Speaker 1: Are you leave in I you wanna way back home?
Speaker 2: Either way, we want to be there.
Speaker 3: Doesn't matter how much baggage you claim and give us
Speaker 3: time and a terminol and gay a. We want to
Speaker 3: send you off InStyle. We want to welcome you back home.
Speaker 3: Tell us all about it.
Speaker 1: We scared her? Was it fine?
Speaker 4: Now?
Speaker 1: Porn? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride?
Speaker 3: Do you need to ride?
Speaker 2: Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride?
Speaker 2: Do you need to ride.
Speaker 4: With Karen and Chris welcome to Do you need a ride?
Speaker 4: This is Chris.
Speaker 1: Fairbanks And this is Karen Kilgariff.
Speaker 4: Hello, Karen. How are you?
Speaker 1: Oh? Fine? Yeah? Why do you ask?
Speaker 4: Oh? Just because I like to mix it up?
Speaker 5: I don't usually ask you how you're feeling around? Things
Speaker 5: are going right off the bat wing.
Speaker 6: I feel like we start this podcast every time almost
Speaker 6: like we're not in the same room a lot of
Speaker 6: the time, just like you know, it goes into a thing,
Speaker 6: then another person does a thing.
Speaker 4: We're off to the races, right right.
Speaker 5: Usually we tell our own stories independent of each other,
Speaker 5: but simultaneously, almost in spite of each other, never looking
Speaker 5: at each other, always looking out the opposite window.
Speaker 1: Yep, never turning the head toward.
Speaker 5: Rocking back and forth, waiting for someone to just bathe.
Speaker 1: Me, please help us.
Speaker 4: We are recording from an insane aside.
Speaker 6: But now today we've changed all that because Chris finally
Speaker 6: asked me how I am and the answer is not good.
Speaker 1: Chris. Oh, no, great, everything's great. It's the holiday season.
Speaker 5: Yeah, we're in the midst of it now that you're
Speaker 5: when you're listening, now we are in.
Speaker 4: We are knee deep in holiday season.
Speaker 6: It's the nineteenth right, I got yeah, yeah, I mean
Speaker 6: we're like this. We're ramping up to the week of Christmas,
Speaker 6: also to the week of Honkkah.
Speaker 4: I believe I should know that. I don't know Whennakah is.
Speaker 6: I think Honkkah is in a couple days. And here's
Speaker 6: how I know my sister. Every year, my sister, Adrian
Speaker 6: and Audrey and I all go bowling together around the holidays.
Speaker 5: I don't mean to interrupt, but that we are all
Speaker 5: in the left turn lane and.
Speaker 1: That and that guy went ahead of it.
Speaker 4: Oh, well let's follow him. And I am a knife,
Speaker 4: So you're.
Speaker 1: Doing it, I'm gonna do it. Well, why can't we
Speaker 1: break the law?
Speaker 4: He did? He was doing the right thing.
Speaker 1: I think he actually and it is a She.
Speaker 6: Was just basically saying, I won't wait in line where
Speaker 6: other people are waiting.
Speaker 1: I'm going to break out on my own.
Speaker 5: And then it really stood out to me and so
Speaker 5: I had I leapt right in the middle of your
Speaker 5: honka story.
Speaker 6: No, there's it's just that my sister made herself laugh
Speaker 6: because the day she wanted us all to go bowling together,
Speaker 6: she looked on the calendar and it was the first
Speaker 6: day of Honkkah, so she if I'm right about this,
Speaker 6: So she sent us all an evite for people that
Speaker 6: says bowling on Honkah, it's bowling for Hankakah or something
Speaker 6: like that. She basically made the event about the fact
Speaker 6: that it's the first day of Honakha.
Speaker 5: Right, Okay, yeah, that's a great I wonder if it
Speaker 5: was it a bullying and those people are on the wrong.
Speaker 4: Side of the road and they don't even know it.
Speaker 1: They're on the wrong side of the road.
Speaker 5: And that person cut, oh, this is a car with hazards. Shit,
Speaker 5: that's what's happening.
Speaker 1: Okay.
Speaker 5: Well yeah, and then of course we are the ones
Speaker 5: that get in ahead on Clayson.
Speaker 4: We're on the wrong side of the road, but they're
Speaker 4: very slow.
Speaker 6: They're also fully blocking any yebody coming the.
Speaker 5: Other I'm so I don't know what I would do
Speaker 5: in that situation. I have yet to be the person
Speaker 5: in the middle of the road with my hazards on,
Speaker 5: defenseless and waiting for help.
Speaker 1: It would be a true nightmare. In Los Angeles, yeah
Speaker 1: for sure. Yeah, people don't care about other people in
Speaker 1: this town.
Speaker 5: Well, it's it's weird how when you're in that position,
Speaker 5: it's horrifying, but when you see someone else in it.
Speaker 4: You don't forget what it was like.
Speaker 5: It's like anytime I'm sick, people are like they don't
Speaker 5: believe you, or they're like, oh, just tough, tough, tough your.
Speaker 4: Way through it or whatever.
Speaker 5: Yeah, and then and then once you're in that position,
Speaker 5: you're like, oh, this is the worst.
Speaker 4: I should have been kinder to all the sick people
Speaker 4: in my life.
Speaker 1: And there's so many.
Speaker 4: Yeah, there's so many.
Speaker 6: Sick left right center. Did you get a flu shot
Speaker 6: this year, Chris?
Speaker 4: I never do because I'm punk rock.
Speaker 5: Oh I don't, Yeah, I should. I think I had
Speaker 5: something that was related to a flu or maybe I
Speaker 5: ate something bad, but for two days.
Speaker 4: I was just basically a brit of filter.
Speaker 5: Yeah, hey everyone, At least I didn't get more specific
Speaker 5: in the diarrhea diaria when you're sliding in the home.
Speaker 5: Maybe I fail something for diarrhea poy too diarrhea covers. Oh,
Speaker 5: speaking of guess what I'm doing after this today? Afterwards,
Speaker 5: I am a media I have costumes in my car.
Speaker 5: I'm going to remake the nineteen eighty six Ford Tourist
Speaker 5: commercial and sing the song in a studio. It's all
Speaker 5: lined up with who with Robert, the guy that shot
Speaker 5: my special.
Speaker 1: Well, fucking thanks for inviting me. I'm the reason you
Speaker 1: fucking did that in the first place.
Speaker 5: Hey, that you you speak too soon. We haven't where
Speaker 5: the studio stuff happens when I'm back. This is just
Speaker 5: in the commercial when all the you know tore us
Speaker 5: for us, and it's showing I'm going to shine a
Speaker 5: light on how desperately they were trying to show everyone
Speaker 5: from every walk of life, like around that time that
Speaker 5: Benetton was doing it, and it was so blatant that
Speaker 5: and it's a fine line that we're going to walk.
Speaker 4: But it's you know, like me as a.
Speaker 5: Cowboy, and then my friend who is Native American. We're
Speaker 5: going to be shaking hands looking into camera. A blind
Speaker 5: person's going to look but slightly look off good because
Speaker 5: it's all people looking into camera. And they tried so
Speaker 5: hard for it to be everyone well, and back then.
Speaker 6: It was literally a brand new idea, like representation of
Speaker 6: diversity was like Coke did it first, or whoever did
Speaker 6: it first, and everyone else is like or Benetton.
Speaker 1: Maybe then they were just like, oh, yeah, this is
Speaker 1: a good idea.
Speaker 6: Oh my god, we should we should show a Mexican
Speaker 6: family loving, but you can.
Speaker 5: Tell it just reeks of a bunch of people high
Speaker 5: fiving like we did it. Yes, it's an all African
Speaker 5: American family looking and they drive a tourus.
Speaker 4: Yes, it's so so I want to I'll think more
Speaker 4: about it. But today we're just.
Speaker 5: Shooting me as different characters, just to plug me in
Speaker 5: and test the making it look like eighties footage.
Speaker 6: And then you're going to sing the song, and then
Speaker 6: I'm going to sing the song. Well, if you record
Speaker 6: this song, can I please being on it?
Speaker 4: Please? Will you pay it?
Speaker 1: Thank you?
Speaker 4: Yes?
Speaker 5: And so the reveal will be the song is just
Speaker 5: going to play and I'm going to We're going to
Speaker 5: do our best to just cut out the vocals, use
Speaker 5: the music and then put myles.
Speaker 1: You will absolutely get sued, just so you know, right right,
Speaker 1: this is a car company. I know so many lawyers.
