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Speaker 1: This is Cowboy Sam and this is Eh John, And

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Speaker 1: we've last showed in some amazing stories for y'all the

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Speaker 1: Okay Storytime podcasts.

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Speaker 2: But before that, we got.

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Speaker 3: To wrangle a quick little two minute out break from

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Speaker 3: those bucking sponsors.

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Speaker 1: We bucking love so much they're paying us the bucks

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Speaker 1: to help this show stay alive. My friend is pregnant.

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Speaker 1: My husband is convinced it's either his or mine. Oh boy,

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Speaker 1: A little confusion trigger warning.

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Speaker 3: There is a pregnancy loss and miscarriages in the story.

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Speaker 3: If you want to go to another one, please do that,

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Speaker 3: but we're gonna get into this one.

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Speaker 2: Oh daddy, who's the daddy? Well?

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Speaker 3: I tried to stay off social media, but I have

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Speaker 3: no clue where to go since three people I would

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Speaker 3: go to are the three people involved in this some

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Speaker 3: background everyone are their current ages. I forty two Mail,

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Speaker 3: have been involved with Gail forty two Mail since I

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Speaker 3: was in my senior year of high school, and it

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Speaker 3: became close when he started dating his now wife June

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Speaker 3: forty three. I got even closer with her as we

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Speaker 3: had way more in common.

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Speaker 1: Wait wait, so so Op and Gail were romantically.

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Speaker 3: Inlved romantically involved a forty two Mail and forty two

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Speaker 3: Mail ye Op and Gail, and then there's the wife

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Speaker 3: June forty three as well. By the way, this comes

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Speaker 3: from a throwaway, dumb decision And if you want to

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Speaker 3: submit your own stories, go to the r slash Okay

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Speaker 3: storytime subbreddits. June was diagnosed with PCOS at sixteen and

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Speaker 3: was told she'd have a very low probability of having kids. Unfortunately,

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Speaker 3: Gail also had fertility issues, so the chances of having

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Speaker 3: children are near impossible. They've tried IVF four times and

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Speaker 3: every time they lost the baby sometime in the first trimester.

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Speaker 1: That is rough. Yeah, and also that process is not

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Speaker 1: easy on the body.

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Speaker 3: Oh like super hard on the body, just like the

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Speaker 3: expectation and the heartbreak four times.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 3: When I first started dating my husband forty eight Mail,

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Speaker 3: I found out he worked in social work and I

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Speaker 3: got to ask about the adoption process and he was

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Speaker 3: very open about it. This is all info I passed

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Speaker 3: on to Gale in June, but they still were trying

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Speaker 3: to make IVF work, so they weren't interested at the time.

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Speaker 3: My husband became fast friends with them, and after a

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Speaker 3: few years Galen June decided on their own to adopt,

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Speaker 3: so we helped them. Amazing, that's great. They adopted two

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Speaker 3: boys from a rough background. They love these boys, but

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Speaker 3: they always wanted to raise a baby together. My husband

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Speaker 3: and I also have three kids around the same age

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Speaker 3: that we adopted, but that's not important to the story

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Speaker 3: at hand. Now that that's out of the way, here's

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Speaker 3: even more context for the problem at hand. A lot

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Speaker 3: of at hands. All of our kids are now in

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Speaker 3: high school and my husband and I's oldest is in college.

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Speaker 3: We all found out we had a lot more free

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Speaker 3: time on our hands, so we started hanging out more.

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Speaker 3: But we do game nights, movie nights, weekends away, et cetera.

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Speaker 3: Also shout out to like older into watching our kids

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Speaker 3: and still like making the time to hang out. One

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Speaker 3: night when the kids were gone, we all hung out

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Speaker 3: being dumb, horny, wasted or high on some stupid mixture

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Speaker 3: of both, and flat out stupid.

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Speaker 2: We had the grand idea to.

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Speaker 1: All hook up all of them. So it's the three

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Speaker 1: guys and the one girl.

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Speaker 2: Four people.

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Speaker 3: Now, so Opie and his husband Yep, and then a

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Speaker 3: Gale and his wife June. Yeah, so we're just we're

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Speaker 3: just mass frickin orgy.

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Speaker 2: Wow. Wow while the kids are at high school. Wow.

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Speaker 1: Yeah wow, So it is a full that that's a

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Speaker 1: full on spit roast.

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Speaker 2: They're gone for man.

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Speaker 3: All of us were pretty open, spicy, sleep wise, so

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Speaker 3: it was whatever we had fun.

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Speaker 2: So we all agreed we could very occasionally.

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Speaker 3: Continue doing this with the permission of everyone's partners. We

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Speaker 3: never did one on one with each other's partners, so

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Speaker 3: I wouldn't call it polyamory. We didn't even do threesomes

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Speaker 3: or foursomes. I guess it was always one weekend every

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Speaker 3: month or two where the four of us went on

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Speaker 3: vacation together and kind of just all hooked up. I

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Speaker 3: don't know what we were thinking, but we must stress

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Speaker 3: we did use protection, all right.

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Speaker 4: Hey, listen, I like that he's not saying like I'm

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Speaker 4: a stret Like he's like, we are coming today.

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Speaker 3: Yes, they get a whole it's it's it's group activity.

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Speaker 3: You know, no one's left out, sharing is caring.

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Speaker 1: That's a beautiful thing. It's a beautiful, beautiful I truly

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Speaker 1: believe uh uh. The strongest society is a society that

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Speaker 1: all hooks up with each other. Wow. I truly believe that.

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Speaker 2: Here we go ladies and gentlemen.

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Speaker 3: So for the past three weeks, June's been pretty sick,

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Speaker 3: yet it didn't seem to affect her emotionally at all.

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Speaker 3: No matter how sick she got, she still wore a

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Speaker 3: genuine grin, even if only slightly. Gail was also pretty

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Speaker 3: happy as well. I thought it was weird, but my

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Speaker 3: husband wasn't two phased, so I let it go. That

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Speaker 3: was until two days ago. June and Gail called us

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Speaker 3: to a celebratory dinner, but said what we were celebrating

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Speaker 3: was a surprise. Before we ate, Gail poured out the

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Speaker 3: drinks and I noticed that June wasn't drinking. Oh boy,

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Speaker 3: she started a new diet.

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Speaker 1: Oh boy, a.

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Speaker 2: Diet that is young. I tried to think of a

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Speaker 2: clever mom. It didn't work. It didn't work.

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Speaker 3: Sorry, guys, sometimes you shoot, sometimes you missy.

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Speaker 1: You know, a baby die.

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Speaker 4: These people.

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Speaker 2: We're trying over here, So I guess you noticed my staring.

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Speaker 3: And she started crying and happily and laughing, happy, nodding,

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Speaker 3: and confirmed that yes she was pregnant.

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Speaker 1: Let's go, But whose is it?

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Speaker 2: But whose is it? Who's the father?

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Speaker 4: Oh?

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Speaker 2: This is like a Mama Mia type situation. Yeah, we

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Speaker 2: got three boys.

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Speaker 1: That happened. They all I also know.

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Speaker 2: Awkward following silence, Did you have any more? He wanted?

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Speaker 2: Did no, you don't get those.

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Speaker 1: Thus this is the question. I haven't watched MoMA Me

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Speaker 1: in a while.

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Speaker 2: I don't think you've ever watched Momia.

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Speaker 1: I think. I don't think that I remember the opening scene.

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Speaker 1: But if the opening scene is something like that.

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Speaker 4: The opening scene is them seeing Mamma.

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Speaker 3: Mia maat down anyway, anywhoy. So she was a few

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Speaker 3: weeks long, but they wouldn't announce it until she made

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Speaker 3: it to the second trimester. I was ecstatic and quickly

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Speaker 3: ran over to hug Gail and her gently. Of Course,

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Speaker 3: when I looked at my husband, instead of a happy face.

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Speaker 2: He looked suspicious.

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Speaker 3: The best face I can reference is that woman doing

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Speaker 3: a math meme or the Futurama squint.

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Speaker 4: Hmm.

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Speaker 3: He just looked accusing, not the normal reaction to friends

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Speaker 3: being pregnant, especially given the circumstances. He then asked how

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Speaker 3: far along are you again, very rudely, which is shocking

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Speaker 3: because he never takes a tone with people. Gail and

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Speaker 3: June started uttering, June saying that she didn't know. While

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Speaker 3: Gail was saying that it didn't really matter, my husband

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Speaker 3: pushed the issue. They both then started getting very defensive,

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Speaker 3: suddenly saying it wasn't his business. He said it was

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Speaker 3: his business as nine weeks ago aligned with something we

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Speaker 3: all did together aka.

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Speaker 1: The hook Oh Boy. And again as a reminder, the

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Speaker 1: husband of the pregnant lady was infernile or at least

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Speaker 1: had swimmers that weren't swimming too well.

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Speaker 4: I think those are pretty relevant questions, your husband's asked me.

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Speaker 1: I think so.

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Speaker 3: We We did not have Michael Phelps and Ryan Lacy

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Speaker 3: on our Is that his.

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Speaker 2: Name on our swim?

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Speaker 1: No, we don't.

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Speaker 2: They're not present.

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Speaker 1: Who can't swim? Yeah? Bag of sand?

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Speaker 2: Old bag of.

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Speaker 3: Sand didn't make it to TSA this year. So they

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Speaker 3: angrily punted us out. The second we got into the car.

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Speaker 3: What we started fighting, and I mean really having a go.

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Speaker 3: He was fuming at me for not taking a side

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Speaker 3: and asking, do you really not see the problem here? Honestly,

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Speaker 3: I don't see a problem.

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Speaker 2: Though.

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Speaker 3: I don't think that Junior Gail would hide this from

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Speaker 3: either of us if one of us could have been

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Speaker 3: the dad.

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Speaker 1: I don't know, man, how they're acting is suspicious. Yeah, yeah,

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Speaker 1: I think they very well could be the dad.

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Speaker 3: It's like a huge live of omission to just be like, oh, hey,

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Speaker 3: we're pregnant, but it's like, hey, you're pregnant from around

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Speaker 3: the time we all hooked up, so like you're kind

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Speaker 3: of omitting that one of us.

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Speaker 2: Very easily could be the father.

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Speaker 3: Nilsen says, some fertility issues can be helped, so maybe

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Speaker 3: husband tried a new treatment or something. I mean not

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Speaker 3: to say that that couldn't happen, but that did go

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Speaker 3: through IVA four times.

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Speaker 1: Four times. You're telling me he didn't try the treatment

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Speaker 1: earlier than that before. Like IVF is not cheap. It's

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Speaker 1: like twelve k per session or something.

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Speaker 4: I think it's like, of course it could be a possibility,

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Speaker 4: but also it seems like they're totally discounting the fact

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Speaker 4: that the other two guys could be The timing.

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Speaker 2: Is very suspicious.

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Speaker 3: Also, she is forty three, by the way, so just

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Speaker 3: kind of an insane overall scenario, like that's it's very

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Speaker 3: pretty miraculous, honestly that she got pregnant that late given

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Speaker 3: her previous issues.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, that's true.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, he said that they should have just confirmed that

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Speaker 3: then if if like one of them was the father,

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Speaker 3: or if there was anything suspicious.

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Speaker 2: He believes the fact.

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Speaker 3: That they skirted around the topic and got angry it

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Speaker 3: was cause for concern.

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Speaker 2: I agree, I.

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Speaker 1: Think, being like very naive, Yeah, agree, little naive.

