1 00:00:04,795 --> 00:00:22,915 Speaker 1: Countdown with Keith Olderman is a production of iHeartRadio. Trump's 2 00:00:23,115 --> 00:00:27,355 Speaker 1: pull numbers have collapsed. There is no other word for 3 00:00:27,395 --> 00:00:33,275 Speaker 1: it collapsed. Let me caveat this. Biden's poll numbers had collapsed. 4 00:00:33,555 --> 00:00:38,715 Speaker 1: Bill Clinton's poll numbers had collapsed, Harry Truman's poll numbers 5 00:00:38,995 --> 00:00:44,675 Speaker 1: had collapsed. Whole numbers collapsed all the damn time, relatively speaking, 6 00:00:44,755 --> 00:00:47,555 Speaker 1: measured across the arc of American political history. If they 7 00:00:47,555 --> 00:00:50,115 Speaker 1: had had them in eighteen sixty four, Abe Lincoln's poll 8 00:00:50,195 --> 00:00:53,915 Speaker 1: numbers would have collapsed. But I do not think that 9 00:00:54,075 --> 00:00:58,235 Speaker 1: any other presidential candidate's poll numbers have collapsed this late, 10 00:00:58,995 --> 00:01:03,195 Speaker 1: this fast, after this much of a twin honeymoon of 11 00:01:03,235 --> 00:01:08,915 Speaker 1: a convention and a failed assassination attempt. IPSOS polling released 12 00:01:08,995 --> 00:01:15,515 Speaker 1: yesterday Harris by five forty two thirty seven. Last surveys 13 00:01:15,555 --> 00:01:18,795 Speaker 1: taken Wednesday. In the July twenty third IPSOS poll, it 14 00:01:18,835 --> 00:01:23,355 Speaker 1: had been Harris by three thirty seven thirty four. IPSOS 15 00:01:23,515 --> 00:01:27,715 Speaker 1: also did repeat polling in the Big seven Swing states 16 00:01:27,955 --> 00:01:32,635 Speaker 1: Harris by two fifty to forty eight fifty to forty eight. 17 00:01:33,115 --> 00:01:36,755 Speaker 1: Those states are Arizona, Georgia, Michigan, Nevada, North Carolina, Pennsylvania 18 00:01:36,755 --> 00:01:41,355 Speaker 1: and Wisconsin. The last IPSOS poll of the same voters 19 00:01:41,395 --> 00:01:44,755 Speaker 1: in these states also concluded July twenty third, it had 20 00:01:44,795 --> 00:01:50,035 Speaker 1: been Trump by three. Trump has lost five points in 21 00:01:50,115 --> 00:01:54,595 Speaker 1: the swing states in fifteen days, and not generically in 22 00:01:54,635 --> 00:01:58,715 Speaker 1: the Swing states, these are the same respondents as in 23 00:01:58,755 --> 00:02:05,235 Speaker 1: the previous polls changing their minds. Almost as important is 24 00:02:05,315 --> 00:02:09,075 Speaker 1: where the surge for Kamala Harris is coming from. In 25 00:02:09,115 --> 00:02:12,835 Speaker 1: the IPSOS polling two weeks ago, Robert F. Kennedy Junior 26 00:02:12,995 --> 00:02:16,355 Speaker 1: was in their poll at ten percent nationally. He is 27 00:02:16,435 --> 00:02:21,235 Speaker 1: now at four percent. If Trump's poll numbers have collapsed, 28 00:02:21,595 --> 00:02:26,595 Speaker 1: Kennedy's have vanished without a trace. What is amazing about 29 00:02:26,635 --> 00:02:29,275 Speaker 1: the swing state numbers, though, is that Trump has lost 30 00:02:29,315 --> 00:02:32,835 Speaker 1: five points in fifteen days, even though the key issues 31 00:02:32,915 --> 00:02:36,115 Speaker 1: in the swing states would still seem to benefit him. 32 00:02:36,475 --> 00:02:39,675 Speaker 1: Fifty two percent of swing state voters told IPSOS that 33 00:02:39,755 --> 00:02:43,275 Speaker 1: inflation and costs were one of the top issues for them. 34 00:02:43,475 --> 00:02:47,875 Speaker 1: Thirty two percent set immigration, seventeen percent set housing costs. 35 00:02:48,635 --> 00:02:52,795 Speaker 1: And it's still Harris. But it appears that the biggest 36 00:02:52,835 --> 00:02:55,635 Speaker 1: issue for them in the Swing states and outside of 37 00:02:55,675 --> 00:03:00,115 Speaker 1: them is Trump. The swing state voters still prefer him 38 00:03:00,155 --> 00:03:03,195 Speaker 1: on the economy, but only by seven points. Now still 39 00:03:03,235 --> 00:03:07,235 Speaker 1: on immigration, but only by thirteen. These numbers have collapsed. 40 00:03:07,275 --> 00:03:11,595 Speaker 1: In June, these same Swing state voters favored Trump by 41 00:03:11,715 --> 00:03:15,195 Speaker 1: twelve points on the economy, so he's lost five points there, 42 00:03:15,355 --> 00:03:19,675 Speaker 1: twenty points on immigration. He's lost seven points on immigration. 43 00:03:21,155 --> 00:03:24,995 Speaker 1: The Vice president also now crushes Trump on character issues. 44 00:03:25,395 --> 00:03:30,115 Speaker 1: Who's more intelligent Harris by eight? Who cares more about 45 00:03:30,155 --> 00:03:34,115 Speaker 1: people like them? Harris by four? Who's less lazy? Harris 46 00:03:34,155 --> 00:03:37,515 Speaker 1: by four? Who's less weird? They polled on the word 47 00:03:37,595 --> 00:03:41,835 Speaker 1: weird Harris by sixteen? And who in the Swing States 48 00:03:41,915 --> 00:03:47,915 Speaker 1: is more moral? Harris by eighteen? And I can't repeat 49 00:03:47,955 --> 00:03:51,475 Speaker 1: this enough. The voters just polled in the Swing States 50 00:03:51,515 --> 00:03:55,795 Speaker 1: by IPSOS are the same individuals that ipso's polled in 51 00:03:55,875 --> 00:03:58,555 Speaker 1: June and July. The margin of error, and by all 52 00:03:58,635 --> 00:04:00,795 Speaker 1: rules of polling, her two point lead in the Swing 53 00:04:00,835 --> 00:04:04,595 Speaker 1: States is a statistical tie. The margin of error, though, 54 00:04:04,795 --> 00:04:08,955 Speaker 1: drops precipitously if you are actually asking the same people 55 00:04:09,355 --> 00:04:14,675 Speaker 1: how their opinions have changed and how their opinions have changed. 56 00:04:16,675 --> 00:04:20,355 Speaker 1: Rather remarkably, this is not even the best new polling 57 00:04:20,395 --> 00:04:24,315 Speaker 1: news for Kamala Harris Marquette Law School released its national 58 00:04:24,315 --> 00:04:28,075 Speaker 1: results very early Thursday morning for some reason, and among 59 00:04:28,275 --> 00:04:34,235 Speaker 1: likely voters it's Harris fifty, Trump forty two, Harris by eight. Now, 60 00:04:34,275 --> 00:04:37,875 Speaker 1: everybody has their own criteria for likely voters, so if 61 00:04:37,915 --> 00:04:41,435 Speaker 1: you go back to just registered voters. In the Marquette poll, 62 00:04:41,835 --> 00:04:46,155 Speaker 1: it's still Harris by six. The eight point margin looked 63 00:04:46,155 --> 00:04:48,875 Speaker 1: like a wacky outlier until that IPSOS poll came out 64 00:04:48,915 --> 00:04:54,435 Speaker 1: at five most intriguing among independent voters, Marquette has her 65 00:04:54,475 --> 00:05:01,435 Speaker 1: ahead by sixty to forty twenty points among independents eighteen. 66 00:05:01,675 --> 00:05:04,635 Speaker 1: When you include Kennedy and the others, and the day, 67 00:05:04,835 --> 00:05:07,435 Speaker 1: it can lead to varying degrees of are you crapping 68 00:05:07,475 --> 00:05:11,075 Speaker 1: me about how fast Harris has built a dominant lead 69 00:05:11,115 --> 00:05:14,755 Speaker 1: over Trump in the key areas, with all trends working 70 00:05:14,755 --> 00:05:17,875 Speaker 1: in her direction. But there is now near unanimity among 71 00:05:17,915 --> 00:05:21,995 Speaker 1: polsters that Kennedy is in more trouble than bear meat 72 00:05:22,155 --> 00:05:26,835 Speaker 1: in his fridge. Among independents, Harris fifty six, Trump thirty eight, 73 00:05:26,915 --> 00:05:34,595 Speaker 1: Kennedy five, Kennedy five, Stein, I, Cornell West, and Oliver 74 00:05:34,915 --> 00:05:39,675 Speaker 1: just watching scratch zero. Also, I didn't know who Oliver was. 75 00:05:40,555 --> 00:05:43,035 Speaker 1: I had to go look. I was hoping it was 76 00:05:43,115 --> 00:05:48,755 Speaker 1: John Oliver. No, it's Chase Chase Oliver of the Libertarian Party. 77 00:05:49,635 --> 00:05:52,435 Speaker 1: He could be Oliver damn Chase for all I care 78 00:05:52,475 --> 00:05:57,355 Speaker 1: wouldn't make much difference. What matters here is Kennedy's support. 