WEBVTT - Healing Through Music with Elliot McKenzie 0:00:01.000 --> 0:00:04.920 Please be advised the following episode contains references to violence 0:00:05.040 --> 0:00:13.520 and may not be suitable for all audiences. Welcome to 0:00:13.640 --> 0:00:16.640 Veterans you should Know a podcast from My Heart Radio 0:00:16.760 --> 0:00:19.640 that celebrates the men and women who have honorably answered 0:00:19.640 --> 0:00:22.560 a call to serve their country and the armed forces. 0:00:23.160 --> 0:00:27.960 I'm Rob Real, actor, comedian, and former Marine raw In 0:00:28.120 --> 0:00:31.800 this special series Honoring Veterans Day, I'll be speaking with 0:00:31.840 --> 0:00:35.920 four incredible veterans as they detail challenges they've faced and 0:00:36.000 --> 0:00:39.960 how their experiences in military service served them in their 0:00:40.040 --> 0:00:43.880 everyday civilian lives. The therapist that I talked to you 0:00:43.960 --> 0:00:46.680 at this VET center, she was very very good at 0:00:46.720 --> 0:00:51.960 explaining the science behind PTSD, and so she said, you 0:00:52.240 --> 0:00:54.120 mentioned to me that you you'd like to sing, and 0:00:54.200 --> 0:00:56.040 that you were writing songs in your car when you 0:00:56.080 --> 0:00:58.560 were homeless and doing this in that right, and she said, 0:00:58.600 --> 0:01:01.080 you know, you can use that as a form of 0:01:01.360 --> 0:01:08.119 natural therapy for your depression, in your anxiety. For this episode, 0:01:08.160 --> 0:01:14.200 I'm here with fellow Maureene Elliott Mackenzie. Elliott received highly 0:01:14.240 --> 0:01:18.520 specialized training as part of the Fleet Anti Terrorism Security 0:01:18.600 --> 0:01:22.959 Team and Presidential Support duty. His combat experience during his 0:01:23.000 --> 0:01:27.120 deployment to Iraq resulted in post traumatic stress disorder and 0:01:27.360 --> 0:01:32.039 severe depression. Music has been a new way forward for Elliott. 0:01:32.640 --> 0:01:36.800 He writes to inspire and uses his songs to communicate 0:01:37.200 --> 0:01:41.640 his personal experiences, hoping that by sharing his music he 0:01:41.680 --> 0:01:46.320 can foster understanding and help others through tough times as well. 0:01:53.320 --> 0:01:56.320 Welcome Elliott, Glad you're here. Thanks Rob. How are you doing. 0:01:56.560 --> 0:02:00.040 I'm doing great? Thank you. Um. Before we get to 0:02:00.200 --> 0:02:04.040 your music career and which is outstanding and I'm very 0:02:04.080 --> 0:02:08.280 proud of you, I would like to go back. Since 0:02:08.320 --> 0:02:10.480 we are this is a veterans you should know. We 0:02:10.320 --> 0:02:13.240 we want to talk obviously about your time in the military, 0:02:13.360 --> 0:02:16.359 time in the Marine Corps and the army. How did 0:02:16.400 --> 0:02:19.119 you find your way to the military. How did your 0:02:19.200 --> 0:02:23.040 life and the military begin. So my journey with the 0:02:23.080 --> 0:02:29.240 military began in junior high. Actually, do you remember that 0:02:29.600 --> 0:02:33.280 famous Marine Corps commercial with the marine standing on that 0:02:33.320 --> 0:02:39.200 bridge with the dragon? Yeah, exactly, So that commercial is 0:02:39.240 --> 0:02:45.560 what got me. If you the Proud the Marine, that 0:02:45.680 --> 0:02:48.760 commercial is what drew me in and what attracted me 0:02:48.800 --> 0:02:52.800 to the Marine Corps initially, and then from there it 0:02:52.919 --> 0:02:58.480 was just a good fit because I was really physically 0:02:58.520 --> 0:03:01.200 active so I was physically fit, I played football, I 0:03:01.240 --> 0:03:04.359 was in sports. I just I like to work out myself. 