WEBVTT - I Choose...Releasing Shame with Johnathon Schaech

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<v Speaker 1>You're listening to I Choose Me with Jenny Garth. Hi, everyone,

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<v Speaker 1>welcome to I Choose Me. This podcast is all about

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<v Speaker 1>the choices we make and where they lead us. You know,

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<v Speaker 1>on this podcast, I like to explore and I like

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<v Speaker 1>to get to know different people that have maybe walked

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<v Speaker 1>a different path than myself, because that's the way to

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<v Speaker 1>learn from listening to others. Other people's journeys can really

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<v Speaker 1>be enlightening and inspirational as we're all just navigating this

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<v Speaker 1>life the best that we know how. We're all just

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<v Speaker 1>doing our best. My guest today is an actor. You

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<v Speaker 1>know him from his role in the hit movie That

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<v Speaker 1>Thing You Do, and he stars in the TV show

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<v Speaker 1>Blue Ridge On I insp he has had such a

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<v Speaker 1>layered and fascinating life and you know what, I want

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<v Speaker 1>to die right into it. Please welcome Jonathan Check to

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<v Speaker 1>the I Choose Me Podcast. I'm really so glad that

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<v Speaker 1>you're here.

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<v Speaker 2>Well, I'm really grateful to be here.

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<v Speaker 1>You have done something that I have always wanted to do.

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<v Speaker 1>You got the hell out of Dodge. You moved out

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<v Speaker 1>of the thunderdome and went to peaceful grounds. What has

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<v Speaker 1>that been like for you? When did you do that

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<v Speaker 1>and what has that experience been like for you.

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<v Speaker 2>Well, when my son started looking at schools, we you know,

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<v Speaker 2>we had to start looking at schools in Los Angeles

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<v Speaker 2>and and that kind of opened up the whole idea

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<v Speaker 2>of possibly moving out of Los Angeles. He's dyslexic, just

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<v Speaker 2>like I am, and I didn't want him to struggle

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<v Speaker 2>like I did. So schools in LA there were some

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<v Speaker 2>great schools, but it was it wasn't gonna be easy

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<v Speaker 2>to get into those schools. And it was kind of

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<v Speaker 2>like this whole thing that I didn't want to have to

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<v Speaker 2>live my life like. And so when we came out

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<v Speaker 2>to Nashville, Tennessee, we visited a couple of schools. My

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<v Speaker 2>wife is from Nashville, and by the time we left

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<v Speaker 2>one of the schools there were like with Kim and

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<v Speaker 2>like to come. I was like, yeah, that's yeah, he

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<v Speaker 2>would love to come. So we moved out here Abound

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<v Speaker 2>twenty eighteen, twenty nineteen. My wife's from here, so we

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<v Speaker 2>got family here for the children. It's been it's been peaceful.

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<v Speaker 2>It's a good word, very peaceful. I'm surrounded by horse

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<v Speaker 2>farms where I live.

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<v Speaker 1>Oh, I'm so jealous, right, Now I don't care about

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<v Speaker 1>fancy bags or shoes. That that is what I care about.

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<v Speaker 1>Peaceful nature, serenity. I love that. That is good. So

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<v Speaker 1>you're saying I should do that, Just move get out

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<v Speaker 1>of the.

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<v Speaker 2>Really fit right in here. Here, Jason's here, he's down

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<v Speaker 2>the street.

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<v Speaker 1>Oh my god, you're yes right, your name papers with Jason,

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<v Speaker 1>Jason Prisley. For everybody that doesn't know, that is amazing.

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<v Speaker 1>I would love to be neighbors with Jason.

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<v Speaker 2>And a plate studio.

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<v Speaker 1>That she's building her own plate studio. It's amazing. Good

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<v Speaker 1>for them, well, good for all of you.

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<v Speaker 2>Wow, I know exactly.

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<v Speaker 1>That was the very smart. Something that's very important to

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<v Speaker 1>me and very important to our listeners is health and

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<v Speaker 1>fitness and just living, trying to live our best life, right,

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<v Speaker 1>And just one glance at your social media and I

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<v Speaker 1>was caught by the fact that you're actually a bona

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<v Speaker 1>fide bodybuilder, like a competitive bodybuilder. Now you can call

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<v Speaker 1>yourself a competitive bodybuilder after the age of fifty. That

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<v Speaker 1>is saying a lot.

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<v Speaker 2>Wow. Yeah, well, I don't know about a bodybuilder, but

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<v Speaker 2>come on, I trained really hard and last year before

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<v Speaker 2>the strike, and I knew the strike was coming and

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<v Speaker 2>I knew I was going to be just my brain

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<v Speaker 2>was needed some help and some focus. So I asked

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<v Speaker 2>a good friend of mine, Michael O'Hearn, and I know

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<v Speaker 2>Michael for thirty years, but it was on my show

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<v Speaker 2>Blue Ridge, and he said he would train me to

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<v Speaker 2>be this further bodybuilding contest up the street here in Franklin.

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<v Speaker 2>And for about six weeks, I trained and dieted just

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<v Speaker 2>like a professional bodybuilder, and I went out there and

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<v Speaker 2>I won the contest.

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<v Speaker 1>It was extream come true.

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<v Speaker 2>You know. It was like small town bodybuilding contest, were.

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<v Speaker 1>You like all spray tnd and body oiled up exactly.

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<v Speaker 2>I've never done anything like that before. It was so unique.

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<v Speaker 2>The best part was having my two little ones out

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<v Speaker 2>there screaming for me. That was hotly quite magnificent.

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<v Speaker 1>Oh my god, that sounds like so much fun. I mean,

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<v Speaker 1>you know our bodies. I mean as a woman, my

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<v Speaker 1>body has changed so much after I turned fifty, and

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<v Speaker 1>it continues to change. What it feels like daily as

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<v Speaker 1>a man. What has your experience been with aging and

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<v Speaker 1>your body?

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, it was harder to you know, lose that weight

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<v Speaker 2>that I you don't want to have that I couldn't

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<v Speaker 2>actually have, you know, for what I do for a

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<v Speaker 2>living is you know, we have to look at it.

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<v Speaker 2>So and I'm not going They're not going to hire

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<v Speaker 2>me for any other reason. So I have to train

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<v Speaker 2>and keep my body fit. And I'm going to my

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<v Speaker 2>television show. I have to do a lot of stunts

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<v Speaker 2>and a lot of action. So I trained myself like

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<v Speaker 2>a professional athlete. At you know, I turned fifty five

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<v Speaker 2>years old, so yeah, I know how important. We just

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<v Speaker 2>got to keep going. There's no reason why we can't

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<v Speaker 2>be better off now than we were then, since we're

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<v Speaker 2>more motivated now.

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<v Speaker 1>That's so true. It's the motivation now because you know,

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<v Speaker 1>this is our second act as they call it, and

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<v Speaker 1>we want it to be just as good as the

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<v Speaker 1>first One's right, maybe better?

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, definitely want to be better.

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<v Speaker 1>What is your healthy like your diet? How do you

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<v Speaker 1>keep that in control? Because that's hard for me.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, it's difficult. I So what I what I learned

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<v Speaker 2>through from the bodybuilding contest is that my body works

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<v Speaker 2>really well with just proteins. So I eat five meals

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<v Speaker 2>a day with enough protein to maintain and grow my

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<v Speaker 2>muscle size. So I take supplements for everything else, and

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<v Speaker 2>I try not to put anything else to my body.

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<v Speaker 2>I'll go for it's amazing. I can go out for

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<v Speaker 2>a dinner like anybody else, but I'll eat before we leave,

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<v Speaker 2>and then I'll get a piece of salmon or chicken.

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<v Speaker 2>I just eat pretty, leaning clean, leaning clean.

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<v Speaker 1>How many grams of protein? I'm really curious about this

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<v Speaker 1>protein topic. How many grams of protein are you shooting

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<v Speaker 1>for a day?

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<v Speaker 2>So five meals six ounces or more, six to six

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<v Speaker 2>to seven ounces if I'm dieting hard, eight ounces if

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<v Speaker 2>I'm not so. Forty eight ounces of protein.

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<v Speaker 1>That's a lot of protein.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah. I do thing. I wake up in the morning

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<v Speaker 2>and I do this pancake and it's awesome. I have

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<v Speaker 2>protein powder, right, I put egg whites with protein powder

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<v Speaker 2>and shake it up and I pour it on a

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<v Speaker 2>plate and then I zap it in the microwave for

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<v Speaker 2>like no, Yeah, I zap it rises up like a cake,

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<v Speaker 2>comes back down, and then I'll eat that for my

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<v Speaker 2>morning breakfast.

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<v Speaker 1>Okay, that's that's a good tip, people.

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<v Speaker 2>And I put zero sugar syrup on it, and I'm

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<v Speaker 2>feel like I'm eating pancakes.

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<v Speaker 1>You're so happy, everybody. I love that.

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<v Speaker 2>I can't wait to wake up.

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<v Speaker 1>Ten years ago, you made probably one of the biggest

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<v Speaker 1>I Choose me decisions of a lifetime. You chose to

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<v Speaker 1>get sober. What made you realize you were ready for that?

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<v Speaker 2>You know, I had, I had tried numerous times to

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<v Speaker 2>get sober. I go to meetings and wouldn't click. I

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<v Speaker 2>couldn't I couldn't really respond. I wasn't responding to the

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<v Speaker 2>what everyone was talking about in those meetings. I kept

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<v Speaker 2>going back, and then I met my wife, Julie, and

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<v Speaker 2>she was pregnant, and I kept looking in the mirror

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<v Speaker 2>at myself, saying, who's this guy? You know? Like this?

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<v Speaker 2>Am I going to continue doing the things that I've

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<v Speaker 2>done in the past? And am I going to ruin

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<v Speaker 2>this like I've ruined everything else in my life? And

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<v Speaker 2>I just decided that I wasn't use any substance and

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<v Speaker 2>I was gonna stop drinking alcohol completely out of my system.

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<v Speaker 2>And then I started realizing how much poison it was

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<v Speaker 2>and what I was doing. It was poisoned my body,

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<v Speaker 2>and I just I was I just stopped. I quit

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<v Speaker 2>and stopped meetings. I kept going to meetings, got a

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<v Speaker 2>great sponsor, and I started to find what they call

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<v Speaker 2>the miracle in the program.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, that's that's very admirable. I saw that you recently

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<v Speaker 1>posted that your you have your ten year chip.

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<v Speaker 2>You got my a ten year chip.

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<v Speaker 1>That's a big deal, that's a decade.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah. Yes, I went to a meeting here in Nashville.

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<v Speaker 2>I hadn't gone to I had gone as an AA

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<v Speaker 2>a couple of AA meetings, but I do. I do

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<v Speaker 2>different programs, and I found other programs to be more

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<v Speaker 2>beneficial for me. But I went to an AA one here.

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<v Speaker 2>It's pretty popular here, and I wanted to collect my

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<v Speaker 2>ten year chip. I thought it was powerful, you know,

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<v Speaker 2>for me to go there and uh and I got

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<v Speaker 2>there and they made the announcement, you know, and I

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<v Speaker 2>would raise my hand. And I went out there to

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<v Speaker 2>collected and everyone's plotting and everything. Didn't have a chip.

