1 00:00:00,680 --> 00:00:03,600 Speaker 1: Hi, this is Jorlan Victoria. Thanks so much for listening 2 00:00:03,600 --> 00:00:05,600 Speaker 1: to the podcast and thanks for. 3 00:00:05,559 --> 00:00:08,440 Speaker 2: Supporting the ministry. We believe you're going to have an. 4 00:00:08,320 --> 00:00:12,480 Speaker 1: Awesome twenty twenty four, healthy, productive, and favor filled. 5 00:00:12,800 --> 00:00:15,120 Speaker 2: God bless you today and enjoy the message. 6 00:00:15,280 --> 00:00:18,239 Speaker 1: Well, God bless you for joy to come into your home. 7 00:00:18,600 --> 00:00:19,400 Speaker 2: We love you. 8 00:00:19,600 --> 00:00:21,880 Speaker 1: We know God has good things in store for you. 9 00:00:22,120 --> 00:00:24,960 Speaker 1: He rewards the people that seek after him. I believe 10 00:00:25,000 --> 00:00:26,480 Speaker 1: that's you, or you wouldn't have tuned in, or you 11 00:00:26,520 --> 00:00:27,720 Speaker 1: wouldn't come out today. 12 00:00:27,760 --> 00:00:30,000 Speaker 2: But thank you so much. It's just great to have 13 00:00:30,040 --> 00:00:30,400 Speaker 2: you here. 14 00:00:30,760 --> 00:00:32,720 Speaker 1: I like to start with something funny each week, and 15 00:00:33,120 --> 00:00:36,120 Speaker 1: I heard about this husband and wife. They'd been arguing. 16 00:00:36,560 --> 00:00:39,519 Speaker 1: Now they were giving each other the silent treatment. The 17 00:00:39,600 --> 00:00:41,760 Speaker 1: man had to catch a flight early the next day, 18 00:00:41,800 --> 00:00:43,680 Speaker 1: and he needed his wife to wake. 19 00:00:43,520 --> 00:00:44,880 Speaker 2: Him up at five in the morning. 20 00:00:45,479 --> 00:00:48,440 Speaker 1: Not wanting to break the silence, he just wrote a 21 00:00:48,479 --> 00:00:50,240 Speaker 1: note and put it by the side of her bed 22 00:00:50,560 --> 00:00:53,920 Speaker 1: that said, please wake me up at five. The next morning, 23 00:00:54,000 --> 00:00:56,360 Speaker 1: he woke up at eight in the morning. He was 24 00:00:56,440 --> 00:00:58,639 Speaker 1: furious that he had missed his flight. He went back 25 00:00:58,680 --> 00:01:00,760 Speaker 1: in to find out why his wife didn't wake him 26 00:01:00,800 --> 00:01:02,959 Speaker 1: up and he noticed a little piece of paper by 27 00:01:02,960 --> 00:01:04,840 Speaker 1: the side of his bed. He opened it up and 28 00:01:04,880 --> 00:01:05,920 Speaker 1: it said, wake up. 29 00:01:06,000 --> 00:01:11,039 Speaker 2: It's five. All right, Hold up your Bible. Say it 30 00:01:11,120 --> 00:01:14,200 Speaker 2: like you mean it. This is my Bible. I am 31 00:01:14,280 --> 00:01:15,160 Speaker 2: what it says. I am. 32 00:01:15,760 --> 00:01:18,360 Speaker 1: I have what it says I have. I can do 33 00:01:18,400 --> 00:01:21,000 Speaker 1: what it says I can do. Today I will be 34 00:01:21,080 --> 00:01:25,399 Speaker 1: taught the word of God. I boldly confess. My mind 35 00:01:25,520 --> 00:01:29,080 Speaker 1: is alert, my heart is receptive. I will never be 36 00:01:29,200 --> 00:01:33,560 Speaker 1: the same. In Jesus' name, God bless you. I want 37 00:01:33,560 --> 00:01:37,160 Speaker 1: to talk to you today about having the right expectations 38 00:01:37,280 --> 00:01:38,520 Speaker 1: in your relationships. 39 00:01:39,280 --> 00:01:41,640 Speaker 2: Too often we expect the people. 40 00:01:41,360 --> 00:01:45,600 Speaker 1: In our lives to perform perfectly, to never disappoint us, 41 00:01:45,840 --> 00:01:47,320 Speaker 1: to always be there for us. 42 00:01:47,960 --> 00:01:49,400 Speaker 2: Especially in our marriages. 43 00:01:49,840 --> 00:01:52,520 Speaker 1: We expect our mate to cheer us up when we're down, 44 00:01:53,040 --> 00:01:56,960 Speaker 1: to always be understanding, always be loving and kind. But 45 00:01:57,080 --> 00:02:02,320 Speaker 1: really those are unrealistic expectations. There's no such thing as 46 00:02:02,320 --> 00:02:06,800 Speaker 1: the perfect spouse, perfect boss, the perfect friend. No matter 47 00:02:06,840 --> 00:02:09,800 Speaker 1: how much those people love you, no matter how good 48 00:02:09,800 --> 00:02:12,800 Speaker 1: of a person they are, at some point, they're going 49 00:02:12,840 --> 00:02:13,640 Speaker 1: to disappoint you. 50 00:02:14,040 --> 00:02:14,760 Speaker 2: At some point. 51 00:02:14,800 --> 00:02:17,840 Speaker 1: Most likely they're going to hurt your feelings, and it 52 00:02:17,880 --> 00:02:21,320 Speaker 1: doesn't mean that they're bad people. They're just human, and 53 00:02:21,360 --> 00:02:24,560 Speaker 1: if we're going to have good relationships, we have to 54 00:02:24,639 --> 00:02:27,600 Speaker 1: let people off the hook. We have to give them 55 00:02:27,680 --> 00:02:30,760 Speaker 1: room to make mistakes, to have a bad day once 56 00:02:30,800 --> 00:02:33,520 Speaker 1: in a while. We have to realize they may not 57 00:02:33,680 --> 00:02:37,320 Speaker 1: always be sensitive to our needs. You may spend a 58 00:02:37,320 --> 00:02:39,840 Speaker 1: couple of hours cooking dinner one night and not one 59 00:02:39,840 --> 00:02:42,560 Speaker 1: of your family members thanks you. Or maybe you have 60 00:02:42,639 --> 00:02:46,200 Speaker 1: a friend you went out of your way to include him, 61 00:02:46,320 --> 00:02:48,520 Speaker 1: to make him a part of your group, but then 62 00:02:48,560 --> 00:02:52,040 Speaker 1: he turns around and leaves you out. Includes everybody accept you. 63 00:02:52,480 --> 00:02:56,680 Speaker 1: People will disappoint us. And many times when these things happen, 64 00:02:57,200 --> 00:03:00,560 Speaker 1: instead of letting it go realizing that's just a part 65 00:03:00,600 --> 00:03:03,800 Speaker 1: of life, we start to get resentful toward that person. 66 00:03:04,280 --> 00:03:08,280 Speaker 1: We start treating them differently. Before long, we're a little cold. 67 00:03:08,720 --> 00:03:11,600 Speaker 1: We don't show them the respect that we really should. 68 00:03:11,760 --> 00:03:14,720 Speaker 1: And it's these little things that are the seeds that 69 00:03:14,760 --> 00:03:18,600 Speaker 1: begin to destroy our relationships. It all started because we 70 00:03:18,720 --> 00:03:23,520 Speaker 1: had unrealistic expectations. But we have to accept the fact 71 00:03:23,840 --> 00:03:28,080 Speaker 1: that nobody is perfect, and the people you're in relationship 72 00:03:28,120 --> 00:03:32,160 Speaker 1: with probably have a few things about their personality that 73 00:03:32,280 --> 00:03:33,360 Speaker 1: can get on your nerves. 74 00:03:33,760 --> 00:03:35,400 Speaker 2: A few things that can irritate you. 75 00:03:35,880 --> 00:03:39,480 Speaker 1: Maybe your husband is a little sloppy, leaves clothes on 76 00:03:39,520 --> 00:03:42,840 Speaker 1: the floor, or you have a friend that's always running late. 77 00:03:43,080 --> 00:03:45,240 Speaker 1: You get there on time, but then you have to wait. 78 00:03:45,680 --> 00:03:48,560 Speaker 1: Or maybe somebody at the office has a loud voice 79 00:03:48,920 --> 00:03:51,600 Speaker 1: when they talk on the phone, it just booms out 80 00:03:51,680 --> 00:03:52,680 Speaker 1: through the whole workplace. 