WEBVTT - Dog and Baby Integration with Matt Beisner 0:00:00.160 --> 0:00:03.000 Welcome to Katie's Crib, a production of Shonda land Audio 0:00:03.120 --> 0:00:13.640 in partnership with I Heart Radio. Welcome back to Katie's Crib. Everyone, 0:00:13.760 --> 0:00:16.760 I'm Katie Lows, and on this episode, we're talking about 0:00:16.880 --> 0:00:21.320 those other precious babies in our lives. Are furry babies, 0:00:21.360 --> 0:00:24.400 are dogs? Okay. Since I started this podcast, I have 0:00:24.480 --> 0:00:28.960 been absolutely dying to do an episode on both pets 0:00:29.000 --> 0:00:33.080 and kids. So with us today is the amazing Matt Weiser, 0:00:33.440 --> 0:00:35.960 who in my eyes is a dog whisper because of 0:00:36.000 --> 0:00:38.519 how he was able to help my super duper difficult 0:00:38.560 --> 0:00:41.839 dog dog Roger. If you guys know him, Roger Hamilton's 0:00:41.840 --> 0:00:45.080 Shapiro Lows. I instagram them all the time. He's a 0:00:45.120 --> 0:00:49.280 curmudgeon old part of a dog that I love. Matt, 0:00:49.800 --> 0:00:52.320 who you may know from his National geographic TV show 0:00:52.360 --> 0:00:55.800 called Dog Impossible, provides the best kind of training and 0:00:55.840 --> 0:00:58.920 helps people develop the deepest possible relationship with their dog. 0:00:59.360 --> 0:01:02.720 And he taught me so much and so many different 0:01:02.760 --> 0:01:04.360 kinds of approaches that I wanted to share with you 0:01:04.400 --> 0:01:07.760 guys on Katie's Crib. So thank you for being on. Matt, 0:01:08.280 --> 0:01:11.280 I'm so glad to be here, Katie. Thanks oh my gosh, 0:01:11.319 --> 0:01:13.680 I'm this has been I have to tell you, Like 0:01:14.680 --> 0:01:18.120 I sent out tweets and and posts asking Katie's Crib 0:01:18.160 --> 0:01:20.319 listeners like what are topics you really want to cover? 0:01:21.040 --> 0:01:24.240 And across the board, people have always asked, how do 0:01:24.360 --> 0:01:26.720 I bring a baby home to my house when I 0:01:26.800 --> 0:01:29.840 have a dog, when I have a difficult dog, when 0:01:29.840 --> 0:01:32.000 I have an older dog. What happens if I want 0:01:32.000 --> 0:01:33.920 to get a dog and I have a kid. Our 0:01:34.000 --> 0:01:36.240 dog is good for allergies, what happened if the dog 0:01:36.280 --> 0:01:39.200 bites a kid? I mean, it's a very triggering topic. 0:01:39.840 --> 0:01:44.120 And you saved my dog life. I almost had to 0:01:44.120 --> 0:01:45.760 get rid of my dog so many times. And I'll 0:01:45.840 --> 0:01:47.440 explain that in a minute, but let's just start with 0:01:47.480 --> 0:01:49.280 a brief background on you and how you got into 0:01:49.280 --> 0:01:52.480 this field, and what inspired you to work with all dogs, 0:01:52.480 --> 0:01:56.960 but specifically aggressive dogs. To begin with, I was smiling 0:01:56.960 --> 0:02:00.320 when you asked that, because the story never it's old 0:02:00.360 --> 0:02:02.800 that I actually was afraid of dogs to about eleven 0:02:03.520 --> 0:02:06.360 eleven twelve years ago. Now I have an appropriate sense 0:02:06.360 --> 0:02:08.560 of fear, but I had interrational fear and I was 0:02:08.720 --> 0:02:12.360 bit when I was a kid on Halloween. Um, I 0:02:12.440 --> 0:02:14.800 was like eight years old, and my parents knew what 0:02:15.080 --> 0:02:18.080 what a lot of people still consider to be helpful information, 0:02:18.160 --> 0:02:20.239 which is if a dog's tail is wagging, that means 0:02:20.240 --> 0:02:23.400 you can pet the dog. So it was Halloween. I 0:02:23.400 --> 0:02:27.079 had a little pumpkin, you know, orange candy pumpkin bucket 0:02:27.120 --> 0:02:29.160 with me, and my parents had dressed me up like 0:02:29.240 --> 0:02:32.280 Richard Nixon, and so the mask and everything was the 0:02:32.360 --> 0:02:35.880 time set up, and I go to uh, So, I'm 0:02:35.919 --> 0:02:38.120 approaching the dog and dogs wagging its tail