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Speaker 1: Hey, this is Annie and Samantha and welcome to stephone

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Speaker 1: never told you a production of iHeartRadio and welcome to

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Speaker 1: another happy hour. Kind of an unhappy hour, but you

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Speaker 1: know it's on the line. It's on the line. We'll

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Speaker 1: say that as always with these, if you choose to drink,

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Speaker 1: please do so responsibly. Or whatever you're doing, do you

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Speaker 1: do so responsibly. Samantha, watch how you're sitting on.

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Speaker 2: Oh, I am still in My teeth are the worst,

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Speaker 2: and having teeth procedures are the worst. So water, just

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Speaker 2: straight water, H two, your favorite?

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Speaker 1: It is my favorite, nice chilled water. Oh my gosh,

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Speaker 1: I love it.

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Speaker 2: I'm missing my bubbles right now a lot, though. I

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Speaker 2: will say that.

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Speaker 1: That's yeah, I understand, and I feel I feel for you, Samantha,

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Speaker 1: I am sipping on wow. Okay, so first let's do

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Speaker 1: a content warning. This one is kind of an unhappy hour.

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Speaker 1: We're sort of following up on our episode we did

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Speaker 1: about disability check in because I just realized a lot

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Speaker 1: of you have written in about that recently and I

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Speaker 1: wanted to talk about that. And I don't know if

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Speaker 1: I'm like the only person who does this, but it

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Speaker 1: is the anniversary of my dad's death, and every time

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Speaker 1: that comes around, I drink vodka. Because that's the last

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Speaker 1: thing we talked about, even though he wasn't a big drinker,

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Speaker 1: that he was talking about his experience at a local

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Speaker 1: restaurant that is still there after the Peachtree road Race,

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Speaker 1: which is an Atlanta tradition, and it was just a

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Speaker 1: funny story. You shared it with me, and that's the

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Speaker 1: last thing we talked about. But the funny part about

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Speaker 1: this is I forgot that I had bubbled up some

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Speaker 1: of the flavored water that we got and not regular water,

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Speaker 1: so it was a taste. I wasn't anticipating. It's not bad,

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Speaker 1: but I was kind of like, what is this deliver? Yeah, yeah, yep,

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Speaker 1: but it's nice. It's refreshing. It's very hot here, so

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Speaker 1: it's nice. So yes, I just wanted to do I

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Speaker 1: think we should come back into a whole episode on this.

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Speaker 1: We've talked about it in previous episodes, for sure, but

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Speaker 1: it's just we have heard from a lot of you

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Speaker 1: about it lately, and that's sort of this whole thing

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Speaker 1: about women, particularly not being believed in medical settings, whether

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Speaker 1: that is like actually at a hospital or with a

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Speaker 1: doctor or just with other people who aren't that, because

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Speaker 1: we've gotten some messages about things like minopause or PMS

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Speaker 1: where some of you have reported very frustratingly that you're

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Speaker 1: basically told there's live with it, like that's too bad,

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Speaker 1: and you telling the doctor or whoever you know, this

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Speaker 1: is impacting my life, like I can't function and you're

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Speaker 1: telling me there's nothing else you can do and just

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Speaker 1: live with it, and that going on for years, like

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Speaker 1: having to just deal with that for years sometimes like

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Speaker 1: over ten years, and just having to fight this fight

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Speaker 1: and being dismissed. And I think that it is telling

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Speaker 1: that we've had multiple emails specifically about these issues that

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Speaker 1: impact more women are people who can get pregnant around

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Speaker 1: like menopause and PMS, and that being a thing where

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Speaker 1: they're like, no, that's too bad, so sad, and you

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Speaker 1: and I have had that before. We've talked about before.