81 00:03:52,760 --> 00:03:54,920 Speaker 2: Kind of gets on your nerves. Well, you have to. 82 00:03:54,880 --> 00:03:59,440 Speaker 1: Ask yourself does the benefit of being in relationship with 83 00:03:59,480 --> 00:04:02,040 Speaker 1: that person outweigh the irritations. 84 00:04:02,600 --> 00:04:04,960 Speaker 2: If it does, you need to make adjustments. 85 00:04:05,480 --> 00:04:08,880 Speaker 1: You have to train yourself to focus on the things 86 00:04:08,880 --> 00:04:11,960 Speaker 1: you like about that person and not the things you 87 00:04:12,040 --> 00:04:16,120 Speaker 1: don't like. Most of the time you'll find one hundred 88 00:04:16,160 --> 00:04:20,039 Speaker 1: good qualities and only a few things that irritates you. 89 00:04:20,640 --> 00:04:23,720 Speaker 1: But if we're not careful, we'll focus on the irritations 90 00:04:23,920 --> 00:04:27,640 Speaker 1: and the things we don't like, and that's what poisons relationships. 91 00:04:28,160 --> 00:04:31,080 Speaker 1: I know this lady. Her husband has a habit of 92 00:04:31,160 --> 00:04:35,080 Speaker 1: chewing ice. He constantly has ice in his mouth. Everywhere 93 00:04:35,120 --> 00:04:38,560 Speaker 1: he goes at home, watching TV, driving in the car, 94 00:04:38,600 --> 00:04:39,760 Speaker 1: he's chomping on that ice. 95 00:04:40,080 --> 00:04:42,039 Speaker 2: Just a little quirk something he likes to do. 96 00:04:42,440 --> 00:04:46,320 Speaker 1: And she can't stand it gets her so uptight. She 97 00:04:46,400 --> 00:04:50,120 Speaker 1: is complained and complained, and he's tried to stop a 98 00:04:50,200 --> 00:04:53,000 Speaker 1: couple of times. He's quit, then he starts right back 99 00:04:53,040 --> 00:04:56,280 Speaker 1: up again. She's so frustrated by it. And here her 100 00:04:56,440 --> 00:04:59,960 Speaker 1: husband is a good man, a loving man, he's got 101 00:05:00,240 --> 00:05:04,640 Speaker 1: all these great qualities, but she's allowing this one irritation 102 00:05:05,360 --> 00:05:08,880 Speaker 1: to upset her and start to make her resentful toward 103 00:05:08,960 --> 00:05:11,919 Speaker 1: that man. And I told her what I'm telling you. 104 00:05:11,920 --> 00:05:15,680 Speaker 1: You're focused on the wrong things. You're expecting that man 105 00:05:15,760 --> 00:05:18,320 Speaker 1: to be perfect, not have any flaws. 106 00:05:18,640 --> 00:05:19,760 Speaker 2: That's not realistic. 107 00:05:20,600 --> 00:05:23,480 Speaker 1: You have to give the people in your life the 108 00:05:23,520 --> 00:05:27,880 Speaker 1: grace to be human. Remember the reasons why you married 109 00:05:27,880 --> 00:05:31,040 Speaker 1: that man, Remember the reasons you fell in love with 110 00:05:31,080 --> 00:05:35,080 Speaker 1: that young lady. Focus on those qualities and learn to 111 00:05:35,200 --> 00:05:38,159 Speaker 1: overlook the things you don't like. I'm sure there's a 112 00:05:38,200 --> 00:05:40,200 Speaker 1: time you can talk to them about it. You can 113 00:05:40,279 --> 00:05:44,200 Speaker 1: express your concerns. But even if they never change, we 114 00:05:44,240 --> 00:05:47,880 Speaker 1: should not allow a little quirk in somebody's personality to 115 00:05:47,960 --> 00:05:51,320 Speaker 1: cause us to be resentful and lose the respect and 116 00:05:51,440 --> 00:05:54,960 Speaker 1: admiration we had for that person. If they don't change, 117 00:05:55,080 --> 00:05:56,560 Speaker 1: you're going to have to change your approach. 118 00:05:56,800 --> 00:05:58,560 Speaker 2: You've got to change the way you deal with it. 119 00:06:00,080 --> 00:06:02,039 Speaker 1: One time, when I was younger, I went to a 120 00:06:02,200 --> 00:06:05,520 Speaker 1: summer camp and my roommate was one of my best friends. 121 00:06:05,839 --> 00:06:08,839 Speaker 1: We stayed in this little dormitory together and we always 122 00:06:08,880 --> 00:06:13,160 Speaker 1: got along. We played sports together, hung together after school. 123 00:06:13,640 --> 00:06:17,160 Speaker 1: And at this camp, he brought along hy stereo system 124 00:06:17,560 --> 00:06:20,960 Speaker 1: and he had this favorite song that he played over 125 00:06:21,320 --> 00:06:22,400 Speaker 1: and over again. 126 00:06:22,640 --> 00:06:23,880 Speaker 2: I don't mean one time. 127 00:06:24,240 --> 00:06:27,200 Speaker 1: Every time we were in the room or even near 128 00:06:27,279 --> 00:06:30,040 Speaker 1: the room, he would put the song on. And at 129 00:06:30,080 --> 00:06:32,680 Speaker 1: first it didn't bother me. We were at camp, no 130 00:06:32,760 --> 00:06:36,240 Speaker 1: big deal, we were having fun. But after about the 131 00:06:36,279 --> 00:06:39,200 Speaker 1: fourth day, that started to get on my nerves. I 132 00:06:39,279 --> 00:06:42,240 Speaker 1: must have heard that song five hundred times. I could 133 00:06:42,279 --> 00:06:45,039 Speaker 1: practically hear it in my sleep. It was by a 134 00:06:45,080 --> 00:06:48,479 Speaker 1: popular Christian artist. I thought if I saw the gud probably. 135 00:06:48,240 --> 00:06:48,960 Speaker 2: Ring his neck. 136 00:06:49,040 --> 00:06:52,920 Speaker 1: I was sick of that song and my personality type, 137 00:06:53,400 --> 00:06:57,200 Speaker 1: especially back then, I would never confront anybody, and even 138 00:06:57,240 --> 00:06:59,320 Speaker 1: though I never said anything about it down in here, 139 00:06:59,320 --> 00:07:02,280 Speaker 1: I was so irritated. Every time I go to our room, 140 00:07:02,320 --> 00:07:02,880 Speaker 1: he'd come in. 141 00:07:02,880 --> 00:07:03,680 Speaker 2: Turn the song on. 142 00:07:04,320 --> 00:07:07,360 Speaker 1: I tried to hint, hey, whon't we listen something else? Oh, no, Joel, 143 00:07:07,400 --> 00:07:09,320 Speaker 1: I really like this. You don't mind, do yet? No, 144 00:07:09,480 --> 00:07:13,320 Speaker 1: I don't mind a bit. I was lying through my teeth. 145 00:07:14,400 --> 00:07:17,520 Speaker 1: And what's interesting is instead of just being honest and 146 00:07:17,560 --> 00:07:20,320 Speaker 1: say yeah, I'm ready for something new, the way I 147 00:07:20,400 --> 00:07:23,800 Speaker 1: responded is by treating him differently the rest. 148 00:07:23,600 --> 00:07:26,440 Speaker 2: Of the camp. I didn't hang out with him on purpose. 149 00:07:26,520 --> 00:07:29,640 Speaker 1: I avoided him. When I did see him, I was cold. 150 00:07:29,680 --> 00:07:31,200 Speaker 1: I wasn't my friendly self. 151 00:07:31,840 --> 00:07:34,960 Speaker 2: I allowed that one irritation to come between the two 152 00:07:35,000 --> 00:07:35,360 Speaker 2: of us. 153 00:07:35,760 --> 00:07:38,680 Speaker 1: After camp, we went back to being best friends, hung 154 00:07:38,720 --> 00:07:39,800 Speaker 1: out the rest of the summer. 