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Speaker 1: Hey, this is Sam.

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Speaker 2: This is John the og Storytime podcast host. Oh yeah,

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Speaker 2: and we got some great stories coming up. But before that,

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Speaker 2: we got a teeny two minute break from the sponsors

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Speaker 2: that keep the show propped up like a little house.

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Speaker 1: Oh you, My.

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Speaker 3: Husband kissed his ex, but he said it's all in

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Speaker 3: my head, a fake kiss. This happened maybe last week,

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Speaker 3: and I, twenty eight female, am still a little shaken

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Speaker 3: up by it. So my husband's twenty six male good

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Speaker 3: friend twenty six female was living with us over the summer.

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Speaker 3: Since it will conceivably be the last summer he's going

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Speaker 3: to be here. He often had friends and whatnot over

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Speaker 3: to visit. The night before he left, friend invited over

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Speaker 3: a ton of his friends and his sister, who also

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Speaker 3: happens to be my husband's long term ex girlfriend. They

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Speaker 3: were pretty serious, dated from when they were fifteen tonight.

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Speaker 3: By the way, this comes from kind of broken hearted

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Speaker 3: and if you want to sumit your own stories, go

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Speaker 3: to the r slash Okay Storytime subbered it.

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Speaker 4: I'm I'm Sophia, I'm Carly, I'm Keon, and we'll try.

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Speaker 3: To give our best advice. But we haven't experienced most

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Speaker 3: of these situations ourselves, So if you have, let us

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Speaker 3: know what you would do in the comments, and OP says.

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Speaker 3: She immediately starts acting like nothing has changed between them,

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Speaker 3: like she's still his girlfriend, behaving cutely, asking him to

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Speaker 3: do things for et cetera. At one point, she's eating

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Speaker 3: chicken wings. We ordered a ton of food, and despite

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Speaker 3: this awkward mess, I hung around and she chokes a

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Speaker 3: little on the spiciness. My husband offers her a paper

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Speaker 3: towel and she thanks her sky bear. This is when

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Speaker 3: I ungraciously flip my crap. I tell her not to

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Speaker 3: call him that, and she needs to leave right now.

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Speaker 3: My husband immediately bridles and stands up for no, she doesn't,

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Speaker 3: She's not going anywhere. I'm a little stunned. I have

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Speaker 3: no idea what to say, but I back down, not

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Speaker 3: wanting to push him. Okay, she doesn't have to leave,

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Speaker 3: but I'm going. And it's weird that the person in

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Speaker 3: this situation who is the wife has to leave. Fine

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Speaker 3: retorts and tells me and his ex and his friend

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Speaker 3: are all going to the bar and no, I'm not invited.

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Speaker 3: I leave and go to bed, but before they go,

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Speaker 3: I go down to use the bathroom. And see him

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Speaker 3: and his ex kissing. More deified, I run back to bed,

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Speaker 3: he joins me. About three hours later, well past midnight.

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Speaker 3: I ask him why he is acting the way he

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Speaker 3: has been, and he admitted he just didn't like me

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Speaker 3: reacting so strongly against his ex, and my tone irked him.

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Speaker 3: We fell asleep and I have no idea what to

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Speaker 3: say or do. Apparently my irrational witchiness drove my husband

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Speaker 3: to kiss his ex and go out with her to

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Speaker 3: a bar for a few hours without me. Now what

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Speaker 3: the F do I do? I really need advice on

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Speaker 3: what to do, Slash, how to fix this or what

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Speaker 3: is right or wrong? And there are some relevant comments,

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Speaker 3: but do you have any thoughts? He cheated on you,

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Speaker 3: He cheated on you. He cheated on you, and he's lying.

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Speaker 3: He cheated on you, man, and he sucks. And I'll

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Speaker 3: see I told you not. He didn't offend you when

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Speaker 3: his girlfriend, his ex girlfriend was calling him like all skyper, No, no,

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Speaker 3: Flabbergard says, schedule a consultation with a divorce attorney. And

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Speaker 3: I don't mean that to be cheeky or funny either.

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Speaker 3: That kind of cold, intentional disrespect and cruelty is just

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Speaker 3: mind boggling. Someone says he wasn't even apologetic about it.

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Speaker 3: He blamed Op's tone for his despicable behavior. Boo you

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Speaker 3: or says, apparently, my irrational witchiness drove my husband to

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Speaker 3: kiss his ex and go out with her to a

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Speaker 3: bar for a few hours without me. No, your husband

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Speaker 3: being a crap person drove him to kiss his ex.

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Speaker 3: You did absolutely nothing wrong. Your his priority, she isn't.

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Speaker 3: His reaction to your being uncomfortable with how she acts

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Speaker 3: around him is bizarre. He was more concerned about his

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Speaker 3: ex than his own wife. Let that sink in for

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Speaker 3: a moment. If I were in your place, I would

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Speaker 3: leave why because the moment he sided with her and

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Speaker 3: kissed her meant he lost respect for you and your marriage.

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Speaker 3: Who's to say this won't happen again. People don't just

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Speaker 3: go around kissing their exes because their wife got mad

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Speaker 3: at them. Burley C. Girl says most men don't respond

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Speaker 3: to their wife being rude to another woman by almost

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Speaker 3: instantly making out with another woman. I'd be pretty surprised

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Speaker 3: if this was the first instance of inappropriate behavior between

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Speaker 3: the two of them. Before we got to the kissing,

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Speaker 3: I was going, oh, well, maybe she didn't realize she

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Speaker 3: was being overly flirty and inappropriate. You're right, you could

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Speaker 3: have set some boundaries in a more low key way,

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Speaker 3: but heck, clearly she did realize exactly how girlfriendly she

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Speaker 3: was being, And clearly your husband was on board with it,

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Speaker 3: and he supposedly did it to spite you. I hope

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Speaker 3: he doesn't feel like that mitigates his behavior at all.

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Speaker 3: There's not a it's not cheating if you're doing it

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Speaker 3: to biss off your spouse rule edit. Based on all

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Speaker 3: of your reactions, it gave me the courage to confront

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Speaker 3: my husband. I really don't know what to say. He

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Speaker 3: was completely confused. He told me such an event never happened.

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Speaker 3: He hasn't talked to his ex in years. Is this

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Speaker 3: a venaduryal situation or does he just insanely's? Is he

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Speaker 3: just insane?

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Speaker 4: Did he's medical issue or did.

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Speaker 3: You take six spena rolls? Or is he just a like?

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Speaker 4: And it was all a dream, But I was still mad.

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Speaker 3: Because my dream much less kissed her and he would

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Speaker 3: never think inviting her over without consulting me would be okay.

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Speaker 3: I texted his friend and he didn't remember ever doing

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Speaker 3: something like this either inviting over a ton of people

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Speaker 3: and sister. I even texted a person invited over. He

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Speaker 3: kind of laughed and said he hadn't been over to

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Speaker 3: our house in months. Texted him the same time I

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Speaker 3: was texting husband's friends, so there was no way for

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Speaker 3: them to collude. I'm so scared at it. Two, my

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Speaker 3: husband came home. He was scared when he saw the

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Speaker 3: mess I made. He thinks this is serious. He gave

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Speaker 3: me niquil and I'm getting ready for bed. I'm going

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Speaker 3: to bed. There's nothing more to say tonight, goodnight, thank you, goodbye.

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Speaker 3: I'm gonna give him my phone top and relevant comments.

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Speaker 3: Popcorn says, wait, what what's up with that?

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Speaker 1: Edit?

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Speaker 3: Either you just dreamt all of this, Opie, or they

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Speaker 3: are gas landing you. Either way, I'm confused. Opie says,

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Speaker 3: I don't know. I'm really really scared right now. Deleted

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Speaker 3: says check the garbage for the old food containers. How

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Speaker 3: is the food paid for? If not cash? There's got

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Speaker 3: to be a record of it somewhere. Opie says, there's

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Speaker 3: nothing there. There should have been a big mess from

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Speaker 3: the party, but I can't find anything. I would have

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Speaker 3: remembered cleaning up and feeling pissed about it. But there's

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Speaker 3: nothing but normal garbage from the week. There's no extra

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Speaker 3: dishes left places, there are no leftovers, and there was

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Speaker 3: a ton of food, like three pizzas and five boxes

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Speaker 3: of wings, plus someone brought Chinese and there was a

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Speaker 3: ton of soda. Now I can't find any of it.

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Speaker 3: The paper towels aren't even out of place, just like

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Speaker 3: I left them. Oh Jesus, I'm so ever scared right now.

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Speaker 3: I think. Ope, you need to go to the doctor.

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Speaker 3: Swear to God, I'm not eything crazy. I really am not.

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Speaker 3: Mother of a mouse says So. Since nobody's responding to

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Speaker 3: the update, which shocked me more than the initial post,

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Speaker 3: can you give a bit more insight on this? Would

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Speaker 3: you say that you dreamed this event or like really

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Speaker 3: lived it? Is there a history of mental illness? Did

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Speaker 3: anything like this ever happen to you or someone from

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Speaker 3: your family? Oh, he says, I may have dreamed it,

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Speaker 3: since I can't remember my husband's friends mentioning inviting anyone

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Speaker 3: over before the event, like asking us if it was okay,

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Speaker 3: which he always did before, especially a sister who has

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Speaker 3: never come over before, or the one particular friend I

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Speaker 3: texted because my husband and I don't get along with them.

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Speaker 3: This sort of thing used to happen to my grandmother.

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Speaker 3: I don't want it to happen to me. I don't

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Speaker 3: want to tell my husband it was probably all just

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Speaker 3: a dream. No, you would know dreams are you know when.

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Speaker 4: I name something, But if you're having like a sort

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Speaker 4: of like new mental health thing taking place, you wouldn't know.

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Speaker 3: Well, that's what I think that she's having.

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Speaker 4: What I think, I mean, yeah, I guess I was

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Speaker 4: saying it could have happened during a dream.

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Speaker 3: Still, but I think that she is trying to explain

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Speaker 3: this away as just a dream. I think if you

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Speaker 3: have a history of this like in your family, then

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Speaker 3: we gotta go to psychiatrist her.

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Speaker 4: And then also what I also see a lot of

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Speaker 4: people saying in the chat, why did he give her

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Speaker 4: Nike Will? Again, because he gave her Nike Will that

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Speaker 4: night and was like, just go to sleep, which again

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Speaker 4: I don't think at this point that he's doing anything,

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Speaker 4: but Nike Will could have enhanced something that was really started.

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Speaker 3: I mean, if you are you know.

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Speaker 4: She could be hugging down on night quill.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I think I will ask my husband's friend's girlfriend.

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Speaker 3: She wasn't here, but he may have mentioned it to her.

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Speaker 3: An update. Hey guys, great update. First, thank you all

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Speaker 3: for your outpouring of love and support. I got on

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Speaker 3: this morning and was overwhelmed by all your love, help

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Speaker 3: and compare. You guys give me hope for humanity and

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Speaker 3: thanks to the a hole who told me I was

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Speaker 3: a crazy drama which that my husband should dump and

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Speaker 3: get a restraining order. So yesterday morning, my husband took

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Speaker 3: me to the doctors, who asked me a lot of

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Speaker 3: the questions you guys did. No, I didn't hit my

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Speaker 3: head recently. No, I don't take recreational drugs. However, I

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Speaker 3: have been feeling ill lately, so the night I had

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Speaker 3: the dream and hallucinations, I had taken night quill and

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Speaker 3: Benadryl to help sleep and not drown in my own

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Speaker 3: snot Oh, and I also had a few hot toddies,

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Speaker 3: so booze. Apparently, benadrola has been known to cause weird

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Speaker 3: reactions in perfectly normal people, such as vivid hallucinations or

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Speaker 3: waking dreams, so instead of scheduling expensive tests, we chalked

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Speaker 3: it up to weird substance. Interactions, was told to come back,

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Speaker 3: that is something similar happened and to get a gottang PCP.

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Speaker 3: A husband took me home and I slept by the

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Speaker 3: way while I was freaking out in still hopped up

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Speaker 3: on substances. I did check the call records and his

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Speaker 3: ex's number wasn't on the call or text list. There

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Speaker 3: is a little bit left of this, but yeah down.

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Speaker 4: That we had stories story down from that and Rill.

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Speaker 5: Yeah.

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Speaker 3: I also think it's funny that she had such a

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Speaker 3: like such a because our other hogy down story was

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Speaker 3: just weird and it was like, what's going on? What

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Speaker 3: do you what? And this one was like, no, I

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Speaker 3: dreamed that my husband invited his ex girlfriend and then

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Speaker 3: she started being all flirty and they kissed.

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Speaker 4: At least this Opie realized it after one instance.

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Speaker 3: Yeah wow, I mean, yeah wow. It was just so

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Speaker 3: reasonable of a dream.

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Speaker 4: Do you guys want to give a quick teal you

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Speaker 4: are on what HOGI down? That story is just a

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Speaker 4: little bit. People are very confused.

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Speaker 3: For anyone wondering. We read a story where a guy

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Speaker 3: started his wife kept saying to him. Every morning she

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Speaker 3: would go up to him and say or she would

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Speaker 3: leave it. No she wouldn't. She wouldgnore him, and then

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Speaker 3: she would say in a note somewhere, it's getting cold

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Speaker 3: out better HOGI down in.

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Speaker 4: The lunch, like in his lunch lunch, or like on

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Speaker 4: the door.

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Speaker 3: And he kept questioning her and she.

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Speaker 4: Was like, she's acting so weird, and.

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Speaker 3: She kept saying that she wasn't doing any of this. Uh,

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Speaker 3: And then we found out later that he was well.

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Speaker 3: First we found out that he was taking six Spenadrol

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Speaker 3: every night because they cats. And then we found out

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Speaker 3: that no, he wasn't taking six speddul. He was mistakenly

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Speaker 3: taking six serraquil, which.

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Speaker 4: Is a anti psychotical medicine.

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Speaker 3: Um but there is a little bit left edit. Yeah,

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Speaker 3: guys in retrospect, mixing two kinds of substances that apparently

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Speaker 3: never knew this and thanks for telling me, because I

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Speaker 3: wouldn't have known do the same thing was real dang stupid.

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Speaker 3: But I won't do it again. Also probably never taking

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Speaker 3: seedamnifin either judging from some of your comments or booze. Also,

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Speaker 3: I'm actually really relieved I'm not alone in the whole

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Speaker 3: mind trip thing. I'm sorry for anyone who experienced what

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Speaker 3: I did, and doubt their own reality. And Hey and

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Speaker 3: Kill says I've used benatrol as a sleep aid and

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Speaker 3: have had some crazy dreams. I think even sleepwalked. Sleptwalked

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Speaker 3: a couple times. I've also heard that if you take

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Speaker 3: a high enough dose, you can see some crazy crap

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Speaker 3: all awake, but nothing that you'd want to see. And

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Speaker 3: OHP says I also sleepwalk, just in general. About a

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Speaker 3: week ago, I woke up in my car about halfway

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Speaker 3: to work.

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Speaker 4: Okay, so maybe the door watch keys locked somewhere that

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Speaker 4: you don't know about me. I'm sorry, why did op

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Speaker 4: say that? Like so nonchalant, so casually driving while asleep.

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Speaker 4: If I ever sleep drive, were're gonna have a problem.

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Speaker 3: I was having a dream one of my charges was

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Speaker 3: passing away. I worked with animals, and I had to

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Speaker 3: go save her and give her medication. Motorund says, I

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Speaker 3: know it's a happy update, but please realize you got lucky.

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Speaker 3: Maybe make sure to stay off the booze when you

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Speaker 3: take substances of any kind, and don't take substances after

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Speaker 3: you've been drinking. It turned out fine this time, but

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Speaker 3: you could have aft up a lot of by doing this.

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Speaker 3: Coltulou says, my husband once had a very bad allergic reaction,

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Speaker 3: like throat closing up bad. I gave him three benadrol

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Speaker 3: and then we went to the er where they gave

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Speaker 3: him iv benajol. He became very paranoid and angry with me,

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Speaker 3: remembered conversations that didn't happen, heard voices calling his name

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Speaker 3: in empty rooms. Looking back now, it's quite funny. At

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Speaker 3: the time, not so much anyway, Even over the counter

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Speaker 3: meds can be dangerous. Please be safe out there. And

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Speaker 3: that's the end of that story.

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Speaker 4: Folks, my ex husband kept bringing his affair partner to

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Speaker 4: our family time.

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Speaker 3: Well, then you're no longer part of the family.

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Speaker 4: My husband forty six male and I forty five female,

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Speaker 4: divorced three years ago, but we still see each other

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Speaker 4: weekly because of our young children. We divorced because he

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Speaker 4: cheated on me with his assistant, who is now his girlfriend,

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Speaker 4: thirty five female. In our divorce agreement, I gave him

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Speaker 4: weekends with the kids and we spend family time together

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Speaker 4: frequently until recently. That arrangement worked fine. By the way,

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Speaker 4: this comes from username and if you want to submit

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Speaker 4: your own stories, go to the r slash Okay storytime Sebredda.

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Speaker 3: I'm Carly, I'm Sophia, and.

