1 00:00:09,840 --> 00:00:12,800 Speaker 1: Hi guys, and welcome to a new episode of You 2 00:00:12,840 --> 00:00:16,079 Speaker 1: Need Therapy Podcast. My name is Kat and I am 3 00:00:16,280 --> 00:00:19,360 Speaker 1: the host. Quick reminder up top to all the listeners, 4 00:00:19,400 --> 00:00:22,079 Speaker 1: the new ones and the old ones that this podcast 5 00:00:22,239 --> 00:00:26,880 Speaker 1: is for more entertainment and educational purposes and does not 6 00:00:27,000 --> 00:00:30,720 Speaker 1: serve as a replacement for therapy or substitute for actual 7 00:00:30,840 --> 00:00:35,640 Speaker 1: mental health services. Now I have some exciting information news 8 00:00:35,920 --> 00:00:38,879 Speaker 1: things happening. And for all of you that listened to 9 00:00:39,000 --> 00:00:41,320 Speaker 1: Four Things with Amy Brown, you already know this, most 10 00:00:41,360 --> 00:00:44,000 Speaker 1: likely if you stepped date on your episodes and you 11 00:00:44,080 --> 00:00:49,440 Speaker 1: follow Amy on Instagram. But I co host Amy's podcast 12 00:00:49,640 --> 00:00:52,400 Speaker 1: Four Things with Amy Brown with her on Tuesdays, and 13 00:00:52,479 --> 00:00:56,280 Speaker 1: she is putting on a live podcast event on November 14 00:00:56,360 --> 00:00:59,920 Speaker 1: five that I am lucky enough to be a part of, 15 00:01:00,760 --> 00:01:03,960 Speaker 1: which Actually, that's part of the really exciting news. You 16 00:01:04,000 --> 00:01:06,200 Speaker 1: can buy tickets. I'll tell you um where you can 17 00:01:06,200 --> 00:01:09,360 Speaker 1: get those, and I'll put a link in the show notes. 18 00:01:09,720 --> 00:01:12,160 Speaker 1: But the second part of the good news is this 19 00:01:12,240 --> 00:01:15,800 Speaker 1: event kind of kicked my butt into gear and helped 20 00:01:15,880 --> 00:01:19,960 Speaker 1: motivate me to finally get those sweatshirts out that I have. Well, 21 00:01:20,000 --> 00:01:21,920 Speaker 1: I promised them to you guys A very long time ago, 22 00:01:22,040 --> 00:01:23,720 Speaker 1: and then I just kind of let it fade because 23 00:01:23,720 --> 00:01:27,440 Speaker 1: it overwhelmed me. But I got back on track and 24 00:01:27,560 --> 00:01:29,920 Speaker 1: I have an order coming in and I will have 25 00:01:30,000 --> 00:01:33,240 Speaker 1: them at the live show for sure, and I'm just 26 00:01:33,319 --> 00:01:35,679 Speaker 1: kind of like testing out this first design. I really 27 00:01:35,720 --> 00:01:38,120 Speaker 1: love it. I'm actually obsessed with it. But if it 28 00:01:38,160 --> 00:01:42,120 Speaker 1: goes well, I'll have options available for you guys to 29 00:01:42,600 --> 00:01:46,839 Speaker 1: purchase as well, hopefully mid November or early December. And 30 00:01:46,959 --> 00:01:48,640 Speaker 1: I think that's really exciting so we can all have 31 00:01:48,680 --> 00:01:50,840 Speaker 1: some merch that says some of the stuff that we 32 00:01:51,120 --> 00:01:53,920 Speaker 1: talked about on here. And the first sweatshirt is a 33 00:01:54,000 --> 00:01:56,680 Speaker 1: really cute crew next sweatshirt that says have the day 34 00:01:56,680 --> 00:01:59,240 Speaker 1: you need to have really big on the back, and guys, 35 00:01:59,280 --> 00:02:01,920 Speaker 1: it's so cute, So be on the lookout for that. 36 00:02:02,120 --> 00:02:05,440 Speaker 1: And I am trying my hardest to stay organized and 37 00:02:05,480 --> 00:02:07,360 Speaker 1: on top of that. So if you guys do want 38 00:02:07,400 --> 00:02:09,320 Speaker 1: to get those, I can have this in time for 39 00:02:09,440 --> 00:02:12,560 Speaker 1: maybe Christmas presents. You know, I think that is a 40 00:02:12,560 --> 00:02:15,120 Speaker 1: great Christmas present anyway. The tickets for this show are 41 00:02:15,160 --> 00:02:18,120 Speaker 1: also on sale now. The show is in Wichita, Kansas, 42 00:02:18,160 --> 00:02:22,440 Speaker 1: So if you're not in Kansas and you've always thought, Hey, 43 00:02:22,680 --> 00:02:24,320 Speaker 1: I really want to go to Kansas, but I've never 44 00:02:24,360 --> 00:02:26,600 Speaker 1: really had a reason to go. Now you have a 45 00:02:26,600 --> 00:02:28,880 Speaker 1: reason to go. So I'm going to post a link 46 00:02:29,120 --> 00:02:31,040 Speaker 1: so you can um just click on that to go 47 00:02:31,080 --> 00:02:33,040 Speaker 1: buy your tickets, and then I'll keep you up to 48 00:02:33,120 --> 00:02:37,280 Speaker 1: date on the march as it develops. Also, this is 49 00:02:37,320 --> 00:02:39,200 Speaker 1: just me talking about my life, but I don't know 50 00:02:39,400 --> 00:02:43,000 Speaker 1: if it is just me. I'm hoping it's not. I'm 51 00:02:43,000 --> 00:02:46,640 Speaker 1: feeling like so exhausted right now. I feel like summer 52 00:02:46,960 --> 00:02:50,120 Speaker 1: is supposed to be the really busy time where you 53 00:02:50,320 --> 00:02:52,200 Speaker 1: have something every weekend and you're always going and you're 54 00:02:52,200 --> 00:02:55,040 Speaker 1: always doing, you're traveling, and then fall supposed to be 55 00:02:55,080 --> 00:02:59,160 Speaker 1: more relaxed, and I'm like the least to relax I've 56 00:02:59,200 --> 00:03:02,720 Speaker 1: ever been this year. Don't get me wrong, I've been 57 00:03:02,880 --> 00:03:04,680 Speaker 1: enjoying the things I've been doing. I just got to 58 00:03:04,720 --> 00:03:08,640 Speaker 1: go to Asheville for three four days this past week, 59 00:03:08,720 --> 00:03:11,040 Speaker 1: and I mean, I love going to Ashville and the 60 00:03:11,160 --> 00:03:13,240 Speaker 1: things that I have been doing. I've been awesome, But 61 00:03:13,280 --> 00:03:16,640 Speaker 1: I feel really rushed to like get everything done that 62 00:03:16,680 --> 00:03:18,960 Speaker 1: I want to do with in fall, plus all the 63 00:03:19,160 --> 00:03:23,440 Speaker 1: like just other obligations I have before, like fall comes 64 00:03:23,480 --> 00:03:24,840 Speaker 1: to