155 00:07:40,080 --> 00:07:42,800 Speaker 2: For so often we do just what I did. 156 00:07:43,040 --> 00:07:46,680 Speaker 1: We focus on a small irritation, we let it get 157 00:07:46,760 --> 00:07:50,480 Speaker 1: under our skin, and before long we lose sight of 158 00:07:50,600 --> 00:07:54,120 Speaker 1: all the other great qualities about that person and we 159 00:07:54,240 --> 00:07:57,720 Speaker 1: start to resent them. The truth be known, most of 160 00:07:57,720 --> 00:08:01,240 Speaker 1: the time, it's not something in the big picture of 161 00:08:01,280 --> 00:08:05,400 Speaker 1: life that's even worth losing a relationship over. I know 162 00:08:05,440 --> 00:08:07,360 Speaker 1: if I'd been honest with him, he would have quit 163 00:08:07,440 --> 00:08:10,400 Speaker 1: playing that song. And even if he didn't, I could 164 00:08:10,400 --> 00:08:12,800 Speaker 1: have overlooked it. I could have changed, I could have 165 00:08:12,800 --> 00:08:13,680 Speaker 1: made adjustments. 166 00:08:13,920 --> 00:08:15,880 Speaker 2: After all, it wasn't harming me. 167 00:08:16,720 --> 00:08:19,840 Speaker 1: I just made the mistake of focusing on it, and 168 00:08:19,920 --> 00:08:23,920 Speaker 1: what we focus on, we magnify. It becomes bigger than 169 00:08:23,960 --> 00:08:27,160 Speaker 1: it really is. And that's why it's so important that 170 00:08:27,240 --> 00:08:30,560 Speaker 1: you learn to focus on the good qualities of the 171 00:08:30,560 --> 00:08:34,320 Speaker 1: people you're in relationship with. Every person has things that 172 00:08:34,360 --> 00:08:36,719 Speaker 1: can get on our nerves. You may think, man I 173 00:08:36,800 --> 00:08:38,840 Speaker 1: wish I was married to him, I wish I was 174 00:08:38,840 --> 00:08:42,120 Speaker 1: married to her. She looks so nice, he looks so perfect. 175 00:08:42,640 --> 00:08:45,000 Speaker 1: Now you wouldn't be around them for a few days 176 00:08:45,400 --> 00:08:48,160 Speaker 1: before you found something that kind of irritated you. But 177 00:08:48,240 --> 00:08:50,280 Speaker 1: the difference would be most of the time you just 178 00:08:50,400 --> 00:08:55,360 Speaker 1: overlook it. See, when we're dating, when something's new, we 179 00:08:55,400 --> 00:08:57,920 Speaker 1: don't necessarily magnify the negative. 180 00:08:58,360 --> 00:09:01,400 Speaker 2: We focus on what we like. We see all the 181 00:09:01,440 --> 00:09:04,680 Speaker 2: person's good qualities. But it's kind of sad to say. 182 00:09:05,000 --> 00:09:08,040 Speaker 1: Many times when we get married we change our focus 183 00:09:08,320 --> 00:09:09,920 Speaker 1: and we think, man, I didn't know he did. 184 00:09:09,800 --> 00:09:12,160 Speaker 2: This or that, or she's got faults. He's got faults. 185 00:09:12,880 --> 00:09:15,520 Speaker 1: But if we're going to really have good marriages, we 186 00:09:15,559 --> 00:09:17,400 Speaker 1: need to live like we were still dating. 187 00:09:18,160 --> 00:09:19,359 Speaker 2: If we'd put forth. 188 00:09:19,080 --> 00:09:22,400 Speaker 1: The same effort to keep that person that we did 189 00:09:22,440 --> 00:09:24,600 Speaker 1: to get the person, I'm sure we'd have a lot 190 00:09:24,640 --> 00:09:26,240 Speaker 1: better relationships, we'd have a. 191 00:09:26,200 --> 00:09:27,400 Speaker 2: Lot less breakups. 192 00:09:28,000 --> 00:09:30,680 Speaker 1: I mean, when you were dating that girl could do 193 00:09:30,800 --> 00:09:33,760 Speaker 1: no wrong, you'd go anywhere with her. In your mind, 194 00:09:33,800 --> 00:09:37,319 Speaker 1: that guy, he had no faults. I remember when Victoria 195 00:09:37,320 --> 00:09:39,760 Speaker 1: and I were dating. I would go shopping with her 196 00:09:39,880 --> 00:09:43,559 Speaker 1: all the time, follow her around, carry her bags, as 197 00:09:43,600 --> 00:09:44,440 Speaker 1: happy as can be. 198 00:09:45,480 --> 00:09:47,640 Speaker 2: Now she can't even talk me into going to Walgreens 199 00:09:47,679 --> 00:09:47,959 Speaker 2: with her. 200 00:09:49,720 --> 00:09:51,560 Speaker 1: One time when we were dating, we were driving down 201 00:09:51,559 --> 00:09:54,280 Speaker 1: the road on our way somewhere, and Victoria saw this new, 202 00:09:54,400 --> 00:09:57,600 Speaker 1: big office building that had just been built. She said, Joel, 203 00:09:57,640 --> 00:10:00,319 Speaker 1: let's pull in there and go look at the lobby. Enough, 204 00:10:00,320 --> 00:10:01,760 Speaker 1: we'd pulled in there and looked at the lobby. 205 00:10:02,120 --> 00:10:02,600 Speaker 2: She said that. 206 00:10:02,640 --> 00:10:05,120 Speaker 1: To me today, I would think, Victoria, are you feeling okay? 207 00:10:07,400 --> 00:10:08,160 Speaker 2: Some of you can. 208 00:10:08,080 --> 00:10:11,000 Speaker 1: Remember back when your husband used to take you to 209 00:10:11,040 --> 00:10:14,880 Speaker 1: the high school football games on Friday nights in his 210 00:10:14,960 --> 00:10:18,880 Speaker 1: souped up car, had those big wide tires on the back. Well, 211 00:10:18,920 --> 00:10:21,640 Speaker 1: you shouldn't treat him any differently just because he's wearing 212 00:10:21,679 --> 00:10:26,840 Speaker 1: those tires. I'm too nice to say anything about the ladies. 213 00:10:29,679 --> 00:10:30,560 Speaker 2: For what I'm saying. 214 00:10:31,679 --> 00:10:35,840 Speaker 1: Husband's wives don't focus on each other's faults. Let's live 215 00:10:35,960 --> 00:10:38,839 Speaker 1: like we were still dating. The scripture says here in 216 00:10:38,920 --> 00:10:43,119 Speaker 1: Romans twelve sixteen that we need to adapt and adjust 217 00:10:43,400 --> 00:10:45,640 Speaker 1: in order to keep the peace. Some of you, it's 218 00:10:45,679 --> 00:10:49,280 Speaker 1: you just start making some adjustments, not focusing on the 219 00:10:49,320 --> 00:10:53,200 Speaker 1: other people's faults, not magnifying what you don't like about them, 220 00:10:53,440 --> 00:10:57,320 Speaker 1: and instead give them some grace, instead overlooks some things. 221 00:10:57,600 --> 00:10:59,959 Speaker 1: If you do that, I know you would enjoy your 222 00:11:00,120 --> 00:11:01,319 Speaker 1: life a whole lot more. 223 00:11:01,679 --> 00:11:02,240 Speaker 2: But a lot of. 224 00:11:02,200 --> 00:11:05,400 Speaker 1: Times this goes against the grain. We think, well, Joel, 225 00:11:05,440 --> 00:11:08,120 Speaker 1: I don't want to adapt. I want my husband to change. 226 00:11:08,440 --> 00:11:10,720 Speaker 1: He's the one leaving the dirty clothes on the floor. 227 00:11:10,920 --> 00:11:13,040 Speaker 1: When he picks them up, then I'll be happy. Now, 228 00:11:13,160 --> 00:11:16,080 Speaker 1: sometimes you're gonna have to just swallow your pride, pick 229 00:11:16,120 --> 00:11:17,199 Speaker 1: it up and move on. 230 00:11:17,720 --> 00:11:19,000 Speaker 2: And here's the key. You've got to do it with 231 00:11:19,040 --> 00:11:19,880 Speaker 2: a good attitude. 