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Speaker 4: We're here to give good advice. Goofily, but we don't

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Speaker 4: have all the answers. We only know what we'd do,

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Speaker 4: So let us know what you would do in the comments,

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Speaker 4: and Opie says, I've always tried to be civil with

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Speaker 4: my ex around the kids because I don't want them

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Speaker 4: to have a bad relationship with their father. But a

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Speaker 4: couple of months ago, he started bringing his girlfriend to

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Speaker 4: our family time without asking me. When I expressed how

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Speaker 4: this made me feel and explained that this was meant

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Speaker 4: to be our family time, he insisted that she was

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Speaker 4: family to the kids and they should get used to

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Speaker 4: her being around. I later approached her directly, hoping she

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Speaker 4: would understand my perspective, but she told me that if

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Speaker 4: it bothered me so much, I might as well just

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Speaker 4: not come. Things got worse two weeks ago when she

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Speaker 4: started insisting that my children call her mom, even in

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Speaker 4: front of me. My kids seem to like her because

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Speaker 4: she's always bribing them with candy. When I tried talking

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Speaker 4: to their father again, he said she'd never have children

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Speaker 4: of her own, loved them as if they were hers,

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Speaker 4: and that it was selfish of me to try to

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Speaker 4: stop her from seeing them, which I'm not doing. To

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Speaker 4: be clear, I feel like I'm being replaced, not only

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Speaker 4: as a wife but also as a mother. My ex

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Speaker 4: and his girlfriend have the whole weekend to spend with

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Speaker 4: my kids, so it's not like this is her only

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Speaker 4: chance to be with them. I've never really liked her,

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Speaker 4: but have tried to be kind for my children's sake.

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Speaker 4: I don't know what to do, but I can't help

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Speaker 4: but feel like my children are being manipulated. Please help me.

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Speaker 4: We have some comments. Uh how old are the kids?

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Speaker 4: Opie says, my daughter is three and my son is six. Uh,

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Speaker 4: and then a reply I think the kid's ages make

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Speaker 4: a huge difference. If they're very young, it's unlikely that

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Speaker 4: they're going to even remember this period or have any

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Speaker 4: major resentment about the divorce if they're older. I can

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Speaker 4: understand why Opie wanted to have more of a transition

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Speaker 4: period of spending time together, but I think that time

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Speaker 4: can probably end. I agree with the previous commenter who

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Speaker 4: said it might just be confusing to them at this point.

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Speaker 4: Comment or two. I get that you are trying to

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Speaker 4: amicably co parent, but I think you need to move

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Speaker 4: towards giving him the kids on the weekends and maintaining

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Speaker 4: distance when you have to be together. I get where

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Speaker 4: you are coming from them. This is adding insult to

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Speaker 4: injury and a reply I've read that continuing with joint

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Speaker 4: family time can actually be damaging for children, as it

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Speaker 4: leaves them confused and can perpetuate a belief that parents

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Speaker 4: might reconcile. Opie says, I think you might be right.

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Speaker 4: I'm just so scared that my kids will grow up

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Speaker 4: to resent their parents for getting a divorce, and I

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Speaker 4: want them to row up in a healthy home. But

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Speaker 4: I think you're right, and I just have to make

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Speaker 4: the difficult decision. Commentary replies, speaking from personal experience, your

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Speaker 4: kids will eventually pick up on the tension. An age

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Speaker 4: appropriate conversation with your kids should help, and neither you

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Speaker 4: or your ex should be bad mouthing each other in

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Speaker 4: front of the kids. A conversation with your ex should

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Speaker 4: also occur as well. Opie says, I have tried to

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Speaker 4: have a conversation with him so many times in your experience,

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Speaker 4: what will work to get him to listen? You are

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Speaker 4: right about my kids it's time for them to understand

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Speaker 4: the situation. I can't keep them in the dark anymore.

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Speaker 4: User replies, I think your conversation with him should be

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Speaker 4: something along the lines of having more space between the

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Speaker 4: two of you. Him bringing around his girlfriend who is

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Speaker 4: a responsible party of your divorce, and while you aren't

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Speaker 4: going to dictate that the kids can't be around her,

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Speaker 4: you don't want her in your home and would like

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Speaker 4: to keep this disc at events.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I feel like it's you know, yes, you can't

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Speaker 3: control whether or not he brings her around them, But

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Speaker 3: I think you just have to say I, honestly, I

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Speaker 3: don't care what you think about me. Yeah, but when

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Speaker 3: I'm there, I don't want her there.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, or, at least to my heart, in my own home.

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Speaker 3: That's totally to your husband, that's totally fair. I feel

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Speaker 3: like I don't know if there's any way that you

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Speaker 3: can get through this guy or just putting down the

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Speaker 3: a hard, you know, foot and saying she can't be

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Speaker 3: in my own she's not welcome.

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Speaker 4: He may not listen. Some people don't, and unfortunately you

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00:18:34,640 --> 00:18:36,959
Speaker 4: are likely going to have to be the bigger person

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Speaker 4: for the sake of your children. Commentar three. But this

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00:18:41,160 --> 00:18:44,399
Speaker 4: situation isn't healthy. Do you and your ex have a

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Speaker 4: legally binding custody agreement or is this just something you

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Speaker 4: both just agree on. My advice, see a lawyer and

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Speaker 4: these joint one on one meetings, and if you have

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Speaker 4: concerns with your children around the girlfriend, talk to a

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Speaker 4: lawyer and and see what can be done about it

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Speaker 4: in a more legally binding way. Opie says, legally binding.

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Speaker 4: He fought for custody and this was the best I

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Speaker 4: could do at the time. Commenter for says, why do

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Speaker 4: you meet together? I have a family with our children.

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Speaker 4: My ex has a family with our children. The old

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Speaker 4: family is no longer existing. A reply says, yeah, this

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Speaker 4: is really weird. What family time. They aren't a family anymore.

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Speaker 3: That's it. That's yeah, that was so weird when he

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Speaker 3: was like, yeah, this is family, it's like no, no, no,

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Speaker 3: You've got your new girl, right, who is you're a

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Speaker 3: fair partner?

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Speaker 4: Uh?

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Speaker 3: And then you've got ope and sometimes you know, kids

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00:19:41,920 --> 00:19:44,600
Speaker 3: wanted like you're trying to copare and effectively, but like

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Speaker 3: it's the parent time. When you want to hang out

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Speaker 3: with your girlfriend and your kids, then you can do

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Speaker 3: that on your own time, right, so it's not selfish

384
00:19:52,480 --> 00:19:55,720
Speaker 3: because she doesn't want you know, she just wants it

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Speaker 3: to be dad mom or you know, and the kids.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, agreed. OP is in denial about the divorce. Too

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Speaker 4: old for dating, your ex is dating, so you know

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00:20:06,520 --> 00:20:10,959
Speaker 4: that's not true. You're in denial. It's also her own fault.

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Speaker 4: She never gets fun time with the kids. Sounds like

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00:20:14,200 --> 00:20:18,040
Speaker 4: she suggested the custody schedule where she gets weekdays and

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Speaker 4: he gets weekends. Terrible idea. She gets all the work

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Speaker 4: and he gets the fun. Then she goes and invites

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Speaker 4: him into her weekdaytime.

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Speaker 3: Weird.

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Speaker 4: The girlfriend is probably insisting to be there to make

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Speaker 4: sure nothing is still going on between them. Now, don't

397
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Speaker 4: get me wrong. Ex husband and the girlfriend are the

398
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Speaker 4: assailed here for cheating on Op. They are also massive

399
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Speaker 4: a holes for having the kids call the girlfriend mom.

400
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Speaker 4: But OP needs to wake up.

401
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Speaker 3: So different Dake than I expected. Yeah, but I mean,

402
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Speaker 3: like I kind of, I guess, I kind of to

403
00:20:53,960 --> 00:20:56,040
Speaker 3: some extent, see what they're saying.

404
00:20:56,280 --> 00:20:59,280
Speaker 4: I would. It's still consider though, like even though you're

405
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Speaker 4: not married any more, mom, dad, right, because to the kids,

406
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Speaker 4: that is still like this.

407
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Speaker 3: Is my mom, this is my ted Lasso when they

408
00:21:08,000 --> 00:21:12,800
Speaker 3: do the facetimes with you know, he's they're not married anymore, like.

409
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Speaker 4: With still their family, but there's still still family time.

410
00:21:16,240 --> 00:21:18,800
Speaker 4: But I do agree that like we don't need to

411
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Speaker 4: be doctor Mann comes into the picture, dude, spoilers, but

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00:21:23,240 --> 00:21:26,359
Speaker 4: time with just Ted and the wife is still family in.

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Speaker 2: Time, Yeah, exactly between them.

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Speaker 3: Don't worry to say until thanks until doctor Man. Sorry

415
00:21:31,680 --> 00:21:33,600
Speaker 3: Kelsey j It says. The only thing I'm thinking of

416
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Speaker 3: is my kids are not to call her mom at

417
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Speaker 3: alive ever.

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00:21:36,840 --> 00:21:41,359
Speaker 4: Yeah, and that's a totally valid boundary that she should respect.

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Speaker 4: If this whole situation is a cluster f insist she

420
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Speaker 4: stop with the mom thing, Quit trying to recreate your

421
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Speaker 4: family with family time except for the occasional important event

422
00:21:54,119 --> 00:22:01,080
Speaker 4: like birthdays, graduations, et cetera, obviously, and renegotiate your custom update.

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Speaker 4: Thank you everyone for your words of encouragement and tough love.

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00:22:05,320 --> 00:22:07,720
Speaker 4: I needed a wake up call, and I've gotten in

425
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Speaker 4: touch with my lawyer. I realized that at some point

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Speaker 4: I became passive and stopped fighting back. My very young

427
00:22:15,200 --> 00:22:19,119
Speaker 4: children don't deserve a fake family. Many people told me

428
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Speaker 4: I need to let go of what our family used

429
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Speaker 4: to be. And as much as it hurts, I know

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Speaker 4: this is true. I will no longer spend time with

431
00:22:27,880 --> 00:22:31,639
Speaker 4: my ex husband and his girlfriend beyond drop offs and pickups.

432
00:22:32,000 --> 00:22:34,520
Speaker 4: I contacted them and made it clear that if she

433
00:22:34,640 --> 00:22:38,000
Speaker 4: continues forcing my kids to call her mom, I will

434
00:22:38,040 --> 00:22:41,680
Speaker 4: take further legal action. I'll admit I've spent a lot

435
00:22:41,760 --> 00:22:44,840
Speaker 4: of time crying over the past eighteen hours, which is

436
00:22:44,880 --> 00:22:47,920
Speaker 4: why it took me so long to update. I plan

437
00:22:48,040 --> 00:22:50,280
Speaker 4: to take a day off work to talk to my children.

438
00:22:50,880 --> 00:22:53,320
Speaker 4: I will tell them that their father's girlfriend is not

439
00:22:53,560 --> 00:22:56,119
Speaker 4: and will never be their mom, and that if she

440
00:22:56,200 --> 00:22:58,520
Speaker 4: tries to make them call her that again, they should

441
00:22:58,560 --> 00:23:02,560
Speaker 4: tell me immediately. Some people suggested I tell my kids

442
00:23:02,600 --> 00:23:06,359
Speaker 4: about my ex's infidelity. I won't be doing that. I

443
00:23:06,520 --> 00:23:10,040
Speaker 4: refuse to alienate my children from their father over something

444
00:23:10,080 --> 00:23:12,720
Speaker 4: that happened in our relationship. They're also young.

445
00:23:12,880 --> 00:23:13,640
Speaker 3: They're too young.

446
00:23:13,840 --> 00:23:14,840
Speaker 4: They're way too young.

447
00:23:14,840 --> 00:23:17,360
Speaker 3: No, you could tell them eventually, but you you would

448
00:23:17,359 --> 00:23:18,200
Speaker 3: talk to your partner about it.

449
00:23:18,200 --> 00:23:20,920
Speaker 4: They'll probably just learn about it eventually too. I made

450
00:23:20,920 --> 00:23:23,800
Speaker 4: it clear that their father's girlfriend is not their mother,

451
00:23:23,960 --> 00:23:27,119
Speaker 4: and that's as far as I'll go. I've realized that

452
00:23:27,240 --> 00:23:30,320
Speaker 4: I was using family time, not for my kids benefit,

453
00:23:30,400 --> 00:23:34,560
Speaker 4: as I claimed, but for my own selfish reasons. I've

454
00:23:34,600 --> 00:23:38,040
Speaker 4: been in denial about the divorce for three years, and

455
00:23:38,160 --> 00:23:41,560
Speaker 4: family time was my way of pretending everything was normal.

456
00:23:42,200 --> 00:23:45,119
Speaker 4: That's why his girlfriend's presence was so jarring for me.

457
00:23:45,840 --> 00:23:48,119
Speaker 4: I now see the error of my ways and am

458
00:23:48,200 --> 00:23:52,639
Speaker 4: frankly disgusted with myself. I feel pathetic for clinging to

459
00:23:52,680 --> 00:23:56,320
Speaker 4: a relationship with my ex husband, even after he cheated

460
00:23:56,359 --> 00:23:58,359
Speaker 4: on me and left me for his assistant. We get

461
00:23:58,400 --> 00:24:00,359
Speaker 4: a little bit more, I think, I.

462
00:24:00,240 --> 00:24:01,520
Speaker 3: Think you know what you need to do.

463
00:24:01,720 --> 00:24:01,960
Speaker 5: Yeah.

464
00:24:02,000 --> 00:24:04,280
Speaker 3: I think setting my boundary. Yeah. I think setting the

465
00:24:04,280 --> 00:24:08,000
Speaker 3: boundary of being like, that's not your mom, I'm your mom. Yeah,

466
00:24:08,000 --> 00:24:10,160
Speaker 3: and also being like, uh no more. If you guys

467
00:24:10,160 --> 00:24:12,000
Speaker 3: can't respect the boundaries that I'm trying to set in

468
00:24:12,040 --> 00:24:14,399
Speaker 3: family time, then we're not gonna have family time. And

469
00:24:14,920 --> 00:24:17,600
Speaker 3: that's fine. You know, we're not a family anymore in

470
00:24:17,640 --> 00:24:19,600
Speaker 3: the same way that we were. You want to have

471
00:24:19,680 --> 00:24:23,000
Speaker 3: your ex, your new girlfriend around whatever, but I'm not

472
00:24:23,040 --> 00:24:23,840
Speaker 3: going to be around her.

473
00:24:24,119 --> 00:24:27,600
Speaker 4: So fair Exactly as I mentioned, I've contacted my lawyer

474
00:24:27,680 --> 00:24:30,840
Speaker 4: about the girlfriend, trying to make my children call her mom.

475
00:24:31,520 --> 00:24:33,960
Speaker 4: I never would have thought of this without your comments,

476
00:24:34,040 --> 00:24:37,160
Speaker 4: and you were all right. My lawyer says that due

477
00:24:37,200 --> 00:24:41,119
Speaker 4: to these developments, the situation may change. I'll update you

478
00:24:41,200 --> 00:24:44,080
Speaker 4: once I know more. In the meantime, I plan to

479
00:24:44,080 --> 00:24:47,800
Speaker 4: focus on healing myself and we'll start with attending therapy.

480
00:24:48,600 --> 00:24:51,199
Speaker 4: I saw some questions and we'll try to respond to

481
00:24:51,240 --> 00:24:54,480
Speaker 4: the best of my ability. Thank you all so much.

482
00:24:54,920 --> 00:24:59,159
Speaker 4: Your advice may well have changed the trajectory of my life,

483
00:24:59,480 --> 00:25:01,919
Speaker 4: and I wish I shoo all the happiness in the world.

484
00:25:02,000 --> 00:25:03,560
Speaker 4: And that is the end of that story.

485
00:25:04,320 --> 00:25:07,680
Speaker 6: My husband was hesitant to be intimate with me after

486
00:25:07,800 --> 00:25:08,560
Speaker 6: my accident.

487
00:25:08,640 --> 00:25:09,760
Speaker 1: We gotta be careful here.

488
00:25:10,000 --> 00:25:12,920
Speaker 6: I thirty female, have been married to my husband forty

489
00:25:12,920 --> 00:25:16,440
Speaker 6: five male for five years and together for eight. Obviously,

490
00:25:16,440 --> 00:25:19,080
Speaker 6: we have an age gap in our relationship, and whenever

491
00:25:19,160 --> 00:25:22,600
Speaker 6: we discussed possible health issues or medical care, it was

492
00:25:22,680 --> 00:25:25,600
Speaker 6: regarding him. By the way, this comes from user Flora

493
00:25:25,760 --> 00:25:27,879
Speaker 6: Ray and if you want to submit your own stories,

494
00:25:27,920 --> 00:25:30,080
Speaker 6: go to the r slash Okay storytime subreddit.

495
00:25:30,119 --> 00:25:32,280
Speaker 1: I'm Dakota, I'm Riley.

496
00:25:32,040 --> 00:25:32,840
Speaker 4: And I'm Keon.

497
00:25:33,440 --> 00:25:36,040
Speaker 6: We try to give our best advice, but we haven't

498
00:25:36,080 --> 00:25:40,080
Speaker 6: experienced all of these situations ourselves. So if you have,

499
00:25:40,600 --> 00:25:43,720
Speaker 6: let us know your take in the comments. About four

500
00:25:43,760 --> 00:25:46,240
Speaker 6: months ago, I was in a car accident. I was

501
00:25:46,280 --> 00:25:49,480
Speaker 6: talking on bluetooth to my husband because I was nervous

502
00:25:49,560 --> 00:25:51,920
Speaker 6: driving on the icy roads going to our house when

503
00:25:51,960 --> 00:25:54,960
Speaker 6: another car rounded a corner two fast and lost control.

504
00:25:55,040 --> 00:25:55,640
Speaker 2: It was one of.

505
00:25:55,600 --> 00:25:59,680
Speaker 6: Those exact wrong moment things, and my car went off

506
00:25:59,680 --> 00:26:01,320
Speaker 6: the road into a tree.

507
00:26:01,359 --> 00:26:02,680
Speaker 2: My husband heard the whole.

508
00:26:02,480 --> 00:26:07,080
Speaker 6: Thing, and my last memory before I lost consciousness was him.

509
00:26:06,960 --> 00:26:07,960
Speaker 2: Screaming my name.

510
00:26:08,080 --> 00:26:09,960
Speaker 6: I don't want to get into the bloody details, but

511
00:26:10,040 --> 00:26:12,640
Speaker 6: I ended up being in the hospital for over a month.

