1 00:00:00,120 --> 00:00:03,880 Speaker 1: Well, I got up this morning, this particular morning of 2 00:00:03,960 --> 00:00:10,320 Speaker 1: my life, tossing and turning, half away, half sleep, waiting 3 00:00:10,360 --> 00:00:13,800 Speaker 1: on the phone to ring, because at any moment it 4 00:00:13,840 --> 00:00:17,799 Speaker 1: was possible now that my wife would go into labor 5 00:00:17,960 --> 00:00:21,640 Speaker 1: and have a child. My mother was at the hospital. 6 00:00:22,480 --> 00:00:25,159 Speaker 1: I was home, just getting a moment of rest, and 7 00:00:25,200 --> 00:00:29,520 Speaker 1: we were taking turns watching over her when the phone rang, 8 00:00:30,640 --> 00:00:36,080 Speaker 1: and I dived into some clothes and almost I almost wrecked, y'all, 9 00:00:36,920 --> 00:00:42,000 Speaker 1: I almost wrecked getting out of my own driveway to 10 00:00:42,000 --> 00:00:46,800 Speaker 1: get to the hospital on a Sunday morning with a 11 00:00:46,920 --> 00:00:52,120 Speaker 1: caller on and a full suit going to the labor room, 12 00:00:52,600 --> 00:00:57,640 Speaker 1: rushing to the labor room, and it was there that 13 00:00:57,800 --> 00:01:01,760 Speaker 1: I learned what they call it labor. Yeah, they call 14 00:01:01,840 --> 00:01:07,880 Speaker 1: it labor, because that is some labor. I'm holding her hand, 15 00:01:09,040 --> 00:01:13,280 Speaker 1: I'm sitting beside her, I'm trying to comfort her. I'm 16 00:01:13,319 --> 00:01:19,000 Speaker 1: listening at the machine, some kind of noise like that, 17 00:01:19,080 --> 00:01:23,000 Speaker 1: and every time the noise got higher, I'd say, there 18 00:01:23,000 --> 00:01:28,240 Speaker 1: comes another one. Here's another contraction. I'm narrating the child 19 00:01:28,280 --> 00:01:33,160 Speaker 1: birth until she finally squeezed my hand till she crushed 20 00:01:33,200 --> 00:01:36,440 Speaker 1: my wedding ring and said, I already know when they're coming. 21 00:01:37,480 --> 00:01:40,240 Speaker 1: She didn't need me to tell her. Her body was 22 00:01:40,280 --> 00:01:46,520 Speaker 1: telling her how much it would hurt to have this child. 23 00:01:47,480 --> 00:01:51,240 Speaker 1: It hurt because her pelvic bones and everything had to 24 00:01:51,400 --> 00:01:56,160 Speaker 1: move to make room for this new life. Little did 25 00:01:56,160 --> 00:02:01,400 Speaker 1: I know. How could I have ever imagined how much 26 00:02:01,520 --> 00:02:05,120 Speaker 1: moving Having a Chiel in your life requires. How many 27 00:02:05,480 --> 00:02:11,560 Speaker 1: baby bottles and onesies and blankets and sheets, and money 28 00:02:11,560 --> 00:02:15,400 Speaker 1: for school and money to go to the college, And 29 00:02:16,760 --> 00:02:19,760 Speaker 1: how many fairies I was now going to and chuck 30 00:02:19,800 --> 00:02:22,360 Speaker 1: e cheeses I was eating at it, and all sorts 31 00:02:22,400 --> 00:02:24,280 Speaker 1: of things that I would have drove past and never 32 00:02:24,320 --> 00:02:28,080 Speaker 1: paid any attention to. This was not just a one 33 00:02:28,200 --> 00:02:33,160 Speaker 1: moment event. This was a shift in my life. So 34 00:02:33,280 --> 00:02:38,240 Speaker 1: today I talked to you, after having raised five children, 35 00:02:40,480 --> 00:02:46,320 Speaker 1: about training children, and I should have called it how 36 00:02:46,600 --> 00:02:50,800 Speaker 1: children train you, because the training is not one sided. 37 00:02:51,360 --> 00:02:55,520 Speaker 1: Oh no, don't you think that for one minute. The 38 00:02:55,639 --> 00:02:59,920 Speaker 1: training is mutual. It will pull you away from selfie, 39 00:03:00,480 --> 00:03:06,040 Speaker 1: self centeredness. It will make you more confrontational going down 40 00:03:06,080 --> 00:03:10,280 Speaker 1: to the school to resolve problems and situations. It will 41 00:03:10,320 --> 00:03:13,560 Speaker 1: make you want to try to take the best of 42 00:03:13,600 --> 00:03:18,560 Speaker 1: yourself and give it to them, that you might leave 43 00:03:19,680 --> 00:03:25,640 Speaker 1: a better child, a better person, a better citizen in 44 00:03:25,680 --> 00:03:30,840 Speaker 1: the world. If our children are all screwed up and 45 00:03:30,880 --> 00:03:33,720 Speaker 1: they're all hating each other, and they're all fighting each other, 46 00:03:33,960 --> 00:03:36,880 Speaker 1: and they're all at war with each other, it's because 47 00:03:37,880 --> 00:03:41,480 Speaker 1: that's the kind of training they got, that's the environment 48 00:03:41,560 --> 00:03:49,080 Speaker 1: they grew up in. Brain development starts while you're still 49 00:03:49,120 --> 00:03:54,400 Speaker 1: a fetus and continues to develop as a mother gives 50 00:03:54,440 --> 00:03:58,000 Speaker 1: the final push with her legs up in a stirrup 51 00:03:58,520 --> 00:04:02,200 Speaker 1: and her head back and her mouth filled with air, 52 00:04:03,520 --> 00:04:08,560 Speaker 1: and pushing and pushing and pushing until the doctor says, 53 00:04:08,600 --> 00:04:12,040 Speaker 1: stop pushing, Stop pushing. There comes a point when you're 54 00:04:12,040 --> 00:04:18,120 Speaker 1: birthing anything that pushing is not helpful anything a business, 55 00:04:18,400 --> 00:04:21,680 Speaker 1: a job, a church, or marriage. There comes a point 56 00:04:22,040 --> 00:04:25,400 Speaker 1: that you have to stop pushing and just let it 57 00:04:25,440 --> 00:04:31,280 Speaker 1: happen on its own. And before I knew it, I 58 00:04:31,360 --> 00:04:35,800 Speaker 1: was holding a baby in my arms, And I tell 59 00:04:35,800 --> 00:04:38,520 Speaker 1: you it was then that I found out that babies 60 00:04:38,560 --> 00:04:42,440 Speaker 1: aren't born looking like the Gerber baby. I was expecting 61 00:04:42,480 --> 00:04:45,320 Speaker 1: the baby to come out all washed and clean and 62 00:04:45,400 --> 00:04:49,000 Speaker 1: knee and neat and nice and saying googole go. I'm 63 00:04:49,040 --> 00:04:51,240 Speaker 1: hoping for a dad, dad, or something along the way 64 00:04:53,760 --> 00:04:59,040 Speaker 1: babies come out looking like what they've been through. The portals, 65 00:04:59,080 --> 00:05:03,800 Speaker 1: they passed through, the fluids, they passed through, the placenta, 66 00:05:04,040 --> 00:05:08,960 Speaker 1: they've passed through the womb they came from, and they 67 00:05:09,000 --> 00:05:17,640 Speaker 1: are already prewired with certain attributes in their personality they 68 00:05:17,680 --> 00:05:21,680 Speaker 1: started before they were ever even born, or certain traumas 69 00:05:22,640 --> 00:05:27,960 Speaker 1: that go beyond their birthdate, that they are already stepping 70 00:05:28,000 --> 00:05:34,400 Speaker 1: into a situation where the typewriter is already typing, the 71 00:05:34,440 --> 00:05:39,119 Speaker 1: tape player is already on, and the child comes out 72 00:05:39,200 --> 00:05:45,520 Speaker 1: with a certain kind of personality. That brain development that 73 00:05:45,640 --> 00:05:50,320 Speaker 1: starts in that child will be the greatest push you 74 00:05:50,400 --> 00:05:55,880 Speaker 1: ever made in your life. And some people are just 75 00:05:56,600 --> 00:06:01,320 Speaker 1: not going to push because they they are selfish. They 76 00:06:01,360 --> 00:06:04,240 Speaker 1: want the baby, but they don't want the work. They 77 00:06:04,279 --> 00:06:06,720 Speaker 1: want the child for the pictures and all that, but 78 00:06:06,800 --> 00:06:11,040 Speaker 1: not the work and the diarrhea and the night you're 79 00:06:11,080 --> 00:06:14,160 Speaker 1: walking the floor with cholera in the middle of the night, 80 00:06:14,240 --> 00:06:17,320 Speaker 1: and the times that you're dealing with situations and I'm 81 00:06:17,360 --> 00:06:20,000 Speaker 1: on the phone talking to my mother saying what do 82 00:06:20,040 --> 00:06:24,239 Speaker 1: I do about this situation? All of that comes along 83 00:06:24,279 --> 00:06:28,800 Speaker 1: with it, fevers and temperatures and diarrhea and all kinds 84 00:06:28,839 --> 00:06:32,640 Speaker 1: of things that they don't show you on TV when 85 00:06:32,640 --> 00:06:35,599 Speaker 1: it really comes to training a child, TV does a 86 00:06:35,839 --> 00:06:39,719 Speaker 1: real poor job of showing you the reality of what 87 00:06:39,839 --> 00:06:42,840 Speaker 1: it was like. I picked up the baby, I'm holding 88 00:06:42,920 --> 00:06:45,279 Speaker 1: the baby, I'm dressed in a suit. I was on 89 00:06:45,360 --> 00:06:47,760 Speaker 1: my way to church, and I was just holding the 90 00:06:47,800 --> 00:06:51,080 Speaker 1: baby and walking up and down the hill with the baby, 91 00:06:51,360 --> 00:06:54,920 Speaker 1: and the baby decided to throw up on me. I've 92 00:06:54,920 --> 00:06:59,000 Speaker 1: never seen that in a movie before, but that's part 93 00:06:59,040 --> 00:07:03,760 Speaker 1: of it. And you are intertwined, and you will change 94 00:07:03,880 --> 00:07:08,880 Speaker 1: diapers and if you don't change them quickly, they will 95 00:07:08,960 --> 00:07:12,440 Speaker 1: leak all over the baby, and you will smell like 96 00:07:12,560 --> 00:07:16,600 Speaker 1: the child. And that's all the part of being a parent. 97 00:07:19,240 --> 00:07:25,160 Speaker 1: Puberty comes and they start asking you all these dreadful 98 00:07:25,400 --> 00:07:28,920 Speaker 1: questions that you don't always know how to answer easily. 99 00:07:29,400 --> 00:07:31,960 Speaker 1: Their books have been written on it. But knowing how 100 00:07:32,000 --> 00:07:37,160 Speaker 1: to answer the right question from that child's personality is 101 00:07:37,200 --> 00:07:43,000 Speaker 1: so very important because they enter into puberty, and they 102 00:07:43,200 --> 00:07:47,120 Speaker 1: enter into being adolescents and all along the way, if 103 00:07:47,160 --> 00:07:50,480 Speaker 1: you've done a decent job, not a great job, but 104 00:07:50,600 --> 00:07:54,120 Speaker 1: just a decent job of parenting, you get to answer 105 00:07:54,160 --> 00:07:59,240 Speaker 1: the questions before the street does. Because if the street 106 00:07:59,280 --> 00:08:03,920 Speaker 1: has to answer or your baby's question, your outcomes may 107 00:08:03,960 --> 00:08:11,520 Speaker 1: be heartbreaking. The stage of confusion that comes between adolescents 108 00:08:11,560 --> 00:08:16,480 Speaker 1: and adulthood, and it's confusion on both sides. They are 109 00:08:16,560 --> 00:08:20,840 Speaker 1: too old to be treated like children, and sometimes the 110 00:08:20,960 --> 00:08:25,680 Speaker 1: parents haven't caught up with that yet, but they're also 111 00:08:25,920 --> 00:08:30,600 Speaker 1: too childish to be given all the liberties of adulthood. 112 00:08:31,440 --> 00:08:34,520 Speaker 1: These mixed up stages where you're not quite this and 113 00:08:34,559 --> 00:08:38,360 Speaker 1: you're not quite that, are very difficult in parenting, not 114 00:08:38,559 --> 00:08:44,720 Speaker 1: just for the child because they are in an emotional quandrum, 115 00:08:46,440 --> 00:08:50,600 Speaker 1: but also for the parent because the rules that worked 116 00:08:51,080 --> 00:08:55,559 Speaker 1: the first year don't work the second year, because now 117 00:08:55,559 --> 00:08:59,040 Speaker 1: they're walking. Now, they're pointing on stuff, now, they're climbing 118 00:08:59,120 --> 00:09:03,319 Speaker 1: up on furniture. Now, they're asking questions. Now they want 119 00:09:03,360 --> 00:09:05,120 Speaker 1: to know where did this come from? And where did 120 00:09:05,120 --> 00:09:07,880 Speaker 1: that come from? And where did the sun come from? 121 00:09:07,960 --> 00:09:10,240 Speaker 1: And who made the sun and who made the water, 122 00:09:10,280 --> 00:09:12,760 Speaker 1: and who made the start, And they're asking you all 123 00:09:12,920 --> 00:09:17,560 Speaker 1: kinds of questions like their private investigators, and they are 124 00:09:20,080 --> 00:09:25,560 Speaker 1: on the crime scene of humanity, trying to figure it 125 00:09:25,600 --> 00:09:29,480 Speaker 1: all out and going to you for answers. And if 126 00:09:29,520 --> 00:09:32,800 Speaker 1: you avoid the questions, And if you don't come up 127 00:09:32,840 --> 00:09:37,120 Speaker 1: with answers that are honest and make sense as much 128 00:09:37,120 --> 00:09:41,760 Speaker 1: as they are able to handle it, then they'll ask 129 00:09:41,840 --> 00:09:48,679 Speaker 1: each other. And when children start teaching children, chaos begins, 130 00:09:49,720 --> 00:09:55,280 Speaker 1: and your voice becomes softer and softer, and softer and softer, 131 00:09:55,880 --> 00:10:00,080 Speaker 1: because the voice of their friends is becoming louder and 132 00:10:00,160 --> 00:10:03,600 Speaker 1: louder and louder, and you are losing. One of the 133 00:10:03,640 --> 00:10:07,280 Speaker 1: greatest commodities that you could ever have in your life 134 00:10:07,679 --> 00:10:14,600 Speaker 1: with your child is in influence. Who influences the child 