Speaker 1: Hello, Yeah, you hear me, GK.
Speaker 2: Yeah, what's your name?
Speaker 1: Man?
Speaker 2: Uh call me Steve, Steve, Steve. I'm cool with Steve
Speaker 2: today too. I think it's a good name. Can I
Speaker 2: can I tell the people what it is that you
Speaker 2: texted me? Is that all right?
Speaker 1: Yeah? That's cool. Now we'll give a good start off.
Speaker 2: You said, Hey, Gek, I want to chat with you
Speaker 2: about growing up in ultra orthodox Judaism and now I
Speaker 2: have landed somewhere in between an absurdist and a nihilist.
Speaker 2: I left the fold years ago, managed to make a
Speaker 2: life for myself on the other side. I'll be scary.
Speaker 2: I wanted to hit you up about this because well,
Speaker 2: a few things is uh, you know, I grew up
Speaker 2: in somewhere let's call it reform Judaism, but I was
Speaker 2: around a lot of like Orthodox Judaism. And then also
Speaker 2: now i'm you know, living in New York, I'm around
Speaker 2: I see a lot of Orthodox Judaism, and I find it.
Speaker 2: I find it fascinating because it, yeah, it's always like
Speaker 2: it seems to be like intentionally isolated from like the
Speaker 2: rest of the world. So I'm curious, like how your
Speaker 2: experience growing up in that has been.
Speaker 1: Yeah, so I actually did grow up in New York City.
Speaker 1: I grew up in a small six I'm not going
Speaker 1: to be specific there, but yeah, I grew up Altra
Speaker 1: orthodox Kee nicola Asidic if you want, raised in the
Speaker 1: hole full. My whole life went through the system. They
Speaker 1: call it Yeshiva. It's like their type of school system. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I got my rabinical ordination once I was done the
Speaker 1: Yeshiva system, then I guess more to answer your question,
Speaker 1: it is very closed off, like it pretty insulated. But
Speaker 1: the SEC I grew up in is has more outreach,
Speaker 1: so like there's stopmer in like Williamsburg. Like the guys
Speaker 1: were the furry hats. They're the ones who are like
Speaker 1: cut off the outside wall. They can't have cell phone.
Speaker 1: They have like they kind of accident internet. They they
Speaker 1: are very strict. The one I was involved in is
Speaker 1: a little bit more relaxed, so I had a little
Speaker 1: bit more of like experiencing outside world. So I was
Speaker 1: able to collect you to get people on the other
Speaker 1: side even while I was in the SEC. M hm.
Speaker 2: So you weren't necessarily a Hasidic, uh.
Speaker 1: They call it acidic, but like if you asked like
Speaker 1: a real like Hasidic sect. If they consider that asidic,
Speaker 1: they'll say, no, it's going to real people or something
Speaker 1: like that. So it's debatable.
Speaker 2: But yeah, was it like serious enough that when you
Speaker 2: left your family was unsupportive to the degree with I
Speaker 2: stopped talking to you?
Speaker 1: Uh? Ish uh. There's other reasons why. So I still
Speaker 1: talk to my family, like I spent Thanksgiving with them.
Speaker 1: Most of them are still religious. I don't really talk
Speaker 1: to my parents that much, and then I much to
Speaker 1: say to them, it's just unfortunate. But you know, like
Speaker 1: ex communicayy, they every time they talk to me, they
Speaker 1: try to bring me back, like that's the thing, Like
Speaker 1: they think I'm a lost person and I just try
Speaker 1: to like guide me back to the right path. And
Speaker 1: I just got sick of it, and I'm like, this
Speaker 1: is not I'm not living a lifestyle. So it just
Speaker 1: got really frustrating. I just gave up on that and
Speaker 1: I just started, you know, just keeping myself more in
Speaker 1: touch with my siblings. And then yeah, once in a while,
Speaker 1: I see my parents maybe once or twice a year. Uh.
Speaker 2: Oh do you see your parents once I see year?
Speaker 1: Yeah, I don't go to visit them like I'll go
Speaker 1: in for like Honaker or Thanksgiving or something, and they'll
Speaker 1: be there, and I'll try to like avoid my dad
Speaker 1: because I don't want to talk to him to say
Speaker 1: me or whatever. But yeah, it's very anxious for me
Speaker 1: when I do that, Like I still like mentally prepare
Speaker 1: myself before and after that happens. Like, it's just a
Speaker 1: lot for me.
Speaker 2: What what's the deal with your Uh, you had a
Speaker 2: brother or sister.
Speaker 1: I got a bunch of siblings. Most of them are
Speaker 1: married with kids, so I have a lot of nieces
Speaker 1: and nephews. I would say most of them are like
Speaker 1: more modern orphodox, so they're not like old Shore Orthodox.
Speaker 1: They're kind of like chill about it. So I can
Speaker 1: more communicate with them than it's like my parents are
Speaker 1: still stuck in the same you know, ideas they brought
Speaker 1: us up with. Hm hmm.
Speaker 2: Are you are you married? Do you have kids?
Speaker 1: No? I am not married. I don't have kids, are you?
Speaker 2: The only one of the clients say again.
Speaker 1: Not that I know, I could have kids?
Speaker 2: Yeah, okay, all right, all right, you might have a
Speaker 2: what is it called, I guess a bastard child?
Speaker 1: Yeah, is the Yiddish word momser mom's area.
Speaker 2: Mom A, I've heard that word before.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, it's been out there.
Speaker 2: Uh do you speak Yiddish?
Speaker 1: I do not fluently. Uh. So basically like growing up
Speaker 1: in like Yeshiva, they want to like teach you Yiddish.
Speaker 1: They would expect that you already spoke it at home
Speaker 1: so you understand it. So then they would like teach
Speaker 1: you in school you like read the Bible and Hebrew
Speaker 1: and then you yell out to get this translation over
Speaker 1: and over. It was like cult like you like you
Speaker 1: don't even know what you're saying. But yeah, I did
Speaker 1: speak Yiddish like growing up. I can understand it, like
Speaker 1: even German, like I could understand like high German. It's
Speaker 1: kind of weird. But when I try to talk German,
Speaker 1: like the vocablary and grammars like totally off.
Speaker 2: But yeah, did you do you also do like regular
Speaker 2: Jews stuff like, uh, there's I'm for for those who
Speaker 2: are not Jewish, there's a well, there's there's Jewish summer camp,
Speaker 2: although I guess religious summer camp is a general thing.
Speaker 2: And then for me, there was this thing called bb YO,
Speaker 2: which was like a youth Jewish youth organization type of thing. Uh,
Speaker 2: did you do any of that kind of stuff.
Speaker 1: No, we wouldn't like really mingle with like the other
Speaker 1: Jewish organizations. Like we had our own like summer camps,
Speaker 1: like all Boys summer camps, and those are like pretty
Speaker 1: fucked up places.
Speaker 2: Interesting if you ask me.
Speaker 1: Yeah, a lot of shit went down there, and then
Speaker 1: like that's where they say they don't vet their staff
Speaker 1: very well, and there are incidents where these like pedophiles
Speaker 1: and ship like oh Jesus roaming free over there. It's
Speaker 1: it's horrible. Yeah, I've had experiences there a lot of
Speaker 1: people I know how it's yeah, was it? What?
Speaker 2: Did you have any? Do you have any? Do you
Speaker 2: have any positive experiences there?
Speaker 1: Not that I know? No, I hated it.
Speaker 3: M m hmm.
Speaker 2: It's so it's so interesting how like a different the
Speaker 2: experience of like Orthodox Judaism and Reform Judaism is because
Speaker 2: we're both Jews, but it's like it's a different fucking
Speaker 2: world by like a billion degrees.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, yeah. A lot of my friends now are
Speaker 1: like just like reform or non Jews or whatever, and
Speaker 1: they don't like I've been out of it so long,
Speaker 1: Like they don't believe me if I tell them like
Speaker 1: I grew up like a ultra orthodox or Ascidic in
Speaker 1: some small sect in New York City and yeah, and
Speaker 1: they're like, oh, it's crazy. I've heard about it, and like,
Speaker 1: I you know whatever, but like you don't seem like
Speaker 1: you're from there.
Speaker 2: Yeah, what's your life like?
Speaker 1: Now? Are you?
Speaker 2: Do you have any of it in you? Or are
Speaker 2: you completely atheist? Agnostic?
