WEBVTT - CHAPTER THREE: Sandi 0:00:00.520 --> 0:00:02.440 Previously on Hello John Doe. 0:00:04.519 --> 0:00:08.039 So we had this missy person case Philip Brandenburg, and 0:00:08.119 --> 0:00:11.920 now Philips is identified and he's really a real person 0:00:11.960 --> 0:00:13.840 and he was really born, and it would just set 0:00:13.920 --> 0:00:15.560 such an amazing feeling. 0:00:16.160 --> 0:00:19.520 I knew the whole time. It just in my mind, 0:00:19.600 --> 0:00:21.720 in my heart. I knew that that test was don't 0:00:21.720 --> 0:00:22.439 come back positive. 0:00:22.920 --> 0:00:25.880 You blew their minds. Yeah you did. You wasn't supposed 0:00:25.880 --> 0:00:26.680 to be here, but you were. 0:00:26.840 --> 0:00:30.080 Yeah. Well I chose him. If he hadn't been born, 0:00:30.120 --> 0:00:32.360 I wouldn't have got him. I couldn't love him anymore, 0:00:32.360 --> 0:00:33.239 with his mind or not. 0:00:34.000 --> 0:00:37.000 I was very worried and through the whole process, because 0:00:37.120 --> 0:00:40.080 you know, it changes a person when you find out 0:00:40.120 --> 0:00:46.000 so many crazy things. To find their birth mother, some 0:00:46.120 --> 0:00:49.120 adoptees have to look through paperwork, housed and musty warehouses, 0:00:49.520 --> 0:00:52.080 or they have to make lots of calls to adoption agencies. 0:00:52.640 --> 0:00:55.560 But for Steve Patterson, once we had proven he was 0:00:55.640 --> 0:00:59.319 really Philip Stephen Brandenburgh, finding his original mom was as 0:00:59.320 --> 0:01:00.760 easy as getting on Facebook. 0:01:03.520 --> 0:01:05.480 And I texted her and that's when she said she 0:01:05.520 --> 0:01:07.880 had been looking for me for all these years. And 0:01:07.959 --> 0:01:12.640 then she finally found her long lost son stuff like that. 0:01:13.080 --> 0:01:16.560 Her long lost son looking for him. That didn't make 0:01:16.600 --> 0:01:17.880 a look of sense to Steve. 0:01:18.440 --> 0:01:19.960 I mean, it was boring to find out who my 0:01:20.000 --> 0:01:24.880 mom was too, on my biological mom. But I don't know. 0:01:24.880 --> 0:01:26.240 I don't know. 0:01:27.560 --> 0:01:30.399 He found her so quickly online. Couldn't she have done 0:01:30.440 --> 0:01:33.720 the same, After all, she must have known Mary's last name, right. 0:01:35.440 --> 0:01:37.560 Steve didn't know what to think about Sandy at first, 0:01:37.840 --> 0:01:39.759 but he did want to find out why she gave 0:01:39.800 --> 0:01:42.400 him up. You want to find your father, right, or 0:01:42.400 --> 0:01:44.480 at least know who you know who he is? For 0:01:44.560 --> 0:01:47.000 us to at least find out, Yeah, that would be 0:01:47.080 --> 0:01:47.559 pretty cool. 0:01:47.600 --> 0:01:50.919 I think that's one of my biggest things. 0:01:51.720 --> 0:01:54.200 But in twenty twenty one, he worked up the courage. 0:01:54.320 --> 0:01:56.640 He was wishing Sandy have your mother's stay on Facebook 0:01:56.680 --> 0:02:01.600 and he wrote, Hey mom, who is my dad? I 0:02:01.600 --> 0:02:04.680 imagine him holding his breath as he clicked in, wondering 0:02:04.680 --> 0:02:09.360 if Sandy would respond. And then Sandy did respond. She 0:02:09.480 --> 0:02:17.600 wrote I'm sorry, I don't have an answer for you, and. 0:02:17.840 --> 0:02:20.120 I got angry and I text her I probably shouldn't have. 0:02:20.200 --> 0:02:21.720 I was like, I just don't know who my dad is. 0:02:21.720 --> 0:02:24.639 Can you not tell me who my dad is and 0:02:24.680 --> 0:02:25.760 she was like, I can't remember. 