Speaker 4: Yeah, we're going to talk about that today too.
Speaker 5: Okayb uh, maybe I'll just say for us sober and
Speaker 5: over and we'll see. Well, I did realize that last
Speaker 5: night in my in my sleep.
Speaker 1: Pa, or can I can I solve this problem?
Speaker 6: I just suggested, Yes, you can make it and send
Speaker 6: it to the Ford Motor Company directly and say we
Speaker 6: think tauruses need to come back.
Speaker 1: In a real way.
Speaker 6: We want we want to relaunch the tourist brand and
Speaker 6: we're going to help you. We've already done a grassroots
Speaker 6: style on our very popular podcast, so now it's time
Speaker 6: to do it in in a major scale.
Speaker 1: Here's your new.
Speaker 6: Commercial, right right, and just basically pitch it to them directly.
Speaker 4: So you will be involved with this.
Speaker 1: I demand to be thank you. That's great.
Speaker 5: I'm so excited because you know I'm not a musician,
Speaker 5: but I've want to just start a band with you.
Speaker 1: And this this is step one.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 5: Yeah, there will just be one reveal in it where
Speaker 5: like kind of like we are the world. I just
Speaker 5: have one headphone can being held on my ears singing
Speaker 5: in a studio. And then so that's the reveal that
Speaker 5: the guy that's been looking in the camera as all
Speaker 5: these characters is a be also the singer so brilliant.
Speaker 5: But yeah, you're right, it would suck to just have
Speaker 5: it taken down immediately in all the work we're about
Speaker 5: to do.
Speaker 1: Right, But also that's fun.
Speaker 5: There's all these loopholes and if you know, we kind
Speaker 5: of barely adhere to the parody laws when we did
Speaker 5: that cocktail thing, and I thought it would be taken down.
Speaker 5: I mean, computers will flag Tom Cruise's face and say no, no,
Speaker 5: you're not touching our space boy, and I you know,
Speaker 5: and that stayed up and we kind of we just
Speaker 5: wrote out the parody law.
Speaker 4: You know, this is a genre switch.
Speaker 5: That was a big saying, like we're turning it into
Speaker 5: a comedy thing, and this percentage of the shots are different,
Speaker 5: and it never got taken down.
Speaker 4: I was so surprised.
Speaker 6: Maybe it's because it was so overt that it was
Speaker 6: like it really did. I guess it looked very real,
Speaker 6: but at the same time watching a person flail in
Speaker 6: the background of Cocktail. It's not like anyone thought they
Speaker 6: reshot Cocktail, right, although it was the movie. If you
Speaker 6: haven't seen, and I know we've talked about this on
Speaker 6: the show, but if you're listening now and you've never
Speaker 6: seen Chris Fairbanks put himself into the movie Cocktail, do
Speaker 6: yourself a favor and YouTube that shit.
Speaker 4: It's hilarious Cocktails and dreams.
Speaker 5: We're trying to It just would be such a good
Speaker 5: show to be able to watch a version of a
Speaker 5: movie edited down with comedians in it.
Speaker 6: Yes, and basically here's what we think should be also
Speaker 6: going on in this movie.
Speaker 5: Yes, lots of behind the scenes murder and stalking.
Speaker 4: Yes, yea.
Speaker 5: But yeah, we're We're just going to do some test
Speaker 5: shots today. I'm not saying where the whole four tourist
Speaker 5: video remake is going to be done by the end
Speaker 5: of the evening because.
Speaker 4: I have to fly tomorrow. Well good, it's holiday time.
Speaker 1: I will elbow my way into this price.
Speaker 4: I'm really glad.
Speaker 5: I was going to invite your elbow, but then you
Speaker 5: just offered it up. I appreciate it, so, yes, yes,
Speaker 5: the music we do early January I'll tell you where
Speaker 5: the studio is it.
Speaker 4: We're going to lay down some hard Dinna.
Speaker 5: I was singing on the way here in my throat
Speaker 5: there was bubbles gravelly, so I'm not in a state.
Speaker 4: To sing me for now.
Speaker 6: There's an American car that's exactly what you've been looking for.
Speaker 4: This is this is a weird lyric.
Speaker 5: Now there is a personal car with the shape and
Speaker 5: the feel you've never seen before.
Speaker 1: I mean car, Yeah, a personal personal car.
Speaker 4: They changed a little.
Speaker 5: Once the once the wagon commercial came out, they changed
Speaker 5: the lyrics a little and they went with personal car.
Speaker 4: With the shape and the feel you've never seen before.
Speaker 1: Well, and the shape was new.
Speaker 6: In the early eighties, a Taurus was shaped like a
Speaker 6: big pill and no one had ever seen that before.
Speaker 1: It was very innovative.
Speaker 6: And do you know why it was shaped like a
Speaker 6: pill because everyone was on pills.
Speaker 4: It's because Ford, it knows.
Speaker 5: Where we're going for the hero and us loud and
Speaker 5: clear Fords in the future.
Speaker 4: Okay, I'm gonna work.
Speaker 5: Okay, there's going to be a doctor that keeps my
Speaker 5: voice from cracking. So when I see the Ford seen
Speaker 5: the future and now the future is here, and then
Speaker 5: it goes.
Speaker 4: Higher here, so I'm gonna have to change. We're gonna
Speaker 4: have it. Doctor.
Speaker 5: I think I may have done permanent damage to my voicebox.
Speaker 1: Just now, can I make a pitch?
Speaker 4: Have someone else singing?
Speaker 6: No, no, no, just auto tune yourself when you get
Speaker 6: so when you get to those parts, just get the
Speaker 6: computer and then it'll sound super fake and be super funny.
Speaker 4: I mean, share did it right? We all still love
Speaker 4: her in Moonstruck.
Speaker 1: Many many people do it always just.
Speaker 5: Forget me in the future. I'll just sing it like
Speaker 5: that and then we'll go in and go ye, zip
Speaker 5: it up, yeah, zip it up a notch.
Speaker 1: It's gonna zip all over the place.
Speaker 5: Yeah, Because right then it sounded like I was screaming
Speaker 5: at a softball game, which is great.
Speaker 4: Yeah, but that's for it.
Speaker 1: I think set down.
Speaker 5: I was really committing and I was really putting myself
Speaker 5: out there, and I really my back started sweat.
Speaker 4: And you know, I'm not a singer, but you are.
Speaker 4: But I want to be.
Speaker 5: I have the heart of a singer, and I just
Speaker 5: like Bruno Kirby and Good Morning Vietnam. I know comedy
Speaker 5: and I know I can do it. You can't even
Speaker 5: if I wasn't given the gift of voice like you.
Speaker 4: I can will it.
Speaker 6: But see, I the gift of my voice is that
Speaker 6: I know I know good singing and I want to
Speaker 6: mimic it. But when I go to try to, all
Speaker 6: I can think about is there are so many people
Speaker 6: that do this so much better. And then this self
Speaker 6: sabotage comes on strong.
Speaker 4: Yeah. No, I mean you're simplifying it. You also are
Speaker 4: a good singer.
Speaker 5: But it's weird when we're in the car and we're
Speaker 5: both jokes singing. It's like just two people. It's like, oh,
Speaker 5: we both are joke singing. Yeah, but then you not
Speaker 5: to kick it up a notch.
Speaker 1: Well, and I will, because at the end of the day,
Speaker 1: I want to win.
Speaker 4: I need Okay, I'm glad you're going to be there
Speaker 4: in the studio.
Speaker 6: Oh, we got an incoming call from my sister. I
Speaker 6: think this might be the first time.
Speaker 1: This is the wrappin. Should we take it?
Speaker 4: Let's do it? Wait? Wait? Wait?
Speaker 1: Hello? Is that card? I you card? Yeah?
Speaker 5: I send you a card?
Speaker 1: What for?
Speaker 4: Wait?
Speaker 1: Laura?
Speaker 6: Wait, I have to tell you. We're recording our podcast
Speaker 6: right now. We're doing Do you need a ride in
Speaker 6: my car? So you're on the podcast right now? Oh, I.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I knew's so great.
Speaker 1: And also later whoops, now the podcast started.
Speaker 6: Later on, she's gonna call me and get rich and
Speaker 6: say she's really mad at me, she said.
Speaker 1: She said, oh, no, bye, I gotta go.
Speaker 4: Oh that's so funny. That was great.
Speaker 1: She it's so hilarious to me.
Speaker 6: We were raised obviously together a year and a half apart.
