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Speaker 1: This is Let's Be Clear with Shannon Doorney. Hi, my

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Speaker 1: name is Tracy Gold. I'm so privileged to be here

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Speaker 1: on Let's Be Clear Shannon's podcast. And she was so

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Speaker 1: proud of and put so much passion behind. I was

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Speaker 1: really honored to be asked to do this. Shannon and

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Speaker 1: I come from a shared experience of being a child actress.

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Speaker 1: And the interesting thing is Shannon and I. I knew

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Speaker 1: Shannon in a very like, kind of non actory way

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Speaker 1: in in a funny world that we were raised in.

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Speaker 1: And I went to this very Elica small private school

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Speaker 1: and and very tiny, and it was just a junior

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Speaker 1: high school, and I was in night and Shannon came

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Speaker 1: in for seventh grade, and she was like a breath

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Speaker 1: of fresh air for me coming in that finally somebody

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Speaker 1: who understood kind of like my journey and what I

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Speaker 1: was going through and going in and out of school.

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Speaker 1: And we would just walk around the yard and talk

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Speaker 1: at lunch, and I mean we really just connected in

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Speaker 1: such a really great way. She was at both my

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Speaker 1: sixteen and eighteenth birthday parties, and but you know, we've

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Speaker 1: lost kind of you know, our careers went kind of

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Speaker 1: even different directions, so it kind of comes full circle

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Speaker 1: here that I can fill in today maybe give you

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Speaker 1: guys a little glimpse of what it's like to be

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Speaker 1: a child actress. Everybody's always asking me, and I think

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Speaker 1: there's so many misconceptions, and I think our child actor

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Speaker 1: gets such a kind of raw deal, like this deal

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Speaker 1: that like, oh, you're a child actor, that means you're

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Speaker 1: not a success because you were a child actor and

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Speaker 1: were able to continue it until you were older. And

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Speaker 1: I'm always like, I think it's any kind of success

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Speaker 1: that if you reach that many people as a kid,

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Speaker 1: you know, so that should be an applause to all

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Speaker 1: child actors. And you know, I'll start from the beginning

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Speaker 1: for you guys, But you know, I come from New

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Speaker 1: York and I not organically was an actress. My dad

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Speaker 1: was an actor, and I'm coming from a first marriage.

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Speaker 1: And so my mom and my dad, Harry Harry Gold,

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Speaker 1: the very very great reputation Harry Gold, but callid agent.

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Speaker 1: He and my mom came out to California and he

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Speaker 1: came as an actor for his career. And me and

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Speaker 1: my sister Missy were like four and five when we

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Speaker 1: were little kids, like you know, always, my mom was

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Speaker 1: in advertising. They always approached like, ooh, you learned to

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Speaker 1: get them in commercials, and my mom was like no.

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Speaker 1: But then eventually I acoluently kind of fell into it

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Speaker 1: in New York and started to do a commercial. I did,

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Speaker 1: like a Lucky Charms commercial. I did, like a print

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Speaker 1: Dad for PEPSI And we came out to California, and

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Speaker 1: I'll tell you my first job I ever got was

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Speaker 1: Roots the miniseries, and I played Missy and the Sandy

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Speaker 1: Duncan character, and I got to work with Robert Reid

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Speaker 1: and were beautiful outfit. I was like, I couldn't believe it.

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Speaker 1: Not that job I was getting the power of it

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Speaker 1: or the all of that that was behind it. It

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Speaker 1: was just this one of these beautiful dresses. And I

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Speaker 1: was my dad from Heady Bunch was playing my dad.

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Speaker 1: So that was like the start of my kind of career,

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Speaker 1: you know. And I a lot of people know me

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Speaker 1: from growing paints, and I became well known at sixteen

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Speaker 1: for doing growing paints. But my sister and I had

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Speaker 1: been working steadily since we were kids. We would go

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Speaker 1: up on auditions together, we would go up against each other.

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Speaker 1: We would you know, we would go to school it

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Speaker 1: was really important to my parents put us. They put

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Speaker 1: us in a regular school that we had to go to.

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Speaker 1: And when we went into the regular school, and we'd

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Speaker 1: come out with prepped four or five auditions. And I

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Speaker 1: was very good at getting auditions, so I would get

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Speaker 1: a lot of them, and I'll do commercials and lots

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Speaker 1: of TeV stuff in Missy and I I remember kind

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Speaker 1: of cutting to like the highlights. We we auditioned for

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Speaker 1: Benson Together, a series that was on in the seventies

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Speaker 1: with Robert Robert Yoh, and it was to play the

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Speaker 1: governor's daughter, and my sister got it. Missy got it.

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Speaker 1: And you know, the funny thing is I always, you know,

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Speaker 1: a child after most usually have siblings that are you know,

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Speaker 1: have to kind of compete against each other or you know,

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Speaker 1: Missy and I were so close in age that we

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Speaker 1: went up for everything together. Very few we didn't. And

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Speaker 1: but you always, most acting families have multiple child actors

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Speaker 1: in the family, so it's always a balancing act to

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Speaker 1: make it kind of not a competitive thing. And I

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Speaker 1: think that Missy and I were so close and my

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Speaker 1: parents were very very good about that that if one

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Speaker 1: gets a success, it's the other success, and your turn

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Speaker 1: will come and this is their turn. What's meant to

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Speaker 1: be is meant to be and celebrate each other's success

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Speaker 1: and joys. And so that's kind of how we looked

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Speaker 1: at it. You know, we went to a regular elementary school.

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Speaker 1: We would you know, just go on auditions and if

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Speaker 1: we had to leave, we would go and work and

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Speaker 1: then we would come home to My parents made sure me.

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Speaker 1: You know, when we came out here, we were kind

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Speaker 1: of didn't have a lot of money. So we landed

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Speaker 1: in kind of like like some air areas that we

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Speaker 1: were like, you know, or like move quickly. We're from

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Speaker 1: New York, so it's like, okay, move them, like, oh

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Speaker 1: this isn't the right area. Oh this isn't the right area.

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Speaker 1: We finally settled in kind of like the Deep Valley,

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Speaker 1: which kind of to be said, tended to be our place,

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Speaker 1: and it's it's about thirty miles away from like Hollywood

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Speaker 1: auditions and stuff like that, and so you were really

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Speaker 1: kind of set art back then, and so you could

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Speaker 1: have like a life of normalcy but also go in

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Speaker 1: and do the you know, Hollywood stuff. And when Missy

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Speaker 1: got Benston, that really made Missy like a household name

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Speaker 1: at eight years old. So Missy and I are eight

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Speaker 1: and nine and she becomes this you know, household name.

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Speaker 1: And you know, so many people and people are weird,

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Speaker 1: especially the kid actors. I think they think they can

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Speaker 1: ask you anything. And they would come up and be like, oh,

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Speaker 1: are you see stand in. I'm like no. But I

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Speaker 1: wasn't like a like pissed off or like I was

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Speaker 1: just like no. I'm like, I knew my own successes.

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Speaker 1: I was working with Betty Davis and I was working

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Speaker 1: with Jane Wyman. I played Marilyn Monroe, Norma Jean, and

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Speaker 1: so I knew my own success and I was confident

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Speaker 1: in that. But people did like to put us kind

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Speaker 1: of pit us against each other. And I remember for

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Speaker 1: me going to Benson was like Shane or La. It

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Speaker 1: was the most beautiful place. I mean it was the

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Speaker 1: Benson set was so it was with Thomas Harris and

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Speaker 1: the production company and it was just so well put together,

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Speaker 1: the candy, the craft service table. I just I had

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Speaker 1: such a good time there. So with Missy being on Benson,

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Speaker 1: that's a lot of fun for me. You know, when

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Speaker 1: I was eleven, I had a pretty big success in

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Speaker 1: my career, and that was I got a movie called

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Speaker 1: Shoot the Moon and that was with Diane Keaton and

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Speaker 1: Albert Finney. And funny story is I'll tell you. It

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Speaker 1: was the Friday for Christmas and I finished a movie

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Speaker 1: with for Keing Nelson. My mom was very impressed. I

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Speaker 1: was working with Ricky Nelson. I didn't really know who

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Speaker 1: he was, but I finished it like right before Christmas break.

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Speaker 1: And I wasn't really a great student. I didn't really

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Speaker 1: like school that much. Going on a set was sort

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Speaker 1: of like like my reprieve. I loved it. I loved

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Speaker 1: going from the set. I loved the crew who I loved,

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Speaker 1: like I knew. I thrived there and I was good there.

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Speaker 1: But in school, I was like it always being in

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Speaker 1: and out. I'm not gonna lie, it's not easy. In

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Speaker 1: elementary school, it is easier because you have one teacher

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Speaker 1: as only you get a good teacher that helps you.

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Speaker 1: You know, you have to You're obligated as a kid

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Speaker 1: to have three hours of schooling, so you know, you

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Speaker 1: get a set teacher, you get who access or social worker,

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Speaker 1: so that balance is always kind of you know. It's

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Speaker 1: much easier when you're younger, but I was going on

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Speaker 1: an audition, like two auditions. I had the final audition

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Speaker 1: for Shoot to Move, and I was in a terrible

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Speaker 1: car accident and it was the only day of school

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Speaker 1: I ever wanted to go to because it was the

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Speaker 1: Christmas party. And I was like, I want to go

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Speaker 1: to the Christmas party. My mom's like, you could just

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Speaker 1: miss out on it. You've missed so much. Like no,

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Speaker 1: I want to go. So we go and I got

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Speaker 1: into car accident, and you know, I ended up like

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Speaker 1: sixty five stitches in my face. And I remember them saying,

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Speaker 1: you know, to Albert park Allen Parker, the director, renowned

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Speaker 1: Alan Parker, and they said, look at her face is

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Speaker 1: really messed up, and we don't know what she's going

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Speaker 1: to look like when these stitches come out. He's like,

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Speaker 1: are you kidding me? He's like, I want real kids,

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Speaker 1: and real kids get hurt, so I want to see her.

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Speaker 1: And so I went in with my face stillstone with

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Speaker 1: stitches and did the audition on tape for him, and

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Speaker 1: I ended up getting it, and you know, and that

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Speaker 1: was kind of proud because he really didn't want professional

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Speaker 1: children actors. Most of the actor except for the lead girl,

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Speaker 1: Dana Hill, the wonderful, wonderful Dana Hill with the younger girls.

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Speaker 1: He wanted to be really natural. So I was privileged

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Speaker 1: to be a working actress that got in with the

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Speaker 1: group of girls really didn't know a lot. Tina Yethers,

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Speaker 1: who went on to do Family Ties, was one of

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Speaker 1: her first things she had ever done, and she played

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Speaker 1: one of the sisters, and that was an incredible, you know,

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Speaker 1: glorious experience, three months in San Francisco working, you know,

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Speaker 1: doing this kind of really like my first feature film,

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Speaker 1: and it was It's one of those experiences that you know,

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Speaker 1: you can't recreate. I remember when it ended, Diane Keaton

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Speaker 1: gave all these girls these gift baskets of just these

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Speaker 1: personally picked out gifts that were so nice. And I

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Speaker 1: mean I had this dollar Skayden for decades until finally

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Speaker 1: it was stuffed animal. Now it was actually like a

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Speaker 1: kind of doll in like a kind of gold outfit.

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Speaker 1: Was very cool. But that was in a great experience.

