Speaker 1: It's I Do Part two, and I'm Jennifer Wessler, one
Speaker 1: of your celebrity mentors from the Real Housewives of New
Speaker 1: Jersey and the podcast to Jersey Jays. Today is going
Speaker 1: to be so much fun because I'm going to connect
Speaker 1: with a couple that we have that have both gone
Speaker 1: through divorce and found love in each other in their
Speaker 1: chapter two. My guest today, you know because you've seen
Speaker 1: their love while watching Jersey Housewives. So here we go.
Speaker 1: Please welcome my friends Dolores Catana and Paully Connell to
Speaker 1: the podcast. All right, my loves Hello, Hye, hi you guys.
Speaker 1: Hi dog Dog's near? Dogs have dog? Hi baby?
Speaker 2: Part of Part two?
Speaker 1: Also oh right, very true? Right, this is Dogs Part two?
Speaker 1: What was Dogs? Part one?
Speaker 2: A backyard a junk yard?
Speaker 1: Actually better Part two. It's a happy ending and they're
Speaker 1: in love. They're in love. Listen. I mean, you guys
Speaker 1: already know this, but this podcast is about second time,
Speaker 1: third time. Well, if you ask my family, fourth time around,
Speaker 1: my parents. But you know we're gonna talk a little
Speaker 1: bit about your We're gonna call it second time around. Listen,
Speaker 1: you guys met how old were you guys when you met?
Speaker 2: Well, twelve. No, what was I I was fifty and
Speaker 2: you were, So we're four years.
Speaker 1: Apart, four years apart, younger men.
Speaker 2: This is a first for me.
Speaker 1: I don't right. But Paul's a man, yeah, honey. You
Speaker 1: say a lot of things about Paul O'Connell. He is
Speaker 1: all man. You have no feminine there's nothing feminine about
Speaker 1: Paul O'Connor.
Speaker 3: Man.
Speaker 2: It palls a man. Yeah, but Christopher because he typically
Speaker 2: dates twenty eight year olds.
Speaker 1: So let's go there, all right. So a little bit
Speaker 1: you guys about relationship history.
Speaker 3: That's almost something good, right, the second price that had
Speaker 3: to be better.
Speaker 1: Honey, this is good to our listeners. We want to know.
Speaker 1: We want to know it all the good, the bad,
Speaker 1: the ugly. Okay, So just tell us a little bit,
Speaker 1: Polly about I'm just going to touch on it about
Speaker 1: your relationship history pre Dolores and after. Well, okay, so
Speaker 1: you and your wife separated, broke up, and did you
Speaker 1: have what kind of Do you have a lot of
Speaker 1: relationships between the time that you guys split up, in
Speaker 1: the time you met Dolores?
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, absolutely, I definitely, you know, met a bunch
Speaker 3: of different people, you know, sometimes somewhat serious, not so
Speaker 3: serious because you're finding yourself, right, Yeah, we can't be
Speaker 3: serious till you find yourself, so by default, you know,
Speaker 3: you go through these patrons of being with people and
Speaker 3: then those relationships not working out until you find the
Speaker 3: right person.
Speaker 1: Do you think there was something that a common thread
Speaker 1: in terms of like the women that you were dating
Speaker 1: that where it just didn't work out because I don't know,
Speaker 1: they all dot dot dot.
Speaker 3: Yeah. I think the biggest common tread was I was
Speaker 3: immature really yeah, definitely, so I'm matured when I met.
Speaker 2: The right person.
Speaker 1: I love that.
Speaker 2: Well, it's also somebody sometimes you morph into the person
Speaker 2: you you kind of adopt to who you're with. Like
Speaker 2: if you were with a girl who wanted to go
Speaker 2: out every night and drinking every night, you're going to
Speaker 2: stay in that.
Speaker 1: I love that. But I'm just thinking, like, also, there
Speaker 1: is there was something about Dolores from the get go
Speaker 1: when you first saw her, met her. Tell us a
Speaker 1: little bit about that, tell us about I think you
Speaker 1: guys met in the Apple store.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, that's so. I was a friend of ours,
Speaker 3: mutual friend that introduced me by text to Dolores, and
Speaker 3: she's like, my friend, is you know, recently single, and
Speaker 3: is you know, would you go on a date with her?
Speaker 3: And I'm like, of course, I'm like, you know, didn't
Speaker 3: know what you looked like. And I honestly people keep saying, oh,
Speaker 3: he's followed her. I never knew the Loris from the show.
Speaker 2: People say that you followed me.
Speaker 3: No, because he's better, because your housewife, blah blah blah. Right,
Speaker 3: so yeah, you followed.
Speaker 1: Me, by the way, Wait a second, So Paul, had
Speaker 1: you ever watched the show?
Speaker 3: You know, my ex wife used to watch the show.
Speaker 3: I think she she liked Dolors.
Speaker 1: Yeah, everyone likes Dolores Dolorius.
Speaker 3: I think she you know, I used to look at
Speaker 3: her and go.
Speaker 1: What watch watching?
Speaker 3: It was the time Carol Andmonzo threes and Judais was
Speaker 3: turning over the tables. So I was like in and out,
Speaker 3: going with the work, you know whatever. It was kids
Speaker 3: running around and I couldn't understand that. I was like,
Speaker 3: I don't know understand what that is. So yeah, so
Speaker 3: it was obviously then I got to see a photograph
Speaker 3: of Dolors and not you know, of course, I'm like, yes,
Speaker 3: I would absolutely go on a date with this person.
Speaker 3: And then we yeah, it's just it's a small, silly story. Ball.
Speaker 3: I went to Apple store because my phone was broken.
Speaker 3: We were texting at this time because there was like
Speaker 3: a message about is all going for like a double
Speaker 3: date to meet everybody? And I don't do that. I'm
Speaker 3: not going on a double date.
Speaker 1: My girl, here's my nmer.
Speaker 2: Dates.
Speaker 1: No, no, man up baby mana.
Speaker 3: She goes, here's my number, this is my pass cade.
Speaker 3: I know she's She goes, here's my number if you
Speaker 3: want to like reach out. So we start talking to
Speaker 3: say to where my phone has broke? I have to
Speaker 3: go to the Apple store. Jen, I'm not bullshit. I'm
Speaker 3: sitting in the Apple Store at a mask on the map.