135 00:10:14,679 --> 00:10:19,960 Speaker 1: you birth after you get through going through the crawling 136 00:10:20,040 --> 00:10:25,200 Speaker 1: stage and the toddler stage and opening up the refrigerator stage, 137 00:10:25,280 --> 00:10:28,240 Speaker 1: and the gallon of milk. And back when I was 138 00:10:28,920 --> 00:10:31,960 Speaker 1: raising children, we had glass gallons of milk, so if 139 00:10:31,960 --> 00:10:34,960 Speaker 1: they dropped it, glass shattered, milk went all over the floor, 140 00:10:35,440 --> 00:10:41,080 Speaker 1: and being worried about did they hurt themselves? And I 141 00:10:41,120 --> 00:10:44,120 Speaker 1: was kind of being worried about can I afford another 142 00:10:44,160 --> 00:10:54,080 Speaker 1: gallon of milk? Because I wasn't born in the easy situation, 143 00:10:54,480 --> 00:10:59,280 Speaker 1: no challenges to face. I was born in the middle 144 00:11:00,080 --> 00:11:05,559 Speaker 1: of a very economically depressive time and particularly for minorities. 145 00:11:06,040 --> 00:11:08,520 Speaker 1: So every piece of bread that came in the house, 146 00:11:08,800 --> 00:11:11,640 Speaker 1: every sheet of toilet paper that came in the house, 147 00:11:12,120 --> 00:11:16,400 Speaker 1: every blanket that came in the house, it was my 148 00:11:16,520 --> 00:11:20,240 Speaker 1: job to make sure that it got there. And in 149 00:11:20,360 --> 00:11:22,640 Speaker 1: order for it to get there, I had to go 150 00:11:22,760 --> 00:11:27,839 Speaker 1: somewhere and make something to make that happen. Because that's 151 00:11:28,320 --> 00:11:33,040 Speaker 1: what parenting is. Whether it's a wolf in the forest 152 00:11:34,080 --> 00:11:38,400 Speaker 1: or it's an elephant in a lake, parenting is assuming 153 00:11:38,440 --> 00:11:43,360 Speaker 1: the responsibility of nurturing your child until they can nurture 154 00:11:43,440 --> 00:11:49,000 Speaker 1: themselves and grow into be the adult species that you 155 00:11:49,040 --> 00:11:52,480 Speaker 1: would be proud of. And even though it's not always 156 00:11:52,480 --> 00:11:54,880 Speaker 1: your fault when they go wrong, and even though it's 157 00:11:54,920 --> 00:11:57,120 Speaker 1: not always your fault when they get on drugs, and 158 00:11:57,160 --> 00:11:59,880 Speaker 1: even though there's not your fault, always when they go 159 00:11:59,880 --> 00:12:03,400 Speaker 1: to jail, even though it's not your fault, it feels 160 00:12:03,559 --> 00:12:08,040 Speaker 1: like it is, because will you yell at them and 161 00:12:08,080 --> 00:12:12,120 Speaker 1: scream at them and rage and complain, or sit down 162 00:12:12,160 --> 00:12:15,320 Speaker 1: and talk and counsel and have them and time out, 163 00:12:15,440 --> 00:12:18,720 Speaker 1: whatever your parenting style may be, In the back of 164 00:12:18,760 --> 00:12:21,560 Speaker 1: your mind when you lay down at night, you wonder 165 00:12:23,280 --> 00:12:26,199 Speaker 1: if I had been better, would they had been better? 166 00:12:27,760 --> 00:12:30,080 Speaker 1: If you have not grown to the point that you 167 00:12:30,120 --> 00:12:34,000 Speaker 1: are willing to challenge yourself and question yourself and review 168 00:12:34,080 --> 00:12:38,720 Speaker 1: your processes and procedures, then you don't have any business 169 00:12:38,720 --> 00:12:41,719 Speaker 1: with the child. If you don't think that you and 170 00:12:41,840 --> 00:12:45,560 Speaker 1: her arguing all over the house it's not affecting the 171 00:12:45,600 --> 00:12:49,559 Speaker 1: personality of the child, either making them fearful or dreadful, 172 00:12:49,840 --> 00:12:54,960 Speaker 1: or thinking that love requires us fighting. Then you didn't 173 00:12:55,080 --> 00:13:01,840 Speaker 1: think before you had the child. And if you think 174 00:13:01,880 --> 00:13:03,880 Speaker 1: you can keep them locked up in the house like 175 00:13:03,920 --> 00:13:07,360 Speaker 1: a house puppy and the only voice that they're exposed 176 00:13:07,400 --> 00:13:11,640 Speaker 1: to is your voice, you got another thing coming. You 177 00:13:11,920 --> 00:13:16,560 Speaker 1: got another thing coming. First they're exposed to you, your family, 178 00:13:16,880 --> 00:13:21,160 Speaker 1: her family, and you all friends, and then they started 179 00:13:21,200 --> 00:13:26,240 Speaker 1: getting their own friends. And you're trying to inspect their 180 00:13:26,280 --> 00:13:29,920 Speaker 1: friends without saying so much against their friends that you 181 00:13:30,040 --> 00:13:34,640 Speaker 1: run them to their friends and away from you, Because 182 00:13:34,679 --> 00:13:37,880 Speaker 1: there is a kind of reverse psychology where you can 183 00:13:37,920 --> 00:13:40,720 Speaker 1: say so much about who you don't want them around 184 00:13:41,120 --> 00:13:44,800 Speaker 1: that they rebel against your authority by sneaking to be 185 00:13:44,920 --> 00:13:47,760 Speaker 1: around who you don't want them to be around. What 186 00:13:47,800 --> 00:13:50,880 Speaker 1: you want to do is to perfect in that child 187 00:13:50,960 --> 00:13:55,440 Speaker 1: the ability to make good decisions about who they want 188 00:13:55,480 --> 00:14:00,720 Speaker 1: to be around. Do you see where Jimmy's headed? Do 189 00:14:00,800 --> 00:14:04,920 Speaker 1: you see where Ralphie lives? Do you see where Shinaqua's stand? 190 00:14:05,600 --> 00:14:09,480 Speaker 1: Do you see that? Is that what you want for yourself? 191 00:14:10,559 --> 00:14:14,680 Speaker 1: What do you think about that? Bringing them to your steadily? 192 00:14:15,280 --> 00:14:21,720 Speaker 1: You're still in the hospital cutting the cord. The job 193 00:14:22,200 --> 00:14:26,160 Speaker 1: of training a child is to gradually make them independent 194 00:14:26,240 --> 00:14:30,080 Speaker 1: of you. And then once you make them independent of you, 195 00:14:30,080 --> 00:14:32,800 Speaker 1: you complain because they don't come around enough, and they 196 00:14:32,800 --> 00:14:35,480 Speaker 1: don't call you enough, and they don't come see you enough. 