0:02:27.440 --> 0:02:29.840 She presumably had a one night stand with someone and 0:02:29.880 --> 0:02:33.680 got pregnant, but she didn't have specifics up until then. 0:02:33.840 --> 0:02:35.400 I think there was a part of Steed that had 0:02:35.440 --> 0:02:37.520 been looking for a fairy tale reunion with this mom 0:02:37.560 --> 0:02:41.720 and dad, something satisfying, something that made sense to him. 0:02:41.760 --> 0:02:44.200 But this he couldn't cope with being the result of 0:02:44.240 --> 0:02:48.000 a fleeing to Steve. I think it took on additional 0:02:48.000 --> 0:02:51.399 weight that maybe Sandy didn't want him in the first place. 0:02:51.639 --> 0:02:54.000 And I hadn't really talked to her since well, I mean, 0:02:54.080 --> 0:02:56.840 I ask her Sevil times. I think everybody's got an origin, 0:02:57.680 --> 0:03:00.639 and I would just like to know, you know where 0:03:00.720 --> 0:03:03.519 up again. I'm not at all sad or disappointing of 0:03:03.560 --> 0:03:06.799 how I grew up, but I just I don't know. 0:03:07.000 --> 0:03:08.680 It's just it is a big deal to. 0:03:08.639 --> 0:03:12.280 Me, and enough for him to reconsider everything. He wasn't 0:03:12.320 --> 0:03:14.560 sure anymore if he wanted to keep getting to know Sandy, 0:03:15.040 --> 0:03:16.600 why should he meet her if she wasn't going to 0:03:16.639 --> 0:03:21.200 give him answers for Mary, his adoptive mama. None of 0:03:21.200 --> 0:03:22.440 this was much of a surprise. 0:03:23.120 --> 0:03:25.959 There's no way she know who Steve's daddy is because, 0:03:26.080 --> 0:03:28.799 like my mom always told me, you get up turned 0:03:28.800 --> 0:03:31.720 around through a briar patch, which one amedbriar stuck you. 0:03:33.080 --> 0:03:35.440 They ain't no way you could know who his daddy was. 0:03:36.160 --> 0:03:38.960 The not knowing nagged at Steve. He took to drinking 0:03:39.040 --> 0:03:42.920 more than usual. He'd gone all this way almost fifty years, 0:03:43.560 --> 0:03:45.040 and once he got to the end of the tunnel 0:03:45.040 --> 0:03:47.960 and found Sandy, he didn't find what he was looking for. 0:03:48.720 --> 0:03:52.920 I'll talk true, maybe maybe ten or twelve times. I 0:03:52.920 --> 0:03:55.360 mean she'll text me Happy Birthday and stuff like that. 0:03:56.320 --> 0:03:58.680 You want a relationship with her at all? I mean, 0:03:58.720 --> 0:03:59.680 would you like to have that? 0:04:00.040 --> 0:04:04.800 I don't know. That's I don't know. Maybe I could 0:04:04.800 --> 0:04:08.280 answer that question better once I'll find out why she 0:04:08.320 --> 0:04:11.960 gave me up. If that makes sense, that's just me. 0:04:12.880 --> 0:04:15.440 Maybe later I'm down the road again, revisit that. 0:04:15.960 --> 0:04:19.960 Yeah, yep, but to me, it's Sandy. Sandy didn't feel 0:04:20.000 --> 0:04:23.680 the same way she wanted to know Steve. His adoptive mother, 0:04:23.760 --> 0:04:25.800 Mary confirmed that she. 0:04:25.800 --> 0:04:28.839 Keeps begging me and I want text her back, please 0:04:28.920 --> 0:04:31.840 have Steve come see me, And I said it's up 0:04:31.880 --> 0:04:34.760 to him, as not my cult. 0:04:35.600 --> 0:04:38.000 It wasn't just Steve. You had questions. I'd come up 0:04:38.040 --> 0:04:40.880 with some of my own through the years. Remember I've 0:04:40.880 --> 0:04:44.240 been looking for him for almost twenty years. I needed 0:04:44.240 --> 0:04:47.800 to lay some things to rest, and this woman, Sandy Brandyburg, 0:04:48.200 --> 0:04:51.000 held the keys to a lot of my questions. When 0:04:51.000 --> 0:04:53.920 I first heard about this family, I couldn't stop thinking 0:04:53.920 --> 0:04:57.720 about their two boys and Sandy not only was she 0:04:57.800 --> 0:05:00.760 Steve's mother, she was also the great mother of the 0:05:00.800 --> 0:05:05.479 other missing boy, the schoolboy named Michael, who disappeared in 0:05:05.480 --> 0:05:08.960 the mid nineties. As I've told you, a serial killer 0:05:09.000 --> 0:05:12.039 named Franklin Floyd tore this family apart. He