Speaker 1: Look man, oh I see you? Why why? And look
Speaker 1: over there? How is that nature? Yes? Goodness, let's call
Speaker 1: the four of us are all in our own particular
Speaker 1: state being four friends who sometimes gets together and get
Speaker 1: her on the podcast and it's almost like the sisterhund
Speaker 1: of the Traveling Pants with no pants. I get her
Speaker 1: on the podcast. Okay, let's just girls are back in town. Okay, Kevin,
Speaker 1: you just try me all the way down? Why am
Speaker 1: I wearing headphones at this point? I will trying to
Speaker 1: myself a little bit, but you but when you okay,
Speaker 1: all right, well listen, how do we feel? How do
Speaker 1: we feel right now? I feel like it's like sound
Speaker 1: about sound levels? Well, I just couldn't hear even It's
Speaker 1: way too loud and it's too level. It's just follow
Speaker 1: the courts. Okay, So three? Three, all right? This is good.
Speaker 1: Three Jesus. I never wanted. I never wanted to deal with.
Speaker 1: If I get any louder, I will defend and I
Speaker 1: can't because I need to hear myself. I'm my singing.
Speaker 1: And then and then Matt is four. So are you
Speaker 1: are you good? Matt? I am down. I'm unwilling to
Speaker 1: touch any of the buttons because I don't want this
Speaker 1: to continue. Okay, alright, I have the worst hearing of
Speaker 1: my family. I want us to my choice in Okay,
Speaker 1: I want us to do a quick check in just
Speaker 1: to see how where we're at, because I think we
Speaker 1: all all are in very vulnerable stage. We have to
Speaker 1: be honest about the that bones not wearing headphones basically
Speaker 1: can't find. We have to be honest. I don't even notice.
Speaker 1: And that's how head in my own ass I am.
Speaker 1: I feel like it's very bonyan to like throw himself
Speaker 1: on the coals and just not wear headphones. For the
Speaker 1: last time, he didn't want the powd a chair. This time.
Speaker 1: I do have the arm risks, but I have the
Speaker 1: try try stand, try to trip. That's a tripod. Um. Okay, Pat,
Speaker 1: you just got off the bus. I just got off
Speaker 1: the bus. The first thing you said to me was
Speaker 1: not hello, was I'm not in a good mood, And
Speaker 1: I said, don't I this is what I'll say about buses.
Speaker 1: There one of my least favorite vehicle, actually one of
Speaker 1: my least favorite vehicle that is non demand or that
Speaker 1: in use today and wide used today. Um. But I
Speaker 1: think also now I just I'm feeling really overwhelmed with
Speaker 1: my schedule right now. I just have to go. I
Speaker 1: just want to Syracuse, which is which was fun, and
Speaker 1: I celebrate all those that I came into Conna on
Speaker 1: that trip with on that trip, and I'll go home
Speaker 1: for a second. And then I have to need two
Speaker 1: days for ten and a half hours a day, Monday Tuesday.
Speaker 1: It's going to be brewed. What about tomorrow? What about tomorrow?
Speaker 1: I have familiar obligations for Easter? My christ has your
Speaker 1: crisis to ack that? I just want to ask you, um,
Speaker 1: does it cost you anything to just say hello and
Speaker 1: then get into how you're in a bad mood? Does
Speaker 1: that cost you anything? It costs me everything. This is
Speaker 1: it that. That's not how our family does it. We
Speaker 1: see it's we're in it already. It's in media and
Speaker 1: Paley Media Center Center. Cat you are. You're doing great.
Speaker 1: I feel a little reckless. I have a reformation dress
Speaker 1: sort of slipping off my shoulders. I'm feeling a little romantic.
Speaker 1: Don't you know what I like? I like it drinking shoulders.
Speaker 1: I'll let him drink tonight. I'm excited for the show.
Speaker 1: It's gonna be great. I know I actually almost were
Speaker 1: crying when I walked in here because to see you
Speaker 1: too for her first time in calendar yours, it was overwhelming.
Speaker 1: That's beautiful. And Matt, how are you well? I don't
Speaker 1: live here anymore. I live sometime. Running your jersey that
Speaker 1: says l A on it. It was ninety because I
Speaker 1: have currently don't have a million dollars on bank account,
Speaker 1: and I spend money like that's true. What am I doing?
Speaker 1: I don't know. I'm from a flight from Los Angeles.
Speaker 1: I came in for the show. Sometimes something I'll do
Speaker 1: was I'll just go somewhere for a weekend. Um. When
Speaker 1: you have a mind to five Monday through Friday, you
Speaker 1: can do things like that. You really have to make
Speaker 1: sure your weekends are counting and for all of us,
Speaker 1: when I say you've changed, has gotten a job, I
Speaker 1: don't know. My skin looks really good. Um. I've been
Speaker 1: hooking up with a lot of boys in l A um. I.
Speaker 1: One thing I have to say is that no one
Speaker 1: knows how to kiss. No one knows how to kiss.
Speaker 1: Everyone uses their teeth first. It's very teeth forward. You
Speaker 1: have to be careful with you. But can I say
Speaker 1: something I feel gets each person's permission before I even
Speaker 1: speaking permission um. Sometimes one told me it might have
Speaker 1: been Catherine, or it might have been a Katherine type
Speaker 1: of person. There is no such thing. And my month
Speaker 1: on something and it might have been Catherine Katherine type person,
Speaker 1: but there is no such thing. Thank you that God
Speaker 1: broke the mold when he invented. God must have sen um.
Speaker 1: Someone said that there's no such thing as a bad
Speaker 1: kisser a good kiss there it's all, it's just chemistry.
Speaker 1: Someone tried to tell me that, and I said, I
Speaker 1: don't think so. Maybe I tried to tell you that
Speaker 1: everyone's stopped the coffee. Pat demanded, m a coffee. I'm
Speaker 1: unable to do this without caffeine, Okay, I said, would
Speaker 1: you mind making coffee? You're you're painting me as a Ramona.
Speaker 1: I don't know. It's it was pretty bethany of you
Speaker 1: to come in here and we say hey, Pat, and
Speaker 1: you go, I'm in a bad mood. In fact, that's
Speaker 1: literally a line that said earlier in the season. If
Speaker 1: I knew that expressing my feelings to my friends was
Speaker 1: going to turn them against me in this way, in
Speaker 1: this public way, I never would I would have just
Speaker 1: put out of you know what, I would have put
Speaker 1: on a face. I would have walked in and I
Speaker 1: would have said, I won't be real today. You know
Speaker 1: what kind another Catherine type person? God stop already with
Speaker 1: everyone ganging on, I would say, definitively. And I'm the
Speaker 1: expert on this. There are bad kissers, and do not
Speaker 1: do I do not need your to taste your whole time. No,
Speaker 1: I don't need your whole tongue in my mouth, down
Speaker 1: my throat. In fact, I don't even need it as
Speaker 1: like a little snack midway through that up. I don't
Speaker 1: need to be surprised by like your tongue all the
Speaker 1: way down. I don't need to know you can do that.
Speaker 1: I know you can do that. Don't do it. I
Speaker 1: like tongue the worst, but the worst it goes over
Speaker 1: about the coffee. Now I feel bad. You please let
Speaker 1: me finish my I'm beat right, I'm beat right already.
Speaker 1: You go. You're actually pale batch and it really reads
Speaker 1: when I look at you that you've been in Syracuse.
Speaker 1: People have been telling people have been telling me that
Speaker 1: I'm not in color. I've been telling you about telling you.