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Speaker 1: When I first got my period, it was so painful

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Speaker 1: that they sent me to the guyancologists. The first time

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Speaker 1: I went to the gynecologist, it was fifteen, and I

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Speaker 1: got my period when I was nine, so that was late,

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Speaker 1: like after it started. But the pain was so bad

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Speaker 1: and they basically were like, you're probably pregnant. I was like, no,

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Speaker 1: I'm not, and then they're like m hm, and that

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Speaker 1: was sort of the extent of it. They gave me

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Speaker 1: birth control and sent me on my way, and then

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Speaker 1: the birth control didn't work, and that was the end

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Speaker 1: of that, and it just being in this thing. They're like, Okay,

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Speaker 1: once a month ish, that's what you're gonna do, and

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Speaker 1: you don't feel comfortable taking it off. I actually specifically

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Speaker 1: remember the first time I ever saw a woman that

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Speaker 1: I worked with send an email that said, I'm having

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Speaker 1: a horrible PMS pain. I can't come in, And I

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Speaker 1: was so like, you can do that. I didn't think

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Speaker 1: that was allowed. So I've been thinking about that and

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Speaker 1: how much we just deal with. But also recently it

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Speaker 1: seems that there are We've gotten a lot of book

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Speaker 1: recommendations from you all, especially around endometriosis, and so I

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Speaker 1: was thinking about that too, and I put them on

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Speaker 1: our list. I want to read them. But a lot

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Speaker 1: of their stories are like about endometriosis, but also more

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Speaker 1: largely about this whole thing about women not being believed

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Speaker 1: about it being expected you just have to deal with it,

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Speaker 1: not doing like any research about it. And how painful,

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Speaker 1: completely painful it is. And then you like go go

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Speaker 1: in and just be told, well, there's nothing we can

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Speaker 1: do for you, and how demoralizing that is. And again

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Speaker 1: some of you said you had personally dealt with or

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Speaker 1: had seen someone in your life deal with years of that,

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Speaker 1: years of that before you finally got a diagnosis. And

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Speaker 1: then just along with what we were talking about in

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Speaker 1: that disability check in episode, and you and I were

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Speaker 1: kind of just discussing I've had a lot of experiences

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Speaker 1: like this too. I've had a lot of going in

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Speaker 1: and just not being believed or being insulted right to

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Speaker 1: my face about how I needed, like to lose weight,

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Speaker 1: it wasn't in shape, stuff like that. Oh boy, I

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Speaker 1: felt like you're being emotional right now, And I was like,

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Speaker 1: pretty young kid. Where that left a pretty big impression

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Speaker 1: on me that, Okay, I can't communicate this without it

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Speaker 1: being dismissed or judged in that way. And that does

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Speaker 1: impact whether or not you go in at all, because

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Speaker 1: we've been discussing our medical issues and I do feel

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Speaker 1: like if I go in, I have to have like

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Speaker 1: a proof that something is really wrong right or else

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Speaker 1: I just don't want to go, right.

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Speaker 2: I mean, I grew up in a home where you

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Speaker 2: don't go to the doc unless something is bleeding, broken

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Speaker 2: or you're vomiting mm hmm. And it's kind of that

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Speaker 2: kind of mentality for me as well as like you.

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Speaker 2: And it seemed like a thing of pride too, which

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Speaker 2: is a whole level yeah, like ableism that doesn't make

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Speaker 2: sense anyway. It absolutely did not help you because you

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Speaker 2: can't tell your help. Like my mom almost died because

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Speaker 2: that kind of attitude. She did go, she wasn't one

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Speaker 2: of the ones that we've talked about it before. She

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Speaker 2: did finally go because she's like, this is too much,

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Speaker 2: and the first two doctors were like, no, it's fine,

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Speaker 2: it's just stress. And then one doctor was like, oh wait,

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Speaker 2: you're having jow pain and you have this we need

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Speaker 2: to take your heart and she's like what, And then

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Speaker 2: it turned out she had a ninety seven percent blockage

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Speaker 2: of her main artery, literally called the doctors called the

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Speaker 2: widow maker because most people die from that type of

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Speaker 2: type of blockage. But like her initial response was I'm

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Speaker 2: not going to doctor. I'm fine, I'm stressed too, Okay,

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Speaker 2: there is something wrong, and that fact that it took

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Speaker 2: her that long to tell somebody, and then people still

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Speaker 2: didn't believe her, Like no, no, you need to understand

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Speaker 2: most women are most likely not going to go unless

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Speaker 2: absolutely something is bothering them, and whether it's just chronic

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Speaker 2: pain that needs to be managed that unfortunately people don't

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Speaker 2: take the time to study and so therefore we don't

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Speaker 2: have a lot of at least maintenance stuff or healthy

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Speaker 2: alternatives because there's not enough for research most likely. But

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Speaker 2: like that kind of level of the fact that most people,

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Speaker 2: and I will say, in our culture and our level

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Speaker 2: of like na, na, na, we're okay, We're okay, We're okay,

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Speaker 2: that whole like if it's you know, if it's bleeding,

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Speaker 2: cut it off, you're going type of thing, like bands

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Speaker 2: yourself up and get going. That attitude really is prevalent

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Speaker 2: because a part of our like boomer parents telling us

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Speaker 2: this and we're like, yeah, absolutely, that's exactly what it is.