79 00:05:57,435 --> 00:06:00,635 Speaker 1: Half of it, maybe more was clearly from people who 80 00:06:00,635 --> 00:06:03,915 Speaker 1: simply would not vote for Trump but for whatever reason 81 00:06:04,715 --> 00:06:06,995 Speaker 1: would not vote for Joe Biden either, but now will 82 00:06:07,075 --> 00:06:11,915 Speaker 1: vote for virtually everything Joe Biden stands for. One more 83 00:06:11,955 --> 00:06:14,595 Speaker 1: note here from this Marquette Law poll, a couple of 84 00:06:14,635 --> 00:06:18,595 Speaker 1: others have found Kamala Harris is at or near a 85 00:06:18,755 --> 00:06:25,355 Speaker 1: slim net positive unfavorable versus unfavorable. Marquette, is your opinion 86 00:06:25,395 --> 00:06:30,115 Speaker 1: of Kamala Harris favorable or unfavorable? Nationally? It's favorable by 87 00:06:30,235 --> 00:06:34,635 Speaker 1: four points fifty one forty seven. She's above water by 88 00:06:34,675 --> 00:06:38,115 Speaker 1: four points. Trump is seven points underwater, which would be 89 00:06:38,195 --> 00:06:41,875 Speaker 1: superb for him if there still wasn't that post convention bump. 90 00:06:42,435 --> 00:06:46,955 Speaker 1: Jd Vance. He is fourteen points under the couch cushions. 91 00:06:48,755 --> 00:06:52,395 Speaker 1: And one more recheck of another opinionator, Nate Silver poll 92 00:06:52,515 --> 00:06:57,075 Speaker 1: of polls changed it slightly. Kamala Harris forty six point four, 93 00:06:57,355 --> 00:07:00,715 Speaker 1: Trump forty four point three. And the real value of 94 00:07:00,715 --> 00:07:03,435 Speaker 1: this one is it gives you a blurry picture of 95 00:07:03,475 --> 00:07:07,075 Speaker 1: the impact since she anointed Tim Walls on Monday, and 96 00:07:07,115 --> 00:07:11,035 Speaker 1: the impact is that her support is up in five days, 97 00:07:11,435 --> 00:07:16,715 Speaker 1: seven tenths of a point. Again, this could stop right now. 98 00:07:17,035 --> 00:07:20,195 Speaker 1: This could be as good as it gets. And now 99 00:07:20,235 --> 00:07:23,675 Speaker 1: I will repeat two things I have mentioned previously. One 100 00:07:23,955 --> 00:07:28,635 Speaker 1: I mentioned seven minutes in about ten seconds ago, Bill 101 00:07:28,675 --> 00:07:32,715 Speaker 1: Clinton's poll numbers once collapsed, then George hw Bush's poll 102 00:07:32,795 --> 00:07:37,595 Speaker 1: numbers collapsed, then Ross Pro's poll numbers collapsed. This was 103 00:07:37,635 --> 00:07:41,235 Speaker 1: all in one election. So if as Biden's departure three 104 00:07:41,275 --> 00:07:43,995 Speaker 1: weeks ago this Sunday, it wasn't last year, it was 105 00:07:43,995 --> 00:07:47,315 Speaker 1: three weeks ago this Sunday, If that and Harris's assent 106 00:07:47,475 --> 00:07:51,635 Speaker 1: confirms something this startlingly good can happen this fast, remain 107 00:07:52,035 --> 00:07:59,355 Speaker 1: vigilant that something that startlingly bad could also happen this fast. 108 00:07:59,995 --> 00:08:02,875 Speaker 1: On the other hand, what we are seeing as of 109 00:08:02,995 --> 00:08:08,235 Speaker 1: this moment is exactly why this unprecedented move was attempted, 110 00:08:08,755 --> 00:08:14,875 Speaker 1: changing horses not midstream but mid tight rope to maybe, 111 00:08:15,515 --> 00:08:20,035 Speaker 1: in our wildest dreams, get these results. And in those 112 00:08:20,075 --> 00:08:26,075 Speaker 1: wildest dreams, nobody expected the misfast nobody, which leads me 113 00:08:26,115 --> 00:08:28,635 Speaker 1: into the second thing I mentioned previously, and I mentioned 114 00:08:28,675 --> 00:08:31,995 Speaker 1: it on Wednesday, July twenty fourth, And before I mentioned it, 115 00:08:32,035 --> 00:08:33,955 Speaker 1: I took a deep breath and asked myself, do you 116 00:08:34,035 --> 00:08:38,315 Speaker 1: really want to mention this already? But I did, and 117 00:08:38,355 --> 00:08:41,595 Speaker 1: I'll repeat it. I have been thinking since no later 118 00:08:41,675 --> 00:08:45,715 Speaker 1: than hours after President Biden dropped out, that there will 119 00:08:45,715 --> 00:08:50,875 Speaker 1: come a point this year, this election, maybe this month, 120 00:08:51,275 --> 00:08:54,355 Speaker 1: where we will all be saying, can you believe we 121 00:08:54,515 --> 00:09:01,115 Speaker 1: came this close to not making Vice President Harris the nominee. 122 00:09:02,595 --> 00:09:08,395 Speaker 1: I am not building the Joe Saved Democracy Again statues 123 00:09:08,555 --> 00:09:15,635 Speaker 1: quite yet, but I am beginning to think maybe what 124 00:09:15,835 --> 00:09:43,475 Speaker 1: they kind of could look like. Is anybody going to 125 00:09:43,515 --> 00:09:48,475 Speaker 1: do anything about Trump's health crisis? Never mind his poll crisis, 126 00:09:48,515 --> 00:09:54,235 Speaker 1: his health crisis, his quote news conference unquote was objectively 127 00:09:54,635 --> 00:09:58,195 Speaker 1: twice as bad, four times as bad, forty times as 128 00:09:58,235 --> 00:10:02,035 Speaker 1: bad as the President's performance at the debate. Throughout it 129 00:10:02,195 --> 00:10:06,195 Speaker 1: bordered on and often crossed the line into fugue state. 130 00:10:08,475 --> 00:10:11,715 Speaker 1: And this got almost no headlines. Is the New York 131 00:10:11,755 --> 00:10:14,115 Speaker 1: Times opinion section now going to print six pieces at 132 00:10:14,115 --> 00:10:16,755 Speaker 1: a time on how he must drop out his CNN 133 00:10:16,875 --> 00:10:19,595 Speaker 1: going to swerve out of enabling the latest swift voting 134 00:10:19,595 --> 00:10:23,755 Speaker 1: of a Democrat and his MSNBC's useless airy Melber going 135 00:10:23,795 --> 00:10:27,275 Speaker 1: to stop platforming Stephen Miller to instead parade mental health 136 00:10:27,275 --> 00:10:31,355 Speaker 1: experts to offer a dozen competing theories about which thing 137 00:10:31,475 --> 00:10:35,195 Speaker 1: is wrong with Trump's brain? Are they going to just 138 00:10:35,275 --> 00:10:38,755 Speaker 1: come close to how they addressed Joe Biden's exhaustion? Get 139 00:10:38,875 --> 00:10:42,875 Speaker 1: to one tenth of it? The New York Times, The 140 00:10:42,995 --> 00:10:47,075 Speaker 1: Washington Post, Politico, Axios, ABC, NBC, and CBS had no 141 00:10:47,275 --> 00:10:51,955 Speaker 1: front page stories about the demented nature of his performance yesterday. 142 00:10:52,195 --> 00:10:57,995 Speaker 1: Within an hour of its conclusion, each hid behind Trump's 143 00:10:58,155 --> 00:11:04,435 Speaker 1: vague commitment to now do debates. Axios incredibly was leading 144 00:11:04,755 --> 00:11:08,955 Speaker 1: an hour after the Trump event with quote Vice President 145 00:11:08,995 --> 00:11:11,795 Speaker 1: Harris still hasn't given an interview or taken questions from 146 00:11:11,875 --> 00:11:17,795 Speaker 1: voters since she became a presidential candidate. Shut up once again. 147 00:11:17,795 --> 00:11:19,915 Speaker 1: If Axios is still wondering why I had to fire 148 00:11:19,915 --> 00:11:23,035 Speaker 1: a tenth of its employees Wednesday, there's your problem right there. 149 00:11:23,275 --> 00:11:29,995 Speaker 1: You suck to its credit to my amazement, CNN wrote 150 00:11:29,995 --> 00:11:33,595 Speaker 1: a story about Trump's fugue state, and remarkably, it correctly 151 00:11:33,635 --> 00:11:37,475 Speaker 1: described his performance, not as a news conference, but as 152 00:11:37,515 --> 00:11:41,635 Speaker 1: a quote speech. I assume whoever was responsible for this 153 00:11:41,835 --> 00:11:50,835 Speaker 1: has been beaten severely already. Exactly right CNN. Trump always 154 00:11:50,995 --> 00:11:54,835 Speaker 1: sounds like he doesn't know where he was. This time 155 00:11:55,075 --> 00:11:57,835 Speaker 1: he also looked like he didn't know where he was. 156 00:11:58,555 --> 00:12:01,515 Speaker 1: I can't convey that. On a podcast when a question 157 00:12:01,635 --> 00:12:04,155 Speaker 1: came from the right side of the room, he looked frightened, 158 00:12:04,435 --> 00:12:07,475 Speaker 1: as if he had just discovered that there was a 159 00:12:07,595 --> 00:12:12,555 Speaker 1: right side of the room. He looked lost. Several times. 