Speaker 3: I couldn't. I wish the mask could just uncover my
Speaker 3: whole existence. In walks this chick with hair HiT's everywhere.
Speaker 3: It was like everybody in the store twants around looking
Speaker 3: at her, and I can hear the bracelet jingle and
Speaker 3: I'm like, please don't tell me that's Dolores.
Speaker 1: Can get the hell out of here.
Speaker 3: She walks literally, she loss right off to me and
Speaker 3: she goes, hey, such a crowd.
Speaker 1: Side get that hell, Hold on, hold on, hold on,
Speaker 1: back this up. Hold on. You saw her coming and
Speaker 1: you thought, let that not be Dolores my pants. Oh,
Speaker 1: because she was because you were sitting there field because
Speaker 1: she was so gorgeous. You're saying, you like were flustered.
Speaker 3: She was a billboard for Lula Lemons.
Speaker 4: They were like, I was like the body, flop box,
Speaker 4: the body, the legs, like there was a I mean,
Speaker 4: there was just so much going on in a moment,
Speaker 4: and I'm like, sweat was dripping down the The guy
Speaker 4: was like, can I help you, sir, And I'm like, yeah,
Speaker 4: where's the exit I need?
Speaker 2: Oh.
Speaker 1: So this is for a different podcast, but I'm just
Speaker 1: going to say, and Dolorus, you've heard me say this before,
Speaker 1: that's the best way for my opinion, for couples to
Speaker 1: start out. I like when the man just loses his
Speaker 1: I know that, so so yeah, I do too.
Speaker 3: It disarmed me completely, and you know, I think kind
Speaker 3: of as well for her because she was like, you know,
Speaker 3: well obviously she premeditated, because you know, I was there,
Speaker 3: but I didn't. But when she came in, it was
Speaker 3: from that point forward, it.
Speaker 1: Was just everybody feels that way. Dolores has walks in
Speaker 1: a room and I don't know the air gets everybody stands. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I don't know. Sucked down the room? Is that the expression? Wait,
Speaker 1: don't a little bit? Tell me a little bit about
Speaker 1: why you think the other relationships didn't work out, and
Speaker 1: and here you are with Polly because again.
Speaker 2: Not the right person, just not not a lot of
Speaker 2: you know, at the end of the day, you both
Speaker 2: have to want the same thing, and that's what keeps
Speaker 2: it going. Not it's not always easy. But if you're
Speaker 2: with the person that has the same intentions as you,
Speaker 2: there's something to work through an argument, there's something to
Speaker 2: work through a fight, there's you know, it's worth staying around.
Speaker 1: What are the what do you guys think your common
Speaker 1: intentions are a little bit?
Speaker 2: Well, we both were dating with a purpose.
Speaker 3: What's your comment for a relationship?
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean long doing permanent longevity.
Speaker 5: Right, Yeah, it's like it's it's you know, I know
Speaker 5: there's a lot of criticism about put a ring on
Speaker 5: it and all this kind of stuff in marriage, and
Speaker 5: we're getting a little bit for our ahead now, but
Speaker 5: you know that's our goal is that, regardless to the piece.
Speaker 3: Of paper and regardless to the piece of jewelry, our
Speaker 3: goal is to that obviously empty them. Things are all coming.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you know, yeah, you got a lot of crap
Speaker 1: about being married when you guys were first together. I
Speaker 1: know you're divorced now, and it's funny. I had my
Speaker 1: own opinions on it, like we're not babies anymore. And
Speaker 1: for me watching Dolores, like who gives a sh Like
Speaker 1: I knew you were going to get divorced.
Speaker 3: The people jen are buying married men that are saying
Speaker 3: I'm still married, Like, give me a amen?
Speaker 2: I know, amen, brother, they so please girls sell down?
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, no I felt like that too. I mean,
Speaker 1: dol did you have any trepidation just being with a
Speaker 1: man who was still married? I asked these questions, you guys,
Speaker 1: I know that a lot of there are a lot
Speaker 1: of ugers are going to listen to the podcast, but
Speaker 1: a lot who who haven't watched.
Speaker 2: Anybody should Yeah I did. But he had told me
Speaker 2: that his divorce was going to be sooner than it was.
Speaker 2: But as time went on, you know, time goes very fast.
Speaker 2: I wasn't I wasn't keeping tabs. I was never going
Speaker 2: to force his hand on it. Eventually, yeah, I was smart.
Speaker 2: I Eventually I would have made a stand on it,
Speaker 2: but it wasn't any time soon. I mean it was
Speaker 2: like three years. Yeah, but you know, of course that's
Speaker 2: not the ideal situation. But at our age, you're going
Speaker 2: to come across things that are going to be around listen.
Speaker 1: And I agree one hundred percent, like I was when
Speaker 1: Jeff and I were separated, we both had partners, other partners,
Speaker 1: we were married, and we still had significant others in
Speaker 1: our life, right, and so we were separated at the
Speaker 1: time with the intention of getting divorced, and I didn't
Speaker 1: have any I didn't feel any guilt about that. It
Speaker 1: just you know, it was in my mind. Obviously things
Speaker 1: did not work out that way, thank god, But in
Speaker 1: my mind we were separated. We were two separate, single people.
Speaker 1: So I don't know, and I don't I never sort
Speaker 1: of ran into an instance where even when I was
Speaker 1: first dating, anybody really gave a ship like as long
Speaker 1: as you're separated and not living in the same house,
Speaker 1: blah blah blah.
Speaker 2: Right.
Speaker 3: I think credit to Delores is that credits of credit
Speaker 3: credits of dolorous. He took a lot of sh on
Speaker 3: the chin because there was no reason for it, and
Speaker 3: people will always look for a reason to like, you know,
Speaker 3: put the attention on it. I didn't look at it
Speaker 3: as that critical because of it. To me, it's ending
Speaker 3: of you know, it's dissolving some paperwork, and the relationship
Speaker 3: was already over. We've already moved on. We're all in
Speaker 3: different parts of our life. So to me, it was
Speaker 3: like the final frontier. By the end of it, Jen,
Speaker 3: it was bothering me so much, like to the point
Speaker 3: of that I was very you know, upset to see
Speaker 3: that people would say this to the doors or come
Speaker 3: after it that way because now I felt responsible, which
Speaker 3: I should be, because I should have you know, I
Speaker 3: should have cleared that up beforehand. But I wasn't at
Speaker 3: a position in my life where it was that top priority.