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Speaker 3: Like it could be a case where they're still happy,

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Speaker 3: but it's like, are they like chill with that? You know,

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Speaker 3: they didn't ask They didn't ask that, which, if by

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Speaker 3: some chance one of us was a dad, it more

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Speaker 3: likely than not would have been me, as my husband

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Speaker 3: is more preferential to me and Gale than June.

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Speaker 2: He still does hook up with her during our.

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Speaker 3: Vacations, so it's possible he it might be the father,

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Speaker 3: but not likely. I also don't see an issue if

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Speaker 3: I was a father, because Gale and I discussed with

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Speaker 3: me being a baby juice donor in the past, as

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Speaker 3: I look quite a bit like June. When I explained

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Speaker 3: that to my husband, he blew up, saying he wasn't

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Speaker 3: comfortable with the thought of me fathering someone else's kid,

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Speaker 3: which I found ridiculous. We now have a made huge

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Speaker 3: misalignment here.

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Speaker 1: I don't think it's out of the question. Yeah, to

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Speaker 1: be a little uncomfortable with your partner fathering another kid.

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Speaker 2: I agree.

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Speaker 1: I think that is definitely a conversation.

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Speaker 3: It's obviously, I think totally okay if the other person

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Speaker 3: is like people are donors all the time and have

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Speaker 3: agreement and everyone's everything's in on it.

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Speaker 2: But yeah, that is like, is that going to be

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Speaker 2: your child?

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Speaker 4: Now?

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Speaker 2: What does that look like?

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Speaker 1: It does kind of yet it complicates things. It complicates things.

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Speaker 3: Good to like have the discussion to kind of like,

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Speaker 3: you know, get to the bottom of it. Oh interesting,

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Speaker 3: whoa Nina Nelson says info pcos people can get more

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Speaker 3: fertile with age until menopause.

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Speaker 1: WHOA, interestingly not know that.

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Speaker 2: I did not know that either.

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Speaker 3: Is it like you start off like super unfertile because

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Speaker 3: of the pcus at the time, and it like gradually

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Speaker 3: like kind of like releases. It's its hold on the

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Speaker 3: fertility kind of a thing. A little Benjamin Button type situation.

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Speaker 3: Let me know, Benjamin Button uterus, let me know, but

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Speaker 3: I'm researching. Uh, producer, Sophia is on the case. She

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Speaker 3: will let us know when she finds it. That would

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Speaker 3: be my decision, not his, and I would be supporting

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Speaker 3: our friends. He then asked what would the four of

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Speaker 3: us do if he was the father. I think it's

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Speaker 3: more important to mention now that my husband is Middle Eastern,

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Speaker 3: darker skin, extremely curly dark hair, dark eyes, and very

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Speaker 3: middle Eastern facial features. Meanwhile, June and Gale are white,

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Speaker 3: June being blonde and Gale having light brown, straight hair

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Speaker 3: with very Eurocentric features. So it'd be very obvious if

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Speaker 3: he was the father, especially given he's the only person

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Speaker 3: in their immediate group with those features. It doesn't help

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Speaker 3: that June's family, specifically her mom's side of the family,

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Speaker 3: is discriminatory, so any mixed baby she would have would

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Speaker 3: face a crapstorm in her family. I wonder how she

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Speaker 3: feels about their orgy. I'm very curious. Probably not great,

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Speaker 3: Probably doesn't love that, probably doesn't love this. He pointed

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Speaker 3: out that if we didn't get the paternity clear now

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Speaker 3: and he was the father, it would look like he

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Speaker 3: and June had an affair, and we'd have to explain

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Speaker 3: our hookups to all three families, June's, Gail's, and mine.

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Speaker 3: That would be I mean, you could just say they're

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Speaker 3: a donor, which like, yeah, yeah, could, I mean, It's like,

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Speaker 3: but it be more.

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Speaker 1: Fun to explain your hookups in.

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Speaker 3: Detail, dude, just like, guys, look, we turned forty three

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Speaker 3: and we're like, we got an orgy. That's that's what

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Speaker 3: we need to do here. That would be mortifying for

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Speaker 3: obvious reasons. I told him he was being ridiculous and

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Speaker 3: selfish and that this was June and Gail's baby first,

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Speaker 3: and he was villainizing them when they had yet to

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Speaker 3: be proven guilty. I mean, technically, if if it is

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Speaker 3: one of you guys's babies, it's literally literally one of

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Speaker 3: your babies first, like from a biological perspective, From a

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Speaker 3: biological perspective.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean I think Op is being way too

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Speaker 1: dismissive here.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, Like I think he needs to consider his partner's

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Speaker 3: feelings like it is. That is a shock, you know,

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Speaker 3: like I could. Yeah see you need to process that.

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Speaker 3: Yeah yeah, Yeah. That pissed him off. We had a

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Speaker 3: screaming match the whole drive home that continued when we

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Speaker 3: got home. It didn't help at Jun and Gale fanning

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Speaker 3: the flames by texting us that they didn't want to

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Speaker 3: see either of us for a little while about how

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Speaker 3: he ruined a good moment. Why I don't blame them

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Speaker 3: for being emotional I just wish that they had just

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Speaker 3: let it sit for the night. But it also falls

288
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Speaker 3: on me because I was the one to use it

289
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Speaker 3: against him in the argument. It all derailed into a

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Speaker 3: fight about when and why I had agreed I would

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Speaker 3: be a baby juice downer if they needed one without

292
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Speaker 3: talking to him, which got me sentenced to the spare

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Speaker 3: bed in my office for the past two nights and

294
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Speaker 3: tonight as well. By the looks of it, especially given

295
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Speaker 3: this this scenario, I feel like the legal default is

296
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Speaker 3: Gail would not be the father of this child.

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Speaker 2: So it'd be like, Oh, it's like their family, it's

298
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Speaker 2: their baby, like it's it's it's them.

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Speaker 3: But it's like, dude, unless you like take legal action,

300
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Speaker 3: if it's if it was you or or your husband,

301
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Speaker 3: one of you would legally be the father legally be like, you're.

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Speaker 4: Not a sperm donner. Yeah you're You're just not if

303
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Speaker 4: that is your child you had spicy sleep, Yeah, you're

304
00:14:41,120 --> 00:14:43,320
Speaker 4: not a sperm donner. It's a totally different scenario.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, And like I feel like you could probably do

306
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Speaker 3: the paperwork to essentially to be to be that. Yeah,

307
00:14:48,360 --> 00:14:50,880
Speaker 3: but we're not there right now. And you know, husband's

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Speaker 3: like yo, like, what are the implications He did not

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Speaker 3: talk to me yesterday. In fact, we avoided each other,

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Speaker 3: or he didn't put a note in my life like usual.

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Speaker 3: I did try to make up with him at bedtime,

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Speaker 3: but he was not interested in discussing anything with me

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Speaker 3: quite yet, and he said he still needed time to

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Speaker 3: get his thoughts in order. Today, he was petty enough

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Speaker 3: to leave a note in my lunch, but it was

316
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Speaker 3: only a reminder that he was still mad at me

317
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Speaker 3: and that his packing my lunch didn't mean I was forgiven.

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Speaker 2: He did not say that exactly.

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Speaker 3: It was a heart shaped note that said f you

320
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Speaker 3: with a little angry face. Not the most mature, but okay,

321
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Speaker 3: still got a lunch. I guess when you're so petty,

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Speaker 3: you will still make lunch for someone to.

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Speaker 1: Get a penny off. Yeah, we were distant and cold

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Speaker 1: enough that our youngest felt the need to bring me

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Speaker 1: my dinner tonight when I wouldn't come down and asked

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Speaker 1: why we were fighting. Reminder, they have high school aged

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Speaker 1: three children, at least one of them high school aged,

328
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Speaker 1: so yeah, those kids are definitely picking up like yas

329
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Speaker 1: what's going on? What's going on with mommy and Daddy

330
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Speaker 1: hardguar Daddy and daddy yeah double daddy squared.

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Speaker 3: I just soothed him by saying it was over dumb,

332
00:16:03,920 --> 00:16:06,840
Speaker 3: grown up stuff. I can't stop thinking about it now,

333
00:16:06,920 --> 00:16:09,880
Speaker 3: and though I trust Galen June, they're acting extremely weird.

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00:16:10,240 --> 00:16:12,200
Speaker 3: I also know that a large part of this falls

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Speaker 3: on me, as I didn't ever consider it that my

336
00:16:14,120 --> 00:16:16,280
Speaker 3: husband might care if I was a baby juice donor

337
00:16:16,360 --> 00:16:19,040
Speaker 3: for them, even if theoretically that seems to have heard

338
00:16:19,120 --> 00:16:22,240
Speaker 3: him the most in this bizarre, make believe situation. But

339
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Speaker 3: I don't understand why.

340
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Speaker 1: I don't think it's that bizarre or make believe.

341
00:16:26,200 --> 00:16:29,160
Speaker 3: Yeah, Like, even if you don't fully understand it, why

342
00:16:29,160 --> 00:16:32,240
Speaker 3: can't you just respect your husband's feelings and concerns and

343
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Speaker 3: talk about.

344
00:16:32,800 --> 00:16:36,360
Speaker 1: It, yeah, instead of shutting it down so immediately.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, Yeah, I wouldn't care if he was their baby

346
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Speaker 3: juice donor. Admittedly I agree with him that if he

347
00:16:42,520 --> 00:16:45,120
Speaker 3: or I was the father, I certainly would like to

348
00:16:45,160 --> 00:16:48,600
Speaker 3: know sooner rather than later. Yeah, especially if my husband is,

349
00:16:48,800 --> 00:16:50,960
Speaker 3: because I need to prepare for the crap storm if

350
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Speaker 3: he is. Because he is right, I'm sure a lot

351
00:16:54,000 --> 00:16:56,920
Speaker 3: of our family will question why they chose him over me.

352
00:16:57,680 --> 00:16:59,720
Speaker 3: But I just feel there was a time and a

353
00:16:59,760 --> 00:17:03,200
Speaker 3: play to ask that question, and I know June and

354
00:17:03,280 --> 00:17:06,040
Speaker 3: Gail wouldn't hide that from us. It has to be

355
00:17:06,119 --> 00:17:09,120
Speaker 3: Gail's and this was a huge overreaction on his part.

356
00:17:09,520 --> 00:17:14,000
Speaker 3: They both didn't tell you proactively, and then we're kind

357
00:17:14,000 --> 00:17:17,760
Speaker 3: of like shutting you down when you started. Yea, it's

358
00:17:17,800 --> 00:17:21,240
Speaker 3: so suspicious, but they did not make themselves look good.

359
00:17:21,600 --> 00:17:24,200
Speaker 3: I don't even know what to ask for exactly how

360
00:17:24,240 --> 00:17:26,560
Speaker 3: to make up with my husband, first and foremost about

361
00:17:26,600 --> 00:17:29,280
Speaker 3: the baby juice donor thing. I know I messed up there,

362
00:17:29,560 --> 00:17:32,439
Speaker 3: but does anyone have advice on how to handle the

363
00:17:32,480 --> 00:17:35,800
Speaker 3: paternity situation as well. I'm sure they're innocent, but I

364
00:17:35,840 --> 00:17:38,520
Speaker 3: don't know how to prove their innocence when they want

365
00:17:38,560 --> 00:17:41,119
Speaker 3: space and I don't want to wait nine months for

366
00:17:41,160 --> 00:17:43,920
Speaker 3: a paternity test because I don't want to keep having

367
00:17:43,960 --> 00:17:46,840
Speaker 3: this argument over and over. Thanks ahead of time for

368
00:17:46,880 --> 00:17:50,320
Speaker 3: any advice, provided we have a small edit update we.

