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Speaker 1: Hey, this is Sam. This is John, your og okay

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Speaker 1: coming up.

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Speaker 2: But if you want to hear that deliciousness, you know,

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Speaker 2: just stick around for a two minute break with a

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Speaker 2: word from our sponsors.

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Speaker 1: My ex fiance ghosted me before our wedding, and now

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Speaker 1: she wants to reconcile.

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Speaker 2: Oh thank You're a little too late for that, missy.

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Speaker 1: That's just a little too late. My thirty eight female

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Speaker 1: ex fiance ghosted me thirty nine male before our wedding.

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Speaker 1: I was never given an explanation. She just left and

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Speaker 1: told nobody. It was literally right before our big wedding ceremony.

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Speaker 1: She didn't even know nothing. She just left. Even her

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Speaker 1: family was baffled. She just up and left. We had

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Speaker 1: dated all through high school and all through college. And

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Speaker 1: by the way, this comes from user Throwaway and Ghosting Adventure,

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Speaker 1: And if you want to submit your own stories, go

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Speaker 1: to the r slash okay story time subreddit.

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Speaker 3: I'm Dakota, I'm Angie, and I'm Sophia, and we are

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Speaker 3: here to give good advice goofly, but we don't have

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Speaker 3: all the answers.

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Speaker 1: We only know what we would do in this situation.

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Speaker 1: So if you would do something different, let us know

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Speaker 1: in the comments. As Op says, she eventually returned, but

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Speaker 1: not to me. I had to learn via third party

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Speaker 1: her parents, that she had no intentions of coming home.

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Speaker 1: She wanted nothing to do with me and told her

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Speaker 1: parents to avoid having me around. I never got a

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Speaker 1: choice in the matter. I respected her wishes, Yeah, because like,

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Speaker 1: what else are you gonna do? Yeah, She's just like,

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Speaker 1: I want nothing to do with my fiance. I was

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Speaker 1: gonna marry.

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Speaker 2: It's like, okay, well, I'm gonna beg for that back.

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Speaker 2: She'll probably moved this.

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Speaker 1: Huh, you're gonna have to live with that now, which

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Speaker 1: is I guess fair, fine or whatever. You gotta do

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Speaker 1: what you gotta do, right.

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Speaker 4: Yep.

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Speaker 1: It's not your fault, or it could be, but you

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Speaker 1: can't do that. This is a conversation that needs to

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Speaker 1: happen before the day of the wedding.

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Speaker 2: Yep, exactly.

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Speaker 1: I never understood why she did it. My only guess

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Speaker 1: was she had a mental breakdown because she cut off

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Speaker 1: all contact with everyone. We were both young, still growing.

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Speaker 1: I don't know, but I've struggled with it since. Out

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Speaker 1: of the blue, she dm me on Facebook after all

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Speaker 1: these years and wanted to meet up. It was an

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Speaker 1: influx of emotions, anger, nervousness, hope, sadness. I still had

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Speaker 1: feelings for her. I didn't know if I could take

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Speaker 1: her back, but looking at her Facebook made me miss her.

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Speaker 1: She looked even better than before and she was single.

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Speaker 1: Run No, I don't know, brother, I think it's time

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Speaker 1: to let this one go. To say, I was conflicted.

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Speaker 1: She wouldn't talk about why she left. She said it

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Speaker 1: was best to do so in person, and the only

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Speaker 1: thing I could tell from her Facebook was a bunch

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Speaker 1: of posts about her being weak, living a life full

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Speaker 1: of shame and regret, and being lonely. This was dumb.

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Speaker 1: She ghosted me and I should want nothing to do

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Speaker 1: with her, but dang it, I still had feelings for

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Speaker 1: her and I never stopped thinking about her. What should

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Speaker 1: I do? Ghost her in return, call her out, see

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Speaker 1: where this date takes us? And there's some comments. But

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Speaker 1: what would y'all say? I say, get info? I just

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Speaker 1: want to get the perspective.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I agree. I would definitely want to know and

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Speaker 2: possibly hear her out, but I would probably be coming

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Speaker 2: into it with a whole lot of doubt and a

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Speaker 2: whole lot of protection for yourself.

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Speaker 4: Yeah.

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Speaker 3: You, let's have a seance with this goes, let's get

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Speaker 3: some information.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, exactly, nice, exactly. I think you really just need

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Speaker 2: to keep in mind that this is maybe not someone

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Speaker 2: that you should go back to, even if you want to. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: and if she's posting about, you know, all these things

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Speaker 2: that she's done and being shameful and regretful and just

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Speaker 2: feeling bad about herself, she's posting about all of that online,

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Speaker 2: it doesn't seem like she's maybe in the best mental

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Speaker 2: health space right now, So I wouldn't trust it just yet.

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Speaker 4: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: Comments comment one. First off, dang, op that's rough. Sixteen

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Speaker 1: years is a long time when meeting up with her

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Speaker 1: set you back in the time you've spent getting over this.

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Speaker 1: Or will they give you the closure you never found?

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Speaker 1: Opie says, I don't know. I just want closure. For

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Speaker 1: the longest time, I thought she had cheated on me.

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Speaker 1: But the only things I've been told from her family

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Speaker 1: and the few friends she didn't cut off, it was

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Speaker 1: more like a MENTB aka mental breakdown TB, little quit NICLEMNTB.

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Speaker 1: I know she was very scared about the wedding and

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Speaker 1: her looming finals and her career. She was beyond stressed

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Speaker 1: and she ghosted everyone, but gradually came back. However, I

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Speaker 1: was never involved. I have never stopped thinking of her.

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Speaker 1: Reply says, are you single? Closure can only be found

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Speaker 1: within yourself if you've not moved on in sixteen years.

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Speaker 1: Therapy will help you more than meeting with her. You

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Speaker 1: two were barely even adults when she abandoned you, and

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Speaker 1: she is now approaching midlife crisis age and trying to

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Speaker 1: go back to when she was a kid with you.

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Speaker 1: Because she hasn't managed to grow immature into a person

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Speaker 1: she's satisfied with. It sounds like you have been similarly stunted.

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Speaker 1: Cut contact and find therapy. Comment too says, I'm sorry,

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Speaker 1: but sixteen years is not a mental breakdown. She bailed

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Speaker 1: and doesn't deserve any closure with you. Go ahead and

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Speaker 1: meet with her, but all it'll do is keep giving

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Speaker 1: you what ifs one to two years would be a breakdown.

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Speaker 1: Sixteen years is like you never knew the person in

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Speaker 1: the first place. Comment three. He says, ask her to

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Speaker 1: write a letter to you about what happened, then read

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Speaker 1: it and decide if you want to meet in person

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Speaker 1: and there's an update. I don't know if I would

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Speaker 1: do the letter thing, because.

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Speaker 2: I feel like, just tell me in person.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm gonna be able to sense more of like,

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Speaker 1: all right, how much of this is a lie? What's real?

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Speaker 1: How are you actually acting? Responding in person?

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Speaker 2: I'm going to be able to tell that, yeah, exactly.

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Speaker 1: And we have an update.

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Speaker 2: Oh wow. Yeah, I don't know. I feel like doing

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Speaker 2: it for closure isn't really a reason. I kind of

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Speaker 2: agree that with that commentary that's like closure only really

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Speaker 2: comes from yourself. I feel like people do a lot

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Speaker 2: of things for closure and like talking to x's and

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Speaker 2: stuff like that, when maybe they shouldn't. In this case,

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Speaker 2: I still wouldn't call it closure, But I'm just curious

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Speaker 2: and I want to know what happens. So I vote

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Speaker 2: talked to her.

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Speaker 1: Yes, you gotta do a little digging. Yep, sixteen years

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Speaker 1: needs something. But you got to make sure that it's

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Speaker 1: not going to like bite you anything, you know on

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Speaker 1: the back end.

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Speaker 2: Exactly.

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Speaker 1: Well, he says, well, that was something I got closure

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Speaker 1: at least.

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Speaker 2: Oh.

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Speaker 1: We met at a cafe and sat outside to talk.

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Speaker 1: The first thing I noticed was how much pain was

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Speaker 1: in her face. Long story short, she wanted to break

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Speaker 1: up long before the wedding, but she was too weak

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Speaker 1: and cowardly to speak up for herself. She had a

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Speaker 1: complete nervous breakdown over everything. She had been tired of

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Speaker 1: being forced into doing things she never wanted to do

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Speaker 1: and never having the guts to stand up for herself.

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Speaker 1: She was mad at her family for pressuring her to

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Speaker 1: get married and pump out kids, and she was mad

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Speaker 1: at them for forcing her into a degree she didn't want.

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Speaker 1: And she was mad at herself for not being able

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Speaker 1: to speak up. Nothing she did was justified, which we

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Speaker 1: agreed on. When I first proposed to her, I did

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Speaker 1: it in a public area. I had put her on

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Speaker 1: the spot and she wanted to say no, but she

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Speaker 1: couldn't bear to see me hurt.

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Speaker 4: She was right.

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Speaker 1: I made all the choices for her. I was a

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Speaker 1: very different person back then, and she was very meek,

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Speaker 1: meaning she just went with the flow and had no

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Speaker 1: back bone. I drowned her voice out often and never

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Speaker 1: gave her the chance to grow into a person. Back then,

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Speaker 1: I was focused only on myself. Eventually, everything came to

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Speaker 1: a climax and she had a complete mental breakdown. She

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Speaker 1: ran away from her problems at the behest of her

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Speaker 1: best friend, the only person in the world she ever trusted.

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Speaker 1: She said, the only thing she knew how to do

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Speaker 1: was run. She never had the spine to speak up,

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Speaker 1: and her life spiraled downwards. She was homeless for a

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Speaker 1: few years after her best friend's husband exiled her from

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Speaker 1: their place. The rest of that time was spent in prison,

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Speaker 1: though she didn't specify what she did.

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Speaker 4: Oh wow.

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Speaker 1: She was released about a year ago and has been

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Speaker 1: turning her life around. She has a job, she's reconnected

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Speaker 1: with her parents, and she's finally reconnecting with me. She

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Speaker 1: never stopped trying to get in touch with me. As

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Speaker 1: for our future, we have none. We both agreed to

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Speaker 1: end things and go our separate ways. We're both changed,

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Speaker 1: and we're both two different people. We have nothing in

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Speaker 1: common anymore and don't live near each other. She doesn't

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Speaker 1: justify what she did, nor does she want to be

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Speaker 1: forget given. She thinks it's repulsive and is a shame

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Speaker 1: of her action. I wanted to be angry, but I

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Speaker 1: really couldn't be. I just forgave her.

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Speaker 2: I'm so shocked right now. That's wild, that's wild.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, so that.

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Speaker 2: One comment that was saying, like, you know, a few

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Speaker 2: years is a mental breakdown with sixteen years, Yeah, apparently

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Speaker 2: sixteen years is still mental breakdown.

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Speaker 1: Well, and to be fair, I think that they were

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Speaker 1: saying like it was more like the impetus of the

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Speaker 1: running away from the wedding was a mental breakdown, not

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Speaker 1: that she was in a constant mental breakdown for sixteen years.

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Speaker 2: Well yes, but yeah, yeah, I mean.

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Speaker 1: Like because I think that's what that comment was trying

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Speaker 1: to imply. Oh, it was like sixteen years is in

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Speaker 1: a mental breakdown, like that was a choice. It's like no,

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Speaker 1: I think they were saying that a mental breakdown caused

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Speaker 1: the initial split and ghosting, right, and then clearly she

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Speaker 1: went through a lot and now yeah, you are different people.

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Speaker 1: You just needed this conversation to realize, like all right,

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Speaker 1: six over over.

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Speaker 2: Yeah that's crazy. It's just proof that, like you truly

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Speaker 2: don't know the whole story, man, things can happen that

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Speaker 2: are so insane and crazy wayzy and you just don't

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Speaker 2: even know. Life is pretty cuckoo man.

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Speaker 1: Crazy wazy, let's finish this story then this crazy wazy

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Speaker 1: store raizy. With that, we shook hands, said our goodbyes,

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Speaker 1: and that will likely be the last time we ever

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Speaker 1: see one another. It's bittersweet because I got the closure

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Speaker 1: I wanted, I mean, we both did. It feels like

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Speaker 1: a burden was released. I know now we never had

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Speaker 1: a future together and never will. But on the other hand,

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Speaker 1: I'm sad because it's all over all. These years of

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Speaker 1: hoping something would happen were for nothing. But in the end,

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Speaker 1: this is an ending and I finally have closure. Not

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Speaker 1: many get to say that. Do I believe her story?

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Speaker 2: Yes?

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Speaker 1: I do, And even if she's full of it at

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Speaker 1: this point, does it even matter. I've always known her

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Speaker 1: to be very weak willed in me. She often just

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Speaker 1: does what everyone else tells her to do and runs

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Speaker 1: when things get too difficult. She avoids her problems because

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Speaker 1: she's too weak to stand up to them. It makes

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Speaker 1: sense why her family wouldn't talk to about her. They

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Speaker 1: were the typical tiger parents who disowned their problem child.

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Speaker 1: Comments comment one. Although a lot of time has been

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Speaker 1: lost for either of them, it seems odd that no

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Speaker 1: one noticed the situation of her problems earlier on. It

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Speaker 1: is explained in the post, but it still sounds weird,

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Speaker 1: and the reply says it sounds like she was repressing

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Speaker 1: a lot, bottling it up her friend, though she should

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Speaker 1: have been the one to see it. Opie says her

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Speaker 1: friend was an enabler. I mean we all were. Her

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Speaker 1: friend was the only one who encouraged her to run.

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Speaker 1: Of course, nobody forced her to. It was all her.

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Speaker 1: If I hadn't ignored her problems, and if I actually

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Speaker 1: had been a part of her life, I might have

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Speaker 1: seen it. But it is what it is, and that

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Speaker 1: is the end of that story.

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Speaker 3: I'm claiming custody of my son even before he's born.

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Speaker 2: Well, I mean that sounds about right.

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Speaker 3: So I twenty eight female, am pregnant with my second child,

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Speaker 3: a daughter. My first is seven years old from a

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Speaker 3: previous relationship. My current partner, thirty four male, and I

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Speaker 3: got into a fight today following several other fights about

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Speaker 3: my seven year old. By the way, this from hat

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Speaker 3: Flat seventy six ninety and if you want to submit

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Speaker 3: your own stories, go to the r slash Okay story

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Speaker 3: time Separate.

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Speaker 2: I'm Sophia, and I'm Angie and I'm Keon, and we're

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Speaker 2: here to.

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Speaker 3: Give good advice goofy, But we don't have all the answers,

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Speaker 3: we only know what we'd do, so let.

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Speaker 2: Us know what you'd do. In the comments, and.

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Speaker 3: Opie says, my seven year old doesn't like him. Generally,

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Speaker 3: she's one of the most kind and polite children you'd

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Speaker 3: ever meet. I've been told this by countless people, but

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Speaker 3: she's not very fond of my boyfriend. It became noticeable

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Speaker 3: because she would forget to say hi or by to him,

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Speaker 3: even ignoring him at times when he'd say it first.

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Speaker 3: When I'd ask her why, she'd say she forgot to

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Speaker 3: acknowledge him or didn't hear him. Several talks and months later,

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Speaker 3: I got her to understand that it's rude to not

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Speaker 3: greet people, especially in their own home. She now says

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Speaker 3: hi and by, but that is pretty much all she

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Speaker 3: says to him. If we're all in the same room,

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Speaker 3: she'll usually only talk to me, only show me things,

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Speaker 3: or only look for me when she needs help, even

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Speaker 3: if he's clearly available. After talking some more, I got

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Speaker 3: her to admit she didn't like him. Her reasons were

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Speaker 3: because she feels I spend more time with him. Before

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Speaker 3: we moved in with him, me and her had slept

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Speaker 3: in the same bed. I kept my relationship somewhat separate

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Speaker 3: from her. This is the first time she's experienced me

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Speaker 3: in a relationship this serious, so I can see why

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Speaker 3: it would be an adjustment when I have her Wednesday

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Speaker 3: through Sunday. She's with her dad Sunday through Wednesday. We

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Speaker 3: practice Spanish, cook together, sometimes craft or play outside, so

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Speaker 3: I do spend a lot of time with her. After

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Speaker 3: another talk, she admitted she wanted me and her dad

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Speaker 3: back together and wasn't really interested in getting to know

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Speaker 3: my boyfriend. I asked her if she'd rather live with

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Speaker 3: her dad, and she said yes because she has more

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Speaker 3: fun there. With all of these talks and all of

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Speaker 3: her different answers, my boyfriend labels her as a liar,

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Speaker 3: since her reasoning in the beginning was because she forgot

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Speaker 3: to say hi, and not because she didn't like him.

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Speaker 3: I think she's just a regular seven year old trying

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Speaker 3: to understand her own feelings. This has caused him to

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Speaker 3: feel like he can't trust what she says and has

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Speaker 3: taken it as far as saying that I'm not parenting correctly.

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Speaker 3: Since it hasn't gotten better, he says he doesn't want

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Speaker 3: I want a liar around his daughter and will keep

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Speaker 3: my two girls apart.

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Speaker 2: Oh no, I'm sorry. I don't like that.

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Speaker 3: Sorry he's calling your seven year old daughter a liar

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Speaker 3: because she didn't feel super comfortable around him.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I just don't like it. I just don't like

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Speaker 2: what he's doing here, mean neither. Well.

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Speaker 3: I do understand him being upset about feeling her not

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Speaker 3: liking him or including him in anything. I feel he's

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Speaker 3: being extremely dramatic regardless of my differing opinion. I've tried

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Speaker 3: to explain to my daughter that most people don't feel

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Speaker 3: like it's okay to have someone that doesn't like them

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Speaker 3: around their child, and that she needs to try and

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Speaker 3: be his friend. On the other end, my boyfriend and

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Speaker 3: I have been fighting for two nights straight because I

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Speaker 3: believe he should also be putting an extra effort as

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Speaker 3: the adult.

