00:00:08 Speaker 1: Well, I invited you here. I thought I made myself perfectly clear. When you're a guest to my home, you gotta come to me empty. And I said, no guests, your presences, presents, and I already had too much stuff. 00:00:35 Speaker 2: So how did you dare to surbey me? Welcome to? 00:00:49 Speaker 3: I said, no gift time, Bridgard wine girl. Uh, you know, last week was technically the end of season one, so this is technically the beginning of season two, which is I think very exciting for everyone. No huge developments. The only update I want to share is last week I left everyone with the mystery of I wasn't able to find Martha behind Bars online. 00:01:18 Speaker 2: I did a very. 00:01:19 Speaker 3: Quick search over the weekend for Martha behind Bars and someone has uploaded it to the internet. I haven't watched it yet, but you know, don't come to me telling me that it's online, because I've found it. I don't need anyone's help. I will watch it on my own. Whatever, let's get into it. I'm so excited about today's guest, truly, one of the funniest, just a dear person, none other than John Early. 00:01:46 Speaker 2: John. Welcome to. I said, no gifts, Hi, Bridger, how are you I'm thrilled to see you right now. Honestly, I haven't seen you in over a year, easily. I actually think one of the last things in my calendar was a plan. 00:02:05 Speaker 3: To see you, and it was canceled the weekend of the lockdowns. 00:02:12 Speaker 2: Well, yeah, I was coming back to LA from New York. So, yeah, it's been crazy. Did we have a plan? There was a plan. A few people are going to meet to work on a thing I don't even know. Oh my gosh, yes, it's a professional it was a script. Oh yeah, we had Kate, and I had asked you to, you know, donate your time. 00:02:40 Speaker 3: At the time, the cancelation, every every cancelation felt like is everyone just being a little too cautious? 00:02:48 Speaker 2: Absolutely, well, especially coming from Kate, you have to wonder. But no, it was she was right. She was completely right, absolutely right, spot on. Yeah, but that was that was the last. 00:03:03 Speaker 3: I mean, there was like the other thing in my calendar that I remember thinking, oh, maybe I'll probably be able to get to that was like a. 00:03:10 Speaker 2: Gym appointment March thirty. First, it's like, oh by then certain, yeah, two weeks and then yeah, did you did you move to a kind of the FaceTime arrangement with your personal trainer. I absolutely did not. 00:03:26 Speaker 3: I think there were some attempts by the gym to like get me, you know, everybody needs to make money. 00:03:33 Speaker 2: Yeah, the absolute. 00:03:34 Speaker 3: Worst time, But I did not. I kind of just shut it down. I just I was like, I will just be working out from home, no one. Someone looking at me on FaceTime to work out is not going to happen in a billion years. 00:03:47 Speaker 2: Well, it just means that you actually have the discipline that you're you're able to hold yourself accountable and work out. I certainly do without someone hovering. I love you well. 00:03:57 Speaker 3: I had been doing it for a year for the first time in my life, exercising and like having someone watch me and like paying and having to be responsible. I think I got kind of got into the rhythm of it, and then the boredom of lockdown. I was like, what else am I going to do with my days? 00:04:16 Speaker 2: It's a shame that this is a podcast because the listeners can't see that you are ripped, absolutely raved, just shredded to all hell. 00:04:29 Speaker 3: No, John, what are you doing with your days? What You've been working a little bit? But I mean when you don't you're not working. What are you doing with a day? 00:04:38 Speaker 2: Well, you know, the blessing in disguise is I have more time with my kids, which has been so nice and long overdue. No, I what have I been doing? I mean I've been cooking a lot? Oh well, you you're a you were a big cooker, or even pre pandemic. See that's so embarrassing to me. Have I like have I like force that narrative? My god? Every time I would see you, there was something about cooking or I'm going to make dinner. Oh yeah, yeah, okay, yes, lots of like I'm hosts. Yeah, I identifying as a host. I've always identified as a host. Yeah, yeah, I've been cooking a lot, well, cooking a lot more. You know. I guess I had like maybe I identified more as a host pre pandemic, and now I think I am identifying it more as a host who can cook? So what are you cooking? Oh? God? What am I? I'm cooking a lot of I don't even know for sure. I literally don't even know. Tell me the last thing you cooked, Wait, the last thing. I don't need the last big event meal you made. I just want to know what a day to day thing is here. You're already going back to this narrative that you're solf ashamed of. Just tell me what you're making for dinner. I'm sorry, Okay, your I've made was I made? This is the thing? I whatever, shut up. I made a pasta ala alamachi. I'm not sure if the sea is hard. It's like like panchetta or one chatta, cooked down right and slow, let me finish, Let me finish, and then you add like crush red pepper tomato paste. Oh, also onions. I used to never do onions until the pandemic. You didn't like onions. I love onions, but in this recipe I didn't use them, which I think it is traditionally calls her a red onion, but for some reason I had decided, like that's trash. It only needs like this is kind of a pear down like ingredients, but the onion makes it sore, and then crushed tomato like or pure and then peggerino. It's so simple and it's like, I just it's like my favorite thing to make. How often are you making honestly, I would say once every two weeks, once every two weeks, and are you pairing this with a pasta or something. Oh yes, Sorryry, that is the sauce to which you know, then you toss the pasta, okay, and what sort of pasta? Well, that's I think very personal and well then that's why I demanded then top to your producer. Before that, I wouldn't go into the pasta shapes. Honestly, my favorite is We're good, We're a good tony Okay. 00:07:29 Speaker 3: I always felt like one thing I knew about you is that you love Bucatini. See, this is another thing that you're just out there people. 00:07:38 Speaker 2: I am so embarrassed. I think it's I'm embarrassed because it's become so like kind of like the millennial like bone petite, like aesthetic, you know, of course, like like the millennial kind of like almost like slightly ironic interest in cooking. I feel like I like pioneered that or something. I'm like, did I do that? Is that my fault? Honestly? But no, But yeah, I love Bucatini. I normally love I used to do it Pucatini, and then I just found that RIGATONI. I can't kill me. I'm talking about this. I found the RIGATONI was I just liked it better Okay, you know, bigger boats for the sauce, right. 00:08:23 Speaker 3: But yeah, so you're out here cooking a lot of pasta. Is there ever a dish doesn't involve pasta? 00:08:31 Speaker 2: You're yelling? First of all, I've been doing a lot of like searing chicken. Searing chicken, Okay, searing chicken both sides, like bonin skin on right, uh dighs really like caramelizing the skin crispy, and then baking it and it's like the and like caked in like spices like cumin and stuff, curry, powder and ship and like and then and then it's just like, I don't know, it's like the best way to cook chicken. I've been doing that and making a salad. See. 00:09:06 Speaker 3: About halfway through the pandemic, I gained the courage to start cooking poultry. You know, for years I felt like I was going to poison myself. Finally figured out that cooking chicken isn't truly not not even remotely difficult for a few months and then stopped. And now I'm back into the fear category of just I get. 00:09:27 Speaker 2: I think COVID has reignited a lot of like sanitation fears in all of us. Oh, yeah, of course. Yeah, Like when I cook chicken, I am kind of psycho about like I'm literally using like alcohol on like the sink. Oh yeah, you don't wanted I'm like, yeah, you don't know what you've touched with chicken hands or that kind of thing. Yeah. 00:09:47 Speaker 3: For the longest time as a kid, I was afraid of tapeworms from undercooked pork. So that haunted me for years. Is that even a thing? I don't know about undercooked pork? But tapeworm is very much real. 00:09:59 Speaker 2: Tapeworm people, I mean people get tapeworm people buy tapeworms. Honey, people do not buy tapeworms. They they did actresses in the you know, in the Golden era? Is that true? Would they actually do that in like in the thirties and forties. I have zero documentation to prove this, but I will look it up after the boom. You will confidently say I will. I will come down very confidently and say that actresses used to jet. This is so disgusting, but I'm literally considering doing it. Ingesting tapeworms, eat all the food, eat all their nutrients. But then how does that work? Because then is the is that if the tapeworm is getting fat, right, isn't it? Just adding I guess, wouldn't you be still fat from the you would I think you would start gaining weird, a weird shape. You would just have a weirdly shaped abdomen or something right exactly? And then how is the tapeworm killed? That's my as a kid, I would hear that they would starve the tapeworm and this certainly can't be true. And then that you would place a piece of bread in front of your mouth and it would like crawl up your throat. That can't be true. That cannot But I don't know. We're waiting. That is disgusting, John. 00:11:20 Speaker 3: I look, I don't want to make this uncomfortable, but I do there's something I do need to discuss with you, and I would like to just get into it sooner than later. 