Speaker 1: Yeah, magnostic nihilists. I would mostly categorize myself as an absurdist,
Speaker 1: you know, like Albercamo, the myth of Sistypus. Yeah, so
Speaker 1: that really Like I went through some rough times and
Speaker 1: then I was like a philosophy major in my undergrad
Speaker 1: and I was like reading that shit and I'm like,
Speaker 1: first had an exidential crisis, and I was like, what
Speaker 1: the fuck does everything mean? Like everything to do? So
Speaker 1: I'm not going to heaven when I die or whatever
Speaker 1: and all the all the things I've done that doesn't
Speaker 1: count up. Maybe I'm not gonna go to heaven. But
Speaker 1: like I got after a couple of years of therapy whatever,
Speaker 1: and I calmed down about it and I started like
Speaker 1: looking into like I'm served as I'm like, hey, this
Speaker 1: shit's awesome, Like I can live by this.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that is a crazy exce. Okay, So when how
Speaker 2: old were you when you realized that there was no heaven?
Speaker 1: I would say my mid twenties, somewhere in college when
Speaker 1: I was like just studying philosophy and like my whole
Speaker 1: world just came crashing down. I was literally walking around
Speaker 1: like a dark cloud loving over my head. I was
Speaker 1: super depressed. Not I was not in a good place
Speaker 1: for years. But thank god I can ount on the
Speaker 1: either side, I want to think, just thankfully, Well I do.
Speaker 2: I believe, I.
Speaker 1: Don't.
Speaker 2: I've talked about this a bunch of fucking times, but like, uh,
Speaker 2: I don't know. I look at God as just like
Speaker 2: uh an allegory to mean that which is uh been
Speaker 2: beyond you or unknown to you.
Speaker 3: Yeah, you know, like God?
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, like if I, if I pray, like if
Speaker 2: I because here's the thing, like I'm listen like tomorrow
Speaker 2: or that today, a lot of people are gonna have
Speaker 2: random brain aneurysms and die and there's no real reason
Speaker 2: why it's gonna happen to them and not me, uh
Speaker 2: or or it might happen to me.
Speaker 1: I don't know.
Speaker 2: But when I guess when I'm praying to God, I'm
Speaker 2: I don't know. I guess it's just hope. It's just
Speaker 2: just like I hope that that I hope that these
Speaker 2: things that are out of my control. I don't think
Speaker 2: the prayers like go anywhere, but I guess it feels
Speaker 2: nice or something, or like when you say, like, I
Speaker 2: don't like, I don't know if I don't really like
Speaker 2: I don't pray for myself, but like or I guess
Speaker 2: sometimes I do. Yeah, But like if I pray to like,
Speaker 2: if I pray to you, it's like, hey, man, I
Speaker 2: hope that you don't get hit by a car that
Speaker 2: I have no control over it. I don't think the
Speaker 2: pray is going anywhere, but I'm expressing to you that
Speaker 2: I hope you don't get hit by a car. Uh
Speaker 2: and and that all of the things outside of your
Speaker 2: control go well, and not necessarily that I am sending
Speaker 2: an energy to a omnipotent force that is in control
Speaker 2: of those things. I don't believe in that, but yeah.
Speaker 1: You know, yeah, now I'm on the same level. I
Speaker 1: believe the universe is indifferent to us. It's just chaos,
Speaker 1: and you know, we're just living here and most things
Speaker 1: are just out of our control and man as well
Speaker 1: just enjoy the ride.
Speaker 2: But it's funny because yeah, I look at it like
Speaker 2: Orthodox studiaism, I guess, just all religions and all things
Speaker 2: where it's like why are why are we doing this?
Speaker 2: Like the certain religion, like the certain traditions and whatnot.
Speaker 2: Like if you like, I don't know, were you like,
Speaker 2: were you ever in Hebrew School and you're like why
Speaker 2: do we There's a thing about this. It's the fucking dude,
Speaker 2: you know the Four Questions?
Speaker 1: Oh on Passover?
Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, okay, So I'm gonna try to explain this
Speaker 2: and maybe you can help me fill in the gaps.
Speaker 2: But like Passover is a Jewish holiday where I believe
Speaker 2: it is commemorates a time where like the Jews were
Speaker 2: slaves and God freed them and like sent a bunch
Speaker 2: of plagues down to their like captors and whatnot. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 2: we're slaves in Egypt, and like there there's a part
Speaker 2: of so we have a sayer which is like this
Speaker 2: fucking a dinner. Yeah, there's a dinner that kind of
Speaker 2: commemorates that. And there's a part of the sator called
Speaker 2: the Four Questions where you you reenact to this thing
Speaker 2: of these like four children who are asking why do
Speaker 2: we do this stuff?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 2: And and the first three there's okay, wait, okay, there's
Speaker 2: a there's a.
Speaker 1: Sorry, two separate things. There's the four questions, and there's
Speaker 1: the four children. Two separate things.
Speaker 2: Okay, who are the four children? There's four different children.
Speaker 1: I know what I'm saying in Hebrew. So there's a
Speaker 1: smart one. There's the smart one who knows everything. There's
Speaker 1: a bad one who knows everything but goes against it.
Speaker 1: There's a tom I'm not say in English, but they
Speaker 1: got with the humor names. And then there's two like
Speaker 1: one who doesn't know what's going on. He's just like
Speaker 1: minded there somehow, and then one of them I forgot
Speaker 1: what the middle third one is he also doesn't know
Speaker 1: what it's just going on. But yeah, it's basically supposed
Speaker 1: to be like I don't know, some type of metaphor
Speaker 1: for life.
Speaker 3: I don't know, but.
Speaker 2: There's okay, so there's what there's a smart child, the
Speaker 2: dumb child or whatever child, the wicked child. Okay, this
Speaker 2: is what's always gotten. I'm sure I've said this on
Speaker 2: this stupid podcast. I've said this before, but this has
Speaker 2: always gotten to me, is okay. The wicked child asks
Speaker 2: the question that essentially goes, yo, why do we like
Speaker 2: do all this stuff? Like what's the point?
Speaker 1: You know? Yeah?
Speaker 2: And do you know what The answer to the wicked
Speaker 2: child's question is that slipped my mind if the wicked child.
Speaker 2: The wicked child asks, so, wait, why do we do
Speaker 2: all this stuff? And the answer the wicked child's question
Speaker 2: is how dare you question this? If you were an
Speaker 2: egypt you would not have been saved? Do you remember that?
Speaker 2: I'm not crazy? Right, that's the answer to that. Hold on,
Speaker 2: I'm like, I'm hold on, Jamie looked this up. I'm Jamie,
Speaker 2: I'm looking it up. The wicked child passover. Yeah, the
Speaker 2: wicked child is like, uh, why do you Oh? Yeah, okay.
Speaker 2: The wicked child says, why do you guys do this?
Speaker 2: And by saying you guys, he's signaling his own alienation
Speaker 2: from like, hey, why are you guys doing this stuff?
Speaker 2: As like he's signaling that he's not part of it.
Speaker 2: And then the answer in the book is because he
Speaker 2: has excluded himself from the community he is, he has
Speaker 2: committed heresy. Therefore, the Lord would not have saved him.
Speaker 2: See that ship. I just that's I don't know, that's
Speaker 2: there's a lot of you know what is I was,
Speaker 2: I'm in Brazil right now, and I was looking at
Speaker 2: the thing, the big statue with Jesus, and I was
Speaker 2: thinking about Jesus, and I was thinking about religion, and
Speaker 2: is a lot like Jesus said a lot of stuff
Speaker 2: that made sense. He was like, you know what, I
Speaker 2: love your neighbor, all that other stuff, and then I'm whatever,
Speaker 2: I'm sure Moses did a bunch of stuff. To all
Speaker 2: the religion, they're like nice things about them, but then
Speaker 2: they're all like, it's so weird because like at the
Speaker 2: core of a lot of them is like these nice
Speaker 2: things and then there's all these like traditions and fear
Speaker 2: and whatever that surrounds them. Yeah dogma. Yeah, it's a good,
Speaker 2: good way to put it, that surrounds them. And that's
Speaker 2: such a bummer to me. Could you imagine if it
Speaker 2: had gone differently, if it was like we had all
Speaker 2: the nice parts of religion without the dogma.
Speaker 1: I mean, in my opinion, it's like a lot of
Speaker 1: people how they interpret it. Yeah, I don't know much
Speaker 1: about Christianity or Jesus, but like in Judaism, most of
Speaker 1: the stuff we follow just as like some dude's interpretation
Speaker 1: of what the Bible said and they argue about it.