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Speaker 2: Yeah not also he should be, and she's it's like

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Speaker 2: the main priority.

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Speaker 3: It's not really like, yeah, go to the daughter and

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Speaker 3: say you have to be nice to him or else.

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Speaker 2: It's she's like seven, right, seven years old. That's crazy.

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Speaker 3: He's not mean to her or a bad guy, which

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Speaker 3: she has said her, but that makes him believe that

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Speaker 3: he doesn't need to do more. When we moved into

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Speaker 3: his house. He led her paint her room pink. He

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Speaker 3: carried her up the creek in our backyard. He built

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Speaker 3: her a futon bed, and when he builds he lets

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Speaker 3: her help or watch and teaches her things. Those things

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Speaker 3: are what he brings up when I tell him he

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Speaker 3: should put more effort in. He feels he's put enough

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Speaker 3: in that she has no reason not to like him,

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Speaker 3: and he refuses to cater to a child. All this

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Speaker 3: led to multiple heated discussions about the situation. At first,

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Speaker 3: I listened to his feelings, talk to my daughter about it,

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Speaker 3: and reassured him that it was being worked on. Recently, though,

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Speaker 3: he began being nasty to me during these talks. He

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Speaker 3: brings it up before she has time to make progress

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Speaker 3: and makes the threat that she can't be around her

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Speaker 3: sister if nothing changes. His tone has been more aggressive,

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Speaker 3: cursing and getting louder, and he tells me time and

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Speaker 3: time again how I'm doing a bad job because of

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Speaker 3: the lack of change.

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Speaker 2: I don't trust this guy. Your seven year old already

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Speaker 2: doesn't like him. I don't like him at all. This

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Speaker 2: is wild, not a little bit threatening that she can't

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Speaker 2: see her sister. Yeah, because she's seven years old and

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Speaker 2: not like always saying hi.

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Speaker 3: Do you how many times a seven year old's gonna

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Speaker 3: lie to you?

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Speaker 5: Yeah?

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Speaker 2: There's seven, isn't there?

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Speaker 4: You know?

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Speaker 2: Seven year old makeup? That's just how that works, and

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Speaker 2: saying that you won't cater to her, Yeah, how are you?

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Speaker 5: Kids are usually brutally honest too.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, but they're also tell like really dumb lies.

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Speaker 6: That's very true, like no, I didn't do that, and

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Speaker 6: you're like, are you sure?

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Speaker 3: See you eat there's crumbs on your face.

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Speaker 2: I didn't eat it. Yeah, exactly did you take the cookies?

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Speaker 2: What you like?

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Speaker 1: Did you take the cookies? No?

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Speaker 2: No? Yeah. And there's also just a reason that you know,

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Speaker 2: she's not saying hi, Like maybe if you were nice

359
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Speaker 2: to her, didn't make her feel so scared of you,

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Speaker 2: then maybe she would want to say hi.

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Speaker 4: Yeah.

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Speaker 5: The fact that you're making a kid uncomfortable, I get it,

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Speaker 5: but like to be offended by that that she's like

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Speaker 5: not cool with you, seven year old?

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Speaker 2: Come on, come on, I think we need to break

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Speaker 2: up with this guy.

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Speaker 4: Thank you.

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Speaker 3: Sure, I'm eight months pregnant and getting fed up with

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Speaker 3: the pressure being put on me more aggressive he gets

370
00:16:01,680 --> 00:16:03,880
Speaker 3: the less willing I am to just shut up and listen.

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00:16:04,080 --> 00:16:06,960
Speaker 3: That alone is another issue. He believes he should have

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Speaker 3: control of the conversation and that if I'm being disagreeable,

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Speaker 3: I should shut the f up, which he's been saying

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Speaker 3: to me quite often lately. No, if any says that

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Speaker 3: to me once. If anyone has shut the f up

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Speaker 3: to me, done done. At this point, I feel like

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Speaker 3: not only is he picking on my child, but he's

378
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Speaker 3: also taking his anger out on me. He's told me

379
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Speaker 3: countless times he's going to end up leaving me, and

380
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Speaker 3: he wants the baby a majority of the time. He

381
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Speaker 3: believes he's smarter than me and that I'm not a

382
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Speaker 3: good enough parent. And I believe that you should break up.

383
00:16:37,160 --> 00:16:39,960
Speaker 2: Yeah, you should record all of these conversations, record him

384
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Speaker 2: yelling at you and talking to the child, and then

385
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Speaker 2: use that in court against him. Oh well, to get custody. Yeah.

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Speaker 3: I believe he's being ignorant, prideful, and selfish overall. I'm

387
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Speaker 3: afraid he's going to try and keep my daughter away

388
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Speaker 3: from me and try to control me having my other

389
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Speaker 3: daughter around. I've been thinking of just going straight to

390
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Speaker 3: court to request full or joint custody just to gearant Tea,

391
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Speaker 3: he can't take the baby away from me, but I

392
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Speaker 3: know that this will set him off and cause more problems.

393
00:17:05,359 --> 00:17:07,200
Speaker 3: Would I be the ale if I took him to

394
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Speaker 3: court before the baby is even born?

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Speaker 2: And update? But before we get into that update, do

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Speaker 2: you have any thoughts? Hmm?

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Speaker 5: I do think it's funny that this guy's kind of

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Speaker 5: threatened by a seven year old.

399
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Speaker 2: Yeah, literally, like, what are you doing?

400
00:17:21,160 --> 00:17:24,879
Speaker 5: Just I don't know, this is just beef with like

401
00:17:24,920 --> 00:17:25,879
Speaker 5: a seven year old, a.

402
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Speaker 2: Seven year old because she doesn't like him. Yeah, that's

403
00:17:28,680 --> 00:17:31,400
Speaker 2: so insane, I think. Yeah, it probably will cause problems.

404
00:17:31,440 --> 00:17:33,119
Speaker 2: Of course he's not gonna be happy about that. I

405
00:17:33,160 --> 00:17:36,000
Speaker 2: think that's one hundred worth it though, because if he

406
00:17:36,040 --> 00:17:38,920
Speaker 2: does end up causing more problems, like you know, then

407
00:17:39,040 --> 00:17:41,479
Speaker 2: you get a restraining morder and if he causes problems,

408
00:17:41,520 --> 00:17:45,040
Speaker 2: and that's just even more reason to not keep him around,

409
00:17:45,280 --> 00:17:47,160
Speaker 2: Like this is not something that you should be around,

410
00:17:47,200 --> 00:17:50,880
Speaker 2: not someone that should be around your kids, And it's

411
00:17:51,040 --> 00:17:53,359
Speaker 2: just it's worth it just to deal with the problems,

412
00:17:53,520 --> 00:17:55,640
Speaker 2: to get him over with, get.

413
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Speaker 3: Him out of their update. Just to address a few things.

414
00:17:58,880 --> 00:18:02,360
Speaker 3: Most importantly, her reasoning for not liking him has nothing to.

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Speaker 2: Do with essay.

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Speaker 3: I've grown up around a lot of women who have

417
00:18:05,000 --> 00:18:07,919
Speaker 3: experienced that type of harmful act, and even though I

418
00:18:08,000 --> 00:18:10,400
Speaker 3: trust my partner and even have a male best friend

419
00:18:10,480 --> 00:18:13,680
Speaker 3: of fifteen years, as a mother, I've never been comfortable

420
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Speaker 3: leaving my little girl alone with a man. My work

421
00:18:16,400 --> 00:18:18,800
Speaker 3: schedule fits around her school schedule, and she doesn't need

422
00:18:18,840 --> 00:18:21,480
Speaker 3: a babysit are in rare situations where she does. My

423
00:18:21,560 --> 00:18:24,240
Speaker 3: niece watches her, so I've never left her alone with

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Speaker 3: my partner. Also, he doesn't verbally abuse her. He's made

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Speaker 3: it a point that he can't say much to her

426
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Speaker 3: because he's not her father. I've told him that as

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00:18:31,800 --> 00:18:33,399
Speaker 3: an adult and the man of the house, he can

428
00:18:33,440 --> 00:18:36,040
Speaker 3: tell her things as long as he isn't mean or nasty,

429
00:18:36,200 --> 00:18:39,080
Speaker 3: but he refuses because he believes he might come off

430
00:18:39,119 --> 00:18:41,679
Speaker 3: that way anyway. I believe her dislike of him comes

431
00:18:41,680 --> 00:18:44,439
Speaker 3: from her sensing his energy or having some jealousy and

432
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Speaker 3: seeing me settle down with someone for the first time.

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Speaker 3: Some of you are also saying, why would I be

434
00:18:49,240 --> 00:18:52,040
Speaker 3: with or get pregnant by someone my daughter doesn't like.

435
00:18:52,280 --> 00:18:54,960
Speaker 3: If I knew, I wouldn't have this wasn't a problem

436
00:18:55,000 --> 00:18:58,320
Speaker 3: before I moved in, and I got pregnant fairly quickly afterwards.

437
00:18:58,359 --> 00:19:01,280
Speaker 3: For all the nasty comments about child support, that's the

438
00:19:01,320 --> 00:19:04,399
Speaker 3: furthest thing from my mind. He makes more money than me,

439
00:19:04,480 --> 00:19:06,960
Speaker 3: but I make a decent amount and never asked him

440
00:19:06,960 --> 00:19:09,080
Speaker 3: for money. It might be a pride thing on my part,

441
00:19:09,119 --> 00:19:11,160
Speaker 3: but I do it on my own before asking him

442
00:19:11,160 --> 00:19:13,679
Speaker 3: to step up and do what he knows he should.

443
00:19:14,000 --> 00:19:16,480
Speaker 3: Money is not an issue. Moving out of state isn't

444
00:19:16,480 --> 00:19:19,600
Speaker 3: an option, as I'm a cosmetologist and my license is

445
00:19:19,640 --> 00:19:22,160
Speaker 3: only valid in the state i'm in. Also, my daughter's

446
00:19:22,160 --> 00:19:24,720
Speaker 3: father and school are here, and I'm not willing to

447
00:19:24,800 --> 00:19:27,200
Speaker 3: leave my daughter for too long. All that being said,

448
00:19:27,280 --> 00:19:29,919
Speaker 3: I packed and left yesterday. I met my brothers for

449
00:19:30,000 --> 00:19:32,159
Speaker 3: the time being the last fight my partner and I

450
00:19:32,160 --> 00:19:34,400
Speaker 3: got into, he did end up telling me to get

451
00:19:34,440 --> 00:19:37,040
Speaker 3: out Friday. So Saturday I spent the day at my

452
00:19:37,119 --> 00:19:40,440
Speaker 3: mom's with my daughter, and Sunday morning, I dropped her

453
00:19:40,480 --> 00:19:43,320
Speaker 3: off at her dad's and went to work. After work,

454
00:19:43,359 --> 00:19:45,840
Speaker 3: I went home and started packing immediately.

455
00:19:46,600 --> 00:19:49,040
Speaker 2: Do you have any final thoughts? Well, I'm glad she

456
00:19:49,119 --> 00:19:52,320
Speaker 2: seems like she's getting out of there. Yeah, man, hopefully

457
00:19:52,359 --> 00:19:55,080
Speaker 2: she goes to court and does get custody, and just

458
00:19:55,119 --> 00:19:58,040
Speaker 2: to be sure, the seven year old is not his daughter.

459
00:19:58,200 --> 00:20:01,320
Speaker 3: No, she has seven year old with another but she's

460
00:20:01,400 --> 00:20:03,880
Speaker 3: having the new baby with this boris right.

461
00:20:03,960 --> 00:20:07,920
Speaker 2: Right, Yeah, I think get on those recordings and screenshots

462
00:20:07,920 --> 00:20:11,000
Speaker 2: of all of your text messages and stuff, and uh yeah,

463
00:20:11,119 --> 00:20:13,159
Speaker 2: get out of there. Yeah, at the very least so

464
00:20:13,160 --> 00:20:14,640
Speaker 2: you can get joint custody.

465
00:20:14,840 --> 00:20:16,960
Speaker 3: But before you even think about taking them to court,

466
00:20:17,080 --> 00:20:19,920
Speaker 3: definitely make sure you have an exit plan and a

467
00:20:19,960 --> 00:20:20,760
Speaker 3: place to live.

468
00:20:21,520 --> 00:20:21,840
Speaker 2: Yeah.

469
00:20:21,920 --> 00:20:25,200
Speaker 5: Alex from TikTok says, if you can't control your own kids,

470
00:20:25,240 --> 00:20:26,680
Speaker 5: it's your fault, not the partners.

471
00:20:26,920 --> 00:20:28,960
Speaker 3: I agreed, but also I don't think it's on the

472
00:20:28,960 --> 00:20:32,239
Speaker 3: partner to control your kid. However, I don't think this

473
00:20:32,320 --> 00:20:33,840
Speaker 3: is a problem of controlling her.

474
00:20:34,119 --> 00:20:34,280
Speaker 2: Yea.

475
00:20:34,560 --> 00:20:38,040
Speaker 3: Rather, she doesn't feel comfortable around him, and he's making

476
00:20:38,080 --> 00:20:38,879
Speaker 3: no efforts to.

477
00:20:39,720 --> 00:20:42,520
Speaker 2: Fix that exactly. He's saying that it's a problem that

478
00:20:42,560 --> 00:20:45,320
Speaker 2: she's not being controlled, But there's no grounds.

479
00:20:45,359 --> 00:20:47,800
Speaker 3: But we got a little bit of left of the story, right.

480
00:20:48,160 --> 00:20:50,480
Speaker 3: I only waited to avoid my daughter being in any

481
00:20:50,520 --> 00:20:53,000
Speaker 3: of the chaos of packing and moving. When he realized

482
00:20:53,000 --> 00:20:55,480
Speaker 3: what I was doing, he seemed shocked and claimed not

483
00:20:55,520 --> 00:20:58,480
Speaker 3: to remember telling me to leave. He ended up apologizing

484
00:20:58,480 --> 00:21:00,520
Speaker 3: a bunch, saying he didn't actually want me to go.

485
00:21:00,680 --> 00:21:02,720
Speaker 3: We talked for a bit, but ultimately I stood my

486
00:21:02,760 --> 00:21:06,240
Speaker 3: ground and left. I feel broken, but I'm safe. Thank

487
00:21:06,280 --> 00:21:09,040
Speaker 3: you everyone for the advice and resources. I didn't expect

488
00:21:09,080 --> 00:21:11,600
Speaker 3: to get this many comments, but the reassurance of leaving

489
00:21:11,640 --> 00:21:14,240
Speaker 3: being the right decision makes it easier. I know it

490
00:21:14,320 --> 00:21:16,080
Speaker 3: might have been the clear option for a lot of you,

491
00:21:16,200 --> 00:21:18,439
Speaker 3: but it's hard to accept that I put myself and

492
00:21:18,600 --> 00:21:21,359
Speaker 3: yet another child in a position of a broken home

493
00:21:21,400 --> 00:21:22,639
Speaker 3: with no way to repair it.

494
00:21:22,880 --> 00:21:26,399
Speaker 2: And that is the end of the story. My ex

495
00:21:26,560 --> 00:21:30,120
Speaker 2: married his affair partner and I refuse to have her

496
00:21:30,200 --> 00:21:34,760
Speaker 2: near my kids. Don't come near me or my kids

497
00:21:35,040 --> 00:21:39,560
Speaker 2: ever again. And this comes directly from the r slash

498
00:21:39,600 --> 00:21:43,879
Speaker 2: Okay storytimes directly. This is one of our own. So

499
00:21:44,240 --> 00:21:46,920
Speaker 2: we were married for eleven years. He has a daughter

500
00:21:46,960 --> 00:21:49,480
Speaker 2: from a previous marriage I'll call Jordan. She was four

501
00:21:49,520 --> 00:21:52,159
Speaker 2: when we got together and is autistic. Her mother was

502
00:21:52,200 --> 00:21:54,080
Speaker 2: never in her life, so when we got together, I

503
00:21:54,200 --> 00:21:56,119
Speaker 2: just stepped in. By the way, this comes from a

504
00:21:56,280 --> 00:21:58,359
Speaker 2: tough rip forty seven to fifty five and if you

505
00:21:58,400 --> 00:21:59,920
Speaker 2: want to submit your own stories, go to the r

506
00:22:00,080 --> 00:22:03,280
Speaker 2: slash Okay story Time Separated It And I'm Angie, I'm Sophia,

507
00:22:03,440 --> 00:22:06,680
Speaker 2: and I'm Keon, and we're here to give good advice goofily,

508
00:22:06,760 --> 00:22:08,840
Speaker 2: But we don't have all the answers. All we can

509
00:22:08,880 --> 00:22:10,800
Speaker 2: say is, well we would do in this situation. But

510
00:22:10,880 --> 00:22:13,399
Speaker 2: let us know what you would do down below in

511
00:22:13,440 --> 00:22:17,080
Speaker 2: the comments. So Opie says, I also have a daughter

512
00:22:17,119 --> 00:22:19,400
Speaker 2: from a previous marriage who was a year old when

513
00:22:19,400 --> 00:22:22,879
Speaker 2: I got with my ex, and her dad wasn't involved either.

514
00:22:23,080 --> 00:22:26,200
Speaker 2: I'll call her Sophie. We also had two boys together,

515
00:22:26,240 --> 00:22:28,920
Speaker 2: who are now eleven and nine. When we got divorced,

516
00:22:28,920 --> 00:22:31,399
Speaker 2: they were two and four years old. Our divorce was

517
00:22:31,440 --> 00:22:34,119
Speaker 2: the result of an affair and he ended up marrying

518
00:22:34,160 --> 00:22:37,720
Speaker 2: his affair partner just four days after our divorce was finalized.

519
00:22:37,760 --> 00:22:43,200
Speaker 2: And that's what we call overlap. That is crazy yoakes.

