1 00:00:01,600 --> 00:00:04,680 Speaker 1: On this week's episode of Cultivating her Space. 2 00:00:05,120 --> 00:00:10,880 Speaker 2: We can do hard things. It is okay to release 3 00:00:11,200 --> 00:00:14,880 Speaker 2: the people who are only meant to be there for 4 00:00:15,080 --> 00:00:15,760 Speaker 2: a reason. 5 00:00:16,200 --> 00:00:20,640 Speaker 1: For a season than Today's episode is sure to provide 6 00:00:20,720 --> 00:00:25,360 Speaker 1: you with motivation, inspiration, or a fresh perspective. If you 7 00:00:25,480 --> 00:00:29,400 Speaker 1: have any AHA moments or appreciate anything from this episode, 8 00:00:29,840 --> 00:00:32,159 Speaker 1: please leave us a review to let us know we're 9 00:00:32,200 --> 00:00:36,720 Speaker 1: on the right track. Also, we release episodes every Friday, 10 00:00:37,000 --> 00:00:41,320 Speaker 1: so be sure to subscribe on iTunes and visit cultivatinghurspace 11 00:00:41,360 --> 00:00:45,440 Speaker 1: dot com to access our exclusive after show and other 12 00:00:45,520 --> 00:00:48,519 Speaker 1: bonus content from the Patreon tab. 13 00:00:49,600 --> 00:00:53,920 Speaker 2: Welcome to Cultivating her Space, a podcast dedicated to uplifting 14 00:00:53,960 --> 00:00:58,640 Speaker 2: women like you. We're your hosts, Doctor Dominique Broussard, a 15 00:00:58,720 --> 00:01:01,320 Speaker 2: college professor and psychologist. 16 00:01:00,840 --> 00:01:04,880 Speaker 1: And Terry Lomax, a techie and motivational speaker. In a 17 00:01:04,920 --> 00:01:09,920 Speaker 1: world where black women are often misrepresented and misunderstood, please 18 00:01:10,040 --> 00:01:14,760 Speaker 1: join us as we initiate authentic conversations on everything from 19 00:01:14,800 --> 00:01:17,880 Speaker 1: five roids to fake friends, and create a safe space 20 00:01:17,920 --> 00:01:20,280 Speaker 1: where black women can just be. 21 00:01:24,000 --> 00:01:26,840 Speaker 3: Hey, lady, it's doctor dom here from the Cultivating her 22 00:01:26,880 --> 00:01:30,880 Speaker 3: Space podcast. Are you currently a resident of the state 23 00:01:30,920 --> 00:01:36,360 Speaker 3: of California in contemplating starting your therapy journey. Well, if so, 24 00:01:37,120 --> 00:01:41,399 Speaker 3: please reach out to me at doctor Dominique Brusard dot com. 25 00:01:41,840 --> 00:01:46,840 Speaker 3: That's d R D O M I N I q 26 00:01:47,040 --> 00:01:52,400 Speaker 3: U E B R O U ss ar D dot 27 00:01:52,440 --> 00:01:57,320 Speaker 3: com to schedule a free fifteen minute consultation. I look 28 00:01:57,400 --> 00:02:00,440 Speaker 3: forward to hearing from you our. 29 00:02:00,360 --> 00:02:04,760 Speaker 2: Quote of the day. People come into your life for 30 00:02:04,880 --> 00:02:09,280 Speaker 2: a reason, a season or a lifetime. When you know 31 00:02:09,320 --> 00:02:11,920 Speaker 2: which one it is, you will know what to do 32 00:02:12,000 --> 00:02:19,000 Speaker 2: for that person. Author unknown. Now, lady, I know that 33 00:02:19,440 --> 00:02:23,920 Speaker 2: at some point in life you have heard that quote, 34 00:02:24,240 --> 00:02:28,040 Speaker 2: but maybe you are today years old when you realize 35 00:02:28,639 --> 00:02:34,640 Speaker 2: that that quote is actually from a longer poem, and 36 00:02:34,680 --> 00:02:38,960 Speaker 2: so I'm going to read that for you now, reason, 37 00:02:39,120 --> 00:02:44,120 Speaker 2: season or lifetime. People come into your life for a reason, 38 00:02:44,400 --> 00:02:48,320 Speaker 2: a season or a lifetime. When you know which one 39 00:02:48,360 --> 00:02:51,360 Speaker 2: it is, you will know what to do for that person. 40 00:02:52,600 --> 00:02:55,800 Speaker 2: When someone is in your life for a reason, it 41 00:02:55,880 --> 00:02:59,520 Speaker 2: is usually to meet a need you have expressed. They 42 00:02:59,520 --> 00:03:02,280 Speaker 2: have come to who assist you through a difficulty, to 43 00:03:02,400 --> 00:03:06,560 Speaker 2: provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, 44 00:03:06,880 --> 00:03:12,400 Speaker 2: emotionally or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend and 45 00:03:12,520 --> 00:03:16,000 Speaker 2: they are. They are there for the reason you need 46 00:03:16,040 --> 00:03:21,880 Speaker 2: them to be. Then, without any wrongdoing on your part 47 00:03:23,360 --> 00:03:28,160 Speaker 2: or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or 48 00:03:28,240 --> 00:03:33,160 Speaker 2: do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes 49 00:03:33,200 --> 00:03:38,920 Speaker 2: they die, sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up 50 00:03:39,480 --> 00:03:43,680 Speaker 2: and force us to take a stand. What we must 51 00:03:43,680 --> 00:03:49,000 Speaker 2: realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled. 52 00:03:50,200 --> 00:03:54,760 Speaker 2: Their work is done. The prayer you send up has 53 00:03:54,800 --> 00:03:57,920 Speaker 2: been answered, and now it is time to move on. 54 00:04:00,280 --> 00:04:05,320 Speaker 2: People come into your life for a season because your 55 00:04:05,360 --> 00:04:10,520 Speaker 2: turn has come to share, grow, or learn. They bring 56 00:04:10,560 --> 00:04:14,960 Speaker 2: you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They 57 00:04:14,960 --> 00:04:19,480 Speaker 2: may teach you something you have never done. They usually 58 00:04:19,560 --> 00:04:26,320 Speaker 2: give an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it, it is real, 59 00:04:26,400 --> 00:04:34,120 Speaker 2: but only for a season. Lifetime relationships teach you lifetime lessons, 60 00:04:34,800 --> 00:04:37,720 Speaker 2: things you must build upon in order to have a 61 00:04:37,839 --> 00:04:43,240 Speaker 2: solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, 62 00:04:43,960 --> 00:04:47,000 Speaker 2: love the person, and put what you have learned to 63 00:04:47,200 --> 00:04:51,520 Speaker 2: use in all other relationships and areas in your life. 64 00:04:52,400 --> 00:04:57,479 Speaker 2: It is said that love is blind, but friendship is clairvoyant. 65 00:04:59,200 --> 00:05:02,440 Speaker 2: Human connect actions are essential to our health and well being, 66 00:05:04,120 --> 00:05:07,719 Speaker 2: So thank everyone whose presence in your life has made 67 00:05:07,720 --> 00:05:08,320 Speaker 2: a difference. 68 00:05:09,240 --> 00:05:12,480 Speaker 1: That was beautiful and I feel like I inteverbally vomit 69 00:05:12,560 --> 00:05:14,560 Speaker 1: because so much came up for me as you share 70 00:05:14,640 --> 00:05:15,640 Speaker 1: that beautiful poem. 71 00:05:15,720 --> 00:05:17,640 Speaker 2: Don well, let's just dive in. 72 00:05:18,120 --> 00:05:21,000 Speaker 1: Let's dive in. So one thing I want to say, lady, 73 00:05:21,000 --> 00:05:23,359 Speaker 1: before we start this conversation. Just like many things on 74 00:05:23,400 --> 00:05:26,720 Speaker 1: the podcast, this is one of those topics where you 75 00:05:26,760 --> 00:05:30,400 Speaker 1: may resonate with it, you may not. And if it resonates, cool, 76 00:05:30,920 --> 00:05:32,760 Speaker 1: pick it up, take it with you. If it don't, 77 00:05:33,320 --> 00:05:35,240 Speaker 1: put it down or pass it to someone else. Right, 78 00:05:35,240 --> 00:05:37,559 Speaker 1: It's all about perspective and what you believe to be true. 79 00:05:38,279 --> 00:05:38,599 Speaker 2: Girl. 80 00:05:39,880 --> 00:05:42,520 Speaker 1: So as you were reading that, I realized that this 81 00:05:42,560 --> 00:05:45,640 Speaker 1: is a bit of a triggering conversation for me and 82 00:05:45,680 --> 00:05:47,279 Speaker 1: I didn't know that before we talked about it. Not 83 00:05:47,360 --> 00:05:49,400 Speaker 1: necessarily a bad way, but it's just a lot of 84 00:05:49,400 --> 00:05:52,760 Speaker 1: emotions come up because I realized that I'm the kind 85 00:05:52,800 --> 00:05:57,240 Speaker 1: of person where I want to keep people for a lifetime, 86 00:05:57,560 --> 00:06:00,280 Speaker 1: especially good people, like people that are I feel like 87 00:06:00,320 --> 00:06:02,600 Speaker 1: I'm a good person. I'm a good friend, I have 88 00:06:02,680 --> 00:06:05,279 Speaker 1: good energy when people are around me, and when I 89 00:06:05,320 --> 00:06:07,000 Speaker 1: meet other people like that, I'm like, I just want 90 00:06:07,040 --> 00:06:08,919 Speaker 1: I want you, I want to be friends forever, like 91 00:06:09,000 --> 00:06:11,800 Speaker 1: I wanted to just stay together forever. And I don't 92 00:06:11,839 --> 00:06:15,880 Speaker 1: like ending relationships. And I've had friendships and yeah, I've 93 00:06:15,920 --> 00:06:17,320 Speaker 1: had a lot of Like I've had not a lot, 94 00:06:17,360 --> 00:06:20,440 Speaker 1: but I've had friendships that have ended, and it felt 95 00:06:20,520 --> 00:06:23,280 Speaker 1: to me like it was premature. But I think a 96 00:06:23,320 --> 00:06:25,719 Speaker 1: lot of times you don't really know what type of 97 00:06:25,760 --> 00:06:29,000 Speaker 1: relationship it is until you're looking back on it, like 98 00:06:29,120 --> 00:06:29,880 Speaker 1: in hindsight. 