Speaker 3: And when I when I, when me and Dolores became
Speaker 3: that that item that became a priority. It just it
Speaker 3: took some distincts to take time. And I don't care
Speaker 3: if it take someone says it should really take one
Speaker 3: year or two years. I don't care. It took what
Speaker 3: it took, and that's what it took.
Speaker 1: Well, it's not just you, you know, trying to work
Speaker 1: it through. There's someone else in this scenario. Okay, So
Speaker 1: fafter you guys out of it. But from what you've
Speaker 1: been through to our listeners who might be dating someone
Speaker 1: who's separated, do you think there's any absolutes like cut
Speaker 1: it off if if this person doesn't seem to want
Speaker 1: to get divorced. Is there any red flags in terms
Speaker 1: of dating somebody who's not fully divorced.
Speaker 2: If someone has no intention of getting divorced, do not
Speaker 2: stay with that person in a serious relationship because at
Speaker 2: the end of the day, this was my problem. I
Speaker 2: had met his ex, I liked his ex. It's not
Speaker 2: like this was like a real marriage. But technically, legally,
Speaker 2: if something happened to Paul, I would be calling his
Speaker 2: ex to get my stuff out of the house like
Speaker 2: that was my biggest problem. And or God forbid, something
Speaker 2: happened to Paul and there needed to be a life
Speaker 2: or death decision, I wouldn't be able to had made
Speaker 2: it because I wasn't his wife. Yet I'm giving him
Speaker 2: my life every day, my family, my job. I'm sharing
Speaker 2: my time, my youth, whatever's left of my my ab
Speaker 2: with him. And at the end of the day, the
Speaker 2: important important things you are not a part of. Because
Speaker 2: I've been in the hospital with my mom one time,
Speaker 2: and the person in the next room choked on a
Speaker 2: hamburger and his girlfriend he had never gotten formally divorced,
Speaker 2: legally divorced, and his girlfriend was thrown out of the
Speaker 2: room and his ex that he had been separated with
Speaker 2: for so long came in and took over. So always
Speaker 2: weighed heavy on me. And that's why I say not
Speaker 2: to let that drag out too long. If you're in
Speaker 2: a serious relationship with someone, that has to be done.
Speaker 2: I knew Paul was legally working on it because I
Speaker 2: was here for the conversations. I was here for the
Speaker 2: phone calls with the attorney. At one point, his attorney
Speaker 2: got sick and had a heart attack, and that pushed
Speaker 2: it off. So none of this was Paul's fault.
Speaker 3: This was what was my fault initially. For getting back
Speaker 3: to your question, is if you're out, you shall be out?
Speaker 2: Yeah, And he drives his feet long.
Speaker 3: My advice is I wish I hadn't done it sooner,
Speaker 3: not because of anything to do with my ex, but
Speaker 3: because of the situation in my life. And really, if
Speaker 3: you're out, get out, put the paper, and if you're serious,
Speaker 3: people meet it up people. And that's the reason they
Speaker 3: split up and they move on, and that's the direction
Speaker 3: if you're with somebody. I think the best advice somebody
Speaker 3: can have if you're with somebody who is still married,
Speaker 3: as long as you, the person that you're dating, and
Speaker 3: the person that they are married to are all on
Speaker 3: the same page and you understand the process and the
Speaker 3: goal is, Hey, we're getting divorced, this is my new life,
Speaker 3: blah blah blah. It doesn't always work that way. If
Speaker 3: that's the scenario, then everybody should be comfortable. Then the
Speaker 3: nies on the outside shouldn't really matter.
Speaker 1: First of all, that is what you just said is
Speaker 1: so key, because the truth is when I was separated,
Speaker 1: Jeff did not want to get divorced, and the person
Speaker 1: I was with at the time knew that, and so
Speaker 1: we would go around about that. But I think that's
Speaker 1: so interesting that Delors, you know, knew that that's where
Speaker 1: you were both headed. Because Dolorus, being Dolorous, of course,
Speaker 1: became friendly with your ex like only Dolores could in
Speaker 1: these scenarios. But knowing that you were both that everybody
Speaker 1: was on the same page, I think that's probably huge, right.
Speaker 3: That's to me, it was a big part even though, Listen,
Speaker 3: there's some tricky moments to that as well, like it's
Speaker 3: not a walk in the park, right, how long it's
Speaker 3: been separated or not, it's still like it's it's the pressure.
Speaker 3: My attorneys get involved.
Speaker 1: There's money involved, and that's always obviously.
Speaker 3: And then as also then there's like you as a person.
Speaker 3: For Dolores, I felt guilty. I felt bad. I felt
Speaker 3: like this is not going fast enough.
Speaker 2: But I have to ask you, did you feel less
Speaker 2: bad because I didn't fight with you?
Speaker 1: Would it have been that's a great question.
Speaker 2: Would you have done it quicker? Had I put pressure
Speaker 2: on you?
Speaker 3: No? Because I went as quick as I could actually go.
Speaker 3: I did not. I didn't go slow because of any reason.
Speaker 2: Listen.
Speaker 3: Unfortunately, the attorney had a heart attack going to court
Speaker 3: with the documents.
Speaker 1: That's so crazy.
Speaker 3: I was like, that's a sign, well get better, let's
Speaker 3: go back at it again because we have to we
Speaker 3: have to finish this, you know.
Speaker 2: Actually her attorney called the hospital, called the ambulance for him.
Speaker 3: It was a very un Yeah.
Speaker 2: Yeah, so what was I going to do? Was getting fussed?
Speaker 2: Well he's health now, he's yeah, he's fine, he's fine.
Speaker 2: But I was I was getting frustrated, but I held
Speaker 2: my tongue because of a couple of things. Number one
Speaker 2: is pride, and I feel if I have to ask
Speaker 2: someone to do the right thing, it's already too late.