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Speaker 1: But in my life at that point, I came home

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Speaker 1: and we had moved houses, and I think, you know,

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Speaker 1: as being a child actor and being my nature kind

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Speaker 1: of a bit of a like I like control, I

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Speaker 1: like stability, and we had moved, and so that became

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Speaker 1: a little bit of a difficult time for me in

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Speaker 1: that part of my life. And I remember it was

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Speaker 1: the first time. I'd always been a really skinny kid,

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Speaker 1: never worried about my weight. I always played the wave.

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Speaker 1: They would say to me, Missy would get her her

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Speaker 1: clothes designed for her, and like Missy was a tomboy.

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Speaker 1: She didn't really like it that much. And we were

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Speaker 1: the same size, so I could wear her clothes and

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Speaker 1: and she and they would tell me the wardrobe department

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Speaker 1: and put like this potato sack on me. It was

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Speaker 1: one part. And they say, okay, go roll around in

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Speaker 1: the dirt. I'm like, okay, I'm like, we're not quite clamorous.

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Speaker 1: But that was sort of the parts I played. I

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Speaker 1: was always the child left behind, chasing after people, you know,

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Speaker 1: I you know, so it was that was my my

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Speaker 1: my niche. And so when I, you know, came back

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Speaker 1: to to California, there was an adjustment because the family

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Speaker 1: had moved without me doing the transition myself. So I

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Speaker 1: started to sort of also realize that I was getting

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Speaker 1: older and hitting puberty, and I think that terrified me

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Speaker 1: because I had been a child actress and little and

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Speaker 1: all of a sudden, I was going to hit another

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Speaker 1: phase in my life, and that is very It was scary.

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Speaker 1: It was scary for me. So I started to kind

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Speaker 1: of go on this health food kick. And it was

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Speaker 1: just one summer, but it was sort of like I

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Speaker 1: call it my bout with anorexia, you know, because I

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Speaker 1: was such a kind of people pleaser that I saw

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Speaker 1: what it was doing to my parents and I it

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Speaker 1: devastated me, and I, you know, I went to one

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Speaker 1: therapy session, you know, I went to my pediatrician and

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Speaker 1: he was like, you know, I think she's having a

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Speaker 1: bout with anorexia. He's a little anorexia, and you know,

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Speaker 1: I kind of knew a little bit like the best

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Speaker 1: little girl in the world, and so with Jennifer Jason Lee.

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Speaker 1: But I quickly wanted to make my parents happy and

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Speaker 1: I didn't want to be the burden in the family,

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Speaker 1: and I wanted I was always a really kind of

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Speaker 1: happy kid, and I was a little sullen that summer.

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Speaker 1: So I really quickly tried to get out of it.

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Speaker 1: And I successfully did, you know, probably not without like

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Speaker 1: dealing with everything that I needed to deal with, but

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Speaker 1: It got me through for many, many years, never really

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Speaker 1: thinking about food, never really thinking about my way, because

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Speaker 1: I went was always not an issue. And I, you know,

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Speaker 1: from then on, I continued to work and do different parts.

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Speaker 1: I was in Gooble of my Children with Aunt Margaret.

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Speaker 1: I did Another Woman's Child with Linda Lavin. I was

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Speaker 1: just working consistently. When I was about fourteen fifteen, you know,

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Speaker 1: I was still working assistantly. The last thing I did

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Speaker 1: before I got Growing Pains was, Oh, it was Lots

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Speaker 1: of Luck with a net Frunicello and I I remember

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Speaker 1: I did that, and I went for Griying Pains, and

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Speaker 1: all the girls in Hollywood were auditioning, you know. I

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Speaker 1: don't know if Shannon did, but we were all. We

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Speaker 1: all auditioned for the same things. We all passed or

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Speaker 1: cross paths and stuff like that at that time, you know.

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Speaker 1: And I had to go up for Growing Pains and

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Speaker 1: I had multiple auditions and I didn't get it, and

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Speaker 1: I was a little bombed. You know. I had already

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Speaker 1: worked with Kirk Cameron because we looked alike, so were

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Speaker 1: Cassa's brother and sister. We had done McDonald's commercial together. Oh,

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Speaker 1: and we had also done Best of Times Together, which

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Speaker 1: was a movie with Kurt Russell and the Dear Robin

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Speaker 1: Williams and and I had a kind of a small

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Speaker 1: part that was cut out even have a credit in it.

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Speaker 1: But I had a lot of time waiting on the set,

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Speaker 1: so I was in it. I was like a part

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Speaker 1: of it, but I was kind of in a holding

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Speaker 1: room most of the time. So like I knew Kirk

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Speaker 1: and so I hadn't I thought, oh, that would be fun,

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Speaker 1: but then I didn't get it, and so I quickly

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Speaker 1: moved on, because that's what you have to do. Like

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Speaker 1: being an actor at any age or being a child actor,

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Speaker 1: There's so many things you don't get. There's so many

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Speaker 1: the things I could tell you that I auditioned for online.

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Speaker 1: There's a there's a Labyrinth audition that I did, and

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Speaker 1: because I got clothes to it, but I think I

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Speaker 1: was wearing like a pink heart puffy sweatshirt, which is

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Speaker 1: really very Labyrinth of me. And I still had a

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Speaker 1: kind of stick New York accent. So I've seen the audition,

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Speaker 1: like other right, Jennifer Connolly, Yeah, you're wing work, so

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Speaker 1: that would have been cool. So I went about my

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Speaker 1: way and we are a family of actors at this point.

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Speaker 1: My dad was an agent. When he became an agent,

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Speaker 1: he didn't want to necessarily be a kid's agent. He

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Speaker 1: wanted to be an adult, you know, adult actors agent.

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Speaker 1: And he eventually opened up an agency, a children's department

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Speaker 1: with a well known children's agent, Ruth Hansen, and she

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Speaker 1: came over and that's Missy and I are kind of

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Speaker 1: early teen years, transitioned into my dad's agency with her there,

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Speaker 1: and so that's when, all of a sudden, you know,

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Speaker 1: I became a part of that. So my dad now

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Speaker 1: is sort of kind of like especially for something like

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Speaker 1: growing pains, sort of getting involved in it, like, you know,

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Speaker 1: because he's the head of his agency. And I go

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Speaker 1: to Chicago because my sister Brandy is who's now an agent,

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Speaker 1: is working in the movie Wildcats and it was with

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Speaker 1: Goldie Hahn. And I went to Chicago when I was

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Speaker 1: having the best time. I just got out of high school. No,

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Speaker 1: I'm not graduated. For the summer. I was fifteen, and

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Speaker 1: we get a call they want to see Tracy again

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Speaker 1: because they're recasting the part of Carol. Sever they'd shopped

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Speaker 1: the pilot. I'd read about it in the magazine or

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Speaker 1: in the newspaper before I went to school, they're recasting

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Speaker 1: the part of Carol sever and me and my infinite

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Speaker 1: wisdom was like, I'm not going back. Are you kidding me?

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Speaker 1: No way, so they could tell me they don't like

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Speaker 1: me again, I don't need that kind of rejection. They've

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Speaker 1: already rejected me. I've auditioned many times and then all

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Speaker 1: they want me back, And I said, I was sort

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Speaker 1: of like not interested and probably naive at that point

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Speaker 1: in my life that work comes this easily. But my

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Speaker 1: dad is like, Tracy, I'm so he had to go

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Speaker 1: back for work. He's like I'm going back. He's like,

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Speaker 1: I implore you had to come back with me, and I'm like, fine,

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Speaker 1: I'll go back. So I went back with him, and

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Speaker 1: I auditioned, auditioned two more times, and the last audition

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Speaker 1: I had back then they didn't have cell phones, so

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Speaker 1: we had to have to stop at seven eleven to

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Speaker 1: see how you know, I had a network, and you know,

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Speaker 1: nobody knows, you know, in the outside world what network is.

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Speaker 1: But you have to go to a studio. Basically you're

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Speaker 1: auditioning for a comedy and you get all like twenty

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Speaker 1: men in suits who I think are trained not to

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Speaker 1: laugh at anything you say, because you don't know how

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Speaker 1: you do when you go in there, and you got

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Speaker 1: to just throw it out there, and it's like, all right,

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Speaker 1: I can't tell. So we went, you know, to the

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Speaker 1: seven eleven to check in with the agency to see

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Speaker 1: if they've heard anything. And I had gotten it, and

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Speaker 1: they had told me I need to get a pair

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Speaker 1: of glasses and head over to a TV Guide photo

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Speaker 1: sheet immediately, and the rest of the cast was already there,

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Speaker 1: and so I went over. I got a pair of

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Speaker 1: like like phony glasses in Hollywood somewhere, went to the

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Speaker 1: photo shoot, and that's the cover you see, that went

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Speaker 1: for the cover of TV Guy. That September was that

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Speaker 1: day I literally auditioned, went to TV Guide photo shoot,

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Speaker 1: met the whole cast, you know, I know, and and

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Speaker 1: like I was in a fish out of water. I

334
00:18:29,920 --> 00:18:32,960
Speaker 1: was like, I was like what my head was spinning.

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Speaker 1: I had never done a comedy before. I had only

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Speaker 1: done dramas, so I wasn't really my natural state to

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00:18:40,320 --> 00:18:43,639
Speaker 1: be broad and kind of over the top and searched

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Speaker 1: for a joke and all those sorts of things. So

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Speaker 1: I remember kirks Mont Barbera had the tape of Growing

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Speaker 1: Pains and a tape well, you know, I put in

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Speaker 1: my VHS and she uh gave it to me. I

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Speaker 1: gave it to my mom and dad or with my mom,

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Speaker 1: and I remember I went home and I watched it.

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Speaker 1: I put it in and all the whites around I

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Speaker 1: kind of watched. It felt felt like I was by myself,

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00:19:04,440 --> 00:19:07,720
Speaker 1: and I was like, huh. Opening credits came on and

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00:19:07,720 --> 00:19:10,879
Speaker 1: they were kind of like cheers, and I was like, Oh,

348
00:19:11,040 --> 00:19:14,920
Speaker 1: I could do this. This sexually looks really good. And

349
00:19:15,040 --> 00:19:17,280
Speaker 1: it was from that moment on I was like, oh

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Speaker 1: my god, this is a really great thing. And you know,

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Speaker 1: Growing Pains was, especially in the first few years, just

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Speaker 1: a great, great fun experience. I mean, Mondays. I couldn't

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Speaker 1: wait for Mondays. It was so fun. Everybody, you know,

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Speaker 1: got along. Everybody was just grateful to be there. Duenna

355
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Speaker 1: and Allen were both coming out of difficult situations and

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Speaker 1: you know, so they were really they taught all of

357
00:19:42,800 --> 00:19:45,240
Speaker 1: us as kids that this is something to be extremely

358
00:19:45,280 --> 00:19:48,639
Speaker 1: grateful about. This is not something that happens all the time.

359
00:19:49,160 --> 00:19:52,800
Speaker 1: And they were, you know, kind of bonded us all together.

360
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Speaker 1: And we really all just sort of got along very well.

361
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Speaker 1: I always say Growing Pains is like lightning in a bottle,

362
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Speaker 1: because it's like, you know, when you're going through it,

363
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Speaker 1: especially when you're so young and you have no idea

364
00:20:07,359 --> 00:20:12,359
Speaker 1: that this is so unique that it's like it's it

365
00:20:12,359 --> 00:20:15,320
Speaker 1: can almost just like you can be so naive about it.