Speaker 6: She could not hate performance. Uh, any kind of like
Speaker 6: thing like this that we're doing. She hates it so much, really,
Speaker 6: she she thinks it's so dorky that I.
Speaker 1: Do it, Like from the beginning, when I'm like, I'm
Speaker 1: going to be in.
Speaker 6: This play, it's she's like, okay, like she's always thought
Speaker 6: it was the stupidest, lamest Yeah.
Speaker 4: Do you ever go sit, pull.
Speaker 5: Out a check and wave it in her face, say,
Speaker 5: look at all the bills are getting paid.
Speaker 4: Snooze test.
Speaker 5: I don't know what her job is, teacher, Yeah, and
Speaker 5: not a lot of money rolling in.
Speaker 4: Oh she's gonnas and hates your friend. I haven't even
Speaker 4: met her yet.
Speaker 1: She will laugh her ass off at though, she knows.
Speaker 4: And you gotta wear those sweaters and.
Speaker 1: Brooches and if it's Halloween.
Speaker 6: You have to wear pumpkin earrings, and you just deal
Speaker 6: every day and not she does. Did I ever tell you?
Speaker 6: She texted me once and said, you know him? That
Speaker 6: year she was teaching kindergarten. She goes, you know I'm
Speaker 6: a kindergarten teacher because I just sneezed and glitter came
Speaker 6: out of my nose.
Speaker 1: Ah.
Speaker 6: That's her whole goddamn life.
Speaker 5: There's two people that sneeze glitter, and it's teachers and
Speaker 5: then guys who go to strip clubs.
Speaker 6: Yeah, and male strippers.
Speaker 1: Okay, is everyone ready with their order?
Speaker 4: I can always just blurt something out without thinking.
Speaker 6: No, I don't love it when you yell across I
Speaker 6: am singing, Stephen, Stephen, is it your uge?
Speaker 4: No, I'll do the thing last.
Speaker 1: I'm the cold brew pumpkin film.
Speaker 4: Salted caramel, cold poam.
Speaker 1: Okay, do you want a big one?
Speaker 4: Just a grunde? Is it a cold?
Speaker 1: But also, Stephen, let's get you something to eat.
Speaker 4: Oh sure, I'll grab a sandwich.
Speaker 1: Stephen. We need to get you, Stephen. We need to
Speaker 1: get you some help. Do you want to order it yourself?
Speaker 4: Sure?
Speaker 6: Okay, then we'll roll your window down window this week?
Speaker 2: Okay today, Hi, but.
Speaker 1: Do you want to order those? Do?
Speaker 4: Sure? I'll get the Can I get the cheriso breakfast sandwich?
Speaker 4: And then no? And then I'll get the salted or
Speaker 4: salted cream cold foam cold brew?
Speaker 6: Sure?
Speaker 1: Can we actually get two of those? Grande? And then
Speaker 1: also can I.
Speaker 6: Get a double tall one pump moca double tall?
Speaker 4: Okay?
Speaker 1: Sorry? Sorry? Will you cancel that? Can I get just
Speaker 1: a grande black coffee? Does anybody else want anything else? Okay,
Speaker 1: that's gonna be.
Speaker 4: It for sure. So the drinks of the egg sandwich awesome?
Speaker 1: Thank you.
Speaker 5: This is from Tammy and Tammy. It says Tammy and
Speaker 5: Tammy Texas like when I sat, I'm sorry.
Speaker 4: It's uh, it's the do you need a Lot of
Speaker 4: Take card? But I love it, it says Tammy.
Speaker 1: Oh maybe it's her, that's her Twitter.
Speaker 5: Yeah, oh, Tammy Texas, thank you. I didn't realize that
Speaker 5: was NAT symbol.
Speaker 1: And did she hand draw that card?
Speaker 5: Well, it's like a stamp, but I think the actual
Speaker 5: card we're using is from Shannon and Kelly.
Speaker 1: I just have a lot I see, I see yeah, because.
Speaker 4: There was a little well, I'm gonna be honest, I
Speaker 4: use some of.
Speaker 1: This, Chris, I use ours all the time. Okay, do
Speaker 1: you even look never look.
Speaker 4: Back, don't. This will take care of the remainder if
Speaker 4: there is.
Speaker 1: Okay, I'm not sure how much is on this card.
Speaker 4: All right, it's gonna be.
Speaker 5: Sorry, that will be off you. I get confused because
Speaker 5: he's also talking to someone on them, and I always.
Speaker 1: Think I just wanted to talk to me.
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, can you put aside your other duties?
Speaker 1: That's it, right? I think so that's it, pros right,
Speaker 1: thank you. I wanted you to be a more attention
Speaker 1: to me. I really wanted his attention, and he would
Speaker 1: not look.
Speaker 4: Out for this lunatic.
Speaker 1: Sure, sure, you do whatever you want.
Speaker 5: Yeah yeah, Betty, you got people to pick up.
Speaker 6: So I just a couple of days ago started doing
Speaker 6: this where I'm just trying to eat like way cleaner
Speaker 6: and less whatever, and it's a whole thing I've been
Speaker 6: super excited.
Speaker 1: About in doing.
Speaker 6: And then I go to Starbucks drive through and just
Speaker 6: by habit, order what is basically a dessert coffee, right.
Speaker 1: Right, I'm not doing that.
Speaker 5: It's weird to find out that colorically I could be
Speaker 5: eating ice cream right now. Yes, it's it's but it
Speaker 5: is delicious.
Speaker 4: This is a sweet one though.
Speaker 5: You know me, I'm usually get your Grandpa's black hot coffee.
Speaker 6: Right, But Steven started you onto the salted caramel foam lifestyle.
Speaker 4: Yeah, it turns out sweets. Are you know? I've been
Speaker 4: trying to lay off the booze and man, it makes
Speaker 4: you want sugar.
Speaker 1: Yes, it does.
Speaker 4: It's really bizarre.
Speaker 6: Well because it's sugar. It's like you're just replacing sugar
Speaker 6: with sugar.
Speaker 5: And let's let's be clear. Last night at the Improv
Speaker 5: Christmas party, I did not.
Speaker 4: Lay off sets. I laid in the bad of it.
Speaker 1: Did you lay into it?
Speaker 4: I swam in it like it's Scrooge McDuck coins. No,
Speaker 4: I just had some beverages. But it was the only way.
Speaker 4: It's the only way to hang.
Speaker 5: Out with a bunch of comics that are at at
Speaker 5: a work party.
Speaker 4: It's weird, it's crucial. It's like when my sister worked
Speaker 4: at music Land and the.
Speaker 5: Guy that wore a lot of vests and had a
Speaker 5: mullet would go in on his days off, dressed like
Speaker 5: he was working and hang out.
Speaker 6: No, yeah, he's lonely, he was, and my you know,
Speaker 6: maybe he liked Lisa.
Speaker 4: Oh, I'm sure. I'm sure he did.
Speaker 6: I think Lisa's the kind of girl that guys are like,
Speaker 6: I'll go in all my day off and hang.
Speaker 1: Out with her.
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, she's good times.
Speaker 5: Yeah, I think you're right, and she'll appreciate that you
Speaker 5: said that.
Speaker 6: Well, she's I'm a fan of Lisa's and Lisa and
Speaker 6: I look alike. So yeah, yeah, So any compliment I
Speaker 6: give to Lisa, I'm giving to myself.
Speaker 4: That's the best.
Speaker 1: Oh.
Speaker 6: Here we are an Atwater Village, Los Angeles, California, a
Speaker 6: wonderful little neighborhood.
Speaker 5: Actually, yes, yes, I I did a stand up performance.
Speaker 4: And now what or no, it's tonight here somewhere Tonight.
Speaker 1: Club TV or TG Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 5: Yeah, I think yeah, it's called The Peacock Show or something.
Speaker 4: I don't I.
Speaker 5: Should know, I should Yes, Well, by the time this
Speaker 5: is airing, it will have passed.
Speaker 1: So oh so fuck it. I bet you killed.
Speaker 4: I had a great time.
Speaker 5: I haven't been killing I feel like, uh, I've been
Speaker 5: taking a little break from the joke riding pro oh
Speaker 5: yeah for multiple months now, and it's starting to scare me.
Speaker 5: But I just haven't been inspired to write new jokes.
Speaker 1: So you're doing old stuff and it's not it's not
Speaker 1: right you.
Speaker 6: I bet you you're Oh wait, hold on, may get
Speaker 6: over before I tell you some serious wisdom about your
Speaker 6: own art.
Speaker 4: I need to hear it or be reminded you are.