Speaker 2: And the other reason is because there's a lot of
Speaker 2: things to fight over, and I did see that he
Speaker 2: was moving along with it.
Speaker 1: I love all of this, especially for our listeners. I
Speaker 1: don't pretend to know what to tell people. When I
Speaker 1: got separated and then back together, I told the story
Speaker 1: that like the entire neighborhood, all the women, people strangers
Speaker 1: started calling me to ask how that happened and how
Speaker 1: I did it. I was like, I don't know how
Speaker 1: I did it. I got lucky. I don't know what
Speaker 1: to say. But I think that's so what you just said,
Speaker 1: like Dolo about if you have to make it happen,
Speaker 1: you know, if you're pushing through, maybe maybe that's key,
Speaker 1: right like for those of us, for listeners who are
Speaker 1: maybe in relationships after having been divorced or one is
Speaker 1: still married to not if you're pushing, pushing, get divorced,
Speaker 1: get divorced, get divorced, maybe that is a red flag if.
Speaker 3: You're with somebody.
Speaker 2: But also Paul, some people do need a fire lid
Speaker 2: under their ass. Like, I don't blame anyone for pushing
Speaker 2: that issue.
Speaker 3: Depends on the relationship that you're coming from, the marriage
Speaker 3: you're coming from. It's so it can be manipulation on
Speaker 3: different side.
Speaker 2: It is really, honestly so different for each couple and
Speaker 2: each person. You just have to read the room. You
Speaker 2: have to read. Paul wasn't shady about anything. You know
Speaker 2: the guys shady at our Age Part two, Right, you're
Speaker 2: being shady and if you don't, then you're in trouble
Speaker 2: being out in this world not knowing. And listen to
Speaker 2: your friends, Listen to your mom. My mom wasn't happy
Speaker 2: to get divorced. I had friends saying he'll never get divorced.
Speaker 2: We had very close friends. Actually, oh, he'll never get divorced.
Speaker 2: He'll never marry her. I taken that in fault with
Speaker 2: him about it. But there's no way I let other
Speaker 2: people's opinions define my decisions in life.
Speaker 3: Ever, Can I say something right? People say he will
Speaker 3: never marry her. I don't think that's a reflect that's
Speaker 3: about reflection on thelor. It's not me, I know. I
Speaker 3: don't think there you know if somebody says that, why
Speaker 3: would you? Why would you? What makes you believe that
Speaker 3: this is probably the best woman in the world to
Speaker 3: be with. She's supportive, she'll do anything for you, she
Speaker 3: does everything for everybody. She doesn't want anything back. Right, So,
Speaker 3: as as perspective, that person who's writing that or who's
Speaker 3: saying that about work.
Speaker 1: It's insulting. It's insulting, dolorous.
Speaker 3: You were stuck and you called she would so count
Speaker 3: thought of it. Sometimes I'm like, uh, there there is.
Speaker 2: That's why you don't listen to people, Paul, I don't
Speaker 2: listen closer. Were you affected sometimes by opinions that you
Speaker 2: read and think people that called you and got you
Speaker 2: worked up about things? Were you affected? I can't say
Speaker 2: to you to be the way I am. I don't
Speaker 2: expect that from you.
Speaker 3: The truth is the effect being effective is how it
Speaker 3: affects you, not me. To me, I don't care about
Speaker 3: reality lifestyle. It doesn't bother me in the slightest. I
Speaker 3: came into this and a person that's already accomplished. I've
Speaker 3: done my thing and I'm going to keep on doing it. Yeah,
Speaker 3: this is her position in life, and I'm going to
Speaker 3: support that yeah or not care less, I don't really care.
Speaker 1: No, I get that, I love that, I get that.
Speaker 1: It it is like insulting, like who wouldn't feel like
Speaker 1: they stepped in a golden pile of shit if they
Speaker 1: get Dolores right? So like, of course you want to end.
Speaker 1: Who wouldn't I love that you said that?
Speaker 2: What I want to say to couples listening Part two,
Speaker 2: Second time Around? There is by now a lot of
Speaker 2: people in your life that have a lot of opinions
Speaker 2: about how you live your life. Because there's times you've
Speaker 2: reached out when you're single and you don't have that person,
Speaker 2: so you reach out to your friends, you reach out
Speaker 2: to your family, and then that gives them the right
Speaker 2: to weigh in on the decisions you make in your
Speaker 2: life because you've gone to them. So I want people
Speaker 2: to also understand although people you can allow them because
Speaker 2: they've been there for you to have their opinion, you
Speaker 2: don't have to listen to them because the real people
Speaker 2: will be there in the end. You should hear them.
Speaker 2: You should hear them, but they're not always right.
Speaker 1: Listen, and especially if you're on your second time around
Speaker 1: or your third, you know stuff now that you didn't
Speaker 1: know when you were young and dumb, and you do
Speaker 1: things right at our age. After you've had this life
Speaker 1: experience and you've been through the pain of going through
Speaker 1: breakup or breakups right, you are wiser than ever and
Speaker 1: know it's better for you than anyone else does, at
Speaker 1: least right. Because I had people say to me, don't
Speaker 1: get back together. You haven't really tried yet. You haven't
Speaker 1: put yourself out there. And I'm talking about people that
Speaker 1: were my closer who loved me said it to me
Speaker 1: out of love. But Jen, why would you do this
Speaker 1: yet even if it didn't work out with this first guy,
Speaker 1: you haven't given yourself a chance and saying it to
Speaker 1: me out of again out of love and care. But
Speaker 1: I had to trust myself and I had I knew
Speaker 1: what was right for me. I might not have if
Speaker 1: I was twenty five going into my first marriage.
Speaker 2: You may have been wrong too, and.
Speaker 1: That would have been okay.
Speaker 2: So if somebody who's been married for twenty five thirty
Speaker 2: years is telling you, oh, maybe you should do some more, No,
Speaker 2: you aren't really out there.
Speaker 3: It's them, yeah, right, but they want to live through
Speaker 3: your eyes because they know that they're miserable at the end.
Speaker 1: Yeah, have like, why aren't you having a good old time? Right?