512
00:26:12,680 --> 00:26:15,880
Speaker 6: I needed multiple surgeries and have been in physical therapy

513
00:26:15,960 --> 00:26:18,760
Speaker 6: ever since. I'm finally getting to a point where I

514
00:26:18,760 --> 00:26:21,960
Speaker 6: feel like myself again and I'm no longer in pain.

515
00:26:22,040 --> 00:26:25,240
Speaker 6: I've gained back some weight and look good if I

516
00:26:25,359 --> 00:26:27,920
Speaker 6: do say his own miles. So, my husband literally worked

517
00:26:27,920 --> 00:26:30,280
Speaker 6: out of my hospital room for the entire time I

518
00:26:30,359 --> 00:26:32,640
Speaker 6: was there. He went home to shower, sleep, and look

519
00:26:32,680 --> 00:26:34,120
Speaker 6: after the dogs, and then.

520
00:26:34,119 --> 00:26:34,920
Speaker 2: Came right back.

521
00:26:34,960 --> 00:26:37,639
Speaker 6: He attended all of my therapy appointments so he would

522
00:26:37,680 --> 00:26:39,520
Speaker 6: know how to better help me recover at home. He

523
00:26:39,600 --> 00:26:42,679
Speaker 6: was amazing and everything I could ask him to be

524
00:26:42,840 --> 00:26:46,919
Speaker 6: in that kind of horrible situation. I love him so much,

525
00:26:47,080 --> 00:26:50,639
Speaker 6: and so yesterday, while shopping, I saw this gorgeous black

526
00:26:50,840 --> 00:26:54,119
Speaker 6: loier said, and decided to surprise him with it. We

527
00:26:54,200 --> 00:26:57,400
Speaker 6: haven't had spicy sleep since before the accident, and every

528
00:26:57,440 --> 00:27:00,240
Speaker 6: time I try, it feels like he makes an excuse

529
00:27:00,400 --> 00:27:03,439
Speaker 6: or expresses some concern about some random body part of

530
00:27:03,480 --> 00:27:05,639
Speaker 6: mine that is no longer injured. He was on his

531
00:27:05,720 --> 00:27:08,439
Speaker 6: laptop in bed when I came in wearing my new purchases,

532
00:27:08,560 --> 00:27:11,440
Speaker 6: and I caudell. He was taken by surprise. I basically

533
00:27:11,480 --> 00:27:13,000
Speaker 6: crawled into his lap.

534
00:27:13,000 --> 00:27:16,760
Speaker 2: And started giving him some smokeses. He was definitely into it,

535
00:27:16,840 --> 00:27:18,080
Speaker 2: but then he lost it.

536
00:27:17,960 --> 00:27:20,680
Speaker 6: Pushed me away, saying we shouldn't rush this and didn't

537
00:27:20,720 --> 00:27:23,760
Speaker 6: want to jeopardize my recovery with spicy sleep. I was

538
00:27:23,880 --> 00:27:26,639
Speaker 6: crying by the time he ended the sentence and said,

539
00:27:26,720 --> 00:27:30,359
Speaker 6: I'm fine. The doctor say spicy sleep is fine, but

540
00:27:30,400 --> 00:27:31,760
Speaker 6: he was already walking.

541
00:27:31,400 --> 00:27:33,680
Speaker 2: Into the bathroom and turning on the shower. I don't

542
00:27:33,680 --> 00:27:34,320
Speaker 2: know what to think.

543
00:27:34,400 --> 00:27:36,720
Speaker 6: Is it the scars, the memory of me in a

544
00:27:36,760 --> 00:27:39,800
Speaker 6: hospital bed, unable to even sit up by myself.

545
00:27:39,840 --> 00:27:41,440
Speaker 2: Does that repulse him?

546
00:27:41,600 --> 00:27:43,840
Speaker 6: I finally am starting to feel good about myself and

547
00:27:43,920 --> 00:27:46,480
Speaker 6: my body again, and the fact that he won't touch

548
00:27:46,520 --> 00:27:49,200
Speaker 6: me is really hurting my mental health. Probably a long shot,

549
00:27:49,240 --> 00:27:51,879
Speaker 6: but has anyone else experienced this? And we have a

550
00:27:51,920 --> 00:27:55,399
Speaker 6: comment from op I think I realize that just because

551
00:27:55,440 --> 00:27:57,719
Speaker 6: I physically feel better, it doesn't mean our lives can

552
00:27:57,760 --> 00:28:00,280
Speaker 6: magically go back to normal, which was basically what I

553
00:28:00,359 --> 00:28:02,399
Speaker 6: was trying to do. He both went through a major

554
00:28:02,480 --> 00:28:05,480
Speaker 6: trauma and pretending it didn't happen will only be damaging

555
00:28:05,480 --> 00:28:07,280
Speaker 6: to both of us. Can't say how much I love

556
00:28:07,320 --> 00:28:09,680
Speaker 6: this man. He is my whole world, and the thought

557
00:28:09,720 --> 00:28:12,200
Speaker 6: that he's been hurting but trying to protect me from

558
00:28:12,280 --> 00:28:15,040
Speaker 6: it by staying silent makes me feel sick. The bottom

559
00:28:15,160 --> 00:28:17,879
Speaker 6: line is we both need to go to therapy to

560
00:28:18,040 --> 00:28:21,080
Speaker 6: unpack everything that happened and develop.

561
00:28:20,760 --> 00:28:22,480
Speaker 2: Some healthy coping mechanisms.

562
00:28:22,520 --> 00:28:24,639
Speaker 6: Another part of this was we were trying for a

563
00:28:24,680 --> 00:28:27,800
Speaker 6: baby before the accident, and I was excited to get

564
00:28:27,840 --> 00:28:31,520
Speaker 6: back to it. And there are some comments here some magic.

565
00:28:31,800 --> 00:28:34,640
Speaker 6: Connie Hand said. I'm not a mind reader, but his

566
00:28:34,760 --> 00:28:36,760
Speaker 6: reaction makes a lot of sense to me when I

567
00:28:36,800 --> 00:28:39,560
Speaker 6: think about the last four months. From his perspective, he

568
00:28:39,560 --> 00:28:42,680
Speaker 6: heard you scream and then nothing from you. Presumably he

569
00:28:42,680 --> 00:28:45,200
Speaker 6: heard the crushing metal of the crash. For him, there

570
00:28:45,280 --> 00:28:47,120
Speaker 6: was a period of time where he did not know

571
00:28:47,320 --> 00:28:50,120
Speaker 6: if you were gonna make it. Maybe he had to

572
00:28:50,200 --> 00:28:52,600
Speaker 6: direct first responders to try to find you and had

573
00:28:52,600 --> 00:28:55,080
Speaker 6: to learn whether you were alive from them. The fact

574
00:28:55,080 --> 00:28:56,600
Speaker 6: that you were in the hospital for more than a

575
00:28:56,640 --> 00:28:59,360
Speaker 6: month says to me that he was almost certainly told

576
00:29:00,000 --> 00:29:02,320
Speaker 6: he might pass away, even once he learned you were

577
00:29:02,360 --> 00:29:04,960
Speaker 6: a lot. The fact that he lived in your hospital

578
00:29:05,040 --> 00:29:07,720
Speaker 6: room was probably as much for him as for you,

579
00:29:07,840 --> 00:29:10,520
Speaker 6: because if he wasn't there and something happened, you might

580
00:29:10,600 --> 00:29:12,520
Speaker 6: pass away and he wouldn't be able to stop it.

581
00:29:12,520 --> 00:29:15,560
Speaker 6: It's very possible he spent that entire month in crushing fear,

582
00:29:16,000 --> 00:29:20,080
Speaker 6: trying to consciously or subconsciously guard you from passing away.

583
00:29:20,160 --> 00:29:23,720
Speaker 6: He almost certainly spent at least several days in that state.

584
00:29:23,800 --> 00:29:26,440
Speaker 6: I'm assuming that the focus since then has been mostly

585
00:29:26,480 --> 00:29:29,440
Speaker 6: on getting you physically okay. It's only been four months,

586
00:29:29,560 --> 00:29:32,600
Speaker 6: and he's probably spent them all in caretaker mode. The

587
00:29:32,640 --> 00:29:35,080
Speaker 6: thing about caretaker mode is that you push your own

588
00:29:35,120 --> 00:29:37,520
Speaker 6: issues to the back. You don't focus on any healing

589
00:29:37,560 --> 00:29:40,000
Speaker 6: you might need to do. Note that I'm not justifying

590
00:29:40,000 --> 00:29:43,600
Speaker 6: that necessarily. Sometimes people go into caretaker mode or stay

591
00:29:43,600 --> 00:29:46,520
Speaker 6: in it not because somebody actually needs care, but because

592
00:29:46,560 --> 00:29:48,960
Speaker 6: our own fear is too scary to face, and that

593
00:29:49,040 --> 00:29:51,080
Speaker 6: mode keeps us from having to deal with it in

594
00:29:51,120 --> 00:29:54,080
Speaker 6: the short term. For him, the trauma of being unsure

595
00:29:54,200 --> 00:29:56,400
Speaker 6: if he would still have you tomorrow is still almost

596
00:29:56,480 --> 00:30:00,360
Speaker 6: certainly unhealed. As for why he responded that way, people

597
00:30:00,400 --> 00:30:03,200
Speaker 6: tend to store emotional pain they're not addressing yet in

598
00:30:03,240 --> 00:30:07,440
Speaker 6: the body, tight muscles, strained postures, clenching. People grind their

599
00:30:07,480 --> 00:30:10,440
Speaker 6: teeth and bunch their fists under stress for a reason,

600
00:30:10,480 --> 00:30:12,520
Speaker 6: and we do similar things to the rest of our body.

601
00:30:12,560 --> 00:30:14,880
Speaker 6: That kind of trauma can feel like a physical spring

602
00:30:15,080 --> 00:30:18,320
Speaker 6: stored under tension. When you went to initiate intimacy and

603
00:30:18,360 --> 00:30:20,480
Speaker 6: started touching his body in a way that normally creates

604
00:30:20,480 --> 00:30:23,479
Speaker 6: a strong reaction, you added those feelings on top of

605
00:30:23,520 --> 00:30:26,160
Speaker 6: the stored feeling, but pulling in a different direction, and

606
00:30:26,200 --> 00:30:29,920
Speaker 6: the spring destabilized and went off. You basically accidentally took

607
00:30:29,960 --> 00:30:31,920
Speaker 6: the lid off a pressure cooker before it had a

608
00:30:32,000 --> 00:30:34,240
Speaker 6: chance to vent. I think that's why his response was

609
00:30:34,240 --> 00:30:36,920
Speaker 6: centered around fear for your safety, even though you're feeling

610
00:30:37,000 --> 00:30:39,280
Speaker 6: much better and not worried about yourself.

611
00:30:39,400 --> 00:30:42,000
Speaker 1: See where you're coming from. Hopefully, is this person blaming

612
00:30:42,000 --> 00:30:42,560
Speaker 1: her for it?

613
00:30:42,600 --> 00:30:44,840
Speaker 6: I don't think so. I think it's just an explanation

614
00:30:44,880 --> 00:30:45,840
Speaker 6: of what happened.

615
00:30:46,000 --> 00:30:47,960
Speaker 1: What's going on. Yeah, so it's really great.

616
00:30:48,120 --> 00:30:50,600
Speaker 6: All that trapped fear just kind of blew up in

617
00:30:50,720 --> 00:30:53,959
Speaker 6: both your faces. That's what happened. It's not necessarily anything

618
00:30:54,000 --> 00:30:56,600
Speaker 6: in your relationship that needs to heal. It's just that

619
00:30:56,680 --> 00:30:59,240
Speaker 6: he needs to step back now and take the time

620
00:30:59,280 --> 00:31:03,000
Speaker 6: to face that crap. I'd strongly recommend therapy to help

621
00:31:03,040 --> 00:31:05,880
Speaker 6: him process. I also, on a personal level, find that

622
00:31:06,080 --> 00:31:08,600
Speaker 6: crying tends to let some of that tension back out.

623
00:31:08,680 --> 00:31:10,320
Speaker 6: I tend to use a Pixar movie to get the

624
00:31:10,320 --> 00:31:13,000
Speaker 6: tears going. Sounds a little silly, but it helps, and

625
00:31:13,040 --> 00:31:16,120
Speaker 6: there's an update seven days later, really good.

626
00:31:16,160 --> 00:31:19,640
Speaker 1: The way is common or described the clinching of hands,

627
00:31:19,800 --> 00:31:21,560
Speaker 1: I think if we think of that with the body,

628
00:31:21,800 --> 00:31:25,240
Speaker 1: bodies clenched up, clenched up, it's like pricing for impact,

629
00:31:25,440 --> 00:31:27,760
Speaker 1: bracing for the worst news ever, and it's hard to

630
00:31:27,760 --> 00:31:29,480
Speaker 1: relax those muscles.

631
00:31:29,640 --> 00:31:32,240
Speaker 2: I want to bang, but what if you just cease

632
00:31:32,320 --> 00:31:33,560
Speaker 2: to exist? Thank you?

633
00:31:33,600 --> 00:31:36,960
Speaker 6: Again for everyone's kind and thoughtful comments. I read all

634
00:31:37,040 --> 00:31:39,720
Speaker 6: of them, even if I didn't respond. Last night, when

635
00:31:39,720 --> 00:31:41,640
Speaker 6: we got in bed, I curled up next to my

636
00:31:41,720 --> 00:31:44,560
Speaker 6: husband and held him while I said, basically, we've been

637
00:31:44,560 --> 00:31:46,520
Speaker 6: through a lot. Would you be willing to get therapy

638
00:31:46,520 --> 00:31:48,320
Speaker 6: with me to make sure everything is all right for

639
00:31:48,400 --> 00:31:50,120
Speaker 6: both of us? I love you so much and I

640
00:31:50,120 --> 00:31:52,840
Speaker 6: don't want any underlying trauma to affect our relationship.

641
00:31:52,880 --> 00:31:54,000
Speaker 2: He was silent for.

642
00:31:53,960 --> 00:31:58,480
Speaker 6: About ten seconds, and then the floodgates open. I've only

643
00:31:58,520 --> 00:32:01,160
Speaker 6: seen him cry once or twice in our entire relationship,

644
00:32:01,200 --> 00:32:03,280
Speaker 6: once at our wedding and the first time I told

645
00:32:03,360 --> 00:32:05,160
Speaker 6: him I loved him. But I held him while he

646
00:32:05,240 --> 00:32:08,920
Speaker 6: sobbed for what was probably an hour. He kept apologizing

647
00:32:08,960 --> 00:32:11,080
Speaker 6: for it, and I had to keep saying, don't be sorry.

648
00:32:11,480 --> 00:32:13,880
Speaker 6: I'm here cry if you need to cry, and I

649
00:32:13,960 --> 00:32:15,040
Speaker 6: shed some tears.

650
00:32:14,760 --> 00:32:15,200
Speaker 1: Of my own.

651
00:32:15,360 --> 00:32:19,480
Speaker 6: It was an exhausting but ultimately extremely cathartic experience. When

652
00:32:19,520 --> 00:32:21,560
Speaker 6: it was all over and he was able to say

653
00:32:21,600 --> 00:32:23,640
Speaker 6: more than a few words, he told me that there

654
00:32:23,720 --> 00:32:26,520
Speaker 6: was about fifteen minutes when he was sure he had

655
00:32:26,640 --> 00:32:29,080
Speaker 6: just heard the love of his life pass away. Then

656
00:32:29,120 --> 00:32:30,880
Speaker 6: we get to the hospital, and the doctors made it

657
00:32:30,920 --> 00:32:33,080
Speaker 6: clear they would do everything they could, but the extent

658
00:32:33,120 --> 00:32:35,560
Speaker 6: of my injuries were extreme and severe. Then he spent

659
00:32:35,680 --> 00:32:39,280
Speaker 6: hours calling family members, waiting, pacing, and trying to grapple

660
00:32:39,320 --> 00:32:41,560
Speaker 6: with the fact that I might be gone and he

661
00:32:41,680 --> 00:32:42,400
Speaker 6: might be alone.

662
00:32:42,520 --> 00:32:43,440
Speaker 2: Then I spent.

663
00:32:43,440 --> 00:32:47,080
Speaker 6: Five days in the ICU, mostly unconscious. He said he's

664
00:32:47,080 --> 00:32:48,720
Speaker 6: never known fear like that in.

665
00:32:48,720 --> 00:32:49,960
Speaker 2: His entire life.

666
00:32:49,960 --> 00:32:52,600
Speaker 6: In the end, we agreed to go to individual and

667
00:32:52,680 --> 00:32:55,520
Speaker 6: couple's therapy and even touched on the Spicy sleep thing,

668
00:32:55,560 --> 00:32:58,600
Speaker 6: wherein he admitted that he knows objectively nothing bad will

669
00:32:58,600 --> 00:33:01,280
Speaker 6: happen to me if we have SPYEP, but for some reason,

670
00:33:01,400 --> 00:33:04,240
Speaker 6: it's sparking the protective instinct that makes him want to

671
00:33:04,280 --> 00:33:06,840
Speaker 6: treat me like glass. So we're working on it, and

672
00:33:06,920 --> 00:33:09,360
Speaker 6: our marriage is amazing. He's the love of my life

673
00:33:09,400 --> 00:33:12,320
Speaker 6: and we can get through this. Update two twenty one

674
00:33:12,400 --> 00:33:13,080
Speaker 6: days later.

675
00:33:13,200 --> 00:33:13,920
Speaker 2: Hi everyone.