99 00:06:30,520 --> 00:06:30,719 Speaker 2: Right. 100 00:06:31,480 --> 00:06:34,040 Speaker 1: So that's just that's the seed I'll plant for now 101 00:06:34,080 --> 00:06:36,360 Speaker 1: down What about you, What came up for you as 102 00:06:36,400 --> 00:06:37,320 Speaker 1: you've reflected on that? 103 00:06:37,600 --> 00:06:42,400 Speaker 2: Well, I think the thing reflecting on what you just shared, 104 00:06:42,680 --> 00:06:47,520 Speaker 2: I think it's so real, right that, particularly when we 105 00:06:47,760 --> 00:06:54,200 Speaker 2: meet good people, you don't want to let them go, right, Like, 106 00:06:55,480 --> 00:06:57,880 Speaker 2: I think what came up for me as you were 107 00:06:57,920 --> 00:07:03,400 Speaker 2: saying that, I was reflecting on people that I've worked 108 00:07:03,440 --> 00:07:08,880 Speaker 2: with or people that I met in various stages in 109 00:07:09,000 --> 00:07:15,800 Speaker 2: school and dope people, and at the time that we connect, 110 00:07:15,840 --> 00:07:18,720 Speaker 2: it's like where we when we initially connect, it's like 111 00:07:19,440 --> 00:07:23,480 Speaker 2: we're gonna be together forever, right, Like I think of 112 00:07:23,520 --> 00:07:26,360 Speaker 2: that scene in Color Purple where they're like me and 113 00:07:26,440 --> 00:07:30,040 Speaker 2: you must never part like, Hey, no, we're gonna be 114 00:07:30,120 --> 00:07:37,000 Speaker 2: together forever, right, And the reality is that it doesn't 115 00:07:37,040 --> 00:07:40,840 Speaker 2: always work that way. There's very few people who are 116 00:07:40,840 --> 00:07:42,080 Speaker 2: with us forever. 117 00:07:45,240 --> 00:07:49,960 Speaker 1: No, that's just so powerful and oh my gosh, I'm 118 00:07:49,960 --> 00:07:52,360 Speaker 1: trying to think of what we're gonna dive into next. 119 00:07:52,760 --> 00:07:55,160 Speaker 1: Do you have any experiences or any stories around this, 120 00:07:55,280 --> 00:07:59,240 Speaker 1: because I've had I want to say, two friends in 121 00:07:59,280 --> 00:08:03,080 Speaker 1: particular who it felt like they kind of broke up 122 00:08:03,120 --> 00:08:04,920 Speaker 1: with me, but it was like unofficial. I really like 123 00:08:05,000 --> 00:08:07,440 Speaker 1: closure and I don't have closure. It drives me crazy, 124 00:08:07,920 --> 00:08:12,679 Speaker 1: and so that word, it drives me bunkers. We're working 125 00:08:12,680 --> 00:08:17,320 Speaker 1: on using crazy casually, lady. But anyway, I think about 126 00:08:17,320 --> 00:08:19,920 Speaker 1: those two instances and it was very hurtful for me. 127 00:08:20,160 --> 00:08:23,080 Speaker 1: Although I learned a lot from the relationships that I 128 00:08:23,120 --> 00:08:26,920 Speaker 1: had with these two women. One of them just kind 129 00:08:26,920 --> 00:08:28,720 Speaker 1: of like disappeared. This was back in college. One of 130 00:08:28,720 --> 00:08:30,120 Speaker 1: them just kind of disappeared, and I was like, well, 131 00:08:30,160 --> 00:08:32,800 Speaker 1: we're friends. But the interesting thing about it, Dom is 132 00:08:32,800 --> 00:08:38,560 Speaker 1: that we connected at a critical point in life, and 133 00:08:38,559 --> 00:08:43,560 Speaker 1: we connected around a death. And months after we connected 134 00:08:43,559 --> 00:08:46,720 Speaker 1: around that experience, I feel like I might as well 135 00:08:46,760 --> 00:08:50,280 Speaker 1: just get more details. So my dad passed away and 136 00:08:50,440 --> 00:08:52,960 Speaker 1: we connected around that time, and then a couple months 137 00:08:53,000 --> 00:08:54,680 Speaker 1: later her dad passed away and we were able to 138 00:08:54,720 --> 00:08:57,319 Speaker 1: really help each other. It was so bizarre the way 139 00:08:57,360 --> 00:08:59,960 Speaker 1: that it all unfolded, but we were connected and had 140 00:09:00,080 --> 00:09:02,680 Speaker 1: a deep, deep relationship and connection. It was such a 141 00:09:02,679 --> 00:09:05,000 Speaker 1: great friendship, and then it kind of just fizzited off 142 00:09:05,040 --> 00:09:07,880 Speaker 1: because of college and life. And although we ended up 143 00:09:07,920 --> 00:09:10,360 Speaker 1: reconnecting years later, and she may listen to the podcast 144 00:09:10,400 --> 00:09:14,640 Speaker 1: Hey Girl, although we reconnected years later, the initial disconnect 145 00:09:14,760 --> 00:09:16,640 Speaker 1: really hurt me because I was like, wait, what happened? 146 00:09:16,679 --> 00:09:19,199 Speaker 1: Like that was my person. I just I think really 147 00:09:19,240 --> 00:09:22,160 Speaker 1: connected to people, especially when we connect in a deep way. 148 00:09:22,200 --> 00:09:25,320 Speaker 1: And then the other relationship ended by death, and that 149 00:09:25,480 --> 00:09:27,720 Speaker 1: was really tough because we never really got to have 150 00:09:27,760 --> 00:09:30,360 Speaker 1: a conversation about the state of the friendship. So those 151 00:09:30,360 --> 00:09:32,760 Speaker 1: are the two instances that come to mind when I 152 00:09:32,760 --> 00:09:34,680 Speaker 1: think about this topic, which feels a little triggering. 153 00:09:35,040 --> 00:09:37,679 Speaker 2: So when you think about that, would you say that 154 00:09:37,760 --> 00:09:40,960 Speaker 2: they were part of your life for a reason or 155 00:09:41,040 --> 00:09:41,680 Speaker 2: a season. 156 00:09:43,040 --> 00:09:46,760 Speaker 1: So when I think about the first one or a 157 00:09:46,800 --> 00:09:53,000 Speaker 1: lifetime that let me, I will say what we experienced. 158 00:09:53,160 --> 00:09:55,560 Speaker 1: My friend and I who both of our dads passed away. 159 00:09:55,880 --> 00:09:58,679 Speaker 1: I would say that there was something special about the 160 00:09:58,720 --> 00:10:01,960 Speaker 1: season we were in as teenagers. This happened, like what 161 00:10:02,000 --> 00:10:06,240 Speaker 1: we experienced then was so impactful because of the way 162 00:10:06,240 --> 00:10:08,040 Speaker 1: we were able to be there for each other, because 163 00:10:08,080 --> 00:10:10,480 Speaker 1: of what we both experienced, and it was so fresh 164 00:10:10,480 --> 00:10:13,840 Speaker 1: for us. And although we're still cool now, I don't 165 00:10:13,840 --> 00:10:16,120 Speaker 1: think we're as close as we were back then. So 166 00:10:16,160 --> 00:10:17,720 Speaker 1: I think that there's potential for it to be a 167 00:10:17,720 --> 00:10:20,079 Speaker 1: lifetime here, I go, everything's a lifetime, right, there's a 168 00:10:20,120 --> 00:10:22,520 Speaker 1: potential because we're still good, we still catch up and 169 00:10:22,520 --> 00:10:25,120 Speaker 1: pick up like we never left off. But I think 170 00:10:25,120 --> 00:10:27,080 Speaker 1: that that season that we had together was just so 171 00:10:27,240 --> 00:10:30,640 Speaker 1: special and can't really be replicated, if that makes sense. 