160 00:12:12,595 --> 00:12:18,155 Speaker 1: It appeared his eyes were no longer level. More shockingly, 161 00:12:18,235 --> 00:12:25,195 Speaker 1: perhaps than anything else, he also looked pale. Can't convey that. 162 00:12:26,115 --> 00:12:28,915 Speaker 1: I can convey the sounds part. I will not be 163 00:12:29,035 --> 00:12:31,715 Speaker 1: labor all the crazy sounds he made, just a few, 164 00:12:32,275 --> 00:12:35,355 Speaker 1: starting with what you or I would know would be 165 00:12:35,395 --> 00:12:37,915 Speaker 1: the last thing to refer to just now, in light 166 00:12:38,275 --> 00:12:40,315 Speaker 1: of the jd vance couch jokes. 167 00:12:40,755 --> 00:12:43,875 Speaker 2: President She of China and I were very good friends. 168 00:12:43,915 --> 00:12:46,035 Speaker 2: We met right here right in that except we had 169 00:12:46,075 --> 00:12:48,675 Speaker 2: a beautiful sofa there as opposed to what we have 170 00:12:48,755 --> 00:12:50,355 Speaker 2: right now. A lot of my people, a lot of 171 00:12:50,395 --> 00:12:52,635 Speaker 2: the Mega as they call him, but the bass, and 172 00:12:52,675 --> 00:12:55,795 Speaker 2: I think the bass is I think the Bassis seventy 173 00:12:55,795 --> 00:12:58,635 Speaker 2: five percent of the country, far beyond the Republican Party. 174 00:12:58,795 --> 00:13:02,875 Speaker 2: Kamala hars Sava is Jamaican American and she went to 175 00:13:02,875 --> 00:13:07,835 Speaker 2: a historically black college. How is she only recently deciding 176 00:13:07,875 --> 00:13:10,995 Speaker 2: to be black? Well, you'll have to ask her to 177 00:13:11,035 --> 00:13:13,635 Speaker 2: that question, because she's the one that said it. I 178 00:13:13,675 --> 00:13:16,835 Speaker 2: didn't say it, so you'll have to ask her. But 179 00:13:16,955 --> 00:13:20,155 Speaker 2: you'll have to ask her about that. But to me 180 00:13:20,235 --> 00:13:23,155 Speaker 2: it doesn't matter. But to her from her standpoint, I 181 00:13:23,195 --> 00:13:26,755 Speaker 2: think it's very disrespectful to both. Really, whether it's Indian 182 00:13:26,835 --> 00:13:29,195 Speaker 2: or Black, I think it's very disrespectful. If you look 183 00:13:29,235 --> 00:13:32,715 Speaker 2: at Martin Luther King when he did his speech, his 184 00:13:32,795 --> 00:13:36,995 Speaker 2: great speech, and you look at ours, same real estate, 185 00:13:37,235 --> 00:13:41,035 Speaker 2: same everything, same number of people, if not we had more. 186 00:13:42,315 --> 00:13:43,955 Speaker 2: And they said he had a million people, but I 187 00:13:43,955 --> 00:13:46,075 Speaker 2: had twenty five thousand people. But when you look at 188 00:13:46,075 --> 00:13:49,475 Speaker 2: the exact same picture and everything's the same, because it 189 00:13:49,555 --> 00:13:51,755 Speaker 2: was the fountains, the whole thing, all the way back 190 00:13:53,035 --> 00:13:56,675 Speaker 2: from Lincoln to Washington, and you look at it and 191 00:13:56,715 --> 00:13:58,675 Speaker 2: you look at the picture of his crowd, my preyer, 192 00:13:59,715 --> 00:14:02,595 Speaker 2: we actually had more people. Millions of people were allowed 193 00:14:02,635 --> 00:14:06,275 Speaker 2: to come into our country from prisons, from jails, from 194 00:14:06,315 --> 00:14:10,955 Speaker 2: mental institutions, insane asylums. Even in Sana said that's ah, 195 00:14:12,515 --> 00:14:14,715 Speaker 2: it's a mental institution on steroids. 196 00:14:15,035 --> 00:14:19,315 Speaker 1: That asylum stuff underscores a point I've made previously. He 197 00:14:19,355 --> 00:14:23,195 Speaker 1: does not understand that there is political asylum and then 198 00:14:23,235 --> 00:14:28,515 Speaker 1: there are mental asylums, which grows increasingly ironic considering he 199 00:14:28,555 --> 00:14:31,795 Speaker 1: may soon be in need of either or both. But 200 00:14:31,955 --> 00:14:37,235 Speaker 1: the crowd size thing, that's perhaps way more revealing. It 201 00:14:37,275 --> 00:14:39,555 Speaker 1: is not only a clear view of the desperation of 202 00:14:39,555 --> 00:14:43,435 Speaker 1: his obsession with largest, most powerful, biggest, it's not only 203 00:14:43,475 --> 00:14:46,035 Speaker 1: a clear view of his insatiable need to be right 204 00:14:46,315 --> 00:14:50,315 Speaker 1: even when he is utterly wrong. But it's seven and 205 00:14:50,355 --> 00:14:54,355 Speaker 1: a half years old. He has been arguing that he 206 00:14:54,395 --> 00:14:57,315 Speaker 1: had the largest crowd in the history of I don't know, 207 00:14:58,075 --> 00:15:01,595 Speaker 1: history of humanity, everything since the Sermon on the Mount. 208 00:15:02,155 --> 00:15:05,635 Speaker 1: He's been arguing this since his inauguration. He has never 209 00:15:05,715 --> 00:15:09,475 Speaker 1: been right. He has never stopped demanding that we change 210 00:15:09,515 --> 00:15:12,595 Speaker 1: our minds and apologize to him, even though he has 211 00:15:12,635 --> 00:15:15,435 Speaker 1: never been right, because he has to be right or 212 00:15:15,475 --> 00:15:21,915 Speaker 1: he dies to be fair. Trump has somehow managed not 213 00:15:22,035 --> 00:15:25,555 Speaker 1: to fall off his mental health crisis tightrope since at 214 00:15:25,675 --> 00:15:29,435 Speaker 1: least the year twenty fifteen, maybe more like since at 215 00:15:29,515 --> 00:15:33,315 Speaker 1: least the year nineteen fifty five. This point at which 216 00:15:33,395 --> 00:15:35,555 Speaker 1: you expect him to start to say something than go 217 00:15:35,675 --> 00:15:38,755 Speaker 1: glassy eyed and collapse at the podium may not be 218 00:15:38,915 --> 00:15:41,435 Speaker 1: a warning of imminent disaster, but rather just some kind 219 00:15:41,475 --> 00:15:45,715 Speaker 1: of horrible stasis. But even if this is as bad 220 00:15:45,755 --> 00:15:49,155 Speaker 1: as it gets, it's still a crisis. It is beyond 221 00:15:49,155 --> 00:15:53,835 Speaker 1: his evil, beyond his amorality, beyond his greed, beyond his 222 00:15:53,995 --> 00:15:59,915 Speaker 1: anti democracy, beyond his racism. It alone is disqualifying. He 223 00:16:00,315 --> 00:16:06,435 Speaker 1: is sick. Everything else is just detail. If Joe Biden 224 00:16:06,515 --> 00:16:08,995 Speaker 1: could not run for a second term because he was 225 00:16:09,035 --> 00:16:14,875 Speaker 1: merely having trouble expressing himself robustly enough in public, Donald 226 00:16:14,915 --> 00:16:17,115 Speaker 1: Trump cannot run for a second term because he is 227 00:16:17,155 --> 00:16:23,675 Speaker 1: simply unstable. A couple of other notes here, the one 228 00:16:23,835 --> 00:16:26,835 Speaker 1: eighties he makes are still startling. It is still shocking 229 00:16:26,875 --> 00:16:29,915 Speaker 1: to read week after week of his assaults on and 230 00:16:29,955 --> 00:16:33,835 Speaker 1: even lawsuits against ABC and particularly George Stephanoppolos, and then 231 00:16:33,835 --> 00:16:36,395 Speaker 1: suddenly hear him announce as if he had always felt 232 00:16:36,395 --> 00:16:38,715 Speaker 1: this way, that he would do a presidential debate on 233 00:16:38,795 --> 00:16:42,835 Speaker 1: ABC as scheduled on September tenth, as if they first 234 00:16:42,875 --> 00:16:45,275 Speaker 1: asked him about it as he fell out of bed 235 00:16:45,515 --> 00:16:50,595 Speaker 1: an hour before the news conference speech began. It is 236 00:16:50,635 --> 00:16:52,915 Speaker 1: still shocking to hear a reporter ask him a question 237 00:16:53,075 --> 00:16:56,795 Speaker 1: and Trump answer not that question, but answer something the 238 00:16:56,835 --> 00:17:02,475 Speaker 1: reporter had mentioned tangentially in his or her preface. You 239 00:17:02,555 --> 00:17:05,995 Speaker 1: got to ask simple questions that are not open to interpretation. 