00:11:33 Speaker 2: This podcast is called I said no Gifts, Oh yeah, and you agreed to be on it, and we've had some back and forth. You know the title of the podcast is always right, yeah, right, And last night. 00:11:54 Speaker 3: I did get a text from you saying did you get a confirmation email? 00:11:58 Speaker 2: That's your gift? 00:11:59 Speaker 3: And of course this out of the blue was a little confusing, it's not my birthday, it's we're far past the holidays. So I just, you know, went to bed wondering, just wondering, what's John doing now? And of course there was no confirmation email. 00:12:18 Speaker 2: So again I went through my spam, I went through just I dug through the trash up finding nothing. 00:12:31 Speaker 3: So again it felt it did feel like a psychological game that I suddenly I'm being dragged into. 00:12:38 Speaker 2: For sure, that was absolutely not my attention. Okay, thank you. I appreciate that. 00:12:44 Speaker 3: I didn't want to think less of you. All that said, about an hour ago, I did receive a confirmation email from you, and now I have to ask John, is I mean I have to assume this is a. 00:12:59 Speaker 2: Gift for me. It's it's it's a gift for you. Okay. 00:13:04 Speaker 3: You know I did, prior to bringing all this up, I was planning to say that there was something in this bag that I had brought to the podcast, which I've taken a photo with all of these things. But now we're just going to say, look, I'm not getting into the back. 00:13:20 Speaker 2: Well, it's it's COVID era. You know, I figured it was safer. 00:13:24 Speaker 3: COVID is very tricky when you create a podcast that has kind of this physical element that becomes a hassle. 00:13:31 Speaker 2: For everyone in fault. All that said, I mean, should I open the email and we'll see what's happening here. Yes, that's a great idea. Let's just zip over to my email. I'm actually really curious about the contents of the email. Okay, let's see here. I'm going to open the email. 00:13:52 Speaker 3: John, This is fantastic, John, John, I can't believe what I'm seeing. You've given me a subscription to the Paris Review. 00:14:04 Speaker 2: Well, I don't want to assume that you aren't already a subscribe. Well, look, that is a huge assumption. You think I'm just this illiterate idiot just reading the next Jody p. Cult a cult. I don't know how to say your name. 00:14:22 Speaker 3: This is fantastic, though, This is for me and an enormous gift, because you know, I occasionally i'll see a sale, let's say, on the New Yorker, five dollars for six months. 00:14:36 Speaker 2: Look, I'll go for it. We'll get into that. I'm happy to get into that. But I am not someone who will just subscribe willy nilly to a literary review. Oh yeah, well you'll be getting four in the mail over the course of the year, bridgerd at the year end, you have an option to renew a liquid you renew. Tell me why you're giving me this. I have no idea. I just thought it would be so funny. No, I'm giving I am giving this to you because I know you, and I know that you need to kind of diversify what you would take in culturally. You just think I'm reading trash. I'm over here reading a lot of kind of white bread, processed white bread and like and like upworthy, and so I thought Bridger is so smart. I think he'll really appreciate a kind of curated like you know, how do you quad quad four times a year? Yeah? Four times a year? What is that? That's a quad quadraannual quad r. I don't know that that's a word. That's not can well, there's bi annual. 00:15:54 Speaker 3: There is bi annual, of course, but I mean I've never heard quarterly quarterly. 00:16:00 Speaker 2: It's a car Okay, Yes, I just I knew you'd appreciate, you know, instead of the kind of heavy flow of just endless content every single day on Twitter, I thought you might like something a little more punctuated and intentional and high brow. 00:16:18 Speaker 3: Frankly, you don't feel like Twitter is a good news source. No, you don't feel like it's a good cultural. 00:16:27 Speaker 2: Fountains. It's a fire hose of just radicalization. It's awful, it is. 00:16:40 Speaker 3: I have really reduced my Twitter usage in the past couple of years. 00:16:46 Speaker 2: We've all kind of noticed, and we've been talking about it in our meetups. Thank you, just me and the rest of the comedy community that you're not invited. 00:16:56 Speaker 3: When I do get on it, it's immediate, the like a blinding mix of anger and confusion and frustration and irritation. The most recent thing, Basically, what happens when I get on Twitter is I'll see two people who I largely probably don't respect, tweet the same word twice, and I'll say, oh, okay, so there's something annoying trending. 00:17:23 Speaker 2: And then you head to the what's trending? Oh, what's trending. I do feel like. 00:17:32 Speaker 3: There's like a newsletter that people are getting about the today's the day's big topics that suddenly suddenly everyone will be talking about the same thing. I'm like, where, what is the original source of this information? 00:17:43 Speaker 2: And why? How is the swarm of flies. It's just Twitter, it's not no one's getting it from anywhere else. That's why it's like such a crazy, like human centipede. Like I've really been realizing it lately, like in a new way. This won't be interesting, but like I just feel like it's really been dawning on me, the way that we all like do unpaid work for Twitter. Oh of course, I mean, my god, Like everyone wakes up and acts like it's their job. They literally head to the magnifying glass that what's trending or whatever, and it's like, okay, it's Ted Cruise. Racket went to Mexico once and they're like draft and they're like no, okay, okay, here we go. And then they fire off their Ted Cruise treet. And what's implied in their like Ted Cruz tweet is that they care about what Ted Cruz is doing. 00:18:31 Speaker 3: For me, the Ted Cruise thing. I'm happy that there's something trying to hold Ted Cruz responsible for what. Absolutely I do not want to be thinking about Ted Cruise for another second of my life. 00:18:41 Speaker 2: He's a good man, he's a father, he's a husband. 00:18:48 Speaker 3: No, but that's what happens is I get on Twitter and suddenly I just have to think about topic after topic that I do. I have had no interest prior to getting on Twitter. Most recently, there was something about out I don't even want to say it aloud. You must the Lola bunny from space Ship. 00:19:09 Speaker 2: Did you see any of this? No, I didn't see it. I didn't see it. But I am so sick of like our generations. If I may lump us in the same generation, our generations like just endless excavation of the nineties. 