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Speaker 1: Look man, oh I see you? Why why? And look

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Speaker 1: over there? How is that nature? Yes? Goodness, let's call

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Speaker 1: the four of us are all in our own particular

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Speaker 1: state being four friends who sometimes gets together and get

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Speaker 1: her on the podcast and it's almost like the sisterhund

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Speaker 1: of the Traveling Pants with no pants. I get her

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Speaker 1: on the podcast. Okay, let's just girls are back in town. Okay, Kevin,

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Speaker 1: you just try me all the way down? Why am

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Speaker 1: I wearing headphones at this point? I will trying to

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Speaker 1: myself a little bit, but you but when you okay,

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Speaker 1: all right, well listen, how do we feel? How do

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Speaker 1: we feel right now? I feel like it's like sound

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Speaker 1: about sound levels? Well, I just couldn't hear even It's

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Speaker 1: way too loud and it's too level. It's just follow

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Speaker 1: the courts. Okay, So three? Three, all right? This is good.

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Speaker 1: Three Jesus. I never wanted. I never wanted to deal with.

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Speaker 1: If I get any louder, I will defend and I

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Speaker 1: can't because I need to hear myself. I'm my singing.

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Speaker 1: And then and then Matt is four. So are you

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Speaker 1: are you good? Matt? I am down. I'm unwilling to

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Speaker 1: touch any of the buttons because I don't want this

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Speaker 1: to continue. Okay, alright, I have the worst hearing of

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Speaker 1: my family. I want us to my choice in Okay,

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Speaker 1: I want us to do a quick check in just

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Speaker 1: to see how where we're at, because I think we

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Speaker 1: all all are in very vulnerable stage. We have to

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Speaker 1: be honest about the that bones not wearing headphones basically

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Speaker 1: can't find. We have to be honest. I don't even notice.

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Speaker 1: And that's how head in my own ass I am.

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Speaker 1: I feel like it's very bonyan to like throw himself

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Speaker 1: on the coals and just not wear headphones. For the

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Speaker 1: last time, he didn't want the powd a chair. This time.

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Speaker 1: I do have the arm risks, but I have the

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Speaker 1: try try stand, try to trip. That's a tripod. Um. Okay, Pat,

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Speaker 1: you just got off the bus. I just got off

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Speaker 1: the bus. The first thing you said to me was

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Speaker 1: not hello, was I'm not in a good mood, And

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Speaker 1: I said, don't I this is what I'll say about buses.

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Speaker 1: There one of my least favorite vehicle, actually one of

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Speaker 1: my least favorite vehicle that is non demand or that

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Speaker 1: in use today and wide used today. Um. But I

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Speaker 1: think also now I just I'm feeling really overwhelmed with

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Speaker 1: my schedule right now. I just have to go. I

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Speaker 1: just want to Syracuse, which is which was fun, and

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Speaker 1: I celebrate all those that I came into Conna on

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Speaker 1: that trip with on that trip, and I'll go home

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Speaker 1: for a second. And then I have to need two

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Speaker 1: days for ten and a half hours a day, Monday Tuesday.

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Speaker 1: It's going to be brewed. What about tomorrow? What about tomorrow?

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Speaker 1: I have familiar obligations for Easter? My christ has your

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Speaker 1: crisis to ack that? I just want to ask you, um,

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Speaker 1: does it cost you anything to just say hello and

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Speaker 1: then get into how you're in a bad mood? Does

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Speaker 1: that cost you anything? It costs me everything. This is

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Speaker 1: it that. That's not how our family does it. We

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Speaker 1: see it's we're in it already. It's in media and

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Speaker 1: Paley Media Center Center. Cat you are. You're doing great.

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Speaker 1: I feel a little reckless. I have a reformation dress

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Speaker 1: sort of slipping off my shoulders. I'm feeling a little romantic.

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Speaker 1: Don't you know what I like? I like it drinking shoulders.

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Speaker 1: I'll let him drink tonight. I'm excited for the show.

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Speaker 1: It's gonna be great. I know I actually almost were

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Speaker 1: crying when I walked in here because to see you

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Speaker 1: too for her first time in calendar yours, it was overwhelming.

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Speaker 1: That's beautiful. And Matt, how are you well? I don't

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Speaker 1: live here anymore. I live sometime. Running your jersey that

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Speaker 1: says l A on it. It was ninety because I

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Speaker 1: have currently don't have a million dollars on bank account,

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Speaker 1: and I spend money like that's true. What am I doing?

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Speaker 1: I don't know. I'm from a flight from Los Angeles.

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Speaker 1: I came in for the show. Sometimes something I'll do

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Speaker 1: was I'll just go somewhere for a weekend. Um. When

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Speaker 1: you have a mind to five Monday through Friday, you

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Speaker 1: can do things like that. You really have to make

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Speaker 1: sure your weekends are counting and for all of us,

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Speaker 1: when I say you've changed, has gotten a job, I

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Speaker 1: don't know. My skin looks really good. Um. I've been

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Speaker 1: hooking up with a lot of boys in l A um. I.

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Speaker 1: One thing I have to say is that no one

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Speaker 1: knows how to kiss. No one knows how to kiss.

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Speaker 1: Everyone uses their teeth first. It's very teeth forward. You

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Speaker 1: have to be careful with you. But can I say

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Speaker 1: something I feel gets each person's permission before I even

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Speaker 1: speaking permission um. Sometimes one told me it might have

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Speaker 1: been Catherine, or it might have been a Katherine type

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Speaker 1: of person. There is no such thing. And my month

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Speaker 1: on something and it might have been Catherine Katherine type person,

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Speaker 1: but there is no such thing. Thank you that God

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Speaker 1: broke the mold when he invented. God must have sen um.

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Speaker 1: Someone said that there's no such thing as a bad

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Speaker 1: kisser a good kiss there it's all, it's just chemistry.

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Speaker 1: Someone tried to tell me that, and I said, I

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Speaker 1: don't think so. Maybe I tried to tell you that

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Speaker 1: everyone's stopped the coffee. Pat demanded, m a coffee. I'm

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Speaker 1: unable to do this without caffeine, Okay, I said, would

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Speaker 1: you mind making coffee? You're you're painting me as a Ramona.

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Speaker 1: I don't know. It's it was pretty bethany of you

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Speaker 1: to come in here and we say hey, Pat, and

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Speaker 1: you go, I'm in a bad mood. In fact, that's

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Speaker 1: literally a line that said earlier in the season. If

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Speaker 1: I knew that expressing my feelings to my friends was

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Speaker 1: going to turn them against me in this way, in

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Speaker 1: this public way, I never would I would have just

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Speaker 1: put out of you know what, I would have put

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Speaker 1: on a face. I would have walked in and I

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Speaker 1: would have said, I won't be real today. You know

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Speaker 1: what kind another Catherine type person? God stop already with

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Speaker 1: everyone ganging on, I would say, definitively. And I'm the

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Speaker 1: expert on this. There are bad kissers, and do not

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Speaker 1: do I do not need your to taste your whole time. No,

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Speaker 1: I don't need your whole tongue in my mouth, down

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Speaker 1: my throat. In fact, I don't even need it as

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Speaker 1: like a little snack midway through that up. I don't

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Speaker 1: need to be surprised by like your tongue all the

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Speaker 1: way down. I don't need to know you can do that.

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Speaker 1: I know you can do that. Don't do it. I

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Speaker 1: like tongue the worst, but the worst it goes over

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Speaker 1: about the coffee. Now I feel bad. You please let

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Speaker 1: me finish my I'm beat right, I'm beat right already.

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Speaker 1: You go. You're actually pale batch and it really reads

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Speaker 1: when I look at you that you've been in Syracuse.

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Speaker 1: People have been telling people have been telling me that

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Speaker 1: I'm not in color. I've been telling you about telling you.

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Speaker 1: Someone said that to me, sucking idiots, sonia types. Somebody

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Speaker 1: said that towards me, towards me, and I want you

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Speaker 1: to it's not going to be. It's not gonna land this.

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Speaker 1: You can try things everything I didn't mean, and I

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Speaker 1: just mean that it's not well. Now it's like we're

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Speaker 1: so say what you mean? It's bad? It's bad kissing?

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Speaker 1: When when if the sides of my mouth are wet

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Speaker 1: and dripping in your spite, that's bad and you've left

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Speaker 1: a mess, And how dare you? I won't go around

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Speaker 1: and saying one word that's good kissing, one word that's

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Speaker 1: bad kissing. Okay, I want to go honestly for me. Deep,

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Speaker 1: it's good deep deep, like like you can like. I

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Speaker 1: like to smell the person like I like, I like like,

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Speaker 1: I like like romance. I like to feel like it's

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Speaker 1: a moment. I like to feel like I could, like

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Speaker 1: potentially look across the bridge and someone might be taking

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Speaker 1: a picture of me. Our song and the scrammons okay

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Speaker 1: and the bad bad one bad quick, bad, bad teeth,

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Speaker 1: tongue destruction, chaos, murder, Let's go and try and Okay,

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Speaker 1: for me, good is hands? Bad? Is squaw? Do I

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Speaker 1: do you have? I have do you want me to

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Speaker 1: go before you? I would like you to go before me. Okay, um? Good?

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Speaker 1: Actually slow in the hair, famous kissing analogy story towards

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Speaker 1: in the air. I have a huge problem with slow

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Speaker 1: and steady wins. The race to bone youngs, hole and

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Speaker 1: bad is that is wet. That is wet around the

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Speaker 1: around the skin. People keep the wetness in my mouth,

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Speaker 1: keeping in my mouth. Honey, that's so crazy. I never

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Speaker 1: show it your first because I was gonna say wet

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Speaker 1: for bad, but I said wet. That's what I'm saying. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: you never should have let me go first. Okay, do

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Speaker 1: your home. Okay, I know it's I know it's so

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Speaker 1: fun to apply. Drive me straight to hell, upset with us.

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Speaker 1: My hands are in the air, my weapons are down.

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Speaker 1: I came in your weapons down. Look at me. I

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Speaker 1: would never get mad you for bringing about mood. I'm

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Speaker 1: in a great move. I love cat, I love you

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Speaker 1: your mind and and pat look at me. No one

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Speaker 1: was mad at you for being in a bad mood.

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Speaker 1: I was. I was posing a question and you just

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Speaker 1: see to see if it was conversationally okay for you

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Speaker 1: to say hello first. One someone says hello, bad and

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Speaker 1: pat look at me. You don't check in with me

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Speaker 1: enough now that I'm in another state, and that's not

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Speaker 1: show long text conversation with it length. I had a

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Speaker 1: long text conversation with and Catherine and texting with me

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Speaker 1: never Matt once twice. And I had a nice text

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Speaker 1: conversation recently. Yes we did, because I was thinking about

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Speaker 1: you and feeling googles good. It's soft for me and

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Speaker 1: good for me awesome. It's humpy and bad. I think

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Speaker 1: I can have hard. I kind of like a little

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Speaker 1: bit of hard, like when you're actually so soft that

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Speaker 1: it feels like like when it's a soft lip, when

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Speaker 1: I have nice soft lips. And okay, I'm gonna say

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Speaker 1: this for me, bad is pointy, like the job. I

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Speaker 1: don't mind a tongue, but I want a soft tie.

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Speaker 1: I don't want to I want to point to tongue

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Speaker 1: jabbing at me. Of course. I think it's just like

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Speaker 1: you know, like chemistry can't be explained. Sometimes with a

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Speaker 1: certain type of person, you can grab me and say

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Speaker 1: I'm doing this to you. Other times it's more of

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Speaker 1: a communication, more of a dance too. Um, Because I

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Speaker 1: want to apologize for how I came into the studio.