676
00:33:14,000 --> 00:33:16,320
Speaker 6: First, I want to say I was absolutely blown away

677
00:33:16,360 --> 00:33:19,000
Speaker 6: by the outpouring of love and support I received on

678
00:33:19,040 --> 00:33:21,520
Speaker 6: my first post. I never could have imagined it would

679
00:33:21,520 --> 00:33:24,640
Speaker 6: blow up like that, and I received so many thoughtful

680
00:33:24,720 --> 00:33:28,760
Speaker 6: and kind comments and messages from strangers. That being said,

681
00:33:28,800 --> 00:33:31,680
Speaker 6: when I wrote that I was in a weird place. Physically,

682
00:33:31,760 --> 00:33:34,120
Speaker 6: I had mostly healed, but I was determined to shove

683
00:33:34,240 --> 00:33:37,800
Speaker 6: down any emotional trauma because I was so exhausted from

684
00:33:37,840 --> 00:33:40,840
Speaker 6: the previous months trying to work to heal my body.

685
00:33:40,880 --> 00:33:42,640
Speaker 6: I wanted to be all right, and I wanted my

686
00:33:42,760 --> 00:33:45,520
Speaker 6: marriage to be the same as it was before the accident.

687
00:33:45,560 --> 00:33:49,400
Speaker 6: My husband and I just attended our third marriage counseling appointment,

688
00:33:49,440 --> 00:33:52,520
Speaker 6: and I'm very happy to report the exercises and worksheets

689
00:33:52,520 --> 00:33:55,800
Speaker 6: we've been given are helping rebuild the husband wife relationship

690
00:33:55,840 --> 00:33:59,000
Speaker 6: we had instead of the caregiver patient relationship which has

691
00:33:59,040 --> 00:34:01,720
Speaker 6: been present for the last five months. My husband has

692
00:34:01,960 --> 00:34:05,160
Speaker 6: just had his first individual therapy appointment a few days ago,

693
00:34:05,520 --> 00:34:06,840
Speaker 6: and I have mine next week.

694
00:34:06,960 --> 00:34:10,000
Speaker 2: In short, we're putting in the work. We're also having

695
00:34:10,160 --> 00:34:13,879
Speaker 2: Spidery sleep again like a lot. I feel silly, what's

696
00:34:13,920 --> 00:34:15,759
Speaker 2: a lot these days? Once a month?

697
00:34:15,840 --> 00:34:18,480
Speaker 6: I feel silly bragging about that to the internet at large,

698
00:34:18,520 --> 00:34:19,200
Speaker 6: But it makes me.

699
00:34:19,239 --> 00:34:22,200
Speaker 4: So happy, happy, happy.

700
00:34:22,280 --> 00:34:24,560
Speaker 2: That we figured it out, that part of all this

701
00:34:24,680 --> 00:34:25,759
Speaker 2: is figured out. We did it.

702
00:34:25,840 --> 00:34:30,440
Speaker 6: We're boning, we're banging, bumping the uglies, we're knocking the boots,

703
00:34:30,520 --> 00:34:34,600
Speaker 6: we're laying pipe, we're doing the horizontal mambo, we're doing

704
00:34:34,640 --> 00:34:37,840
Speaker 6: the Devil's Tango. Prior to the accident, and really throughout

705
00:34:37,840 --> 00:34:41,200
Speaker 6: our whole relationship, we've been so ridiculously into each other.

706
00:34:41,440 --> 00:34:43,439
Speaker 2: It was rare. We even skipped a day.

707
00:34:43,760 --> 00:34:46,600
Speaker 6: I missed having that connection to him, and he was

708
00:34:46,640 --> 00:34:50,680
Speaker 6: clearly hurting too. Anyways, I just thought everyone deserved an update.

709
00:34:50,920 --> 00:34:57,359
Speaker 2: Yeah, and that is the end of that story. You're happy, Hey,

710
00:34:57,400 --> 00:34:59,720
Speaker 2: John Ogi host here, We're gonna get back to this episode,

711
00:34:59,800 --> 00:35:01,560
Speaker 2: but a quick three minute break of ads from a

712
00:35:01,600 --> 00:35:02,920
Speaker 2: sponsor's keeping the show alive.

713
00:35:03,480 --> 00:35:06,360
Speaker 1: My husband secretly blew through our savings.

714
00:35:06,400 --> 00:35:08,720
Speaker 2: Well, you should have read the fine print.

715
00:35:09,000 --> 00:35:11,560
Speaker 1: My husband is twenty six and I am twenty seven.

716
00:35:11,800 --> 00:35:14,279
Speaker 1: We've been married for almost two years, and tonight we

717
00:35:14,360 --> 00:35:17,760
Speaker 1: had the worst fight we have ever had. I'm seriously

718
00:35:17,800 --> 00:35:21,200
Speaker 1: considering spending some time apart because I feel completely betrayed

719
00:35:21,239 --> 00:35:24,200
Speaker 1: by the way. This comes from Apprehensive Ear thirty four.

720
00:35:24,239 --> 00:35:25,799
Speaker 1: If you want to see your own stories, we are

721
00:35:25,800 --> 00:35:29,520
Speaker 1: the r slash Okay Stories. I'm Subredditt, I'm Riley, I'm Dakota,

722
00:35:29,719 --> 00:35:32,680
Speaker 1: and I'm Keon and we'll try to give our best advice,

723
00:35:32,719 --> 00:35:35,600
Speaker 1: but we haven't experienced most of these situations ourselves, so

724
00:35:35,760 --> 00:35:37,760
Speaker 1: if you have, let us know your take in the comments.

725
00:35:37,840 --> 00:35:40,960
Speaker 1: We have always been financially responsible. We paid for our

726
00:35:41,000 --> 00:35:44,640
Speaker 1: weddings ourselves, bought and renovated our homes four years ago,

727
00:35:45,000 --> 00:35:47,120
Speaker 1: and have never really struggled with money. One of the

728
00:35:47,160 --> 00:35:50,120
Speaker 1: reasons we have done so well is because we committed

729
00:35:50,200 --> 00:35:53,560
Speaker 1: to savings. When we were aggressively saving for our wedding

730
00:35:53,640 --> 00:35:57,400
Speaker 1: and home, we put away thirty percent of every paycheck.

731
00:35:57,480 --> 00:36:00,319
Speaker 1: After the wedding, we agreed save twenty percent of our

732
00:36:00,360 --> 00:36:03,680
Speaker 1: income to build an emergency fund and plan for the future.

733
00:36:03,800 --> 00:36:06,880
Speaker 1: I held my end of that commitment. When my husband's

734
00:36:06,880 --> 00:36:10,680
Speaker 1: car malfunction unexpectedly, I covered the cost of a new

735
00:36:10,719 --> 00:36:14,840
Speaker 1: one without taking on a car payment. When our HVAC

736
00:36:15,160 --> 00:36:18,280
Speaker 1: unit failed, I paid for that too. Despite these big purchases,

737
00:36:18,600 --> 00:36:21,200
Speaker 1: I've still managed to keep up my savings. Tonight I

738
00:36:21,320 --> 00:36:24,920
Speaker 1: found out my husband has saved nothing. Our system has

739
00:36:24,920 --> 00:36:28,000
Speaker 1: always been that his steady paycheck covers our monthly bills,

740
00:36:28,280 --> 00:36:32,240
Speaker 1: while mine freelance income covers larger expenses like student loans

741
00:36:32,440 --> 00:36:35,759
Speaker 1: and emergencies. It seemed to be working until now, when

742
00:36:35,800 --> 00:36:38,120
Speaker 1: I've asked why he had not saved anything. He said

743
00:36:38,160 --> 00:36:40,640
Speaker 1: he did not have the money because he was always

744
00:36:40,640 --> 00:36:43,799
Speaker 1: paying off the credit card, which he only uses, but

745
00:36:43,920 --> 00:36:46,440
Speaker 1: going through our budget, he should have at least three

746
00:36:46,480 --> 00:36:49,879
Speaker 1: thousand dollars left over every month. When I asked where

747
00:36:49,920 --> 00:36:52,480
Speaker 1: that money was going, he had no answer, so I

748
00:36:52,719 --> 00:36:56,920
Speaker 1: checked his statements. Nothing alarming like gambling or cheating, but

749
00:36:57,080 --> 00:37:02,200
Speaker 1: just reckless and mindless spending, expensive eating out, constantly ordering

750
00:37:02,320 --> 00:37:05,880
Speaker 1: launch at work every day that allowed up spotting his siblings,

751
00:37:06,120 --> 00:37:09,960
Speaker 1: money for things in pulse, purchases, costco trips that somehow

752
00:37:10,000 --> 00:37:13,319
Speaker 1: add up to absurd amounts, and just random things that

753
00:37:13,400 --> 00:37:16,359
Speaker 1: drain everything. It was not one big expense, just a

754
00:37:16,400 --> 00:37:19,440
Speaker 1: constant stream of unnecessary spending. This is not the first

755
00:37:19,480 --> 00:37:21,960
Speaker 1: time we have had an issue with his spending. Almost

756
00:37:22,000 --> 00:37:24,520
Speaker 1: a year ago, we had a serious conversation where I

757
00:37:24,680 --> 00:37:27,279
Speaker 1: made it very clear that he needed to stick to

758
00:37:27,320 --> 00:37:30,040
Speaker 1: our financial plan. Not only did he break that promise,

759
00:37:30,200 --> 00:37:33,440
Speaker 1: but he has almost spent more than he has earned

760
00:37:33,480 --> 00:37:37,560
Speaker 1: and even dipped into our savings. What hurts the most

761
00:37:37,719 --> 00:37:40,319
Speaker 1: is that we have always talked about our future and

762
00:37:40,360 --> 00:37:42,839
Speaker 1: where we see ourselves in five or ten years. Is

763
00:37:42,960 --> 00:37:45,520
Speaker 1: oh he has been the one pushing to start for

764
00:37:45,600 --> 00:37:47,680
Speaker 1: trying for a baby. I was on the fence, but

765
00:37:48,080 --> 00:37:51,239
Speaker 1: recently decided I was ready until tonight, whenever realized he

766
00:37:51,280 --> 00:37:55,240
Speaker 1: has no savings. Now our timeline for having kids is delayed.

767
00:37:55,560 --> 00:37:57,560
Speaker 1: Our plan to move out of a town we both

768
00:37:57,600 --> 00:38:00,759
Speaker 1: hate is out of the window. I feel completely blindsided.

769
00:38:00,840 --> 00:38:03,600
Speaker 1: He has made multiple promises that he has not kept,

770
00:38:03,640 --> 00:38:05,680
Speaker 1: and when I asked him what his plan was, he

771
00:38:05,719 --> 00:38:09,200
Speaker 1: said he would put half of his yearly bonus into savings.

772
00:38:09,280 --> 00:38:11,760
Speaker 1: We had already agreed that the bonus would go towards

773
00:38:11,800 --> 00:38:14,440
Speaker 1: paying off his massive student loans. At this point, I

774
00:38:14,480 --> 00:38:17,920
Speaker 1: do not just feel disappointed. I feel disrespected. I do

775
00:38:18,000 --> 00:38:20,839
Speaker 1: not understand why he hid this from me, or why

776
00:38:20,880 --> 00:38:23,319
Speaker 1: he thought I would not notice. I have lost so

777
00:38:23,520 --> 00:38:26,160
Speaker 1: much trust in him, and I do not know how

778
00:38:26,200 --> 00:38:29,160
Speaker 1: to move forward. Would taking time apart be an overreaction?

779
00:38:29,360 --> 00:38:32,279
Speaker 1: Can trust even be rebuilt after something like this? I

780
00:38:32,320 --> 00:38:34,840
Speaker 1: am at a complete loss. We have some comments. Anyone's

781
00:38:34,880 --> 00:38:36,239
Speaker 1: got any remedies to how to fix this.

782
00:38:36,520 --> 00:38:39,560
Speaker 6: My immediate gut check would be y'all need to just

783
00:38:39,640 --> 00:38:42,640
Speaker 6: have a joint account. But he can't withdraw from.

784
00:38:42,560 --> 00:38:43,960
Speaker 1: It, contribute contribute to it.

785
00:38:44,040 --> 00:38:45,880
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, you've heard some stuff like about that.

786
00:38:45,960 --> 00:38:48,160
Speaker 6: Yet Yeah, I don't know, man, I wouldn't say take

787
00:38:48,200 --> 00:38:49,160
Speaker 6: a break from it.

788
00:38:49,280 --> 00:38:52,120
Speaker 1: I have a really good analogy. Okay, So my roommate Alex,

789
00:38:52,239 --> 00:38:55,520
Speaker 1: he had a roommate before that would never clean his dishes,

790
00:38:55,640 --> 00:38:58,399
Speaker 1: and he found out that if he leaves less dishes out,

791
00:38:58,440 --> 00:39:00,640
Speaker 1: then he would have to clean up less. So in

792
00:39:00,680 --> 00:39:02,520
Speaker 1: this case, if you have a joint account and you

793
00:39:02,520 --> 00:39:04,480
Speaker 1: give him kind of an allowance, he's only going to

794
00:39:04,520 --> 00:39:06,640
Speaker 1: spend what he has. But if you give him access

795
00:39:06,680 --> 00:39:08,360
Speaker 1: to more stuff, he's just going to spend that. So

796
00:39:08,400 --> 00:39:10,600
Speaker 1: I think it's okay to spend money on stuff. It's

797
00:39:10,640 --> 00:39:12,640
Speaker 1: just you have to limit what he can spend money on.

798
00:39:12,680 --> 00:39:14,160
Speaker 1: And I think he'll be fine. It doesn't seem like

799
00:39:14,160 --> 00:39:15,640
Speaker 1: there's anything else alarm in here.

800
00:39:15,840 --> 00:39:18,440
Speaker 2: I think it would be. You know, it should always

801
00:39:18,440 --> 00:39:19,160
Speaker 2: come from.

802
00:39:19,040 --> 00:39:21,480
Speaker 6: When you're in like a marriage or relationship like that,

803
00:39:21,560 --> 00:39:22,640
Speaker 6: and something like this is happening.

804
00:39:22,640 --> 00:39:23,920
Speaker 2: It's like I haven't come from a place of.

805
00:39:23,880 --> 00:39:26,319
Speaker 6: Love just being like this is just because we want

806
00:39:26,360 --> 00:39:28,840
Speaker 6: to build up our future. And I see a future

807
00:39:28,840 --> 00:39:30,719
Speaker 6: with you and I see a future together, and it's

808
00:39:30,760 --> 00:39:33,280
Speaker 6: like this is really important for things to go well,

809
00:39:33,600 --> 00:39:36,239
Speaker 6: that we do this and we stick to this, and

810
00:39:36,400 --> 00:39:37,799
Speaker 6: it might be hard for you to stick to it.

811
00:39:37,880 --> 00:39:40,279
Speaker 2: That's fine, I still love you. Let me help you.

812
00:39:40,400 --> 00:39:43,040
Speaker 1: It's hard to respond given that you haven't said what

813
00:39:43,120 --> 00:39:46,160
Speaker 1: he's been blowing thousands on every month without that being

814
00:39:46,200 --> 00:39:49,000
Speaker 1: noticeable to you. Something is weird about this story, but

815
00:39:49,040 --> 00:39:51,720
Speaker 1: he says, honestly, it doesn't completely make sense to me either.

816
00:39:51,800 --> 00:39:53,839
Speaker 1: When I went through the statements, it was just a

817
00:39:53,880 --> 00:39:57,200
Speaker 1: ton of random purchases tech, eating out, ordering lunch for

818
00:39:57,280 --> 00:40:00,720
Speaker 1: work almost every day, spotting his siblings for money, impulse buys,

819
00:40:00,760 --> 00:40:03,000
Speaker 1: costco trips that added up way more than I realized,

820
00:40:03,040 --> 00:40:06,319
Speaker 1: and just general mindless spending. Nothing huge on its own,

821
00:40:06,560 --> 00:40:09,560
Speaker 1: but over time it trained everything. I trust that he

822
00:40:09,640 --> 00:40:12,680
Speaker 1: was sticking to our agreement, so I wasn't monitoring it closely,

823
00:40:12,800 --> 00:40:15,200
Speaker 1: which is why it all hit me so hard. We

824
00:40:15,239 --> 00:40:17,640
Speaker 1: have an update. First off, my husband is not some

825
00:40:17,920 --> 00:40:20,520
Speaker 1: reckless mooch, and this is not a case of me

826
00:40:20,600 --> 00:40:24,400
Speaker 1: supporting him while he blows through money. He actually covers

827
00:40:24,440 --> 00:40:27,240
Speaker 1: most of our monthly bills while I handle the bigger

828
00:40:27,360 --> 00:40:31,360
Speaker 1: but less frequent experiences like quarterly and annual payments. That

829
00:40:31,480 --> 00:40:33,640
Speaker 1: set up works for us since my income is not

830
00:40:33,920 --> 00:40:38,120
Speaker 1: the same every month. He's also an incredibly generous person.

831
00:40:38,239 --> 00:40:41,200
Speaker 1: He loves picking up the tab for friends, buying gifts

832
00:40:41,239 --> 00:40:44,160
Speaker 1: just to make people smile, and always putting others first.

833
00:40:44,239 --> 00:40:46,839
Speaker 1: That generosity is one of the things I love most

834
00:40:46,880 --> 00:40:49,359
Speaker 1: about him. But when you are not keeping track, it

835
00:40:49,400 --> 00:40:51,799
Speaker 1: adds up fast. And for those assuming I do not

836
00:40:51,880 --> 00:40:54,239
Speaker 1: make real money because I run my own business and

837
00:40:54,280 --> 00:40:56,879
Speaker 1: do freelance work, this is my first year going full

838
00:40:56,960 --> 00:40:59,319
Speaker 1: time instead of working a nine to five and then

839
00:40:59,400 --> 00:41:03,040
Speaker 1: grinding my business at night. I would not have had

840
00:41:03,040 --> 00:41:05,839
Speaker 1: the courage to do that without him, and I never

841
00:41:05,920 --> 00:41:08,080
Speaker 1: would have made the leap if I did not have

842
00:41:08,120 --> 00:41:11,320
Speaker 1: a partner with a steady paycheck. Even though my business

843
00:41:11,560 --> 00:41:15,520
Speaker 1: has been doing really well. And guess whose business that is?