Speaker 1: It's something called atama and they argue about what it means,
Speaker 1: and whoever won that argument, that's how we have to
Speaker 1: live by. So it's like very like I don't know
Speaker 1: what's the word, not patriarch but very dogmatic. But there's
Speaker 1: like another word like what I say is the thing
Speaker 1: they have to follow or something Yeah I read it, well.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's you know, it's it's funny because that feels
Speaker 2: to me like it feels like you can either like
Speaker 2: your parents for example, or or whoever is like you know,
Speaker 2: deeply ingrained in like a fundamentalist and interpretation of their
Speaker 2: religion is like there's a deep there's a deep comfort
Speaker 2: in that. But if you want to start asking yourself questions,
Speaker 2: you'll have an insane existential crisis. Oh yeah, and it'll
Speaker 2: take you to a place that's not it's they it'll
Speaker 2: take you to place it's just nowhere that's just terrifying.
Speaker 2: But you will pay but you but I think I
Speaker 2: don't know it's by the way, neither of those journeys
Speaker 2: is the correct one. You still you know, die, But
Speaker 2: I think if you're alive, it's but you I I
Speaker 2: I'm a fan. I think taking the journey is good.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I want to recommend it for everyone, like a
Speaker 1: lot of times, and I'm just thinking about it. I'm like,
Speaker 1: if I just stayed in the fold and never left
Speaker 1: and just live an ignorant, I might have been happier,
Speaker 1: you know, get get like matched up with a girl
Speaker 1: and have kids and just live a life and ignorance
Speaker 1: and don't know better. Yeah, coming out, But you know.
Speaker 2: What, here the the thing about like that arranged marriage
Speaker 2: stuff too. Maybe not the arranged marriage is a heavy
Speaker 2: thing for it. But like I had this thought the
Speaker 2: other I think nihilism is like a it's like a
Speaker 2: scale issue, you know, like yeah, of course you don't,
Speaker 2: like all the time the album walking around like I'm
Speaker 2: in Brazil, there's an eighty billion people, and I'm like
Speaker 2: and I'm like, I like, there's like I don't matter,
Speaker 2: you know, but you don't. But that's you don't have
Speaker 2: to matter, but you don't, but you don't. But it's
Speaker 2: a scale issue because you don't have to matter to
Speaker 2: the whole universe. You just have to matter in order
Speaker 2: to not go down like a crazy existential nihilistic path.
Speaker 2: You just have to matter to like something or someone
Speaker 2: outside of yourself.
Speaker 1: You know.
Speaker 2: That's where that's where I think I've gotten it. My
Speaker 2: nihilism's got out of controls because it's just a scale issue.
Speaker 2: It's like you want, you want to feel like you
Speaker 2: matter on a grand scale of things. But that's that's insane.
Speaker 2: You know, nobody. You could be the most in you
Speaker 2: could be the most talked about person ever, and you
Speaker 2: don't matter on a scale issue. Yeah, but if you
Speaker 2: just made whatever, if you just have like a friend
Speaker 2: who want who likes that you're not dead, or if
Speaker 2: you deliver mail and you got to deliver the mail
Speaker 2: to that one guy, like you know, just just scale it,
Speaker 2: scale it down until you matter.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Now I'm with you on that, But I mean
Speaker 1: I haven't had that feeling. Like you said, you're in
Speaker 1: Brazil eighty other people like I used to travel a lot,
Speaker 1: or go to Japan Tokyo on a whim and just
Speaker 1: go there alone for a couple of days, and I
Speaker 1: would just love getting lost there, not mattering at all,
Speaker 1: not understanding the language, just being a spec and just
Speaker 1: walking down the street. And I don't know, I just
Speaker 1: found a lot of comfort in that. At the time,
Speaker 1: I can't really do that anymore because they have a
Speaker 1: job responsibility. But back when I was in college and
Speaker 1: I just really enjoy doing that. But yeah, I do
Speaker 1: like if I matter to someone, Like sometimes I wonder,
Speaker 1: like what if I did die in my apartment I
Speaker 1: live alone, Like the name will have to complain until
Speaker 1: like start smelling outside or something like. I think my
Speaker 1: biggest fear like I was just choking to people or
Speaker 1: something and no one could find me until my body's
Speaker 1: decaying or some ship.
Speaker 2: Yep, No, I have I have that. I have that thing.
Speaker 2: I have that same thought where yeah, there's a lot
Speaker 2: I've had that same thought in my in my living alone.
Speaker 2: That's a classic living alone thing where I'm like, ship,
Speaker 2: it would take a long time for someone to find
Speaker 2: out if I died.
Speaker 1: Yeah, people will listen to your podcast. It's like, hey, kid,
Speaker 1: me come up with a podcast a long time, what's
Speaker 1: up with him? Yeah?
Speaker 2: I guess that I could be the case. Yeah, that
Speaker 2: could be. That could be the case. Do you have
Speaker 2: a girl? Do you have a girlfriend or anything like that?
Speaker 1: No, don't have a girlfriend, never really been in a
Speaker 1: serious relationship, Like I've only had like flings out lasted
Speaker 1: for a couple of months. Mostly when I was younger,
Speaker 1: I was just unstable, Like I couldn't commit to anybody,
Speaker 1: Like it was just tough. I was trying to find myself.
Speaker 1: And now that I'm older, you know, it's looking back.
Speaker 1: I mean, yeah, I'm trying to find someone to, you know,
Speaker 1: spend the rest of my life with. But it's tough
Speaker 1: when you get older too.
Speaker 2: How can I ask how old you are?
Speaker 1: Late thirties?
Speaker 2: Well, and why is why has it been getting getting
Speaker 2: tougher for you? I don't know.
Speaker 1: I used to rely on like dating apps a lot,
Speaker 1: and when I was like living in New York, like
Speaker 1: I would get like four or five days tonight, Like
Speaker 1: if I wanted to go on four or five days tonight,
Speaker 1: I would just go on four five days tonight. Like
Speaker 1: sometimes I'd go on a date and I forget the
Speaker 1: girl's name. I'll call her the girl I'll see earlier
Speaker 1: that night. I called her by her name, and they'll
Speaker 1: be like, what the fuck. But now it's like I'm
Speaker 1: in a much smaller city, and like I guess I
Speaker 1: guess give. I gave up on dating apps a couple
Speaker 1: of months ago. It's just dead, Like I have not
Speaker 1: gotten any matches or anyone who actually wanted to like
Speaker 1: meet up. I have some conversations and I will just
Speaker 1: spade away. So yeah, I'm trying on the message. I'm
Speaker 1: trying to get more out there, meet people in person.
Speaker 1: Thinks like that. But it's tough. You know, I'm getting old,
Speaker 1: and you know it's not like when you're in your twenties,
Speaker 1: and you know it's easy to make friends. But it's
Speaker 1: not difficult, very difficult. I would say, in the city
Speaker 1: I live in now, but the city I lived in
Speaker 1: before was really hard. I was like boss level making friends.
Speaker 2: Why wait, okay, so the city live in now is
Speaker 2: easier than the city lived in before? Oh yeah, why
Speaker 2: what was Where did you live before?
Speaker 1: I don't want to say the city because I know
Speaker 1: people are gonna listen to this and know who I am.
Speaker 1: I don't want to get ducked. Oh city in the
Speaker 1: Upper Midwest. Just say it's very cold there. It's just
Speaker 1: notoriously cold, and it's just people don't leave their house
Speaker 1: like six months out of the year. Sometimes can't really
Speaker 1: meet people. If you don't have your friends or like
Speaker 1: a girlfriend or a pet, you're gonna like spend like
Speaker 1: most of the winter alone.
Speaker 2: Why what's your life like now? Now?
Speaker 1: I'm chilling. I just moved to Colorado a couple of
Speaker 1: months ago. You know, I'm really out, really into like
Speaker 1: outdoorsy stuff, hiking, camping, skiing, mountain biking, things like that. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I just find friends that way. I meet up with
Speaker 1: some branded people on the trail sometimes and exchange numbers.
Speaker 1: We had Nami Tuk group, and I, you know, start
Speaker 1: showing up to their rides or their hikes or their
Speaker 1: camping trips. So, yeah, it's only been a couple of
Speaker 1: months here and so far, so good.
Speaker 2: Pretty good, pretty good. M Do you still talk to
Speaker 2: a lot of the friends that you had growing up?
Speaker 1: I actually just met one a couple of weeks ago.