wormed his 0:05:12.080 --> 0:05:13.800 way in by Mary and Sandy when she is in 0:05:13.839 --> 0:05:21.040 a desperate situation. That's part of why I wanted to 0:05:21.040 --> 0:05:23.800 talk to Sandy. I wanted to find out why did 0:05:23.839 --> 0:05:25.920 she end up Mary to Floyd, Why did she give 0:05:26.000 --> 0:05:28.800 up Steve and not the girls? And since Steve wasn't 0:05:28.800 --> 0:05:31.480 clamoring to meet Sandy in person, I got his blessing 0:05:31.480 --> 0:05:34.719 to reach out. My producer Kate and I were nervous 0:05:34.720 --> 0:05:37.600 about even calling her on the phone, figure sheould hang up, 0:05:37.880 --> 0:05:40.039 or worse, stay on the phone and tell us to 0:05:40.040 --> 0:05:43.120 go to hell, and I can see why it would 0:05:43.160 --> 0:05:45.000 be hard to dig back into the past and talk 0:05:45.040 --> 0:05:47.479 about the son she lost track of. It might be 0:05:47.480 --> 0:05:50.159 hard to cope with what kind of mom loses track 0:05:50.240 --> 0:05:53.240 for kids. But when Kate called her up, she was 0:05:53.320 --> 0:05:57.039 real sweet. She told us to come over anytime, so 0:05:57.120 --> 0:06:00.320 we didn't. What we found completely changed my mind idea 0:06:00.320 --> 0:06:02.760 of who Sandy was. Flip the story I had him 0:06:02.760 --> 0:06:08.000 my head for twenty years upside down. My name is 0:06:08.040 --> 0:06:10.880 Todd Matthews and this is Hello John Doe, a sleuth, 0:06:11.120 --> 0:06:12.679 a family, and a serial killer. 0:06:13.040 --> 0:06:13.720 The story of a. 0:06:13.640 --> 0:06:16.760 Family torn apart by tragedy and my quest to bring 0:06:16.760 --> 0:06:25.600 them back together. Chapter three, Sandy. We drove straight from 0:06:25.600 --> 0:06:28.800 Steve's neighborhood in North Carolina to Virginia as he san you. 0:06:29.360 --> 0:06:31.760 Turns out it was only a day trip. Think about that. 0:06:32.279 --> 0:06:34.520 So many of Steve's answers to his life are just 0:06:34.560 --> 0:06:40.240 a car right away. Sandy lives in Hampton, Virginia, a 0:06:40.320 --> 0:06:43.359 Chesapeake Watershed town across the bay from the world's largest 0:06:43.440 --> 0:06:47.640 naval base. It's absolutely beautiful out there. Look anywhere and 0:06:47.640 --> 0:06:50.680 you'll see a body of water going to Sandy scared 0:06:50.720 --> 0:06:52.920 me in a way. I guess because I wasn't sure 0:06:52.960 --> 0:06:55.160 what to make of her. I didn't understand how she 0:06:55.240 --> 0:06:57.600 had lost track of Steve and lack the wherewith all 0:06:57.680 --> 0:07:02.680 to find him, especially Ben's so close and Steve and 0:07:02.760 --> 0:07:06.359 Mary's descriptions to her weren't the most flattering. But there's 0:07:06.400 --> 0:07:09.120 something about this line of work that's taught me you 0:07:09.320 --> 0:07:12.880 just never know. People can surprise you. I've seen that 0:07:12.920 --> 0:07:13.960 once or twice before. 0:07:15.000 --> 0:07:18.040 My name is Sandy Willer. I'm seventy three, being in 0:07:18.080 --> 0:07:20.280 and out of Hampton for the past fifty years. 0:07:21.000 --> 0:07:24.240 Sandy welcomed us into her house. She uses a wheelchair 0:07:24.280 --> 0:07:26.400 to get around. Live us right next to her adult 0:07:26.440 --> 0:07:29.280 grandchildren summer in autumn, who came in and out of 0:07:29.320 --> 0:07:30.440 the room while we chatted. 0:07:33.360 --> 0:07:34.720 She's a TikTok star. 0:07:36.760 --> 0:07:37.080 Shy. 0:07:38.560 --> 0:07:42.200 The house was tidy enough but had no furniture. She 0:07:42.280 --> 0:07:45.920 had apparently recently gone through a move. My producer Kate 0:07:45.960 --> 0:07:47.720 and I sat on a couple of desk chairs and 0:07:47.760 --> 0:07:50.760 set the recorder on her walker. Sandy kind of looks 0:07:50.840 --> 0:07:53.920 up Jonnie Mitchell nowadays. She has this hippie beautiful air 0:07:53.920 --> 0:07:59.320 about her. Her skin is tan, her long hair singlessly 0:07:59.480 --> 0:08:02.400 term from blonde to white with old age. She has 0:08:02.400 --> 0:08:06.600 this essence about her, like she's got stories. Nowadays, her 0:08:06.640 --> 0:08:07.720 life is fairly simple. 