369
00:17:50,280 --> 00:17:52,240
Speaker 2: Have more to the story.

370
00:17:52,920 --> 00:17:57,159
Speaker 1: Okay, but ladies and gentlemen and Sam, yes that's me.

371
00:17:57,359 --> 00:17:58,000
Speaker 2: What do you think?

372
00:17:59,040 --> 00:18:03,159
Speaker 1: I think the couple that is having this baby is

373
00:18:03,280 --> 00:18:07,280
Speaker 1: very suspicious, acting very suspicious. I think op is completely

374
00:18:07,960 --> 00:18:13,080
Speaker 1: oversimplifying and skimming over their partner's valid concerns. I think

375
00:18:13,240 --> 00:18:16,760
Speaker 1: they need to have a deep talk about this, and

376
00:18:16,920 --> 00:18:20,480
Speaker 1: I think OPI's partner just needs to be to be

377
00:18:20,600 --> 00:18:23,679
Speaker 1: heard in terms of finding out the truth, trying to

378
00:18:23,800 --> 00:18:28,200
Speaker 1: establish some kind of contact with your friends and saying

379
00:18:28,240 --> 00:18:30,159
Speaker 1: like hey, like or that was a special day and

380
00:18:30,200 --> 00:18:32,479
Speaker 1: I'm very happy for you, but like we have some

381
00:18:32,560 --> 00:18:37,160
Speaker 1: I think valid concerns about it, this child being one

382
00:18:37,200 --> 00:18:40,159
Speaker 1: of ours, and I just wanted to like know a

383
00:18:40,200 --> 00:18:41,680
Speaker 1: little bit more about the timeline.

384
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Speaker 3: I feel like they're not saying that they should it's

385
00:18:43,800 --> 00:18:45,280
Speaker 3: at this point where they should do this right now.

386
00:18:45,560 --> 00:18:46,359
Speaker 2: But I feel like they.

387
00:18:46,240 --> 00:18:49,440
Speaker 3: Could probably get like a court ordered paternity test, especially

388
00:18:49,480 --> 00:18:51,480
Speaker 3: with the they probably have texts and stuff of.

389
00:18:51,520 --> 00:18:53,720
Speaker 2: Them saying like, oh, we're hooking up or like I.

390
00:18:53,640 --> 00:18:55,720
Speaker 1: Think you could do that, but that is that It

391
00:18:55,840 --> 00:18:59,240
Speaker 1: definitely is like a big Eschel not there yet. Yeah,

392
00:18:59,240 --> 00:19:01,040
Speaker 1: I don't think we're there yet, but like, I mean,

393
00:19:01,080 --> 00:19:02,640
Speaker 1: it could go all the way up to that point.

394
00:19:02,680 --> 00:19:05,200
Speaker 1: I would, but it would be it would be a lot.

395
00:19:05,280 --> 00:19:05,520
Speaker 2: Yeah.

396
00:19:05,520 --> 00:19:07,240
Speaker 3: I think I think, like you said, we first need

397
00:19:07,280 --> 00:19:10,000
Speaker 3: to be like, hey, we have some valid concerns and

398
00:19:10,040 --> 00:19:12,159
Speaker 3: I think it's you know, fair to ask that you

399
00:19:12,240 --> 00:19:14,239
Speaker 3: can hear those out and we have a conversation about this.

400
00:19:15,240 --> 00:19:18,280
Speaker 2: But we have a small edit slash update.

401
00:19:18,480 --> 00:19:20,639
Speaker 1: Ladies and gentlemen, I really want it to be theirs.

402
00:19:20,800 --> 00:19:24,879
Speaker 3: Ooh, I don't know which is a proper term, but

403
00:19:24,920 --> 00:19:25,600
Speaker 3: we're getting into it.

404
00:19:25,920 --> 00:19:28,600
Speaker 2: My husband is still upset and so am I. Today

405
00:19:28,760 --> 00:19:29,160
Speaker 2: was bad.

406
00:19:29,480 --> 00:19:32,320
Speaker 3: Anytime we spoke it led to a mini argument, admittedly

407
00:19:32,359 --> 00:19:35,040
Speaker 3: instigated on both sides. We were annoyed with each other.

408
00:19:35,119 --> 00:19:37,840
Speaker 3: I still think he's acting very self centered when this

409
00:19:37,880 --> 00:19:40,200
Speaker 3: should be a time of celebration for June and Gale,

410
00:19:40,840 --> 00:19:43,880
Speaker 3: something I don't even get to do with them because

411
00:19:43,920 --> 00:19:48,320
Speaker 3: he made them uncomfortable. He's basically locked himself to the bedroom.

412
00:19:48,680 --> 00:19:50,639
Speaker 3: And I'm writing this as I watch a movie with

413
00:19:50,680 --> 00:19:54,080
Speaker 3: the kids. He's acting so oddly and I don't know why,

414
00:19:54,520 --> 00:19:57,119
Speaker 3: but I'm going to just give him space. And Ladies

415
00:19:57,119 --> 00:20:00,800
Speaker 3: and gentlemen, we've graduated from the small update to the

416
00:20:00,840 --> 00:20:03,400
Speaker 3: big update pop update.

417
00:20:03,400 --> 00:20:06,000
Speaker 1: All right, I'm ready for a big up.

418
00:20:06,040 --> 00:20:09,119
Speaker 2: Here we go. Who's the daddy? Let's see if we

419
00:20:09,160 --> 00:20:11,560
Speaker 2: find out. So thank you for your patience.

420
00:20:11,560 --> 00:20:14,560
Speaker 3: This has been a doozy of a week sounds like it.

421
00:20:14,840 --> 00:20:17,040
Speaker 3: So I read all the replies and I responded to

422
00:20:17,080 --> 00:20:20,840
Speaker 3: a lot too. I appreciated all the different perspectives. My

423
00:20:20,960 --> 00:20:23,359
Speaker 3: husband and I did get to make up as best

424
00:20:23,400 --> 00:20:25,960
Speaker 3: we could for nat for right now, but our marriage

425
00:20:26,000 --> 00:20:28,440
Speaker 3: was in a way worse spot than I even knew.

426
00:20:28,920 --> 00:20:31,359
Speaker 3: I know I was pretty wishy washy in the comments,

427
00:20:31,920 --> 00:20:35,879
Speaker 3: but once we communicated, I understood reading myself back. With

428
00:20:35,920 --> 00:20:38,159
Speaker 3: his point of view in mind, I can see everything

429
00:20:38,240 --> 00:20:41,320
Speaker 3: so much clearer. Apparently he never wanted to be in

430
00:20:41,359 --> 00:20:44,399
Speaker 3: an open relationship in the first place. In fact, he

431
00:20:44,480 --> 00:20:49,320
Speaker 3: didn't even like me kissing someone else, so even the

432
00:20:50,160 --> 00:20:53,920
Speaker 3: hookup the group hookup before was cross the lines. When

433
00:20:53,920 --> 00:20:56,160
Speaker 3: I asked why he agreed to keep hooking up if

434
00:20:56,160 --> 00:20:59,760
Speaker 3: he regretted the first one, he explained that he would

435
00:20:59,800 --> 00:21:02,359
Speaker 3: do anything for me, and that he do a heck

436
00:21:02,400 --> 00:21:04,959
Speaker 3: of a lot for Gale in June two. So, just

437
00:21:05,000 --> 00:21:09,160
Speaker 3: like I guess, people pleasing to the max, a lot

438
00:21:09,200 --> 00:21:11,880
Speaker 3: of pleasing going on. So when all three of us

439
00:21:11,920 --> 00:21:14,080
Speaker 3: wanted to continue hooking up, he didn't want to be

440
00:21:14,119 --> 00:21:17,640
Speaker 3: the only one to say no and make everyone upset,

441
00:21:18,320 --> 00:21:21,680
Speaker 3: so instead he set boundaries that he thought would be enough,

442
00:21:22,200 --> 00:21:22,720
Speaker 3: but warn't.

443
00:21:23,480 --> 00:21:25,359
Speaker 2: He thought that he'd just get used to it, and

444
00:21:25,400 --> 00:21:26,679
Speaker 2: he never grew okay with it.

445
00:21:26,920 --> 00:21:29,320
Speaker 3: I think he also never came forward with a second

446
00:21:29,400 --> 00:21:32,040
Speaker 3: or third or so hookup because the three of us

447
00:21:32,040 --> 00:21:34,760
Speaker 3: were very open about how much we enjoyed it, and

448
00:21:34,800 --> 00:21:37,720
Speaker 3: he always just smiled and nodded or shrugged until this

449
00:21:37,840 --> 00:21:41,480
Speaker 3: subject changed. He didn't like how we all interacted with

450
00:21:41,520 --> 00:21:46,479
Speaker 3: each other during or progressively after those hookups. Admittedly, I

451
00:21:46,520 --> 00:21:49,320
Speaker 3: see how lines were getting blurred. While we never went

452
00:21:49,440 --> 00:21:52,360
Speaker 3: one on one dates, we did jokingly flirt with each

453
00:21:52,359 --> 00:21:56,320
Speaker 3: other vocally and physically, something we did before, but now

454
00:21:56,359 --> 00:21:59,440
Speaker 3: he said it felt like it had undertones after everything.

455
00:22:00,080 --> 00:22:03,040
Speaker 3: It's like maybe jealous that he's getting with Gail, you know,

456
00:22:03,440 --> 00:22:05,920
Speaker 3: as a part of it too. He didn't like when

457
00:22:05,920 --> 00:22:08,440
Speaker 3: Gail and June would flirt with him, and he especially

458
00:22:08,520 --> 00:22:11,200
Speaker 3: didn't like when they flirted with me. That's when when

459
00:22:11,200 --> 00:22:13,879
Speaker 3: he also admitted he felt like he was competing for

460
00:22:13,960 --> 00:22:16,800
Speaker 3: my attention and affection, which I didn't get why. I

461
00:22:16,840 --> 00:22:19,040
Speaker 3: always thought I was pretty affectionate to him, but I

462
00:22:19,080 --> 00:22:22,560
Speaker 3: guess I wasn't reassuring him enough. It's also possible that

463
00:22:22,600 --> 00:22:25,680
Speaker 3: another new insecurity caused by the hookups. But it still

464
00:22:25,720 --> 00:22:28,679
Speaker 3: feels awful to know my husband could ever think that

465
00:22:28,800 --> 00:22:31,919
Speaker 3: I could love someone as much as him. Instead of

466
00:22:32,000 --> 00:22:34,320
Speaker 3: talking about it with us, he just let it all

467
00:22:34,359 --> 00:22:37,480
Speaker 3: ste and he started to resent Gail in June. Then

468
00:22:37,560 --> 00:22:40,040
Speaker 3: he just blew up his words, not mine, and he

469
00:22:40,080 --> 00:22:43,000
Speaker 3: admitted that wasn't fair and apologized.

470
00:22:44,000 --> 00:22:45,560
Speaker 2: When I asked why.

