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Speaker 1: Hello. Hi, is this Ethan's mom? Yes, it is him.

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Speaker 1: My name is mister Swanson. I'm going to be subbing

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Speaker 1: for Ethan's third grade teacher, Miss Beam, while she's out

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Speaker 1: on maternity leave for the next couple of months. Oh. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: it's nice to meet you. Yeah, nice to meet you too. Um.

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Speaker 1: I've got all her lesson plans. I do want to

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Speaker 1: let you know. The one thing that I'm going to

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Speaker 1: be changing is her reading schedule though, kind of give

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Speaker 1: the kids something a little more meaty to grab onto. Okay,

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Speaker 1: what were you? What were you changing up? It's currently

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Speaker 1: on the best seller list. You may have heard of it.

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Speaker 1: It's called Fifty Shades of Gray? Is it a joke? Now?

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Speaker 1: I never joke about education, Okay, Um, so no, I'm

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Speaker 1: not joking at all. I think this is an important

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Speaker 1: read for our children. There's nothing educational about that book whatsoever.

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Speaker 1: Have you read it to know that, man? No, I haven't,

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Speaker 1: But I'll tell you what I have heard about it.

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Speaker 1: And it is being counted as mommy porn. Okay, that's

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Speaker 1: finitely not something that's the strong words. I think it's

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Speaker 1: more of a book about human triumph and until you've

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Speaker 1: read it, you wouldn't be able to really judge fairly. No,

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Speaker 1: I'm sorry, I'm going to tell you right now. I

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Speaker 1: don't need to read it to know what it's about.

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Speaker 1: I'll just read you some excerpts here. My thoughts are scattering.

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Speaker 1: There's only one sensation, only him, only me. Oh please,

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Speaker 1: I stiffen. There is no way you are going to

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Speaker 1: have my son read that book. Oh, I Steffen, there

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Speaker 1: is nothing in that that's appropriate. You know that these

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Speaker 1: kids haven't even gone through puberty. How about this line?

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Speaker 1: I'd like to bite that lip, he whispers darkly. Geez,

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Speaker 1: I'm quivering. Oh it's not a chance. A moist mess.

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Speaker 1: He hasn't even touched you listening to yourself? Are you

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Speaker 1: listening to what these words mean? Are you listening to

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Speaker 1: what I just read? Didn't you hear the use of

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Speaker 1: the word moist and how powerful that was? Not to

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Speaker 1: be kidding me? That is that is straight porn. Read

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Speaker 1: you another line here, I've found some baby oil. I

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Speaker 1: put enough. I'm sorry, I don't need to hear any

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Speaker 1: more excerpts. You ask for my permission. I am telling

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Speaker 1: you absolutely not let me rub it on your behind.

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Speaker 1: This is turning into it's a phone called it is inappropriate.

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Speaker 1: Christians squirts baby oil onto his hand and then rubs

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Speaker 1: my behind it with careful tess. You need to stop

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Speaker 1: right now. You need to stop reading that to me.

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Speaker 1: That is not going to be anywhere near my I apologize,

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Speaker 1: I've never met you before, but would you classify yourself

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Speaker 1: as a book burning hippie who's into censorship, because that's

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Speaker 1: what I'm getting from you. Man, you sound like a

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Speaker 1: completely idiot. There is absolutely nothing okay with what you're

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Speaker 1: talking about. I'm not the one to blame here. Your husband,

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Speaker 1: Eric actually is okay, So get off my back. How

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Speaker 1: is my husband Eric any part of this? Because this

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Speaker 1: is actually jew from Brook and Jewel in the morning.

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Speaker 1: I'm moving on eighty two point five doing a phone

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Speaker 1: tap on you. I'm so sorry I called you an idiot.

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Speaker 1: That's fine, You're probably right. Your husband Eric set you up.

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Speaker 1: He said you've been thinking about buying fitzy shades of gray.

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Speaker 1: Oh my god, I am so embarrassed. You're pervert. Sorry. No,

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Speaker 1: Wake Up every morning with jubil foone taps weekday mornings

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Speaker 1: on the twenties Hot five