a close because I feel like fall is one 65 00:03:24,840 --> 00:03:27,200 Speaker 1: of those seasons that it takes forever to show up 66 00:03:27,200 --> 00:03:29,160 Speaker 1: and then it's gone with like a blank. But there's 67 00:03:29,160 --> 00:03:31,680 Speaker 1: so many fun fall activities, like going to a pumpkin patch, 68 00:03:31,720 --> 00:03:35,200 Speaker 1: and like I don't like pumpkin spice flavored things, but 69 00:03:35,240 --> 00:03:37,000 Speaker 1: like I still like to be a part of the 70 00:03:37,040 --> 00:03:40,520 Speaker 1: projects and making pumpkin spices things, and like getting pumpkins 71 00:03:40,520 --> 00:03:44,320 Speaker 1: and decorating your porch with little hay baiale and carving pumpkins, 72 00:03:44,320 --> 00:03:46,320 Speaker 1: and like, I just feel like I don't have enough 73 00:03:46,360 --> 00:03:48,960 Speaker 1: time to do all the things. Maybe it's just me, 74 00:03:49,040 --> 00:03:50,720 Speaker 1: but I'm just putting this out there because if it's 75 00:03:50,760 --> 00:03:54,280 Speaker 1: not just me, then we're in this together. And last weekend, 76 00:03:54,320 --> 00:03:57,240 Speaker 1: like I said, I was in a wedding in Ashville, 77 00:03:57,240 --> 00:04:00,760 Speaker 1: and then this coming weekend, I'm going into another wedding 78 00:04:00,880 --> 00:04:03,240 Speaker 1: in Kentucky with him. I'm going to meet some of 79 00:04:03,280 --> 00:04:07,480 Speaker 1: his family. Hopefully it goes well. But yeah, I just 80 00:04:07,720 --> 00:04:11,960 Speaker 1: can't wait for the weekend, which will be the following weekend. Actually, 81 00:04:12,080 --> 00:04:13,800 Speaker 1: when you listen to this will be the weekend coming up. 82 00:04:14,040 --> 00:04:16,719 Speaker 1: I can't wait until that weekend because I have nothing 83 00:04:16,800 --> 00:04:19,839 Speaker 1: planned and I told Patrick, my boyfriend. I was like, 84 00:04:19,839 --> 00:04:22,640 Speaker 1: oh my god, I cannot wait to just do nothing 85 00:04:23,160 --> 00:04:25,640 Speaker 1: and just like lay. But then I was like, I'm 86 00:04:25,680 --> 00:04:28,880 Speaker 1: actually really craving Adele's brunch. I don't know why I'm 87 00:04:28,920 --> 00:04:31,360 Speaker 1: telling you guys this, but I'm actually really craving Adell's brunch. 88 00:04:31,400 --> 00:04:33,039 Speaker 1: If you guys live in Nashville, you haven't been to 89 00:04:33,040 --> 00:04:35,560 Speaker 1: brunch at Adele's. It is so good. It's a buffet. 90 00:04:35,720 --> 00:04:39,320 Speaker 1: It's like pretty inexpensive for how much food you can get. 91 00:04:39,360 --> 00:04:41,599 Speaker 1: Because when I go to Adele's for like a dinner 92 00:04:41,600 --> 00:04:43,760 Speaker 1: and I get a meal, it's more than this. It's 93 00:04:43,760 --> 00:04:46,840 Speaker 1: so good. It has literally everything. I could be there 94 00:04:46,839 --> 00:04:50,040 Speaker 1: for hours, but you know that's frowned upon. So anyway, 95 00:04:50,120 --> 00:04:53,560 Speaker 1: I think this following weekend, I'm going to do nothing, 96 00:04:54,120 --> 00:04:57,600 Speaker 1: do some laundry, maybe bacuum my house because I got 97 00:04:57,640 --> 00:05:00,440 Speaker 1: a new vacuum and I'm obsessed with it. Guys, I 98 00:05:00,520 --> 00:05:03,800 Speaker 1: used to hate vacuuming. I promise we'll get to the 99 00:05:03,839 --> 00:05:07,040 Speaker 1: concept for today. I used to despise it because like, 100 00:05:07,520 --> 00:05:09,719 Speaker 1: get this big heavy vacuum out and like the cord 101 00:05:09,760 --> 00:05:11,400 Speaker 1: and just plug any you have to move the cord. 102 00:05:11,800 --> 00:05:15,080 Speaker 1: But my mom got me this new vacuum, the dice 103 00:05:15,120 --> 00:05:17,680 Speaker 1: in one, and it brings me so much joy. It 104 00:05:17,800 --> 00:05:19,960 Speaker 1: is so fun, it's so easy to use, it's so 105 00:05:20,040 --> 00:05:24,640 Speaker 1: easy to empty out. There's all these different attachments. I like, honestly, 106 00:05:24,960 --> 00:05:28,560 Speaker 1: good vacuum for hours. So this is coming. We get 107 00:05:28,640 --> 00:05:30,400 Speaker 1: up in vacuum and I'm gonna go to Adele's and 108 00:05:30,440 --> 00:05:33,840 Speaker 1: I cannot wait. Anyway, I just really started to say 109 00:05:33,880 --> 00:05:36,600 Speaker 1: that because I just wanted to put out that out there. 110 00:05:36,600 --> 00:05:39,640 Speaker 1: If you guys are as overwhelmed as I am, like, 111 00:05:39,720 --> 00:05:42,440 Speaker 1: work in it together and maybe we can help each 112 00:05:42,440 --> 00:05:46,040 Speaker 1: other like slow down so we can like actually enjoy 113 00:05:46,160 --> 00:05:49,839 Speaker 1: the things we are participating in, because, like I said, 114 00:05:49,880 --> 00:05:52,479 Speaker 1: most of these things I'm doing are fun. I don't 115 00:05:52,520 --> 00:05:55,000 Speaker 1: want them to like rush by me because I'm nervous 116 00:05:55,000 --> 00:05:59,320 Speaker 1: about We're anxious about getting to the next thing. So anyhow, 117 00:06:00,480 --> 00:06:07,880 Speaker 1: get into today's content. I thought today would be a 118 00:06:08,000 --> 00:06:12,560 Speaker 1: nice time where we could dive deeper into compassion, but 119 00:06:12,600 --> 00:06:16,120 Speaker 1: more specifically self compassion. These words are words we hear 120 00:06:16,160 --> 00:06:19,640 Speaker 1: a lot and probably even use a lot. However, I 121 00:06:19,680 --> 00:06:21,920 Speaker 1: often wonder if we really have been able to understand 122 00:06:21,920 --> 00:06:25,200 Speaker 1: the fullness of what the words even mean. So we're 123 00:06:25,360 --> 00:06:29,200 Speaker 1: going to talk about that today. What's interesting, at least 124 00:06:29,240 --> 00:06:32,560 Speaker 1: to me, is that specifically, self compassion is something that 125 00:06:32,600 --> 00:06:36,800 Speaker 1: has been highly researched, kind of like shame and vulnerability 126 