Speaker 1: But right's heart?
Speaker 2: Being single it's really hard, being agreed, being single as
Speaker 2: a woman, it's hard being single as a man. It's
Speaker 2: hard starting over, it's.
Speaker 1: All of it is a bitch, It's true.
Speaker 3: Honestly, I could say it is being single or being
Speaker 3: with the right person. There's no comparison being single having
Speaker 3: the fun. I get it. It's great you go around.
Speaker 2: I bet you did day man.
Speaker 4: To do.
Speaker 3: What's well?
Speaker 2: Yeah, the companion, having that person that's.
Speaker 1: Your everything, right, nothing better than that? I agree with you.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Well, so let's just get into for a minute to
Speaker 1: the kids of it all. So uh different second time
Speaker 1: around for you both, obviously because you have these these children,
Speaker 1: these adult children in Dolores's world, and different for you, Paul.
Speaker 1: So how was that? Right? So was that difficult to navigate?
Speaker 1: Because I know I know now that the children, no
Speaker 1: big shock here, love the Dolores's kids love you, Paul,
Speaker 1: and Paul's kids love you, Dolo. But was that ever hard?
Speaker 1: Was that ever tricky? Was it hard because Doloreses were
Speaker 1: older or because years were younger?
Speaker 2: No?
Speaker 3: It it was meant to be it's organic.
Speaker 1: Kids never had an issue. Huh.
Speaker 3: My kids love my Brooklyn and Cameron love Frankie, Gabby
Speaker 3: and vice versa. It's so it's so rewarding to see
Speaker 3: how well they get on and the way they like,
Speaker 3: like they talk to each other and they push each
Speaker 3: other open. It's so organic. But the thing about it is,
Speaker 3: you square to have a really long term relationship. You
Speaker 3: wouldn't think it's just like new like our relationship. They
Speaker 3: look and there's in the same circle of like understanding
Speaker 3: what they want in life.
Speaker 2: So it's so cool.
Speaker 1: How long did you guys wait to introduce each other
Speaker 1: to your kids?
Speaker 3: Actually?
Speaker 1: Really?
Speaker 2: Yeah? Yeah, so you know, I mean that's I guess
Speaker 2: what do you suggest wait to me introduce somebody or so?
Speaker 3: I lived in the premise that keep everything away from
Speaker 3: your kids, don't let them know we're still married. I
Speaker 3: was still married the kid. My kids never knew me
Speaker 3: to date anybody.
Speaker 1: I never You never introduced any other up any of
Speaker 1: the other women you were dating.
Speaker 3: You can't get someone out a diner like casual. There
Speaker 3: was no like hey, dad's friends coming over, right, none
Speaker 3: of that. That was a mistake.
Speaker 1: Interesting.
Speaker 3: I do believe I tried to protect my children. But
Speaker 3: they know they're not stupid? You know me now, like
Speaker 3: some of the comments they made me like that seriously
Speaker 3: think like come on that. But I think if you
Speaker 3: tried to protect your children that actually I understand it,
Speaker 3: but I don't think.
Speaker 1: It really well. Like, would you suggest to listeners that
Speaker 1: they should wait until they like obviously you guys knew
Speaker 1: pretty quickly that it was going to get furious and
Speaker 1: that you guys had something but other people that you date,
Speaker 1: would you suggest to our listeners to wait if they
Speaker 1: are I mean, is it just so individual? Is it depending.
Speaker 3: Upon don't forget we we'd probably been with different people, right,
Speaker 3: So so the laws have been with other people for
Speaker 3: a long relationships. I have been with other people, just
Speaker 3: not met my kids. I chose not to do that
Speaker 3: for the reason was because I taught the benefit was
Speaker 3: not my children would be less damaged as you would, right.
Speaker 3: I guess there's.
Speaker 2: There's so much guilt.
Speaker 1: Yeah, there is so much guilt.
Speaker 3: Something actually to add that. I think by doing that
Speaker 3: penalized me to not force the divorce. Interesting, because you
Speaker 3: know you're living this everything's cool, this family's lives, you.
Speaker 2: Know, living two lives.
Speaker 3: I don't want to say I was living two lives
Speaker 3: because I think that's a lot of tax in your brain.
Speaker 3: But I think I was living a lot.
Speaker 1: But living interesting.
Speaker 2: You know, there's a lot of people culturally that's say,
Speaker 2: Irish people don't get divorced most a lot of Irish
Speaker 2: people don't even get married. They just live together forever. Right, Well, listen, you.
Speaker 3: Know you were brought up in a way to believe
Speaker 3: that no matter what, you make them work.
Speaker 1: Well, you feel like it's like you just you just
Speaker 1: kind of compartmentalize this is right, what's going on here?
Speaker 1: This is going on here? They're separate and.
Speaker 3: Ireland is like this size and you break up. They
Speaker 3: all talk about it.
Speaker 2: It's like it's like you think Irish people like are
Speaker 2: very like concerned about what other people say. It's like
Speaker 2: a small European I.
Speaker 3: Think everybody's concerned about what everybody says.
Speaker 1: Ireland what about so speaking of other people as well,
Speaker 1: And again, I know a lot of listeners watch the show.
Speaker 1: But in terms of meeting the X and Paul for
Speaker 1: you with Frank the first time was that difficult? I mean,
Speaker 1: I I know a little bit myself, but tell us
Speaker 1: the listeners that don't.
Speaker 2: Know, family meeting.
Speaker 3: And it was about builds.
Speaker 2: The kids were leaving the lights.
Speaker 3: The light song, it was garbage whatever. So I walked
Speaker 3: into a and found me feud get out, but I
Speaker 3: was invited.
Speaker 1: To get out.
Speaker 2: You know, we still like, even though we're divorced, we
Speaker 2: still parent together and we still are on the same page.
Speaker 2: He'll call me I could brack me up on this.
Speaker 2: I'm like, it's like a you know, yeah, a lot
Speaker 2: to understand.
Speaker 1: Listen. I mean, you have such a unique situation with
Speaker 1: Frank Delores, and it's been obviously the topic of many
Speaker 1: discussions and on the show and off the show. So
Speaker 1: but do you think that that was easier for you,
Speaker 1: Polly than because they got along so well at the beginning.