172 00:10:31,320 --> 00:10:37,520 Speaker 1: The other relationship that did end by my friend passing away, 173 00:10:38,200 --> 00:10:41,120 Speaker 1: I would say that that was I don't know now 174 00:10:41,240 --> 00:10:42,920 Speaker 1: it was between a reason and season. It's kind of 175 00:10:42,920 --> 00:10:44,560 Speaker 1: hard for me, but I definitely learned a lot from 176 00:10:44,559 --> 00:10:47,320 Speaker 1: that relationship, and I'm still working through the closure of 177 00:10:47,360 --> 00:10:51,000 Speaker 1: that because now it is so finite, you know, like 178 00:10:51,040 --> 00:10:53,800 Speaker 1: the endings, like it's there. So I've actually been doing 179 00:10:53,800 --> 00:10:57,480 Speaker 1: some rituals and like spiritual rituals to connect and get 180 00:10:57,520 --> 00:11:01,440 Speaker 1: the closure that I desire. But that's my long winded answer. 181 00:11:01,760 --> 00:11:06,080 Speaker 2: What about you, dom, Yeah, I think for me, what 182 00:11:06,320 --> 00:11:10,679 Speaker 2: comes up ist I'm reflecting on, Like the last month 183 00:11:10,800 --> 00:11:15,360 Speaker 2: or so, I've just been like reflecting on the various 184 00:11:15,440 --> 00:11:21,640 Speaker 2: stages of my life and recognizing that like this topic 185 00:11:21,760 --> 00:11:27,960 Speaker 2: of reason, season, lifetime doesn't just apply to people, right, 186 00:11:29,360 --> 00:11:36,320 Speaker 2: that it applies to situations. That there are some situations 187 00:11:36,360 --> 00:11:40,360 Speaker 2: that we encounter for a specific reason, it serves a 188 00:11:40,400 --> 00:11:45,280 Speaker 2: finite purpose, right, And then there are some situations that 189 00:11:45,400 --> 00:11:51,240 Speaker 2: last a season, and then there's others that, like situations 190 00:11:51,240 --> 00:11:55,079 Speaker 2: that are a lifetime. And so I was thinking about 191 00:11:55,120 --> 00:11:57,120 Speaker 2: all of all of that and putting all of that 192 00:11:57,160 --> 00:12:02,440 Speaker 2: in context. And I was thinking about like past romantic 193 00:12:02,520 --> 00:12:09,720 Speaker 2: relationships and would I consider that a season or like 194 00:12:09,880 --> 00:12:13,360 Speaker 2: was that person in my life for a season or 195 00:12:13,400 --> 00:12:16,559 Speaker 2: for a specific reason? And I think that there are 196 00:12:16,640 --> 00:12:20,160 Speaker 2: some there are some men that I dated that were 197 00:12:20,200 --> 00:12:26,600 Speaker 2: in my life for a reason, right, There was something 198 00:12:26,640 --> 00:12:32,160 Speaker 2: that they brought to the table, right that I needed 199 00:12:32,200 --> 00:12:37,520 Speaker 2: to a lesson that I needed to learn. So one 200 00:12:37,640 --> 00:12:42,200 Speaker 2: guy that I'm thinking of, he didn't know how to 201 00:12:42,240 --> 00:12:49,240 Speaker 2: be honest, right, But also within that I didn't trust 202 00:12:49,360 --> 00:12:57,720 Speaker 2: my instincts in questioning like I would question, he would 203 00:12:57,760 --> 00:13:03,520 Speaker 2: divert and I would let it go. Or my spidey 204 00:13:03,640 --> 00:13:09,320 Speaker 2: senses would pick up something and I would ignore it. Right, 205 00:13:09,840 --> 00:13:15,000 Speaker 2: And so moving forward after him, that was my lesson. 206 00:13:15,080 --> 00:13:17,880 Speaker 2: He came into my life for that reason to teach 207 00:13:17,920 --> 00:13:22,120 Speaker 2: me that lesson to trust my instincts right and to 208 00:13:22,200 --> 00:13:27,760 Speaker 2: speak up for myself. I think about various places where 209 00:13:27,760 --> 00:13:34,719 Speaker 2: I've worked and how I look at those as seasons 210 00:13:35,400 --> 00:13:42,360 Speaker 2: in my life and when I reflect back, and it's 211 00:13:42,360 --> 00:13:45,800 Speaker 2: easy to do this, like in hindsight. Right, Like in hindsight, 212 00:13:45,880 --> 00:13:48,120 Speaker 2: I can step, I can look at it and say 213 00:13:48,640 --> 00:13:52,360 Speaker 2: that was a particular when I worked for this employer. 214 00:13:53,360 --> 00:13:58,040 Speaker 2: I was in a particular season in life, and there 215 00:13:58,040 --> 00:14:02,959 Speaker 2: are things that how I grew as a person through 216 00:14:03,040 --> 00:14:07,160 Speaker 2: those seasons. And part of what you know, how I 217 00:14:07,480 --> 00:14:12,760 Speaker 2: the narrative that I'm giving that that season is also 218 00:14:12,960 --> 00:14:19,960 Speaker 2: acknowledging that part of why I left those jobs was 219 00:14:20,000 --> 00:14:26,800 Speaker 2: because the growing needed to continue somewhere else, right, the 220 00:14:26,840 --> 00:14:32,240 Speaker 2: time had come that season was over. The hard part 221 00:14:32,360 --> 00:14:36,440 Speaker 2: within that, so just keep following me here. The hard 222 00:14:36,520 --> 00:14:41,040 Speaker 2: part within those within that is that within those seasons 223 00:14:41,800 --> 00:14:48,640 Speaker 2: I met so many good people and so then I 224 00:14:48,800 --> 00:14:54,320 Speaker 2: reflect on, well, were those people just for that season 225 00:14:56,680 --> 00:15:01,880 Speaker 2: or are they gonna be around for a lifetime? Right? 226 00:15:03,920 --> 00:15:07,320 Speaker 2: And there are a couple that are still around. They 227 00:15:07,360 --> 00:15:14,080 Speaker 2: know who they are, and there are others that I 228 00:15:14,160 --> 00:15:17,000 Speaker 2: might talk to every couple of years and it's okay. 229 00:15:17,160 --> 00:15:21,960 Speaker 2: There's no like bad blood or anything. Every it's all love. 230 00:15:23,720 --> 00:15:26,800 Speaker 2: We're just not as close as we used to be 231 00:15:26,800 --> 00:15:29,520 Speaker 2: because we were in that same season together. 232 00:15:31,640 --> 00:15:33,520 Speaker 1: That makes so much sense. 233 00:15:33,600 --> 00:15:33,800 Speaker 2: Time. 234 00:15:34,520 --> 00:15:37,120 Speaker 1: And as you were saying that, I just a bunch 235 00:15:37,160 --> 00:15:39,000 Speaker 1: of questions came up, So lady, feel free to answer 236 00:15:39,000 --> 00:15:41,320 Speaker 1: these questions for yourself. I was thinking to myself, do 237 00:15:41,440 --> 00:15:45,240 Speaker 1: we choose right? Do we get to choose this person 238 00:15:45,320 --> 00:15:47,200 Speaker 1: is in my life for a reason season lifetime? 239 00:15:47,280 --> 00:15:47,440 Speaker 2: Right? 240 00:15:47,920 --> 00:15:50,480 Speaker 1: Or is it something that we just sort of, I 241 00:15:50,480 --> 00:15:54,920 Speaker 1: don't know, innately know within our gut, right, like once 242 00:15:55,000 --> 00:15:57,280 Speaker 1: we start reflecting, because I know for me, like I 243 00:15:57,360 --> 00:15:59,880 Speaker 1: said earlier, I and this probably has to do with 244 00:16:00,160 --> 00:16:03,080 Speaker 1: abandonment issues in my childhood and trauma and all that, 245 00:16:03,160 --> 00:16:05,480 Speaker 1: but I want to keep people, especially good people that 246 00:16:05,560 --> 00:16:08,040 Speaker 1: I like and that we have a great connection with 247 00:16:08,200 --> 00:16:12,400 Speaker 1: so much so that y'all I'm that person where because 248 00:16:12,400 --> 00:16:14,640 Speaker 1: I haven't really changed much over the years. When I 249 00:16:14,680 --> 00:16:17,040 Speaker 1: say that, I mean like the essence of me and 250 00:16:17,080 --> 00:16:21,040 Speaker 1: my perspective. Of course I've changed physically and mentally and 251 00:16:21,080 --> 00:16:23,360 Speaker 1: all those things, but when I think about who I 252 00:16:23,400 --> 00:16:25,640 Speaker 1: am at the core, that part has not changed, and 253 00:16:25,680 --> 00:16:29,440 Speaker 1: I typically assume that it hasn't for the people, although 254 00:16:29,480 --> 00:16:31,800 Speaker 1: it's very different and people do change a lot, right, 255 00:16:32,080 --> 00:16:36,000 Speaker 1: And so I'm the person where when Facebook first, you know, started, 256 00:16:36,360 --> 00:16:39,640 Speaker 1: I would go and I would find childhood friends back 257 00:16:39,680 --> 00:16:41,520 Speaker 1: from elementary school, and I'd be like, oh my gosh, 258 00:16:41,600 --> 00:16:43,880 Speaker 1: let's connect, like how are you? And I'm ready to 259 00:16:43,880 --> 00:16:46,120 Speaker 1: pick up, like we were just coming off the playground, 260 00:16:46,160 --> 00:16:47,800 Speaker 1: and it's like so much times passed, you don't this 261 00:16:47,840 --> 00:16:49,400 Speaker 1: could be a serial killer, like you don't know who 262 00:16:49,440 --> 00:16:53,040 Speaker 1: this person is. But I'm just I have some fond 263 00:16:53,080 --> 00:16:55,960 Speaker 1: memories from back then and it just excites me to 264 00:16:56,000 --> 00:16:58,720 Speaker 1: be able to connect. So I'm definitely a sucker for nostalgia. 