232 00:11:20,200 --> 00:11:22,120 Speaker 1: You can't go back and find him and just say 233 00:11:22,120 --> 00:11:23,600 Speaker 1: I want you to know I picked up your clothes 234 00:11:23,640 --> 00:11:24,319 Speaker 1: one more time. 235 00:11:25,080 --> 00:11:25,959 Speaker 2: No, just let it go. 236 00:11:26,520 --> 00:11:29,320 Speaker 1: Don't make a big deal about it. Really, it boils 237 00:11:29,320 --> 00:11:32,440 Speaker 1: down to this. If you're going to be in relationship 238 00:11:32,480 --> 00:11:35,960 Speaker 1: with anyone, no matter how loving and kind, you're going 239 00:11:36,040 --> 00:11:39,199 Speaker 1: to have to put up with some things. Quit expecting 240 00:11:39,240 --> 00:11:41,080 Speaker 1: the people in your life to be perfect. 241 00:11:41,280 --> 00:11:42,679 Speaker 2: Quit letting little. 242 00:11:42,440 --> 00:11:45,720 Speaker 1: Irritations get under your skin. That's just a part of life. 243 00:11:45,920 --> 00:11:49,280 Speaker 1: Another thing we should understand is just as other people 244 00:11:49,360 --> 00:11:52,800 Speaker 1: have faults, we have faults, just as they do things 245 00:11:52,840 --> 00:11:55,320 Speaker 1: that irritate us. I'm sure we do some things that 246 00:11:55,400 --> 00:11:56,120 Speaker 1: irritate them. 247 00:11:56,200 --> 00:11:57,920 Speaker 2: It's all what we choose to focus on. 248 00:11:58,520 --> 00:12:02,400 Speaker 1: And if you live with these unrich realistic expectations, thinking 249 00:12:02,520 --> 00:12:06,480 Speaker 1: my spouse, my friends, and my kids, they're never gonna 250 00:12:06,480 --> 00:12:08,400 Speaker 1: disappoint me, never irritate me. 251 00:12:08,720 --> 00:12:10,280 Speaker 2: They'll be there to meet every one of my. 252 00:12:10,400 --> 00:12:14,600 Speaker 1: Needs, all you're doing is setting yourself up for disappointment, 253 00:12:14,720 --> 00:12:18,640 Speaker 1: because that's impossible. No one person can meet all your 254 00:12:18,720 --> 00:12:21,720 Speaker 1: needs and keep you happy. You would have a lot 255 00:12:21,840 --> 00:12:25,400 Speaker 1: better relationships if you would take the pressure off of 256 00:12:25,440 --> 00:12:28,360 Speaker 1: these people and quit making them feel like they got 257 00:12:28,360 --> 00:12:31,120 Speaker 1: to perform perfectly or they're gonna fall out of your 258 00:12:31,160 --> 00:12:34,720 Speaker 1: good grace. A better approach is to say, no, I 259 00:12:34,840 --> 00:12:38,120 Speaker 1: know they're human. I love this man, I love this lady. 260 00:12:38,160 --> 00:12:40,680 Speaker 1: They've got great qualities, but I know at one point 261 00:12:40,760 --> 00:12:42,440 Speaker 1: or another they're gonna disappoint me. 262 00:12:42,880 --> 00:12:44,239 Speaker 2: They may hurt my feelings. 263 00:12:44,480 --> 00:12:46,120 Speaker 1: I know they're not gonna be able to meet every 264 00:12:46,120 --> 00:12:49,320 Speaker 1: one of my needs, and I've already decided though the 265 00:12:49,400 --> 00:12:53,320 Speaker 1: benefits of being in relationship with them far outweigh these 266 00:12:53,360 --> 00:12:56,280 Speaker 1: little irritations, So I'm not gonna focus on those things. 267 00:12:56,400 --> 00:12:59,760 Speaker 1: I'm gonna focus on the good qualities. I really believe 268 00:12:59,760 --> 00:13:02,439 Speaker 1: this is a key. Victoria and I have been married 269 00:13:02,440 --> 00:13:05,719 Speaker 1: going on twenty years. I have never once heard her 270 00:13:05,760 --> 00:13:09,959 Speaker 1: ever say anything negative about me, and I know sometimes 271 00:13:09,960 --> 00:13:13,080 Speaker 1: I get on her nerves. Sometimes I'm caught up in 272 00:13:13,120 --> 00:13:16,000 Speaker 1: my world, doing my thing, writing my sermons. 273 00:13:16,360 --> 00:13:18,640 Speaker 2: But she always sees the best in me. 274 00:13:19,480 --> 00:13:22,200 Speaker 1: I hear tell people all the time, Joey is the 275 00:13:22,240 --> 00:13:23,600 Speaker 1: most perfect husband you. 276 00:13:23,559 --> 00:13:24,400 Speaker 2: Can ever find. 277 00:13:24,920 --> 00:13:27,640 Speaker 1: I know she's either lying or calling it by faith, 278 00:13:30,240 --> 00:13:33,800 Speaker 1: but my point is she doesn't focus on what she 279 00:13:33,920 --> 00:13:34,520 Speaker 1: doesn't like. 280 00:13:34,720 --> 00:13:36,040 Speaker 2: She focuses on the good. 281 00:13:36,800 --> 00:13:40,000 Speaker 1: We all need to learn to magnify the good things 282 00:13:40,040 --> 00:13:42,640 Speaker 1: and the people that we love and the things. 283 00:13:42,400 --> 00:13:45,120 Speaker 2: That we don't like. Let's learn to overlook those things. 284 00:13:45,280 --> 00:13:50,079 Speaker 2: Don't dwell on it. Understand we can't change people. Only God. 285 00:13:50,200 --> 00:13:53,640 Speaker 1: Can You can nag that man or woman night and day, 286 00:13:54,120 --> 00:13:57,480 Speaker 1: complain and give them the cold shoulder but all that's 287 00:13:57,520 --> 00:14:00,360 Speaker 1: going to do is make your life miserable. Don't be 288 00:14:00,400 --> 00:14:03,400 Speaker 1: a complainer, don't be a nag. Don't go around telling 289 00:14:03,440 --> 00:14:05,440 Speaker 1: that person what you don't like night and day. 290 00:14:06,200 --> 00:14:08,439 Speaker 2: Just let it go. I mean, you have to realize 291 00:14:08,720 --> 00:14:09,120 Speaker 2: some of. 292 00:14:09,040 --> 00:14:11,560 Speaker 1: The little irritations that people have, they may have that 293 00:14:11,600 --> 00:14:14,160 Speaker 1: their whole lifetime, that may be with them till the 294 00:14:14,320 --> 00:14:15,080 Speaker 1: day they die. 295 00:14:15,480 --> 00:14:16,360 Speaker 2: You've got to choose. 296 00:14:16,559 --> 00:14:19,200 Speaker 1: Am I gonna let this upset me cause me to 297 00:14:19,240 --> 00:14:23,120 Speaker 1: be resentful toward them and sour my relationship? Or am 298 00:14:23,160 --> 00:14:25,920 Speaker 1: I gonna take a better approach and just overlook it? 299 00:14:26,200 --> 00:14:27,960 Speaker 2: Am I gonna let it go? You don't have to 300 00:14:28,040 --> 00:14:29,040 Speaker 2: let it upset you. 301 00:14:29,560 --> 00:14:32,640 Speaker 1: And when you're with your friends, don't ever say anything 302 00:14:32,680 --> 00:14:36,280 Speaker 1: negative about your spouse, no matter how upset you are 303 00:14:36,520 --> 00:14:39,640 Speaker 1: or what they've done. Don't call your friends and say, well, 304 00:14:39,880 --> 00:14:41,360 Speaker 1: let me tell you this about my husband. 305 00:14:41,720 --> 00:14:44,320 Speaker 2: Can you believe what my wife did? She sow this, 306 00:14:44,480 --> 00:14:46,280 Speaker 2: she's so that she gets on my nerves. 