844
00:41:15,640 --> 00:41:17,800
Speaker 1: Redditor's hers and her husband's.

845
00:41:17,920 --> 00:41:18,880
Speaker 2: It's their business.

846
00:41:19,239 --> 00:41:20,960
Speaker 1: It makes me so mad when people are like he's

847
00:41:20,960 --> 00:41:23,479
Speaker 1: paying everything, blah blah blah. It's like, dude, that's on them.

848
00:41:23,520 --> 00:41:26,080
Speaker 1: That said, I know I have failed as a partner too.

849
00:41:26,480 --> 00:41:29,120
Speaker 1: He was not upfront with me when he started struggling

850
00:41:29,160 --> 00:41:31,760
Speaker 1: to pay off his credit cards, and while he absolutely

851
00:41:31,800 --> 00:41:34,120
Speaker 1: should have told me, I should have checked in more.

852
00:41:34,239 --> 00:41:36,960
Speaker 1: I thought he was spending the way he was because

853
00:41:37,040 --> 00:41:40,320
Speaker 1: he was still able to while keeping up with our savings. Instead,

854
00:41:40,360 --> 00:41:43,040
Speaker 1: he was dipping into our savings to cover his credit card,

855
00:41:43,160 --> 00:41:46,120
Speaker 1: and instead of telling me, he try to handle it himself.

856
00:41:46,120 --> 00:41:49,319
Speaker 1: He knows that that's not okay. But I also need

857
00:41:49,360 --> 00:41:51,800
Speaker 1: to make sure he feels comfortable coming to me before

858
00:41:51,840 --> 00:41:54,000
Speaker 1: things get to this point again. To clear up a

859
00:41:54,040 --> 00:41:56,200
Speaker 1: few things. No, he's not trying to trap me with

860
00:41:56,239 --> 00:41:59,399
Speaker 1: the baby. We both want kids. It's just about timing. No,

861
00:41:59,600 --> 00:42:02,960
Speaker 1: I am not unemployed. I run a successful business and

862
00:42:03,400 --> 00:42:06,000
Speaker 1: do freelance work too. Just because I do not get

863
00:42:06,000 --> 00:42:08,920
Speaker 1: paid on a buy weekly schedule does not mean I

864
00:42:08,960 --> 00:42:12,160
Speaker 1: do not make good money. Yes, small purchases, add up lunches,

865
00:42:12,200 --> 00:42:16,160
Speaker 1: out spotting friends, video games, gifts for family, random Amazon orders.

866
00:42:16,200 --> 00:42:19,640
Speaker 1: It all snowballed into three thousand dollars a month before

867
00:42:19,719 --> 00:42:21,640
Speaker 1: he even realized what was happening.

868
00:42:21,719 --> 00:42:25,480
Speaker 2: Keyon Dakota, three thousand dollars is a month is kind

869
00:42:25,520 --> 00:42:28,640
Speaker 2: of crazy. Yeah, like I kind of know what you're spending.

870
00:42:28,760 --> 00:42:30,520
Speaker 4: I really want to know what you're spending it on.

871
00:42:30,600 --> 00:42:33,200
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'll be honest. A little transparancy. I had a

872
00:42:33,239 --> 00:42:36,319
Speaker 1: little bit of money saved up or doing like I

873
00:42:36,360 --> 00:42:38,560
Speaker 1: paid off my car recently and paid off my credit

874
00:42:38,560 --> 00:42:40,279
Speaker 1: card stuff and some of the things. I saved some

875
00:42:40,280 --> 00:42:42,000
Speaker 1: money and I've decided to put a little bit away

876
00:42:42,000 --> 00:42:44,759
Speaker 1: for future savings. And then, you know, I really want

877
00:42:44,800 --> 00:42:47,360
Speaker 1: to keep my expenses under like X amount so I

878
00:42:47,360 --> 00:42:49,439
Speaker 1: can pay off other stuff. But it's tough. It's really

879
00:42:49,480 --> 00:42:51,560
Speaker 1: tough because it's like, ah, I want a standing desk.

880
00:42:51,640 --> 00:42:53,360
Speaker 1: Oh I got to buy my girlfriend something for a

881
00:42:53,360 --> 00:42:54,960
Speaker 1: birthday coming up. Oh I got a party coming up.

882
00:42:54,960 --> 00:42:56,920
Speaker 1: It's just really hard, but you have to. I would

883
00:42:57,000 --> 00:42:59,200
Speaker 1: like it if Angie handled my money and then she's like,

884
00:42:59,239 --> 00:43:01,439
Speaker 1: here's three hundred dollars for the week. Great, Yeah, I

885
00:43:01,440 --> 00:43:02,719
Speaker 1: only have three hundred dollars to money.

886
00:43:02,760 --> 00:43:03,600
Speaker 2: They do it in Japan.

887
00:43:03,920 --> 00:43:06,759
Speaker 1: That's what my grandma and grandpa does. My grandpa does

888
00:43:06,800 --> 00:43:09,280
Speaker 1: not see any of his paycheck. He just has cash

889
00:43:09,320 --> 00:43:11,399
Speaker 1: from his bonuses and he just lives life that way.

890
00:43:11,560 --> 00:43:15,520
Speaker 6: Not an expert in the financial budgeting, planning scheming.

891
00:43:15,440 --> 00:43:17,560
Speaker 2: I would probably be this guy.

892
00:43:17,760 --> 00:43:19,719
Speaker 6: If I was this guy and my wife came to

893
00:43:19,760 --> 00:43:21,360
Speaker 6: me and was like, let me help you, I'd be like,

894
00:43:21,440 --> 00:43:23,520
Speaker 6: thank you. If I'm dipping into the savings to try

895
00:43:23,560 --> 00:43:25,560
Speaker 6: to cover my credit card because I know I look bad.

896
00:43:25,640 --> 00:43:27,520
Speaker 2: I'd be like, I'm so glad you found out because

897
00:43:27,560 --> 00:43:30,360
Speaker 2: I've been so stressed out. Yeah, can you please just

898
00:43:30,560 --> 00:43:31,120
Speaker 2: help me?

899
00:43:31,480 --> 00:43:33,239
Speaker 1: Please help me not be this way?

900
00:43:33,480 --> 00:43:36,080
Speaker 2: And that's what you know, being a team is all about.

901
00:43:36,160 --> 00:43:38,560
Speaker 1: We got a little bit left here, guys. Moving forward,

902
00:43:38,760 --> 00:43:41,560
Speaker 1: we agreed to close most his credit cards, put his

903
00:43:41,600 --> 00:43:44,560
Speaker 1: full paycheck into our joint account instead of just half,

904
00:43:44,600 --> 00:43:47,239
Speaker 1: so we both have visibility on spending and stick to

905
00:43:47,280 --> 00:43:50,640
Speaker 1: a firm budget that still gives him personal spending money.

906
00:43:50,640 --> 00:43:52,800
Speaker 1: We have not a sided yet if we would fully

907
00:43:52,840 --> 00:43:55,799
Speaker 1: merge everything, but we're going to be a lot more

908
00:43:55,840 --> 00:43:58,640
Speaker 1: open and accountable with each other. At the end of

909
00:43:58,640 --> 00:44:01,080
Speaker 1: the day, this is not breaker for me. I love

910
00:44:01,160 --> 00:44:04,000
Speaker 1: my husband and I know he loves me. We both

911
00:44:04,040 --> 00:44:06,319
Speaker 1: want this to work, and we are both putting in

912
00:44:06,440 --> 00:44:09,400
Speaker 1: the effort to make sure it does. Thanks to everyone

913
00:44:09,400 --> 00:44:12,680
Speaker 1: who gave helpful advice. Hopefully this is the last time

914
00:44:13,040 --> 00:44:15,600
Speaker 1: we ever have this fine. I like these parameters been

915
00:44:15,640 --> 00:44:16,239
Speaker 1: in place that.

916
00:44:17,080 --> 00:44:19,600
Speaker 6: I think that was the right move. I don't think

917
00:44:19,640 --> 00:44:22,480
Speaker 6: it needed any more of a response than that. There

918
00:44:22,520 --> 00:44:26,600
Speaker 6: any more of a did not warrant an extreme response. Yeah, agreed,

919
00:44:26,760 --> 00:44:28,560
Speaker 6: I think I think if it was like you know,

920
00:44:28,640 --> 00:44:31,480
Speaker 6: he's taking out like a reverse mortgage and like you know,

921
00:44:31,640 --> 00:44:35,120
Speaker 6: ambining your name on like you know, credit cards and

922
00:44:35,160 --> 00:44:37,319
Speaker 6: like taking credit lines in your name and like yeah,

923
00:44:37,360 --> 00:44:38,040
Speaker 6: like gambling.

924
00:44:38,200 --> 00:44:40,640
Speaker 2: That's when it's like a Okay, this is actually like

925
00:44:41,080 --> 00:44:41,960
Speaker 2: this is extreme.

926
00:44:42,160 --> 00:44:44,839
Speaker 6: So I'm going to step away because I need time

927
00:44:44,920 --> 00:44:47,480
Speaker 6: to process what I have just learned about you.

928
00:44:47,560 --> 00:44:49,520
Speaker 2: But you know, again, think we did it. I think

929
00:44:49,560 --> 00:44:50,319
Speaker 2: that was the right move.

930
00:44:50,440 --> 00:44:51,160
Speaker 1: That was the right move.

931
00:44:51,560 --> 00:44:53,880
Speaker 2: And that's the end of this story. Let's head to

932
00:44:53,880 --> 00:44:57,600
Speaker 2: the next one. My ex wife cheated on me, so

933
00:44:57,880 --> 00:44:59,800
Speaker 2: I'm moving on with my life.

934
00:45:00,040 --> 00:45:00,720
Speaker 1: Found to move.

935
00:45:01,320 --> 00:45:03,839
Speaker 6: My ex wife and I had a two year relationship.

936
00:45:03,880 --> 00:45:05,960
Speaker 6: We had our son before we married, and I tried

937
00:45:06,040 --> 00:45:09,400
Speaker 6: really hard to be a good husband and father. Starting

938
00:45:09,400 --> 00:45:11,919
Speaker 6: as an introvert meant that I really had to start

939
00:45:11,960 --> 00:45:14,200
Speaker 6: from scratch, but I can honestly say I did my

940
00:45:14,400 --> 00:45:16,319
Speaker 6: best to learn. And by the way, this comes from

941
00:45:16,400 --> 00:45:18,560
Speaker 6: user looking to survive And if you want to submit

942
00:45:18,600 --> 00:45:21,680
Speaker 6: your own stories, go to the rm slash Okay storytime subreddit.

943
00:45:21,800 --> 00:45:23,839
Speaker 1: I'm Dakota, I'm Riley.

944
00:45:23,600 --> 00:45:25,960
Speaker 6: And I'm Keon, and we're going to try to give

945
00:45:26,000 --> 00:45:29,279
Speaker 6: our best advice. But we have not experienced most of

946
00:45:29,320 --> 00:45:32,279
Speaker 6: these situations ourselves, so if you have, let us know

947
00:45:32,320 --> 00:45:34,759
Speaker 6: what you would do down in the comments. My ex

948
00:45:34,760 --> 00:45:38,840
Speaker 6: and I were total opposites, maybe opposites attracted in the beginning,

949
00:45:39,280 --> 00:45:42,359
Speaker 6: but then we started butt heads a lot, like.

950
00:45:42,320 --> 00:45:43,400
Speaker 2: A couple of goats.

951
00:45:43,560 --> 00:45:46,080
Speaker 1: Uh oh, like a couple of billy goats.

952
00:45:47,120 --> 00:45:50,680
Speaker 6: My ex wife, I learned, hated to compromise and would

953
00:45:50,760 --> 00:45:53,720
Speaker 6: use bullying and gas lighting tactics to get her way.

954
00:45:54,120 --> 00:45:58,240
Speaker 6: She was a spender and wanted to splurge on things

955
00:45:58,360 --> 00:46:01,120
Speaker 6: because she thought she deserved it. Looking back, she wasn't

956
00:46:01,120 --> 00:46:04,040
Speaker 6: really a good mom or wife. She was very self

957
00:46:04,080 --> 00:46:06,960
Speaker 6: centered and spent more time on her phone than with

958
00:46:07,120 --> 00:46:10,800
Speaker 6: me or our son. I took care of everything, including

959
00:46:10,880 --> 00:46:15,560
Speaker 6: my son's hospital visits, and she didn't want any more responsibility. Meanwhile,

960
00:46:15,640 --> 00:46:18,000
Speaker 6: I was being burnt out from all of the work.

961
00:46:18,080 --> 00:46:21,520
Speaker 6: The last straw was when she cheated on me with

962
00:46:21,600 --> 00:46:22,280
Speaker 6: her ex.

963
00:46:22,520 --> 00:46:22,880
Speaker 4: Oh.

964
00:46:23,080 --> 00:46:25,920
Speaker 6: Both of us knew that infidelity was a deal breaker.

965
00:46:26,000 --> 00:46:27,840
Speaker 6: As soon as I learned, I knew I needed to

966
00:46:27,960 --> 00:46:31,560
Speaker 6: leave or risk starting a fight, so I carefully planned

967
00:46:31,600 --> 00:46:34,520
Speaker 6: my exit. I found a house to rent two hours away,

968
00:46:34,880 --> 00:46:38,760
Speaker 6: removed myself from the apartment lease and utilities, removed myself

969
00:46:38,760 --> 00:46:41,759
Speaker 6: from the joint account, and moved while my wife went

970
00:46:41,880 --> 00:46:45,120
Speaker 6: for some facial therapy. Before I left, I gave her

971
00:46:45,200 --> 00:46:48,399
Speaker 6: divorce papers with copies of evidence that I also sent

972
00:46:48,440 --> 00:46:51,759
Speaker 6: to her family members exactly at the same time the

973
00:46:51,800 --> 00:46:53,840
Speaker 6: moving company and I left Baller.

974
00:46:54,239 --> 00:46:58,600
Speaker 2: I blocked her on everything. I left everything in six hours.

975
00:46:58,719 --> 00:47:01,680
Speaker 6: After I moved moved into my new place, I was

976
00:47:02,000 --> 00:47:06,440
Speaker 6: bombarded by texts and calls from her family. Most were apology.

977
00:47:06,520 --> 00:47:10,240
Speaker 6: Her cousins admitted they saw this coming. Her mom apologized

978
00:47:10,280 --> 00:47:13,040
Speaker 6: a lot, saying she didn't raise her daughter well. Both

979
00:47:13,040 --> 00:47:15,880
Speaker 6: her mom and aunt begged me to reconsider the divorce.

980
00:47:16,040 --> 00:47:19,680
Speaker 6: Then came messages of threats and insults from my ex.

981
00:47:19,840 --> 00:47:20,920
Speaker 2: Using different numbers.

982
00:47:21,040 --> 00:47:23,560
Speaker 6: I just kept blocking her, but it got so bad

983
00:47:23,600 --> 00:47:25,800
Speaker 6: that I got a new phone. The divorce was rough

984
00:47:25,880 --> 00:47:29,239
Speaker 6: because of my ex. She tried to say I kidnapped

985
00:47:29,239 --> 00:47:32,759
Speaker 6: my son and even sued me. But I presented all

986
00:47:32,840 --> 00:47:35,719
Speaker 6: of the facts. I was the one solely responsible for

987
00:47:35,760 --> 00:47:39,080
Speaker 6: everything at home and for my son's health, speech therapy,

988
00:47:39,280 --> 00:47:42,600
Speaker 6: and more. The judge was understanding and dismissed her claim.

989
00:47:42,680 --> 00:47:47,400
Speaker 6: I also presented evidence of her infidelity, including her reckless spending.

990
00:47:47,560 --> 00:47:51,560
Speaker 6: I even got the affair partner to confass Oh.

991
00:47:51,680 --> 00:47:53,919
Speaker 1: Dude, what are you? How are you doing this?

992
00:47:54,120 --> 00:47:54,440
Speaker 4: Dude?

993
00:47:54,480 --> 00:47:54,719
Speaker 2: Op?

994
00:47:55,000 --> 00:47:58,160
Speaker 6: Sherlock Holmes, op is Batman.

995
00:47:58,600 --> 00:48:00,960
Speaker 1: You better go to Vegas right now and bet on

996
00:48:00,960 --> 00:48:02,880
Speaker 1: whatever color you think you should bet on.

997
00:48:03,400 --> 00:48:04,239
Speaker 2: Yeah, or I don't know.

998
00:48:04,520 --> 00:48:07,319
Speaker 6: I hear baccarat is the most fifty to fifty game

999
00:48:07,360 --> 00:48:10,280
Speaker 6: you can play in a casino. The affair partner still

1000
00:48:10,320 --> 00:48:12,879
Speaker 6: live with his parents, and I threatened to sue him

1001
00:48:13,000 --> 00:48:16,040
Speaker 6: for alienation of affection unless he confessed.

1002
00:48:16,280 --> 00:48:17,719
Speaker 2: It was a long shot, but he.

1003
00:48:17,760 --> 00:48:21,480
Speaker 6: Caved because of all the evidence. I kept almost all

1004
00:48:21,560 --> 00:48:23,479
Speaker 6: of my money. I just had to pay my ax

1005
00:48:23,520 --> 00:48:26,279
Speaker 6: A lit. It will be the alimony for a year.

1006
00:48:26,320 --> 00:48:28,440
Speaker 6: Since she had quit her job in custody, I was

1007
00:48:28,480 --> 00:48:33,000
Speaker 6: awarded primary custody, with my ex getting supervised visitation.

1008
00:48:33,239 --> 00:48:33,759
Speaker 1: She made it.