and I 0:02:38.120 --> 0:02:39.919 reached out and the dog punctures me in the arm 0:02:40.080 --> 0:02:42.919 and that was hit. That was like for the next 0:02:42.960 --> 0:02:45.320 thirty something years, I had that fear in the fear 0:02:45.400 --> 0:02:48.040 just progressed. And then I got older and I was 0:02:48.280 --> 0:02:50.079 ashamed of it, and you know, you're not supposed to 0:02:50.080 --> 0:02:51.600 be a grown man and be afraid of dogs and 0:02:51.639 --> 0:02:54.240 all that kind of stuff. And and then I landed 0:02:54.240 --> 0:02:56.920 with somebody. About twelve years ago. I moved in with 0:02:56.960 --> 0:02:59.640 somebody was pretty sick at the time, and I've been 0:02:59.680 --> 0:03:01.480 open of people about the fact that I'm sober. So 0:03:01.520 --> 0:03:04.120 I was actually detoxing. And I moved in with her 0:03:04.360 --> 0:03:09.680 and she had an aggressive puppy who would attack me 0:03:09.720 --> 0:03:12.160 every time I moved around the house and that kind 0:03:12.200 --> 0:03:15.400 of out it started, and from there I ended up 0:03:15.400 --> 0:03:18.959 helping her dog and who's now my dog. We've since 0:03:19.000 --> 0:03:20.760 split with the dog and I are still together and 0:03:21.200 --> 0:03:23.280 helping her dog and her friend's dogs and friends of 0:03:23.320 --> 0:03:26.520 friends dogs. And I did a lot of stuff then 0:03:26.560 --> 0:03:28.840 that that I wouldn't recommend. Now. You know, I was 0:03:29.120 --> 0:03:31.160 a hack in a lot of ways, but what was 0:03:31.200 --> 0:03:35.640 fundamental is that I begin the relationship with the dog 0:03:35.760 --> 0:03:38.440 predicated on what the dog needed. And my understanding what 0:03:38.480 --> 0:03:41.040 the dog needed was limited, for sure, and my ability 0:03:41.040 --> 0:03:43.800 to help the dog was limited, for sure. But it 0:03:43.880 --> 0:03:47.000 planted a see that became a foundational principle of the 0:03:47.080 --> 0:03:49.240 Zen dog as it is today, which is what do 0:03:49.280 --> 0:03:51.600 I do for this dog? And if I make my 0:03:51.680 --> 0:03:55.720 relationship with the dog about what the dog needs, everybody 0:03:55.880 --> 0:03:58.400 changes for the better. And wait, can you just go 0:03:58.440 --> 0:04:01.080 back and explain for people who are listening what zen 0:04:01.160 --> 0:04:03.600 dog is. Which is how I knew I was in 0:04:03.640 --> 0:04:06.400 the right place was when I went on the Zen 0:04:06.480 --> 0:04:08.600 I was at a loss. I had just adopted a 0:04:08.640 --> 0:04:11.960 seven year old dog Adam and I, and he was 0:04:12.000 --> 0:04:15.560 air snapping at people. He was very aggressive on a leash. 0:04:15.720 --> 0:04:18.719 He hated other dogs, So my visions of having dog 0:04:18.760 --> 0:04:21.640 play dates with friends and going on long hikes up 0:04:21.760 --> 0:04:24.680 Runyon Canyon with my girlfriends and their dogs was not 0:04:24.800 --> 0:04:27.240 a reality. And I went to the website and said 0:04:27.240 --> 0:04:29.839 the Zen Dog and then I believe, I think the 0:04:29.880 --> 0:04:33.240 logo was there are no Bad Dogs or something. It 0:04:33.360 --> 0:04:36.400 said there are no bad dogs, and I remember breathing 0:04:36.440 --> 0:04:40.720 for the first time. So tell me what zen dog is. Well, 0:04:40.760 --> 0:04:44.559 the Zen Dog is a place for hope and help 0:04:44.920 --> 0:04:47.440 and solution. It's a place where people learn that they're 0:04:47.440 --> 0:04:49.919 not alone. One of the things that's important in the 0:04:49.920 --> 0:04:53.159 scientific understanding is that aggression is fear based. And so 0:04:53.400 --> 0:04:56.240 if we just look at that aggression is fear based, 0:04:56.960 --> 0:05:00.880 then it is it is overwhelming be likely that the 0:05:00.920 --> 0:05:03.360 aggression that that your dog or a dog that you're 0:05:03.360 --> 0:05:06.719 interacting with is expressing is