265 00:16:58,760 --> 00:17:01,440 Speaker 1: But it makes me think about what happens when we 266 00:17:01,440 --> 00:17:05,960 Speaker 1: bring people into a season and they probably weren't meant 267 00:17:05,960 --> 00:17:08,400 Speaker 1: for that season, so like what happens? I know there 268 00:17:08,400 --> 00:17:11,200 Speaker 1: have been situations where I've tried to hold on to 269 00:17:12,480 --> 00:17:15,199 Speaker 1: relationships that in my gut or friendships where I'm like, 270 00:17:15,600 --> 00:17:19,080 Speaker 1: with all, shouldn't I think this has run its course, 271 00:17:19,160 --> 00:17:20,800 Speaker 1: like they were probably in my life for a reason 272 00:17:20,800 --> 00:17:23,120 Speaker 1: that I'm trying to bring them with me. And now 273 00:17:23,160 --> 00:17:25,959 Speaker 1: I'm noticing that things are a bit off balanced, if 274 00:17:25,960 --> 00:17:29,280 Speaker 1: that makes sense, right, because the purpose was served and 275 00:17:29,320 --> 00:17:31,679 Speaker 1: now we're just we're going into like overtime, you know, 276 00:17:32,119 --> 00:17:34,320 Speaker 1: And so it makes me think of consequences. I know 277 00:17:34,400 --> 00:17:37,679 Speaker 1: several people too who were in relationships, and let me 278 00:17:37,720 --> 00:17:39,760 Speaker 1: just paint a picture, right, I'm not going to share 279 00:17:39,880 --> 00:17:45,680 Speaker 1: names obviously, but there's a woman we'll call her Jasmine. Okay, 280 00:17:45,720 --> 00:17:50,000 Speaker 1: her name is Jason, and her partner is Aladdin, being 281 00:17:50,119 --> 00:17:52,520 Speaker 1: very creative, you're okay, I'm just saying. 282 00:17:53,880 --> 00:17:53,920 Speaker 2: So. 283 00:17:55,600 --> 00:17:57,520 Speaker 1: And this is a real person, like not the names, 284 00:17:57,560 --> 00:17:59,520 Speaker 1: but these are real people that I know, real personas So, 285 00:17:59,600 --> 00:18:04,960 Speaker 1: jazz has so much potential, is successful, is getting money, 286 00:18:05,080 --> 00:18:11,119 Speaker 1: She's good. Aladdin Aladdin is a bum ass. Finished the sentence, Okay. 287 00:18:11,800 --> 00:18:14,879 Speaker 1: And what I noticed is that when it comes to 288 00:18:15,280 --> 00:18:17,879 Speaker 1: the dynamic in the relationship, it really seems as though 289 00:18:18,280 --> 00:18:21,720 Speaker 1: Jazzon is being held back because she's she is dragging 290 00:18:21,800 --> 00:18:23,600 Speaker 1: Aladdin on, and it's like you girl, you should have 291 00:18:23,680 --> 00:18:25,919 Speaker 1: dropped Aladdin like a bad habit a long time ago, 292 00:18:26,240 --> 00:18:28,520 Speaker 1: but you're still stringing him along and he's bringing you 293 00:18:28,560 --> 00:18:31,879 Speaker 1: down because he's insecure, he's jealous, he's asking for all 294 00:18:31,920 --> 00:18:35,400 Speaker 1: your money like it's just a whole unhealthy dynamic. And 295 00:18:36,160 --> 00:18:38,680 Speaker 1: she is suffering because of who she decided to bring 296 00:18:38,680 --> 00:18:41,320 Speaker 1: along with her. And although I'm not religious, yaw, I 297 00:18:41,359 --> 00:18:43,120 Speaker 1: was raised in church and I am spiritual, it makes 298 00:18:43,160 --> 00:18:45,720 Speaker 1: me think about Jonah in the belly of the well 299 00:18:46,160 --> 00:18:50,359 Speaker 1: and how the sailors were suffering when it comes to 300 00:18:50,400 --> 00:18:52,480 Speaker 1: the storm that was coming because Jonah wasn't supposed to 301 00:18:52,560 --> 00:18:54,119 Speaker 1: Jonah was not supposed to be there, he was not 302 00:18:54,480 --> 00:18:58,040 Speaker 1: following his assignment. That season had passed and he was 303 00:18:58,760 --> 00:19:01,320 Speaker 1: He was there, and now the people that were surrounded 304 00:19:01,359 --> 00:19:04,560 Speaker 1: by him were now being impacted by his consequences because 305 00:19:04,600 --> 00:19:07,320 Speaker 1: they were connected to him and they probably should not 306 00:19:07,359 --> 00:19:09,239 Speaker 1: have been right. And so it just makes me think 307 00:19:09,280 --> 00:19:12,760 Speaker 1: about those questions what comes up for you don as 308 00:19:12,800 --> 00:19:14,720 Speaker 1: you hear that, you. 309 00:19:14,640 --> 00:19:18,679 Speaker 2: Know, I think about like how people do keep people 310 00:19:18,720 --> 00:19:23,760 Speaker 2: around past their time right? And it makes me think 311 00:19:23,800 --> 00:19:27,120 Speaker 2: about how do we Because you asked a question earlier 312 00:19:27,160 --> 00:19:30,200 Speaker 2: about do we choose, right, And I think that in 313 00:19:30,280 --> 00:19:35,199 Speaker 2: some instances, yes, we do choose. So then there's instance, 314 00:19:35,280 --> 00:19:39,800 Speaker 2: once it's been revealed to us, we can choose to 315 00:19:40,400 --> 00:19:45,440 Speaker 2: in that season, right, we can choose to ask this 316 00:19:45,560 --> 00:19:48,800 Speaker 2: person to remove themselves from our lives or we remove 317 00:19:48,840 --> 00:19:51,680 Speaker 2: ourselves from their lives, however you want to approach it, right. 318 00:19:52,160 --> 00:19:56,440 Speaker 2: And then I also think about the people that come 319 00:19:56,520 --> 00:20:01,520 Speaker 2: in that we kind of know, like you said earlier, 320 00:20:01,680 --> 00:20:05,680 Speaker 2: like we know like, oh, this person's gonna be a lifer, right, 321 00:20:05,920 --> 00:20:09,800 Speaker 2: Like I got this person for a lifetime. And I 322 00:20:09,840 --> 00:20:13,680 Speaker 2: think about like for me, like I have people who 323 00:20:13,880 --> 00:20:19,280 Speaker 2: I would consider lifers from various stages in my life, right, 324 00:20:19,960 --> 00:20:24,120 Speaker 2: various seasons, and they have moved with me like that. 325 00:20:24,160 --> 00:20:28,439 Speaker 2: They're the lifetime people. They have moved with me through 326 00:20:28,640 --> 00:20:35,680 Speaker 2: various seasons and stages of life, and the relationship will evolve, right, 327 00:20:35,960 --> 00:20:41,080 Speaker 2: most of those relationships are gonna evolve. How often we 328 00:20:41,119 --> 00:20:46,080 Speaker 2: get to connect what we're connecting on like, those things 329 00:20:46,160 --> 00:20:50,960 Speaker 2: may change, But when that phone call is made like 330 00:20:51,960 --> 00:20:55,320 Speaker 2: this is going on, I need you. Those lifetime folks 331 00:20:55,320 --> 00:20:56,760 Speaker 2: are the people who are the are the ones who 332 00:20:56,800 --> 00:21:01,160 Speaker 2: are going to show up, right, and your seasoned folks 333 00:21:01,240 --> 00:21:05,040 Speaker 2: will show up too, But your lifetime folks are going 334 00:21:05,119 --> 00:21:07,200 Speaker 2: to show up, and you might not have seen each 335 00:21:07,240 --> 00:21:11,320 Speaker 2: other in years. They're gonna find a way to support 336 00:21:11,560 --> 00:21:15,600 Speaker 2: like they're supporting you. Those are the lifetime folks. But 337 00:21:15,720 --> 00:21:20,280 Speaker 2: I think, you know, going back to the folks who 338 00:21:20,320 --> 00:21:24,200 Speaker 2: don't make it to that lifetime status because the reality 339 00:21:24,320 --> 00:21:26,879 Speaker 2: is that not everyone needs to make it to that 340 00:21:26,960 --> 00:21:31,639 Speaker 2: lifetime status. For those folks who don't make it to 341 00:21:31,720 --> 00:21:36,280 Speaker 2: that lifetime status, it can be hard. Like you said, 342 00:21:36,320 --> 00:21:38,919 Speaker 2: like