1009
00:48:33,719 --> 00:48:36,400
Speaker 6: Worse for herself because of the threatening messages she sent me.

1010
00:48:36,520 --> 00:48:39,280
Speaker 6: It didn't help her that I now lived two hours

1011
00:48:39,320 --> 00:48:42,919
Speaker 6: away and she couldn't drive for months. She didn't visit

1012
00:48:42,920 --> 00:48:45,719
Speaker 6: our son until her cousin drove her. I only realized

1013
00:48:45,800 --> 00:48:48,200
Speaker 6: how bad it had been once I started living alone

1014
00:48:48,200 --> 00:48:51,200
Speaker 6: with my son. I felt like a huge weight was

1015
00:48:51,239 --> 00:48:52,240
Speaker 6: off my shoulders.

1016
00:48:52,280 --> 00:48:52,960
Speaker 2: I felt peace.

1017
00:48:53,200 --> 00:48:55,400
Speaker 6: I decided to make the best of the change. Because

1018
00:48:55,480 --> 00:48:59,040
Speaker 6: of my son's autism. I got a care provider and

1019
00:48:59,120 --> 00:49:02,600
Speaker 6: an ABA therapist to help with his therapy at home.

1020
00:49:02,760 --> 00:49:07,799
Speaker 6: It was so much better that I can't even describe it.

1021
00:49:07,960 --> 00:49:11,359
Speaker 6: A few months later, my ex shifted tactics. She said

1022
00:49:11,400 --> 00:49:14,040
Speaker 6: she regretted her actions and wanted to be better for

1023
00:49:14,120 --> 00:49:16,919
Speaker 6: me and my son, but I wasn't having it. One time,

1024
00:49:16,960 --> 00:49:18,759
Speaker 6: she came with her luggage and tried to move in.

1025
00:49:18,880 --> 00:49:22,400
Speaker 6: I refused and called the cops. Oh she tried gaslighting,

1026
00:49:22,480 --> 00:49:25,120
Speaker 6: crying and everything to get her way again, but I

1027
00:49:25,200 --> 00:49:27,680
Speaker 6: told her to never come back. I even got the

1028
00:49:27,760 --> 00:49:30,680
Speaker 6: judge to deny her visitation after she tried forcing her

1029
00:49:30,719 --> 00:49:33,440
Speaker 6: way in. She then started love bombing me with texts.

1030
00:49:33,560 --> 00:49:35,600
Speaker 6: She even got her mom and aunt to help her,

1031
00:49:35,640 --> 00:49:38,320
Speaker 6: but since that was still tied to my old phone,

1032
00:49:38,360 --> 00:49:40,680
Speaker 6: I just disposed of it for a bit of cash.

1033
00:49:40,760 --> 00:49:43,279
Speaker 6: About a school year later, my son's care provider and

1034
00:49:43,320 --> 00:49:47,480
Speaker 6: I got really close. She was sweet, gentle, thoughtful, and positive,

1035
00:49:47,640 --> 00:49:51,000
Speaker 6: so different from my ex. But she was eleven years

1036
00:49:51,040 --> 00:49:52,799
Speaker 6: younger than me. Back then, I was thirty and she

1037
00:49:52,880 --> 00:49:57,680
Speaker 6: was nineteen in nursing school. I didn't make any advances,

1038
00:49:57,960 --> 00:50:01,239
Speaker 6: but one day while my son, she cooked me a

1039
00:50:01,280 --> 00:50:03,800
Speaker 6: meal and confessed she was attracted to me.

1040
00:50:04,600 --> 00:50:06,680
Speaker 2: She wanted to date me for real.

1041
00:50:06,719 --> 00:50:09,279
Speaker 1: Skis the way to get to a man's heart.

1042
00:50:09,400 --> 00:50:12,839
Speaker 6: I thought it wouldn't work, since respite care providers aren't

1043
00:50:12,840 --> 00:50:16,080
Speaker 6: supposed to fraternize with clients and the age gap was

1044
00:50:16,120 --> 00:50:18,839
Speaker 6: an issue, but she said she would quit if needed.

1045
00:50:18,960 --> 00:50:21,040
Speaker 6: I told her I needed time to think. My divorce

1046
00:50:21,080 --> 00:50:23,919
Speaker 6: had shattered my desire to date, but I was very

1047
00:50:23,960 --> 00:50:26,080
Speaker 6: attracted to her, so I told her I'd like to

1048
00:50:26,080 --> 00:50:29,440
Speaker 6: do this slowly and properly. Four years later, after she

1049
00:50:29,560 --> 00:50:33,400
Speaker 6: graduated and became a nurse, we tied the knot. I

1050
00:50:33,520 --> 00:50:35,960
Speaker 6: learned from my past mistakes and became a better husband

1051
00:50:36,000 --> 00:50:39,080
Speaker 6: thanks to her positivity. That wasn't hard. My son even

1052
00:50:39,120 --> 00:50:41,320
Speaker 6: calls her mom now. The first time he did, I

1053
00:50:41,400 --> 00:50:43,160
Speaker 6: knew I had to marry her. I also took the

1054
00:50:43,200 --> 00:50:47,640
Speaker 6: relationship very slowly to be careful. Strangely, I'm still close

1055
00:50:47,680 --> 00:50:51,880
Speaker 6: with my ex's cousins. They're old school, tough people, firefighters, military,

1056
00:50:52,040 --> 00:50:55,000
Speaker 6: and while they care for my ex, they respect me more.

1057
00:50:55,080 --> 00:50:58,879
Speaker 6: They even invite my family on vacations. Now the part

1058
00:50:58,920 --> 00:51:02,560
Speaker 6: that still makes me a my ex. She found out

1059
00:51:02,560 --> 00:51:05,560
Speaker 6: about my wife years ago and confronted her at her

1060
00:51:05,640 --> 00:51:08,960
Speaker 6: nursing school. It terrified my wife and I nearly got

1061
00:51:09,000 --> 00:51:12,200
Speaker 6: into a physical scrap with my ex breaking it up.

1062
00:51:12,239 --> 00:51:15,520
Speaker 6: We filed more restraining orders, and now my ex is

1063
00:51:15,520 --> 00:51:19,759
Speaker 6: not allowed near my family, even our son. She can

1064
00:51:19,840 --> 00:51:23,840
Speaker 6: only video chat or have supervised visitation. After the divorce,

1065
00:51:23,960 --> 00:51:27,160
Speaker 6: she went back to work and lived alone. Over the years,

1066
00:51:27,160 --> 00:51:30,399
Speaker 6: she tried getting her cousins to convince me to help her,

1067
00:51:30,719 --> 00:51:33,920
Speaker 6: but they refuse. Even her mom and aunt gave up

1068
00:51:33,920 --> 00:51:36,359
Speaker 6: on her. You'd think that it's like, ah, you'd think

1069
00:51:36,400 --> 00:51:38,799
Speaker 6: that they she'd be like, I need to help myself

1070
00:51:38,920 --> 00:51:40,960
Speaker 6: so that I can see my kid again, instead of

1071
00:51:41,040 --> 00:51:43,120
Speaker 6: just being like, well, it's this guy's fault and he

1072
00:51:43,200 --> 00:51:45,279
Speaker 6: needs to let me. It's like, no, you got to

1073
00:51:45,320 --> 00:51:48,760
Speaker 6: do the work on yourself, yea, so that you can

1074
00:51:49,040 --> 00:51:52,120
Speaker 6: earn being in your son's life again. Our last talk,

1075
00:51:52,239 --> 00:51:54,600
Speaker 6: she asked what she could have done to get me back.

1076
00:51:54,719 --> 00:51:58,359
Speaker 6: I joked she'd have to join the military to learn discipline.

1077
00:51:58,400 --> 00:52:03,040
Speaker 6: She actually did, only to be removed for disciplinary reasons.

1078
00:52:03,440 --> 00:52:05,520
Speaker 1: Ye wow.

1079
00:52:05,600 --> 00:52:07,840
Speaker 2: Well, I mean that's I guess she's serious.

1080
00:52:08,040 --> 00:52:11,879
Speaker 6: Now she's passive aggressive on social media, posting about forgiveness

1081
00:52:11,880 --> 00:52:14,800
Speaker 6: and second chances and how modern women are all victims.

1082
00:52:15,040 --> 00:52:19,040
Speaker 6: Some people even believe her lies. My current wife tells

1083
00:52:19,080 --> 00:52:22,719
Speaker 6: me not to worry. She's kind and understanding, knowing my

1084
00:52:22,840 --> 00:52:26,360
Speaker 6: trust issues. We're planning on having our first child together,

1085
00:52:26,680 --> 00:52:28,319
Speaker 6: and I want to do things.

1086
00:52:28,160 --> 00:52:29,040
Speaker 2: Right this time.

1087
00:52:29,080 --> 00:52:31,680
Speaker 6: The moral of my story is this, there was always

1088
00:52:31,719 --> 00:52:34,480
Speaker 6: someone who will love and respect you more than your

1089
00:52:34,560 --> 00:52:37,600
Speaker 6: current spouse. Don't settle for anything less. I don't know

1090
00:52:37,640 --> 00:52:40,239
Speaker 6: if I like that moral, buddy. I mean, I think

1091
00:52:40,239 --> 00:52:41,960
Speaker 6: I get what he's trying to say, But he says

1092
00:52:42,239 --> 00:52:46,440
Speaker 6: the moral of my story is there is always someone

1093
00:52:46,520 --> 00:52:50,120
Speaker 6: who will love and respect you more than your current spouse.

1094
00:52:50,280 --> 00:52:52,959
Speaker 6: Don't settle for anything less, buddy? Are you talking about

1095
00:52:53,000 --> 00:52:54,800
Speaker 6: your current spouse right now too?

1096
00:52:55,120 --> 00:52:58,520
Speaker 1: Why? I have heard that go on? I have heard

1097
00:52:58,520 --> 00:53:00,560
Speaker 1: that saying of there's always a woman out there that'll

1098
00:53:00,600 --> 00:53:01,240
Speaker 1: make you happier.

1099
00:53:01,320 --> 00:53:03,600
Speaker 2: That's only if you tell yourself that in your head. Look,

1100
00:53:03,640 --> 00:53:04,160
Speaker 2: if you're in a.

1101
00:53:04,120 --> 00:53:07,279
Speaker 6: Toxic relationship and someone's treating like crap facts, so there's

1102
00:53:07,280 --> 00:53:08,840
Speaker 6: always someone who will take better care of you. But

1103
00:53:08,880 --> 00:53:12,040
Speaker 6: It's like, I think it's really damaging to relationships and

1104
00:53:12,120 --> 00:53:15,719
Speaker 6: marriages now that we have social media in a global

1105
00:53:15,800 --> 00:53:18,600
Speaker 6: ability to just see anyone on earth at any time,

1106
00:53:18,760 --> 00:53:20,160
Speaker 6: and we can see them and be like, oh my god,

1107
00:53:20,200 --> 00:53:21,719
Speaker 6: that person's so great or looks so good, or it

1108
00:53:21,760 --> 00:53:24,279
Speaker 6: will blah blah blah blah blah, and then oh, well,

1109
00:53:24,560 --> 00:53:26,319
Speaker 6: maybe I shouldn't be with the person I'm with now,

1110
00:53:26,320 --> 00:53:28,600
Speaker 6: I should be with someone else. I really struggled about

1111
00:53:28,640 --> 00:53:31,320
Speaker 6: making this post because my divorce is still a great

1112
00:53:31,440 --> 00:53:33,719
Speaker 6: source of anger at times, not as much as it

1113
00:53:33,800 --> 00:53:36,360
Speaker 6: used to be, but it really triggers my negative brain.

1114
00:53:36,560 --> 00:53:38,720
Speaker 6: My therapist told me that it helps to write a journal.

1115
00:53:38,800 --> 00:53:43,040
Speaker 6: So here I am any advice please you know, wife

1116
00:53:43,120 --> 00:53:43,680
Speaker 6: or someone else.

1117
00:53:43,880 --> 00:53:45,920
Speaker 2: Here's what I'll say. Yeah, don't leave your current wife.

1118
00:53:45,960 --> 00:53:48,200
Speaker 2: I would say this. I don't think you should you

1119
00:53:48,360 --> 00:53:51,520
Speaker 2: need to remake a relationship with your ex wife, but

1120
00:53:51,560 --> 00:53:54,000
Speaker 2: I think you should make it clear that what you

1121
00:53:54,160 --> 00:53:56,319
Speaker 2: want from your ex wife is not so that she

1122
00:53:56,360 --> 00:53:58,560
Speaker 2: can get back with you, but that shows she can

1123
00:53:58,640 --> 00:54:02,200
Speaker 2: be present in her and that's all that you want.

1124
00:54:02,239 --> 00:54:03,640
Speaker 2: I just want you to get to a place where

1125
00:54:03,680 --> 00:54:05,560
Speaker 2: you can actually be his.

1126
00:54:05,480 --> 00:54:08,799
Speaker 1: Mom and somewhat of a good mom at the very least.

1127
00:54:08,640 --> 00:54:11,799
Speaker 6: And then you know, and let her process that and

1128
00:54:12,000 --> 00:54:14,920
Speaker 6: either grow and change or remain kind of stagnant. But

1129
00:54:14,920 --> 00:54:16,800
Speaker 6: it sounds like she wants to, you know, and I

1130
00:54:16,800 --> 00:54:18,520
Speaker 6: think that would help with your anger, help.

1131
00:54:18,400 --> 00:54:20,759
Speaker 1: With your anger and resentment towards her. And you know

1132
00:54:20,800 --> 00:54:23,040
Speaker 1: your kid too, like, yeah, he's going through some stuff.

1133
00:54:23,120 --> 00:54:25,880
Speaker 1: We don't really know what his thought processes on everything

1134
00:54:25,960 --> 00:54:28,000
Speaker 1: you know sees mom exactly.

1135
00:54:28,320 --> 00:54:30,640
Speaker 6: You know, I think your son probably knows that even

1136
00:54:30,680 --> 00:54:33,439
Speaker 6: though he's calling your now wife mom, it's not his mom.

1137
00:54:33,520 --> 00:54:35,799
Speaker 6: And the older he gets, the more acutely aware he's

1138
00:54:35,800 --> 00:54:37,360
Speaker 6: going to be of that. And so it would be

1139
00:54:37,400 --> 00:54:40,919
Speaker 6: best for him to have some level of relationship that's

1140
00:54:40,920 --> 00:54:44,800
Speaker 6: not filtered through like supervision and like a FaceTime chat

1141
00:54:44,880 --> 00:54:47,520
Speaker 6: with his mom. I think, because I can't imagine not

1142
00:54:47,600 --> 00:54:50,640
Speaker 6: being so angry and resentful with my ex if she

1143
00:54:50,840 --> 00:54:52,879
Speaker 6: was unable to even show up for our son.

1144
00:54:53,000 --> 00:54:55,440
Speaker 1: Just we're worried about that new birken bag than her

1145
00:54:55,760 --> 00:54:57,480
Speaker 1: son's speech therapy.

1146
00:54:57,600 --> 00:54:59,840
Speaker 2: And that's the end of this story. Let's head to

1147
00:54:59,880 --> 00:55:02,759
Speaker 2: the one. Hey, it's Sam. We're gonna get back to

1148
00:55:02,800 --> 00:55:03,280
Speaker 2: these stories.

1149
00:55:03,320 --> 00:55:05,200
Speaker 6: But here's three of bits of bads from our sponsors

1150
00:55:05,239 --> 00:55:06,120
Speaker 6: that keep the show alive.

1151
00:55:06,640 --> 00:55:10,400
Speaker 2: I was accused of ruining my boyfriend's bond with his sister,

1152
00:55:10,600 --> 00:55:12,080
Speaker 2: but I was just helping.

1153
00:55:12,320 --> 00:55:15,359
Speaker 4: Helping too bad, you're not good at it.

1154
00:55:15,400 --> 00:55:18,920
Speaker 6: My boyfriend, twenty eight male, and I have been together

1155
00:55:19,040 --> 00:55:22,760
Speaker 6: for three years now. He has one sibling, twenty seven female,

1156
00:55:22,880 --> 00:55:25,879
Speaker 6: who has a long term partner we've become great friends with.

1157
00:55:26,320 --> 00:55:29,960
Speaker 6: Earlier this summer, while on vacation, we had my engagement ring.

1158
00:55:30,040 --> 00:55:33,560
Speaker 6: Made excited about the news, I told all of my friends,

1159
00:55:33,640 --> 00:55:37,480
Speaker 6: including his sister's partner, with the condition that he not

1160
00:55:37,719 --> 00:55:39,560
Speaker 6: tell the rest of the family. By the way, this

1161
00:55:39,640 --> 00:55:42,880
Speaker 6: comes from user anonymously written O five and if you

1162
00:55:42,920 --> 00:55:44,480
Speaker 6: want to submit your own stories, go to the r.

1163
00:55:44,480 --> 00:55:46,640
Speaker 2: Slash show gay story and I'm subburned it. I'm Dakota

1164
00:55:46,760 --> 00:55:49,440
Speaker 2: and I'm Angie, and we are here to give you

1165
00:55:49,480 --> 00:55:51,320
Speaker 2: good advice. Goofily, But we don't.

1166
00:55:51,080 --> 00:55:52,680
Speaker 1: Have all the answers.

1167
00:55:52,840 --> 00:55:55,040
Speaker 6: We only know what we would do, so if you

1168
00:55:55,080 --> 00:55:57,800
Speaker 6: would do something else, let us know in the comments.

1169
00:55:58,160 --> 00:56:02,200
Speaker 6: My boyfriend, upon hearing this, was livid with me and

1170
00:56:02,239 --> 00:56:05,680
Speaker 6: said I had crossed a line and broken his trust.