simply because it's afraid. And 0:05:06.720 --> 0:05:09.279 if we look at it that way, it starts to 0:05:09.360 --> 0:05:12.400 shape in really important ways the way we interact with 0:05:12.440 --> 0:05:14.360 the dog. Because I have a three and a half 0:05:14.440 --> 0:05:16.599 year old son, he's angry right now because we have 0:05:16.640 --> 0:05:18.719 a five month old daughter that wasn't part of his plan. 0:05:22.440 --> 0:05:24.520 So and he wants to slap me on the face, 0:05:25.360 --> 0:05:28.000 you know there's something else going on. And and so 0:05:28.040 --> 0:05:31.120 if I know that agression is fear based, and I 0:05:31.200 --> 0:05:33.039 know what it's like having been afraid of dogs, and 0:05:33.040 --> 0:05:35.160 I know what it's like to be aggressive in my 0:05:35.200 --> 0:05:38.760 life from a place of fear. If I have that consideration, 0:05:39.400 --> 0:05:42.200 it changes how I'm going to meet the dog, you know, 0:05:42.240 --> 0:05:44.520 and meeting the dog where it's at is the first 0:05:44.520 --> 0:05:46.559 thing we do. I gotta respect what this dog needs, 0:05:46.600 --> 0:05:49.080 not what I want I want it to want, not 0:05:49.160 --> 0:05:51.960 what I think it wants. I gotta respect with this 0:05:52.040 --> 0:05:54.479 dog needs, which is what you and Adam have have done. 0:05:55.000 --> 0:05:57.520 You're just you're such great examples of how this works 0:05:57.560 --> 0:06:00.520 because you had with Roger, a show dog who had 0:06:00.560 --> 0:06:04.120 been touched, preamed, and poked without permission his entire life, 0:06:04.480 --> 0:06:06.680 and he had good reason to say, I don't want 0:06:06.720 --> 0:06:11.960 a human being to touch me. Ever again, that's exactly right, yes, 0:06:12.000 --> 0:06:15.799 and Matt I, I I think a lot of people 0:06:16.600 --> 0:06:20.360 in our generation get dogs before kids, because I think 0:06:20.400 --> 0:06:24.240 we are having babies later in life. And I think 0:06:24.279 --> 0:06:26.760 for a lot of people, they share a dog first, 0:06:26.839 --> 0:06:29.039 maybe in their relationship, and the dog is sort of 0:06:29.080 --> 0:06:34.159 the gateway drug to possibly children. Anyway, that was the 0:06:34.200 --> 0:06:36.359 case for me and Adam and you guys, we got 0:06:36.920 --> 0:06:42.760 one hell of a fucking dog. Like like and what 0:06:42.839 --> 0:06:44.440 Matt did. You came in and you did a few 0:06:44.440 --> 0:06:49.560 home sessions with us, and I remember you sat down 0:06:49.560 --> 0:06:51.880 on What you said to me was you can either 0:06:52.000 --> 0:06:55.920 accept Roger for who he is or you can't. And 0:06:55.960 --> 0:06:58.240 you he can't be your dog. You have to give 0:06:58.279 --> 0:07:00.440 him up or you accept him for who he is. 0:07:01.160 --> 0:07:04.080 And I started sobbing because I just had to, like 0:07:04.120 --> 0:07:07.120 you said, I love him for who he is, which means, no, 0:07:07.240 --> 0:07:09.800 I can't take him on social hikes with my friends. No, 0:07:10.000 --> 0:07:11.640 I can't take him to the dog beach and let 0:07:11.720 --> 0:07:14.160 him off leash and go frolic in the waves with 0:07:14.160 --> 0:07:16.960 other people. No, I can't trust him in big groups 0:07:16.960 --> 0:07:18.480 of people when they come over my house. He has 0:07:18.520 --> 0:07:22.920 to go away. And yet I love him anyway because 0:07:22.920 --> 0:07:25.960 he's like I don't know, I don't love him any less. 0:07:26.160 --> 0:07:28.520 I love him the ways he needs me to be loved, 0:07:28.560 --> 0:07:30.720 which is he allows me to pet him on the 0:07:30.760 --> 0:07:32.960 belly in the morning and at night when he's relaxed 0:07:32.960 --> 0:07:37.000 and on the floor. You know, he he I know 0:07:37.200 --> 0:07:39.960 him so well inside, and I know what he doesn't like, 0:07:40.160 --> 0:07:41.960 and I've just had to accept that he doesn't like 0:07:42.040 --> 0:07:46.160 those things. Whether or not I want to hike, it's 0:07:46.200 --> 0:07:49.320 never gonna happen. You said something interesting there I heard. 