366
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Speaker 1: And it really was. When people say what was like

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00:20:17,880 --> 00:20:20,080
Speaker 1: to work on Bring Pains, and I'm like, it was

368
00:20:20,119 --> 00:20:22,200
Speaker 1: it was like me in a bottle. You know, people say,

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00:20:22,200 --> 00:20:25,080
Speaker 1: do you guys still hang out? You know, if we

370
00:20:25,119 --> 00:20:27,920
Speaker 1: see each other, it's like old times. We're not always

371
00:20:28,560 --> 00:20:32,359
Speaker 1: seeing each other socially, but we could all pick up

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00:20:32,400 --> 00:20:35,360
Speaker 1: the phone at anytime and call, in which we have.

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Speaker 1: I think the loss of Alian was a devastating blow

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Speaker 1: for our family, our Growing Pains family. I'm getting ahead

375
00:20:47,080 --> 00:20:49,080
Speaker 1: of myself, but I can't help but think that when

376
00:20:49,160 --> 00:20:52,800
Speaker 1: I think about Growing Pains, Growing Pains, especially for those

377
00:20:52,840 --> 00:20:55,960
Speaker 1: first few years, and every popular actor came in, from

378
00:20:56,000 --> 00:21:00,960
Speaker 1: Hillary's Strike to Brad Pitt to Christy Swanson. It was

379
00:21:01,000 --> 00:21:05,439
Speaker 1: a rotating door of just the best of the best

380
00:21:05,800 --> 00:21:10,320
Speaker 1: of the young Hollywood and you gub A Gooding Jr.

381
00:21:10,840 --> 00:21:14,280
Speaker 1: We just really had fun. You know, on Guaranty Paints.

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00:21:14,720 --> 00:21:20,919
Speaker 1: I noticed, you know, a few years into it, I

383
00:21:21,119 --> 00:21:25,399
Speaker 1: probably i'd never oh, Matthew Perry, the great Matthew Perry.

384
00:21:25,880 --> 00:21:30,440
Speaker 1: He played Carol's boyfriend Sandy, and the you know, every

385
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Speaker 1: we all always had to do episodes of special every

386
00:21:35,040 --> 00:21:38,840
Speaker 1: every character would get a uh a very special episode

387
00:21:38,840 --> 00:21:41,320
Speaker 1: that ABC would do, and I had one and mine

388
00:21:41,440 --> 00:21:45,240
Speaker 1: was a two part with with Matthew Perry, and he

389
00:21:45,359 --> 00:21:52,240
Speaker 1: was wonderful in it. And I I remember though the

390
00:21:52,320 --> 00:21:57,280
Speaker 1: first three after three seasons, probably there started to become

391
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Speaker 1: like like jokes at my behalf. In the beginning, the

392
00:22:03,680 --> 00:22:08,400
Speaker 1: Carol Sever and Mike sever relationship was very We were

393
00:22:08,440 --> 00:22:10,840
Speaker 1: always putting each other down. We were always I was

394
00:22:10,880 --> 00:22:14,520
Speaker 1: calling him stupid, he was calling me brainiact and in

395
00:22:14,600 --> 00:22:17,040
Speaker 1: truth he was a match better student than I was.

396
00:22:17,160 --> 00:22:20,280
Speaker 1: And I was probably more like Mike's Sever, not wanting

397
00:22:20,320 --> 00:22:22,080
Speaker 1: to go to school and doing all that sort of stuff.

398
00:22:22,600 --> 00:22:24,800
Speaker 1: And so, you know, it was very lighthearted and it

399
00:22:24,840 --> 00:22:28,400
Speaker 1: really had to do with our characters. But then there

400
00:22:28,440 --> 00:22:32,600
Speaker 1: became shift where I think the writing became a little edgier,

401
00:22:33,040 --> 00:22:35,359
Speaker 1: and I think there's always like to push the button

402
00:22:35,359 --> 00:22:38,040
Speaker 1: to be funnier, and I pushed the button to kind

403
00:22:38,080 --> 00:22:41,160
Speaker 1: of like, you know, always stay on top of the Unfortunately,

404
00:22:41,240 --> 00:22:44,560
Speaker 1: I think in that time it became my expense, and

405
00:22:44,600 --> 00:22:49,040
Speaker 1: it became because they started to have Mike's sever make

406
00:22:49,119 --> 00:22:53,960
Speaker 1: fat jokes about Carol sever and you know, one or

407
00:22:53,960 --> 00:22:56,040
Speaker 1: two would go and you know, one thing you have

408
00:22:56,119 --> 00:22:58,800
Speaker 1: to know about being a child actor. I always say

409
00:22:58,800 --> 00:23:00,359
Speaker 1: this when I talked to kids, you want to be

410
00:23:00,440 --> 00:23:03,920
Speaker 1: child actors, I'm like, you have to be the best

411
00:23:03,960 --> 00:23:07,159
Speaker 1: person on that set. You watch the adults messing up.

412
00:23:07,359 --> 00:23:12,080
Speaker 1: You watch the adults, you know, laughing forgetting their lines.

413
00:23:12,760 --> 00:23:15,879
Speaker 1: They are allowed to do that. You, as a child actor,

414
00:23:16,359 --> 00:23:18,480
Speaker 1: you need to get there. You need to know your lines.

415
00:23:18,680 --> 00:23:21,000
Speaker 1: You shut your mouth and you do your job. And

416
00:23:21,160 --> 00:23:26,959
Speaker 1: that's that's really what the ambiance on a set is

417
00:23:27,000 --> 00:23:30,720
Speaker 1: that way. So when these jokes would come in, I

418
00:23:30,760 --> 00:23:34,320
Speaker 1: really had no voice, so I would sort of just

419
00:23:34,320 --> 00:23:36,760
Speaker 1: be like, I don't think I'm allowed to say anything.

420
00:23:37,040 --> 00:23:40,520
Speaker 1: But I had power a little bit because Carol Siver

421
00:23:40,640 --> 00:23:43,159
Speaker 1: was all of a sudden, she was mine and I

422
00:23:43,200 --> 00:23:46,040
Speaker 1: had created her and I was known for her, so

423
00:23:46,119 --> 00:23:48,680
Speaker 1: all of a sudden I also felt protective of her

424
00:23:48,720 --> 00:23:51,560
Speaker 1: for a little bit, and I'm like starting, you know,

425
00:23:51,600 --> 00:23:54,040
Speaker 1: and I'd be like, okay, I can let one go by.

426
00:23:54,680 --> 00:23:57,280
Speaker 1: And I felt a little bit like at that point,

427
00:23:57,280 --> 00:24:00,159
Speaker 1: like I didn't feel too sensitive about my weight, so

428
00:24:00,240 --> 00:24:02,879
Speaker 1: I was like kind of could brush it off. But

429
00:24:03,000 --> 00:24:06,800
Speaker 1: I I went away one summer on a hiatus, and

430
00:24:07,040 --> 00:24:12,520
Speaker 1: I came the freshman fifteen basically, and then the jokes

431
00:24:12,840 --> 00:24:17,320
Speaker 1: accelerated when I came back and became meaner and mean.

432
00:24:17,359 --> 00:24:19,080
Speaker 1: So there are one joke, there were two jokes. There

433
00:24:19,080 --> 00:24:23,480
Speaker 1: were three jokes. And I finally tried to find my

434
00:24:23,600 --> 00:24:25,840
Speaker 1: voice and go to them these you know, men who

435
00:24:25,880 --> 00:24:28,760
Speaker 1: I've known a long time, but they're twice my age

436
00:24:28,760 --> 00:24:33,440
Speaker 1: and you know, quite intimidating. And I would say and I,

437
00:24:33,920 --> 00:24:37,960
Speaker 1: you know, it was out of my character to speak up,

438
00:24:38,640 --> 00:24:42,160
Speaker 1: but it was hurting me and I was sensitive to it.

439
00:24:42,520 --> 00:24:44,640
Speaker 1: And I knew I had gained a little bit of weight,

440
00:24:44,640 --> 00:24:48,080
Speaker 1: and I had never had that problem before. Never my

441
00:24:48,119 --> 00:24:51,520
Speaker 1: innx here before was not about wait, it was about

442
00:24:52,080 --> 00:24:55,680
Speaker 1: staying childlike, you know, scared of hitting purbity, what does

443
00:24:55,720 --> 00:24:59,840
Speaker 1: that mean? Change all of those things, but not you know,

444
00:25:00,359 --> 00:25:04,920
Speaker 1: my weight. It was it was growing up and when

445
00:25:05,240 --> 00:25:08,080
Speaker 1: what was happening here in my I had gained weight

446
00:25:08,160 --> 00:25:11,440
Speaker 1: I knew I had, and I was trying to kind of, well,

447
00:25:11,800 --> 00:25:13,680
Speaker 1: you know what, maybe I'm a little bust here now.

448
00:25:13,920 --> 00:25:16,840
Speaker 1: I was trying to like kind of has slide it

449
00:25:16,880 --> 00:25:19,560
Speaker 1: in my favor, but it was hurting me. So I

450
00:25:19,560 --> 00:25:22,240
Speaker 1: would go to them like, okay, guys, can we negotiate?

451
00:25:22,560 --> 00:25:25,720
Speaker 1: I know it hurts my feelings because like Tracy, Tracy,

452
00:25:25,800 --> 00:25:29,000
Speaker 1: this was always their manta because I'm the oldest of

453
00:25:29,040 --> 00:25:34,560
Speaker 1: five girls and I have no brothers, and they would say,

454
00:25:34,560 --> 00:25:37,880
Speaker 1: you don't have any brothers, so you don't know what

455
00:25:38,320 --> 00:25:41,159
Speaker 1: this is, like this is what brothers and sisters do

456
00:25:41,320 --> 00:25:43,760
Speaker 1: to each other, and so I would sort of take

457
00:25:43,840 --> 00:25:46,119
Speaker 1: that for a moment and there would sort of be

458
00:25:46,160 --> 00:25:49,040
Speaker 1: that joke of if it was true, we couldn't say it.

459
00:25:49,000 --> 00:25:51,840
Speaker 1: It's true, we couldn't say it. And I was like, okay,

460
00:25:52,320 --> 00:25:55,160
Speaker 1: but still hurting my feelings. It's still hurting my feelings,

461
00:25:55,640 --> 00:25:57,760
Speaker 1: and so I would like, negotiate, could you take out

462
00:25:57,760 --> 00:25:59,320
Speaker 1: that joke? And I'd be like a joke like, here

463
00:25:59,359 --> 00:26:04,360
Speaker 1: comes why load And you're not talking just about Carol anymore.

464
00:26:04,600 --> 00:26:09,040
Speaker 1: You're talking about me, Tracy Gold, And now I have

465
00:26:09,160 --> 00:26:12,360
Speaker 1: to be in front of an audience that's lasting at

466
00:26:12,480 --> 00:26:16,639
Speaker 1: me and my body and my weight, and it just

467
00:26:18,320 --> 00:26:22,239
Speaker 1: it became it became tough, and I would have, like,

468
00:26:23,400 --> 00:26:27,720
Speaker 1: you know, just people would give me like unsolicited advice.

469
00:26:27,920 --> 00:26:30,359
Speaker 1: You know, oh, don't do that. Don't drink diet coke.

