WEBVTT - CHILDREN OF THE GECK 0:00:00.120 --> 0:00:03.040 Hey everybody, it's Lyle. Just a reminder that I am 0:00:03.040 --> 0:00:06.920 going on tour to do therapy Gecko live in several 0:00:06.920 --> 0:00:09.520 cities across the United States, and I would love to 0:00:09.520 --> 0:00:12.239 see you there. I will be interviewing random folks from 0:00:12.240 --> 0:00:16.040 the audience up on stage and absolutely anything could happen. 0:00:16.440 --> 0:00:21.320 It will be very fun, very terrifying, and very geko wee. 0:00:21.360 --> 0:00:23.439 You can find the link to get tickets in your 0:00:23.480 --> 0:00:26.880 city in the episode description. Okay, let's get into the podcast. 0:00:27.080 --> 0:00:28.480 Hello, Hey, this is Kelly. 0:00:29.640 --> 0:00:30.960 Hello Kelly, how are you good? 0:00:31.040 --> 0:00:31.720 How are you doing? 0:00:32.720 --> 0:00:35.519 I'm doing good. I'm a little bit well. I just 0:00:35.640 --> 0:00:41.040 pede and now I feel like an empty vessel and 0:00:41.200 --> 0:00:45.120 your call. I'm like, I don't know how to explain this, 0:00:45.200 --> 0:00:49.680 but my pee leaving my body has now given me 0:00:49.880 --> 0:00:55.080 space to take in your call to replace. I took 0:00:55.080 --> 0:00:58.080 a little bit out of my bladder to make a 0:00:58.120 --> 0:01:01.800 little bit more space in my ear for your call. 0:01:04.280 --> 0:01:06.800 Oh, yes, that makes sense. Well this is a big one, 0:01:06.880 --> 0:01:08.319 so you'll definitely need space. 0:01:08.959 --> 0:01:11.679 Okay, let's hear it. Let's see what's up. How's uh 0:01:12.480 --> 0:01:13.480 get us? Kelly? 0:01:15.959 --> 0:01:19.600 Okay, So me and my sister we were gonna take 0:01:19.680 --> 0:01:23.680 one of those you know, little DNA test things, and 0:01:24.080 --> 0:01:27.680 our mom told us not to and we were wondering why, 0:01:27.959 --> 0:01:30.960 and so about a month later she finally told us 0:01:31.360 --> 0:01:34.360 it was because our dad that we grew up with 0:01:34.520 --> 0:01:38.399 is in our real dad, so he couldn't have kids, 0:01:38.400 --> 0:01:41.080 so she used a donor to have us. 0:01:41.880 --> 0:01:42.520 So when we. 0:01:42.520 --> 0:01:47.400 Finally did the DNA test, we matched with like a 0:01:47.560 --> 0:01:53.560 ton of people on the site. They messaged us and 0:01:53.600 --> 0:01:57.840 it turns out they are siblings and there's like seventy 0:01:57.920 --> 0:02:05.520 of them. I'm not really sure how to feel about it. 0:02:05.840 --> 0:02:08.600 They're all in this little Facebook group where they call 0:02:08.639 --> 0:02:10.160 each other brother and sister. 0:02:12.520 --> 0:02:19.440 I'm strange, did you now? Let me let me ask 0:02:19.480 --> 0:02:23.720 you this. How long have they been in this Facebook group? 0:02:24.440 --> 0:02:27.160 Like did you start the group or did you show 0:02:27.280 --> 0:02:30.120 up and take the test? And they were like, ah, more, 0:02:30.360 --> 0:02:32.880 we've been waiting. 0:02:33.320 --> 0:02:33.600 Yeah. 0:02:33.680 --> 0:02:36.359 So when I joined the group, there was already about 0:02:36.400 --> 0:02:40.519 like thirty five people in the group and they were like, oh, 0:02:40.600 --> 0:02:44.440 welcome our new siblings. 0:02:44.440 --> 0:02:51.400 Interesting. Have you made like any legitimate, meaningful connections or 0:02:51.440 --> 0:02:53.800 interactions with any of these people or is it just 0:02:54.000 --> 0:02:58.560 kind of a weird thing with strangers? 0:02:58.720 --> 0:03:04.079 I personally hasn't, but the other ones are like super 0:03:04.120 --> 0:03:08.279 close with each other. I just feel like they're taking. 