520
00:22:43,880 --> 00:22:45,920
Speaker 2: At the time, my four year old was all about

521
00:22:45,960 --> 00:22:47,960
Speaker 2: his dad and wanted nothing to do with me. Whenever

522
00:22:48,000 --> 00:22:50,400
Speaker 2: his dad was around. My ex would get home from work,

523
00:22:50,440 --> 00:22:52,160
Speaker 2: and our son wanted to sit on his lap while

524
00:22:52,160 --> 00:22:54,400
Speaker 2: they ate. When his dad sat down to watch TV.

525
00:22:54,640 --> 00:22:56,960
Speaker 2: Our son had to be right there with him. They

526
00:22:57,000 --> 00:23:00,840
Speaker 2: have a bond that I can't explain. The divorce traumatized him.

527
00:23:01,119 --> 00:23:04,280
Speaker 2: He called for his dad NonStop and cried for months.

528
00:23:04,480 --> 00:23:06,920
Speaker 2: During that time. His dad wouldn't accept my calls when

529
00:23:06,920 --> 00:23:09,640
Speaker 2: our son wanted to talk to him and wasn't very involved.

530
00:23:09,720 --> 00:23:12,639
Speaker 2: Oh my goodness, he went off the rails for a while.

531
00:23:12,920 --> 00:23:15,920
Speaker 2: Since then, things have changed. His daughter is twenty now

532
00:23:16,000 --> 00:23:18,800
Speaker 2: and will never live on her own, so we share her.

533
00:23:19,000 --> 00:23:22,280
Speaker 2: So luckily after the divorce, I kept her full time

534
00:23:22,359 --> 00:23:24,280
Speaker 2: the first year or so. Then when he started to

535
00:23:24,280 --> 00:23:27,119
Speaker 2: get his life together, we began joint co parenting. She

536
00:23:27,320 --> 00:23:29,359
Speaker 2: is mentally like an eight or nine year old and

537
00:23:29,440 --> 00:23:31,679
Speaker 2: needs a lot of care. She can't make her own food,

538
00:23:31,800 --> 00:23:33,919
Speaker 2: wash her own hair, et cetera. I've been fortunate that

539
00:23:34,000 --> 00:23:35,840
Speaker 2: he allowed me to stay in her life because I

540
00:23:35,920 --> 00:23:38,720
Speaker 2: was terrified of losing her when we separated. We divorced

541
00:23:38,760 --> 00:23:41,840
Speaker 2: in the summer of twenty eighteen. So many years have passed.

542
00:23:41,880 --> 00:23:44,920
Speaker 2: The first couple of years after where non stop fighting.

543
00:23:45,080 --> 00:23:48,199
Speaker 2: It was so stressful. I started therapy right away and

544
00:23:48,280 --> 00:23:50,560
Speaker 2: still go now when I feel like I need it.

545
00:23:50,560 --> 00:23:52,439
Speaker 2: It took me a long time to work through with

546
00:23:52,480 --> 00:23:55,399
Speaker 2: the heartache, bitterness and anger towards our dad. Our son,

547
00:23:55,520 --> 00:23:58,720
Speaker 2: now Levin, also started therapy a couple of years back.

548
00:23:59,040 --> 00:24:02,199
Speaker 2: He went alone with each of us separately and sometimes

549
00:24:02,520 --> 00:24:05,440
Speaker 2: with all of us together. We've made a lot of progress.

550
00:24:05,840 --> 00:24:08,639
Speaker 2: He carried anger towards his dad's wife for quote taking

551
00:24:08,680 --> 00:24:11,240
Speaker 2: his dad, and was so angry with his dad for

552
00:24:11,320 --> 00:24:14,440
Speaker 2: leaving us. Time in therapy it created space and now

553
00:24:14,520 --> 00:24:17,080
Speaker 2: they are starting to get close again. During therapy, he

554
00:24:17,080 --> 00:24:19,199
Speaker 2: said that he wanted his dad and me, along with

555
00:24:19,240 --> 00:24:21,199
Speaker 2: the kids to do things together so he could have

556
00:24:21,320 --> 00:24:24,120
Speaker 2: us both. At the time, I was reserved and nervous,

557
00:24:24,200 --> 00:24:26,120
Speaker 2: but I wanted to give him what he needed. Fast

558
00:24:26,160 --> 00:24:27,840
Speaker 2: forward a couple of years and now we go to

559
00:24:27,880 --> 00:24:30,639
Speaker 2: functions together and once every couple of months out to

560
00:24:30,680 --> 00:24:33,359
Speaker 2: dinner with all the kids. Our communication is very open

561
00:24:33,400 --> 00:24:35,479
Speaker 2: and I tell my ex everything about the kids. We

562
00:24:35,520 --> 00:24:37,760
Speaker 2: lived three hours apart, so I try to keep him

563
00:24:37,800 --> 00:24:41,120
Speaker 2: as involved as possible. Here's our problem. Our boys hate

564
00:24:41,119 --> 00:24:44,160
Speaker 2: their step mom. Some of it, yeah, some of it

565
00:24:44,200 --> 00:24:46,159
Speaker 2: is the history between us all, but also because she

566
00:24:46,200 --> 00:24:48,760
Speaker 2: doesn't treat them well. She's insecure and jealous of the

567
00:24:48,800 --> 00:24:51,080
Speaker 2: relationship that my eleven year old has with his dad.

568
00:24:51,200 --> 00:24:53,639
Speaker 2: When the kids visited her and their dad, she tried

569
00:24:53,680 --> 00:24:56,399
Speaker 2: to separate them and wouldn't let them have alone time.

570
00:24:56,480 --> 00:24:58,639
Speaker 2: A few years ago, my son colored a picture for

571
00:24:58,680 --> 00:25:00,480
Speaker 2: her and gave it to her. She threw in the

572
00:25:00,560 --> 00:25:02,879
Speaker 2: garbage right in front of him and said that she

573
00:25:02,960 --> 00:25:05,720
Speaker 2: didn't want it. Why do you have beef within eleven

574
00:25:05,800 --> 00:25:11,880
Speaker 2: year old? Dude? That is crazy? Come on, Oh my gosh.

575
00:25:11,960 --> 00:25:14,320
Speaker 2: That same visit, while his dad was at work, she

576
00:25:14,359 --> 00:25:16,400
Speaker 2: made him stay in his room all day and told

577
00:25:16,480 --> 00:25:18,920
Speaker 2: him not to come out. Word got back to me

578
00:25:19,040 --> 00:25:22,800
Speaker 2: and I flipped, dude, that is like some Cinderella type stuff. Literally,

579
00:25:23,040 --> 00:25:25,960
Speaker 2: I'm sorry, is this Rapunzel? You get a lock her tower?

580
00:25:26,240 --> 00:25:29,760
Speaker 2: Oh my gosh. There have been many other incidents and

581
00:25:29,800 --> 00:25:31,879
Speaker 2: she makes it very clearly she doesn't like him or

582
00:25:32,000 --> 00:25:34,639
Speaker 2: want him around. She's decent to the younger boy, but

583
00:25:34,800 --> 00:25:37,359
Speaker 2: he's a mama's boy and doesn't have as close up

584
00:25:37,359 --> 00:25:39,440
Speaker 2: a bond with his dad although his dad. It's really

585
00:25:39,520 --> 00:25:42,040
Speaker 2: working on it. When therapy first started, our very first

586
00:25:42,119 --> 00:25:44,920
Speaker 2: visit included his dad, me and our son. Our son

587
00:25:45,040 --> 00:25:47,359
Speaker 2: was in tears the whole time and immediately said that

588
00:25:47,400 --> 00:25:50,000
Speaker 2: he didn't want to be around her anymore. I mean, yeah,

589
00:25:50,160 --> 00:25:51,680
Speaker 2: I wouldn't want to be around her either.

590
00:25:52,000 --> 00:25:52,280
Speaker 4: Yeah.

591
00:25:52,280 --> 00:25:54,600
Speaker 2: She's locking me in rooms and saying I hate you,

592
00:25:54,920 --> 00:25:58,480
Speaker 2: and she's questioning why I have a close relationship with

593
00:25:58,520 --> 00:26:01,000
Speaker 2: my dad. Yeah, she's like, it's ridiculous.

594
00:26:01,119 --> 00:26:03,800
Speaker 7: Yeah, I want to be closer with your dad than

595
00:26:03,960 --> 00:26:06,399
Speaker 7: you are. Just like, stay in your room, though in

596
00:26:06,440 --> 00:26:09,480
Speaker 7: your lane, but l lady love me. Thankfully, his dad

597
00:26:09,520 --> 00:26:11,960
Speaker 7: listened and no longer takes him to their house three

598
00:26:12,000 --> 00:26:15,919
Speaker 7: hours away, except for big holidays like Christmas. During those visits,

599
00:26:15,960 --> 00:26:18,200
Speaker 7: they are never left alone with her. If their dad

600
00:26:18,280 --> 00:26:20,600
Speaker 7: runs errands or leaves, the boys go with him. He

601
00:26:20,640 --> 00:26:23,600
Speaker 7: works us seven on seven off schedules, so on his

602
00:26:23,680 --> 00:26:25,920
Speaker 7: days off, he travels here to spend time with them.

603
00:26:26,040 --> 00:26:29,639
Speaker 7: During those trips, she isn't invited. That's also when we

604
00:26:29,720 --> 00:26:31,800
Speaker 7: swap Jordan between us. When he visits.

605
00:26:31,840 --> 00:26:35,200
Speaker 2: I'm usually working, but if I'm off, he often invites

606
00:26:35,200 --> 00:26:37,479
Speaker 2: me to dinner with them or other activities. It's been

607
00:26:37,480 --> 00:26:40,399
Speaker 2: peaceful between us, and the boys are happy. The kids

608
00:26:40,400 --> 00:26:42,560
Speaker 2: all have their own phones and he texts them daily

609
00:26:42,680 --> 00:26:45,320
Speaker 2: and calls every couple of days. He and I text

610
00:26:45,359 --> 00:26:48,119
Speaker 2: often about the kids. His wife hates that and doesn't

611
00:26:48,160 --> 00:26:51,080
Speaker 2: want us talking at all. Well, I don't care, it's

612
00:26:51,119 --> 00:26:54,879
Speaker 2: not really up to you. Yeah, all heck breaks loose

613
00:26:54,880 --> 00:26:57,600
Speaker 2: for him if I go anywhere with them when he visits.

614
00:26:57,840 --> 00:27:00,480
Speaker 2: If he stays too long in my house, she blows

615
00:27:00,520 --> 00:27:02,520
Speaker 2: up his phone. She tracks him and demands to know

616
00:27:02,600 --> 00:27:05,160
Speaker 2: why he's there so long, even if it's just five

617
00:27:05,240 --> 00:27:07,640
Speaker 2: minutes to drop off the boys. When it's just him

618
00:27:07,760 --> 00:27:10,680
Speaker 2: and the boys, she constantly calls and texts checking in.

619
00:27:10,840 --> 00:27:13,480
Speaker 2: The boys complain because even when they're at the park,

620
00:27:13,520 --> 00:27:15,639
Speaker 2: he's glued to his phone. I know he's trying to

621
00:27:15,720 --> 00:27:17,440
Speaker 2: keep the peace with her, but it only makes the

622
00:27:17,520 --> 00:27:20,000
Speaker 2: kids dislike her more. My eleven year old doesn't want

623
00:27:20,000 --> 00:27:22,000
Speaker 2: to be around her at all and tells his dad

624
00:27:22,160 --> 00:27:24,760
Speaker 2: exactly how he feels, curse words and all. I don't

625
00:27:24,800 --> 00:27:26,960
Speaker 2: allow cussing, but in those moments, I let him have

626
00:27:27,000 --> 00:27:29,760
Speaker 2: his feelings. She's very insecure about me. She was his

627
00:27:29,840 --> 00:27:32,880
Speaker 2: affair partner, and although he cheated on me with her,

628
00:27:33,040 --> 00:27:35,159
Speaker 2: that doesn't mean that I do that to her. I

629
00:27:35,160 --> 00:27:37,600
Speaker 2: don't have romantic feelings for him, but I admit it's

630
00:27:37,680 --> 00:27:39,840
Speaker 2: nice having a co parent that I can rely on.

631
00:27:39,960 --> 00:27:42,959
Speaker 2: We deal with constant issues with school and his medications.

632
00:27:42,960 --> 00:27:45,800
Speaker 2: While trying to stabilize him, his emotions often come out

633
00:27:45,840 --> 00:27:48,880
Speaker 2: as anger when he's overwhelmed or overstimulated. We've really had

634
00:27:48,880 --> 00:27:51,360
Speaker 2: to work together to support him. I love that I'm

635
00:27:51,359 --> 00:27:54,480
Speaker 2: not handling it alone. Having his daughter and our youngest

636
00:27:54,560 --> 00:27:57,160
Speaker 2: both on the spectrum is hard, but it helps knowing

637
00:27:57,240 --> 00:27:59,760
Speaker 2: that he's in this with me. Because of his wife's behavior,

638
00:28:00,080 --> 00:28:02,560
Speaker 2: no longer allow the boys to be around her. In fact,

639
00:28:02,640 --> 00:28:05,520
Speaker 2: I blocked her on their phones. She has zero contact

640
00:28:05,560 --> 00:28:07,720
Speaker 2: with them except on holidays when their dad is present.

641
00:28:08,000 --> 00:28:10,240
Speaker 2: Sometimes I feel guilty because if I were in her shoes,

642
00:28:10,240 --> 00:28:12,159
Speaker 2: I wouldn't like my husband being close friends with his

643
00:28:12,320 --> 00:28:14,719
Speaker 2: X or talking as much as we do. I get it,

644
00:28:14,800 --> 00:28:16,880
Speaker 2: But from my side, I know it's not that we're

645
00:28:16,960 --> 00:28:21,000
Speaker 2: just parenting. This is just so obviously because their relationship

646
00:28:21,040 --> 00:28:24,960
Speaker 2: started while he was married. Yeah, so it's like you can't.

647
00:28:24,600 --> 00:28:28,639
Speaker 3: Be jealous, yeah and all like I don't know, just

648
00:28:28,720 --> 00:28:32,800
Speaker 3: all controlling when you're the one who took oh P's husband.

649
00:28:33,119 --> 00:28:34,600
Speaker 2: Yeah, like you are the cheater.

650
00:28:35,000 --> 00:28:37,720
Speaker 3: Yeah, you're gonna be insecure because you got into a

651
00:28:37,760 --> 00:28:39,640
Speaker 3: relationship with a guy who was married.

652
00:28:39,440 --> 00:28:43,400
Speaker 2: Right exactly, it's not a great start to a relationship.

653
00:28:43,520 --> 00:28:46,760
Speaker 2: So that's your deal. Like, I agree, Like if I

654
00:28:46,920 --> 00:28:50,560
Speaker 2: was married and my partner was like talking all the

655
00:28:50,560 --> 00:28:52,280
Speaker 2: time with their ex and like, yeah, i'd be like

656
00:28:52,400 --> 00:28:55,360
Speaker 2: kind of weird. But if they're co parenting, they're co parenting. No,

657
00:28:55,520 --> 00:28:59,360
Speaker 2: it's not. That's so normal. Yeah, I know her feelings

658
00:28:59,360 --> 00:29:01,640
Speaker 2: are hurt that she isn't included when he visits, but

659
00:29:01,680 --> 00:29:04,960
Speaker 2: the damage she's caused is still being repaired. Their dad

660
00:29:05,000 --> 00:29:07,520
Speaker 2: doesn't share school or medical information with her or any

661
00:29:07,520 --> 00:29:10,160
Speaker 2: private details about the kids. That's smart. He's put his

662
00:29:10,200 --> 00:29:13,400
Speaker 2: foot down and she hates that. Personally, I wouldn't want

663
00:29:13,400 --> 00:29:15,760
Speaker 2: to be in a relationship like theirs. But uh, there

664
00:29:15,840 --> 00:29:18,040
Speaker 2: is a little bit more into the story. But yeah,

665
00:29:18,080 --> 00:29:21,240
Speaker 2: it's not even that she's been crappy because of like

666
00:29:21,360 --> 00:29:25,040
Speaker 2: little comments that she said, or just like generally doesn't

667
00:29:25,040 --> 00:29:26,960
Speaker 2: spend time with them or something like that. She did

668
00:29:27,000 --> 00:29:30,720
Speaker 2: some crazy locking them in real literally evil stepmother.

669
00:29:31,000 --> 00:29:34,240
Speaker 3: Yeah, come on, So I wouldn't even want him to

670
00:29:34,280 --> 00:29:35,720
Speaker 3: like have the kids around her at.

671
00:29:35,640 --> 00:29:37,320
Speaker 2: All, like even on holidays.

672
00:29:37,360 --> 00:29:42,720
Speaker 3: No, I'd be like, hey, custody agreement. This guy's wife's

673
00:29:42,880 --> 00:29:44,400
Speaker 3: doing some crazy stuff.