197 00:14:36,200 --> 00:14:40,720 Speaker 1: And you ought to be a little bit proud that 198 00:14:40,800 --> 00:14:45,160 Speaker 1: you raise a child that's independent enough to think for themselves, 199 00:14:45,600 --> 00:14:48,800 Speaker 1: and you don't have a forty year old child sleeping 200 00:14:48,880 --> 00:14:53,040 Speaker 1: on your couch who can't make a decision, and it's 201 00:14:53,080 --> 00:14:57,840 Speaker 1: still knocking over the milk because they never developed from 202 00:14:57,920 --> 00:15:01,080 Speaker 1: place to place and get they can't get the training 203 00:15:01,720 --> 00:15:07,280 Speaker 1: of adulthood. My mother, who is really into raising her children, 204 00:15:08,160 --> 00:15:10,400 Speaker 1: will say, if a child is old enough to ask 205 00:15:10,440 --> 00:15:13,440 Speaker 1: a question, they're old enough they can have an answer. 206 00:15:14,120 --> 00:15:17,960 Speaker 1: Don't over answer the question. But if they have a question, 207 00:15:18,320 --> 00:15:21,320 Speaker 1: they have a curiosity and they honored you enough to 208 00:15:21,400 --> 00:15:24,640 Speaker 1: come to you with it, don't shush them off and 209 00:15:24,680 --> 00:15:27,600 Speaker 1: tell them I'll talk to you about it later. Give 210 00:15:27,680 --> 00:15:30,600 Speaker 1: them an answer on their level that lets them know 211 00:15:30,680 --> 00:15:33,080 Speaker 1: that they don't have to go outside their house to 212 00:15:33,240 --> 00:15:42,360 Speaker 1: have their curiosity satisfied, their itch scratched, their hormones adjusted, 213 00:15:44,080 --> 00:15:48,080 Speaker 1: that the answer is somewhere in the house, because I guarantee, 214 00:15:48,240 --> 00:15:51,000 Speaker 1: if they can't find it in the house, they'll find 215 00:15:51,040 --> 00:15:54,280 Speaker 1: it in the streets. They'll find it in the club. 216 00:15:54,280 --> 00:15:57,240 Speaker 1: They'll find it in the alley. They'll find it in 217 00:15:57,320 --> 00:16:02,360 Speaker 1: the gang. They'll find it in the prison. They'll find it. 218 00:16:03,520 --> 00:16:06,680 Speaker 1: Once you prove they can't find it from you, they 219 00:16:06,720 --> 00:16:12,080 Speaker 1: will make the gang the family and rush out of 220 00:16:12,160 --> 00:16:17,600 Speaker 1: the family's domain to connect with the gang, because the 221 00:16:17,720 --> 00:16:21,440 Speaker 1: gang has become their family, and they couldn't fill that 222 00:16:21,600 --> 00:16:26,360 Speaker 1: position if you didn't give space to them to be 223 00:16:26,440 --> 00:16:30,840 Speaker 1: a pseudo family in the life of your child. After all, 224 00:16:31,240 --> 00:16:34,680 Speaker 1: you did, the pushing, you did, the grunting, you did, 225 00:16:34,720 --> 00:16:38,000 Speaker 1: the nursing, you did, the caring. You ought to have 226 00:16:38,160 --> 00:16:42,240 Speaker 1: the right to raise your child. But in order to 227 00:16:42,280 --> 00:16:45,840 Speaker 1: do that, you have to have the time to do 228 00:16:45,920 --> 00:16:51,080 Speaker 1: it and not be so busy providing for them that 229 00:16:51,160 --> 00:16:56,000 Speaker 1: you don't promote an atmosphere of giving them the intangible 230 00:16:56,080 --> 00:17:02,880 Speaker 1: things can't be real, Just be real real, bringing all 231 00:17:02,880 --> 00:17:05,880 Speaker 1: the way down home to you. All my children grown now, 232 00:17:06,720 --> 00:17:08,640 Speaker 1: and I can't tell you. Looking out in my rear 233 00:17:08,720 --> 00:17:11,960 Speaker 1: view mirror, looking back, I can see something. I worked 234 00:17:12,000 --> 00:17:15,800 Speaker 1: like a dog to get pianos, to get bicycles and 235 00:17:15,960 --> 00:17:21,400 Speaker 1: tricycles and all types of cycles and machines and gadgets 236 00:17:21,480 --> 00:17:25,280 Speaker 1: and toys and electronics and all kinds of stuff to 237 00:17:25,400 --> 00:17:28,280 Speaker 1: bring them in there. They don't know where, none of 238 00:17:28,280 --> 00:17:32,080 Speaker 1: them are now. When we sit around the dinner table 239 00:17:32,119 --> 00:17:34,800 Speaker 1: and talk to them as adult children, they don't bring 240 00:17:34,920 --> 00:17:38,240 Speaker 1: up any of that I worked over, time, I cut grass, 241 00:17:38,280 --> 00:17:41,000 Speaker 1: I did everything to make sure they got it. They 242 00:17:41,000 --> 00:17:44,920 Speaker 1: don't remember that, you know what. They remember. They remember 243 00:17:45,080 --> 00:17:49,439 Speaker 1: washing the car with dad. They remember going to the 244 00:17:49,480 --> 00:17:53,159 Speaker 1: ice cream store with that. They remember taking a walk 245 00:17:53,240 --> 00:17:56,680 Speaker 1: by the beach with their father. They remember the time 246 00:17:56,760 --> 00:17:59,400 Speaker 1: I carried them up the steps and laid them down 247 00:17:59,440 --> 00:18:02,560 Speaker 1: in the bed. They remember the time that they had 248 00:18:02,560 --> 00:18:05,880 Speaker 1: a fever and I kept putting cool towels on their 249 00:18:05,920 --> 00:18:11,840 Speaker 1: head to bring down their fever. They remember that giving 250 00:18:11,920 --> 00:18:17,199 Speaker 1: them stuff is not like giving them you. So you 251 00:18:17,320 --> 00:18:21,640 Speaker 1: have to begin to understand that you are raising them 252 00:18:21,840 --> 00:18:24,840 Speaker 1: in the middle of a hurricane of trying to manage 253 00:18:24,840 --> 00:18:30,880 Speaker 1: a marriage, pay off the bills, satisfy the employer, deal 254 00:18:30,920 --> 00:18:33,080 Speaker 1: with your parents who are complaining because you don't come 255 00:18:33,119 --> 00:18:37,480 Speaker 1: over anymore, and handling them as they become more decrepit 256 00:18:37,840 --> 00:18:41,960 Speaker 1: and older and more needy of you while you're raising child. 257 00:18:42,040 --> 00:18:43,919 Speaker 1: I think that's what mid life christ ought to be. 258 00:18:44,800 --> 00:18:47,600 Speaker 1: Midlife crisis ought to be. The stage where you are 259 00:18:47,640 --> 00:18:54,600 Speaker 1: stuck between needy children and broken parents, and you're turning 260 00:18:54,680 --> 00:18:57,800 Speaker 1: this way and that way, trying to respond to both 261 00:18:58,440 --> 00:19:02,600 Speaker 1: for different reasons. You have a responsibility to be there 262 00:19:02,680 --> 00:19:06,240 Speaker 1: for them both, and it is difficult, and it's not 263 00:19:06,320 --> 00:19:10,159 Speaker 1: always easy, because it generally happens at a time that 264 00:19:10,240 --> 00:19:14,840 Speaker 1: you're going through midlife crisis or a menopause or something, 265 00:19:15,200 --> 00:19:17,760 Speaker 1: and you're trying to figure out you while you are 266 00:19:17,760 --> 00:19:21,160 Speaker 1: trying to train them in a way. In a way, 267 00:19:21,720 --> 00:19:24,440 Speaker 1: looking back, sitting around the table as we talk now, 268 00:19:24,520 --> 00:19:27,480 Speaker 1: as we often do and laugh and joking, they tell 269 00:19:27,560 --> 00:19:32,440 Speaker 1: stories and imitate me and imitate their mother. I look back, 270 00:19:32,480 --> 00:19:37,440 Speaker 1: and I realized that we were all growing up together. 