Speaker 6: This is why I tried to do stand up again
Speaker 6: and then stop doing it, because if you know you're
Speaker 6: phoning it in, that vibe comes across. Let's talk a
Speaker 6: little bit about how important vibes are, because I know
Speaker 6: that Hippie's ruined it in the sixties.
Speaker 1: The truth of it is, vibes are real.
Speaker 6: And when you give off a thing of like, oh
Speaker 6: this again, I hope they laugh.
Speaker 1: They go oh this again? Right.
Speaker 6: They pick up on it as an audience in the
Speaker 6: same way that if you like someone and feel desperate
Speaker 6: about it, they.
Speaker 1: Will be repelled by you, because the.
Speaker 6: Vibe is such that it's not drawing anyone to you.
Speaker 6: It's like grabby Ricci, which no one likes ever.
Speaker 5: Right, Right, And I don't even know I'm doing it,
Speaker 5: but it's unavoidable. When I don't feel like I'm coming
Speaker 5: from a real place. Everyone notices that even though you
Speaker 5: think you're a good enough actor to right to make
Speaker 5: it look like you're having fun. Sometimes it does work,
Speaker 5: Like sometimes I do a show and I'm like, boy.
Speaker 4: I really made them think I was in jo every
Speaker 4: minute of that.
Speaker 5: Or they come up and say, man, it looks like
Speaker 5: you're having a lot of fun up there, and then
Speaker 5: I'm like, oh.
Speaker 1: And then you let them know.
Speaker 4: And then I ruined it by saying, oh, I wasn't.
Speaker 1: I hated it.
Speaker 4: But yeah, it's getting harder and harder to pretend. I
Speaker 4: got to write new jokes.
Speaker 5: I gotta I don't know, go into a yurt, have
Speaker 5: some ayahuasca.
Speaker 6: Still writing seminar, Listen to old episodes and listen to
Speaker 6: our funny, funny, you're right riffs.
Speaker 5: That'll be my my drug experience. I'll lock myself into
Speaker 5: a room and listen to our own podcast because there
Speaker 5: are jokes in there.
Speaker 1: That they're jokes. We do them.
Speaker 4: They are all over the place. I just haven't recognized them.
Speaker 1: We burn them up.
Speaker 6: But now, don't do a thing where you're don't do
Speaker 6: bits that are like our mind the way you're doing
Speaker 6: with this fucking four tourist commercial.
Speaker 4: Oh listen, I was gonna I was gonna ask you.
Speaker 5: I come to uh, and yeah, I've wanted to sing
Speaker 5: this song.
Speaker 4: For a while.
Speaker 6: No, no, no, it's uh, it's I think, but if
Speaker 6: we listen back, it's both of our passions.
Speaker 1: We discovered it together. We both knew it and loved it.
Speaker 4: It is bizarre. You're right, and I was not, to
Speaker 4: be perfectly.
Speaker 5: Honest, I was not acknowledging that together we discovered on
Speaker 5: this podcast that we both have that song memorized and.
Speaker 1: Love it and want to discover it was.
Speaker 5: I did kind of a I'm like, well, that's that's
Speaker 5: my pack because I've sung it on Instagram videos that
Speaker 5: no one acknowledged. I'm really kind of obsessed with that.
Speaker 5: I really do think it is a good song. It's
Speaker 5: a good song for commercial jingles. There is only that
Speaker 5: and maybe the AutoZone song, which fucking shreds too.
Speaker 1: Zone in the Zone, God, did White Snake sing that song?
Speaker 1: Why does it rock so hard?
Speaker 4: It probably is, that's the sad thing.
Speaker 5: It's probably h Dondalkin David Coverdale, Yes, yeah, David Coverdale.
Speaker 4: There certainly is a lot of nice kits in Austin.
Speaker 5: Yeah, it's like, oh boy, I mean it's two thousand
Speaker 5: and one, but that's.
Speaker 4: That's not going to fly in a few years, and
Speaker 4: I was.
Speaker 1: Right, Oh, you will be canceled David.
Speaker 5: Covering, Oh, okay, last night, I just saw an article
Speaker 5: or an article depending on whether or not you went
Speaker 5: to school.
Speaker 1: Idiot.
Speaker 4: I'm an idiot.
Speaker 5: Anyway, I saw an article last night that said our
Speaker 5: president is impeached. Yes, but then you read into it,
Speaker 5: and I didn't know what impeached meant. It just means
Speaker 5: he's going to a trial, well where he will probably
Speaker 5: not be indicted, because it's like you're being judged, but
Speaker 5: he by all of your puddy, it's just going to
Speaker 5: be Republicans saying nope. Also, we helped him on some
Speaker 5: of the steps.
Speaker 4: But of course, did you read.
Speaker 6: I think what's very important, which I had that same feeling.
Speaker 6: I think people get on social media. They get real
Speaker 6: like it doesn't matter, which no one needs that in
Speaker 6: this truly democracy is crumbling. No one needs anybody to
Speaker 6: come and fucking act like E or in the middle
Speaker 6: of it. Because here's a plus.
Speaker 4: We're all just tired.
Speaker 5: But yes, I'm getting E or E too. But yeah,
Speaker 5: but now I'm a little excited. Here's the plus.
Speaker 6: Well, here's the plus that he can't be pardoned if
Speaker 6: he's impeached. And that's what's key, because what those fucking
Speaker 6: people want to do is make it seem like he
Speaker 6: never did anything. And this whole thing of like there
Speaker 6: was actually a Republican senator or senator or congressman who
Speaker 6: stood up and compared what Trump is going through by
Speaker 6: being impeached. He is the worst president we've ever had.
Speaker 6: He's a fucking human disgrace. He is a true psychopath.
Speaker 6: And this guy got up and started talking about that,
Speaker 6: comparing what Trump is going through to what Jesus went through.
Speaker 4: He was definitely a senator senator.
Speaker 6: I mean it was insanity. That's uh, it's really inappropriate.
Speaker 5: So I feel like, though he just won't show up,
Speaker 5: Like he'll be the first guy that's like, yeah, I
Speaker 5: didn't show up. I don't have time for that, and
Speaker 5: they'll be like, what what do we do? Yeah, well
Speaker 5: you can't arrest him. He's the president. Yeah, but he
Speaker 5: didn't show up. I think it has never happened before. Yeah,
Speaker 5: well that's what this whole thing has been.
Speaker 6: Like, it's a bunch the Democrats don't know what to
Speaker 6: do because they've never had a person he just he
Speaker 6: was during his impeachment. He was also on stage at
Speaker 6: his own rally, yeah, where he said, that.
Speaker 4: Doesn't look like I'm impeached right now, does it.
Speaker 6: Yeah, at your own weird rally or weird Nazi rally
Speaker 6: you've been.
Speaker 1: Doing for three years for no reason. Yeah, yeah, ye,
Speaker 1: but there were there was.
Speaker 6: He was saying, there were forty three thousand people at
Speaker 6: that place, and that place held sixty five hundred people,
Speaker 6: like the.
Speaker 1: Lies, the lies that man tells. It's crazy.
Speaker 5: There's a room occupancy sign right above his head. Yeah, Max,
Speaker 5: people in this room currently.
Speaker 1: Sixty five hundred.
Speaker 6: And also there were some awesome protesters who got in
Speaker 6: the middle of that crowd, which is a very dangerous
Speaker 6: and very scary thing to do, and they held up
Speaker 6: a sign that said, hey, down, you're fired, like because
Speaker 6: it was like he got impeached.
Speaker 4: Yeah, that's great, that's good.
Speaker 6: True.
Speaker 4: Y's my golden catchphrase. That's my catchphrase, dare you aim
Speaker 4: it at my face?
Speaker 5: I love it so much, And I think what it
Speaker 5: means even if he somehow remains, I feel like he will.
Speaker 5: I think he'll just sit, but he's no. I think
Speaker 5: it means.
Speaker 4: He's not getting reelected. He's not, which is great, but
Speaker 4: also that's what it.
Speaker 6: The thing that people need to start talking about is
Speaker 6: that the majority of people do not want him to
Speaker 6: be present.
Speaker 1: The majority of people.
Speaker 6: This is the truth, and they've just come in and
Speaker 6: gone the truth isn't the truth. Well, I'm sorry, but
Speaker 6: it's the truth.
Speaker 4: Right.
Speaker 6: More people voted for Hillary Clinton. She was the one
Speaker 6: that was supposed to be the president. This guy stole
Speaker 6: the election. Everything's a fucking scam. Everything in his life
Speaker 6: is a scam.