674
00:29:44,640 --> 00:29:48,000
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's wild, and I mean, hopefully they can talk

675
00:29:48,040 --> 00:29:50,040
Speaker 2: to the dad about like being on his phone all

676
00:29:50,080 --> 00:29:52,600
Speaker 2: the time, because it seems like, you know, they're working

677
00:29:52,640 --> 00:29:55,600
Speaker 2: on their relationship. The dad is working on his relationship

678
00:29:55,640 --> 00:29:57,640
Speaker 2: with the kids, But yeah, being on your phone all

679
00:29:57,640 --> 00:30:00,280
Speaker 2: the time, we're supposed to be spending quality time on

680
00:30:00,480 --> 00:30:03,280
Speaker 2: Kema Kema. I'd be fine including her in family functions,

681
00:30:03,360 --> 00:30:06,680
Speaker 2: but we've tried that. Her rude comments and constant drama

682
00:30:06,880 --> 00:30:09,560
Speaker 2: ruined it. I can stay peaceful in front of the kids,

683
00:30:09,600 --> 00:30:12,680
Speaker 2: but she cannot. She's even told me off in front

684
00:30:12,720 --> 00:30:15,360
Speaker 2: of them. I should add that my ex was forty

685
00:30:15,360 --> 00:30:17,680
Speaker 2: three when he met her, and there's nearly a twenty

686
00:30:17,800 --> 00:30:20,600
Speaker 2: year age gap. A lot of it is immaturity on

687
00:30:20,680 --> 00:30:22,680
Speaker 2: her part, and it's clear that she has a lot

688
00:30:22,760 --> 00:30:24,760
Speaker 2: of growing up to do. I do feel sorry for

689
00:30:24,800 --> 00:30:27,280
Speaker 2: her because I know it must hurt, but I also

690
00:30:27,360 --> 00:30:29,640
Speaker 2: have to protect my children and help them heal. Am

691
00:30:29,720 --> 00:30:32,120
Speaker 2: I the a hole for cutting off contact between her

692
00:30:32,160 --> 00:30:34,600
Speaker 2: and the kids and for talking to their dad as

693
00:30:34,680 --> 00:30:36,560
Speaker 2: much as I do. Am I out of line? Any

694
00:30:36,600 --> 00:30:38,960
Speaker 2: advice would be wonderful, and if anyone knows a better

695
00:30:38,960 --> 00:30:41,600
Speaker 2: way to deal with this. I am open to suggestions

696
00:30:41,720 --> 00:30:44,640
Speaker 2: and that's the Amath story. There you go, folks, Yeah,

697
00:30:44,680 --> 00:30:47,800
Speaker 2: I feel like no. I mean, you're talking about parenting

698
00:30:47,840 --> 00:30:52,240
Speaker 2: stuff that's important to talk about. I agree. So there's

699
00:30:52,360 --> 00:30:53,600
Speaker 2: nothing wrong with she needs to.

700
00:30:53,640 --> 00:30:56,560
Speaker 3: Change her attitude or he needs to change who he's

701
00:30:56,600 --> 00:30:57,520
Speaker 3: in a relationship with.

702
00:30:58,400 --> 00:31:00,480
Speaker 2: Sam. Here we're gonna get back to the stories. Here's

703
00:31:00,480 --> 00:31:01,960
Speaker 2: three of minus bads from our sponsors.

704
00:31:02,480 --> 00:31:05,840
Speaker 3: My boyfriend gave my dream dress to his mother after

705
00:31:05,960 --> 00:31:07,040
Speaker 3: I told him about it.

706
00:31:07,320 --> 00:31:09,840
Speaker 2: Ew what no.

707
00:31:10,280 --> 00:31:13,120
Speaker 3: Hi, twenty three female have been dating my boyfriend twenty

708
00:31:13,160 --> 00:31:15,520
Speaker 3: six mail for the past three years.

709
00:31:15,680 --> 00:31:18,000
Speaker 2: About two months ago, while we were out shopping, I.

710
00:31:17,920 --> 00:31:22,400
Speaker 3: Saw this really gorgeous, amazing dress that was just perfect

711
00:31:22,480 --> 00:31:24,720
Speaker 3: for me and in my favorite color. He looked at

712
00:31:24,760 --> 00:31:26,760
Speaker 3: the dress and said it was beautiful, but it was

713
00:31:26,880 --> 00:31:29,640
Speaker 3: rather expensive two hundred dollars, so we didn't end up

714
00:31:29,640 --> 00:31:32,080
Speaker 3: getting it. By the way, this comes from Professional I

715
00:31:32,400 --> 00:31:34,160
Speaker 3: ninety six eighty and if you want to submit your

716
00:31:34,200 --> 00:31:36,680
Speaker 3: own story, go to the r slash Okay storytime subreddit.

717
00:31:36,880 --> 00:31:38,920
Speaker 2: I'm Sophia and I'm Savannah.

718
00:31:38,960 --> 00:31:41,240
Speaker 4: I'm Riley And for all of you guys who.

719
00:31:41,120 --> 00:31:44,040
Speaker 3: Don't know who Savannah is, Savannah's part of my sketch

720
00:31:44,080 --> 00:31:45,320
Speaker 3: group Slash, also.

721
00:31:45,120 --> 00:31:50,400
Speaker 2: One of my best friends. Yeah, I'm here and she's here.

722
00:31:50,680 --> 00:31:52,240
Speaker 2: We'll try to give our best advice.

723
00:31:52,400 --> 00:31:55,480
Speaker 3: But we haven't experienced most of these situations ourselves, so

724
00:31:55,520 --> 00:31:57,760
Speaker 3: if you have, let us know you're taking the comments.

725
00:31:57,840 --> 00:32:01,920
Speaker 3: Opie says, for weeks after this, I would constantly talk

726
00:32:01,960 --> 00:32:04,080
Speaker 3: about the dress to him, and I couldn't stop thinking

727
00:32:04,120 --> 00:32:06,600
Speaker 3: about how beautiful it was. I hope one day I

728
00:32:06,640 --> 00:32:08,840
Speaker 3: could save to buy it, since we've been budgeting a

729
00:32:08,840 --> 00:32:10,800
Speaker 3: bit lately. You would hear about this dress from me

730
00:32:10,960 --> 00:32:13,040
Speaker 3: all the time and talked about how great he thought

731
00:32:13,040 --> 00:32:15,520
Speaker 3: it would look on me. So yesterday was my birthday

732
00:32:15,760 --> 00:32:17,800
Speaker 3: and we had a little get together with some members

733
00:32:17,800 --> 00:32:20,360
Speaker 3: of both of our families to celebrate. Except when his

734
00:32:20,560 --> 00:32:25,040
Speaker 3: mother arrived at our house, she was wearing the exact dress,

735
00:32:25,720 --> 00:32:29,120
Speaker 3: in the exact color. I was stunned. I thought he

736
00:32:29,200 --> 00:32:31,120
Speaker 3: must have told her about it and she went and

737
00:32:31,120 --> 00:32:33,920
Speaker 3: got one. But it turns out that wasn't the case.

738
00:32:34,320 --> 00:32:38,080
Speaker 3: In my surprise, I said, ohmge, there's no way that's

739
00:32:38,160 --> 00:32:41,240
Speaker 3: the same dress I was looking at and mooning over

740
00:32:41,600 --> 00:32:46,840
Speaker 3: for months. She replied, saying, oh really, Zane, my boyfriend

741
00:32:47,160 --> 00:32:50,600
Speaker 3: gave it to me as a gift last month. Ooh,

742
00:32:50,680 --> 00:32:54,440
Speaker 3: the dress that was expensive. This is like she's been

743
00:32:54,440 --> 00:32:57,320
Speaker 3: talking about this for months, the story of the traveling dress.

744
00:32:57,640 --> 00:33:01,000
Speaker 3: Except it doesn't except it doesn't go to anyone.

745
00:33:00,640 --> 00:33:03,960
Speaker 2: Except his mom. It doesn't travel anywhere, except it travels none.

746
00:33:04,240 --> 00:33:05,640
Speaker 2: Only the idea travels.

747
00:33:07,080 --> 00:33:09,680
Speaker 3: I was shocked and confused, even more so when my

748
00:33:09,720 --> 00:33:11,960
Speaker 3: boyfriend gave me the birthday gift he got me and

749
00:33:12,000 --> 00:33:14,840
Speaker 3: it was a gift card for Sephora for fifty dollars.

750
00:33:14,920 --> 00:33:19,000
Speaker 2: What not two hundred dress but only fifty dollars. He's

751
00:33:19,000 --> 00:33:21,479
Speaker 2: a mama's boy. Oh, he's got to get his mama

752
00:33:21,680 --> 00:33:23,920
Speaker 2: a two hundred dollars gift. Mama needs a dress. Mama

753
00:33:23,960 --> 00:33:29,800
Speaker 2: needs a dress. Girlfriend, you need makeup? Clearly, Oh my god,

754
00:33:29,840 --> 00:33:32,080
Speaker 2: for real, what you're too ugly for that dress?

755
00:33:32,200 --> 00:33:35,160
Speaker 3: It kind of is give me that, That's what it's giving.

756
00:33:35,440 --> 00:33:37,480
Speaker 3: For the rest of the night, I sat quietly in

757
00:33:37,520 --> 00:33:41,520
Speaker 3: a corner in silence and confusion. I felt hurt and

758
00:33:41,680 --> 00:33:43,760
Speaker 3: was lost in my head as to what was going on.

759
00:33:44,240 --> 00:33:48,200
Speaker 3: My boyfriend and everyone was blissfully unaware and happy the

760
00:33:48,320 --> 00:33:50,240
Speaker 3: entire night. I didn't want to ruin the mood, so

761
00:33:50,320 --> 00:33:52,160
Speaker 3: I started to try to put on a good face,

762
00:33:52,600 --> 00:33:55,760
Speaker 3: but I can't shake this feeling of being hurt. A

763
00:33:55,800 --> 00:33:59,240
Speaker 3: part of me feels like I'm overreacting and spoiled and entitled.

764
00:33:59,400 --> 00:34:01,280
Speaker 3: Am I. I just need to know if I need

765
00:34:01,320 --> 00:34:03,640
Speaker 3: to calm down and not be upset about this. And

766
00:34:03,680 --> 00:34:06,120
Speaker 3: there are some comments what does OP do?

767
00:34:06,480 --> 00:34:10,880
Speaker 2: I wouldn't break up, Yeah, I would just have the conversation.

768
00:34:10,400 --> 00:34:13,319
Speaker 6: Of like, hey, because my friend actually is like kind

769
00:34:13,320 --> 00:34:15,600
Speaker 6: of in the similar situation short of like a mama's

770
00:34:15,640 --> 00:34:16,120
Speaker 6: boy thing.

771
00:34:16,320 --> 00:34:20,960
Speaker 2: Yeah, right, when someone related to me. So it's weird.

772
00:34:21,960 --> 00:34:24,319
Speaker 2: So I won't get into it. But I can't tell

773
00:34:24,320 --> 00:34:24,840
Speaker 2: you anymore.

774
00:34:25,000 --> 00:34:27,719
Speaker 6: I will tell you none, but I will hint that

775
00:34:27,800 --> 00:34:31,320
Speaker 6: it is a not good situation, which I feel like

776
00:34:31,360 --> 00:34:34,280
Speaker 6: you need to like cut you gotta address the mama's

777
00:34:34,320 --> 00:34:35,040
Speaker 6: boys stuff.

778
00:34:35,280 --> 00:34:36,200
Speaker 2: There are some comments.

779
00:34:36,400 --> 00:34:39,239
Speaker 3: Rich Ad says, Babe, there's no way a twenty six

780
00:34:39,280 --> 00:34:41,920
Speaker 3: year old man is this oblivious. He's treating you like dirt.

781
00:34:42,080 --> 00:34:44,320
Speaker 3: It's not about the dollar value of your birthday present.

782
00:34:44,400 --> 00:34:47,640
Speaker 3: It's that it was just a gift card with zero thought.

783
00:34:47,960 --> 00:34:50,040
Speaker 3: Then for him to know how much you've been banging

784
00:34:50,080 --> 00:34:52,200
Speaker 3: on about this dress and to randomly buy it for

785
00:34:52,320 --> 00:34:57,000
Speaker 3: his mother is beyond strange your twenty three just quietly

786
00:34:57,040 --> 00:34:59,480
Speaker 3: and the relationship. You don't even need to cite this

787
00:34:59,520 --> 00:35:02,960
Speaker 3: as the ree he and his mama will gaslight you anyway.

788
00:35:03,400 --> 00:35:06,719
Speaker 3: Oh no, just say you don't feel the same and

789
00:35:06,760 --> 00:35:08,960
Speaker 3: are ending it. Don't say more. I had the thought

790
00:35:09,040 --> 00:35:11,360
Speaker 3: of is this worthy of a breakup after this? But

791
00:35:11,440 --> 00:35:13,560
Speaker 3: I always have a habit of doubting my feelings as

792
00:35:13,600 --> 00:35:15,880
Speaker 3: being valid. I spent most of the night thinking I

793
00:35:15,920 --> 00:35:17,719
Speaker 3: was being a brat about it. So thank you for

794
00:35:17,800 --> 00:35:20,759
Speaker 3: the kind words and encouragement. The reddit kid's return says,

795
00:35:20,840 --> 00:35:23,560
Speaker 3: it's actually so odd that you talked about this dress

796
00:35:23,840 --> 00:35:26,120
Speaker 3: so much and he went out of his way to

797
00:35:26,160 --> 00:35:29,400
Speaker 3: buy it for his mom. I genuinely can't even imagine

798
00:35:29,400 --> 00:35:31,920
Speaker 3: a good excuse for this, lol, I would be so

799
00:35:32,200 --> 00:35:34,960
Speaker 3: weirded out. Also, I feel like I had been with

800
00:35:35,000 --> 00:35:37,920
Speaker 3: a sociopath or something, because that's an insane lack of

801
00:35:37,920 --> 00:35:41,080
Speaker 3: empathy or understanding on his part. Opie says, what is

802
00:35:41,120 --> 00:35:44,479
Speaker 3: even more odd is this The shopping area we saw

803
00:35:44,520 --> 00:35:46,840
Speaker 3: the dress at is a good distance from our home,

804
00:35:47,280 --> 00:35:49,520
Speaker 3: and the dress is not his mother's taste at all,

805
00:35:49,880 --> 00:35:52,319
Speaker 3: So this means some time after the fact of us

806
00:35:52,360 --> 00:35:54,759
Speaker 3: being there. He drove all the way back there and

807
00:35:54,880 --> 00:35:58,799
Speaker 3: for some reason bought the specific dress I wanted and

808
00:35:58,920 --> 00:36:01,879
Speaker 3: gave it to his mother for no reason. It wasn't

809
00:36:01,880 --> 00:36:05,520
Speaker 3: her birthday nor any special occasion for her. According to her,

810
00:36:05,560 --> 00:36:08,200
Speaker 3: he just randomly said, I've got something for you, mom,

811
00:36:08,360 --> 00:36:10,440
Speaker 3: and he brought the dress over to her house. She

812
00:36:10,480 --> 00:36:12,480
Speaker 3: didn't know any of the other details about that being

813
00:36:12,520 --> 00:36:13,320
Speaker 3: a dress I wanted.

814
00:36:13,480 --> 00:36:17,160
Speaker 2: Oh got something for you mom. Yeah, Like, well, I

815
00:36:17,160 --> 00:36:19,319
Speaker 2: wonder if he like gives gifts to her all the time.

816
00:36:19,400 --> 00:36:22,080
Speaker 6: Yeah, I don't know. I'm not a man. I wouldn't

817
00:36:22,120 --> 00:36:24,120
Speaker 6: a man if I was.

818
00:36:24,120 --> 00:36:27,480
Speaker 2: In his shoes. Yeah, you're this man. I am this man.

819
00:36:27,960 --> 00:36:29,799
Speaker 6: You know I'm gonna buy gifts for a girl. I'll

820
00:36:29,800 --> 00:36:31,120
Speaker 6: buy gifts for my mom. You know, if it's like

821
00:36:31,120 --> 00:36:32,000
Speaker 6: her birthday or whatever.

822
00:36:32,239 --> 00:36:36,319
Speaker 2: She's not she'll never get a gift in her life

823
00:36:36,400 --> 00:36:39,759
Speaker 2: unless it's her day of birth. But I'm saying, like,

824
00:36:40,280 --> 00:36:41,080
Speaker 2: I just don't get it.

825
00:36:41,280 --> 00:36:43,600
Speaker 3: Upset does says weird And I don't think that too

826
00:36:43,640 --> 00:36:46,640
Speaker 3: many moms wear the same style as their girlfriends. Is

827
00:36:46,680 --> 00:36:50,040
Speaker 3: this a real story? If so, then dump Zaye, because

828
00:36:50,040 --> 00:36:51,799
Speaker 3: there's no reason why you would do such a thing.

829
00:36:52,080 --> 00:36:55,040
Speaker 2: What an idiot? Oh, he says, It's very weird and

830
00:36:55,080 --> 00:36:57,680
Speaker 2: weird is how I feel. Best way to describe how

831
00:36:57,719 --> 00:36:58,200
Speaker 2: I feel.

832
00:36:58,400 --> 00:36:59,080
Speaker 4: Weird and hurt.

833
00:36:59,600 --> 00:37:01,520
Speaker 3: I have no reason to make this up. And she

834
00:37:01,600 --> 00:37:04,480
Speaker 3: doesn't wear the same style as me, never has, and

835
00:37:04,600 --> 00:37:07,399
Speaker 3: not even close, so I don't understand it even more.

836
00:37:07,480 --> 00:37:10,200
Speaker 3: There just is completely not her taste. Bubble says, mother

837
00:37:10,239 --> 00:37:12,440
Speaker 3: of a son here, Please tell this mom what her

838
00:37:12,480 --> 00:37:12,959
Speaker 3: son did.

839
00:37:13,239 --> 00:37:13,319
Speaker 6: Not.

840
00:37:13,440 --> 00:37:15,600
Speaker 3: All of us are under the assumption that our jobs

841
00:37:15,760 --> 00:37:18,400
Speaker 3: end when that boy turns eighteen, and she may be

842
00:37:18,520 --> 00:37:21,319
Speaker 3: one of them. My responsibility in the legal sense ends

843
00:37:21,320 --> 00:37:23,400
Speaker 3: at eighteen. But I'm still gonna be his mom, and

844
00:37:23,440 --> 00:37:26,120
Speaker 3: that involves helping them when it's needed, and this boy

845
00:37:26,719 --> 00:37:30,680
Speaker 3: clearly needs help. Shallifino says mom here. I have no sons,

846
00:37:30,719 --> 00:37:32,920
Speaker 3: but I guarantee you if we did, their father and

847
00:37:32,960 --> 00:37:35,839
Speaker 3: I would be extremely disappointed in that behavior, and we

848
00:37:35,880 --> 00:37:38,000
Speaker 3: would make it known. In fact, if I were a

849
00:37:38,040 --> 00:37:40,400
Speaker 3: mom in that situation and we were the same size,

850
00:37:40,440 --> 00:37:42,640
Speaker 3: I would give her the dank dress myself and do

851
00:37:42,719 --> 00:37:45,000
Speaker 3: it right in front of the sun. She could wear it,

852
00:37:45,120 --> 00:37:47,080
Speaker 3: make napkins out of it, or burn it in a

853
00:37:47,160 --> 00:37:51,160
Speaker 3: ritualistic cleansing ceremony, wouldn't give a crap throw the whole

854
00:37:51,200 --> 00:37:52,840
Speaker 3: man away, and there is an update.

