Speaker 1: Hey everybody, it's Lyle. Just a reminder that I am
Speaker 1: going on tour to do therapy Gecko live in several
Speaker 1: cities across the United States, and I would love to
Speaker 1: see you there. I will be interviewing random folks from
Speaker 1: the audience up on stage and absolutely anything could happen.
Speaker 1: It will be very fun, very terrifying, and very geko wee.
Speaker 1: You can find the link to get tickets in your
Speaker 1: city in the episode description. Okay, let's get into the podcast.
Speaker 2: Hello, Hey, this is Kelly.
Speaker 1: Hello Kelly, how are you good?
Speaker 3: How are you doing?
Speaker 1: I'm doing good. I'm a little bit well. I just
Speaker 1: pede and now I feel like an empty vessel and
Speaker 1: your call. I'm like, I don't know how to explain this,
Speaker 1: but my pee leaving my body has now given me
Speaker 1: space to take in your call to replace. I took
Speaker 1: a little bit out of my bladder to make a
Speaker 1: little bit more space in my ear for your call.
Speaker 3: Oh, yes, that makes sense. Well this is a big one,
Speaker 3: so you'll definitely need space.
Speaker 1: Okay, let's hear it. Let's see what's up. How's uh
Speaker 1: get us? Kelly?
Speaker 3: Okay, So me and my sister we were gonna take
Speaker 3: one of those you know, little DNA test things, and
Speaker 3: our mom told us not to and we were wondering why,
Speaker 3: and so about a month later she finally told us
Speaker 3: it was because our dad that we grew up with
Speaker 3: is in our real dad, so he couldn't have kids,
Speaker 3: so she used a donor to have us.
Speaker 2: So when we.
Speaker 3: Finally did the DNA test, we matched with like a
Speaker 3: ton of people on the site. They messaged us and
Speaker 3: it turns out they are siblings and there's like seventy
Speaker 3: of them. I'm not really sure how to feel about it.
Speaker 3: They're all in this little Facebook group where they call
Speaker 3: each other brother and sister.
Speaker 1: I'm strange, did you now? Let me let me ask
Speaker 1: you this. How long have they been in this Facebook group?
Speaker 1: Like did you start the group or did you show
Speaker 1: up and take the test? And they were like, ah, more,
Speaker 1: we've been waiting.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 3: So when I joined the group, there was already about
Speaker 3: like thirty five people in the group and they were like, oh,
Speaker 3: welcome our new siblings.
Speaker 1: Interesting. Have you made like any legitimate, meaningful connections or
Speaker 1: interactions with any of these people or is it just
Speaker 1: kind of a weird thing with strangers?
Speaker 3: I personally hasn't, but the other ones are like super
Speaker 3: close with each other. I just feel like they're taking.
Speaker 4: It a little far.
Speaker 3: I guess because I already have siblings, so I'm fine
Speaker 3: with that, but they like act like they're real brothers
Speaker 3: and sisters.
Speaker 1: It's funny because it's like a cult sort of, but
Speaker 1: it's a cult based on being related but not a family.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 3: My my husband always called it the little cults, so
Speaker 3: that makes sense.
Speaker 1: Interesting, So you have so neither you nor your sister
Speaker 1: who you took the test with, have any interest in
Speaker 1: getting meaningfully involved in this group.
Speaker 3: I thought maybe, but then when I got in the group,
Speaker 3: I don't know. They're a little strange, like they want
Speaker 3: to go on vacations together and like hang out all
Speaker 3: the time, and I don't know, I just feel kind
Speaker 3: of weird about it. And the actual donor is.
Speaker 1: In the group as well, the guy who the father
Speaker 1: is in the group.
Speaker 3: Yeah, so I guess my dad is in there too.
Speaker 1: And how does he seem to interact with everyone?
Speaker 3: He doesn't talk as much. He's kind of quiet. But
Speaker 3: he said he did it just to like help people
Speaker 3: who can't have kids. But he posted a picture the
Speaker 3: other day because his actual daughter had a baby, and
Speaker 3: he's like, look, everyone, it's a new family member.
Speaker 1: Man. That is bizarre.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and there's so many of them, like seventy.
Speaker 1: Now did the donor start the group?
Speaker 4: I think it was.
Speaker 3: One other guy, like one of the siblings that started it.
Speaker 3: His name's like Ryan, because he's always like he's the
Speaker 3: one who posts everything and like gets them all to
Speaker 3: hang out with each other.
Speaker 1: I'm almost surprised. I don't know, I don't know what
Speaker 1: the word is for what I am when I hear this,
Speaker 1: But just just hearing that the donor is quiet and
Speaker 1: doesn't talk that much feels a lot less alarming than
Speaker 1: like if he was the one planning the vacations and
Speaker 1: the kickball leagues and whatnot that I feel like some
Speaker 1: that would be an extremely weird cult.
Speaker 3: Yes, but kind of the big issue is so my
Speaker 3: mom and my dad that raised me, they're not together anymore.
Speaker 3: They're divorced, and my mom told us that we can't
Speaker 3: tell my dad that we know that we're from a
Speaker 3: donor her because he does not want us to know.
Speaker 3: So I've been having to keep this a secret.
Speaker 1: Interesting, Why why are you What was your mom's reasoning
Speaker 1: for that.
Speaker 3: So my dad, he's he has some angry issues, I
Speaker 3: feel like, and he has like a lot of pride.
Speaker 3: So she thinks that he's going to like freak out
Speaker 3: and be really mad if we know, because she was
Speaker 3: never supposed to tell us.
Speaker 1: Interesting, why do you think she told you if she
Speaker 1: was quote never supposed to tell you.