0:03:08.000 --> 0:03:08.880 It a little far. 0:03:09.200 --> 0:03:12.519 I guess because I already have siblings, so I'm fine 0:03:12.560 --> 0:03:15.880 with that, but they like act like they're real brothers 0:03:15.919 --> 0:03:16.880 and sisters. 0:03:17.880 --> 0:03:21.560 It's funny because it's like a cult sort of, but 0:03:21.639 --> 0:03:25.520 it's a cult based on being related but not a family. 0:03:25.720 --> 0:03:25.919 Yeah. 0:03:26.000 --> 0:03:30.360 My my husband always called it the little cults, so 0:03:30.480 --> 0:03:31.239 that makes sense. 0:03:31.960 --> 0:03:36.200 Interesting, So you have so neither you nor your sister 0:03:36.280 --> 0:03:39.440 who you took the test with, have any interest in 0:03:40.520 --> 0:03:42.720 getting meaningfully involved in this group. 0:03:45.840 --> 0:03:49.160 I thought maybe, but then when I got in the group, 0:03:49.680 --> 0:03:53.200 I don't know. They're a little strange, like they want 0:03:53.200 --> 0:03:56.720 to go on vacations together and like hang out all 0:03:56.760 --> 0:03:59.600 the time, and I don't know, I just feel kind 0:03:59.600 --> 0:04:02.760 of weird about it. And the actual donor is. 0:04:02.720 --> 0:04:07.960 In the group as well, the guy who the father 0:04:08.160 --> 0:04:08.840 is in the group. 0:04:10.440 --> 0:04:16.160 Yeah, so I guess my dad is in there too. 0:04:14.960 --> 0:04:20.839 And how does he seem to interact with everyone? 0:04:21.360 --> 0:04:24.960 He doesn't talk as much. He's kind of quiet. But 0:04:25.440 --> 0:04:27.920 he said he did it just to like help people 0:04:28.240 --> 0:04:32.039 who can't have kids. But he posted a picture the 0:04:32.080 --> 0:04:37.440 other day because his actual daughter had a baby, and 0:04:37.480 --> 0:04:40.599 he's like, look, everyone, it's a new family member. 0:04:44.160 --> 0:04:45.760 Man. That is bizarre. 0:04:47.920 --> 0:04:51.799 Yeah, and there's so many of them, like seventy. 0:04:53.560 --> 0:04:57.599 Now did the donor start the group? 0:05:00.560 --> 0:05:02.160 I think it was. 0:05:02.400 --> 0:05:06.600 One other guy, like one of the siblings that started it. 0:05:06.720 --> 0:05:10.520 His name's like Ryan, because he's always like he's the 0:05:10.560 --> 0:05:13.320 one who posts everything and like gets them all to 0:05:13.400 --> 0:05:14.440 hang out with each other. 0:05:17.880 --> 0:05:21.080 I'm almost surprised. I don't know, I don't know what 0:05:21.120 --> 0:05:23.000 the word is for what I am when I hear this, 0:05:23.160 --> 0:05:27.440 But just just hearing that the donor is quiet and 0:05:27.520 --> 0:05:31.599 doesn't talk that much feels a lot less alarming than 0:05:31.920 --> 0:05:35.320 like if he was the one planning the vacations and 0:05:35.400 --> 0:05:39.880 the kickball leagues and whatnot that I feel like some 0:05:40.560 --> 0:05:42.480 that would be an extremely weird cult. 0:05:44.480 --> 0:05:48.520 Yes, but kind of the big issue is so my 0:05:48.960 --> 0:05:53.200 mom and my dad that raised me, they're not together anymore. 0:05:53.240 --> 0:05:57.120 They're divorced, and my mom told us that we can't 0:05:57.160 --> 0:05:59.640 tell my dad that we know that we're from a 0:05:59.680 --> 0:06:02.360 donor her because he does not want us to know. 0:06:03.040 --> 0:06:05.680 So I've been having to keep this a secret. 0:06:07.080 --> 0:06:12.000 Interesting, Why why are you What was your mom's reasoning 0:06:12.000 --> 0:06:12.240 for that. 0:06:14.680 --> 0:06:18.880 So my dad, he's he has some angry issues, I 0:06:18.920 --> 0:06:21.719 feel like, and he has like a lot of pride. 