Speaker 1: I haven't seen the guy in like ten years, and
Speaker 1: we were just catching up. Turns out like he's not
Speaker 1: that religious either, and we're just catching up and like
Speaker 1: we're like where the rest of the guys I grew
Speaker 1: up with, Like where are they all now? And it
Speaker 1: came to that they're all married with kids, and you know,
Speaker 1: we living their life and I had nothing to do
Speaker 1: with that, now, did he? So I don't really talk
Speaker 1: to them anymore, Like if they see me on the street,
Speaker 1: they won't recognize me. Like I don't look to say.
Speaker 2: Hmm, you know, I know that you kind of first
Speaker 2: initially wanted to talk about like the way you grew up,
Speaker 2: and I guess I want to get back to that
Speaker 2: for a second, where there are like other aspects of
Speaker 2: the way that you grew up that you feel like
Speaker 2: affected the way you exist now in your late thirties.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, every aspect of it. Like it took me,
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna lie, it took me like ten years
Speaker 1: to like find myself and like be happy with who
Speaker 1: I am. You know, it's really tough. They they ingrain
Speaker 1: you pretty good, you know, off the get go, like
Speaker 1: you're in their school system, and then you kind of
Speaker 1: like stuck in that loop unless you break out of
Speaker 1: it somehow. And yeah, it's like cult like shit, like
Speaker 1: everything they tell you about, like there's an organizations that
Speaker 1: help people get out of it. I only found out
Speaker 1: about that like after I was already transitioned into like
Speaker 1: absurdist or non religious, but actually volunteer for them sometimes
Speaker 1: try to help people out as well. Really, yeah, it's tough.
Speaker 2: Yeah, what does that tell you about that? What does
Speaker 2: that look like?
Speaker 1: Uh So, I mean when you go and when you
Speaker 1: grow up in like an alt Orthodox or a Sitic sect,
Speaker 1: like you're not going to college, you're not learning English
Speaker 1: and you're learning math, you'n't learning anything. If you're lucky
Speaker 1: to have some bullshit program for an hour a day
Speaker 1: or have a tutor, they'll teach you some of that.
Speaker 1: But I had to get a ged I told myself
Speaker 1: through college. I had to go to grad school, payment out,
Speaker 1: like I'm still paying off student death and all that.
Speaker 1: And a lot of people just don't know who come
Speaker 1: out of the sect and like they don't know where
Speaker 1: to go, they don't have a degree, that nothing. I
Speaker 1: can't even write their name in English. Some of them,
Speaker 1: like it's tough. So I just try to help Malcolm guidance.
Speaker 1: I work in IT, so tell him to send people
Speaker 1: who are trying to like get into the IT like
Speaker 1: world like software engineering and things like that. I try
Speaker 1: to guide them and you know, put them on the
Speaker 1: right path.
Speaker 2: What would you say, is the like number one problem
Speaker 2: that those people who are trying to re enter the
Speaker 2: real world.
Speaker 3: Face cultural differences.
Speaker 1: I mean there's a few depends how deep you are
Speaker 1: in there. If you grew up in like a really
Speaker 1: really strict sect, Like you could have been married when
Speaker 1: you're sixteen and your wife was sixteen. You have kids
Speaker 1: and you're like twenty five. The guy spoke to a
Speaker 1: guy once. He's you know, right now, he's an atheist,
Speaker 1: but he still lives in the community. He has like
Speaker 1: five kids who go to Yeshiva, and his wife is
Speaker 1: still religious, and he has no idea what the fuck
Speaker 1: to do. He's like I still have to pay for
Speaker 1: their school, and like I hate this whole thing, but
Speaker 1: I can't just make This is the way my wife
Speaker 1: and the kids want to live, so I have to
Speaker 1: support them. And he's stuck in the house like I've
Speaker 1: never felt the bath or someone in my life. Like
Speaker 1: he was just in between a rock and a hard place,
Speaker 1: like he had no way out. That's like the toughest one. Yeah.
Speaker 1: The people was just integrating into society like without any skill.
Speaker 2: You know, wow, they don't.
Speaker 1: Yeah, they don't like train you for any skill, like
Speaker 1: when you're in school or whatever, like you're learning math,
Speaker 1: you're learning English or learning literature. They don't teach any
Speaker 1: of that. You're just get your head into the Torah
Speaker 1: and the Bible and pretty much it.
Speaker 2: So this kid is pretty So. This kid's like more
Speaker 2: or less like groomed into like starting a family with
Speaker 2: another sixteen year old, and then like he's once he
Speaker 2: like kind of gains his own consciousness, He's like, Yo,
Speaker 2: what the fuck am I?
Speaker 4: Guy?
Speaker 2: I can't just leave these kids, Like I can't just
Speaker 2: like damn, that's fun. And I also like the yeah, dude,
Speaker 2: I also like the the the dissonance between like you
Speaker 2: and like your wife who you have to who's like
Speaker 2: your fucking yeah supposed to be like your your partner
Speaker 2: and doing all this stuff. Like that's crazy too, that's
Speaker 2: sucking five of them.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I don't know exactly how the kids they have,
Speaker 1: but yeah, it was like I had like I don't
Speaker 1: I don't know what to say. But they have the
Speaker 1: organization that you know, I'm a part of now, Like
Speaker 1: they have resources for people like him, you know, if
Speaker 1: they want to get divorced. Also, another big thing is
Speaker 1: like in some communities, if you there's a whole New York,
Speaker 1: there's New York Times, New York who wrote a massive
Speaker 1: article about this. It's like if the mother leaves the religion,
Speaker 1: like who where the children going? Or something basically like
Speaker 1: if you leave the religion, they're the the community has
Speaker 1: these lawyers that would make sure you never see your
Speaker 1: children again. WHOA really yeah, yeah, they'll make They're very
Speaker 1: well connected, the powerful lawyers. There's a New Yorker article
Speaker 1: about it. I forgot the name of it. It was pretty
Speaker 1: it was pretty scan a mess when it came out,
Speaker 1: probably like twenty twenty. It was like talking about it
Speaker 1: like they will fight too from they all to get
Speaker 1: full custody other kids, whichever parents stays religious.
Speaker 2: Wow, how is that even fucking.
Speaker 3: Like legal they have they would they're just I.
Speaker 1: Don't know, they have like top lawyers and they'll like
Speaker 1: blackmail you and I don't know. It's crazy shit. That's
Speaker 1: not the sect that came from, the sect that came
Speaker 1: from a little more chill. This is like worst case scenario.
Speaker 2: So what's your interpretation of absurdism? Because you hear stuff
Speaker 2: like that, you hear stuff like this, and you go, wow,
Speaker 2: that's blatantly unfair. Life is pretty crazy. There's no no
Speaker 2: one's really lo ones, really tipping the scales and whatnot.
Speaker 2: Exactly what I don't know if I actually don't know
Speaker 2: if people have talked to about absurdism before. But I
Speaker 2: don't really have a good understanding of it.
Speaker 1: I mean, the most simple explanation is from like Albert
Speaker 1: Camera's book The Messa Bus, where you know, the massive
Speaker 1: setupus he has to push that boulder up the fucking
Speaker 1: mountains the rest of his life, and it rolls down
Speaker 1: he has to do it again. So like Albal Camera's like,
Speaker 1: we have to imagine that's just what's happy doing that.
Speaker 1: He knows that he just to do the stupid ship
Speaker 1: every single day, but he doesn't care. He just he's
Speaker 1: just happy to just roll the boulder up. He's smiling
Speaker 1: and he's having a good time doing it. Uh. It's
Speaker 1: hard to interpret that because like, yeah, it sounds like
Speaker 1: it's rough and you know a lot of times life
Speaker 1: throws should I you that you're not expecting it, you
Speaker 1: know how to handle it, even like me, like I
Speaker 1: don't know how to handle some things. Sometimes I can't
Speaker 1: even like look into a servis and like what do
Speaker 1: I do? But you know, in most cases I try
Speaker 1: to come out on top like I don't. One of
Speaker 1: the funny interpretations I think I was reading a book
Speaker 1: somewhere and there was like some exercises where you can
Speaker 1: practice to be an abservice. So one of the funny
Speaker 1: ones was like, go wait in line for like a
Speaker 1: ticket or something. It looks like it took a two
Speaker 1: hour long line. Just wait in line a second, it
Speaker 1: gets your turn, Just walk away. Now. I was like,
Speaker 1: that sounds awesome, and I did it. I was like
Speaker 1: waiting a line like on a like Apple store for
Speaker 1: iPhone or some ship, like an hour and I got
Speaker 1: this my turning. I fucking I just walked away and
Speaker 1: I got a kick out of it. It's fun. And
Speaker 1: that was it. Yeah, tell me, tell me. Yeah.