Speaker 3: Because me and my sister we were going to do
Speaker 3: the DNA test anyway, and so she figured we would
Speaker 3: find out, so she wanted to be the one to
Speaker 3: tell us first.
Speaker 1: Okay, And you know, knowing your father, I assume you
Speaker 1: know him very well. Do you have a good relationship
Speaker 1: with him?
Speaker 3: Yeah, No, it's good. He was a little rocky there
Speaker 3: when I was a teenager, but it's good now.
Speaker 1: Okay, do you agree with your mom on the whole
Speaker 1: uh anger issues thing.
Speaker 3: Yeah, he's definitely calmed down some. But like even with
Speaker 3: my mom, my mom's remarried and so I have a
Speaker 3: stepdad and he like feels very threatened by that. Like
Speaker 3: he doesn't like that me and my stepdad are close together.
Speaker 3: So I definitely think he would probably be mad knowing
Speaker 3: I have this other guy.
Speaker 1: He would he might be mad. Yeah, if if if
Speaker 1: he doesn't like you getting with the forming a relationship
Speaker 1: with your stepdad. I don't know how he would feel
Speaker 1: about you forming relationship with the donor dad.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I definitely don't think he would like it, But
Speaker 3: I don't know. I just feel weird like lying to him.
Speaker 3: I always think about it every time we talk.
Speaker 1: Do you really okay? So again, knowing what you know
Speaker 1: about your dad, do you really think he would get
Speaker 1: extremely hostile and pissed off if he found out that
Speaker 1: you knew?
Speaker 3: I want to think about it.
Speaker 2: You probably wouldn't.
Speaker 3: I think I would need to talk to like my
Speaker 3: mom first about it, though, because I feel like he
Speaker 3: would take it out on my mom.
Speaker 4: Mmm.
Speaker 1: But but you didn't really find well okay, did you
Speaker 1: end up you took the test, didn't you?
Speaker 4: Yes?
Speaker 1: Okay, well then well then, hell, you didn't find out
Speaker 1: from your mom. You found out for the test.
Speaker 3: Oh, yes, okay, Maybe I'll just do it that way.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you didn't find out for your mom. You found
Speaker 1: out about it from the test. That's how you got
Speaker 1: into this weird Facebook group.
Speaker 3: Yes, my Facebook cult group.
Speaker 1: Hmmm.
Speaker 3: Just so okay, I'll try it that way.
Speaker 1: In the back of your minds tell me this. Are
Speaker 1: you even slightly considering going on any of these vacations,
Speaker 1: even if there was just a little lunch.
Speaker 3: Probably not, because I live down in North Carolina and
Speaker 3: they're mostly all in like Pennsylvania, so I don't. I
Speaker 3: don't think I'm going to ever travel up there.
Speaker 1: What is the name of the group? Can I ask?
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's Donor six nine.
Speaker 1: Zero Donor six nine zero Dad's name.
Speaker 3: That, Yeah, that's his number?
Speaker 1: Can you just r But does Come? Oh my god,
Speaker 1: I'm about to ask you the stupidest question of all
Speaker 1: the time. Does Come have a number? Or do you
Speaker 1: give it a number?
Speaker 3: I guess that's what they like assigned to him, like
Speaker 3: in the little database. My mom said she just like
Speaker 3: slipped through books with different guys in it, and she
Speaker 3: picked the best one.
Speaker 1: Ah see that, if I see, that would make me
Speaker 1: jealous if I was your dad watching my wife, Yeah,
Speaker 1: flip through books of guys to see which ones come?
Speaker 1: She wants?
Speaker 3: Yes, And I'm I'm sure it did. He was like,
Speaker 3: he's pretty mad that he couldn't have kids, is what
Speaker 3: she told me.
Speaker 1: But you know what he did. And I assume you
Speaker 1: love your dad. I assume you guys have a nice
Speaker 1: relationship as you've been telling me about it, and that
Speaker 1: you said it was a little bit rocky but got better.
Speaker 1: I'm glad to hear that, and you know, good luck
Speaker 1: to you and uh letting him know that that you know,
Speaker 1: and I hope that he doesn't blow up too bad
Speaker 1: because uh, I mean, it's the truth, God damn it.
Speaker 1: Why why hide from it?
Speaker 3: Exactly?
Speaker 4: Oh?
Speaker 3: And isn't okaf asked you one last question that my
Speaker 3: husband's been wanting to ask you.
Speaker 2: Yeah, of course you wants to know what your.
Speaker 3: You want to know when you went to Guatemala? What
Speaker 3: was your favorite food? Because he's from there?
Speaker 1: Ah fuck? What was my favorite food when I went
Speaker 1: to Guatemala? Oh? Man, dude, I don't I don't remember.
Speaker 1: What's what's his favorite food from Guatemala? Maybe we had
Speaker 1: the same thing.
Speaker 3: What's your favorite Guatemalan sew our national people. He likes
Speaker 3: the pepion their national dish.
Speaker 4: I do.
Speaker 1: I've asked like fifty different people when I was in
Speaker 1: Guatemala what the like Guatemalan food was, and I never
Speaker 1: really got an answer. And now, okay, when I go back,
Speaker 1: I'll try that. What was that.
Speaker 3: It's called pepion. It's like a stew with like chicken
Speaker 3: and vegetables and stuff.
Speaker 1: Okay, to answer your question, the best food I had
Speaker 1: in Guatemala was Natella pancakes from McDonald's.
Speaker 3: Oh my goodness, well that does sound pretty good.
Speaker 1: Hey, thank you guys for calling.
Speaker 3: Yeah, thank you.
Speaker 1: Look go on YouTube and look up the the McDonald's
Speaker 1: they have in Guatemala. It's really nice. It's like in
Speaker 1: a garden and they have a little statue of Ronald
Speaker 1: McDonald and legend has it that it comes alive at
Speaker 1: night and makes pancakes. Hello. Hello, what's going on with you?