Speaker 1: Someone said that to me, sucking idiots, sonia types. Somebody
Speaker 1: said that towards me, towards me, and I want you
Speaker 1: to it's not going to be. It's not gonna land this.
Speaker 1: You can try things everything I didn't mean, and I
Speaker 1: just mean that it's not well. Now it's like we're
Speaker 1: so say what you mean? It's bad? It's bad kissing?
Speaker 1: When when if the sides of my mouth are wet
Speaker 1: and dripping in your spite, that's bad and you've left
Speaker 1: a mess, And how dare you? I won't go around
Speaker 1: and saying one word that's good kissing, one word that's
Speaker 1: bad kissing. Okay, I want to go honestly for me. Deep,
Speaker 1: it's good deep deep, like like you can like. I
Speaker 1: like to smell the person like I like, I like like,
Speaker 1: I like like romance. I like to feel like it's
Speaker 1: a moment. I like to feel like I could, like
Speaker 1: potentially look across the bridge and someone might be taking
Speaker 1: a picture of me. Our song and the scrammons okay
Speaker 1: and the bad bad one bad quick, bad, bad teeth,
Speaker 1: tongue destruction, chaos, murder, Let's go and try and Okay,
Speaker 1: for me, good is hands? Bad? Is squaw? Do I
Speaker 1: do you have? I have do you want me to
Speaker 1: go before you? I would like you to go before me. Okay, um? Good?
Speaker 1: Actually slow in the hair, famous kissing analogy story towards
Speaker 1: in the air. I have a huge problem with slow
Speaker 1: and steady wins. The race to bone youngs, hole and
Speaker 1: bad is that is wet. That is wet around the
Speaker 1: around the skin. People keep the wetness in my mouth,
Speaker 1: keeping in my mouth. Honey, that's so crazy. I never
Speaker 1: show it your first because I was gonna say wet
Speaker 1: for bad, but I said wet. That's what I'm saying. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you never should have let me go first. Okay, do
Speaker 1: your home. Okay, I know it's I know it's so
Speaker 1: fun to apply. Drive me straight to hell, upset with us.
Speaker 1: My hands are in the air, my weapons are down.
Speaker 1: I came in your weapons down. Look at me. I
Speaker 1: would never get mad you for bringing about mood. I'm
Speaker 1: in a great move. I love cat, I love you
Speaker 1: your mind and and pat look at me. No one
Speaker 1: was mad at you for being in a bad mood.
Speaker 1: I was. I was posing a question and you just
Speaker 1: see to see if it was conversationally okay for you
Speaker 1: to say hello first. One someone says hello, bad and
Speaker 1: pat look at me. You don't check in with me
Speaker 1: enough now that I'm in another state, and that's not
Speaker 1: show long text conversation with it length. I had a
Speaker 1: long text conversation with and Catherine and texting with me
Speaker 1: never Matt once twice. And I had a nice text
Speaker 1: conversation recently. Yes we did, because I was thinking about
Speaker 1: you and feeling googles good. It's soft for me and
Speaker 1: good for me awesome. It's humpy and bad. I think
Speaker 1: I can have hard. I kind of like a little
Speaker 1: bit of hard, like when you're actually so soft that
Speaker 1: it feels like like when it's a soft lip, when
Speaker 1: I have nice soft lips. And okay, I'm gonna say
Speaker 1: this for me, bad is pointy, like the job. I
Speaker 1: don't mind a tongue, but I want a soft tie.
Speaker 1: I don't want to I want to point to tongue
Speaker 1: jabbing at me. Of course. I think it's just like
Speaker 1: you know, like chemistry can't be explained. Sometimes with a
Speaker 1: certain type of person, you can grab me and say
Speaker 1: I'm doing this to you. Other times it's more of
Speaker 1: a communication, more of a dance too. Um, Because I
Speaker 1: want to apologize for how I came into the studio.
Speaker 1: That's okay, No, you know me anything. We did not
Speaker 1: set you up for an apology. I just want to
Speaker 1: make that very clear. You did not have but thank you.
Speaker 1: But it cost me nothing to do that cost nothing. Okay.
Speaker 1: This is CEE Culture, This is our advice, our little
Speaker 1: crossover event. Thank you, thank you, Thank you all for
Speaker 1: submitting your questions. Thank you for submitting your questions. For
Speaker 1: our last episode, there is a quick matter order of
Speaker 1: business that we follow up with e C There's a
Speaker 1: dangling thread from the last episode. And if you don't
Speaker 1: remember what happened on the last episode of C Culture, well,
Speaker 1: Pat Regan absolutely dragged to hell a young young fan
Speaker 1: listener from Dallas, Texas, and then Bow and Yang and
Speaker 1: I knocked him out. Our k owed him in Mortal
Speaker 1: Kombat terms. By canceling our show in Dallas. Is absolutely
Speaker 1: very cancel Culture. We canceled. Canceled Culture has has made
Speaker 1: its way to Dallas, Texas. Wait, why did you cancel?
Speaker 1: It's just not working out, It wasn't working with our schedules.
Speaker 1: But ec came to us with a question about trying
Speaker 1: to expose his boyfriend to more culture because they were
Speaker 1: not a cultural match. And so, and then Pat accused
Speaker 1: him of performing cultural elitism, an eighteen year old game
Speaker 1: nineteen nine teams off at least off at least but
Speaker 1: so basically this is ec I um um scream, oh
Speaker 1: my god. Wait by By followed me that he sent
Speaker 1: another message. We're just from addressing this again. That and
Speaker 1: he did, which will which I will be right now,
Speaker 1: asked him to call back in and respond to Pat.
Speaker 1: So this is ECS follow up. Hello, C Culture Panel,
Speaker 1: it's EAC again. First, I appreciate all your advice and wisdom,
Speaker 1: so thank you. Second, i'd like to address my new
Speaker 1: front emmy Pat. I will say I did come off
Speaker 1: as performing cultural elitism, and I want culture elitism, and
Speaker 1: I want you to know I'm not too much of
Speaker 1: a huge snob. Yes, I do feel strongly about my tastes,
Speaker 1: but I just needed ways to get my boyfriend to
Speaker 1: see the fun in my hobbies and interests. Honestly, I've
Speaker 1: been surprised by both of us lately. It just took
Speaker 1: a sect to realize, but we share more interest than
Speaker 1: we thought. Just took exposure. He loved the Contemporary Art Museum,
Speaker 1: and turns out I sort of love frat parties. So
Speaker 1: in the end, team EC and POT we're both right,
Speaker 1: and that's dot dot dot beautiful, slash touching, slash life.
Speaker 1: I would also like to address that with nineteen in
Speaker 1: Texas hard being Gay. I actually just organized a campus
Speaker 1: LGBT plus reprom event, so kind of thriving. We went
Speaker 1: to Alamo to enjoy the cheese on the broccoli immediately
Speaker 1: after listening to the app. Here we are listening to
Speaker 1: Pat drag me in total shock. We hearts culture. That's
Speaker 1: e C and then that's his Oh my god, they're
Speaker 1: so cute. Oh my god, they're so cute. And I
Speaker 1: have to say, like, maybe this is me being like,
Speaker 1: oh look, and I said, we love C culture. Maybe
Speaker 1: this is me being like like, I don't know, like
Speaker 1: talking down to young people. But I thought that email
Speaker 1: was very well spoken, and I don't know if I,
Speaker 1: at nineteen years old, could have like gotten it that much. Yes, yes,
Speaker 1: he gets its. Yeah, I heard a lot of growth
Speaker 1: in his story today. Um, yeah, it's great. I know.