471
00:22:45,320 --> 00:22:49,119
Speaker 3: The final straw was the pregnancy specifically, he admitted it

472
00:22:49,160 --> 00:22:51,959
Speaker 3: was probably some culmination of his fears of this happening

473
00:22:52,000 --> 00:22:55,240
Speaker 3: anyways and the repercussions it would have on our friendship

474
00:22:55,280 --> 00:22:55,720
Speaker 3: as a whole.

475
00:22:56,000 --> 00:22:56,200
Speaker 1: Yeah.

476
00:22:56,240 --> 00:22:59,080
Speaker 3: I mean, if he wasn't uncomfortable with you hooking up

477
00:22:59,080 --> 00:23:02,280
Speaker 3: with other people then and I could totally see why

478
00:23:02,359 --> 00:23:05,919
Speaker 3: he'd be uncomfortable with you fathering their child.

479
00:23:06,320 --> 00:23:09,960
Speaker 1: Yeah, and not already feeling like he's competing for love.

480
00:23:10,000 --> 00:23:11,520
Speaker 1: Imagine if he has a kid with them.

481
00:23:11,840 --> 00:23:15,439
Speaker 3: Yeah, And I believe correct me if I'm wrong. He

482
00:23:16,240 --> 00:23:20,080
Speaker 3: didn't know that. Months earlier, they had some kind of

483
00:23:20,119 --> 00:23:22,600
Speaker 3: conversation where Ope was open to the idea of being

484
00:23:22,680 --> 00:23:27,199
Speaker 3: a donor, But I believe the husband wasn't privy to

485
00:23:27,240 --> 00:23:29,159
Speaker 3: that conversation. I guess it didn't it didn't develop to

486
00:23:29,200 --> 00:23:31,920
Speaker 3: that point. So and when Gale and June got dodgy

487
00:23:32,000 --> 00:23:34,399
Speaker 3: about the exact date of how far along she was

488
00:23:34,400 --> 00:23:37,520
Speaker 3: in her pregnancy, he assumed that they had manipulated this

489
00:23:37,560 --> 00:23:40,240
Speaker 3: into happening. It really didn't help that it looked that

490
00:23:40,280 --> 00:23:43,080
Speaker 3: way too. At some points, I was even considering that

491
00:23:43,640 --> 00:23:46,520
Speaker 3: he was also just extremely uncomfortable with the thought of

492
00:23:46,600 --> 00:23:48,800
Speaker 3: me fathering someone else's child.

493
00:23:49,320 --> 00:23:52,200
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean again, this is like totally normal.

494
00:23:52,280 --> 00:23:55,840
Speaker 3: They valid concern We don't need a judge the concerns.

495
00:23:55,920 --> 00:23:59,280
Speaker 3: We can just listen first. We can have a conversation first.

496
00:24:00,560 --> 00:24:03,639
Speaker 3: He then asked why I agreed to be a baby

497
00:24:03,720 --> 00:24:08,320
Speaker 3: juice donor without telling him. I explained I didn't think

498
00:24:08,400 --> 00:24:12,000
Speaker 3: about it when I first offered, and since Gail turned

499
00:24:12,000 --> 00:24:15,760
Speaker 3: me down, I didn't think it was important. He informed

500
00:24:15,800 --> 00:24:18,320
Speaker 3: me that he would never have even suggested that without

501
00:24:18,320 --> 00:24:20,080
Speaker 3: talking to me first, and for me to not do

502
00:24:20,119 --> 00:24:23,160
Speaker 3: the same felt like I didn't care about his feelings

503
00:24:23,240 --> 00:24:25,760
Speaker 3: or his opinion in major decisions. This has been an

504
00:24:25,760 --> 00:24:28,639
Speaker 3: issue in the past with me making big decisions slash

505
00:24:28,680 --> 00:24:31,760
Speaker 3: offering things without talking about it first, so I understand

506
00:24:31,800 --> 00:24:34,560
Speaker 3: why he feels like this. I apologized and suggested we

507
00:24:34,600 --> 00:24:37,880
Speaker 3: go to therapy individually and together. He accepted that easily,

508
00:24:37,960 --> 00:24:40,680
Speaker 3: and we've gone in the past during our roughest patches,

509
00:24:41,040 --> 00:24:43,400
Speaker 3: so it's not a taboo topic for either of us.

510
00:24:44,160 --> 00:24:47,760
Speaker 3: It's just been a long while since we've gone.

511
00:24:48,640 --> 00:24:53,600
Speaker 1: Now for the bigger post and probably why you're all, yes.

512
00:24:53,240 --> 00:24:59,000
Speaker 2: Whose baby is it? Who is the father? Let's fine?

513
00:24:59,119 --> 00:25:00,520
Speaker 1: Yeah, want to know?

514
00:25:00,760 --> 00:25:00,960
Speaker 2: Now?

515
00:25:01,040 --> 00:25:03,160
Speaker 1: This is the tea.

516
00:25:03,560 --> 00:25:07,000
Speaker 3: So after our talk, I helped my husband curate a

517
00:25:07,040 --> 00:25:09,960
Speaker 3: text to June and Gale where he apologized for ruining

518
00:25:09,960 --> 00:25:13,240
Speaker 3: their celebration dinner. He explained it in much less detail

519
00:25:13,760 --> 00:25:16,520
Speaker 3: what he told me about his insecurities over the change

520
00:25:16,560 --> 00:25:19,080
Speaker 3: in our relationship, and he was sorry for letting his

521
00:25:19,160 --> 00:25:20,800
Speaker 3: worries and pessimism get the.

522
00:25:20,720 --> 00:25:21,240
Speaker 2: Better of him.

523
00:25:21,880 --> 00:25:25,159
Speaker 3: They were pretty understanding and apologized that he felt uncomfortable

524
00:25:25,200 --> 00:25:28,320
Speaker 3: with the arrangement. We all agreed to end it right there.

525
00:25:28,800 --> 00:25:32,280
Speaker 3: That's the group hookups, by the way, which I can't

526
00:25:32,320 --> 00:25:35,080
Speaker 3: convince my husband to not feel guilty over, but we're

527
00:25:35,119 --> 00:25:39,359
Speaker 3: working on it. As for the paternity, and while the

528
00:25:39,440 --> 00:25:43,040
Speaker 3: dates absolutely do line up, we all agreed it shouldn't

529
00:25:43,040 --> 00:25:46,560
Speaker 3: matter right now and we'd figured out whatever happens because

530
00:25:46,600 --> 00:25:48,959
Speaker 3: there is a world where like, oh, he's like, I'll

531
00:25:49,000 --> 00:25:50,600
Speaker 3: be the donor and everyone gets on the same page

532
00:25:50,600 --> 00:25:51,359
Speaker 3: and it's fine.

533
00:25:51,440 --> 00:25:51,720
Speaker 1: Yeah.

534
00:25:51,760 --> 00:25:54,520
Speaker 3: Like I think there's definitely world where it's fine, he's

535
00:25:54,600 --> 00:25:58,439
Speaker 3: just a donor. We all knew this risk of sleeping together.

536
00:25:58,520 --> 00:26:01,480
Speaker 3: And what mattered was June and g finally we're having

537
00:26:01,520 --> 00:26:05,399
Speaker 3: a baby. I think that soothed any remaining fears in

538
00:26:05,480 --> 00:26:08,440
Speaker 3: Jewel and Gale, because they admitted they refuse to get

539
00:26:08,440 --> 00:26:11,640
Speaker 3: specific about dates because they thought my husband was going

540
00:26:11,680 --> 00:26:13,120
Speaker 3: to fight for custody.

541
00:26:13,680 --> 00:26:14,480
Speaker 2: What are we thinking about that?

542
00:26:14,920 --> 00:26:17,520
Speaker 1: I mean, if it's his kid, he has the right

543
00:26:17,600 --> 00:26:18,560
Speaker 1: to fight for custody.

544
00:26:18,720 --> 00:26:22,359
Speaker 3: Yeah, and it's his kid exactly. He just has the

545
00:26:22,440 --> 00:26:26,080
Speaker 3: right to know. So it's like you can't withhold information.

546
00:26:26,520 --> 00:26:28,720
Speaker 1: Yeah. Him, it's the kind of whack.

547
00:26:28,800 --> 00:26:32,120
Speaker 3: I get that you'd be afraid of that, but it's like, yeah,

548
00:26:32,200 --> 00:26:35,119
Speaker 3: he's entitled to He's entitled to that for so you know,

549
00:26:35,800 --> 00:26:37,879
Speaker 3: don't don't laugh, don't don't just say nothing.

550
00:26:38,760 --> 00:26:38,960
Speaker 1: Uh.

551
00:26:39,000 --> 00:26:41,040
Speaker 3: They asked to do a paternity test once she was

552
00:26:41,080 --> 00:26:43,360
Speaker 3: deeper in the third, in the second trimester.

553
00:26:43,160 --> 00:26:44,200
Speaker 2: Maybe even the third.

554
00:26:44,520 --> 00:26:47,680
Speaker 3: By the way, you don't have to wait as long

555
00:26:47,720 --> 00:26:50,600
Speaker 3: as I was baking in my mom's stomach, which was

556
00:26:50,640 --> 00:26:51,399
Speaker 3: fifteen months.

557
00:26:52,040 --> 00:26:52,399
Speaker 1: Uh.

558
00:26:52,440 --> 00:26:58,520
Speaker 3: To get a near unlimited amount of incredible podcast episodes,

559
00:26:58,640 --> 00:27:01,159
Speaker 3: there's a lot. There's a lot because you can go

560
00:27:01,240 --> 00:27:05,520
Speaker 3: to Spotify, Apple iHeart and search Okay Storytime and get

561
00:27:05,960 --> 00:27:09,760
Speaker 3: an amazing catalog of again, almost limitless podcast episodes for

562
00:27:09,800 --> 00:27:16,320
Speaker 3: your listening to light Let's and Sophia, I'm curious on

563
00:27:16,880 --> 00:27:19,199
Speaker 3: quick closing thoughts from both of you before we get

564
00:27:19,240 --> 00:27:20,080
Speaker 3: into this finale.

565
00:27:20,160 --> 00:27:20,919
Speaker 2: It's last a little bit.

566
00:27:22,560 --> 00:27:27,400
Speaker 1: Like like I said before, I really think that Opie's

567
00:27:27,440 --> 00:27:33,080
Speaker 1: significant other is entitled to know if that's their kid

568
00:27:33,160 --> 00:27:37,280
Speaker 1: or not. Indeed, and uh and the fact that their

569
00:27:37,400 --> 00:27:41,280
Speaker 1: their couple friend is is trying to obfuscate that feels

570
00:27:42,119 --> 00:27:43,160
Speaker 1: whack and suspicion.

571
00:27:43,920 --> 00:27:44,399
Speaker 2: What's the use?

572
00:27:44,440 --> 00:27:48,600
Speaker 4: Sophia, I agree. I think there's a lot of on

573
00:27:48,880 --> 00:27:51,680
Speaker 4: Ope's part, just a lot of you know, not really

574
00:27:51,720 --> 00:27:55,359
Speaker 4: considering his partner's feelings. And then on the front of

575
00:27:55,359 --> 00:27:59,320
Speaker 4: the Gale and June's part, they're being sneaky and weird

576
00:27:59,440 --> 00:27:59,760
Speaker 4: about it.

577
00:28:01,600 --> 00:28:02,040
Speaker 1: Sneaky.

578
00:28:02,400 --> 00:28:04,600
Speaker 4: I want the DNA test.

579
00:28:05,400 --> 00:28:06,600
Speaker 1: I want a DNA test too.