Speaker 4: Ah man?
Speaker 5: I guess I just kind of wanted like talk to
Speaker 5: you kind of to get over some awkwardness problems that
Speaker 5: I have, Like that's costiger about like I have a
Speaker 5: knack of doing embarrassing ship. That's I can't let I
Speaker 5: can't writ it down.
Speaker 4: I guess.
Speaker 1: Interesting you say that you have a knack for doing
Speaker 1: embarrassing ship.
Speaker 5: Yeah, Like today I had a so I decided today
Speaker 5: out of nowhere that I wanted to be a bald person.
Speaker 5: So I went to the store and got some there
Speaker 5: and put it all over my head. And while I
Speaker 5: was doing it.
Speaker 1: I was kind of.
Speaker 5: Kind of like excited, I guess watching.
Speaker 1: It like you got you got some what.
Speaker 5: Nare like the hair removal product?
Speaker 4: Oh?
Speaker 1: Okay?
Speaker 5: Yeah, and uh, I look really bad and I had
Speaker 5: to come out in public like this. And in the moment,
Speaker 5: I guess it was exciting. But now, like a chemical
Speaker 5: burns all over my body, I'm just embarrassed.
Speaker 1: I guess have you ever heard of a woman named
Speaker 1: Britney Spears? Yeah, you know, she made a kind of
Speaker 1: decision to one day cut off all of her hair,
Speaker 1: and she went on a really long journey. I don't
Speaker 1: know anything about her. I'm just making this all up.
Speaker 1: She went on a long journey and she turned out Okay.
Speaker 1: I think I've again, absolutely no idea. But do you
Speaker 1: know did she turn out?
Speaker 4: Okay?
Speaker 3: I think she did.
Speaker 5: I'm pretty sure that people finally left Brittany alone. But yeah,
Speaker 5: I hope she's doing well. But I just I don't know.
Speaker 5: I do some some weird shit just haunts me at
Speaker 5: the end of the day.
Speaker 1: Okay, So you are doing a lot of impulsive things, right,
Speaker 1: all right? Hmmm, why do you think you do these
Speaker 1: impulsive things?
Speaker 5: I guess mostly out of uh, maybe boredom or like
Speaker 5: just the desire to feel something, I guess, and uh,
Speaker 5: I never get the actual outcome that I wished for
Speaker 5: at the end.
Speaker 1: All right, So you do it out of boredom and things,
Speaker 1: which is a really legitimate and uh natural impulse. You know,
Speaker 1: you're fucking sitting around and you're like, I need to
Speaker 1: fucking shake up my environment because I'm hyper and mannic
Speaker 1: and whatnot, and you just whatever the thing that's right
Speaker 1: there to do, to do that is what you do.
Speaker 1: Is that accurate?
Speaker 4: Yeah?
Speaker 5: Pretty much?
Speaker 1: Okay, So I'm gonna I'm gonna take you through a
Speaker 1: thread here. Tell me if this again, the whole thing,
Speaker 1: tell me if it's accurate. So I think that if
Speaker 1: you're doing a bunch of impulsive stuff, does it come
Speaker 1: from not having anything productive to do or anything? I
Speaker 1: just just anything at all to do.
Speaker 5: Yeah, that's that's pretty accurate. I I only work part time,
Speaker 5: so I'm not I'm not at the house a lot,
Speaker 5: and we don't really don't do much.
Speaker 1: So yeah, what do you think you could do as
Speaker 1: a displacement activity to keep yourself occupied in a manner
Speaker 1: that is, if not productive, at least not destructive.
Speaker 5: Well, I talk about my real therapist with this sometimes
Speaker 5: and she always comes up with ship like go outside,
Speaker 5: take a walk, uh, stuff like that, like color, do
Speaker 5: that kind of stuff. But that doesn't interest me at all.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 5: I do occasionally play on the PlayStation, but I just
Speaker 5: can't keep my mind focused on That's like, there is
Speaker 5: things that I can do, but for some reason, I
Speaker 5: don't desire to do those things. I do stupid shit instead.
Speaker 1: Mm hmm, you're not. I get you do stupid shit
Speaker 1: because because you get a hit. Yeah, okay, yeah, I
Speaker 1: get it. We all do shit to get a hit.
Speaker 1: I feel that, and and coloring and going on walks
Speaker 1: or playing video games doesn't give you the same hit
Speaker 1: as you know, removing all of your hair or hitting
Speaker 1: somebody's mailbox with a baseball batch or whatever it is
Speaker 1: you do.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 2: I also have a lot of like.
Speaker 5: Really terrible tattoos on my body, I guess. So that's
Speaker 5: another thing that I like to do, right, But in
Speaker 5: the end, it's just embarrassing, I guess.
Speaker 1: Sure. Yeah, okay, so you you do these impulsive behaviors
Speaker 1: because they're exciting and filled with adrenaline and all that stuff.
Speaker 1: So okay, your therapist gave you color and go outside.
Speaker 1: Tell me more about what your therapist said about this problem.
Speaker 5: By the way, she just kind of wants to shove
Speaker 5: a mood stabilizers down my throat. I guess she's not
Speaker 5: a good therapis That's why I called you because I
Speaker 5: feel like talking to somebody like you is more productive
Speaker 5: than talking to literally any other therapist I've ever had,
Speaker 5: because it's all just blowney in my opinion. She I mean, really,
Speaker 5: she just tells me to try to distract myself by
Speaker 5: doing stuff like the walks, watch a movie I have cats,
Speaker 5: but play with your cats, stuff like that. But it's
Speaker 5: not I just don't find the same satisfaction out of that.