00:19:24 Speaker 3: I'm just absolutely inexcusable. I thought like maybe twenty thirteen we had reached Max's capacity for talking about the nineties, and it has been eight years and they're still doing it. I don't understand it. 00:19:39 Speaker 2: It makes no sense for me. And it's not even like, for example, space changes that we're just talking about it. It's that we're like spending trillions of dollars per year, like re booting like nineties IP. 00:19:54 Speaker 3: Things that were not good to begin with, like exactly we should have forgotten ye seen at a slumber party and then it just vanished into our memory. But for whatever reason, there's just this boring group of people who keeps just bringing it back into the spotlight. It's horrifying. I know it's it's horrifying. So you're not are you not tweeting anymore? Like are you because you have one of the funniest twitters in the game. 00:20:17 Speaker 2: That's very you. But it's but that was like I remember first joining Twitter, like thirty two years ago, which is so sad, and Twitter used to be fun like in a way, like I mean, it was absolutely I joined it for like pure career reasons. I was right, I was doing the thing that I was just making fun of, like I was doing it to get jobs, like I was like scanning the day's events and then like sending out my tank, you know, and literally it like I'm sure helped me, you know, like it or like I don't know, maybe me who knows, But I just remember back then there was it was like before it felt like we were all so insanely like atomized and radicalized. It was like when it would just felt kind of it was annoying a different way. It was annoying in that it was just kind of a competition and it was like very kind of like blatant, brazenly like careerist or something. That's why it was annoying. It was like for humble bragging, and now it's like, actually just like so toxic and scary. But in that time, in that golden era, I remember really really enjoying your Twitter so much, and whenever you would retreat me, I was always so judged the Bridger stamp of approval. 00:21:33 Speaker 3: The thing about it did used to be like, that's how I learned a view, you know, like and like I joined it. I didn't know anyone in the entertainment industry. I was like, well, this is the one kind of way you can get jobs doing this sort of thing, and it was kind of fun. It was so kind of stressful because it's you're exposing yourself publicly and that's horrifying at all times. But it eventually helped lead to job. 00:21:58 Speaker 2: Like it literally was my first writing jobs because of Twitter, and I thought once I got a job, I would be able to separate myself from it, but it just digs itself into your life in such a horrifying way that it's nearly inescapable. I feel like in the last three months I've finally almost completely disconnected from it. I'll tweet on occasion, maybe once or once a week or once every two weeks. 00:22:26 Speaker 3: I use it to promote this podcast, but I do not like I don't like looking at it. I mean there were a few months ago my boyfriend Jim was like I was looking at it. 00:22:34 Speaker 2: He's like, what are you getting at? 00:22:37 Speaker 3: You're not even laughing, Like if the point of it is to be laughing, I can't tell you the last time that happened. 00:22:44 Speaker 2: God, I haven't laughed out of tweet since the eighties, the late No. 00:22:50 Speaker 3: Now, it truly just feels like a giant swarm of flies that will just is just scanning for little pieces of meat to just devour in seconds and just turn into garbage. Like I mean, like if we can't, I don't even want to go through past TIRESO memes that like within an hour are exhausting. 00:23:10 Speaker 2: To look at. I know, I don't know what to do with my I should be looking at long form articles, print articles, and that sounds so fiction. I mean interviews right, just edifying myself. Twitter has decimated my reading ability. I read every morning, but it is like I'll get I can get through one chapter. That's well, that's reading a chapter every morning, I would say, is like huge. 00:23:41 Speaker 3: John when I was in high school. I was reading like a book a week, you know, like that's beautiful. 00:23:48 Speaker 2: You were a word Okay, I figured you were a total fucking doork. Okay, No, I know what you mean, and I will say I have gotten it back a little bit. You have? And has it been through discipline? 00:24:05 Speaker 3: Are you setting aside like parts of the day where I'm going to be reading and not looking at my phone or is it just that kind of comes back? 00:24:12 Speaker 2: It honestly has been like searing. This will sound very self serving, but just like well, no, hold on, it's I'll tell you what it was, what it was through This is actually how I got Sincerely, if you guys want to know, if you guys, I'm talking to your audience. 00:24:30 Speaker 4: All right, the first that don't want to know, uh. 00:24:35 Speaker 2: The reason why I even thought to give you the Paris Review, which, by the way, if it's not clear, it's a complete joke, a very funny, kind of expensive joke. I think it's a great but it's a joke that actually works on a practical level, which is it really does? It really does. But what happened was I became and this is what got me back into reading, was I became obsessed with Wallace Sean, who you know are beloved While Sean, but he also is a playwright, which like a lot of people don't actually know. They know him as the guy from the Genius from Clueless, like from you know, Princess Bright, and he's a fucking like brilliant playwright that my friend, one of my dear friends, has always been obsessed with and she finally kind of got me into him and like and then so then so I became obsessed with him through his place and then he was on search Party, oh right, as was his longtime girlfriend, Debora Eisenberg. Okay, and she is like a MacArthur genius, like true, like she's like she writes short stories. She's she's like beloved and like she's like a New York like literary icon, like like people like really love her. And so I became very curious about her through while Sewan whatever. And then at the very beginning of the pandemic, like this the kind of the way I started, like, oh and I met her. I met her through Search Party and I spent like two days with her just like talking to her, and it was like it was just a really really beautiful experience and then the second lockdown happened. I just started reading. I was like, this is a very clear like a short story writer. It's like kind of a very clear like task. It doesn't feel overwhelming like, oh I'm reading, I'm gonna to read six novels to complete this person's like, you know, whole body of work. Like I there was something very digestible about like read a short story every day. So I started reading her shit and like went bonkers for her, like absolutely bonkers. And that was the thing that created the habit of reading again and made me like hate Twitter in a really nice way. And also, I mean it was like it was like during the election two and I just was like getting so angry every fucking day, or during the primaries, like the Bernie stuff, I just was so angry about like everything that was happening to Bernie and so and so, like reading Deborah just really took me out of a really dark, dark rage place. And then and then it just kind of created this hole. It's like this new hole to be film which and like once I finished her work, I started just looking up who she likes, who, what her favorite books are. And then and it's I've just since been kind of building on this, like there's like the Deborah Eisenberg nucleus, and then like everyone she's like influenced by her loves or like has worked with or something, you know, like it's and and that's what's done it for me. And then there's this really long interview with her in the Paris Review that I was like dying. Okay, here here's the scalding tea. You better get your fucking burn cream ready because goll with this team. So there there is let's just say, there is a paywall the Paris Review for it to read this interview with her, and I was so obsessed with her and so desperate to hear her like talk right, And I paid forty nine dollars that's a Paris Review subscription to read one interview. 00:28:10 Speaker 3: To care about anything that much to pay forty nine dollars, I would blage. 00:28:17 Speaker 2: And then I forgot I read the interview having paid for the description, completely forgot that I had paid for the subscription. And then maybe a couple months later, a fucking fat Paris Review arrived in the mail and I felt so chic. And now I have a little stack of like four Paris reviews on the fire place. That's exactly where they need to be. Have you read them? I have not cracked one, but I was looking at I was looking at the stack as I was like, what do I get Bridger, because I was like, there's like a little novelty store down the road. They have a handcuffs. I was like, it's so not my sense of humor though about hand cuff. But I was like desperate, of course. And then I looked at the Paris reviews and I was like. 00:29:06 Speaker 3: That's good, It's perfect. I mean, it's I'm genuinely looking forward to getting them. I'll read one thing from each of them. 00:29:13 Speaker 2: Yeah, well my my plan, of course, I have this idea that like one day I'll get to them and I'll work my way through them, all right. 