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Speaker 1: That's okay, No, you know me anything. We did not

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Speaker 1: set you up for an apology. I just want to

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Speaker 1: make that very clear. You did not have but thank you.

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Speaker 1: But it cost me nothing to do that cost nothing. Okay.

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Speaker 1: This is CEE Culture, This is our advice, our little

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Speaker 1: crossover event. Thank you, thank you, Thank you all for

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Speaker 1: submitting your questions. Thank you for submitting your questions. For

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Speaker 1: our last episode, there is a quick matter order of

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Speaker 1: business that we follow up with e C There's a

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Speaker 1: dangling thread from the last episode. And if you don't

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Speaker 1: remember what happened on the last episode of C Culture, well,

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Speaker 1: Pat Regan absolutely dragged to hell a young young fan

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Speaker 1: listener from Dallas, Texas, and then Bow and Yang and

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Speaker 1: I knocked him out. Our k owed him in Mortal

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Speaker 1: Kombat terms. By canceling our show in Dallas. Is absolutely

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Speaker 1: very cancel Culture. We canceled. Canceled Culture has has made

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Speaker 1: its way to Dallas, Texas. Wait, why did you cancel?

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Speaker 1: It's just not working out, It wasn't working with our schedules.

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Speaker 1: But ec came to us with a question about trying

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Speaker 1: to expose his boyfriend to more culture because they were

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Speaker 1: not a cultural match. And so, and then Pat accused

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Speaker 1: him of performing cultural elitism, an eighteen year old game

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Speaker 1: nineteen nine teams off at least off at least but

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Speaker 1: so basically this is ec I um um scream, oh

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Speaker 1: my god. Wait by By followed me that he sent

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Speaker 1: another message. We're just from addressing this again. That and

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Speaker 1: he did, which will which I will be right now,

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Speaker 1: asked him to call back in and respond to Pat.

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Speaker 1: So this is ECS follow up. Hello, C Culture Panel,

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Speaker 1: it's EAC again. First, I appreciate all your advice and wisdom,

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Speaker 1: so thank you. Second, i'd like to address my new

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Speaker 1: front emmy Pat. I will say I did come off

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Speaker 1: as performing cultural elitism, and I want culture elitism, and

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Speaker 1: I want you to know I'm not too much of

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Speaker 1: a huge snob. Yes, I do feel strongly about my tastes,

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Speaker 1: but I just needed ways to get my boyfriend to

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Speaker 1: see the fun in my hobbies and interests. Honestly, I've

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Speaker 1: been surprised by both of us lately. It just took

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Speaker 1: a sect to realize, but we share more interest than

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Speaker 1: we thought. Just took exposure. He loved the Contemporary Art Museum,

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Speaker 1: and turns out I sort of love frat parties. So

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Speaker 1: in the end, team EC and POT we're both right,

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Speaker 1: and that's dot dot dot beautiful, slash touching, slash life.

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Speaker 1: I would also like to address that with nineteen in

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Speaker 1: Texas hard being Gay. I actually just organized a campus

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Speaker 1: LGBT plus reprom event, so kind of thriving. We went

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Speaker 1: to Alamo to enjoy the cheese on the broccoli immediately

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Speaker 1: after listening to the app. Here we are listening to

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Speaker 1: Pat drag me in total shock. We hearts culture. That's

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Speaker 1: e C and then that's his Oh my god, they're

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Speaker 1: so cute. Oh my god, they're so cute. And I

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Speaker 1: have to say, like, maybe this is me being like,

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Speaker 1: oh look, and I said, we love C culture. Maybe

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Speaker 1: this is me being like like, I don't know, like

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Speaker 1: talking down to young people. But I thought that email

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Speaker 1: was very well spoken, and I don't know if I,

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Speaker 1: at nineteen years old, could have like gotten it that much. Yes, yes,

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Speaker 1: he gets its. Yeah, I heard a lot of growth

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Speaker 1: in his story today. Um, yeah, it's great. I know.

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Speaker 1: I wasn't actually mad, I just was being on the podcast.

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Speaker 1: I wasn't actually I don't want to go on the

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Speaker 1: record of saying I like snobs and I'm sexually attracted

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Speaker 1: to snobs. So I don't know if that doesn't think

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Speaker 1: for anyone, But um, am I a snob? You're a snob.

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Speaker 1: I'm a snob. But you have to like good things

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Speaker 1: to be a snob. When he went to the museum today,

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Speaker 1: how what did you think of Helma? Did you do

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Speaker 1: you do? Oh? My god, wait, phonecase. Helma was amazing.

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Speaker 1: It was amazing that Clint she Um was a pioneer,

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Speaker 1: although no one knew it, of abstract art, and all

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Speaker 1: of her the themes that she explored in her work

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Speaker 1: aligned with Mandreon, but no one saw her work until

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Speaker 1: the eighties because she died in the forties and she said,

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Speaker 1: I don't want any of this work to be shown

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Speaker 1: until twenty years after I've died, And she received visions

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Speaker 1: from spirits that one day her work would be put

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Speaker 1: in a circular templeogenheim Um. And so I actually, actually, um,

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Speaker 1: that's funny, because I actually I am doing that with

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Speaker 1: my pilots. I've actually I was going to sixteen pilots,

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Speaker 1: but I wanted to wone to see them til twenty years.

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Speaker 1: That's right, die because I wouldn't have I've been told

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Speaker 1: by spirits and I can't act. Where will your pilots displayed?

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Speaker 1: It would be displayed in hep to Gone shaped temple,

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Speaker 1: and it's going to be everything. It might even be

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Speaker 1: at and there might even be a stage of reading. Oh,

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Speaker 1: I can't wait. I love that. Um. Should we check

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Speaker 1: in about our diseases? Diseases? I think we probably all

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Speaker 1: have new diseases at this point. Yeah, probably I do.

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Speaker 1: Oh wait, okay, who wants to start? And you got mat? Okay,

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Speaker 1: you want to know my disease? Alright, So my diseases.

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Speaker 1: I have a lot of new friends in l A

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Speaker 1: like a lot of news. What a cancer you're something

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Speaker 1: that was not a brag coming of Matt Roger this episode. No,

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Speaker 1: I'm just okay, can I rephrase? Because you're right, I'm

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Speaker 1: being absolutely insulferable. All right, so listen. So I've relocated

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Speaker 1: and for the time being, stop but you guys, I'm

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Speaker 1: having a good time with my friends. Okay. So now

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Speaker 1: I'm trying to make new friends for a while. I'm

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Speaker 1: in another sit and so base I have, you know,

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Speaker 1: met a bunch of new people. And here's the thing.

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Speaker 1: When you meet a bunch of gay guys, everyone's always

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Speaker 1: like what is this? What is what is the relationship?

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Speaker 1: Is it going to be sex? Is it going to

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Speaker 1: be friends? Is it going to be the sniffing butts

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Speaker 1: up and down? And I am just having a problem

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Speaker 1: with my disease. Is I feel that I am potentially

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Speaker 1: maybe even being too sex forward with my disease and

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Speaker 1: sometimes to you with my diseases, I feel I'm like,

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Speaker 1: I don't know. I feel like I don't know what

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Speaker 1: the thing is the thing I will say, and I

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Speaker 1: will say that it's bare more. I've been known to

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Speaker 1: spend upwards of two hours and speed green, but I

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Speaker 1: was the platonic hang out sweet Green. And the thing is,

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Speaker 1: I feel like any of these things could go either way,

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Speaker 1: And the whole time I feel the tension of like

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Speaker 1: what is it? What is it? What is it? And

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Speaker 1: it's hard for me to sometimes even have a conversation

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Speaker 1: with someone because I'm so pre occupied in my mind

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Speaker 1: of like what is this? What is this? Do you

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Speaker 1: like me? I might like you, I might not. In

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Speaker 1: fact I don't. Yes I do, And I'm just like

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Speaker 1: so crazy because I think I'm craving something now that

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Speaker 1: I feel like busy professionally, like I feel like pretty

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Speaker 1: good about like the stuff I'm doing. What I'm not

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Speaker 1: preoccupied with is like career stuff. What I'm preoccupied with

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Speaker 1: is like dating and sex stuff. And I feel a little, um,

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Speaker 1: do you want do you want to be doing someone?

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Speaker 1: I think I do? WHOA, that's sort of new for you?

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Speaker 1: Kind of I would like to I would like to

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Speaker 1: really like someone who really likes me. Damn, that's so

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Speaker 1: is my disease, lend my diseases. I'm finally perpets request alone.

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Speaker 1: And it's been hard, Like I've been having to force

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Speaker 1: myself to sit at home and sit and live with myself. Um.

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Speaker 1: A lot of baths, a lot of journaling, a lot

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Speaker 1: of poetry writing, um, serious poems. But I would never

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Speaker 1: shout you um. And the other thing is like I

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Speaker 1: get a little frustrated sometimes because I'm only I don't

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Speaker 1: know where are you would even meet a straight guy

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Speaker 1: to kiss? Like? I just don't even know three words

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Speaker 1: lower east side? But is that just like? Is that

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Speaker 1: just like crap? It's sort of like a cross section

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Speaker 1: of every every like bombastic straight male who would like

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Speaker 1: go out? I mean, you would like meet someone I

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Speaker 1: don't know? But I don't mean to like reductively be

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Speaker 1: like just go to the SNA. No, You're right. My

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Speaker 1: my disease, which is a good disease to have, is

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Speaker 1: that I'm finally placed in life where I know that

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Speaker 1: like calling any old lowry side person to come over

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Speaker 1: isn't gonnake me feel better. I know, and it actually

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Speaker 1: might make me feel worse. It used to be moment momentary,

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Speaker 1: momentary momentary. It used to be momentary relief, and now

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Speaker 1: it's actually offers no relief. And now my only relief

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Speaker 1: is when I wake up and I know that I

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Speaker 1: have not eaten late or done anything stupid, and that's

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Speaker 1: the only relief. After hooking up a bunch of l A,

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Speaker 1: I was where you were now and I am having

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Speaker 1: the opposite reaction where I'm like let's I'm not like

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Speaker 1: let's be alone, and I'm like, let's do it more. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: And that's trying to be a nuts I think, Yeah,

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Speaker 1: disease bad. Last time you said each other's diseases. I

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Speaker 1: don't know what my disease is. Right you are right

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Speaker 1: now is like it's priorities, it's it's self sabotaged. I

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Speaker 1: think it's priorities bad. It's Um, I'm sabotaging myself a

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Speaker 1: lot right now. I feel overwhelmed and I feel, um,

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Speaker 1: I don't want to show up for a thing. I

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Speaker 1: think your disease also is that you're actually being a

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Speaker 1: little hard in yourself and not realizing that you're actually

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Speaker 1: doing really well. Yeah, and you have a lot of you.

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Speaker 1: You actually now have a lot of things you've been wanting.

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Speaker 1: That's I'm not just talking about love. I'm talking about

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Speaker 1: life and also, Pat, I think sometimes these things that

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Speaker 1: overwhelm you, I think sometimes it's the way you're thinking

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Speaker 1: about them. I think some of the things could be fun.