Speaker 4: I guess.
Speaker 1: Okay, well, for listen, First of all, always advocate for
Speaker 1: going to talk to real therapists if you need to
Speaker 1: go talk to a real therapist. But now that I've
Speaker 1: given that disclaimer, your therapist she's on the right track, right,
Speaker 1: She's like, Okay, you have you're doing all and you
Speaker 1: know that we ever, we all know this you're doing
Speaker 1: and all this shit because you don't have anything better
Speaker 1: to do. And she's on the right track with you
Speaker 1: need to find something better to do, But she's just
Speaker 1: naming things that are not up your alley. The good
Speaker 1: news is in defining something better to do, you have
Speaker 1: literally everything that could possibly exist as an option of
Speaker 1: things to do. So uh, I mean, there's just there's
Speaker 1: just there's just infinite things to do. And if going
Speaker 1: for walks and petting your cat and coloring aren't doing
Speaker 1: it for you, that does not mean that the only
Speaker 1: way you're gonna get these hits is by doing impulsive,
Speaker 1: destructive stuff. It just means you got to get a
Speaker 1: little more creative.
Speaker 5: Yeah, it might help, like to actually try and like
Speaker 5: just go out and do stuff I think might be interesting.
Speaker 5: See if I can make a hit on one of those.
Speaker 5: But yeah, I mean.
Speaker 1: Well, so, I mean, right, what are some other you're
Speaker 1: you're saying that you're you want to go out into
Speaker 1: the world and do things that you think might be interesting.
Speaker 1: What are some of those things? Mm hmm.
Speaker 5: One thing I do enjoy is going to like ride
Speaker 5: roll coasters like amusement parks and stuff, but that's a
Speaker 5: little expensive and.
Speaker 4: Mm hmm. What else I like?
Speaker 5: I mean, I want to learn how to work on cars,
Speaker 5: but I just haven't manded to do that yet. I
Speaker 5: live in a pretty boring place, so there's not I
Speaker 5: can't think of too much. I'm trying, though, mm hmm.
Speaker 5: It's I mean, you're from Maryland. We got a bunch
Speaker 5: of a Civil War battlefield and that's about it.
Speaker 1: So yeah, yeah, I want you, dude, I mean look
Speaker 1: for you. I feel like you should do you know,
Speaker 1: the roller coaster thing, the go visit civil war thing.
Speaker 1: I mean, dude, I want for you something like something
Speaker 1: like recurring and sustainable, Like you can go to a
Speaker 1: theme park, you know, a civil war, but then when
Speaker 1: you go home, you're gonna be like I need to
Speaker 1: set my neighbor's yard on fire. You're gonna go right
Speaker 1: back into the shit. So you need like a I'm
Speaker 1: trying for you, like a sustainable thing, Like I'm thinking
Speaker 1: like side hustle, I'm thinking skill, I'm thinking sport. I'm
Speaker 1: thinking like it's just something that's really recurring in your life.
Speaker 1: And listen, we don't have to sit on this phone
Speaker 1: call and figure out exactly what it is, but if
Speaker 1: we were to establish some criteria, we know that it
Speaker 1: should be something that gives you a similar hit to
Speaker 1: what you get when you do this impulsive stuff. And
Speaker 1: it should be something that's like sustainable and reoccurring, not
Speaker 1: just a day at the theme park, because that's not
Speaker 1: gonna really transform you or get you anywhere. So if
Speaker 1: anything after this, call just like again, if we don't
Speaker 1: figure out exactly what the thing is, and I'm sure
Speaker 1: in chat they're naming like fifty different specific things, just like,
Speaker 1: stay attached to that line of thinking and see where
Speaker 1: it takes you and really follow it down, which is
Speaker 1: I need something that's going to replace this impulsive nature
Speaker 1: that I have, and it needs to be something sustainable.
Speaker 1: So think a little bit more than day trips. Think
Speaker 1: a little bit more than playing with your cat. Think
Speaker 1: about some fucking think about something you can make money
Speaker 1: off of. You know, maybe it becomes your career in
Speaker 1: a way. You know, maybe maybe it's something that is
Speaker 1: productive in some other way. I mean, I don't want
Speaker 1: to keep naming specific things because I feel like that's
Speaker 1: not as helpful as like trying to set up a framework.
Speaker 1: But do you get what I'm saying?
Speaker 5: Yeah, Okay, cool, I get it, man, Okay, cool, I'm
Speaker 5: gonna be thinking about that.
Speaker 1: Okay, No, stay, stay stay being thinking about that because
Speaker 1: I think I think just if we can just establish
Speaker 1: a framework within you to be able to think about
Speaker 1: what the thing is. Just keep keep thinking within that,
Speaker 1: and I think you'll get somewhere.
Speaker 5: I got you, man, before we go, Uh, beware that
Speaker 5: there will give you burns if you use it.
Speaker 4: On your hair. That's it.
Speaker 1: Smart smart. Thanks for calling Danny.
Speaker 5: Yeah, I have a good one.
Speaker 1: Then you too, that saying. I didn't want to like,
Speaker 1: I didn't want to sit on that call and try
Speaker 1: to think of like the exact thing because I feel
Speaker 1: it's not as helpful as being like, Okay, it needs
Speaker 1: to be something that does this and is not like that,
Speaker 1: but is also that. I just think within that framework
Speaker 1: and eventually you gets somewhere, and I think he will.
Speaker 1: I hope he will. And if not, he can always
Speaker 1: go light his neighbor's yard on fire.
Speaker 5: Hello.
Speaker 1: Hello, how are you?
Speaker 2: I am?
Speaker 4: I am?
Speaker 2: You know in this moment, I am doing swell?
Speaker 4: How are you?