00:06:36,839 --> 00:06:40,839 Speaker 1: have with Burnet Brown. Self compassion has been deeply studied 127 00:06:40,839 --> 00:06:44,200 Speaker 1: by Dr Kristin Neff, and I think what she has 128 00:06:44,240 --> 00:06:47,200 Speaker 1: found in her teachings are super important and can be highly, 129 00:06:47,279 --> 00:06:49,800 Speaker 1: highly influential and helpful if we take a take the 130 00:06:49,800 --> 00:06:52,200 Speaker 1: time to look into them. They don't have as much 131 00:06:52,240 --> 00:06:55,240 Speaker 1: of the excitement I guess around them as some of 132 00:06:55,279 --> 00:06:59,080 Speaker 1: the teachings that Burnet Brown has done, and that's okay, 133 00:06:59,120 --> 00:07:01,440 Speaker 1: but I just want this to be just as important, 134 00:07:01,480 --> 00:07:04,520 Speaker 1: because self compassion is just as important as learning about 135 00:07:04,520 --> 00:07:08,280 Speaker 1: shame and vulnerability. And Kristin Neff is really, honestly a 136 00:07:08,279 --> 00:07:11,360 Speaker 1: pioneer in the study of self compassion. She's the first 137 00:07:11,400 --> 00:07:14,720 Speaker 1: one to operationally define and measure it, and she did 138 00:07:14,760 --> 00:07:18,160 Speaker 1: this twenty years ago. So it's time we are up 139 00:07:18,200 --> 00:07:21,280 Speaker 1: with the research, you know. And she's actually been recognized 140 00:07:21,320 --> 00:07:24,800 Speaker 1: as one of the world's most influential research psychologists. And 141 00:07:24,800 --> 00:07:26,720 Speaker 1: it might feel like I'm introducing her to come on 142 00:07:26,760 --> 00:07:29,840 Speaker 1: and talk to us, but I'm just going to talk 143 00:07:29,880 --> 00:07:32,680 Speaker 1: about her research and some of the stuff that she 144 00:07:32,760 --> 00:07:35,400 Speaker 1: has and some of her content. She hasn't a website 145 00:07:35,440 --> 00:07:38,040 Speaker 1: self compassion dot org that if you are interested in more, 146 00:07:38,080 --> 00:07:40,080 Speaker 1: you can find more about her. You can find more 147 00:07:40,080 --> 00:07:43,440 Speaker 1: about the courses she offers and the writings and the 148 00:07:43,480 --> 00:07:45,440 Speaker 1: research that she's done. But today we're going to start 149 00:07:45,440 --> 00:07:48,200 Speaker 1: with the basics. She also has awesome ted talk, which 150 00:07:48,200 --> 00:07:50,360 Speaker 1: is how I even found her, and I'm gonna link 151 00:07:50,440 --> 00:07:53,400 Speaker 1: that in the show notes as well. And after you 152 00:07:53,400 --> 00:07:55,320 Speaker 1: listen to this episode, that might be something that you 153 00:07:55,320 --> 00:07:56,960 Speaker 1: really want to sit down and watch. It's only like 154 00:07:57,000 --> 00:08:00,200 Speaker 1: twenty minutes, and for me it was really helped ale 155 00:08:00,320 --> 00:08:03,240 Speaker 1: and a game changer um in my personal life and 156 00:08:03,280 --> 00:08:07,360 Speaker 1: in therapy life. I also think this episode makes sense 157 00:08:07,360 --> 00:08:10,040 Speaker 1: to put out now, specifically if you've listened to the 158 00:08:10,040 --> 00:08:12,480 Speaker 1: conversation I had with Liz Plank a couple of weeks 159 00:08:12,480 --> 00:08:15,920 Speaker 1: ago about like the mental health overload. And this is 160 00:08:15,960 --> 00:08:19,400 Speaker 1: because when we get overwhelmed, it's easy to move straight 161 00:08:19,400 --> 00:08:23,120 Speaker 1: into a completely negative space, which I'm doing my work 162 00:08:23,120 --> 00:08:25,360 Speaker 1: with that, like I was talking about earlier, like I'm 163 00:08:25,440 --> 00:08:27,480 Speaker 1: very overwhelmed in my life and I don't want to 164 00:08:27,520 --> 00:08:29,640 Speaker 1: be upset about being overwhelmed. I want to enjoy the 165 00:08:29,680 --> 00:08:31,760 Speaker 1: things that I'm in, And what we want to do 166 00:08:31,840 --> 00:08:34,200 Speaker 1: is we want to create a black and white space. 167 00:08:34,320 --> 00:08:37,040 Speaker 1: Very often it's all good, it's all bad and overwhelmed 168 00:08:37,040 --> 00:08:39,440 Speaker 1: by mental health content. So I want to categorize it 169 00:08:39,520 --> 00:08:42,480 Speaker 1: as all bad, and then I get frustrated that I'm 170 00:08:42,520 --> 00:08:45,680 Speaker 1: being all negative when in reality I'm not being completely negative. 171 00:08:45,679 --> 00:08:48,800 Speaker 1: I'm just being negative of mental health content. So today 172 00:08:48,880 --> 00:08:51,240 Speaker 1: I want to talk about learning how to struggle, and 173 00:08:51,440 --> 00:08:54,600 Speaker 1: sometimes in between state and I can be having a 174 00:08:54,640 --> 00:08:57,480 Speaker 1: hard time, I can be frustrated with something, honor that 175 00:08:57,559 --> 00:09:01,360 Speaker 1: experience and not right that off, but also not take 176 00:09:01,360 --> 00:09:03,559 Speaker 1: it too far. So what I'm gonna do is I'm 177 00:09:03,559 --> 00:09:07,240 Speaker 1: gonna start by reading Christan Nest definition of self compassion 178 00:09:07,280 --> 00:09:09,520 Speaker 1: straight from her website. So these are her words, not 179 00:09:09,600 --> 00:09:13,080 Speaker 1: mine at all. Having compassion for oneself is really no 180 00:09:13,240 --> 00:09:16,240 Speaker 1: different than having compassion for others. Think about what the 181 00:09:16,240 --> 00:09:20,160 Speaker 1: experience of compassion feels like. First, to have compassion for others, 182 00:09:20,200 --> 00:09:23,040 Speaker 1: you must notice that they are suffering. If you ignore 183 00:09:23,080 --> 00:09:25,560 Speaker 1: that homeless person on the street, you can't feel compassion 184 00:09:25,640 --> 00:09:29,960 Speaker 1: for how difficult his experience is. Second, Compassion involves feeling 185 00:09:29,960 --> 00:09:32,720 Speaker 1: moved by other suffering so that your heart responds to 186 00:09:32,760 --> 00:09:36,400 Speaker 1: their