271 00:19:40,119 --> 00:19:42,280 Speaker 1: Just because I had a baby doesn't make me a parent. 272 00:19:43,280 --> 00:19:47,520 Speaker 1: I had to grow into the office I had to 273 00:19:47,520 --> 00:19:50,879 Speaker 1: grow into the position. While they had to grow into 274 00:19:50,920 --> 00:19:53,199 Speaker 1: learning how to be a son, I also had to 275 00:19:53,240 --> 00:19:55,680 Speaker 1: grow into learning how to be a father. And sometimes 276 00:19:55,880 --> 00:19:58,800 Speaker 1: I flunked the test, and sometimes I got it right, 277 00:19:59,000 --> 00:20:02,040 Speaker 1: and sometimes she got wright, and sometimes she flunked the test. 278 00:20:02,160 --> 00:20:04,080 Speaker 1: And sometimes we got it right with the kids. But 279 00:20:04,160 --> 00:20:06,800 Speaker 1: we didn't get it right with each other. And sometimes 280 00:20:06,840 --> 00:20:08,480 Speaker 1: we got it right with each other and got it 281 00:20:08,560 --> 00:20:10,600 Speaker 1: right with the kids, but we didn't get it right 282 00:20:10,680 --> 00:20:17,479 Speaker 1: with our parents. It's a job, y'all. Don't sign up 283 00:20:17,520 --> 00:20:20,240 Speaker 1: for talking to somebody that you think they're fine. And 284 00:20:20,280 --> 00:20:23,120 Speaker 1: I want to have your baby. The baby doesn't stay 285 00:20:23,160 --> 00:20:27,399 Speaker 1: a baby. The baby goes to all kinds of cholera 286 00:20:27,560 --> 00:20:30,480 Speaker 1: and all types of sickness. And that might be cute 287 00:20:30,520 --> 00:20:35,080 Speaker 1: and romantic, but in reality that doesn't work. And often 288 00:20:35,480 --> 00:20:38,600 Speaker 1: the person you want to have their baby by doesn't 289 00:20:38,600 --> 00:20:43,119 Speaker 1: want to help you raise the child you have. So 290 00:20:43,240 --> 00:20:47,000 Speaker 1: grow up a little bit and understand that this isn't 291 00:20:47,080 --> 00:20:50,639 Speaker 1: just something that you put on Facebook or Twitter or 292 00:20:51,359 --> 00:20:57,199 Speaker 1: or some other social media device. No, this is something 293 00:20:57,240 --> 00:21:01,800 Speaker 1: that you manage when the off and the lights are 294 00:21:01,840 --> 00:21:04,919 Speaker 1: gone and you still have to be there. This is 295 00:21:05,160 --> 00:21:12,520 Speaker 1: something that you do between breastfeeding and mammograms, between hormonal 296 00:21:12,640 --> 00:21:19,080 Speaker 1: changes and physical changes, between burying your parents and getting 297 00:21:19,119 --> 00:21:25,320 Speaker 1: your kids ready for graduation. Psychological stresses that come on 298 00:21:25,400 --> 00:21:31,120 Speaker 1: you as a parent are not to be underestimated. But 299 00:21:31,160 --> 00:21:35,600 Speaker 1: you can do it. To him whom much is given, 300 00:21:37,320 --> 00:21:42,199 Speaker 1: much is required. So everything in the house is moving 301 00:21:42,240 --> 00:21:45,719 Speaker 1: at the same time. Everything's moving. The dog is getting older, 302 00:21:46,160 --> 00:21:48,439 Speaker 1: the dog is chasing the cat, the cat is chasing 303 00:21:48,480 --> 00:21:51,400 Speaker 1: the mouth. The one of the fish died last night. 304 00:21:53,040 --> 00:21:55,720 Speaker 1: The lights got caught off, or they got turned on, 305 00:21:56,520 --> 00:22:00,320 Speaker 1: or Grandma's coming over and they in laws don't like you, 306 00:22:00,600 --> 00:22:03,960 Speaker 1: or everything's going on at the same time. And yet 307 00:22:04,000 --> 00:22:09,000 Speaker 1: your focus has to be on the trust that God 308 00:22:09,080 --> 00:22:12,399 Speaker 1: had in you when he gave you that child. And 309 00:22:12,520 --> 00:22:16,040 Speaker 1: with all of your mind, and with all of your strength, 310 00:22:17,119 --> 00:22:20,240 Speaker 1: and with all of your power and all of your tenacity, 311 00:22:20,720 --> 00:22:25,679 Speaker 1: give them the best life that you can on the 312 00:22:25,800 --> 00:22:30,199 Speaker 1: level that you are living. We couldn't afford to go 313 00:22:30,280 --> 00:22:33,880 Speaker 1: to fancy restaurants and need. My parents' idea of going 314 00:22:34,000 --> 00:22:37,840 Speaker 1: on a date was going to Shoney's, and my mother 315 00:22:37,880 --> 00:22:40,439 Speaker 1: would take the bread and wrap it up in a 316 00:22:40,520 --> 00:22:43,720 Speaker 1: napkin and stick it into her pocketbook. And bring it home, 317 00:22:43,920 --> 00:22:46,240 Speaker 1: and that seemed like to me the best bread in 318 00:22:46,280 --> 00:22:51,640 Speaker 1: the world. We came up through rough times and tough times, 319 00:22:52,080 --> 00:22:56,200 Speaker 1: and one floor furnace in the whole house and everybody's 320 00:22:56,200 --> 00:22:59,320 Speaker 1: trying to stand near it because it's cold in them. 321 00:22:59,320 --> 00:23:05,080 Speaker 1: They're ill. West Virginia hills get really cold, and one 322 00:23:05,119 --> 00:23:09,760 Speaker 1: floor furnace is not always enough. But that's what we 323 00:23:09,880 --> 00:23:12,840 Speaker 1: came up in. I was determined I was going to 324 00:23:12,920 --> 00:23:16,120 Speaker 1: give them a better life than what I grew up in. 325 00:23:16,520 --> 00:23:21,520 Speaker 1: More things, more stuff, your own bed, air, central air, 326 00:23:22,200 --> 00:23:25,199 Speaker 1: a driveway. I'm not talking about a Porsche and a palace. 327 00:23:25,320 --> 00:23:31,399 Speaker 1: I'm talking about blankets and apparel, and painting the house 328 00:23:31,520 --> 00:23:35,000 Speaker 1: every other year, and doing things that that were just 329 00:23:35,080 --> 00:23:38,679 Speaker 1: the bare requirements. But what I didn't understand, the tough 330 00:23:38,760 --> 00:23:42,399 Speaker 1: time I grew up in helped to make me be 331 00:23:43,080 --> 00:23:47,120 Speaker 1: the tenacious person that I am. And now I am 332 00:23:47,320 --> 00:23:52,359 Speaker 1: asking my child to be tenacious while I spent all 333 00:23:52,400 --> 00:23:56,920 Speaker 1: of my life raising them without the toughness. It is 334 00:23:57,000 --> 00:24:01,960 Speaker 1: the tough times that makes the child. It is the 335 00:24:02,040 --> 00:24:05,639 Speaker 1: ability to go outside and play with sticks and rocks 336 00:24:05,680 --> 00:24:09,359 Speaker 1: and river banks and creeks and get wet and laugh 337 00:24:09,480 --> 00:24:13,399 Speaker 1: and joke and have fun. That makes the child have 338 00:24:13,560 --> 00:24:17,120 Speaker 1: that experience at the right time, in the right season, 339 00:24:17,560 --> 00:24:21,200 Speaker 1: in the right way. It is the talks late at night, 340 00:24:21,400 --> 00:24:25,399 Speaker 1: just before you tuck them in for bed. It is 341 00:24:25,440 --> 00:24:29,000 Speaker 1: a sneaking in their room and kissing their forehead and 342 00:24:29,119 --> 00:24:32,760 Speaker 1: almost waking them up, and their eyes flutter and they 343 00:24:32,840 --> 00:24:36,840 Speaker 1: go back to sleep again, and they said, that's just daddy. 