0:03:04.880 --> 0:03:07.080 So I felt like culturally the Marine Corps was a 0:03:07.080 --> 0:03:09.640 good fit for me. It's something that can make my 0:03:09.720 --> 0:03:12.600 family proud. And then also it would buy me some 0:03:12.720 --> 0:03:15.960 time because I didn't really know myself when I was 0:03:16.000 --> 0:03:17.760 in high school and junior high. Didn't know what I 0:03:17.760 --> 0:03:20.240 wanted to do with my life. I hadn't really figured 0:03:20.320 --> 0:03:24.000 that part out yet. I knew that college probably wasn't 0:03:24.000 --> 0:03:27.320 really an option, and so I figured, Hey, I've wanted 0:03:27.320 --> 0:03:29.000 to be a marine since I was in junior high. 0:03:29.280 --> 0:03:30.680 Let's go into the Marine Corps. And it's a good 0:03:30.720 --> 0:03:32.919 fit for me too. So that's kind of what led 0:03:32.960 --> 0:03:36.000 me to becoming a marine. That's awesome. Uh, And I 0:03:36.040 --> 0:03:37.720 know what you're talking about. I've had I've actually okay, 0:03:37.720 --> 0:03:39.840 I go back to the first thing, that commercial. I've 0:03:39.880 --> 0:03:41.880 talked to a couple of marines that have said that 0:03:41.920 --> 0:03:45.080 commercial was one of the reasons that hooked him in earlier. 0:03:45.280 --> 0:03:48.200 So that's so funny you said that too. Now you joined. 0:03:48.240 --> 0:03:50.400 Let's go back, so we get a time frame on this. 0:03:51.040 --> 0:03:54.840 You joined, We're talking around two thousand three, so pretty 0:03:54.920 --> 0:03:58.600 much right at the beginning of the major hostilities. I 0:03:58.640 --> 0:04:02.760 know we were engaged is Afghanistan two thousand two two, 0:04:02.960 --> 0:04:05.360 but two thousand three, ye is when Iraq started, and 0:04:05.400 --> 0:04:08.800 that's about the time you joined. What did your family 0:04:08.840 --> 0:04:12.920 think about you joining a Marine Corps right at the 0:04:12.960 --> 0:04:16.960 threshold of what appeared to be some major wars going forward? 0:04:17.720 --> 0:04:24.440 So my mom was not thrilled, right, but she knew 0:04:24.839 --> 0:04:27.679 that I wanted to be a marine from a young age. 0:04:28.240 --> 0:04:30.760 I had all the Marine Corps mooto stuff from the 0:04:30.800 --> 0:04:34.840 recruiter's office in my room. Even after Iraq and Leven 0:04:34.880 --> 0:04:37.479 happened and we went to war, she knew that wasn't 0:04:37.520 --> 0:04:40.360 going to prevent me from going in, so she kind 0:04:40.360 --> 0:04:42.920 of prepared for it, and she kind of told me, like, 0:04:43.000 --> 0:04:45.039 I know this is what you want to do, but 0:04:45.720 --> 0:04:47.200 I also know that we're in the middle of al 0:04:47.200 --> 0:04:50.440 war right now that just started, so I'm kind of nervous, 0:04:50.480 --> 0:04:53.120 But this is your dream. Go get your dream. My 0:04:53.160 --> 0:04:55.839 mom was very supportive. I was raised by a single 0:04:55.880 --> 0:04:59.320 mother who was an amazing parent. She adopted myself along 0:04:59.320 --> 0:05:01.039 with three other kids, and gave us lives that we 0:05:01.040 --> 0:05:03.640 would have never had without her. Oh my gosh. I'm 0:05:03.680 --> 0:05:06.960 grateful for her to this day. The support was always 0:05:07.000 --> 0:05:09.920 there from the beginning, with a little hesitation because she 0:05:10.000 --> 0:05:12.520 knew that I was gonna be possibly going to Iraq, 0:05:12.640 --> 0:05:17.680 which I ended up doing. Wow, what an amazing lady 0:05:17.720 --> 0:05:20.680 to adopt as a single mother and take on the 0:05:21.240 --> 0:05:24.840 challenge of raising truly inspirational I. But she's a very 0:05:24.839 --> 0:05:28.240 special lady. Oh yeah, absolutely, and she was probably very 0:05:28.240 --> 0:05:31.400 worried about her baby. Listen, the youngest of all. He's 0:05:31.440 --> 0:05:36.680 going off to war. That's a big deal. Elliot knew 0:05:36.760 --> 0:05:39.040 he wanted to be a Marine since the ninth grade, 0:05:39.560 --> 0:05:42.520 so he enthusiastically signed up as soon as he could, 0:05:42.920 --> 0:05:45.279 but he still had his senior year of high school 0:05:45.360 --> 0:05:49.800 to complete the Marine Corps Delayed Entry Program a k 0:05:49.880 --> 0:05:53.680 A depth allowed him to train for an entire year 0:05:54.160 --> 0:05:58.359 before heading to boot camp. During this time, Elliott learned 0:05:58.440 --> 0:06:01.760 the expectations of what it meant to be a marine, 0:06:02.240 --> 0:06:05.320 allowing him to put his feet in the yellow footprints, 0:06:05.839 --> 0:06:09.560 a term that signifies the first step of a transition 0:06:09.800 --> 0:06:14.799 into a United States Marine. All his preparation paid off, 0:06:14.839 --> 0:06:18.920 and Elliott was selected for presidential support duty, an elite 0:06:18.960 --> 0:06:21.840 team of security Forces who are charged with the protection 0:06:22.160 --> 0:06:26.880 of the president of the United States, not your everyday assignments. 