0:06:22.520 --> 0:06:25.720 So she thinks that he's going to like freak out 0:06:25.760 --> 0:06:28.800 and be really mad if we know, because she was 0:06:28.800 --> 0:06:30.760 never supposed to tell us. 0:06:31.400 --> 0:06:33.680 Interesting, why do you think she told you if she 0:06:34.240 --> 0:06:36.040 was quote never supposed to tell you. 0:06:38.120 --> 0:06:40.400 Because me and my sister we were going to do 0:06:40.600 --> 0:06:44.880 the DNA test anyway, and so she figured we would 0:06:44.960 --> 0:06:47.120 find out, so she wanted to be the one to 0:06:47.160 --> 0:06:47.960 tell us first. 0:06:48.640 --> 0:06:54.400 Okay, And you know, knowing your father, I assume you 0:06:54.440 --> 0:06:56.560 know him very well. Do you have a good relationship 0:06:56.600 --> 0:06:56.880 with him? 0:06:59.000 --> 0:07:01.360 Yeah, No, it's good. He was a little rocky there 0:07:01.520 --> 0:07:03.320 when I was a teenager, but it's good now. 0:07:03.839 --> 0:07:05.839 Okay, do you agree with your mom on the whole 0:07:06.000 --> 0:07:07.880 uh anger issues thing. 0:07:10.760 --> 0:07:15.440 Yeah, he's definitely calmed down some. But like even with 0:07:15.480 --> 0:07:18.240 my mom, my mom's remarried and so I have a 0:07:18.280 --> 0:07:22.640 stepdad and he like feels very threatened by that. Like 0:07:23.000 --> 0:07:25.600 he doesn't like that me and my stepdad are close together. 0:07:26.320 --> 0:07:29.119 So I definitely think he would probably be mad knowing 0:07:29.200 --> 0:07:30.880 I have this other guy. 0:07:32.360 --> 0:07:35.120 He would he might be mad. Yeah, if if if 0:07:36.280 --> 0:07:39.640 he doesn't like you getting with the forming a relationship 0:07:39.760 --> 0:07:42.240 with your stepdad. I don't know how he would feel 0:07:42.240 --> 0:07:44.280 about you forming relationship with the donor dad. 0:07:46.320 --> 0:07:49.120 Yeah, I definitely don't think he would like it, But 0:07:49.920 --> 0:07:52.800 I don't know. I just feel weird like lying to him. 0:07:52.840 --> 0:07:54.840 I always think about it every time we talk. 0:07:57.840 --> 0:07:59.800 Do you really okay? So again, knowing what you know 0:07:59.840 --> 0:08:05.280 about your dad, do you really think he would get 0:08:05.640 --> 0:08:10.240 extremely hostile and pissed off if he found out that 0:08:10.560 --> 0:08:11.040 you knew? 0:08:15.000 --> 0:08:16.560 I want to think about it. 0:08:17.200 --> 0:08:18.520 You probably wouldn't. 0:08:19.080 --> 0:08:21.040 I think I would need to talk to like my 0:08:21.120 --> 0:08:24.320 mom first about it, though, because I feel like he 0:08:24.320 --> 0:08:26.679 would take it out on my mom. 0:08:27.040 --> 0:08:27.320 Mmm. 0:08:28.440 --> 0:08:31.440 But but you didn't really find well okay, did you 0:08:31.480 --> 0:08:33.120 end up you took the test, didn't you? 0:08:34.960 --> 0:08:35.160 Yes? 0:08:36.280 --> 0:08:38.200 Okay, well then well then, hell, you didn't find out 0:08:38.240 --> 0:08:39.560 from your mom. You found out for the test. 0:08:42.080 --> 0:08:45.520 Oh, yes, okay, Maybe I'll just do it that way. 0:08:46.240 --> 0:08:48.760 Yeah, you didn't find out for your mom. You found 0:08:48.760 --> 0:08:50.520 out about it from the test. That's how you got 0:08:50.520 --> 0:08:52.040 into this weird Facebook group. 0:08:54.240 --> 0:08:55.959 Yes, my Facebook cult group. 