0:07:49.360 --> 0:07:51.040 I think what you meant to say is I love 0:07:51.080 --> 0:07:52.680 him the way that he needs to be loved. But 0:07:52.840 --> 0:07:54.680 what I think I actually heard you say is I 0:07:54.720 --> 0:07:56.760 love him the way he needs me to be loved. 0:07:57.240 --> 0:07:59.160 And if I riff off that for a second, that 0:07:59.360 --> 0:08:02.800 is actually a deeper, profound understanding of the nature of 0:08:02.800 --> 0:08:05.960 a relationship with the dog. Because if I love my 0:08:06.040 --> 0:08:07.960 dog based on the way I need to be loved, 0:08:08.040 --> 0:08:09.720 not the way I want to be loved, not the 0:08:09.720 --> 0:08:11.400 way I think you should love me, but really what 0:08:11.480 --> 0:08:13.280 I need to be loved, and it lets it lets 0:08:13.640 --> 0:08:15.600 my dog off the hook, because my dog's not there 0:08:15.640 --> 0:08:20.840 to fix my problems. Problems. Yeah, that was exactly it. 0:08:20.920 --> 0:08:24.600 So tell me, maybe take us through how you what's 0:08:24.640 --> 0:08:26.400 so great about having you on is that you also 0:08:26.440 --> 0:08:31.120 have two kids. How do you coach new parents into 0:08:31.320 --> 0:08:33.960 bringing a baby home, let's say, first to a household 0:08:34.000 --> 0:08:37.240 that has a dog. Well, we we do on on 0:08:37.280 --> 0:08:39.839 our website the zend dog dot com. We have a 0:08:39.880 --> 0:08:42.640 slew of information that's available and Brooklyn, my wife and 0:08:42.679 --> 0:08:46.480 I Brooklyn when we were preparing for our son talents arrival, 0:08:47.040 --> 0:08:51.640 who's our oldest, we already had five dogs. Four of 0:08:51.679 --> 0:08:54.640 them were leasily aggressive, and we had to have a 0:08:54.720 --> 0:08:56.920 very real conversation about whether or not we were going 0:08:56.920 --> 0:08:59.600 to be able to keep all five of our dogs. 0:08:59.679 --> 0:09:03.600 So we actually wrote what ended up being like a treaty, 0:09:03.800 --> 0:09:08.079 like a treatise, like sixteen page document of real time 0:09:08.120 --> 0:09:11.959 experience coupled with you know, empirical evidence and how science 0:09:11.960 --> 0:09:14.520 would support things about how to integrate a dog. And 0:09:14.800 --> 0:09:17.600 the thing to keep in mind is that safety and 0:09:17.679 --> 0:09:22.960 integration those are the points from which this temple of 0:09:23.000 --> 0:09:26.240 harmony can be built. Safety is not enough by itself, 0:09:26.280 --> 0:09:28.400 because safety can mean that I put the dog in 0:09:28.400 --> 0:09:31.520 the room every time somebody comes over, and the dog 0:09:31.600 --> 0:09:34.320 has never integrated into anything. Safety means I don't let 0:09:34.360 --> 0:09:36.319 my dog meet other dogs, and then my dog never 0:09:36.360 --> 0:09:38.839 has a dog. So safety doesn't really do anything. It 0:09:38.960 --> 0:09:43.000 just means that we don't get arrested. I didn't do 0:09:43.040 --> 0:09:44.920 criminal acts. I just didn't get arrested. You know what, 0:09:44.920 --> 0:09:49.000 I mean some of us. So safety and integration is key, 0:09:49.200 --> 0:09:51.880 and we come into it knowing that for many of us, 0:09:52.240 --> 0:09:55.920 definitely from Brooklyn and I, that our kids, our first kids, 0:09:55.960 --> 0:10:00.319 are as you said, are our dogs. And so there's 0:10:00.360 --> 0:10:06.080 this really sensitive and important and complex dynamic too to 0:10:06.160 --> 0:10:10.480 address in a short amount of time while the hormones 0:10:10.559 --> 0:10:13.720 are firing off and this baby is growing in your belly. 