1
00:00:00,040 --> 00:00:02,040
Speaker 1: I remember the first few times I just splat out

2
00:00:02,080 --> 00:00:06,200
Speaker 1: said notice something, and it felt amazing, amazing. Yeah, I

3
00:00:06,240 --> 00:00:08,440
Speaker 1: felt like I got so much power back. I was like,

4
00:00:08,480 --> 00:00:10,119
Speaker 1: oh my god, is this the secret? Is this a

5
00:00:10,119 --> 00:00:12,920
Speaker 1: secret to like healing my Any type of people pleasing

6
00:00:13,039 --> 00:00:16,320
Speaker 1: is like this. It is this. It practice saying no.

7
00:00:16,280 --> 00:00:27,520
Speaker 2: More better, more, got a little bit more better, more.

8
00:00:31,920 --> 00:00:34,280
Speaker 3: Welcome to more better. A podcast where we stop pretending

9
00:00:34,320 --> 00:00:35,960
Speaker 3: to have it all together and embrace the journey of

10
00:00:36,000 --> 00:00:38,440
Speaker 3: becoming a little more better every day.

11
00:00:38,600 --> 00:00:42,720
Speaker 1: Or at least trying to. Mm hmmm. That's most of

12
00:00:42,880 --> 00:00:46,800
Speaker 1: Marrow and that's Stephanie the Atrice. Hi, welcome back. How

13
00:00:46,880 --> 00:00:53,240
Speaker 1: are you? Welcome back friends? I'm good. Full disclosure.

14
00:00:53,320 --> 00:00:56,880
Speaker 3: Sometimes we record these in a in a big pack

15
00:00:57,320 --> 00:01:00,720
Speaker 3: because we have busy schedules. So what's is being like

16
00:01:00,840 --> 00:01:03,800
Speaker 3: welcome back? Yeah, we're like, hey, what's up?

17
00:01:03,920 --> 00:01:06,800
Speaker 1: I just I just saw you. I just say you.

18
00:01:07,280 --> 00:01:11,160
Speaker 1: We've been already spending time together, but yes, welcome back,

19
00:01:12,560 --> 00:01:13,520
Speaker 1: but we still are.

20
00:01:13,840 --> 00:01:16,280
Speaker 3: We are still genuinely catching up what's been going on

21
00:01:16,360 --> 00:01:18,760
Speaker 3: with you that is non work related.

22
00:01:19,200 --> 00:01:21,000
Speaker 1: We had for the first time in a long time

23
00:01:21,040 --> 00:01:23,759
Speaker 1: where David and I both worked on the same day,

24
00:01:24,120 --> 00:01:26,000
Speaker 1: but just like I haven't done it in a long

25
00:01:26,000 --> 00:01:29,400
Speaker 1: time where all the logistics had to be worked out of,

26
00:01:29,480 --> 00:01:33,000
Speaker 1: like who was getting picked up and you know, dinner

27
00:01:33,040 --> 00:01:35,480
Speaker 1: and you know all the things. But it was fine,

28
00:01:35,600 --> 00:01:37,640
Speaker 1: did you guys have did you guys have kids? That

29
00:01:37,720 --> 00:01:43,120
Speaker 1: week that he guest started on Brooklyn nine nine? Uh yeah,

30
00:01:43,200 --> 00:01:45,880
Speaker 1: how'd you do that? Because you were both gone? We

31
00:01:45,880 --> 00:01:49,279
Speaker 1: were both gone, But it was that episode was really

32
00:01:49,400 --> 00:01:54,200
Speaker 1: easy because he wasn't in every single scene either, so

33
00:01:54,280 --> 00:01:57,800
Speaker 1: I feel like he wrapped earlier than I did kind

34
00:01:57,880 --> 00:02:00,000
Speaker 1: of thing. But we had our sitter at the time.

35
00:02:00,040 --> 00:02:03,680
Speaker 1: I'm like our nanny I think was with Enzo. I

36
00:02:03,720 --> 00:02:06,600
Speaker 1: want to say that was like after Endzo. God, what

37
00:02:06,720 --> 00:02:10,040
Speaker 1: is time? Remember everything you know? Time is blur. Time

38
00:02:10,160 --> 00:02:13,360
Speaker 1: is very strange. My favorite thing about that episode was

39
00:02:13,400 --> 00:02:16,360
Speaker 1: all of Andy's jokes about how hot David is. I know,

40
00:02:16,720 --> 00:02:19,080
Speaker 1: it was so fun. They were so funny. I feel

41
00:02:19,080 --> 00:02:24,320
Speaker 1: like there were a few he added that were not scripted. Yes, yeah,

42
00:02:24,360 --> 00:02:27,519
Speaker 1: and he directed that episode too, and so it was

43
00:02:28,160 --> 00:02:32,559
Speaker 1: really Yeah, it was like a very hometown home team

44
00:02:32,560 --> 00:02:36,760
Speaker 1: feeling that week. And I remember David being like, you

45
00:02:36,800 --> 00:02:39,080
Speaker 1: can never complain about work because this is like the

46
00:02:39,120 --> 00:02:41,359
Speaker 1: best gig ever. He was like, you guys just have

47
00:02:41,520 --> 00:02:44,840
Speaker 1: fun here all day. And I remember I got defensive

48
00:02:44,919 --> 00:02:47,080
Speaker 1: of like, well you're here during a really you know

49
00:02:47,440 --> 00:02:50,160
Speaker 1: sometimes like this is sometimes the scene's not working, you know,

50
00:02:50,400 --> 00:02:52,359
Speaker 1: and like it takes us a minute, and like everyone

51
00:02:52,400 --> 00:02:57,200
Speaker 1: gets and you know what, and like a lot of

52
00:02:57,280 --> 00:03:01,519
Speaker 1: jokes and like some of them are working. Are not scarfage.