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<v Speaker 2>They didn't have a ten year chip.

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<v Speaker 1>What I know, I didn't have to have the chip.

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<v Speaker 2>No physical ten year chip. And they were like, oh

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<v Speaker 2>my god, I'm so sorry, you don't have to take

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<v Speaker 2>a chip. I was like, okay, well, let's find that

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<v Speaker 2>was that's how it's supposed to be. So my wife

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<v Speaker 2>got me a ten year chip online.

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<v Speaker 1>Oh I love that story. Yeah, speaking of your wife,

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<v Speaker 1>she's been beautiful.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, you would love my wife, I can tell.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, I delved into her Instagram also. She seems like

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<v Speaker 1>a really neat lady. Yeah, a really special person. You

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<v Speaker 1>guys are so glad you found each other.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, you guys are very similar.

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<v Speaker 1>How did you meet? I'm curious.

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<v Speaker 2>We met here at Nashville, Tennessee, at a Make a

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<v Speaker 2>Wish charity foundation. So I used to always come back,

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<v Speaker 2>I think only the Nashville over twenty years, and I

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<v Speaker 2>became really good friends with Jada Marcus and he's in

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<v Speaker 2>the band Rascal Flats and he has this him and

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<v Speaker 2>Kevin Carter had this Make a Wish charity foundation. I

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<v Speaker 2>don't always show up every it was like every April

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<v Speaker 2>and I was with the boys from Rascal Flats and

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<v Speaker 2>Julie was there and said hi and kind of clicked.

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<v Speaker 1>And right away, right away it was just.

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<v Speaker 2>Like she's she's a I kept thinking to myself, like

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<v Speaker 2>she's out of my like she's.

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<v Speaker 1>Better than me, she's out of your league.

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<v Speaker 2>Out of my league, Yeah, out of my league. And

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<v Speaker 2>then no fact, she kept wanting to be around me.

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<v Speaker 2>So we made it official.

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<v Speaker 1>And that's amazing. And was that around you said that

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<v Speaker 1>was kind of around the same time that you was

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<v Speaker 1>a few years later that you got sober. Was she

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<v Speaker 1>an integral part of that.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah. In the first year that we were together, I

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<v Speaker 2>was definitely abusing drugs and alcohol still like I was

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<v Speaker 2>a young kid in Hollywood, thinking that that was the

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<v Speaker 2>way to entice and this girl. But yeah, I started

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<v Speaker 2>to be able to see that that wasn't the truth

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<v Speaker 2>and it was wasn't becoming of me to be that

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<v Speaker 2>individual anymore. And I wanted to be more than I

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<v Speaker 2>wanted to be more for me me, first for her,

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<v Speaker 2>and then turned out to be for our for our

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<v Speaker 2>son and then our daughter, and I'm very grateful to

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<v Speaker 2>be so we're still to this day.

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<v Speaker 1>Oh it's like fate brought her to you just the

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<v Speaker 1>right time when you are open and ready to make

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<v Speaker 1>some big changes in your life.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah. Yeah, she definitely. She made me think that I

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<v Speaker 2>was in the same league as her, and that it

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<v Speaker 2>was worth fighting for the things that I always dreamed

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<v Speaker 2>of and that God was still by my side, still

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<v Speaker 2>with me. She proved it over time, not that God

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<v Speaker 2>needs to be proven, but what good things happened to

0:12:35.920 --> 0:12:39.880
<v Speaker 2>you and things. You know, you feel that you feel

0:12:40.000 --> 0:12:43.880
<v Speaker 2>love in your life again, you know, you know, it's

0:12:43.920 --> 0:12:45.320
<v Speaker 2>just not you in this world.

0:12:45.960 --> 0:12:48.680
<v Speaker 1>It breaks down the walls that we've put up probably

0:12:49.080 --> 0:12:52.080
<v Speaker 1>you know, and it sort of breaks down also the

0:12:52.120 --> 0:12:56.040
<v Speaker 1>shame that we put on ourselves and we live life

0:12:56.080 --> 0:12:59.160
<v Speaker 1>through that shame. Lens, like you said, like I'm not

0:12:59.200 --> 0:13:02.400
<v Speaker 1>good enough for her, She's out of my league. Yeah,

0:13:02.480 --> 0:13:03.600
<v Speaker 1>these things were never true.

0:13:03.880 --> 0:13:06.760
<v Speaker 2>It's interesting. The shame was is what I've given up

0:13:06.800 --> 0:13:09.520
<v Speaker 2>for the last seven years of my life. And I

0:13:09.559 --> 0:13:12.079
<v Speaker 2>know I had a lot to do with like being

0:13:12.080 --> 0:13:15.560
<v Speaker 2>married and thinking that by previous marriage is that it

0:13:15.640 --> 0:13:17.480
<v Speaker 2>had to be a certain thing, and then when it

0:13:17.480 --> 0:13:19.160
<v Speaker 2>didn't turn out to be the thing, I had so

0:13:19.280 --> 0:13:23.319
<v Speaker 2>much shame around it. You know. In my first wedding,

0:13:23.640 --> 0:13:26.160
<v Speaker 2>I had a Catholic priest marry us as well as

0:13:26.200 --> 0:13:28.560
<v Speaker 2>Breva and Michael beck With from Agape, so they both

0:13:28.600 --> 0:13:31.319
<v Speaker 2>were there, you know, but I was getting married in

0:13:31.400 --> 0:13:34.280
<v Speaker 2>the Catholic faith, and you know, that's so much shame

0:13:34.320 --> 0:13:38.240
<v Speaker 2>of associated to divorce and everything around it. So I yeah,

0:13:38.679 --> 0:13:41.680
<v Speaker 2>that was that was a big part of that shame

0:13:41.760 --> 0:13:43.960
<v Speaker 2>that I was carrying around for such a long time.

0:13:44.200 --> 0:13:48.360
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, I can definitely relate. I had a long marriage

0:13:48.400 --> 0:13:51.840
<v Speaker 1>and three beautiful children with a man, and then when

0:13:51.840 --> 0:13:56.280
<v Speaker 1>we got divorced, I felt so shameful. I felt I

0:13:56.440 --> 0:14:00.679
<v Speaker 1>carried around this shame, which manifested into you know, anger

0:14:00.800 --> 0:14:05.280
<v Speaker 1>at myself, anger at other people. It manifested into insecurities,

0:14:05.440 --> 0:14:10.600
<v Speaker 1>It manifested in so many unbeneficial characteristics. But I think

0:14:10.640 --> 0:14:14.200
<v Speaker 1>that's that's at the root of so much of our unrest.

0:14:14.720 --> 0:14:15.400
<v Speaker 2>Yeah.

0:14:15.440 --> 0:14:17.600
<v Speaker 1>Absolutely, Well, she sounds like an angel.

0:14:18.320 --> 0:14:18.960
<v Speaker 2>I think she is.

0:14:20.320 --> 0:14:23.520
<v Speaker 1>I think she is too. Do you think that your

0:14:23.760 --> 0:14:27.320
<v Speaker 1>addiction affected your career throughout the years.

0:14:27.520 --> 0:14:29.880
<v Speaker 2>Absolutely. And I have to remind myself when things are

0:14:29.960 --> 0:14:35.240
<v Speaker 2>going well, I only have myself to blame, you know,

0:14:35.280 --> 0:14:38.560
<v Speaker 2>And I can point to things that caused my addiction,

0:14:38.600 --> 0:14:40.480
<v Speaker 2>which I've been able to do since I've been sober

0:14:40.680 --> 0:14:44.840
<v Speaker 2>figured out the whys. But I still take responsibility for

0:14:45.080 --> 0:14:49.000
<v Speaker 2>being that individual that wasn't showing up when I needed

0:14:49.000 --> 0:14:51.720
<v Speaker 2>to really show up. You know, these opportunities came up

0:14:51.760 --> 0:14:53.960
<v Speaker 2>and I didn't. You know, So you can't say, like,

0:14:54.000 --> 0:14:56.680
<v Speaker 2>I mean I didn't win the audition or something like that,

0:14:56.720 --> 0:15:01.840
<v Speaker 2>like I wasn't present fully in my my genius to

0:15:01.880 --> 0:15:05.320
<v Speaker 2>be able to get what I was supposed to get,

0:15:05.480 --> 0:15:06.960
<v Speaker 2>you know, what was supposed to come to me. I

0:15:06.960 --> 0:15:10.080
<v Speaker 2>wasn't open to being the most authentically true self that

0:15:10.160 --> 0:15:10.720
<v Speaker 2>I could be.

0:15:11.120 --> 0:15:13.560
<v Speaker 1>Right, it was like covering up your gifts, like the

0:15:13.600 --> 0:15:17.320
<v Speaker 1>gifts that you were given of being able to emote

0:15:17.560 --> 0:15:21.800
<v Speaker 1>and you know, touch people in the way that you

0:15:21.880 --> 0:15:23.240
<v Speaker 1>have to be able to do as an actor.

0:15:23.720 --> 0:15:25.440
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, I wasn't connected to the source.

0:15:26.880 --> 0:15:30.360
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, and do you think I'm sorry, I'm getting real personal.

0:15:32.320 --> 0:15:36.280
<v Speaker 1>Do you think your addiction played a role or a

0:15:36.360 --> 0:15:38.520
<v Speaker 1>part in your relationships not working?

0:15:39.120 --> 0:15:41.320
<v Speaker 2>Yeah? I think the shame had a bigger part of it.

0:15:41.760 --> 0:15:47.480
<v Speaker 2>But the addictions, yeah, they're prevalent. They were prevalent. I

0:15:47.640 --> 0:15:54.520
<v Speaker 2>was using in both relationships prior to previous relationships. They

0:15:54.560 --> 0:15:55.480
<v Speaker 2>had a big part of it.

0:15:56.080 --> 0:16:01.320
<v Speaker 1>Yeah. There are so many people out there that you

0:16:01.320 --> 0:16:04.320
<v Speaker 1>know are struggling or know someone that they love who

0:16:04.360 --> 0:16:09.360
<v Speaker 1>is struggling with addiction. I'm wondering, as a person who

0:16:09.480 --> 0:16:12.600
<v Speaker 1>has been through it on the level that you have

0:16:12.840 --> 0:16:17.120
<v Speaker 1>and changed your life in such a significant way, what

0:16:17.160 --> 0:16:21.040
<v Speaker 1>would you say to a person who's struggling right now,

0:16:21.120 --> 0:16:23.480
<v Speaker 1>like one of our listeners, even just one person who's

0:16:23.520 --> 0:16:26.880
<v Speaker 1>listening like what would you want them to hear?

0:16:27.680 --> 0:16:30.440
<v Speaker 2>So I didn't think I had a problem drinking, right,

0:16:30.480 --> 0:16:32.800
<v Speaker 2>I thought I could stop drinking, Like I could stop

0:16:32.880 --> 0:16:36.520
<v Speaker 2>for months, wasn't a big deal. What was going on

0:16:36.800 --> 0:16:39.360
<v Speaker 2>was I would start to drink, not like a crazy

0:16:39.360 --> 0:16:41.560
<v Speaker 2>person where I wake up every morning with a flask

0:16:41.600 --> 0:16:44.720
<v Speaker 2>in my hand. What it was, it was numbing myself

0:16:44.760 --> 0:16:47.800
<v Speaker 2>every time that I started getting closer to these whys.