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Speaker 1: Like I think like sitting down to write something that

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Speaker 1: you like could be fun And don't be insane. I

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Speaker 1: have been right now, don't anyone tell me writing so

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Speaker 1: I actually have a great time doing it. I have

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Speaker 1: been sorry everything. I'm not talking about writing. When I

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Speaker 1: say that, what, um, just like schedule stuff? Well, because

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Speaker 1: I had a feeling this is what Because it sounds

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Speaker 1: like you have schedule anxiety, that you're overwhelmed with that stuff.

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Speaker 1: And this is the thing, Pat, like any belief that

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Speaker 1: you have about you're you're like load. It's like I mean, yes,

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Speaker 1: like there are like actual at about my disease. I'm

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Speaker 1: sure they're like actual like limits to how much you

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Speaker 1: can do in one day. But also like you believing

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Speaker 1: yourself to be overwhelmed is like kind of an invention.

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Speaker 1: Maybe have munchausens, And I think, I'm that's not I

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Speaker 1: know you are. I'm sure you are overwhelmed, but like

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Speaker 1: like I mean, try to like try to imagine. I

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Speaker 1: feel burned out. I feel so not funny right now.

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Speaker 1: I just yeah, but like I don't know, I think,

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Speaker 1: like what you guys are killing it right now? I

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Speaker 1: just stop. I want to take a big load tonight.

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Speaker 1: I'm almost definitely gonna bustle load tonight. Someone I don't care.

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Speaker 1: Who do you have someone coming to the show in mind?

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Speaker 1: Hordes of them? My god, it isn't fair. Why don't

384
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Speaker 1: you stick around tonight? There's gonna be lots of straight guys,

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00:22:05,080 --> 00:22:11,720
Speaker 1: I don't think so laugh in my face. Oh um, yeah,

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Speaker 1: d C, who told you a little Bertie? That's a

387
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Speaker 1: birdie in this room, a Bertie in the world. Huh?

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Speaker 1: I heard you were kissing from a birdie. Yeah, which birdie? Birdie?

389
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Speaker 1: I had? Yeah, I had a fun little d C. Birdie,

390
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Speaker 1: what's d C District? Yes, I don't really both had

391
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Speaker 1: fun Bertie's that trip or not Bertie's. We had fun trips.

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Speaker 1: That trip was sure, but my Bertie apparently hasn't traveled

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Speaker 1: to Pat and Cat's ears. I didn't hear that. I

394
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Speaker 1: only heard that about UM. I think your disease, going

395
00:22:47,400 --> 00:22:51,280
Speaker 1: back to pats disease. UM, try to imagine yourself like

396
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Speaker 1: maybe not feeling over. I know, no, I know, you're

397
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Speaker 1: you're right, You're right. I just feel like every time

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Speaker 1: I start doing something, I have to stop doing it

399
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Speaker 1: and go to my next thing. I don't wait. We

400
00:23:00,520 --> 00:23:04,000
Speaker 1: have to shout out Tammy Sager because she recommended a

401
00:23:04,000 --> 00:23:09,320
Speaker 1: book to me called Steering by Starlight and it's very

402
00:23:09,600 --> 00:23:12,040
Speaker 1: it's very new agic cookie language, but the writer is

403
00:23:12,119 --> 00:23:13,760
Speaker 1: very self aware about it, has a very fun sense

404
00:23:13,760 --> 00:23:15,920
Speaker 1: of humor about it. And it's actually I hear Tammy

405
00:23:16,000 --> 00:23:18,880
Speaker 1: and on every single page and it's like really being

406
00:23:19,000 --> 00:23:22,480
Speaker 1: it's it's a very helpful tool right now. But the

407
00:23:22,520 --> 00:23:27,920
Speaker 1: messages like UM, pretend like you've already wont and it's

408
00:23:27,960 --> 00:23:30,600
Speaker 1: not delusion. It's actually like a helpful way to like

409
00:23:31,240 --> 00:23:35,200
Speaker 1: melt away any kind of like invented belief that you have.

410
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Speaker 1: I also feel I kind of was just saying that

411
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Speaker 1: because I don't. I don't feel particularly reflected by disease

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Speaker 1: right now, right, Yeah, your disease is that you are

413
00:23:46,800 --> 00:23:51,160
Speaker 1: not disease. Disease. What's your disease book? Um, I might

414
00:23:51,480 --> 00:23:54,840
Speaker 1: actually have that same disease as I don't know, well,

415
00:23:55,040 --> 00:23:58,639
Speaker 1: the same disease last time? Did we similar disease? St

416
00:23:59,000 --> 00:24:03,359
Speaker 1: James at the time, the same word. I'm just um,

417
00:24:05,440 --> 00:24:09,880
Speaker 1: I'm horny all the time. I am different O. No, no, no, well,

418
00:24:09,920 --> 00:24:16,000
Speaker 1: I'm clinging to an old thing. Yes, in my in

419
00:24:16,080 --> 00:24:18,720
Speaker 1: my romantic past, and I have not really let to go.

420
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Speaker 1: I tell you something. Yeah, when we were at the Rose,

421
00:24:21,720 --> 00:24:24,399
Speaker 1: not recently, Yes, I accidentally looked over your shoulder and

422
00:24:24,400 --> 00:24:26,680
Speaker 1: it's how you're texting, And I was like, you don't

423
00:24:26,720 --> 00:24:29,119
Speaker 1: have gone to an old thing. And that's even a

424
00:24:29,160 --> 00:24:37,919
Speaker 1: different thing. You saw me texting holding holding like like

425
00:24:38,240 --> 00:24:40,479
Speaker 1: this kind of like two things that are happening at

426
00:24:40,480 --> 00:24:43,560
Speaker 1: the same time that I've never let anyone go, and

427
00:24:43,560 --> 00:24:45,440
Speaker 1: I've never gotten over a single person in my life.

428
00:24:45,440 --> 00:24:48,640
Speaker 1: Thank you. It's impossible because we love you deeply, too much,

429
00:24:48,640 --> 00:24:55,640
Speaker 1: too hardly. Hardly, madly, deeply, hardly, madly, deeply, Oh my god,

430
00:24:56,480 --> 00:24:58,240
Speaker 1: I think it's time to get into the email. I

431
00:24:58,320 --> 00:25:00,479
Speaker 1: know I have questions like I need how you need

432
00:25:00,520 --> 00:25:02,720
Speaker 1: to know? Stop it, stop it. This isn't our role,

433
00:25:03,760 --> 00:25:06,920
Speaker 1: as Pats eloquently put on his Twitter, we are sister

434
00:25:07,040 --> 00:25:11,720
Speaker 1: wives too, and our husband is the audience, the collective listener,

435
00:25:11,800 --> 00:25:16,760
Speaker 1: and it's the wife's job to give advice. And so

436
00:25:17,080 --> 00:25:19,119
Speaker 1: before we begin, I just want to say that anyone

437
00:25:19,160 --> 00:25:23,800
Speaker 1: listening that I've been involved with him over you wait,

438
00:25:23,880 --> 00:25:26,199
Speaker 1: tell me about just quickly. Are you interested in one

439
00:25:26,240 --> 00:25:29,159
Speaker 1: person particular and loss. I think it's going to be

440
00:25:29,160 --> 00:25:31,280
Speaker 1: a different person that I'm interested in every two and

441
00:25:31,280 --> 00:25:35,320
Speaker 1: a half days. Well, and then someone serious. I don't

442
00:25:35,320 --> 00:25:37,440
Speaker 1: think I want someone serious. I want to be having

443
00:25:37,440 --> 00:25:41,920
Speaker 1: consistent fun with one other person, because the whole bouncing around.

444
00:25:42,280 --> 00:25:44,280
Speaker 1: One day we're one thing, and then the next day

445
00:25:44,320 --> 00:25:47,440
Speaker 1: you act weird like I don't want to do the games. Truly,

446
00:25:47,480 --> 00:25:51,680
Speaker 1: I don't know that rogers consistent fun fun. But it's

447
00:25:51,720 --> 00:25:54,200
Speaker 1: also a disease in people in l who are just

448
00:25:54,240 --> 00:25:58,760
Speaker 1: like that. I don't necessarily think it's I don't think

449
00:25:58,800 --> 00:26:01,040
Speaker 1: it is specific to people an L that happens. I

450
00:26:01,040 --> 00:26:02,800
Speaker 1: think it's when you go to a new city you

451
00:26:02,800 --> 00:26:05,200
Speaker 1: can see it all clearly. I think people from L

452
00:26:05,280 --> 00:26:07,399
Speaker 1: come to end and then they say, oh gosh, what

453
00:26:07,560 --> 00:26:09,639
Speaker 1: is this. And I think people from C. Of course

454
00:26:09,640 --> 00:26:12,800
Speaker 1: Columbus would go to somewhere like see of course Chicago

455
00:26:12,920 --> 00:26:14,240
Speaker 1: and it would say the same thing. And of course

456
00:26:14,240 --> 00:26:18,879
Speaker 1: people in D of course culture is just different and

457
00:26:18,880 --> 00:26:21,160
Speaker 1: there's no value statement on either one. Um I would

458
00:26:21,160 --> 00:26:27,600
Speaker 1: say that here, okay, here, here, here's my academic there's

459
00:26:27,600 --> 00:26:29,840
Speaker 1: my academic way of saying it. I think the patriarchy

460
00:26:29,960 --> 00:26:32,280
Speaker 1: is affecting the gay community in a crazy way because

461
00:26:32,280 --> 00:26:34,679
Speaker 1: I think that we all are in this middle area

462
00:26:34,720 --> 00:26:36,639
Speaker 1: of being Buddha judges where it's like I'm going to

463
00:26:36,720 --> 00:26:40,400
Speaker 1: be like a perfect little like like have my little

464
00:26:40,400 --> 00:26:42,520
Speaker 1: relationship and it's gonna be perfect, and we're looking for that,

465
00:26:42,640 --> 00:26:45,280
Speaker 1: and then like there's no gray area with other relationships,

466
00:26:45,800 --> 00:26:47,720
Speaker 1: and then otherwise it's like no, I just want to

467
00:26:47,720 --> 00:26:50,000
Speaker 1: funk all the time, and people are scared, are like

468
00:26:50,359 --> 00:26:52,240
Speaker 1: upset because they're working all the time. So it's hard

469
00:26:52,280 --> 00:26:54,639
Speaker 1: to find the middle ground because there's no precedent for it.

470
00:26:54,680 --> 00:26:56,080
Speaker 1: And the gay community, do you know what I mean,

471
00:26:57,040 --> 00:27:02,480
Speaker 1: that makes sense. This isn't saying I know what are

472
00:27:02,480 --> 00:27:05,000
Speaker 1: you having? Nicotine guns? Just gave me thee. I don't

473
00:27:05,000 --> 00:27:07,679
Speaker 1: know how this. My boyfriend has to have it, and

474
00:27:07,680 --> 00:27:09,960
Speaker 1: I gave it and he threw up from it, and

475
00:27:10,240 --> 00:27:12,040
Speaker 1: so we always pretty it at the time he odeed

476
00:27:12,080 --> 00:27:15,200
Speaker 1: early on the relationship. Oh my god, that's really funny.

477
00:27:15,640 --> 00:27:17,480
Speaker 1: This is great. That's the craziest thing I've ever put in.

478
00:27:17,600 --> 00:27:18,960
Speaker 1: I know I had to work up to this level.

479
00:27:20,280 --> 00:27:21,879
Speaker 1: I know it's bad. It's about that. My disease is

480
00:27:21,960 --> 00:27:26,400
Speaker 1: nicotine addiction. And it's funny. I'm specifically having nicotine cessation products,

481
00:27:26,480 --> 00:27:30,879
Speaker 1: and so I need nicotine cessation cessation and that's something

482
00:27:31,080 --> 00:27:34,720
Speaker 1: they call it double And I need to figure animal style.