00:29:21 Speaker 3: Yeah, And that's the thing about a literary magazine, at least you know, the short stories or whatever are hopefully ever green and you can look at them down the road, you know. 00:29:30 Speaker 2: With what I was earlier when. 00:29:32 Speaker 3: I said I'll occasionally subscribe to The New Yorker, I'll usually get to there's a part of the magazine I'll get to that just makes me mad, and then I dispose of but yeah, so it'll be nice to have a quarterly thing to look forward. 00:29:48 Speaker 2: No, and it's it's not. I do feel like again our generation, like the New Yorker, has always been the kind of signifire of like prestige or like kind of high mindedness or something. Yeah. 00:30:00 Speaker 3: No, I fully I'm fully on board with that, and I feel like the Paris Review is kind of suddenly about to take the spotlight. 00:30:09 Speaker 2: I don't know, well, I'm with this podcast, with this, with this particular No, I do feel like people are our age, are looking for something more. I agree. I don't know. I could be wrong, I could be absolutely true. I think people are really hating Twitter. I think people are really really. 00:30:32 Speaker 3: It feels like the hate that we've been talking about for like the last five years or so is finally really kind of cemented, and people are actually like, I can't do this anymore. 00:30:42 Speaker 2: This is not Are you on it much? 00:30:47 Speaker 5: No? 00:30:47 Speaker 2: Because I literally lock myself out of it with this app called Freedom. Oh that's beautiful. What does the app do? I don't know. No, it it basically you just like schedule it. It locks you out of whatever apps, whatever websites you want to be locked out of right, or like a certain amount of time, and I do a full like when I wake up in the morning, like I do it. I set it to like eight thirty am the next morning, and then I basically wake up, have a miserable half hour where I'm like taking it in, and then I like gleefully relock myself out of it for another like twenty three hours. And then and then what happens, of course, is my body is so fucking accustomed to just typing t W I tinking in every four seconds, and I do it, and then it goes this green screen pops up and it literally says like congrats, you're free. Oh this is lovely. It's like relaxed, like like enjoy that. Like you're not like do the work you were meant to be doing. You know, it's like corny like neoliberal shit, but it's like but it's still It's like it's so nice because you literally can't help yourself. You just type it in and before you know it, you're just on Twitter and already minutes have gone away, and you know it's it's everyone knows it. 00:32:02 Speaker 3: But wait, but are there any this is my problem? Are there workarounds? 00:32:07 Speaker 2: Of course? See I need. But I tell you what, it's not. Okay, it's hard because it's hard. It's hard to make yourself a puzzle. 00:32:20 Speaker 4: Yeah. 00:32:20 Speaker 2: Yeah, that's a really good point. I wish it were that hard, but it's like it's more just like you have to you have to like delete the app from your phone and often. And this is what I actually really like about it, even though it can be really annoying when you actually do need to use Instagrams like promote somethings, but like it kind of like fucks up your apps, Like it like the whatever the blocker is is like fucking intense, and like even I'll like delete the app and I'll still my Instagram will be like really slow. Once it's incredible, yeah, and I'm just like honestly good. It like kind of makes it all a little less slick and just you know, easy to be on for two hours. Yeah. 00:32:59 Speaker 3: I mean in the last like year and a half or so, I put on the I don't even know, is it the phone saying like you have this amount of time for this day or whatever. 00:33:08 Speaker 2: Oh yeah, it's so devastating everything. 00:33:09 Speaker 3: Yeah, but every day now, at least on like Instagram, I guess it says like, you have five minutes left and I just put ignore limit for the day. But I think that's more because of the pandemic. I'm just like, look what. 00:33:20 Speaker 2: Else am I going to do? 00:33:23 Speaker 3: And for me at least, Instagram, I mean, it's just such an absolute waste of time. It's not doing any My brain is not no new information is entering my brain. No, I'm not thinking so. But I will say Instagram doesn't feel it's not sending me into an immediate rage as soon as I'm looking at it, I completely agree. 00:33:45 Speaker 2: I mean there's Instagram has its kind of own special kinds of like rage, right which I would say are like infographic based. No, of course, the infographic trend has rightly ooh that is here ten ways you know that, and then you're like swiping through it and it's like, oh I am a monster. Sorry, I actually do need to check my privilege. I forgot to check my privilege to that. H yeah, it's uh. 00:34:21 Speaker 3: I have a I do have a like a secret Instagram account to just follow things that I genuinely enjoy and then like my sister follows it. 00:34:31 Speaker 2: But does it turn into you just checking? 00:34:34 Speaker 3: Of course, It's like me checking this podcast's Instagram and then me checking my personal Instagram, and then it's just really who cares? It just means that I'm using it three times as much. Rather John, I want to play a game. 00:34:55 Speaker 2: I can't wait. 00:35:00 Speaker 3: It's been a while since we've played this game called Gift Master. So I'm just going you know, usually I give a choice. I'm taking a little more control on this podcast. 00:35:08 Speaker 2: I want to choose. You shouldn't have to choose a father figure. Yes, for sure, absolutely, and I'm stepping in, thank you. So I do need a number between one and ten? Now you know what I want to say, No, I don't. What do you think I want to say? What's the number that everyone chooses when they choose number two, one, and ten? The through my own research is eight. Really yeah, trying to be cool and go one over from seven. 00:35:38 Speaker 5: I've always felt since I was a little boy that people like that, when teachers are like picking ever to oneted Eric, seven, I feel like that has always been the go to number. 00:35:54 Speaker 2: I'm telling you on this podcast it's eight. I promise you. It's people not wanting to just. 00:36:00 Speaker 3: Yeah, I guess they don't want to do seven and rarely does anyone do below five? 00:36:04 Speaker 2: You're never getting a three. No one says one unless you're like, I know, David Foster Wallace what I'm talking about. I'm just like trying to imagine a really pretentious person choosing one. I love. 00:36:20 Speaker 3: Yeah, I love presenting somebody with that. And then the person decides they're going to be difficult with choosing a number. 00:36:26 Speaker 2: Well, look at me, okay, okay, I'm going to say nine. No, Wow, that's high. 00:36:31 Speaker 3: Okay, I think okay, I have to do some calculating in order to get the game pieces. There's a system of randomization in order to keep it fair. So now you do have the microphone. You can promote something, you can recommend something, you can do whatever you want. You can talk about something you enjoy. I don't care while you do the calculations. Yes, okay, I will tell you. You have who knows how much time? It could be seconds, it could be truly two minutes. 