240 00:17:07,635 --> 00:17:10,555 Speaker 1: It is still shocking to see CNN claim Trump's performance 241 00:17:10,795 --> 00:17:15,595 Speaker 1: accomplished his goals, and they said this put Vice President 242 00:17:15,635 --> 00:17:21,995 Speaker 1: Harris on the defensive. Crazy man puts vice president on defensive. 243 00:17:22,915 --> 00:17:26,395 Speaker 1: It is still shocking to see news organization after news 244 00:17:26,475 --> 00:17:31,275 Speaker 1: organization insist that a pivot is coming, or that a 245 00:17:31,315 --> 00:17:34,195 Speaker 1: pivot has been demanded by Trump's handlers, or even that 246 00:17:34,235 --> 00:17:38,635 Speaker 1: a pivot is still possible from a crazy man. I mean, 247 00:17:38,675 --> 00:17:42,315 Speaker 1: the Washington Post did it as recently as Wednesday night. 248 00:17:44,275 --> 00:17:46,955 Speaker 1: And it is still shocking to realize that nearly all 249 00:17:47,075 --> 00:17:50,395 Speaker 1: of the other eight billion, two hundred million of us 250 00:17:50,435 --> 00:17:54,635 Speaker 1: on this planet live on one plane of existence more 251 00:17:54,715 --> 00:17:58,475 Speaker 1: or less in which we have some rudimentary understanding of 252 00:17:58,595 --> 00:18:02,835 Speaker 1: how things work. At least a couple of the things 253 00:18:03,155 --> 00:18:07,755 Speaker 1: directly affecting us in our jobs and our lives. But 254 00:18:07,955 --> 00:18:11,715 Speaker 1: that Trump, after trying to force Joe Biden out of 255 00:18:11,875 --> 00:18:16,155 Speaker 1: this race more or less NonStop since twenty nineteen, is 256 00:18:16,195 --> 00:18:19,155 Speaker 1: now quoted as complaining in a phone call to an ally, 257 00:18:19,755 --> 00:18:22,875 Speaker 1: It's unfair that I beat him, and now I have 258 00:18:22,995 --> 00:18:27,595 Speaker 1: to beat her too. And anybody who has been following 259 00:18:27,635 --> 00:18:30,755 Speaker 1: American politics at a rate of once a week or 260 00:18:30,835 --> 00:18:34,555 Speaker 1: more for the last decade knows in their bones that 261 00:18:34,635 --> 00:18:38,955 Speaker 1: Trump truly believes the country owes him some sort of 262 00:18:39,075 --> 00:18:43,275 Speaker 1: unanimous decision to cancel this election and award him the 263 00:18:43,275 --> 00:18:48,635 Speaker 1: presidency forever because he believes he beat Biden, and that 264 00:18:48,715 --> 00:18:51,635 Speaker 1: the only thing keeping him from saying this out loud 265 00:18:51,755 --> 00:18:54,715 Speaker 1: in so many words, is that his animal instinct tells 266 00:18:54,795 --> 00:18:58,915 Speaker 1: him to wait to try to end the democracy until 267 00:18:59,075 --> 00:19:05,635 Speaker 1: after he sees his power, not before. Once again, I ask, 268 00:19:06,315 --> 00:19:12,315 Speaker 1: is anybody going to do anything about Donald Trump's health crisis? 269 00:19:17,795 --> 00:19:21,675 Speaker 1: Also of interest here, Elon Musk posts a fake headline 270 00:19:22,155 --> 00:19:26,915 Speaker 1: saying the British Labor Party is establishing internment camps for 271 00:19:27,075 --> 00:19:33,155 Speaker 1: right wingers. I mean, I wish, but totally wrong, and 272 00:19:33,195 --> 00:19:38,115 Speaker 1: no consequences for him, no acknowledgment, except there is a 273 00:19:38,235 --> 00:19:42,275 Speaker 1: move growing inside the British Parliament to summon Musk to 274 00:19:42,475 --> 00:19:45,515 Speaker 1: testify to them about what the hell he thinks he's doing. 275 00:19:46,795 --> 00:19:49,955 Speaker 1: I will suggest a much better solution. It boils down 276 00:19:49,995 --> 00:19:57,395 Speaker 1: to three words. Tower of London. That's next. This discountdown. 277 00:19:59,635 --> 00:20:23,555 Speaker 1: This is countdown, with Keith old Wooman still ahead of 278 00:20:23,595 --> 00:20:26,195 Speaker 1: us on this initiative countdown. To my knowledge, nobody has 279 00:20:26,235 --> 00:20:30,355 Speaker 1: ever dramatized and turned into a play or film the 280 00:20:30,355 --> 00:20:34,715 Speaker 1: Thurber story. That would make for the craziest, most mad 281 00:20:34,835 --> 00:20:39,595 Speaker 1: cap adaptation. The Night the Bedfell might make for only 282 00:20:39,635 --> 00:20:42,355 Speaker 1: a short film, but it could easily be merged with 283 00:20:42,475 --> 00:20:44,515 Speaker 1: a couple of other stories from his life and hard 284 00:20:44,555 --> 00:20:47,435 Speaker 1: times into a superb play. There is a lot of 285 00:20:47,475 --> 00:20:51,715 Speaker 1: action in a confined space. Theurber, and a rare injection 286 00:20:51,795 --> 00:20:55,195 Speaker 1: of ego into his storytelling, asserts in the story it 287 00:20:55,315 --> 00:20:58,475 Speaker 1: makes a better recitation, and then comes back and laughs 288 00:20:58,515 --> 00:21:02,035 Speaker 1: at himself for reciting it too often. But it does 289 00:21:02,115 --> 00:21:05,235 Speaker 1: make a better recitation. So coming up on Fridays with 290 00:21:05,275 --> 00:21:08,435 Speaker 1: Thurber once more, I will recite The Night the Bed 291 00:21:08,515 --> 00:21:13,155 Speaker 1: Fell first. There are still more new idiots to talk about. 292 00:21:13,195 --> 00:21:15,835 Speaker 1: The daily roundup of the miscrants, morons and dunning Kruger 293 00:21:15,835 --> 00:21:20,875 Speaker 1: effects specimens who constitute two days worse persons in the world, 294 00:21:21,675 --> 00:21:27,715 Speaker 1: the bronze worse. Marcellus Wiley. Marcellus Wiley is a one 295 00:21:27,795 --> 00:21:30,955 Speaker 1: time Pro Bowl defensive end that has meant literally he 296 00:21:30,995 --> 00:21:33,075 Speaker 1: played ten years. He went to the Pro Bowl once 297 00:21:33,595 --> 00:21:38,875 Speaker 1: and then he checks notes. He was on ESPN and 298 00:21:38,955 --> 00:21:43,315 Speaker 1: Fox Sports. Apparently. Oh he worked with Jason Whitlock. Oh, 299 00:21:43,355 --> 00:21:47,995 Speaker 1: that explains this. Wiley, who now does YouTube videos, shared 300 00:21:48,035 --> 00:21:51,235 Speaker 1: a text message he claims he received, which he says 301 00:21:51,915 --> 00:21:56,595 Speaker 1: claims offered him twenty thousand dollars plus accommodations if he 302 00:21:56,635 --> 00:22:01,155 Speaker 1: would attend the Democratic National Convention in Chicago later this month, 303 00:22:01,595 --> 00:22:05,355 Speaker 1: and he then proceeded to use this tech as some 304 00:22:05,435 --> 00:22:10,955 Speaker 1: kind of proof that Democrats are buying off celebrities. Immediately 305 00:22:11,395 --> 00:22:14,115 Speaker 1: quoting him, I said, oh, that's why, Megan, this stallion 306 00:22:14,475 --> 00:22:18,595 Speaker 1: was out there toorking with Kamala Harris and them. Wiley said, 307 00:22:19,195 --> 00:22:23,475 Speaker 1: wait a minute, y'all paying me like PEPSI this ain't 308 00:22:23,515 --> 00:22:26,355 Speaker 1: no soda. He was the captain of the Columbia football team. 309 00:22:26,395 --> 00:22:29,155 Speaker 1: I just wanted to point that out. IVY League on 310 00:22:29,235 --> 00:22:32,795 Speaker 1: IVY League violence right here. This is for people's political votes. 311 00:22:32,835 --> 00:22:35,275 Speaker 1: This is to influence their lives to some degree. What 312 00:22:35,875 --> 00:22:41,675 Speaker 1: they sent me this? Nah, So the Democrats are bribing celebrities, 313 00:22:42,835 --> 00:22:48,155 Speaker 1: So why would they contact Marcellus Wiley twenty thousand dollars? 