483
00:27:40,280 --> 00:27:45,520
Speaker 1: It's in and out um, and I should have known. Um.

484
00:27:45,680 --> 00:27:48,000
Speaker 1: Tensions are right now? Yeah, wait why I don't know.

485
00:27:48,000 --> 00:27:51,680
Speaker 1: I finally just unminded. Not your tense now, I am.

486
00:27:52,760 --> 00:27:57,159
Speaker 1: I don't know to understand what you said about. It's literally,

487
00:27:58,200 --> 00:28:00,280
Speaker 1: what's the way the time needs have? I don't know.

488
00:28:00,320 --> 00:28:03,280
Speaker 1: I'm figuring out every second. That's where it's going. I

489
00:28:03,320 --> 00:28:05,320
Speaker 1: feel the tension is there's a lot of silliness coming

490
00:28:05,520 --> 00:28:09,720
Speaker 1: from I give him a neck. No, I feel I

491
00:28:09,760 --> 00:28:13,680
Speaker 1: guess my attention. I guess my attention is that like, okay,

492
00:28:13,680 --> 00:28:16,639
Speaker 1: I'll be real about my I'm in I'm in l

493
00:28:16,800 --> 00:28:20,480
Speaker 1: and it's like hard because it's like, you know, you're

494
00:28:20,480 --> 00:28:22,800
Speaker 1: trying to like fit in and then you come back

495
00:28:22,840 --> 00:28:25,000
Speaker 1: here and end and it's like, oh god, do I

496
00:28:25,040 --> 00:28:29,199
Speaker 1: still fit into end? Yeah? It's like you know what

497
00:28:29,240 --> 00:28:31,800
Speaker 1: I mean, Like it's like I'm in a bizarre like

498
00:28:32,440 --> 00:28:35,840
Speaker 1: transitional moment and I'm just like oh god, Like it's like,

499
00:28:36,119 --> 00:28:38,880
Speaker 1: also I'm off a plane. You guys, you definitely still

500
00:28:38,880 --> 00:28:41,320
Speaker 1: fit in in. Well yeah, I know that, but it's

501
00:28:41,360 --> 00:28:44,040
Speaker 1: like okay. So another thing is like I don't perform anymore,

502
00:28:44,280 --> 00:28:46,240
Speaker 1: like I'm tell at all and that is like truly

503
00:28:46,280 --> 00:28:48,200
Speaker 1: my life blood, and it's like why am I not?

504
00:28:48,320 --> 00:28:50,440
Speaker 1: And then I was all of a sudden it's like whoa, Yeah,

505
00:28:50,440 --> 00:28:53,120
Speaker 1: I feel there's a lot going on. And also truly

506
00:28:53,160 --> 00:28:55,720
Speaker 1: the relationship thing that like it's like not even it's

507
00:28:55,720 --> 00:28:57,360
Speaker 1: not even that I want a relationship, it's that I

508
00:28:57,360 --> 00:28:59,480
Speaker 1: want to figure out what my relationships are because in

509
00:28:59,720 --> 00:29:03,160
Speaker 1: end all, my relationships like are what they are friends?

510
00:29:03,160 --> 00:29:05,400
Speaker 1: And so now I'm like out in l and it's like,

511
00:29:05,560 --> 00:29:07,880
Speaker 1: what is any of this? I guess I'll figure it out,

512
00:29:07,880 --> 00:29:10,360
Speaker 1: but it's hard because I'm crazy. Well, I think you

513
00:29:10,400 --> 00:29:12,000
Speaker 1: should This is what I think you should do. This

514
00:29:12,040 --> 00:29:14,880
Speaker 1: is my medicine for your disease. I think that you

515
00:29:14,880 --> 00:29:18,360
Speaker 1: should choose three people that you like, that that you're

516
00:29:18,400 --> 00:29:20,239
Speaker 1: kind of bobbling back and forth on of like are

517
00:29:20,280 --> 00:29:21,600
Speaker 1: we going to hook up? Are we not? And just

518
00:29:21,640 --> 00:29:24,920
Speaker 1: like take those three off the table or two take

519
00:29:25,000 --> 00:29:26,840
Speaker 1: to take them off the table. Romantically, I just think

520
00:29:26,880 --> 00:29:28,680
Speaker 1: these two people are going to be my fucking friends

521
00:29:28,800 --> 00:29:31,280
Speaker 1: and then you'll just have to fucking friends because do

522
00:29:31,320 --> 00:29:33,160
Speaker 1: you want to know something? And that's the three person.

523
00:29:33,720 --> 00:29:35,720
Speaker 1: Remember the person that we talked about on the last

524
00:29:35,720 --> 00:29:39,240
Speaker 1: two in my life? Still well, now we're like friends,

525
00:29:40,040 --> 00:29:43,040
Speaker 1: allowed to be friends with him? Actually, but actually he's

526
00:29:43,080 --> 00:29:46,040
Speaker 1: he has he has the most disease. Yeah, I mean

527
00:29:46,080 --> 00:29:50,320
Speaker 1: he's in the HESS, he's in hospice, he's in hospital

528
00:29:51,280 --> 00:29:53,480
Speaker 1: and there's no saving him, which is what hospice is.

529
00:29:53,960 --> 00:29:55,720
Speaker 1: Why what are you getting out of that? You enjoy

530
00:29:55,840 --> 00:29:58,720
Speaker 1: hanging out with him? Yeah, But it's also like in

531
00:29:58,760 --> 00:30:00,400
Speaker 1: the back of my mind, I have to ask myself,

532
00:30:00,520 --> 00:30:02,880
Speaker 1: like am I doing the healthy thing for me or

533
00:30:02,920 --> 00:30:04,800
Speaker 1: am I trying to be cool? Because something that I

534
00:30:04,920 --> 00:30:09,280
Speaker 1: do is I tap myself down and I don't say

535
00:30:09,280 --> 00:30:11,440
Speaker 1: how I'm really feeling so that everyone else feels good.

536
00:30:11,720 --> 00:30:14,120
Speaker 1: And that is something that like Bone and I had

537
00:30:14,160 --> 00:30:16,240
Speaker 1: a long conversation about this yesterday, Like something I do

538
00:30:16,400 --> 00:30:18,400
Speaker 1: all the time is something that I'm realizing that I

539
00:30:18,440 --> 00:30:21,640
Speaker 1: will definitely unpack in therapy, is that I don't say

540
00:30:21,800 --> 00:30:23,960
Speaker 1: when things are really bothering me, or when I really

541
00:30:24,000 --> 00:30:26,360
Speaker 1: want something, or when I be so that other people

542
00:30:26,400 --> 00:30:29,000
Speaker 1: feel good, like I'm like, and then when I do,

543
00:30:29,280 --> 00:30:34,640
Speaker 1: it's like I feel nuts about it. I think, how

544
00:30:34,680 --> 00:30:36,520
Speaker 1: do you know that? For sure? Yeah? What is that? What?

545
00:30:39,280 --> 00:30:42,440
Speaker 1: It's also like what they would call Alan honey while

546
00:30:43,240 --> 00:30:45,200
Speaker 1: Allan on the program and that, Yeah, I know what

547
00:30:45,320 --> 00:30:48,680
Speaker 1: Allan on is type stuff? Is that what you just said? Really? Yeah?

548
00:30:49,440 --> 00:30:54,719
Speaker 1: Maybe star generally speaking, star Starboard by Stargazing, Starboard by

549
00:30:54,720 --> 00:30:57,000
Speaker 1: STARZ realize you don't need to impress this person because

550
00:30:57,000 --> 00:31:01,080
Speaker 1: you already won. Also, right, it's with me anything where

551
00:31:01,080 --> 00:31:03,000
Speaker 1: it's like I still I just need to win everyone

552
00:31:03,080 --> 00:31:07,040
Speaker 1: over in every situation. Yeah, And this is an exercise

553
00:31:07,080 --> 00:31:08,760
Speaker 1: in the book that she talks about early on, she goes,

554
00:31:10,320 --> 00:31:12,800
Speaker 1: if you're stressed out about a situation, just for like

555
00:31:13,160 --> 00:31:18,640
Speaker 1: twenty seconds thirty at best best case scenario thirty, imagine

556
00:31:18,640 --> 00:31:24,120
Speaker 1: yourself being validated by every single person you want validation from,

557
00:31:24,240 --> 00:31:26,920
Speaker 1: and you're a wash and like they're on their fucking

558
00:31:27,040 --> 00:31:29,520
Speaker 1: knees telling you how much they love you, and you're

559
00:31:29,560 --> 00:31:32,120
Speaker 1: sucking them up there as it's just like like like

560
00:31:32,520 --> 00:31:37,640
Speaker 1: people are like truly prostrate wanting to like please you,

561
00:31:37,760 --> 00:31:40,040
Speaker 1: and they're they're telling you how much they think you're great.

562
00:31:40,720 --> 00:31:43,360
Speaker 1: And then imagine what like just just embody that and

563
00:31:43,440 --> 00:31:45,400
Speaker 1: then like I mean I don't know, and like just

564
00:31:45,520 --> 00:31:48,440
Speaker 1: imagine just quick little thought experiment and then see how

565
00:31:48,520 --> 00:31:50,320
Speaker 1: you sort of change. This is the story that's in

566
00:31:50,360 --> 00:31:52,360
Speaker 1: the book. Yeah, I just want people to like me,

567
00:31:52,640 --> 00:31:54,360
Speaker 1: and so then I just I just like truly like

568
00:31:54,480 --> 00:31:56,720
Speaker 1: drop out and I'm like, oh, everything's fine, even though

569
00:31:56,720 --> 00:31:59,840
Speaker 1: every even though everything's like not necessarily fine. This is

570
00:31:59,880 --> 00:32:01,800
Speaker 1: this roaring the book. She has this d A agent

571
00:32:01,920 --> 00:32:10,320
Speaker 1: friend normally D agent d E age. She she's a

572
00:32:10,440 --> 00:32:13,960
Speaker 1: D agent friend an unfortunate agency. Yes, who would will?

573
00:32:14,120 --> 00:32:15,880
Speaker 1: I'm the normally kicked down a door and stick up

574
00:32:15,880 --> 00:32:19,800
Speaker 1: a gun and be like everybody get on the floor, right,

575
00:32:20,960 --> 00:32:22,800
Speaker 1: and then people run away and people are like, it's

576
00:32:22,880 --> 00:32:27,200
Speaker 1: such an aggressive environment. She's this one agent friend who

577
00:32:27,240 --> 00:32:31,920
Speaker 1: will find a way into this drug done calmly walk in,

578
00:32:32,720 --> 00:32:37,840
Speaker 1: find a place to sit down in front of whatever

579
00:32:38,000 --> 00:32:41,920
Speaker 1: person the other and then the people are like, who

580
00:32:42,000 --> 00:32:45,120
Speaker 1: the fuck is this? But calm like, no one's alarmed.

581
00:32:45,160 --> 00:32:48,720
Speaker 1: Everyone's just like, wait, okay, there's a person there who's

582
00:32:48,720 --> 00:32:53,160
Speaker 1: just very like confidently sitting down. M okay, weird, but

583
00:32:53,400 --> 00:32:56,080
Speaker 1: I guess this is just normal. And then the agent,

584
00:32:56,320 --> 00:32:59,160
Speaker 1: after like some moments go by, we'll get up and

585
00:32:59,240 --> 00:33:02,320
Speaker 1: go come with me, And then they go with him.