344 00:24:37,080 --> 00:24:42,280 Speaker 1: It's not just a check in the mail. It's not 345 00:24:42,359 --> 00:24:44,280 Speaker 1: just the check in the mail. And to all of 346 00:24:44,320 --> 00:24:47,760 Speaker 1: you who got baby mama drama and you're separated one 347 00:24:47,800 --> 00:24:52,680 Speaker 1: from the other, stop using your child as a way 348 00:24:52,760 --> 00:24:57,400 Speaker 1: of punishing their father, because just because they didn't make 349 00:24:57,440 --> 00:25:00,439 Speaker 1: a good husband doesn't mean that they could make a 350 00:25:00,440 --> 00:25:04,920 Speaker 1: good father. And if you use the child to punish 351 00:25:04,960 --> 00:25:09,840 Speaker 1: the man or woman, the switch always gets torn up 352 00:25:10,760 --> 00:25:15,159 Speaker 1: in the process of the beating. It happens, and you 353 00:25:15,200 --> 00:25:17,720 Speaker 1: don't want to damage them and let them live long 354 00:25:17,800 --> 00:25:19,959 Speaker 1: enough where you can't tell them to shut up and 355 00:25:20,000 --> 00:25:22,359 Speaker 1: go to their room and they start telling you what 356 00:25:22,440 --> 00:25:27,040 Speaker 1: it was really like to live in your house. The 357 00:25:27,160 --> 00:25:31,199 Speaker 1: moment we walk out the door of development, whether we 358 00:25:31,280 --> 00:25:35,520 Speaker 1: are a parent or child, what kind of day we 359 00:25:35,680 --> 00:25:40,639 Speaker 1: have is affected by what environment we are going to 360 00:25:40,720 --> 00:25:45,600 Speaker 1: come home to. It either makes it worth while, well, 361 00:25:45,600 --> 00:25:48,199 Speaker 1: it makes a routine that eventually you get tired of 362 00:25:48,240 --> 00:25:50,239 Speaker 1: and you want to break away from. And let me 363 00:25:50,359 --> 00:25:55,240 Speaker 1: say this to the young people. Very few people leave 364 00:25:55,400 --> 00:25:59,960 Speaker 1: the house over the child. They didn't leave the child, 365 00:26:00,240 --> 00:26:05,280 Speaker 1: they left the parent. And though you feel abandoned, you 366 00:26:05,400 --> 00:26:09,800 Speaker 1: felt abandoned. And though you felt like they didn't care 367 00:26:09,840 --> 00:26:13,520 Speaker 1: about you, what was wrong with me that you didn't 368 00:26:13,520 --> 00:26:16,960 Speaker 1: want me? You didn't hear the arguments that went on 369 00:26:17,080 --> 00:26:20,720 Speaker 1: in the other room that led to the splitting away 370 00:26:21,480 --> 00:26:25,399 Speaker 1: of two people who were more engrossed in their own 371 00:26:25,640 --> 00:26:32,879 Speaker 1: pleasure than they were in providing a safe, tranquil place 372 00:26:33,520 --> 00:26:38,600 Speaker 1: for you to incubate into manhood. One writer says this way, 373 00:26:39,040 --> 00:26:42,280 Speaker 1: when I was a child, I thought as a child, 374 00:26:43,119 --> 00:26:47,280 Speaker 1: I spake as a child, and I understood as a child. 375 00:26:47,800 --> 00:26:51,879 Speaker 1: Here's the KeyPoint. But when I became a man, I 376 00:26:51,960 --> 00:26:54,719 Speaker 1: put away child these things that lets me know that 377 00:26:54,760 --> 00:26:58,920 Speaker 1: it is possible to become a man and still speak 378 00:26:59,320 --> 00:27:03,200 Speaker 1: and think and react like a child. If you don't 379 00:27:03,280 --> 00:27:07,959 Speaker 1: consciously put away the way, your perspective on how you 380 00:27:08,040 --> 00:27:11,520 Speaker 1: saw things at eight ought not to be the same 381 00:27:11,640 --> 00:27:19,880 Speaker 1: perspective that you are angry about at twenty eight, your 382 00:27:19,920 --> 00:27:24,720 Speaker 1: point of view should change. The sad thing is, most 383 00:27:24,720 --> 00:27:27,719 Speaker 1: of the time, by the time we give grace to 384 00:27:27,800 --> 00:27:31,359 Speaker 1: our parents for not being perfect, we have made enough 385 00:27:31,400 --> 00:27:34,639 Speaker 1: mistakes that we're ashamed of them by the time we 386 00:27:34,680 --> 00:27:37,800 Speaker 1: get old enough to appreciate some of the things that 387 00:27:37,840 --> 00:27:40,520 Speaker 1: they did right, rather than to give them a list 388 00:27:40,520 --> 00:27:47,760 Speaker 1: of grievances like they're the human resources department. They're gone 389 00:27:49,800 --> 00:27:53,240 Speaker 1: and standing over a tomb saying I get it now. 390 00:27:54,080 --> 00:27:58,119 Speaker 1: It's not that gratifying because you know they cannot hear you. 391 00:27:59,000 --> 00:28:03,639 Speaker 1: But while the blood still runs warm in their veins, 392 00:28:04,680 --> 00:28:07,680 Speaker 1: go have that talk. I'm not saying you were wrong, 393 00:28:08,119 --> 00:28:10,480 Speaker 1: but your perspective on it. You weren't looking at the 394 00:28:10,520 --> 00:28:14,560 Speaker 1: whole situation, the time they were in in their life, 395 00:28:15,160 --> 00:28:18,400 Speaker 1: the time they had no job, the time that they 396 00:28:18,440 --> 00:28:22,560 Speaker 1: had no comfort, the time that they were playing with 397 00:28:22,720 --> 00:28:28,480 Speaker 1: childish things, old men acting like teenagers, old women with 398 00:28:28,600 --> 00:28:32,399 Speaker 1: splits up that skirts acting like young girls trying to 399 00:28:32,440 --> 00:28:35,000 Speaker 1: recapture age that she didn't get when she should have 400 00:28:35,040 --> 00:28:42,000 Speaker 1: got it. And you begin to understand each other. And 401 00:28:42,040 --> 00:28:43,920 Speaker 1: when the Bible says in all that I get and 402 00:28:44,000 --> 00:28:51,640 Speaker 1: get an understanding It is huge, vitally important that you 403 00:28:51,840 --> 00:28:57,520 Speaker 1: understand what you may now be criticizing, because when you 404 00:28:57,560 --> 