470
00:26:30,760 --> 00:26:33,720
Speaker 1: That's what's doing because I continually always I'm a diet

471
00:26:33,720 --> 00:26:39,480
Speaker 1: coke girl. And I kept saying, if it was true,

472
00:26:39,480 --> 00:26:42,359
Speaker 1: they wouldn't make these jokes. Nobody would be that cruel

473
00:26:42,359 --> 00:26:47,160
Speaker 1: to me. Nobody would be that cruel. And my dad's

474
00:26:47,200 --> 00:26:51,000
Speaker 1: an agent at this point, and so he gets a

475
00:26:51,000 --> 00:26:57,080
Speaker 1: phone call saying, wait on Tracy to lose weight. Well

476
00:26:57,119 --> 00:27:03,520
Speaker 1: that was a blow, and I they said a couple

477
00:27:03,600 --> 00:27:06,480
Speaker 1: times and I kind of would go, okay, I'm going

478
00:27:06,520 --> 00:27:08,400
Speaker 1: to go to the gym more. I didn't take it

479
00:27:08,440 --> 00:27:12,400
Speaker 1: as seriously, but then you know, I sit down. Really

480
00:27:12,400 --> 00:27:15,760
Speaker 1: happened where I was like, okay, maybe like my thyroid

481
00:27:15,840 --> 00:27:20,240
Speaker 1: is off. You know, I'm eighteen now, maybe my thyroid

482
00:27:20,280 --> 00:27:22,520
Speaker 1: is kind of messing up. And so I went to

483
00:27:22,560 --> 00:27:27,240
Speaker 1: an endocinologist and my mom took me there and I'm thinking, okay,

484
00:27:27,960 --> 00:27:30,800
Speaker 1: my weight is you know, like maybe a little high,

485
00:27:30,840 --> 00:27:33,719
Speaker 1: because you know, there's just an imbalanced and they did all

486
00:27:33,760 --> 00:27:36,320
Speaker 1: the tests and he's like, no, you're fine, You're fine.

487
00:27:36,840 --> 00:27:39,280
Speaker 1: And unfortunately for me, though, he was a doctor who

488
00:27:39,320 --> 00:27:44,679
Speaker 1: had just written a book and he was very proactive

489
00:27:44,680 --> 00:27:47,199
Speaker 1: in this diet that he had wrote a book about.

490
00:27:47,760 --> 00:27:50,399
Speaker 1: And the diet was, you know, you can go on

491
00:27:50,440 --> 00:27:53,679
Speaker 1: a five hundred calorie diet for less time, or a

492
00:27:53,720 --> 00:27:57,919
Speaker 1: thousand calorie diet. And I was like, well, I'm going

493
00:27:57,960 --> 00:27:59,919
Speaker 1: to wrap in a quicker results and be over the diet.

494
00:28:00,320 --> 00:28:03,040
Speaker 1: I'd rather do that and you get this done with

495
00:28:04,000 --> 00:28:06,760
Speaker 1: And he he said, it's put you on the five

496
00:28:06,760 --> 00:28:09,720
Speaker 1: proNT of telorie diet. And it was so extreme. And

497
00:28:09,760 --> 00:28:11,239
Speaker 1: he taught me how to put my body into this

498
00:28:11,240 --> 00:28:15,040
Speaker 1: thing called ktosis, where your body's basically starving itself and

499
00:28:15,080 --> 00:28:17,639
Speaker 1: eating off its own self. So within a month I

500
00:28:17,640 --> 00:28:22,280
Speaker 1: had lost twenty pounds easily. And and I did it,

501
00:28:22,359 --> 00:28:24,240
Speaker 1: and I did it quietly, and I didn't tell any

502
00:28:24,720 --> 00:28:27,520
Speaker 1: anyone I was doing it. I just went and did it.

503
00:28:28,280 --> 00:28:31,919
Speaker 1: And all of a sudden, everybody's coming up to me

504
00:28:31,960 --> 00:28:35,239
Speaker 1: on the set, you know, everywhere, kind of going, oh

505
00:28:35,320 --> 00:28:36,960
Speaker 1: my god, you look good, you look so beautiful, you

506
00:28:37,000 --> 00:28:40,480
Speaker 1: look so amazing, and you know, at that time, I

507
00:28:40,520 --> 00:28:46,000
Speaker 1: think everybody was meant well, but in my view of it,

508
00:28:46,000 --> 00:28:49,640
Speaker 1: it was like, was I that embarrassing before? Was I

509
00:28:49,800 --> 00:28:53,360
Speaker 1: absolutely kidding myself that I could go on National TV

510
00:28:53,880 --> 00:28:57,040
Speaker 1: be Carol Fever? And I really was that person they

511
00:28:57,040 --> 00:29:00,880
Speaker 1: were seeing those jokes about. And I was like, something

512
00:29:01,000 --> 00:29:03,280
Speaker 1: hit me, and I'm like, I will not be the

513
00:29:03,320 --> 00:29:07,400
Speaker 1: book but anybody's joke again. You will not get that

514
00:29:07,520 --> 00:29:12,520
Speaker 1: from me. So I became resolute, and I'm really stubborn.

515
00:29:12,560 --> 00:29:17,200
Speaker 1: I'm a Taurus. I became resolute and not letting that happen.

516
00:29:18,280 --> 00:29:23,440
Speaker 1: And I stayed on the diet. It's a really hard

517
00:29:23,480 --> 00:29:40,040
Speaker 1: diet to stay up because you're basically starving. So I

518
00:29:41,600 --> 00:29:45,840
Speaker 1: basically kept going until I couldn't because you can't have

519
00:29:45,920 --> 00:29:49,080
Speaker 1: to start yourself continually months or months on end. So

520
00:29:49,120 --> 00:29:52,000
Speaker 1: I would do these negotiating acts with my things and like, oh,

521
00:29:52,000 --> 00:29:54,520
Speaker 1: I'm eating days and not eating days and things like that,

522
00:29:54,800 --> 00:29:58,560
Speaker 1: and you know, and that became an unsustainable thing, you know.

523
00:29:58,680 --> 00:30:01,360
Speaker 1: Especially I met my dear beloved husband when I was

524
00:30:01,400 --> 00:30:05,280
Speaker 1: twenty years old, and I remember one time I said

525
00:30:05,440 --> 00:30:07,320
Speaker 1: we were going out to lunch, and he goes he

526
00:30:07,360 --> 00:30:10,880
Speaker 1: would even have him like, it's a Wednesday, I don't eat.

527
00:30:11,120 --> 00:30:12,760
Speaker 1: I would not eat all week and I would like

528
00:30:13,080 --> 00:30:16,080
Speaker 1: eat anything I wanted to on the weekend, basically, and

529
00:30:16,560 --> 00:30:18,520
Speaker 1: he was like, he's from New Jersey and he was

530
00:30:18,600 --> 00:30:22,160
Speaker 1: like what, Oh my god. I'm like, are you kidding me?

531
00:30:23,680 --> 00:30:26,760
Speaker 1: He's like, that's crazy. So then I would make negotiations

532
00:30:26,800 --> 00:30:29,200
Speaker 1: with myself. But as I'm doing this, I'm getting lower

533
00:30:29,240 --> 00:30:32,160
Speaker 1: and lower and lower and lower in weight. But you know,

534
00:30:32,280 --> 00:30:36,800
Speaker 1: you're in hockeywood, and everybody just kept giving me compliments.

535
00:30:36,840 --> 00:30:41,320
Speaker 1: And it was making him furious that everybody was complimenting

536
00:30:41,360 --> 00:30:43,760
Speaker 1: me because he knew I was sick. And then all

537
00:30:43,800 --> 00:30:46,640
Speaker 1: of a sudden, the jokes came about Carol's working out.

538
00:30:47,000 --> 00:30:50,600
Speaker 1: Carol becomes homecoming queen Carol becomes all of a sudden,

539
00:30:50,600 --> 00:30:55,080
Speaker 1: I Carol's this and that, and it reinforces all those

540
00:30:55,120 --> 00:30:59,680
Speaker 1: things that like having like ten fifteen extra pounds on

541
00:30:59,720 --> 00:31:02,960
Speaker 1: you when you're eighteen and figuring it out is really

542
00:31:03,280 --> 00:31:07,320
Speaker 1: just bad. And it put me into a tailspin that

543
00:31:07,400 --> 00:31:09,480
Speaker 1: I just found I couldn't get out of. You know,

544
00:31:09,520 --> 00:31:11,800
Speaker 1: people asked me, did I think it was a cry

545
00:31:11,880 --> 00:31:14,240
Speaker 1: for help? No, I don't. I think it was a

546
00:31:14,320 --> 00:31:17,840
Speaker 1: really internal thing. I don't think I wanted help at

547
00:31:17,840 --> 00:31:21,280
Speaker 1: that point. I wanted to keep myself safe and protected.

548
00:31:21,640 --> 00:31:24,840
Speaker 1: It was a self coping mechanism to keep myself safe

549
00:31:25,200 --> 00:31:27,760
Speaker 1: and that, you know, you know, whether I like it

550
00:31:27,880 --> 00:31:33,600
Speaker 1: or not. The set, it had an element of misogyny

551
00:31:33,720 --> 00:31:38,600
Speaker 1: to it because they're always bringing in the beautiful actress

552
00:31:38,680 --> 00:31:41,960
Speaker 1: of the week, you probably you know, a few years

553
00:31:42,000 --> 00:31:44,959
Speaker 1: older than me and coming in and you know, dolling

554
00:31:45,000 --> 00:31:49,800
Speaker 1: them up and sexualizing that and all of those things.

555
00:31:49,960 --> 00:31:52,160
Speaker 1: So there was and it was a boys club. It

556
00:31:52,240 --> 00:31:54,320
Speaker 1: really was a boys club. So, I mean, there were

557
00:31:54,320 --> 00:31:59,479
Speaker 1: some female writers on it, but you know, it was.

558
00:32:00,720 --> 00:32:02,600
Speaker 1: In fact, one of the mail writers was one of

559
00:32:02,640 --> 00:32:06,200
Speaker 1: my wrote some of the greatest Carol sever scripts. But

560
00:32:07,880 --> 00:32:12,440
Speaker 1: it was a very gear towards make all the women

561
00:32:12,480 --> 00:32:14,840
Speaker 1: beautiful and the men look and all of that sort

562
00:32:14,840 --> 00:32:17,480
Speaker 1: of stuff. As everybody got older, you know, as we

563
00:32:17,640 --> 00:32:20,760
Speaker 1: entered it to high school and things like that, and

564
00:32:21,520 --> 00:32:26,800
Speaker 1: I became very, very very self protective of myself and

565
00:32:26,880 --> 00:32:32,040
Speaker 1: I kept continuing to lose weight. And I remember, and

566
00:32:32,120 --> 00:32:34,960
Speaker 1: it was the irony of all ironies. They basically said

567
00:32:35,000 --> 00:32:38,040
Speaker 1: to me, they called me Dad once again. This is

568
00:32:38,040 --> 00:32:42,160
Speaker 1: a few months later and they say, we need Tracy

569
00:32:42,600 --> 00:32:46,160
Speaker 1: to gain weight. She's getting too thin on count she's

570
00:32:46,200 --> 00:32:49,080
Speaker 1: looking not healthy. And my dad came and told me.

571
00:32:49,160 --> 00:32:51,120
Speaker 1: I'm like, well, this is the all ironies of life?