53
00:03:01,800 --> 00:03:07,760
Speaker 1: It's a lot of jokes. Sometimes it's so many jokes

54
00:03:07,800 --> 00:03:12,480
Speaker 1: and I just can't remember them all because they're also funny. Yes, literally,

55
00:03:12,520 --> 00:03:16,080
Speaker 1: it is probably what I sounded like. Oh yeah, whoops.

56
00:03:16,240 --> 00:03:19,400
Speaker 3: Yeah, well yeah, that's what happens when it's a damn

57
00:03:19,480 --> 00:03:22,600
Speaker 3: good show and really good people on it. Yeah, what

58
00:03:22,639 --> 00:03:23,240
Speaker 3: are you gonna do?

59
00:03:23,520 --> 00:03:25,880
Speaker 1: I've had so many people on this new show that

60
00:03:26,040 --> 00:03:28,680
Speaker 1: are on the second season of Twisted Metal because we're

61
00:03:28,680 --> 00:03:32,119
Speaker 1: shooting in Canada, so a lot of our Canadian You're

62
00:03:32,160 --> 00:03:35,680
Speaker 1: more famous in Canada. I was more famous Canada.

63
00:03:36,120 --> 00:03:39,480
Speaker 3: Yeah, Baroski in Canadia and Canadian too.

64
00:03:41,840 --> 00:03:43,200
Speaker 1: But the first day it was.

65
00:03:43,120 --> 00:03:45,120
Speaker 3: So sweet because there were so many people on the

66
00:03:45,160 --> 00:03:47,760
Speaker 3: crew that were like, oh, I just have to tell

67
00:03:47,760 --> 00:03:49,320
Speaker 3: you Brooklyn, and it's my favorite show.

68
00:03:49,560 --> 00:03:51,160
Speaker 1: I just have to tell you it's my comfort show.

69
00:03:51,440 --> 00:03:54,960
Speaker 3: Like it was really nice, Like it's super sweet.

70
00:03:55,520 --> 00:03:57,120
Speaker 1: It made me really really proud.

71
00:03:57,440 --> 00:04:02,200
Speaker 3: Yeah yeah, but that's dope. Definitely are more more well

72
00:04:02,200 --> 00:04:04,480
Speaker 3: known here. Also because I have hair extensions now my

73
00:04:04,720 --> 00:04:09,920
Speaker 3: hair is longer. Yeah, so people keep like stopping me

74
00:04:09,960 --> 00:04:12,240
Speaker 3: in the street. There was one girl today that was

75
00:04:12,400 --> 00:04:14,440
Speaker 3: English or British, I don't know.

76
00:04:14,560 --> 00:04:16,720
Speaker 1: She had an accent. I don't know you guys, but

77
00:04:16,800 --> 00:04:18,960
Speaker 1: she was like, are you from Brooklyn nine nine? I'm

78
00:04:18,960 --> 00:04:20,560
Speaker 1: not going to do the accent. Okay, I'll do it.

79
00:04:20,640 --> 00:04:22,440
Speaker 1: Are you from brookn on nine? And I was like

80
00:04:22,960 --> 00:04:28,640
Speaker 1: I am. She was like, Toronto, okay, thank you so much.

81
00:04:30,720 --> 00:04:35,920
Speaker 1: So wholesome. It was very it's very wholesome. It's very wholesome.

82
00:04:36,120 --> 00:04:38,840
Speaker 1: Our fans are awesome, Like the Brooklyn fans are really

83
00:04:38,839 --> 00:04:41,840
Speaker 1: good people. That's the best. They get it. They get it.

84
00:04:42,520 --> 00:04:45,560
Speaker 3: They do my more better is I mean, there are

85
00:04:45,600 --> 00:04:47,880
Speaker 3: some good things happening. I did just get a new

86
00:04:47,920 --> 00:04:51,600
Speaker 3: phone chain for my phone. Oh that's great. I'm not

87
00:04:51,680 --> 00:04:52,400
Speaker 3: dropping it as.

88
00:04:52,360 --> 00:04:57,200
Speaker 1: Much more better at not dropping your phone. Yeah. Making

89
00:04:57,240 --> 00:05:00,520
Speaker 1: sure I wear my sunscreen. Ooh, I've been very good

90
00:05:00,520 --> 00:05:04,279
Speaker 1: about sunscreen. Good for you. Yeah, it's it's necessary. Yep.

91
00:05:05,000 --> 00:05:07,479
Speaker 1: I've been doing the extra thing of if I'm going

92
00:05:07,480 --> 00:05:09,320
Speaker 1: outside in a tank top, put a little bit on

93
00:05:09,360 --> 00:05:13,359
Speaker 1: my shoulders. Oh, good for you. Good for you, because

94
00:05:13,680 --> 00:05:14,839
Speaker 1: that's something that I forget.