0:08:09.200 --> 0:08:11.880 You're writing for fun. I keep my four year old 0:08:11.880 --> 0:08:15.800 great granddaughter, and I'm going to keep autumns and new 0:08:15.880 --> 0:08:16.760 baby when he's born. 0:08:17.600 --> 0:08:21.120 She lives in her family, stays at home mostly. She 0:08:21.200 --> 0:08:22.320 told me about growing up. 0:08:23.200 --> 0:08:25.000 We moved all over the place. My dad worked for 0:08:25.040 --> 0:08:26.720 GM and we moved all over the place. 0:08:28.120 --> 0:08:30.760 Born in Washington, d C. Then ended up spending a 0:08:30.760 --> 0:08:34.160 lot of her childhood in Detroit. She loves school, especially 0:08:34.280 --> 0:08:37.360 history classes. She used to invite neighborhood kids over in 0:08:37.440 --> 0:08:39.960 charge them a dime to play school. She was the 0:08:40.000 --> 0:08:41.360 oldest of three kids. 0:08:42.120 --> 0:08:45.079 I was the quiet. My sister was a model at 0:08:45.080 --> 0:08:48.840 one time. My brother was a trucker. I don't know 0:08:48.880 --> 0:08:51.200 what my brother does now. I think he's been chied. 0:08:54.000 --> 0:08:56.880 My parents were very Let me see how I can 0:08:56.880 --> 0:09:00.400 I put. I love my parents to death. Parents were 0:09:00.520 --> 0:09:01.160 very strict. 0:09:02.200 --> 0:09:05.160 Not only were they streak, she says, they were also fearful. 0:09:05.440 --> 0:09:08.320 They lived in a mostly white neighborhood outside of the city. 0:09:08.840 --> 0:09:11.840 My mother sat during the riots in Detroit. My mother 0:09:11.920 --> 0:09:16.160 sat in the suburbs with a gun at the window 0:09:16.200 --> 0:09:19.040 at night to protect us from all these rioters that 0:09:19.120 --> 0:09:20.839 were going to come and get us a night. 0:09:21.640 --> 0:09:24.800 Sandy's referring to the nineteen sixty seven race rights in Detroit. 0:09:25.280 --> 0:09:27.640 It was one of many cities that saw upheaval around 0:09:27.640 --> 0:09:30.200 the time. It's called the long Hot Summer of sixty seven. 0:09:30.760 --> 0:09:34.760 Detroit police raided that bar, called in paddy wagons and 0:09:34.880 --> 0:09:36.880 hauled off about eighty people to jail. 0:09:37.520 --> 0:09:39.600 That's when all hell broke loose. 0:09:40.160 --> 0:09:43.520 I do hereby officially recommend the immediate deployment of federal 0:09:43.600 --> 0:09:44.520 troops in the Michigan. 0:09:44.760 --> 0:09:48.440 Forty three Americans died in these streets. The city of 0:09:48.440 --> 0:09:50.160 Detroit was shut down. 0:09:51.040 --> 0:09:53.439 It was a time of flux for Detroit, which then 0:09:53.480 --> 0:09:56.320 had a population closer to one point five million people. 0:09:57.040 --> 0:10:01.040 It was a time attention, but also of motown manufacturing, 0:10:01.160 --> 0:10:04.920 the Detroit Tigers, and the World Series win. But at home, 0:10:05.200 --> 0:10:08.000 Sandy's dad was kind of living in the past. According 0:10:08.040 --> 0:10:10.080 to Sandy, he was a tough nut who had a 0:10:10.080 --> 0:10:13.160 lot of rules. Let's just say there were more don'ts 0:10:13.200 --> 0:10:17.000 and dues in this household, particularly if you were just 0:10:17.040 --> 0:10:17.480 a girl. 0:10:18.280 --> 0:10:20.720 I got grounded one time for six months because I 0:10:20.720 --> 0:10:22.360 said I was going to get my ears picture. When 0:10:22.360 --> 0:10:25.040 I was seventy, I wasn't allowed to get my driver's 0:10:25.040 --> 0:10:28.959 license because I was a girl. My mother became an 0:10:28.960 --> 0:10:33.400 interior decorator when I was in my forties. She stayed 0:10:33.440 --> 0:10:36.679 home the rest of the time. My mother didn't drive 0:10:36.720 --> 0:10:38.440 till she was twenty six or twenty seven. 