314 00:22:48,555 --> 00:22:52,515 Speaker 1: Oh my god, we'll have to cancel all the advertising 315 00:22:52,675 --> 00:22:57,715 Speaker 1: you spent twenty thousand dollars on Marcella's Wiley. Okay, here's 316 00:22:57,795 --> 00:22:59,755 Speaker 1: spend another twenty thousand dollars to see if you can 317 00:22:59,795 --> 00:23:03,595 Speaker 1: find out who the hell Marcellus Wiley is. Runner up 318 00:23:03,675 --> 00:23:06,955 Speaker 1: Dan Scavino, Oh, we all know him. He thinks he's 319 00:23:06,955 --> 00:23:10,475 Speaker 1: famous as opposed to infamous. He's like the social media 320 00:23:10,595 --> 00:23:13,875 Speaker 1: guru for Trump and senior advisor to Trump. And he 321 00:23:13,915 --> 00:23:16,315 Speaker 1: put this out on Twitter because he was never banned 322 00:23:16,355 --> 00:23:20,235 Speaker 1: from Twitter. I don't think Hearing Biden wants back in 323 00:23:20,315 --> 00:23:24,955 Speaker 1: the race after finally caps finally taking some time to 324 00:23:24,995 --> 00:23:28,315 Speaker 1: realize what his quote friends unquote did to him leading 325 00:23:28,395 --> 00:23:31,475 Speaker 1: up to his dropout letter posted via x on a 326 00:23:31,515 --> 00:23:36,355 Speaker 1: Sunday afternoon, Hearing Biden wants back in the race. Where 327 00:23:36,395 --> 00:23:39,195 Speaker 1: did he hear that? Well, if you've been paying attention, 328 00:23:39,675 --> 00:23:42,915 Speaker 1: you'll remember that I'm noticed here that Trump had said it, 329 00:23:43,795 --> 00:23:48,435 Speaker 1: Trump posted it. That's how how totally deranged. Trump's campaign 330 00:23:48,435 --> 00:23:51,755 Speaker 1: has become since Biden dropped out and Kamala Harris took 331 00:23:51,795 --> 00:23:55,755 Speaker 1: his place as the Democratic presidential nominee. That's how desperate 332 00:23:55,795 --> 00:23:59,515 Speaker 1: they are. They have developed. Trump personally developed his own 333 00:23:59,595 --> 00:24:02,475 Speaker 1: fanfic that Biden is going to force his way back in. 334 00:24:02,635 --> 00:24:06,275 Speaker 1: He's going to storm the convention and somehow get all 335 00:24:06,355 --> 00:24:12,755 Speaker 1: the delegates back and then lose to Trump because that's 336 00:24:12,915 --> 00:24:16,115 Speaker 1: what Trump decided is going to happen. And Trump is 337 00:24:16,115 --> 00:24:17,995 Speaker 1: three years old now, and he gets his way all 338 00:24:18,035 --> 00:24:21,915 Speaker 1: the time. And this is how desperate they are. Trump 339 00:24:21,995 --> 00:24:26,515 Speaker 1: makes something up and one of his lackeys, this Scavino clown, 340 00:24:27,035 --> 00:24:30,035 Speaker 1: then says, hearing Biden wants back in the race, well, 341 00:24:30,035 --> 00:24:33,115 Speaker 1: you heard it because the psychopath you work for made 342 00:24:33,155 --> 00:24:36,875 Speaker 1: it up. I heard voices in my head tell me that. Yeah, 343 00:24:36,875 --> 00:24:39,875 Speaker 1: that's what you're dealing with here. This is how desperate 344 00:24:39,915 --> 00:24:44,795 Speaker 1: the Trump campaign is. Kill them and eat them. But 345 00:24:44,875 --> 00:24:50,195 Speaker 1: our winner, speaking of strung out and lunatic Elon Musk, 346 00:24:50,635 --> 00:24:53,075 Speaker 1: All right, this is a little complicated, but bear with 347 00:24:53,155 --> 00:24:56,995 Speaker 1: me here. Somebody put out a faked headline from the 348 00:24:57,035 --> 00:25:01,995 Speaker 1: London conservative fascist newspaper The Telegraph and put this out 349 00:25:02,275 --> 00:25:05,035 Speaker 1: with no indication that it was satire or par or 350 00:25:05,075 --> 00:25:08,795 Speaker 1: anything else. The headline read Keir Starmer, that's the new 351 00:25:08,955 --> 00:25:13,675 Speaker 1: labor Prime Minister of Britain, Keir Starmer considering building emergency 352 00:25:13,795 --> 00:25:17,395 Speaker 1: detainment camps on the Falkland Islands. The camps would be 353 00:25:17,515 --> 00:25:20,155 Speaker 1: used to detain prisoners. Again, this is not true. This 354 00:25:20,195 --> 00:25:24,115 Speaker 1: is a very cleverly faked headline, supposedly screenshot it off 355 00:25:24,155 --> 00:25:26,875 Speaker 1: the Telegraph newspaper. The camps would be used to detain 356 00:25:26,915 --> 00:25:30,115 Speaker 1: prisoners from the ongoing riots, as the British British prison 357 00:25:30,155 --> 00:25:33,915 Speaker 1: system is already at capacity. The head of a fascist 358 00:25:33,915 --> 00:25:40,355 Speaker 1: group in England Britain first, Ashley Simon, that's Ashley ashl 359 00:25:40,555 --> 00:25:45,595 Speaker 1: Ea God sent this out and put a caption on 360 00:25:45,635 --> 00:25:48,515 Speaker 1: top of it. We're all being deported to the Falklands. 361 00:25:48,755 --> 00:25:51,435 Speaker 1: If you don't remember the Falklands. Britain had a nice 362 00:25:51,475 --> 00:25:54,435 Speaker 1: little war in nineteen eighty two in which Margaret Thatcher 363 00:25:54,475 --> 00:25:56,715 Speaker 1: was able to then claim that Britain had some kind 364 00:25:56,755 --> 00:26:01,075 Speaker 1: of relevancy in international relations even though it didn't. And 365 00:26:01,195 --> 00:26:04,035 Speaker 1: Musk put this thing out and it was seen by 366 00:26:04,075 --> 00:26:06,795 Speaker 1: a million people in fifteen minutes before somebody told Musk 367 00:26:06,995 --> 00:26:09,235 Speaker 1: that it was a fake or parody or something, and 368 00:26:09,275 --> 00:26:11,795 Speaker 1: he was violating all of his own rules, and he 369 00:26:11,915 --> 00:26:16,715 Speaker 1: added detainment cups in quotes as if they're planning mass 370 00:26:16,755 --> 00:26:19,875 Speaker 1: executions or something. Because Musk has lost his goddamned mind 371 00:26:20,275 --> 00:26:23,515 Speaker 1: if he ever had any control of it. The massive 372 00:26:23,515 --> 00:26:27,115 Speaker 1: amounts of ozempic and other drugs have clearly turned him 373 00:26:27,115 --> 00:26:30,835 Speaker 1: into a raging lunatic. In addition to this, he of 374 00:26:30,915 --> 00:26:36,155 Speaker 1: course keeps calling for some would say advocating for civil 375 00:26:36,195 --> 00:26:38,435 Speaker 1: war in the UK. He's mentioned it at least five 376 00:26:38,475 --> 00:26:42,595 Speaker 1: times since last November, and Politico Europe reports that Musk 377 00:26:42,675 --> 00:26:47,675 Speaker 1: may be summoned by British MPs over X's role in 378 00:26:47,755 --> 00:26:50,595 Speaker 1: the race riots that have rocked the UK, in which 379 00:26:50,875 --> 00:26:56,355 Speaker 1: online the Conservatives have stirred up complaints insistences that immigrants 380 00:26:56,435 --> 00:26:59,315 Speaker 1: killed three young girls in Britain when it had nothing 381 00:26:59,355 --> 00:27:01,675 Speaker 1: to do with immigrants, and they have gone to immigrant 382 00:27:01,715 --> 00:27:06,875 Speaker 1: camps and immigrant reception areas and tried to kill the immigrants. 383 00:27:06,875 --> 00:27:09,595 Speaker 1: That's how bad it's gotten. That's what happens when you 384 00:27:09,675 --> 00:27:12,795 Speaker 1: let the right wing run rampant, rather than I don't know, 385 00:27:12,995 --> 00:27:16,515 Speaker 1: emergency detainment camp somewhere. Can we borrow the Falkland Islands. 