95
00:05:14,880 --> 00:05:17,080
Speaker 3: Shoot, we're shooting this show outside most of the time,

96
00:05:17,120 --> 00:05:21,599
Speaker 3: and like, whoo baby, you gotta oh re apply, reapply, repply.

97
00:05:21,760 --> 00:05:24,800
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah, otherwise you're just gonna turn different shades

98
00:05:24,839 --> 00:05:25,600
Speaker 1: throughout the season.

99
00:05:28,800 --> 00:05:29,920
Speaker 4: More better.

100
00:05:31,360 --> 00:05:33,920
Speaker 3: Okay, So you guys, let's get down to the business

101
00:05:33,920 --> 00:05:36,000
Speaker 3: at hand. What are we talking about this week?

102
00:05:36,040 --> 00:05:38,200
Speaker 1: Mel Oh, we have a good one today and it

103
00:05:38,279 --> 00:05:42,840
Speaker 1: comes from a listener. Listeners, you're dropping some great suggestions.

104
00:05:43,480 --> 00:05:45,880
Speaker 1: Thank you so much for your emails. If you have

105
00:05:46,000 --> 00:05:48,840
Speaker 1: a suggestion for a future episode, you can email us

106
00:05:48,839 --> 00:05:52,320
Speaker 1: at Morebetter Pod at gmail dot com. You can also

107
00:05:52,360 --> 00:05:54,679
Speaker 1: include a voice note and be featured on the pod.

108
00:05:55,120 --> 00:05:56,680
Speaker 1: We haven't done that yet, but we don't be fraid.

109
00:05:56,800 --> 00:05:59,560
Speaker 1: Do that soon. It come on, do it? Yeah? So

110
00:05:59,600 --> 00:06:02,840
Speaker 1: today it comes from a listener. Would you like to

111
00:06:02,880 --> 00:06:05,400
Speaker 1: read the email stuff or do I like, I'll read it.

112
00:06:06,279 --> 00:06:07,320
Speaker 1: I'll read it. I'll read that.

113
00:06:07,520 --> 00:06:09,720
Speaker 3: Hi'm me listen, Stephanie. I love your podcast and I love

114
00:06:09,720 --> 00:06:10,640
Speaker 3: the roles you played.

115
00:06:10,400 --> 00:06:12,159
Speaker 1: And wait, can you start over and do it in

116
00:06:12,200 --> 00:06:21,760
Speaker 1: an accent? No? Fu, I refuse. I refuse to have

117
00:06:21,880 --> 00:06:25,640
Speaker 1: this cut up the internet somewhere my bad accent.

118
00:06:25,960 --> 00:06:29,400
Speaker 3: Oh man, all right, go ahead, I will listen to Stephanie.

119
00:06:29,400 --> 00:06:31,440
Speaker 3: I love your podcast and I love the roles you

120
00:06:31,480 --> 00:06:32,520
Speaker 3: played in Brooklyn nine nine.

121
00:06:32,560 --> 00:06:34,560
Speaker 1: That's my comfort show. Oh.

122
00:06:34,720 --> 00:06:38,000
Speaker 3: I struggle with toxic relationships between friends and family.

123
00:06:38,040 --> 00:06:40,960
Speaker 1: Oh no, because of a people pleasing feeling that makes

124
00:06:41,000 --> 00:06:45,440
Speaker 1: it difficult to end it. Can you give me some

125
00:06:45,480 --> 00:06:49,120
Speaker 1: tips and tricks to help with this would be much appreciated. Sincerely,

126
00:06:49,760 --> 00:06:53,920
Speaker 1: and I think this is how you pronounce it, lind Oh.

127
00:06:55,240 --> 00:06:57,800
Speaker 3: Okay, today's episode. What are we talking about?

128
00:06:58,200 --> 00:07:03,360
Speaker 1: People please? God? Everybody does it? We all do it?

129
00:07:03,920 --> 00:07:06,880
Speaker 3: Yeah, So tell us what people pleasing means?

130
00:07:06,960 --> 00:07:11,239
Speaker 1: Melissa? All right, I have well the official Some definitions

131
00:07:11,320 --> 00:07:14,440
Speaker 1: could be pushing aside your needs to accommodate the needs

132
00:07:14,480 --> 00:07:19,200
Speaker 1: of everyone else. People pleaser craves validation and reassurance and

133
00:07:19,320 --> 00:07:22,400
Speaker 1: is afraid to disappoint others because they worry about being

134
00:07:22,440 --> 00:07:25,840
Speaker 1: rejected or abandoned, and they may go to great lengths

135
00:07:25,840 --> 00:07:29,200
Speaker 1: to help others, even when they're not asked. And they

136
00:07:29,240 --> 00:07:35,000
Speaker 1: often take the blame even for things that weren't their fault. Brutal. Yeah,

137
00:07:35,880 --> 00:07:38,840
Speaker 1: I feel like I was very much a people pleaser

138
00:07:38,920 --> 00:07:44,280
Speaker 1: when I was younger, and I think I still have