Speaker 1: Was that more difficult?
Speaker 3: I guess? I guess. So again, I didn't watch the show.
Speaker 3: I didn't know anything about it. I didn't know who
Speaker 3: Frank was to me. It was just another guy in
Speaker 3: the gym pumping iron right to me. So when I
Speaker 3: met him, I had to understand that he was for
Speaker 3: X right. I think people like troll comments on me
Speaker 3: and you know this, this this world is great insane.
Speaker 2: People like to tell you those friends either way, close
Speaker 2: friends did not want to see us all get along,
Speaker 2: close friends waiting on both sides behind. You know, I
Speaker 2: would never have allowed that they didn't win.
Speaker 3: So they didn't win.
Speaker 2: I know that, Paul, But like people are like bro,
Speaker 2: you're putting up with Bro.
Speaker 3: So anyways, so it wasn't that it was hard. It
Speaker 3: was just very unusual. And I really and I and
Speaker 3: I and I know I came off. I think it
Speaker 3: was like the first time I filmed, and it was
Speaker 3: like Frank needs to you know, maybe Frank needs to
Speaker 3: rethink the situation, right, because I really didn't understand it.
Speaker 3: But I'm not the only person that didn't understand it.
Speaker 3: There's a whole audience that didn't understand this.
Speaker 1: You're also you also get to be the person that's
Speaker 1: in love with Dolores and trying so even more so
Speaker 1: than the audience. You're trying to reconcile the fact that
Speaker 1: that it's a different thing than usual.
Speaker 2: But the weird thing is Paul works with his ex,
Speaker 2: they get along, They've gone to family weddings together over
Speaker 2: all these years. I don't see a big different interesting.
Speaker 3: So the team was and the big thing was I
Speaker 3: think Frank seeing Dolorus in a different light from her
Speaker 3: pastor maybe relationships, right, and he may be seeing a
Speaker 3: different trend in Dolorous, right. And I think maybe Frank's
Speaker 3: and alpha male, right, And I'm kind of one of
Speaker 3: the guys as well to be like, hey, listen, this
Speaker 3: is you know, I'm here now, see you later. Brow
Speaker 3: We're good right, right, You don't need to go and
Speaker 3: stick it on my head and drink and cotails. Right,
Speaker 3: We're good, right, but we can hang out. So I
Speaker 3: think Frank was having a hard time knowing that the
Speaker 3: dynamic of his relationship with Dolorus may change, but not
Speaker 3: in a bad way, just in the normality of like,
Speaker 3: you know, what's happening. And I think at that point
Speaker 3: maybe we were feeding off each other and it kind
Speaker 3: of got like a little bit like different because you know,
Speaker 3: but at the end of the day, we're we're we're.
Speaker 1: Okay. So how about this kind of hot spot Right now,
Speaker 1: we're hearing a lot about pre nups, So I want
Speaker 1: to know your thoughts on pre nups. I can just
Speaker 1: let me just start out. I'll share my own thoughts.
Speaker 1: If Jeff and I were divorced and I was getting
Speaker 1: married again. I would absolutely have a prenup, but also
Speaker 1: I don't even know if i'd want to get married again.
Speaker 1: So that's whatever. Who cares, that's me. But how do
Speaker 1: you guys feel?
Speaker 3: Honestly, we haven't even spoke about a prenup only because
Speaker 3: I mean, it's not even a People say it's a
Speaker 3: real conversation. Well it's really not. I mean, you you
Speaker 3: go into something with that mindset, you're already you're in
Speaker 3: a different place. I'm not thinking like that, are you like?
Speaker 3: And I'm not saying and I'm watching what's going on
Speaker 3: in the world and all these things that are happening.
Speaker 3: I'm not saying they're not good for you and they
Speaker 3: don't protect you.
Speaker 2: But you know, we're not there.
Speaker 3: It's not Yeah, I mean, the biggest thing that we
Speaker 3: have to figure out is you know, where we go
Speaker 3: to vacationally.
Speaker 2: That's you know, we're not we like that right now
Speaker 2: that I'm good.
Speaker 1: I've did it as partially because I mean, you both
Speaker 1: are coming to the table very independently. You know, nobody,
Speaker 1: You don't need one of you needs the other financially.
Speaker 1: At least that's that's what I know. So maybe that's also,
Speaker 1: you think that makes a difference when I.
Speaker 3: Met the Laws. I'm gonna say this because I wanted
Speaker 3: to be on record because this is what happen when
Speaker 3: I met the Laurus. Another thing, why Frank did a
Speaker 3: lot of stuff for her and I wanted her to
Speaker 3: be independent of that, not because I didn't want Frank
Speaker 3: doing it, because she's able to own that herself. And
Speaker 3: I feel not a woman that's independent, it gets more
Speaker 3: confident with in herself to be able to, like, you know,
Speaker 3: just be in a moment.
Speaker 2: A woman should handle their own finances. Every woman should
Speaker 2: handle their things that they own. They need to understand it,
Speaker 2: they really do, because God knows what it meant.
Speaker 1: I think that is so key. I love that you're
Speaker 1: saying that out loud. I think that is so important.
Speaker 1: And I can tell you, yes, I could tell you.
Speaker 1: Before Jeff and I got separated, he put a paper
Speaker 1: in front of me and said, sign I signed. Not
Speaker 1: that I don't and I trust Jeff implicitly, but I'm
Speaker 1: an adult and I need to know factor out everything else.
Speaker 1: It's my responsibility to know what I'm doing, what I'm signing,
Speaker 1: what my finances are.
Speaker 2: One hundred percent and I'm a right to know and
Speaker 2: it's not wrong.
Speaker 1: To ask, right, I think you know what and I'll
Speaker 1: just I'll just say, Dolores, he said to me many times,
Speaker 1: how much you like, Paul really supported you being independent
Speaker 1: and financially responsible, and which I think is so great,
Speaker 1: you know, like that he wants that for you. And
Speaker 1: I think it's easy for women to give up that power,
Speaker 1: and it's dangerous, regardless of prenups or anything else, you know.