pain. The word compassion literally means to suffer with 187 00:09:37,200 --> 00:09:40,200 Speaker 1: When this occurs, you feel warmth, caring in the desire 188 00:09:40,240 --> 00:09:43,920 Speaker 1: to help the suffering person in some way. Having compassion 189 00:09:44,160 --> 00:09:47,400 Speaker 1: also means that you offer understanding and kindness to others 190 00:09:47,600 --> 00:09:52,640 Speaker 1: when they fail or make mistakes, rather than judging them harshly. Finally, 191 00:09:52,679 --> 00:09:55,880 Speaker 1: when you feel compassion for another rather than mere pity, 192 00:09:56,000 --> 00:09:59,079 Speaker 1: it means that you realize that suffering, failure, and imperfection 193 00:09:59,240 --> 00:10:02,320 Speaker 1: is a part of this shared human experience. There but 194 00:10:02,520 --> 00:10:06,280 Speaker 1: for fortune, go I. Self compassion involves acting the same 195 00:10:06,320 --> 00:10:09,440 Speaker 1: way towards yourself when you're having a difficult time, fail 196 00:10:09,520 --> 00:10:12,560 Speaker 1: or notice something you don't like about yourself. Instead of 197 00:10:12,600 --> 00:10:15,520 Speaker 1: just ignoring your pain with a stiff upper lip mentality, 198 00:10:15,920 --> 00:10:18,720 Speaker 1: you stop to tell yourself, this is really difficult right now. 199 00:10:18,920 --> 00:10:21,360 Speaker 1: How can I comfort and care for myself in this moment? 200 00:10:21,880 --> 00:10:26,000 Speaker 1: Instead of mercilessly judging and criticizing yourself for various inadequacies 201 00:10:26,080 --> 00:10:29,880 Speaker 1: or shortcomings, self compassion means you are kind and understanding 202 00:10:29,920 --> 00:10:34,120 Speaker 1: when confronted with personal failings. Okay, so I love the 203 00:10:34,120 --> 00:10:36,640 Speaker 1: part that says we cannot ignore our pain and feel 204 00:10:36,679 --> 00:10:40,440 Speaker 1: compassion for at the same time. Therefore, to treat ourselves 205 00:10:40,440 --> 00:10:42,560 Speaker 1: like we what a good friend, we must acknowledge that 206 00:10:42,600 --> 00:10:45,320 Speaker 1: we are hurting, which there lies a key to a 207 00:10:45,320 --> 00:10:48,080 Speaker 1: lot of our healing. To heal, we must acknowledge. You 208 00:10:48,120 --> 00:10:50,840 Speaker 1: cannot work through something and heal something, change something that 209 00:10:50,880 --> 00:10:54,360 Speaker 1: you refuse to acknowledge. And think about it this way, 210 00:10:54,640 --> 00:10:56,679 Speaker 1: if you were to ignore pain or a friend hoping 211 00:10:56,679 --> 00:10:59,800 Speaker 1: that it would just go away, you wouldn't be being 212 00:10:59,840 --> 00:11:02,400 Speaker 1: a are a good friend. In most people aren't going 213 00:11:02,440 --> 00:11:04,360 Speaker 1: to do that to others, but we so easily do 214 00:11:04,400 --> 00:11:07,520 Speaker 1: it to ourselves. You don't generally look at your friends 215 00:11:07,520 --> 00:11:09,360 Speaker 1: and say, oh, you messed up once, What a loser. 216 00:11:09,880 --> 00:11:13,600 Speaker 1: You would say, hey, man or woman or whoever, you 217 00:11:13,679 --> 00:11:15,960 Speaker 1: mess up once. I know that's really tough, and it 218 00:11:15,960 --> 00:11:19,240 Speaker 1: doesn't change who you are. Also, oh my gosh, side note. 219 00:11:19,840 --> 00:11:22,400 Speaker 1: I saw an Instagram post from Aaron Lane, who was 220 00:11:22,440 --> 00:11:24,199 Speaker 1: on the podcast a couple of months ago to talk 221 00:11:24,200 --> 00:11:27,000 Speaker 1: about her book Someone Other Than a Mother, and the 222 00:11:27,040 --> 00:11:29,080 Speaker 1: post was a picture of a little note that she 223 00:11:29,240 --> 00:11:32,000 Speaker 1: was writing to one of her daughters, and it read 224 00:11:32,480 --> 00:11:35,559 Speaker 1: winner Lose, We Love watching you try trying is cool 225 00:11:36,400 --> 00:11:38,240 Speaker 1: and in the caption, she wrote, when you write a 226 00:11:38,240 --> 00:11:40,280 Speaker 1: note to your child and realize it's also a note 227 00:11:40,280 --> 00:11:42,920 Speaker 1: to you, and this is the kind of note that 228 00:11:43,000 --> 00:11:45,680 Speaker 1: I want to like write to all my friends and family. 229 00:11:46,600 --> 00:11:49,960 Speaker 1: I've honestly never been a big sports girl. Growing up, 230 00:11:49,960 --> 00:11:55,000 Speaker 1: I liked playing sports, but I've never really enjoyed watching sports, 231 00:11:55,000 --> 00:11:59,040 Speaker 1: except if I knew somebody was playing, if someone important 232 00:11:59,040 --> 00:12:01,080 Speaker 1: to me was playing, then I would be literally like 233 00:12:01,160 --> 00:12:04,440 Speaker 1: all over watching whatever game it was. And it wasn't 234 00:12:04,520 --> 00:12:06,719 Speaker 1: just because I wanted to go watch them one or 235 00:12:06,800 --> 00:12:10,439 Speaker 1: go watch them be perfect. It was because I wanted 236 00:12:10,440 --> 00:12:12,360 Speaker 1: to see them. I wanted to support them, I wanted 237 00:12:12,400 --> 00:12:15,120 Speaker 1: to cheer them on, I wanted to be there for them. 238 00:12:15,200 --> 00:12:17,600 Speaker 1: And I've been to countless games where the people that 239 00:12:17,679 --> 00:12:20,880 Speaker 1: I went to go watch lost and countless games are 240 00:12:20,880 --> 00:12:22,760 Speaker 1: the people that I went to go watch maybe had 241 00:12:22,760 --> 00:12:25,360 Speaker 1: a bad game, And personally this is how I was. 242 00:12:25,440 --> 00:12:26,960 Speaker 1: I don't I don't know if this is universal. Well, 243 00:12:27,080 --> 00:12:29,760 Speaker 1: I didn't leave that event thinking, oh God, how embarrassing 244 00:12:29,760 --> 00:12:31,720 Speaker 1: it is to be them, like what it wasted my time? 245 00:12:31,760 --> 00:12:35,160 Speaker 1: What a loser? I was like, Oh it sucks, I know, 246 00:12:35,200 --> 00:12:39,000 Speaker 1: they're disappointed. Like nobody wants to perform poorly and