0:06:27.680 --> 0:06:30.680 Before he could go on to such specialized training, he 0:06:30.720 --> 0:06:33.719 had to complete the second phase after boot Camp s 0:06:33.760 --> 0:06:38.800 o I, the School of Infantry. So this is where 0:06:38.839 --> 0:06:40.839 my story in the Marine Corp gets kind of interesting. 0:06:41.200 --> 0:06:43.760 While I was in recruit training, one of my drill 0:06:43.800 --> 0:06:47.200 instructors pulls me aside and he's like, you've been selected 0:06:47.240 --> 0:06:50.920 for this unique job. Go here at this time tomorrow 0:06:50.960 --> 0:06:53.120 and I'm like, Roger that sir. I show up and 0:06:53.160 --> 0:06:56.000 there's other recruits in the room. There's probably about fifteen 0:06:56.040 --> 0:06:58.839 of us, and they basically tell us, you guys have 0:06:58.920 --> 0:07:02.880 been selected for what's called Presidential support duty or Yankee 0:07:02.920 --> 0:07:06.279 White as submarines might know it. So the process for 0:07:06.320 --> 0:07:08.839 that is you go to recruit training, you graduate, you 0:07:08.880 --> 0:07:11.920 go to s o I. But then after s o I, 0:07:11.920 --> 0:07:15.160 I went to Security Forces training because Yankee White is 0:07:15.240 --> 0:07:17.800 part of security forces. So you have to go into 0:07:17.840 --> 0:07:22.000 Security Forces school and become a security Marine before you 0:07:22.040 --> 0:07:25.400 can go into Presidential support duty. So for people at 0:07:25.440 --> 0:07:29.520 home that might not know security forces, that includes embassy 0:07:29.600 --> 0:07:33.640 type security duties. It includes guarding nukes, with the Navy. 0:07:34.000 --> 0:07:38.200 Uh so it's really high profile, a little more advanced 0:07:38.520 --> 0:07:41.800 security training than you know, your rank and file marine 0:07:41.800 --> 0:07:46.320 would receive by far right, So I go to Security 0:07:46.320 --> 0:07:50.120 Forces training and then I got orders to the wrong 0:07:50.240 --> 0:07:53.880 place somehow. The staff at the Security Forces school got 0:07:53.920 --> 0:07:58.000 me orders to a FAST platoon. So FAST is another 0:07:58.080 --> 0:08:00.840 element of Security Forces and it an acronym and it 0:08:00.880 --> 0:08:05.040 stands for Fleet Anti Terrorism Security Team. And basically, in 0:08:05.080 --> 0:08:08.119 a nutshell, what FAST is, it's a Marine Corps squat 0:08:08.200 --> 0:08:11.880 team that's trained to go into buildings like embassies and 0:08:11.920 --> 0:08:14.360 take them back if they've been taken over, like recently 0:08:14.920 --> 0:08:17.680 there was the Iraq embassy that was taken over. They 0:08:17.720 --> 0:08:19.720 sent it, I believe it was three FAST platoons to 0:08:19.760 --> 0:08:23.880 go in there and take it back. That's a lot 0:08:23.880 --> 0:08:26.600 of specialized training it is. It was actually really fun. 0:08:26.680 --> 0:08:28.880 The training with FAST was a lot of fun. And 0:08:28.920 --> 0:08:31.800 then I got sent to my primary MS which was 0:08:32.040 --> 0:08:35.120 three eleven at Camp Pendleton's and that's when I went 0:08:35.160 --> 0:08:40.360 to Iraq. In two thousand five, Elliott was ordered to 0:08:40.400 --> 0:08:43.520 the first Battalion, fifth Marines. Up unto that point, his 0:08:43.600 --> 0:08:46.959 duties that kept in state side. His new assignment a 0:08:47.120 --> 0:08:52.880 combat deployment to Iraq. So what happens you joined one 0:08:52.920 --> 0:08:56.480 