0:10:39.240 --> 0:10:41.960 Sandy dated, but not in a way you or I 0:10:42.040 --> 0:10:43.560 might recognize as dating. 0:10:44.320 --> 0:10:49.120 Oh No, I dated, but usually very few single dates. 0:10:49.240 --> 0:10:53.079 It was all we did things as a group. I mean, 0:10:53.080 --> 0:10:55.200 there were like nine of us that hung out together. 0:10:55.760 --> 0:10:59.120 They followed us on dates, my sister and I. It 0:10:59.160 --> 0:11:02.440 was just really strange. Now that I look back at it, 0:11:02.480 --> 0:11:05.079 it was really strange, you know. At the time, she. 0:11:05.160 --> 0:11:09.240 Just didn't know anything else. Back then, Sandy's parents were overbearing, 0:11:09.520 --> 0:11:11.520 and you can imagine the toll that would take on 0:11:11.559 --> 0:11:14.800 a person constantly told what she was allowed to do. 0:11:15.520 --> 0:11:17.600 Sandy wanted a life of her own where she could 0:11:17.640 --> 0:11:23.800 get away from all of that. So when she met 0:11:23.840 --> 0:11:25.680 a nice guy who was part of the group, she 0:11:25.800 --> 0:11:27.679 jumped at the chance to gain some independence. 0:11:28.120 --> 0:11:31.040 Clip se Vegas. He was part of the group. He 0:11:31.120 --> 0:11:31.960 was part of our group. 0:11:33.040 --> 0:11:35.400 Sandy's family had moved down the street from him when 0:11:35.400 --> 0:11:38.200 they were in high school. Clip was a few years older. 0:11:38.840 --> 0:11:41.560 They were friends, but it wasn't some sort of meet 0:11:41.640 --> 0:11:45.479 cute situation. For Sandy. Clip was an opportunity. 0:11:46.440 --> 0:11:49.040 I wanted to get away from home. I wanted to 0:11:49.080 --> 0:11:51.920 do what I wanted to do, and so we got married. 0:11:52.679 --> 0:11:54.680 We didn't tell anybody at first when we got married, 0:11:55.480 --> 0:12:02.520 and then we broke it to him gently, furious. Furious. 0:12:02.920 --> 0:12:05.960 Sandy was only eighteen. This was her first chance at 0:12:06.000 --> 0:12:08.360 having the life she wanted. She could move to the 0:12:08.360 --> 0:12:10.240 big city and fulfill her dreams. 0:12:10.520 --> 0:12:14.560 I ended up teaching in a school in the inner 0:12:14.559 --> 0:12:18.000 city in Detroit, and we didn't teach history in government. 0:12:18.080 --> 0:12:21.080 I taught how to fill a job applications, how to 0:12:21.120 --> 0:12:22.040 get a bank account. 0:12:22.920 --> 0:12:25.240 Then Clip was drafted and Sandy was left to her 0:12:25.240 --> 0:12:29.240 own devices. Vietnam is often referred to as the first 0:12:29.240 --> 0:12:33.120 television war. It had a serious global impact, but it 0:12:33.160 --> 0:12:36.600 also reverberated in America's living rooms. 0:12:37.320 --> 0:12:40.319 By nineteen sixty nine, more than half a million men 0:12:40.360 --> 0:12:42.440 and women were stationed in South Vietnam. 0:12:43.320 --> 0:12:45.880 All these men are in the army, Some are draftees, 0:12:46.000 --> 0:12:46.840 some regulars. 0:12:46.960 --> 0:12:50.520 We've lost something over forty thousand men, now forty thousand 0:12:50.520 --> 0:12:52.080 American lives plus. 0:12:52.240 --> 0:12:54.880 Was in Vietnam while I was pregnant. I had my 0:12:54.920 --> 0:12:58.920 own apartment. I've met the girl Life store. Her husband 0:12:58.920 --> 0:13:01.840 was a military to everybody was back then. 0:13:03.040 --> 0:13:05.520 About a year after they were married, Sandy gave birth 0:13:05.559 --> 0:13:09.760 to her first child. She was named Suzanne Sebakas. 