there are some folks that I'm like, oh, I 343 00:21:39,000 --> 00:21:44,199 Speaker 2: want them to be lifetimers, but that it's just not 344 00:21:44,320 --> 00:21:49,920 Speaker 2: meant to be. And so allowing for me, it's allowing 345 00:21:50,000 --> 00:21:55,600 Speaker 2: myself that space to kind of acknowledge that, to grieve it, 346 00:21:55,720 --> 00:21:57,280 Speaker 2: and to be okay with it. 347 00:21:58,119 --> 00:22:00,280 Speaker 1: That's so powerful. As you were saying that, it made 348 00:22:00,280 --> 00:22:02,720 Speaker 1: me think about our conversation with trap Yoga Bay where 349 00:22:02,760 --> 00:22:06,359 Speaker 1: she talked about like the offboarding initiation that she does, 350 00:22:07,000 --> 00:22:11,040 Speaker 1: and I think that there definitely should be one. There 351 00:22:11,040 --> 00:22:13,480 Speaker 1: should be time for us to reflect. I love this 352 00:22:13,560 --> 00:22:15,080 Speaker 1: time of year or two because this is such a 353 00:22:15,119 --> 00:22:17,639 Speaker 1: great time to reflect. This is literally my favorite month 354 00:22:18,040 --> 00:22:20,199 Speaker 1: to think about next year and really reflect on the 355 00:22:20,240 --> 00:22:22,760 Speaker 1: past that you know, the past year, but also reflecting 356 00:22:22,760 --> 00:22:25,320 Speaker 1: on relationships, like who is in your life? You know, I, 357 00:22:25,960 --> 00:22:27,960 Speaker 1: I don't know about you, but my husband and we're 358 00:22:27,960 --> 00:22:30,000 Speaker 1: talking about this, and we're typically the people in our 359 00:22:30,040 --> 00:22:32,920 Speaker 1: friend group. We're the ones that usually reach out to everyone. 360 00:22:33,280 --> 00:22:35,240 Speaker 1: We're always checking in like, hey, how are you doing, 361 00:22:35,760 --> 00:22:39,160 Speaker 1: just keeping the relationship going with folks, and people don't 362 00:22:39,200 --> 00:22:41,400 Speaker 1: often do that for us, and sometimes it can feel 363 00:22:41,400 --> 00:22:43,480 Speaker 1: a little frustrating and a little lonely when you're the 364 00:22:43,520 --> 00:22:45,680 Speaker 1: only one reaching out and you're like, damn, the only 365 00:22:45,720 --> 00:22:48,240 Speaker 1: reason we really stay connected is because I'm always checking 366 00:22:48,280 --> 00:22:50,439 Speaker 1: it on you and I initiate the conversation, and that 367 00:22:50,520 --> 00:22:52,400 Speaker 1: kind of sucks. But this might be a good time 368 00:22:52,480 --> 00:22:55,439 Speaker 1: to reflect on all of those relationships and kind of 369 00:22:55,440 --> 00:22:59,200 Speaker 1: see where you think people should go based on how 370 00:22:59,240 --> 00:23:01,840 Speaker 1: they're showing up based on this season. I think back 371 00:23:01,880 --> 00:23:06,480 Speaker 1: to when I was going through my infertility journey, and 372 00:23:06,480 --> 00:23:08,199 Speaker 1: you know, we've talked about it on the podcast, but 373 00:23:08,240 --> 00:23:11,520 Speaker 1: I think about the women that I connected with during 374 00:23:11,560 --> 00:23:13,840 Speaker 1: that phase. I think about the different apps and the 375 00:23:13,880 --> 00:23:17,199 Speaker 1: YouTube videos I was consuming, and for me, that was 376 00:23:17,280 --> 00:23:19,800 Speaker 1: all for a reason. It really helped to get me 377 00:23:19,880 --> 00:23:22,240 Speaker 1: through that phase. I even think about the videos I 378 00:23:22,240 --> 00:23:24,399 Speaker 1: would watch as I was preparing for my home birth 379 00:23:24,400 --> 00:23:26,640 Speaker 1: and things of that nature. Now, the funny thing is, 380 00:23:26,680 --> 00:23:28,600 Speaker 1: after that phase was over, like after the birth, I 381 00:23:28,600 --> 00:23:30,960 Speaker 1: haven't watched a birth video outside of my own since 382 00:23:30,960 --> 00:23:32,920 Speaker 1: that time, Like I don't want to see it. I've 383 00:23:33,000 --> 00:23:36,760 Speaker 1: moved past that season. I'm on to this, oh, this 384 00:23:36,920 --> 00:23:39,800 Speaker 1: toddler phase now, which has been very interesting, and so 385 00:23:39,920 --> 00:23:42,680 Speaker 1: now I'm in a new chapter, and so I don't 386 00:23:42,680 --> 00:23:47,040 Speaker 1: really need the same support. The same folks that I 387 00:23:47,080 --> 00:23:49,520 Speaker 1: was connected with before, I don't really need them in 388 00:23:49,560 --> 00:23:53,399 Speaker 1: the season because we were together for that short stent 389 00:23:53,480 --> 00:23:56,000 Speaker 1: of time and now we moved on. Some people made 390 00:23:56,000 --> 00:23:57,960 Speaker 1: it through to the next round, which is totally okay, 391 00:23:58,160 --> 00:23:59,720 Speaker 1: and it's not even like a bad thing. It's not 392 00:23:59,760 --> 00:24:01,800 Speaker 1: like the bad blood. I deleted some of the apps 393 00:24:01,800 --> 00:24:04,200 Speaker 1: off my phone. I no longer go to the videos. 394 00:24:04,560 --> 00:24:06,320 Speaker 1: But to go back to what you said earlier, dom 395 00:24:06,359 --> 00:24:09,560 Speaker 1: about different like it could be a perspective right, or 396 00:24:09,600 --> 00:24:13,880 Speaker 1: a habit right, or a mindset or people relationships, jobs, 397 00:24:14,200 --> 00:24:18,919 Speaker 1: and one of the I guess habits and perspectives that 398 00:24:18,960 --> 00:24:21,720 Speaker 1: I had and really the way I was showing up 399 00:24:21,880 --> 00:24:26,560 Speaker 1: was this spirit of timidness, right, being very timid, not 400 00:24:26,640 --> 00:24:30,560 Speaker 1: speaking up for myself and being afraid and fearful. And 401 00:24:30,600 --> 00:24:34,360 Speaker 1: when I reflect on that, dom that served me during 402 00:24:34,520 --> 00:24:37,080 Speaker 1: a certain season in my life where I was in 403 00:24:37,119 --> 00:24:41,639 Speaker 1: a toxic and abusive environment, right, And so it served 404 00:24:41,680 --> 00:24:45,440 Speaker 1: me well there. But as I began to when I moved, 405 00:24:45,960 --> 00:24:48,240 Speaker 1: I didn't need that anymore. So it didn't serve me, right, 406 00:24:48,240 --> 00:24:52,040 Speaker 1: And so that was an attribute of myself that served 407 00:24:52,080 --> 00:24:55,000 Speaker 1: me in the season. And now I've transitioned and evolved, 408 00:24:55,000 --> 00:24:59,080 Speaker 1: and I've worked on letting that go and adopting new 409 00:24:59,160 --> 00:25:01,600 Speaker 1: habits and mind and sets to serve me where where 410 00:25:01,600 --> 00:25:02,280 Speaker 1: I'm at now. 411 00:25:03,840 --> 00:25:09,640 Speaker 2: I love that that acknowledgement, right, that like there are 412 00:25:12,160 --> 00:25:18,439 Speaker 2: seasons of perspective, yes, right, And I think that a 413 00:25:18,480 --> 00:25:22,000 Speaker 2: lot of it can overlap, right because as your talk, 414 00:25:22,080 --> 00:25:24,000 Speaker 2: as you were talking, what came up for me is 415 00:25:24,040 --> 00:25:26,960 Speaker 2: like how it overlaps, right that you were in this 416 00:25:27,520 --> 00:25:30,400 Speaker 2: season or period of your life where you were in 417 00:25:30,440 --> 00:25:34,080 Speaker 2: a toxic and abusive environment, and that was a season 418 00:25:34,200 --> 00:25:37,800 Speaker 2: in your life, right, and so in that season you 419 00:25:37,920 --> 00:25:43,560 Speaker 2: needed a particular perspective to navigate it, to survive in it. 420 00:25:43,760 --> 00:25:44,840 Speaker 1: Right, yeap. 421 00:25:45,720 --> 00:25:49,840 Speaker 2: What can happen for folks is that perspective. Where folks 422 00:25:49,920 --> 00:25:52,919 Speaker 2: can get caught up is that they have that perspective 423 00:25:52,960 --> 00:25:56,320 Speaker 2: in this one environment, this one season, and then they 424 00:25:56,480 --> 00:26:00,640 Speaker 2: carry that same perspective into the new season and it's 425 00:26:00,760 --> 00:26:05,200 Speaker 2: no longer serving them. And then that's when folks are 426 00:26:05,320 --> 00:26:07,600 Speaker 2: That's when you know, people are like, well, what is 427 00:26:07,640 --> 00:26:14,520 Speaker 2: going on? What's wrong? Because your perspective needs to shift, 428 00:26:14,720 --> 00:26:17,560 Speaker 2: like there needs to be you need a new perspective 429 00:26:17,600 --> 00:26:21,160 Speaker 2: with this new season of life that you're in. And 430 00:26:21,280 --> 00:26:24,119 Speaker 2: I also, you know, it's funny like as we the 431 00:26:24,200 --> 00:26:27,359 Speaker 2: more we're talking about this, the more I also just 432 00:26:28,400 --> 00:26:35,160 Speaker 2: think about the importance of acknowledging the space that you're 433 00:26:35,320 --> 00:26:40,359 Speaker 2: in at the time that you're in it, and because 434 00:26:40,400 --> 00:26:43,200 Speaker 2: sometimes that's what helps us to move forward when it's 435 00:26:43,480 --> 00:26:48,119 Speaker 2: like release it when it's time. Right that, Like I 436 00:26:48,160 --> 00:26:52,960 Speaker 2: think about the season of grad school, I don't need 437 00:26:53,000 --> 00:26:55,880 Speaker 2: to go back to that season ever in life. I'm 438 00:26:55,920 --> 00:26:58,720 Speaker 2: appreciative for all the people that I met and the 439 00:26:58,880 --> 00:27:04,600 Speaker 2: experiences that I have some of those people lifetime folks, right. 