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Speaker 2: We have to do this, and or like my mother

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Speaker 2: who wasn't believed until something was absolutely wrong and like

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Speaker 2: almost too late, and we're like, hey, well, why don't

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Speaker 2: you listen, And what's the use of us going in

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Speaker 2: if this is the treatment that we get like we

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Speaker 2: talked about my dental experience recently really has pushed me away.

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Speaker 2: I'm like, I don't want to go back because of that.

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Speaker 2: Like literally her asking me, do you just not care

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Speaker 2: for your teeth instead of being like, yeah, oh no,

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Speaker 2: I have enameled dispicialcy because as a child I was malnourished.

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Speaker 2: I don't thank you to explain, and she kind of

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Speaker 2: backtracked a little bit. She's like, oh, okay and just

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Speaker 2: moves on. I'm like, did you not just hear yourself?

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Speaker 1: Okay? Bool?

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Speaker 2: I really this is exciting. This is my favorite space.

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Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, And I just have so many memories where

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Speaker 1: that kind of similar you come in and then are

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Speaker 1: kind of shamed for coming in or even feel kind

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Speaker 1: of I had one experience. I still don't know what

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Speaker 1: to make of this, honestly, but I couldn't move because

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Speaker 1: of anesthetics. And the guy that was like working on

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Speaker 1: me was like he said something very strange while I

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Speaker 1: couldn't move, that was like, you know, you need to

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Speaker 1: some day some men might try to take advantage of

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Speaker 1: you and you need to be really vigilant about it.

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Speaker 1: And it was just so I couldn't move. The moment

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Speaker 1: like this, I don't know why you're telling to me

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Speaker 1: this right now, but you are freaking me out.

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Speaker 2: What have you done? Like what the hell? Man?

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Speaker 1: It was very scary, and so that's like another you

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Speaker 1: won't go in. And I had another time where I

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Speaker 1: ended up feeling very vindicated, which is not necessarily a

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Speaker 1: healthy thing. But I went in and I was in

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Speaker 1: such pain and he was like pressing his elbow down

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Speaker 1: on my stomach to like sill for things. And I

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Speaker 1: was crying and he was like, just it's fine, like

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Speaker 1: it's fine, as fine as fine, And it turned out

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Speaker 1: I had all these cysts like I did have like

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Speaker 1: a lot.

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Speaker 2: Of elbow, Like you can't tell anything with an elbow,

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Speaker 2: that's like taking his foot what.

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Speaker 1: I don't know, Samantha, But my dad was there, and

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Speaker 1: it was I felt so embarrassed because this doctor basically

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Speaker 1: said in front of my dad, like suck it up.

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Speaker 1: It was just not good. And I've that there's so

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Speaker 1: many experiences like that that I've heard from all of

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Speaker 1: you lately, Like so it's it's frustrating, It's it's one

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Speaker 1: of those things that we talked about so much where

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Speaker 1: I'm glad, you know, we're talking about it, and we

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Speaker 1: were finding out we're not the only ones and we're

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Speaker 1: connecting over that. But it shouldn't be this way. It

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Speaker 1: shouldn't be that we're getting so many emails where recently

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Speaker 1: where I'm like, oh wow, yeah.

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Speaker 2: You would think it would get better. But then we

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Speaker 2: talked about the fact that the new open fear is

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Speaker 2: being filmed or and off during like if we were

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Speaker 2: under or something, seeing actual professionals shaming patients by doing

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Speaker 2: TikTok videos about I'm like, why even if you've got permission,

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Speaker 2: why are you filming people? Like I could understand if

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Speaker 2: you're doing for research purposes with other doctors and it

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Speaker 2: is a scientific notion of something and you've gotten written

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Speaker 2: consent like permission, but to shame people during surgery or

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Speaker 2: make fun of them, or like they have been caught

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Speaker 2: because the things they do or say and not realizing

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Speaker 2: that they're being recorded that dude, You're like, like, there's

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Speaker 2: one thing to play like this, please just be professional?