Speaker 1: I wasn't actually mad, I just was being on the podcast.
Speaker 1: I wasn't actually I don't want to go on the
Speaker 1: record of saying I like snobs and I'm sexually attracted
Speaker 1: to snobs. So I don't know if that doesn't think
Speaker 1: for anyone, But um, am I a snob? You're a snob.
Speaker 1: I'm a snob. But you have to like good things
Speaker 1: to be a snob. When he went to the museum today,
Speaker 1: how what did you think of Helma? Did you do
Speaker 1: you do? Oh? My god, wait, phonecase. Helma was amazing.
Speaker 1: It was amazing that Clint she Um was a pioneer,
Speaker 1: although no one knew it, of abstract art, and all
Speaker 1: of her the themes that she explored in her work
Speaker 1: aligned with Mandreon, but no one saw her work until
Speaker 1: the eighties because she died in the forties and she said,
Speaker 1: I don't want any of this work to be shown
Speaker 1: until twenty years after I've died, And she received visions
Speaker 1: from spirits that one day her work would be put
Speaker 1: in a circular templeogenheim Um. And so I actually, actually, um,
Speaker 1: that's funny, because I actually I am doing that with
Speaker 1: my pilots. I've actually I was going to sixteen pilots,
Speaker 1: but I wanted to wone to see them til twenty years.
Speaker 1: That's right, die because I wouldn't have I've been told
Speaker 1: by spirits and I can't act. Where will your pilots displayed?
Speaker 1: It would be displayed in hep to Gone shaped temple,
Speaker 1: and it's going to be everything. It might even be
Speaker 1: at and there might even be a stage of reading. Oh,
Speaker 1: I can't wait. I love that. Um. Should we check
Speaker 1: in about our diseases? Diseases? I think we probably all
Speaker 1: have new diseases at this point. Yeah, probably I do.
Speaker 1: Oh wait, okay, who wants to start? And you got mat? Okay,
Speaker 1: you want to know my disease? Alright, So my diseases.
Speaker 1: I have a lot of new friends in l A
Speaker 1: like a lot of news. What a cancer you're something
Speaker 1: that was not a brag coming of Matt Roger this episode. No,
Speaker 1: I'm just okay, can I rephrase? Because you're right, I'm
Speaker 1: being absolutely insulferable. All right, so listen. So I've relocated
Speaker 1: and for the time being, stop but you guys, I'm
Speaker 1: having a good time with my friends. Okay. So now
Speaker 1: I'm trying to make new friends for a while. I'm
Speaker 1: in another sit and so base I have, you know,
Speaker 1: met a bunch of new people. And here's the thing.
Speaker 1: When you meet a bunch of gay guys, everyone's always
Speaker 1: like what is this? What is what is the relationship?
Speaker 1: Is it going to be sex? Is it going to
Speaker 1: be friends? Is it going to be the sniffing butts
Speaker 1: up and down? And I am just having a problem
Speaker 1: with my disease. Is I feel that I am potentially
Speaker 1: maybe even being too sex forward with my disease and
Speaker 1: sometimes to you with my diseases, I feel I'm like,
Speaker 1: I don't know. I feel like I don't know what
Speaker 1: the thing is the thing I will say, and I
Speaker 1: will say that it's bare more. I've been known to
Speaker 1: spend upwards of two hours and speed green, but I
Speaker 1: was the platonic hang out sweet Green. And the thing is,
Speaker 1: I feel like any of these things could go either way,
Speaker 1: And the whole time I feel the tension of like
Speaker 1: what is it? What is it? What is it? And
Speaker 1: it's hard for me to sometimes even have a conversation
Speaker 1: with someone because I'm so pre occupied in my mind
Speaker 1: of like what is this? What is this? Do you
Speaker 1: like me? I might like you, I might not. In
Speaker 1: fact I don't. Yes I do, And I'm just like
Speaker 1: so crazy because I think I'm craving something now that
Speaker 1: I feel like busy professionally, like I feel like pretty
Speaker 1: good about like the stuff I'm doing. What I'm not
Speaker 1: preoccupied with is like career stuff. What I'm preoccupied with
Speaker 1: is like dating and sex stuff. And I feel a little, um,
Speaker 1: do you want do you want to be doing someone?
Speaker 1: I think I do? WHOA, that's sort of new for you?
Speaker 1: Kind of I would like to I would like to
Speaker 1: really like someone who really likes me. Damn, that's so
Speaker 1: is my disease, lend my diseases. I'm finally perpets request alone.
Speaker 1: And it's been hard, Like I've been having to force
Speaker 1: myself to sit at home and sit and live with myself. Um.
Speaker 1: A lot of baths, a lot of journaling, a lot
Speaker 1: of poetry writing, um, serious poems. But I would never
Speaker 1: shout you um. And the other thing is like I
Speaker 1: get a little frustrated sometimes because I'm only I don't
Speaker 1: know where are you would even meet a straight guy
Speaker 1: to kiss? Like? I just don't even know three words
Speaker 1: lower east side? But is that just like? Is that
Speaker 1: just like crap? It's sort of like a cross section
Speaker 1: of every every like bombastic straight male who would like
Speaker 1: go out? I mean, you would like meet someone I
Speaker 1: don't know? But I don't mean to like reductively be
Speaker 1: like just go to the SNA. No, You're right. My
Speaker 1: my disease, which is a good disease to have, is
Speaker 1: that I'm finally placed in life where I know that
Speaker 1: like calling any old lowry side person to come over
Speaker 1: isn't gonnake me feel better. I know, and it actually
Speaker 1: might make me feel worse. It used to be moment momentary,
Speaker 1: momentary momentary. It used to be momentary relief, and now
Speaker 1: it's actually offers no relief. And now my only relief
Speaker 1: is when I wake up and I know that I
Speaker 1: have not eaten late or done anything stupid, and that's
Speaker 1: the only relief. After hooking up a bunch of l A,
Speaker 1: I was where you were now and I am having
Speaker 1: the opposite reaction where I'm like let's I'm not like
Speaker 1: let's be alone, and I'm like, let's do it more. Yeah,
Speaker 1: And that's trying to be a nuts I think, Yeah,
Speaker 1: disease bad. Last time you said each other's diseases. I
Speaker 1: don't know what my disease is. Right you are right
Speaker 1: now is like it's priorities, it's it's self sabotaged. I
Speaker 1: think it's priorities bad. It's Um, I'm sabotaging myself a
Speaker 1: lot right now. I feel overwhelmed and I feel, um,
Speaker 1: I don't want to show up for a thing. I
Speaker 1: think your disease also is that you're actually being a
Speaker 1: little hard in yourself and not realizing that you're actually
Speaker 1: doing really well. Yeah, and you have a lot of you.
Speaker 1: You actually now have a lot of things you've been wanting.
Speaker 1: That's I'm not just talking about love. I'm talking about
Speaker 1: life and also, Pat, I think sometimes these things that
Speaker 1: overwhelm you, I think sometimes it's the way you're thinking
Speaker 1: about them. I think some of the things could be fun.
Speaker 1: Like I think like sitting down to write something that
Speaker 1: you like could be fun And don't be insane. I
Speaker 1: have been right now, don't anyone tell me writing so
Speaker 1: I actually have a great time doing it. I have
Speaker 1: been sorry everything. I'm not talking about writing. When I
Speaker 1: say that, what, um, just like schedule stuff? Well, because
Speaker 1: I had a feeling this is what Because it sounds
Speaker 1: like you have schedule anxiety, that you're overwhelmed with that stuff.