nobody 247 00:12:39,040 --> 00:12:41,720 Speaker 1: wants to lose, but having off days as a part 248 00:12:41,720 --> 00:12:44,760 Speaker 1: of life and it's a part of being human. And 249 00:12:44,880 --> 00:12:47,680 Speaker 1: I remember one time, I don't know what game this was, 250 00:12:47,760 --> 00:12:51,000 Speaker 1: but my older brother. Both my brothers were kickers for football, 251 00:12:51,480 --> 00:12:55,040 Speaker 1: but my older brother specifically, I remember there was some 252 00:12:55,280 --> 00:12:58,760 Speaker 1: game that he played and he didn't do well. To 253 00:12:58,800 --> 00:13:01,720 Speaker 1: be honest, I don't even remember like what happened or 254 00:13:01,760 --> 00:13:04,040 Speaker 1: what it was that he didn't do. At what point 255 00:13:04,080 --> 00:13:05,480 Speaker 1: he missed or maybe he had a bad point, I 256 00:13:05,520 --> 00:13:09,080 Speaker 1: don't know, but I do remember him like locking himself 257 00:13:09,080 --> 00:13:12,240 Speaker 1: in his room for like days and he didn't want 258 00:13:12,240 --> 00:13:14,880 Speaker 1: to talk to anybody. And I didn't get it because 259 00:13:15,160 --> 00:13:16,680 Speaker 1: I was like, Okay, you had a bad game. That 260 00:13:16,960 --> 00:13:19,480 Speaker 1: is awful. Like I do have empathy for that, because 261 00:13:19,559 --> 00:13:22,480 Speaker 1: I mean, I know what it feels like to have 262 00:13:22,600 --> 00:13:25,959 Speaker 1: bad game, but personally I still want to be around you. 263 00:13:26,640 --> 00:13:28,880 Speaker 1: But I think for him, a bad game meant more 264 00:13:28,920 --> 00:13:30,960 Speaker 1: than a bad game. There was no room for self 265 00:13:30,960 --> 00:13:33,960 Speaker 1: compassion there. There's no way to embrace being human as 266 00:13:34,000 --> 00:13:36,920 Speaker 1: part of his identity as an athlete, and living that 267 00:13:36,920 --> 00:13:40,720 Speaker 1: way forever can be debilitating and also like exhausting, and 268 00:13:40,760 --> 00:13:43,800 Speaker 1: I think about sports psychology. I'm not a sports psychologist, obviously, 269 00:13:44,320 --> 00:13:45,920 Speaker 1: but when you have that much pressure on you to 270 00:13:46,000 --> 00:13:48,880 Speaker 1: always be perfect, you're bound to mess up, and then 271 00:13:48,960 --> 00:13:51,960 Speaker 1: you're less likely to feel confident going out there and 272 00:13:51,960 --> 00:13:56,280 Speaker 1: trying again. However, I really think self compassion can help 273 00:13:56,320 --> 00:13:58,440 Speaker 1: you embrace the feeling that hey, I'm going to mess 274 00:13:58,520 --> 00:14:00,400 Speaker 1: up and that doesn't mean that I can't do well again. 275 00:14:00,960 --> 00:14:03,559 Speaker 1: I also think this is something to highlight, especially with 276 00:14:03,920 --> 00:14:08,080 Speaker 1: this example, that self compassion is not like self pity 277 00:14:08,200 --> 00:14:11,199 Speaker 1: and and um Christen says that in the definition, when 278 00:14:11,200 --> 00:14:14,440 Speaker 1: you feel compassion for another person rather than pity, it 279 00:14:14,440 --> 00:14:17,760 Speaker 1: means you realize that suffering, failure and imperfection is part 280 00:14:17,760 --> 00:14:20,400 Speaker 1: of the shared human experience. It's not about feeling bad 281 00:14:20,440 --> 00:14:23,320 Speaker 1: for yourself. It's about acknowledging pain and hardship and knowing 282 00:14:23,400 --> 00:14:25,880 Speaker 1: it isn't the wholeness of you. And I think that 283 00:14:26,560 --> 00:14:29,480 Speaker 1: is very very important to remember, because I think people 284 00:14:29,520 --> 00:14:31,200 Speaker 1: don't want to I don't want to be too soft 285 00:14:31,240 --> 00:14:33,480 Speaker 1: on myself, and I don't want to give myself too 286 00:14:33,560 --> 00:14:36,120 Speaker 1: much leeway because then I won't whatever, and it's like 287 00:14:36,360 --> 00:14:39,440 Speaker 1: no you're I don't want to like just wallow, and 288 00:14:39,480 --> 00:14:48,560 Speaker 1: self compassion isn't any of those things at all. Dr 289 00:14:48,640 --> 00:14:51,440 Speaker 1: Neff also breaks down self compassion to three elements, which 290 00:14:51,440 --> 00:14:52,880 Speaker 1: I want to share with you in order to get 291 00:14:52,920 --> 00:14:55,680 Speaker 1: a real feel for what self compassion entails, and hopefully 292 00:14:55,680 --> 00:14:58,320 Speaker 1: that will help you actually bring this into a more 293 00:14:58,480 --> 00:15:01,360 Speaker 1: regular practice within your life. So the first one is 294 00:15:01,720 --> 00:15:04,920 Speaker 1: self kindness for self judgment. And I'm reading this also 295 00:15:05,120 --> 00:15:07,160 Speaker 1: from her work, So this right here is these are 296 00:15:07,200 --> 00:15:09,840 Speaker 1: not my words, this is what she says. Self compassion 297 00:15:09,840 --> 00:15:12,960 Speaker 1: and tails being warm and understanding towards ourselves when we suffer, 298 00:15:13,040 --> 00:15:16,080 Speaker 1: fail or feel inadequate, rather than ignoring our pain or 299 00:15:16,080 --> 00:15:20,880 Speaker 1: flagellating ourselves with self criticism. Self compassionate people recognize that 300 00:15:20,920 --> 00:15:26,040 Speaker 1: being imperfect, failing, and experiencing life difficulties is inevitable, so 301 00:15:26,160 --> 00:15:28,640 Speaker 1: they tend to be gentle with themselves when they're confronted 302 00:15:28,640 --> 00:15:32,400 Speaker 1: with painful experiences, rather than getting angry when life falls 303 00:15:32,440 --> 00:15:36,600 Speaker 1: short of set ideals. People cannot always be or get 304 00:15:36,720 --> 00:15:40,720 Speaker 1: exactly what they want. When this reality is denied or 305 00:15:40,760 --> 00:15:44,160 Speaker 1: fought against, suffering increases in the form of stress, frustration, 306 00:15:44,200 --> 00:15:48,040 Speaker 1: and self criticism. When this reality is accepted