1171
00:56:06,280 --> 00:56:09,120
Speaker 6: He claimed that he couldn't understand why I would trust

1172
00:56:09,239 --> 00:56:12,560
Speaker 6: him with that information, and that he was obviously going

1173
00:56:12,600 --> 00:56:14,719
Speaker 6: to run off and spill it anyway.

1174
00:56:15,200 --> 00:56:16,080
Speaker 2: I disagreed.

1175
00:56:16,560 --> 00:56:20,359
Speaker 6: When congratulated by his sister's partner and asked about it,

1176
00:56:20,760 --> 00:56:23,160
Speaker 6: he proceeded to lie and say that we never got

1177
00:56:23,160 --> 00:56:25,640
Speaker 6: a ring at all, only to later confess to his

1178
00:56:25,760 --> 00:56:26,920
Speaker 6: parents that we did.

1179
00:56:27,880 --> 00:56:29,200
Speaker 2: Fast forward too.

1180
00:56:29,239 --> 00:56:33,200
Speaker 6: Earlier this week, his sister messaged him and asked that

1181
00:56:33,280 --> 00:56:36,120
Speaker 6: they hang out after not seeing each other for so long.

1182
00:56:36,560 --> 00:56:39,320
Speaker 6: She was unavailable that day, so they agreed to try

1183
00:56:39,320 --> 00:56:43,680
Speaker 6: for coffee the next one. That following day, he called

1184
00:56:43,760 --> 00:56:47,080
Speaker 6: and texted his sister and didn't get a response. He

1185
00:56:47,120 --> 00:56:50,480
Speaker 6: then heard from his sister's boyfriend that they were talking

1186
00:56:50,480 --> 00:56:52,759
Speaker 6: At the moment, he tells me that he's not going

1187
00:56:52,800 --> 00:56:56,239
Speaker 6: to speak to her for an indefinite period over this,

1188
00:56:56,800 --> 00:56:59,719
Speaker 6: that he can't believe she ignored him, and that the

1189
00:56:59,760 --> 00:57:02,839
Speaker 6: ball is in her court to reach out to him now.

1190
00:57:03,640 --> 00:57:06,799
Speaker 6: I suggested maybe texting her again to clear the air

1191
00:57:06,920 --> 00:57:09,719
Speaker 6: and call her out, something along the lines of, hey,

1192
00:57:09,760 --> 00:57:10,800
Speaker 6: what happened to coffee?

1193
00:57:11,280 --> 00:57:11,600
Speaker 2: I said.

1194
00:57:11,600 --> 00:57:14,040
Speaker 6: Maybe she didn't realize that it was a hard plan

1195
00:57:14,480 --> 00:57:17,360
Speaker 6: because they had never set a time or maybe she

1196
00:57:17,480 --> 00:57:20,280
Speaker 6: just had other things going on. I asked whether or

1197
00:57:20,360 --> 00:57:23,520
Speaker 6: not she even knows that he's upset about this. My

1198
00:57:23,680 --> 00:57:26,160
Speaker 6: partner shut it down and said he felt I was

1199
00:57:26,240 --> 00:57:29,480
Speaker 6: dismissing his feelings and didn't want to discuss it further.

1200
00:57:29,920 --> 00:57:34,560
Speaker 6: He said his sister absolutely knows because he mentioned it

1201
00:57:34,600 --> 00:57:37,160
Speaker 6: to her boyfriend the day prior when he stopped by

1202
00:57:37,200 --> 00:57:40,880
Speaker 6: our house. He even suggested I watch our ring camera

1203
00:57:40,960 --> 00:57:42,440
Speaker 6: as proof that they know.

1204
00:57:42,600 --> 00:57:43,760
Speaker 2: Of his grievances.

1205
00:57:44,680 --> 00:57:46,960
Speaker 6: The next day, I watched the video and got a

1206
00:57:47,000 --> 00:57:49,760
Speaker 6: sinking feeling because if it were me, I simply would

1207
00:57:49,760 --> 00:57:52,160
Speaker 6: not have gotten the impression he says.

1208
00:57:52,640 --> 00:57:55,960
Speaker 2: He left. I called her boyfriend.

1209
00:57:55,360 --> 00:57:58,560
Speaker 6: And suggested that he ask the sister to reach out again,

1210
00:57:59,040 --> 00:58:02,840
Speaker 6: knowing that my partner will not. He told me they

1211
00:58:02,880 --> 00:58:05,320
Speaker 6: had no idea, he was angry and that he'd have

1212
00:58:05,480 --> 00:58:09,080
Speaker 6: her try again for the coffee. Later that evening, I

1213
00:58:09,160 --> 00:58:14,000
Speaker 6: received a slew of text from my boyfriend exclaiming that

1214
00:58:14,200 --> 00:58:17,520
Speaker 6: he's upset that I should have let him handle it,

1215
00:58:17,880 --> 00:58:21,200
Speaker 6: and how his mom believes I am driving a wedge

1216
00:58:21,280 --> 00:58:25,640
Speaker 6: between the siblings. Apparently, my partner's mom believes that the

1217
00:58:25,720 --> 00:58:29,400
Speaker 6: ring debacle and this situation exhibit a pattern that I

1218
00:58:30,040 --> 00:58:34,560
Speaker 6: go behind people's backs. How I see it is that

1219
00:58:34,600 --> 00:58:37,439
Speaker 6: they both miss each other and want the exact same thing.

1220
00:58:38,040 --> 00:58:40,280
Speaker 6: I felt that by choosing not to speak to her

1221
00:58:40,320 --> 00:58:43,200
Speaker 6: at all or explain that it hurt his feelings that

1222
00:58:43,320 --> 00:58:47,920
Speaker 6: she did not prioritize the coffee date, he wasn't giving

1223
00:58:47,960 --> 00:58:49,600
Speaker 6: her the opportunity.

1224
00:58:48,960 --> 00:58:49,960
Speaker 2: To fix anything.

1225
00:58:50,480 --> 00:58:54,760
Speaker 6: In my mind, I was only mediating because nothing would

1226
00:58:54,800 --> 00:58:58,120
Speaker 6: have gotten solved otherwise after all of the backlash.

1227
00:58:58,360 --> 00:59:00,000
Speaker 2: I don't know if I messed up.

1228
00:59:00,040 --> 00:59:02,520
Speaker 6: I'm happy to try and rectify the situation, but currently

1229
00:59:02,560 --> 00:59:04,200
Speaker 6: I don't feel like I made a mistake.

1230
00:59:05,080 --> 00:59:06,160
Speaker 2: I don't know how to proceed.

1231
00:59:06,680 --> 00:59:08,800
Speaker 6: I'd like to stay with my partner, and clearly we

1232
00:59:08,880 --> 00:59:11,000
Speaker 6: have a lot to work through, but I'm not sure

1233
00:59:11,040 --> 00:59:13,280
Speaker 6: how to get over this, how to better my relationship

1234
00:59:13,320 --> 00:59:14,480
Speaker 6: with his family, et cetera.

1235
00:59:14,600 --> 00:59:18,240
Speaker 2: And we do have some comments, but what do we think, folks?

1236
00:59:19,280 --> 00:59:20,000
Speaker 2: How are we moving?

1237
00:59:20,480 --> 00:59:23,120
Speaker 5: I want to know if there's other situations where he

1238
00:59:23,240 --> 00:59:28,120
Speaker 5: overreacts like this, because if there are more, then maybe

1239
00:59:28,160 --> 00:59:29,320
Speaker 5: you should leave your partner.

1240
00:59:29,480 --> 00:59:30,680
Speaker 3: I know that's like a jump.

1241
00:59:30,720 --> 00:59:34,240
Speaker 5: I only know a fraction of a fraction of what's

1242
00:59:34,280 --> 00:59:37,680
Speaker 5: going on in their relationship, but I just I'm not

1243
00:59:38,000 --> 00:59:41,680
Speaker 5: I'm not liking this this blow up here, Yeah, not

1244
00:59:41,760 --> 00:59:42,720
Speaker 5: liking it one bit.

1245
00:59:43,040 --> 00:59:45,640
Speaker 6: Yeah, And it feels like it's just like all a

1246
00:59:45,720 --> 00:59:48,720
Speaker 6: misdirect from like all this stuff, but the ring. Yeah,

1247
00:59:48,760 --> 00:59:50,400
Speaker 6: like whether I don't know if he just wanted to

1248
00:59:50,440 --> 00:59:53,960
Speaker 6: be the one in control of that information or he

1249
00:59:54,040 --> 00:59:57,560
Speaker 6: feels like I don't know, but it's crazy that they

1250
00:59:57,600 --> 00:59:59,800
Speaker 6: would come at you saying that you're driving the wedge

1251
00:59:59,800 --> 01:00:02,600
Speaker 6: when and like you said, you were literally trying to

1252
01:00:02,840 --> 01:00:03,240
Speaker 6: fix it.

1253
01:00:03,360 --> 01:00:05,920
Speaker 3: Yeah, you're just getting them to hang out. That's not

1254
01:00:06,040 --> 01:00:07,120
Speaker 3: driving a wedge at all.

1255
01:00:07,160 --> 01:00:09,360
Speaker 6: You went to his sister's partner to be like, hey,

1256
01:00:09,440 --> 01:00:11,520
Speaker 6: you should tell her to reach out to him, because

1257
01:00:11,560 --> 01:00:13,800
Speaker 6: he's not gonna do it. Yeah, and he's not gonna

1258
01:00:13,840 --> 01:00:16,200
Speaker 6: tell you guys that he's upset. Yeah, and they're both like, oh,

1259
01:00:16,200 --> 01:00:18,840
Speaker 6: we didn't even know he was upset exactly, Yeah, yeah,

1260
01:00:18,880 --> 01:00:21,280
Speaker 6: because he didn't say anything and he wasn't gonna.

1261
01:00:21,280 --> 01:00:24,440
Speaker 5: I mean the fact that he even originally was like

1262
01:00:24,800 --> 01:00:27,600
Speaker 5: going to the lengths of like I mean, he didn't

1263
01:00:27,600 --> 01:00:30,400
Speaker 5: actually look at the ring camera footage, but like he

1264
01:00:30,640 --> 01:00:33,120
Speaker 5: was telling O P to do that, Like see I

1265
01:00:33,160 --> 01:00:35,840
Speaker 5: did say it's go go look at the footage.

1266
01:00:35,520 --> 01:00:37,520
Speaker 6: It's like, yeah, you can tell when he left that

1267
01:00:37,560 --> 01:00:39,600
Speaker 6: they were talking, and they don't like they were day

1268
01:00:39,920 --> 01:00:42,400
Speaker 6: it's like being intentionally mean.

1269
01:00:42,960 --> 01:00:46,320
Speaker 5: Even that alone is just like, you are going way

1270
01:00:46,360 --> 01:00:47,080
Speaker 5: too far with this.

1271
01:00:47,280 --> 01:00:49,760
Speaker 3: Let's just reschedule. We didn't have a time set.

1272
01:00:49,840 --> 01:00:52,520
Speaker 5: That's how plans fall through, is if you don't have

1273
01:00:52,560 --> 01:00:54,880
Speaker 5: a time set and it's the day of Like, did

1274
01:00:54,920 --> 01:00:56,840
Speaker 5: he reach out and ask for a time, because how

1275
01:00:56,880 --> 01:00:57,360
Speaker 5: does he know.

1276
01:00:57,320 --> 01:00:59,520
Speaker 6: Where to go If you don't have a time That's

1277
01:00:59,560 --> 01:01:02,480
Speaker 6: not a plan, that's an idea. And we have some comments,

1278
01:01:02,480 --> 01:01:06,680
Speaker 6: hopefully we'll get some clarity. Here is your boyfriend and

1279
01:01:06,760 --> 01:01:10,080
Speaker 6: his sister fighting over the engagement ring secret or the

1280
01:01:10,160 --> 01:01:14,400
Speaker 6: coffee debacle. I would just advise staying out of their relationship.

1281
01:01:14,800 --> 01:01:17,320
Speaker 6: I've been with my husband for seventeen years and have

1282
01:01:17,400 --> 01:01:20,200
Speaker 6: a great relationship with his family, but I have always

1283
01:01:20,200 --> 01:01:23,360
Speaker 6: stayed out of any arguments or disagreements within the family.

1284
01:01:24,200 --> 01:01:26,080
Speaker 6: While I'm a part of the family, I just feel

1285
01:01:26,120 --> 01:01:28,280
Speaker 6: like it's not my place to jump in, and my

1286
01:01:28,360 --> 01:01:30,960
Speaker 6: husband has basically done the same with my family and

1287
01:01:31,000 --> 01:01:31,960
Speaker 6: they all love him.

1288
01:01:32,080 --> 01:01:33,240
Speaker 2: Hope this advice helps.

1289
01:01:33,360 --> 01:01:36,040
Speaker 6: Opie replies, I just felt like he was being stubborn,

1290
01:01:36,080 --> 01:01:38,120
Speaker 6: and it felt silly to go all scorched earth on

1291
01:01:38,160 --> 01:01:42,439
Speaker 6: his sister over a missed coffee date. Agreed reply says,

1292
01:01:42,480 --> 01:01:45,160
Speaker 6: I mean I would seriously question marrying someone who would

1293
01:01:45,160 --> 01:01:48,080
Speaker 6: throw such an enormous tantrum over a coffee date. I

1294
01:01:48,080 --> 01:01:51,360
Speaker 6: wouldn't be running around trying to fix his mess. Opie says,

1295
01:01:51,480 --> 01:01:53,880
Speaker 6: that's the thing. How angry he was.

1296
01:01:54,120 --> 01:01:56,680
Speaker 2: Over it took me by complete surprise.

1297
01:01:57,280 --> 01:01:59,520
Speaker 6: I figured it was a one off, and if I

1298
01:01:59,560 --> 01:02:02,160
Speaker 6: could just get her to ask him again and they went,

1299
01:02:02,440 --> 01:02:03,360
Speaker 6: that would be the end of it.

1300
01:02:03,920 --> 01:02:05,440
Speaker 2: A reply says, that makes sense.

1301
01:02:05,520 --> 01:02:08,280
Speaker 6: If this really was an atypical response from him, I

1302
01:02:08,280 --> 01:02:10,439
Speaker 6: think it's worth sitting down with him and explaining how

1303
01:02:10,480 --> 01:02:13,960
Speaker 6: strange you thought his behavior was and how it's concerning.

1304
01:02:14,560 --> 01:02:17,120
Speaker 6: You can explain that you usually think he shows good judgment,

1305
01:02:17,240 --> 01:02:20,640
Speaker 6: so you'd like to hear where he's coming from. Opie says, well,

1306
01:02:21,600 --> 01:02:25,320
Speaker 6: let me clarify. He has blown up like this over things,

1307
01:02:25,360 --> 01:02:29,320
Speaker 6: but never something so juvenile. I plan on asking where

1308
01:02:29,360 --> 01:02:32,080
Speaker 6: all of that anger was stemming from. But I suspect

1309
01:02:32,160 --> 01:02:33,680
Speaker 6: I'm going to be met with a little bit of

1310
01:02:33,760 --> 01:02:37,120
Speaker 6: blame game, and you made it worse by not letting

1311
01:02:37,160 --> 01:02:40,080
Speaker 6: me handle it, like I said, and not like ignoring

1312
01:02:40,120 --> 01:02:42,200
Speaker 6: her is truly fixing the problem anyway.

1313
01:02:42,280 --> 01:02:47,280
Speaker 2: But I digress. A reply says, I mean that itself

1314
01:02:47,400 --> 01:02:48,240
Speaker 2: is a huge issue.

1315
01:02:48,360 --> 01:02:51,560
Speaker 6: Right. He won't have an adult conversation about his mistakes

1316
01:02:51,600 --> 01:02:54,400
Speaker 6: and instead attacks you. How are you going to have

1317
01:02:54,440 --> 01:02:57,320
Speaker 6: a long term relationship with someone who can't stand to

1318
01:02:57,440 --> 01:03:01,360
Speaker 6: ever be wrong about anything, Opie says, as my partner

1319
01:03:01,440 --> 01:03:04,960
Speaker 6: is extremely capable and knowledgeable and prides himself on being

1320
01:03:05,480 --> 01:03:08,560
Speaker 6: the smartest guy in most rooms. He walks into careerise

1321
01:03:08,880 --> 01:03:10,720
Speaker 6: my partners at the top of his field and is

1322
01:03:10,760 --> 01:03:11,400
Speaker 6: typically the.

1323
01:03:11,280 --> 01:03:12,440
Speaker 2: One correcting others.

1324
01:03:12,760 --> 01:03:14,680
Speaker 6: I don't think he's a bad person, but I think

1325
01:03:14,680 --> 01:03:17,720
Speaker 6: that over the years, absolutely no one in his life

1326
01:03:18,120 --> 01:03:20,600
Speaker 6: has ever challenged him or held him accountable for things

1327
01:03:20,600 --> 01:03:23,840
Speaker 6: he's done that are wrong or hurtful. He's admitted he

1328
01:03:23,880 --> 01:03:27,400
Speaker 6: really struggles receiving constructive criticism because he feels it's an

1329
01:03:27,400 --> 01:03:30,880
Speaker 6: attack on his character. I've said that's something I can't

1330
01:03:30,920 --> 01:03:33,440
Speaker 6: fix for him, and that I'm with him because I

1331
01:03:33,520 --> 01:03:36,160
Speaker 6: want to be, and me explaining how something bothered me

1332
01:03:36,760 --> 01:03:38,680
Speaker 6: is only in hopes that he can fix it and

1333
01:03:38,720 --> 01:03:43,120
Speaker 6: we move on Obviously, his reactions as of late aren't

1334
01:03:43,160 --> 01:03:46,000
Speaker 6: good in any regard, but that isn't to say that

1335
01:03:46,080 --> 01:03:48,880
Speaker 6: he also hasn't done a ton of wonderful things as well.