Speaker 1: Tell me more about this moment?
Speaker 2: This moment I am. I am delving into a coloring
Speaker 2: page book, which I have not done in a very
Speaker 2: long time.
Speaker 4: Man.
Speaker 2: You know, just felt like one of those days.
Speaker 1: Yeah, what inspired you to do a coloring page book?
Speaker 4: Man?
Speaker 2: I don't really know. I just kind of came home
Speaker 2: and I, I don't know, I saw a pencil sharpener.
Speaker 2: I suppose I saw a pencil sharpener. I was like,
Speaker 2: you know, I was supposed to use that for something,
Speaker 2: and then I remember it's.
Speaker 1: Actually not and it's actually kind of a I'm inspired
Speaker 1: by that idea. I'm looking for more and more things
Speaker 1: to just zone out and focus in on. I feel
Speaker 1: like a lot of my downtime is not even it's
Speaker 1: not even spent intentionally. It's just like scrolling and eating
Speaker 1: things and like really following the completely chaotic whim of
Speaker 1: dopamine addiction that I've got myself on into like shut
Speaker 1: everything down and go I am going to color for
Speaker 1: the next hour. That sounds pretty nice. I can see
Speaker 1: why you're so relaxed.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I've been.
Speaker 2: I've been. I've been trying to do that same thing lately.
Speaker 2: You know, I'm just trying to get away from, like
Speaker 2: you said, all those dopaminergic just kind of time time
Speaker 2: wast deals, just maybe you know, sit with yourself for
Speaker 2: a little while, you know.
Speaker 1: So, Evan, is there anything in particular that you called
Speaker 1: in to talk about?
Speaker 2: In fact, Dick, there is I am in a predicament
Speaker 2: of sorts.
Speaker 4: I am.
Speaker 2: I have feelings for my best friend who is a man,
Speaker 2: and that is a new thing on my end as
Speaker 2: of recent uh me rolling around to that idea. And
Speaker 2: he has a girlfriend currently and I have in fact
Speaker 2: expressed this to him, but uh and and I was
Speaker 2: told that there was reciprocation in that feeling m hm.
Speaker 2: And and we are we are set to move in
Speaker 2: together during the next six months. Uh and his his
Speaker 2: girlfriend has moved out of state for school, and that
Speaker 2: I don't know. That situation has just caused some inner turmoil.
Speaker 2: I suppose maybe turmoil is not the right word, but
Speaker 2: it's caused. It's caused some inner some inner movement, I guess,
Speaker 2: and in terms of how kind of where the lines
Speaker 2: are drawn and what is safe to talk about in
Speaker 2: regard to that with him, and kind of where this
Speaker 2: goes when we do move in.
Speaker 1: So let me get this straight. Yes, you have feelings
Speaker 1: for your friend. Your friend has feelings for you, but
Speaker 1: he's got a girlfriend. You and your friend are about
Speaker 1: to move in together just as roommates, because you had
Speaker 1: where was the were you planning to move in together?
Speaker 1: Before you even was kind of brought these feelings to light.
Speaker 2: Correct, Yeah, okay.
Speaker 1: And when you told your friend you have feelings for him,
Speaker 1: did he tell you that he was planning to break
Speaker 1: up with his girlfriend and be with you?
Speaker 4: No? No, okay?
Speaker 2: And yeah, that's kind of another thing, is I don't know.
Speaker 2: I really enjoy their relationship and I enjoy being around them.
Speaker 2: It's not it's not a sense of jealousy or envy
Speaker 2: or anything of the sort. When you know we're all
Speaker 2: in a bunch and that that in itself has its
Speaker 2: own I don't know its own feel to it, because
Speaker 2: it's a it's a situation where I'm I'm not hoping
Speaker 2: that a beautiful relationship ends for my own personal gain,
Speaker 2: because that's weird and somewhat I don't know. I was
Speaker 2: gonna say evil, but I don't know. It's it's it's
Speaker 2: an odd situation.
Speaker 4: You know.
Speaker 1: I I wouldn't say evil either, but I would say
Speaker 1: unproductive because I don't want you, you know, bonding, and
Speaker 1: and I don't want you waiting around for your friend
Speaker 1: to come around to you, because I mean, you know, look,
Speaker 1: take the the the love triangle melodrama out of all this, right,
Speaker 1: you know, that's what that's That's what I would say
Speaker 1: to anyone who likes anyone who who who may be
Speaker 1: giving them unclear signals of how they feel back. Although
Speaker 1: it's wit to me the weirdest thing that you're dealing
Speaker 1: with here is you know, it'd be one thing if
Speaker 1: you like somebody they they didn't like you back, or
Speaker 1: they did and it was complicated or whatever. You liked them,
Speaker 1: couldn't be with them. It'd be one thing if it
Speaker 1: was just a random person. But you're about to move
Speaker 1: in with this guy. That is the piece of the
Speaker 1: puzzle that makes this the most difficult, because I see
Speaker 1: that making it very difficult to move on from this situation.
Speaker 4: But also that was.
Speaker 1: Go ahead, please you.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that was the That was the initial reason why
Speaker 2: I told him. It was because it was kind of
Speaker 2: I don't know, we knew that that was coming up,
Speaker 2: so I was like, we should probably address that.
Speaker 4: And then right, m hmm.
Speaker 1: You know, I don't know you that well, but and
Speaker 1: I don't know the how your feelings work, but you
Speaker 1: seem like, actually, you know, a very mature guy who
Speaker 1: is able to have a handle on his feelings. And
Speaker 1: I you know, if you believe that you can live
Speaker 1: with this guy, be around him and his girlfriend, end
Speaker 1: and whatnot, and not be encumbered with the your feelings
Speaker 1: to a point where it's negatively affecting you. Then I
Speaker 1: think that's nice and I but if you can't, I
Speaker 1: don't think there's anything wrong with doing something about that
Speaker 1: by attempting to distance yourself from the relationship. How you
Speaker 1: do that exactly if you signed a lease is an
Speaker 1: interesting question.