307 00:14:46,680 --> 00:14:50,760 Speaker 1: No, no matter how frustrated you are, don't portray them 308 00:14:50,840 --> 00:14:54,040 Speaker 1: in a negative light. When you talk bad about your spouse, 309 00:14:54,160 --> 00:14:55,520 Speaker 1: it just makes you look bad. 310 00:14:55,880 --> 00:14:58,880 Speaker 2: Comes right back on you. Not only that you're sowing 311 00:14:59,000 --> 00:15:00,760 Speaker 2: the wrong kinds of seeds. 312 00:15:01,400 --> 00:15:06,160 Speaker 1: You should be your spouse's biggest encourager, biggest defender, biggest 313 00:15:06,240 --> 00:15:10,600 Speaker 1: ally biggest fan. You should make them look like they're 314 00:15:10,600 --> 00:15:13,360 Speaker 1: the greatest person in the world. And they may not 315 00:15:13,520 --> 00:15:16,520 Speaker 1: be right now, But the scripture says in Romans that 316 00:15:16,560 --> 00:15:20,480 Speaker 1: we overcome evil with good. And we all have good 317 00:15:20,560 --> 00:15:23,360 Speaker 1: things on the inside, and we have some things that 318 00:15:23,400 --> 00:15:24,320 Speaker 1: are not so good. 319 00:15:24,680 --> 00:15:26,200 Speaker 2: And when you're a nag and you. 320 00:15:26,240 --> 00:15:28,920 Speaker 1: Just focus on the negative, all you're going to do 321 00:15:29,080 --> 00:15:31,640 Speaker 1: is draw the negative out of that person. If you 322 00:15:31,720 --> 00:15:34,560 Speaker 1: want to help them come up higher, start focusing on 323 00:15:34,600 --> 00:15:38,880 Speaker 1: the good. When you magnify the good and you encourage 324 00:15:38,880 --> 00:15:42,480 Speaker 1: your spouse and appreciate and praise them for the things 325 00:15:42,520 --> 00:15:45,480 Speaker 1: you like, not only will you draw out the good, 326 00:15:45,720 --> 00:15:48,520 Speaker 1: but that's a seed that God will use to change 327 00:15:48,560 --> 00:15:52,880 Speaker 1: the negative things. But we don't overcome evil by getting resentful, 328 00:15:53,280 --> 00:15:57,120 Speaker 1: holding a grudge, being upset. We overcome evil by staying 329 00:15:57,160 --> 00:16:01,120 Speaker 1: in peace, by magnifying what's right, by focusing on a 330 00:16:01,160 --> 00:16:05,280 Speaker 1: person's good qualities. If we're gonna have healthy relationships, we 331 00:16:05,400 --> 00:16:08,680 Speaker 1: need to be secure. Some of you today, you need 332 00:16:08,720 --> 00:16:12,200 Speaker 1: to toughen up, quit getting your feelings hurt so easily. 333 00:16:12,760 --> 00:16:15,560 Speaker 1: Don't be so sensitive that people have to walk on 334 00:16:15,640 --> 00:16:19,200 Speaker 1: eggs shells around you, afraid they're gonna upset you, Afraid 335 00:16:19,240 --> 00:16:22,240 Speaker 1: they're gonna do something wrong. Now, that's a sign of 336 00:16:22,280 --> 00:16:26,320 Speaker 1: a very insecure person. And insecure people are some of 337 00:16:26,360 --> 00:16:30,040 Speaker 1: the most difficult to be in relationship with. They've always 338 00:16:30,040 --> 00:16:33,560 Speaker 1: got to have somebody that keeps them quote fixed. By that, 339 00:16:33,680 --> 00:16:36,520 Speaker 1: I mean, if you don't cheer them up and compliment 340 00:16:36,600 --> 00:16:39,000 Speaker 1: them all day long, then they're gonna. 341 00:16:38,760 --> 00:16:39,400 Speaker 2: Get all down. 342 00:16:39,880 --> 00:16:43,200 Speaker 1: The slightest little thing, they're gonna get their feelings hurt. Now, 343 00:16:43,240 --> 00:16:46,920 Speaker 1: if that's you, you've got to change. Quit relying on 344 00:16:46,960 --> 00:16:49,720 Speaker 1: the people around you to keep you happy and start 345 00:16:49,800 --> 00:16:51,120 Speaker 1: keeping yourself happy. 346 00:16:51,600 --> 00:16:52,720 Speaker 2: And don't be a baby. 347 00:16:53,240 --> 00:16:56,440 Speaker 1: Just because somebody didn't speak to you one morning, that 348 00:16:56,480 --> 00:16:59,640 Speaker 1: doesn't mean they don't love you. Maybe they were having 349 00:16:59,680 --> 00:17:03,000 Speaker 1: a maybe they had a lot on their mind. You've 350 00:17:03,000 --> 00:17:05,680 Speaker 1: got to show them a little bit of mercy. Even 351 00:17:05,720 --> 00:17:08,360 Speaker 1: if they were rude, even if they did it on purpose, 352 00:17:08,600 --> 00:17:12,760 Speaker 1: that's okay. They're human sometimes, I'm sure we're rude. When 353 00:17:12,800 --> 00:17:15,639 Speaker 1: people hurt our feelings, we need to ask ourselves. Have 354 00:17:15,760 --> 00:17:20,200 Speaker 1: I ever hurt somebody's feelings when we are irritated by them. Well, 355 00:17:20,240 --> 00:17:22,400 Speaker 1: have I ever irritated somebody? Sure? 356 00:17:22,440 --> 00:17:22,960 Speaker 2: We all have. 357 00:17:23,560 --> 00:17:25,960 Speaker 1: But that doesn't mean we don't love each other. Doesn't 358 00:17:25,960 --> 00:17:29,399 Speaker 1: mean we're not good people. I mean, Victoria, you cannot 359 00:17:29,440 --> 00:17:31,760 Speaker 1: find a more loving, caring person. 360 00:17:32,240 --> 00:17:34,640 Speaker 2: But sometimes she gets on my nerves. 361 00:17:35,680 --> 00:17:38,520 Speaker 1: The two things I always remind myself, Number one, I 362 00:17:38,560 --> 00:17:42,000 Speaker 1: get on her nerves, and number two, the benefits of 363 00:17:42,040 --> 00:17:45,800 Speaker 1: being in relationship with her outweigh the irritations most of 364 00:17:45,840 --> 00:17:51,080 Speaker 1: the time. Why don't you take the pressure off the 365 00:17:51,119 --> 00:17:54,160 Speaker 1: people in your life? Why don't you quit making them 366 00:17:54,200 --> 00:17:57,320 Speaker 1: feel like they've got to perform perfectly or you're not 367 00:17:57,359 --> 00:17:58,080 Speaker 1: going to be happy. 368 00:17:58,640 --> 00:17:59,560 Speaker 2: The next time your. 369 00:17:59,400 --> 00:18:02,159 Speaker 1: Spouse come home a little tired and he's kind of 370 00:18:02,280 --> 00:18:05,959 Speaker 1: short with you, Instead of letting that sour you and 371 00:18:06,040 --> 00:18:08,439 Speaker 1: ruin the rest of the evening, why don't you give 372 00:18:08,520 --> 00:18:11,360 Speaker 1: him the benefit of the doubt, Just have that attitude 373 00:18:11,400 --> 00:18:14,080 Speaker 1: all no big deal. I know he loves me, He's 374 00:18:14,119 --> 00:18:16,200 Speaker 1: just having a hard day. I'm gonna let it go. 375 00:18:16,840 --> 00:18:19,160 Speaker 1: When you do that, you're gonna draw the good out 376 00:18:19,160 --> 00:18:20,440 Speaker 1: of him, not the negative. 377 00:18:21,000 --> 00:18:22,440 Speaker 2: I talked to a lady the other day. 378 00:18:23,040 --> 00:18:26,360 Speaker 1: She's been married for over forty years and her husband 379 00:18:26,480 --> 00:18:28,040 Speaker 1: is not a big gift giver. 380 00:18:28,640 --> 00:18:29,200 Speaker 2: In fact, in. 381 00:18:29,160 --> 00:18:32,080 Speaker 1: Those forty years, he's only brought her flowers a couple 382 00:18:32,080 --> 00:18:35,399 Speaker 1: of times, and for her birthday and special occasions, he 383 00:18:35,440 --> 00:18:37,800 Speaker 1: doesn't give her a gift. He just gives her a card. 384 00:18:38,280 --> 00:18:40,600 Speaker 1: And I was amazed at this lady's attitude. 