855
00:37:53,440 --> 00:37:54,919
Speaker 4: I just want to see his logic here.

856
00:37:55,160 --> 00:37:56,600
Speaker 2: Yeah, I don't.

857
00:37:56,440 --> 00:37:58,319
Speaker 3: Want to break up until I get that conversation of

858
00:37:58,560 --> 00:38:00,800
Speaker 3: what's going on? Why'd you get mama a dress?

859
00:38:01,040 --> 00:38:03,960
Speaker 2: Yeah? And where's mine? And where's Mike? I would get

860
00:38:04,000 --> 00:38:06,279
Speaker 2: it if you got both of us, Yeah, both of us.

861
00:38:06,400 --> 00:38:07,560
Speaker 2: That's a weird.

862
00:38:07,640 --> 00:38:09,319
Speaker 3: Yeah, Like, at least I got my dress, Like, am

863
00:38:09,360 --> 00:38:10,319
Speaker 3: I gonna act your mom later?

864
00:38:10,520 --> 00:38:11,120
Speaker 1: Probably not.

865
00:38:11,360 --> 00:38:13,640
Speaker 6: I hope we don't end up in the same situation like, oh,

866
00:38:13,760 --> 00:38:16,000
Speaker 6: family reunion, we're both wearing the same dress.

867
00:38:16,000 --> 00:38:16,320
Speaker 2: Weird?

868
00:38:16,560 --> 00:38:18,840
Speaker 3: Yeah, But like I do also think it's interesting that

869
00:38:18,880 --> 00:38:21,479
Speaker 3: the mom was like, she got the dress that wasn't

870
00:38:21,480 --> 00:38:25,279
Speaker 3: her style and then wore it, because from my mom experience,

871
00:38:25,600 --> 00:38:28,320
Speaker 3: if I bought my mom something that wasn't her taste,

872
00:38:28,400 --> 00:38:30,120
Speaker 3: she'd be like, I hate this, take it back?

873
00:38:30,200 --> 00:38:33,239
Speaker 6: Oh same ye immediately, Yeah, so my mom gets mad

874
00:38:33,280 --> 00:38:34,239
Speaker 6: when I say it's like.

875
00:38:36,239 --> 00:38:37,360
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, literally, Like.

876
00:38:38,480 --> 00:38:40,520
Speaker 3: So I'm wondering why his mom wasn't like, this isn't

877
00:38:40,520 --> 00:38:42,160
Speaker 3: my taste at all? Why would you buy me this

878
00:38:42,360 --> 00:38:45,319
Speaker 3: mexy dress? But there is an update. I finally got

879
00:38:45,320 --> 00:38:47,640
Speaker 3: the nerve to straight up ask him about everything, and

880
00:38:47,719 --> 00:38:50,399
Speaker 3: his response was that he thought he thought I had

881
00:38:50,440 --> 00:38:53,040
Speaker 3: to be humbled a bit because I got way too

882
00:38:53,080 --> 00:38:57,400
Speaker 3: overly excited about something as trivial as a dress break up. No,

883
00:38:57,760 --> 00:38:59,560
Speaker 3: he said he thought it would be fun to see

884
00:38:59,560 --> 00:39:00,560
Speaker 3: my reaction to it.

885
00:39:00,680 --> 00:39:00,839
Speaker 2: All.

886
00:39:01,160 --> 00:39:03,400
Speaker 3: His mother had no idea about any of this and

887
00:39:03,560 --> 00:39:05,680
Speaker 3: just thought her son was giving her a gift. I'm

888
00:39:05,760 --> 00:39:07,759
Speaker 3: so upset and hurt that I just called my mom

889
00:39:07,800 --> 00:39:09,719
Speaker 3: to come get me. I will be staying with her

890
00:39:09,800 --> 00:39:12,040
Speaker 3: for a few days while I figure out the next steps,

891
00:39:12,400 --> 00:39:14,560
Speaker 3: but I'm not going back to him. There is a

892
00:39:14,600 --> 00:39:15,960
Speaker 3: little bit left to the story.

893
00:39:16,080 --> 00:39:20,680
Speaker 6: Do you have any final thoughts me personally, I'm like

894
00:39:20,760 --> 00:39:23,239
Speaker 6: always looking for the closure. Yeah, I like needed, I

895
00:39:23,520 --> 00:39:25,000
Speaker 6: hang on to it, and then I come up with

896
00:39:25,080 --> 00:39:26,640
Speaker 6: like every single way.

897
00:39:26,440 --> 00:39:28,879
Speaker 2: Of like, oh, like this is it.

898
00:39:28,880 --> 00:39:31,400
Speaker 6: It has to be this, you know, But in this case,

899
00:39:31,920 --> 00:39:33,680
Speaker 6: he just seems really rude.

900
00:39:33,880 --> 00:39:34,360
Speaker 4: Yeah.

901
00:39:34,440 --> 00:39:36,640
Speaker 6: I agree, really rude, And I just think that that

902
00:39:36,880 --> 00:39:38,640
Speaker 6: is not a way to go about it after especially

903
00:39:38,680 --> 00:39:40,839
Speaker 6: three years being together, even if you were together for

904
00:39:40,880 --> 00:39:42,000
Speaker 6: like a month and you still do that.

905
00:39:42,280 --> 00:39:45,120
Speaker 3: But there is a final update. Ooh, me and Zaan

906
00:39:45,160 --> 00:39:46,400
Speaker 3: and are over for good?

907
00:39:46,520 --> 00:39:48,200
Speaker 2: Oh good? Yeah, get him out of here.

908
00:39:48,400 --> 00:39:50,960
Speaker 3: He keeps calling me, but I won't answer. There's nothing

909
00:39:51,000 --> 00:39:53,280
Speaker 3: he can say or do to change that. I've realized

910
00:39:53,320 --> 00:39:55,279
Speaker 3: and taken this as a sign of a nature he

911
00:39:55,320 --> 00:40:00,279
Speaker 3: had kept hidden so well until now. Some comments useful friends,

912
00:40:00,560 --> 00:40:03,600
Speaker 3: Dude is playing some hardcore manipulation games right that if

913
00:40:03,640 --> 00:40:06,680
Speaker 3: you know, you know are harmful as f and warning

914
00:40:06,719 --> 00:40:09,759
Speaker 3: signs of a self absorbed sociopath. He did all that

915
00:40:09,840 --> 00:40:12,959
Speaker 3: on purpose to intentionally hurt you and make you feel

916
00:40:13,040 --> 00:40:16,480
Speaker 3: like you don't matter on your birthday. There's no reasoning

917
00:40:16,480 --> 00:40:19,279
Speaker 3: with individuals like this. Attempting to be validated or have

918
00:40:19,360 --> 00:40:22,440
Speaker 3: them take accountability will only waste your time and potentially

919
00:40:22,600 --> 00:40:26,960
Speaker 3: escalate the manipulation. Break up, block, separate yourself from him.

920
00:40:27,080 --> 00:40:29,279
Speaker 3: This will wound his ego, and he may try to

921
00:40:29,280 --> 00:40:31,960
Speaker 3: get you back under his control, first with sugar, then

922
00:40:32,000 --> 00:40:35,160
Speaker 3: with fear, or maybe straight to fear, abuse or threats

923
00:40:35,160 --> 00:40:37,880
Speaker 3: of violence, or whatever else he thinks will motivate you

924
00:40:37,920 --> 00:40:40,160
Speaker 3: to do what he wants. Don't let anyone tell you

925
00:40:40,200 --> 00:40:42,920
Speaker 3: the behavior around this dress your birthday, All of it

926
00:40:42,960 --> 00:40:46,120
Speaker 3: are not real. Big Rather scary red flags for a

927
00:40:46,120 --> 00:40:49,520
Speaker 3: sociopathic person once you have separated, if you choose to,

928
00:40:49,680 --> 00:40:52,520
Speaker 3: you really should do some reading on self absorbed personality

929
00:40:52,520 --> 00:40:56,200
Speaker 3: disorders and relationships to make yourself aware of the tactics

930
00:40:56,200 --> 00:40:58,560
Speaker 3: and strategies they use to avoid them in the future.

931
00:40:58,640 --> 00:41:01,160
Speaker 3: That crap is cruel how he went about making sure

932
00:41:01,160 --> 00:41:04,000
Speaker 3: to hurt you on your birthday, And it's fing pathetic

933
00:41:04,040 --> 00:41:06,279
Speaker 3: on his part. Whatever fake name says, I would be

934
00:41:06,360 --> 00:41:08,640
Speaker 3: upset too. It's okay that he gets his mother a

935
00:41:08,680 --> 00:41:11,560
Speaker 3: present more expensive than yours, But buying the thing you

936
00:41:11,719 --> 00:41:14,399
Speaker 3: wanted so much for his mom and letting her wear

937
00:41:14,440 --> 00:41:17,919
Speaker 3: it at your birthday, that's either stupid or really mean.

938
00:41:18,160 --> 00:41:21,040
Speaker 3: And Opie says, yes exactly that I wouldn't mind at

939
00:41:21,040 --> 00:41:23,760
Speaker 3: all a guy buying his mom gifts. I strongly believe

940
00:41:23,800 --> 00:41:27,360
Speaker 3: good mom should be cherished. Why this gift? Why was

941
00:41:27,360 --> 00:41:29,560
Speaker 3: it the dress that I wanted? I've been trying to

942
00:41:29,560 --> 00:41:32,319
Speaker 3: make it make sense. I mean, he told you he

943
00:41:32,400 --> 00:41:35,120
Speaker 3: wanted to make you feel bad's and Eve knew it

944
00:41:35,120 --> 00:41:35,520
Speaker 3: would work.

945
00:41:35,920 --> 00:41:36,919
Speaker 2: That's what I thought too.

946
00:41:37,640 --> 00:41:42,600
Speaker 3: My fiance planned his birthday with another girl without involving me.

947
00:41:43,239 --> 00:41:44,960
Speaker 4: MM, I don't know.

948
00:41:45,320 --> 00:41:46,200
Speaker 2: This was tricky.

949
00:41:46,520 --> 00:41:49,400
Speaker 3: I thirty female, have been engaged to my fiance, thirty

950
00:41:49,440 --> 00:41:51,840
Speaker 3: two male for about a year now. We both agree

951
00:41:51,920 --> 00:41:54,040
Speaker 3: to a long engagement since we are still saving up

952
00:41:54,080 --> 00:41:56,280
Speaker 3: for the wedding. His birthday is coming up next month,

953
00:41:56,320 --> 00:41:59,440
Speaker 3: and I've been really excited planning for his birthday since

954
00:41:59,480 --> 00:42:01,520
Speaker 3: I know that he did not really get to celebrate

955
00:42:01,560 --> 00:42:03,759
Speaker 3: growing up due to family issues. By the way, this

956
00:42:03,840 --> 00:42:06,759
Speaker 3: comes from bim Bimba four five six and if you

957
00:42:06,760 --> 00:42:08,239
Speaker 3: want to submit your own stories, go to the r

958
00:42:08,280 --> 00:42:11,759
Speaker 3: slash Okay storytime suburt it. I'm Sophia, oh and I'm Savannah,

959
00:42:11,840 --> 00:42:15,400
Speaker 3: I'm Riley. And guys, we try to give our best advice,

960
00:42:15,440 --> 00:42:18,359
Speaker 3: but we haven't experienced most of these situations ourselves, so

961
00:42:18,480 --> 00:42:21,160
Speaker 3: if you have, let us know your take in the comments.

962
00:42:21,280 --> 00:42:24,400
Speaker 3: And Opie says every year, for the past four years,

963
00:42:24,480 --> 00:42:27,040
Speaker 3: I've always planned something for his birthday. I try to

964
00:42:27,040 --> 00:42:29,040
Speaker 3: communicate with him about it because I want to get

965
00:42:29,040 --> 00:42:31,960
Speaker 3: his input on how he would like his birthdays to go. Recently,

966
00:42:32,000 --> 00:42:34,200
Speaker 3: I've been planning for his birthday next month. He said

967
00:42:34,200 --> 00:42:36,400
Speaker 3: that he wanted to have an intimate birthday party or

968
00:42:36,440 --> 00:42:40,279
Speaker 3: dinner with friends, so I've been planning meticulously to pull

969
00:42:40,320 --> 00:42:43,680
Speaker 3: this off, from small details like looking for rustic D

970
00:42:43,719 --> 00:42:47,760
Speaker 3: and D themed plates, sick cute and cutlery, to renting

971
00:42:47,760 --> 00:42:50,239
Speaker 3: a whole villa so he could really enjoy his day.

972
00:42:50,640 --> 00:42:52,760
Speaker 2: I put my effort into making it special.

973
00:42:53,040 --> 00:42:56,000
Speaker 3: Then I was told that he already planned his birthday

974
00:42:56,360 --> 00:42:59,160
Speaker 3: with a female friend without telling me ahead of time.

975
00:42:59,320 --> 00:43:01,960
Speaker 3: I understand that they have known each other longer than us,

976
00:43:02,160 --> 00:43:05,239
Speaker 3: but I could not help but feel betrayed and jealous.

977
00:43:05,320 --> 00:43:08,080
Speaker 3: He made plans with his friend without even telling me,

978
00:43:08,239 --> 00:43:11,000
Speaker 3: and everything was already prepared and done. I communicated with

979
00:43:11,080 --> 00:43:13,000
Speaker 3: him and asked if he could set this birthday party

980
00:43:13,000 --> 00:43:15,680
Speaker 3: on a different date since the villa I rented is

981
00:43:15,800 --> 00:43:16,719
Speaker 3: non refundable.

982
00:43:16,760 --> 00:43:18,640
Speaker 2: Ooh, nope, deck.

983
00:43:20,920 --> 00:43:23,400
Speaker 3: He only told me that he could not because they

984
00:43:23,400 --> 00:43:25,680
Speaker 3: had already made all the preparations. He said he would

985
00:43:25,719 --> 00:43:28,239
Speaker 3: just reimburse me for half of the money I spent

986
00:43:28,280 --> 00:43:30,879
Speaker 3: on the villa. I stayed quiet for the whole day

987
00:43:30,960 --> 00:43:32,880
Speaker 3: and did not talk to him much. I could not

988
00:43:33,000 --> 00:43:35,719
Speaker 3: help but feel betrayed. Later that night, he said that

989
00:43:35,760 --> 00:43:38,440
Speaker 3: I was overreacting over a small thing and should be

990
00:43:38,480 --> 00:43:40,120
Speaker 3: grateful that I would not have to do any of

991
00:43:40,120 --> 00:43:41,960
Speaker 3: the hosting designing or preparing.

992
00:43:42,239 --> 00:43:43,640
Speaker 2: She already did the preparation.

993
00:43:44,360 --> 00:43:46,960
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's like she already had it prepared.

994
00:43:47,280 --> 00:43:50,120
Speaker 2: He paid for the thing, exactly. It's too late.

995
00:43:51,480 --> 00:43:54,399
Speaker 3: So now I am left wondering if I am really overreacting,

996
00:43:54,560 --> 00:43:57,719
Speaker 3: jealous and unreasonable. Comment one, did none of the friends

997
00:43:57,760 --> 00:43:59,800
Speaker 3: you're inviting tell you about the other party?

998
00:44:00,200 --> 00:44:00,279
Speaker 4: Oh?

999
00:44:00,400 --> 00:44:03,279
Speaker 3: He says, none of his friends inform me about this?

1000
00:44:03,800 --> 00:44:04,800
Speaker 3: Oh so there were other.

1001
00:44:04,680 --> 00:44:07,799
Speaker 6: Friends that were involved with the other planning that did

1002
00:44:07,840 --> 00:44:08,480
Speaker 6: not tell her.

1003
00:44:08,560 --> 00:44:09,440
Speaker 2: That's crazy.

1004
00:44:09,560 --> 00:44:11,279
Speaker 6: There's no way that none of that got in my

1005
00:44:11,400 --> 00:44:14,960
Speaker 6: years together, probably because they haven't invited them yet or

1006
00:44:15,000 --> 00:44:16,759
Speaker 6: have informed anyone about them planning it.

1007
00:44:16,880 --> 00:44:20,080
Speaker 2: Okay, so they didn't know. Okay, you know I jumped

1008
00:44:20,080 --> 00:44:23,080
Speaker 2: the gut on that one. Sorry sorry friends. Sorry reply.

1009
00:44:23,360 --> 00:44:26,560
Speaker 3: As the fiance, you should have been included from the start,

1010
00:44:26,960 --> 00:44:29,560
Speaker 3: So that's also a problem. Comment two says, why are

1011
00:44:29,560 --> 00:44:31,719
Speaker 3: you spending so much money on said party and a

1012
00:44:31,800 --> 00:44:35,200
Speaker 3: non refundable purchase without discussing it with them? Knowing you're

1013
00:44:35,239 --> 00:44:37,279
Speaker 3: saving up for a wedding. You should have discussed this

1014
00:44:37,520 --> 00:44:38,959
Speaker 3: far prior to when you did.

1015
00:44:39,120 --> 00:44:39,640
Speaker 2: He should have.

1016
00:44:39,680 --> 00:44:41,879
Speaker 3: Told you his plans, especially knowing you've been the one

1017
00:44:41,920 --> 00:44:44,080
Speaker 3: to step up and plan for the last four years.