Speaker 2: So in in that, in that moment, how did it feel.
Speaker 2: Why did you enjoy doing that? What did you feel like?
Speaker 2: You were?
Speaker 1: You were? It was like why who the fuck would
Speaker 1: do that? Wait on line for an hour for no
Speaker 1: reason and just walk away. I just thought it's hilarious
Speaker 1: and I got a kick out of it. That made
Speaker 1: me happy.
Speaker 2: Did it make you feel empowered that you were like? Uh,
Speaker 2: you were?
Speaker 3: You were?
Speaker 2: You were like you were you were subverting all the
Speaker 2: expectations of you were subverting so many powerful expectations in
Speaker 2: that moment.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean I might not have gotten the full
Speaker 1: extent of it because in my mind and I'll get
Speaker 1: to do it. So like if you just like wait
Speaker 1: a line, I don't know when their next iPhone or
Speaker 1: something comes out, or PlayStation six or whatever, and like
Speaker 1: I really want that PlayStation six, and you wait a line,
Speaker 1: and then you get to the front and you just
Speaker 1: walk away. Maybe it's a different feeling. So I don't know.
Speaker 1: I planned it out. I did it so I knew
Speaker 1: it was coming.
Speaker 2: What other sort of absurdist exercises have you done like that?
Speaker 1: I not really exercises, I think it really comes to mind.
Speaker 1: But just like I just don't take things too seriously,
Speaker 1: you know, like just in general, I try like to
Speaker 1: you know, no, I have no problem like just lapping
Speaker 1: on myself and things like that. Other exercises not like
Speaker 1: come to mind. There are a few, though, but ye,
Speaker 1: if anyone wants to like really get into absurdism, I
Speaker 1: would say, just read like The Myth of Sisyphis by
Speaker 1: Albert Camo or any of his other book. He has
Speaker 1: some good book do you and They're pretty sure easy
Speaker 1: to read.
Speaker 2: Do you feel like sis sometimes? Like in what? In
Speaker 2: what aspects of your life do you feel the most
Speaker 2: like you're just rolling a boulder up a hill.
Speaker 1: I mean every fucking day, man, Like out on the ground,
Speaker 1: I'm working, I'm like, you know what if I never
Speaker 1: meet someone and never you know, get married or have
Speaker 1: kids or whatever, and like I'm just gonna die one
Speaker 1: day and all my money is just I don't know,
Speaker 1: I'll probably give it to my family and my nieces
Speaker 1: and nephews, and I'm like, what's the point of all this?
Speaker 1: Like why am I doing this now? Just to like
Speaker 1: move on to wherever the fuck we go and we die. Yeah,
Speaker 1: So it's just's what it feels like. Every day, wake up,
Speaker 1: same fucking shit every day. Some days it's not. I
Speaker 1: guess I'll take a day off for the weekends. I'll
Speaker 1: go to outdoors and stuff, which I really enjoy. So
Speaker 1: those days are.
Speaker 2: But don't you, don't you, but don't you scheme? Because
Speaker 2: my here's the thing. I scheme, Like when I when
Speaker 2: I when I notice that I am falling into some
Speaker 2: kind of sisifian thing, I'll scheme I still have I
Speaker 2: I guess you know, I don't. I still have hope
Speaker 2: that I can escape my Sisifian cycles via various schemes.
Speaker 2: I still believe in that. Do you have you lost
Speaker 2: all beliefs?
Speaker 1: Do you give me an example of a scheme?
Speaker 2: Okay, I can, Yeah, I can give you an example
Speaker 2: of the scheme. And we've started, like like like with
Speaker 2: dating for example, I'm like, I'm like, if I get
Speaker 2: super ripped, it'll be easier, so I'll scheme to do that.
Speaker 2: But then also I'll fail to do that as well.
Speaker 2: Oh like doing like like doing work, like doing work
Speaker 2: or whatnot. I'm like, Okay, every day I feel like
Speaker 2: I'm in like fight or flight mode to like get
Speaker 2: work done. If I'll scheme to come up with a
Speaker 2: better system to get my work done so that it's
Speaker 2: done ahead of time instead of like, uh, you know,
Speaker 2: feeling like I'm in fight or flight all the time.
Speaker 2: Yeah right, So like I don't know, I just have
Speaker 2: all the and like I'm by the the But the
Speaker 2: funny thing is the schemes, the scheming in and of
Speaker 2: itself is Sissifian. Because I've been talking this is you
Speaker 2: know I do this every year.
Speaker 1: Yeah, Like the scheme is also just a temporary fix.
Speaker 1: It's like it's gonna whatever is chasing you, whatever fight
Speaker 1: or flight, it's gonna catch up to you again. Schemes.
Speaker 2: See, I disagree with you, though I disagree with you
Speaker 2: because I still have well, no, I well, I disagree
Speaker 2: with you out of u uh, well I think I
Speaker 2: disagree with you. Well, okay, let me I have a
Speaker 2: few things is and listen. Some of this could just
Speaker 2: be cope, but I don't. I don't think cope is
Speaker 2: ultimately a bad I don't think cope is a bad thing. No,
Speaker 2: I kind I think that the world shapes itself around
Speaker 2: the way you view it, and I've felt that deeply
Speaker 2: in practice. So when I am scheming and I'm feeling
Speaker 2: like I have some hope, and I'm like, you know,
Speaker 2: I don't have to be in a fight or flight
Speaker 2: all the time. I don't have to be in nihilistic
Speaker 2: mode all the time. I don't have my life doesn't
Speaker 2: have to always look like this, Like life doesn't always
Speaker 2: have to look like this big sure sisifian thing. I
Speaker 2: find that I'm like, I act more productively, and then
Speaker 2: that leads me towards feeling like life is not a big,
Speaker 2: crazy specifian task. But then when I'm overtaken by nihilism
Speaker 2: and I'm like there's no hope or whatever, then I
Speaker 2: just you know, you find what you look That's like
Speaker 2: what manifestation means to me is like you find you
Speaker 2: find what you what you look for or what you
Speaker 2: believe to be true and being true in some way.
Speaker 2: So I guess that's my h retort. But I'm sure
Speaker 2: it gets hard. I'm sure it gets harder the more,
Speaker 2: uh times you go around the sun with it.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, I mean, honestly, just take it one day
Speaker 1: at a time. So I do it, like you know,
Speaker 1: every day, go to bed, wake up, hoping it will
Speaker 1: be a better day, but usually not. It's just the
Speaker 1: same shit, same grind, same thing, over and over.
Speaker 2: Are the okay the man ask you this. The people
Speaker 2: who stayed and they got married and did a bunch
Speaker 2: of all that crap. Like the people you know, like
Speaker 2: your friends, Yeah, are they happy?
Speaker 1: Well?
Speaker 2: How do they feel?
Speaker 1: I haven't really had a heart to heart with anyone.
Speaker 1: I would say the closest is probably by siblings. I
Speaker 1: mean they're there. I would say they're happier than me
Speaker 1: for sure. There but they're living in more ignorance there.
Speaker 1: They refused to peak over the wall, you know, see
Speaker 1: what's on the other side there. But yeah, they're definitely
Speaker 1: happier than me. They have their families and everything, and
Speaker 1: and there's me.
Speaker 2: I's got myself interesting.
Speaker 1: Yeah, they got their own problems of you know, costs
Speaker 1: a lot of money raising raising kids these days. Yeah.
Speaker 2: You got to pick your fucking poison. That's what I've
Speaker 2: I think that's what I've learned is you got to
Speaker 2: pick your fucking poison. You commit to fucking something.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I haven't really committed to anything. I'm just trying
Speaker 1: to live through life and you know, having my best
Speaker 1: time here. And that's it.
Speaker 2: Where do you want to What do you want to
Speaker 2: do next with it? What's what's well? Okay, before we go,
Speaker 2: what's the next for you? Do you think?
Speaker 4: Ah?
Speaker 1: Man? I mean I just moved here, So this was
Speaker 1: like a big stuff for me. I basically city I
Speaker 1: was living in before. I was there for a really
Speaker 1: long time. I feel like I was mexile there, So
Speaker 1: getting out of that was like my biggest breakthrough. Next thing,
Speaker 1: I don't know, I mean, hopefully maybe i'll I'll meet
Speaker 1: someone I'll get along with and spend my life with them.