Speaker 1: And this is the thing, Pat, like any belief that
Speaker 1: you have about you're you're like load. It's like I mean, yes,
Speaker 1: like there are like actual at about my disease. I'm
Speaker 1: sure they're like actual like limits to how much you
Speaker 1: can do in one day. But also like you believing
Speaker 1: yourself to be overwhelmed is like kind of an invention.
Speaker 1: Maybe have munchausens, And I think, I'm that's not I
Speaker 1: know you are. I'm sure you are overwhelmed, but like
Speaker 1: like I mean, try to like try to imagine. I
Speaker 1: feel burned out. I feel so not funny right now.
Speaker 1: I just yeah, but like I don't know, I think,
Speaker 1: like what you guys are killing it right now? I
Speaker 1: just stop. I want to take a big load tonight.
Speaker 1: I'm almost definitely gonna bustle load tonight. Someone I don't care.
Speaker 1: Who do you have someone coming to the show in mind?
Speaker 1: Hordes of them? My god, it isn't fair. Why don't
Speaker 1: you stick around tonight? There's gonna be lots of straight guys,
Speaker 1: I don't think so laugh in my face. Oh um, yeah,
Speaker 1: d C, who told you a little Bertie? That's a
Speaker 1: birdie in this room, a Bertie in the world. Huh?
Speaker 1: I heard you were kissing from a birdie. Yeah, which birdie? Birdie?
Speaker 1: I had? Yeah, I had a fun little d C. Birdie,
Speaker 1: what's d C District? Yes, I don't really both had
Speaker 1: fun Bertie's that trip or not Bertie's. We had fun trips.
Speaker 1: That trip was sure, but my Bertie apparently hasn't traveled
Speaker 1: to Pat and Cat's ears. I didn't hear that. I
Speaker 1: only heard that about UM. I think your disease, going
Speaker 1: back to pats disease. UM, try to imagine yourself like
Speaker 1: maybe not feeling over. I know, no, I know, you're
Speaker 1: you're right, You're right. I just feel like every time
Speaker 1: I start doing something, I have to stop doing it
Speaker 1: and go to my next thing. I don't wait. We
Speaker 1: have to shout out Tammy Sager because she recommended a
Speaker 1: book to me called Steering by Starlight and it's very
Speaker 1: it's very new agic cookie language, but the writer is
Speaker 1: very self aware about it, has a very fun sense
Speaker 1: of humor about it. And it's actually I hear Tammy
Speaker 1: and on every single page and it's like really being
Speaker 1: it's it's a very helpful tool right now. But the
Speaker 1: messages like UM, pretend like you've already wont and it's
Speaker 1: not delusion. It's actually like a helpful way to like
Speaker 1: melt away any kind of like invented belief that you have.
Speaker 1: I also feel I kind of was just saying that
Speaker 1: because I don't. I don't feel particularly reflected by disease
Speaker 1: right now, right, Yeah, your disease is that you are
Speaker 1: not disease. Disease. What's your disease book? Um, I might
Speaker 1: actually have that same disease as I don't know, well,
Speaker 1: the same disease last time? Did we similar disease? St
Speaker 1: James at the time, the same word. I'm just um,
Speaker 1: I'm horny all the time. I am different O. No, no, no, well,
Speaker 1: I'm clinging to an old thing. Yes, in my in
Speaker 1: my romantic past, and I have not really let to go.
Speaker 1: I tell you something. Yeah, when we were at the Rose,
Speaker 1: not recently, Yes, I accidentally looked over your shoulder and
Speaker 1: it's how you're texting, And I was like, you don't
Speaker 1: have gone to an old thing. And that's even a
Speaker 1: different thing. You saw me texting holding holding like like
Speaker 1: this kind of like two things that are happening at
Speaker 1: the same time that I've never let anyone go, and
Speaker 1: I've never gotten over a single person in my life.
Speaker 1: Thank you. It's impossible because we love you deeply, too much,
Speaker 1: too hardly. Hardly, madly, deeply, hardly, madly, deeply, Oh my god,
Speaker 1: I think it's time to get into the email. I
Speaker 1: know I have questions like I need how you need
Speaker 1: to know? Stop it, stop it. This isn't our role,
Speaker 1: as Pats eloquently put on his Twitter, we are sister
Speaker 1: wives too, and our husband is the audience, the collective listener,
Speaker 1: and it's the wife's job to give advice. And so
Speaker 1: before we begin, I just want to say that anyone
Speaker 1: listening that I've been involved with him over you wait,
Speaker 1: tell me about just quickly. Are you interested in one
Speaker 1: person particular and loss. I think it's going to be
Speaker 1: a different person that I'm interested in every two and
Speaker 1: a half days. Well, and then someone serious. I don't
Speaker 1: think I want someone serious. I want to be having
Speaker 1: consistent fun with one other person, because the whole bouncing around.
Speaker 1: One day we're one thing, and then the next day
Speaker 1: you act weird like I don't want to do the games. Truly,
Speaker 1: I don't know that rogers consistent fun fun. But it's
Speaker 1: also a disease in people in l who are just
Speaker 1: like that. I don't necessarily think it's I don't think
Speaker 1: it is specific to people an L that happens. I
Speaker 1: think it's when you go to a new city you
Speaker 1: can see it all clearly. I think people from L
Speaker 1: come to end and then they say, oh gosh, what
Speaker 1: is this. And I think people from C. Of course
Speaker 1: Columbus would go to somewhere like see of course Chicago
Speaker 1: and it would say the same thing. And of course
Speaker 1: people in D of course culture is just different and
Speaker 1: there's no value statement on either one. Um I would
Speaker 1: say that here, okay, here, here, here's my academic there's
Speaker 1: my academic way of saying it. I think the patriarchy
Speaker 1: is affecting the gay community in a crazy way because
Speaker 1: I think that we all are in this middle area
Speaker 1: of being Buddha judges where it's like I'm going to
Speaker 1: be like a perfect little like like have my little
Speaker 1: relationship and it's gonna be perfect, and we're looking for that,
Speaker 1: and then like there's no gray area with other relationships,
Speaker 1: and then otherwise it's like no, I just want to
Speaker 1: funk all the time, and people are scared, are like
Speaker 1: upset because they're working all the time. So it's hard
Speaker 1: to find the middle ground because there's no precedent for it.
Speaker 1: And the gay community, do you know what I mean,
Speaker 1: that makes sense. This isn't saying I know what are
Speaker 1: you having? Nicotine guns? Just gave me thee. I don't
Speaker 1: know how this. My boyfriend has to have it, and
Speaker 1: I gave it and he threw up from it, and
Speaker 1: so we always pretty it at the time he odeed
Speaker 1: early on the relationship. Oh my god, that's really funny.
Speaker 1: This is great. That's the craziest thing I've ever put in.
Speaker 1: I know I had to work up to this level.
Speaker 1: I know it's bad. It's about that. My disease is
Speaker 1: nicotine addiction. And it's funny. I'm specifically having nicotine cessation products,
Speaker 1: and so I need nicotine cessation cessation and that's something
Speaker 1: they call it double And I need to figure animal style.
Speaker 1: It's in and out um, and I should have known. Um.
Speaker 1: Tensions are right now? Yeah, wait why I don't know.
Speaker 1: I finally just unminded. Not your tense now, I am.
Speaker 1: I don't know to understand what you said about. It's literally,
Speaker 1: what's the way the time needs have? I don't know.