five and you go to Iraq? Holy cal Um, can 0:08:56.520 --> 0:08:58.760 you tell us about that? What was that experience? Like? 0:08:59.600 --> 0:09:01.760 Joining one five was unique because, like I said, I 0:09:01.800 --> 0:09:04.120 had been in security forces for a little bit and 0:09:04.160 --> 0:09:07.600 that was where my experience was. The fleet as we 0:09:07.679 --> 0:09:09.959 call it, which is basically all the infantry battions in 0:09:10.000 --> 0:09:13.520 the Marine Corps, is different in the fact that the 0:09:14.440 --> 0:09:18.160 I guess, the level of camaraderie is brought up because 0:09:18.200 --> 0:09:21.680 those are the battalions that are going to combat in Iraq, Afghanistan, etcetera. 0:09:22.080 --> 0:09:23.600 So I got there and it was like an instant 0:09:23.640 --> 0:09:25.560 brotherhood and I loved that about it. I was like 0:09:25.800 --> 0:09:28.880 brought right in. So I get there in two thousand 0:09:28.920 --> 0:09:32.080 five and early, like January two five, and then we 0:09:32.160 --> 0:09:35.400 leave for Ramadi in I think it was in March 0:09:35.520 --> 0:09:39.360 two thousand five. So two months later I'm in Ramadi, Iraq, 0:09:39.679 --> 0:09:42.680 and I'm in combat. It was a very quick turnaround, 0:09:43.520 --> 0:09:47.840 a very quick turnaround. And as you transition from state 0:09:47.920 --> 0:09:52.400 side and prepping for deployment, and then within the blank 0:09:52.400 --> 0:09:55.800 of an eye, it feels like you find yourself walking 0:09:55.840 --> 0:09:58.640 the streets of Ramadi, and I'm sure that you have 0:09:58.760 --> 0:10:02.559 some harrowing experience this is over there with the insurgents, 0:10:02.800 --> 0:10:05.839 the terrorists, all kinds, all kinds of people over their 0:10:05.840 --> 0:10:09.920 cousin hate and discontent, especially during that time frame when 0:10:09.960 --> 0:10:12.280 you found yourself on the pointy end of the spear, 0:10:12.360 --> 0:10:15.800 as they say, and you're you're out on patrol. What 0:10:15.880 --> 0:10:17.720 were you thinking? I mean, did you feel like you 0:10:17.760 --> 0:10:20.600 were ready when you got there? So I have a 0:10:20.600 --> 0:10:22.920 story for you. So it's kind of funny. So the 0:10:23.000 --> 0:10:25.160 moment that that lightbulb went off, when I kind of 0:10:25.200 --> 0:10:27.920 realized that, I was like, oh crap, I'm really in combat. 0:10:27.960 --> 0:10:32.280 This isn't training anymore. So we get there and one 0:10:32.320 --> 0:10:33.880 of the first things I'm thinking is I gotta go 0:10:33.920 --> 0:10:37.160 to the bathroom. So I jumped to a porter potty 0:10:37.320 --> 0:10:39.000 and I'm in this porter potty and I'm doing a 0:10:39.080 --> 0:10:41.920 number two, and all of a sudden, I hear this 0:10:42.000 --> 0:10:45.080 weird whistling sound is feed. I'm like, what is that? 0:10:45.640 --> 0:10:48.680 And then all of a sudden I hear boom and 0:10:48.960 --> 0:10:52.200 a mortar went off. I'm guessing it was probably about 0:10:53.040 --> 0:10:56.000 fifty yards maybe Les's probably like between thirty and fifty 0:10:56.080 --> 0:10:59.559 yards away. From my porter potty on the base and 0:11:00.000 --> 0:11:02.440 the door flew open. The ground started shaking a little 0:11:02.440 --> 0:11:04.640 bit during the explosion, like the rocks and the inside 0:11:04.640 --> 0:11:08.480 the porter party flew up, and I was like, oh crap, Okay, 0:11:08.520 --> 0:11:11.559 this is real, Like this isn't training anymore, Like that 0:11:11.679 --> 0:11:14.680 was a real explosion, Like okay. So that was when 0:11:14.720 --> 0:11:16.760 I kind of like flipped from like okay, I was 0:11:16.800 --> 0:11:21.880 in training mode to like, okay, this is actual combat now. Yeah, 0:11:21.920 --> 0:11:25.000 there's a moment when either a bullet goes by or 0:11:25.160 --> 0:11:27.959 mortar hits close by, that you realize someone's trying to 0:11:28.000 --> 0:11:32.280 hurt you. And it's different. It's just different. Um. I 0:11:32.280 --> 0:11:35.960 assumed that