385 00:18:40,720 --> 00:18:43,520 Speaker 2: That didn't bother her. She was as happy as can be. 386 00:18:43,920 --> 00:18:47,000 Speaker 2: She said, Joel, my husband treats me like a queen. 387 00:18:47,640 --> 00:18:50,000 Speaker 1: I know I can buy whatever I want during the year, 388 00:18:50,359 --> 00:18:52,800 Speaker 1: and I've just accepted the fact that he's not a 389 00:18:52,840 --> 00:18:55,520 Speaker 1: big gift giver. And I thought, Lady, that is a 390 00:18:55,600 --> 00:18:58,840 Speaker 1: mature attitude. I would try that on Victoria, but I 391 00:18:58,880 --> 00:18:59,960 Speaker 1: may not be here next year. 392 00:19:02,280 --> 00:19:05,600 Speaker 2: But what she was saying is, I'm not going to let. 393 00:19:05,440 --> 00:19:08,119 Speaker 1: This little quirk in his personality offend me. 394 00:19:08,760 --> 00:19:10,160 Speaker 2: I'm not going to let the fact that he. 395 00:19:10,080 --> 00:19:13,720 Speaker 1: Doesn't buy me gifts cause me to be resentful toward 396 00:19:13,800 --> 00:19:16,600 Speaker 1: him and start treating him differently. No, I know he 397 00:19:16,680 --> 00:19:19,960 Speaker 1: loves me. I'm just going to enjoy my life anyway. See, 398 00:19:20,000 --> 00:19:21,680 Speaker 1: she recognized that's something she. 399 00:19:21,680 --> 00:19:25,360 Speaker 2: Had to overlook. She had to adapt and make adjustments 400 00:19:25,400 --> 00:19:26,600 Speaker 2: in order to keep the peace. 401 00:19:27,040 --> 00:19:28,960 Speaker 1: But some people today, As I said, if you don't 402 00:19:28,960 --> 00:19:32,360 Speaker 1: stroke them all day long and keep them encouraged and complimented, 403 00:19:32,640 --> 00:19:36,040 Speaker 1: they're so easily offended. Well, my husband, he didn't love me, 404 00:19:36,080 --> 00:19:38,359 Speaker 1: didn't tell me today, my wif she didn't do this 405 00:19:38,520 --> 00:19:38,760 Speaker 1: or that. 406 00:19:39,080 --> 00:19:42,359 Speaker 2: No, some people are just different. Don't allow that to 407 00:19:42,440 --> 00:19:43,720 Speaker 2: sour your relationship. 408 00:19:44,160 --> 00:19:47,080 Speaker 1: And sure, there's a time to confront, there's a time 409 00:19:47,160 --> 00:19:49,439 Speaker 1: to bring things to light and say, hey, you know what, 410 00:19:49,480 --> 00:19:51,680 Speaker 1: this is kind of hurting my feelings. But what if 411 00:19:51,720 --> 00:19:54,240 Speaker 1: people don't change, or what if they change for a 412 00:19:54,280 --> 00:19:55,720 Speaker 1: little while and then they go right. 413 00:19:55,600 --> 00:19:56,720 Speaker 2: Back to their old ways. 414 00:19:56,960 --> 00:19:59,000 Speaker 1: Well that's when you have to dig your heels in 415 00:19:59,160 --> 00:20:01,720 Speaker 1: and say, you know what, I am secure in who 416 00:20:01,800 --> 00:20:05,240 Speaker 1: I am, and I realize my husband, my wife, my friends, 417 00:20:05,640 --> 00:20:08,320 Speaker 1: they love me, but they may not be able to 418 00:20:08,320 --> 00:20:11,639 Speaker 1: give me everything I need. So I'm gonna start trusting God. 419 00:20:12,480 --> 00:20:15,679 Speaker 1: Some of you today, though you're expecting another person to 420 00:20:15,760 --> 00:20:19,040 Speaker 1: keep you fixed. When you're discouraged, a friend has to 421 00:20:19,080 --> 00:20:22,200 Speaker 1: come cheer you up. When you're mad, your wife has 422 00:20:22,240 --> 00:20:24,560 Speaker 1: to calm you down, or when the boss has been 423 00:20:24,760 --> 00:20:27,640 Speaker 1: negative towards you, your husband has to smooth everything over. 424 00:20:28,040 --> 00:20:30,440 Speaker 1: And if they don't keep you fixed, you get all irritable, 425 00:20:30,520 --> 00:20:31,760 Speaker 1: you're no fun to be around. 426 00:20:31,960 --> 00:20:32,840 Speaker 2: But no, here's the key. 427 00:20:33,440 --> 00:20:38,440 Speaker 1: Your joy is your own personal responsibility. Quit making your spouse, 428 00:20:38,560 --> 00:20:41,000 Speaker 1: your friends, your parents keep you happy. 429 00:20:41,240 --> 00:20:43,200 Speaker 2: That's not fair to those other people. 430 00:20:43,760 --> 00:20:46,600 Speaker 1: If you're always depending on someone else to keep you 431 00:20:46,720 --> 00:20:49,920 Speaker 1: encouraged and keep you fixed, sooner or later, they're gonna 432 00:20:49,960 --> 00:20:53,000 Speaker 1: let you down. Sooner or later, they're gonna disappoint you. 433 00:20:53,040 --> 00:20:55,720 Speaker 1: They're gonna have their own problems. They're not gonna be available, 434 00:20:56,400 --> 00:20:59,439 Speaker 1: and if you're not careful, you'll start blaming them and 435 00:20:59,480 --> 00:21:02,680 Speaker 1: thinking they're the reason that I can't be happy. Now, 436 00:21:02,680 --> 00:21:06,480 Speaker 1: you've got to keep yourself happy. People will disappoint you. 437 00:21:07,080 --> 00:21:09,960 Speaker 1: People are not always going to be sensitive to your needs. 438 00:21:10,240 --> 00:21:12,440 Speaker 1: So instead of running to people, you need to learn 439 00:21:12,480 --> 00:21:14,720 Speaker 1: to run to God and just say, God, I realize 440 00:21:14,720 --> 00:21:16,200 Speaker 1: these people can't keep me fixed. 441 00:21:16,600 --> 00:21:21,400 Speaker 2: I'm asking for your strength, for your joy, for your encouragement. 442 00:21:22,440 --> 00:21:25,800 Speaker 1: Sometimes we're trying to get something from someone that they're 443 00:21:25,840 --> 00:21:26,720 Speaker 1: not able to give. 444 00:21:27,320 --> 00:21:29,040 Speaker 2: You can't give away what you don't have. 445 00:21:29,880 --> 00:21:33,359 Speaker 1: Some people never got the love, the acceptance, the approval, 446 00:21:33,640 --> 00:21:36,240 Speaker 1: the affirmation they should have when they were growing up. 447 00:21:36,720 --> 00:21:39,680 Speaker 1: And if a person wasn't raised in a healthy environment 448 00:21:40,119 --> 00:21:42,000 Speaker 1: where they saw the right things modeled. 449 00:21:42,119 --> 00:21:45,040 Speaker 2: They may not have that to give away. For instance, 450 00:21:45,080 --> 00:21:47,280 Speaker 2: in communication, if all. 451 00:21:47,160 --> 00:21:51,280 Speaker 1: They saw were their parents living together with no real relationship, 452 00:21:52,160 --> 00:21:55,399 Speaker 1: well that's just normal to them. Sure they can change 453 00:21:55,400 --> 00:21:57,600 Speaker 1: over time, but you cannot expect them to be a 454 00:21:57,600 --> 00:22:00,800 Speaker 1: great communicator and meet all of youotional needs. 455 00:22:01,000 --> 00:22:02,840 Speaker 2: They may not have that to give away. 456 00:22:03,240 --> 00:22:06,960 Speaker 1: You shouldn't fault them, You shouldn't be resentful. Just recognize 457 00:22:07,040 --> 00:22:10,400 Speaker 1: they never learned that. It doesn't mean they're a bad person. 