0:08:57.600 --> 0:08:57.960 Hmmm. 0:08:58.200 --> 0:09:00.560 Just so okay, I'll try it that way. 0:09:01.120 --> 0:09:03.520 In the back of your minds tell me this. Are 0:09:03.559 --> 0:09:08.040 you even slightly considering going on any of these vacations, 0:09:08.080 --> 0:09:09.640 even if there was just a little lunch. 0:09:14.160 --> 0:09:17.840 Probably not, because I live down in North Carolina and 0:09:17.880 --> 0:09:21.599 they're mostly all in like Pennsylvania, so I don't. I 0:09:21.600 --> 0:09:23.480 don't think I'm going to ever travel up there. 0:09:25.440 --> 0:09:27.920 What is the name of the group? Can I ask? 0:09:29.600 --> 0:09:32.280 Yeah, it's Donor six nine. 0:09:32.200 --> 0:09:37.920 Zero Donor six nine zero Dad's name. 0:09:39.720 --> 0:09:41.160 That, Yeah, that's his number? 0:09:43.360 --> 0:09:46.560 Can you just r But does Come? Oh my god, 0:09:46.559 --> 0:09:48.160 I'm about to ask you the stupidest question of all 0:09:48.160 --> 0:09:52.120 the time. Does Come have a number? Or do you 0:09:52.160 --> 0:09:53.120 give it a number? 0:09:55.960 --> 0:10:00.520 I guess that's what they like assigned to him, like 0:10:00.600 --> 0:10:03.360 in the little database. My mom said she just like 0:10:03.640 --> 0:10:06.920 slipped through books with different guys in it, and she 0:10:07.080 --> 0:10:08.000 picked the best one. 0:10:09.760 --> 0:10:13.120 Ah see that, if I see, that would make me 0:10:13.240 --> 0:10:16.440 jealous if I was your dad watching my wife, Yeah, 0:10:16.640 --> 0:10:20.120 flip through books of guys to see which ones come? 0:10:21.400 --> 0:10:22.760 She wants? 0:10:24.800 --> 0:10:27.360 Yes, And I'm I'm sure it did. He was like, 0:10:28.160 --> 0:10:30.360 he's pretty mad that he couldn't have kids, is what 0:10:30.400 --> 0:10:30.920 she told me. 0:10:32.520 --> 0:10:35.599 But you know what he did. And I assume you 0:10:35.720 --> 0:10:37.520 love your dad. I assume you guys have a nice 0:10:37.559 --> 0:10:39.560 relationship as you've been telling me about it, and that 0:10:40.040 --> 0:10:41.840 you said it was a little bit rocky but got better. 0:10:41.880 --> 0:10:44.800 I'm glad to hear that, and you know, good luck 0:10:44.800 --> 0:10:47.280 to you and uh letting him know that that you know, 0:10:47.320 --> 0:10:50.120 and I hope that he doesn't blow up too bad 0:10:50.760 --> 0:10:53.760 because uh, I mean, it's the truth, God damn it. 0:10:54.360 --> 0:10:55.480 Why why hide from it? 0:10:57.440 --> 0:10:58.080 Exactly? 0:10:58.480 --> 0:10:58.640 Oh? 0:10:58.679 --> 0:11:01.280 And isn't okaf asked you one last question that my 0:11:01.360 --> 0:11:02.959 husband's been wanting to ask you. 0:11:03.040 --> 0:11:05.280 Yeah, of course you wants to know what your. 0:11:07.320 --> 0:11:09.920 You want to know when you went to Guatemala? What 0:11:10.000 --> 0:11:11.960 was your favorite food? Because he's from there? 0:11:12.720 --> 0:11:16.480 Ah fuck? What was my favorite food when I went 0:11:16.520 --> 0:11:22.600 to Guatemala? Oh? Man, dude, I don't I don't remember. 0:11:22.640 --> 0:11:25.880 What's what's his favorite food from Guatemala? Maybe we had 0:11:25.880 --> 0:11:26.440 the same thing. 0:11:28.800 --> 0:11:33.080 What's your favorite Guatemalan sew our national people. He likes 0:11:33.160 --> 0:11:35.800 the pepion their national dish. 0:11:36.960 --> 0:11:37.319 I do. 0:11:37.679 --> 0:11:39.960 I've asked like fifty different people when I was in 0:11:39.960 --> 0:11:44.600 Guatemala what the like Guatemalan food was, and I never 0:11:44.640 --> 0:11:47.360 really got an answer. And now, okay, when I go back, 0:11:47.400 --> 0:11:48.600 I'll try that. What was that. 0:11:50.000 --> 0:11:53.560 It's called pepion. It's like a stew with like chicken 0:11:53.640 --> 0:11:55.440 and vegetables and stuff. 