Speaker 2: Right, Yeah, that's I don't know. That's kind of the worry.
Speaker 2: That's kind of the main worry I have.
Speaker 4: I suppose is.
Speaker 2: Moving I know that.
Speaker 4: I mean, I don't know.
Speaker 2: It's kind of obvious with when you have feelings for people,
Speaker 2: but when you are, when I'm around him, those feelings
Speaker 2: are exemplified and magnet fine because it's you know, you're
Speaker 2: spending time together. But yeah, of course, the whole it's
Speaker 2: the whole deal of I don't I don't know what
Speaker 2: it will be like in terms of the how the
Speaker 2: feelings are going when we.
Speaker 4: Do move in together.
Speaker 2: If it's going to be a thing where I'm still
Speaker 2: you know, keeping my cool mostly in everything, or it's
Speaker 2: going to be a thing where it's I don't know,
Speaker 2: kind of a constant reminder thing of like, oh, man.
Speaker 1: Have you signed Elise yet?
Speaker 4: We have not know?
Speaker 1: Oh you haven't signed a Lase yet?
Speaker 4: No? No?
Speaker 1: Mm hmmm, why do you want to move in with
Speaker 1: this guy?
Speaker 4: Well? We, I don't know.
Speaker 2: We've been friends for a long time and it's I
Speaker 2: don't know. He's kind of one of the in this
Speaker 2: day and age with how money goes. You know, renting
Speaker 2: a place by yourself can be pretty it can get
Speaker 2: you pretty tight on on money.
Speaker 1: Well sure, but I mean come on, you can you
Speaker 1: you know you can find a roommate anywhere.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but I guess we've always kind of known that
Speaker 2: in terms of productivity and comfortability with a roommate that
Speaker 2: we would be best matched. M everything.
Speaker 1: Okay, So, so in making your decision and thinking about
Speaker 1: the situation of living with him, uh, is it causing
Speaker 1: you stress to think about?
Speaker 2: I would say so, yeah, And I don't really know
Speaker 2: how or if that is something I should express to him.
Speaker 1: I mean, m you know, Evan, I don't love expressly
Speaker 1: telling people what I think they should do. But you know,
Speaker 1: I'm going to talk to you about this, uh, you know,
Speaker 1: as if you were just my buddy coming to me
Speaker 1: about this, and I feel like, I don't feel like
Speaker 1: you should do it. Man, I don't think you should
Speaker 1: move in with this guy. If this is a thing
Speaker 1: that's up in the air, I think that, I mean,
Speaker 1: fuck you don't. You don't have to stop being friends
Speaker 1: with the dude, right, You don't have to never go
Speaker 1: over there. You don't have to cut off complete contact unless,
Speaker 1: if you know, unless if you like him so much
Speaker 1: and it's that bad and it's causing that much anguish,
Speaker 1: in which case it would be helpful to you to do.
Speaker 1: But I it just from everything you've told us, it
Speaker 1: doesn't sound like a good idea to move in with
Speaker 1: this guy.
Speaker 2: Can I I guess, from from your view, what are
Speaker 2: the biggest cons out of the pros and cons list
Speaker 2: that you would say? Like, what the what would you
Speaker 2: say would be the negatives of moving in?
Speaker 4: Well?
Speaker 1: Just you know, look, I mean, if you have feelings
Speaker 1: for this guy, but you know it's not going to
Speaker 1: work out, and you don't want to wait around for
Speaker 1: it to work out, And I just hate the idea
Speaker 1: that you're expending any energy against against that that you
Speaker 1: could be using on an infinite number of other things
Speaker 1: that you that that could be better benefiting your life.
Speaker 1: That's the the thesis behind why I think you should
Speaker 1: not do that.
Speaker 2: Well, gek I, I appreciate you telling you that. I'm
Speaker 2: talking to me a real home, like a real get go.
Speaker 1: Yeah, of course, Evan, thanks for you know, being open
Speaker 1: with us about this stuff. You seem like a dude
Speaker 1: with a good head on his shoulders, so I'm really
Speaker 1: not that worried about you.
Speaker 2: Thank you, Thank you.
Speaker 1: Is there anything else you want to say to the
Speaker 1: people of the computer before we go?
Speaker 4: Man, I don't know.
Speaker 2: Beck is out here doing real magic, real people.
Speaker 1: Hey, thanks for calling Evan.
Speaker 2: All right, Yeah, good day.
Speaker 1: It's so. I was relieved to hear him say that
Speaker 1: he didn't sign the lease because we've gotten stuff on
Speaker 1: here before where people are in uh and I just
Speaker 1: in my personal life, I've anecdotally heard this stuff where
Speaker 1: like you get interpersonal conflicts between people that are made
Speaker 1: about a thousand times worse by having signed a fucking
Speaker 1: lease that physically traps people together who are experiencing conflict,
Speaker 1: and Evan has has narrowly escaped that situation. I was
Speaker 1: relieved to hear he didn't sign a lease and to me,
Speaker 1: it would be a tragic mistake for him to go
Speaker 1: and sign a lease and then realize, oh, actually, every
Speaker 1: day seeing this guy who I I like with his
Speaker 1: girlfriend is actually hurting me a lot. But what the
Speaker 1: fuck am I going to do? I'm not going to
Speaker 1: be able to move out. I'm so close to it.
Speaker 1: It just seems like it would be a terrible mistake. Hello. Hello, Hi,
Speaker 1: wo Yeah is this Who is this?