0:16:47.920 --> 0:16:52.120
<v Speaker 2>Why it wasn't my most authentic self, like the best

0:16:52.240 --> 0:16:54.880
<v Speaker 2>version of me. And I was okay not being that

0:16:55.000 --> 0:16:58.960
<v Speaker 2>version that you know, I was okay not being okay.

0:17:00.600 --> 0:17:02.520
<v Speaker 2>So it really wasn't about the alcohol. But when I

0:17:02.600 --> 0:17:05.000
<v Speaker 2>was able to get past it and give it time,

0:17:05.480 --> 0:17:08.720
<v Speaker 2>I was able to understand why I was doing that.

0:17:09.480 --> 0:17:12.000
<v Speaker 2>I was able to change to be more of who

0:17:12.200 --> 0:17:15.320
<v Speaker 2>I really am.

0:17:14.119 --> 0:17:15.359
<v Speaker 1>The person you want to be.

0:17:16.119 --> 0:17:18.160
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, that I always wanted to be and always known

0:17:18.240 --> 0:17:22.320
<v Speaker 2>that I was. And I identify my whys and when

0:17:22.359 --> 0:17:26.000
<v Speaker 2>when we when I work with anyone in the program,

0:17:26.080 --> 0:17:29.920
<v Speaker 2>I always want to get to these whys because unconsciously,

0:17:30.000 --> 0:17:32.280
<v Speaker 2>these things are coming back up and taking us off

0:17:32.320 --> 0:17:37.240
<v Speaker 2>of our path. You know, it's the alcohol is is

0:17:37.400 --> 0:17:40.639
<v Speaker 2>like the cover up to us not being able to

0:17:40.800 --> 0:17:43.439
<v Speaker 2>really look at ourselves and loving that part of ourselves

0:17:43.760 --> 0:17:48.040
<v Speaker 2>that's shame h And that's you know, every tough guy

0:17:48.080 --> 0:17:51.320
<v Speaker 2>out there is like, you know, oh, problem drinking. It's

0:17:51.400 --> 0:17:53.720
<v Speaker 2>not really about the alcohol. If you're if you're continually

0:17:53.760 --> 0:17:54.399
<v Speaker 2>ruining your.

0:17:54.320 --> 0:18:00.600
<v Speaker 1>Life, you need to there's a why why? Yeah, And

0:18:00.640 --> 0:18:03.359
<v Speaker 1>it's not just alcohol, it's drugs, it's sex, like whatever

0:18:03.400 --> 0:18:08.639
<v Speaker 1>your addiction, food, whatever you default to to make yourself

0:18:08.640 --> 0:18:12.080
<v Speaker 1>feel better or to hide that shame, or to mask

0:18:12.560 --> 0:18:16.560
<v Speaker 1>what's really going on so that you don't have to

0:18:16.600 --> 0:18:19.320
<v Speaker 1>be in it, because that's so uncomfortable to really look

0:18:19.440 --> 0:18:23.440
<v Speaker 1>inside and ask yourself why. I think that's super powerful.

0:18:30.440 --> 0:18:34.200
<v Speaker 1>You have kids. I have kids. You have young kids.

0:18:34.840 --> 0:18:39.040
<v Speaker 1>That's got to keep you very active. Yeah, are a

0:18:39.160 --> 0:18:40.800
<v Speaker 1>ten and four? I think is what you said.

0:18:41.119 --> 0:18:44.840
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, I get a ten year old boy and a

0:18:45.000 --> 0:18:46.119
<v Speaker 2>four year old little girl.

0:18:46.720 --> 0:18:48.960
<v Speaker 1>Oh my god, I can tell you love being a dad.

0:18:49.560 --> 0:18:51.280
<v Speaker 2>I'm very grateful to be a father.

0:18:54.520 --> 0:18:59.520
<v Speaker 1>It just puts everything in perspective. It does, it is

0:18:59.560 --> 0:19:04.160
<v Speaker 1>the why, like it becomes your why. Yeah.

0:19:03.440 --> 0:19:07.720
<v Speaker 2>I'm so grateful that I'm present with my children and

0:19:07.800 --> 0:19:10.240
<v Speaker 2>all that work that I did and get rid of

0:19:10.240 --> 0:19:12.480
<v Speaker 2>all that chaos and all that poison I was putting

0:19:12.480 --> 0:19:14.080
<v Speaker 2>in my body so that I could be present with

0:19:14.119 --> 0:19:18.600
<v Speaker 2>my children. And I'm grateful to still be alive. If

0:19:18.640 --> 0:19:20.320
<v Speaker 2>I want to continue down the path, I wouldn't be

0:19:20.359 --> 0:19:22.000
<v Speaker 2>able to be here with them.

0:19:23.200 --> 0:19:24.560
<v Speaker 1>I think at the end of the day. That's what

0:19:24.640 --> 0:19:30.520
<v Speaker 1>it always comes back to is gratitude. Yeah, that acknowledging

0:19:31.200 --> 0:19:33.640
<v Speaker 1>the things in your life that you are so grateful for.

0:19:34.160 --> 0:19:36.720
<v Speaker 1>It just opens you up to a whole new world

0:19:36.840 --> 0:19:42.919
<v Speaker 1>of your experience here. Oh my gosh, I love it

0:19:42.960 --> 0:19:45.720
<v Speaker 1>that you got to be a dad. That's really great.

0:19:46.320 --> 0:19:49.440
<v Speaker 1>I get this question all the time. Would you let

0:19:49.480 --> 0:19:55.520
<v Speaker 1>your kids become actors or be in our industry if.

0:19:55.359 --> 0:19:59.680
<v Speaker 2>They wanted to, well they really wanted to learn the

0:19:59.760 --> 0:20:05.040
<v Speaker 2>craw aft, if they wanted to be artists m hmm yeah,

0:20:05.119 --> 0:20:09.840
<v Speaker 2>and if they were willing to also learn the business

0:20:10.320 --> 0:20:16.360
<v Speaker 2>our business. I would really encourage both of those mm hmm.

0:20:17.160 --> 0:20:20.639
<v Speaker 2>You know this quick world that we live in social

0:20:20.680 --> 0:20:23.960
<v Speaker 2>media and that's a different form of fame or you know,

0:20:24.600 --> 0:20:28.080
<v Speaker 2>like we didn't we were actors. You know, we were

0:20:28.119 --> 0:20:33.720
<v Speaker 2>striving to like tell the truth, you know, in our work,

0:20:34.880 --> 0:20:37.520
<v Speaker 2>and that that I would encourage and I you know,

0:20:38.800 --> 0:20:41.840
<v Speaker 2>I don't know if the business is safer than when

0:20:41.880 --> 0:20:43.119
<v Speaker 2>we first started.

0:20:43.280 --> 0:20:45.280
<v Speaker 1>But I like to hope, So I like to hope.

0:20:45.320 --> 0:20:48.680
<v Speaker 2>So yeah, I think. I like to think that I

0:20:48.680 --> 0:20:51.280
<v Speaker 2>I made it better than what I found it, So

0:20:52.040 --> 0:20:53.960
<v Speaker 2>I would, I would encourage them. It's a great life,

0:20:54.160 --> 0:20:57.080
<v Speaker 2>the start of living. So you're a great example. Look

0:20:57.119 --> 0:21:00.119
<v Speaker 2>at you, how you live your life. It's awesome. You

0:21:00.240 --> 0:21:02.680
<v Speaker 2>just NonStop. You just a fighter, man. I love it.

0:21:03.880 --> 0:21:06.040
<v Speaker 2>You know, actor is an act that they just learn

0:21:06.119 --> 0:21:09.720
<v Speaker 2>how to fight for themselves, some of them, not all

0:21:09.800 --> 0:21:10.120
<v Speaker 2>of them.

0:21:10.720 --> 0:21:14.680
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, it's that moment when you're on camera and you're

0:21:14.720 --> 0:21:17.359
<v Speaker 1>in a scene and you're in that character shoes and

0:21:17.359 --> 0:21:23.439
<v Speaker 1>that connection with your co star. That's the moment that

0:21:23.560 --> 0:21:24.600
<v Speaker 1>keeps me coming back.

0:21:24.920 --> 0:21:26.320
<v Speaker 2>I know, you got to come out and do Blue

0:21:26.400 --> 0:21:26.879
<v Speaker 2>Ridge with me.

0:21:28.160 --> 0:21:29.960
<v Speaker 1>It sounds like a dream. Shoot.

0:21:30.280 --> 0:21:32.639
<v Speaker 2>It's so much fun. We have a blast.

0:21:33.119 --> 0:21:36.120
<v Speaker 1>I bet you do. Yeah, I want to skip ahead

0:21:36.119 --> 0:21:37.640
<v Speaker 1>to that, but I'm going to come back to something else.

0:21:37.800 --> 0:21:39.560
<v Speaker 1>I want to skip ahead to Blue Ridge for a second,

0:21:39.600 --> 0:21:44.359
<v Speaker 1>because this is a role that you've played before in

0:21:44.400 --> 0:21:47.359
<v Speaker 1>a movie, and you're now doing a series based on

0:21:47.960 --> 0:21:50.840
<v Speaker 1>the movie. You're playing the same character. What is it

0:21:51.000 --> 0:21:55.200
<v Speaker 1>about that character? What's the character's name, Sheriff Justin, Justin

0:21:55.840 --> 0:21:58.840
<v Speaker 1>Justin Wise, that's a good character name. What is it

0:21:58.880 --> 0:22:01.560
<v Speaker 1>about him that made you want want to come back?

0:22:02.200 --> 0:22:05.879
<v Speaker 2>Yeah? So I'd never really explored a character like this before.

0:22:06.040 --> 0:22:10.120
<v Speaker 2>I've never been a leading man of my own show, right,

0:22:10.240 --> 0:22:12.320
<v Speaker 2>So when they brought it back to me and I

0:22:12.359 --> 0:22:15.640
<v Speaker 2>was like, you know it, it is the first role

0:22:15.720 --> 0:22:19.359
<v Speaker 2>that I had ever played where I did not walk

0:22:19.400 --> 0:22:22.080
<v Speaker 2>away every day feeling a sense of shame.

0:22:23.119 --> 0:22:24.720
<v Speaker 1>It was the first what do you mean shame?

0:22:25.920 --> 0:22:33.120
<v Speaker 2>So I always from my previous experience in the film industry,

0:22:33.160 --> 0:22:35.840
<v Speaker 2>I had a great deal of shame associated to performance,

0:22:36.600 --> 0:22:38.600
<v Speaker 2>and I had done a lot of work on that.

0:22:38.680 --> 0:22:41.120
<v Speaker 2>I did a lot of brain spotting, like it did

0:22:41.119 --> 0:22:43.080
<v Speaker 2>a lot of therapy, did a lot of work on

0:22:43.560 --> 0:22:47.280
<v Speaker 2>not not carrying that into my life, using my life

0:22:47.280 --> 0:22:50.560
<v Speaker 2>for my art, but not like beating myself up afterwards.