Speaker 3: Very fous, because it also puts them on the on
Speaker 3: the back. Yet, right, so spurt the moment deal or
Speaker 3: anything scenario comes up, she's well capable of handling that situation.
Speaker 3: More than not that she couldn't, but now she's more
Speaker 3: reassured that.
Speaker 1: And also, God forbid something happens, you know, if a
Speaker 1: million years from now somebody's partner passes away or my
Speaker 1: part like, I need to know what happens next.
Speaker 2: You can only depend on yourself, amen. That is yeah,
Speaker 2: it's not that you're me, but no, listen, I'm.
Speaker 3: All for it.
Speaker 1: Yeah, listen, you guys are so on the same page
Speaker 1: with so much. What do you think it is? If
Speaker 1: you were just to name a couple of things. The
Speaker 1: reason that your relationship works so well, like you're gonna
Speaker 1: pinpoint it's this really stands out.
Speaker 2: There's a there's a lot of compromise. I feel like
Speaker 2: in every relationship, compromise is so important because if it's
Speaker 2: just one person always bending over backwards, bending over it,
Speaker 2: there's always one person that does it more than the other.
Speaker 2: But it has to be both give and take on both.
Speaker 2: It really does.
Speaker 1: Like what do you think, Like give us an example,
Speaker 1: like Dolo, tell us something that you feel like you
Speaker 1: guys have compromised on.
Speaker 2: The thermostat that's true?
Speaker 1: Is it true? The lords because you're always complaining you're
Speaker 1: too hot, you pour, and I'm like, it is. Jeff
Speaker 1: and I fight. That's like one of the main we
Speaker 1: can go to war over that. I can't take it.
Speaker 2: It's war. It's war.
Speaker 1: I don't compromise well on that.
Speaker 2: It's day to day, you know, even on on the
Speaker 2: things that we like to eat. There was compromise on
Speaker 2: sometimes how we spent the holidays or you know, just listen, everything.
Speaker 3: Is a compromise because it's new right.
Speaker 2: He hates Italian food, but I want to eat it sometimes.
Speaker 2: So all these eight five nights a week and then
Speaker 2: when I finally say I want Italian food, he has
Speaker 2: to go and eat with me. I don't want to eat.
Speaker 1: Who hates Italian food? What does that even means? There
Speaker 1: is no pasta?
Speaker 3: Is scrup it out? I eat it. I look at
Speaker 3: her and I'm going to go.
Speaker 1: I can't. Are you serious? But no.
Speaker 2: But even if there were different things in our relationships
Speaker 2: or our lives when we came into it that wasn't
Speaker 2: ideal for us, so that we didn't love. There's certain
Speaker 2: things I had to put up with, and then he would,
Speaker 2: you know, he would say, Okay, well you did that,
Speaker 2: so let me come and do this. Then I don't
Speaker 2: want to it, you have to do it.
Speaker 3: I believe the biggest thing is letting it go straight away.
Speaker 2: Oh that's yeah.
Speaker 3: So we so something comes up, and it could be anything,
Speaker 3: and it could be absolutely anything. You have that moment.
Speaker 1: I love that because I'm stubborn and I have learned
Speaker 1: to be less stubborn. It's just so much easier if
Speaker 1: you can let it go. But do you think in
Speaker 1: terms of the hurdles that you've had, Well, I have
Speaker 1: two questions. First, was the show a big hurdle for you? Paul?
Speaker 1: And also just outside of the show, what would you
Speaker 1: say was one of the major hurdles for both of you.
Speaker 3: I think for me the show was because I didn't
Speaker 3: know what I was getting involved in because I never telt,
Speaker 3: never taught it true because I was just for so
Speaker 3: I was just like, oh, I'm just with doors having fun,
Speaker 3: and then it becomes reality. You're on a TV right,
Speaker 3: and you see all these things that come out and
Speaker 3: you listen to all the nyes.
Speaker 2: So did it was a problem for us?
Speaker 3: It did play an effect because I think that emphasized
Speaker 3: with the whole Frank situation. So now does it you know?
Speaker 3: Then I've got these guys friends of mine, people I
Speaker 3: don't even know. Oh my god, how could you let
Speaker 3: this guy be in her life? So disrespectful because they
Speaker 3: don't know what this scenario right, So it's like anything man, you.
Speaker 2: Plan imagine talking to somebody like that who's happy going
Speaker 2: about their business and then you got.
Speaker 3: To call Well, it's it's it's about learning, right, so
Speaker 3: you have to learn the process. So the show was
Speaker 3: a big learning curve to me. Now, water off my
Speaker 3: back now.
Speaker 2: But when it wasn't it wasn't easy. Well, it wasn't
Speaker 2: easy to we piled through that.
Speaker 1: Listen, the show is and I've only been a friend
Speaker 1: of for two years. It's all encompassing. It changes, it
Speaker 1: definitely changes everything.
Speaker 3: The biggest part of that, as well as letting go
Speaker 3: at the start, I couldn't figure out how to let
Speaker 3: it go. And then as you realize, wait, this is
Speaker 3: this is just the show, this is then you start.
Speaker 3: Then you go, Okay, actually, you know what, I think
Speaker 3: the show helped has become much better couple.
Speaker 1: Really wow, what do you think?
Speaker 3: And then I'll yeah, I mean again on the outside,
Speaker 3: I mean, everywhere I go, people come up to me like,
Speaker 3: you know, we love the Lors, we love the low
Speaker 3: Oh my god, Like I FaceTime all the time of
Speaker 3: people coming over to me everywhere. I'm not gonna say yeah, no,
Speaker 3: it's pretty cool. And I do like it.
Speaker 2: Yeah it is, I mean very good.
Speaker 1: I like it too. I like to know that. I
Speaker 1: want people to know that Dolores and I are are
Speaker 1: not only friends, but such close friends. I'm very proud
Speaker 1: of that.
Speaker 2: We're very close friends.
Speaker 1: Tell me about you, Doris, what do is you You
Speaker 1: think one of your biggest hurdles was.
Speaker 2: Well in the relationship. Paul was very temperamental in the
Speaker 2: beginning of filming regarding like what would people think what
Speaker 2: they said? I felt like he was definitely influenced by
Speaker 2: something he read, saying one comment, there'll be twenty five
Speaker 2: good comments in one bad comment. He would harp on.