Speaker 1: I'm figuring out every second. That's where it's going. I
Speaker 1: feel the tension is there's a lot of silliness coming
Speaker 1: from I give him a neck. No, I feel I
Speaker 1: guess my attention. I guess my attention is that like, okay,
Speaker 1: I'll be real about my I'm in I'm in l
Speaker 1: and it's like hard because it's like, you know, you're
Speaker 1: trying to like fit in and then you come back
Speaker 1: here and end and it's like, oh god, do I
Speaker 1: still fit into end? Yeah? It's like you know what
Speaker 1: I mean, Like it's like I'm in a bizarre like
Speaker 1: transitional moment and I'm just like oh god, Like it's like,
Speaker 1: also I'm off a plane. You guys, you definitely still
Speaker 1: fit in in. Well yeah, I know that, but it's
Speaker 1: like okay. So another thing is like I don't perform anymore,
Speaker 1: like I'm tell at all and that is like truly
Speaker 1: my life blood, and it's like why am I not?
Speaker 1: And then I was all of a sudden it's like whoa, Yeah,
Speaker 1: I feel there's a lot going on. And also truly
Speaker 1: the relationship thing that like it's like not even it's
Speaker 1: not even that I want a relationship, it's that I
Speaker 1: want to figure out what my relationships are because in
Speaker 1: end all, my relationships like are what they are friends?
Speaker 1: And so now I'm like out in l and it's like,
Speaker 1: what is any of this? I guess I'll figure it out,
Speaker 1: but it's hard because I'm crazy. Well, I think you
Speaker 1: should This is what I think you should do. This
Speaker 1: is my medicine for your disease. I think that you
Speaker 1: should choose three people that you like, that that you're
Speaker 1: kind of bobbling back and forth on of like are
Speaker 1: we going to hook up? Are we not? And just
Speaker 1: like take those three off the table or two take
Speaker 1: to take them off the table. Romantically, I just think
Speaker 1: these two people are going to be my fucking friends
Speaker 1: and then you'll just have to fucking friends because do
Speaker 1: you want to know something? And that's the three person.
Speaker 1: Remember the person that we talked about on the last
Speaker 1: two in my life? Still well, now we're like friends,
Speaker 1: allowed to be friends with him? Actually, but actually he's
Speaker 1: he has he has the most disease. Yeah, I mean
Speaker 1: he's in the HESS, he's in hospice, he's in hospital
Speaker 1: and there's no saving him, which is what hospice is.
Speaker 1: Why what are you getting out of that? You enjoy
Speaker 1: hanging out with him? Yeah, But it's also like in
Speaker 1: the back of my mind, I have to ask myself,
Speaker 1: like am I doing the healthy thing for me or
Speaker 1: am I trying to be cool? Because something that I
Speaker 1: do is I tap myself down and I don't say
Speaker 1: how I'm really feeling so that everyone else feels good.
Speaker 1: And that is something that like Bone and I had
Speaker 1: a long conversation about this yesterday, Like something I do
Speaker 1: all the time is something that I'm realizing that I
Speaker 1: will definitely unpack in therapy, is that I don't say
Speaker 1: when things are really bothering me, or when I really
Speaker 1: want something, or when I be so that other people
Speaker 1: feel good, like I'm like, and then when I do,
Speaker 1: it's like I feel nuts about it. I think, how
Speaker 1: do you know that? For sure? Yeah? What is that? What?
Speaker 1: It's also like what they would call Alan honey while
Speaker 1: Allan on the program and that, Yeah, I know what
Speaker 1: Allan on is type stuff? Is that what you just said? Really? Yeah?
Speaker 1: Maybe star generally speaking, star Starboard by Stargazing, Starboard by
Speaker 1: STARZ realize you don't need to impress this person because
Speaker 1: you already won. Also, right, it's with me anything where
Speaker 1: it's like I still I just need to win everyone
Speaker 1: over in every situation. Yeah, And this is an exercise
Speaker 1: in the book that she talks about early on, she goes,
Speaker 1: if you're stressed out about a situation, just for like
Speaker 1: twenty seconds thirty at best best case scenario thirty, imagine
Speaker 1: yourself being validated by every single person you want validation from,
Speaker 1: and you're a wash and like they're on their fucking
Speaker 1: knees telling you how much they love you, and you're
Speaker 1: sucking them up there as it's just like like like
Speaker 1: people are like truly prostrate wanting to like please you,
Speaker 1: and they're they're telling you how much they think you're great.
Speaker 1: And then imagine what like just just embody that and
Speaker 1: then like I mean I don't know, and like just
Speaker 1: imagine just quick little thought experiment and then see how
Speaker 1: you sort of change. This is the story that's in
Speaker 1: the book. Yeah, I just want people to like me,
Speaker 1: and so then I just I just like truly like
Speaker 1: drop out and I'm like, oh, everything's fine, even though
Speaker 1: every even though everything's like not necessarily fine. This is
Speaker 1: this roaring the book. She has this d A agent
Speaker 1: friend normally D agent d E age. She she's a
Speaker 1: D agent friend an unfortunate agency. Yes, who would will?
Speaker 1: I'm the normally kicked down a door and stick up
Speaker 1: a gun and be like everybody get on the floor, right,
Speaker 1: and then people run away and people are like, it's
Speaker 1: such an aggressive environment. She's this one agent friend who
Speaker 1: will find a way into this drug done calmly walk in,
Speaker 1: find a place to sit down in front of whatever
Speaker 1: person the other and then the people are like, who
Speaker 1: the fuck is this? But calm like, no one's alarmed.
Speaker 1: Everyone's just like, wait, okay, there's a person there who's
Speaker 1: just very like confidently sitting down. M okay, weird, but
Speaker 1: I guess this is just normal. And then the agent,
Speaker 1: after like some moments go by, we'll get up and
Speaker 1: go come with me, And then they go with him.
Speaker 1: They're like okay, oh my god, oh I guess you're
Speaker 1: telling me so I have to, And like his whole
Speaker 1: thing is like I walk into the situations calm as hell,
Speaker 1: pretending like I've already pretending like they will do whatever
Speaker 1: I say and then arrest them and then he arrests them.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, that's me. That would be passed. So
Speaker 1: I need to enter my social situations feeling that powerful, relaxed,
Speaker 1: validated already, I know, but it's it's it's so crazy too,
Speaker 1: because I received NonStop validation, and the well is just
Speaker 1: like endless, bottomless, bottomless. Yeah, that's another thing. It's like,
Speaker 1: what do you do when like that's already that that
Speaker 1: shouldn't be a problem, but it still is. This is
Speaker 1: what I think about all the time whenever I get
Speaker 1: worked up over if one person I feel like they
Speaker 1: don't like me as like or when he gets stressed
Speaker 1: out about trying to get someone like me. It's just like,
Speaker 1: there's no one person who can make or break here.
Speaker 1: There's always another person, and it's like, so it's like
Speaker 1: who who cares that. That's the best thing I was
Speaker 1: able to do in the last year was like truly
Speaker 1: stopped caring so much if people like me or not. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I still dealing with that. You're actually very good at that.
Speaker 1: Sometimes I'm like, be nice and he's like, I don't
Speaker 1: give a ship. I know my disease though I should know.
Speaker 1: It's actually I actually think it's amazing and it makes me. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm just like, you're so yourself in every situation that
Speaker 1: you're never bending for someone. I think that's like the
Speaker 1: most attractive thing at Yeah. Yeah, came in today. He
Speaker 1: was not feeling in a good mood, and he didn't
Speaker 1: even want to pretend it was a situation. It was
Speaker 1: I'm not right, but it was like it was like
Speaker 1: this is gonna last a second, that I'll be fine. Actually, Also,
Speaker 1: you knew you'd be safe with us, and you'd be safe,
Speaker 1: or so I thought, because you know what, I actually
Speaker 1: respect that. Thank you, and you don't ever change your thing.