572
00:32:51,160 --> 00:32:54,920
Speaker 1: Are you kidding me? Can I never please anybody? But

573
00:32:55,840 --> 00:32:58,040
Speaker 1: at that point I was pretty dug in and pretty

574
00:32:58,080 --> 00:33:01,080
Speaker 1: stuck on it and sick. Be very honest, I was

575
00:33:01,160 --> 00:33:04,800
Speaker 1: really sick at this point. And so you know, I

576
00:33:04,880 --> 00:33:08,760
Speaker 1: tried going to outpatient programs. My husband would take me

577
00:33:08,880 --> 00:33:14,080
Speaker 1: there and everything, and I just I just was too

578
00:33:14,200 --> 00:33:17,960
Speaker 1: deep in for every restriction I had for myself to undo,

579
00:33:18,080 --> 00:33:20,400
Speaker 1: it was doubly as hard and I just couldn't and

580
00:33:20,440 --> 00:33:25,719
Speaker 1: I wasn't willing to make myself that vulnerable, especially on

581
00:33:25,760 --> 00:33:28,960
Speaker 1: that set. And so Growing Pains was like I loved

582
00:33:29,000 --> 00:33:31,840
Speaker 1: Buring pains, and I have the best memories of Buring Pains,

583
00:33:31,880 --> 00:33:34,240
Speaker 1: but that was, you know, a hard time for me.

584
00:33:34,840 --> 00:33:38,320
Speaker 1: And you know, do I blame the writers? I always

585
00:33:38,400 --> 00:33:41,600
Speaker 1: say no, because I was the one that was very

586
00:33:41,600 --> 00:33:43,920
Speaker 1: susceptible to it. I think if I had been on

587
00:33:43,960 --> 00:33:46,120
Speaker 1: the cheerleading team and a cheerleading coach had said the

588
00:33:46,160 --> 00:33:49,080
Speaker 1: same thing to me, I think that would have happened

589
00:33:49,120 --> 00:33:51,680
Speaker 1: to me, I would have gone down a road of restriction,

590
00:33:51,880 --> 00:33:54,120
Speaker 1: and you know, it was magnified because I was on TV.

591
00:33:54,360 --> 00:33:59,280
Speaker 1: Possibly I'll never know, but it definitely I think I

592
00:33:59,600 --> 00:34:04,760
Speaker 1: play blame on myself because I'm the one who has

593
00:34:04,800 --> 00:34:07,520
Speaker 1: that in my brain that could let that affect me

594
00:34:07,640 --> 00:34:11,240
Speaker 1: so deeply where other people can say, like, okay, mister,

595
00:34:11,680 --> 00:34:16,160
Speaker 1: I'm all right, I'm awesome, take a step back. But

596
00:34:16,280 --> 00:34:18,960
Speaker 1: I just being a child after so long, it was

597
00:34:18,960 --> 00:34:21,400
Speaker 1: so ingrained in me that like what all these producers

598
00:34:21,480 --> 00:34:24,440
Speaker 1: say and say to me has to be true, you know,

599
00:34:25,080 --> 00:34:28,920
Speaker 1: and you listen to them, and their opinion is what matters.

600
00:34:29,239 --> 00:34:34,520
Speaker 1: And so I just kept going until they said I

601
00:34:34,560 --> 00:34:36,279
Speaker 1: even needs to gain weight. But you know, I had

602
00:34:36,360 --> 00:34:38,759
Speaker 1: gone too down the rat far down the rabbit hole.

603
00:34:39,160 --> 00:34:41,560
Speaker 1: I remember, i'd you know, I had taken just throwing

604
00:34:41,640 --> 00:34:44,799
Speaker 1: up and stuff. And I remember my boyfriend, my now

605
00:34:44,920 --> 00:34:49,319
Speaker 1: husband of thirty thirty years. We just celebrate we've been

606
00:34:49,360 --> 00:34:51,440
Speaker 1: together thirty fives. I always have to think about that

607
00:34:51,560 --> 00:34:55,360
Speaker 1: we've been together thirty five years. And I remember he

608
00:34:55,400 --> 00:34:57,439
Speaker 1: came one day to my dressing room and he nailed

609
00:34:57,440 --> 00:34:59,239
Speaker 1: the bathroom door shut. He has you went to the

610
00:34:59,480 --> 00:35:02,680
Speaker 1: or to the proper department. He said. I He's like,

611
00:35:02,760 --> 00:35:05,279
Speaker 1: I need a nail and hammer and then you and

612
00:35:05,280 --> 00:35:07,320
Speaker 1: well at this point, because he had been around and

613
00:35:07,480 --> 00:35:10,239
Speaker 1: he's there, like why and he's like a man nail

614
00:35:10,280 --> 00:35:13,520
Speaker 1: Tracy's bathroom shut. And they're like, thank you, thank you

615
00:35:13,560 --> 00:35:17,280
Speaker 1: for looking after her. We're so worried about her. And

616
00:35:18,000 --> 00:35:20,520
Speaker 1: you know, he did that, and I screamed and yelled

617
00:35:20,520 --> 00:35:22,600
Speaker 1: because you know, when you're an actress, getting your own

618
00:35:22,640 --> 00:35:25,719
Speaker 1: bathroom is a big thing. You don't always get it,

619
00:35:25,760 --> 00:35:27,440
Speaker 1: you know, especially when you're first starting out and you're

620
00:35:27,440 --> 00:35:28,840
Speaker 1: a little kid. You know you have to go to

621
00:35:28,880 --> 00:35:31,759
Speaker 1: the public bathroom, but in the winter, bago and things

622
00:35:31,800 --> 00:35:33,759
Speaker 1: like that, and so I was like stopping my feet,

623
00:35:33,800 --> 00:35:35,799
Speaker 1: but in a big way, I was relieved. I think

624
00:35:36,000 --> 00:35:39,000
Speaker 1: many people with eating disorders could probably understand this, because

625
00:35:39,480 --> 00:35:42,719
Speaker 1: it took the power away from me. I would now

626
00:35:42,719 --> 00:35:44,920
Speaker 1: have to go to a public bathroom and want anyone

627
00:35:45,160 --> 00:35:47,319
Speaker 1: hearing me throw up, because there was always somebody who

628
00:35:47,360 --> 00:35:48,960
Speaker 1: would come and eat with me at lunch, Like my

629
00:35:49,040 --> 00:35:50,960
Speaker 1: husband would come eat with me at lunch, make sure

630
00:35:51,040 --> 00:35:53,480
Speaker 1: I ate. He would leave, I'd go throw up, so

631
00:35:54,040 --> 00:35:57,440
Speaker 1: you know, and he'd became keen to that that that

632
00:35:57,600 --> 00:36:02,439
Speaker 1: was happening, and so somebody taking that power away from

633
00:36:02,440 --> 00:36:04,640
Speaker 1: me was helpful, you know. I remember he thought he

634
00:36:04,680 --> 00:36:07,839
Speaker 1: could take me away to Florida Santa Belle Island for

635
00:36:08,000 --> 00:36:10,759
Speaker 1: the New Year's break, and I was really really given

636
00:36:10,760 --> 00:36:13,840
Speaker 1: strict instructions, I need to come back healthier, and I

637
00:36:13,880 --> 00:36:15,160
Speaker 1: was like, I'm going to want to I'm going to

638
00:36:15,200 --> 00:36:19,560
Speaker 1: gain weight. I will, I promise. Well, it happened to

639
00:36:19,600 --> 00:36:22,239
Speaker 1: be very cold winter in Florida. I know, snow, but

640
00:36:22,600 --> 00:36:25,319
Speaker 1: very cold, and I got bronchitis, and I came back sick,

641
00:36:25,360 --> 00:36:28,280
Speaker 1: and I came back to dinner and he's so sweet.

642
00:36:28,280 --> 00:36:30,520
Speaker 1: He thought he could take me out of California or

643
00:36:30,560 --> 00:36:33,720
Speaker 1: Los Angeles and I could suddenly eat. But I couldn't

644
00:36:34,320 --> 00:36:37,520
Speaker 1: and I had no matter where I was, and I

645
00:36:37,520 --> 00:36:39,440
Speaker 1: got sicker, so I had to go into a hospital.

646
00:36:39,600 --> 00:36:42,319
Speaker 1: They came to a doctor came to the set to

647
00:36:42,400 --> 00:36:44,040
Speaker 1: kind of take a look at me in my dressing

648
00:36:44,120 --> 00:36:46,760
Speaker 1: room to check out how I was on your clodt bronchitis,

649
00:36:46,920 --> 00:36:50,120
Speaker 1: and they sent me home. I'm like, okay, that's fine,

650
00:36:50,200 --> 00:36:52,359
Speaker 1: I'm sick. I don't feel like being there anyway. And

651
00:36:52,920 --> 00:36:55,120
Speaker 1: they're like, she needs to go somewhere before she comes

652
00:36:55,120 --> 00:37:00,920
Speaker 1: back on the set. And I didn't know this years later,

653
00:37:02,040 --> 00:37:05,040
Speaker 1: but it was Joanna turns, God bless her and I

654
00:37:05,040 --> 00:37:07,920
Speaker 1: should say something. Joanna introduced me to my husband, Robbie.

655
00:37:07,960 --> 00:37:10,560
Speaker 1: So she's played an important part in a lot in

656
00:37:10,600 --> 00:37:16,040
Speaker 1: so many ways. She called the studio and she said,

657
00:37:16,280 --> 00:37:18,600
Speaker 1: this girl's gonna die on your watch if you don't

658
00:37:18,719 --> 00:37:22,920
Speaker 1: step in and do something. And something was done. And

659
00:37:22,960 --> 00:37:25,160
Speaker 1: so they didn't give me help though, tell me where

660
00:37:25,200 --> 00:37:29,840
Speaker 1: to go. So they had There was one hospital we

661
00:37:29,920 --> 00:37:33,640
Speaker 1: knew of and I was admitted into it and it

662
00:37:33,800 --> 00:37:37,680
Speaker 1: was the most tough love hospital you could ever imagine

663
00:37:37,920 --> 00:37:40,440
Speaker 1: it was. It was. It was terrible. It was really

664
00:37:40,480 --> 00:37:43,919
Speaker 1: a psychiatric hospital. It was where I think they would

665
00:37:43,960 --> 00:37:47,520
Speaker 1: put Hollywood actresses where they you know, they had a

666
00:37:47,560 --> 00:37:52,520
Speaker 1: moment and I I was there and it was like lockdown.

667
00:37:52,640 --> 00:37:55,919
Speaker 1: It really was. It was lockdown. And I was there

668
00:37:55,920 --> 00:37:59,719
Speaker 1: three days and I said, no way, I'm not saying here.

669
00:38:00,040 --> 00:38:02,319
Speaker 1: I am going to find my voice, I'm going to

670
00:38:02,360 --> 00:38:07,200
Speaker 1: find my power. I am going to get out of here.

671
00:38:07,239 --> 00:38:11,920
Speaker 1: I signed myself out against doctor's advice. I took a

672
00:38:11,960 --> 00:38:15,399
Speaker 1: cab home, against anybody's advice. The only person I would

673
00:38:15,400 --> 00:38:17,160
Speaker 1: speak to you from a paint pone was my husband.

674
00:38:17,440 --> 00:38:19,160
Speaker 1: Everybody else would hang up on me because they were

675
00:38:19,160 --> 00:38:20,480
Speaker 1: told to hang up. I mean they thought they were

676
00:38:20,520 --> 00:38:22,840
Speaker 1: doing the right thing. And I took a week to

677
00:38:22,880 --> 00:38:25,279
Speaker 1: find the right doctor. And I go to doctors, I

678
00:38:25,320 --> 00:38:26,600
Speaker 1: tell them what I was going through because it was

679
00:38:26,600 --> 00:38:28,719
Speaker 1: so public. He was like living in a fish bowl,

680
00:38:28,760 --> 00:38:31,480
Speaker 1: and it broke the news and everything like that became public,

681
00:38:31,560 --> 00:38:35,200
Speaker 1: became the govern inchoir all these things, and it was

682
00:38:35,840 --> 00:38:41,000
Speaker 1: like my struggle now was it was really like public.