0:11:56.160 --> 0:11:58.400 Okay, to answer your question, the best food I had 0:11:58.440 --> 0:12:02.480 in Guatemala was Natella pancakes from McDonald's. 0:12:04.080 --> 0:12:06.680 Oh my goodness, well that does sound pretty good. 0:12:07.600 --> 0:12:08.560 Hey, thank you guys for calling. 0:12:10.160 --> 0:12:10.800 Yeah, thank you. 0:12:14.880 --> 0:12:18.760 Look go on YouTube and look up the the McDonald's 0:12:18.760 --> 0:12:20.880 they have in Guatemala. It's really nice. It's like in 0:12:20.920 --> 0:12:23.840 a garden and they have a little statue of Ronald 0:12:23.920 --> 0:12:29.240 McDonald and legend has it that it comes alive at 0:12:29.320 --> 0:12:35.600 night and makes pancakes. Hello. Hello, what's going on with you? 0:12:38.080 --> 0:12:38.680 Ah man? 0:12:40.559 --> 0:12:43.760 I guess I just kind of wanted like talk to 0:12:43.840 --> 0:12:47.880 you kind of to get over some awkwardness problems that 0:12:47.960 --> 0:12:54.120 I have, Like that's costiger about like I have a 0:12:54.160 --> 0:13:01.480 knack of doing embarrassing ship. That's I can't let I 0:13:01.520 --> 0:13:03.600 can't writ it down. 0:13:03.679 --> 0:13:04.320 I guess. 0:13:06.240 --> 0:13:09.680 Interesting you say that you have a knack for doing 0:13:09.880 --> 0:13:11.000 embarrassing ship. 0:13:13.200 --> 0:13:23.520 Yeah, Like today I had a so I decided today 0:13:23.800 --> 0:13:26.560 out of nowhere that I wanted to be a bald person. 0:13:27.360 --> 0:13:30.320 So I went to the store and got some there 0:13:30.640 --> 0:13:34.080 and put it all over my head. And while I 0:13:34.120 --> 0:13:34.679 was doing it. 0:13:34.760 --> 0:13:35.439 I was kind of. 0:13:37.400 --> 0:13:39.920 Kind of like excited, I guess watching. 0:13:39.640 --> 0:13:42.600 It like you got you got some what. 0:13:44.800 --> 0:13:47.760 Nare like the hair removal product? 0:13:48.040 --> 0:13:48.199 Oh? 0:13:48.320 --> 0:13:48.640 Okay? 0:13:50.559 --> 0:13:55.480 Yeah, and uh, I look really bad and I had 0:13:55.520 --> 0:13:59.000 to come out in public like this. And in the moment, 0:13:59.280 --> 0:14:03.400 I guess it was exciting. But now, like a chemical 0:14:03.440 --> 0:14:07.719 burns all over my body, I'm just embarrassed. 0:14:08.040 --> 0:14:12.160 I guess have you ever heard of a woman named 0:14:12.160 --> 0:14:19.000 Britney Spears? Yeah, you know, she made a kind of 0:14:19.000 --> 0:14:21.880 decision to one day cut off all of her hair, 0:14:22.680 --> 0:14:27.880 and she went on a really long journey. I don't 0:14:27.880 --> 0:14:29.560 know anything about her. I'm just making this all up. 0:14:30.560 --> 0:14:34.920 She went on a long journey and she turned out Okay. 0:14:35.040 --> 0:14:39.560 I think I've again, absolutely no idea. But do you 0:14:39.600 --> 0:14:40.440 know did she turn out? 0:14:40.440 --> 0:14:40.880 Okay? 0:14:43.360 --> 0:14:44.240 I think she did. 0:14:44.400 --> 0:14:50.440 I'm pretty sure that people finally left Brittany alone. But yeah, 0:14:50.680 --> 0:14:56.560 I hope she's doing well. But I just I don't know. 0:14:56.760 --> 0:15:01.000 I do some some weird shit just haunts me at 0:15:01.000 --> 0:15:03.760 the end of the day. 0:15:03.760 --> 0:15:10.680 Okay, So you are doing a lot of impulsive things, right, 0:15:11.520 --> 0:15:16.680 all right? Hmmm, why do you think you do these 0:15:16.720 --> 0:15:17.520 impulsive things? 