with sympathy 307 00:15:48,040 --> 00:15:52,520 Speaker 1: and kindness, greater emotional quality is experienced, and oh my god, 308 00:15:52,680 --> 00:15:54,200 Speaker 1: I love the last part, so I'm going to read 309 00:15:54,280 --> 00:15:56,560 Speaker 1: part of it again. I really want you guys to 310 00:15:56,600 --> 00:16:00,640 Speaker 1: hear people cannot always be or get exactly what they want. 311 00:16:00,920 --> 00:16:04,440 Speaker 1: When this reality is denied or fought against, suffering increases 312 00:16:04,440 --> 00:16:08,120 Speaker 1: in the form of stress, frustration, and self criticism. Okay, 313 00:16:08,440 --> 00:16:11,160 Speaker 1: accepting the reality of life. It's hard. When we accept 314 00:16:11,200 --> 00:16:13,680 Speaker 1: the reality of life, we don't have to ask questions 315 00:16:13,760 --> 00:16:16,840 Speaker 1: like what's wrong with me? Because the reality is the 316 00:16:16,840 --> 00:16:19,840 Speaker 1: thing that is and quotes wrong that might not actually 317 00:16:19,840 --> 00:16:22,560 Speaker 1: be wrong with you is the same thing that's in 318 00:16:22,680 --> 00:16:26,040 Speaker 1: quotes wrong with everybody. We just are humans, so therefore 319 00:16:26,160 --> 00:16:30,040 Speaker 1: we have imperfection and we have shortcomings. And I see 320 00:16:30,080 --> 00:16:32,440 Speaker 1: this a lot with dating. You go on a date, 321 00:16:32,800 --> 00:16:35,880 Speaker 1: you think it's amazing, you can't wait to see the 322 00:16:35,880 --> 00:16:38,520 Speaker 1: other person again or hear from them, or even if like, 323 00:16:38,560 --> 00:16:40,480 Speaker 1: you don't think it's amazing, if you're just like whatever 324 00:16:40,520 --> 00:16:42,120 Speaker 1: and you just want to see You're like, I'll give 325 00:16:42,160 --> 00:16:45,120 Speaker 1: him another chance. This can happen. But then if you 326 00:16:45,120 --> 00:16:48,040 Speaker 1: you do hear from them, it's not exactly what you expect, 327 00:16:48,440 --> 00:16:51,640 Speaker 1: but the text you receive is I think we would 328 00:16:51,640 --> 00:16:55,440 Speaker 1: be better as friends, and then the cycle begins in 329 00:16:55,520 --> 00:16:57,920 Speaker 1: your head. Or maybe it is you don't even get 330 00:16:57,960 --> 00:17:00,520 Speaker 1: any text, and then the cycle also begins in your head. 331 00:17:01,680 --> 00:17:04,280 Speaker 1: So when you accept the reality that the human experience 332 00:17:04,400 --> 00:17:06,280 Speaker 1: is to not get everything you want, you don't have 333 00:17:06,320 --> 00:17:08,000 Speaker 1: to go down the rabbit hole of all the things 334 00:17:08,040 --> 00:17:10,080 Speaker 1: you did wrong during the day. When you fail to 335 00:17:10,119 --> 00:17:12,920 Speaker 1: accept this, then you keep searching for answers that will 336 00:17:12,960 --> 00:17:15,000 Speaker 1: help you understand the reason that this didn't work out. 337 00:17:15,760 --> 00:17:18,760 Speaker 1: And it's exhausting because it's pain. It's painful to like 338 00:17:18,840 --> 00:17:21,760 Speaker 1: not get what you want, it's painful to feel rejected. 339 00:17:21,800 --> 00:17:25,960 Speaker 1: That's all pain. But what this does, rejecting reality turns 340 00:17:26,000 --> 00:17:30,280 Speaker 1: pain into suffering, and it's honestly really unnecessary. By not 341 00:17:30,440 --> 00:17:33,359 Speaker 1: inviting self compassion into our lives, we all put ourselves 342 00:17:33,640 --> 00:17:38,120 Speaker 1: through unnecessary extra pain and suffering. Period. Okay, so let's 343 00:17:38,160 --> 00:17:40,040 Speaker 1: move on to number two. This is the second elements 344 00:17:40,040 --> 00:17:43,840 Speaker 1: of self compassion, and it is common humanity verse isolation. 345 00:17:43,880 --> 00:17:45,919 Speaker 1: So I'm gonna read a little bit of what Christian 346 00:17:45,960 --> 00:17:50,200 Speaker 1: says about this on our website. Frustration at not having 347 00:17:50,240 --> 00:17:53,679 Speaker 1: things exactly as we want is often accompanied by an 348 00:17:53,760 --> 00:17:57,680 Speaker 1: irrational but pervasive sense of isolation, as if I were 349 00:17:57,680 --> 00:18:01,840 Speaker 1: the only person suffering or making mistakes all human suffer. However, 350 00:18:02,400 --> 00:18:06,600 Speaker 1: the very definition of being human means that one is mortal, vulnerable, 351 00:18:06,640 --> 00:18:11,320 Speaker 1: and imperfect. Therefore, self compassion involves recognizing that suffering and 352 00:18:11,440 --> 00:18:16,000 Speaker 1: personal inadequacy are part of the shared human experience, something 353 00:18:16,040 --> 00:18:18,639 Speaker 1: that we all go through, rather than being something that 354 00:18:18,680 --> 00:18:22,080 Speaker 1: happens to me alone. Okay, and I know I might 355 00:18:22,680 --> 00:18:25,080 Speaker 1: be being redundant, but I'm going to read this again too, 356 00:18:25,160 --> 00:18:27,199 Speaker 1: because I really want you to soak this part in, 357 00:18:27,320 --> 00:18:30,120 Speaker 1: and it's short, so I want you to hear it again. 358 00:18:30,200 --> 00:18:33,159 Speaker 1: Frustration at not having things exactly as we want is 359 00:18:33,200 --> 00:18:36,880 Speaker 1: often accompanied by an irrational but pervasive sense of isolation, 360 00:18:37,000 --> 00:18:40,440 Speaker 1: as if I were the only person suffering or making mistakes. 