580
00:28:06,920 --> 00:28:09,800
Speaker 3: Where's the DNA test? Where As the paternity I think

581
00:28:09,800 --> 00:28:12,399
Speaker 3: we're about to get it. So things are extremely awkward,

582
00:28:12,480 --> 00:28:14,159
Speaker 3: and honestly, I don't think they'll get any better for

583
00:28:14,160 --> 00:28:16,640
Speaker 3: a while. My husband is still very uncomfortable around June

584
00:28:16,680 --> 00:28:18,440
Speaker 3: and Gale, no matter how many times we all try

585
00:28:18,480 --> 00:28:20,639
Speaker 3: to reassure him that no one's upset with him for

586
00:28:20,880 --> 00:28:23,840
Speaker 3: ending the hookups and that no one's upset about his reaction.

587
00:28:24,359 --> 00:28:27,720
Speaker 3: He's just distanced himself for now. I don't know what

588
00:28:27,800 --> 00:28:29,600
Speaker 3: else to do with the situation, but I think we

589
00:28:29,720 --> 00:28:31,800
Speaker 3: just need to spend time away from them and maybe

590
00:28:32,000 --> 00:28:36,679
Speaker 3: even a little more space from me as well, just

591
00:28:36,720 --> 00:28:40,000
Speaker 3: to build himself up a bit more beyond a relationship.

592
00:28:40,240 --> 00:28:43,160
Speaker 2: I also know that Gail, June, and I feel bad.

593
00:28:43,320 --> 00:28:46,360
Speaker 3: We never noticed how uncomfortable my husband was, but he

594
00:28:46,480 --> 00:28:49,520
Speaker 3: always said that he was fine, and being that shyness

595
00:28:49,520 --> 00:28:53,000
Speaker 3: to spicy related situations matches his personality.

596
00:28:53,840 --> 00:28:57,719
Speaker 2: It made sense, but we should have just stopped. I

597
00:28:57,760 --> 00:28:59,800
Speaker 2: just wish he had told us, but I can see

598
00:29:00,120 --> 00:29:02,520
Speaker 2: why he didn't lie. It was just a crappy situation.

599
00:29:02,840 --> 00:29:05,600
Speaker 3: I don't wish we didn't all sleep together, because it's

600
00:29:05,760 --> 00:29:09,040
Speaker 3: entirely possible that's what led to June finally getting pregnant,

601
00:29:09,320 --> 00:29:12,280
Speaker 3: but I wish things didn't end like this, but everyone

602
00:29:12,400 --> 00:29:15,040
Speaker 3: just feeling sad and guilty. I know there's no quick

603
00:29:15,040 --> 00:29:17,360
Speaker 3: fix here. I want to go back to normal. I

604
00:29:17,400 --> 00:29:19,800
Speaker 3: have to ask for more advice. But if there are more,

605
00:29:19,920 --> 00:29:22,680
Speaker 3: any more ideas you all might have on how to

606
00:29:22,720 --> 00:29:24,720
Speaker 3: make this less awkward.

607
00:29:25,960 --> 00:29:28,400
Speaker 1: I mean, I'm not going to be that awkward, or

608
00:29:28,440 --> 00:29:30,920
Speaker 1: it's not going to be It's not going to be

609
00:29:31,000 --> 00:29:33,400
Speaker 1: easy for it to be not awkward. This is a

610
00:29:33,400 --> 00:29:36,720
Speaker 1: weird situation. I think you just got to wade into

611
00:29:36,720 --> 00:29:39,800
Speaker 1: the awkwardness absolutely and hope for the best.

612
00:29:40,280 --> 00:29:42,120
Speaker 3: Yeah, hope for the best. I think again, I feel

613
00:29:42,160 --> 00:29:45,400
Speaker 3: like you can get a donor type relationship legally, get

614
00:29:45,440 --> 00:29:48,280
Speaker 3: locked in. Uh you kind of get what you want.

615
00:29:48,320 --> 00:29:48,560
Speaker 2: Op.

616
00:29:49,080 --> 00:29:52,680
Speaker 3: The family is out of everyone's hair. It's as uncomplicated

617
00:29:52,720 --> 00:29:56,640
Speaker 3: as possible, and that's it. I think that's all you

618
00:29:56,680 --> 00:29:57,000
Speaker 3: can do.

619
00:29:57,320 --> 00:29:59,680
Speaker 1: It's all you can do. But I'm curious what y'all think,

620
00:30:00,200 --> 00:30:01,280
Speaker 1: uh oh, he should do.

621
00:30:02,880 --> 00:30:06,400
Speaker 2: But I'm also curious to hear this next story.

622
00:30:07,400 --> 00:30:09,840
Speaker 3: John here Og host, We're gonna get back to these stories,

623
00:30:09,880 --> 00:30:12,040
Speaker 3: but a quick three minute break from Hoss from our sponsors.

624
00:30:12,280 --> 00:30:15,520
Speaker 1: I refuse to recover at home after surgery because my

625
00:30:15,640 --> 00:30:17,560
Speaker 1: husband prioritizes mother.

626
00:30:18,240 --> 00:30:19,280
Speaker 2: No, don't do that.

627
00:30:20,040 --> 00:30:24,360
Speaker 1: I twenty nine female, am really disappointed with my husband

628
00:30:24,600 --> 00:30:30,880
Speaker 1: thirty male and furious at his mother. Hag aged female.

629
00:30:33,640 --> 00:30:35,960
Speaker 2: That's rough, that's original, though I've never seen that before.

630
00:30:36,240 --> 00:30:40,040
Speaker 1: Sorry, this is so long and throwaway for privacy. So

631
00:30:40,640 --> 00:30:43,960
Speaker 1: for context. My husband is from the West Coast. Let's

632
00:30:43,960 --> 00:30:47,840
Speaker 1: go where his mother still lived. He moved to the

633
00:30:47,840 --> 00:30:50,840
Speaker 1: East Coast for college and that's where we met after graduation,

634
00:30:51,280 --> 00:30:53,480
Speaker 1: and in the start of our relationship, she would visit

635
00:30:53,560 --> 00:30:56,000
Speaker 1: three to four times a year and make him take

636
00:30:56,080 --> 00:30:59,440
Speaker 1: pdo so he could entertain her throughout her visit. By

637
00:30:59,440 --> 00:31:04,240
Speaker 1: the way, this from puzzleheaded Tooth twenty five five and

638
00:31:04,320 --> 00:31:06,600
Speaker 1: if you want to submit your own stories, go to

639
00:31:06,600 --> 00:31:09,320
Speaker 1: the r slash Okay storytime separated it. So after two

640
00:31:09,360 --> 00:31:11,720
Speaker 1: years of this, while we were still dating, I asked

641
00:31:11,800 --> 00:31:14,480
Speaker 1: him how we are ever meant to go on vacation

642
00:31:14,600 --> 00:31:17,840
Speaker 1: together if his PTO is spent at home with his

643
00:31:18,000 --> 00:31:20,840
Speaker 1: visiting mother. We agreed to save PTO for a trip

644
00:31:20,880 --> 00:31:23,400
Speaker 1: to Europe we took in twenty twenty three, and he

645
00:31:23,480 --> 00:31:26,600
Speaker 1: agreed to tell his mother couldn't take off from work

646
00:31:27,040 --> 00:31:29,920
Speaker 1: every time she visited it, and my last job was

647
00:31:29,960 --> 00:31:33,040
Speaker 1: able to work from home four days a week. Every

648
00:31:33,040 --> 00:31:38,120
Speaker 1: time she visited, she's sulked all day like a puppy

649
00:31:38,760 --> 00:31:43,120
Speaker 1: who's had their toys taken away. But once my husband

650
00:31:43,160 --> 00:31:46,480
Speaker 1: came home, a switch flicked and she was happy and

651
00:31:46,560 --> 00:31:48,840
Speaker 1: clinging again. So here's the issue.

652
00:31:48,880 --> 00:31:53,440
Speaker 2: Now, are your eyes open? You're reading it like this.

653
00:31:54,440 --> 00:31:56,040
Speaker 2: Here's the issue.

654
00:31:55,840 --> 00:31:59,480
Speaker 3: Now, Sophia coming in hot with the notes today.

655
00:32:01,440 --> 00:32:03,080
Speaker 4: Your eyes are full closed.

656
00:32:03,280 --> 00:32:09,680
Speaker 1: My eyes are open. They're not they are husband. I

657
00:32:09,800 --> 00:32:14,920
Speaker 1: just have eyes like that, don't I? Do you have

658
00:32:14,960 --> 00:32:18,120
Speaker 1: to open your eyes? I am husband and I move

659
00:32:18,160 --> 00:32:21,120
Speaker 1: states about six months ago, close to my family. I

660
00:32:21,160 --> 00:32:23,560
Speaker 1: have a new doctor who recommended me for a surgery

661
00:32:23,600 --> 00:32:26,280
Speaker 1: that my old doc kept putting off. It's not a

662
00:32:26,320 --> 00:32:29,560
Speaker 1: complicated procedure and it will greatly increase my quality of

663
00:32:29,600 --> 00:32:36,240
Speaker 1: life for decades. My mother in law decided my mother

664
00:32:36,320 --> 00:32:39,560
Speaker 1: in law decided she's due for a visit.

665
00:32:42,440 --> 00:32:43,960
Speaker 4: Your eyes are fine. Stop.

666
00:32:45,520 --> 00:32:49,400
Speaker 1: My mother in law decided she's due for My mother

667
00:32:49,440 --> 00:32:51,640
Speaker 1: in law decided she's due for a visit and wants

668
00:32:51,680 --> 00:32:54,440
Speaker 1: to explore our town and she'd come to help around

669
00:32:54,440 --> 00:32:57,280
Speaker 1: the house while OPI recovers I'm going to be out

670
00:32:57,400 --> 00:33:00,320
Speaker 1: of surgery and in pain, and I really don't want

671
00:33:00,360 --> 00:33:03,480
Speaker 1: to put up with her energy. However, we agreed, with

672
00:33:03,560 --> 00:33:06,840
Speaker 1: my husband saying, this isn't a sight seeing visit.

673
00:33:10,560 --> 00:33:13,680
Speaker 2: She's here to see sights with her eyes. No, not

674
00:33:14,560 --> 00:33:14,840
Speaker 2: uh uh.

675
00:33:15,120 --> 00:33:17,840
Speaker 1: She's here to help out, cook, clean laundry so I

676
00:33:17,880 --> 00:33:21,280
Speaker 1: can rest and recover. She can come for a proper

677
00:33:21,400 --> 00:33:24,080
Speaker 1: visit later in the year. My husband dropped me off

678
00:33:24,080 --> 00:33:26,480
Speaker 1: at the hospital on Wednesday, it was meant to be surgery,

679
00:33:26,560 --> 00:33:30,120
Speaker 1: and then one night overnight at the hospital for observations.

680
00:33:30,440 --> 00:33:33,880
Speaker 1: On Thursday, the doctor told me my labs were not

681
00:33:34,200 --> 00:33:36,440
Speaker 1: where he'd like them to be and I should stay

682
00:33:36,440 --> 00:33:39,560
Speaker 1: another night for observation and new lab work. In the morning,

683
00:33:40,080 --> 00:33:42,480
Speaker 1: I called my husband and told him that i'd hopefully

684
00:33:42,600 --> 00:33:45,920
Speaker 1: be home the next day over the phone early afternoon.