0:10:13.920 --> 0:10:16.640 And if we look at this and we think about 0:10:17.120 --> 0:10:19.360 how we set the dog up to succeed, that's really 0:10:19.360 --> 0:10:21.000 the number one question, how do I set this dog 0:10:21.080 --> 0:10:23.560 up to succeed? So in Roger's case, it doesn't dive 0:10:23.600 --> 0:10:27.320 for Roger to be around a kid party with our 0:10:27.440 --> 0:10:30.760 five dogs. Nama, who's who's one of our pitch mixes, 0:10:30.800 --> 0:10:33.400 who's a big star on our show Dog Impossible. Nama 0:10:33.440 --> 0:10:37.480 loves everybody, everybody and everything. So Nowama loves a kid party. 0:10:37.679 --> 0:10:41.240 She's been doing. My Jindo not so much. My little terrier, 0:10:41.280 --> 0:10:42.880 the one that I was that I first met when 0:10:42.920 --> 0:10:46.920 I was when I was getting facing my fear of dogs, 0:10:47.440 --> 0:10:49.800 not at all. So I got to know who the 0:10:49.840 --> 0:10:51.959 dog is, meet the dog where it's at. When we're 0:10:51.960 --> 0:10:54.600 looking at this integration process, safety and the integration or key. 0:10:54.640 --> 0:10:56.280 How do I set the dog up to succeed? And 0:10:56.320 --> 0:10:57.920 there are a couple of things to to bear in mind. 0:10:57.960 --> 0:11:00.400 One is that we we actually have times some people 0:11:00.440 --> 0:11:02.360 are up against it. They call me it at month 0:11:02.400 --> 0:11:04.960 eight of pregnancy and they say what do we do? 0:11:05.040 --> 0:11:08.120 And then I'm just looking at setting absolutely safe parameters. 0:11:09.040 --> 0:11:11.319 I first like to look at what's realistic for how 0:11:11.360 --> 0:11:13.480 you want your dog to be living with you. Do 0:11:13.520 --> 0:11:15.960 you want your dog to still be sleeping in the bedroom. 0:11:16.000 --> 0:11:18.080 Definitely not having your dog sleep in the bed. But 0:11:18.240 --> 0:11:20.400 I have to look at what's practical because as parents, 0:11:20.440 --> 0:11:23.440 you're gonna lose your mind. It reminded me of like 0:11:23.720 --> 0:11:26.920 a Monty Python sketch where my my skull cap had 0:11:26.920 --> 0:11:29.480 been taken off and then another one that was not 0:11:29.559 --> 0:11:31.640 mine was put back on, and my brain just kind 0:11:31.640 --> 0:11:34.880 of kept falling out. I couldn't think up all the pieces. 0:11:35.720 --> 0:11:37.640 And that's how you're supposed to manage a dog and 0:11:37.679 --> 0:11:39.559 a kid. It's not a great setup. So so I'm 0:11:39.559 --> 0:11:42.560 always looking at what's practical. For example, if your dog 0:11:42.600 --> 0:11:45.000 sleeps in the bed, not going to work. There are 0:11:45.080 --> 0:11:47.360 serious attachment issues that are gonna come to play A 0:11:47.360 --> 0:11:49.480 lot of dogs. Actually, what they do is they figure 0:11:49.520 --> 0:11:52.080 out this kid is now the center of attention, and 0:11:52.120 --> 0:11:54.280 so I'm going to cozy up to this kid. And 0:11:54.320 --> 0:11:57.360 it reads like my dog loves my kids so much. 0:11:57.440 --> 0:12:01.679 Look at my dog looks my kid's face and let 0:12:01.760 --> 0:12:03.360 him lay on him and all that stuff. And I 0:12:03.400 --> 0:12:06.200 can't tell you over the years from the people that 0:12:06.280 --> 0:12:08.720 come to me, nobody's coming to me on a winning streak. 0:12:09.080 --> 0:12:11.840 From the people that come to me, that was all 0:12:11.880 --> 0:12:13.960 cool until it wasn't. And when we play it back, 0:12:14.000 --> 0:12:15.920 we actually get to see that the dog was clearly 0:12:15.960 --> 0:12:19.720 communicating I'm not okay with this. So if we're looking 0:12:19.720 --> 0:12:23.000 at what's practical not having the dog in the bed, 0:12:23.240 --> 0:12:26.439 um Brooklyn I talked about it. I selfishly wanted the 0:12:26.480 --> 0:12:28.800 dogs in the bedroom, and she made the right call anyway, 0:12:28.840 --> 0:12:30.559 she said that's not gonna be okay with me. And 0:12:30.760 --> 0:12:33.000 if you think about it, waking up multiple times a night, 0:12:33.120 --> 0:12:35.520 whether