586
00:33:02,880 --> 00:33:06,560
Speaker 1: They're like okay, oh my god, oh I guess you're

587
00:33:06,600 --> 00:33:11,440
Speaker 1: telling me so I have to, And like his whole

588
00:33:11,480 --> 00:33:14,280
Speaker 1: thing is like I walk into the situations calm as hell,

589
00:33:14,400 --> 00:33:17,640
Speaker 1: pretending like I've already pretending like they will do whatever

590
00:33:17,720 --> 00:33:20,760
Speaker 1: I say and then arrest them and then he arrests them.

591
00:33:20,800 --> 00:33:26,160
Speaker 1: Oh my god, that's me. That would be passed. So

592
00:33:26,240 --> 00:33:30,280
Speaker 1: I need to enter my social situations feeling that powerful, relaxed,

593
00:33:30,680 --> 00:33:34,040
Speaker 1: validated already, I know, but it's it's it's so crazy too,

594
00:33:34,040 --> 00:33:36,920
Speaker 1: because I received NonStop validation, and the well is just

595
00:33:37,160 --> 00:33:40,680
Speaker 1: like endless, bottomless, bottomless. Yeah, that's another thing. It's like,

596
00:33:40,720 --> 00:33:43,120
Speaker 1: what do you do when like that's already that that

597
00:33:43,320 --> 00:33:45,720
Speaker 1: shouldn't be a problem, but it still is. This is

598
00:33:45,800 --> 00:33:47,200
Speaker 1: what I think about all the time whenever I get

599
00:33:47,240 --> 00:33:49,440
Speaker 1: worked up over if one person I feel like they

600
00:33:49,480 --> 00:33:51,400
Speaker 1: don't like me as like or when he gets stressed

601
00:33:51,440 --> 00:33:53,080
Speaker 1: out about trying to get someone like me. It's just like,

602
00:33:53,400 --> 00:33:55,520
Speaker 1: there's no one person who can make or break here.

603
00:33:55,560 --> 00:33:58,280
Speaker 1: There's always another person, and it's like, so it's like

604
00:33:58,320 --> 00:34:02,040
Speaker 1: who who cares that. That's the best thing I was

605
00:34:02,080 --> 00:34:03,680
Speaker 1: able to do in the last year was like truly

606
00:34:03,720 --> 00:34:05,920
Speaker 1: stopped caring so much if people like me or not. Yeah,

607
00:34:05,960 --> 00:34:08,880
Speaker 1: I still dealing with that. You're actually very good at that.

608
00:34:09,480 --> 00:34:11,399
Speaker 1: Sometimes I'm like, be nice and he's like, I don't

609
00:34:11,400 --> 00:34:13,920
Speaker 1: give a ship. I know my disease though I should know.

610
00:34:14,120 --> 00:34:17,000
Speaker 1: It's actually I actually think it's amazing and it makes me. Yeah,

611
00:34:17,040 --> 00:34:19,719
Speaker 1: I'm just like, you're so yourself in every situation that

612
00:34:19,800 --> 00:34:21,759
Speaker 1: you're never bending for someone. I think that's like the

613
00:34:21,800 --> 00:34:27,520
Speaker 1: most attractive thing at Yeah. Yeah, came in today. He

614
00:34:27,719 --> 00:34:30,040
Speaker 1: was not feeling in a good mood, and he didn't

615
00:34:30,040 --> 00:34:32,279
Speaker 1: even want to pretend it was a situation. It was

616
00:34:32,400 --> 00:34:34,360
Speaker 1: I'm not right, but it was like it was like

617
00:34:34,520 --> 00:34:36,879
Speaker 1: this is gonna last a second, that I'll be fine. Actually, Also,

618
00:34:36,880 --> 00:34:38,640
Speaker 1: you knew you'd be safe with us, and you'd be safe,

619
00:34:38,680 --> 00:34:43,760
Speaker 1: or so I thought, because you know what, I actually

620
00:34:43,840 --> 00:34:47,600
Speaker 1: respect that. Thank you, and you don't ever change your thing.

621
00:34:48,880 --> 00:34:51,080
Speaker 1: I think it's especially nice because in this day with me,

622
00:34:51,760 --> 00:34:57,360
Speaker 1: businesses or even or even taught in this town, a

623
00:34:57,480 --> 00:34:59,719
Speaker 1: lot of people are trying to do that all the time,

624
00:34:59,760 --> 00:35:02,799
Speaker 1: and so to be able to hold your own it's

625
00:35:02,840 --> 00:35:05,359
Speaker 1: a good quality. And I want to be more like that. Yeah,

626
00:35:05,360 --> 00:35:07,799
Speaker 1: because even once I went whatever person in question i'm

627
00:35:07,800 --> 00:35:10,000
Speaker 1: trying to win over, Once I went them over, they

628
00:35:10,080 --> 00:35:11,600
Speaker 1: truly it loses meaning to me and then I need

629
00:35:11,640 --> 00:35:13,880
Speaker 1: a new one. Right. It's literally like I found out,

630
00:35:13,960 --> 00:35:15,680
Speaker 1: like a couple of weeks ago, I was I was

631
00:35:15,680 --> 00:35:17,120
Speaker 1: texting because I was debating, but I was just like

632
00:35:17,360 --> 00:35:19,600
Speaker 1: feeling overwhelmed, like I just I feel like I need

633
00:35:19,640 --> 00:35:20,920
Speaker 1: to go home and right or I need to go

634
00:35:20,960 --> 00:35:22,840
Speaker 1: home and sleep or something, and I'm supposed to do

635
00:35:22,880 --> 00:35:25,040
Speaker 1: the show like way uptown, And I was like I

636
00:35:25,160 --> 00:35:26,680
Speaker 1: just think I have to bail on this show. And

637
00:35:27,760 --> 00:35:30,440
Speaker 1: I did bail on the show. And then I found

638
00:35:30,480 --> 00:35:33,319
Speaker 1: out recently that the people were like mad and they

639
00:35:33,360 --> 00:35:35,200
Speaker 1: were like, yeah, that's like famous for bailing and they

640
00:35:35,239 --> 00:35:38,160
Speaker 1: were like pissed off. But I don't care. I'm like, yeah,

641
00:35:38,200 --> 00:35:39,480
Speaker 1: I did bail on that show because I was like,

642
00:35:39,880 --> 00:35:41,360
Speaker 1: this isn't gonna be a show. I didn't because I

643
00:35:41,400 --> 00:35:43,839
Speaker 1: can't do it now. And I truly I was thinking

644
00:35:43,880 --> 00:35:46,080
Speaker 1: on the bus how like two years ago it would

645
00:35:46,080 --> 00:35:48,040
Speaker 1: have been driving me crazy that I pistons people off.

646
00:35:48,080 --> 00:35:50,000
Speaker 1: But it's just like, yeah, that's why I need to

647
00:35:50,080 --> 00:35:54,440
Speaker 1: do that night and sorry. Uh. My therapist does that

648
00:35:54,440 --> 00:35:56,560
Speaker 1: all the time where she's like would you like, would

649
00:35:56,560 --> 00:35:58,040
Speaker 1: you have done this two years ago? And I would

650
00:35:58,040 --> 00:36:00,840
Speaker 1: be like no, And that's oh wow, I've progressed. As

651
00:36:00,960 --> 00:36:06,439
Speaker 1: You're gonna be my therapist, you know, I know I'll

652
00:36:06,480 --> 00:36:10,000
Speaker 1: take her. Yeah. Do you like her? Um? Yeah I do.

653
00:36:10,239 --> 00:36:12,919
Speaker 1: It's funny, I do. I bailed her the last six times.

654
00:36:13,000 --> 00:36:21,480
Speaker 1: But like your famous fam something yeah. And my thing

655
00:36:21,600 --> 00:36:23,479
Speaker 1: is like when you say that, you build on that show,

656
00:36:23,800 --> 00:36:26,279
Speaker 1: like and whenever Bowen builds on shows, and you have

657
00:36:26,360 --> 00:36:28,320
Speaker 1: a tendency to like at least ask me if you

658
00:36:28,320 --> 00:36:33,000
Speaker 1: should bail on shows. I always say, like, no, it's inconsiderate.

659
00:36:33,160 --> 00:36:36,279
Speaker 1: It's very to me. It's like like to me, it's

660
00:36:36,320 --> 00:36:39,120
Speaker 1: like and with you, it's for you. With For a

661
00:36:39,160 --> 00:36:41,440
Speaker 1: little while there it was a pattern and I was like,

662
00:36:41,800 --> 00:36:45,719
Speaker 1: you will develop a rightfully earned reputation as someone who

663
00:36:45,840 --> 00:36:48,759
Speaker 1: is unreliable if you keep doing this. So I guess

664
00:36:48,840 --> 00:36:51,160
Speaker 1: that would be like yeah, for me, it's like if

665
00:36:51,239 --> 00:36:53,480
Speaker 1: something you don't care about, that's a fair consequence. But

666
00:36:53,560 --> 00:36:55,040
Speaker 1: it's not like I was like, I was just like,

667
00:36:55,120 --> 00:36:57,040
Speaker 1: I can't do this tonight, so I'm not right right,

668
00:36:57,120 --> 00:36:58,560
Speaker 1: right right. That was just what it was that day.

669
00:37:01,560 --> 00:37:04,319
Speaker 1: It's it's tricky for me, you know what I mean,

670
00:37:04,400 --> 00:37:07,160
Speaker 1: like because I didn't failing to also trying. I'm trying

671
00:37:07,160 --> 00:37:09,200
Speaker 1: to say no to more to make room for and

672
00:37:09,320 --> 00:37:11,640
Speaker 1: that's it. But I'm in the transition where I've been.

673
00:37:11,760 --> 00:37:14,080
Speaker 1: I've said no and I haven't yet replaced it, as

674
00:37:14,120 --> 00:37:16,840
Speaker 1: I'm having kind of this like waiting around saying no

675
00:37:17,120 --> 00:37:22,439
Speaker 1: is the replacement though, right is replacing bailing? I think, yeah,

676
00:37:22,880 --> 00:37:25,719
Speaker 1: I think that, Um, it's one thing if it's like

677
00:37:26,840 --> 00:37:28,120
Speaker 1: I look at it the same as like if you

678
00:37:28,160 --> 00:37:29,920
Speaker 1: get caught in a bus and saying I can't get there,

679
00:37:29,960 --> 00:37:33,239
Speaker 1: it's like today it's not gonna work out. Yeah, And

680
00:37:33,320 --> 00:37:34,680
Speaker 1: I try to be like next time, I'm going to

681
00:37:34,719 --> 00:37:36,640
Speaker 1: be more discordering about how much I say yes do.

682
00:37:38,080 --> 00:37:40,560
Speaker 1: I think that is like a big thing that like

683
00:37:40,800 --> 00:37:42,800
Speaker 1: I remember deciding to do. It was like there's I

684
00:37:42,880 --> 00:37:44,320
Speaker 1: think we all go to that thing where it's like

685
00:37:44,520 --> 00:37:48,600
Speaker 1: in this town, industry community place, we say like I'm

686
00:37:48,600 --> 00:37:50,920
Speaker 1: gonna do a lot of stuff because it's all available

687
00:37:50,960 --> 00:37:53,440
Speaker 1: to me to do, and then you overbook your schedule

688
00:37:53,520 --> 00:37:55,960
Speaker 1: and it's like psycho and then you're like I don't

689
00:37:56,000 --> 00:37:57,320
Speaker 1: want to do any of it, and you go in

690
00:37:57,400 --> 00:38:00,120
Speaker 1: and and then you just started to say no oh

691
00:38:00,200 --> 00:38:02,440
Speaker 1: to more things, and you give yourself the space to

692
00:38:02,480 --> 00:38:04,160
Speaker 1: do ship that you actually want to do when everything

693
00:38:04,239 --> 00:38:06,759
Speaker 1: gets and I asked, I feel like I'm have a

694
00:38:06,760 --> 00:38:08,320
Speaker 1: good answer for this. What do you think is that

695
00:38:08,560 --> 00:38:14,719
Speaker 1: the most sophisticated mind way to say I can't because

696
00:38:14,760 --> 00:38:18,200
Speaker 1: I'm too busy or because I'm making time for other things.