1018
00:44:44,200 --> 00:44:46,120
Speaker 3: I do find it odd that they're that close and

1019
00:44:46,160 --> 00:44:48,000
Speaker 3: he still didn't feel the need to talk about the

1020
00:44:48,040 --> 00:44:50,360
Speaker 3: party that another woman planned for him. He should have

1021
00:44:50,440 --> 00:44:53,400
Speaker 3: said you already had a covert and politely declined. You

1022
00:44:53,440 --> 00:44:56,120
Speaker 3: should have spoken up about your discomfort rather than sit

1023
00:44:56,200 --> 00:44:59,360
Speaker 3: and mope all day, because where does that get you. Luckily,

1024
00:44:59,440 --> 00:45:01,640
Speaker 3: he's willing to help cover some of the cost.

1025
00:45:01,880 --> 00:45:05,160
Speaker 2: Luckily she's not. They have not the sit in mope.

1026
00:45:05,880 --> 00:45:06,720
Speaker 2: I don't like that comment.

1027
00:45:06,960 --> 00:45:09,880
Speaker 3: I have discussed with him, as I most of the

1028
00:45:09,920 --> 00:45:12,840
Speaker 3: time communicate with him and take his inputs on things

1029
00:45:12,960 --> 00:45:15,279
Speaker 3: he wants to happen on his birthday, replies, says, what

1030
00:45:15,320 --> 00:45:17,719
Speaker 3: does disgust mean to you? Did you mention you were

1031
00:45:17,760 --> 00:45:20,080
Speaker 3: planning his party or did you just ask for subtle

1032
00:45:20,160 --> 00:45:22,080
Speaker 3: things he likes in order to plan it. Was he

1033
00:45:22,120 --> 00:45:24,400
Speaker 3: fully aware you already planned his party and still let

1034
00:45:24,440 --> 00:45:27,200
Speaker 3: his girlfriend plan a different party. If he made plans

1035
00:45:27,200 --> 00:45:28,920
Speaker 3: with you and then blew them off to go get

1036
00:45:28,920 --> 00:45:32,040
Speaker 3: a party planned by another girl, it's clear where his

1037
00:45:32,120 --> 00:45:35,080
Speaker 3: priorities are and maybe a sign that marriage isn't on

1038
00:45:35,160 --> 00:45:38,600
Speaker 3: the table right now. Ope, he says, yes, I did

1039
00:45:38,719 --> 00:45:41,960
Speaker 3: mention that I'm planning his birthday party. One he shouldn't

1040
00:45:42,000 --> 00:45:44,279
Speaker 3: have gone to this girl's or he shouldn't be going

1041
00:45:44,320 --> 00:45:47,759
Speaker 3: to this girl's yeah thing, and two he should absolutely

1042
00:45:47,760 --> 00:45:51,600
Speaker 3: pay for the full refund you know, yeah, to be like, Yeah,

1043
00:45:51,600 --> 00:45:53,600
Speaker 3: I knew you were planning me a party, but you

1044
00:45:53,680 --> 00:45:57,040
Speaker 3: still have to pay half of that. Yeah, that's ridiculous.

1045
00:45:57,400 --> 00:46:00,279
Speaker 3: M That's why I'm always asking for his inputs. I'm

1046
00:46:00,280 --> 00:46:02,600
Speaker 3: pretty much sure that he's fully aware about this, since

1047
00:46:02,600 --> 00:46:05,640
Speaker 3: I update him with the with every progress I made

1048
00:46:05,680 --> 00:46:08,239
Speaker 3: on planning this party. Reply says there's no easy way

1049
00:46:08,280 --> 00:46:11,080
Speaker 3: to say nor for you to accept it immediately.

1050
00:46:10,600 --> 00:46:11,920
Speaker 2: But I would break up over this.

1051
00:46:12,239 --> 00:46:16,200
Speaker 3: Ooh, it's clear disrespect and disregard for your emotions, all

1052
00:46:16,320 --> 00:46:16,919
Speaker 3: to make what.

1053
00:46:17,200 --> 00:46:19,000
Speaker 2: Some other girl happy.

1054
00:46:19,280 --> 00:46:21,560
Speaker 3: Ooh, she chows to go out of her way to

1055
00:46:21,600 --> 00:46:24,920
Speaker 3: plan your fiance's birthday party. I would go to whatever

1056
00:46:24,960 --> 00:46:27,600
Speaker 3: she planned, just so you can save more money and

1057
00:46:27,719 --> 00:46:30,200
Speaker 3: see how she is around him. There's lines you don't

1058
00:46:30,239 --> 00:46:33,200
Speaker 3: cross in friendships, and she went over it. But your

1059
00:46:33,239 --> 00:46:36,279
Speaker 3: fiance disrespected you by allowing this to even happen in

1060
00:46:36,320 --> 00:46:39,000
Speaker 3: the first place, let alone say he's going to her

1061
00:46:39,040 --> 00:46:42,279
Speaker 3: party despite him giving constant feedback for the party you

1062
00:46:43,000 --> 00:46:46,920
Speaker 3: his literal fiance plan for him. Truly, hope you guys

1063
00:46:46,920 --> 00:46:49,120
Speaker 3: can talk it out and he sees where he went wrong.

1064
00:46:49,280 --> 00:46:52,120
Speaker 3: Maybe even show him this post so he knows you're

1065
00:46:52,160 --> 00:46:55,920
Speaker 3: not overreacting, but there is an update any more thoughts.

1066
00:46:56,280 --> 00:46:59,880
Speaker 6: I don't agree with the like, oh, well you should

1067
00:46:59,880 --> 00:47:02,000
Speaker 6: have said something, yeah, should like she did.

1068
00:47:02,080 --> 00:47:04,120
Speaker 2: We also know that she did, yeah, and that's the

1069
00:47:04,160 --> 00:47:04,480
Speaker 2: other thing.

1070
00:47:04,560 --> 00:47:07,440
Speaker 6: It's like, no, I did say something, yeah, and also

1071
00:47:07,600 --> 00:47:09,240
Speaker 6: you know this this, this is the other thing happened.

1072
00:47:09,280 --> 00:47:11,400
Speaker 6: So it's like, I feel like you have all the

1073
00:47:11,440 --> 00:47:14,759
Speaker 6: information there and he just chose to disregard it. And

1074
00:47:14,800 --> 00:47:18,160
Speaker 6: then it's trying to be like, well, you know, how

1075
00:47:18,239 --> 00:47:20,160
Speaker 6: was I supposed to know it's my birthday exactly?

1076
00:47:20,239 --> 00:47:22,280
Speaker 3: I also think like, if you've been in a relationship

1077
00:47:22,280 --> 00:47:24,680
Speaker 3: for four years, the last couple of you are engaged,

1078
00:47:24,840 --> 00:47:26,680
Speaker 3: and are engaged, she's.

1079
00:47:26,440 --> 00:47:28,320
Speaker 2: Planned all of the previous birthday parties.

1080
00:47:28,360 --> 00:47:30,480
Speaker 3: Yeah, and then someone says, hey, like, i'd love to

1081
00:47:30,480 --> 00:47:33,280
Speaker 3: plan a birthday already for You've got this great idea.

1082
00:47:33,320 --> 00:47:36,359
Speaker 3: My first thought would be, hey, that sounds really great,

1083
00:47:36,400 --> 00:47:38,040
Speaker 3: but you know my girlfriend usually does that, so I

1084
00:47:38,040 --> 00:47:40,080
Speaker 3: want to make sure she doesn't have it, even if

1085
00:47:40,080 --> 00:47:42,960
Speaker 3: she hadn't told you know, I agree, so what's up

1086
00:47:42,960 --> 00:47:43,560
Speaker 3: with that, dude?

1087
00:47:43,719 --> 00:47:44,680
Speaker 2: Or I would.

1088
00:47:44,400 --> 00:47:48,640
Speaker 6: Correlate with the fiance, yes, like or I feel like, hey,

1089
00:47:48,640 --> 00:47:51,120
Speaker 6: I heard that you are throwing something. I think he

1090
00:47:51,160 --> 00:47:53,720
Speaker 6: would also enjoy this or something, you know, like putting

1091
00:47:53,760 --> 00:47:55,560
Speaker 6: the two together. I feel like if you want, she

1092
00:47:55,719 --> 00:47:57,640
Speaker 6: was just lost and then now it's like a weird

1093
00:47:57,880 --> 00:47:59,439
Speaker 6: three people.

1094
00:47:59,640 --> 00:48:02,919
Speaker 2: Trying but not. Yeah, and you have to choose which

1095
00:48:02,960 --> 00:48:03,760
Speaker 2: birthday is the best.

1096
00:48:05,520 --> 00:48:08,680
Speaker 3: Updates today, I broke up with him, Yes I did.

1097
00:48:09,120 --> 00:48:11,120
Speaker 3: It took me a while to come up with this decision,

1098
00:48:11,520 --> 00:48:13,799
Speaker 3: but I still let myself think it through, just to

1099
00:48:13,840 --> 00:48:16,440
Speaker 3: be sure. The birthday party is happening this weekend, not

1100
00:48:16,600 --> 00:48:18,760
Speaker 3: the one I planned, but the one his female friend

1101
00:48:18,800 --> 00:48:22,160
Speaker 3: planned for him. He was so excited, even buying new

1102
00:48:22,200 --> 00:48:25,040
Speaker 3: clothes and accessories for it. Last weekend, I spent some

1103
00:48:25,120 --> 00:48:27,400
Speaker 3: time with my friends and opened up about it. Just

1104
00:48:27,480 --> 00:48:30,440
Speaker 3: as expected. They said the same things many of you

1105
00:48:30,480 --> 00:48:33,520
Speaker 3: did in the comments. I still did not listen because

1106
00:48:33,560 --> 00:48:36,280
Speaker 3: I was holding onto the hope that things might change.

1107
00:48:36,640 --> 00:48:39,239
Speaker 3: But it only got worse. After that trip. I went

1108
00:48:39,280 --> 00:48:41,720
Speaker 3: back to work, and it has been really stressful lately.

1109
00:48:42,600 --> 00:48:45,520
Speaker 3: Yesterday was literally the worst day of my life. I

1110
00:48:45,560 --> 00:48:48,719
Speaker 3: had an argument with my manager that left me confused, anxious,

1111
00:48:48,760 --> 00:48:51,279
Speaker 3: and down. It bothered me a lot. Of course, as

1112
00:48:51,320 --> 00:48:53,759
Speaker 3: stupid as I am, I shared it with him. I

1113
00:48:53,800 --> 00:48:56,480
Speaker 3: wrote a long text message explaining what happened. Since he

1114
00:48:56,520 --> 00:48:58,120
Speaker 3: was also at work and I could not call him

1115
00:48:58,160 --> 00:49:00,000
Speaker 3: to explain further, I sent some voicemail.

1116
00:49:00,640 --> 00:49:00,960
Speaker 2: Again.

1117
00:49:01,120 --> 00:49:03,560
Speaker 3: I was sad and looking for comfort from him, but

1118
00:49:03,640 --> 00:49:06,520
Speaker 3: all I got was gaslighting. He did not react to it.

1119
00:49:06,760 --> 00:49:09,080
Speaker 3: I do not even know if he listened or read anything.

1120
00:49:09,239 --> 00:49:12,800
Speaker 3: He just said, okay, sorry, I'm tired. I was left

1121
00:49:12,840 --> 00:49:15,880
Speaker 3: hanging with my feelings. I know it's not his responsibility

1122
00:49:15,880 --> 00:49:18,040
Speaker 3: to comfort me, but I was expecting him to at

1123
00:49:18,120 --> 00:49:21,080
Speaker 3: least show some's care and not disregard me because he

1124
00:49:21,200 --> 00:49:23,600
Speaker 3: was tired. Yeah, But as many of you said, I

1125
00:49:23,640 --> 00:49:25,799
Speaker 3: had to communicate more with him, so I asked if

1126
00:49:25,800 --> 00:49:27,920
Speaker 3: he had time to talk, and he said sure, Oh,

1127
00:49:28,000 --> 00:49:28,839
Speaker 3: now we can talk.

1128
00:49:29,000 --> 00:49:30,960
Speaker 2: I thought he was tired. I told him that I

1129
00:49:31,000 --> 00:49:31,760
Speaker 2: needed him.

1130
00:49:31,680 --> 00:49:34,080
Speaker 3: To at least listen and care for me at that moment,

1131
00:49:34,160 --> 00:49:35,680
Speaker 3: since I was feeling sad and low.

1132
00:49:35,840 --> 00:49:37,840
Speaker 2: He again just said that he was tired.

1133
00:49:38,200 --> 00:49:40,920
Speaker 3: And dismissed me. I let it go, since I knew

1134
00:49:41,080 --> 00:49:43,720
Speaker 3: talking to him at this point would be pointless. Morning

1135
00:49:43,800 --> 00:49:45,560
Speaker 3: came and he said that he was ready to talk.

1136
00:49:45,600 --> 00:49:47,400
Speaker 3: He's like, all right, he goes.

1137
00:49:47,480 --> 00:49:50,440
Speaker 2: He goes, ah, I'm a better now.

1138
00:49:51,360 --> 00:49:55,120
Speaker 6: My issues have been solved. My tiredness has just all

1139
00:49:55,120 --> 00:49:58,439
Speaker 6: of a sudden gone away. We can discuss what you're doing.

1140
00:49:58,719 --> 00:50:00,520
Speaker 6: You know what you do when.

1141
00:50:00,360 --> 00:50:02,680
Speaker 3: Your girlfriend needs to talk about our bad day and

1142
00:50:02,719 --> 00:50:03,400
Speaker 3: you're tired.

1143
00:50:03,560 --> 00:50:04,840
Speaker 2: You drinking urba.

1144
00:50:05,160 --> 00:50:08,560
Speaker 6: Oh, I drink water, guys in the occasional smoothie.

1145
00:50:09,480 --> 00:50:10,600
Speaker 1: This is weird talk.

1146
00:50:11,320 --> 00:50:15,040
Speaker 3: So I told him how his actions made me feel yesterday.

1147
00:50:15,280 --> 00:50:18,279
Speaker 3: I told him that I felt dismissed and unseen. I

1148
00:50:18,480 --> 00:50:21,880
Speaker 3: felt like I was all alone. I explained it in

1149
00:50:22,040 --> 00:50:25,640
Speaker 3: very calm voice. But then he started getting mad, saying

1150
00:50:25,640 --> 00:50:28,520
Speaker 3: that he did say sorry yesterday because he was tired,

1151
00:50:28,840 --> 00:50:32,080
Speaker 3: and I should have been more understanding. He turns back

1152
00:50:32,080 --> 00:50:32,840
Speaker 3: on you, He goes.

1153
00:50:32,719 --> 00:50:36,719
Speaker 2: Oh, I had a bad day too, and you didn't say, oh.

1154
00:50:36,560 --> 00:50:39,880
Speaker 6: I'm so sorry you were tired, guys, I didn't get

1155
00:50:39,920 --> 00:50:40,880
Speaker 6: to take my afternoon.

1156
00:50:40,960 --> 00:50:44,840
Speaker 2: Now, it's ridiculous. Heck, he told me I was attacking

1157
00:50:44,880 --> 00:50:47,320
Speaker 2: him over something. He didn't even know about.

1158
00:50:47,640 --> 00:50:49,840
Speaker 3: All I had done was try to communicate. Then he

1159
00:50:49,920 --> 00:50:53,440
Speaker 3: dropped the line, if you cannot take responsibility for your actions,

1160
00:50:53,719 --> 00:50:56,479
Speaker 3: you can just leave. At this point, I was done.

1161
00:50:57,000 --> 00:50:59,160
Speaker 3: I asked if that was what he wanted, and he

1162
00:50:59,200 --> 00:51:01,480
Speaker 3: did not answer. He just said that all he wanted

1163
00:51:01,600 --> 00:51:04,160
Speaker 3: was for me to take responsibility for what was happening

1164
00:51:04,160 --> 00:51:05,160
Speaker 3: to us at that moment.

1165
00:51:05,719 --> 00:51:08,919
Speaker 2: Ooh, do you have any final thoughts? I hate this man.

1166
00:51:09,880 --> 00:51:12,880
Speaker 2: The gaslight is just like so rude. I hate that.

1167
00:51:13,160 --> 00:51:14,719
Speaker 2: It's like so frust.

1168
00:51:14,360 --> 00:51:16,680
Speaker 6: The fact that it's like them doing it, and then

1169
00:51:17,080 --> 00:51:20,160
Speaker 6: like the hypocrisy is just like, Oh, well, I said,

1170
00:51:20,160 --> 00:51:21,520
Speaker 6: I was tired, So what's wrong?

1171
00:51:21,760 --> 00:51:27,680
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm inside of the road. Do you care at all? Yeah,

1172
00:51:27,719 --> 00:51:30,120
Speaker 2: I'm tired. I can't come pick you up. I'm tired.

1173
00:51:30,360 --> 00:51:31,640
Speaker 2: I'm tired, guys.

1174
00:51:32,320 --> 00:51:35,839
Speaker 3: Yeah, no, ridiculous break up by I could not see

1175
00:51:35,880 --> 00:51:39,239
Speaker 3: the point in continuing to communicate with him when everything

1176
00:51:39,280 --> 00:51:39,960
Speaker 3: I said.

1177
00:51:39,840 --> 00:51:42,600
Speaker 2: Was being thrown back at me, making me feel.

1178
00:51:42,320 --> 00:51:45,880
Speaker 3: Bad for simply asking for understanding. So I left. I

1179
00:51:45,960 --> 00:51:48,080
Speaker 3: left without a word, as you should. I blocked him

1180
00:51:48,080 --> 00:51:50,520
Speaker 3: on all socials and his number, but I'm not gonna lie.

1181
00:51:50,680 --> 00:51:52,799
Speaker 3: My heart still hurts, and a part of me still

1182
00:51:52,840 --> 00:51:55,960
Speaker 3: hopes he'll reach out how so we can patch things up.

1183
00:51:56,000 --> 00:51:58,240
Speaker 3: But another part of me says, this is for the better.

1184
00:51:58,560 --> 00:52:01,440
Speaker 3: I deserve better. I deserve someone who will treat me

1185
00:52:01,480 --> 00:52:06,000
Speaker 3: with kindness and softness, someone who will understand me better. Oh,

1186
00:52:05,719 --> 00:52:07,759
Speaker 3: and I invited my friends over the.