Speaker 2: So my biggest hurdle was patience for that. Yeah, it
Speaker 2: really was. That was my biggest hurdle.
Speaker 3: You were teaching me, you were also advising me not
Speaker 3: to fall in.
Speaker 2: But the fact on the other side of it, sometimes
Speaker 2: I didn't think that you would.
Speaker 3: I will tell you Jan, people very close were we're
Speaker 3: the worst of the comments done people far away I am.
Speaker 1: I am very sad. I know that to be true,
Speaker 1: and it makes me sad and confused. Really, it's depressing
Speaker 1: a little bit.
Speaker 3: Let's just it just goes to show you how money
Speaker 3: people are really unhappy for.
Speaker 2: Someone else's happiness.
Speaker 3: So when you see people happy, they tried to make
Speaker 3: it an unhappy situation. And that's the part about the
Speaker 3: second part of being I DO. When you've been trudish,
Speaker 3: that kind of stuff doesn't really affect you because during
Speaker 3: the second problem and the.
Speaker 2: Second part of I DO is the insecurity of the exes, right,
Speaker 2: they're the least threat in the room. Yeah, they're talked
Speaker 2: about it old news. Keep your eye on the new
Speaker 2: people around, not the exes.
Speaker 1: I hate to say it, but I actually think that's
Speaker 1: good advice.
Speaker 3: That's so.
Speaker 2: No them better than you get to know the ax
Speaker 2: that no one knows the expect What does that mean?
Speaker 3: Snoopy?
Speaker 1: Snoopy's do you know what that means?
Speaker 2: What does that mean?
Speaker 1: I'm picturing Charlie Brown, me too. Know that people tell
Speaker 1: me something, guys and then I'm going to let you go.
Speaker 1: But and I'm sorry to ask the question because you
Speaker 1: just get asked all the time, but I know that
Speaker 1: listeners want to know. So you think you're going to
Speaker 1: get probably hitched sometime soon? Do you have a time frame?
Speaker 3: I mean, i'd say we have to get engaged for us, right, Yep.
Speaker 1: I have to ask because I know what people want
Speaker 1: to know. And I've heard you ask so many times.
Speaker 1: It's not like you know I'm mad.
Speaker 2: And I watched what hap inside these so that I said,
Speaker 2: he goes, what's your goal? I said, getting married isn't
Speaker 2: the goal? Peace in harmony is the goal. And I
Speaker 2: could tell you we've never been so good. No, we really,
Speaker 2: I'm ready to go with it.
Speaker 1: I any time, there's no backing out. Now. I look
Speaker 1: at you guys, and I can't imagine one without the other.
Speaker 1: But there's always like the Goldie Hawn and kur Russell
Speaker 1: of it, you know. I mean, look how long they've lasted.
Speaker 1: People do believe in that, you know, not needing to
Speaker 1: actually sign a paper.
Speaker 3: We're good and we're going to get better.
Speaker 2: That's all right, Yeah, I mean what I love to say,
Speaker 2: Paul's my husband. I slipped yesterday and I said that,
Speaker 2: who was I talking to? I said, my husband. I'm like, oh, oh,
Speaker 2: I mean my boyfriend.
Speaker 1: You know I say that. I say that sometimes to
Speaker 1: Paul I'll be like, yeah, I spoke to your wife,
Speaker 1: and maybe even to you, Dolores. It's just like for me,
Speaker 1: it just makes sense. Yeah. I just couldn't love either
Speaker 1: one of you any more than I do.
Speaker 2: And it's a nice idle to have. But I wish
Speaker 2: anybody the second time around all the best. It's so hard.
Speaker 2: Be careful who you winds up with. Don't make decisions
Speaker 2: at a vulnerable time. Going through divorce is very vulnerable,
Speaker 2: very scary. Being single is very scary, very vulnerable. Take off,
Speaker 2: you know, look at the red flags. Take off the
Speaker 2: rose colored glasses.
Speaker 1: Learn from your mistakes, learn from your age and your experiences.
Speaker 3: Oh me, don't afraid of being somewhat private with some
Speaker 3: of yourself boundaries.
Speaker 1: That's interesting, you know, I want to impart sure you
Speaker 1: feel like this too. Frankie just got engaged and I
Speaker 1: know how much you love your soon to be new
Speaker 1: daughter in law. And I find myself with my kids
Speaker 1: wanting to control who they're dating, seeing things that I
Speaker 1: know that they don't see because they're too young to
Speaker 1: see it. I have to give that up. That's what
Speaker 1: therapy is for. I give up that control. Who knows.
Speaker 1: I don't know everything. You know. I have to trust
Speaker 1: that they're going to pick partners because it's so important
Speaker 1: that will, you know, enrich their lives and make them
Speaker 1: happy and peaceful and feel good about themselves. Doesn't always
Speaker 1: work though, as we all know the first time around.
Speaker 1: But I want them to know what I know, and
Speaker 1: they just won't and they don't. I wish I did.
Speaker 1: I wish that I could go back and you know,
Speaker 1: they can know what I know now right.
Speaker 2: They need to hear it. Yeah, don't stop saying yeah,
Speaker 2: well John you once you say it twice and it's
Speaker 2: in their head. And when those times happen where they're like,
Speaker 2: does this seem right? And then they hear your voice,
Speaker 2: little voice in your head.
Speaker 1: That's great. I love I love that because they both
Speaker 1: get really really pissed at me. They want me out
Speaker 1: of their business when it comes to their love life.
Speaker 2: Say it and drop it, drop it.
Speaker 1: Yep, thank you, both of you. I love you so much.
Speaker 2: Thank you.
Speaker 1: All right, bye you guys. So, are you in the
Speaker 1: midst of a divorce or feeling stuck on what to
Speaker 1: do when it comes to your love life, Call us
Speaker 1: or email us or follow us on social All of
Speaker 1: the information will be in the show notes. Make sure
Speaker 1: to rate and review the podcast. I do Part two
Speaker 1: at iHeartRadio Podcasts, where falling in love is the main objective.
Speaker 2: T