139
00:07:44,400 --> 00:07:47,720
Speaker 1: those tendencies. Oh so like of like not speaking up

140
00:07:48,000 --> 00:07:51,960
Speaker 1: because you don't want to upset someone or I remember

141
00:07:52,000 --> 00:07:56,120
Speaker 1: I told that story about the boy that yelled at

142
00:07:56,160 --> 00:08:00,960
Speaker 1: me for missing a rehearsal. Yeah, and I say anything

143
00:08:01,040 --> 00:08:02,480
Speaker 1: like I just took it. Oh, it was in our

144
00:08:02,520 --> 00:08:05,600
Speaker 1: first episode, like the listening to yourself part of that

145
00:08:05,680 --> 00:08:08,520
Speaker 1: was also like people pleasing. I was like, if I

146
00:08:08,560 --> 00:08:10,320
Speaker 1: get in a fight with him, I might upset the

147
00:08:10,360 --> 00:08:12,480
Speaker 1: whole family. It's going to become a big thing. I

148
00:08:12,520 --> 00:08:15,280
Speaker 1: don't want to ruffle any feathers. I don't want to

149
00:08:15,320 --> 00:08:19,840
Speaker 1: like get into a confrontation and you know when he's

150
00:08:19,880 --> 00:08:23,240
Speaker 1: probably right and yeah, and it was like it was

151
00:08:23,320 --> 00:08:25,640
Speaker 1: just I want I just want to be good with everyone,

152
00:08:25,680 --> 00:08:27,840
Speaker 1: and I want everyone to like me, and so I'm

153
00:08:27,880 --> 00:08:32,920
Speaker 1: just not gonna like stand up for myself. Oh yeah,

154
00:08:33,000 --> 00:08:37,040
Speaker 1: it's the worst. It's it's a bad feeling. It's very

155
00:08:37,240 --> 00:08:41,000
Speaker 1: it's really hard. Yeah, it's really hard. What's what's your

156
00:08:41,040 --> 00:08:44,640
Speaker 1: experience with people pleasing if you I feel like I

157
00:08:44,679 --> 00:08:46,720
Speaker 1: can't picture you being a picture were you ever a

158
00:08:46,720 --> 00:08:47,400
Speaker 1: people pleaser?

159
00:08:48,360 --> 00:08:50,880
Speaker 3: I mean, you know, it's interesting for me it manifests

160
00:08:50,920 --> 00:08:51,720
Speaker 3: in a different way.

161
00:08:51,920 --> 00:08:54,719
Speaker 1: It's like it is kind of like.

162
00:08:56,920 --> 00:08:59,280
Speaker 3: It's tricky, right because like we have a job where

163
00:08:59,400 --> 00:09:00,120
Speaker 3: we end up.

164
00:09:00,120 --> 00:09:02,880
Speaker 1: Collaborating with a lot of people. I mean, yeah, actually

165
00:09:02,960 --> 00:09:08,360
Speaker 1: have to make sure that things stay kind of copasetic.

166
00:09:08,520 --> 00:09:10,760
Speaker 1: And I think a lot of people have that, you know,

167
00:09:10,920 --> 00:09:14,400
Speaker 1: Like I think there's a difference between standing up for

168
00:09:14,440 --> 00:09:19,520
Speaker 1: yourself and rocking the boat just to make sure that

169
00:09:19,600 --> 00:09:24,560
Speaker 1: you like are heard. And I think sometimes for me

170
00:09:25,480 --> 00:09:28,439
Speaker 1: the balance is a a is a hard one to

171
00:09:28,520 --> 00:09:33,640
Speaker 1: find because it's like sometimes sometimes in certain environments it

172
00:09:33,640 --> 00:09:39,719
Speaker 1: doesn't it doesn't actually serve me to speak up and

173
00:09:39,800 --> 00:09:42,040
Speaker 1: say like this is what I think is wrong with this,

174
00:09:42,240 --> 00:09:45,400
Speaker 1: and this is this is why, and this is you know,

175
00:09:45,480 --> 00:09:49,640
Speaker 1: like what my problems are in this situation. Right, sometimes

176
00:09:49,679 --> 00:09:52,640
Speaker 1: it serves me better and the environment better to offer

177
00:09:52,720 --> 00:09:55,680
Speaker 1: solutions and to come forward and say.

178
00:09:55,480 --> 00:09:57,760
Speaker 3: Sort of like you know, like for example, like if

179
00:09:57,800 --> 00:10:00,440
Speaker 3: something's not working for me in a scene, to kind

180
00:10:00,440 --> 00:10:02,040
Speaker 3: of come forward and say, like what if we tried,

181
00:10:02,120 --> 00:10:04,040
Speaker 3: like what if we tried doing it on the other

182
00:10:04,120 --> 00:10:09,000
Speaker 3: side of the room and see what happens, like if

183
00:10:09,040 --> 00:10:11,360
Speaker 3: we really got close to each other, and like see

184
00:10:11,400 --> 00:10:14,640
Speaker 3: if that does anything for their relationship, and like see

185
00:10:14,640 --> 00:10:16,840
Speaker 3: if we play the scene like physically really close to

186
00:10:16,880 --> 00:10:19,240
Speaker 3: each other, like if you having a problem with blocking