458 00:22:11,000 --> 00:22:13,399 Speaker 1: They can learn it over time. But what I'm saying 459 00:22:13,520 --> 00:22:17,280 Speaker 1: is no one person, no matter how well rounded, no 460 00:22:17,320 --> 00:22:21,160 Speaker 1: matter how loving and kind, one person cannot meet all 461 00:22:21,200 --> 00:22:24,720 Speaker 1: of your needs. And you should not pressure them and 462 00:22:24,800 --> 00:22:27,840 Speaker 1: try to make them keep you happy all the time. 463 00:22:28,280 --> 00:22:30,560 Speaker 1: That's never going to work. You have to keep yourself happy. 464 00:22:31,280 --> 00:22:34,200 Speaker 1: I know I came from a healthy environment. I grew 465 00:22:34,320 --> 00:22:37,040 Speaker 1: up with loving parents and a loving home, and I 466 00:22:37,040 --> 00:22:40,679 Speaker 1: felt very secure. But I realize even now I cannot 467 00:22:40,760 --> 00:22:42,879 Speaker 1: meet all of Victoria's needs. 468 00:22:43,200 --> 00:22:45,720 Speaker 2: We all only have so many strengths. 469 00:22:46,119 --> 00:22:48,920 Speaker 1: The truth is Victoria is much deeper than I am. 470 00:22:49,400 --> 00:22:53,000 Speaker 1: She likes to figure things out, talk about history and 471 00:22:53,359 --> 00:22:56,000 Speaker 1: how things are the way they are and why they work. 472 00:22:56,680 --> 00:22:56,879 Speaker 2: You know. 473 00:22:57,000 --> 00:23:00,040 Speaker 1: Sometimes we'll be watching TV at night and she'll go 474 00:23:00,160 --> 00:23:03,360 Speaker 1: deep into the storyline, tell me all kinds of things 475 00:23:03,400 --> 00:23:05,480 Speaker 1: that are happening, and why this character's doing this, and 476 00:23:05,520 --> 00:23:08,240 Speaker 1: why this guy's doing that. I'm thinking to myself, is 477 00:23:08,240 --> 00:23:11,600 Speaker 1: she watching the same movie I am? I don't see 478 00:23:11,640 --> 00:23:13,920 Speaker 1: any of that. I mean, I'm not that deep. This 479 00:23:13,960 --> 00:23:17,760 Speaker 1: is about as deep as I get. But isn't it 480 00:23:17,800 --> 00:23:21,560 Speaker 1: funny how God usually puts you with somebody this opposite 481 00:23:21,600 --> 00:23:24,280 Speaker 1: than you are? And this may surprise you? But I'm 482 00:23:24,280 --> 00:23:28,199 Speaker 1: not a big talker. I'm naturally quiet and reserved. And 483 00:23:28,240 --> 00:23:33,119 Speaker 1: of course I know in relationships communication is essential. But 484 00:23:33,160 --> 00:23:35,520 Speaker 1: there are some nights, especially when I'm tired and I 485 00:23:35,520 --> 00:23:38,560 Speaker 1: don't feel like talking, and Victoria wants to talk. Well, 486 00:23:38,600 --> 00:23:42,400 Speaker 1: she doesn't get upset and offended at me. She realizes 487 00:23:42,600 --> 00:23:45,720 Speaker 1: that's not one of my main strengths, instead of being 488 00:23:45,800 --> 00:23:48,639 Speaker 1: resentful toward me. If she wants to talk, she'll go 489 00:23:48,680 --> 00:23:50,800 Speaker 1: call her friend, she'll go call her mother. 490 00:23:50,960 --> 00:23:55,960 Speaker 2: They can talk an hour about nothing. I hear in there, laughing, 491 00:23:56,160 --> 00:23:58,480 Speaker 2: having fun. The point I'm. 492 00:23:58,359 --> 00:24:02,000 Speaker 1: Making is quit prayer, make you're in your spouse or 493 00:24:02,040 --> 00:24:04,879 Speaker 1: some other person to try to meet all your needs. 494 00:24:05,040 --> 00:24:08,320 Speaker 1: That's impossible, and the sooner you let them off the hook, 495 00:24:08,560 --> 00:24:10,840 Speaker 1: the better off you're both going to be. One thing 496 00:24:10,920 --> 00:24:14,199 Speaker 1: I appreciate about Victoria is she doesn't pressure me and 497 00:24:14,280 --> 00:24:16,919 Speaker 1: try to change me into something that I'm not. She 498 00:24:17,000 --> 00:24:20,480 Speaker 1: doesn't make me feel guilty because I'm not quote keeping 499 00:24:20,520 --> 00:24:24,639 Speaker 1: her fixed all the time. She recognizes my strengths, the 500 00:24:24,680 --> 00:24:27,520 Speaker 1: areas that I'm good in, and the areas where I'm weaker. 501 00:24:27,560 --> 00:24:29,960 Speaker 1: She recognizes I may not be able to meet her 502 00:24:30,000 --> 00:24:32,800 Speaker 1: needs in those areas. Some of you may be living 503 00:24:32,800 --> 00:24:35,239 Speaker 1: with somebody that's never going to talk as much as 504 00:24:35,280 --> 00:24:38,000 Speaker 1: you would like, but that's just not who he is 505 00:24:38,280 --> 00:24:40,760 Speaker 1: or who she is, and you shouldn't fault him, you 506 00:24:40,800 --> 00:24:43,840 Speaker 1: shouldn't resent them. You have to accept the fact not 507 00:24:43,960 --> 00:24:46,720 Speaker 1: one person can meet all my needs. And I'm certainly 508 00:24:46,760 --> 00:24:51,080 Speaker 1: not saying to get involved inappropriately outside of your marriage. 509 00:24:51,200 --> 00:24:54,919 Speaker 1: What I'm talking about is not pressuring one person to 510 00:24:54,960 --> 00:24:57,679 Speaker 1: try to keep you happy and to possibly give you 511 00:24:57,720 --> 00:24:59,320 Speaker 1: something that they can't even give you. 512 00:24:59,080 --> 00:25:00,560 Speaker 2: You've got to go to the God. 513 00:25:00,520 --> 00:25:03,680 Speaker 1: Ask him for his help, but don't be resentful toward 514 00:25:03,760 --> 00:25:06,879 Speaker 1: that person and start treating them differently. You have to 515 00:25:06,920 --> 00:25:10,960 Speaker 1: make allowances for each other's weaknesses, and remember, most likely 516 00:25:11,200 --> 00:25:14,200 Speaker 1: the good qualities far outweigh the negative qualities. 517 00:25:14,480 --> 00:25:16,760 Speaker 2: But I know a lady right now. She lives to 518 00:25:16,800 --> 00:25:18,000 Speaker 2: try to change her husband. 519 00:25:18,560 --> 00:25:22,280 Speaker 1: She's very outgoing, she loves being around people, loves being 520 00:25:22,320 --> 00:25:25,560 Speaker 1: at social events. But her husband is just the opposite. 521 00:25:25,880 --> 00:25:28,800 Speaker 1: He'd much rather be at home alone with his family 522 00:25:28,920 --> 00:25:31,360 Speaker 1: than out with a bunch of people. And for years 523 00:25:31,400 --> 00:25:34,320 Speaker 1: this has frustrated her. That's all she focuses on. If 524 00:25:34,359 --> 00:25:36,200 Speaker 1: I can just get my husband to come out of 525 00:25:36,240 --> 00:25:38,159 Speaker 1: his shell, I can just get him to be a 526 00:25:38,160 --> 00:25:41,080 Speaker 1: little more outgoing, then we'll really be happy. Then we'll 527 00:25:41,080 --> 00:25:45,520 Speaker 1: start enjoying our lives. Sometimes that's just not who that 528 00:25:45,640 --> 00:25:49,200 Speaker 1: other person is. If you're constantly trying to change him, 529 00:25:49,640 --> 00:25:50,960 Speaker 1: you're going to be frustrated. 