040 --> 0:13:22.080 I could share my feelings and what I was going 0:13:22.120 --> 0:13:24.960 through and my disdain for somebody, and I felt very 0:13:25.040 --> 0:13:26.520 heard and. 0:13:27.880 --> 0:13:30.199 Just filming all of that season. 0:13:30.320 --> 0:13:33.400 No, what a beautiful thing to feel like you can 0:13:33.480 --> 0:13:35.319 do that, Like they made you feel. 0:13:35.400 --> 0:13:38.480 Comfortable, Yeah, I felt like going home. 0:13:38.840 --> 0:13:40.760 Yeah, that's beautiful. 0:13:41.280 --> 0:13:42.520 Yeah. 0:13:42.559 --> 0:13:44.480 And then it was a place where other people were 0:13:44.520 --> 0:13:47.000 going through a lot too, so you it took you 0:13:47.040 --> 0:13:51.160 away from it took you out of self and made 0:13:51.160 --> 0:13:54.360 you focus on other people's hard times, and that articipate 0:13:54.440 --> 0:13:55.800 in that conversation. 0:13:55.320 --> 0:13:58.400 That also being said, Yeah, taking yourself out of self 0:13:58.559 --> 0:14:01.679 is like a huge thing that that you know, sobriety 0:14:01.720 --> 0:14:04.080 and AA has brought me because there's times where like 0:14:04.360 --> 0:14:07.960 I am thinking about myself, I'll make a call to 0:14:08.040 --> 0:14:12.240 not even my sponsor, just to somebody in the like community, 0:14:12.720 --> 0:14:14.160 and I'll just be like, how are you, and then 0:14:14.160 --> 0:14:16.760 they tell me like little things that have happened to them, 0:14:16.760 --> 0:14:18.400 and then I'm out of self and then by the 0:14:18.400 --> 0:14:20.479 time you hang up, you're like, I was worried. 0:14:20.240 --> 0:14:25.120 About my shit, okay, And it just helps. Yeah. 0:14:25.200 --> 0:14:28.000 I love that saying so much. My mom just said, 0:14:28.040 --> 0:14:30.520 when you lose yourself, you find yourself. You told me 0:14:30.560 --> 0:14:32.280 that at a really young age and that always stuck 0:14:32.320 --> 0:14:32.520 with me. 0:14:33.560 --> 0:14:36.200 I'm gonna start running with that one. I'm gonna lose 0:14:36.240 --> 0:14:38.760 everything I know, I'll find it. 0:14:38.960 --> 0:14:42.760 And you're just gonna find who you are. But it 0:14:42.840 --> 0:14:47.040 does I mean custody and co parenting situations. I think 0:14:47.120 --> 0:14:50.720 it's one of the most difficult because your children are 0:14:50.760 --> 0:14:55.760 at play and you have zero control. And then when 0:14:55.800 --> 0:14:58.600 you enter the family court system. That's why I try 0:14:58.600 --> 0:15:01.200 to tell people this when they think, think you go 0:15:01.360 --> 0:15:05.200 into that system and everything's just based off of logic, 0:15:07.480 --> 0:15:11.200 I'm like, you need to wake up very quickly because 0:15:11.480 --> 0:15:14.720 it is scary in there and very cruel. And if 0:15:14.760 --> 0:15:18.840 you don't come correct with zero, you have to disassociate 0:15:18.920 --> 0:15:24.400 and disconnect from your own child. You have to go 0:15:24.520 --> 0:15:27.600 in there and talk about them like your heart is 0:15:27.640 --> 0:15:32.240 not involved at all, or else you're looked at as 0:15:33.080 --> 0:15:37.400 scorned and unhinged and emotional and you're slapped on the 0:15:37.440 --> 0:15:41.360 wrist if you if you care in that way, in 0:15:41.400 --> 0:15:44.200 an emotional because you're supposed to care for your child 0:15:44.240 --> 0:15:45.000 in those ways. 0:15:45.200 --> 0:15:48.920 Yeah, and then you when you get into court, you can't. Okay, Yeah, 0:15:48.920 --> 0:15:50.600 but it's and it's true, Like I've seen you go 0:15:50.640 --> 0:15:52.600 through it and it is. So it's like the parent 0:15:52.720 --> 0:15:57.840 that you're supposed to be you are penalized for in court. 