685
00:33:46,640 --> 00:33:48,640
Speaker 1: He did not visit on Thursday at all.

686
00:33:51,960 --> 00:33:54,680
Speaker 3: We are not going to make it through this story.

687
00:33:54,720 --> 00:33:57,360
Speaker 3: We have to lock in as a team, lock in

688
00:33:57,440 --> 00:33:58,840
Speaker 3: as a family.

689
00:33:58,560 --> 00:34:02,240
Speaker 1: As a family. We're locking My eyes are open.

690
00:34:02,160 --> 00:34:04,880
Speaker 2: Yeah, I know, look at those beepers, all right.

691
00:34:04,960 --> 00:34:08,160
Speaker 1: So on Friday, I was discharged and called my husband

692
00:34:08,239 --> 00:34:10,600
Speaker 1: to tell him i'd be ready in about an hour,

693
00:34:10,800 --> 00:34:13,400
Speaker 1: it went straight to voicemail, and I figured he's probably

694
00:34:13,400 --> 00:34:15,719
Speaker 1: in a meeting, and I'll try again in a little bit.

695
00:34:16,280 --> 00:34:18,680
Speaker 1: After calling a few times over the course of the hour,

696
00:34:18,760 --> 00:34:21,080
Speaker 1: I called my sister, who was lucky enough to be

697
00:34:21,160 --> 00:34:24,640
Speaker 1: excused from work for the afternoon many thanks to her

698
00:34:24,719 --> 00:34:28,279
Speaker 1: understanding boss. She drove ninety minutes to get me and

699
00:34:28,400 --> 00:34:33,000
Speaker 1: took me home, and the house was in shambles, laundry

700
00:34:33,040 --> 00:34:36,719
Speaker 1: baskets on the dining room table, the litter box not

701
00:34:36,840 --> 00:34:43,440
Speaker 1: cleaned since Wednesday morning, days of dirty plates in the sink, et, cetera.

702
00:34:44,480 --> 00:34:48,360
Speaker 1: And I just broke down crying. She packed me a

703
00:34:48,400 --> 00:34:50,640
Speaker 1: bag and took me to her apartment to recover for

704
00:34:50,640 --> 00:34:54,520
Speaker 1: two weeks. On Friday night, my husband called me, asking

705
00:34:54,560 --> 00:34:58,120
Speaker 1: me where I am and that the hospital said I

706
00:34:58,160 --> 00:35:01,239
Speaker 1: was already discharged. Been on a hike with his mother,

707
00:35:01,360 --> 00:35:04,760
Speaker 1: and there was no cell service, so he missed my calls,

708
00:35:05,360 --> 00:35:11,040
Speaker 1: which also meant he took PTO first mom visit again. Mmm,

709
00:35:12,800 --> 00:35:16,680
Speaker 1: obviously I can't ban him from taking PTO, But wouldn't

710
00:35:16,719 --> 00:35:20,439
Speaker 1: you rather spend that freedom time with your wife at

711
00:35:20,440 --> 00:35:24,160
Speaker 1: the hospital instead of on a date with your mom?

712
00:35:24,440 --> 00:35:25,919
Speaker 2: And what kind of date with my mom.

713
00:35:26,200 --> 00:35:27,880
Speaker 1: I mean it was aphoon date.

714
00:35:29,520 --> 00:35:32,919
Speaker 2: Nature. I like nature and my mom.

715
00:35:33,600 --> 00:35:35,759
Speaker 1: Yeah. So I mean also, you're you're asking him to

716
00:35:35,840 --> 00:35:40,439
Speaker 1: choose between the nature and the hospital's. Dude's like, why

717
00:35:40,480 --> 00:35:43,120
Speaker 1: would I Why would I go spend time with you

718
00:35:43,160 --> 00:35:44,400
Speaker 1: in a hospital.

719
00:35:44,040 --> 00:35:47,799
Speaker 3: That's boring when I can go out there breathe in

720
00:35:47,840 --> 00:35:50,760
Speaker 3: fresh clean air, see some trees. Yeah, there's no trees

721
00:35:50,800 --> 00:35:51,480
Speaker 3: in a hospital.

722
00:35:51,480 --> 00:35:55,560
Speaker 1: There's no no trees. I'm trying to live life and

723
00:35:55,680 --> 00:36:00,480
Speaker 1: breathe there and know somehow I'm going to get there, Yeah,

724
00:36:00,520 --> 00:36:02,799
Speaker 1: and have life be so wonderful. I'm gonna go on

725
00:36:02,800 --> 00:36:10,240
Speaker 1: that hike. I told him that I no longer feel

726
00:36:10,239 --> 00:36:12,880
Speaker 1: comfortable recovering in our house, and I won't be returning

727
00:36:12,960 --> 00:36:17,000
Speaker 1: until it's thoroughly clean and his mother is gone, the

728
00:36:17,040 --> 00:36:20,640
Speaker 1: dirtiest wench of them all. He's calling me the a

729
00:36:20,760 --> 00:36:23,120
Speaker 1: hole because his mother just wanted to get to know

730
00:36:23,280 --> 00:36:25,799
Speaker 1: our new area and I was able to leave the

731
00:36:25,840 --> 00:36:29,080
Speaker 1: hospital anyway, and that I was making a big deal

732
00:36:29,120 --> 00:36:33,120
Speaker 1: out of this. I gelt that he essentially abandoned me

733
00:36:33,280 --> 00:36:37,440
Speaker 1: at the hospital and entertained someone who's being here was

734
00:36:37,480 --> 00:36:41,160
Speaker 1: to help make recovery easier, not more stressful, true, and

735
00:36:41,200 --> 00:36:45,040
Speaker 1: that she was here for support, not on a vacation,

736
00:36:45,200 --> 00:36:46,319
Speaker 1: not to make things.

737
00:36:46,600 --> 00:36:49,560
Speaker 4: So much harder. I mean, she leaves them with this

738
00:36:49,680 --> 00:36:54,400
Speaker 4: like pigsty and then now is like getting Op's husband

739
00:36:54,400 --> 00:36:57,640
Speaker 4: on her side so that opis no one supporting her after.

740
00:36:57,440 --> 00:36:58,320
Speaker 2: She just had surgery.

741
00:36:58,600 --> 00:37:00,919
Speaker 3: Yeah, and the whole point was like, oh, I'll cook

742
00:37:01,040 --> 00:37:03,959
Speaker 3: or clean, I'll like do everything that you doing nothing.

743
00:37:03,960 --> 00:37:04,600
Speaker 2: You make it worse.

744
00:37:04,719 --> 00:37:07,799
Speaker 1: She don't cook, she don't clean. Maybe it's just the

745
00:37:07,840 --> 00:37:11,319
Speaker 1: pain and pain meds. But am I wrong? Here's a

746
00:37:11,400 --> 00:37:14,880
Speaker 1: stupid hill to pass away on. There's part of me

747
00:37:15,120 --> 00:37:18,279
Speaker 1: telling me just to visit a divorce lawyer to see

748
00:37:18,280 --> 00:37:20,640
Speaker 1: what my options are because I'm not sure this will

749
00:37:20,640 --> 00:37:23,600
Speaker 1: ever change. I know this is going to sound incredibly selfish,

750
00:37:23,600 --> 00:37:26,520
Speaker 1: but I want kids, but I now don't see myself

751
00:37:26,560 --> 00:37:29,759
Speaker 1: having any with my husband in the foreseeable future. And

752
00:37:29,800 --> 00:37:31,839
Speaker 1: if this isn't going to work out, I don't want

753
00:37:31,880 --> 00:37:34,640
Speaker 1: to spend the next five years of wasting time and

754
00:37:34,680 --> 00:37:37,080
Speaker 1: money on therapy and missing a chance to find someone

755
00:37:37,560 --> 00:37:39,719
Speaker 1: I actually can start a family with someone who can

756
00:37:39,760 --> 00:37:42,560
Speaker 1: be a committed father and husband before he's a son.

757
00:37:43,239 --> 00:37:45,719
Speaker 1: Many thanks to anyone who's read all of this, and

758
00:37:45,760 --> 00:37:48,920
Speaker 1: we do have comments, we do have an update. We

759
00:37:49,000 --> 00:37:52,960
Speaker 1: are less than halfway through. Wow, John, I want to

760
00:37:53,000 --> 00:37:55,080
Speaker 1: know what you think. But I'm also going to take

761
00:37:55,120 --> 00:37:58,480
Speaker 1: out my contacts and put on glasses so I'm not

762
00:37:58,600 --> 00:37:59,560
Speaker 1: squinty McGee.

763
00:38:00,120 --> 00:38:01,760
Speaker 2: I Sam.

764
00:38:02,080 --> 00:38:05,759
Speaker 3: Yes, So, I think that it's very clear that the

765
00:38:05,880 --> 00:38:10,520
Speaker 3: husband is not at all siding with his partner in life,

766
00:38:10,560 --> 00:38:14,319
Speaker 3: his wife that he showsen to be with, and it's

767
00:38:14,440 --> 00:38:20,000
Speaker 3: it's insane to me that he he basically abandoned her.

768
00:38:20,080 --> 00:38:21,880
Speaker 3: Was it while she was in the hospital that they

769
00:38:21,880 --> 00:38:23,680
Speaker 3: were doing the hike. It's kind of sounded like.

770
00:38:23,640 --> 00:38:26,239
Speaker 4: It, Yeah, I think, so I'll double check that.

771
00:38:26,400 --> 00:38:28,560
Speaker 2: Yeah, so we'll double check on that.

772
00:38:28,600 --> 00:38:31,200
Speaker 3: But like at any point, you know, before, during after,

773
00:38:31,320 --> 00:38:33,120
Speaker 3: it's like, Okay, why are you going on the hike

774
00:38:33,160 --> 00:38:36,000
Speaker 3: with the mom. It's clearly not communicating or getting the

775
00:38:36,080 --> 00:38:38,759
Speaker 3: check in or o K from her. She needs you

776
00:38:39,080 --> 00:38:42,879
Speaker 3: right now, and Mom's the whole spiel to let mom

777
00:38:42,960 --> 00:38:45,919
Speaker 3: stay was like, oh, she'll actually like help and cook

778
00:38:45,920 --> 00:38:48,120
Speaker 3: and clean and stuff, which is doing the opposite.

779
00:38:48,160 --> 00:38:53,359
Speaker 4: It seems like from what I'm reading, it seems like, uh,

780
00:38:53,640 --> 00:38:56,200
Speaker 4: what seems like the husband like calls her and it's like, hey,

781
00:38:56,239 --> 00:38:58,480
Speaker 4: where are you because they said that you were discharged

782
00:38:58,520 --> 00:39:03,200
Speaker 4: on Friday, and it's like, I'm going on a hike

783
00:39:03,360 --> 00:39:05,200
Speaker 4: with his mom, so I didn't know where you were.

784
00:39:06,520 --> 00:39:07,160
Speaker 2: So okay.

785
00:39:07,200 --> 00:39:09,720
Speaker 4: So it's like, yeah, so's she's been with her sister.

786
00:39:10,320 --> 00:39:13,960
Speaker 4: She's been recovering with her sister. But like she was

787
00:39:14,000 --> 00:39:16,719
Speaker 4: discharged from the hospital and had her sister pick her

788
00:39:16,800 --> 00:39:19,239
Speaker 4: up because he was on a hike with his mom.