Speaker 1: I think it's especially nice because in this day with me,
Speaker 1: businesses or even or even taught in this town, a
Speaker 1: lot of people are trying to do that all the time,
Speaker 1: and so to be able to hold your own it's
Speaker 1: a good quality. And I want to be more like that. Yeah,
Speaker 1: because even once I went whatever person in question i'm
Speaker 1: trying to win over, Once I went them over, they
Speaker 1: truly it loses meaning to me and then I need
Speaker 1: a new one. Right. It's literally like I found out,
Speaker 1: like a couple of weeks ago, I was I was
Speaker 1: texting because I was debating, but I was just like
Speaker 1: feeling overwhelmed, like I just I feel like I need
Speaker 1: to go home and right or I need to go
Speaker 1: home and sleep or something, and I'm supposed to do
Speaker 1: the show like way uptown, And I was like I
Speaker 1: just think I have to bail on this show. And
Speaker 1: I did bail on the show. And then I found
Speaker 1: out recently that the people were like mad and they
Speaker 1: were like, yeah, that's like famous for bailing and they
Speaker 1: were like pissed off. But I don't care. I'm like, yeah,
Speaker 1: I did bail on that show because I was like,
Speaker 1: this isn't gonna be a show. I didn't because I
Speaker 1: can't do it now. And I truly I was thinking
Speaker 1: on the bus how like two years ago it would
Speaker 1: have been driving me crazy that I pistons people off.
Speaker 1: But it's just like, yeah, that's why I need to
Speaker 1: do that night and sorry. Uh. My therapist does that
Speaker 1: all the time where she's like would you like, would
Speaker 1: you have done this two years ago? And I would
Speaker 1: be like no, And that's oh wow, I've progressed. As
Speaker 1: You're gonna be my therapist, you know, I know I'll
Speaker 1: take her. Yeah. Do you like her? Um? Yeah I do.
Speaker 1: It's funny, I do. I bailed her the last six times.
Speaker 1: But like your famous fam something yeah. And my thing
Speaker 1: is like when you say that, you build on that show,
Speaker 1: like and whenever Bowen builds on shows, and you have
Speaker 1: a tendency to like at least ask me if you
Speaker 1: should bail on shows. I always say, like, no, it's inconsiderate.
Speaker 1: It's very to me. It's like like to me, it's
Speaker 1: like and with you, it's for you. With For a
Speaker 1: little while there it was a pattern and I was like,
Speaker 1: you will develop a rightfully earned reputation as someone who
Speaker 1: is unreliable if you keep doing this. So I guess
Speaker 1: that would be like yeah, for me, it's like if
Speaker 1: something you don't care about, that's a fair consequence. But
Speaker 1: it's not like I was like, I was just like,
Speaker 1: I can't do this tonight, so I'm not right right,
Speaker 1: right right. That was just what it was that day.
Speaker 1: It's it's tricky for me, you know what I mean,
Speaker 1: like because I didn't failing to also trying. I'm trying
Speaker 1: to say no to more to make room for and
Speaker 1: that's it. But I'm in the transition where I've been.
Speaker 1: I've said no and I haven't yet replaced it, as
Speaker 1: I'm having kind of this like waiting around saying no
Speaker 1: is the replacement though, right is replacing bailing? I think, yeah,
Speaker 1: I think that, Um, it's one thing if it's like
Speaker 1: I look at it the same as like if you
Speaker 1: get caught in a bus and saying I can't get there,
Speaker 1: it's like today it's not gonna work out. Yeah, And
Speaker 1: I try to be like next time, I'm going to
Speaker 1: be more discordering about how much I say yes do.
Speaker 1: I think that is like a big thing that like
Speaker 1: I remember deciding to do. It was like there's I
Speaker 1: think we all go to that thing where it's like
Speaker 1: in this town, industry community place, we say like I'm
Speaker 1: gonna do a lot of stuff because it's all available
Speaker 1: to me to do, and then you overbook your schedule
Speaker 1: and it's like psycho and then you're like I don't
Speaker 1: want to do any of it, and you go in
Speaker 1: and and then you just started to say no oh
Speaker 1: to more things, and you give yourself the space to
Speaker 1: do ship that you actually want to do when everything
Speaker 1: gets and I asked, I feel like I'm have a
Speaker 1: good answer for this. What do you think is that
Speaker 1: the most sophisticated mind way to say I can't because
Speaker 1: I'm too busy or because I'm making time for other things.
Speaker 1: Oh my god. First of all, thank you for thinking
Speaker 1: that I would have a goodia. Yeah, I don't think
Speaker 1: he's going to have a good answer. Well, oh well,
Speaker 1: this is I have not developed a sophisticated way around
Speaker 1: this a good phrase. But what I say is I'm out,
Speaker 1: I'll be traveling. That's a lot. Yeah. But also it's
Speaker 1: like nips it in the bud. It's like it's not
Speaker 1: out of like melontent. It's just like I'm telling you
Speaker 1: in this way that would will make sense to you
Speaker 1: that I don't want to do your show. I think
Speaker 1: you could literally Catherine can just say I'm sorry, I'm
Speaker 1: not available for the show. I'm a little over extended
Speaker 1: that week over there you go then say I'm not
Speaker 1: availed that date, but thank you. Yeah, no, of course,
Speaker 1: and that always is it? And yet something and now
Speaker 1: I am have nothing going on. But that'll change, It'll change,
Speaker 1: It'll change, it will change. Don't include that's boring. Um, okay,
Speaker 1: let's answer. Have we all have we all come down
Speaker 1: with more diseases after the conversation we feel I feel
Speaker 1: I have the same amount of this as I started.
Speaker 1: I was, I was diagnosed with the disease, which is
Speaker 1: that Well, I have developed a rightful reputation. You know
Speaker 1: you did, and I said you were developing, which you were,
Speaker 1: And tell me I'm wrong. I don't know that that's
Speaker 1: a trade off. That's the decision that you make. It's like,
Speaker 1: I don't know that I'm kidding and and this is
Speaker 1: honestly because actually I am someone who have lies. In more,
Speaker 1: I'm more in line with Sudi with stuff like this
Speaker 1: where it's like you do your commitments, you actually course.
Speaker 1: I actually was with Sudi actually the morning of that
Speaker 1: show when I was like balance, she was like you
Speaker 1: should be on that. Well then she's changed and I
Speaker 1: am no longer friend. I don't think you fit into
Speaker 1: end anymore. Now what I think you fit into enemies?
Speaker 1: We actually end new read some emails. This is from
Speaker 1: Sexless in Tulsa. Okay, dear cap hap Out, my best
Speaker 1: friend and I are notorious pruds and are tired of
Speaker 1: being the perennial fag slash hag couple invited to places.
Speaker 1: So we decided to take matters into our own hands
Speaker 1: and possibly mouths, butts, and other orifices. Thus dick Packeden
Speaker 1: was born. We've got to sexually interact with five dicks
Speaker 1: we have never seen before before one one twenty January,
Speaker 1: and we are currently in April, the month of our
Speaker 1: Lord fruitless and failing miserably. What advice do you have
Speaker 1: for two pruds who aren't necessarily sex negative parentheses, but
Speaker 1: proud of Pat who is in a gorge relation but
Speaker 1: aren't good at getting the d Lilah is sexless in Tulsa. Um, well,
Speaker 1: Pat to only seeing one dick right now. I wonder
Speaker 1: if they're going out together too much. Yeah, man, Catherine
Speaker 1: run into that. We've hadn't I had some tricky times.