Speaker 1: I don't know what else to say.
Speaker 4: I'm an expert. It's funny, though, I but there has
Speaker 4: to be.
Speaker 5: Groups of sweet people that listen to us, that love
Speaker 5: our friendship. It's it's the way we communicate that people
Speaker 5: are like you guys are we like hearing you talk.
Speaker 5: But there must be some people out there with Trump.
Speaker 5: I really like him, and I'm sorry that we're.
Speaker 1: I'm sorry that you like him because I disagree with you.
Speaker 6: Where my half Mexican niece is not a rapist, and
Speaker 6: she's not a criminal, and she's not a bad person,
Speaker 6: and her father is a great person. And I that
Speaker 6: kind of racism doesn't belong in this country. And fuck
Speaker 6: you for pretending like that doesn't matter, because it does.
Speaker 4: Yeah that and fuck you. But also thank.
Speaker 1: You for a question, thank you for the stars.
Speaker 5: Appreciating we're comedy in our comedy, the way we communicate together,
Speaker 5: the coffee, coffee.
Speaker 4: But again, but.
Speaker 1: Meanwhile, children are in cages.
Speaker 6: Meanwhile, very bad things are happening to people who don't
Speaker 6: deserve it, and that's not okay just because you want
Speaker 6: a super yacht someday.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 5: There, when I meet someone that is a sweet person
Speaker 5: or it seems kind, it's just they they're somehow believing
Speaker 5: that it isn't happening.
Speaker 1: Because because Fox News.
Speaker 4: Tells you that's bad.
Speaker 1: Yeah, we invite you to listen to any other news.
Speaker 4: A dangerous What a dangerous entity that Fox News is?
Speaker 4: It really is.
Speaker 1: It's not good.
Speaker 4: Yeah, it's really scary. It was.
Speaker 5: It was really strange for me to go visit April Richardson,
Speaker 5: who's a sweet friend of mine, and go to her
Speaker 5: house and her mom was watching that and they were
Speaker 5: kind of they had Trump hats everywhere and and and
Speaker 5: but I did. That was the first time I had
Speaker 5: ever watched because it was on every TV in their house. Yes,
Speaker 5: And I actually sat and watched it, and it's like, oh,
Speaker 5: this is and I'm sure there's another end of that,
Speaker 5: you know, but not as dangerous as Fox. It's the
Speaker 5: misinformation that they're.
Speaker 1: Just it's lies.
Speaker 4: It was weird, really weird.
Speaker 1: It's really weird.
Speaker 4: I'm just saying right now, we're saying things everyone knows,
Speaker 4: but I really I didn't. I had never watched it.
Speaker 4: Like I'm not saying like I'm so cool that I'd
Speaker 4: never even watched it, but I did.
Speaker 5: I was raised in place I've always been in places where.
Speaker 4: It's just not on the TVs.
Speaker 5: Yeah, so until you're in your your friend's parents' house
Speaker 5: and it's on TV.
Speaker 4: That's the only time you're ever gonna watch it.
Speaker 6: Man, it's scary, scary, it's it's state run propaganda.
Speaker 1: It's nuts, totally nuts.
Speaker 5: Well, thank you for listening to our liberal agenda.
Speaker 6: Well, but it's weird because this is it's such an
Speaker 6: extreme situation. It's not I feel like in the past,
Speaker 6: I've always gone, yeah, there's everybody is a criminal on
Speaker 6: both sides. That's what politics is, right, you know, but
Speaker 6: the both sides is was easier before. But now we're
Speaker 6: into an area where but Trump passed a thing trying
Speaker 6: to say that Jews aren't Americans, like we're in a.
Speaker 1: Real state here, you're yeah, I don't know about that. Yeah,
Speaker 1: well look it up.
Speaker 6: I can't explain it correct specific it's disturbing.
Speaker 1: It's basically saying that that being.
Speaker 6: Jewish isn't a isn't a It's like the world. I
Speaker 6: don't know what the correct words are. It's like, it's
Speaker 6: not a race, it's a this, it's not so. It's
Speaker 6: basically saying you're not automatically American.
Speaker 4: Race versus religion or something.
Speaker 1: It's something like that. But I don't know the croc god.
Speaker 6: But it's very extreme and it's not good. And it's
Speaker 6: absolutely following that like Hitler playbook. It's crazy and it's bad.
Speaker 6: Everybody needs to pull their head out.
Speaker 5: I always thought that he was just catering to that
Speaker 5: group because they happen to start liking him, and he's like, sure,
Speaker 5: I'll pretend to be racist personal appeal to these these
Speaker 5: minions that have But no, I think he actually is.
Speaker 4: He actually is like, oh no, the.
Speaker 6: Dad was in the KKK, the dad, his father, it's
Speaker 6: all in the family.
Speaker 4: Wow, it's real.
Speaker 5: Okay, I need to do more research because that's disturbing. Well,
Speaker 5: the good news is there's articles that says impeached.
Speaker 6: Hi, what about that sign saying he had very good
Speaker 6: handwriting that I know, but it said something about Frankenstein.
Speaker 1: Did you see it? It was beautiful cursive it said
Speaker 1: it said something.
Speaker 5: First of all, you can't this is not the season
Speaker 5: for well written Halloween signs.
Speaker 1: No, it's you're three months behind.
Speaker 4: I was given a letter. I'm who am I ksek.
Speaker 4: I got a letter.
Speaker 1: The other day from a little boy.
Speaker 5: It reads Casey. This one goes out to Scoomy Doomy.
Speaker 4: Do he did? Both ways? He did? That's the only
Speaker 4: my second. I'm just cycling through my old character do it.
Speaker 5: But the my neighbors invited me to their their Christmas celebration,
Speaker 5: and it really made me cheer up because I just
Speaker 5: waved to them and stuff, and her handwriting looked like
Speaker 5: a cursive font. Their Mexican family, and they had a
Speaker 5: word for the day.
Speaker 4: I wish I knew what.
Speaker 5: It begins with a P and it was a specific ceremony.
Speaker 4: God, I wish I wuld remembered. But they invited me,
Speaker 4: and I'm going to be in Montana and.
Speaker 1: I Christmas ceremony p An.
Speaker 4: I wish I had the note with me.
Speaker 5: I was going to bring it just to show you
Speaker 5: this panhandlele.
Speaker 4: They've invited me to the skinny part of Texas, to.
Speaker 1: The Upper Peninsula in Michigan.
Speaker 5: Well, I think I've said before. My apartment. They the
Speaker 5: guy that lives on the other side of me. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 5: So I am in their family home. Essentially the two
Speaker 5: apartments are a brother and sister on either side of me,
Speaker 5: and they're really.
Speaker 4: Sweet and they invited me to their Christmas things.
Speaker 6: So do you think it's a good It's like a
Speaker 6: Mexican tradition of Christmas that they've invited you to see.
Speaker 5: Yeah, she said, we're getting together for Christmas celebration on
Speaker 5: the twenty third, and it is called and it started
Speaker 5: with a pe.
Speaker 4: So if anyone knows that word, please let me know.
Speaker 1: I definitely don't.
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, I wish.
Speaker 6: I was thinking, because there is like the there's one
Speaker 6: that my family does because they're so Catholic, that's after Christmas.
Speaker 6: It's in January and it's basically the celebration. It's not
Speaker 6: it sounds a little bit like advent Ooh you can see.
Speaker 5: See I'm just an idiot. And I was like, no,
Speaker 5: it's a Latino thing. It was, it's probably a Catholic thing.
Speaker 5: And I just don't know about religion. Yeah, maybe I
Speaker 5: grew up in.
Speaker 4: An atheist, all white peron. I just like that that
Speaker 4: I'm being invited to.
Speaker 6: A thing, yes, and that you're basically getting You're going
Speaker 6: to marry into this family.
Speaker 4: But I can't. They are really sweet.
Speaker 1: People, Yeah, get in there.
Speaker 5: I just don't know that there's any I think I'll
Speaker 5: just end up being somebody's roommate. I haven't seen I'm
Speaker 5: available ladies, ladies in jail. It's it's a mostly dude family.
Speaker 1: How is that possible?
Speaker 4: I know, I know the ladies.
Speaker 5: Yeah, I think they just live in an apartment down
Speaker 5: the street or something.
Speaker 1: But every ladies are kept the whole swhere.
Speaker 4: The whole family lives in the neighborhood. I've run into them.
Speaker 5: Are you is your brother named Alex? And they're like yep,
Speaker 5: And I'm like, okay.