Speaker 1: That's my hope. But if that doesn't happen, then my
Speaker 1: backup plan is retire early, moved to Eastern Europe and
Speaker 1: live my life there.
Speaker 2: Where in Eastern Europe I don't know.
Speaker 1: I haven't decided on. Oh yeah, somewhere where my dollar
Speaker 1: will carry me a lot stronger than it would hear,
Speaker 1: Maybe like Romania, Bulgaria. Yeah, I can retire early and
Speaker 1: just live comfortably.
Speaker 2: You know, it's not it's not the worst plan. B.
Speaker 2: It's good to have a plan. It helps you. It
Speaker 2: helps you sleep at night.
Speaker 1: Yeah, exactly, So it to keep me going.
Speaker 2: Right now, would you say your name was uh?
Speaker 1: We said Steve?
Speaker 2: Right, yeah, Steve. I'm glad I got to talk Steve.
Speaker 1: Yeah great talking to you, was right?
Speaker 2: Anything else about any of the stuff that you text
Speaker 2: to me, or anything at all in the entire universe
Speaker 2: that you wanted to say to the people or talk
Speaker 2: about or anything before we go?
Speaker 3: Uh?
Speaker 1: Yeah. Just keep your head up and you know, when
Speaker 1: times seem hard, just try to push through and you
Speaker 1: know better day will come.
Speaker 2: Beautiful, have a good rest of your life, Steve.
Speaker 1: Yeah, thank you. Take care of gek.
Speaker 2: Take care man, yep, But I like Steve. Although talking
Speaker 2: to Steve's talking to Steve felt like, uh, it felt
Speaker 2: like it felt like looking at what my life might
Speaker 2: be like in ten years if I continued to succumb
Speaker 2: to nihilism. That's why I still have cope. That's why
Speaker 2: I still got to have cope. I like Steve. I
Speaker 2: hope you find some cope. I guess he has found
Speaker 2: some cope. I love that story about waiting in line
Speaker 2: for two hours to get the iPhone. I think that's
Speaker 2: so funny. I think that that's uh, there's a lot
Speaker 2: that I like it. I think that's why I think
Speaker 2: that that's there's something punk rock about that. I can't
Speaker 2: quite put my finger on it, but I'm a fan
Speaker 2: of that. Hey, what's up everyone, how's it going. I'm
Speaker 2: gonna make this a little hybrid phone call gek mail
Speaker 2: episode because on last episode's gek mail, or last the
Speaker 2: last gak mail episode, I had some emails that I
Speaker 2: still wanted to read that I didn't get a chance
Speaker 2: to read. So I figured I'd spend the rest of
Speaker 2: this episode reading them. Uh, if you want to send
Speaker 2: an episode, if you want to send an email to
Speaker 2: the podcast for me to maybe read it on the air.
Speaker 2: You can send it to therapy geckomail dot com. No shit, therap,
Speaker 2: I don't know why. I don't know how to talk today.
Speaker 2: Therapy Gecko mail at gmail dot com. And uh, I'm
Speaker 2: gonna just read some emails and we'll hang out. I
Speaker 2: think this episode's getting released on Christmas Eve, so hopefully.
Speaker 2: I don't know. I don't know if are people going
Speaker 2: to I don't know if people will listen to this.
Speaker 2: People are do people usually do stuff on Christmas Eve?
Speaker 1: Right?
Speaker 2: What are you guys doing? This is why I hate holidays.
Speaker 2: It's it's it's more, it always feels like a unless
Speaker 2: if you're like a like a young, hot, cool person,
Speaker 2: this always feels like a like Ah, crap, Now I
Speaker 2: gotta figure out what I have to do to celebrate.
Speaker 2: I'm gonna stop being a fucking loser for a second. Okay.
Speaker 2: This is from Kaya, subject line reject the digital era
Speaker 2: or succumb to evolution? Hello, Lyle, I hope you are well.
Speaker 2: Thank you Kaya. My conundrum is whether to abstain from
Speaker 2: the use of technology and social media or to dive
Speaker 2: in and evolve with this technological era. My relationship with
Speaker 2: tech and social media goes in cycles. I start being
Speaker 2: passionate about rejecting screens and toxic media standards, being determined
Speaker 2: about pursuing painting and being in nature, then falling into
Speaker 2: pockets of anxiety and depression, returning to doom, scrolling and
Speaker 2: frying my brain because I have lost the motivation to
Speaker 2: do anything, and I don't want to go outside because
Speaker 2: it's cold. I live in England, so it's always cold.
Speaker 2: I don't own a TV in an attempt to rebel
Speaker 2: against laziness, yet I'm a hypocrite because I use a
Speaker 2: laptop instead to watch the same five shows on repeat.
Speaker 2: I do the same fucking thing. I ended up just
Speaker 2: buying a TV, but I didn't have a TV for
Speaker 2: a while because I thought I was whatever too cool
Speaker 2: for a TV, and then I was just laptopping it instead.
Speaker 2: I also don't watch the news, which is great, so
Speaker 2: I'm not depressed with how fucked up the world is,
Speaker 2: but I also feel dumb as shit because I have
Speaker 2: no idea what's going on in the world. I want
Speaker 2: to live my life surrounded by positivity and nature, not
Speaker 2: glued to a screen, and actually exist in what remains
Speaker 2: of the physical world. Trouble is, I have problems forming
Speaker 2: relationships with people due to social anxiety, so I'm already
Speaker 2: quite isolated and suffer with loneliness. I fear the more
Speaker 2: I reject evolution, the less connected I will be and
Speaker 2: the more lonely I will feel. Technology is also so
Speaker 2: ingrained into everyday human life that it would be almost
Speaker 2: impossible to live without it. After being so reliant on
Speaker 2: it banking, shopping, travel, work, etc. I feel the pros
Speaker 2: and the cons are even, and I am left not
Speaker 2: knowing what path to follow. Should I reject the tech
Speaker 2: and try to live the few years I have on
Speaker 2: this planet how I want to or suck it up,
Speaker 2: evolve and learn to live with it? Kaya interesting? Well,
Speaker 2: I don't. Here's the thing you're drawing to ext and
Speaker 2: I'm no master of this because I'm addicted to fucking
Speaker 2: technology and I hate it. I really do. I really
Speaker 2: hate how addicted I've become to like watching reels and stuff.
Speaker 2: I never choose to do it. Fucking Instagram. I don't
Speaker 2: know if this has happened to you, guys. Instagram did
Speaker 2: this asshole thing where they put the dms right the
Speaker 2: dms used to be on the right, upper right hand
Speaker 2: side on Instagram, so you swipe to the right and
Speaker 2: you're in your DMS. And social media has become this
Speaker 2: thing of like interacting with a lot of people who
Speaker 2: are like all this short form shit, but at least
Speaker 2: in the DMS, it's like, okay, I'm gonna be interacting
Speaker 2: with another human being directly somehow. So now instead when
Speaker 2: I swipe right instinctively to go to my DMS, it
Speaker 2: takes me to the fucking reels. And it did that
Speaker 2: on purpose. That's what pisses me off. It did that
Speaker 2: on purpose. It knew that my muscle memory would swipe
Speaker 2: right to go to the DMS and instead be like, oh,
Speaker 2: you wanted to talk to an actual person, No, you
Speaker 2: will get the short form content that makes us the
Speaker 2: most money. And it's like this is such an asshole.
Speaker 2: So yeah, so listen, you're dealing I say this to say, yeah,
Speaker 2: you're dealing with companies that want to make you addicted
Speaker 2: to this shit like it's in their best interest. And
Speaker 2: they won. They won globally. It's not even like a
Speaker 2: rich it's like it's crazy. It's like like people who
Speaker 2: like people on the streets have cell phones. People in
Speaker 2: third world countries have cell phones, like everyone has it.
Speaker 2: It's crazy how much they'd like just one. You know,
Speaker 2: I'm on a rant. Back to your conundrum. Back to
Speaker 2: your conundrum. Uh, you don't have to be all or nothing.
Speaker 2: You could always spend some time on the screen and
Speaker 2: sometime off of the screen. I'll say this, try not
Speaker 2: try to be intentional. I love playing video games. It
Speaker 2: is great. I have no regrets about playing video games.