1187
00:52:07,800 --> 00:52:12,360
Speaker 2: Villain to have a post breakup party. How fun? I

1188
00:52:12,400 --> 00:52:15,399
Speaker 2: would actually love this so fun? Like, Hey, guys, come

1189
00:52:15,440 --> 00:52:16,840
Speaker 2: to my breakup party at.

1190
00:52:16,680 --> 00:52:20,960
Speaker 3: The villa original originally his birthday party, but no birth

1191
00:52:21,000 --> 00:52:27,040
Speaker 3: is celebrated here. A hot new bombshell is single. I

1192
00:52:27,080 --> 00:52:29,480
Speaker 3: guess it's still served its purpose.

1193
00:52:30,000 --> 00:52:32,880
Speaker 2: And there is yes the story.

1194
00:52:33,560 --> 00:52:35,560
Speaker 1: Hey y'all, it's John og Host here. We're gonna get

1195
00:52:35,600 --> 00:52:37,080
Speaker 1: back to the stories, but here's a quick three minute

1196
00:52:37,080 --> 00:52:38,560
Speaker 1: break from as for more sponsors.

1197
00:52:38,880 --> 00:52:43,319
Speaker 4: I found my boyfriend spicy chats with coworker after he

1198
00:52:43,400 --> 00:52:44,720
Speaker 4: repeatedly denied it.

1199
00:52:44,719 --> 00:52:47,719
Speaker 2: Done done, done, breakup. That's it.

1200
00:52:47,880 --> 00:52:50,960
Speaker 4: I just found out that my thirty four female boyfriend

1201
00:52:51,000 --> 00:52:53,480
Speaker 4: thirty eight male has been cheating on me, and it's

1202
00:52:53,520 --> 00:52:57,360
Speaker 4: extremely fresh. He broke down, wailing on his knees, talked

1203
00:52:57,360 --> 00:53:00,360
Speaker 4: about how it was never physical, and beg to me

1204
00:53:00,640 --> 00:53:03,880
Speaker 4: to make it work or give him a second chance.

1205
00:53:04,239 --> 00:53:07,880
Speaker 4: By the way, this comes from throw Kurt Closet twenty

1206
00:53:07,960 --> 00:53:09,960
Speaker 4: six And if you're listening your own stories, go to

1207
00:53:10,000 --> 00:53:13,480
Speaker 4: the r slash okay stories. I'm Subreddit, I'm Riley.

1208
00:53:13,520 --> 00:53:15,200
Speaker 2: And I'm Savannah and I'm Sophia.

1209
00:53:15,320 --> 00:53:17,480
Speaker 4: We will try to give our best advice, but we

1210
00:53:17,480 --> 00:53:21,040
Speaker 4: haven't experienced most of these situations ourselves, so if you have,

1211
00:53:21,360 --> 00:53:23,920
Speaker 4: let us know your take in the comments. OPI continues

1212
00:53:24,239 --> 00:53:28,480
Speaker 4: some backstory. It started with a weird text. Something bothered

1213
00:53:28,520 --> 00:53:30,960
Speaker 4: me because I'd seen a message pop up on his

1214
00:53:31,080 --> 00:53:34,319
Speaker 4: phone from one of his best friends named Logan. That

1215
00:53:34,400 --> 00:53:37,040
Speaker 4: could also be a unisex name. By the way, everyone

1216
00:53:37,200 --> 00:53:40,640
Speaker 4: that's true except I know this friend. We played video

1217
00:53:40,640 --> 00:53:43,799
Speaker 4: games together and they usually talk over steam Chat. He

1218
00:53:43,880 --> 00:53:48,760
Speaker 4: also would never do the anime action speak example hookes cuddles.

1219
00:53:48,800 --> 00:53:52,000
Speaker 4: The message was poke, what are you doing? It just

1220
00:53:52,120 --> 00:53:54,759
Speaker 4: rubbed me wrong. His guy friend would never talk to

1221
00:53:54,840 --> 00:53:56,719
Speaker 4: him like that. I sat with it for the rest

1222
00:53:56,800 --> 00:53:59,719
Speaker 4: of the afternoon until finally, as we were settling for

1223
00:53:59,719 --> 00:54:02,759
Speaker 4: a bet, I opened his phone. It was not passporwad protected,

1224
00:54:02,920 --> 00:54:06,000
Speaker 4: as we literally never check each other's phones and he

1225
00:54:06,080 --> 00:54:08,320
Speaker 4: keeps his closed Anyways, he had gone to the kitchen,

1226
00:54:08,360 --> 00:54:10,840
Speaker 4: so I swiped to see if it had been open,

1227
00:54:11,160 --> 00:54:14,200
Speaker 4: and it did. Conversation was short, but it had a

1228
00:54:14,239 --> 00:54:17,719
Speaker 4: woman's foot with an ankle bracelet, and talked about how

1229
00:54:17,800 --> 00:54:20,200
Speaker 4: much she missed him and couldn't wait for.

1230
00:54:20,160 --> 00:54:23,520
Speaker 2: Some time, some time together. Hmmm, for kind of time,

1231
00:54:23,719 --> 00:54:25,839
Speaker 2: not not the ankle bracelet move.

1232
00:54:27,160 --> 00:54:30,239
Speaker 4: She asked what he was up to, and he responded,

1233
00:54:30,600 --> 00:54:33,520
Speaker 4: it's just me and her. I pretty much broke down immediately.

1234
00:54:33,880 --> 00:54:36,880
Speaker 4: He didn't realize and was getting ready for sleep. At

1235
00:54:36,880 --> 00:54:38,840
Speaker 4: this point. I got up and cried in the kitchen.

1236
00:54:38,880 --> 00:54:41,359
Speaker 4: He finally came to check on me and sorry to him,

1237
00:54:41,400 --> 00:54:43,400
Speaker 4: and I blew up. I yelled at him that I

1238
00:54:43,480 --> 00:54:46,719
Speaker 4: knew everything, had seen the text and pulled them up.

1239
00:54:46,760 --> 00:54:49,560
Speaker 4: He said he had them set to delete every ten minutes,

1240
00:54:49,600 --> 00:54:52,680
Speaker 4: which is why the conversation seemed so short. In fact,

1241
00:54:52,840 --> 00:54:56,080
Speaker 4: there was no telling how far back those messages go,

1242
00:54:56,600 --> 00:55:00,200
Speaker 4: so he immediately started crying and asking to explain. He

1243
00:55:00,320 --> 00:55:02,839
Speaker 4: said it was not physical at all, that it's been

1244
00:55:02,880 --> 00:55:05,200
Speaker 4: going on for three months, and it was an old

1245
00:55:05,239 --> 00:55:07,759
Speaker 4: coworker of his, that he was just talking to her

1246
00:55:07,880 --> 00:55:11,000
Speaker 4: through her divorce, and it escalated so I did a

1247
00:55:11,080 --> 00:55:14,000
Speaker 4: search on Facebook and found her and it still says

1248
00:55:14,040 --> 00:55:17,360
Speaker 4: she's married. Though he hasn't been at that job for

1249
00:55:17,400 --> 00:55:19,719
Speaker 4: almost a year now and it seems odd that it

1250
00:55:19,840 --> 00:55:22,400
Speaker 4: just started up. He has been begging me to fix

1251
00:55:22,520 --> 00:55:25,120
Speaker 4: this and make it work. In my anger, I told

1252
00:55:25,200 --> 00:55:27,920
Speaker 4: him to call his parents and leave them a voicemail

1253
00:55:28,080 --> 00:55:31,160
Speaker 4: to let him know what he's been doing, because I'm

1254
00:55:31,200 --> 00:55:34,160
Speaker 4: not going to let him demonize me if we break up.

1255
00:55:34,320 --> 00:55:37,040
Speaker 4: I also called him pathetic in an a hole for

1256
00:55:37,120 --> 00:55:41,880
Speaker 4: ruining the past three years that we have been building together. Yeah,

1257
00:55:41,920 --> 00:55:44,320
Speaker 4: another three year relationship down the drain.

1258
00:55:44,520 --> 00:55:48,880
Speaker 6: Honestly, that's kind of like Loki flex because she's like,

1259
00:55:48,960 --> 00:55:50,839
Speaker 6: you know what, you're not going to demonize me, call

1260
00:55:50,840 --> 00:55:53,600
Speaker 6: your parents and tell him. Dude, well, telling your parents

1261
00:55:53,600 --> 00:55:57,920
Speaker 6: at thirty eight years old what you did? Ooh, mommy,

1262
00:55:57,920 --> 00:56:03,520
Speaker 6: I have to explain the something happened at me.

1263
00:56:03,640 --> 00:56:07,040
Speaker 4: But like, I mean, that is something you can do.

1264
00:56:07,320 --> 00:56:10,240
Speaker 4: But that's the first thing she thought of. Wild.

1265
00:56:10,960 --> 00:56:13,719
Speaker 6: That also is wild, that reaction of like, let's get

1266
00:56:13,760 --> 00:56:14,520
Speaker 6: your parents involved.

1267
00:56:14,800 --> 00:56:18,080
Speaker 4: I think that was not talking to my parents. No,

1268
00:56:18,920 --> 00:56:19,759
Speaker 4: it's not do that.

1269
00:56:19,920 --> 00:56:22,000
Speaker 2: Tell them what you did. They'll agree with me. That's

1270
00:56:22,040 --> 00:56:23,320
Speaker 2: a power move, but also.

1271
00:56:24,080 --> 00:56:27,920
Speaker 4: It really is, especially as a weird parent relationship. So

1272
00:56:28,120 --> 00:56:30,399
Speaker 4: we are both from out of state with no family here.

1273
00:56:30,640 --> 00:56:33,480
Speaker 4: I love him tremendously. I know I've gained weight to

1274
00:56:33,600 --> 00:56:36,000
Speaker 4: distress at my job. He said that he started talking

1275
00:56:36,000 --> 00:56:39,120
Speaker 4: to her supposedly three months ago because I was being

1276
00:56:39,360 --> 00:56:42,640
Speaker 4: difficult and emotional due to my job and he didn't

1277
00:56:42,680 --> 00:56:45,480
Speaker 4: know how to handle it. I know this is all

1278
00:56:45,520 --> 00:56:49,320
Speaker 4: over the place and not cohesive, but I'm emotionally wrecked.

1279
00:56:49,719 --> 00:56:52,759
Speaker 4: I know I have two options. One work on this

1280
00:56:52,800 --> 00:56:55,719
Speaker 4: with him, or two tell him to walk. The house

1281
00:56:55,800 --> 00:56:59,200
Speaker 4: is basically mine, most of the furniture is, The cats

1282
00:56:59,200 --> 00:57:02,080
Speaker 4: are mine, and he has some furniture and his clothes

1283
00:57:02,120 --> 00:57:05,040
Speaker 4: and his computer. Right now, he's in the guest bedroom

1284
00:57:05,080 --> 00:57:08,600
Speaker 4: sobbing and crying and telling me how much he loves

1285
00:57:08,600 --> 00:57:12,200
Speaker 4: me through the walls. I'm just exhausted. You're living for

1286
00:57:12,239 --> 00:57:14,239
Speaker 4: this sounds.

1287
00:57:13,920 --> 00:57:17,520
Speaker 2: Like the sketch that we're doing, like good night, good night.

1288
00:57:19,520 --> 00:57:24,320
Speaker 4: Oh gosh. I had loved him fiercely, I just hadn't

1289
00:57:24,400 --> 00:57:28,000
Speaker 4: felt pretty since the weight gain and our intimacy has dropped.

1290
00:57:28,320 --> 00:57:30,880
Speaker 4: We still kiss and hugged and rubbed each other. I

1291
00:57:31,080 --> 00:57:34,920
Speaker 4: just didn't feel attractive enough to do anything anymore. Maybe

1292
00:57:34,920 --> 00:57:38,360
Speaker 4: that's why he started emotionally cheating. I feel ashamed and

1293
00:57:38,680 --> 00:57:42,320
Speaker 4: to blame for this, even though I was not the one. Rationally,

1294
00:57:42,520 --> 00:57:45,480
Speaker 4: he keeps begging for a chance and saying that he

1295
00:57:45,560 --> 00:57:49,200
Speaker 4: has wanted to break it off, But they don't always

1296
00:57:49,240 --> 00:57:52,280
Speaker 4: say that. He showed me that he blocked and deleted

1297
00:57:52,280 --> 00:57:55,640
Speaker 4: the number. Am I weak? If I stay or try

1298
00:57:55,640 --> 00:57:58,800
Speaker 4: and figure it out? Is it possible, like statistically, for

1299
00:57:58,880 --> 00:58:01,320
Speaker 4: this to work. I'm so sorry. Sorry, this is going

1300
00:58:01,360 --> 00:58:03,200
Speaker 4: so long and all over the place. I just need

1301
00:58:03,200 --> 00:58:06,080
Speaker 4: to scream into the void and hope someone has some

1302
00:58:06,120 --> 00:58:09,200
Speaker 4: words of encouragement or advice on how to move forward.

1303
00:58:09,320 --> 00:58:11,160
Speaker 4: We have an update, Oh we do.

1304
00:58:11,240 --> 00:58:13,959
Speaker 6: I kind of feel bad for her, yeah, I mean, like, yeah,

1305
00:58:14,160 --> 00:58:16,200
Speaker 6: I feel bad for anyone in this situation, but like

1306
00:58:16,240 --> 00:58:18,360
Speaker 6: the fact that she, like you can tell how it

1307
00:58:18,440 --> 00:58:20,800
Speaker 6: just spirals towards the end and then it's like I

1308
00:58:20,880 --> 00:58:24,120
Speaker 6: wanted to you know, do that? Am I being crazy? No,

1309
00:58:24,360 --> 00:58:27,960
Speaker 6: not at all being crazy. You're like actually reacting very

1310
00:58:28,240 --> 00:58:28,840
Speaker 6: very normal.

1311
00:58:29,040 --> 00:58:29,240
Speaker 2: Yeah.

1312
00:58:29,320 --> 00:58:32,120
Speaker 6: My opinion, like if someone was cheating on me, like,

1313
00:58:32,200 --> 00:58:33,360
Speaker 6: why would it be my fault?

1314
00:58:33,600 --> 00:58:35,760
Speaker 2: Why? Why do I always have to feel bad? You know.

1315
00:58:35,920 --> 00:58:39,360
Speaker 4: The underlying theme or like thing that I'm really seeing

1316
00:58:39,360 --> 00:58:42,200
Speaker 4: here is her self confidence. Yeah, and how her self

1317
00:58:42,240 --> 00:58:45,400
Speaker 4: confidence is tied to this relationship, her job. And I

1318
00:58:45,440 --> 00:58:48,200
Speaker 4: think it's a wake up call of hey, you're noticing

1319
00:58:48,240 --> 00:58:50,520
Speaker 4: some things. You're noticing you're kind of losing yourself again.

1320
00:58:50,720 --> 00:58:53,880
Speaker 4: It's actually turned around. This happened, and it also shows

1321
00:58:53,920 --> 00:58:56,280
Speaker 4: that your boyfriend is not supporting you.

1322
00:58:56,000 --> 00:58:59,720
Speaker 2: Yea, you are emotionally at least. Yeah, physically you get

1323
00:58:59,720 --> 00:58:59,880
Speaker 2: in the.

1324
00:59:00,640 --> 00:59:02,080
Speaker 4: She's getting a free rub here and there.

1325
00:59:02,200 --> 00:59:06,280
Speaker 6: Physically the free rub is still there, but mentally the

1326
00:59:06,360 --> 00:59:07,200
Speaker 6: rub is not there.

1327
00:59:08,000 --> 00:59:10,080
Speaker 2: She's getting none on the mental rub.

1328
00:59:10,680 --> 00:59:12,840
Speaker 4: So if you have prediction before we get into the update,

1329
00:59:12,960 --> 00:59:13,800
Speaker 4: did she stick it out?

1330
00:59:14,040 --> 00:59:14,560
Speaker 2: No?

1331
00:59:14,560 --> 00:59:16,240
Speaker 4: No breakup? She broke up.

1332
00:59:16,800 --> 00:59:18,400
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'd say breakup for sure.

1333
00:59:18,600 --> 00:59:21,280
Speaker 4: Update. I had started an update but didn't save it,

1334
00:59:21,320 --> 00:59:23,480
Speaker 4: so I had to start over, and I just didn't

1335
00:59:23,560 --> 00:59:25,680
Speaker 4: have it in me to start over until this morning.

1336
00:59:26,120 --> 00:59:28,480
Speaker 4: I guess he got to my profile. You can find

1337
00:59:28,520 --> 00:59:30,960
Speaker 4: the first part, but in summary, on Labor Day, I

1338
00:59:30,960 --> 00:59:32,960
Speaker 4: found out that my boyfriend had been cheating on me

1339
00:59:33,040 --> 00:59:35,440
Speaker 4: with someone. For all those who said it was happening

1340
00:59:35,480 --> 00:59:39,000
Speaker 4: a lot longer than three months, and it was definitely physical.

1341
00:59:39,200 --> 00:59:42,680
Speaker 4: He said, it was just cheating. You were right, of.

1342
00:59:42,720 --> 00:59:46,080
Speaker 6: Course, I'm her in that situation of like, no, no,

1343
00:59:46,240 --> 00:59:48,080
Speaker 6: I'm great, like he would never do that to me.

1344
00:59:48,240 --> 00:59:49,360
Speaker 2: I'm a specialized to make.

1345
00:59:49,440 --> 00:59:51,880
Speaker 6: And then it's just like then your world comes crashing down,

1346
00:59:51,880 --> 00:59:54,280
Speaker 6: because then it's like, wow, so I actually meant nothing.

1347
00:59:54,480 --> 00:59:55,960
Speaker 2: That's ridiculous.

1348
00:59:56,080 --> 00:59:56,400
Speaker 1: Yeah.