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Speaker 2: Can we can?

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Speaker 3: You?

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Speaker 2: Can you keep a professional please?

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Speaker 3: Yeah?

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Speaker 1: And I no joke. Samantha did not know we were

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Speaker 1: talking about this today. I just kind of brought it

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Speaker 1: out and we were talking about this organically before we

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Speaker 1: even started. And I remember the very first time I

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Speaker 1: saw these pictures of doctors like taking pictures with people

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Speaker 1: who were under and making fun of them and all

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Speaker 1: this stuff, and I was like, this is a new

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Speaker 1: concern I didn't know I needed to have. But now

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Speaker 1: I'm even less incentizzed to go in.

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Speaker 2: Like this makes me want to go in less and

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Speaker 2: especially like there are things that I'm like, I wish

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Speaker 2: I never knew, like the doctors talking about these are

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Speaker 2: the things that you the doctors won't tell you. I'm like,

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Speaker 2: please don't tell me. That makes me not want to

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Speaker 2: go in. I want to be safe. But the same time,

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Speaker 2: now I'm like shame, Like before I walk in, I'm like, nah, no,

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Speaker 2: I know that you think bad of all of us,

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Speaker 2: it doesn't matter what.

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Speaker 3: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: And another thing I've I hate and I've had to

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Speaker 1: struggle with And I talked to my therapists about it

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Speaker 1: because they have gain weight during the pandemic and I

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Speaker 1: know that weigh you right at the beginning, like I

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Speaker 1: that has held me back too, And my therapist told

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Speaker 1: me there are doctors who you can say like I have.

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Speaker 1: I've struggled with this before, please do not do this,

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Speaker 1: and they will.

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Speaker 2: Actually like I went to somebody recently where they were like,

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Speaker 2: that's an option, you don't have to And then also

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Speaker 2: they're like I can walk out of the room and

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Speaker 2: you can look. I've had that too, So interesting. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: I've had a couple of vicients where like.

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Speaker 1: That, which is good. And I just didn't even know

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Speaker 1: that was a thing. And that's That's another another part

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Speaker 1: of this that I have been struggling with and that

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Speaker 1: we were also discussing before.

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Speaker 3: This is.

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Speaker 1: In all of our reading of books about disability justice,

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Speaker 1: disability rights, and our research we've done on it, there

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Speaker 1: are just so many things where now I look at

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Speaker 1: it in a different way, and one of them is

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Speaker 1: phone calls, because I there's a couple reasons why I

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Speaker 1: don't like phone calls. One of them, I will admit

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Speaker 1: is I just don't like them, but some of them

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Speaker 1: are like legitimately I struggle to understand people on phone

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Speaker 1: calls for physical reasons. And I'll find things that will

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Speaker 1: say like we only do it on phone call because

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Speaker 1: of this, and I'm like, well, not everyone can do that.

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Speaker 1: Not everyone can do that, And just like I feel

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Speaker 1: like something has opened to me where I'm seeing more

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Speaker 1: and more all of these but you're not being totally accessible.

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Speaker 1: And I mean we're a podcasts and I know we

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Speaker 1: don't have transcripts, so I just want to be clear,

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Speaker 1: like I understand. But it's just something I'm noticing in

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Speaker 1: more places, right and trying to be better about my

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Speaker 1: own life. I did. This sounds so small, but for me,

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Speaker 1: I was like, ooh, I did ask someone if we

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Speaker 1: could swap sides so I could hear them better recently. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: it's like, oh hey, and they, of course they were like, yeah, quickly,

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Speaker 1: remind me easy, definitely, no problem. Cool. But then I

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Speaker 1: did want to say a lot of times when I

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Speaker 1: think of my dad, one of the things I think

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Speaker 1: of is like in his final years is that when

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Speaker 1: he went in when he found out he had cancer,

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Speaker 1: the doctor told him you should have come in earlier,

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Speaker 1: and he came in every year for preventative stuff, like

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Speaker 1: every year. And I'm totally for like preventive preventative care

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Speaker 1: and checking all that stuff. I don't want to make

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Speaker 1: it sound like I'm not, but that's still kind of

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Speaker 1: the same thing because he was like, no, I do.