0:13:10.760 --> 0:13:14.000 When she was born, she had this little curly little 0:13:14.040 --> 0:13:18.320 girls and big blue eyes. I was so excited. 0:13:19.000 --> 0:13:20.000 You look a lot like her. 0:13:20.360 --> 0:13:20.720 Thank you. 0:13:22.200 --> 0:13:24.880 There are baby photos of Suzanne in the house. They 0:13:24.920 --> 0:13:27.840 both have those same sapphire blue eyes, that big grin, 0:13:28.320 --> 0:13:32.679 the bleach blonde hair. Suzanne was precocious, a standout from 0:13:32.720 --> 0:13:33.559 the start. 0:13:33.920 --> 0:13:39.360 She was just always so happy. She I don't know. 0:13:39.440 --> 0:13:44.440 She had a strong personality. She loves school, she loved 0:13:44.520 --> 0:13:48.200 learning things, she loved doing things. I think she wouldn't 0:13:48.200 --> 0:13:50.440 have been a teacher, I really do. 0:13:51.240 --> 0:13:55.200 Suzanne, whom Sandy sometimes called Susie, was almost two years 0:13:55.240 --> 0:13:58.360 old when Cliff came back from Vietnam. By then, the 0:13:58.360 --> 0:14:01.840 couple realized they had no real bond. They divorced pretty quickly. 0:14:01.920 --> 0:14:05.720 After my dad was drafted. I've seen firsthand the war's 0:14:05.760 --> 0:14:08.280 lasting impact. Cliff was never the same. 0:14:09.120 --> 0:14:14.520 I had a little PTSD. I had the crumbling marriage, 0:14:15.080 --> 0:14:17.280 which doesn't help to go get off the plane at 0:14:17.280 --> 0:14:20.440 the airport and have the hippies call your names and 0:14:20.480 --> 0:14:21.080 spit at you. 0:14:22.160 --> 0:14:24.400 Cliff caught me a few months after I talked to Sandy. 0:14:24.680 --> 0:14:26.880 We talked about other stuff, but he didn't want to 0:14:26.920 --> 0:14:31.080 talk about her. He set that boundary early on. All 0:14:31.120 --> 0:14:33.440 I'll say here is that the two probably weren't all 0:14:33.440 --> 0:14:39.160 that well matched in the first place. By our early twenties, 0:14:39.440 --> 0:14:41.840 Sandy decided being her own with the kid was better 0:14:41.880 --> 0:14:44.720 than being under her parents' roof, and better than being 0:14:44.800 --> 0:14:48.280 hitched to Cliff. But beyond that, she hadn't thought that 0:14:48.360 --> 0:14:52.440 far ahead. And remember, this was the time of women's liberation. 0:14:52.960 --> 0:14:56.840 The peal was suddenly accessible. Women were becoming free from 0:14:56.880 --> 0:15:00.560 the constraints of motherhood and unwanted marriages. That wasn't the 0:15:00.560 --> 0:15:03.240 case for everyone. There were still many pockets of the 0:15:03.240 --> 0:15:06.720 country where that change hadn't set in yet. Getting birth 0:15:06.760 --> 0:15:10.520 control was all but a nightmare, a challenge at every turn. 0:15:11.520 --> 0:15:12.960 The first thing, you had to find a doctor that 0:15:13.040 --> 0:15:17.440 wasn't Catholic, Catholic doctors did not give birth control to anyone. 0:15:18.440 --> 0:15:20.440 And you asked for birth control, and they'd give you 0:15:20.480 --> 0:15:22.360 a lecture about how it could kill you, how it 0:15:22.400 --> 0:15:24.880 could hurt you, and then they would give you the 0:15:24.880 --> 0:15:28.360 lowest dose of whatever they could give you, unluxurre you. 0:15:28.440 --> 0:15:30.640 The whole time you were doing it. You had to 0:15:30.640 --> 0:15:34.680 be married, and you endured the lecture because it was 0:15:34.720 --> 0:15:36.640 your job as a woman to have as many kids 0:15:36.680 --> 0:15:38.040 as you could, as fast as you could have. 0:15:40.000 --> 0:15:42.920 Sandy wouldn't stay single for long. She met a man 0:15:42.960 --> 0:15:45.320 at a restaurant who couldn't be further from the straight 0:15:45.400 --> 0:15:48.840 last Vietnam veteran that Cliff was. If Cliff was by 0:15:48.840 --> 0:15:53.600 the book, Dennis was a wild card. They got married 0:15:53.600 --> 0:15:54.160 pretty quick. 