0:15:22.200 --> 0:15:27.240 I guess mostly out of uh, maybe boredom or like 0:15:28.040 --> 0:15:32.960 just the desire to feel something, I guess, and uh, 0:15:34.040 --> 0:15:38.360 I never get the actual outcome that I wished for 0:15:38.480 --> 0:15:39.080 at the end. 0:15:42.560 --> 0:15:45.160 All right, So you do it out of boredom and things, 0:15:45.240 --> 0:15:50.520 which is a really legitimate and uh natural impulse. You know, 0:15:50.560 --> 0:15:55.000 you're fucking sitting around and you're like, I need to 0:15:55.040 --> 0:15:58.480 fucking shake up my environment because I'm hyper and mannic 0:15:58.600 --> 0:16:03.480 and whatnot, and you just whatever the thing that's right 0:16:03.520 --> 0:16:05.560 there to do, to do that is what you do. 0:16:06.280 --> 0:16:06.960 Is that accurate? 0:16:09.120 --> 0:16:09.520 Yeah? 0:16:09.720 --> 0:16:10.360 Pretty much? 0:16:11.240 --> 0:16:14.000 Okay, So I'm gonna I'm gonna take you through a 0:16:14.040 --> 0:16:16.880 thread here. Tell me if this again, the whole thing, 0:16:16.920 --> 0:16:20.320 tell me if it's accurate. So I think that if 0:16:20.360 --> 0:16:24.640 you're doing a bunch of impulsive stuff, does it come 0:16:24.680 --> 0:16:32.760 from not having anything productive to do or anything? I 0:16:32.920 --> 0:16:34.760 just just anything at all to do. 0:16:37.160 --> 0:16:41.960 Yeah, that's that's pretty accurate. I I only work part time, 0:16:42.720 --> 0:16:44.280 so I'm not I'm not at the house a lot, 0:16:44.360 --> 0:16:46.480 and we don't really don't do much. 0:16:47.360 --> 0:16:54.080 So yeah, what do you think you could do as 0:16:54.120 --> 0:17:00.000 a displacement activity to keep yourself occupied in a manner 0:17:00.240 --> 0:17:04.400 that is, if not productive, at least not destructive. 0:17:07.880 --> 0:17:10.800 Well, I talk about my real therapist with this sometimes 0:17:11.359 --> 0:17:15.720 and she always comes up with ship like go outside, 0:17:15.840 --> 0:17:22.000 take a walk, uh, stuff like that, like color, do 0:17:22.119 --> 0:17:24.840 that kind of stuff. But that doesn't interest me at all. 0:17:25.640 --> 0:17:26.160 Yeah. 0:17:27.480 --> 0:17:30.960 I do occasionally play on the PlayStation, but I just 0:17:31.000 --> 0:17:34.040 can't keep my mind focused on That's like, there is 0:17:34.119 --> 0:17:39.159 things that I can do, but for some reason, I 0:17:39.160 --> 0:17:42.480 don't desire to do those things. I do stupid shit instead. 0:17:43.280 --> 0:17:46.320 Mm hmm, you're not. I get you do stupid shit 0:17:46.320 --> 0:17:52.679 because because you get a hit. Yeah, okay, yeah, I 0:17:52.760 --> 0:17:54.560 get it. We all do shit to get a hit. 0:17:54.880 --> 0:17:59.080 I feel that, and and coloring and going on walks 0:18:00.480 --> 0:18:03.520 or playing video games doesn't give you the same hit 0:18:04.320 --> 0:18:10.639 as you know, removing all of your hair or hitting 0:18:10.680 --> 0:18:13.560 somebody's mailbox with a baseball batch or whatever it is 0:18:13.600 --> 0:18:13.920 you do. 0:18:15.960 --> 0:18:16.240 Yeah. 0:18:16.320 --> 0:18:18.480 I also have a lot of like. 0:18:20.320 --> 0:18:23.360 Really terrible tattoos on my body, I guess. So that's 0:18:23.359 --> 0:18:27.439 another thing that I like to do, right, But in 0:18:27.480 --> 0:18:30.359 the end, it's just embarrassing, I guess. 0:18:30.720 --> 0:18:35.040 Sure. Yeah, okay, so you you do these impulsive behaviors 0:18:35.880 --> 0:18:39.440 because they're exciting and filled with adrenaline and all that stuff. 0:18:39.800 --> 0:18:45.480 So okay, your therapist gave you color and go outside. 0:18:45.720 --> 0:18:47.760 Tell me more about what your therapist said about this problem. 