0:22:50.680 --> 0:22:54.080
<v Speaker 2>I would beat myself to tears. It was ridiculous. I

0:22:54.080 --> 0:22:55.400
<v Speaker 2>thought it was part of the process.

0:22:56.160 --> 0:22:59.720
<v Speaker 1>And just like those thoughts of like I'm not good enough,

0:22:59.760 --> 0:23:03.080
<v Speaker 1>I shouldn't be doing this, it just.

0:23:03.040 --> 0:23:05.879
<v Speaker 2>The weight of carrying that forward. It was just like,

0:23:05.960 --> 0:23:08.639
<v Speaker 2>you know, I think at one point maybe it was

0:23:08.680 --> 0:23:12.000
<v Speaker 2>a survival trait that I had gotten where I was

0:23:12.040 --> 0:23:14.400
<v Speaker 2>trying to always make sure the next time I got

0:23:14.440 --> 0:23:16.480
<v Speaker 2>out there, I performed really well. But I realized I

0:23:16.480 --> 0:23:19.960
<v Speaker 2>didn't need to be that way anymore, and I left.

0:23:20.320 --> 0:23:22.600
<v Speaker 2>I left Hollywood and literally moved to Nashville, and it

0:23:22.680 --> 0:23:26.440
<v Speaker 2>was the first role that came to me, and I

0:23:26.480 --> 0:23:29.159
<v Speaker 2>performed it and I had a great experience. I was

0:23:29.280 --> 0:23:33.600
<v Speaker 2>very connected to the crew, my cast, and the experience

0:23:33.720 --> 0:23:38.000
<v Speaker 2>and the character of Justin Wise, he's his old school.

0:23:38.440 --> 0:23:40.639
<v Speaker 2>It's very much like my father, like I've become my

0:23:40.760 --> 0:23:44.000
<v Speaker 2>father where I was born in the city police officer.

0:23:45.080 --> 0:23:51.560
<v Speaker 2>Justin is that character that runs to the problem and

0:23:51.800 --> 0:23:54.960
<v Speaker 2>there for others. I embraced it and I loved it.

0:23:55.000 --> 0:23:56.720
<v Speaker 2>And when they came back and said they wanted to

0:23:56.760 --> 0:23:59.760
<v Speaker 2>make it into a television series, I was first off

0:23:59.840 --> 0:24:02.320
<v Speaker 2>was we make sure they wanted me, and they did,

0:24:02.720 --> 0:24:06.720
<v Speaker 2>and then just checking checking, just shoot me want me

0:24:06.720 --> 0:24:09.200
<v Speaker 2>to come back? And they were like everyone they said

0:24:09.240 --> 0:24:15.399
<v Speaker 2>the network and everyone really loved what I did with

0:24:15.640 --> 0:24:18.360
<v Speaker 2>Justin and it was the big success for their network

0:24:18.840 --> 0:24:21.400
<v Speaker 2>and they wanted to continue to make it into a series,

0:24:21.480 --> 0:24:25.280
<v Speaker 2>and so we did six episodes in season one and

0:24:25.320 --> 0:24:29.960
<v Speaker 2>they're out right now every Sunday on itsp at nine pm.

0:24:31.040 --> 0:24:33.800
<v Speaker 2>And I play the character Justimize that I've played before.

0:24:34.080 --> 0:24:35.359
<v Speaker 2>So yeah, I get to play my dad.

0:24:36.600 --> 0:24:39.399
<v Speaker 1>That's got to be so rewarding, especially now that you

0:24:39.520 --> 0:24:47.080
<v Speaker 1>have this core of gratitude, like you appreciate it so

0:24:47.240 --> 0:24:47.960
<v Speaker 1>much more now.

0:24:48.000 --> 0:24:53.919
<v Speaker 2>I bet, yeah, I do. I appreciate I really appreciate

0:24:53.960 --> 0:24:57.280
<v Speaker 2>it so much. But all the other chaos, all this

0:24:57.280 --> 0:24:59.960
<v Speaker 2>stuff I can't control out. I don't bother with it

0:25:00.040 --> 0:25:02.600
<v Speaker 2>it anymore. And if it starts to come up with me,

0:25:02.680 --> 0:25:06.680
<v Speaker 2>I just I let it go. Okay with with with

0:25:06.760 --> 0:25:09.320
<v Speaker 2>not knowing? Does it make sense? I'm okay with going

0:25:09.400 --> 0:25:10.760
<v Speaker 2>into the unknown.

0:25:10.800 --> 0:25:12.800
<v Speaker 1>That's true. What do you do to yourself in those

0:25:12.880 --> 0:25:16.480
<v Speaker 1>moments when you need to squash those voices that you're

0:25:16.480 --> 0:25:21.240
<v Speaker 1>so familiar with, those negative voices, Well.

0:25:21.640 --> 0:25:23.959
<v Speaker 2>If I can't get rid of them, like through a

0:25:24.040 --> 0:25:29.920
<v Speaker 2>workout mm hmm or we're talking to my wife, I'll

0:25:29.960 --> 0:25:34.080
<v Speaker 2>call my sponsor m hm and talk talk. Yeah. My

0:25:34.160 --> 0:25:38.960
<v Speaker 2>sponsor is great. He's a brain surgeon. Oh nice, I know,

0:25:40.680 --> 0:25:43.560
<v Speaker 2>and he just kind of sets things very clear and quick.

0:25:44.359 --> 0:25:46.680
<v Speaker 2>And I just realized, like that's where I am. That's

0:25:46.720 --> 0:25:49.240
<v Speaker 2>what that's what I've done with my life. I've gotten

0:25:49.240 --> 0:25:51.200
<v Speaker 2>to the place where I can actually reach out and

0:25:51.240 --> 0:25:54.639
<v Speaker 2>not be alone, because that's probably the biggest problem with

0:25:54.880 --> 0:25:58.359
<v Speaker 2>most addicts is there they fight these things alone. I

0:25:58.760 --> 0:26:00.840
<v Speaker 2>work with a program. You get a bunch of people

0:26:00.840 --> 0:26:04.359
<v Speaker 2>that are similar to you. You know, they may be

0:26:04.480 --> 0:26:06.639
<v Speaker 2>completely different, but they're on the same path as you,

0:26:07.200 --> 0:26:09.720
<v Speaker 2>and so you reach out to them and they're there

0:26:09.760 --> 0:26:12.760
<v Speaker 2>for you, and they put you right in line, right

0:26:12.800 --> 0:26:14.840
<v Speaker 2>back in place where you need to be. And he

0:26:15.000 --> 0:26:18.639
<v Speaker 2>under understands shame so well he can set me. Like

0:26:18.920 --> 0:26:22.960
<v Speaker 2>one time I had a I had an audition and

0:26:23.280 --> 0:26:25.480
<v Speaker 2>I had to do it the next day, and I'm dyslexic.

0:26:25.560 --> 0:26:28.400
<v Speaker 2>I cannot, from the life of me, like two things quick.

0:26:28.440 --> 0:26:32.000
<v Speaker 2>It's probably been and I've learned that's never gonna happen.

0:26:32.160 --> 0:26:33.679
<v Speaker 2>I'm never going to be good at it.

0:26:33.960 --> 0:26:35.720
<v Speaker 1>And I'm like quick memorizing things.

0:26:35.720 --> 0:26:38.440
<v Speaker 2>That quick thing like if it's tomorrow, you know, two

0:26:38.480 --> 0:26:43.879
<v Speaker 2>page monologue, it's it's you know, it's gonna be really hard.

0:26:44.040 --> 0:26:45.520
<v Speaker 2>I mean I could get through it. They have to

0:26:45.560 --> 0:26:47.760
<v Speaker 2>be willing. And so I had this audition the next

0:26:47.800 --> 0:26:52.560
<v Speaker 2>day and I just went absolutely mad. I don't know

0:26:52.600 --> 0:26:55.720
<v Speaker 2>what it was, but there was something about this force

0:26:55.800 --> 0:26:58.639
<v Speaker 2>to put having to put me in this audition spot, like,

0:26:58.720 --> 0:27:00.679
<v Speaker 2>you know, without any time, and it felt like the

0:27:00.680 --> 0:27:03.040
<v Speaker 2>whole world was against me again and how could they

0:27:03.119 --> 0:27:08.119
<v Speaker 2>do this? And who I was just going nuts.

0:27:08.560 --> 0:27:12.440
<v Speaker 1>It sounds like you were really regressing into that victim mentality.

0:27:12.200 --> 0:27:14.960
<v Speaker 2>Yes, exactly, yeah, yeah. And I made a couple of

0:27:15.000 --> 0:27:19.080
<v Speaker 2>phone calls and they they just they heard me. They

0:27:19.080 --> 0:27:22.679
<v Speaker 2>said the right things. They you know, one of my

0:27:23.080 --> 0:27:26.160
<v Speaker 2>I haven't more than one sponsor, but my main sponsor

0:27:26.160 --> 0:27:29.879
<v Speaker 2>out here, I called my LA sponsor and he was great.

0:27:30.000 --> 0:27:33.600
<v Speaker 2>He just said, well, that's not fair, you know, like

0:27:34.520 --> 0:27:36.000
<v Speaker 2>why do they have to do that. They can give

0:27:36.040 --> 0:27:39.320
<v Speaker 2>you more time. Just him saying that made me feel

0:27:39.359 --> 0:27:42.240
<v Speaker 2>better enough to actually do the performance. And I did

0:27:42.280 --> 0:27:45.800
<v Speaker 2>great job the next day, so I didn't carry any

0:27:45.800 --> 0:27:48.920
<v Speaker 2>of that shame into that after I was saved by

0:27:48.960 --> 0:27:50.480
<v Speaker 2>my fellows. As they say that.

0:27:50.880 --> 0:27:53.400
<v Speaker 1>It was, Yeah, it was fighting to get in there,

0:27:53.440 --> 0:27:55.560
<v Speaker 1>though I was really trying to mess you up and

0:27:55.640 --> 0:27:56.399
<v Speaker 1>derail you.

0:27:56.480 --> 0:27:56.880
<v Speaker 2>Exactly.

0:27:58.480 --> 0:28:01.280
<v Speaker 1>That's so good when you have that personspective of the

0:28:01.320 --> 0:28:04.639
<v Speaker 1>power of being able to talk back to those negative

0:28:04.720 --> 0:28:07.840
<v Speaker 1>voices when you develop that power and that ability and

0:28:07.920 --> 0:28:11.720
<v Speaker 1>just able to acknowledge those are just thoughts that aren't

0:28:11.760 --> 0:28:13.120
<v Speaker 1>helpful to me anymore.

0:28:13.520 --> 0:28:16.320
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, I wish I would have done that earlier. Right

0:28:16.320 --> 0:28:19.240
<v Speaker 2>now and then with our children, I want to be

0:28:19.240 --> 0:28:22.320
<v Speaker 2>able to be that boys. You realize it's so hard

0:28:22.359 --> 0:28:26.439
<v Speaker 2>to get them to hear that at these young ages,

0:28:26.520 --> 0:28:29.200
<v Speaker 2>and you know, they got to have their own experience

0:28:29.280 --> 0:28:29.840
<v Speaker 2>to get there.