00:29:03,000 Speaker 1: get the grace to let your parents go, you will 405 00:29:03,000 --> 00:29:08,320 Speaker 1: model to your children how to let how they can 406 00:29:08,400 --> 00:29:13,240 Speaker 1: let you go from the charges they're holding on you. 407 00:29:14,080 --> 00:29:21,520 Speaker 1: Forgiveness is better modeled than written about. Mercy is better 408 00:29:21,600 --> 00:29:29,400 Speaker 1: seen than imagined. Love only becomes real when the soul 409 00:29:29,560 --> 00:29:35,040 Speaker 1: makes the choice not to hate, and only your soul 410 00:29:35,080 --> 00:29:38,920 Speaker 1: can make that choice. Nobody can make it for you. 411 00:29:38,920 --> 00:29:42,120 Speaker 1: You have to make it for yourself. And you might 412 00:29:42,160 --> 00:29:45,520 Speaker 1: not be seventeen and be a man yet, and you 413 00:29:45,600 --> 00:29:47,960 Speaker 1: might not be eighteen and be a man yet, and 414 00:29:48,040 --> 00:29:50,920 Speaker 1: you might be twenty four and still be growing. You 415 00:29:51,000 --> 00:29:55,400 Speaker 1: might be growing at forty. It's a lifelong project with 416 00:29:55,640 --> 00:30:00,000 Speaker 1: no graduation other than the grave. You will be learned 417 00:30:00,040 --> 00:30:05,360 Speaker 1: learning about life, about you, about what matters, about what's important, 418 00:30:05,800 --> 00:30:10,040 Speaker 1: all the way until they're sprinkling flowers over your casket. 419 00:30:11,280 --> 00:30:16,000 Speaker 1: You will always be a student and a teacher, because 420 00:30:16,080 --> 00:30:18,720 Speaker 1: if you stop being a student, you will run out 421 00:30:18,720 --> 00:30:24,880 Speaker 1: of things to teach. So let the training began, and 422 00:30:24,920 --> 00:30:29,520 Speaker 1: get the blankets, and get the bottles, and get the 423 00:30:29,560 --> 00:30:34,160 Speaker 1: onesies out and call the nurse and tell her to 424 00:30:34,200 --> 00:30:40,640 Speaker 1: breathe in and breathe out to the mama, because this 425 00:30:41,000 --> 00:30:50,760 Speaker 1: child bearing, child raising, child loving, child hurting world doesn't 426 00:30:50,920 --> 00:30:57,120 Speaker 1: leave when you roll out of the hospital in a wheelchair, 427 00:30:57,280 --> 00:30:59,640 Speaker 1: wrapping the baby up in the blanket and taking that 428 00:30:59,720 --> 00:31:04,920 Speaker 1: bitch that you know you're gonna boast. There's gonna be 429 00:31:05,120 --> 00:31:09,840 Speaker 1: many more scenes to this movie, and you only just 430 00:31:09,960 --> 00:31:23,320 Speaker 1: begune to live. This is your next chapter. Course correct, apologize, 431 00:31:23,680 --> 00:31:27,520 Speaker 1: take your time with it, go back and fix some things. 432 00:31:28,200 --> 00:31:33,040 Speaker 1: To admit you're wrong sometimes is medicine to a child 433 00:31:33,880 --> 00:31:37,680 Speaker 1: to understand that you expected them to have your values, 434 00:31:37,720 --> 00:31:42,600 Speaker 1: but they didn't have your background. They didn't grow up 435 00:31:42,600 --> 00:31:45,040 Speaker 1: in the house you grew up in. You've made things 436 00:31:45,120 --> 00:31:48,640 Speaker 1: better for them, and now they don't have the strength 437 00:31:48,680 --> 00:31:53,800 Speaker 1: that you had because you gave them everything except the 438 00:31:53,800 --> 00:31:58,720 Speaker 1: thing that made you strong. And I'm not saying don't 439 00:31:58,760 --> 00:32:03,920 Speaker 1: give it to them to adjust your expectations in your outcomes, 440 00:32:04,520 --> 00:32:07,640 Speaker 1: because they don't know how to can no fruit, preserve 441 00:32:07,800 --> 00:32:10,959 Speaker 1: no jelly. They don't know how to make homemade bread. 442 00:32:11,600 --> 00:32:13,360 Speaker 1: They don't know how to make the best of a 443 00:32:13,400 --> 00:32:16,800 Speaker 1: bad situation. They don't know how to make dinner with 444 00:32:16,840 --> 00:32:19,560 Speaker 1: no meat. They don't know how to cook beans and 445 00:32:20,120 --> 00:32:22,920 Speaker 1: pour it over rice and make it a meal and 446 00:32:22,960 --> 00:32:25,400 Speaker 1: go to the store and shop with a twenty dollars 447 00:32:25,400 --> 00:32:28,000 Speaker 1: bill and feed the whole family. They did not have 448 00:32:28,040 --> 00:32:32,600 Speaker 1: to do that, And you're expecting them to develop in 449 00:32:32,720 --> 00:32:39,440 Speaker 1: ways that they have not been disciplined while they don't 450 00:32:39,480 --> 00:32:43,240 Speaker 1: have some of the strength that you do have. You 451 00:32:43,320 --> 00:32:46,480 Speaker 1: need them to help you with your phone, You need 452 00:32:46,520 --> 00:32:50,120 Speaker 1: them to help you turn the television station. You need 453 00:32:50,160 --> 00:32:53,640 Speaker 1: them to help you deal with life as it is, 454 00:32:55,200 --> 00:32:58,240 Speaker 1: because all you had to give them was to teach 455 00:32:58,280 --> 00:33:04,080 Speaker 1: them to survive in life as it was when you 456 00:33:04,200 --> 00:33:09,240 Speaker 1: came along. Think about it, just just just just just 457 00:33:09,400 --> 00:33:16,960 Speaker 1: just think about it. Think about it. In a match, 458 00:33:17,040 --> 00:33:21,360 Speaker 1: a fighting match with your child, to prove who's right 459 00:33:21,560 --> 00:33:25,080 Speaker 1: or wrong. Do you want to be right more than 460 00:33:25,120 --> 00:33:29,880 Speaker 1: you want to be there? What does it mean if 461 00:33:29,920 --> 00:33:35,160 Speaker 1: you win the battle and you lose the war? And 462 00:33:35,200 --> 00:33:38,200 Speaker 1: we are living in a day where children are writing 463 00:33:38,240 --> 00:33:44,040 Speaker 1: off their parents, divorcing their parents, haven't seen them for years, 464 00:33:44,040 --> 00:33:49,000 Speaker 1: don't want to see them. We as parents also have 465 00:33:49,160 --> 00:33:56,600 Speaker 1: to remember, and sometimes we got it wrong and we 466 00:33:56,760 --> 00:33:59,520 Speaker 1: have to do all we can to fix it. And 467 00:33:59,640 --> 00:34:04,200 Speaker 1: except that some children cannot be raised once they're adults. 