0:18:47.800 --> 0:18:53.000 By the way, she just kind of wants to shove 0:18:54.840 --> 0:18:59.399 a mood stabilizers down my throat. I guess she's not 0:18:59.440 --> 0:19:02.000 a good therapis That's why I called you because I 0:19:02.560 --> 0:19:06.360 feel like talking to somebody like you is more productive 0:19:06.400 --> 0:19:10.520 than talking to literally any other therapist I've ever had, 0:19:11.160 --> 0:19:21.320 because it's all just blowney in my opinion. She I mean, really, 0:19:21.359 --> 0:19:23.760 she just tells me to try to distract myself by 0:19:23.800 --> 0:19:30.480 doing stuff like the walks, watch a movie I have cats, 0:19:30.520 --> 0:19:35.800 but play with your cats, stuff like that. But it's 0:19:35.840 --> 0:19:38.919 not I just don't find the same satisfaction out of that. 0:19:39.720 --> 0:19:40.399 I guess. 0:19:40.760 --> 0:19:46.040 Okay, well, for listen, First of all, always advocate for 0:19:46.280 --> 0:19:47.800 going to talk to real therapists if you need to 0:19:47.840 --> 0:19:49.640 go talk to a real therapist. But now that I've 0:19:49.640 --> 0:19:54.040 given that disclaimer, your therapist she's on the right track, right, 0:19:54.640 --> 0:19:58.000 She's like, Okay, you have you're doing all and you 0:19:58.040 --> 0:20:00.000 know that we ever, we all know this you're doing 0:20:00.080 --> 0:20:02.040 and all this shit because you don't have anything better 0:20:02.080 --> 0:20:04.639 to do. And she's on the right track with you 0:20:04.760 --> 0:20:07.240 need to find something better to do, But she's just 0:20:07.400 --> 0:20:10.440 naming things that are not up your alley. The good 0:20:10.480 --> 0:20:16.080 news is in defining something better to do, you have 0:20:16.280 --> 0:20:22.399 literally everything that could possibly exist as an option of 0:20:22.520 --> 0:20:27.120 things to do. So uh, I mean, there's just there's 0:20:27.240 --> 0:20:34.440 just there's just infinite things to do. And if going 0:20:34.480 --> 0:20:39.440 for walks and petting your cat and coloring aren't doing 0:20:39.480 --> 0:20:44.399 it for you, that does not mean that the only 0:20:44.440 --> 0:20:47.280 way you're gonna get these hits is by doing impulsive, 0:20:47.280 --> 0:20:50.040 destructive stuff. It just means you got to get a 0:20:50.040 --> 0:20:51.159 little more creative. 0:20:53.240 --> 0:20:57.840 Yeah, it might help, like to actually try and like 0:20:59.240 --> 0:21:01.639 just go out and do stuff I think might be interesting. 0:21:02.080 --> 0:21:04.320 See if I can make a hit on one of those. 0:21:06.520 --> 0:21:09.120 But yeah, I mean. 0:21:10.960 --> 0:21:15.000 Well, so, I mean, right, what are some other you're 0:21:15.040 --> 0:21:17.040 you're saying that you're you want to go out into 0:21:17.040 --> 0:21:19.080 the world and do things that you think might be interesting. 0:21:19.119 --> 0:21:24.560 What are some of those things? Mm hmm. 0:21:27.000 --> 0:21:29.800 One thing I do enjoy is going to like ride 0:21:30.160 --> 0:21:33.439 roll coasters like amusement parks and stuff, but that's a 0:21:33.440 --> 0:21:35.560 little expensive and. 0:21:37.920 --> 0:21:40.080 Mm hmm. What else I like? 0:21:41.560 --> 0:21:43.560 I mean, I want to learn how to work on cars, 0:21:43.640 --> 0:21:50.000 but I just haven't manded to do that yet. I 0:21:50.040 --> 0:21:52.919 live in a pretty boring place, so there's not I 0:21:52.920 --> 0:21:56.600 can't think of too much. I'm trying, though, mm hmm. 0:21:56.840 --> 0:21:59.840 It's I mean, you're from Maryland. We got a bunch 0:21:59.840 --> 0:22:03.160 of a Civil War battlefield and that's about it. 0:22:03.280 --> 0:22:06.320 So yeah, yeah, I want you, dude, I mean look 0:22:06.359 --> 0:22:09.760 for you. I feel like you should do you know, 0:22:09.800 --> 0:22:13.760 the roller coaster thing, the go visit civil war thing. 