0:28:30.520 --> 0:28:33.400
<v Speaker 1>I know, but they are at such a great advantage

0:28:33.920 --> 0:28:37.200
<v Speaker 1>to have your wisdom that you've gained, because some people

0:28:37.240 --> 0:28:39.480
<v Speaker 1>go through life and they don't ever get to the

0:28:39.520 --> 0:28:42.720
<v Speaker 1>point where you are and your kids are. So I

0:28:42.760 --> 0:28:45.400
<v Speaker 1>think this all the time too, like there are light

0:28:45.480 --> 0:28:49.520
<v Speaker 1>years ahead of what I was able to do at

0:28:49.520 --> 0:28:52.800
<v Speaker 1>that age, just because they have the support system and

0:28:52.840 --> 0:28:57.160
<v Speaker 1>they have me wanting to share my knowledge and my

0:28:57.240 --> 0:29:00.760
<v Speaker 1>experiences and my wisdoms with them. Whether they listen or not,

0:29:00.800 --> 0:29:03.520
<v Speaker 1>whether I have to say it four hundred times or not,

0:29:03.680 --> 0:29:05.840
<v Speaker 1>that's a different story. But yeah, they have to go

0:29:05.880 --> 0:29:08.800
<v Speaker 1>and live their life. But I think that that the

0:29:08.880 --> 0:29:14.000
<v Speaker 1>cornerstone of that support of a very present parent is

0:29:14.400 --> 0:29:17.720
<v Speaker 1>they're just they're so much better off than we were.

0:29:18.480 --> 0:29:21.320
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, you know, there's a The word in therapy is

0:29:21.400 --> 0:29:26.560
<v Speaker 2>generational trauma. Might continue that the generational stuff that I

0:29:26.640 --> 0:29:29.480
<v Speaker 2>was put that was placed upon me. I stopped that,

0:29:30.320 --> 0:29:32.200
<v Speaker 2>and maybe I'm giving him new trauma. I don't know.

0:29:32.640 --> 0:29:37.480
<v Speaker 1>Probably, Oh my god, it'll end up there'll be in

0:29:37.520 --> 0:29:41.880
<v Speaker 1>therapy talking about us any minute as mine. Speaking of therapy,

0:29:42.080 --> 0:29:46.080
<v Speaker 1>what you you mentioned that you did EMDR and brain spotting.

0:29:46.240 --> 0:29:48.680
<v Speaker 1>I know what EMDR is, and I think it's such

0:29:48.680 --> 0:29:53.440
<v Speaker 1>a valuable modality of that kind of therapy, really effective.

0:29:53.560 --> 0:29:56.040
<v Speaker 1>If you guys don't know what EMDR is, definitely looking up.

0:29:56.040 --> 0:29:58.800
<v Speaker 1>But you also said something about brain spotting and I'm

0:29:58.840 --> 0:30:01.000
<v Speaker 1>not familiar with that. Can you you tell us what

0:30:01.040 --> 0:30:01.400
<v Speaker 1>that is?

0:30:01.600 --> 0:30:04.120
<v Speaker 2>You know, it's very similar like they they follow you

0:30:04.160 --> 0:30:07.920
<v Speaker 2>fall like a stick and there's a guided meditation basically

0:30:08.360 --> 0:30:10.400
<v Speaker 2>to bring you back to a certain point in your

0:30:10.440 --> 0:30:14.560
<v Speaker 2>life that you need to address. And for me, I

0:30:14.560 --> 0:30:16.240
<v Speaker 2>don't know if you listeners can handle this or not,

0:30:16.280 --> 0:30:20.600
<v Speaker 2>but I was actually molested when I was twenty two

0:30:20.640 --> 0:30:25.120
<v Speaker 2>years old on a screen test in Rome by director

0:30:25.160 --> 0:30:31.120
<v Speaker 2>Franco Zefarelli. It just just screwed me up, like for

0:30:31.160 --> 0:30:33.040
<v Speaker 2>a long time. So I was able to address it

0:30:33.280 --> 0:30:35.320
<v Speaker 2>and the one way I was able to get to

0:30:35.400 --> 0:30:40.280
<v Speaker 2>that experience and stand up to it again was brain spotting.

0:30:40.840 --> 0:30:43.880
<v Speaker 2>So I had an incredible therapist that like guided me

0:30:44.000 --> 0:30:47.840
<v Speaker 2>to the point of when you know I was violated

0:30:48.360 --> 0:30:53.160
<v Speaker 2>and why I froze, and why I didn't stop him

0:30:53.680 --> 0:30:55.080
<v Speaker 2>right like, I didn't.

0:30:55.360 --> 0:30:58.320
<v Speaker 1>Kill him in that moment.

0:30:58.200 --> 0:31:00.560
<v Speaker 2>In that moment, And that's that's what I did with

0:31:00.600 --> 0:31:03.320
<v Speaker 2>brain spodies. So we found that where that was in

0:31:03.680 --> 0:31:07.960
<v Speaker 2>my body and my soul basically, but really probably in

0:31:08.000 --> 0:31:10.520
<v Speaker 2>my spotting. It in my brain, so the right brain

0:31:10.560 --> 0:31:13.600
<v Speaker 2>and the left side it was. I can't remember exactly

0:31:13.640 --> 0:31:16.600
<v Speaker 2>what that was, but that's what brain spotting is. So

0:31:17.680 --> 0:31:20.400
<v Speaker 2>I was able to get to that place and heal

0:31:20.440 --> 0:31:22.600
<v Speaker 2>that part of me and talk about it.

0:31:22.960 --> 0:31:25.640
<v Speaker 1>Really, Oh my god, that work is not easy. So

0:31:25.760 --> 0:31:31.560
<v Speaker 1>I really applaud you for seeking the help to go there.

0:31:32.200 --> 0:31:35.280
<v Speaker 1>You know, that's that's it's not an easy decision. It's

0:31:35.320 --> 0:31:38.120
<v Speaker 1>not an easy choice to make. It sucks, it's hard,

0:31:38.200 --> 0:31:41.720
<v Speaker 1>it feels awful to go so deep into those traumas

0:31:41.800 --> 0:31:44.840
<v Speaker 1>that have truly affected our whole lives.

0:31:45.240 --> 0:31:48.160
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, I've spoke out about it, and I'm I'm a

0:31:48.160 --> 0:31:51.640
<v Speaker 2>survivor and I speak out openly about it. So it's

0:31:51.680 --> 0:31:55.320
<v Speaker 2>not like everyone needs to like, oh my god, poor Jonathan.

0:31:55.440 --> 0:31:58.040
<v Speaker 2>I've worked really hard and I share that because I

0:31:58.080 --> 0:32:03.160
<v Speaker 2>know there's probably one individual who's struggling with that and

0:32:03.200 --> 0:32:07.000
<v Speaker 2>being male, being in a very masculine role on a

0:32:07.040 --> 0:32:09.440
<v Speaker 2>television shore series where you don't want to mess with

0:32:09.480 --> 0:32:12.320
<v Speaker 2>my character. You still don't want to mess with my character.

0:32:14.400 --> 0:32:17.600
<v Speaker 2>But you know, being a man in this in that

0:32:17.680 --> 0:32:20.760
<v Speaker 2>world is survival world. It's a difficult world, but you

0:32:20.800 --> 0:32:22.880
<v Speaker 2>know you're stronger when you get to the other side

0:32:22.920 --> 0:32:24.360
<v Speaker 2>of it, for sure.

0:32:24.520 --> 0:32:27.720
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, I mean, man, woman, I don't think it matters

0:32:27.760 --> 0:32:31.240
<v Speaker 1>when you've been violated that way. It does really mess

0:32:31.320 --> 0:32:35.880
<v Speaker 1>you up. Yeah, it does in so many like layered ways.

0:32:36.440 --> 0:32:38.760
<v Speaker 1>I read that article. By the way, when you first

0:32:38.800 --> 0:32:41.480
<v Speaker 1>decided to talk about it, how did you feel after

0:32:41.520 --> 0:32:43.560
<v Speaker 1>you shared that story with the world.

0:32:44.200 --> 0:32:47.920
<v Speaker 2>Well, I was frightened. It was really scared. I thought

0:32:48.000 --> 0:32:51.280
<v Speaker 2>I would never work again, work for a long time.

0:32:51.640 --> 0:32:53.560
<v Speaker 2>That's why I started making some phone calls to people

0:32:53.640 --> 0:32:55.760
<v Speaker 2>and telling him like, you know, I think I just

0:32:56.080 --> 0:32:58.240
<v Speaker 2>I don't think like everyone was like, oh god, you

0:32:58.280 --> 0:33:00.400
<v Speaker 2>know what the age just share. I think it was

0:33:00.440 --> 0:33:04.240
<v Speaker 2>more like it's just a competitive business, and everyone else

0:33:04.360 --> 0:33:08.640
<v Speaker 2>was able to move their their bodies in front of it,

0:33:09.120 --> 0:33:12.960
<v Speaker 2>like you're competing non stop. So I just wasn't getting

0:33:12.960 --> 0:33:16.360
<v Speaker 2>the same opportunity as I was before, and I was

0:33:16.400 --> 0:33:18.960
<v Speaker 2>frightened that no one was able to see me anymore.

0:33:20.720 --> 0:33:22.760
<v Speaker 2>And I knew what I needed to do is to

0:33:22.880 --> 0:33:25.480
<v Speaker 2>work harder on myself so that I could get more

0:33:25.480 --> 0:33:29.200
<v Speaker 2>in the light, that I could be more open to

0:33:30.080 --> 0:33:32.640
<v Speaker 2>what what I shared. And I did. I worked really

0:33:32.640 --> 0:33:36.560
<v Speaker 2>hard on myself, stayed sober and worked really hard and

0:33:36.640 --> 0:33:38.680
<v Speaker 2>got more and more in the light so that I

0:33:38.680 --> 0:33:41.240
<v Speaker 2>could be seen. And that's how my show came about.

0:33:41.360 --> 0:33:45.640
<v Speaker 2>You know, it was my parents was exactly what I did.

0:33:46.120 --> 0:33:50.680
<v Speaker 2>He embraced it. He was like, this is my hero,

0:33:51.280 --> 0:33:55.160
<v Speaker 2>this is this is what I want from my character

0:33:55.200 --> 0:33:58.200
<v Speaker 2>and my show's hero, someone who's that strong, and I

0:33:58.960 --> 0:34:02.280
<v Speaker 2>the same thing with the net work. They really supported

0:34:02.320 --> 0:34:05.160
<v Speaker 2>me and brought me on bropping back for the series.

0:34:05.200 --> 0:34:10.360
<v Speaker 2>You know exactly what I had shared, So it was empowering.