697
00:38:18,520 --> 00:38:20,560
Speaker 1: Oh my god. First of all, thank you for thinking

698
00:38:20,600 --> 00:38:22,040
Speaker 1: that I would have a goodia. Yeah, I don't think

699
00:38:22,040 --> 00:38:28,359
Speaker 1: he's going to have a good answer. Well, oh well,

700
00:38:28,440 --> 00:38:32,680
Speaker 1: this is I have not developed a sophisticated way around

701
00:38:32,719 --> 00:38:38,120
Speaker 1: this a good phrase. But what I say is I'm out,

702
00:38:38,200 --> 00:38:44,399
Speaker 1: I'll be traveling. That's a lot. Yeah. But also it's

703
00:38:44,440 --> 00:38:46,520
Speaker 1: like nips it in the bud. It's like it's not

704
00:38:46,640 --> 00:38:50,000
Speaker 1: out of like melontent. It's just like I'm telling you

705
00:38:50,200 --> 00:38:52,920
Speaker 1: in this way that would will make sense to you

706
00:38:53,080 --> 00:38:55,359
Speaker 1: that I don't want to do your show. I think

707
00:38:55,400 --> 00:38:58,080
Speaker 1: you could literally Catherine can just say I'm sorry, I'm

708
00:38:58,080 --> 00:38:59,960
Speaker 1: not available for the show. I'm a little over extended

709
00:39:00,040 --> 00:39:02,520
Speaker 1: that week over there you go then say I'm not

710
00:39:02,560 --> 00:39:05,239
Speaker 1: availed that date, but thank you. Yeah, no, of course,

711
00:39:05,360 --> 00:39:08,839
Speaker 1: and that always is it? And yet something and now

712
00:39:08,880 --> 00:39:11,680
Speaker 1: I am have nothing going on. But that'll change, It'll change,

713
00:39:11,719 --> 00:39:14,560
Speaker 1: It'll change, it will change. Don't include that's boring. Um, okay,

714
00:39:15,080 --> 00:39:17,920
Speaker 1: let's answer. Have we all have we all come down

715
00:39:18,000 --> 00:39:21,200
Speaker 1: with more diseases after the conversation we feel I feel

716
00:39:21,280 --> 00:39:23,000
Speaker 1: I have the same amount of this as I started.

717
00:39:23,160 --> 00:39:25,600
Speaker 1: I was, I was diagnosed with the disease, which is

718
00:39:25,680 --> 00:39:32,320
Speaker 1: that Well, I have developed a rightful reputation. You know

719
00:39:32,560 --> 00:39:35,080
Speaker 1: you did, and I said you were developing, which you were,

720
00:39:35,200 --> 00:39:37,879
Speaker 1: And tell me I'm wrong. I don't know that that's

721
00:39:37,920 --> 00:39:40,160
Speaker 1: a trade off. That's the decision that you make. It's like,

722
00:39:41,080 --> 00:39:44,200
Speaker 1: I don't know that I'm kidding and and this is

723
00:39:44,280 --> 00:39:48,040
Speaker 1: honestly because actually I am someone who have lies. In more,

724
00:39:48,239 --> 00:39:49,920
Speaker 1: I'm more in line with Sudi with stuff like this

725
00:39:50,040 --> 00:39:53,000
Speaker 1: where it's like you do your commitments, you actually course.

726
00:39:53,120 --> 00:39:55,520
Speaker 1: I actually was with Sudi actually the morning of that

727
00:39:55,560 --> 00:39:57,200
Speaker 1: show when I was like balance, she was like you

728
00:39:57,239 --> 00:39:59,239
Speaker 1: should be on that. Well then she's changed and I

729
00:39:59,320 --> 00:40:01,680
Speaker 1: am no longer friend. I don't think you fit into

730
00:40:01,760 --> 00:40:04,480
Speaker 1: end anymore. Now what I think you fit into enemies?

731
00:40:06,360 --> 00:40:13,439
Speaker 1: We actually end new read some emails. This is from

732
00:40:13,680 --> 00:40:19,440
Speaker 1: Sexless in Tulsa. Okay, dear cap hap Out, my best

733
00:40:19,480 --> 00:40:22,239
Speaker 1: friend and I are notorious pruds and are tired of

734
00:40:22,360 --> 00:40:26,440
Speaker 1: being the perennial fag slash hag couple invited to places.

735
00:40:26,880 --> 00:40:29,200
Speaker 1: So we decided to take matters into our own hands

736
00:40:29,320 --> 00:40:34,080
Speaker 1: and possibly mouths, butts, and other orifices. Thus dick Packeden

737
00:40:34,200 --> 00:40:37,479
Speaker 1: was born. We've got to sexually interact with five dicks

738
00:40:37,520 --> 00:40:41,600
Speaker 1: we have never seen before before one one twenty January,

739
00:40:42,680 --> 00:40:44,359
Speaker 1: and we are currently in April, the month of our

740
00:40:44,400 --> 00:40:47,320
Speaker 1: Lord fruitless and failing miserably. What advice do you have

741
00:40:47,400 --> 00:40:50,759
Speaker 1: for two pruds who aren't necessarily sex negative parentheses, but

742
00:40:50,840 --> 00:40:53,360
Speaker 1: proud of Pat who is in a gorge relation but

743
00:40:53,520 --> 00:40:59,480
Speaker 1: aren't good at getting the d Lilah is sexless in Tulsa. Um, well,

744
00:40:59,600 --> 00:41:02,319
Speaker 1: Pat to only seeing one dick right now. I wonder

745
00:41:02,360 --> 00:41:05,840
Speaker 1: if they're going out together too much. Yeah, man, Catherine

746
00:41:05,880 --> 00:41:08,680
Speaker 1: run into that. We've hadn't I had some tricky times.

747
00:41:08,719 --> 00:41:10,319
Speaker 1: If we both wanted to get some, it's not going

748
00:41:10,360 --> 00:41:11,840
Speaker 1: to happen. I don't think it's a good comment. You

749
00:41:11,920 --> 00:41:14,640
Speaker 1: have to invest in one person. I think for me,

750
00:41:14,960 --> 00:41:18,000
Speaker 1: like I need to call the girls. It's got to

751
00:41:18,040 --> 00:41:21,840
Speaker 1: be the girls. Has to be the girl and the girls.

752
00:41:21,880 --> 00:41:26,200
Speaker 1: If you're gay, that means you're gays. Yeah, that is

753
00:41:26,239 --> 00:41:29,000
Speaker 1: what that means the translation I think. Or even if

754
00:41:29,040 --> 00:41:31,080
Speaker 1: I've gone out like alone, like when I famously met

755
00:41:31,080 --> 00:41:33,160
Speaker 1: the bisexual maybe scored three times and ghosted me like

756
00:41:33,520 --> 00:41:35,759
Speaker 1: I was alone at a bar, I think that. Um.

757
00:41:36,120 --> 00:41:38,120
Speaker 1: I think that literally, you just have to be forward.

758
00:41:38,160 --> 00:41:40,239
Speaker 1: If you're in a gay club space, you have to

759
00:41:40,320 --> 00:41:42,560
Speaker 1: go and knowing eight percent the people you are trying

760
00:41:42,640 --> 00:41:47,640
Speaker 1: to suck at least or at least suck you have

761
00:41:47,760 --> 00:41:49,319
Speaker 1: to go and then you just can't be the person

762
00:41:49,480 --> 00:41:51,239
Speaker 1: like I'm with someone who will like there's always like

763
00:41:51,280 --> 00:41:53,320
Speaker 1: a Shaye lounge type device at a gay club. But

764
00:41:53,480 --> 00:41:55,120
Speaker 1: you sit on this and see if anyone comes up

765
00:41:55,120 --> 00:41:56,960
Speaker 1: to me and they were there for five but no,

766
00:41:57,160 --> 00:41:59,200
Speaker 1: they don't find my experience. They don't. And then like,

767
00:41:59,360 --> 00:42:00,520
Speaker 1: but if you're the first them will go up to

768
00:42:00,520 --> 00:42:02,319
Speaker 1: someone like rub their chest, like you will go home

769
00:42:02,360 --> 00:42:05,960
Speaker 1: with someone and you can't be that piggy unless you can't,

770
00:42:06,239 --> 00:42:10,040
Speaker 1: you have congratulations. I would say that if you lower

771
00:42:10,120 --> 00:42:13,560
Speaker 1: your defenses and are around other people with their defense

772
00:42:13,640 --> 00:42:16,200
Speaker 1: is lowered. AKA, maybe this means if this is what

773
00:42:16,320 --> 00:42:18,000
Speaker 1: you want to do, have a couple of drinks, loosen

774
00:42:18,080 --> 00:42:20,480
Speaker 1: yourself up, and you put yourself in a spot where

775
00:42:20,520 --> 00:42:22,560
Speaker 1: everyone else is being this way. Or if you want

776
00:42:22,600 --> 00:42:23,920
Speaker 1: to dance a little bit and you go to a

777
00:42:24,040 --> 00:42:26,640
Speaker 1: dance place and don't even drink, just dance and that

778
00:42:26,760 --> 00:42:29,000
Speaker 1: lowers your defense is a little bit. Just being in

779
00:42:29,080 --> 00:42:31,000
Speaker 1: a place where that is a breeding ground for this

780
00:42:31,120 --> 00:42:33,480
Speaker 1: kind of thing, it will happen. Well, Matt, you're someone

781
00:42:33,480 --> 00:42:36,319
Speaker 1: who can be a grass in the spaces as because

782
00:42:36,400 --> 00:42:42,560
Speaker 1: can you remember. Oh yes, I was a grass with Pat.

783
00:42:42,600 --> 00:42:44,919
Speaker 1: I pulled him right out there and gave it. Gave

784
00:42:44,960 --> 00:42:46,440
Speaker 1: it to him after an hour and a half of

785
00:42:46,520 --> 00:42:49,520
Speaker 1: chatting about Long Island across country, it was about fifteen minutes.

786
00:42:49,680 --> 00:42:56,239
Speaker 1: That's so crazy to me. Okay, the I've tried many

787
00:42:56,320 --> 00:42:58,160
Speaker 1: of the apps, and I think the old, tried and

788
00:42:58,280 --> 00:43:01,200
Speaker 1: true is Tinder. I think you should set up You

789
00:43:01,239 --> 00:43:02,440
Speaker 1: have to kind of it's kind of a lot of

790
00:43:02,480 --> 00:43:04,359
Speaker 1: admin work, but you need to try and set up

791
00:43:04,360 --> 00:43:07,120
Speaker 1: a few try and get some good matches, try and

792
00:43:07,160 --> 00:43:10,200
Speaker 1: set up a few dates, um, because some people might cancel.