0:15:55.240 --> 0:15:58.040 He was a lot of fun. He was a professional gambler. 0:15:58.680 --> 0:16:01.880 There's this paradox about it. Sandy. She was always on 0:16:01.920 --> 0:16:04.280 the hunt for freedom as a woman, but she only 0:16:04.280 --> 0:16:06.760 seemed to find it through marriage, through the men in 0:16:06.760 --> 0:16:09.800 her life. Two years after she married him, she got 0:16:09.800 --> 0:16:13.600 pregnant with her second daughter, Alison, then came amy her third. 0:16:14.240 --> 0:16:17.080 That marriage didn't last either. The way she puts it, 0:16:17.080 --> 0:16:19.040 it was her parents. It pushed tennis out the door. 0:16:19.520 --> 0:16:20.080 That's her view. 0:16:20.120 --> 0:16:21.240 At least my. 0:16:21.320 --> 0:16:24.360 Parents made it so hard that he left, and I 0:16:24.360 --> 0:16:27.400 think he went to California. He would pop up from 0:16:27.400 --> 0:16:31.320 time to time to visit us, but he'd never stayed. 0:16:31.560 --> 0:16:32.640 I never knew where he was. 0:16:37.920 --> 0:16:41.000 By this point, Sandy was now a mother of three girls, 0:16:41.240 --> 0:16:44.280 with no second income and no second parent to help out. 0:16:45.000 --> 0:16:47.040 She relied on neighbors to watch the kids while she 0:16:47.080 --> 0:16:49.760 worked at the sow and mell here's my producer. Tate 0:16:49.800 --> 0:16:51.840 again didn't cost the kids. 0:16:51.880 --> 0:16:52.080 It was. 0:16:54.040 --> 0:16:56.600 Mighty at that time. It was the woman's. 0:16:56.240 --> 0:17:00.360 Problem, exactly. Yeah, I take some real winners. 0:17:01.480 --> 0:17:04.199 Sandy married five times in her life. Most of her 0:17:04.280 --> 0:17:07.479 husbands didn't pay child support. When they decided to split, 0:17:07.800 --> 0:17:11.160 she'd be left with the kids, and that was that. Cliff, 0:17:11.480 --> 0:17:15.200 Sandy's first husband, wouldn't talk about it. Dennis Brandenburg died 0:17:15.320 --> 0:17:18.480 years ago. Sandy tell me her parents weren't much help, 0:17:18.840 --> 0:17:21.439 but they were living outside of Charlotte, North Carolina, and 0:17:21.520 --> 0:17:24.119 told her to move closer to them. She figured it 0:17:24.200 --> 0:17:27.600 might help out that she was on her own. Sandy 0:17:27.600 --> 0:17:29.480 and her three kids moved to a trailer park in 0:17:29.480 --> 0:17:33.600 North Carolina, the one that Mary remembers going to up 0:17:33.720 --> 0:17:39.320 Church's trailer park. When I think about Steve's story, I 0:17:39.320 --> 0:17:42.720 think about the patchwork of circumstances and decisions that impacted 0:17:42.760 --> 0:17:45.159 his life, The butterfly effect, I guess you'd call it. 0:17:45.800 --> 0:17:47.879 If Mary hadn't worked at the sewing factory, if she 0:17:47.920 --> 0:17:50.600 hadn't known Sandy, if she hadn't have tragically lost two 0:17:50.640 --> 0:17:54.160 infants of her own, but she have adopted Steve. If 0:17:54.200 --> 0:17:56.960 Steve never found my number, what he found out his 0:17:57.080 --> 0:18:01.040 real story for Sandy to some of those wady moments 0:18:01.040 --> 0:18:02.520 happened in nineteen seventy four. 0:18:03.200 --> 0:18:06.200 There was a tornado and the tornado twisted my house. 0:18:11.320 --> 0:18:14.760 It basically decimated her home. It had a catalyzing effect 0:18:14.760 --> 0:18:17.879 on Sandy's mental health. The storm made all the things 0:18:17.880 --> 0:18:19.800 she was already dealing with that much worse. 0:18:20.359 --> 0:18:23.480 Well, I'm out there saying people, come stay in my house. 