440 00:27:06,320 --> 00:27:06,480 Speaker 3: And. 441 00:27:08,920 --> 00:27:15,560 Speaker 2: I have grown so much from that season that I 442 00:27:15,720 --> 00:27:20,320 Speaker 2: wouldn't want to be I wouldn't be able to thrive 443 00:27:20,760 --> 00:27:23,960 Speaker 2: in this new season that I'm in, this current season 444 00:27:24,000 --> 00:27:30,720 Speaker 2: that I'm in if I was showing up as grad 445 00:27:30,720 --> 00:27:34,560 Speaker 2: school dominique. Like I think, like you said, like my 446 00:27:34,800 --> 00:27:40,000 Speaker 2: essence of who I am is still there, but I'm 447 00:27:40,040 --> 00:27:42,560 Speaker 2: in a different season, and so I got to show 448 00:27:42,640 --> 00:27:45,920 Speaker 2: up with new season behavior, new season mindset. 449 00:27:47,320 --> 00:27:51,639 Speaker 1: I like that. Okay, new season behavior, new season mindset 450 00:27:51,640 --> 00:27:53,800 Speaker 1: as we go into the new year, Right, that's something 451 00:27:53,840 --> 00:27:56,439 Speaker 1: to think about, Dow. I hope this isn't too personal, 452 00:27:56,440 --> 00:28:00,680 Speaker 1: but I wanted to ask you when you think about Well, first, 453 00:28:00,760 --> 00:28:03,520 Speaker 1: let me say I, based on a conversation, it feels 454 00:28:03,560 --> 00:28:07,960 Speaker 1: like we do, to some degree choose who we want 455 00:28:08,000 --> 00:28:09,080 Speaker 1: to be a lifetime person. 456 00:28:09,160 --> 00:28:09,360 Speaker 2: Right. 457 00:28:10,440 --> 00:28:13,480 Speaker 1: We either are looking at this, you know, from our 458 00:28:13,520 --> 00:28:15,680 Speaker 1: deathbed and we're like, Okay, these are the people who 459 00:28:15,680 --> 00:28:17,560 Speaker 1: are here a lifetime because like this is the end, 460 00:28:17,640 --> 00:28:20,200 Speaker 1: you know what I mean, or it's like Okay, we're here, 461 00:28:20,359 --> 00:28:24,199 Speaker 1: we're living, we're healthy, and these are the people I 462 00:28:24,320 --> 00:28:26,760 Speaker 1: choose to be in my life for a lifetime. What 463 00:28:26,840 --> 00:28:29,720 Speaker 1: qualities are attributes do you look for when it comes 464 00:28:29,720 --> 00:28:31,920 Speaker 1: to your lifetime people? So I know there are certain 465 00:28:31,920 --> 00:28:35,440 Speaker 1: attributes that I look for in my lifetime folks. 466 00:28:37,000 --> 00:28:42,080 Speaker 2: I think my lifetime folks, there's a certain there was 467 00:28:42,120 --> 00:28:51,400 Speaker 2: a reason that we initially connected, and there's some commonality, 468 00:28:52,800 --> 00:28:56,040 Speaker 2: like there's something that we have in common that keeps 469 00:28:56,120 --> 00:29:01,280 Speaker 2: us connected. So I think about several of my lifetime 470 00:29:01,400 --> 00:29:07,640 Speaker 2: folks are folks from back home, and a couple of 471 00:29:07,640 --> 00:29:12,280 Speaker 2: those folks I met later in life in different in 472 00:29:12,440 --> 00:29:18,040 Speaker 2: later seasons, and they've carried on because we have that 473 00:29:18,160 --> 00:29:21,640 Speaker 2: thing in common of being from New Orleans and there's 474 00:29:21,760 --> 00:29:27,880 Speaker 2: this shared this shared way of being right, a shared understanding. 475 00:29:29,040 --> 00:29:35,880 Speaker 2: But I think also what's important is folks who are 476 00:29:36,520 --> 00:29:44,600 Speaker 2: will are supportive. And I want to be clear that 477 00:29:44,720 --> 00:29:49,720 Speaker 2: supportive doesn't mean that they are yes people that they 478 00:29:49,840 --> 00:29:53,200 Speaker 2: are like the people who my biggest supporters are the 479 00:29:53,280 --> 00:29:58,280 Speaker 2: people who are willing to be honest with me. But 480 00:29:58,440 --> 00:30:04,160 Speaker 2: I call them supporters because they show up and so 481 00:30:04,320 --> 00:30:08,720 Speaker 2: if I ask, if I say, if I ask for feedback, 482 00:30:09,560 --> 00:30:13,440 Speaker 2: or if I share that I'm going through something good 483 00:30:13,520 --> 00:30:18,600 Speaker 2: or bad, they're right there, whether it's asking questions about 484 00:30:18,600 --> 00:30:22,240 Speaker 2: how they can help me, or providing me with insight, 485 00:30:22,360 --> 00:30:25,320 Speaker 2: providing me with knowledge, or providing me with something to 486 00:30:27,160 --> 00:30:30,400 Speaker 2: make me think through right like I think about one 487 00:30:30,400 --> 00:30:34,480 Speaker 2: of my mentors who and we've had her on the 488 00:30:34,520 --> 00:30:36,720 Speaker 2: podcast doctor Kimberly James, and we had her on the 489 00:30:36,760 --> 00:30:42,680 Speaker 2: podcast to talk about career things right, And part of 490 00:30:43,000 --> 00:30:45,920 Speaker 2: my like her role in my life is she's my 491 00:30:46,040 --> 00:30:48,280 Speaker 2: go to person before I take a new job anywhere, 492 00:30:50,320 --> 00:30:53,440 Speaker 2: we talk it through. We've been doing that since I started, 493 00:30:53,520 --> 00:30:56,000 Speaker 2: since I was met her when I was on post doc. 494 00:30:56,200 --> 00:31:01,600 Speaker 2: Like every everything new thing that I consider her, I'm 495 00:31:01,680 --> 00:31:04,280 Speaker 2: talking it through with her, right. And so now she's 496 00:31:04,320 --> 00:31:08,480 Speaker 2: become one of my lifetime people. And I met her 497 00:31:08,760 --> 00:31:14,640 Speaker 2: in a particular season, and so I look for people 498 00:31:14,720 --> 00:31:19,920 Speaker 2: who there's some shared interest, some commonalities, but also people 499 00:31:20,040 --> 00:31:24,800 Speaker 2: who will show up and support. I think those are 500 00:31:24,840 --> 00:31:29,480 Speaker 2: big things. I think people who are authentic even when 501 00:31:29,920 --> 00:31:34,080 Speaker 2: we're not vibing right, but I can count on you 502 00:31:34,160 --> 00:31:36,920 Speaker 2: to be your authentic self. I don't have to like it, 503 00:31:36,960 --> 00:31:39,520 Speaker 2: and you don't have to like what I'm doing, but 504 00:31:39,640 --> 00:31:43,400 Speaker 2: we are authentic and we appreciate that about one another. 