0:34:10.920 --> 0:34:16.040
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, yeah, that's got to feel so good. I mean,

0:34:16.080 --> 0:34:19.799
<v Speaker 1>not only did you speak openly about it in order

0:34:19.840 --> 0:34:23.920
<v Speaker 1>to help other people who it's maybe happened to to

0:34:23.960 --> 0:34:27.640
<v Speaker 1>sort of connect and share and take the shame element

0:34:27.680 --> 0:34:31.440
<v Speaker 1>out of it, but then to have your personal life

0:34:31.480 --> 0:34:37.439
<v Speaker 1>and your work life flourish after you did that work. Yeah, yep,

0:34:38.080 --> 0:34:39.399
<v Speaker 1>that is so inspirational.

0:34:40.120 --> 0:34:43.600
<v Speaker 2>Yeah. Yeah, I did the work.

0:34:43.880 --> 0:34:44.840
<v Speaker 1>So the work.

0:34:45.320 --> 0:34:48.240
<v Speaker 2>I did the work and got through the dark, through

0:34:48.320 --> 0:34:52.440
<v Speaker 2>the its a bit abyss, and I got out to

0:34:52.600 --> 0:34:57.239
<v Speaker 2>the light, made that journey and carried the torch. Now

0:34:57.280 --> 0:34:59.680
<v Speaker 2>I'm holding it strong for everyone else to see.

0:35:00.320 --> 0:35:03.600
<v Speaker 1>And it's so nice to hear that your employers, if

0:35:03.600 --> 0:35:07.240
<v Speaker 1>you will, like your producer, your boss, is your network

0:35:07.320 --> 0:35:12.080
<v Speaker 1>that everybody has embraced it and they've expressed how proud

0:35:12.120 --> 0:35:13.799
<v Speaker 1>of you they are and how much they support you.

0:35:14.440 --> 0:35:14.920
<v Speaker 2>Yeah.

0:35:15.719 --> 0:35:19.440
<v Speaker 1>That kind of talking about stuff that we don't want

0:35:19.480 --> 0:35:22.320
<v Speaker 1>to talk about or you know, I know what happened,

0:35:22.320 --> 0:35:25.360
<v Speaker 1>but let's not discuss it. Like the act of actually

0:35:25.440 --> 0:35:27.919
<v Speaker 1>just talking about that with people that you work with

0:35:28.040 --> 0:35:31.040
<v Speaker 1>or that you care about or that you depend on,

0:35:31.360 --> 0:35:36.960
<v Speaker 1>Like that's such a freeing feeling. And you're so lucky

0:35:37.040 --> 0:35:40.839
<v Speaker 1>to have found those people to support you.

0:35:41.480 --> 0:35:45.759
<v Speaker 2>I know it was. It was amazing. Like you ever

0:35:45.800 --> 0:35:49.680
<v Speaker 2>study you ever read Brene Brown? Oh? Yeah, so she

0:35:49.719 --> 0:35:52.000
<v Speaker 2>talks about going in the wilderness and I felt like

0:35:52.080 --> 0:35:54.400
<v Speaker 2>I went into the wilderness and how it's in the

0:35:54.480 --> 0:35:57.400
<v Speaker 2>you know, the thick of the trees and like the

0:35:57.480 --> 0:36:02.279
<v Speaker 2>darkest places. After I shared my story and then I

0:36:02.440 --> 0:36:05.359
<v Speaker 2>was able to find the path and get out. And

0:36:05.800 --> 0:36:07.360
<v Speaker 2>I didn't do it alone. People helped me.

0:36:08.719 --> 0:36:13.279
<v Speaker 1>It's so true. It's that connective tissue right that everybody's

0:36:13.320 --> 0:36:16.839
<v Speaker 1>having the same human experience. We try to think where

0:36:16.880 --> 0:36:19.920
<v Speaker 1>we tend to think that it's just me, I'm the

0:36:19.960 --> 0:36:22.360
<v Speaker 1>only one that's going through this. Nobody has any understanding

0:36:22.440 --> 0:36:25.280
<v Speaker 1>of what I'm going through dealing with, but in reality,

0:36:25.320 --> 0:36:27.440
<v Speaker 1>we're all dealing with the same things, just in a

0:36:27.440 --> 0:36:31.280
<v Speaker 1>different situation circumstances.

0:36:32.120 --> 0:36:34.960
<v Speaker 2>I've shared human experience and the amount of people that

0:36:35.120 --> 0:36:40.400
<v Speaker 2>reached out to me since then, it's been amazing. I've

0:36:40.440 --> 0:36:43.680
<v Speaker 2>helped people like I could literally say that I helped

0:36:43.840 --> 0:36:45.200
<v Speaker 2>people find the life.

0:36:45.920 --> 0:36:56.400
<v Speaker 1>Yes, that's the best feeling. We were talking about like

0:36:56.960 --> 0:37:00.080
<v Speaker 1>talking about stuff and being open and sharing like our

0:37:00.160 --> 0:37:04.840
<v Speaker 1>darkest moments or our biggest challenges with people. I recently

0:37:04.880 --> 0:37:10.239
<v Speaker 1>had my ex husband Peter on this podcast, and I

0:37:10.320 --> 0:37:13.160
<v Speaker 1>went into it not knowing what was going to come

0:37:13.200 --> 0:37:17.960
<v Speaker 1>out of it, and it was actually through us sitting

0:37:18.000 --> 0:37:21.960
<v Speaker 1>down and talking with one another about the meat of

0:37:22.000 --> 0:37:25.719
<v Speaker 1>it that it brought. It brought us so much closer.

0:37:25.800 --> 0:37:29.840
<v Speaker 1>And then when our listeners and people in the world

0:37:30.120 --> 0:37:34.040
<v Speaker 1>heard that story, I feel like, you know, because we

0:37:34.200 --> 0:37:37.360
<v Speaker 1>really struggled as co parents all these years, and we

0:37:37.880 --> 0:37:41.720
<v Speaker 1>really covered all of that up in the public's eye.

0:37:41.920 --> 0:37:44.560
<v Speaker 1>But once we talked about it, and once we shared

0:37:44.600 --> 0:37:47.560
<v Speaker 1>it with the community of listeners that we have here,

0:37:48.440 --> 0:37:52.520
<v Speaker 1>it was it lifted something off of me, like that

0:37:52.600 --> 0:37:55.680
<v Speaker 1>burden off my shoulders or that whatever I was carrying

0:37:55.719 --> 0:38:00.560
<v Speaker 1>around that was making us be have that tension with

0:38:00.600 --> 0:38:01.080
<v Speaker 1>one another.

0:38:01.800 --> 0:38:02.040
<v Speaker 2>Yeah.

0:38:03.640 --> 0:38:07.320
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, So you're leading by example also by just talking

0:38:07.360 --> 0:38:10.319
<v Speaker 1>about things like this openly and if yeah, if you

0:38:10.360 --> 0:38:13.880
<v Speaker 1>reach one person by sharing your story or your stories,

0:38:14.320 --> 0:38:18.120
<v Speaker 1>that's the best feeling. Yeah, relationships are tricky. You've been

0:38:18.120 --> 0:38:20.120
<v Speaker 1>married a few times. I've been married a few times.

0:38:20.760 --> 0:38:24.239
<v Speaker 1>They're not easy. They're not easy. In the industry that

0:38:24.280 --> 0:38:27.880
<v Speaker 1>we work in, there's so much time away from one another,

0:38:28.000 --> 0:38:31.920
<v Speaker 1>and there's a lot of different things that you have

0:38:31.960 --> 0:38:35.960
<v Speaker 1>to add in there. But I did hear that you.

0:38:36.239 --> 0:38:39.759
<v Speaker 1>I know that you are remarried now to Julie, but

0:38:39.840 --> 0:38:43.680
<v Speaker 1>Julie is best friends with your ex wife Jana also

0:38:43.800 --> 0:38:46.360
<v Speaker 1>very confusing with the two j's. I gotta say, Janna,

0:38:46.960 --> 0:38:49.080
<v Speaker 1>you could have picked a different letter. But okay, but

0:38:49.280 --> 0:38:51.960
<v Speaker 1>they're best friends, Like, how does that? How did that

0:38:52.040 --> 0:38:54.520
<v Speaker 1>happen for you? And how did that feel?

0:38:55.560 --> 0:38:58.360
<v Speaker 2>You know? They met at the Maker with Charity Foundation,

0:38:59.280 --> 0:39:01.720
<v Speaker 2>the same place Julie, So the two of them met.

0:39:02.520 --> 0:39:07.920
<v Speaker 2>And my wife is just very open and loving and she,

0:39:08.680 --> 0:39:10.440
<v Speaker 2>you know, she became friends with Jenna for a long

0:39:10.440 --> 0:39:13.759
<v Speaker 2>period of time. We kinda moved out to Nashville, Tennessee.

0:39:14.160 --> 0:39:18.040
<v Speaker 2>I think she remarried recently. But so we've lived these

0:39:19.160 --> 0:39:22.680
<v Speaker 2>you know, lives, and it's all good.

0:39:24.560 --> 0:39:26.120
<v Speaker 1>It does not feel good, Yeah.

0:39:25.960 --> 0:39:28.160
<v Speaker 2>It's all good. I love it.

0:39:28.160 --> 0:39:30.279
<v Speaker 1>It's all good. It's so much better than this is

0:39:30.280 --> 0:39:35.360
<v Speaker 1>so hard, you know, Yeah, just the mindset change alone

0:39:35.640 --> 0:39:36.480
<v Speaker 1>can change everything.

0:39:36.520 --> 0:39:40.640
<v Speaker 2>My wife is just very open and loving, and you know,

0:39:40.800 --> 0:39:44.799
<v Speaker 2>she's tough too. She's not a pushover. So she she

0:39:44.880 --> 0:39:48.920
<v Speaker 2>sees the best in people and she's great at it.

0:39:48.960 --> 0:39:50.640
<v Speaker 2>She brings the best out of people too.

0:39:52.280 --> 0:39:54.359
<v Speaker 1>I love that. One of the things my husband told

0:39:54.400 --> 0:39:56.080
<v Speaker 1>me once was that I make him want to be

0:39:56.120 --> 0:40:02.000
<v Speaker 1>a better man. Yeah, and that as a wife and

0:40:02.239 --> 0:40:05.560
<v Speaker 1>just as a friend, it made me feel so valuable

0:40:05.600 --> 0:40:08.920
<v Speaker 1>to him that that carries me through and keeps me

0:40:11.560 --> 0:40:13.799
<v Speaker 1>wanting to him to feel that way. You know.

0:40:14.680 --> 0:40:16.560
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, my wife makes me want to be a better

0:40:16.600 --> 0:40:17.200
<v Speaker 2>man as well.

0:40:18.040 --> 0:40:19.759
<v Speaker 1>Hm, that's really good.

0:40:19.880 --> 0:40:22.000
<v Speaker 2>And she she's the first person to say, like, you know,

0:40:22.080 --> 0:40:24.479
<v Speaker 2>all this working down yourself is the most attractive thing

0:40:24.520 --> 0:40:25.040
<v Speaker 2>about you.