Speaker 4: Jimmy?
Speaker 1: You sound like a like a nice fella.
Speaker 4: I'm a pretty nice guy. Okay, I got pretty interesting
Speaker 4: story to tell you today.
Speaker 1: What's up? Man?
Speaker 4: So? Uh? I live a kind of a wildlife and
Speaker 4: I don't know. I guess I'm built different. But I
Speaker 4: am thirty minutes away from a cult.
Speaker 1: You are, what with a cult?
Speaker 4: I'm thirty minutes away from joining occult.
Speaker 1: Thirty minutes away from joining a cult? Yes, sir, okay,
Speaker 1: what is this cult?
Speaker 4: Well, you know, it's kind of hard to join a cult.
Speaker 4: It took me a while to find a cult that
Speaker 4: would that I could contact. When you're looking for a
Speaker 4: cult to join, you run into a lot of don't
Speaker 4: join a cult, And I mean, I'm sure none of
Speaker 4: these people are viewers of your show, but i'd rather
Speaker 4: or not disclosed it's a cult. Notably it is a cult,
Speaker 4: but I would say it's kind of mid.
Speaker 1: Okay, Jimmy, let's okay, all right, let's let's start here.
Speaker 1: Let's start here. You says you're thirty three years old. Yes,
Speaker 1: why do you want to join a cult?
Speaker 4: I've just kind of been through some stuff. I know
Speaker 4: you're not a real therapist, so I don't want to
Speaker 4: get you down or or anything. I don't want to
Speaker 4: say too much, but I don't know. Like I said,
Speaker 4: I've lived a wildlife and I used to do a
Speaker 4: want drugs and I'm done with that, so I think
Speaker 4: I'll try a cult.
Speaker 1: Okay, you used to do a lot of drugs, and
Speaker 1: now you are done doing drugs. So instead of doing drugs,
Speaker 1: you were going to join a cult.
Speaker 4: That's about rock.
Speaker 1: Okay, what kind of cult are you looking to join?
Speaker 1: Is this a religious thing? Is this a philosophy thing?
Speaker 1: Is it a lifestyle thing? Is a community thing? What
Speaker 1: are you looking for and what are you hoping to
Speaker 1: get out of it?
Speaker 4: I mean, I kind of know a little bit about
Speaker 4: it because I've been talking to them all day long. Really,
Speaker 4: I just wanted a community. I kind of wanted to
Speaker 4: just I don't know. They can like go off planet,
Speaker 4: and you know, I don't have the money to fly
Speaker 4: to say, so that's what I'm.
Speaker 1: Doing, all right. You're looking to like a band in
Speaker 1: your life and start a new.
Speaker 4: I what.
Speaker 1: To abandon your life and start new? Yes, okay, it's
Speaker 1: a natural impulse. I don't know if it's a natural impulse,
Speaker 1: but it's an impulse. It's an understandable impulse. That's what
Speaker 1: I meant to say. I've fantasized about that all the time,
Speaker 1: all the time. So you want to abandon the life
Speaker 1: that you're currently living and try something new. This sounds
Speaker 1: like it's a very hail merry type of thing, like, well,
Speaker 1: fuck it, I love the crazy life. I don't have
Speaker 1: anything else to do. Let's do this.
Speaker 4: I've abandoned my life several different ways, and honestly, this
Speaker 4: is not such a bad way to do it. I
Speaker 4: don't think.
Speaker 1: You say you've abandoned your life in other ways.
Speaker 4: Yeah, with drugs and stuff like that.
Speaker 1: Okay, do you have any friends.
Speaker 4: Online friends? Family?
Speaker 1: Online friends? Okay, give your family. Do you have family?
Speaker 4: Yeah? I have family. I think my brother's watching it.
Speaker 1: Okay, And do you are you like in touch with
Speaker 1: your parents?
Speaker 4: Uh? Yeah, they're They're okay with it. They know. I
Speaker 4: was telling the screener that, uh, you might be besides
Speaker 4: my mom when.
Speaker 1: I Jimmy there, Yeah, I'm here. You said something something
Speaker 1: besides me. Yeah, you said something about your mom. Uh.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I'm gonna call her before I go in the gates.
Speaker 4: But other than that, you're probably the last person I'll
Speaker 4: talk to you.
Speaker 1: I'm the last person you talked to before you you'll
Speaker 1: go into the gates.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 1: What are these gates?
Speaker 4: I guess it's an orchard. I'm not really sure.
Speaker 1: Now when you say I'm the last person you'll talk to,
Speaker 1: are you saying that in this place they don't allow
Speaker 1: you to have a phone or internet.
Speaker 4: No. Yeah, they're going to take everything when I get.
Speaker 1: There, and they don't allow you to have any contact
Speaker 1: with the outside world.
Speaker 4: No. They said there's a trial period where I can leave.
Speaker 1: Oh that means okay, Does that mean that once the
Speaker 1: trial period ends you cannot leave.
Speaker 4: Once I accept my new name, they're going to rename me.
Speaker 1: They're going to rename you.
Speaker 4: This is definitely it's definitely the craziest thing I've ever done.
Speaker 1: Why are they what are they gonna name you? Do
Speaker 1: you have any idea?
Speaker 4: Yeah, it's a Hebrew name. I don't know.
Speaker 1: Is this a Jewish cults?
Speaker 4: Uh? It's a combination Christianity, Herb and Judaism.
Speaker 1: I'm not okay.
Speaker 4: That is definitely not a denomination. All right.
Speaker 1: It's a combination of Christianity and Judaism.
Speaker 4: Yeah. I'm walking up and down a dirt road right now.
Speaker 1: You're walking up at dirt road right now, are there?