0:18:23.800 --> 0:18:26.280 People that had lost their house in the neighborhood, come 0:18:26.320 --> 0:18:28.040 stay in my house. I didn't realize my house was 0:18:28.080 --> 0:18:31.160 seven feet off the ground until I went to go out. 0:18:31.440 --> 0:18:34.720 Sandy suffered immense pain, both mentally and financially. 0:18:35.200 --> 0:18:37.600 The girls were traumatized by the tornado because we were 0:18:37.640 --> 0:18:41.000 in the trailer when the tornado hit and we had 0:18:41.040 --> 0:18:41.680 no way out. 0:18:42.359 --> 0:18:45.680 Her daughter Amy barely remembers it, but it's become part 0:18:45.680 --> 0:18:46.440 of family lore. 0:18:46.960 --> 0:18:50.600 There was a tornado and I was lost for a 0:18:50.640 --> 0:18:53.880 brief period of time, and they found me in the refrigerator. 0:18:54.400 --> 0:18:57.760 It had fallen with the doors open and I was inside. 0:18:58.400 --> 0:19:01.280 So I have been protected by her for in. 0:19:01.359 --> 0:19:04.800 The second WhatIf moment that year, Sandy happened to get 0:19:04.800 --> 0:19:11.359 pregnant again. Steve is right. Sandy tell me she doesn't 0:19:11.359 --> 0:19:14.640 know who Steve's father is, but she figured it might 0:19:14.680 --> 0:19:18.320 be her second husband, Dennis Brandenburgh. 0:19:18.600 --> 0:19:21.520 Dennis would come when my parents weren't around and see 0:19:21.560 --> 0:19:26.440 the kids all the time and see me, and every 0:19:26.440 --> 0:19:30.080 time he came, we had sex, playing and supple. So 0:19:30.160 --> 0:19:32.720 when I came up pregnant with Steve, I thought okay. 0:19:33.320 --> 0:19:36.320 But she wasn't certain and she came under fire for 0:19:36.359 --> 0:19:37.280 that uncertainty. 0:19:37.760 --> 0:19:40.200 My mom and dad thought I was a prostitute. That's 0:19:40.240 --> 0:19:42.920 why I don't know his father. Whose father is not 0:19:42.920 --> 0:19:46.760 true at all, I don't I didn't don't ever remember 0:19:46.840 --> 0:19:49.560 having boyfriend back then, but I drank some back then too. 0:19:50.280 --> 0:19:53.199 Drinking and trauma don't go so well together, you can 0:19:53.240 --> 0:19:56.879 erase big swaths of memories that way. Sandy suspect she 0:19:56.960 --> 0:19:59.760 was having blackouts. Here's her daughter Amy again. 0:20:00.320 --> 0:20:02.600 Well asked questions and she was like, I can't remember. 0:20:02.840 --> 0:20:05.240 I drink a lot. I can't remember. You just gets 0:20:05.240 --> 0:20:05.879 tired of hearing that. 0:20:06.720 --> 0:20:09.800 But Sandy seems to remember some bright spots, like parts 0:20:09.800 --> 0:20:10.960 of her pregnancy was Steve. 0:20:11.359 --> 0:20:15.119 Oh yeah, I was excited. The girls were excited. We 0:20:15.160 --> 0:20:16.600 had all these little baby clothes. 0:20:21.760 --> 0:20:24.600 After the tornado, she didn't have a home or a car. 0:20:25.119 --> 0:20:28.440 She was in temporary FEMA housing. She didn't have a 0:20:28.520 --> 0:20:30.960 husband who could help her with her children. She was 0:20:31.040 --> 0:20:33.879 excited about Steve's arrival. But this must have been a 0:20:33.920 --> 0:20:35.960 time of unimaginable stress too. 0:20:36.160 --> 0:20:39.840 We were in the hotel. I said, Mom's gonna go 0:20:39.920 --> 0:20:43.960 have the baby. Now can we come too? And the 0:20:44.000 --> 0:20:47.360 girls were so excited. We were all excited. We must 0:20:47.400 --> 0:20:49.800 addressed him in ninety outfits a day at. 0:20:49.640 --> 0:20:52.520 First, and she picked out a name for him. 0:20:52.720 --> 0:20:55.040 Philip Stephen PS. He was supposed to be PS. 0:20:55.080 --> 0:21:02.119 The end of the line, You're done, I'm done. But 0:21:02.200 --> 0:21:05.360 reality quickly set in. She was now a single mother 0:21:05.440 --> 0:21:10.199 of fourr living in temporary housing she couldn't manage, and 0:21:10.240 --> 0:21:12.679 her daughter Amy wasn't the only one having trouble coping 0:21:12.680 --> 0:21:13.600