1336
01:03:49,520 --> 01:03:51,640
Speaker 6: Not to sound like I'm not hearing you, I'm just

1337
01:03:51,680 --> 01:03:54,440
Speaker 6: trying to balance out the good and the bad. Currently,

1338
01:03:54,480 --> 01:03:57,960
Speaker 6: we're sort of fostering my younger cousins, who are both eighteen,

1339
01:03:58,200 --> 01:04:02,600
Speaker 6: who were struggling with depression and anxiety. My family was

1340
01:04:02,640 --> 01:04:03,200
Speaker 6: not so great.

1341
01:04:03,800 --> 01:04:06,440
Speaker 2: It was his idea to have them move into the house,

1342
01:04:06,560 --> 01:04:09,440
Speaker 2: and for the past four months or so, we've been parenting,

1343
01:04:09,480 --> 01:04:12,280
Speaker 2: so to speak, teaching them how to drive, He takes

1344
01:04:12,320 --> 01:04:14,400
Speaker 2: them to school, We help with homework, showing them how

1345
01:04:14,400 --> 01:04:16,160
Speaker 2: to adult as much as we can.

1346
01:04:16,560 --> 01:04:19,600
Speaker 6: When it comes to the boys, I actually feel pretty stable.

1347
01:04:20,000 --> 01:04:23,360
Speaker 6: He provides for all of us financially, which was also

1348
01:04:23,440 --> 01:04:26,280
Speaker 6: his idea. I have a well paying job too, but

1349
01:04:26,400 --> 01:04:29,080
Speaker 6: have a bit of debt I'm working through from past

1350
01:04:29,160 --> 01:04:33,040
Speaker 6: family troubles, and he's great about enforcing the teachings I

1351
01:04:33,160 --> 01:04:36,280
Speaker 6: want the kids to learn and addhere too. He gets

1352
01:04:36,280 --> 01:04:39,160
Speaker 6: along with them, takes them everywhere, lets them know when

1353
01:04:39,200 --> 01:04:41,800
Speaker 6: a joke has gone too far. With me, I suppose

1354
01:04:41,840 --> 01:04:44,160
Speaker 6: I just don't know if this behavior is something I

1355
01:04:44,160 --> 01:04:44,960
Speaker 6: can live with.

1356
01:04:45,040 --> 01:04:47,360
Speaker 2: If this is the straw that outweighs all of the

1357
01:04:47,400 --> 01:04:48,880
Speaker 2: good and there is an update.

1358
01:04:48,680 --> 01:04:51,360
Speaker 3: It lets her know in a joke, like a joke.

1359
01:04:51,200 --> 01:04:53,600
Speaker 6: That she makes no no, the kids, the kids, Oh okay,

1360
01:04:53,600 --> 01:04:54,720
Speaker 6: like when the kids are going too far.

1361
01:04:54,840 --> 01:04:57,520
Speaker 3: I see, I see, okay, Well that is some good stuff.

1362
01:04:58,000 --> 01:05:01,600
Speaker 6: I would say, it's still a bit old, like that's

1363
01:05:01,640 --> 01:05:03,800
Speaker 6: a big thing to work through, and it needs to

1364
01:05:03,800 --> 01:05:04,400
Speaker 6: be worked through.

1365
01:05:04,840 --> 01:05:07,760
Speaker 2: You know, you can't sure, you can't be out here and.

1366
01:05:07,920 --> 01:05:13,600
Speaker 6: I will raise my hand him, I did that slash

1367
01:05:13,720 --> 01:05:14,000
Speaker 6: do that.

1368
01:05:14,160 --> 01:05:14,680
Speaker 2: I'll do that.

1369
01:05:14,960 --> 01:05:15,320
Speaker 3: Yeah.

1370
01:05:15,360 --> 01:05:18,000
Speaker 6: Where it's like if it's like, oh, like, oh so

1371
01:05:18,040 --> 01:05:19,960
Speaker 6: you hate me right and telling me anything?

1372
01:05:19,960 --> 01:05:23,080
Speaker 2: It's like, yeah, oh so I suck it. I'm the worst. Yea,

1373
01:05:23,440 --> 01:05:26,640
Speaker 2: got it, got it. But it's not it's not the case.

1374
01:05:26,840 --> 01:05:29,360
Speaker 5: Do you think that's like a way then, because I'm

1375
01:05:29,480 --> 01:05:32,320
Speaker 5: assuming that it's like a way that he grew up

1376
01:05:32,560 --> 01:05:36,360
Speaker 5: then of like you know, maybe I guess I can't

1377
01:05:36,440 --> 01:05:38,080
Speaker 5: think of an example of how he would grow up,

1378
01:05:38,080 --> 01:05:39,720
Speaker 5: but I have an idea in my head.

1379
01:05:39,840 --> 01:05:40,640
Speaker 2: It's like it's.

1380
01:05:40,440 --> 01:05:42,840
Speaker 6: Probably some it's like some kind of cope or like

1381
01:05:42,880 --> 01:05:45,840
Speaker 6: you know it's a perfectionist response where it's like, oh

1382
01:05:45,960 --> 01:05:48,000
Speaker 6: so I'm not good enough?

1383
01:05:48,200 --> 01:05:48,280
Speaker 4: Ye?

1384
01:05:48,560 --> 01:05:50,880
Speaker 5: Great, anyone has anything bad to say.

1385
01:05:51,000 --> 01:05:53,400
Speaker 6: Right, because I'm based on the things I can provide

1386
01:05:53,440 --> 01:05:56,200
Speaker 6: and accomplish. So if anything I'm doing is wrong, that

1387
01:05:56,280 --> 01:05:57,760
Speaker 6: means that I'm bad and you don't like me.

1388
01:05:58,040 --> 01:05:58,320
Speaker 2: Yeah.

1389
01:05:58,400 --> 01:06:00,960
Speaker 5: I guess what I was assuming is like like praise

1390
01:06:01,040 --> 01:06:06,400
Speaker 5: for things like what he's what he gets maybe defensive about,

1391
01:06:06,480 --> 01:06:09,360
Speaker 5: like his academics or his his work stuff. You know,

1392
01:06:10,040 --> 01:06:12,080
Speaker 5: like if he only got praise for that kind of

1393
01:06:12,080 --> 01:06:14,080
Speaker 5: stuff and then like anything bad.

1394
01:06:14,600 --> 01:06:15,800
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's constructive.

1395
01:06:15,960 --> 01:06:18,360
Speaker 6: Was just I think the main point is regardless of

1396
01:06:18,360 --> 01:06:21,600
Speaker 6: wherever it comes from. It's just like if you're gonna

1397
01:06:21,600 --> 01:06:25,120
Speaker 6: move forward in like a marriage and a relationship, like

1398
01:06:25,720 --> 01:06:27,120
Speaker 6: you can't you can't.

1399
01:06:26,880 --> 01:06:28,400
Speaker 2: Just be like, oh well, I feel like that's an

1400
01:06:28,400 --> 01:06:30,320
Speaker 2: attack on my character. So no, you can't. You can't

1401
01:06:30,320 --> 01:06:32,200
Speaker 2: tell me that stuff. You're gonna have to change.

1402
01:06:32,320 --> 01:06:33,800
Speaker 3: You're gonna have to work on that for sure.

1403
01:06:33,840 --> 01:06:36,720
Speaker 6: You're gonna have to find a new coping mechanism. Yeah,

1404
01:06:36,840 --> 01:06:40,680
Speaker 6: especially when you know you just don't take criticism. Well, yeah,

1405
01:06:40,720 --> 01:06:44,120
Speaker 6: nobody perfect. Well let's see what's in this update. Upon

1406
01:06:44,200 --> 01:06:47,560
Speaker 6: reading about his mom making this claim of my pattern.

1407
01:06:48,440 --> 01:06:51,800
Speaker 6: This is what I responded with, quote, so me telling

1408
01:06:51,840 --> 01:06:54,920
Speaker 6: them about the ring and not understanding why I can't

1409
01:06:54,960 --> 01:06:58,120
Speaker 6: share the news of us getting it is going behind

1410
01:06:58,120 --> 01:07:01,240
Speaker 6: your back when I'm also friends with them. I would

1411
01:07:01,240 --> 01:07:04,480
Speaker 6: hardly call that in this situation a pattern. If there

1412
01:07:04,480 --> 01:07:07,160
Speaker 6: are concerns about my character, I'd love to be able

1413
01:07:07,200 --> 01:07:09,480
Speaker 6: to address it with her. It makes me sad to

1414
01:07:09,520 --> 01:07:11,880
Speaker 6: hear that you guys think of me the way when

1415
01:07:13,320 --> 01:07:15,600
Speaker 6: it makes me sad to hear that you guys think

1416
01:07:15,640 --> 01:07:18,440
Speaker 6: of me that way when anything I've ever done is

1417
01:07:18,440 --> 01:07:21,640
Speaker 6: with good intent. My friends and family are always the

1418
01:07:21,720 --> 01:07:23,840
Speaker 6: first ones to tell me if they think I'm ever

1419
01:07:23,880 --> 01:07:26,440
Speaker 6: out of line, and we've always shared that kind of

1420
01:07:26,440 --> 01:07:28,919
Speaker 6: stuff with one another, what we're stressed about, who we're

1421
01:07:28,960 --> 01:07:32,960
Speaker 6: mad at, everything that's going on. Clearly that's not something

1422
01:07:33,000 --> 01:07:35,960
Speaker 6: you guys do, and it's causing a rift going forward.

1423
01:07:36,360 --> 01:07:38,560
Speaker 6: I can just let you do as you please, but

1424
01:07:38,680 --> 01:07:40,840
Speaker 6: I think it's a little unfair to say that I

1425
01:07:40,960 --> 01:07:44,400
Speaker 6: have a pattern of going behind backs. And I sent

1426
01:07:44,480 --> 01:07:49,560
Speaker 6: that on Friday, then she sent this earlier this morning.

1427
01:07:50,440 --> 01:07:52,560
Speaker 6: I'd like to send a message to your mom to

1428
01:07:52,680 --> 01:07:56,000
Speaker 6: apologize and explain. The last thing I want is for

1429
01:07:56,080 --> 01:07:58,280
Speaker 6: things to be tense and awkward, or for me to

1430
01:07:58,320 --> 01:07:59,760
Speaker 6: hate being at family gatherings.

1431
01:07:59,760 --> 01:08:02,320
Speaker 2: No, she feels that way about me. We have not

1432
01:08:02,400 --> 01:08:04,880
Speaker 2: spoken yet that we do live together.

1433
01:08:05,640 --> 01:08:07,960
Speaker 6: My messages have been left on red because I've been

1434
01:08:08,000 --> 01:08:11,000
Speaker 6: working late the past couple of days. When I've got home,

1435
01:08:11,520 --> 01:08:15,160
Speaker 6: he's been occupied playing games with our boys. In front

1436
01:08:15,160 --> 01:08:17,000
Speaker 6: of the boys, I've held a brave face and joked

1437
01:08:17,000 --> 01:08:19,000
Speaker 6: with him as normal and thanked my partner for leaving

1438
01:08:19,040 --> 01:08:21,360
Speaker 6: me a meal. He didn't speak to me the first

1439
01:08:21,360 --> 01:08:24,640
Speaker 6: two nights, as I suspected, but I didn't push for

1440
01:08:24,680 --> 01:08:29,439
Speaker 6: communication either. I'm really I'm not feeling like this is

1441
01:08:30,120 --> 01:08:33,719
Speaker 6: a great I think y'all need some counseling to figure

1442
01:08:33,760 --> 01:08:40,360
Speaker 6: out where his you know, communication problems lie as a

1443
01:08:40,840 --> 01:08:45,360
Speaker 6: team with a mediator present, you know, yeah, and then

1444
01:08:46,120 --> 01:08:47,920
Speaker 6: figure out how.

1445
01:08:47,760 --> 01:08:49,720
Speaker 2: We're gonna take the steps to improve it. Because giving

1446
01:08:49,720 --> 01:08:52,600
Speaker 2: you the silent treatment and you expecting it not okay.

1447
01:08:52,560 --> 01:08:56,719
Speaker 5: Any sort of overreaction even like any all of this stuff.

1448
01:08:56,800 --> 01:08:58,240
Speaker 3: I just I'm just not a fan.

1449
01:08:58,520 --> 01:09:00,759
Speaker 4: I'm not a fan of this guy, not a feeling

1450
01:09:00,760 --> 01:09:01,120
Speaker 4: one bit.

1451
01:09:01,280 --> 01:09:03,160
Speaker 2: It seems like his move is to just cut off

1452
01:09:03,280 --> 01:09:03,960
Speaker 2: or stonewall.

1453
01:09:04,160 --> 01:09:08,280
Speaker 6: It's like his sister like doesn't commit to their coffee

1454
01:09:08,360 --> 01:09:10,479
Speaker 6: date that neither of them even had a time for.

1455
01:09:10,880 --> 01:09:13,800
Speaker 6: And he's like, she's done. I'm not talking to her,

1456
01:09:13,920 --> 01:09:16,479
Speaker 6: I'm not reaching out. She's gonna have to fix it.

1457
01:09:16,520 --> 01:09:18,719
Speaker 2: And it's like, what are you doing, brother, She's coffee?

1458
01:09:18,760 --> 01:09:19,439
Speaker 3: What you doing?

1459
01:09:19,680 --> 01:09:25,439
Speaker 2: What are you doing? Yeah, anyway, let's finish this story.

1460
01:09:26,080 --> 01:09:30,120
Speaker 2: Last night, after playing around on his laptop, he told

1461
01:09:30,200 --> 01:09:32,599
Speaker 2: the boys, I'll be back in five I gotta talk

1462
01:09:33,240 --> 01:09:36,920
Speaker 2: to my partner. I'd been sitting watching a show downstairs

1463
01:09:36,960 --> 01:09:39,920
Speaker 2: next to his office. He comes over, says hello, kisses

1464
01:09:39,920 --> 01:09:43,080
Speaker 2: me on the forehead, like everything is normal. He asks

1465
01:09:43,120 --> 01:09:44,280
Speaker 2: if we should talk about it.

1466
01:09:44,560 --> 01:09:46,200
Speaker 6: I tell him that we can table it for the

1467
01:09:46,200 --> 01:09:49,120
Speaker 6: following day because this will be longer than a five

1468
01:09:49,160 --> 01:09:51,920
Speaker 6: minute conversation and the kids are expecting him.

1469
01:09:52,200 --> 01:09:54,519
Speaker 2: He says okay and goes back.

1470
01:09:54,640 --> 01:09:57,400
Speaker 6: I'm not sure if his mom is truly feeling the

1471
01:09:57,400 --> 01:10:00,360
Speaker 6: way he claims she is, but if so so, I'd

1472
01:10:00,400 --> 01:10:03,160
Speaker 6: like nothing more than to apologize for stepping in and

1473
01:10:03,240 --> 01:10:05,680
Speaker 6: explain that I had no malicious intent in doing so.

1474
01:10:06,520 --> 01:10:08,800
Speaker 6: I wonder if that is even a good idea and

1475
01:10:08,880 --> 01:10:11,479
Speaker 6: how to approach it better. Let's we got some comments here.

1476
01:10:11,600 --> 01:10:14,720
Speaker 6: Comment number one, I feel like you're a lot more

1477
01:10:14,720 --> 01:10:17,840
Speaker 6: concerned about his mother's supposed opinion of you than you

1478
01:10:17,880 --> 01:10:19,840
Speaker 6: are about the fact that you plan to marry someone

1479
01:10:19,880 --> 01:10:22,800
Speaker 6: who feels entitled to treat you like crap with no

1480
01:10:22,920 --> 01:10:27,280
Speaker 6: consequences or resolution or even defense. You are the one

1481
01:10:27,320 --> 01:10:31,320
Speaker 6: making the excuses for his behavior. Comment two replies, why

1482
01:10:31,320 --> 01:10:33,479
Speaker 6: don't you talk when you go to bed? You have

1483
01:10:33,560 --> 01:10:36,639
Speaker 6: plenty of opportunity then, I honestly think this whole thing

1484
01:10:36,720 --> 01:10:39,439
Speaker 6: is a non issue. Also, why are you in therapy

1485
01:10:39,520 --> 01:10:40,799
Speaker 6: if you're not even married.

1486
01:10:40,920 --> 01:10:42,960
Speaker 2: I don't get the therapy hype for relationships.

1487
01:10:43,320 --> 01:10:47,040
Speaker 6: It's not at all normal and Scandinavia just talk, blow

1488
01:10:47,120 --> 01:10:49,040
Speaker 6: up a little, bang a few kitchen cabinets and get

1489
01:10:49,040 --> 01:10:51,280
Speaker 6: it out and let it blow over fast. Oh P replies,

1490
01:10:52,200 --> 01:10:54,880
Speaker 6: I've been getting home extremelylate these days due to work,

1491
01:10:54,920 --> 01:10:57,320
Speaker 6: and have been going to bed pretty much immediately after

1492
01:10:57,360 --> 01:10:59,800
Speaker 6: I get back. He's been up with the boys, playing

1493
01:10:59,840 --> 01:11:02,400
Speaker 6: there a new video game and staying up at ungodly

1494
01:11:02,479 --> 01:11:06,000
Speaker 6: hours with them because it's the weekend. I plan on

1495
01:11:06,040 --> 01:11:09,160
Speaker 6: speaking today. We do have our rings, and marriage is

1496
01:11:09,240 --> 01:11:11,360
Speaker 6: the plan. I'm sure the cabinet thing would make me

1497
01:11:11,400 --> 01:11:13,040
Speaker 6: feel better for a short while.

1498
01:11:13,720 --> 01:11:15,840
Speaker 2: Just not how I prefer to problem solve.

1499
01:11:16,360 --> 01:11:18,559
Speaker 6: Comment three says this man is not worth the drama

1500
01:11:18,760 --> 01:11:20,080
Speaker 6: and that's the end of that story.