1349
00:59:56,440 --> 00:59:59,680
Speaker 4: I finally spoke to him Friday. He's written a bs

1350
00:59:59,760 --> 01:00:03,400
Speaker 4: let about how he tried to fend off her advances.

1351
01:00:03,560 --> 01:00:07,120
Speaker 4: It was never physical. It was all conversations and fake

1352
01:00:07,320 --> 01:00:11,280
Speaker 4: flirting on his part, truly manipulative crap. I had come

1353
01:00:11,440 --> 01:00:14,760
Speaker 4: prepared Friday with seven points I wanted to make a

1354
01:00:14,840 --> 01:00:17,840
Speaker 4: part of me had truly wanted to believe that maybe

1355
01:00:17,960 --> 01:00:20,960
Speaker 4: he was just talking. I know, I know, I'm an idiot.

1356
01:00:21,000 --> 01:00:23,920
Speaker 4: My seven points were one, I want to see your phone,

1357
01:00:24,120 --> 01:00:27,640
Speaker 4: then try and restore messages, and if he permanently deleted them,

1358
01:00:28,000 --> 01:00:30,000
Speaker 4: then I know he was lying and trying to get

1359
01:00:30,080 --> 01:00:33,840
Speaker 4: rid of incriminating crap or see the truth. Two that

1360
01:00:33,960 --> 01:00:38,200
Speaker 4: his letter is nonsense and the timeline doesn't add up.

1361
01:00:38,320 --> 01:00:41,080
Speaker 4: Three I want all of the truth if he has

1362
01:00:41,240 --> 01:00:45,000
Speaker 4: any hope of reconciliation. Four after my work trip. He

1363
01:00:45,120 --> 01:00:48,680
Speaker 4: needs to move out if he has any hope of reconciliation,

1364
01:00:48,920 --> 01:00:51,040
Speaker 4: I need my space, and if he needs to be

1365
01:00:51,120 --> 01:00:54,200
Speaker 4: on his own self, reflect what he truly wants and

1366
01:00:54,240 --> 01:00:55,200
Speaker 4: why he did what he did.

1367
01:00:55,320 --> 01:00:55,600
Speaker 6: Five.

1368
01:00:55,800 --> 01:00:58,520
Speaker 4: I need to go through the holiday season alone. This

1369
01:00:58,560 --> 01:01:01,080
Speaker 4: is the time I lost my dog. This is the

1370
01:01:01,120 --> 01:01:04,000
Speaker 4: time my family will be down. This is the time

1371
01:01:04,360 --> 01:01:06,960
Speaker 4: I am the most sensitive and I need to be

1372
01:01:07,000 --> 01:01:11,240
Speaker 4: by myself. This time period will be low to no contact. Six.

1373
01:01:11,320 --> 01:01:13,240
Speaker 4: He needs to go to therapy and be one hundred

1374
01:01:13,280 --> 01:01:16,480
Speaker 4: percent honest with himself. I will go to seven. If

1375
01:01:16,560 --> 01:01:19,440
Speaker 4: he is truly serious and truly believes the jargon he

1376
01:01:19,520 --> 01:01:23,480
Speaker 4: wrote about me being his person. We are starting completely over.

1377
01:01:23,920 --> 01:01:26,960
Speaker 4: No moving in for quite a while. We're starting all

1378
01:01:27,000 --> 01:01:30,240
Speaker 4: over because he broke the foundation of what we had.

1379
01:01:30,560 --> 01:01:32,840
Speaker 4: You can't build on that. The only thing we can

1380
01:01:32,880 --> 01:01:35,680
Speaker 4: do is start completely over. And if I come to

1381
01:01:35,840 --> 01:01:39,640
Speaker 4: terms with I cannot forgive you for what you did,

1382
01:01:39,880 --> 01:01:43,320
Speaker 4: or it's still on my mind, then it is what

1383
01:01:43,360 --> 01:01:43,680
Speaker 4: it is.

1384
01:01:44,160 --> 01:01:46,800
Speaker 6: Agreed. I think those are all great points. Yeah, and

1385
01:01:46,840 --> 01:01:47,959
Speaker 6: I'm glad that she made a list.

1386
01:01:48,000 --> 01:01:48,560
Speaker 2: That's what I do.

1387
01:01:49,040 --> 01:01:51,360
Speaker 6: I'm very much I'm like listlessless I love my list,

1388
01:01:51,480 --> 01:01:54,200
Speaker 6: but true, Yeah, but I think that those are all

1389
01:01:54,280 --> 01:01:57,200
Speaker 6: very good points. And the thing is, now it's a test. Yeah,

1390
01:01:57,200 --> 01:01:59,400
Speaker 6: Now you just have to test him, and then you

1391
01:01:59,480 --> 01:02:01,920
Speaker 6: have to like keep going back in your mind, like

1392
01:02:02,000 --> 01:02:04,760
Speaker 6: is it worth the mental turmoil of all of this?

1393
01:02:05,280 --> 01:02:08,080
Speaker 4: I think two things. One, I've seen this only happen

1394
01:02:08,200 --> 01:02:10,560
Speaker 4: once and work out where they were like, we're starting

1395
01:02:10,600 --> 01:02:13,240
Speaker 4: completely over from scratch and it works out and they

1396
01:02:13,240 --> 01:02:14,920
Speaker 4: were happy. Don't know how that happened.

1397
01:02:14,960 --> 01:02:15,240
Speaker 2: Wow.

1398
01:02:15,440 --> 01:02:18,760
Speaker 4: Two, if this guy knows this is the feat he

1399
01:02:18,880 --> 01:02:21,880
Speaker 4: has to go through to be with you know, the ope,

1400
01:02:22,320 --> 01:02:26,080
Speaker 4: He's probably not gonna do it because, oh, miss Ankle,

1401
01:02:26,120 --> 01:02:28,480
Speaker 4: bracelet over here. I can go over and hang out

1402
01:02:28,480 --> 01:02:32,320
Speaker 4: with her. She's going through divorce. That seems easier. I

1403
01:02:32,320 --> 01:02:34,360
Speaker 4: think he's just begging, please don't make me go back

1404
01:02:34,400 --> 01:02:36,480
Speaker 4: to my mom and dad. Yeah I don't want to

1405
01:02:36,520 --> 01:02:36,880
Speaker 4: go back.

1406
01:02:37,040 --> 01:02:38,520
Speaker 2: Yeah, I would have to agree with that.

1407
01:02:38,960 --> 01:02:41,880
Speaker 4: Okay. So sat down on Friday and I was shaking.

1408
01:02:42,040 --> 01:02:45,280
Speaker 4: No one tells you how your body physically reacts to things,

1409
01:02:45,320 --> 01:02:48,440
Speaker 4: but I was shaking. I hadn't eaten anything since Monday.

1410
01:02:48,560 --> 01:02:51,920
Speaker 4: I did eat some crackers Saturday, but I could barely

1411
01:02:51,960 --> 01:02:58,760
Speaker 4: taste it. I had typed everything down so I didn't stray.

1412
01:02:59,000 --> 01:03:02,120
Speaker 4: He said, I wrote you a letter too, And anyway,

1413
01:03:02,160 --> 01:03:04,800
Speaker 4: I began with my first point that i'd like to

1414
01:03:04,840 --> 01:03:07,360
Speaker 4: see his phone. He jumped at it and led me

1415
01:03:07,600 --> 01:03:09,760
Speaker 4: to his phone, and I told him what I was

1416
01:03:09,800 --> 01:03:13,640
Speaker 4: going to do, and he kind of shifted and was like, oh, yeah, sure.

1417
01:03:13,840 --> 01:03:16,520
Speaker 4: I think he still thought I wouldn't be able to

1418
01:03:16,560 --> 01:03:19,960
Speaker 4: recover all of the messages. There were over two thousand

1419
01:03:20,040 --> 01:03:21,360
Speaker 4: messages between them.

1420
01:03:21,560 --> 01:03:22,600
Speaker 2: Oh my god, the.

1421
01:03:22,640 --> 01:03:27,680
Speaker 4: Grossest messages ever, super explicit, talking about the things they

1422
01:03:27,720 --> 01:03:30,360
Speaker 4: did to each other, how they missed each other, him

1423
01:03:30,440 --> 01:03:34,800
Speaker 4: calling her princess, his baby, the rage I felt, I'll

1424
01:03:34,800 --> 01:03:38,360
Speaker 4: admit it. I yelled, I cried. I was reading the

1425
01:03:38,400 --> 01:03:42,720
Speaker 4: text out loud, and he just cried, saying it was

1426
01:03:42,880 --> 01:03:46,440
Speaker 4: just physical that he loved me. We spent three hours

1427
01:03:46,480 --> 01:03:49,040
Speaker 4: going in circles with him, begging for a second chance.

1428
01:03:49,440 --> 01:03:51,200
Speaker 4: I'm sorry, I can't remember all of it.

1429
01:03:51,280 --> 01:03:52,160
Speaker 2: That's so horrible.

1430
01:03:52,640 --> 01:03:55,120
Speaker 4: He started talking about how he has to go back

1431
01:03:55,160 --> 01:03:58,320
Speaker 4: home now because I won't give him another chance, that

1432
01:03:58,440 --> 01:04:01,840
Speaker 4: he would stay and live set separately if in having

1433
01:04:01,920 --> 01:04:05,360
Speaker 4: another chance with me, no matter how small a percentage

1434
01:04:05,680 --> 01:04:07,960
Speaker 4: that it would be. I told him it was zero

1435
01:04:08,560 --> 01:04:10,440
Speaker 4: point zero one percent.

1436
01:04:10,800 --> 01:04:12,840
Speaker 2: I wouldn't even give it that. Can you go negatives?

1437
01:04:13,560 --> 01:04:15,880
Speaker 4: You can get add a couple more zeros in between

1438
01:04:15,880 --> 01:04:19,720
Speaker 4: there and that. Right now, I just find him disgusting.

1439
01:04:20,000 --> 01:04:23,080
Speaker 4: I might not be able to see him as anything more.

1440
01:04:23,240 --> 01:04:26,200
Speaker 4: I was hurt and so much was said, and I

1441
01:04:26,240 --> 01:04:29,000
Speaker 4: told him I needed my space and he needs to

1442
01:04:29,000 --> 01:04:32,240
Speaker 4: get out, just like I had asked in my written

1443
01:04:32,320 --> 01:04:36,480
Speaker 4: letter from sobbing and crying. His face completely changed, no tears,

1444
01:04:36,600 --> 01:04:41,040
Speaker 4: no nothing, just completely in the flattest of voices. Well, then,

1445
01:04:41,520 --> 01:04:43,440
Speaker 4: I guess you're going to have to evict me.

1446
01:04:43,840 --> 01:04:46,480
Speaker 2: What so, now it's turned on her.

1447
01:04:46,720 --> 01:04:50,280
Speaker 6: She's the bad person for, you know, kicking him out

1448
01:04:50,360 --> 01:04:52,480
Speaker 6: after he did everything horrible to her.

1449
01:04:52,600 --> 01:04:56,160
Speaker 4: What No, Yeah, call up the sheriff. Sheriff, I got

1450
01:04:56,160 --> 01:04:57,120
Speaker 4: somebody out of my house.

1451
01:04:57,400 --> 01:04:59,320
Speaker 2: I gotta I gotta go see my ankle.

1452
01:05:02,000 --> 01:05:05,640
Speaker 4: Oh man. I was like, okay, bet, I'll start working

1453
01:05:05,640 --> 01:05:07,880
Speaker 4: on that now. And here you were begging for a

1454
01:05:07,920 --> 01:05:11,360
Speaker 4: second chance. Now you tell me you need ninety days

1455
01:05:11,400 --> 01:05:14,400
Speaker 4: to leave this place. It was just such a terrifying

1456
01:05:14,480 --> 01:05:17,720
Speaker 4: drop of emotion, a real sociopath move. He does not

1457
01:05:17,840 --> 01:05:20,800
Speaker 4: want to go back to his parents. Guys, yeah, I undertand.

1458
01:05:20,480 --> 01:05:23,040
Speaker 2: He's trying every single reason not to.

1459
01:05:23,400 --> 01:05:25,640
Speaker 4: It makes me more scared that I have to be

1460
01:05:25,720 --> 01:05:29,200
Speaker 4: gone Tuesday night through Monday. I bought some cameras for

1461
01:05:29,240 --> 01:05:32,040
Speaker 4: the house. I basically had told him that there is

1462
01:05:32,080 --> 01:05:34,520
Speaker 4: a chance for us if he does what I asked,

1463
01:05:34,840 --> 01:05:38,240
Speaker 4: but I don't know how long that would be and

1464
01:05:38,800 --> 01:05:42,080
Speaker 4: how long my healing would need to take. Six months,

1465
01:05:42,240 --> 01:05:46,080
Speaker 4: a year, or two or maybe never. I'm not promising anything,

1466
01:05:46,400 --> 01:05:50,720
Speaker 4: but there's like that zero point one percent chance, And

1467
01:05:51,320 --> 01:05:54,720
Speaker 4: he was like, that's all I need. I'll do anything. Okay,

1468
01:05:54,760 --> 01:05:58,160
Speaker 4: I'll start working on moving out, and I will still

1469
01:05:58,280 --> 01:06:01,200
Speaker 4: help with rent, and I won't drag my feet on this,

1470
01:06:01,720 --> 01:06:04,880
Speaker 4: so I'm trying to move carefully. He of course told

1471
01:06:04,880 --> 01:06:08,200
Speaker 4: his parents not the truth and basically framed it as

1472
01:06:08,280 --> 01:06:12,680
Speaker 4: if I misinterpret the text and I'm overreacting. When I

1473
01:06:12,720 --> 01:06:15,400
Speaker 4: pointed this out, he said, no, no, I told them

1474
01:06:15,440 --> 01:06:18,880
Speaker 4: the truth Thursday because I realized I had to come

1475
01:06:18,960 --> 01:06:21,880
Speaker 4: clean to you. I told him, I don't care what

1476
01:06:22,000 --> 01:06:24,400
Speaker 4: you told them, but I'm using the last ounce of

1477
01:06:24,440 --> 01:06:27,880
Speaker 4: grace and compassion I have left to give you the

1478
01:06:28,040 --> 01:06:31,240
Speaker 4: time you need to figure your crap out and just

1479
01:06:31,440 --> 01:06:34,160
Speaker 4: leave me alone. I just want to be left alone.

1480
01:06:34,240 --> 01:06:37,760
Speaker 4: Should op just say one hundred percent we're never getting

1481
01:06:37,800 --> 01:06:38,320
Speaker 4: back together.

1482
01:06:38,440 --> 01:06:41,520
Speaker 6: One of them said, like, he's crying because he got caught,

1483
01:06:41,920 --> 01:06:43,480
Speaker 6: not because he's sorry.

1484
01:06:43,880 --> 01:06:48,000
Speaker 2: Oh that's one. I think her name was Amy, Amy,

1485
01:06:48,160 --> 01:06:50,200
Speaker 2: Amy Lynn. But yeah, they're right on the money.

1486
01:06:50,440 --> 01:06:52,640
Speaker 4: Yeah, Amy Dean, maybe Dean right, got.

1487
01:06:52,480 --> 01:06:53,880
Speaker 2: Caught, not because he's sorry.

1488
01:06:54,360 --> 01:06:58,720
Speaker 6: Agreed one percent And usually, honestly, that's how it always is.

1489
01:06:59,120 --> 01:07:02,320
Speaker 2: Yeah, and it sucks that we have to go through this.

1490
01:07:02,920 --> 01:07:05,800
Speaker 4: Yeah, it is that because you love someone and you've

1491
01:07:05,800 --> 01:07:08,439
Speaker 4: been with him for three years and you're you're like, hey,

1492
01:07:08,480 --> 01:07:10,080
Speaker 4: I gotta see a future with you.

1493
01:07:10,320 --> 01:07:10,600
Speaker 2: Yeah.

1494
01:07:10,720 --> 01:07:14,320
Speaker 4: Oh man, I'm terrified that he's going to try and

1495
01:07:14,400 --> 01:07:17,840
Speaker 4: stay and threaten me with legal crap and drag me

1496
01:07:17,880 --> 01:07:20,560
Speaker 4: through this. I don't know what to do. I'm scared

1497
01:07:20,600 --> 01:07:23,320
Speaker 4: he's going to drag me through heck, and all I

1498
01:07:23,400 --> 01:07:27,160
Speaker 4: want is to have him leave. This isn't my house

1499
01:07:27,360 --> 01:07:30,320
Speaker 4: and I don't have a formal lease, so this is

1500
01:07:30,440 --> 01:07:33,600
Speaker 4: just messy. If anyone has any advice, please, I did

1501
01:07:33,720 --> 01:07:37,880
Speaker 4: leave a voicemail with an eviction lawyer. I have already

1502
01:07:37,880 --> 01:07:39,960
Speaker 4: boxed a lot of stuff up for him, gifts that

1503
01:07:40,040 --> 01:07:43,120
Speaker 4: he gave me, photos, any of the stuff that was

1504
01:07:43,200 --> 01:07:46,120
Speaker 4: his in our room. I gave him whatever he needs,

1505
01:07:46,240 --> 01:07:50,120
Speaker 4: but he was trying to make me give him ninety days.

1506
01:07:50,320 --> 01:07:52,480
Speaker 4: If he forces my hand with a viction, I'll push

1507
01:07:52,560 --> 01:07:55,400
Speaker 4: for the smallest amount of days as possible. I told him,

1508
01:07:55,440 --> 01:07:57,880
Speaker 4: if he wants me to be a monster, I can.

1509
01:07:58,320 --> 01:08:00,880
Speaker 4: I was trying to literally be nigh by giving him

1510
01:08:00,920 --> 01:08:03,880
Speaker 4: time until after my work trip, like the end of

1511
01:08:03,880 --> 01:08:05,840
Speaker 4: the month. At this point, I'm trying to figure out

1512
01:08:06,200 --> 01:08:09,760
Speaker 4: how to get him to leave his leak out