0:22:14.359 --> 0:22:18.399 I mean, dude, I want for you something like something 0:22:18.440 --> 0:22:20.800 like recurring and sustainable, Like you can go to a 0:22:20.840 --> 0:22:23.160 theme park, you know, a civil war, but then when 0:22:23.240 --> 0:22:26.320 you go home, you're gonna be like I need to 0:22:26.359 --> 0:22:28.960 set my neighbor's yard on fire. You're gonna go right 0:22:29.000 --> 0:22:31.800 back into the shit. So you need like a I'm 0:22:31.800 --> 0:22:35.439 trying for you, like a sustainable thing, Like I'm thinking 0:22:35.560 --> 0:22:40.320 like side hustle, I'm thinking skill, I'm thinking sport. I'm 0:22:40.320 --> 0:22:44.400 thinking like it's just something that's really recurring in your life. 0:22:45.960 --> 0:22:47.800 And listen, we don't have to sit on this phone 0:22:47.800 --> 0:22:51.959 call and figure out exactly what it is, but if 0:22:52.000 --> 0:22:56.080 we were to establish some criteria, we know that it 0:22:56.080 --> 0:22:59.560 should be something that gives you a similar hit to 0:22:59.680 --> 0:23:02.879 what you get when you do this impulsive stuff. And 0:23:02.960 --> 0:23:08.800 it should be something that's like sustainable and reoccurring, not 0:23:09.160 --> 0:23:11.440 just a day at the theme park, because that's not 0:23:11.680 --> 0:23:17.040 gonna really transform you or get you anywhere. So if 0:23:17.080 --> 0:23:21.680 anything after this, call just like again, if we don't 0:23:21.720 --> 0:23:23.720 figure out exactly what the thing is, and I'm sure 0:23:23.720 --> 0:23:29.720 in chat they're naming like fifty different specific things, just like, 0:23:30.320 --> 0:23:35.160 stay attached to that line of thinking and see where 0:23:35.200 --> 0:23:37.399 it takes you and really follow it down, which is 0:23:37.720 --> 0:23:44.600 I need something that's going to replace this impulsive nature 0:23:44.640 --> 0:23:47.440 that I have, and it needs to be something sustainable. 0:23:47.480 --> 0:23:51.240 So think a little bit more than day trips. Think 0:23:51.240 --> 0:23:53.760 a little bit more than playing with your cat. Think 0:23:53.800 --> 0:23:56.000 about some fucking think about something you can make money 0:23:56.000 --> 0:23:59.600 off of. You know, maybe it becomes your career in 0:23:59.640 --> 0:24:03.560 a way. You know, maybe maybe it's something that is 0:24:04.200 --> 0:24:07.960 productive in some other way. I mean, I don't want 0:24:07.960 --> 0:24:10.399 to keep naming specific things because I feel like that's 0:24:10.440 --> 0:24:13.720 not as helpful as like trying to set up a framework. 0:24:14.400 --> 0:24:17.600 But do you get what I'm saying? 0:24:19.320 --> 0:24:23.959 Yeah, Okay, cool, I get it, man, Okay, cool, I'm 0:24:24.000 --> 0:24:25.119 gonna be thinking about that. 0:24:26.080 --> 0:24:29.720 Okay, No, stay, stay stay being thinking about that because 0:24:29.720 --> 0:24:33.480 I think I think just if we can just establish 0:24:33.560 --> 0:24:37.920 a framework within you to be able to think about 0:24:37.920 --> 0:24:44.120 what the thing is. Just keep keep thinking within that, 0:24:44.680 --> 0:24:46.040 and I think you'll get somewhere. 0:24:48.240 --> 0:24:58.920 I got you, man, before we go, Uh, beware that 0:24:59.160 --> 0:25:01.120