your kid is is in the sleeper next to you, 0:12:35.559 --> 0:12:37.880 are co sleeping in the bed, or your kids in 0:12:37.880 --> 0:12:40.640 in another room, do you want your dog to be 0:12:40.720 --> 0:12:44.000 disturbed every time your kid is disturbed? Right? Your dog 0:12:44.000 --> 0:12:46.960 doesn't want to be disturbed exactly. So we start to 0:12:47.000 --> 0:12:48.960 shape things practically. How do you want to move about 0:12:49.000 --> 0:12:50.200 the house, how do you want to bring the kid 0:12:50.280 --> 0:12:52.720 home and introduce the dogs, those kinds of things. And 0:12:52.800 --> 0:12:55.440 even though it can feel overwhelming because we're looking at 0:12:55.480 --> 0:12:59.160 safety and integration, the dog has a unique opportunity if 0:12:59.160 --> 0:13:03.040 it's set up safe too, to actually watch your kid grow. 0:13:03.240 --> 0:13:06.679 And most dogs, there is a list of thirteen subliminal 0:13:06.800 --> 0:13:10.000 bite triggers, and every dog is any dog is predisposed 0:13:10.000 --> 0:13:12.560 to be one of the subliminal bite triggers as kids. 0:13:13.240 --> 0:13:15.280 So dogs don't typically have a frame of reference for 0:13:15.280 --> 0:13:17.640 a kid. But the upside of having an infant a 0:13:17.640 --> 0:13:20.559 newborn and we had our second kid, we did a 0:13:20.640 --> 0:13:24.880 home birth. Yeah on Halloween. She was born on Halloween, 0:13:25.679 --> 0:13:27.520 and we actually left the front door open and all 0:13:27.520 --> 0:13:31.000 the trigger treaders got to come in. It was rado. No, 0:13:31.080 --> 0:13:35.800 we didn't do that. I was just thinking in my head. 0:13:35.800 --> 0:13:38.240 I was busy thinking this is so full circle. You 0:13:38.320 --> 0:13:40.920 got a dog on Halloween and then you had a 0:13:40.920 --> 0:13:42.400 baby on Halloween. I was like, oh, that makes that 0:13:42.520 --> 0:13:46.680 that's a full circle. That doesn't make a s. But 0:13:46.920 --> 0:13:50.160 our dogs didn't. They didn't bark once they didn't like 0:13:50.480 --> 0:13:56.600 they were so they were so yeah. So. So the long, 0:13:56.880 --> 0:13:59.640 the long, detailed answer to your important question here is 0:13:59.720 --> 0:14:02.760 that your dog has time to acclimate because your kid's 0:14:02.800 --> 0:14:05.360 not gonna do much other than making noises and having 0:14:05.360 --> 0:14:07.640 diapers that smell interesting. Your kid's not going to do 0:14:07.760 --> 0:14:10.040 much for the first few months. And so our our girl, 0:14:10.600 --> 0:14:14.000 our daughter, she is now five months, she's just starting 0:14:14.000 --> 0:14:18.280 to work on this, although she wants yeah, all of that. So, 0:14:18.280 --> 0:14:22.200 so your dog has time to get used to this thing, right, 0:14:22.640 --> 0:14:26.600 do you recommend anything of like bringing home something that 0:14:26.720 --> 0:14:29.920 smells like the baby, and how you bring the dog inside. 0:14:29.960 --> 0:14:32.560 That's the stuff I really remember going over with you 0:14:32.720 --> 0:14:34.720 is like I was in the hospital and I'd just 0:14:34.760 --> 0:14:37.280 given birth to Albi, and I had my brother come 0:14:37.320 --> 0:14:40.960 to the hospital pick up like a bloody blanket that 0:14:41.080 --> 0:14:44.720 I had, like one of the many pieces of fabric 0:14:44.760 --> 0:14:47.440 that had been used in childbirth. And my brother, just 0:14:47.480 --> 0:14:50.000 because he's awesome, came and picked it up and brought 0:14:50.040 --> 0:14:52.920 it home and had Roger smell it or something. And 0:14:52.960 --> 0:14:57.760 then I vaguely remember when we brought Albie home, all 0:14:57.840 --> 0:15:00.440 meeting out in the middle of the street and then 0:15:00.560 --> 0:15:04.840 walking into the house in the order of power, if 0:15:04.840 --> 0:15:07.120 that makes sense, right, Yeah, yeah, yeah, I hear what 0:15:07.160 --> 0:15:09.040 you're saying. And we met in the street. I walked 0:15:09.080 --> 0:15:10.920 in with the baby, then Adam walked in, and Roger 0:15:10.960 --> 0:15:14.040 walked in last because he needed to know the shift 0:15:14.080 --> 0:15:16.440 it happened or something. Yeah, and what you did is 0:15:16.480 --> 0:15:19.960 actually you created in real time experientially for Roger a buffer. 