386 00:27:17,915 --> 00:27:20,195 Speaker 1: I mean, you can send Farage there. Can we send 387 00:27:21,235 --> 00:27:25,475 Speaker 1: you know, what's that that kid's name, Ben Shapiro, Send 388 00:27:25,555 --> 00:27:29,635 Speaker 1: him there. Labor MPs are telling Politico Europe that they 389 00:27:29,675 --> 00:27:33,355 Speaker 1: would press the billionaire X owner and other tech executives 390 00:27:33,435 --> 00:27:36,475 Speaker 1: to answer questions about the role of social media platforms 391 00:27:36,515 --> 00:27:40,275 Speaker 1: amid mounting unrest in the UK. Here's the thing. I 392 00:27:40,435 --> 00:27:43,035 Speaker 1: like the idea of summoning him in front of Parliament 393 00:27:43,395 --> 00:27:46,595 Speaker 1: because they do a pretty good job of not like 394 00:27:46,715 --> 00:27:51,155 Speaker 1: our system of actually taking malefactors like Elon Musk and 395 00:27:51,315 --> 00:27:54,915 Speaker 1: asking them pointed questions and then quoting what they'd said 396 00:27:54,915 --> 00:28:00,035 Speaker 1: previously and threatening them with being charged with lying under oath. 397 00:28:00,995 --> 00:28:03,395 Speaker 1: But here's a much simpler solution in England. I think 398 00:28:03,395 --> 00:28:06,315 Speaker 1: they should move to the the tertiary stage of what 399 00:28:06,395 --> 00:28:09,515 Speaker 1: to do with people like Elon Musk. You guys, you 400 00:28:09,675 --> 00:28:14,115 Speaker 1: have still a Tower of London. I mean, we all 401 00:28:14,195 --> 00:28:18,195 Speaker 1: know worldwide. It's one of the most famous things about England, 402 00:28:18,355 --> 00:28:20,435 Speaker 1: about Europe. In the United States, it's one of the 403 00:28:20,515 --> 00:28:24,195 Speaker 1: most famous things not about the United States. The Tower 404 00:28:24,235 --> 00:28:26,315 Speaker 1: of London. We all know the Tower of London from 405 00:28:26,395 --> 00:28:32,835 Speaker 1: something from a movie from Shakespeare from Richard's stories. You 406 00:28:32,995 --> 00:28:35,955 Speaker 1: have a Tower of London. What is the point of 407 00:28:36,035 --> 00:28:39,195 Speaker 1: having had a Tower of London for at least what 408 00:28:39,915 --> 00:28:42,795 Speaker 1: eight hundred years? What is the point of having a 409 00:28:42,795 --> 00:28:46,275 Speaker 1: Tower of London if you can't stick people like Elon 410 00:28:46,395 --> 00:28:50,075 Speaker 1: Musk in it? And then when people say where is he? 411 00:28:50,395 --> 00:28:52,755 Speaker 1: You say, he's in the Tower of London, and somebody 412 00:28:52,795 --> 00:28:56,235 Speaker 1: gets it writ and says produce them and you go, oh, 413 00:28:56,475 --> 00:29:00,915 Speaker 1: I'm sorry, we lost him like those princes in fourteen 414 00:29:00,995 --> 00:29:05,955 Speaker 1: eighty three with the paperwork was rerouted to whale or somewhere, 415 00:29:05,995 --> 00:29:09,955 Speaker 1: so we don't know where he is. Sorry. I mean 416 00:29:09,955 --> 00:29:13,675 Speaker 1: this has worked for the British literally since fourteen eighty three, 417 00:29:14,355 --> 00:29:17,715 Speaker 1: probably well before that. You got a problem, you got 418 00:29:17,755 --> 00:29:20,395 Speaker 1: a guy's out of control, Send him to the tower 419 00:29:20,635 --> 00:29:23,915 Speaker 1: and then lose his paperwork. Check back when we next 420 00:29:23,915 --> 00:29:27,475 Speaker 1: excavate some of the mounds of dirt that we have 421 00:29:27,635 --> 00:29:31,195 Speaker 1: for some unknown reason, on various floors of the Tower 422 00:29:31,195 --> 00:29:33,675 Speaker 1: of London. Check back with us next time we go 423 00:29:33,955 --> 00:29:38,075 Speaker 1: on a survey of the dirt five hundred years from now. Hey, 424 00:29:38,115 --> 00:29:41,155 Speaker 1: look at this, it's a it's a skeleton with a 425 00:29:41,195 --> 00:29:44,155 Speaker 1: nozepic needle. Sticking out of it. This must have been 426 00:29:44,195 --> 00:29:50,475 Speaker 1: that Elon MUCKs guy. Elon just say he finally overdosed 427 00:29:50,635 --> 00:30:15,195 Speaker 1: musk two days worst part sending in the world. James 428 00:30:15,195 --> 00:30:18,035 Speaker 1: Thurber was a brilliant writer, and in his spare time, 429 00:30:18,035 --> 00:30:21,635 Speaker 1: it was an equally brilliant, almost avant garde artist in 430 00:30:21,715 --> 00:30:25,235 Speaker 1: the same body. His simple drawings to pick the most 431 00:30:25,235 --> 00:30:29,595 Speaker 1: complex of emotions and comedic situations. His dogs are immortal. 432 00:30:29,955 --> 00:30:32,555 Speaker 1: And then there were his captions. Well, I can't do 433 00:30:32,595 --> 00:30:34,995 Speaker 1: anything with his drawings in a podcast, so I'll just 434 00:30:35,115 --> 00:30:38,115 Speaker 1: read and I will read you now in this episode, 435 00:30:38,155 --> 00:30:42,715 Speaker 1: what is probably his most famous story from my life 436 00:30:42,795 --> 00:30:47,675 Speaker 1: in hard times, The Night the bed fell James Thurber. 437 00:30:49,315 --> 00:30:53,635 Speaker 1: I suppose that the high water mark of my youth 438 00:30:53,715 --> 00:30:57,395 Speaker 1: in Columbus, Ohio was the night the bed fell on 439 00:30:57,515 --> 00:31:01,635 Speaker 1: my father. It makes a better recitation unless, as some 440 00:31:01,675 --> 00:31:03,515 Speaker 1: friends of mine have said, one has heard it five 441 00:31:03,595 --> 00:31:05,875 Speaker 1: or six times. And it does a piece of writing, 442 00:31:06,355 --> 00:31:10,515 Speaker 1: for it is almost necessary to throw furniture around, shake doors, 443 00:31:10,555 --> 00:31:14,235 Speaker 1: and bark like a dog to lend the proper atmosphere 444 00:31:14,275 --> 00:31:20,115 Speaker 1: and verisimilitude to what is admittedly a somewhat incredible tale. Still, 445 00:31:20,835 --> 00:31:24,795 Speaker 1: it did take place It happened then that my father 446 00:31:24,875 --> 00:31:27,315 Speaker 1: had decided to sleep in the attic one night, to 447 00:31:27,315 --> 00:31:31,235 Speaker 1: be away where he could think. My mother opposed the 448 00:31:31,275 --> 00:31:34,475 Speaker 1: notion strongly because she said the old wooden bed up 449 00:31:34,475 --> 00:31:37,755 Speaker 1: there was unsafe. It was wobbly, and the heavy headboard 450 00:31:37,755 --> 00:31:40,155 Speaker 1: would crash down on father's head in case the bed 451 00:31:40,195 --> 00:31:45,235 Speaker 1: fell and kill him. There was no dissuading him, however, 452 00:31:45,555 --> 00:31:47,635 Speaker 1: and at a quarter past ten, he closed the attic 453 00:31:47,675 --> 00:31:50,115 Speaker 1: door behind him and went up the narrow, twisting stairs. 454 00:31:50,835 --> 00:31:55,755 Speaker 1: We later heard Amina's creakings as he crawled into bed. Grandfather, 455 00:31:55,755 --> 00:31:57,595 Speaker 1: who usually slept in the attic bed when he was 456 00:31:57,635 --> 00:32:01,715 Speaker 1: with us, had disappeared some days before. On those occasions, 457 00:32:01,755 --> 00:32:04,075 Speaker 1: he was usually gone six or eight days, and returned 458 00:32:04,115 --> 00:32:07,755 Speaker 1: growling and out of temper with the news that the 459 00:32:07,835 --> 00:32:11,155 Speaker 1: Federal Union was run by a passel of blockheads, and 460 00:32:11,195 --> 00:32:13,275 Speaker 1: that the Army of the Potomac didn't have any more 461 00:32:13,355 --> 00:32:18,235 Speaker 1: chance than a fiddler's bitch. We had visiting us at 462 00:32:18,275 --> 00:32:21,595 Speaker 1: the time, a nervous first cousin of mine named Briggs Beale, 463 00:32:21,995 --> 00:32:24,795 Speaker 1: who believed that he was likely to cease breathing when 464 00:32:24,795 --> 00:32:27,595 Speaker 1: he was asleep. It was his feeling that if he 465 00:32:27,635 --> 00:32:30,595 Speaker 1: were not awakened every hour during the night, he might 466 00:32:30,715 --> 00:32:34,395 Speaker 1: die of suffocation. He had been accustomed to setting an 467 00:32:34,435 --> 00:32:37,715 Speaker 1: alarm clock to ring at intervals until morning, but I 468 00:32:37,915 --> 00:32:41,915 Speaker 1: persuaded him to abandon this. He slept in my room, 469 00:32:41,915 --> 00:32:43,515 Speaker 1: and I told him that I was such a light 470 00:32:43,595 --> 00:32:46,675 Speaker 1: sleeper that if anybody quit breathing in the same room 471 00:32:46,715 --> 00:32:49,795 Speaker 1: with me, I would wake instantly. He tested me the 472 00:32:49,835 --> 00:32:53,635 Speaker 1: first night, which I had suspected he would, by holding 473 00:32:53,675 --> 00:32:57,515 Speaker 1: his breath after my regular breathing had convinced him I 474 00:32:57,635 --> 00:33:01,635 Speaker 1: was asleep. I was not asleep, however, and called to him. 475 00:33:02,195 --> 00:33:05,995 Speaker 1: This seemed to allay his feet years a little, but 476 00:33:06,075 --> 00:33:08,835 Speaker 1: he took the precaution of putting a glass of spirits 477 00:33:08,875 --> 00:33:12,075 Speaker 1: of camphor on a little table at the head of 478 00:33:12,075 --> 00:33:15,075 Speaker 1: his bed in case I didn't arouse him until he 479 00:33:15,115 --> 00:33:18,275 Speaker 1: was almost gone. He said he would sniff the camphor. 