Speaker 1: He's a good friend of mine.
Speaker 5: Yeah, it's I really like my new neighborhood. And I've
Speaker 5: put in an alarm system.
Speaker 1: We just drove by Julian McCullough and Meg.
Speaker 6: Really yes, I was like, wait a second, I recognize
Speaker 6: those Did they see us? So the No, I recognize
Speaker 6: them because Meg's hair is pink. Right now, this was
Speaker 6: pretty distinctive.
Speaker 5: There, you're fun party. It's so much fun. You had
Speaker 5: a party and it was so fun. Yes, such fun friends.
Speaker 1: Thank you.
Speaker 6: I've really worked over the years to get the social
Speaker 6: circle down to only the goods.
Speaker 4: Yeah, none of the bad.
Speaker 5: See, if I had a party, you'd notice that we're
Speaker 5: a few batties.
Speaker 4: Yeah, because I feel guilty, I'm like, I got to
Speaker 4: keep them in. They did this.
Speaker 5: For me, right, No, No, sure, they ride the White
Speaker 5: Horse every once in a while, and one's a choker,
Speaker 5: but they.
Speaker 4: Got me into comedy.
Speaker 1: Hears Now, do you mean that this person wears chokers
Speaker 1: or choke let's just make it okay?
Speaker 4: Yeah, I don't.
Speaker 5: I didn't like wear The other joke was based in
Speaker 5: no reality but triggering for all it's a guy that
Speaker 5: wears chokers.
Speaker 1: But sure, sure group l lady in the hat, What
Speaker 1: are you doing?
Speaker 4: Lady in the hat?
Speaker 1: Lady in that hat.
Speaker 5: It's funny because I don't see a lady in the hat,
Speaker 5: so I you are seeing one.
Speaker 6: Oh where this lady in this car right now?
Speaker 4: Oh okay.
Speaker 6: It's the thing that everyone does in Los Angeles, and
Speaker 6: it makes me mad is when they're trying to get
Speaker 6: somewhere and you're going by there being forced to wait
Speaker 6: for you to pass, they just start rolling toward you.
Speaker 6: It almost like to say, I don't want to wait anymore?
Speaker 6: Could you hurry at the fuck up? So, like that
Speaker 6: woman is making a left turn out of the grocery
Speaker 6: store parking lot and I'm going down the street that
Speaker 6: she's trying to turn left onto and she doesn't feel
Speaker 6: like waiting anymore, so she's just rolling into my lane.
Speaker 6: It's one of them that and the people that want
Speaker 6: to take a left turn in this separate left turn lane,
Speaker 6: but they just get over a little bit and block
Speaker 6: traffic with the back half of their own.
Speaker 4: Yeah yeah, yeah yeah. But what if I'm diagonal and
Speaker 4: you can see him.
Speaker 1: Trying and I could roll forward and not be diagonal.
Speaker 1: I'm just not doing it.
Speaker 5: Oh and then you hot, there's a full car length
Speaker 5: in front of them, and you're and then you tap
Speaker 5: on the horn and then they're like oh okay, and
Speaker 5: then they just go a few inches yes, just to rub.
Speaker 1: It in just a single time. It's like every.
Speaker 4: Move that they're making is trying to get under.
Speaker 1: My skin, and I resent it.
Speaker 5: Cut to anytime you're in a car doing that same
Speaker 5: thing and just simply not noticing.
Speaker 4: Right, Oh, I didn't.
Speaker 1: Know you were Sorry, don't be so mad, God, it's sorry.
Speaker 5: The other side of the story always, yeah, two sides
Speaker 5: there is always.
Speaker 6: Let's do a Steven check in really quick to make
Speaker 6: sure he's not nauseous anymore.
Speaker 4: And how you're feeling.
Speaker 5: I'm feeling better, no real, yeah, okay, I just don't
Speaker 5: want to eat them.
Speaker 1: Kristen liked that Stephen was getting attention, so.
Speaker 7: We just it is fucking latte all over his I'm
Speaker 7: like a baby wants carrot meal, but I'm in front.
Speaker 5: I just spit coffee onto a freshly washed T shirt.
Speaker 1: You have to switch that out. Did the sandwich do
Speaker 1: the job?
Speaker 4: I can't. It's against the engineer's code to eat on
Speaker 4: the podcast.
Speaker 6: Oh but I think, but the nausea you like, you
Speaker 6: can make an exception.
Speaker 4: I think it's the rapper. The rapper is bad.
Speaker 5: And then but you're not a smacky food falling out
Speaker 5: of your mouth as you eat.
Speaker 4: And don't tell the other engineers. Certainly, certainly, No, this.
Speaker 6: Is definitely special circumstances. At Christmas time, Steven has an
Speaker 6: upset stomach. I'm taking the hit for us.
Speaker 5: I have a friend. He works for Sauna Carry. He's
Speaker 5: a mechanical engineer. Can I tell him?
Speaker 4: Sure?
Speaker 1: I love engineer jokes.
Speaker 4: Did you see that? Come?
Speaker 1: I know because you engineered it so perfectly.
Speaker 4: Delivery comedy engineer. Come on? Did someone forget about me?
Speaker 4: This brain engineer? Train engineer came in there? Oh?
Speaker 1: Man, but you just said it.
Speaker 4: I did. Oh yeah, I did just say what he was.
Speaker 4: I didn't let the joke play out. Train engineer. That
Speaker 4: guy comes in?
Speaker 1: What other kinds of engineers are there? Everybody right into
Speaker 1: do you need to ride? At Gmail?
Speaker 5: Dot biz in all caps yelling at me for being
Speaker 5: an idiot?
Speaker 1: Oh look, the roads closed. We haven't really had that
Speaker 1: on the podcast. Yeah, road closure.
Speaker 4: I hope it's a farmer's market and or a shooting.
Speaker 1: Oh my god. This is let's go into inappropriate joke time.
Speaker 6: Because Blanka Patch, who is one of the greats on
Speaker 6: Twitter if you don't follow, he's so fucking good.
Speaker 1: And yesterday he did a run of want to feel.
Speaker 6: Old jokes, and the one I retreated was want to
Speaker 6: feel old and go ahead and pawn those cufflings you
Speaker 6: got for being appalled there at Jimmy Duranty's funeral. Okay,
Speaker 6: so that's the one that's on my But then the
Speaker 6: other one he did, want to feel old drive through
Speaker 6: a farmer's mark.
Speaker 1: It's so dark.
Speaker 6: But oh my god, I think he worded it better
Speaker 6: than that, but want to feel old drive your car
Speaker 6: through a farmer's market horrified.
Speaker 5: Oh and if you don't know, because I think that
Speaker 5: that famously, the.
Speaker 4: La one was an old guy.
Speaker 1: It's always an old guy that thinks the break is
Speaker 1: the gas.
Speaker 5: Yeah, and it was at the grove, right, is that
Speaker 5: what you're thinking?
Speaker 1: It was in Santa Monica?
Speaker 4: Oh wow, the one I'm thinking.
Speaker 5: There's an I was just hanging out at the grove
Speaker 5: one day, because you know, i'd be groving if I'm not.
Speaker 5: If I'm not at the Glen Americana, then you're gros
Speaker 5: hiding in.
Speaker 4: A bush watching you buy sweaters from your sister. I
Speaker 4: be growthing, we be groving.
Speaker 6: Please stop, please stop talking like God, no, no, you groving.
Speaker 5: No, leveland I was sitting there and there, but say,
Speaker 5: like a curb.
Speaker 4: Was smashed and they were like, oh, an old guy.
Speaker 4: It was like mid block.
Speaker 5: It was like he turned perpendicular to everything and just
Speaker 5: drove and he just ran into cars and then I think.
Speaker 4: Maybe a person got bruised, but it was yeah, it's
Speaker 4: a thing that happens. And that's such a funny joke. Horrible,
Speaker 4: explain the joke.
Speaker 1: It's horrible.
Speaker 6: But also like the one that happened in Santa Monica
Speaker 6: was so bad because you know, it's see that where
Speaker 6: they're just rolling at you.
Speaker 1: There's nowhere to go except for into my car.
Speaker 6: The one that happened in Santa Monica, and I think
Speaker 6: it was ten years ago, I would say.
Speaker 1: It was so the uh.
Speaker 6: Precariousness of setting up a farmer's market where it's like,
Speaker 6: clearly we're all going to stand around and mill around
Speaker 6: on this one block and we're just gonna put some
Speaker 6: cones up.