0:15:20.000 --> 0:15:21.760 And that's important because when you got a new baby. 0:15:21.880 --> 0:15:25.000 Our rule in our house was hula hoop's length, no dog. 0:15:25.080 --> 0:15:27.200 I don't care how comfortable you are a dog with 0:15:27.200 --> 0:15:29.400 with us. In our family, no dog is within arm's 0:15:29.480 --> 0:15:32.720 length or hula hoop's length of the baby until we 0:15:32.840 --> 0:15:36.200 say so. Um, we didn't have our dogs didn't make 0:15:36.240 --> 0:15:38.400 contact with our kid until he was about three months old, 0:15:38.440 --> 0:15:41.000 and that was when they kissed his feet. And then 0:15:41.000 --> 0:15:43.040 about five and a half months old, Brooklyn was there 0:15:43.040 --> 0:15:44.440 because she had been doing it because she was home 0:15:44.480 --> 0:15:47.080 with him and the dogs at five months old five 0:15:47.120 --> 0:15:49.320 and a half months old are Blue, nose pit Desha 0:15:49.400 --> 0:15:52.360 Blue got to lick him in the face. That stuff 0:15:52.400 --> 0:15:54.160 takes time, but a lot of people don't do it 0:15:54.200 --> 0:15:56.760 that way. So yeah, you need like those people at first, 0:15:56.880 --> 0:15:59.160 really dive into it quickly, right, Like I feel like 0:15:59.200 --> 0:16:02.720 I see a lot of newborn video pictures of like 0:16:03.320 --> 0:16:05.720 you know, bringing home the baby and day too. They're 0:16:05.760 --> 0:16:09.040 they're being placed on the dog's belly and the dogs 0:16:09.040 --> 0:16:12.400 licking the faith And you think it's much more important 0:16:12.400 --> 0:16:18.640 to do everything very slow and really measured, right, I 0:16:18.680 --> 0:16:20.720 think that. But that's also the world of dogs that 0:16:20.760 --> 0:16:23.080 I work, and you know there there are there are 0:16:23.160 --> 0:16:26.200 just amazing stories and videos about dogs. You can see 0:16:26.280 --> 0:16:29.120 they're genuinely happy and protective and bonded and those kinds 0:16:29.120 --> 0:16:31.320 of things. So you know, to your question, it's about 0:16:31.320 --> 0:16:33.000 taking the mystery out of it. This whole thing is 0:16:33.040 --> 0:16:35.479 going to be weird and for an alien to everybody 0:16:35.480 --> 0:16:38.640 in the home, you know, humans and dogs included, So 0:16:39.240 --> 0:16:40.760 taking the mystery out of it. So if I'm gonna 0:16:40.760 --> 0:16:41.920 take the mystery out of it, I want to give 0:16:41.920 --> 0:16:44.840 the dog access to smells, sights, and sounds. This is 0:16:44.880 --> 0:16:47.640 not information I created. This is this is pretty standard. 0:16:47.960 --> 0:16:50.920 What Brooklyn and I did that was really informative was 0:16:51.000 --> 0:16:54.240 we created the baby date, which I'm which I'm really 0:16:54.240 --> 0:16:58.120 stoked about sharing. And what is it? What is it? 0:16:58.200 --> 0:17:00.960 What is we got a not the mega baby date 0:17:01.000 --> 0:17:03.440 that already happened. The baby date was we got a 0:17:03.440 --> 0:17:05.879 fake baby and brought and actually did the research and 0:17:06.080 --> 0:17:09.600 I did this. Remember that, you guys. I'm so sorry, 0:17:09.600 --> 0:17:12.119 but it's weird mom brain and dad brain, as you know, 0:17:12.200 --> 0:17:13.879 that is a real thing. I have a two and 0:17:13.920 --> 0:17:17.960 a half year old, and I forgot that I bought 0:17:18.000 --> 0:17:22.320 a fake baby that made crying sounds off the black market, 0:17:22.760 --> 0:17:26.600 that's right, and I and I like would this was 0:17:26.640 --> 0:17:29.000 when the nursery was built, and I put the baby 0:17:29.040 --> 0:17:31.800 in like the baby carrier, or like pretended to change 0:17:31.840 --> 0:17:34.440 the baby's diaper, or like hold the baby and press 0:17:34.480 --> 0:17:36.280 the buttons that it cried while I held the baby. 0:17:36.359 --> 0:17:38.520 So that the first time Albie did that in my house. 