187
00:10:19,320 --> 00:10:23,640
Speaker 3: or something. I think what can happen sometimes is that

188
00:10:24,280 --> 00:10:27,240
Speaker 3: egos can kind of like get attached to saying, like

189
00:10:27,720 --> 00:10:30,040
Speaker 3: I have to say how I feel because it's part

190
00:10:30,040 --> 00:10:34,120
Speaker 3: of who I am, right Like for example, there was

191
00:10:34,160 --> 00:10:36,760
Speaker 3: one time where this is a crazy example, but there

192
00:10:36,760 --> 00:10:40,880
Speaker 3: was one time I took a ride lift. I don't

193
00:10:40,920 --> 00:10:42,559
Speaker 3: know what to call it, not a ride share, I

194
00:10:42,559 --> 00:10:45,360
Speaker 3: guess it's a ride share, you know, when you pull

195
00:10:45,440 --> 00:10:47,400
Speaker 3: up the app and you to do to do a

196
00:10:47,440 --> 00:10:50,160
Speaker 3: digital taxi, a digital taxi.

197
00:10:50,200 --> 00:10:53,840
Speaker 1: There you go. And the driver was a man, and

198
00:10:54,360 --> 00:10:57,000
Speaker 1: he seemed very interested in chatting with me, and I

199
00:10:57,240 --> 00:10:59,600
Speaker 1: just wasn't really I had a bunch of stuff to

200
00:10:59,600 --> 00:11:01,960
Speaker 1: do on my I said to him, like, if you

201
00:11:02,000 --> 00:11:04,200
Speaker 1: don't mind, I actually have a lot of stuff to

202
00:11:04,240 --> 00:11:08,200
Speaker 1: do on my phone right now, and I like just

203
00:11:08,200 --> 00:11:13,559
Speaker 1: some peace and quiet. And he got livid. Oh no,

204
00:11:13,679 --> 00:11:17,600
Speaker 1: that's scar, Oh what you're too good to talk to me. Oh,

205
00:11:17,640 --> 00:11:19,120
Speaker 1: what kind of work do you have to do at

206
00:11:19,160 --> 00:11:21,960
Speaker 1: ten thirty at night? Meanwhile, I'm like reading an audition

207
00:11:22,040 --> 00:11:24,440
Speaker 1: script for the next day. You know, it's actual work

208
00:11:24,440 --> 00:11:27,360
Speaker 1: that I'm doing. It doesn't matter. Even if it doesn't matter,

209
00:11:27,400 --> 00:11:28,040
Speaker 1: it doesn't matter.

210
00:11:28,240 --> 00:11:30,679
Speaker 3: It doesn't matter what I'm doing. It doesn't matter. It

211
00:11:30,679 --> 00:11:33,880
Speaker 3: shouldn't matter. But because I'm a woman and I'm in

212
00:11:33,920 --> 00:11:36,839
Speaker 3: this man's car, yeah.

213
00:11:36,080 --> 00:11:40,440
Speaker 1: I was like, do I fight him right now? And

214
00:11:40,520 --> 00:11:42,680
Speaker 1: like do I? Like, I'm not in a safe environment

215
00:11:42,760 --> 00:11:44,959
Speaker 1: to be like a fucking asshole, you know what I mean.

216
00:11:45,080 --> 00:11:48,480
Speaker 3: Like, so I stayed really calm and stayed really quiet,

217
00:11:48,559 --> 00:11:52,080
Speaker 3: and like normally, if I was, like, you know, out

218
00:11:52,120 --> 00:11:54,520
Speaker 3: at a bar or something and some guide did that

219
00:11:54,559 --> 00:11:56,720
Speaker 3: to me and I had some friends with me and

220
00:11:56,760 --> 00:12:00,400
Speaker 3: felt safe, I'd be like, fuck off, you fucking weed,

221
00:12:00,520 --> 00:12:03,679
Speaker 3: you know, like, yeah, get out of here, you pin head.

222
00:12:03,840 --> 00:12:06,200
Speaker 1: Like I could say some dumb shit to him, right

223
00:12:06,240 --> 00:12:08,600
Speaker 1: right right, But in that moment, I wasn't safe.

224
00:12:08,640 --> 00:12:11,199
Speaker 3: I wasn't safe enough to be like so I did people?

225
00:12:11,240 --> 00:12:14,080
Speaker 1: Please? I was like, oh yeah, I'm like really busy

226
00:12:14,120 --> 00:12:17,760
Speaker 1: at work, and like he kind of like chilled out anyway,

227
00:12:17,880 --> 00:12:21,400
Speaker 1: long story short, it's tricky. It's tricky to say that.

228
00:12:21,520 --> 00:12:24,080
Speaker 3: I hate when I say it's tricky also because that's

229
00:12:24,080 --> 00:12:26,079
Speaker 3: something that my ex used to say and I'd be like, oh,

230
00:12:26,160 --> 00:12:28,440
Speaker 3: I just have an opinion, but.

231
00:12:31,000 --> 00:12:31,880
Speaker 1: That's so funny.

232
00:12:31,960 --> 00:12:34,079
Speaker 3: But but yeah, I people pleasing is hard.