Speaker 1: Everyone understands that you don't drive down here.
Speaker 4: Trust Yeah, it's the nineteen fifties. We know that you won't.
Speaker 1: There's no like cement blocks to keep anybody from driving down.
Speaker 6: It's just like you're not going to and then one
Speaker 6: horror like that. It was so shockingly horrible when that happened.
Speaker 6: And then tragedy plus time equals comedy.
Speaker 4: Yes, yes, yes, has there been enough time? It's a
Speaker 4: it's a I think there is.
Speaker 6: Yeah, and also just lightly you lightly point toward it.
Speaker 6: You don't have to go into it and make jokes
Speaker 6: all about the incredible pain and destruction.
Speaker 5: And Blaane's joke isn't it's it just happens that happens
Speaker 5: to be a dark one.
Speaker 4: The joke is want to feel old and then you
Speaker 4: show haha.
Speaker 5: This is Macaulay Culkin now, and then it's not it's
Speaker 5: someone else, Like I've seen that joke. Yeah, but he's
Speaker 5: just saying what to feel old and then do it
Speaker 5: and then talking about the.
Speaker 1: Worst thing that can happen when you're old.
Speaker 6: Essentially that in Jimmy Joanny's cuplinsh.
Speaker 4: He's such a funny.
Speaker 6: He's and again I'm sure to have him on the podcast,
Speaker 6: Yes we should. I don't know if he does podcasts, well,
Speaker 6: he does, he does NERD poker and he does a
Speaker 6: Dungeons and Dragons podcast.
Speaker 4: He would be on our podcast.
Speaker 1: Okay, let's we'll contact.
Speaker 5: Him and yes we got in twenty twenty, we're going
Speaker 5: to have guests again, even though it's fun to just
Speaker 5: do it with you.
Speaker 1: So much easier.
Speaker 4: Yeah, it's easy, it's easy.
Speaker 5: But and then and then James Fritz, we were going
Speaker 5: to have on. I shot over the week. This past week,
Speaker 5: I shot a little pilot thing and James was in it,
Speaker 5: and he plays this bumbling illan for he had like
Speaker 5: a two minute scene where he's just sifting through this
Speaker 5: will and Testament and not He's like not a real lawyer.
Speaker 5: So the things that were coming out of his mouth
Speaker 5: that I guess are from his childhood in the side
Speaker 5: he's from like Kentucky or something. He's at one point
Speaker 5: he's like, blah blah blah.
Speaker 4: U.
Speaker 5: Enough, don't boris on with the chorus. There's just little
Speaker 5: U detail boris on with the chorus. I've never heard that,
Speaker 5: and it's probably a it's just there's so many Southern
Speaker 5: he he really is it on my face and tell
Speaker 5: me it's rain and type.
Speaker 1: Yeah. He's one of the funniest stand ups truly. That
Speaker 1: like like if you if you love.
Speaker 6: Stand up comedy, you're listening right now. James Furtz has
Speaker 6: an album out. It's so good. It is gat and
Speaker 6: he's and the album art, the album cover is brilliant,
Speaker 6: like everything about it.
Speaker 1: I just love that guy.
Speaker 6: And he's one of those people that's like he's in
Speaker 6: la and he's just he's just grinding at it and killing.
Speaker 6: I actually had to follow him the last time I
Speaker 6: did stand up, which will be the last time I
Speaker 6: do stand up. He was so good I should have
Speaker 6: asked to not follow him because he's just an amazing well.
Speaker 4: He does it all the time.
Speaker 6: It's illegal to change lanes in the middle of the
Speaker 6: intersection trampas.
Speaker 5: So are those frames he's wearing, Sally Jesse Rafe all frames.
Speaker 5: Oh with that haircut.
Speaker 6: Hold on a second, because he has a bumper sticker
Speaker 6: that says Spiritual wild Child, purplev dot.
Speaker 4: Com dot com dot.
Speaker 6: Com Yeah, who, yeah, who, zoom zoom zoom yeay, zoom
Speaker 6: zoom zoom sorry.
Speaker 1: Just all the taglines that you can think of.
Speaker 4: But Janie, he's a uh.
Speaker 5: Sometimes you don't know when because there was in this
Speaker 5: thing we shot. It was my manager's clients mostly and
Speaker 5: everyone was a great actor, and then there were some
Speaker 5: actual actors in it that have been in movies and
Speaker 5: things that I recognize.
Speaker 4: And then you.
Speaker 5: See like what a real actor does, like casual, not trying.
Speaker 4: But they can be funny too.
Speaker 5: Is of course fun to see real actors be funny,
Speaker 5: and then see comedians know how to act. It's my
Speaker 5: favorite two things. Yes, because it doesn't always happen.
Speaker 6: It doesn't always happen. And I think as a comedian.
Speaker 6: I told myself when I moved to Los Angeles, you
Speaker 6: know I can do both, but most people can't. And
Speaker 6: it's like you learn a very difficult thanks sir.
Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah, you're not even street cleaning, but driving the
Speaker 5: speed of street cleaning.
Speaker 1: And also not using your signal. So I'm waiting.
Speaker 4: His brushes were up.
Speaker 1: Look, I have a problem with every car on the
Speaker 1: road today.
Speaker 7: Yeah, oh Grandma, Oh my god, why.
Speaker 5: Did we have three triple take eye contacts?
Speaker 6: Because I did the thing to her that I was
Speaker 6: just complaining about, which is coming at her wall.
Speaker 1: She was doing the thing.
Speaker 6: I fast, right, it's really the honest truth.
Speaker 1: Oh shit, we're on the other side of the closed
Speaker 1: road right now. Oh no, oh no, we're in the
Speaker 1: we're in the mix now. Okay, I guess we'll have
Speaker 1: to go down here because we can't go up there.
Speaker 4: Well, no, we're going, and we should head back. I'm
Speaker 4: worried about we really should.
Speaker 5: I gotta, I gotta, I gotta shoot some tourist reactions
Speaker 5: tell us.
Speaker 6: Oh, but what I was gonna say is, when I
Speaker 6: moved to Los Angeles, I really comforted myself with the
Speaker 6: fact that like, yeah, actors can act, but comedians are
Speaker 6: the only ones that are funny. And when the shingles
Speaker 6: smell from my eyes about that idea that actually the
Speaker 6: people that moved to Los Angeles can do everything and
Speaker 6: are good looking, it was very very.
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, when you see those people.
Speaker 5: Yeah, there was a guy that I was scene with
Speaker 5: and he I apparently was in Clint Eastwood movies and stuff.
Speaker 5: He's I recognized him a little, but he was a
Speaker 5: handsome but scary looking, like he could play a scary soldier.
Speaker 4: And he was intimidating.
Speaker 5: And and a real actor and good luck, you know.
Speaker 4: And then and then he was funny as hell.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's heartbreaking.
Speaker 5: He was playing the straight guy but was totally aiding
Speaker 5: me and my jokes.
Speaker 4: I was.
Speaker 5: I was really impressed. And we didn't It's not like
Speaker 5: we became He's like, okay, I see you later, and
Speaker 5: he left like yeah, it was just a standard job
Speaker 5: and he did. He knew everything. I didn't know the lines.
Speaker 4: I was like.
Speaker 5: I was like, I have to can we read through this?
Speaker 5: And he's like, well, of course I memorized it. I
Speaker 5: already Oh spam risk.
Speaker 1: Oh, get out of here.
Speaker 6: You know what's weird. I don't remember doing this podcast
Speaker 6: for this long. I don't remember ever getting calls during
Speaker 6: the podcast, and now we've gotten too.
Speaker 4: Huh.
Speaker 1: Oh, I can't wait.
Speaker 4: We should the podcast is on again.
Speaker 1: God damn it. Oh my god, everybody leave me alone.
Speaker 5: You're actually getting called by podcasts.
Speaker 4: On speaker phone.
Speaker 1: Listen to me now.
Speaker 4: The buddy was phound in the Twisted Burning Wreck.
Speaker 6: That's from Peebee Large Marge.
Speaker 1: Let's wrap it up with some Christmas wishes.
Speaker 5: Oh, I think that I'm really putting a lot on
Speaker 5: this year. Okay, twenty twenty. I always it's going to be.
Speaker 5: It's going to be a great year. I'm very excited.
Speaker 1: Yes you should be.
Speaker 4: And wishes are coming right up, real specific ones. Okay,
Speaker 4: I'm going.
Speaker 5: To make an effort to become, for the first time
Speaker 5: ever a joke writer.