Speaker 1: If we both wanted to get some, it's not going
Speaker 1: to happen. I don't think it's a good comment. You
Speaker 1: have to invest in one person. I think for me,
Speaker 1: like I need to call the girls. It's got to
Speaker 1: be the girls. Has to be the girl and the girls.
Speaker 1: If you're gay, that means you're gays. Yeah, that is
Speaker 1: what that means the translation I think. Or even if
Speaker 1: I've gone out like alone, like when I famously met
Speaker 1: the bisexual maybe scored three times and ghosted me like
Speaker 1: I was alone at a bar, I think that. Um.
Speaker 1: I think that literally, you just have to be forward.
Speaker 1: If you're in a gay club space, you have to
Speaker 1: go and knowing eight percent the people you are trying
Speaker 1: to suck at least or at least suck you have
Speaker 1: to go and then you just can't be the person
Speaker 1: like I'm with someone who will like there's always like
Speaker 1: a Shaye lounge type device at a gay club. But
Speaker 1: you sit on this and see if anyone comes up
Speaker 1: to me and they were there for five but no,
Speaker 1: they don't find my experience. They don't. And then like,
Speaker 1: but if you're the first them will go up to
Speaker 1: someone like rub their chest, like you will go home
Speaker 1: with someone and you can't be that piggy unless you can't,
Speaker 1: you have congratulations. I would say that if you lower
Speaker 1: your defenses and are around other people with their defense
Speaker 1: is lowered. AKA, maybe this means if this is what
Speaker 1: you want to do, have a couple of drinks, loosen
Speaker 1: yourself up, and you put yourself in a spot where
Speaker 1: everyone else is being this way. Or if you want
Speaker 1: to dance a little bit and you go to a
Speaker 1: dance place and don't even drink, just dance and that
Speaker 1: lowers your defense is a little bit. Just being in
Speaker 1: a place where that is a breeding ground for this
Speaker 1: kind of thing, it will happen. Well, Matt, you're someone
Speaker 1: who can be a grass in the spaces as because
Speaker 1: can you remember. Oh yes, I was a grass with Pat.
Speaker 1: I pulled him right out there and gave it. Gave
Speaker 1: it to him after an hour and a half of
Speaker 1: chatting about Long Island across country, it was about fifteen minutes.
Speaker 1: That's so crazy to me. Okay, the I've tried many
Speaker 1: of the apps, and I think the old, tried and
Speaker 1: true is Tinder. I think you should set up You
Speaker 1: have to kind of it's kind of a lot of
Speaker 1: admin work, but you need to try and set up
Speaker 1: a few try and get some good matches, try and
Speaker 1: set up a few dates, um, because some people might cancel.
Speaker 1: People are flaky on it. But at least when you
Speaker 1: come into a date that you know you well earned.
Speaker 1: When you come into date you know, sexes on the table,
Speaker 1: it's like it's just a little either and then have
Speaker 1: you know, two to three drinks and touch their arm
Speaker 1: and you'll probably be sucking yea. Honestly, if anyone touches
Speaker 1: me even a little bit on a date, I'm like,
Speaker 1: it makes a huge difference. Like if I'm on a
Speaker 1: date with you and there's no touching, forget it. But
Speaker 1: if you touch me even a little bit, I will
Speaker 1: come the way So know that there are mies out there,
Speaker 1: just give them a little bit of that. Um, Can
Speaker 1: I say something that happened when Pat and I went
Speaker 1: to Rosemont? Did I tell you this? When it happened?
Speaker 1: By the hand? Then I was so tired I could
Speaker 1: not form sentences. It's fine, Um, I was because I
Speaker 1: just started reading this dang buck and I was like,
Speaker 1: let me just try this thing on for size, and
Speaker 1: let me just go to the bar in order to drink. Normally,
Speaker 1: I'll go up to any bar, any specifically in a
Speaker 1: queer space, and I'll be like, God, I'm just gonna
Speaker 1: be ignored. I'm invisible, Like I like, He's like, they're
Speaker 1: not coming to me. They're intentionally not doing this. Why
Speaker 1: are they're racist? Like like my mind fully starts to
Speaker 1: spin out. But I was like, let me just try
Speaker 1: this this time. I'll walk up to the bar, pretend
Speaker 1: like I've already won. And then I just like fucking
Speaker 1: propped my elbows onto this bar and just like chilled,
Speaker 1: wasn't looking at my phone and was just like, this
Speaker 1: is nice. He'll come to me eventually, the bar, the bartender,
Speaker 1: and then he did, and then I got my drink,
Speaker 1: and then the vibe I gave off. Well, the vibe
Speaker 1: I gave off was such that I turned around and
Speaker 1: this cute guy was like, hey, um, I like your
Speaker 1: I like your glasses. And then I was like, oh no, no,
Speaker 1: he goes, um, I like your glasses and I like
Speaker 1: your toe, and I was like, literally, I go, literally
Speaker 1: I go, I go. I walked because I'm like, I
Speaker 1: I have a drink from my friend Sam. I literally
Speaker 1: I go read the toe, I go, thanks, it was free,
Speaker 1: and I walk away. Wow, don't give a ship. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and it's a beautiful. But I'm saying, but it sets
Speaker 1: it up so that you invite that kind of stuff
Speaker 1: to come to you where you're just like because because
Speaker 1: literally what she says in the book is thirsty people
Speaker 1: don't get don't get fed. That was my problem when
Speaker 1: I was when I was out on the streets, was
Speaker 1: I like, I wanted it so bad it was unwilling
Speaker 1: to do anything about it. And then like I was
Speaker 1: in constant situations where I could literally just touch something
Speaker 1: someone's arm and either hook up or no that they
Speaker 1: didn't want to hook up and move on. But exactly
Speaker 1: I wouldn't do that. So you just can't be me
Speaker 1: also also sexless, like you just can't be make the
Speaker 1: path to looser five dicks before. It's very American pie.
Speaker 1: American pie. It's so strict. I mean, don't don't avail
Speaker 1: yourself to like any timeline like that. You want to
Speaker 1: see five dicks in a year, five dicks a year,
Speaker 1: do a bull but also wait rolling her. No, I'm
Speaker 1: not even, but I'm saying you don't have to like,
Speaker 1: don't even pain a number to it, don't a quota, like,
Speaker 1: don't do it, don't worry about it, don't give a ship.
Speaker 1: I think a number is fine. It gamifies that, it
Speaker 1: makes it fine. I hate a way to get my
Speaker 1: hands on this book. I need that because I've been
Speaker 1: feeling like when I was really having a good few
Speaker 1: months and killing it, I like boys were coming out
Speaker 1: every which way in the past. It's only been a
Speaker 1: couple of weeks, so you don't you don't know. Literally,
Speaker 1: I go, you read the book, and then you hear
Speaker 1: I hear Tammy Sager. That's perfect. Okay, that was sexless. Okay,
Speaker 1: I hope you're sexful. Don't. Okay, this one's kind of hot.