0:15:58.160 --> 0:16:02.240 M Yeah, you have to be very careful about what 0:16:02.320 --> 0:16:06.720 you say and how you say it. And I also 0:16:07.680 --> 0:16:09.680 it's a tough pill to swallow when you think there's 0:16:09.760 --> 0:16:12.400 some person sitting in a chair that's going to decide 0:16:12.400 --> 0:16:14.120 what is best for your child when they don't even 0:16:14.120 --> 0:16:15.880 know what their face looks like, they don't even know 0:16:15.920 --> 0:16:17.240 their name, you're a case. 0:16:17.320 --> 0:16:20.080 No, not only that best for my child. 0:16:21.720 --> 0:16:23.520 They don't know you, they don't know the dad, they 0:16:23.520 --> 0:16:24.160 don't know anything. 0:16:24.160 --> 0:16:26.560 They're literally seeing what's in front of them and making 0:16:26.600 --> 0:16:32.080 a hard guess. And to me, that needs to be changed. Yeah, 0:16:32.200 --> 0:16:37.400 we have what isn't it CP CPS. Yeah, it's like, okay, 0:16:37.520 --> 0:16:39.760 if we're going into the family court, why can't we 0:16:39.800 --> 0:16:44.280 have CPS coming and dissecting each home and physically seeing 0:16:44.320 --> 0:16:46.560 what is best for the kid because. 0:16:46.200 --> 0:16:50.440 There's so many people, and I learned in family court 0:16:50.640 --> 0:16:54.320 unless there is blood on the ground, I'm like, so 0:16:54.400 --> 0:16:56.120 we're not trying to prevent anything. 0:16:56.240 --> 0:17:00.120 No, you want to catch after it's done. 0:17:01.720 --> 0:17:03.280 Trauma. It's a really fucked. 0:17:03.080 --> 0:17:06.160 Up system, and you have to be strategic and people 0:17:06.200 --> 0:17:08.399 have to be knowledgeable. And I tell people all the time, 0:17:08.880 --> 0:17:11.439 you got to be and I am a broken record, 0:17:11.440 --> 0:17:13.760 but you have to be so careful about how you 0:17:13.880 --> 0:17:14.960 who you have children with. 0:17:15.320 --> 0:17:16.640 I wasn't willing to take the risk. 0:17:16.680 --> 0:17:16.920 Again. 0:17:17.000 --> 0:17:18.439 I was way too fucking scared. 0:17:19.200 --> 0:17:19.600 Mm hmm. 0:17:20.680 --> 0:17:22.280 And then there are days with Sosa I'm like, what, 0:17:22.400 --> 0:17:26.760 I would go to hobo? Someone else is WEAKOD, so 0:17:27.040 --> 0:17:27.880 you're still here. 0:17:28.240 --> 0:17:28.680 I would. 0:17:29.080 --> 0:17:31.120 I'm just joking. But she's a lot. 0:17:33.520 --> 0:17:37.360 Color on the she colored on a lot of stuff. 0:17:38.040 --> 0:17:41.920 Oh, I learned what moss means more. Yeah, I don't 0:17:41.920 --> 0:17:45.399 know any Spanish and I didn't know it. Isn't that 0:17:45.440 --> 0:17:49.240 a little more piquito moss? Yeah? Yeah, okay, but my 0:17:49.400 --> 0:17:55.520 kids love speaking Spanish and Sosa primarily speak Spanish. 0:17:57.680 --> 0:17:59.520 As me, and I'm like, I don't know. 0:17:59.560 --> 0:18:05.320 What that is, Mama mess And I'm like, oh, more, 0:18:05.680 --> 0:18:09.840 she's more, mom, mama, more, this is hands right. 0:18:11.520 --> 0:18:12.000 More for. 0:18:13.560 --> 0:18:17.600 Well, Cynthia's consent, but I think for Ocean or Sosa's 0:18:17.640 --> 0:18:20.800 second birthday, I'm gonna have it themed Miss Lisa because 0:18:21.000 --> 0:18:24.240 my daughter Sosa squeals. For those of you who don't 0:18:24.280 --> 0:18:28.280 know who Miss Lisa is, it's freaking beautiful. My child 0:18:28.320 --> 0:18:30.920 when she comes on the TV is the happiest. 