789
00:39:19,480 --> 00:39:23,760
Speaker 2: Yeah, with no service. Crazy. He's like, there's no babe,

790
00:39:23,760 --> 00:39:25,120
Speaker 2: how am I supposed to see the trees?

791
00:39:25,160 --> 00:39:28,120
Speaker 4: When yeah, yeah, sorry, so she was discharged, he didn't

792
00:39:28,160 --> 00:39:30,080
Speaker 4: pick up. She gets her sister and then.

793
00:39:29,960 --> 00:39:35,360
Speaker 2: He's like, where were you? Yeap? What are you doing? Brother? Uh?

794
00:39:35,360 --> 00:39:37,840
Speaker 3: So yeah, I think he needs to drop his mom

795
00:39:38,040 --> 00:39:40,360
Speaker 3: and maybe start uh maybe go to ask op and

796
00:39:40,400 --> 00:39:42,799
Speaker 3: be like, hey, I'm so sorry, Like how can I

797
00:39:42,840 --> 00:39:44,440
Speaker 3: be more supportive now?

798
00:39:44,719 --> 00:39:46,919
Speaker 1: If he didn't drop his mom and his girlfriend's gonna

799
00:39:46,960 --> 00:39:47,399
Speaker 1: drop him?

800
00:39:47,560 --> 00:39:48,719
Speaker 2: Uh oh sounds true.

801
00:39:49,040 --> 00:39:54,080
Speaker 1: So comments you know you're crazy, says he left you

802
00:39:54,160 --> 00:39:57,880
Speaker 1: alone in the hospital. He went somewhere without self service

803
00:39:58,200 --> 00:40:00,759
Speaker 1: when he knew you were being discharged. He didn't call

804
00:40:00,800 --> 00:40:04,319
Speaker 1: you back until that night, hours after you were meant

805
00:40:04,360 --> 00:40:08,960
Speaker 1: to be discharged. This man is ridiculous and that is unforgivable.

806
00:40:09,800 --> 00:40:12,480
Speaker 1: Let his mom have him. You are not overreacting thinking

807
00:40:12,480 --> 00:40:15,319
Speaker 1: about divorce and you were definitely not the a hole.

808
00:40:15,600 --> 00:40:20,520
Speaker 1: And mm leven Cake says, this being unreachable while your

809
00:40:20,520 --> 00:40:24,120
Speaker 1: wife is in the hospital is despicable. But he must

810
00:40:24,160 --> 00:40:27,040
Speaker 1: have had miss calls and messages from her because she

811
00:40:27,160 --> 00:40:29,920
Speaker 1: called him when they wanted to just charge her. Did

812
00:40:29,920 --> 00:40:32,760
Speaker 1: he not have effing voicemails from her that said, hey, babe,

813
00:40:32,800 --> 00:40:35,160
Speaker 1: where are you They want to discharge me? I needed

814
00:40:35,160 --> 00:40:37,800
Speaker 1: to come pick me up? And he never called her back.

815
00:40:38,320 --> 00:40:41,359
Speaker 1: And the alienated Penguin said, it is despicable and unforgivable.

816
00:40:41,800 --> 00:40:43,560
Speaker 1: Then the house on top of it. I don't think

817
00:40:43,600 --> 00:40:45,719
Speaker 1: I could come back from that. Beth twenty one, two

818
00:40:45,719 --> 00:40:48,440
Speaker 1: eighty six says he's her next of kin who was

819
00:40:48,480 --> 00:40:51,000
Speaker 1: going to make medical decisions if there had been an

820
00:40:51,000 --> 00:40:54,719
Speaker 1: emergency or she required further surgery and couldn't consent. This

821
00:40:54,800 --> 00:40:58,800
Speaker 1: man isn't worth the carbon he's made from.

822
00:40:59,239 --> 00:41:04,000
Speaker 2: That's I've never heard that. That's that's a wild that's crazy.

823
00:41:04,360 --> 00:41:08,160
Speaker 1: And must Ike Bedenkan says, what the flying f he

824
00:41:08,360 --> 00:41:11,759
Speaker 1: is an a hole. His mother is the a hole.

825
00:41:12,160 --> 00:41:15,239
Speaker 1: You are not an a hole. No, I didn't fall

826
00:41:15,280 --> 00:41:18,960
Speaker 1: on caps lock. I'm mad, not the a hole. Additional,

827
00:41:19,320 --> 00:41:21,120
Speaker 1: this is not a stupid hill to pass away on.

828
00:41:21,280 --> 00:41:24,040
Speaker 1: You're passing away alone on that hill because your husband

829
00:41:24,160 --> 00:41:26,600
Speaker 1: will be hiking with his mother around the hill and

830
00:41:26,640 --> 00:41:29,360
Speaker 1: ignore you. Go and see a lawyer. He left you

831
00:41:29,480 --> 00:41:32,120
Speaker 1: when you needed him most. And judgment is not the

832
00:41:32,160 --> 00:41:35,160
Speaker 1: a hole. And we have an update one month later, John,

833
00:41:35,400 --> 00:41:38,799
Speaker 1: Are we feeling good about this relationship?

834
00:41:39,280 --> 00:41:39,879
Speaker 2: Not at all.

835
00:41:40,920 --> 00:41:44,360
Speaker 3: I think we need to clearly communicate like, hey, you

836
00:41:44,360 --> 00:41:46,239
Speaker 3: you know not being there, Like here's all the thing

837
00:41:46,280 --> 00:41:49,200
Speaker 3: that's wrong again, Mom. We need we need to put

838
00:41:49,200 --> 00:41:51,839
Speaker 3: a lid on mom because she seems to like come

839
00:41:51,880 --> 00:41:54,439
Speaker 3: in and just do something like, oh, let's go on hike.

840
00:41:54,600 --> 00:41:57,680
Speaker 3: I wonder if she intentionally invited him on the hike

841
00:41:57,880 --> 00:41:58,600
Speaker 3: during the surgery.

842
00:41:58,719 --> 00:42:01,279
Speaker 1: I think she's actively trying to avatage in the relationship,

843
00:42:01,440 --> 00:42:04,360
Speaker 1: which that wants her little boy, her little boy toy.

844
00:42:04,680 --> 00:42:05,360
Speaker 2: I mean that commentary.

845
00:42:05,360 --> 00:42:07,120
Speaker 3: I didn't even think about it that commentary was like

846
00:42:07,600 --> 00:42:10,520
Speaker 3: she would be uh, he would be her next of kids.

847
00:42:10,520 --> 00:42:12,560
Speaker 3: So I guess as like decision making power, like what

848
00:42:12,600 --> 00:42:15,080
Speaker 3: if something happened to her, and like if the mother

849
00:42:15,160 --> 00:42:19,880
Speaker 3: law is the one that like instigated that, and oh god, terrible.

850
00:42:19,600 --> 00:42:24,160
Speaker 1: Terrible, pretty bad, pretty bad. But luckily, John, we don't

851
00:42:24,239 --> 00:42:27,800
Speaker 1: have to just exist in suspense. Oh about this one,

852
00:42:28,239 --> 00:42:32,480
Speaker 1: we can go straight into the update. Let's dive right in.

853
00:42:32,600 --> 00:42:36,160
Speaker 1: All right, So update one month later. Hi all, I

854
00:42:36,200 --> 00:42:39,120
Speaker 1: posted a month ago about my husband basically abandoning me

855
00:42:39,200 --> 00:42:42,200
Speaker 1: at the hospital to entertain his visiting mother. I thought

856
00:42:42,200 --> 00:42:47,080
Speaker 1: i'd post an update. We're done. Oh, I'm still at

857
00:42:47,080 --> 00:42:49,160
Speaker 1: my sister's place and my boss is letting me work

858
00:42:49,200 --> 00:42:53,319
Speaker 1: remotely to the commute. But I have an apartment i'm

859
00:42:53,320 --> 00:42:55,520
Speaker 1: moving into in July that's a ten minute drive from

860
00:42:55,520 --> 00:43:00,799
Speaker 1: my job. Thank you. Everyone who responded was bit overwhelming.

861
00:43:01,040 --> 00:43:03,680
Speaker 1: I went into defensive mode and thought I put my

862
00:43:03,760 --> 00:43:06,560
Speaker 1: husband in a bad light. But you all really slapped

863
00:43:06,600 --> 00:43:09,279
Speaker 1: the rose colored glasses off me. We spoke on the

864
00:43:09,320 --> 00:43:11,840
Speaker 1: phone every day the first week I was away. He

865
00:43:11,960 --> 00:43:14,840
Speaker 1: asked his mother to leave asap so i'd feel comfortable

866
00:43:14,880 --> 00:43:17,160
Speaker 1: coming back home after a week. I told him I

867
00:43:17,239 --> 00:43:19,239
Speaker 1: still needed space and I was coming the next day

868
00:43:19,280 --> 00:43:22,400
Speaker 1: to grab more things. Once he saw that I had

869
00:43:22,400 --> 00:43:25,759
Speaker 1: an empty bag and my sister brought two empty piece

870
00:43:25,800 --> 00:43:28,680
Speaker 1: of luggage. He realized, I'm taking a lot because I'm

871
00:43:28,719 --> 00:43:31,880
Speaker 1: not planning to come back soon. He asked to talk,

872
00:43:32,040 --> 00:43:34,560
Speaker 1: and I figured we should get it done and over with.

873
00:43:35,480 --> 00:43:39,000
Speaker 1: I told him we needed to separate. He tried to

874
00:43:39,080 --> 00:43:41,319
Speaker 1: argue that his mother only visits a few weeks out

875
00:43:41,320 --> 00:43:44,480
Speaker 1: of the year and that things are great otherwise. I

876
00:43:44,600 --> 00:43:46,799
Speaker 1: told him that the issue is he expects me to

877
00:43:46,840 --> 00:43:50,840
Speaker 1: be okay during those weeks, with him ignoring my feelings

878
00:43:50,880 --> 00:43:54,239
Speaker 1: to cater to hers. I said, things don't magically go

879
00:43:54,320 --> 00:43:57,719
Speaker 1: back to normal when she leaves. There's resentment towards him

880
00:43:57,719 --> 00:44:00,760
Speaker 1: for weeks for him doing it again, and self hatred

881
00:44:00,800 --> 00:44:03,680
Speaker 1: for me allowing it to happen again. He asked to

882
00:44:03,719 --> 00:44:06,080
Speaker 1: go back to couples therapy. I told him it didn't

883
00:44:06,120 --> 00:44:09,200
Speaker 1: work last time. We had a great therapist who helped

884
00:44:09,239 --> 00:44:11,279
Speaker 1: him put boundaries in place and to be able to

885
00:44:11,320 --> 00:44:14,719
Speaker 1: deliver consequences when his mother overreached. But as soon as

886
00:44:14,719 --> 00:44:17,800
Speaker 1: she arrived, she'd break one boundary, he'd let it pass,

887
00:44:18,160 --> 00:44:21,480
Speaker 1: and then she had carte blanche to step on all

888
00:44:21,480 --> 00:44:21,719
Speaker 1: of them.

889
00:44:21,760 --> 00:44:23,640
Speaker 2: Oh we don't like that, Yeah, we don't like that

890
00:44:23,719 --> 00:44:24,440
Speaker 2: kind of stop.

891
00:44:24,840 --> 00:44:29,520
Speaker 1: I Also, it's not that the mother is visiting, you know,

892
00:44:29,520 --> 00:44:31,439
Speaker 1: a few times a week and he's spending time with her.