480 00:33:18,355 --> 00:33:22,315 Speaker 1: A powerful reviver, Briggs was not the only member of 481 00:33:22,355 --> 00:33:26,475 Speaker 1: his family who had his crotchets. Old aunt Melissa Belle, 482 00:33:26,875 --> 00:33:29,155 Speaker 1: who could whistle like a man with two fingers in 483 00:33:29,155 --> 00:33:32,435 Speaker 1: her mouth, suffered under the premonition that she was destined 484 00:33:32,435 --> 00:33:35,155 Speaker 1: to die on South High Street because she had been 485 00:33:35,235 --> 00:33:38,875 Speaker 1: born on South High Street and married on South High Street. 486 00:33:39,595 --> 00:33:42,755 Speaker 1: Then there was Aunt Sarah Schauf, who never went to 487 00:33:42,795 --> 00:33:45,675 Speaker 1: bed at night without the fear that a burglar was 488 00:33:45,755 --> 00:33:49,115 Speaker 1: going to get in and blow chloroform under her door 489 00:33:49,195 --> 00:33:52,875 Speaker 1: through a tube. To avert this calamity, for she was 490 00:33:52,875 --> 00:33:55,835 Speaker 1: in greater dread of anesthetics than of losing her household goods. 491 00:33:56,035 --> 00:34:00,115 Speaker 1: She always piled her money, silverware, and other valuables in 492 00:34:00,155 --> 00:34:03,315 Speaker 1: a neat stack just outside her bedroom, with a note 493 00:34:03,395 --> 00:34:05,795 Speaker 1: reading this is all I have. Please take it and 494 00:34:05,875 --> 00:34:08,635 Speaker 1: do not use your chloroform, as this is all I have. 495 00:34:10,155 --> 00:34:13,515 Speaker 1: Aunt Gracie Chauff also had a burglar phobia, but she 496 00:34:13,635 --> 00:34:17,115 Speaker 1: met it with more fortitude. She was confident that burglars 497 00:34:17,155 --> 00:34:20,275 Speaker 1: had been getting into her house every night for forty years. 498 00:34:20,915 --> 00:34:23,875 Speaker 1: The fact that she never missed anything was to her 499 00:34:24,115 --> 00:34:26,715 Speaker 1: no proof. To the contrary, she always claimed that she 500 00:34:26,835 --> 00:34:29,835 Speaker 1: scared them off before they could take anything by throwing 501 00:34:30,075 --> 00:34:33,955 Speaker 1: shoes down the hallway. When she went to bed, she 502 00:34:34,115 --> 00:34:37,155 Speaker 1: piled where she could get at them handily, all the 503 00:34:37,235 --> 00:34:40,795 Speaker 1: shoes there were about her house. Five minutes after she 504 00:34:40,835 --> 00:34:42,515 Speaker 1: had turned off the light, she would sit up in 505 00:34:42,555 --> 00:34:47,875 Speaker 1: bed and say hark. Her husband, who had learned to 506 00:34:47,955 --> 00:34:51,075 Speaker 1: ignore the whole situation as long ago as nineteen o three, 507 00:34:51,795 --> 00:34:55,635 Speaker 1: would either be sound asleep or pretend to be sound asleep. 508 00:34:56,355 --> 00:34:58,915 Speaker 1: In either case, he would not respond to her tugging 509 00:34:58,995 --> 00:35:02,795 Speaker 1: and pulling, so that presently she would arise, tiptoe to 510 00:35:02,835 --> 00:35:05,795 Speaker 1: the door, open it slightly, and he a shoe down 511 00:35:05,835 --> 00:35:08,755 Speaker 1: the hall in one direction, and its mate down the 512 00:35:08,755 --> 00:35:12,395 Speaker 1: hall in the other direction. Some nights she threw them all, 513 00:35:12,835 --> 00:35:17,555 Speaker 1: some nights only a couple of pear. But I am 514 00:35:17,715 --> 00:35:20,875 Speaker 1: straying from the remarkable incidents that took place during the 515 00:35:20,995 --> 00:35:24,355 Speaker 1: night that the bed fell on father. By midnight we 516 00:35:24,355 --> 00:35:27,475 Speaker 1: were all in bed. The layout of the rooms and 517 00:35:27,515 --> 00:35:30,515 Speaker 1: the disposition of their occupants is important to an understanding 518 00:35:30,555 --> 00:35:34,715 Speaker 1: of what later occurred. In the front room upstairs, just 519 00:35:34,835 --> 00:35:39,355 Speaker 1: under father's attic bedroom, where my mother and my brother Herman, 520 00:35:39,395 --> 00:35:42,955 Speaker 1: who sometimes sang in his sleep, usually marching through Georgia 521 00:35:43,115 --> 00:35:47,155 Speaker 1: or onward Christian soldiers, briggs Beale and myself were in 522 00:35:47,235 --> 00:35:50,035 Speaker 1: a room adjoining this one. My brother Roy was in 523 00:35:50,075 --> 00:35:53,435 Speaker 1: a room across the hall from ours. Our bull terrier 524 00:35:53,515 --> 00:35:57,755 Speaker 1: Wrecks slept in the hall. My bed was an army cot, 525 00:35:57,835 --> 00:36:00,275 Speaker 1: one of those affairs which were made wide enough to 526 00:36:00,315 --> 00:36:03,035 Speaker 1: sleep on comfortably only by putting up flat with the 527 00:36:03,035 --> 00:36:06,635 Speaker 1: middle section the two sides, which ordinarily hang down like 528 00:36:06,675 --> 00:36:09,835 Speaker 1: the sideboards of a drop leaf table. When these sides 529 00:36:09,875 --> 00:36:14,195 Speaker 1: are up, it is perilous to roll too far toward 530 00:36:14,275 --> 00:36:17,115 Speaker 1: the edge, for then the cot is likely to tip 531 00:36:17,195 --> 00:36:20,355 Speaker 1: completely over, bringing the whole bed down on top of 532 00:36:20,435 --> 00:36:25,475 Speaker 1: one with a tremendous banging crash. This, in fact, is 533 00:36:25,515 --> 00:36:29,195 Speaker 1: precisely what happened about two o'clock in the morning. It 534 00:36:29,315 --> 00:36:31,795 Speaker 1: was my mother who, in recalling the scene later first 535 00:36:31,875 --> 00:36:34,435 Speaker 1: referred to it as the night the bedfellow on your father, 536 00:36:35,795 --> 00:36:39,995 Speaker 1: always a deep sleeper and slow to arouse, I had 537 00:36:40,115 --> 00:36:43,795 Speaker 1: lied to Briggs. I was at first unconscious of what 538 00:36:43,915 --> 00:36:46,875 Speaker 1: had happened when the iron coot rolled me onto the 539 00:36:46,915 --> 00:36:50,595 Speaker 1: floor and toppled over on me. It left me still 540 00:36:50,675 --> 00:36:53,355 Speaker 1: warmly bundled up and unhurt, for the bed rested above 541 00:36:53,395 --> 00:36:56,195 Speaker 1: me like a canopy. Hence I did not wake up, 542 00:36:56,555 --> 00:37:00,835 Speaker 1: only reached the edge of consciousness and went back. The racket, however, 543 00:37:00,955 --> 00:37:03,395 Speaker 1: instantly awakened my mother in the next room, who came 544 00:37:03,435 --> 00:37:07,115 Speaker 1: to the immediate conclusion that her worst dread was realized 545 00:37:07,115 --> 00:37:10,635 Speaker 1: the big wooden bed upstairs had fallen on father. She 546 00:37:10,795 --> 00:37:15,955 Speaker 1: therefore screamed, let's go to your poor father. It was 547 00:37:16,035 --> 00:37:19,355 Speaker 1: this shout, rather than the noise of my cot falling, 548 00:37:19,395 --> 00:37:21,955 Speaker 1: that awakened Herman in the same room with her, he 549 00:37:22,035 --> 00:37:25,275 Speaker 1: thought that mother had become, for no apparent reason, hysterical. 550 00:37:25,795 --> 00:37:28,475 Speaker 1: You're all right, mama, he shouted, trying to calm her. 551 00:37:29,075 --> 00:37:33,795 Speaker 1: They exchanged shout for shout for perhaps ten seconds. Let's 552 00:37:33,795 --> 00:37:38,315 Speaker 1: go to your poor father, and you're all right. That 553 00:37:38,675 --> 00:37:42,235 Speaker 1: woke up Briggs. By this time I was conscious of 554 00:37:42,315 --> 00:37:45,395 Speaker 1: what was going on in a vague way, but did 555 00:37:45,435 --> 00:37:48,795 Speaker 1: not yet realize that I was under my bed instead 556 00:37:48,795 --> 00:37:52,635 Speaker 1: of on it. Briggs, awakening in the midst of loud 557 00:37:52,635 --> 00:37:55,235 Speaker 1: shouts of fear and apprehension, came to the quick conclusion 558 00:37:55,395 --> 00:37:57,995 Speaker 1: that he was suffocating and that we were all trying 559 00:37:58,035 --> 00:38:03,155 Speaker 1: to bring him out. With a low moan, he grasped 560 00:38:03,195 --> 00:38:05,155 Speaker 1: the glass of camphor at the head of his bed, 561 00:38:05,275 --> 00:38:10,035 Speaker 1: and instead of sniffing it, he poured it over himself. 