00:37:01 Speaker 4: Okay, okay, okay, all right, what's up you guys? Is John Early taking over for Breazure for a couple seconds. I would just like to double it out of my recommendation for deborra Eisenberg, who really changed my life. 00:37:17 Speaker 2: I read all of her short stories. You should read them. You should start with her most recent Your Duck is my Duck, and then you should go back and work through, work your way through chronologically. I also have to promote my favorite movie all time. I've been talking a lot about it on social media. It's called Clockwatchers. It's a kind of forgotten indie gym. It is finally after years of campaigning. I'm not in anyway taking credit for this, but I did campaign for years on Twitter to get it streamable somewhere. It is finally on iTunes. You can rent it. It starts Tony Kollett, Parker Posy, Lisa Kujo, and Alana Yubach. And it's really really beautiful John excellent use of time. I got everything in And I would say Clockwatchers actually feels to me like a debt. It has a tone of the Debor Eisenberg short story. So they pair really beautifully together. I'm going to say this about Clockwatchers. You've been you have been recommending it for probably since as long as I've known you. Yeah, and years ago I tried to find it online, could not finally found a torrent of it downloaded the Torrent. It was in Russian. I think this has happened to so many and was it was dubbed. It wasn't just so it was absolutely dubbed, so it was unwatchable. This literally happened to me. I like planned a trip upstate with a friend and like the big like the like climax was gonna be, We're gonna watch a pirated thing of clockwater shed in the movie, and then we did it, like I had it downloaded and it was literally like dubbed in Korean. Yes, it was like cool, so it was unwatchable and that was like the one copy on the internet. Yeah, I don't know why was that movie under such lock and key for such a long time. You know, I actually, like a true psycho, am like in touch with the director, Oh no way, because I wrote a paper on it in college and she was an NYU grad and so I was like I like went through the alumni and got her like information and like interviewed her about it and we like and she very sweetly like kept in touch with me over the years and like I love her and she had a really brutal experience in this industry, one example being that like they literally the company like lost the print. You're what, there's like no existing like thirty five millimeters or whatever. She was like, you don't have it. She's like no, they never gave it to me, Like it was like last at this festival they said they don't have you know, but someone has it because it recently there's like a new like streamable and it's like beautiful quality, like hd ass, I rented it and it's fantastic. You when did you rent it? Like when you you recommended, I mean you posted about it online. I was like, thank god, it's finally available. I have it because that cast is phenomenal, Like John has great taste. I have to. I've been wanting to see the movie for years. Then you are the movies number one promoter, number one fanom promoter. 00:40:05 Speaker 3: And it's so it's it looks amazing. It's so beautifully directed. But then that cast is incredible. 00:40:12 Speaker 2: I know. I think it's so visually beautiful, like that's one of the No one talks about it, but when they do talk about they don't talk about the visuals. The visuals are true, like it's actually directed, it's yeah, exactly, it's very deliberate. Has she done anything else. She did a movie called Thirteen Conversations About One Thing, which was a follow up, and it was with like John Deturo, Amy Irving, Matthew McConaughey, Clea Duval Wow, And it was really good, but it like came out right before nine to eleven and no one saw it. And then she made this other movie with like Greg Kaneer, Alan Arkin and Billy Crudup that was like basically hijacked from her mid process by like the executives, and they like ruined it. And then I'm not doing the same words as hell, right, what is she doing now? She's just like in the valley with her sister, like just hanging out out. I have I literally I don't. I don't know. Like I literally sent her an all caps email being like it's streaming. I was like, are you excited? It's finally Like she had no idea, of course not. I told her that is why. I literally, like, I mean literally years of it being unavailable. She had no idea that her first her debut movie was available. She was like, oh really like kind of just like she's just like break It's it's devastating. I always I always like she's by the way, I interviewed her for this like Tony Kolett thing I did a while ago, and she brought she came over to my place, my apartment. Oh my god, you are truth that the president of the fan club, and she literally brought me a prop I had a rite here. It's I don't know if you remember from recently watching it, it's the pen Jack Schoberg Clu. That's kind of a pivotal thing. And yeah, he's like the sleazy guy in the bar who gives the pen to Lisa Kudro, right, you know, and they realize that it's actually kind of a fake title and he's just being a sleeze ball. 00:42:08 Speaker 3: That's I have the fucking pen, John, you just grabbed that. It seems randomly off your desk. Where are you keeping this? It's going to be lost. 00:42:19 Speaker 2: I know, I need it needs to be in a fucking like staple that to the wall or something. No, what's it? I think a shadow box sounds right, yeah, yeah, no, no, I know, but it's it's in a little pen holder. Right now, Okay, I'm gonna I know, I know, I know, I need to get it more formally. I will honey, I'll spend the money on it. Okay. The game. The game is called Gift Master. 00:42:47 Speaker 3: I'm going to tell you three potential gifts, and then I'm going to tell you three celebrities, and you have to tell me which celebrity you will give which gift. 00:42:57 Speaker 2: And why does that make sense? It's very easy. Why did I say the word nine, I mean the word number. 00:43:02 Speaker 3: The number nine. Well, I have a long list of potential gifts and a long list of potential celebrities, and then I go through one, two, three, four, five, six, seven eight nine one too. Does that make sense? I've had a lot of questions about that. Okay, I'll play along. I'll play along. You just tell me if I'm doing anything wrong. 00:43:19 Speaker 2: You're gonna You're gonna be fine. Okay. The three gifts that you're going to be giving, this is where I struggle. The three gifts are. I'm writing them down, Okay. 00:43:29 Speaker 3: Impacted molars, that's that's you know, like when your wisdom teeth are essentially you know, I'm not a dentist, I'm not an orthodonis, but I feel like they're kind of just really in there, They're really they're under the gun, right they're impacted. 00:43:47 Speaker 2: You haven't gotten your wisdom teeth removed, basically, right. 00:43:50 Speaker 3: And I think that it makes getting them removed more difficult. Okay, Okay, but I could be wrong. I just like the sound of impact impowers. Number two, cozy slippers, Okay, I like a pair of cozy slippers. And finally, a true sense of self. 00:44:09 Speaker 2: That's the third gift you'll be gifting. Okay, So two of. 00:44:12 Speaker 3: These things are non traditional gifts, and that's fine. The people you're giving them to area Ronan, who you know, we all know and love the performances of Roan. This next one I may have to give some context to because it took me a moment. Robert Irvine, Now, Robert Irvine, I think he hosts Restaurant Impossible. He's kind of this extremely muscle bound British man with he goes around restaurants around the country and yells at the restaurant owners about what they're doing wrong. 00:44:49 Speaker 2: I'm looking him up right now, is that? Okay? Yeah, of course I've never seen him in my life, but he's There's a picture that I found of him flexing holding a whist that on the cover of Muscle and Fitness. Absolutely roided out. Yes, you can see like that is not that is not him. That's a head put on that body completely. But look at the spongy quality of roid roydtwork. He's incredible. 00:45:20 Speaker 3: Now you're not familiar with him, I can I can switch celebrities if you'd like, or you can keep him. I think that gives you a good idea. 00:45:28 Speaker 2: I feel like he was. 00:45:29 Speaker 3: Part of like the British Special Forces and then probably opened a restaurant. Is now yelling at American restaurant tours? Yes, okay, Robert Irvine. And finally Miles Teller actor Miles Teller of Whip. 00:45:49 Speaker 2: What was the movie? Yes, yes, AND's the one with the roller derby girls. 00:46:00 Speaker 3: Well that is that's right, that's equipment. He's in a whiplash. I don't know that I've seen him in another film. I do remember when I was living in New York there were a lot of posters for a movie he was in that I could The posters made me angry every time I saw them. 00:46:16 Speaker 2: Was it the Army one? It's called like, who are you talking to? Well, I'm gonta look it up because it's. 00:46:25 Speaker 3: I feel like it was one where he was like I want to say, like, actually, I don't I don't know what the character was. 00:46:31 Speaker 2: He looked like an asshole. I remember seeing him. I'm not what war Dogs? No, No, I don't know that it was. He always has that look on his face. So it's just the movie that I thought was called who Were You talking to? Is called Thank You for Your Service? 