you you finished your dump pretty quickly. Oh yeah, 0:11:36.200 --> 0:11:38.240 I Um, I pulled my pants up and then I 0:11:38.320 --> 0:11:40.880 ran straight over to the where my platoon was and 0:11:40.920 --> 0:11:43.880 I was like, what was that you guys? So yeah 0:11:43.880 --> 0:11:45.920 it was that was at that moment. I never wanted 0:11:45.960 --> 0:11:49.800 you never want to die on the craper. So tell 0:11:49.880 --> 0:11:52.160 us about your missions if you would real quick. Uh, 0:11:52.320 --> 0:11:54.480 you we found yourself over there on foot patrols, you said, 0:11:54.480 --> 0:11:58.520 a lot, and and where are you looking for weapons? Caches? 0:11:58.559 --> 0:12:00.720 Where you looking for bad guy? Is? Were you just 0:12:00.840 --> 0:12:03.920 doing security to make sure your perimeter was safe. Like 0:12:04.040 --> 0:12:05.800 what what did you find yourself doing most of the 0:12:05.800 --> 0:12:08.720 time when you were out there and really exposed. You know, 0:12:09.040 --> 0:12:12.360 in this type of war, as we learned with I. E. D. S, 0:12:12.440 --> 0:12:16.200 and there is no necessarily front everywhere. It's a three 0:12:16.240 --> 0:12:19.600 sixty battle space, So everywhere you look in turn, there's 0:12:19.720 --> 0:12:22.240 danger everywhere, which is causes a whole another level of 0:12:22.280 --> 0:12:27.920 anxiety exactly. So when you're over there, your radar, as 0:12:27.920 --> 0:12:30.880 I like to call it, is completely on twenty four 0:12:30.920 --> 0:12:33.640 hours a day, seven days a week, your anxieties through 0:12:33.640 --> 0:12:37.280 the roof your your level of awareness is super high. 0:12:37.360 --> 0:12:41.160 So our average day would consist of three two to 0:12:41.200 --> 0:12:43.839 three foot patrols. And so the r o E or 0:12:43.880 --> 0:12:46.240 the rules of engagement over there were that we were 0:12:46.280 --> 0:12:49.280 not allowed to fire or shoot until we were shot 0:12:49.360 --> 0:12:56.000 at first. We'd go into foot patrol and just wait 0:12:56.040 --> 0:12:58.600 to get shot at. That was how we operated because 0:12:58.640 --> 0:13:01.280 we couldn't find the enemy until they found us first. 0:13:02.480 --> 0:13:05.679 If we did, then we'd engage and we get into firefights, 0:13:05.760 --> 0:13:07.360 and if we didn't, then it was just to walk 0:13:07.400 --> 0:13:10.400 around Ramadi. We came back and that was probably about 0:13:10.760 --> 0:13:15.199 ninety five of it. The other five percent we had 0:13:15.240 --> 0:13:19.000 specific missions, like specific targets that we would go look for, 0:13:19.120 --> 0:13:21.680 specific people that we would go look for, or we 0:13:21.720 --> 0:13:24.920 would also do i e. D. Sweeps with the army. Wow. 0:13:24.960 --> 0:13:27.400 So you had a full deployment, a lot of action, 0:13:27.440 --> 0:13:31.480 a lot of kinnectic environment that you had to live 0:13:31.520 --> 0:13:35.760 in every day. Uh and being outside the wire being 0:13:35.800 --> 0:13:40.680 exposed constantly. When did you decide to that you you 0:13:40.720 --> 0:13:44.199 were going to transition back to civilian life. That decision 0:13:44.320 --> 0:13:48.880 got made probably about six months before I ended up 0:13:48.920 --> 0:13:55.840 getting out. Stay tuned for more of Elliott's story after 0:13:55.880 --> 0:14:13.920 the break Welcome back to veterans you should know. So 0:14:14.080 --> 0:14:19.880 after Ramadi, we went to Okanhawa, Japan. One of my 0:14:19.960 --> 0:14:21.960 marines who knew that I liked to see, introduced me 0:14:22.000 --> 0:14:24.760 to a marine who was stationed in Okinawa who was 0:14:24.800 --> 0:14:27.200 a music producer and he had like a small recording 0:14:27.200 --> 0:14:30.240 studio set up in his barracks room, and so he 0:14:30.280 --> 0:14:31.960 was like, you guys should work together. I know you 0:14:32.040 --> 0:14:35.080 like to sing, he's a producer. Make it happen. And 0:14:35.160 --> 0:14:37.880 I ended up recording an entire album with this person, 0:14:38.320 --> 0:14:41.200 along with some other Marines who were rappers and that 0:14:41.320 --> 0:14:42.880 kind of like I guess you could say, lit a 0:14:42.960 --> 0:14:45.760 fire in me to kind of like pursue music. And 0:14:45.760 --> 0:14:48.760 that's when that really kind of like started. And there 0:14:48.800 --> 0:14:51.840 was a program at the time where if you got 0:14:51.840 --> 0:14:53.960 accepted to a college, you could actually get out of 0:14:53.960 --> 0:14:55.920 the Marine Corps up to six months earlier than your 0:14:55.920 --> 0:14:59.200 contract states. So I took advantage of that resource. So 0:14:59.240 --> 0:15:01.080 I ended up getting out of the Marine Corps because 0:15:01.120 --> 0:15:04.600 of that. So I got accepted to Musicians Institute in Hollywood, 0:15:05.160 --> 0:15:07.800 and I got out three months early. When I got 0:15:07.840 --> 0:15:11.760 back from Okinawa, I kind of like really decided to 0:15:11.800 --> 0:15:17.880 pursue music, and that's when it happened. So that's awesome 0:15:17.920 --> 0:15:21.160 because I too chose a life in the Marines and 0:15:21.240 --> 0:15:24.040 the arts, and so I have a great appreciation for 0:15:24.080 --> 0:15:28.520 what you're describing because that first taste, that first taste 0:15:28.520 --> 0:15:30.560 of it, because I I was a fan of comedy 0:15:30.640 --> 0:15:34.800 my whole life, but I never did anything until I did. 0:15:35.280 --> 0:15:37.240 And then once you do it, at first now I 0:15:37.320 --> 0:15:40.440 hated it, but then I realized that it was bigger 0:15:40.440 --> 0:15:43.280 than me and it was a calling almost as you 0:15:43.360 --> 0:15:47.840 transition out. That transition is tough for a lot of veterans, 0:15:48.480 --> 0:15:52.240 for multiple reasons, whether it's post traumatic stress disorder, whether 0:15:52.320 --> 0:15:56.240 it's actual physical wounds from the battlefield, whether it's just 0:15:56.520 --> 0:16:00.400 an ability to assimilate back to a civilian world after 0:16:00.480 --> 0:16:03.840 coming out of such a high intensity military world. Also, 0:16:04.160 --> 0:16:05.760 we have a lot of veterans that I've talked to 0:16:05.920 --> 0:16:09.840 that feel a sense of isolation because there was such 0:16:09.880 --> 0:16:12.080 a brotherhood, there was such a connection with the people 0:16:12.120 --> 0:16:13.760 they served with, and then they go back to the 0:16:13.760 --> 0:16:17.720 civilian world and they can't find that deep connection and 0:16:17.760 --> 0:16:24.040 they get isolated. Tell us about your transition. So my 0:16:24.240 --> 0:16:29.120 transition out of the Marine Corps was extremely difficult. I 0:16:29.120 --> 0:16:33.200 first started noticing the anger issues immediately when I got out. 0:16:33.280 --> 0:16:36.320 I got out in two thousand seven, and I think 0:16:36.320 --> 0:16:38.000 it was a couple of months after I got out 0:16:38.080 --> 0:16:41.920 I started noticing I was constantly piste off for no 0:16:42.040 --> 0:16:46.400 reason at all. For example, I'll be walking in a 0:16:46.440 --> 0:16:48.920 grocery store or something, or somewhere where there's a crowded 0:16:49.440 --> 0:16:52.440 place and somebody would accidentally bump into me or something 0:16:52.480 --> 0:16:55.120 like that. Them bumping aem me would piss me off 0:16:55.160 --> 0:16:57.720 and make me want to fight that complete stranger for 0:16:57.760 --> 0:17:02.080 absolutely no reason. So my adrenaline was super high, my 0:17:02.160 --> 0:17:06.040 anger was super high. My hyper awareness was always on, 0:17:06.240 --> 0:17:08.240 just like I was back in Ramadi. I was always 0:17:08.560 --> 0:17:11.880 worried about somebody attacking me from behind, from the left, 0:17:11.880 --> 0:17:13.720 from the right, from anywhere. So I would always have 0:17:13.760 --> 0:17:17.080 my head on a swivel. I felt like that switch 0:17:17.119 --> 0:17:19.320 you turn on when you go to combat. I never 0:17:19.359 --> 0:17:23.280 turned it back off. It just stayed on forever. And 0:17:23.720 --> 0:17:25.960 I went to Musicians Institute for a couple of months, 0:17:26.000 --> 0:17:29.520 but I couldn't really focus and I couldn't really succeed, 0:17:29.640 --> 0:17:33.160 so I dropped out and I ended up going back 0:17:33.160 --> 0:17:35.800 home and just kind of like working random jobs here 0:17:35.840 --> 0:17:40.040 and there. So the transition was really difficult with my 0:17:40.080 --> 0:17:43.280 mental illness. And then just remembering that I was a 0:17:43.359 --> 0:17:47.959 civilian again. Wow, that that would be incredibly challenging. And 0:17:48.040 --> 0:17:50.200 I know what it's like to stay in a fight 0:17:50.240 --> 0:17:54.879 or flight mode where you're peak awareness. And if you 0:17:54.960 --> 0:17:58.440 stay at that level, when you're constantly in fight or flight, 0:17:58.520 --> 0:18:01.520 you're the physiology of your body. It's so hard on 0:18:01.560 --> 0:18:03.679 your body to be in that state. And mentally it's 0:18:03.680 --> 0:18:06.119 hard to be in that state because as you fatigue, 0:18:06.640 --> 0:18:09.720 you get angry, and then you know the slightest. You know, 0:18:09.800 --> 0:18:12.320 a cool breeze that hits you in the wrong way 0:18:12.359 --> 0:18:16.119 could piss you off. And it's inexplicable because you're aware 0:18:16.119 --> 0:18:19.920 of yourself to a certain degree. You know that that's 0:18:19.960 --> 0:18:22.119 not right, but you still can't help but want to 0:18:22.640 --> 0:18:25.480 lash out. So what happened from there is this two 0:18:25.520 --> 0:18:28.800 thousand eight? Are you still struggling with this? So this 0:18:28.880 --> 0:18:31.000 is still two thousand seven. This is probably late two 0:18:31.040 --> 0:18:34.960 thousand seven, And I guess it all came to a 0:18:35.080 --> 0:18:38.720 head when I was at home getting ready for a job. 0:18:38.760 --> 0:18:40.639 I was working as a security guard at the time, 0:18:41.200 --> 0:18:44.760 and me and my older brother got into a verbal argument. 0:18:45.359 --> 0:18:48.600 That verbal argument turned physical, and it was just me, 0:18:48.720 --> 0:18:50.719 my mom, and my older brother living at home at 0:18:50.760 --> 0:18:54.199 the time, and this physical altercation was happening in the 0:18:54.240 --> 0:18:57.280 living room. My mom comes out of her bedroom because 0:18:57.280 --> 0:18:59.880 she hears all the commotion and she sees her two 0:19:00.040 --> 0:19:03.399 big son's physically fighting, are about to physically fight in 0:19:03.440 --> 0:19:07.280 the living room. I grab a kitchen knife and I 0:19:07.320 --> 0:19:10.160 started brandishing this kitchen knife at my brother, saying I'm 0:19:10.160 --> 0:19:12.080 gonna I'm gonna get you, I'm gonna stab you. Leave 0:19:12.119 --> 0:19:14.440 me the hell alone. Blah. Blah blah, and my mom 0:19:14.480 --> 0:19:17.840 freaks out and she calls the police. So I end 0:19:17.920 --> 0:19:20.359 up throwing the kitchen knife across the room and just 0:19:20.480 --> 0:19:22.920 walking out and like, f this, I'm gonna go to work. 0:19:23.359 --> 0:19:26.000 I'm out of here by and I see my mom 0:19:26.080 --> 0:19:27.240 on the phone with the police, so I kind of 0:19:27.320 --> 0:19:30.000 knew they were coming. So I'm walking to work. A 0:19:30.040 --> 0:19:33.400 Sheriff's department vehicle comes up and says, are you Elliott McKenzie. Yes, 0:19:33.720 --> 0:19:35.760 put your hands behind your back, et cetera, et cetera. 