562 00:38:10,315 --> 00:38:14,995 Speaker 1: The room reeked of camphor. Ugh ah choked Briggs like 563 00:38:15,035 --> 00:38:17,955 Speaker 1: a drowning man, for he had almost succeeded in stopping 564 00:38:17,995 --> 00:38:22,755 Speaker 1: his breath under the deluge of pungent spirits. He leaped 565 00:38:22,755 --> 00:38:24,955 Speaker 1: out of bed and groped toward the open window, but 566 00:38:24,995 --> 00:38:28,155 Speaker 1: he came up against one that was closed. With his hand, 567 00:38:28,555 --> 00:38:31,275 Speaker 1: he beat out the glass, and I could hear it 568 00:38:31,355 --> 00:38:35,115 Speaker 1: crash and tinkle on the alleyway below. He was at 569 00:38:35,115 --> 00:38:37,275 Speaker 1: this juncture that I, in trying to get up, had 570 00:38:37,275 --> 00:38:42,555 Speaker 1: the uncanny sensation of feeling my bed above me foggy 571 00:38:42,595 --> 00:38:45,555 Speaker 1: with sleep. I now suspected, in my turn, that the 572 00:38:45,595 --> 00:38:48,595 Speaker 1: whole uproar was being made in a frantic endeavor to 573 00:38:48,755 --> 00:38:51,195 Speaker 1: extricate me from what must be an unheard of and 574 00:38:51,275 --> 00:38:54,315 Speaker 1: perilous situation. Get me out of this, I bawled, Get 575 00:38:54,355 --> 00:38:56,995 Speaker 1: me out. I think I had the nightmarish belief that 576 00:38:57,035 --> 00:39:01,475 Speaker 1: I was entombed in a mine. O g go, gasp 577 00:39:01,675 --> 00:39:05,835 Speaker 1: Briggs floundering in his camphor. By this time, my mother, 578 00:39:06,035 --> 00:39:09,915 Speaker 1: still shouting, pursued by Hermann, still shouting, was trying to 579 00:39:09,955 --> 00:39:11,835 Speaker 1: open the door to the attic in order to go 580 00:39:11,955 --> 00:39:16,235 Speaker 1: up and get my father's body out of the wreckage. 581 00:39:16,515 --> 00:39:21,555 Speaker 1: The door was stuck, however, and would not yield. Her 582 00:39:21,595 --> 00:39:24,515 Speaker 1: frantic pulls on it only added to the general banging 583 00:39:24,555 --> 00:39:27,195 Speaker 1: and confusion. Roy and the dog were now up, the 584 00:39:27,235 --> 00:39:31,995 Speaker 1: one shouting questions, the other barking. Father, farthest away and 585 00:39:32,115 --> 00:39:34,715 Speaker 1: soundest sleeper of all, had by this time been awakened 586 00:39:34,755 --> 00:39:38,395 Speaker 1: by the battering on the attic door. He decided that 587 00:39:38,435 --> 00:39:44,715 Speaker 1: the house was on fire. Oh come, okay, he wailed 588 00:39:44,755 --> 00:39:47,755 Speaker 1: in a slow, sleepy voice. It took him many minutes 589 00:39:47,795 --> 00:39:50,835 Speaker 1: to regain full consciousness. My mother, still believing he was 590 00:39:50,875 --> 00:39:54,635 Speaker 1: caught under the bed, detected in his I'm coming, the 591 00:39:54,795 --> 00:39:57,715 Speaker 1: mournful resigned note of one who was preparing to meet 592 00:39:57,755 --> 00:40:03,155 Speaker 1: his maker. He's dying, she shouted. I'm all right, Briggs 593 00:40:03,235 --> 00:40:06,395 Speaker 1: yelled to reassure her, all right. He still believed that 594 00:40:06,435 --> 00:40:10,155 Speaker 1: it was his own closeness to death that was worrying Mother. 595 00:40:11,355 --> 00:40:13,675 Speaker 1: I found at last the light switch in my room, 596 00:40:13,755 --> 00:40:15,715 Speaker 1: unlocked the door, and Briggs and I joined the others 597 00:40:15,755 --> 00:40:19,355 Speaker 1: at the attic door. The dog, who never did like Briggs, 598 00:40:19,635 --> 00:40:22,635 Speaker 1: jumped for him, assuming that he was the culprit in 599 00:40:22,675 --> 00:40:26,115 Speaker 1: whatever was going on, and Roy had to throw Rex 600 00:40:26,195 --> 00:40:29,435 Speaker 1: and hold him. We could hear Father crawling out of 601 00:40:29,435 --> 00:40:32,275 Speaker 1: the bed upstairs. Roy pulled the attic door open with 602 00:40:32,315 --> 00:40:35,275 Speaker 1: a mighty jerk, and Father came down the stairs, sleepy 603 00:40:35,315 --> 00:40:38,915 Speaker 1: and irritable, but safe and sound. My mother began to 604 00:40:38,955 --> 00:40:42,915 Speaker 1: weep when she saw him. Rex began to howl. What 605 00:40:43,995 --> 00:40:49,795 Speaker 1: in the name of God is going on here? Asked father. 606 00:40:51,515 --> 00:40:55,635 Speaker 1: The situation was finally put together like a giant gigsaw puzzle. 607 00:40:56,435 --> 00:40:59,395 Speaker 1: Father caught a cold from prowling around in his bare feet, 608 00:40:59,395 --> 00:41:04,155 Speaker 1: but there were no other bad results. I'm glad, said mother, 609 00:41:04,195 --> 00:41:06,235 Speaker 1: who all always looked on the bright side of things, 610 00:41:07,715 --> 00:41:23,955 Speaker 1: that your grandfather wasn't here. I've done all the damage 611 00:41:23,955 --> 00:41:27,035 Speaker 1: I can do here. Thank you for listening. Send this 612 00:41:27,195 --> 00:41:30,355 Speaker 1: podcast to somebody who does not listen. We're in the 613 00:41:30,355 --> 00:41:33,435 Speaker 1: home stretch here, Let's go. Brian Ray and John Phillip 614 00:41:33,435 --> 00:41:37,155 Speaker 1: Shaneil the musical directors, have countdown, arranged, produced, and performed 615 00:41:37,235 --> 00:41:40,755 Speaker 1: most of our music. Mister Chanelle handled orchestration and keyboards. 616 00:41:40,915 --> 00:41:43,675 Speaker 1: Mister Ray was on the guitars, bass and drums. It 617 00:41:43,795 --> 00:41:47,435 Speaker 1: was produced by Tko Brothers. Our satirical and pithy musical 618 00:41:47,435 --> 00:41:50,515 Speaker 1: comments are by the best baseball stadium organist ever, Nancy 619 00:41:50,555 --> 00:41:53,915 Speaker 1: Faust by name. The sports music is the Olberman theme 620 00:41:53,995 --> 00:41:57,115 Speaker 1: from ESPN two. It was written by Mitch Warren Davison 621 00:41:57,115 --> 00:42:01,115 Speaker 1: appears courtesy of ESPN. Other music arranged and performed by 622 00:42:01,115 --> 00:42:03,875 Speaker 1: the group No Horns Allowed. My announcer today is my 623 00:42:03,875 --> 00:42:08,555 Speaker 1: friend Jonathans from Breaking Bad. Everything else pretty much my fault. 624 00:42:09,155 --> 00:42:12,235 Speaker 1: So that's countdown for this the eighty ninth day until 625 00:42:12,275 --> 00:42:15,835 Speaker 1: the twenty twenty four presidential election. They three hundred and 626 00:42:15,835 --> 00:42:19,955 Speaker 1: tenth day since convicted feldon dementia, Jay Trump's first attempted 627 00:42:19,995 --> 00:42:22,875 Speaker 1: coup against the democratically elected government of the United States. 628 00:42:23,595 --> 00:42:27,315 Speaker 1: Use the September eighteenth sentencing hearing. Use the mental health system. 629 00:42:27,515 --> 00:42:31,515 Speaker 1: You've got it. President Biden used presidential immunity to stop 630 00:42:31,595 --> 00:42:38,835 Speaker 1: him from doing it again while we still can. And 631 00:42:39,675 --> 00:42:44,475 Speaker 1: anti Semitic, anti immigration, insane Republicans, please stop shooting at Trump. 632 00:42:45,035 --> 00:42:48,515 Speaker 1: The next scheduled countdown is Tuesday, Monday night. More accurately 633 00:42:48,835 --> 00:42:51,755 Speaker 1: bulletins as the news requires until the next one. I'm 634 00:42:51,835 --> 00:42:55,635 Speaker 1: Keith Oulrimman. Good morning, good afternoon, good night, and good luck. 635 00:43:08,115 --> 00:43:12,075 Speaker 1: Countdown with Keith Olderman is a production of iHeartRadio. For 636 00:43:12,275 --> 00:43:17,195 Speaker 1: more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, 637 00:43:17,435 --> 00:43:19,395 Speaker 1: or wherever you get your podcasts.