793
00:43:10,400 --> 00:43:12,160
Speaker 1: People are flaky on it. But at least when you

794
00:43:12,280 --> 00:43:15,640
Speaker 1: come into a date that you know you well earned.

795
00:43:16,080 --> 00:43:18,560
Speaker 1: When you come into date you know, sexes on the table,

796
00:43:18,920 --> 00:43:21,080
Speaker 1: it's like it's just a little either and then have

797
00:43:21,200 --> 00:43:22,839
Speaker 1: you know, two to three drinks and touch their arm

798
00:43:22,880 --> 00:43:26,920
Speaker 1: and you'll probably be sucking yea. Honestly, if anyone touches

799
00:43:27,000 --> 00:43:28,880
Speaker 1: me even a little bit on a date, I'm like,

800
00:43:29,239 --> 00:43:31,560
Speaker 1: it makes a huge difference. Like if I'm on a

801
00:43:31,640 --> 00:43:33,960
Speaker 1: date with you and there's no touching, forget it. But

802
00:43:34,080 --> 00:43:36,000
Speaker 1: if you touch me even a little bit, I will

803
00:43:36,080 --> 00:43:39,160
Speaker 1: come the way So know that there are mies out there,

804
00:43:39,680 --> 00:43:42,520
Speaker 1: just give them a little bit of that. Um, Can

805
00:43:42,600 --> 00:43:44,400
Speaker 1: I say something that happened when Pat and I went

806
00:43:44,440 --> 00:43:46,760
Speaker 1: to Rosemont? Did I tell you this? When it happened?

807
00:43:46,960 --> 00:43:49,000
Speaker 1: By the hand? Then I was so tired I could

808
00:43:49,040 --> 00:43:52,920
Speaker 1: not form sentences. It's fine, Um, I was because I

809
00:43:53,080 --> 00:43:55,520
Speaker 1: just started reading this dang buck and I was like,

810
00:43:55,640 --> 00:43:57,759
Speaker 1: let me just try this thing on for size, and

811
00:43:57,840 --> 00:44:00,400
Speaker 1: let me just go to the bar in order to drink. Normally,

812
00:44:00,400 --> 00:44:03,160
Speaker 1: I'll go up to any bar, any specifically in a

813
00:44:03,239 --> 00:44:05,200
Speaker 1: queer space, and I'll be like, God, I'm just gonna

814
00:44:05,200 --> 00:44:09,160
Speaker 1: be ignored. I'm invisible, Like I like, He's like, they're

815
00:44:09,160 --> 00:44:11,080
Speaker 1: not coming to me. They're intentionally not doing this. Why

816
00:44:11,080 --> 00:44:13,719
Speaker 1: are they're racist? Like like my mind fully starts to

817
00:44:13,760 --> 00:44:16,040
Speaker 1: spin out. But I was like, let me just try

818
00:44:16,200 --> 00:44:19,240
Speaker 1: this this time. I'll walk up to the bar, pretend

819
00:44:19,320 --> 00:44:22,920
Speaker 1: like I've already won. And then I just like fucking

820
00:44:23,680 --> 00:44:26,240
Speaker 1: propped my elbows onto this bar and just like chilled,

821
00:44:26,360 --> 00:44:28,480
Speaker 1: wasn't looking at my phone and was just like, this

822
00:44:28,640 --> 00:44:31,880
Speaker 1: is nice. He'll come to me eventually, the bar, the bartender,

823
00:44:31,920 --> 00:44:33,239
Speaker 1: and then he did, and then I got my drink,

824
00:44:33,280 --> 00:44:36,919
Speaker 1: and then the vibe I gave off. Well, the vibe

825
00:44:36,920 --> 00:44:39,040
Speaker 1: I gave off was such that I turned around and

826
00:44:39,120 --> 00:44:42,560
Speaker 1: this cute guy was like, hey, um, I like your

827
00:44:42,760 --> 00:44:45,719
Speaker 1: I like your glasses. And then I was like, oh no, no,

828
00:44:45,840 --> 00:44:47,600
Speaker 1: he goes, um, I like your glasses and I like

829
00:44:47,680 --> 00:44:56,200
Speaker 1: your toe, and I was like, literally, I go, literally

830
00:44:56,280 --> 00:44:58,360
Speaker 1: I go, I go. I walked because I'm like, I

831
00:44:58,560 --> 00:45:01,280
Speaker 1: I have a drink from my friend Sam. I literally

832
00:45:01,360 --> 00:45:06,680
Speaker 1: I go read the toe, I go, thanks, it was free,

833
00:45:06,680 --> 00:45:10,200
Speaker 1: and I walk away. Wow, don't give a ship. Yeah,

834
00:45:10,480 --> 00:45:15,520
Speaker 1: and it's a beautiful. But I'm saying, but it sets

835
00:45:15,600 --> 00:45:18,720
Speaker 1: it up so that you invite that kind of stuff

836
00:45:18,800 --> 00:45:21,200
Speaker 1: to come to you where you're just like because because

837
00:45:22,000 --> 00:45:23,839
Speaker 1: literally what she says in the book is thirsty people

838
00:45:23,920 --> 00:45:28,399
Speaker 1: don't get don't get fed. That was my problem when

839
00:45:28,400 --> 00:45:30,840
Speaker 1: I was when I was out on the streets, was

840
00:45:31,000 --> 00:45:33,680
Speaker 1: I like, I wanted it so bad it was unwilling

841
00:45:33,719 --> 00:45:35,719
Speaker 1: to do anything about it. And then like I was

842
00:45:35,800 --> 00:45:38,319
Speaker 1: in constant situations where I could literally just touch something

843
00:45:38,400 --> 00:45:40,560
Speaker 1: someone's arm and either hook up or no that they

844
00:45:40,600 --> 00:45:42,280
Speaker 1: didn't want to hook up and move on. But exactly

845
00:45:42,320 --> 00:45:44,800
Speaker 1: I wouldn't do that. So you just can't be me

846
00:45:45,239 --> 00:45:50,520
Speaker 1: also also sexless, like you just can't be make the

847
00:45:50,600 --> 00:45:56,200
Speaker 1: path to looser five dicks before. It's very American pie.

848
00:45:56,400 --> 00:46:00,960
Speaker 1: American pie. It's so strict. I mean, don't don't avail

849
00:46:01,040 --> 00:46:05,160
Speaker 1: yourself to like any timeline like that. You want to

850
00:46:05,160 --> 00:46:07,359
Speaker 1: see five dicks in a year, five dicks a year,

851
00:46:07,840 --> 00:46:11,600
Speaker 1: do a bull but also wait rolling her. No, I'm

852
00:46:11,640 --> 00:46:13,960
Speaker 1: not even, but I'm saying you don't have to like,

853
00:46:14,040 --> 00:46:16,239
Speaker 1: don't even pain a number to it, don't a quota, like,

854
00:46:16,360 --> 00:46:18,279
Speaker 1: don't do it, don't worry about it, don't give a ship.

855
00:46:18,600 --> 00:46:20,680
Speaker 1: I think a number is fine. It gamifies that, it

856
00:46:20,760 --> 00:46:22,279
Speaker 1: makes it fine. I hate a way to get my

857
00:46:22,320 --> 00:46:24,160
Speaker 1: hands on this book. I need that because I've been

858
00:46:24,200 --> 00:46:26,279
Speaker 1: feeling like when I was really having a good few

859
00:46:26,320 --> 00:46:28,040
Speaker 1: months and killing it, I like boys were coming out

860
00:46:28,120 --> 00:46:31,840
Speaker 1: every which way in the past. It's only been a

861
00:46:31,920 --> 00:46:35,920
Speaker 1: couple of weeks, so you don't you don't know. Literally,

862
00:46:35,960 --> 00:46:40,160
Speaker 1: I go, you read the book, and then you hear

863
00:46:40,200 --> 00:46:45,560
Speaker 1: I hear Tammy Sager. That's perfect. Okay, that was sexless. Okay,

864
00:46:45,600 --> 00:46:49,120
Speaker 1: I hope you're sexful. Don't. Okay, this one's kind of hot.

865
00:46:49,200 --> 00:46:54,719
Speaker 1: It's a little long, but it's hot. When I was

866
00:46:54,760 --> 00:46:56,800
Speaker 1: a young girl in college. Even I would go on

867
00:46:56,920 --> 00:47:01,279
Speaker 1: a website that was called Littrotic. Was read gay porn

868
00:47:01,400 --> 00:47:04,120
Speaker 1: stories on litt Erotica, and I would read group. I

869
00:47:04,120 --> 00:47:07,880
Speaker 1: wouldn't read group group stories. I used to read Season

870
00:47:08,000 --> 00:47:11,120
Speaker 1: two American Idol fan Fick Wait, Matt and Bowen. Can't

871
00:47:11,120 --> 00:47:14,279
Speaker 1: you get immature here? Do you guys want group? No? Um,

872
00:47:14,640 --> 00:47:18,919
Speaker 1: I don't want group either. I recently had my group

873
00:47:19,239 --> 00:47:22,960
Speaker 1: one experience with the group was awful, um and even

874
00:47:23,120 --> 00:47:24,920
Speaker 1: and this is the thing it was. It was all

875
00:47:25,000 --> 00:47:28,719
Speaker 1: Asians and I still felt invisible then but then but

876
00:47:28,760 --> 00:47:31,040
Speaker 1: then recently I had a three and it was fun. Yeah,

877
00:47:31,040 --> 00:47:34,080
Speaker 1: I've had one three and no other group. Oh, yes,

878
00:47:34,200 --> 00:47:36,200
Speaker 1: you've had a three, but you asked me to be

879
00:47:36,520 --> 00:47:37,920
Speaker 1: it was a boy boy boy three. No no, no,

880
00:47:38,000 --> 00:47:40,440
Speaker 1: no no no, ask asked Catherine if she's like screw

881
00:47:41,040 --> 00:47:43,719
Speaker 1: because I thought we've talked group to death me and

882
00:47:43,800 --> 00:47:48,400
Speaker 1: you know, I feel we barely scratched. Yes, like at me,

883
00:47:49,120 --> 00:47:51,320
Speaker 1: I reading this in the bottom of my soul. Do

884
00:47:51,880 --> 00:47:58,000
Speaker 1: you want group? Why? And I've had group once with

885
00:47:58,520 --> 00:48:08,920
Speaker 1: w with two ms and then it happened right after that.

886
00:48:09,719 --> 00:48:19,160
Speaker 1: Let me set the scene. The year of me. I'm

887
00:48:19,200 --> 00:48:21,040
Speaker 1: walking home from I'm short, like over the eight, I'm

888
00:48:21,080 --> 00:48:25,040
Speaker 1: absolutely hammered, corny, but not a sad actually not something.

889
00:48:26,239 --> 00:48:27,440
Speaker 1: And these guys are like, do you know a good

890
00:48:27,480 --> 00:48:29,680
Speaker 1: bar to go around here? And I was like, oh yeah.

891
00:48:29,719 --> 00:48:31,759
Speaker 1: They went down the street and I'm like, it's fun.