233
00:12:34,120 --> 00:12:37,439
Speaker 1: People pleasing is hard. I think there's also, uh, you know,

234
00:12:37,559 --> 00:12:42,079
Speaker 1: a part of this is boundaries, right, like being able

235
00:12:42,160 --> 00:12:46,400
Speaker 1: to hold boundaries with people, which is really hard sometimes,

236
00:12:46,520 --> 00:12:52,400
Speaker 1: especially like, yeah, I find for me sometimes I have

237
00:12:52,480 --> 00:12:56,560
Speaker 1: the hardest time holding boundaries with family, right, Like I

238
00:12:56,559 --> 00:12:59,679
Speaker 1: could like not want to do a family thing, and

239
00:12:59,720 --> 00:13:01,920
Speaker 1: I I feel obligated and I don't want to make

240
00:13:01,920 --> 00:13:05,040
Speaker 1: anyone mad, and so I put their needs over mine

241
00:13:05,120 --> 00:13:09,360
Speaker 1: and like, bro, I absolutely will like be like no, bye, yes,

242
00:13:10,480 --> 00:13:14,800
Speaker 1: I know I'm not doing it. I know, but it

243
00:13:14,920 --> 00:13:17,600
Speaker 1: is something that I struggle with, and I've gotten better

244
00:13:17,960 --> 00:13:20,480
Speaker 1: as I've gotten older. Yeah, I think definitely when I

245
00:13:20,520 --> 00:13:23,760
Speaker 1: was younger, it was you know, yeah. And I think

246
00:13:24,040 --> 00:13:28,280
Speaker 1: also like having kids has helped because I'm just like, well, yeah, no,

247
00:13:28,400 --> 00:13:30,679
Speaker 1: like now this is my family comes first, you know.

248
00:13:32,200 --> 00:13:35,440
Speaker 3: But or like my no, I'm not staying up until

249
00:13:35,600 --> 00:13:37,320
Speaker 3: midnight for Nacho Juanna because.

250
00:13:37,120 --> 00:13:40,200
Speaker 1: These these kids will be a nightmare when like tomorrow

251
00:13:40,360 --> 00:13:42,720
Speaker 1: not doing like yeah, yeah, we're leaving at nine pm.

252
00:13:42,760 --> 00:13:44,839
Speaker 1: That's as late as she can go. Yes, we are

253
00:13:44,840 --> 00:13:47,040
Speaker 1: not going to the New Year's party. I do not

254
00:13:47,360 --> 00:13:50,240
Speaker 1: have little kids that will like sleep in on New

255
00:13:50,320 --> 00:13:54,240
Speaker 1: Year's Day. Sorry, bye, I'll see you in a few

256
00:13:54,280 --> 00:13:59,360
Speaker 1: years when they're older. Yeah. I think that, Yeah, there's

257
00:13:59,360 --> 00:14:02,800
Speaker 1: a lot of like mission that or or I guess empowerment, right,

258
00:14:02,840 --> 00:14:06,160
Speaker 1: because that's also I think at the root of people

259
00:14:06,200 --> 00:14:12,280
Speaker 1: pleasing is losing track or a sense of your own power, right.

260
00:14:12,400 --> 00:14:14,480
Speaker 1: I think I think there's like a lot of things

261
00:14:14,520 --> 00:14:16,680
Speaker 1: that like kind of come into play here of like

262
00:14:17,360 --> 00:14:19,920
Speaker 1: is your time not worthy? Like are you you know?

263
00:14:20,160 --> 00:14:24,440
Speaker 1: Like and that's boundaries and that's self worth and that's empowerment,

264
00:14:24,600 --> 00:14:27,000
Speaker 1: and it's kind of all of it like jumbled up

265
00:14:27,040 --> 00:14:29,400
Speaker 1: into this ball of just like well if I just

266
00:14:29,560 --> 00:14:32,680
Speaker 1: like keep it all peaceful and happy and like afraid

267
00:14:32,720 --> 00:14:34,840
Speaker 1: of conflict, like that can be part of it too,

268
00:14:35,160 --> 00:14:39,760
Speaker 1: like you know, and it's all these things kind of

269
00:14:39,840 --> 00:14:41,600
Speaker 1: rolled up into this ball of just like well if

270
00:14:41,640 --> 00:14:44,320
Speaker 1: I just slap a smile on my fucking face and

271
00:14:44,320 --> 00:14:47,240
Speaker 1: I'm just nice to everybody, everything will be fine and

272
00:14:47,320 --> 00:14:50,600
Speaker 1: it'll be peaceful and I won't have to deal with like,

273
00:14:52,760 --> 00:14:56,200
Speaker 1: you know, the repercussions. Yes, So okay, so you said

274
00:14:56,240 --> 00:14:58,560
Speaker 1: something really interesting to then you're like, if I slap

275
00:14:58,600 --> 00:15:02,920
Speaker 1: a smile on my face and deal right, So there there,

276
00:15:02,960 --> 00:15:05,480
Speaker 1: and there is a big difference, right, There's a difference

277
00:15:05,480 --> 00:15:07,600
Speaker 1: between people pleasing and being like if I slap a

278
00:15:07,640 --> 00:15:11,440
Speaker 1: smile on my face and pretend like everything's fine, yeah.