361 00:18:40,960 --> 00:18:44,160 Speaker 1: All human suffer. The very definition of being human means 362 00:18:44,160 --> 00:18:48,200 Speaker 1: that one is mortal, vulnerable, and imperfect. Therefore, self compassion 363 00:18:48,359 --> 00:18:52,639 Speaker 1: involves recognizing that suffering and personal inadequacy is part of 364 00:18:52,680 --> 00:18:56,440 Speaker 1: the shared human experience, something that we all go through, 365 00:18:56,760 --> 00:19:00,600 Speaker 1: rather than being something that happens to me alone. The 366 00:19:00,680 --> 00:19:04,399 Speaker 1: isolation This is me talking cat, not Christian's words, the 367 00:19:04,480 --> 00:19:08,360 Speaker 1: isolation in this is talking about how we often think 368 00:19:08,400 --> 00:19:10,800 Speaker 1: we are like special in our pain. It's just us, 369 00:19:10,840 --> 00:19:13,760 Speaker 1: something is wrong with us because we fail. It's very 370 00:19:13,840 --> 00:19:16,960 Speaker 1: much like I get the vibes from the same idea 371 00:19:17,480 --> 00:19:21,200 Speaker 1: of terminally uniqueness that's often talked about in a communities. 372 00:19:21,320 --> 00:19:24,760 Speaker 1: And if you're not familiar with the term terminally unique, 373 00:19:25,200 --> 00:19:28,320 Speaker 1: it's this false belief that your experiences with substance abuse 374 00:19:28,320 --> 00:19:32,040 Speaker 1: are unlike any others. And often those struggling with addiction 375 00:19:32,280 --> 00:19:35,800 Speaker 1: and people coming to terms with their addiction will tend 376 00:19:35,840 --> 00:19:39,159 Speaker 1: to want to think that they are somehow different or 377 00:19:39,359 --> 00:19:42,520 Speaker 1: unique from other addicts, and instead of recognizing like the 378 00:19:42,560 --> 00:19:45,679 Speaker 1: similarities and their behaviors and identifying um that they have 379 00:19:45,760 --> 00:19:47,800 Speaker 1: a problem just like the other people that they are 380 00:19:47,840 --> 00:19:50,639 Speaker 1: around in those spaces, these people will focus on the 381 00:19:50,680 --> 00:19:53,840 Speaker 1: differences and then exaggerate them in their heads, and it's 382 00:19:53,840 --> 00:19:56,520 Speaker 1: not helpful. It actually really can push them away from 383 00:19:56,520 --> 00:19:58,800 Speaker 1: getting help and really can push them away from actually 384 00:19:58,840 --> 00:20:01,080 Speaker 1: just like recognizing what it is that they need to 385 00:20:01,119 --> 00:20:04,520 Speaker 1: work on. So when we invite self compassion and we 386 00:20:04,600 --> 00:20:07,199 Speaker 1: actually recognize that we're not alone in the fact that 387 00:20:07,240 --> 00:20:10,919 Speaker 1: we are not perfect and my imperfection isn't worse than yours, 388 00:20:10,960 --> 00:20:14,200 Speaker 1: it isn't better than yours. Without self compassion, we can 389 00:20:14,320 --> 00:20:18,719 Speaker 1: often play this like covert narcissism game where I'm like 390 00:20:19,080 --> 00:20:21,399 Speaker 1: the best worst, right, so the worst ever so on, 391 00:20:21,480 --> 00:20:23,560 Speaker 1: the best at being bad, Like I'm the best at failing. 392 00:20:23,600 --> 00:20:27,520 Speaker 1: I'm like, my personal failings are better in the sense 393 00:20:27,560 --> 00:20:29,679 Speaker 1: that they're worse than other people's. And I hope this 394 00:20:29,720 --> 00:20:31,280 Speaker 1: makes sense because they know I'm using a lot of 395 00:20:31,320 --> 00:20:33,960 Speaker 1: like confusing. They're not confusing words, but when they put 396 00:20:34,000 --> 00:20:37,560 Speaker 1: together their contradictory but you know what I'm trying to say. Anyway, 397 00:20:37,960 --> 00:20:40,040 Speaker 1: when we do this, it's almost like we're like, nobody 398 00:20:40,040 --> 00:20:43,119 Speaker 1: can relate to how horrible I am. It's just me 399 00:20:43,160 --> 00:20:46,399 Speaker 1: and I'm this special bad one and with a terminally 400 00:20:46,520 --> 00:20:50,080 Speaker 1: unique kind of people, it's that same way, but it's 401 00:20:50,200 --> 00:20:52,440 Speaker 1: makes them like, oh, no, your stuff is over there 402 00:20:52,440 --> 00:20:54,240 Speaker 1: and my stuff is over here. We're not the same 403 00:20:54,280 --> 00:20:56,919 Speaker 1: at all. When really like, we heal through community, we 404 00:20:57,000 --> 00:20:59,639 Speaker 1: heal through people. We heal through realizing that we're not 405 00:20:59,720 --> 00:21:03,520 Speaker 1: a own and our pain in our flaws imperfection is 406 00:21:03,520 --> 00:21:06,040 Speaker 1: not a unique flaw in any of us. Disappointment is 407 00:21:06,080 --> 00:21:09,760 Speaker 1: not a unique feeling in any of us. It's part 408 00:21:09,760 --> 00:21:12,240 Speaker 1: of the human experience, and when we can bring that in, 409 00:21:12,680 --> 00:21:15,160 Speaker 1: we can offer more care and kindness to ourselves. And 410 00:21:15,640 --> 00:21:18,000 Speaker 1: that is again why this is what we're talking about. 411 00:21:18,000 --> 00:21:19,840 Speaker 1: This is one of the key elements of self compassion. 412 00:21:20,640 --> 00:21:24,160 Speaker 1: So now we're going to move to number three, mindfulness 413 00:21:24,280 --> 00:21:29,000 Speaker 1: versus over identification. And again this part is Christian's words 414 00:21:29,280 --> 00:21:31,960 Speaker 1: or doctor. I don't know what she prefers. I'll ask 415 00:21:31,960 --> 00:21:34,960 Speaker 1: her if I ever meet here. But self compassion also 416 00:21:35,040 --> 00:21:38,239 Speaker 1: requires taking a balanced approach to our negative emotions, so 417 00:21:38,280 --> 00:21:43,240 Speaker 1: that feelings are neither suppressed nor exaggerated. This equiliberated stance 418 00:21:43,440 --> 00:21:47,000 Speaker 1: stems from the process of relating personal experiences to those 419 00:21:47,080 --> 00:21:51,040 Speaker 1: who are also suffering, thus putting our own situation into 420 00:21:51,040 --> 00:21:54,159 Speaker 1: a larger perspective. It also stems from the willingness to 421 00:21:54,200 --> 00:21:57,760 Speaker 1: observe our negative thoughts and emotions with openness and clarity, 422 00:21:58,200 --> 00:22:02,000 Speaker 1: so that they are held in mindful awareness. Mindfulness is 423 00:22:02,040 --> 00:22:05,760 Speaker 1: a non judgmental, receptive mind state in which one observes 424 00:22:05,760 --> 00:22:08,840 Speaker 1: thoughts and feelings as they are, without trying to