Speaker 1: It's a little long, but it's hot. When I was
Speaker 1: a young girl in college. Even I would go on
Speaker 1: a website that was called Littrotic. Was read gay porn
Speaker 1: stories on litt Erotica, and I would read group. I
Speaker 1: wouldn't read group group stories. I used to read Season
Speaker 1: two American Idol fan Fick Wait, Matt and Bowen. Can't
Speaker 1: you get immature here? Do you guys want group? No? Um,
Speaker 1: I don't want group either. I recently had my group
Speaker 1: one experience with the group was awful, um and even
Speaker 1: and this is the thing it was. It was all
Speaker 1: Asians and I still felt invisible then but then but
Speaker 1: then recently I had a three and it was fun. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I've had one three and no other group. Oh, yes,
Speaker 1: you've had a three, but you asked me to be
Speaker 1: it was a boy boy boy three. No no, no,
Speaker 1: no no no, ask asked Catherine if she's like screw
Speaker 1: because I thought we've talked group to death me and
Speaker 1: you know, I feel we barely scratched. Yes, like at me,
Speaker 1: I reading this in the bottom of my soul. Do
Speaker 1: you want group? Why? And I've had group once with
Speaker 1: w with two ms and then it happened right after that.
Speaker 1: Let me set the scene. The year of me. I'm
Speaker 1: walking home from I'm short, like over the eight, I'm
Speaker 1: absolutely hammered, corny, but not a sad actually not something.
Speaker 1: And these guys are like, do you know a good
Speaker 1: bar to go around here? And I was like, oh yeah.
Speaker 1: They went down the street and I'm like, it's fun.
Speaker 1: Do you want to come with us? And I'm like yeah,
Speaker 1: and then um one goes to the bathroom, start making
Speaker 1: out with one, tricking out with another, and then I'm
Speaker 1: just like, let's go back to my wait seriously, And
Speaker 1: then I have a question. When you hooked up with them,
Speaker 1: did they ever do anything with each other? No? And
Speaker 1: actually they got so weirded out that one of them
Speaker 1: sort of left towards the end, the worst one, the
Speaker 1: one with a smaller dick left. Did you talk about
Speaker 1: this loudst time? Where three and then one guy just goes,
Speaker 1: I'm out, I don't. I don't have two stories like that.
Speaker 1: It was gorge yeh. I'm open to group that can
Speaker 1: read the hot one. No, no, you can read it,
Speaker 1: but just don't don't don't say the name can't wait here?
Speaker 1: What this next person's name is? Isa? Literally, they go
Speaker 1: hey and seek treatment. Boys, thank you so I am
Speaker 1: a straight guy. Seek immedia treatment for that, or at
Speaker 1: least I thought I was Joycey. I thought it was
Speaker 1: until I started dating a guy. Okay, now you're seeming
Speaker 1: gay to me. I started getting even at college. I
Speaker 1: just turned twenty. I really like him, but no one
Speaker 1: expected our mutual friends, no one accept our mutual friends
Speaker 1: know that we're dating. I'm a bit reluctant to I
Speaker 1: feel like I'm reading literatica. I'm a bit reluctant to
Speaker 1: fully come out just because everyone who knows me knows
Speaker 1: that I have dated girls in the past. That's all
Speaker 1: of our stories. Besides coming to terms with my own sexuality.
Speaker 1: The guy I'm seeing feels like I'm ashamed of him
Speaker 1: or something, but I'm not. I just want to make
Speaker 1: sure this is going to something, be something long term
Speaker 1: before I started telling everyone I know, especially if we
Speaker 1: break up and I have to not only come out
Speaker 1: but also explain my sexuality. If we break up, We're sorry.
Speaker 1: Especially a break up and I have to not only
Speaker 1: out but also explain my sexuality if we break up. Okay,
Speaker 1: that was not my fault, that was Clia's. But I
Speaker 1: love Clea. I am especially nervous to tell my family specifically,
Speaker 1: it's always the moms are harder. To know that it's
Speaker 1: always the moms are harder. I don't know about I
Speaker 1: don't think that that's someone I know story. I just
Speaker 1: totally disregard the completely public and well trod narrative that
Speaker 1: it's hard from Sun to tell his father that he's good.
Speaker 1: But okay, that's his friend's story. I am especially it
Speaker 1: was to my family. Mom. My family has said numerous
Speaker 1: homophobic things around me, and I'm not sure what to
Speaker 1: expect from the reaction wise, from the reaction wise board, bitch,
Speaker 1: I know they still love me, and I wouldn't be
Speaker 1: outcast or anything, but I just don't want them to
Speaker 1: see me differently. Help me, please, I'm definitely seeking treatment. Okay,
Speaker 1: so listen, babe. They think Pablo as their fake name.
Speaker 1: But I'm sorry. You are gay now you're Khalia. It
Speaker 1: is very hard to come out of the closet. We've
Speaker 1: sympathized with you. However, you know you've got to be
Speaker 1: fair to yourself and to the guy you're dating into.
Speaker 1: You know it's the truth. So you're twenty years old,
Speaker 1: it's about that time. It's time to be brave and
Speaker 1: also also everyone's on their own calendar. What I will
Speaker 1: say is that like Kalia is concerned with his family
Speaker 1: seeing him differently, and like that's just part of it.
Speaker 1: I mean, and that's a great thing, and it's sort
Speaker 1: of the whole point. Well, I think what what clear
Speaker 1: needs to figure out for themselves as if they're um
Speaker 1: G S r B. I think clea. Also, you should
Speaker 1: realize that no matter where this particular relationship goes, that
Speaker 1: doesn't affect your sexuality. Yeah, that's what I'm saying by G.
Speaker 1: S r B. Yeah, but I get a dado the
Speaker 1: guy after this, maybe he doesn't need to decide that
Speaker 1: now he needs to figure out like what he's going
Speaker 1: to say about the current relationship he's in and what
Speaker 1: he owes to himself to be truthful, because he could
Speaker 1: be years of our negotiation about whether he's be He
Speaker 1: could not know he's really be R S R G
Speaker 1: until he's thirty or forty. Even so, it's like, how
Speaker 1: do you feel now? Is it a serious enough guy?
Speaker 1: Do you like him enough that you want to like
Speaker 1: tell people about it? If you do, when the relationship
Speaker 1: is very important to you, I think then you should
Speaker 1: honor that relationship or just what kind of relationship do
Speaker 1: you want to have? Um? Like, do you want to
Speaker 1: have one of those ones where you're like, you know,
Speaker 1: a real relationship and then you have to tell people,
Speaker 1: or if maybe you just want something you're just figuring out.
Speaker 1: You just want to see right now and that's fine,
Speaker 1: but then you might the other guy might not want
Speaker 1: that and you have to deal with those consquenses. Yeah,
Speaker 1: oh yeah, I'd be curious to figure out what the
Speaker 1: other guy's perspective is. Yeah, right, Um, and if you
Speaker 1: are sensing that he feels that you're ashamed, um, I
Speaker 1: don't know. Just get to the bottom belief of what
Speaker 1: that is. Like why do you think he thinks you're ashamed?
Speaker 1: I don't know. Well because he I mean, part of
Speaker 1: part of being gay or bisexual is shame. So like
Speaker 1: he you are a shamed listener. You that is kala.
Speaker 1: You You are ashamed and that is part of this.
Speaker 1: It's about like accepting the fact that you're different and
Speaker 1: like deciding now whether or not you want to be
Speaker 1: brave now or later based on how important the relationship
Speaker 1: is to you. Yeah, I think do what you want,
Speaker 1: but know that you will be happier if you just
Speaker 1: like come out, sure, Catherine do five minutes on this.
Speaker 1: This has been a Forever Dog production executive produced by
Speaker 1: Brett Boham, Joe Cilio, and Alex rams E. For more
Speaker 1: original podcasts, please visit Forever Dog Podcasts dot com and
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