Speaker 4: Yeah?
Speaker 1: Can hear me?
Speaker 4: Yeah? It keeps connected into my truck.
Speaker 1: Mm hmmm, where are you leaving your your truck? Are
Speaker 1: you just abandoning your truck?
Speaker 4: So? Have you ever seen those pictures of like dusty
Speaker 4: vehicles sitting outside of a colt?
Speaker 1: I have never seen pictures of dusty vehicles sitting outside
Speaker 1: of a colt.
Speaker 4: Well, it's it's I guess if they convinced me to stay,
Speaker 4: I guess I'm gonna my truck will be there.
Speaker 1: What does your brother think about this?
Speaker 4: I don't know. My family's kind of supportive of it.
Speaker 4: I don't think they really realize what I'm getting into.
Speaker 4: But I also think they believe that nobody's gonna keep
Speaker 4: me there if I don't want to be there.
Speaker 1: Jimmy, do you do you know what you're getting into?
Speaker 4: Yeah, I've been talking to them all day. I've done
Speaker 4: a bunch of research on them. Like I said, they're
Speaker 4: kind of mid like they've only been raided by the FBI.
Speaker 4: Want now it was a long time ago. I guess
Speaker 4: they have uh children they don't tell anybody about, and
Speaker 4: they name them themselves. And I don't know, Jimmy not.
Speaker 1: You're not fucking with me right now, are you? You're
Speaker 1: really no gates of a place, not at all. Why
Speaker 1: were they raided by the FBI.
Speaker 6: To the U when the research I did was that
Speaker 6: they had they were having children at the community and
Speaker 6: not telling anybody.
Speaker 4: So they pulled the kids out and gave them government names,
Speaker 4: and I don't know, I guess gave them back. From
Speaker 4: what I understand, seems like a good place. But I
Speaker 4: don't think anybody there knows who the president is? Is that
Speaker 4: like this?
Speaker 1: The main thing that's desirable to you is to exist
Speaker 1: off the grid and not know who the president is
Speaker 1: and be done with the outside world and just submit
Speaker 1: yourself to something greater than you.
Speaker 4: I want to see what it's all about, you know,
Speaker 4: because you always hear about everybody that escapes and talks
Speaker 4: a bunch of crap. But there's a lot of people
Speaker 4: that stay.
Speaker 1: That, you know what, That is a good point. There's
Speaker 1: a lot of people that stay, and why do they stay.
Speaker 1: They wouldn't stay if it wasn't if they weren't getting
Speaker 1: something mad of it. Yeah, so who knows, you Maybe
Speaker 1: you will get something out of this experience. I'm not
Speaker 1: who am I to say that you want.
Speaker 4: If I you know, I was thinking, if I escape,
Speaker 4: maybe I'll make a YouTube video where I don't know,
Speaker 4: it seems like a good idea to like try it
Speaker 4: so you don't have to. And maybe I could just
Speaker 4: join a couple of cults and let everybody know what
Speaker 4: they're a lot, Jimmy.
Speaker 1: I respect the way you live your life. I really do.
Speaker 1: It seems like you just kind of I go with
Speaker 1: the flow. I guess I don't. I don't know how
Speaker 1: to really describe, but I'm observing to be your lifestyle philosophy.
Speaker 1: But I in when faced with the knowledge that all
Speaker 1: of our societal structures are products of the mind, I
Speaker 1: think the way that you are approaching your relinquishment of
Speaker 1: them is at the very least a real admirable effort.
Speaker 4: I think it's the best choice that I've made when
Speaker 4: I felt like like like giving up.
Speaker 1: Is this a form of giving up?
Speaker 4: Like it's progress? My maps are talking to me telling
Speaker 4: me where to go?
Speaker 1: Is this a form of giving up?
Speaker 4: I don't know. It's kind of like abduction, you know
Speaker 4: what I'm saying. It's kind of like aliens that are like, yes, come,
Speaker 4: come here, and they're they're taking me. I don't know.
Speaker 4: I think it's interesting and I'm not doing anything else
Speaker 4: right now. So they said I could leave in a week.
Speaker 4: I don't know. I don't know. They're could keep me there, but.
Speaker 1: Jimmy, yeah, stay safe, man.
Speaker 4: My Google maps keeps trying to talk to me and
Speaker 4: tell me where to go.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm gonn I'm gonna let you get back to it.
Speaker 4: Okay.
Speaker 1: Is there anything else the show?
Speaker 4: It would have to be something about despair and making
Speaker 4: the better choice than you know, the worst choice, because
Speaker 4: you want to take the worst route. But there's a
Speaker 4: lot of different routes you can take to change everything up.
Speaker 4: And no, I'm not gonna no harm is gonna come
Speaker 4: of this, I hope, But if I escape, I'll call
Speaker 4: back and let you know how it win.
Speaker 1: Thank you for calling, Jimmy, Thank you. I think sometimes
Speaker 1: with these calls, I search in my mind for what's
Speaker 1: the perfect thing to say. What can I say that
Speaker 1: it's helpful to the person listening or is entertaining?
Speaker 4: Two?
Speaker 1: What can I say that is helpful to the person
Speaker 1: I'm talking to or is entertaining to the people listening?
Speaker 1: And leally that that feeling to say the perfect thing
Speaker 1: have actually gotten in the way of me saying the truth.
Speaker 1: And the truth is that I have really absolutely no
Speaker 1: idea what to make of that call. And I could
Speaker 1: further elaborate on my confusion, but I don't think that
Speaker 1: I need to. I think you guys get it. Goes
Speaker 1: on the line taking your phone calls every night.
Speaker 2: There goes to his I's
Speaker 4: Teaching you cloud in the literal life, but he's not
Speaker 4: really an expert.