505 00:31:44,440 --> 00:31:47,000 Speaker 1: What about for you, Well, first time, you just say, 506 00:31:47,000 --> 00:31:49,520 Speaker 1: don I love that list? And I would definitely echo 507 00:31:49,760 --> 00:31:54,960 Speaker 1: those sentiments because I think that's all so important, especially 508 00:31:55,000 --> 00:31:58,239 Speaker 1: the people that are gonna like that, are gonna give 509 00:31:58,240 --> 00:32:00,560 Speaker 1: you honest feedback, right, because I I want no yes 510 00:32:00,640 --> 00:32:03,040 Speaker 1: people around me, let me know. Okay, if you see 511 00:32:03,040 --> 00:32:07,040 Speaker 1: my lace not lay lay right, tell a system. I 512 00:32:07,040 --> 00:32:08,760 Speaker 1: got a boogie in my nose, Like let me know. 513 00:32:09,840 --> 00:32:11,880 Speaker 1: Come on, if I'm staying and you're like girls you 514 00:32:11,920 --> 00:32:13,640 Speaker 1: put on the oldor like, let me know, don't have 515 00:32:13,680 --> 00:32:15,600 Speaker 1: me out here looking crazy. That's that's the things I'm 516 00:32:15,640 --> 00:32:19,440 Speaker 1: with you, I would agree. I would say that one 517 00:32:19,480 --> 00:32:22,160 Speaker 1: of the important attributes that I look for dom and 518 00:32:22,200 --> 00:32:26,640 Speaker 1: my lifetime people being self reflective, because I know how 519 00:32:27,480 --> 00:32:30,800 Speaker 1: self reflection has, how it's done wonders for me. And 520 00:32:30,880 --> 00:32:35,560 Speaker 1: also I realized that in the relationships that are not 521 00:32:36,680 --> 00:32:39,240 Speaker 1: fruitful and that are not very positive in my life, 522 00:32:39,360 --> 00:32:43,160 Speaker 1: that people typically have a hard time seeing themselves and 523 00:32:43,200 --> 00:32:46,240 Speaker 1: being truthful about how they're showing up. And as a 524 00:32:46,280 --> 00:32:49,360 Speaker 1: person like myself who's highly reflective, I will I know 525 00:32:49,440 --> 00:32:52,120 Speaker 1: when my shit stinks, and I'm open to feedback when 526 00:32:52,120 --> 00:32:55,240 Speaker 1: it does stank, and I see like I look at myself, 527 00:32:55,360 --> 00:32:57,800 Speaker 1: you know, like literally in the mirror, but also like 528 00:32:59,400 --> 00:33:02,080 Speaker 1: from a spear show, a mental perspective, a holistic perspective 529 00:33:02,120 --> 00:33:04,240 Speaker 1: of how are you showing up, what can you work on? 530 00:33:04,280 --> 00:33:08,480 Speaker 1: Like I know my flaws and character defects very well, 531 00:33:08,480 --> 00:33:10,880 Speaker 1: and so I would hope that the person that is 532 00:33:10,880 --> 00:33:12,920 Speaker 1: my friend would know theirs as well, so that if 533 00:33:13,160 --> 00:33:16,440 Speaker 1: we have to talk about something and something came up, 534 00:33:16,480 --> 00:33:18,840 Speaker 1: it's like you already know what you're bringing to the table, right, 535 00:33:19,200 --> 00:33:21,040 Speaker 1: So I think that's important. I would also say being 536 00:33:21,080 --> 00:33:25,719 Speaker 1: open to feedback. Communication is so important, not just communication, 537 00:33:25,880 --> 00:33:31,400 Speaker 1: but healthy and fruitful communication. And if someone's not open 538 00:33:31,440 --> 00:33:34,680 Speaker 1: to feedback. I used to think that if you don't 539 00:33:34,680 --> 00:33:38,680 Speaker 1: have arguments with your good friends, then your a one, like, oh, 540 00:33:38,760 --> 00:33:42,480 Speaker 1: it's a perfect friendship. And as we began to get 541 00:33:42,480 --> 00:33:44,920 Speaker 1: older and it's the stakes got higher and things came up, 542 00:33:44,960 --> 00:33:47,280 Speaker 1: It's like, no, it's actually conflict is not a bad thing. 543 00:33:47,440 --> 00:33:51,120 Speaker 1: It's about how we are approaching conflict, how we're showing 544 00:33:51,200 --> 00:33:53,280 Speaker 1: up in the midst of conflict, right, And if we 545 00:33:53,320 --> 00:34:00,160 Speaker 1: can't be friends after a disagreement, then huh right, they 546 00:34:00,160 --> 00:34:03,120 Speaker 1: open the feedback the next I'm gonna name them off 547 00:34:03,200 --> 00:34:05,680 Speaker 1: pretty quickly, I would say, being optimistic, like I don't 548 00:34:05,680 --> 00:34:09,920 Speaker 1: need no negative nancys, as they say, or no negative 549 00:34:10,000 --> 00:34:13,160 Speaker 1: nastiers around me, Like yes, we all have bad days 550 00:34:13,239 --> 00:34:17,880 Speaker 1: and we'd be venting, but everything can't just be the 551 00:34:17,920 --> 00:34:20,279 Speaker 1: sky is falling, and you know what I mean, Like 552 00:34:20,280 --> 00:34:21,680 Speaker 1: we need to have some faith because we have some 553 00:34:21,719 --> 00:34:25,520 Speaker 1: big goals and dreams over here, Yeah we do, right, 554 00:34:26,239 --> 00:34:29,319 Speaker 1: and so being optimistic but also being secure, like I 555 00:34:29,360 --> 00:34:31,680 Speaker 1: want my friends to be happy. I want them to 556 00:34:31,719 --> 00:34:34,760 Speaker 1: have their own lives and their own goals and whatever 557 00:34:34,840 --> 00:34:36,400 Speaker 1: makes them happy. I want them to be doing that 558 00:34:36,480 --> 00:34:39,320 Speaker 1: because I don't want to be a target for someone 559 00:34:39,320 --> 00:34:43,319 Speaker 1: who is not living their best life. Because that part 560 00:34:43,880 --> 00:34:45,880 Speaker 1: come on because we have big goals and dreams and 561 00:34:45,920 --> 00:34:48,080 Speaker 1: I know, I know it so well because I know 562 00:34:48,160 --> 00:34:52,480 Speaker 1: how I felt in the past when I wasn't as 563 00:34:52,480 --> 00:34:54,719 Speaker 1: secure and maybe I had a friend who was doing 564 00:34:54,760 --> 00:34:56,239 Speaker 1: better than me, or they were doing things that I 565 00:34:56,280 --> 00:34:58,360 Speaker 1: wanted to do, and I remember those things that I 566 00:34:58,440 --> 00:35:02,560 Speaker 1: felt of envy and not really knowing how to show 567 00:35:02,640 --> 00:35:06,160 Speaker 1: up and be genuinely happy because I'm not happy with myself. 568 00:35:06,200 --> 00:35:08,839 Speaker 1: So I want my friends to be happy in those 569 00:35:08,880 --> 00:35:11,880 Speaker 1: lifetime people. I want them to be secure in themselves. 570 00:35:12,080 --> 00:35:13,400 Speaker 1: And then the last thing is I'm not going to 571 00:35:13,400 --> 00:35:15,399 Speaker 1: give y'all launch you lest even though it's getting there. 572 00:35:15,560 --> 00:35:18,719 Speaker 1: The last for me down would be reciprocity. So like, 573 00:35:18,800 --> 00:35:21,080 Speaker 1: I should not be the only person that's checking in, 574 00:35:21,440 --> 00:35:25,799 Speaker 1: only only person that's giving gifts or compliments or whatever 575 00:35:25,800 --> 00:35:29,719 Speaker 1: it might be, because then it gets a bit uneven. 576 00:35:30,360 --> 00:35:34,000 Speaker 1: There's no balance. So those are mine. 577 00:35:35,680 --> 00:35:38,680 Speaker 2: I love those, not too much to ask for, right, No, 578 00:35:39,280 --> 00:35:44,319 Speaker 2: particularly if this is going to be a lifetime person. Right, 579 00:35:44,880 --> 00:35:48,320 Speaker 2: folks that are there for a season, Okay, cool folks 580 00:35:48,400 --> 00:35:52,120 Speaker 2: that are there for a reason. Got it. You've served 581 00:35:52,120 --> 00:35:54,840 Speaker 2: your purpose in my life. I've served my purpose in yours. 582 00:35:54,920 --> 00:35:57,480 Speaker 1: Like be out mm hmmm. 583 00:35:57,480 --> 00:36:00,359 Speaker 2: As hard as it might be. And I think that 584 00:36:00,360 --> 00:36:05,359 Speaker 2: that brings us to thinking about the tips for releasing 585 00:36:05,520 --> 00:36:07,880 Speaker 2: or like the when we know that this person is 586 00:36:07,920 --> 00:36:12,120 Speaker 2: there for a season or a reason and not these 587 00:36:12,160 --> 00:36:16,600 Speaker 2: are not the lifetime people, right, I would say, you know, 588 00:36:16,680 --> 00:36:19,839 Speaker 2: the first thing that I think about is acknowledging that 589 00:36:20,480 --> 00:36:27,279 Speaker 2: it is okay to release the people who are not 590 00:36:28,000 --> 00:36:30,880 Speaker 2: gonna be lifetime folks, right, that it is okay to 591 00:36:30,920 --> 00:36:33,040 Speaker 2: release them. And I know we talked earlier about that 592 00:36:33,120 --> 00:36:36,359 Speaker 2: being hard, but we can acknowledge that we can do 593 00:36:36,440 --> 00:36:39,080 Speaker 2: hard things. I'm gonna say that one more time as 594 00:36:39,120 --> 00:36:41,959 Speaker 2: an affirmation for the people who need it. We can 595 00:36:42,040 --> 00:36:48,040 Speaker 2: do hard things. It is okay to release the people 596 00:36:48,200 --> 00:36:52,000 Speaker 2: who are only meant to be there for a reason 597 00:36:52,440 --> 00:36:53,400 Speaker 2: for a season. 