892
00:48:31,960 --> 00:48:33,719
Speaker 1: Do you want to come with us? And I'm like yeah,

893
00:48:34,760 --> 00:48:36,960
Speaker 1: and then um one goes to the bathroom, start making

894
00:48:37,000 --> 00:48:39,839
Speaker 1: out with one, tricking out with another, and then I'm

895
00:48:39,880 --> 00:48:42,960
Speaker 1: just like, let's go back to my wait seriously, And

896
00:48:43,040 --> 00:48:45,040
Speaker 1: then I have a question. When you hooked up with them,

897
00:48:45,080 --> 00:48:46,920
Speaker 1: did they ever do anything with each other? No? And

898
00:48:47,000 --> 00:48:49,040
Speaker 1: actually they got so weirded out that one of them

899
00:48:49,080 --> 00:48:53,000
Speaker 1: sort of left towards the end, the worst one, the

900
00:48:53,080 --> 00:48:55,919
Speaker 1: one with a smaller dick left. Did you talk about

901
00:48:55,920 --> 00:48:58,680
Speaker 1: this loudst time? Where three and then one guy just goes,

902
00:48:59,080 --> 00:49:02,120
Speaker 1: I'm out, I don't. I don't have two stories like that.

903
00:49:05,800 --> 00:49:08,400
Speaker 1: It was gorge yeh. I'm open to group that can

904
00:49:08,520 --> 00:49:11,400
Speaker 1: read the hot one. No, no, you can read it,

905
00:49:11,760 --> 00:49:14,359
Speaker 1: but just don't don't don't say the name can't wait here?

906
00:49:14,840 --> 00:49:22,759
Speaker 1: What this next person's name is? Isa? Literally, they go

907
00:49:24,719 --> 00:49:28,040
Speaker 1: hey and seek treatment. Boys, thank you so I am

908
00:49:28,080 --> 00:49:31,120
Speaker 1: a straight guy. Seek immedia treatment for that, or at

909
00:49:31,200 --> 00:49:35,800
Speaker 1: least I thought I was Joycey. I thought it was

910
00:49:35,920 --> 00:49:38,120
Speaker 1: until I started dating a guy. Okay, now you're seeming

911
00:49:38,200 --> 00:49:42,920
Speaker 1: gay to me. I started getting even at college. I

912
00:49:43,040 --> 00:49:45,359
Speaker 1: just turned twenty. I really like him, but no one

913
00:49:45,440 --> 00:49:48,680
Speaker 1: expected our mutual friends, no one accept our mutual friends

914
00:49:48,880 --> 00:49:51,800
Speaker 1: know that we're dating. I'm a bit reluctant to I

915
00:49:51,880 --> 00:49:54,400
Speaker 1: feel like I'm reading literatica. I'm a bit reluctant to

916
00:49:54,440 --> 00:49:56,719
Speaker 1: fully come out just because everyone who knows me knows

917
00:49:56,840 --> 00:49:59,040
Speaker 1: that I have dated girls in the past. That's all

918
00:49:59,040 --> 00:50:02,279
Speaker 1: of our stories. Besides coming to terms with my own sexuality.

919
00:50:02,320 --> 00:50:04,120
Speaker 1: The guy I'm seeing feels like I'm ashamed of him

920
00:50:04,200 --> 00:50:06,799
Speaker 1: or something, but I'm not. I just want to make

921
00:50:06,840 --> 00:50:10,239
Speaker 1: sure this is going to something, be something long term

922
00:50:10,280 --> 00:50:12,800
Speaker 1: before I started telling everyone I know, especially if we

923
00:50:12,920 --> 00:50:14,719
Speaker 1: break up and I have to not only come out

924
00:50:14,760 --> 00:50:19,040
Speaker 1: but also explain my sexuality. If we break up, We're sorry.

925
00:50:20,520 --> 00:50:22,439
Speaker 1: Especially a break up and I have to not only

926
00:50:22,719 --> 00:50:25,000
Speaker 1: out but also explain my sexuality if we break up. Okay,

927
00:50:25,040 --> 00:50:27,080
Speaker 1: that was not my fault, that was Clia's. But I

928
00:50:27,280 --> 00:50:33,680
Speaker 1: love Clea. I am especially nervous to tell my family specifically,

929
00:50:34,080 --> 00:50:36,839
Speaker 1: it's always the moms are harder. To know that it's

930
00:50:36,840 --> 00:50:39,120
Speaker 1: always the moms are harder. I don't know about I

931
00:50:39,160 --> 00:50:44,880
Speaker 1: don't think that that's someone I know story. I just

932
00:50:44,960 --> 00:50:47,840
Speaker 1: totally disregard the completely public and well trod narrative that

933
00:50:47,880 --> 00:50:49,920
Speaker 1: it's hard from Sun to tell his father that he's good.

934
00:50:49,960 --> 00:50:54,360
Speaker 1: But okay, that's his friend's story. I am especially it

935
00:50:54,480 --> 00:50:57,240
Speaker 1: was to my family. Mom. My family has said numerous

936
00:50:57,560 --> 00:50:59,800
Speaker 1: homophobic things around me, and I'm not sure what to

937
00:51:00,000 --> 00:51:09,120
Speaker 1: expect from the reaction wise, from the reaction wise board, bitch,

938
00:51:09,880 --> 00:51:12,080
Speaker 1: I know they still love me, and I wouldn't be

939
00:51:12,160 --> 00:51:15,239
Speaker 1: outcast or anything, but I just don't want them to

940
00:51:15,280 --> 00:51:18,720
Speaker 1: see me differently. Help me, please, I'm definitely seeking treatment. Okay,

941
00:51:18,760 --> 00:51:21,560
Speaker 1: so listen, babe. They think Pablo as their fake name.

942
00:51:21,600 --> 00:51:25,960
Speaker 1: But I'm sorry. You are gay now you're Khalia. It

943
00:51:26,360 --> 00:51:28,920
Speaker 1: is very hard to come out of the closet. We've

944
00:51:29,000 --> 00:51:33,440
Speaker 1: sympathized with you. However, you know you've got to be

945
00:51:33,520 --> 00:51:35,720
Speaker 1: fair to yourself and to the guy you're dating into.

946
00:51:36,000 --> 00:51:40,279
Speaker 1: You know it's the truth. So you're twenty years old,

947
00:51:40,320 --> 00:51:43,400
Speaker 1: it's about that time. It's time to be brave and

948
00:51:43,560 --> 00:51:46,839
Speaker 1: also also everyone's on their own calendar. What I will

949
00:51:46,920 --> 00:51:51,080
Speaker 1: say is that like Kalia is concerned with his family

950
00:51:51,200 --> 00:51:54,040
Speaker 1: seeing him differently, and like that's just part of it.

951
00:51:54,040 --> 00:51:57,000
Speaker 1: I mean, and that's a great thing, and it's sort

952
00:51:57,040 --> 00:51:59,479
Speaker 1: of the whole point. Well, I think what what clear

953
00:51:59,520 --> 00:52:03,359
Speaker 1: needs to figure out for themselves as if they're um

954
00:52:03,760 --> 00:52:06,839
Speaker 1: G S r B. I think clea. Also, you should

955
00:52:06,880 --> 00:52:10,600
Speaker 1: realize that no matter where this particular relationship goes, that

956
00:52:10,719 --> 00:52:14,320
Speaker 1: doesn't affect your sexuality. Yeah, that's what I'm saying by G.

957
00:52:14,520 --> 00:52:16,040
Speaker 1: S r B. Yeah, but I get a dado the

958
00:52:16,040 --> 00:52:18,200
Speaker 1: guy after this, maybe he doesn't need to decide that

959
00:52:18,360 --> 00:52:20,480
Speaker 1: now he needs to figure out like what he's going

960
00:52:20,520 --> 00:52:22,520
Speaker 1: to say about the current relationship he's in and what

961
00:52:22,640 --> 00:52:24,719
Speaker 1: he owes to himself to be truthful, because he could

962
00:52:24,760 --> 00:52:27,560
Speaker 1: be years of our negotiation about whether he's be He

963
00:52:27,640 --> 00:52:29,719
Speaker 1: could not know he's really be R S R G

964
00:52:30,280 --> 00:52:33,719
Speaker 1: until he's thirty or forty. Even so, it's like, how

965
00:52:33,800 --> 00:52:35,839
Speaker 1: do you feel now? Is it a serious enough guy?

966
00:52:35,960 --> 00:52:37,920
Speaker 1: Do you like him enough that you want to like

967
00:52:38,400 --> 00:52:40,719
Speaker 1: tell people about it? If you do, when the relationship

968
00:52:40,800 --> 00:52:43,520
Speaker 1: is very important to you, I think then you should

969
00:52:43,560 --> 00:52:45,640
Speaker 1: honor that relationship or just what kind of relationship do

970
00:52:45,680 --> 00:52:48,200
Speaker 1: you want to have? Um? Like, do you want to

971
00:52:48,280 --> 00:52:50,120
Speaker 1: have one of those ones where you're like, you know,

972
00:52:50,239 --> 00:52:52,279
Speaker 1: a real relationship and then you have to tell people,

973
00:52:52,480 --> 00:52:55,640
Speaker 1: or if maybe you just want something you're just figuring out.

974
00:52:55,680 --> 00:52:57,319
Speaker 1: You just want to see right now and that's fine,

975
00:52:57,360 --> 00:52:58,839
Speaker 1: but then you might the other guy might not want

976
00:52:58,880 --> 00:53:00,680
Speaker 1: that and you have to deal with those consquenses. Yeah,

977
00:53:00,760 --> 00:53:02,200
Speaker 1: oh yeah, I'd be curious to figure out what the

978
00:53:02,280 --> 00:53:05,920
Speaker 1: other guy's perspective is. Yeah, right, Um, and if you

979
00:53:06,000 --> 00:53:11,920
Speaker 1: are sensing that he feels that you're ashamed, um, I

980
00:53:11,960 --> 00:53:14,920
Speaker 1: don't know. Just get to the bottom belief of what

981
00:53:15,080 --> 00:53:18,280
Speaker 1: that is. Like why do you think he thinks you're ashamed?

982
00:53:18,360 --> 00:53:20,920
Speaker 1: I don't know. Well because he I mean, part of

983
00:53:21,680 --> 00:53:24,480
Speaker 1: part of being gay or bisexual is shame. So like

984
00:53:24,680 --> 00:53:29,200
Speaker 1: he you are a shamed listener. You that is kala.

985
00:53:30,200 --> 00:53:32,400
Speaker 1: You You are ashamed and that is part of this.

986
00:53:32,600 --> 00:53:35,239
Speaker 1: It's about like accepting the fact that you're different and

987
00:53:35,360 --> 00:53:38,160
Speaker 1: like deciding now whether or not you want to be

988
00:53:38,280 --> 00:53:41,120
Speaker 1: brave now or later based on how important the relationship

989
00:53:41,239 --> 00:53:42,600
Speaker 1: is to you. Yeah, I think do what you want,

990
00:53:42,640 --> 00:53:44,320
Speaker 1: but know that you will be happier if you just

991
00:53:44,480 --> 00:53:48,840
Speaker 1: like come out, sure, Catherine do five minutes on this.

992
00:53:53,600 --> 00:53:57,080
Speaker 1: This has been a Forever Dog production executive produced by

993
00:53:57,120 --> 00:54:01,120
Speaker 1: Brett Boham, Joe Cilio, and Alex rams E. For more

994
00:54:01,239 --> 00:54:05,920
Speaker 1: original podcasts, please visit Forever Dog Podcasts dot com and

995
00:54:06,000 --> 00:54:10,200
Speaker 1: subscribe to our shows on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever

996
00:54:10,280 --> 00:54:13,000
Speaker 1: you get your podcasts. Keep up with the latest Forever

997
00:54:13,120 --> 00:54:16,920
Speaker 1: Dog news by following us on Twitter and Instagram at

998
00:54:17,080 --> 00:54:20,799
Speaker 1: Forever Dog Team, and liking our page on Facebook.