00:46:50 Speaker 3: I'm gonna I want to let's see two. I want to say it probably was war Dogs. 00:46:56 Speaker 2: Yeah, war Dogs were bled for the tacular, now bleed for this? What's that? We're now just looking up the Miles tail. I saw Footloose in theaters the remake with him. He was in Footloose the remake. How was the movie? I honestly loved it. I was there with two friends from high school were we were trying to have a good old time, right, and we had a blast. And I thought he was a star Miles Teller. Yes, I thought he was such unnatural. I thought he was a star. And then I hear that he's he doesn't have a good reputation. And that's not that doesn't surprise me at all. Private information that is like much publicized. But it's depressing because I think he's so gorgeous and like a marriage. 00:47:43 Speaker 3: Can't look at his face, his face just he does not look like a good person to me. 00:47:48 Speaker 2: Oh my see, I mean, I guess you must be you must be right. And then I'm looking up what is his reputation? Just like a kind of like, you know, unprofessional, kind of hot headed? Okay, sure, like freak outs on set, showing up late, that kind of stuff. I mean, I do need I'm I'm gonna message you this poster for this movie, bleed for this because I do need you to just quickly for context, see what I'm talking about. See the subway every day and I was just I fly into rage. You're working on Kimmy Schmidt. Yes, can you imagine? I know? Who is that? Aaron Eckhart. Oh, it's Aaron Eckhart. So hot. Still, he is very good looking, he really is. And I Kate and I recently rewatched Aaron Brockovic. I've never seen Aaron Brockovic. It's a damned delight. You should watch it. Okay, it's very inspiring. 00:48:47 Speaker 3: John, Okay, it's time for you to tell me who was getting what? 00:48:51 Speaker 2: Give your refresher on all of that information? How many times I have to tell you this. I wrote it down. That's okay, you told me once. Okay, so well I think it's pretty clear. Well, actually, I don't know I'm gonna. I'm gonna I'm gonna say I'm going to give Robert Irvine cozy slippers, okay, because I don't know. I feel like, I feel like he's sweet. I mean again, i've never seen him speak, I've never seen his work, but like, I don't know just the amount of work he's putting into his body. That's what I'm saying, that you slip in. 00:49:35 Speaker 3: Yeah, that's someone who needs some type of love or comfort, totally, totally, and it. 00:49:42 Speaker 2: Would be too obvious to give him a true sense of self. But well, see now I'm okay, well, okay, so oh interesting, Yeah, I see what you've done here, I see you know what I mean, So, cozy slippers go to Robert Irvine. Impacted molars I'm going to give to Circia. I think she has a true sense of self, right, that's what I feel like you had trapped yourself. And I actually I love her, but I think she's working so much right now and she needs to be checked a little bit ready, Like I think she actually like I don't want her to. I'm looking out for her. I don't want her to get too big of a head based on like all these leading roles and like a c overexposed exactly. So I want her to like basically have to take some time off to like deal with the with the whatever procedure that requires, and take some time to just kind of like get out of the rat like the prestige rat race that makes perfect sense, and like a realign readjust and kind of actually re examine the next the next choice that she wants to make instead of just going on to the next oh, of course, you know, just the brutal cycle. And then a true sense of self I'm going to give to Miles. Tell her not because I wish him peace, but because I think maybe if he gets a true sense of self, he'll be nicer to crew members, right and this, so this is me looking up for the crew. I think that's great. 00:51:11 Speaker 3: I think that you know, slight disagreements here and there, but I think that that was expertly played. I don't know what to tell anybody, but beautiful, we have to answer a question. This is called I said, no emails people write into I said, no gifts at gmail dot com. People are desperate. Just help me answer a question. Okay, this person, let's see. Okay, this says dear gracious host and esteemed guest. I love listening to your podcast and got my sister and brother in law who live in Brussels hooked two. 00:51:47 Speaker 2: Okay, I remember this question. I'm bought. 00:51:51 Speaker 3: Okay, this is going to be complicated, and I apologize. I count them your gift Master game for Christmas. So what we just played? There's a home version. This person bought for Christmas and was delighted that you made I didn't make it. 00:52:04 Speaker 2: Now makes but is it like with your picture and stuff? John, somehow I've made it into a place in my life that I now have a like a card game. I had no idea I would have prepared more for this. 00:52:21 Speaker 3: Jesus Christ, Oh all that acided to prepare yourself for this. This person bought the gift for the sister and brother in law. They live in Brussels. 00:52:36 Speaker 2: Okay. 00:52:37 Speaker 3: Was delighted to see that it could be shipped directly to Belgium, as international shipping is often a trial. I refuse to read even the most basic information about how gift Master is played, and sent the two of them who are in lockdown with my nineteen year old not nineteen nineteen month old nephew, a game that cannot be played with only two people. I should tell the listener. Now, it's like a three person or more game you can't play. You can bend the rules and play it to people, but you want three people around. In addition, the shipment was assessed at forty euro import tax, which they had to pay in order to receive the gift. Okay, so the brother in law and sister had to pay forty euros just to get this. 00:53:18 Speaker 2: Well, I hope you reimbursed them. 00:53:20 Speaker 3: So I sent them an unplayable game that literally costs them more than I'd paid for it myself. This would have been an amazing sibling prank if I'd actually planned it for them. Gift Masters, yet another joy that's embargoed until after this pandemic is over, Bridger, What can I gift them to make up for this comedy of errors? Many thanks, Eli. So basically this person has made family pay what is forty euros? That's probably sixty dollars? Yeah, yeah, on top of the price for this game which they cannot play so now the person is now thinking of sending another gift, which to me, first of all, what this is this customer service? 00:54:01 Speaker 2: What's happening? 00:54:04 Speaker 3: But we do need to think of something that you can say at this point, I think you're just sending. The first thought here is just pay them back. 00:54:12 Speaker 2: Yes, what are we talking about? It sucks? But like you cannot leave that to them the forty euros. Yeah, I would be absolutely shattered. Yeah, yeah, what what Let me be clear, what's the questions? Like? How to question? 00:54:29 Speaker 3: Is like I want to send them another gift that they can actually use. Okay, first of all, let's just be honest. Everybody's getting you know, the vaccines are, they're on the trucks, they're headed out. 00:54:39 Speaker 2: I would say, wait it out. 00:54:40 Speaker 3: Yeah, it's just like give it another month without mentioning anything. Yeah, and I feel like, you know, Europe, they're probably going They've probably got a decently efficient system of getting the vaccine to people. Yeah, Brussels is not huge, the population is not over. They're probably already completely vaccinated. For I mean, this person probably wrote in months ago. So I apologize, but that's the nature of a podcast. But this is what I'm going to say, by yourself a ticket to get vaccinated, surprise trip to Brussels to play the game. 00:55:19 Speaker 2: And I think that's brilliant. It's a total surprise. It's like and it's and it's literally they show up and they what if the couple's forgotten about the game. They probably have Yeah, it's probably collecting dust somewhere. 00:55:34 Speaker 1: I mean. 00:55:35 Speaker 2: The the one caveat. 00:55:37 Speaker 3: I will say here is that it seems like you've already burdened them once, right, Sorry, are the clean? What are we having for dinner? That said, I think that's a decent thing, or I don't. I just don't even understand the the the the having to pay for an item to arrive situation. 00:56:00 Speaker 2: It just seems like sending them another gift is going to be a it's going to be another expense for there? Is that just a normal way of shipping that? 00:56:10 Speaker 5: Like? 00:56:10 Speaker 2: Like is that? Why did that happen? I guess is my question. I have no idea. 00:56:16 Speaker 3: I wonder if it's because the game is an American product and there's some sort of. 00:56:22 Speaker 2: I'm I'm speaking way beyond my level of knowledge already. 