279
00:15:10,800 --> 00:15:13,240
Speaker 3: It'll be like I'll just get through I'll just muscle

280
00:15:13,280 --> 00:15:13,560
Speaker 3: through it.

281
00:15:13,640 --> 00:15:13,840
Speaker 2: Right.

282
00:15:14,200 --> 00:15:16,080
Speaker 3: And then there's another side of it, which is the

283
00:15:16,120 --> 00:15:19,320
Speaker 3: thing that I'm trying to embrace slightly, which is like,

284
00:15:20,480 --> 00:15:22,600
Speaker 3: how can I look at this and just like let

285
00:15:22,640 --> 00:15:25,040
Speaker 3: it move through me through water, like or let it

286
00:15:25,080 --> 00:15:27,800
Speaker 3: move over me like water off a ducts back, you know,

287
00:15:27,960 --> 00:15:30,240
Speaker 3: like this thing that's frustrating me or this thing that

288
00:15:30,320 --> 00:15:34,440
Speaker 3: like I'm butting up against. And it's not necessarily like

289
00:15:35,560 --> 00:15:38,720
Speaker 3: only people pleasing, it's like pleasing others and also finding

290
00:15:38,760 --> 00:15:42,000
Speaker 3: a way to please myself. Oh and I find that

291
00:15:42,120 --> 00:15:46,360
Speaker 3: like for me, Humor really does that for me?

292
00:15:46,680 --> 00:15:50,000
Speaker 1: Yeah, Like humor is my way of like being able

293
00:15:50,040 --> 00:15:54,480
Speaker 1: to Like someone at work the other day said something

294
00:15:54,560 --> 00:15:57,040
Speaker 1: like kind of on the cusp of like uh.

295
00:15:56,960 --> 00:15:59,480
Speaker 3: Oh hr, you know, like it was a little.

296
00:15:59,200 --> 00:16:02,320
Speaker 1: Like right on the cuss right, And it was kind

297
00:16:02,360 --> 00:16:04,360
Speaker 1: of in a big group, and I was standing there

298
00:16:04,400 --> 00:16:06,640
Speaker 1: while they said it, and I was like, I stood

299
00:16:06,680 --> 00:16:08,680
Speaker 1: up from my chair and I looked at everyone. I

300
00:16:08,720 --> 00:16:13,240
Speaker 1: was like, I recused myself from this conversation, and like

301
00:16:13,240 --> 00:16:14,600
Speaker 1: like I walked away.

302
00:16:15,400 --> 00:16:18,040
Speaker 3: And I could hear them all laughing behind me, and

303
00:16:18,080 --> 00:16:18,600
Speaker 3: I was like.

304
00:16:18,560 --> 00:16:21,440
Speaker 1: I'm going to crafty. I made like a bit out

305
00:16:21,440 --> 00:16:25,240
Speaker 1: of it. And to me, that felt like my way

306
00:16:25,320 --> 00:16:27,840
Speaker 1: of saying, you know, I didn't have to stand up

307
00:16:27,840 --> 00:16:31,040
Speaker 1: and be like, this is an unfortunate conversation, you know,

308
00:16:31,080 --> 00:16:33,320
Speaker 1: because it was like it wasn't like someone.

309
00:16:33,440 --> 00:16:38,280
Speaker 3: You know, made a racial slur. You know, that's something

310
00:16:38,280 --> 00:16:39,800
Speaker 3: that I'm never going to stand for.

311
00:16:39,920 --> 00:16:40,880
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

312
00:16:41,120 --> 00:16:43,880
Speaker 3: But it was a moment that was like right on

313
00:16:43,960 --> 00:16:48,960
Speaker 3: the edge of comfortability, and instead of making a I

314
00:16:49,120 --> 00:16:53,520
Speaker 3: made it so that everyone got to escape. I made

315
00:16:53,520 --> 00:16:56,840
Speaker 3: it so like and it's but that is also my

316
00:16:57,200 --> 00:17:00,600
Speaker 3: people pleasing. Like I made sure everybody he was okay

317
00:17:00,640 --> 00:17:03,160
Speaker 3: with it, you know, so like sometimes that's okay, and

318
00:17:03,240 --> 00:17:05,040
Speaker 3: sometimes I do need to just walk away and not

319
00:17:05,080 --> 00:17:07,840
Speaker 3: make a joke. I just have to keep finding when

320
00:17:07,880 --> 00:17:10,800
Speaker 3: those moments are. I don't always know, but in that moment,

321
00:17:12,119 --> 00:17:14,240
Speaker 3: that's where improv I think is like such a nice

322
00:17:14,640 --> 00:17:17,280
Speaker 3: like it's really helped me in the last ten years

323
00:17:17,320 --> 00:17:19,280
Speaker 3: of like being around you guys and all of you

324
00:17:19,320 --> 00:17:21,120
Speaker 3: all being brave to improvise, Like.