530 00:25:51,280 --> 00:25:53,719 Speaker 2: Not only that, you'll start to resent him. 531 00:25:54,119 --> 00:25:56,920 Speaker 1: What that is is a missed placed expectation. 532 00:25:57,359 --> 00:25:59,600 Speaker 2: You have to accept the fact that's who they are. 533 00:26:00,280 --> 00:26:02,440 Speaker 1: If you're going to be happy, you have to adapt 534 00:26:02,760 --> 00:26:06,320 Speaker 1: and make adjustments. And I'm not saying they should stifle 535 00:26:06,359 --> 00:26:08,760 Speaker 1: you and keep you from being your best, but you 536 00:26:08,800 --> 00:26:11,840 Speaker 1: cannot expect them to be something that they're not. And 537 00:26:11,920 --> 00:26:15,080 Speaker 1: I'm asking us today to take the pressure off the 538 00:26:15,080 --> 00:26:20,040 Speaker 1: people in our lives. Don't have these unrealistic expectations. Recognize 539 00:26:20,080 --> 00:26:22,879 Speaker 1: people are gonna make mistakes. They're gonna do things that 540 00:26:22,920 --> 00:26:23,640 Speaker 1: irritate you. 541 00:26:23,760 --> 00:26:25,879 Speaker 2: But you know what, that's okay. They're human. 542 00:26:26,520 --> 00:26:29,159 Speaker 1: Don't make the people in your life have to perform 543 00:26:29,240 --> 00:26:32,959 Speaker 1: perfectly or you're not gonna be happy. Give them some grace, 544 00:26:33,560 --> 00:26:37,639 Speaker 1: learn to overlook things, make allowances for the sake of peace. 545 00:26:38,320 --> 00:26:42,000 Speaker 1: And if you'll have the right expectations in your relationships, 546 00:26:42,400 --> 00:26:46,360 Speaker 1: giving mercy, giving people room, I know those relationships will 547 00:26:46,359 --> 00:26:47,439 Speaker 1: get better and better. 548 00:26:47,720 --> 00:26:49,760 Speaker 2: God will honor you for doing your part. 549 00:26:50,119 --> 00:26:52,720 Speaker 1: He'll pour out his blessings in favor, and you'll live 550 00:26:52,720 --> 00:26:54,760 Speaker 1: the life of victory he has in store. 551 00:26:54,840 --> 00:26:56,440 Speaker 2: Amen, do you receive it today? 552 00:26:57,840 --> 00:27:00,520 Speaker 1: We never like to close our broadcast with giving you 553 00:27:00,600 --> 00:27:03,600 Speaker 1: an opportunity to make Jesus the lord of your life. 554 00:27:04,040 --> 00:27:08,320 Speaker 1: Would you pray with me, just say, Lord, Jesus, I 555 00:27:08,480 --> 00:27:09,560 Speaker 1: repent of my sins. 556 00:27:10,840 --> 00:27:14,720 Speaker 2: Come into my heart. I make you my Lord and savior. 557 00:27:16,119 --> 00:27:18,480 Speaker 1: Friends, if you prayed that simple prayer, we believe you 558 00:27:18,520 --> 00:27:21,320 Speaker 1: got born again. Get in a good Bible based church, 559 00:27:21,680 --> 00:27:22,919 Speaker 1: keep God first place. 560 00:27:23,160 --> 00:27:25,399 Speaker 2: He's going to take your places you've never dreamed of. 561 00:27:26,320 --> 00:27:29,680 Speaker 3: It's a new year, an opportunity for a fresh start. 562 00:27:30,160 --> 00:27:33,159 Speaker 3: It's a new year, time to forget the struggles of 563 00:27:33,200 --> 00:27:36,359 Speaker 3: the past and make room for new blessings. It's a 564 00:27:36,480 --> 00:27:40,240 Speaker 3: new year, the perfect time to build expectation in faith 565 00:27:40,440 --> 00:27:42,000 Speaker 3: for an amazing new season. 566 00:27:42,800 --> 00:27:43,560 Speaker 2: The beginning of. 567 00:27:43,520 --> 00:27:46,000 Speaker 1: The year is a great time to start afresh and 568 00:27:46,040 --> 00:27:49,040 Speaker 1: anew to let go of negative things of the past 569 00:27:49,280 --> 00:27:51,440 Speaker 1: and to get ready for the new things God has 570 00:27:51,480 --> 00:27:56,040 Speaker 1: in store. Every January we create a new devotional calendar. 571 00:27:56,520 --> 00:27:59,359 Speaker 1: When you start off each day in faith, grateful for 572 00:27:59,440 --> 00:28:03,560 Speaker 1: what God is done, making positive declarations over your future, 573 00:28:04,040 --> 00:28:06,480 Speaker 1: you're setting the tone for a blessed day and a 574 00:28:06,560 --> 00:28:10,480 Speaker 1: victorious year. This devotional calendar will help you get your 575 00:28:10,520 --> 00:28:13,400 Speaker 1: mind going in the right direction so you can live 576 00:28:13,440 --> 00:28:15,960 Speaker 1: in faith expecting the goodness of God. 577 00:28:16,680 --> 00:28:19,119 Speaker 3: As our way of saying thank You for your gift 578 00:28:19,160 --> 00:28:21,679 Speaker 3: of any amount this first month of the year, we 579 00:28:21,720 --> 00:28:23,919 Speaker 3: would like to send you a copy of our brand 580 00:28:23,960 --> 00:28:27,080 Speaker 3: new twenty twenty five three hundred and sixty five day 581 00:28:27,160 --> 00:28:31,600 Speaker 3: devotional calendar. Using this devotional calendar is as easy as 582 00:28:31,720 --> 00:28:36,000 Speaker 3: one two three, one, wake up with an expectancy in 583 00:28:36,040 --> 00:28:39,680 Speaker 3: your heart. Two reflect on the daily scripture, verse and 584 00:28:39,720 --> 00:28:43,800 Speaker 3: devotional from Joel. Three Capture the Lord's promises to you 585 00:28:43,960 --> 00:28:46,400 Speaker 3: on journaling lines for writing and reflection. 586 00:28:47,200 --> 00:28:49,240 Speaker 2: This is going to be one of your best years. 587 00:28:49,560 --> 00:28:52,560 Speaker 1: Our twenty twenty five devotional calendar is going to help 588 00:28:52,560 --> 00:28:55,040 Speaker 1: you stay in faith and see the goodness of God 589 00:28:55,320 --> 00:28:58,520 Speaker 1: in ways you've never seen. Victoria and I pray for 590 00:28:58,600 --> 00:29:01,200 Speaker 1: you and your family every day, and thank you so 591 00:29:01,280 --> 00:29:05,360 Speaker 1: much for your prayer and support. Your generosity is impacting 592 00:29:05,400 --> 00:29:06,680 Speaker 1: lives around the world. 593 00:29:07,000 --> 00:29:09,320 Speaker 2: And a special thank you to our Champion of Hope 594 00:29:09,320 --> 00:29:11,240 Speaker 2: partners for your monthly gifts. 595 00:29:11,480 --> 00:29:14,440 Speaker 1: If you're not a partner, I hope you'll consider becoming one. 596 00:29:14,760 --> 00:29:18,800 Speaker 1: Remember you can watch the services online live every Sunday morning, 597 00:29:19,240 --> 00:29:23,160 Speaker 1: download our daily podcast, watch on YouTube now the new 598 00:29:23,240 --> 00:29:26,000 Speaker 1: Joel Osteine Network twenty four hours a day, and of 599 00:29:26,040 --> 00:29:29,560 Speaker 1: course listen live on SERIOUSXM as well. But until we 600 00:29:29,600 --> 00:29:32,480 Speaker 1: meet again, met the Lord bless you and keep you, 601 00:29:32,760 --> 00:29:35,280 Speaker 1: may show you His favor and watch over you. 602 00:29:36,000 --> 00:29:38,720 Speaker 3: Be sure to request your copy of the twenty twenty 603 00:29:38,720 --> 00:29:43,320 Speaker 3: five devotional Calendar today. Visit Joelostein dot com or call 604 00:29:43,400 --> 00:29:46,240 Speaker 3: US toll free