00:56:26 Speaker 3: I haven't even started talking about it. But I guess there's an import tax or something. 00:56:32 Speaker 2: I don't know. 00:56:37 Speaker 3: This is I don't know what was the last gift you gave somebody that you were excited about. 00:56:41 Speaker 2: I like giving gifts. I got my boyfriend a shirt that is like like one of those odd like magic eye think oh interesting, you know, and it says when you like kind of blur your eyes a little bit, it says Epstein didn't kill himself. I'm very proud of that. Where did you get that line? 00:57:03 Speaker 3: Okay, but that's not something you can send to a brother in law. Honestly, no, I think I've never sent something out of the country as a gift. 00:57:11 Speaker 2: This is very it's a difficult. It's it's really hard. 00:57:15 Speaker 3: I think this is you send them, you pay them for the money of the game, add on a little extra for takeout. 00:57:22 Speaker 2: I think that's so classy. Well maybe you do. Maybe you do, like you reimburse for the game. Person, then you do like a kind of digital gift card through some sort of delivery app, right, just more cash me a little more kind of personalized, something that's at least yeah, something that's not just literally more money in their checking account, right right, which you know is also great of. 00:57:48 Speaker 3: Course, nobody can say no to cash, but cash plus whatever European gift card you're finding even know how any of that awayfair Way. No, Look, it's a tricky situation, and you know, basically, hopefully this apology it sounds like they listen to the podcast on occasion. Hopefully this apology will be enough. Brother in law's sister, I'm sorry that you're dealing with this situation. I mean, my hands are completely clean, as her mind has her John's. We're not dragging John, And no, I. 00:58:23 Speaker 2: Mean I would hope not Jesus, but you know, hopefully the reimbursement will happen. Uh, get your vaccine, and I think everything will be fine. Well, and I would argue that this is the gift if they are in fact into the podcast, them like hearing there this kind of drama aired out, you know, and analyzed by us, I think will be a real thrill. So we said better be hello to you and you know, and I say hi to the baby. Okay, we've answered the question. John. This is the end of the there's not another question another game. I don't ask. I'm going you just have to face the void. 00:59:07 Speaker 3: I will bring up another question. I have sixty pages of questions. 00:59:11 Speaker 2: Let's do another question. Let's do one more question. Are you asked for? I'll find a short one. I mean this, whoever is getting the next question is going to be they're very lucky. Okay. 00:59:23 Speaker 3: This next question does not even address the guests, so my apologies, apologies. It just says Bridger. So you're just assumed here, but can I help? Well, the first sentence is I need your help. 00:59:35 Speaker 2: Okay. 00:59:36 Speaker 3: My husband and I moved into our house last March and our neighbors are great. Recently, we had our first significant snow of the year, and they use their snowblower to clear out a portion of the sidewalk as well as their own. They are two middle aged women and one late teens boy who just started college. 00:59:54 Speaker 2: I don't like what I'm hearing. Is this the same sex marriage? 00:59:57 Speaker 3: Okay, we're not answering this question. This is disgusting. Let's see he oh, well, here we go. Here's the turn. He is the one who actually did the blowing. So these two middle aged women did not participate in the help they sent their son out. Besides that, we don't know a ton about them at this point, beyond what John and I have just assumed what is the perfect thank you for clearing our sidewalk gift we can safely leave on their porch. Thanks. That's from Jenny in Omaha. Omaha gets a lot of snow when it gets Omaha was the last place I was in outside of Los Angeles. By the way, Wow. 01:00:34 Speaker 2: That you should do on stage, because that is I mean, there's something there's your show. Wait wait, okay, So the question really is like, what do you get someone you don't know? 01:00:53 Speaker 3: What do you get someone who you don't know in the dead of winter in Omaha? 01:00:57 Speaker 2: I mean in his. 01:00:58 Speaker 3: March, the spring is around the corner. Uh yeah, but you know, clearing people's walks is no walk in the park. It's no Sunday drive. Have you cleared a walk before? 01:01:09 Speaker 2: John? Of course not Bridger. You know. I here's what I'll say, I very boldly. The other like I would say, make something like Okay, for example, I made and this is this is where you get true like this is where you don't get more millennial than this. But I made chili oil. You made chili. This is bone appetite. It's like apetite excess. It's really disgusting. 01:01:39 Speaker 3: How did you make the chili oil. And why when there are so many excellent chili oils you can purchase. 01:01:44 Speaker 2: Well, that is so true, isn't it, Bridger? But I tell you what, Like this recipe you like put star a niece or whatever, annis and cinnamon sticks and like garlic and childs and you like cook. It really loans real long time, and it makes your house smell and and it's also that was just French were incredible. I took three years of French, six years of friends, and I took an additional in college. I did the role plays, I read the books. I was a treasure student. I took the projects to great heights creatively. That teacher I've never seen, Oh but I but I was like, oh, oh, so I make these big batches for myself because it's really like it's just incredible, and it's just like a fun thing to do, Like it feels very like it's it makes your house smell really good, and it's like a nice way to feel the dead dead days. And then I had to borrow a fucking pan for my like elderly neighbors, and like I was like, God, what do I do? It was such a nice thing. They did for me, and then I like gave them and then I gave them little jar of the chili and I wrote the ingredients on and I And the reason why it's worth my for me is because I did. I came up against this sphere of like, is this too bold of a flavor? Right? Like? Is this is it literally too spicy to be giving someone without knowing someone's like palette? Sure? And is it potentially like in this day and age when everyone's allergic to everything, especially in La of all places, people are very picky about their foods, their and their allergens or whatever, is it insane? And I felt like, you know what, fuck that? Like it felt like it felt like a nice kind of rejection of like like kind of La prickliness around food to just be like, I made this chili. If you don't fucking want to throw it away, yeah, pass it on to the next neighbor. But like I felt like this what a specific, unexpected gift for them to get. And it's like, it's it's fun that you put on your eggs raw. Oh, I love on any food anything. It's so versatile. And I just felt like it was I felt proud of it. If It really did feel old fashioned, like jarring or can anything fill your fifties. 01:04:02 Speaker 3: And putting the recipe on the jar. I love that type of gift. I think, wait, where did you get the recipe? John, I need you to tell me where you got the recipe? 01:04:19 Speaker 2: Look Morocco, I actually think it's that's an excellent winter gift, something to warm people up. This is what you do. 01:04:29 Speaker 3: You make the chili oil, you put it in a jar with the recipe by three pairs of mittens. 01:04:34 Speaker 2: Oh that and you send it over. Now three people in the house, of course, the two moms. 01:04:39 Speaker 3: Well, okay, you've already erased the two women in the house. You're looking at just the gen z straight Sun. We know your sis. 01:04:51 Speaker 2: Son. 01:04:56 Speaker 3: No, this is a family of three and they need three pairs of mittens and some chili oil. 01:05:01 Speaker 2: That is so sweet. Yeah, I just yeah, and okay, that's I would say anything that you can kind of like can or make is like just a lovely anything that can sit in the fridge and is very versatile, goes on different things. It's a really sweet homie gift. Or dare I say this is kind of like fancy actually kind of expensive, like some sort of like just like beautiful. This isn't good. You have to you have to tell I was gonna say some sort of like beautiful like coffee table book, but like like we just like I found this coffee table book at this bookstore in La it was called like something about seashells. It's just like it's just like beautiful catalogic like like a museum, like just like pritures of like every single kind of like known like variety of seashells. I'm just like, what if and thank god I have it. I love that. I but like, what if someone had given that to me? I would have fallen to my knees. 