683
00:38:42,800 --> 00:38:45,600
Speaker 1: And I had to find a doctor. And I found

684
00:38:46,000 --> 00:38:49,719
Speaker 1: ucla Eating Disorder Institute, and I went there and they

685
00:38:49,719 --> 00:38:51,879
Speaker 1: seemed to know what they were doing, a specific doctor,

686
00:38:51,920 --> 00:38:56,120
Speaker 1: the head of it. And I committed to it. I did,

687
00:38:56,640 --> 00:38:59,200
Speaker 1: and I committed to not to go into the patient anyway.

688
00:38:59,200 --> 00:39:00,920
Speaker 1: I would not go and pay. Nobody was ever going

689
00:39:00,920 --> 00:39:03,680
Speaker 1: to get me into a hospital again. I started to

690
00:39:03,760 --> 00:39:08,919
Speaker 1: find my voice, and that is such a powerful thing

691
00:39:08,960 --> 00:39:13,400
Speaker 1: as woman, as a child actress, as an actress, and

692
00:39:13,880 --> 00:39:19,080
Speaker 1: probably as a woman in any field, to find your voice.

693
00:39:19,160 --> 00:39:21,520
Speaker 1: And I remember when I got out and People magazine

694
00:39:21,560 --> 00:39:24,160
Speaker 1: called and they said, we want to do a story

695
00:39:24,200 --> 00:39:26,359
Speaker 1: on Tracy. What she's going through and I'm like, are

696
00:39:26,400 --> 00:39:28,720
Speaker 1: you kidding me? I don't even know what I'm going through.

697
00:39:29,200 --> 00:39:32,520
Speaker 1: I'm trying to save my life here and I can't

698
00:39:32,560 --> 00:39:36,440
Speaker 1: speak to People Magazine and they're like, don't worry, don't worry.

699
00:39:36,600 --> 00:39:38,719
Speaker 1: We'll just stop to other people and we'll still have

700
00:39:38,760 --> 00:39:41,200
Speaker 1: a story. But you know, don't bother her at it.

701
00:39:41,960 --> 00:39:46,200
Speaker 1: And when I heard that, I was like, no, no, no, no, no, no,

702
00:39:46,200 --> 00:39:50,239
Speaker 1: no no. Nobody's going to speak for me anymore. Nobody's

703
00:39:50,280 --> 00:39:52,280
Speaker 1: not going to happen to let me have my voice.

704
00:39:52,760 --> 00:39:55,360
Speaker 1: I'm going to speak for me. I am going to

705
00:39:55,360 --> 00:39:58,239
Speaker 1: tell what's going on, and I will say yes to

706
00:39:58,280 --> 00:40:01,479
Speaker 1: the interview and I'll do it. I did not want

707
00:40:01,800 --> 00:40:03,840
Speaker 1: for my voice to be the only one not heard.

708
00:40:04,880 --> 00:40:09,919
Speaker 1: And it ended up the cover of People magazine and well,

709
00:40:10,080 --> 00:40:12,239
Speaker 1: I think the second best selling issue of that year.

710
00:40:12,680 --> 00:40:16,840
Speaker 1: And I'm very proud of coming out about it because,

711
00:40:17,280 --> 00:40:21,600
Speaker 1: you know, not nobody had in that assistance. And I

712
00:40:21,640 --> 00:40:25,919
Speaker 1: had known about I knew about Karen Carpenter, who never

713
00:40:26,000 --> 00:40:29,320
Speaker 1: exposed to tell her a little about it. Debbie Boone,

714
00:40:29,360 --> 00:40:31,560
Speaker 1: who wrote a book and The Best Little Girl in

715
00:40:31,600 --> 00:40:35,759
Speaker 1: the World, which is a book, you know, the very

716
00:40:35,800 --> 00:40:39,920
Speaker 1: beautiful Jennifer Jason Lee who I later you know, But

717
00:40:40,040 --> 00:40:41,799
Speaker 1: when I was fourteen I did work with he would

718
00:40:41,800 --> 00:40:44,600
Speaker 1: miss stones to say, played the hand of Me Down Kid.

719
00:40:44,640 --> 00:40:47,000
Speaker 1: I was the hand Me Down Kid and after school special.

720
00:40:47,920 --> 00:40:53,160
Speaker 1: But after that, all of a sudden, my voice with

721
00:40:53,239 --> 00:40:57,359
Speaker 1: the eating disorder became more powerful. I decided, you know,

722
00:40:58,160 --> 00:41:00,880
Speaker 1: I was gone for three episodes. For three Growing Pains

723
00:41:00,920 --> 00:41:03,239
Speaker 1: was canceled. It was in the seventh season. I want

724
00:41:03,239 --> 00:41:07,120
Speaker 1: to say something that I noticed during the later years

725
00:41:07,120 --> 00:41:09,520
Speaker 1: of Growing Pains and when I was in the depth

726
00:41:09,560 --> 00:41:12,200
Speaker 1: of my anorexia. And I often think of Shannon when

727
00:41:12,239 --> 00:41:16,480
Speaker 1: I think of this, But Shannon was not afraid to

728
00:41:16,640 --> 00:41:19,359
Speaker 1: use her voice. I mean, it's like it's one of

729
00:41:19,520 --> 00:41:23,120
Speaker 1: her best gifts. You know. She wasn't going to be bullied.

730
00:41:24,080 --> 00:41:29,920
Speaker 1: And I allow myself to be bullied too long. I

731
00:41:30,120 --> 00:41:32,040
Speaker 1: because I was told to keep your mouth shut and

732
00:41:32,040 --> 00:41:35,960
Speaker 1: be a good girl. On a set, I allowed everybody

733
00:41:36,080 --> 00:41:38,760
Speaker 1: bring me in the first let me go home, the last.

734
00:41:39,600 --> 00:41:43,520
Speaker 1: I once said, why am I staying the latest? And

735
00:41:44,080 --> 00:41:45,919
Speaker 1: one of the ages was like, because you're at least

736
00:41:45,880 --> 00:41:49,040
Speaker 1: two complaint about it, You're the one who's who doesn't

737
00:41:49,040 --> 00:41:51,920
Speaker 1: say anything about it. And I'm like thought to myself,

738
00:41:51,960 --> 00:41:56,120
Speaker 1: I wait, so wait a minute, I'm being punished for

739
00:41:56,200 --> 00:42:01,120
Speaker 1: being cooperative? Are you kidding me? Like my kindness has

740
00:42:01,160 --> 00:42:05,160
Speaker 1: turned into like using it against me? Like I'm like

741
00:42:05,280 --> 00:42:10,560
Speaker 1: no more. That is like like no more. And I've

742
00:42:10,600 --> 00:42:14,120
Speaker 1: read I know so much of what Shannon had to

743
00:42:14,120 --> 00:42:16,640
Speaker 1: go through in the nineties, and it was a difficult

744
00:42:16,680 --> 00:42:19,720
Speaker 1: world for girls in the nineties and speaking up to

745
00:42:20,560 --> 00:42:23,840
Speaker 1: the brass the men, you know, and having your voice

746
00:42:23,840 --> 00:42:28,440
Speaker 1: heard and all these things, and it was hard. And

747
00:42:28,520 --> 00:42:32,600
Speaker 1: you know, a young guy says something, you know, I know,

748
00:42:32,920 --> 00:42:37,920
Speaker 1: the male counterparts and my beautiful counterpart all could have

749
00:42:38,040 --> 00:42:45,080
Speaker 1: say things, but like I didn't, and it made it

750
00:42:45,080 --> 00:42:48,640
Speaker 1: It made me like almost like mute, you know. And

751
00:42:48,960 --> 00:42:51,200
Speaker 1: she fought against that. And I think when you fight

752
00:42:51,239 --> 00:42:54,040
Speaker 1: against that as a woman, you're called difficult. And that's

753
00:42:54,080 --> 00:42:57,120
Speaker 1: really the bottom line. I think you're found difficult. And

754
00:42:57,239 --> 00:43:00,920
Speaker 1: I don't know if that stigma is really goes. I

755
00:43:00,920 --> 00:43:02,719
Speaker 1: think we've come a long way. I think it's very

756
00:43:02,760 --> 00:43:08,120
Speaker 1: different than it was. But yeah, but I think, you know,

757
00:43:08,320 --> 00:43:12,080
Speaker 1: people are speaking out more about mistreatment on sets and

758
00:43:12,160 --> 00:43:17,640
Speaker 1: you know, things like that, and using their voice and

759
00:43:17,640 --> 00:43:23,160
Speaker 1: their power. I also remember, you know, when I graduated

760
00:43:23,280 --> 00:43:27,120
Speaker 1: high school and I didn't have to go to school anymore,

761
00:43:27,760 --> 00:43:30,480
Speaker 1: and all of a sudden, I go back to my

762
00:43:30,560 --> 00:43:35,640
Speaker 1: dressing room and relax. What I might whitman, I've been

763
00:43:35,680 --> 00:43:38,880
Speaker 1: doing the job of two people, because children are doing

764
00:43:38,960 --> 00:43:41,200
Speaker 1: the jobs and two people the job. The only job

765
00:43:41,239 --> 00:43:43,919
Speaker 1: really was supposed to have as a kid is get

766
00:43:43,960 --> 00:43:45,800
Speaker 1: good grades and go to school and get good grades.

767
00:43:46,000 --> 00:43:48,960
Speaker 1: That's what you're supposed to do. That's your job. But

768
00:43:49,440 --> 00:43:51,359
Speaker 1: when you're a kid actor, your job is to get

769
00:43:51,400 --> 00:43:54,600
Speaker 1: good grades. But your job is also to do a

770
00:43:54,640 --> 00:43:57,960
Speaker 1: good job on a set. And you cannot work unless

771
00:43:58,000 --> 00:44:00,440
Speaker 1: you get a D or a C or above. So

772
00:44:00,480 --> 00:44:02,560
Speaker 1: if you get a D, like I was terrible at math,

773
00:44:02,760 --> 00:44:04,800
Speaker 1: If I got a D and it came up designed

774
00:44:04,880 --> 00:44:07,680
Speaker 1: when a working permit was that I had to be renewed,

775
00:44:07,920 --> 00:44:12,000
Speaker 1: I couldn't work until the next cycle the working permit happened,

776
00:44:12,000 --> 00:44:15,920
Speaker 1: and the work permit happened, and luckily it never happened.

777
00:44:15,920 --> 00:44:19,200
Speaker 1: It always felt safely for me. So that's why many,

778
00:44:19,400 --> 00:44:23,120
Speaker 1: you know, parents put their children into these professional schools

779
00:44:23,320 --> 00:44:25,080
Speaker 1: so that they can kind of slide them through so

780
00:44:25,120 --> 00:44:28,520
Speaker 1: they can keep working. Whereas my parents insisted we go

781
00:44:28,560 --> 00:44:32,360
Speaker 1: to regular schools, which I applaud them for, but it

782
00:44:32,400 --> 00:44:35,000
Speaker 1: didn't make it any easier to go in and out.