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Speaker 1: I did, and to kind of turn it back on you, like, oh,

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Speaker 1: if you would come in earlier, then we could have

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Speaker 1: caught it.

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Speaker 2: I feel like that's an etiquette no no in general,

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Speaker 2: when someone has a life threatening disease, Well, if you've

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Speaker 2: done this something earlier, you may have dude, I would

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Speaker 2: say that out loud.

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Speaker 1: It just stuck with me so much because actually my

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Speaker 1: parents they both did like every year they do physical

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Speaker 1: if there's anything that comes up, they would go and

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Speaker 1: do it. My mom still does it, and so I

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Speaker 1: just remember hearing that. No, it was just like another

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Speaker 1: thing where it's like, well, even if I do go

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Speaker 1: in apparently all DAYNT catch it so right. And I

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Speaker 1: totally understand. I have a lot of friends in the

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Speaker 1: medical industry, Like I totally understand sometimes you don't get it,

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Speaker 1: you don't catch it. Human body is complicated. But just

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Speaker 1: the way that he like phrased it.

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Speaker 2: That's such a weird way that, especially if.

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Speaker 1: He has his chart right, like you can see he

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Speaker 1: gave it.

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Speaker 2: I really want to like And again, like you said,

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Speaker 2: we do have friends in a medical profession who are amazing.

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Speaker 2: They are so good and I can just go to

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Speaker 2: them without them seeing my personal but like that's just

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Speaker 2: embarrassing itself. But like there's also to those like this

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Speaker 2: is still a profession? Is there not a level of

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Speaker 2: professionalism that is required, like do no harm as part

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Speaker 2: of the motto. Don't you think say tell someone you

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Speaker 2: could be alive if you've done this, as if it's

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Speaker 2: their fault is doing harm? Like does that just being physical?

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Speaker 2: Are you being very very literal?

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Speaker 1: I don't understand. Yeah, yeah, it just really stuck with

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Speaker 1: me and I do, like I literally think about it

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Speaker 1: every time I think about going to the doctor. So

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Speaker 1: it's just a lot of stuff to wrestle with, and

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Speaker 1: I do want to. We had some of those books

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Speaker 1: that you all suggested around this on our list already,

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Speaker 1: So I'm excited, Slash. I'm no, I'm gonna be angry,

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Speaker 1: but just know that we hear you and we are

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Speaker 1: angry on your behalf and very sorry that this is

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Speaker 1: the state of things. But well, hopefully, well we'll talk

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Speaker 1: it out. I don't know, because I know, like we

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Speaker 1: did an episode on this very thing, I think five

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Speaker 1: or six years ago, and it seems like it is

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Speaker 1: not improved. It has not improved, but we are here,

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Speaker 1: We are here for you listeners. Well, cheers. Yeah, yes,

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Speaker 1: thank you for joining. As always, if you would like

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Speaker 1: to reach out to us about any of this stuff,

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Speaker 1: we do appreciate all of you who have taken the

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Speaker 1: time to share the time and vulnerability to share your stories.

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Speaker 1: You can email us at Stuff Media, mom Stuff at

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Speaker 1: iHeartMedia dot com. You can find us on Twitter or

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Speaker 1: whatever at momstuff podcast dot com. You can find us

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Speaker 1: on TikTok and Instagram at stuff I've Never Told You.

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Speaker 1: We have a tea public store. You can check us

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Speaker 1: out there. We have a book and an audiobook that

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00:19:58,960 --> 00:20:00,840
Speaker 1: you could pre order at uf You should read books

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Speaker 1: dot com. Thanks as always to our super producer Christina,

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Speaker 1: our executive producer Maya, and our contributor Joey. Thank you

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Speaker 1: and thanks to you for listening Stuff I Never Told

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Speaker 1: You his production of the iHeartRadio. For more podcasts from

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Speaker 1: my Heart Radio, you can check out the iHeart Radio app,

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Speaker 1: Apple Podcasts, or where you listen to your favorite shows.