01:05:54 Speaker 3: That is not that fancy, I thought you. I mean I truly was like trying. I could not comprehend what you were about to say a coffee table book that coffee fifty. 01:06:05 Speaker 2: Eighty dollars. Okay, but there's a range of coffee table books. That's not a bad say. I think that this is. This is all I'm trying to get out with the chili oil and the seashells, is that people when they get gifts for strangers, they tend to iron out any sort of like actual kind of interesting they're trying to stay like the most vanilla thing that like, yeah, because they want to be safe, like an unscented candle. Who can. But it's like we all know, when you get something like that, you're just like you just throw it away or you like put it in the bin to like the bin in my British you give it. But yeah, and I think that like you actually like really should try to be really really specific. 01:06:47 Speaker 3: That's that is something that just as a gift giver, I've trying I'm trying to embrace more which is the idea of giving someone a gift is it's literally something they weren't expecting. Yeah, it doesn't matter if they can. I mean, you think it's good. 01:07:03 Speaker 2: If they don't think it's good, it wasn't going to be part of their life anyway, right, throw it away And I'm sorry. If you got a book of those fucking seashells and you don't like it, yeah, fuck is your problem? 01:07:15 Speaker 3: Well that sounds like someone who wants a book of like old cars. 01:07:19 Speaker 2: Okay, right, I guess if someone gave that to me, that's it. It's a very soothing you know. I'm happy to get anything. I know, host a podcast where once a week I'm getting random. I love it. I just think it's a fun thing to I don't know, give them some chili oil. 01:07:37 Speaker 1: Though. 01:07:37 Speaker 2: All that said, the chili oil is truly a winter a winter must. Yes, it's the bonapaty recipe. It's called chili crisp. 01:07:45 Speaker 3: Actually right, of course, Well, don't roll your eyes. That's what half of these oils. 01:07:49 Speaker 2: I've got a jar of chili crisp in which, by the way, was given to me as a gift by who, my friend Jessica Gow who's just the all time best. But she gave me an excellent chili crisp. But I'm putting on everything. Did she make it or she didn't make it? But Jessica's both of you. Jessica does listen to this podcast, and once a week she starts texting me in all caps things that she thinks I said wrong, and it's huge for her. Jessica's going to be furious, Jessica. 01:08:23 Speaker 3: I think the chili crisp you gave me has elevated so many of my meals. I can't thank you enough. I can't remember the brand. It has like an old like kind of a grandmotherly figure on it, like a photo of it's the best. Okay, it's gun or something that sounds right. 01:08:45 Speaker 2: Yeah, and she's like a yeah, a kind of stern like a portrait. Yeah. Yeah, Oh that is like the ultimate. 01:08:53 Speaker 3: It's so good, truly putting it on I'm putting it on cottage cheese at this point. 01:08:58 Speaker 2: Yeah, I don't know. I've literally put it in sour I like was starving and nothing in the fridge. I put chili oil in just a fucking container of sour cream. It you're just eating spoonfuls of sour cream. There are was things I could. 01:09:14 Speaker 3: Do, Okay, chili oil. Wow, look at that. We've answered two full questions. One was essentially a customer service inquiry, which I'm fine to answer. People have other problems with my products, reach out, I'll answer months later. 01:09:35 Speaker 2: This is really shaping up to be maybe one of your best episodes. 01:09:38 Speaker 3: When I was absolutely an all time golden Golden episode. Listeners are thrilled. This is the beginning of season two. 01:09:45 Speaker 2: John. I am honored. 01:09:49 Speaker 3: As far as I can tell. I mean, you know, with an interview show, what are we talking about? This isn't cereal, but this is last week was season end of season one, the last of the first year, which was literally the anniversary of Lockdown. Wow, who do you have on Jen Spiro? 01:10:10 Speaker 2: You know Jen Spira, a very funny comedy name is extremely familiar. 01:10:14 Speaker 3: Yeah, she's very funny, John, very funny. I'll check her out on Twitter. And who knows who will be season two? Maybe this is the last episode and I have a fit, John, God bless you. 01:10:27 Speaker 2: For being here. I've got a full year of four magazines to look forward to. I really hope they're good again, haven't cracked a single one, but there's such a good prop if I need to stage a house in a way that you know, really, he's so fun of your staging houses for extra cat for stager. I would love to stage whoever is doing it sucks. Oh, they're always always very bad to me. Exactly what we were just talking about, and we will and this. But I just like the people who stage homes or airbnbs or whatever like apartments like are playing to the lowest comment. They're just being as safe as humanly possible. 01:11:15 Speaker 3: Let me ask you, are you familiar with this photograph of what I believe is maybe a buffalo or an ox that's black and white, A giant, like highly detailed photo of a buffalo. I want you to keep your eyes out for this show, because that is the new that is every one of these. 01:11:36 Speaker 2: I don't know it, but I know it. 01:11:38 Speaker 3: You Oh, it's absolutely You've probably seen it a thousand times. And it's so innocuous that I mean, it's exactly how you stage your home. It's like things that look like objects you would place in a home, but are essentially an object that no one actually owns. 01:11:50 Speaker 2: And I would just encourage the listeners. You don't have to just passively receive this taste. You can. You can bust through and frame whatever you want to frame. You know what I hate the most is the the the brass geometric like it's like little brass, kind of like geometric and there's like a light. Oh, I know what you're talking about. This isms there's like candle holders, there's their lamps. Sometimes they're chip and Joanna Gaines do you know are you familiar with them? 01:12:21 Speaker 3: There are that Christian couple who kind of flips houses on HGTV ship and Joanna second, he's the most annoying husband in America. And it's very much there. 01:12:36 Speaker 2: I've never seen this. 01:12:38 Speaker 3: But they're fully responsible for that, or they were born of it. I can't say for sure. 01:12:43 Speaker 2: Yeah, it's brutal. 01:12:44 Speaker 3: Well, yeah, John again, bless you. 01:12:51 Speaker 2: I've had a wonderful time. I had so much fun, Bridger, and hopefully I'll be able to see you in person at some point. I don't know. I bet soon, probably in the next in the calendar year. Absolutely in the probably by the time I get my second Paris rout. Yeah, okay, I think that's a good benchmark. First, Yeah, benchmark. 01:13:14 Speaker 3: Okay, all right, thank you and listener, this is this is the end. This is I'm going to complete the podcast. Now, whatever you're doing, you can continue to do it without my assistance. You can move on to a song, you can do whatever you want, because now our time is over. 01:13:34 Speaker 2: Goodbye. 01:13:39 Speaker 3: I said, No Gifts is an exactly right production. It's engineered by our dear friend Analise Nelson, and the theme song is by miracle worker Amy Mann. You must follow the show on Instagram at I said No Gifts, that's where you're going to see pictures of all these wonderful gifts I'm getting. Listen and subscribe on Apple Podcasts Stitcher or wherever you found me, And why not leave a review while you're there. It's really the least you could do. And if you're interested in advertising on the show, go to midroll dot com slash ads. 01:14:11 Speaker 1: And I invited you here, I've got I made myself perfectly clear. 01:14:19 Speaker 2: But you're a guess to my home. 01:14:24 Speaker 1: You gotta come to me empty, and. 01:14:28 Speaker 2: I said, no, guest. 01:14:30 Speaker 1: Your presences presents enough. I already had too much stuff. So how did you dance? Surbey me?