0:18:31.040 --> 0:18:34.359 She was like this and before because he goes like yeah, 0:18:34.400 --> 0:18:37.560 and then he goes deep dery dee deep deity, and 0:18:37.600 --> 0:18:39.280 she yeah, goes like this. 0:18:39.640 --> 0:18:41.200 She can't wait, and then she look at you and 0:18:41.240 --> 0:18:44.400 go Issa. 0:18:45.359 --> 0:18:51.000 In Spanish and English, she counts to five. In Spanish, 0:18:51.040 --> 0:18:53.400 she sings about how the cow goes moo. 0:18:53.440 --> 0:18:56.960 In Spanish, she points to her head and it. 0:18:57.000 --> 0:18:59.280 Says she knows all of her body parts. In English 0:18:59.440 --> 0:19:04.280 and Spanish, I'm like so proud. I'm so proud. 0:19:04.280 --> 0:19:06.800 I'm so proud that I might start learning. No, I 0:19:06.960 --> 0:19:09.879 have to I have to do a lingo. 0:19:10.040 --> 0:19:10.600 Here we come. 0:19:11.160 --> 0:19:15.560 Yeah, it's over your head. You you shoot yourself in 0:19:15.560 --> 0:19:18.440 the foot before you even try anything. It's crazy. 0:19:18.520 --> 0:19:22.160 I'm just realizing that, yeah, you anything that's hard. 0:19:22.280 --> 0:19:23.760 You're like, I can't do it. 0:19:24.200 --> 0:19:24.560 You can't. 0:19:24.600 --> 0:19:26.200 Your parents needed to push you more. 0:19:28.600 --> 0:19:32.000 It's not told. 0:19:31.800 --> 0:19:34.280 Me if I don't like it, quit, Can I tell. 0:19:34.160 --> 0:19:37.080 You this your This is This is how I know 0:19:37.200 --> 0:19:40.640 that she doesn't like it, because even in room mom, 0:19:41.040 --> 0:19:43.159 she would need somebody else, because she would always go, 0:19:43.240 --> 0:19:44.600 I just can't do it alone, and it's like, no, 0:19:44.680 --> 0:19:49.320 you can't. Why as a room mom, do you know 0:19:49.359 --> 0:19:50.800 how you succeed. 0:19:51.880 --> 0:19:56.479 Failure to decorate the doors? Oh, it wouldn't have looked 0:19:57.440 --> 0:19:59.240 like h G t V door. 0:20:01.520 --> 0:20:04.240 So Mom was just taking all the credit while Kristen 0:20:04.240 --> 0:20:04.920 did the whole door. 0:20:08.600 --> 0:20:14.119 Your uh, mid year resolution should be I can do 0:20:14.280 --> 0:20:16.159 hard things. 0:20:16.960 --> 0:20:19.760 You need to start saying that I do it. You 0:20:19.800 --> 0:20:20.200 do it. 0:20:21.000 --> 0:20:24.440 Yeah, peanut, Butter, I do it. 0:20:25.200 --> 0:20:25.760 I do it. 0:20:26.480 --> 0:20:30.400 Tying your shoe, I do it. 0:20:31.440 --> 0:20:33.640 She did do it. I did it. 0:20:34.880 --> 0:20:37.200 She was opening her Perry a Ken when I walked 0:20:37.200 --> 0:20:39.199 in the door and she looks at me like this, 0:20:39.240 --> 0:20:40.119 and I was like, you can do it. 0:20:41.320 --> 0:20:43.719 I know she's going to give it. 0:20:43.760 --> 0:20:45.359 I'm like, I'm not opening. 0:20:44.960 --> 0:20:49.359 That can for you, Lisa. No one's watching you. 0:20:49.520 --> 0:20:53.400 It always feels like somebody. It shouldn't be. 0:20:53.720 --> 0:20:56.200 I almost killed Lisa at the airport yesterday. Let me 0:20:56.240 --> 0:20:58.720 tell you something, Mom, it's going to be hard to hear. 0:20:59.320 --> 0:21:03.080 You're not that important. You're important to us. No one's 0:21:03.119 --> 0:21:06.479 watching you. They're all worried about what they're doing. That's 0:21:06.520 --> 0:21:09.399 what I tell myself talking to everybody, just to let 0:21:09.440 --> 0:21:13.040 you know. Everybody is their own main character in their story. 0:21:13.440 --> 0:21:15.280 No one gives a shit about what you're doing, what 0:21:15.359 --> 0:21:17.760