suppress 425 00:22:08,920 --> 00:22:11,920 Speaker 1: or deny them. We cannot ignore our pain and feel 426 00:22:11,920 --> 00:22:15,640 Speaker 1: compassion for it at the same time. At the same time, 427 00:22:15,720 --> 00:22:19,840 Speaker 1: mindfulness requires that we not over identify with thoughts and 428 00:22:19,880 --> 00:22:22,600 Speaker 1: feelings so that we are caught up and swept away 429 00:22:22,760 --> 00:22:26,440 Speaker 1: by negative reactivity. So also I said this earlier as well, 430 00:22:26,480 --> 00:22:28,479 Speaker 1: But what I often see in all areas in the 431 00:22:28,480 --> 00:22:31,080 Speaker 1: therapy room, when it literally when it comes to anything, 432 00:22:31,480 --> 00:22:34,119 Speaker 1: is this continued desire to make everything in the world 433 00:22:34,320 --> 00:22:38,480 Speaker 1: black and white, a constant, almost inherent feeling that there's 434 00:22:38,480 --> 00:22:41,560 Speaker 1: this need to divide things so perfectly on two sides. 435 00:22:41,880 --> 00:22:43,880 Speaker 1: We're all in, we're all out, we're all wrong, we're 436 00:22:43,920 --> 00:22:46,240 Speaker 1: all right. It's go big or go home on all fronts. 437 00:22:46,600 --> 00:22:49,320 Speaker 1: But allowing things to be gray, allowing things to be both, 438 00:22:49,400 --> 00:22:52,160 Speaker 1: it's an actual game changer. We can feel our pain 439 00:22:52,359 --> 00:22:55,639 Speaker 1: without becoming our pain. We can feel icky, we can 440 00:22:55,640 --> 00:22:59,480 Speaker 1: feel those ichy emotions while acknowledging that life isn't always horrible. 441 00:22:59,600 --> 00:23:03,760 Speaker 1: So mindfulness awareness allows us to notice these things, but 442 00:23:03,840 --> 00:23:06,720 Speaker 1: they don't become all encompassing. There are part of us, 443 00:23:07,200 --> 00:23:11,040 Speaker 1: and I sometimes this is me my personal feelings, Like 444 00:23:11,080 --> 00:23:14,439 Speaker 1: I get this like nervousness um when we talk about 445 00:23:14,640 --> 00:23:17,520 Speaker 1: sometimes like the gray area, and like noticing that things 446 00:23:17,560 --> 00:23:20,840 Speaker 1: aren't all encompassing. I'm not over identifying with all the 447 00:23:20,880 --> 00:23:22,920 Speaker 1: negative in my life, just like I'm not over identifying 448 00:23:22,960 --> 00:23:24,960 Speaker 1: with all the positive of my life. But when we 449 00:23:25,000 --> 00:23:28,000 Speaker 1: talk about not over identifying with all the icky stuff 450 00:23:28,040 --> 00:23:30,359 Speaker 1: in our lives, I get this fear that I'm gonna 451 00:23:30,359 --> 00:23:32,639 Speaker 1: get come at with people who are saying you're spreading 452 00:23:32,680 --> 00:23:36,080 Speaker 1: toxic positivity and that's not this at all. And I 453 00:23:36,080 --> 00:23:38,159 Speaker 1: want you guys to really hear that, Like, it's okay 454 00:23:38,200 --> 00:23:41,040 Speaker 1: to see silver lining. Sometimes there's a way to do it. 455 00:23:41,720 --> 00:23:45,960 Speaker 1: Toxic positivity uses a butt, so with that, it's like, oh, 456 00:23:46,000 --> 00:23:49,000 Speaker 1: that happened, but just look at the bright side. When 457 00:23:49,000 --> 00:23:52,159 Speaker 1: what we're talking about is using an ant, we're multidimensional. 458 00:23:52,240 --> 00:23:55,199 Speaker 1: We're saying, notice what you're feeling, Notice the parts that 459 00:23:55,240 --> 00:23:58,000 Speaker 1: are hard, and also notice that that's not the wholeness 460 00:23:58,040 --> 00:24:00,760 Speaker 1: of you. So there's an and it's not, but notice 461 00:24:00,840 --> 00:24:04,480 Speaker 1: it's and notice also. And my hope in sharing all 462 00:24:04,480 --> 00:24:06,960 Speaker 1: of this today is that it can help you identify 463 00:24:07,040 --> 00:24:09,720 Speaker 1: ways in which you can be better at being kinder 464 00:24:09,760 --> 00:24:12,520 Speaker 1: to yourself. Right, you're allowed to treat yourself like a 465 00:24:12,520 --> 00:24:16,000 Speaker 1: good friend. And I really like how Kristen or Dr 466 00:24:16,119 --> 00:24:20,000 Speaker 1: nef uses that language throughout her teachings, like self compassion 467 00:24:20,080 --> 00:24:22,320 Speaker 1: is talking to yourself like you would talk to a 468 00:24:22,400 --> 00:24:26,120 Speaker 1: good friend. The longest relationship with anyone that you'll ever 469 00:24:26,200 --> 00:24:28,960 Speaker 1: have is the one you have with yourself, So it 470 00:24:29,080 --> 00:24:31,960 Speaker 1: only makes sense that you work on that relationship. It 471 00:24:32,000 --> 00:24:34,720 Speaker 1: makes sense that you nurture that relationship that you would 472 00:24:34,720 --> 00:24:37,199 Speaker 1: with any other relationship that you would want to thrive. 473 00:24:38,280 --> 00:24:41,520 Speaker 1: So thank you guys for listening this week. As always, 474 00:24:41,680 --> 00:24:43,560 Speaker 1: if you have any questions, you can send them to 475 00:24:44,080 --> 00:24:47,400 Speaker 1: Katherine at you Need Therapy podcast dot com. You can 476 00:24:47,440 --> 00:24:50,640 Speaker 1: follow me on Instagram at cat dot de fata and 477 00:24:50,760 --> 00:24:53,440 Speaker 1: at you Need Therapy Podcast. Like I said, I will 478 00:24:53,560 --> 00:24:56,480 Speaker 1: post Kristen's Ted talk in the notes. I will post 479 00:24:56,480 --> 00:24:58,840 Speaker 1: her websites so you can go research more, and I 480 00:24:58,880 --> 00:25:01,000 Speaker 1: will post a link that you guys can use to 481 00:25:01,040 --> 00:25:04,560 Speaker 1: go get your tickets for the Live Four Things with 482 00:25:04,560 --> 00:25:08,800 Speaker 1: the Amy Brown Show in Kansas that is November five. Remember, So, 483 00:25:08,840 --> 00:25:10,280 Speaker 1: I hope you guys have the day you need to 484 00:25:10,280 --> 00:25:12,440 Speaker 1: have and I will be back with you on Wednesday 485 00:25:12,680 --> 00:25:13,520 Speaker 1: or couch Docks