Speaker 2: So like, if I spend screen time that I chose,
Speaker 2: I'm pretty happy with it. Like some people like watching
Speaker 2: movies or TV shows, as long as you're choosing it right,
Speaker 2: because it's a big difference between choosing to play a
Speaker 2: video game choosing to watch a movie and finding yourself
Speaker 2: accidentally scrolling through reels for two hours. So at least,
Speaker 2: whatever you do, that's what I'll say. That's my kind
Speaker 2: of By the way, I don't do I'm a hypocrite.
Speaker 2: I don't know why I'm giving you advice, but this
Speaker 2: is any advice I give is just what. Any advice
Speaker 2: I give is just like what i'd I do if
Speaker 2: I were the idealized version of myself. But I would
Speaker 2: say kaya as long as you're being intentional about whatever
Speaker 2: you're doing. So if you're using technology to connect with
Speaker 2: other people, as long as you're doing it intentionally, or
Speaker 2: if you're not using it, you're doing it intentionally. But
Speaker 2: try not to get like sucked into the Try not
Speaker 2: to let the tech use you, I would say, And
Speaker 2: then if you successfully figure out how to do that,
Speaker 2: please let me know how you did it, because I'm
Speaker 2: not good at doing that at all. Okay, let's see.
Speaker 2: I get a lot of spam emails. What's this? One
Speaker 2: is the rudest thing you can do on a flight?
Speaker 2: What the fuck is this? I don't care about this?
Speaker 2: All right? This is from Jackson, subject line I commute
Speaker 2: three hours to work and I'm happy. Hello GEK, I'm
Speaker 2: Jackson and I now commute three hours to work and
Speaker 2: three hours home. It sounds crazy, but let me explain
Speaker 2: that sounds really crazy. Yeah, my fiance and I used
Speaker 2: to live in Philly, where both of our jobs were.
Speaker 2: We both graduated in twenty twenty four and have pretty
Speaker 2: significant student debt. She is a medical lab scientist and
Speaker 2: I am an aerospace engineer. With how expensive Philly is,
Speaker 2: we were both struggling to save money every month. Her
Speaker 2: parents live in Harrisburg, and they offered to let us
Speaker 2: move in to save some money, and after some deliberation,
Speaker 2: we agreed. My relationship with my own family is long
Speaker 2: and complex, but TLDR there is abuse, neglect, lying, and
Speaker 2: I no longer speak to my father and stepmother. My
Speaker 2: real mother left when I was three, so she's out
Speaker 2: of the question. Two anyway, The point of this email
Speaker 2: is that here's a breakdown of my commute. My fiance's
Speaker 2: father drives me to the train station at four thirty
Speaker 2: in the morning. He wakes up around then anyway for
Speaker 2: his own job. Then I take a two and a
Speaker 2: half hour train to a stop near my work. Then
Speaker 2: I hop on a foldable bike and ride about twenty
Speaker 2: minutes to work. After work, I ride my bike to
Speaker 2: a different station fifteen minutes nearby, take a train to
Speaker 2: thirtieth Street station in Philly, which is about twenty minutes,
Speaker 2: and then I take a train to Harrisburg and get
Speaker 2: back around seven thirty pm. That sucks. You really can't
Speaker 2: find hold on Okay, listen, I used to live in Philadelphia.
Speaker 2: You can't find a shitty You can't like, dude, move, dude,
Speaker 2: live in like North Philly. They like live live with
Speaker 2: like roommates in South Philly. Philly is you're okay, wait,
Speaker 2: you're an aeros hold on, bro, this doesn't make any
Speaker 2: sense to me. You're a You're an aerospace engineer and
Speaker 2: your wife is a medical lab scientist. Get like, get
Speaker 2: like roommates, get like four roommates. This is a horrible situation. Okay,
Speaker 2: hold on, you said that you really like doing this,
Speaker 2: so I'm going to keep going. If you think I'm insane,
Speaker 2: let me explain. I work remotely two times a week
Speaker 2: and then three times the next week. It alternates. I
Speaker 2: never have to make the commute two days in a row,
Speaker 2: so I can rest up and sleep in the days
Speaker 2: I work from home. That doesn't make me feel like
Speaker 2: this is less insane. I only just started doing this
Speaker 2: and it hasn't felt terrible. It will, but I am
Speaker 2: sure the burnout will ensue. Thankfully, it is only a
Speaker 2: temporary thing. I've decided to stay at my job because
Speaker 2: I got extremely lucky to land it right outside of college,
Speaker 2: and there isn't much opportunity in Harrisburg for me. My
Speaker 2: manager and work pleasant my manager and workplace environment is
Speaker 2: also so chill and easy. I struck gold with it.
Speaker 2: It makes the commute worth it. Dude, just get roommates. Okay.
Speaker 2: I love having the free time to read and write
Speaker 2: music because I'm a million hobbies Anyway, I still have
Speaker 2: plenty of time with my fiance and her family. I
Speaker 2: have time to do hobby. Thanks for letting me explain
Speaker 2: my crazy schedule and why I'm happy with it. I
Speaker 2: love seeing you and Philly. Last year, you said you
Speaker 2: liked my green shirt. Jackson Jackson, you seem like a
Speaker 2: genuine jack Jackson. Jackson is just one of those guys. Dude,
Speaker 2: Jackson's just one of those guys that, like, Jackson's the
Speaker 2: kind of guy where like he could someone could point
Speaker 2: a gun at him and be like, give me your wallet,
Speaker 2: and He's like, oh my wallet, like this wallet rat. Yeah,
Speaker 2: of course, of course you get out my wallet. That
Speaker 2: came out wrong. How do I say this? Jackson is
Speaker 2: the kind of guy where just like he's just a like,
Speaker 2: he's this sweet guy where the toy you seem like
Speaker 2: the toils of the universe don't get you down. That's
Speaker 2: the vibe I get from you, Jackson. Jackson, Jackson, don't
Speaker 2: keep doing this. You're one of those you know, those
Speaker 2: people that like TLC will cover where it's like he
Speaker 2: has no pain. He is he doesn't have the nerve
Speaker 2: and in his arm that make him feel pain. That's
Speaker 2: that's you with your entire life, I think. But just
Speaker 2: because you don't And by the way, that's just like
Speaker 2: with the guy who you know, lets people punch him
Speaker 2: in the face for money because he doesn't have the
Speaker 2: nerve endings. You know, just because you have it doesn't
Speaker 2: mean you got to take advantage of it. So I
Speaker 2: don't know, Jackson, this is too it. This is you have.
Speaker 2: You have to have some kind of uh, you have
Speaker 2: to have the life nerve endings to show you when
Speaker 2: things are shitty. Just get roommates, man, Phil, It's Phil,
Speaker 2: It's go. You're an aerospace engineer. Like, if you really
Speaker 2: want to save money, just live with roommates in North
Speaker 2: Philadelphia and take the Broad Street line to wherever the
Speaker 2: fuck you're going. But don't do this. This is a
Speaker 2: terrible idea, Jackson. I'm obsessed with how terrible of an idea.
Speaker 2: This is, yeah, of course an uprontity. You just started
Speaker 2: doing it, Jackson, give me a call. I want to
Speaker 2: directly tell you how terrible of an idea I think
Speaker 2: this is. Yes, Jackson, if you can hear me, please
Speaker 2: give me a call on the podcast sometimes so I
Speaker 2: can directly tell you one hundred ideas I have of
Speaker 2: how you can make your life better. What else are
Speaker 2: you doing with you? I'm curious what else you're doing
Speaker 2: with your life that you're putting up with. I'm trying
Speaker 2: to think of things. Do you eat food? Are you
Speaker 2: just like I? Don't eat food? I don't need it.
Speaker 1: I know you think.
Speaker 2: I know you think I'm crazy for not eating food
Speaker 2: and drinking water. But let me explain. If I don't
Speaker 2: eat food and drink water, I'll save a little bit
Speaker 2: of money and I don't really need it. I found
Speaker 2: that my body can just subsist off of air. I
Speaker 2: need to know more about your life, Jackson, call me
Speaker 2: on the Real podcast. Okay, let's take let's talk. Let's
Speaker 2: do one or maybe two of these things. Okay. This
Speaker 2: is from Alexander A fix for your name being called
Speaker 2: out at Starbucks. Hey, Gek, I saw you in Saint
Speaker 2: Louis in twenty twenty three. Fuck you you signed Gek
Speaker 2: on a T shirt on the back of my fiance
Speaker 2: because we didn't have a writing space to write GEK
Speaker 2: on a shirt. You were also my Facebook profile picture
Speaker 2: for a while. Thanks for being a part of my
Speaker 2: life in some way. Thank you, Alex. These are really nice.