893
00:44:31,480 --> 00:44:35,280
Speaker 1: It's that he is letting his mother stomp all over

894
00:44:35,320 --> 00:44:38,120
Speaker 1: the boundaries, Like it's fine to have your mom visit

895
00:44:38,160 --> 00:44:40,680
Speaker 1: and spend time with her, but it's not fine to

896
00:44:40,840 --> 00:44:44,040
Speaker 1: leave the house an absolute pig style. It's not fine

897
00:44:44,320 --> 00:44:47,160
Speaker 1: to abandon your wife while she's in the hospital. It's

898
00:44:47,239 --> 00:44:49,879
Speaker 1: not fine to just let your mom walk over your

899
00:44:50,080 --> 00:44:52,640
Speaker 1: entire relationship. And I think that's exactly what he's done.

900
00:44:53,520 --> 00:44:56,320
Speaker 3: Well said I mean, and again, if she was actually

901
00:44:56,400 --> 00:44:58,640
Speaker 3: like cooking, cleaning, like doing what she said in the

902
00:44:58,680 --> 00:45:01,359
Speaker 3: beginning of a story of helping out O, people probably like, hey,

903
00:45:01,400 --> 00:45:03,560
Speaker 3: bring her over more, like, let's have her as much

904
00:45:03,600 --> 00:45:04,120
Speaker 3: as we can.

905
00:45:04,280 --> 00:45:07,319
Speaker 1: So, yeah, bro, you are not getting bit she's a

906
00:45:07,440 --> 00:45:10,520
Speaker 1: terrible house guest. And when I tried to reinforce them,

907
00:45:10,600 --> 00:45:12,520
Speaker 1: I get no support and I'd be the bad guy.

908
00:45:13,200 --> 00:45:16,200
Speaker 1: Here's where I may have been a bit mean though.

909
00:45:16,520 --> 00:45:18,600
Speaker 1: I told him I'm turning thirty this year and I

910
00:45:18,680 --> 00:45:20,840
Speaker 1: want to start a family, but I can't see starting

911
00:45:20,880 --> 00:45:23,440
Speaker 1: one with him if he can't put me first. When

912
00:45:23,440 --> 00:45:26,120
Speaker 1: I'm just out of surgery. Why would I think he'd

913
00:45:26,160 --> 00:45:29,560
Speaker 1: put our children first. I reminded him that his mother

914
00:45:29,680 --> 00:45:33,319
Speaker 1: is retiring in less than ten years. What happens when

915
00:45:33,360 --> 00:45:36,920
Speaker 1: she decides she's frail and lonely? I asked him if

916
00:45:37,000 --> 00:45:39,640
Speaker 1: he'd move her in, whether I was okay with it

917
00:45:39,760 --> 00:45:43,640
Speaker 1: or not. He replied, I'm all she has. It really

918
00:45:43,719 --> 00:45:45,960
Speaker 1: hit me then. This was not the life I thought

919
00:45:45,960 --> 00:45:48,239
Speaker 1: we were building together. It was not the life I

920
00:45:48,320 --> 00:45:51,719
Speaker 1: wanted or could settle for. He asked if he was

921
00:45:51,800 --> 00:45:54,520
Speaker 1: really that bad of a husband. I sort of lied

922
00:45:54,560 --> 00:45:58,080
Speaker 1: and said, no, but you're just not the husband I need. Hey,

923
00:45:58,080 --> 00:45:59,640
Speaker 1: it's Sam, We're going to get back to these stories.

924
00:45:59,680 --> 00:46:01,960
Speaker 1: But here's three minutes of ads from our sponsors.

925
00:46:03,000 --> 00:46:08,360
Speaker 3: I mean, because basically it's like, uh, this is referring

926
00:46:08,440 --> 00:46:10,840
Speaker 3: to like him, like not showing up the hospital totally annoying.

927
00:46:11,080 --> 00:46:16,040
Speaker 3: I mean, I I think it is a lot fair

928
00:46:16,120 --> 00:46:18,920
Speaker 3: in this specific context to tell him like, hey, you know,

929
00:46:19,400 --> 00:46:21,680
Speaker 3: you messed up. You weren't by my side, you didn't

930
00:46:21,680 --> 00:46:25,560
Speaker 3: you didn't call me, and I'm you know, I think

931
00:46:25,600 --> 00:46:29,000
Speaker 3: that's good and fair feedback to give him as well.

932
00:46:29,160 --> 00:46:32,680
Speaker 1: So I also like with the idea of the mother

933
00:46:33,280 --> 00:46:36,520
Speaker 1: moving in, you know that is a common thing for

934
00:46:36,600 --> 00:46:38,719
Speaker 1: people to do to have their moms. Yep, move in.

935
00:46:38,960 --> 00:46:44,520
Speaker 1: I mean, especially like in other cultures and such. But

936
00:46:45,280 --> 00:46:46,919
Speaker 1: you guys both have to be on board. You can't

937
00:46:47,000 --> 00:46:49,960
Speaker 1: gotta both be can't. You can't just be moving someone

938
00:46:49,960 --> 00:46:52,560
Speaker 1: in with or without their permission.

939
00:46:52,640 --> 00:46:54,760
Speaker 2: Can't shove your mom down someone else's throat.

940
00:46:55,080 --> 00:46:57,560
Speaker 1: No, you can't do it. And so this is not

941
00:46:57,640 --> 00:47:01,000
Speaker 1: the life you want. Don't don't don't stop living it,

942
00:47:01,000 --> 00:47:04,200
Speaker 1: stop living it, throw it out. Not forgetting out of here.

943
00:47:04,560 --> 00:47:06,920
Speaker 1: I told him he either needs a wife who's okay

944
00:47:07,000 --> 00:47:09,839
Speaker 1: with being the side piece in his relationship with his mother,

945
00:47:10,440 --> 00:47:14,880
Speaker 1: or no wife at all, who dang. I left with

946
00:47:14,880 --> 00:47:17,120
Speaker 1: my sister, and ten minutes into the ride back to

947
00:47:17,160 --> 00:47:21,880
Speaker 1: her place, his mother called me. I sent it the voicemail.

948
00:47:22,120 --> 00:47:25,840
Speaker 1: Ab I started laughing, and my sister asked, what was

949
00:47:25,840 --> 00:47:29,040
Speaker 1: so funny. I said, the first thing he did was

950
00:47:29,160 --> 00:47:32,640
Speaker 1: call his mommy and taddle on me for leaving. Yep.

951
00:47:32,760 --> 00:47:36,279
Speaker 1: Papers have been served and it's pretty amicable so far.

952
00:47:36,840 --> 00:47:41,359
Speaker 1: Fingers crossed, and there are some comments. Ooh, anonymous head

953
00:47:41,520 --> 00:47:43,440
Speaker 1: one two three says good for you for sending up

954
00:47:43,440 --> 00:47:46,160
Speaker 1: for yourself. A little throwaway said he called his mom immediately.

955
00:47:46,200 --> 00:47:50,520
Speaker 1: Congratulations on ditching that loser baby man boy. Cicata Nois says,

956
00:47:50,560 --> 00:47:52,920
Speaker 1: if Op needs any other indicators that she did the

957
00:47:52,920 --> 00:47:56,600
Speaker 1: best thing for herself, this detail right here. Nosey Bystanders says,

958
00:47:56,800 --> 00:48:00,520
Speaker 1: he already has a wife. Her name is Mommy. Playing

959
00:48:00,520 --> 00:48:02,520
Speaker 1: ten seven, seven and five says, yep, he's a great

960
00:48:02,600 --> 00:48:06,719
Speaker 1: husband to Mommy and a crap one to Ope. I

961
00:48:06,719 --> 00:48:09,200
Speaker 1: mean that's where that story ends, John, But like, do

962
00:48:09,239 --> 00:48:12,799
Speaker 1: you think Op put down the right boundaries? Do you

963
00:48:12,840 --> 00:48:15,279
Speaker 1: think it was too harsh? Do you think it was

964
00:48:15,320 --> 00:48:16,879
Speaker 1: not harsh enough? What are your thoughts?

965
00:48:17,000 --> 00:48:19,600
Speaker 3: I mean she basically said like, hey, I don't want

966
00:48:19,640 --> 00:48:23,760
Speaker 3: your mom around, right, And it was it was only

967
00:48:24,040 --> 00:48:26,120
Speaker 3: with the mom being like, oh I'll cook, clean and

968
00:48:26,160 --> 00:48:29,319
Speaker 3: like being a help that she like acquiesced to it, right.

969
00:48:29,800 --> 00:48:33,000
Speaker 3: So I think that was a good boundary initially that

970
00:48:33,040 --> 00:48:37,240
Speaker 3: they just blew past. Alicia says, I'm leaving you because

971
00:48:37,280 --> 00:48:40,520
Speaker 3: you can never put me first. Then immediately he calls

972
00:48:40,560 --> 00:48:41,760
Speaker 3: his mom.

973
00:48:41,840 --> 00:48:45,120
Speaker 1: Alex Thompson says, your mother can still be important to you,

974
00:48:45,320 --> 00:48:47,640
Speaker 1: but the second you throw your wife under the bus,

975
00:48:47,760 --> 00:48:50,720
Speaker 1: you no longer deserve her. I think that was another

976
00:48:50,880 --> 00:48:56,200
Speaker 1: huge issue that we had is Ope and her partner

977
00:48:56,680 --> 00:49:00,640
Speaker 1: agreed on boundaries, yes that they would and forced together

978
00:49:01,000 --> 00:49:05,120
Speaker 1: and as soon as the mother transgressed one of those boundaries, oh,

979
00:49:05,239 --> 00:49:09,239
Speaker 1: Pie's husband did not support op and like like reaffirming

980
00:49:09,280 --> 00:49:12,960
Speaker 1: those I think you know that. That shows what side

981
00:49:13,120 --> 00:49:16,239
Speaker 1: of the team Opie's husband is on.

982
00:49:16,480 --> 00:49:17,359
Speaker 2: Yeah, he he will.

983
00:49:17,480 --> 00:49:21,799
Speaker 3: He'll give you lip service and not respect what you

984
00:49:21,800 --> 00:49:25,160
Speaker 3: guys decide as a team together and not and not

985
00:49:25,400 --> 00:49:28,520
Speaker 3: like specifically uphold for like your well being.

986
00:49:28,840 --> 00:49:29,120
Speaker 2: Right.

987
00:49:29,800 --> 00:49:34,640
Speaker 3: So yeah, pretty pretty pretty cutting, cutting, clear case of

988
00:49:34,680 --> 00:49:35,800
Speaker 3: a MoMA's.

989
00:49:35,400 --> 00:49:40,200
Speaker 1: Boy and dry. I think it was important to set

990
00:49:40,280 --> 00:49:41,399
Speaker 1: him free, kind them loose.

991
00:49:41,560 --> 00:49:43,680
Speaker 2: Yeah, OPI Opie did the right thing.

992
00:49:43,920 --> 00:49:47,000
Speaker 1: Yeah, but that is where that story and those episode ends. No,

993
00:49:47,480 --> 00:49:51,160
Speaker 1: don't don't do it. I'm gonna do it. No, I'm

994
00:49:51,200 --> 00:49:53,480
Speaker 1: doing it. I'm doing it. So if you love us,

995
00:49:53,560 --> 00:49:54,600
Speaker 1: make sure to subscribe.

996
00:49:54,680 --> 00:49:56,800
Speaker 2: We love you. And seeing them a