783
00:44:35,120 --> 00:44:39,360
Speaker 1: And all of those things, the stability to growing pains helped,

784
00:44:39,600 --> 00:44:42,240
Speaker 1: you know, once I got distability and one teacher and

785
00:44:42,280 --> 00:44:45,320
Speaker 1: all that time getting through high school that it definitely helped.

786
00:44:45,600 --> 00:44:47,839
Speaker 1: It wasn't great going back in March. It's like, you know,

787
00:44:48,120 --> 00:45:00,359
Speaker 1: Carol Seefer's here, and you know, but it was okay.

788
00:45:04,600 --> 00:45:07,120
Speaker 1: But finding my voice with the anorexia was the really

789
00:45:07,120 --> 00:45:09,720
Speaker 1: big thing. And I never intended to be the voice

790
00:45:09,840 --> 00:45:15,439
Speaker 1: of anorexia, but you know, I grew into the role

791
00:45:15,600 --> 00:45:19,080
Speaker 1: because I think that there were so many misconceptions about it.

792
00:45:19,200 --> 00:45:22,360
Speaker 1: Then misconception I think I hate the most as sasidanity.

793
00:45:22,840 --> 00:45:25,719
Speaker 1: It's about you know, you know, as much as I

794
00:45:25,719 --> 00:45:28,040
Speaker 1: love my People magazine cover, it does see starving for beauty,

795
00:45:28,200 --> 00:45:31,560
Speaker 1: which is a little life that's not really the point,

796
00:45:31,760 --> 00:45:38,239
Speaker 1: but you know, it was nineteen ninety two, but you know,

797
00:45:38,719 --> 00:45:40,840
Speaker 1: just letting people know this is a real disease. And

798
00:45:41,280 --> 00:45:44,440
Speaker 1: I became a voice and I did a whole prime

799
00:45:44,480 --> 00:45:47,840
Speaker 1: time live thing with Diane Sawyer. She followed me for

800
00:45:47,880 --> 00:45:49,840
Speaker 1: a year, and I swear I wanted to quit a

801
00:45:49,920 --> 00:45:51,840
Speaker 1: zillion times. They had me have it. It was like

802
00:45:51,920 --> 00:45:54,400
Speaker 1: kind of the beginning of reality TV. Like camera and

803
00:45:54,400 --> 00:45:56,120
Speaker 1: if I was having a moment where I wouldn't eat,

804
00:45:56,200 --> 00:45:58,719
Speaker 1: my dad would pull up the camera. Tracy, how are

805
00:45:58,719 --> 00:46:00,879
Speaker 1: you feeling about this? If you put that camera down,

806
00:46:00,880 --> 00:46:02,520
Speaker 1: I don't want to talk about it, So tell me

807
00:46:02,560 --> 00:46:06,200
Speaker 1: how you're feeling right now. Like that. But in turn,

808
00:46:06,560 --> 00:46:11,399
Speaker 1: it really did turn into a great piece and very

809
00:46:11,440 --> 00:46:14,480
Speaker 1: monumental for me because at that point, also, you know,

810
00:46:14,680 --> 00:46:17,360
Speaker 1: in all my best intentions of getting better, I continue

811
00:46:17,400 --> 00:46:19,439
Speaker 1: to lose weight and I got to a dangerous way

812
00:46:19,880 --> 00:46:22,279
Speaker 1: to a wait where one night I couldn't sleep and

813
00:46:22,520 --> 00:46:25,959
Speaker 1: I thought to myself, oh my god, if I were

814
00:46:26,040 --> 00:46:29,120
Speaker 1: to die tonight at twenty three, nobody would have to

815
00:46:29,360 --> 00:46:31,200
Speaker 1: guess why. They said. One look at me and they

816
00:46:31,239 --> 00:46:34,000
Speaker 1: would know what happened. And I'm like, I can't let

817
00:46:34,080 --> 00:46:36,560
Speaker 1: that happen. I don't want that to happen. I had

818
00:46:36,600 --> 00:46:38,719
Speaker 1: a boyfriend I was madly in love with you I

819
00:46:38,760 --> 00:46:41,879
Speaker 1: wanted to get married to and he was not going

820
00:46:41,920 --> 00:46:46,239
Speaker 1: to tolerate an Anarexic wife. He was there and supportive

821
00:46:46,280 --> 00:46:49,600
Speaker 1: and helpful, but he needed me to get better and

822
00:46:49,640 --> 00:46:52,359
Speaker 1: to work on this and not to stay stuck in

823
00:46:52,920 --> 00:46:55,920
Speaker 1: that place. And he loved me enough to push me

824
00:46:56,000 --> 00:47:00,360
Speaker 1: to that direction that, like Tracy, this is unacceptable. You

825
00:47:00,560 --> 00:47:04,759
Speaker 1: have to fight. And I thought, you know, one of

826
00:47:04,760 --> 00:47:07,600
Speaker 1: the things I teach you when you're recovering from anorexia

827
00:47:08,280 --> 00:47:12,680
Speaker 1: is you know, what are you losing by staying this thin,

828
00:47:12,840 --> 00:47:15,600
Speaker 1: holding onto this beast? A lot of girls name it

829
00:47:15,640 --> 00:47:17,399
Speaker 1: and stuff like that. I never do anything like that,

830
00:47:17,760 --> 00:47:21,880
Speaker 1: but holding onto this control, what are you losing? And

831
00:47:21,920 --> 00:47:24,719
Speaker 1: I thought to myself, well, I'm going to lose the

832
00:47:24,760 --> 00:47:28,680
Speaker 1: best thing that star happening to me, and that's my boyfriend.

833
00:47:29,360 --> 00:47:32,279
Speaker 1: I'm going to lose my career, which I care so

834
00:47:32,360 --> 00:47:34,279
Speaker 1: much about it and I've worked on since I was

835
00:47:34,320 --> 00:47:38,520
Speaker 1: four years old. It's the only talent I have, you know.

836
00:47:40,320 --> 00:47:43,799
Speaker 1: And I was losing things, and I was losing, I think,

837
00:47:43,840 --> 00:47:47,279
Speaker 1: most importantly, myself. And I really started to fight and

838
00:47:47,320 --> 00:47:50,319
Speaker 1: I came in and I went to my parents' house

839
00:47:50,360 --> 00:47:52,799
Speaker 1: and I said, I guess what, I'm going to get better.

840
00:47:53,680 --> 00:47:55,239
Speaker 1: I'm actually going to get better. And I have a

841
00:47:55,280 --> 00:47:57,239
Speaker 1: goal weight and it was an eye goal weight. I

842
00:47:57,239 --> 00:47:59,160
Speaker 1: have a goal weight, and I'm going to get there

843
00:47:59,400 --> 00:48:03,759
Speaker 1: and I will not another pound. And I never lost

844
00:48:03,760 --> 00:48:06,359
Speaker 1: another pound. I didn't get to my goal weight, which

845
00:48:06,560 --> 00:48:09,759
Speaker 1: was a low waight. I look back and I'm like,

846
00:48:09,840 --> 00:48:11,960
Speaker 1: it took me a very long time to kind of

847
00:48:11,960 --> 00:48:14,480
Speaker 1: get up there. But every day I was making my

848
00:48:14,520 --> 00:48:17,400
Speaker 1: own progress. And my husband was so proud of me

849
00:48:17,520 --> 00:48:20,440
Speaker 1: because he's like, you and I know your progress. You

850
00:48:20,520 --> 00:48:23,480
Speaker 1: and I know what you're doing. Every day you're breaking

851
00:48:23,520 --> 00:48:26,439
Speaker 1: down a restriction, and every day you're doing something that's

852
00:48:26,440 --> 00:48:28,320
Speaker 1: a little more out of your comfort. So if I

853
00:48:28,360 --> 00:48:31,279
Speaker 1: see you stuck too long, I'll move you forward. And

854
00:48:33,000 --> 00:48:34,920
Speaker 1: he helped let me do it at my pace and

855
00:48:34,920 --> 00:48:38,320
Speaker 1: in my safety, safe way, so I had complete control

856
00:48:38,360 --> 00:48:40,640
Speaker 1: of my recovery. And I think, if I was going

857
00:48:40,680 --> 00:48:43,759
Speaker 1: to say anything, you know it's about child actors with

858
00:48:43,760 --> 00:48:47,440
Speaker 1: my eating disorder is so you know, identified with my

859
00:48:47,520 --> 00:48:50,560
Speaker 1: career as an actress. I can't help but like spend

860
00:48:50,600 --> 00:48:52,600
Speaker 1: a lot of time talking about it because it was

861
00:48:52,600 --> 00:48:55,320
Speaker 1: such growth, you know, from being a child actors to

862
00:48:55,320 --> 00:48:58,760
Speaker 1: an adult old woman, you know, a young woman and

863
00:48:59,000 --> 00:49:02,440
Speaker 1: you know, finding my voice and becoming a producer. And

864
00:49:02,600 --> 00:49:05,720
Speaker 1: I remember, as I'm still recovering, I'm not fully recovered.

865
00:49:05,760 --> 00:49:08,920
Speaker 1: They come to me and they say, we want to

866
00:49:08,960 --> 00:49:11,920
Speaker 1: do a movie and we're doing a movie on a

867
00:49:12,000 --> 00:49:13,200
Speaker 1: arexia and we want you to be in it. And

868
00:49:13,200 --> 00:49:16,399
Speaker 1: I'm like, I can't do that. It's too close. And

869
00:49:16,440 --> 00:49:18,120
Speaker 1: they said, can we show you the script? And which

870
00:49:18,160 --> 00:49:22,080
Speaker 1: you was a very very lovely producer, Larry Thompson, and

871
00:49:22,440 --> 00:49:24,040
Speaker 1: he said, can I send you the script and could

872
00:49:24,040 --> 00:49:25,560
Speaker 1: you give me some notes of what you think? And

873
00:49:25,600 --> 00:49:27,880
Speaker 1: I went that through that thing with a red marker

874
00:49:28,080 --> 00:49:31,759
Speaker 1: dot dot dot dot, and I'm like, this, this, this, this, this,

875
00:49:32,360 --> 00:49:35,120
Speaker 1: If you put that on TV, you're leading girls get sick.

876
00:49:35,560 --> 00:49:38,440
Speaker 1: And I said, read the script. I lived with it

877
00:49:38,480 --> 00:49:41,920
Speaker 1: a bit. I go who else to be it? I

878
00:49:42,000 --> 00:49:43,680
Speaker 1: know it the best. I'm not going to glamorize it,

879
00:49:43,680 --> 00:49:46,000
Speaker 1: because I think it's glamorized a lot. And I'm going

880
00:49:46,080 --> 00:49:47,840
Speaker 1: to make it what it really looks like. It's lonely

881
00:49:47,880 --> 00:49:50,759
Speaker 1: and it's hard. And so I did it, and I'm

882
00:49:50,840 --> 00:49:55,120
Speaker 1: very proud of it. And uh, it was an incredible

883
00:49:55,880 --> 00:49:59,560
Speaker 1: experience and I was very proud of it. It's shown in

884
00:49:59,600 --> 00:50:05,279
Speaker 1: school and yeah, you know, I always says I'm talking

885
00:50:05,320 --> 00:50:08,520
Speaker 1: about the aner Excae, the recovery. I remember when we

886
00:50:08,560 --> 00:50:11,000
Speaker 1: did the last episode of Growing Pains, of course, they

887
00:50:12,280 --> 00:50:16,200
Speaker 1: the ultimate sensitivity. They have us all sitting around in

888
00:50:16,200 --> 00:50:20,560
Speaker 1: the living room eating pizza and we're doing the dress rehearsal.