0:40:25.760 --> 0:40:30.279
<v Speaker 1>Right, yeah, it really is. As you get older, that

0:40:30.360 --> 0:40:38.480
<v Speaker 1>whole like moody, mysterious, dangerous, you know, problematic guy is

0:40:38.640 --> 0:40:43.200
<v Speaker 1>less and less appealing. So now you're just like to her,

0:40:43.280 --> 0:40:46.239
<v Speaker 1>I'm sure that is so admirable. I mean to me,

0:40:46.280 --> 0:40:49.560
<v Speaker 1>it's so admirable to everyone that's heard your story is

0:40:50.040 --> 0:40:52.560
<v Speaker 1>what you've done, the way you've turned your life around,

0:40:52.800 --> 0:40:58.239
<v Speaker 1>is truly admirable and inspiring. And I know that our

0:40:58.320 --> 0:41:02.680
<v Speaker 1>listeners are going to well really hear that. And just

0:41:02.680 --> 0:41:05.400
<v Speaker 1>the genuineness that you speak about it with. You're not

0:41:05.520 --> 0:41:08.400
<v Speaker 1>talking about this so that you can be more famous

0:41:08.480 --> 0:41:11.920
<v Speaker 1>or get more likes or whatever people talk about things for.

0:41:12.400 --> 0:41:14.520
<v Speaker 1>You're talking about this because you have to talk about it,

0:41:15.480 --> 0:41:17.000
<v Speaker 1>because it's who you are.

0:41:18.040 --> 0:41:20.360
<v Speaker 2>That's what I told my, That's what I told Amy My.

0:41:21.200 --> 0:41:23.560
<v Speaker 2>I hired a pblicist for Blue Ridge, and I was

0:41:23.600 --> 0:41:27.480
<v Speaker 2>just like, I have to. Look, I want to help

0:41:27.520 --> 0:41:29.759
<v Speaker 2>promote the show whatever I can, but I really need

0:41:29.800 --> 0:41:32.520
<v Speaker 2>to tell my story. I have to. It's part of

0:41:32.560 --> 0:41:35.759
<v Speaker 2>my DNA right now, like it's part of me. I

0:41:35.840 --> 0:41:39.360
<v Speaker 2>have to share this because I know that it will

0:41:39.480 --> 0:41:40.560
<v Speaker 2>open people up.

0:41:41.360 --> 0:41:43.440
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, that's that's what we want to do. We want

0:41:43.480 --> 0:41:48.640
<v Speaker 1>to connect. And when when your fans or your viewers

0:41:48.960 --> 0:41:50.799
<v Speaker 1>feel like they can connect to you and relate to

0:41:50.840 --> 0:41:53.920
<v Speaker 1>you on that deeper level, it's so much more valuable.

0:41:53.960 --> 0:41:56.680
<v Speaker 1>I know the relationship that I have with a lot

0:41:56.719 --> 0:42:01.760
<v Speaker 1>of my long term fans and supporters like they feel

0:42:01.800 --> 0:42:05.960
<v Speaker 1>like my family. And as much as I share what

0:42:06.040 --> 0:42:11.719
<v Speaker 1>I do in hopes to inspire them, them acknowledging it

0:42:11.920 --> 0:42:15.319
<v Speaker 1>and giving me their stories sharing their stories with me,

0:42:15.920 --> 0:42:20.640
<v Speaker 1>it inspires me. So it's this beautiful, like cyclical exchange

0:42:20.800 --> 0:42:23.200
<v Speaker 1>of just like good energy.

0:42:24.080 --> 0:42:28.319
<v Speaker 2>Wow, that's beautiful. So you've you've had a relationship with

0:42:28.360 --> 0:42:31.960
<v Speaker 2>fans for such a long time. Yeah, did a lot

0:42:32.000 --> 0:42:33.680
<v Speaker 2>of people stick around all these years?

0:42:34.360 --> 0:42:39.440
<v Speaker 1>I mean it's bananas. The super fans of the OG

0:42:39.600 --> 0:42:42.439
<v Speaker 1>nine on two to zero from the nineties, I see

0:42:42.440 --> 0:42:46.359
<v Speaker 1>them at all the time, and I correspond with them

0:42:47.160 --> 0:42:49.719
<v Speaker 1>and I love connecting with them, like they feel like

0:42:49.920 --> 0:42:53.799
<v Speaker 1>a part of me, and I'm so grateful to them.

0:42:54.000 --> 0:42:56.239
<v Speaker 1>And like, I know, I would not have had the

0:42:56.680 --> 0:43:00.160
<v Speaker 1>career that I've had. I wouldn't have this outlook that

0:43:00.200 --> 0:43:02.560
<v Speaker 1>I have at this point in my life without that

0:43:02.680 --> 0:43:06.840
<v Speaker 1>kind of love and support. So tap into that. You

0:43:06.880 --> 0:43:10.640
<v Speaker 1>know you are doing You're you're doing great, and yeah,

0:43:10.920 --> 0:43:13.320
<v Speaker 1>you have to promote your show because you want people

0:43:13.360 --> 0:43:15.200
<v Speaker 1>to see it and enjoy it. You work really hard

0:43:15.239 --> 0:43:17.480
<v Speaker 1>on it, but at the same time, that's not your

0:43:17.480 --> 0:43:21.320
<v Speaker 1>only motive and that comes through, right, So you're doing great.

0:43:21.480 --> 0:43:23.880
<v Speaker 2>The fan things so neat. I never really had that

0:43:24.560 --> 0:43:28.040
<v Speaker 2>people like my movie, I've been in that thing you

0:43:28.040 --> 0:43:30.480
<v Speaker 2>do fans, but we don't have like I think I

0:43:30.600 --> 0:43:33.160
<v Speaker 2>wasn't on television for a period of time. Like I

0:43:33.200 --> 0:43:36.239
<v Speaker 2>think people will find justin why is my character and

0:43:36.320 --> 0:43:40.799
<v Speaker 2>really start to find him and me and see the

0:43:40.840 --> 0:43:43.399
<v Speaker 2>connection and be able to share with me. I would

0:43:43.440 --> 0:43:46.360
<v Speaker 2>love that that happened with my fans. I'll put that

0:43:46.400 --> 0:43:48.239
<v Speaker 2>out there. I would love to do it that.

0:43:48.480 --> 0:43:51.480
<v Speaker 1>Just keep connecting with them because they want to connect

0:43:51.520 --> 0:43:51.759
<v Speaker 1>with you.

0:43:52.600 --> 0:43:54.440
<v Speaker 2>I'm so used to I was. I've always been so

0:43:54.520 --> 0:43:59.600
<v Speaker 2>scared of fans. I think why, you know, I had

0:43:59.640 --> 0:44:05.080
<v Speaker 2>a stalker, so there was always about the looking at

0:44:05.120 --> 0:44:07.640
<v Speaker 2>the mail and there were always horrible things that the

0:44:07.680 --> 0:44:12.200
<v Speaker 2>stalker was doing. So yeah, I think I just always

0:44:12.600 --> 0:44:15.239
<v Speaker 2>like didn't want to connect with these people because they

0:44:15.360 --> 0:44:17.200
<v Speaker 2>was afraid that there was danger there.

0:44:18.400 --> 0:44:22.880
<v Speaker 1>Well, you know, there are scary people out there, that

0:44:23.040 --> 0:44:23.440
<v Speaker 1>is true.

0:44:23.800 --> 0:44:25.839
<v Speaker 2>There's a loving people too, and I did. We don't

0:44:25.880 --> 0:44:30.080
<v Speaker 2>have social back then. You know, socials are I do

0:44:30.160 --> 0:44:33.080
<v Speaker 2>connect with people now. I do love the people that

0:44:33.160 --> 0:44:35.560
<v Speaker 2>connect with me. And They've been there since socials at

0:44:35.640 --> 0:44:37.919
<v Speaker 2>least when I started doing socials and I could see

0:44:37.920 --> 0:44:40.239
<v Speaker 2>them and I'm like, hey, I got a series I'm doing. Now,

0:44:40.280 --> 0:44:41.360
<v Speaker 2>Oh what's the series?

0:44:41.440 --> 0:44:44.520
<v Speaker 1>You know, Yeah, it's the best. It's like your support

0:44:44.560 --> 0:44:47.720
<v Speaker 1>group and you inspire them, and then by them loving

0:44:47.760 --> 0:44:50.000
<v Speaker 1>you and sharing with you, they inspire you. It's the best.

0:44:50.440 --> 0:44:53.240
<v Speaker 1>Just you're so on the right path. I'm so excited

0:44:53.239 --> 0:44:56.160
<v Speaker 1>for you in your life. And you know, once again,

0:44:56.239 --> 0:44:59.880
<v Speaker 1>it really really inspired by your story and your bravery

0:45:01.080 --> 0:45:06.120
<v Speaker 1>to not only share those dark places, but to do

0:45:06.160 --> 0:45:08.440
<v Speaker 1>the work that it takes to get out of them,

0:45:08.760 --> 0:45:13.439
<v Speaker 1>because nothing changes if nothing changes. So kudos to you,

0:45:13.640 --> 0:45:17.799
<v Speaker 1>my friend, I'm curious what this is a question I

0:45:17.880 --> 0:45:21.279
<v Speaker 1>like to answer myself. But what is it when you

0:45:21.400 --> 0:45:23.200
<v Speaker 1>lay your head down on the pillow at the end

0:45:23.239 --> 0:45:26.480
<v Speaker 1>of your day. What is it that goes through your

0:45:26.520 --> 0:45:28.120
<v Speaker 1>mind before you fall asleep.

0:45:29.239 --> 0:45:32.000
<v Speaker 2>Well, if I start thinking about any of the things,

0:45:32.400 --> 0:45:34.960
<v Speaker 2>I usually go through the Baltimore Orioles lineup.

0:45:38.280 --> 0:45:38.919
<v Speaker 1>So that's your guy.

0:45:39.960 --> 0:45:42.359
<v Speaker 2>I've just tried to do things that I have no

0:45:42.440 --> 0:45:48.480
<v Speaker 2>control over and don't really matter. I will rest because

0:45:48.480 --> 0:45:52.040
<v Speaker 2>if I think about sometimes, I'll go over the lines

0:45:52.320 --> 0:45:53.799
<v Speaker 2>for the next day. Have you done that.

0:45:55.280 --> 0:45:58.279
<v Speaker 1>I've slept with my my sides under my pillow every

0:45:59.080 --> 0:46:02.360
<v Speaker 1>so many times. But it's like it's gonna it's gonna

0:46:02.400 --> 0:46:04.759
<v Speaker 1>come magically into my brain if I just sleep on it.

0:46:06.040 --> 0:46:09.279
<v Speaker 2>Yeah. Yeah, I've done that so many times. And I

0:46:09.320 --> 0:46:11.239
<v Speaker 2>do that a lot more sane than I used to

0:46:11.280 --> 0:46:13.480
<v Speaker 2>do trying to memorize lines. I could, you know. I

0:46:13.960 --> 0:46:15.560
<v Speaker 2>used to think that I couldn't memorize them. When I

0:46:15.800 --> 0:46:18.839
<v Speaker 2>realize it was not. I'm not that being anymore. I

0:46:18.840 --> 0:46:22.759
<v Speaker 2>have to let them in me. Yeah. So yeah, I

0:46:22.800 --> 0:46:25.319
<v Speaker 2>do definitely run my lines over in my head. And

0:46:25.400 --> 0:46:28.279
<v Speaker 2>if I can't remember them, oh, sometimes I might get

0:46:28.320 --> 0:46:30.319
<v Speaker 2>wake up and go, you know, look at them, turn

0:46:30.360 --> 0:46:32.080
<v Speaker 2>the light on, try to see in the middle of

0:46:32.080 --> 0:46:35.040
<v Speaker 2>the night, what was that line I was trying to memorize.