468 00:34:04,440 --> 00:34:08,080 Speaker 1: You can't go back in time and have sleigh rides 469 00:34:08,120 --> 00:34:11,680 Speaker 1: with them in the snow, But you can find an 470 00:34:11,760 --> 00:34:16,359 Speaker 1: equivalent that begins to build a bond where there's never 471 00:34:16,400 --> 00:34:20,160 Speaker 1: been one before. And even though they act angry and 472 00:34:20,239 --> 00:34:23,680 Speaker 1: belligerent and say things to you that you would never 473 00:34:24,080 --> 00:34:28,600 Speaker 1: say to your parents, they're only doing it because they're hurt. 474 00:34:31,520 --> 00:34:38,680 Speaker 1: They're only doing it because they miss you. They're only 475 00:34:38,760 --> 00:34:44,560 Speaker 1: disappointed because their expectations were so high, and they love you. 476 00:34:46,320 --> 00:34:49,480 Speaker 1: Bring their expectations down a little so you can be 477 00:34:49,560 --> 00:34:53,880 Speaker 1: human and be flawed like them, and remind them that 478 00:34:53,960 --> 00:34:56,399 Speaker 1: you might not have been the perfect parent, but they 479 00:34:56,440 --> 00:34:59,399 Speaker 1: weren't the perfect child. And you have to love each 480 00:34:59,400 --> 00:35:03,160 Speaker 1: other where were are and lift each other up. And 481 00:35:03,320 --> 00:35:08,160 Speaker 1: that is the wisdom of tdj's for those of you 482 00:35:08,719 --> 00:35:12,920 Speaker 1: that are training children. Even if the child is driving 483 00:35:12,960 --> 00:35:16,719 Speaker 1: a car and got their own apartment and have their 484 00:35:16,760 --> 00:35:25,520 Speaker 1: own companions, it's still your baby out that I've said 485 00:35:25,520 --> 00:35:28,400 Speaker 1: something today that's been helpful to you, that's encouraged you, 486 00:35:28,600 --> 00:35:31,319 Speaker 1: that's empowered you, that's motivated you, that's given you a 487 00:35:31,320 --> 00:35:34,839 Speaker 1: little different perspective on the things, that's dealing that you're 488 00:35:34,880 --> 00:35:37,840 Speaker 1: dealing with. I hope that I've said something that stops 489 00:35:37,920 --> 00:35:41,440 Speaker 1: the war and the battle you're fighting worse than we 490 00:35:41,520 --> 00:35:45,360 Speaker 1: fought in Vietnam, all in your house at a time 491 00:35:45,719 --> 00:35:49,840 Speaker 1: that you need their closeness and they need your closeness. 492 00:35:52,680 --> 00:35:56,200 Speaker 1: I hope I've said something to you that will get 493 00:35:56,239 --> 00:36:03,920 Speaker 1: you ready for the next chapter. If so, next week, 494 00:36:04,840 --> 00:36:07,719 Speaker 1: I'm going to turn the page, and I hope you'll 495 00:36:07,760 --> 00:36:12,439 Speaker 1: be listening. I hope you'll be on Spotify or our 496 00:36:12,440 --> 00:36:17,440 Speaker 1: Heart or wherever you get podcasts, wherever you go to 497 00:36:17,520 --> 00:36:22,320 Speaker 1: get your podcast downloaded. I hope you'll you'll be there listening. 498 00:36:22,400 --> 00:36:26,080 Speaker 1: I hope you'll go on YouTube and catch it live, 499 00:36:26,120 --> 00:36:28,120 Speaker 1: wherever you have to go, whatever you have to do, 500 00:36:28,640 --> 00:36:32,680 Speaker 1: I hope you do it. Because if we lose our children, 501 00:36:32,760 --> 00:36:36,239 Speaker 1: we've lost our families. And if we've lose our families, 502 00:36:36,280 --> 00:36:40,160 Speaker 1: we've lost our community. And if we lose our community, 503 00:36:41,120 --> 00:36:44,480 Speaker 1: we will lose our country. I know you think it 504 00:36:44,520 --> 00:36:48,719 Speaker 1: can't be, so we are on the brink of losing 505 00:36:48,920 --> 00:36:54,560 Speaker 1: our very own country. But it all starts when that 506 00:36:54,640 --> 00:37:00,880 Speaker 1: baby cries into the world, and what you feel into them, 507 00:37:01,280 --> 00:37:05,120 Speaker 1: it's what they become. If all you have to nurse 508 00:37:05,200 --> 00:37:10,400 Speaker 1: them on is hate. They'll be hateful. But if you 509 00:37:10,520 --> 00:37:14,040 Speaker 1: have some love and understanding and wisdom to nurse them with, 510 00:37:15,640 --> 00:37:19,040 Speaker 1: you won't be a friend to get old because them 511 00:37:19,080 --> 00:37:23,000 Speaker 1: as an adult is not a frightening place for you 512 00:37:23,080 --> 00:37:27,080 Speaker 1: to be. And when it comes, and for many of us, 513 00:37:27,120 --> 00:37:30,120 Speaker 1: it will come that they have to make the decision 514 00:37:31,280 --> 00:37:35,280 Speaker 1: whether to cut off the ventilator or shut down the machine, 515 00:37:36,880 --> 00:37:42,320 Speaker 1: you'll know you raise a good adult who is prepared 516 00:37:43,760 --> 00:37:49,800 Speaker 1: to make decisions on your behalf. And it's okay to 517 00:37:49,840 --> 00:37:53,399 Speaker 1: curl up into the feet of position and lay your 518 00:37:53,400 --> 00:37:57,200 Speaker 1: head on the pillow. I know that you are safe 519 00:37:58,400 --> 00:38:03,359 Speaker 1: in their arms. I'm tdjinks. I'm done with it. I 520 00:38:03,360 --> 00:38:05,840 Speaker 1: hope you have a wonderful day. I hope you have 521 00:38:05,880 --> 00:38:08,760 Speaker 1: a wonderful week. And I will be back next week 522 00:38:08,880 --> 00:38:13,239 Speaker 1: to share more. Right here, I want to invite all 523 00:38:13,239 --> 00:38:16,480 Speaker 1: the entrepreneurs to meet me at the Good Soil Forum. 524 00:38:16,920 --> 00:38:20,000 Speaker 1: I've got something to say to entrepreneurs that's going to 525 00:38:20,080 --> 00:38:23,920 Speaker 1: get you ready, that's going to deliver you from stewardship 526 00:38:24,000 --> 00:38:27,280 Speaker 1: to ownership, that's going to put you into a better position. 527 00:38:27,520 --> 00:38:30,000 Speaker 1: You say who he is, if you get the discipline 528 00:38:30,960 --> 00:38:34,000 Speaker 1: you can get the dynamics, and I want to show 529 00:38:34,040 --> 00:38:39,160 Speaker 1: you how because it can be done. I have five 530 00:38:39,400 --> 00:38:44,040 Speaker 1: companies that I run. I have run them simultaneously. It 531 00:38:44,120 --> 00:38:47,120 Speaker 1: can be done. You may only have known me in 532 00:38:47,160 --> 00:38:49,920 Speaker 1: one light, but I want to show you the parts 533 00:38:49,960 --> 00:38:53,720 Speaker 1: behind the curtain that you didn't see. The movies I produce, 534 00:38:53,800 --> 00:38:56,520 Speaker 1: the films I produce, the plays that we put on 535 00:38:56,560 --> 00:38:59,720 Speaker 1: the road, the books I've written, the places I've gone. 536 00:39:00,200 --> 00:39:03,000 Speaker 1: Not to brag on me, I want to show it 537 00:39:03,040 --> 00:39:09,759 Speaker 1: to you because I'm trying to train you for your 538 00:39:09,920 --> 00:39:18,600 Speaker 1: next So get busy, turn that page. Let's have a 539 00:39:18,800 --> 00:39:23,520 Speaker 1: next chapter. Thanks for listening.