0:19:35.840 --> 0:19:38.240 So I get put in handcuffs. They drive me back 0:19:38.320 --> 0:19:42.200 to the house and luckily the sergeant on that call 0:19:42.359 --> 0:19:44.840 was an Army veteran, and he spoke to my mom, 0:19:45.280 --> 0:19:47.480 spoke to me, kind of got some background about what 0:19:47.520 --> 0:19:50.159 happened about my history, and he goes to me. He's like, 0:19:50.160 --> 0:19:52.480 I'm gonna give you two options. Your mom told me 0:19:52.520 --> 0:19:54.479 that you are a Marine Corps veteran who came back 0:19:54.520 --> 0:19:56.760 from Iraq and you've been having some angry issues and 0:19:56.800 --> 0:19:59.040 some things like that since you've been home. I think 0:19:59.040 --> 0:20:01.000 you might have pt D and you haven't figured it 0:20:01.000 --> 0:20:03.840 out yet. So you have two options. Like one, I 0:20:03.880 --> 0:20:05.720 can charge you with assault, with a deadly weapon for 0:20:05.720 --> 0:20:08.760 throwing the knife at your brother, or I think you 0:20:08.800 --> 0:20:10.680 need some help, and I can drive you to the 0:20:10.760 --> 0:20:13.200 v A myself. Because I'm an army veteran, I understand, 0:20:13.800 --> 0:20:15.240 and I want to see if the v A can 0:20:15.240 --> 0:20:18.119 get you some help. So obviously I took the second option. 0:20:18.160 --> 0:20:20.080 I said, drive me to the v A, see if 0:20:20.080 --> 0:20:21.560 they can get me some help. So he did that, 0:20:22.400 --> 0:20:24.720 and I think that's what ended up kind of like 0:20:24.760 --> 0:20:26.280 saving my life in a way, one of the one 0:20:26.320 --> 0:20:27.879 of the many things that ended up kind of helping 0:20:27.880 --> 0:20:29.760 me out. So he drove me to the v A 0:20:30.160 --> 0:20:33.119 that evaluated me, figured out that I had PTSD and 0:20:33.119 --> 0:20:36.520 a whole bunch of other issues. And when I got released, 0:20:36.560 --> 0:20:39.240 I called my mom my brother. I said, Hey, I'm released. 0:20:39.440 --> 0:20:43.399 Can I come back home. They were like, we're scared 0:20:43.440 --> 0:20:46.240 of you now after what happened. We don't think we 0:20:46.240 --> 0:20:47.960 can trust that you're not going to do that again. 0:20:48.040 --> 0:20:50.600 We're kind of worried about your condition. We don't know. 0:20:50.800 --> 0:20:52.960 So I had nowhere to go, so I ended up 0:20:53.000 --> 0:20:55.080 just sleeping in my car for like, I want to say, 0:20:55.080 --> 0:20:57.960 a week and half, almost two weeks, and I didn't 0:20:57.960 --> 0:20:59.960 know about resources back then, so that's why I didn't 0:21:00.000 --> 0:21:02.720 I think I had any other options. So finally, after 0:21:02.760 --> 0:21:04.440 the two weeks in my car, I'm like, I gotta 0:21:04.480 --> 0:21:06.840 do something. I can't live in my car forever. I 0:21:06.880 --> 0:21:08.840 had the number when they released me from that hospital. 0:21:08.880 --> 0:21:10.959 They gave me phone numbers, said hey, if you need anything, 0:21:11.280 --> 0:21:14.320 call us. So they ended up connecting me to a 0:21:14.320 --> 0:21:19.080 nonprofit organization that has transitional housing for homeless veterans. And 0:21:19.200 --> 0:21:21.080 I got lucky and I got a spot at one 0:21:21.119 --> 0:21:24.280 of their transitional housing facilities in Long Beach and I 0:21:24.400 --> 0:21:27.200 ended up living in that transitional housing place for about 0:21:27.200 --> 0:21:32.479 a year and a half. What a blessing though, that 0:21:32.480 --> 0:21:37.879 that police officer and former veteran recognized and took the 0:21:38.040 --> 0:21:42.080 time to ask the right questions to get you some help. 0:21:42.680 --> 0:21:46.800 God bless you know, veterans looking out for each other. Yeah, absolutely, 0:21:46.920 --> 0:21:49.040 because that's what that sounds like to me. And it 0:21:49.119 --> 0:21:53.639 gave you it sounds like a better option obviously in jail, 0:21:54.080 --> 0:21:58.320 and gave you a chance to maybe understand more about 0:21:58.359 --> 0:22:01.680 yourself and your situation. Wow, what a journey that. That 0:22:01.760 --> 0:22:04.680 must have been a hard couple of weeks in your car. Yeah, 0:22:04.760 --> 0:22:06.560 it was. I would have to go to a local 0:22:06.600 --> 0:22:08.639 park to take showers. There was a park that had 0:22:08.640 --> 0:22:10.800 a swimming pool that was open to the public, so 0:22:10.840 --> 0:22:13.080 I'd go there to take showers. I'd sleep in my 0:22:13.119 --> 0:22:17.600 back seat. I would write songs in my car when 0:22:17.640 --> 0:22:19.280 I was having a bad day, when I was having 0:22:19.400 --> 0:22:21.120