598 00:36:56,239 --> 00:36:59,480 Speaker 1: I love that dom and I love that mantra and 599 00:36:59,520 --> 00:37:02,480 Speaker 1: affirmation as well. And that takes us to number two, 600 00:37:02,520 --> 00:37:05,239 Speaker 1: which is allow yourself to grieve the loss of the 601 00:37:05,320 --> 00:37:07,160 Speaker 1: reason or season. So if you do find that you 602 00:37:07,200 --> 00:37:09,160 Speaker 1: were in that place when you're like, you know what, 603 00:37:09,880 --> 00:37:12,680 Speaker 1: I think this relationship or this perspective or whatever it 604 00:37:12,760 --> 00:37:16,160 Speaker 1: might be, this habit has run its course, grieving that 605 00:37:16,280 --> 00:37:18,360 Speaker 1: loss like, that's totally okay. And we actually have an 606 00:37:18,400 --> 00:37:21,560 Speaker 1: episode about this too now. I believe it's called is 607 00:37:21,600 --> 00:37:27,720 Speaker 1: it Ambiguous Grief? Yes, a come on memory a because 608 00:37:27,760 --> 00:37:31,200 Speaker 1: with y'all google Ambiguous Grief and cultivating her Space, that 609 00:37:31,320 --> 00:37:33,279 Speaker 1: is a bomb episode. I'm not just saying it because 610 00:37:33,280 --> 00:37:35,560 Speaker 1: it's ours. It really is a great episode that people 611 00:37:35,600 --> 00:37:39,160 Speaker 1: don't talk enough about. So that's number two. Allow yourself 612 00:37:39,200 --> 00:37:40,200 Speaker 1: to grieve the loss. 613 00:37:42,040 --> 00:37:47,480 Speaker 2: Number three is reflect on the lessons and the positives 614 00:37:47,480 --> 00:37:51,520 Speaker 2: that were brought to you by the reasons and the seasons. 615 00:37:52,080 --> 00:37:56,520 Speaker 2: I think you know that that attitude of gratitude is 616 00:37:56,760 --> 00:38:03,359 Speaker 2: so important, and give yourself that time and in the 617 00:38:04,160 --> 00:38:09,160 Speaker 2: moment that it's that you're living this season and after 618 00:38:09,840 --> 00:38:14,239 Speaker 2: give yourself time to reflect on the lessons and the 619 00:38:14,280 --> 00:38:17,840 Speaker 2: positive things, right, I know, because that's also part like 620 00:38:18,680 --> 00:38:24,960 Speaker 2: when we're grieving, it might be easy, or when the 621 00:38:25,000 --> 00:38:28,880 Speaker 2: person or situation ends on bad terms, it's easy to 622 00:38:28,960 --> 00:38:35,440 Speaker 2: go to the negative, right, be in our feelings and 623 00:38:36,360 --> 00:38:42,480 Speaker 2: not really acknowledging the lessons that we needed to learn 624 00:38:42,520 --> 00:38:47,200 Speaker 2: from that and the positives that came about because of that. 625 00:38:48,520 --> 00:38:51,440 Speaker 2: And when we focus on those things, that makes the 626 00:38:51,480 --> 00:38:55,920 Speaker 2: grief a little bit easier and it makes it easier 627 00:38:55,960 --> 00:38:56,839 Speaker 2: to release them. 628 00:38:58,239 --> 00:39:01,840 Speaker 1: Yes, amen, Amen, I would agree with that. I like 629 00:39:01,920 --> 00:39:06,040 Speaker 1: to say there's a purpose for the pain, and that 630 00:39:06,080 --> 00:39:08,200 Speaker 1: may not resonate with everyone, Like I remember posting that 631 00:39:08,280 --> 00:39:12,600 Speaker 1: recently and someone shared that it's like problematic to believe 632 00:39:12,640 --> 00:39:15,120 Speaker 1: that perspective, and I get it, especially if you're in 633 00:39:15,120 --> 00:39:18,080 Speaker 1: the midst of your trauma. However, that is my truth, 634 00:39:18,400 --> 00:39:20,239 Speaker 1: Like I believe that because I do. One of my 635 00:39:20,320 --> 00:39:22,200 Speaker 1: mantras and one of the beliefs that I have is 636 00:39:22,200 --> 00:39:24,640 Speaker 1: that everything is working out for my good. And so 637 00:39:24,760 --> 00:39:27,640 Speaker 1: even though there are painful situations I've experienced, right dom, 638 00:39:27,719 --> 00:39:30,760 Speaker 1: we've experienced painful situations in life. I'm talking about being 639 00:39:30,840 --> 00:39:33,799 Speaker 1: you know, physically and verbally abused, losing a parent. I'm 640 00:39:33,800 --> 00:39:37,200 Speaker 1: thinking about being in a toxic, manipulative relationship. And those 641 00:39:37,239 --> 00:39:40,360 Speaker 1: are things that I didn't necessarily understand the why and 642 00:39:40,400 --> 00:39:43,080 Speaker 1: the moment. But looking back in hindsight, I can literally 643 00:39:43,080 --> 00:39:45,479 Speaker 1: look back and be grateful for the miscarriers that I had, 644 00:39:45,680 --> 00:39:48,879 Speaker 1: and be grateful for the infertility journey because it did 645 00:39:49,000 --> 00:39:51,000 Speaker 1: teach me so much about myself. It taught me so 646 00:39:51,080 --> 00:39:54,200 Speaker 1: much about manifestation. But that's not everyone's truth and everyone's story. 647 00:39:54,280 --> 00:39:56,360 Speaker 1: So again, Lady, if it doesn't resonate, just leave it 648 00:39:56,360 --> 00:39:58,040 Speaker 1: where it's at. But that is my truth, that there 649 00:39:58,080 --> 00:40:01,280 Speaker 1: is a purpose for my pain. And so I love 650 00:40:01,719 --> 00:40:04,560 Speaker 1: the tips here that we shared. I think I'm going 651 00:40:04,600 --> 00:40:07,640 Speaker 1: to revisit this episode myself as we begin to reflect 652 00:40:07,640 --> 00:40:09,680 Speaker 1: on this year and go into the next and then 653 00:40:09,719 --> 00:40:11,960 Speaker 1: don one of the things I would love to talk 654 00:40:12,000 --> 00:40:15,080 Speaker 1: about in the after show is how do you know 655 00:40:15,600 --> 00:40:18,799 Speaker 1: what category someone fits in? Right when you're like, wait, 656 00:40:19,320 --> 00:40:21,839 Speaker 1: I got this person, this person, are there a reason 657 00:40:21,880 --> 00:40:23,560 Speaker 1: this season or lifetime? Let's dive into that in the 658 00:40:23,560 --> 00:40:27,240 Speaker 1: after show. So Lady, be sure to visit herspace podcast 659 00:40:27,320 --> 00:40:30,280 Speaker 1: dot com and click on Wisdom Wednesday with Terry Patreon 660 00:40:30,880 --> 00:40:34,160 Speaker 1: and you can get access to our video episodes and 661 00:40:34,800 --> 00:40:36,719 Speaker 1: the after show. Because we're about to jump on into 662 00:40:36,760 --> 00:40:41,080 Speaker 1: a whole other conversation right here. Okay, hey lady, it's 663 00:40:41,160 --> 00:40:44,400 Speaker 1: Terry here from the Cultivating her Space Podcast. I'm hosting 664 00:40:44,400 --> 00:40:47,160 Speaker 1: a free podcasting masterclass where I'm going to teach you 665 00:40:47,600 --> 00:40:50,560 Speaker 1: how to create your impactful podcast and how you can 666 00:40:50,600 --> 00:40:54,360 Speaker 1: generate multiple streams of income. You can visit podcast with 667 00:40:54,560 --> 00:40:57,600 Speaker 1: Terry dot com to register for free. I hope to 668 00:40:57,640 --> 00:40:58,160 Speaker 1: see you there. 669 00:40:58,600 --> 00:41:04,320 Speaker 2: Thanks for joining us today. Please note that our show 670 00:41:04,400 --> 00:41:10,319 Speaker 2: may contain conversations about self help, advice, self empowerment, and 671 00:41:10,440 --> 00:41:13,560 Speaker 2: mental health, but is by no means meant to be 672 00:41:13,600 --> 00:41:17,880 Speaker 2: a substitute for an ongoing formal relationship with a trained 673 00:41:17,920 --> 00:41:21,960 Speaker 2: mental health provider. If you are someone you know is 674 00:41:22,000 --> 00:41:25,320 Speaker 2: in need of mental health care, please visit a Therapy 675 00:41:25,360 --> 00:41:31,320 Speaker 2: for Black Girls directory Psychology today or contact your insurance provider. 676 00:41:31,640 --> 00:41:33,319 Speaker 1: If you liked what you heard and want to keep 677 00:41:33,360 --> 00:41:37,239 Speaker 1: the conversation going, connect with us on Facebook, Instagram, and 678 00:41:37,360 --> 00:41:42,279 Speaker 1: Twitter at Herspace podcast or check out our website at 679 00:41:42,280 --> 00:41:46,040 Speaker 1: Herspace podcast dot com and before we meet again, repeat 680 00:41:46,120 --> 00:41:50,880 Speaker 1: after me. I attract abundance and prosperity with ease,