0:17:38.760 --> 0:17:41.080 Roger had already been seeing me do that with a 0:17:41.119 --> 0:17:44.080 fake baby. Yeah, you took the mystery out and we 0:17:44.200 --> 0:17:45.920 that the thing about the baby date that was so 0:17:46.040 --> 0:17:48.400 that was so great. There's there's an amazing vegan restaurant 0:17:48.400 --> 0:17:50.880 here called Little Pine. Shout out to Little Pine, Shout 0:17:50.880 --> 0:17:53.200 out a Little Pine, and we actually one of my 0:17:53.280 --> 0:17:56.000 favorite places to eat. So we had this fake baby 0:17:56.040 --> 0:17:58.960 that that our dogs hadn't seen yet, and we kept 0:17:59.000 --> 0:18:00.720 it in the car, which was, you know, the last 0:18:00.840 --> 0:18:02.440 last couple of weeks we'd ever get away of doing 0:18:02.480 --> 0:18:03.879 something like that. We kept it in the car. We 0:18:03.920 --> 0:18:06.239 went on this baby date and got dressed up and 0:18:06.280 --> 0:18:08.200 really enjoyed the time with each other. And we made 0:18:08.200 --> 0:18:10.840 a point on our on our baby date, at this 0:18:10.920 --> 0:18:14.200 great dinner of talking about everything we loved about each other, 0:18:14.520 --> 0:18:16.960 what we thought about each other as parents, what we 0:18:17.240 --> 0:18:20.280 everything we loved about our dogs, what we just There 0:18:20.359 --> 0:18:23.320 was so much love in the meal and in the experience, 0:18:24.080 --> 0:18:26.720 which was key because what you do is you come 0:18:26.720 --> 0:18:29.000 home with oxytocin. You come home with a baby in 0:18:29.040 --> 0:18:31.840 a carriage and full of oxytocin, which is the love drug. 0:18:31.840 --> 0:18:34.360 And what happens with the love drug is in those 0:18:34.440 --> 0:18:38.080 first two hours the oxytocin levels and it decreases, but 0:18:38.160 --> 0:18:40.280 the oxytocin levels of the highest they're ever going to 0:18:40.359 --> 0:18:43.879 be in the child's life. So if we're looking at 0:18:43.920 --> 0:18:45.879 that two day window, there's still quite a bit of 0:18:45.880 --> 0:18:47.239 it in the air, and the two day window. If 0:18:47.240 --> 0:18:49.120 you come home with the baby and you've got all 0:18:49.119 --> 0:18:51.400 this good juju and your dog picks that up, it's 0:18:51.440 --> 0:18:53.760 really helpful for the dog to know what that's about, 0:18:54.200 --> 0:18:56.680 and they've seen it before. And they've seen it before. 0:18:56.720 --> 0:18:59.119 So we brought fake baby home. We put fake baby 0:18:59.160 --> 0:19:02.240 on the on the cough the table, and I watched. 0:19:02.359 --> 0:19:04.080 We didn't do anything. I just wanted to do and 0:19:04.119 --> 0:19:06.240 I watched what my dogs were going to do. And 0:19:06.359 --> 0:19:09.520 the terrier, Kingston, it was the one that got me 0:19:09.560 --> 0:19:13.320 into all. This actually got really weird with fake baby. 0:19:13.320 --> 0:19:15.800 And that's when Brooklyn and I had unexpectedly had to 0:19:15.840 --> 0:19:18.080 have that conversation, are we going to be able to 0:19:18.160 --> 0:19:21.000 keep Kingston? What does this say about me as a 0:19:21.040 --> 0:19:24.239 dog trainer, etcetera, etcetera. And we did and haven't had 0:19:24.240 --> 0:19:40.760 an incident with him. Kingston is quite content. Yeah, we've 0:19:40.760 --> 0:19:44.000 had to really learn the rules of you know, it's 0:19:44.040 --> 0:19:46.720 such a in a way, it's a blessing that that, 0:19:46.960 --> 0:19:49.720 like you said, watching these babies grow, that everything sort 0:19:49.760 --> 0:19:52.320