0:46:36.040 --> 0:46:37.400
<v Speaker 1>Oh, the life of an actor.

0:46:37.680 --> 0:46:39.759
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, that's the one thing people always like that. One

0:46:39.760 --> 0:46:41.680
<v Speaker 2>of the first things they always ask me is do

0:46:41.680 --> 0:46:42.840
<v Speaker 2>you memorize your lines?

0:46:43.239 --> 0:46:43.640
<v Speaker 1>Mm hmm.

0:46:44.160 --> 0:46:48.000
<v Speaker 2>I'm like, well, that's a good question. It just becomes

0:46:48.080 --> 0:46:49.920
<v Speaker 2>part of like just you have to do it, so

0:46:49.960 --> 0:46:53.359
<v Speaker 2>you just start really start to get into that dialogue.

0:46:53.800 --> 0:46:56.080
<v Speaker 1>Yeah. I think it's with like with most things, the

0:46:56.080 --> 0:46:59.200
<v Speaker 1>more you use it, the better it gets that muscle

0:46:59.320 --> 0:47:01.520
<v Speaker 1>whatever it is inside our brains for the memory of

0:47:01.560 --> 0:47:05.719
<v Speaker 1>our lines. Like if you keep using it, it just

0:47:05.960 --> 0:47:08.160
<v Speaker 1>it's like more automatic somehow.

0:47:09.640 --> 0:47:12.000
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, you're good at it, aren't you. I am a

0:47:12.040 --> 0:47:14.239
<v Speaker 2>quick You have a lot of You've always had a

0:47:14.239 --> 0:47:14.960
<v Speaker 2>lot of lines.

0:47:15.680 --> 0:47:20.360
<v Speaker 1>Yeah. But every time i'm it's like showtime, whatever it is,

0:47:20.440 --> 0:47:24.160
<v Speaker 1>an interview, an appearance, a scene, whatever it is. I

0:47:24.200 --> 0:47:27.640
<v Speaker 1>always panic inside and think, oh my god, I don't know,

0:47:27.760 --> 0:47:31.480
<v Speaker 1>I can't do this, and just like you, I have

0:47:31.560 --> 0:47:33.880
<v Speaker 1>to say, hey, shut it not helpful.

0:47:35.800 --> 0:47:38.440
<v Speaker 2>And when your co star says their line, you know

0:47:38.480 --> 0:47:40.239
<v Speaker 2>your line, it.

0:47:40.239 --> 0:47:43.480
<v Speaker 1>Just comes if you're in the moment, if it's yeah.

0:47:43.960 --> 0:47:47.960
<v Speaker 1>So I love that part. Okay. I always ask everybody

0:47:48.000 --> 0:47:51.920
<v Speaker 1>this that comes on our podcast, Jonathan, what was your

0:47:52.200 --> 0:47:53.640
<v Speaker 1>last I Choose Me moment?

0:47:54.160 --> 0:47:57.560
<v Speaker 2>You know, I chose me when I hired my publicist.

0:47:58.239 --> 0:47:58.800
<v Speaker 1>Mm hmmm.

0:48:00.200 --> 0:48:04.960
<v Speaker 2>I know that it would be tough to get press

0:48:05.400 --> 0:48:08.719
<v Speaker 2>during the summer and they were putting a show out

0:48:09.040 --> 0:48:13.759
<v Speaker 2>and I really wanted people beyond just lurage to hear

0:48:13.800 --> 0:48:18.200
<v Speaker 2>my story, and I choose I choose me moment was

0:48:18.239 --> 0:48:20.759
<v Speaker 2>when I hired a publicist.

0:48:22.640 --> 0:48:26.120
<v Speaker 1>That's a good one because at first it doesn't sound

0:48:26.160 --> 0:48:32.640
<v Speaker 1>like that, like I choose me, but it's a big expense. Yeah,

0:48:32.680 --> 0:48:37.200
<v Speaker 1>and you do have to be willing to put yourself

0:48:37.200 --> 0:48:39.120
<v Speaker 1>out there like never before.

0:48:39.760 --> 0:48:43.279
<v Speaker 2>And she's she's always been very special to me. She

0:48:43.400 --> 0:48:46.480
<v Speaker 2>worked with my with Christina in the beginning of her career,

0:48:46.480 --> 0:48:49.080
<v Speaker 2>and I would hear how she strategically would plan these

0:48:49.080 --> 0:48:54.279
<v Speaker 2>things out and I never had anyone like do that

0:48:54.320 --> 0:48:56.319
<v Speaker 2>with me. And I was like, well, I never had

0:48:56.320 --> 0:48:58.880
<v Speaker 2>my own show like this. It was always short. It

0:48:58.960 --> 0:49:03.319
<v Speaker 2>was always a movie, never like a long lead. Well,

0:49:03.360 --> 0:49:05.040
<v Speaker 2>you know, you have to do it for the next season.

0:49:05.080 --> 0:49:08.640
<v Speaker 2>All that stuff. So she and she moved out here

0:49:08.640 --> 0:49:12.480
<v Speaker 2>in Nashville, Tennessee, and I thought, we are so in line.

0:49:12.719 --> 0:49:15.400
<v Speaker 2>This is the right thing to do. And when it

0:49:15.440 --> 0:49:17.360
<v Speaker 2>came down to doing it, I had to really choose

0:49:17.440 --> 0:49:21.799
<v Speaker 2>me over everything else. So that's and also I get

0:49:21.880 --> 0:49:24.080
<v Speaker 2>up every morning, go work out. That's to choose me

0:49:24.280 --> 0:49:25.000
<v Speaker 2>moment as well.

0:49:25.200 --> 0:49:25.880
<v Speaker 1>Every morning.

0:49:25.960 --> 0:49:30.160
<v Speaker 2>What time, well I dumped my son off at school usually,

0:49:30.280 --> 0:49:31.880
<v Speaker 2>and then I go train.

0:49:32.640 --> 0:49:36.799
<v Speaker 1>Both very very admirable. I choose me moments. Thank you

0:49:36.840 --> 0:49:40.320
<v Speaker 1>so much for taking the time to talk today to us,

0:49:40.360 --> 0:49:43.840
<v Speaker 1>and wow, I really look forward to watching Blue Ridge.

0:49:44.280 --> 0:49:46.880
<v Speaker 1>I had never heard about it until I started researching

0:49:46.920 --> 0:49:49.200
<v Speaker 1>you and the clips that I've seen on your social

0:49:49.320 --> 0:49:52.400
<v Speaker 1>It looks like my kind of show, and it looks good,

0:49:52.560 --> 0:49:54.040
<v Speaker 1>you know, like it's good stuff.

0:49:54.520 --> 0:49:56.480
<v Speaker 2>It is. It's you know. I can watch it with

0:49:56.520 --> 0:49:58.640
<v Speaker 2>my ten year old and my eighty five year old

0:49:58.640 --> 0:50:00.719
<v Speaker 2>father and everyone gets the hea a little bit of

0:50:00.760 --> 0:50:04.560
<v Speaker 2>something in it. It's got romance, action, It's a good show.

0:50:04.680 --> 0:50:06.000
<v Speaker 2>People really like it.

0:50:06.000 --> 0:50:07.359
<v Speaker 1>It's God well, I like you.

0:50:08.080 --> 0:50:09.400
<v Speaker 2>Thank you.

0:50:09.400 --> 0:50:11.280
<v Speaker 1>You have a lot of heart too. I can tell

0:50:11.760 --> 0:50:13.720
<v Speaker 1>all my best to you and your beautiful family.

0:50:14.120 --> 0:50:16.279
<v Speaker 2>Say to you, thanks for having me.

0:50:16.280 --> 0:50:24.480
<v Speaker 1>You're welcome. That conversation with Jonathan was very inspiring and interesting.

0:50:25.120 --> 0:50:29.600
<v Speaker 1>It was really incredible to hear about his journey to sobriety.

0:50:29.680 --> 0:50:33.440
<v Speaker 1>And I hope that anyone listening who might be struggling

0:50:33.760 --> 0:50:38.400
<v Speaker 1>with that or knows someone who is struggling, takes away

0:50:38.520 --> 0:50:42.680
<v Speaker 1>from this conversation that there is help out there and

0:50:42.719 --> 0:50:46.239
<v Speaker 1>you do not have to do this alone. And the

0:50:46.320 --> 0:50:51.680
<v Speaker 1>releasing of shame. Yeah, that was really key for me.

0:50:52.440 --> 0:50:56.280
<v Speaker 1>As we continue to choose ourselves each week, I want

0:50:56.320 --> 0:51:00.520
<v Speaker 1>you to think about gratitude. We talked a lot about

0:51:00.520 --> 0:51:04.279
<v Speaker 1>that today in my conversation with Jonathan, about how important

0:51:04.360 --> 0:51:09.160
<v Speaker 1>it is and how fulfilling life is for him now

0:51:09.640 --> 0:51:13.520
<v Speaker 1>that he has that sense of profound gratitude due to

0:51:13.680 --> 0:51:17.719
<v Speaker 1>him choosing to get sober. So I want to ask you,

0:51:18.280 --> 0:51:22.080
<v Speaker 1>when was the last time you practice gratitude? For me?

0:51:22.640 --> 0:51:25.879
<v Speaker 1>I practice gratitude every single night before I go to bed.

0:51:26.280 --> 0:51:29.680
<v Speaker 1>It's like a ritual. I lay down, I close my eyes,

0:51:30.000 --> 0:51:33.399
<v Speaker 1>and I ask myself, what are three things that you're

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<v Speaker 1>grateful for? And I either say them in my mind,

0:51:37.280 --> 0:51:39.520
<v Speaker 1>or I write them down, or I say them out

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<v Speaker 1>loud to myself or to someone that I love, and

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<v Speaker 1>then I go to sleep, and that sense, that awareness,

0:51:46.600 --> 0:51:51.799
<v Speaker 1>that acknowledgment of gratitude really does sort of seep in

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<v Speaker 1>to who you are and how you live your life.

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<v Speaker 1>So I want you to try it. I want you

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<v Speaker 1>to say it out loud, say it to yourself, say

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<v Speaker 1>it to a friend, tell them how grateful you are

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<v Speaker 1>that they are in your life, and watch how beautifully

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<v Speaker 1>things unfold for you. Thanks for listening to I Choose Me.

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<v Speaker 1>You can check out our social links and make sure

0:52:16.640 --> 0:52:19.480
<v Speaker 1>to follow, rate, and review the podcast, and use the

0:52:19.520 --> 0:52:22.760
<v Speaker 1>hashtag I Choose Me. I will be right here next week,

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<v Speaker 1>and I hope you will choose to be here too,