889
00:50:20,719 --> 00:50:23,279
Speaker 1: I remember one of the producers came running down to

890
00:50:25,120 --> 00:50:28,279
Speaker 1: It's like, Tracy, this is looking very fake. We can

891
00:50:28,320 --> 00:50:30,440
Speaker 1: tell you're not eating pizza. We need to take a bite.

892
00:50:31,960 --> 00:50:34,239
Speaker 1: I looked at him, like, do you think it would

893
00:50:34,239 --> 00:50:36,840
Speaker 1: be in this predicament if I could just take a

894
00:50:36,840 --> 00:50:39,920
Speaker 1: bite of this pizza. I always used to say, you

895
00:50:39,960 --> 00:50:41,600
Speaker 1: might as well just put a dead rat in front

896
00:50:41,600 --> 00:50:45,600
Speaker 1: of me and say, hey, eat the tail. Never gonna happen. So,

897
00:50:46,360 --> 00:50:48,920
Speaker 1: you know, it showed me the lack of understanding that

898
00:50:49,040 --> 00:50:53,960
Speaker 1: was out there about this illness. You know. I always

899
00:50:54,000 --> 00:50:57,719
Speaker 1: also say being a child actor, and I started this podcast,

900
00:50:58,000 --> 00:51:02,080
Speaker 1: Shannon's podcast with this is that I think the connotation

901
00:51:02,239 --> 00:51:04,920
Speaker 1: with child actor and if you can grow into being

902
00:51:05,160 --> 00:51:09,880
Speaker 1: you know, an actor as an adult, that's the golden prize.

903
00:51:10,480 --> 00:51:14,080
Speaker 1: That's that's the meaning of success. That you're a child

904
00:51:14,120 --> 00:51:17,759
Speaker 1: actress and now you can transition into be the in

905
00:51:17,840 --> 00:51:23,440
Speaker 1: the adult acting world, diminishing the success. So many people

906
00:51:23,520 --> 00:51:26,200
Speaker 1: never get to experience that they had as a child

907
00:51:27,040 --> 00:51:31,160
Speaker 1: and why take away somebody's success. It's just not a

908
00:51:31,200 --> 00:51:38,480
Speaker 1: sustainable success, you know, it's don't label it, oh, that's

909
00:51:38,520 --> 00:51:41,360
Speaker 1: a child actor. And I think too often it is

910
00:51:41,520 --> 00:51:44,719
Speaker 1: put that way, and I would like to change that

911
00:51:44,960 --> 00:51:49,160
Speaker 1: term to have something a little bit more positive. And yeah,

912
00:51:49,200 --> 00:51:51,680
Speaker 1: there are tragedies that have gone on from being a

913
00:51:51,719 --> 00:51:54,200
Speaker 1: child actor, and I think as we go on, we're

914
00:51:54,280 --> 00:51:57,279
Speaker 1: learning so much of what to do and not to do.

915
00:51:57,320 --> 00:51:59,640
Speaker 1: And I think there were very very many mistakes years

916
00:51:59,680 --> 00:52:02,880
Speaker 1: before I had the experience. It was worse to the

917
00:52:02,960 --> 00:52:05,919
Speaker 1: years I was growing up. Maybe a little better into

918
00:52:05,960 --> 00:52:09,160
Speaker 1: the years now hopefully a lot better. But I think

919
00:52:10,000 --> 00:52:13,080
Speaker 1: we would all have a shared experience of kind of

920
00:52:13,120 --> 00:52:18,040
Speaker 1: being in the system of adults telling you what to do,

921
00:52:18,120 --> 00:52:20,800
Speaker 1: and you're a child and adults world, and you're put

922
00:52:20,920 --> 00:52:29,319
Speaker 1: into unnatural position of being the kind of the an

923
00:52:29,400 --> 00:52:32,080
Speaker 1: adult working with children. You're doing the same thing that

924
00:52:32,120 --> 00:52:38,160
Speaker 1: these adults are doing. You're the same expectation and more so,

925
00:52:39,080 --> 00:52:42,640
Speaker 1: I always say have grace for child actors. I really do.

926
00:52:43,040 --> 00:52:45,960
Speaker 1: And when you say child actor should be a good thing,

927
00:52:46,239 --> 00:52:49,480
Speaker 1: should be a good thing because you did something, especially

928
00:52:49,520 --> 00:52:52,319
Speaker 1: if their careers are handled correctly. So often it's the

929
00:52:52,360 --> 00:52:54,759
Speaker 1: careers that aren't handled correctly. I was very blessed my

930
00:52:54,800 --> 00:52:57,080
Speaker 1: parents kept me out of the Hollywood scene. I had

931
00:52:57,080 --> 00:53:01,280
Speaker 1: to go home all after set home to my house

932
00:53:01,719 --> 00:53:03,880
Speaker 1: in the valley. I didn't go to parties. I was

933
00:53:03,920 --> 00:53:06,920
Speaker 1: never allowed to attend any of those you know, kid awards.

934
00:53:06,920 --> 00:53:09,200
Speaker 1: I was never allowed tottend any of those alfie parties

935
00:53:09,239 --> 00:53:12,640
Speaker 1: they had where you know there was you know, you

936
00:53:12,680 --> 00:53:15,120
Speaker 1: could find trouble. And I think there's a lot of

937
00:53:15,120 --> 00:53:19,800
Speaker 1: people in our industry that do prey on younger kids.

938
00:53:20,000 --> 00:53:23,920
Speaker 1: So I do think always having somebody looking after your

939
00:53:23,960 --> 00:53:29,360
Speaker 1: back because you are an adult world is important, and

940
00:53:29,400 --> 00:53:31,360
Speaker 1: that's why they try and put safety nets with teachers

941
00:53:31,360 --> 00:53:33,480
Speaker 1: on the sets and stuff like that. But you know,

942
00:53:33,880 --> 00:53:36,920
Speaker 1: I think if you're kept out of those worlds, I

943
00:53:36,960 --> 00:53:41,279
Speaker 1: think that's what kept me out of all of that stuff,

944
00:53:41,440 --> 00:53:43,879
Speaker 1: you know that you can kind of go through as

945
00:53:43,920 --> 00:53:46,399
Speaker 1: a teenager and a young adult. I think my honor

946
00:53:46,560 --> 00:53:50,279
Speaker 1: XIA was kind of my speaking up for myself in

947
00:53:50,320 --> 00:53:53,080
Speaker 1: a way, my rebellion. That was my kind of saying

948
00:53:53,160 --> 00:53:57,200
Speaker 1: like no. And I was lucky. I consider myself lucky

949
00:53:57,239 --> 00:54:00,239
Speaker 1: because I've had a really successful career. Careers go with

950
00:54:00,600 --> 00:54:02,759
Speaker 1: Ebbs and flows, and to be in this business you

951
00:54:02,840 --> 00:54:06,799
Speaker 1: have to have the thickest skin because for everyone that

952
00:54:06,920 --> 00:54:08,759
Speaker 1: likes you, there is name somebody who hates you. I mean,

953
00:54:09,000 --> 00:54:10,920
Speaker 1: God help us with the Internet. If I had been

954
00:54:10,960 --> 00:54:15,279
Speaker 1: a child act our teen actor with the Internet, I

955
00:54:15,280 --> 00:54:17,279
Speaker 1: don't know what I would have done. I might really

956
00:54:17,320 --> 00:54:20,560
Speaker 1: be too sensitive for that because I would go to

957
00:54:20,600 --> 00:54:23,680
Speaker 1: the newsstand every Tuesday to see what was out, you know,

958
00:54:23,960 --> 00:54:25,719
Speaker 1: inquired to see if I was in it or what

959
00:54:25,880 --> 00:54:28,320
Speaker 1: they were saying about me. And I was dreading it

960
00:54:28,360 --> 00:54:30,759
Speaker 1: and I was so scared. But to think that you

961
00:54:30,920 --> 00:54:34,240
Speaker 1: have to wake up every morning and relentlessly out there

962
00:54:34,840 --> 00:54:43,319
Speaker 1: is just beyond comprehension. So I just I have a

963
00:54:43,320 --> 00:54:47,480
Speaker 1: lot of heart for kid actors in this social media age,

964
00:54:47,560 --> 00:54:52,640
Speaker 1: you know. And I consider my career success, you know.

965
00:54:52,680 --> 00:54:54,200
Speaker 1: I used to think that when I was a kid,

966
00:54:54,200 --> 00:54:56,239
Speaker 1: if I don't win in an Academy award, it'll all

967
00:54:56,280 --> 00:55:00,040
Speaker 1: be for knock. Now I still have time, but I

968
00:55:00,080 --> 00:55:04,480
Speaker 1: have not come to fuition yet. I never say that.

969
00:55:06,160 --> 00:55:10,440
Speaker 1: But I have four beautiful children. I have been blessed

970
00:55:10,480 --> 00:55:14,920
Speaker 1: with the most amazing family. My husband is my you know.

971
00:55:15,320 --> 00:55:20,240
Speaker 1: People say like, oh, you're lasted in Hollywood all these years,

972
00:55:20,280 --> 00:55:23,600
Speaker 1: you know, you know, thirty five years, and it's the secret.

973
00:55:23,680 --> 00:55:28,279
Speaker 1: I think it's simple, just finding the right person. And

974
00:55:28,320 --> 00:55:31,840
Speaker 1: that's what it was. And I got extremely lucky. And

975
00:55:31,880 --> 00:55:36,040
Speaker 1: we have we found each other, you know, and we're

976
00:55:36,080 --> 00:55:38,239
Speaker 1: smart enough to know that we have found each other.

977
00:55:38,880 --> 00:55:43,440
Speaker 1: And so you know, I'm I'm blessed with a lot

978
00:55:43,440 --> 00:55:49,360
Speaker 1: of riches and I I'm so honored to do this

979
00:55:49,440 --> 00:55:55,000
Speaker 1: and I think I'm speaking for women and I speak,

980
00:55:56,360 --> 00:56:00,239
Speaker 1: you know, on Shannon's podcast and thinking about us, I

981
00:56:00,239 --> 00:56:03,440
Speaker 1: could cry, you know, seventh seventh grade and ninth grade,

982
00:56:03,600 --> 00:56:07,480
Speaker 1: you know, and where your life would go. And she

983
00:56:07,520 --> 00:56:10,080
Speaker 1: should be so proud of herself and the way she

984
00:56:10,160 --> 00:56:15,080
Speaker 1: raised the voice for women and this podcast and to

985
00:56:15,080 --> 00:56:18,520
Speaker 1: be able to be a part of bringing it to

986
00:56:18,600 --> 00:56:22,959
Speaker 1: you and helping keep it alive. I just think that's

987
00:56:24,040 --> 00:56:28,799
Speaker 1: a real blessing. And I'm such a talker. I could

988
00:56:28,840 --> 00:56:32,080
Speaker 1: tell you so much more. I think I've probably spoken

989
00:56:32,120 --> 00:56:34,840
Speaker 1: a lot and I've brought you to kind of my

990
00:56:35,040 --> 00:56:38,799
Speaker 1: full circle journey. There's so much more to tell. Maybe

991
00:56:38,880 --> 00:56:41,279
Speaker 1: next time, all right, be well,