Speaker 2: I feel really lucky, man, I really do. I'm man.
Speaker 2: This guy Alex that I don't know is really nice
Speaker 2: to me. I appreciate that. I really don't mean that,
Speaker 2: and I don't know why. I know it sounds like
Speaker 2: I'm being like fucking sarcastic, but I'm not. I it
Speaker 2: feels nice. Thank you, Alex. Anyways, I'm listening to a
Speaker 2: podcast episode and you're currently ranting about having to give
Speaker 2: personal info to a corporation and don't want your name
Speaker 2: to be called out when you finish when they finish
Speaker 2: your order. I use Optimist Prime or Megatron when I'm
Speaker 2: at a restaurant where they call out your name, because
Speaker 2: I find it pretty funny and you can do whatever
Speaker 2: you want.
Speaker 1: I do that.
Speaker 2: I usually say like a fake name. I'll say like Kyle,
Speaker 2: because if I go to a like a Starbucks or
Speaker 2: something and they're like, what's your name and I go Lyle,
Speaker 2: they go what? But if I just say Kyle, they
Speaker 2: don't say what, and so it's speeds of the process
Speaker 2: if I do Optimists. Actually, I feel like I don't
Speaker 2: like Alex. I think what I think saying Megatron is.
Speaker 2: It's fun, but I don't like it because it makes
Speaker 2: the interaction longer and I'm just trying to shorten I'm
Speaker 2: trying to make the interaction as fluid as possible, and
Speaker 2: if I say Megatron, they might like give me a
Speaker 2: stupid look or be like really, or like Also, I
Speaker 2: don't want to force these people to say Megatron, you know,
Speaker 2: like that's like that feels like an embarrassment ritual, or
Speaker 2: that feels like a hazing thing. I don't want to
Speaker 2: haze the Starbucks workers, man. I want to make their
Speaker 2: job easy. I want to make my experience with Starbucks easy.
Speaker 2: Just you know, I'm not going to force some someone
Speaker 2: working at Starbucks to yell Megatron.
Speaker 1: I don't know.
Speaker 2: Maybe it's maybe they like it. I don't I don't know.
Speaker 2: I don't know how your experience has been. Okay, I'll
Speaker 2: do one more. I make music for my girlfriend, and
Speaker 2: that's it is from Samuel. I make music for my girlfriend.
Speaker 2: Sometimes I pretend my girlfriend is one million people and
Speaker 2: it makes me feel famous. She doesn't like all my songs,
Speaker 2: but I made her cry twice. It's really fulfilling. I
Speaker 2: want to make music for my friends, but I need
Speaker 2: to get better first, get blessed. That's the whole email.
Speaker 2: That's one of the greatest emails that have been sent
Speaker 2: in this show, and it goes to show that you
Speaker 2: don't need the email, don't need to belong to be
Speaker 2: to be great. I love this. Thank you, Thank you
Speaker 2: so much for sending this. Sam. This is this. You
Speaker 2: sent this on October twenty seventh. Sorry for just getting
Speaker 2: around to it now, but that was a fantastic email.
Speaker 2: I told you I said it before. I said it
Speaker 2: earlier with Steve. Nihilism's a scale issue.
Speaker 1: Man.
Speaker 2: All you need is one fucking person to acknowledge that
Speaker 2: you exist. That's all you need. One thing. If you
Speaker 2: if you can find one thing outside of yourself, one
Speaker 2: person or thing that kind of acknowledge that you exist,
Speaker 2: you can pull yourself out on nihilism. So I appreciate
Speaker 2: Sam making music for just his girlfriend and feeling as
Speaker 2: though she's a million people. This is so beautiful. I'm
Speaker 2: gonna read this. I can I read this again. Is everyone. Okay,
Speaker 2: is it everyone to write a read this email again
Speaker 2: before we go. I'm just read it one more time.
Speaker 2: It's really beautiful email. I make music for my girlfriend
Speaker 2: and that's it. Sometimes I pretend my girlfriend is one
Speaker 2: million people and it makes me feel famous. She doesn't
Speaker 2: like all my songs, but I made her cry twice.
Speaker 2: It's really fulfilling. I want to make music for my friends,
Speaker 2: but I'll need to get better first. That's a beautiful
Speaker 2: fucking email. Thank you, Sam. I hope, I hope i'd listen.
Speaker 2: I'd like to hear your music someday. I would love
Speaker 2: to hear your music. Sam send me another. If you
Speaker 2: hear this somehow, send me an email. I want to
Speaker 2: hear your music because if you write lyrics the way
Speaker 2: you write emails, I want to hear this music. I'm
Speaker 2: obsessed with this email. This is the best email. And
Speaker 2: this is the best email I've ever gotten in the
Speaker 2: history of a get mail. I'll say it. I know
Speaker 2: we've gotten emails that it's like, oh, it's a big
Speaker 2: crazy story and something, and I like those two, but this,
Speaker 2: something about this, this makes me really happy. I enjoy this.
Speaker 2: Thank you, Samuel. That was Gek mail. I hope you
Speaker 2: guys enjoyed enjoyed this. I hope that you enjoyed the
Speaker 2: podcast and enjoyed being here. I'm excited. It's a happy
Speaker 2: new year. This is the last podcast of twenty twenty five.
Speaker 2: Oh shit, this is the last fucking episode of this
Speaker 2: of twenty twenty five. Oh fuck. All right, I should
Speaker 2: say I should say something, right, Thanks for listening to
Speaker 2: this show all year. Thanks for continuing to be on
Speaker 2: this journey with me. It's been five and a half years.
Speaker 2: Next June, it'll be six fucking years of being a Gecko.
Speaker 2: That's crazy. Thanks for being on this journey with me.
Speaker 2: I did not I really didn't think this would last
Speaker 2: that long. And I'm so honored to keep getting phone
Speaker 2: calls and emails and keep being able to engage with people,
Speaker 2: and keep getting to do shit like go to Iraq
Speaker 2: or Tijuana or Japan or the gathering of the Juggalos
Speaker 2: and and and make these documentaries and go on tour again.
Speaker 2: And uh, it's awesome. I I can't thank he has
Speaker 2: enough for allowing me to continue to do all this stuff.
Speaker 2: So thank you, guys very much for being part of
Speaker 2: this Gecko community. This this this crazy, weird thing that
Speaker 2: continues to go. We'll keep the train run on as
Speaker 2: long as you guys want to be on it and
Speaker 2: gek bless Happy New year. See see you, uh see
Speaker 2: a next episode. I was gonna say see you next year,
Speaker 2: but I don't like when people say that, but it
Speaker 2: is I guess true. All right, see you next year.
Speaker 2: Thank you. Hello, folks, it's Lyle here. That's the end
Speaker 2: of this episode. But get this, I'm releasing a bonus
Speaker 2: episode this week. That's right, an entire extra hour of
Speaker 2: the podcast that you can listen to by becoming a
Speaker 2: premium member of Therapy Gecko over at Therapy Gecko dots
Speaker 2: supercast dot com. Supercast subscribers get access to bonus episodes.
Speaker 2: They get a completely ad free podcast feed of the
Speaker 2: regular show, they get recordings from my live shows, members
Speaker 2: only streams, and they help support my ability to continue
Speaker 2: doing this podcast. So here's a clip from this week's
Speaker 2: members only bonus episode.
Speaker 4: She was like, not treatment right and stuff. So I
Speaker 4: was like, oh, yeah, you know, I'll rescue this parent.
Speaker 4: Long story short, I've got a parrot now and she's
Speaker 4: only there are a lot of work, but my wife
Speaker 4: is she's good with pets, so she just handled it.
Speaker 2: Mostly so you rescue the parrot and then subsequently put
Speaker 2: it in an also shitty situation. If you want to
Speaker 2: hear this full conversation, you can sign up to become
Speaker 2: a premium member at Therapy Gecko dot supercast dot com,
Speaker 2: or find the link in the episode description that's therapy
Speaker 2: Gecko dot supercast dot com. All right, I have nothing
Speaker 2: else to say.
Speaker 4: The repeat cat goes on the line taking your phone
Speaker 4: calls every night.
Speaker 1: Never repeat Cat goes doing his ride.
Speaker 4: He's teaching you to housing
Speaker 1: Live your life, but he's not really an expert.