Speaker 4: For my own stand up.
Speaker 5: It's almost embarrassing that all I do is think of
Speaker 5: an idea and or tweet something, and then I get
Speaker 5: on stage and work it out at the expense of
Speaker 5: an audience who could probably wants to hear a finished thing.
Speaker 5: I need to start writing again, Like I don't sit down,
Speaker 5: and I really don't sit and write things out hard
Speaker 5: not have notebooks.
Speaker 4: It's hard with where you free write.
Speaker 5: And you're like, I'm going to just talk about this
Speaker 5: as an exercise, right. It's the further I get from
Speaker 5: the days of me being in school, the more stubborn
Speaker 5: I am as an adult about doing homework.
Speaker 4: It's so weird.
Speaker 6: Can I tell you My friend Albertina and I were
Speaker 6: just talking about this because she is a writer. She
Speaker 6: worked on the Tonight Show for years and now she's
Speaker 6: out here and she's kind of submitting for different stuff
Speaker 6: and she's talking about submitting for an award show and
Speaker 6: she was worried about the same thing.
Speaker 1: And I said, when I.
Speaker 6: Used to be in that position, I would just get
Speaker 6: up and every morning write twenty jokes about topical stuff,
Speaker 6: purely for the exercise of doing it, and then you
Speaker 6: actually do You don't you're not sitting down going have
Speaker 6: to I have to write jokes that I'm going to
Speaker 6: use tonight. You sit down and do the exercise of
Speaker 6: writing jokes for the sake of doing that, and then
Speaker 6: see what comes out of that. Ye, Like, give yourself
Speaker 6: more room than the assignment and the execution of the assignment.
Speaker 6: Like start just the practice of this is what I
Speaker 6: like to do. What can I think of that's funny
Speaker 6: about these things that everyone else.
Speaker 1: Is writing jokes about too?
Speaker 4: You're right, I need to remember that.
Speaker 5: I like also writing jokes, like writing short jokes, even
Speaker 5: though most comedy is changing an audience that want to
Speaker 5: hear about you and they want to hear stories, and I.
Speaker 4: Don't I like doing that.
Speaker 1: Also, look at this but personalized license.
Speaker 4: I wa I got to start nerd nerds. The other day.
Speaker 5: It at Lasens, where I eat most of my meals.
Speaker 5: It's a grocery store near my house. There was a
Speaker 5: one of those new BMW exotic sports cars that.
Speaker 4: It's I think.
Speaker 5: It's a hybrid also, but it looks like a Lamborghini
Speaker 5: but it's a We've.
Speaker 1: All yeah, yeah, that's kind of fly.
Speaker 5: Like yeah, and they have like accents of blue all
Speaker 5: over them. He had he had a license plate that
Speaker 5: said narcissist and he was parked in a handicaps. So
Speaker 5: it was everything all at once. And there was a
Speaker 5: girl next to me, like she's a young girl. But
Speaker 5: I had to be like, look are you looking at
Speaker 5: this car? I need to know who's driving that? And
Speaker 5: she was like, oh, yeah, one an asshole. And then
Speaker 5: she pulled out her keys and went no, she made
Speaker 5: the noise. She was making a joke. She was like,
Speaker 5: what if it was me? And she was a young
Speaker 5: I was like, wow, good one, that was really funny.
Speaker 1: And uh and then you're like, will you please date me?
Speaker 4: No?
Speaker 5: No, I actually sorry the other day in the grocery store,
Speaker 5: I'm like, that was really funny when you did that
Speaker 5: BMW nurse assist joke.
Speaker 1: She's like yep, She's like I know, I know, don't worry.
Speaker 5: She was like, I was really excited when I thought
Speaker 5: of it.
Speaker 1: It's so good.
Speaker 4: Yeah, it was really.
Speaker 6: Fun first, like and I thought you really meant it
Speaker 6: was hers. I was just like, oh my god, everything
Speaker 6: about that is amazing.
Speaker 4: You know.
Speaker 5: When she pulled out her keys, it was horrifying, and
Speaker 5: she knew she was and she milked it and then
Speaker 5: she just made a sound effen.
Speaker 4: She's like, yeah, what if it was me? That was
Speaker 4: so funny.
Speaker 1: Let's give it a draw. The next time you see her,
Speaker 1: let's learn her name.
Speaker 6: Yeah, and this is called Everyday Comedy with Chris Fairman.
Speaker 4: Those chairs, I'm taking them.
Speaker 1: Take them. They're right by the garbage.
Speaker 4: Are they yours? No, they're nice white office chairs.
Speaker 1: Yeah, get them. I'm gonna they're covered in urine.
Speaker 4: Good, so half my work is done. She's gonna bring
Speaker 4: them home and piss on them.
Speaker 1: You know me, don't even worry about it.
Speaker 4: I think, well, twenty twenty, what are your dreams? Hearen
Speaker 4: I have that writing thing?
Speaker 6: Okay, you're going to do more writing. I'm going to
Speaker 6: I'm going to socialize.
Speaker 4: More and have more parties because You're party was fun.
Speaker 6: No, I'm going to have monthly parties yay, because that's
Speaker 6: gonna be my new thing. And I'm gonna start wearing kaftans, guys.
Speaker 6: Merry Christmas, Mary, Happy Holidays, Happy Holidays, happy Hanukah, yes,
Speaker 6: whatever else.
Speaker 1: You celebrate everything and everything.
Speaker 4: They're all fun, they're all great.
Speaker 6: It's uh, it's the holidays in general. But it's uh
Speaker 6: but happy all of it. Did your butt feel hot
Speaker 6: this show? Because the all the seat heaters were I
Speaker 6: always call.
Speaker 5: Them heats theaters, and that's that's always a that's an
Speaker 5: accidental thing, but it's kind of funny. Yes, my my
Speaker 5: ass is quite clammy. Okay, that's a good note. It
Speaker 5: is happy holidays. It's the most wonderful time of the
Speaker 5: year and you get to be around your family and man,
Speaker 5: is my butt sweaty.
Speaker 6: We will talk to you in the new year, and
Speaker 6: thank you for listening. Thank you for following us over
Speaker 6: if you did to when we got reset onto our
Speaker 6: new network this year we had this podcast has really.
Speaker 1: Has really kind of grown a lot in spite.
Speaker 6: Of us right investing time and energy and do it right.
Speaker 4: And it's almost like that is appreciated.
Speaker 5: Yeah, we really, we really like that we put little
Speaker 5: to no effort and assure you that we will put
Speaker 5: no more.
Speaker 4: Effort other than guess we're gonna have guests.
Speaker 6: Yes, because we've got so many people that want to
Speaker 6: do it and that we love.
Speaker 1: We just and we can we will be able to.
Speaker 1: But thank you all so much.
Speaker 4: Big surprises coming in twenty twenty. Yeah, you'll see.
Speaker 6: Good one, and thank you all for all the Starbucks
Speaker 6: cards we've been given.
Speaker 1: We so appreciate it.
Speaker 6: If we haven't used yours yet, we may have privately
Speaker 6: and just not given you props.
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, but we really thank you.
Speaker 4: I have a backpack of them. By the time I
Speaker 4: get to it, it might be twenty twenty one.
Speaker 6: Oh what if we were going to be in free
Speaker 6: coffee until twenty twenty five? Okay, thank you, and Stephen,
Speaker 6: thank you for being our engineer in the back.
Speaker 4: See thanks Steve. And I feel like I won't ever
Speaker 4: look back and said thank you. Oh you're very well.
Speaker 4: And when I did that, I didn't look at him.
Speaker 4: I just tilted my head in the cornal direction power mouth.
Speaker 4: Well I got a hurt neck. You've been listening? Do
Speaker 4: you need a ride?
Speaker 1: Why n A R are leaving? I you wanna way back?
Speaker 1: Either way?
Speaker 3: We want to be there, doesn't matter how much baggage
Speaker 3: you claim and give us time and they turning on
Speaker 3: and gage. We want to send you off inside. We
Speaker 3: want to welcome you back home. Tell us all about it.
Speaker 1: We scared her? Was it fine? Mal porn?
Speaker 2: Do you need to ride?
Speaker 1: Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride?
Speaker 2: Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride?
Speaker 2: Do you need to ride?
Speaker 4: Do you need to ride?
Speaker 2: Do you need to ride?
Speaker 4: With Karen and Chris.
Speaker 1: Twenty nineteen. I did it.
Speaker 4: I was really hot, and I didn't. I don't acknowledge it.