325
00:17:21,640 --> 00:17:27,240
Speaker 1: Yeah, I improved. I was like, I mean, I can't

326
00:17:27,280 --> 00:17:29,760
Speaker 1: tell you how satisfying it was to like walk away

327
00:17:30,240 --> 00:17:33,119
Speaker 1: and also hear people laughing behind me. Oh my god,

328
00:17:33,440 --> 00:17:35,200
Speaker 1: Oh my god, I knew I took the air out

329
00:17:35,240 --> 00:17:39,120
Speaker 1: of it. Yes, and you and you in a fun

330
00:17:39,160 --> 00:17:44,199
Speaker 1: and light way, you established a boundary, you know, like

331
00:17:44,320 --> 00:17:46,000
Speaker 1: you said, I'm not going to be here for this.

332
00:17:46,080 --> 00:17:48,359
Speaker 1: I'm not going to be here for this, and you

333
00:17:48,400 --> 00:17:52,080
Speaker 1: gave everyone else permission to do this, to go away

334
00:17:52,119 --> 00:17:55,000
Speaker 1: to Also, yeah, I mean it's so clever and it's

335
00:17:55,040 --> 00:17:57,480
Speaker 1: so smart, and I think that that oh, thank you,

336
00:17:57,960 --> 00:18:01,119
Speaker 1: It truly is. I'm like, feel free to use that,

337
00:18:01,160 --> 00:18:04,880
Speaker 1: you guys. Yeah, feel free. I am back pocketing that

338
00:18:05,359 --> 00:18:10,040
Speaker 1: exactly myself. I recuse myself. I'm going to crafty from

339
00:18:10,080 --> 00:18:12,160
Speaker 1: those conversations. Yeah, man.

340
00:18:12,359 --> 00:18:16,359
Speaker 3: And it's just like sometimes like but also here's the

341
00:18:16,400 --> 00:18:20,880
Speaker 3: other thing, Like I grew up in a really volatile household.

342
00:18:20,920 --> 00:18:23,960
Speaker 3: I've mentioned that before, but like, yeah, being around my

343
00:18:24,000 --> 00:18:26,320
Speaker 3: parents a lot of times was like walking on eggshells.

344
00:18:26,320 --> 00:18:29,120
Speaker 1: So for me, I am like.

345
00:18:30,160 --> 00:18:33,240
Speaker 3: That's my people pleasing thing. And it sounds like that's

346
00:18:33,440 --> 00:18:39,040
Speaker 3: ah Wei's problem too, like Henry, and it's like you

347
00:18:39,119 --> 00:18:43,640
Speaker 3: struggle with those toxic relationships because it makes it hard

348
00:18:43,640 --> 00:18:45,560
Speaker 3: for you to walk away, makes it hard for you

349
00:18:45,600 --> 00:18:48,240
Speaker 3: to end your people pleasing because like you, they're with

350
00:18:48,320 --> 00:18:51,040
Speaker 3: friends and family, and like a lot of times you

351
00:18:51,160 --> 00:18:54,960
Speaker 3: look at your most loved relationships, your parents or your

352
00:18:54,960 --> 00:18:57,720
Speaker 3: friends or family, and you go like, well, I don't

353
00:18:57,760 --> 00:19:00,719
Speaker 3: want I don't want to make them upset, So like

354
00:19:00,880 --> 00:19:04,320
Speaker 3: I'm just gonna do whatever it takes to like keep

355
00:19:04,359 --> 00:19:06,720
Speaker 3: the status quo keep and then you feel like shit

356
00:19:06,840 --> 00:19:07,600
Speaker 3: on the inside.

357
00:19:07,880 --> 00:19:12,520
Speaker 1: Yeah, yep, And I would also, uh you know, I'm

358
00:19:12,560 --> 00:19:15,800
Speaker 1: also thinking about as we talk about like boundaries and

359
00:19:15,880 --> 00:19:22,080
Speaker 1: speaking up is like the ability to say no ooh,

360
00:19:22,440 --> 00:19:26,600
Speaker 1: oh my god. It has been a journey for me.

361
00:19:27,760 --> 00:19:29,640
Speaker 1: I mean I think it comes some of it comes

362
00:19:29,680 --> 00:19:32,359
Speaker 1: with like I don't know if it's the same for

363
00:19:32,400 --> 00:19:35,359
Speaker 1: the youth now, but it certainly has come with age.

364
00:19:35,440 --> 00:19:38,040
Speaker 1: For me like, yep, maybe it's different for the children

365
00:19:38,080 --> 00:19:40,000
Speaker 1: that have TikTok and are listening to other people be

366
00:19:40,040 --> 00:19:42,000
Speaker 1: like it's okay to say no. Yeah. I did not

367
00:19:42,000 --> 00:19:44,239
Speaker 1: grow up hearing that. No one ever told us it

368
00:19:44,280 --> 00:19:46,600
Speaker 1: was okay to say no. It was like, why are

369
00:19:46,760 --> 00:19:50,560
Speaker 1: you saying yes? Like, you know, you say yes to everything.

370
00:19:50,640 --> 00:19:54,480
Speaker 1: You say yes to every invite, every opportunity, everything.

371
00:19:54,080 --> 00:19:56,280
Speaker 3: You eat this, you wear this, you watch this.

372
00:19:59,320 --> 00:19:59,520
Speaker 1: More?

373
00:20:00,080 --> 00:20:00,280
Speaker 4: Yeah?

374
00:20:05,480 --> 00:20:08,120
Speaker 1: Yeah, do you remember the early days of Brooklyn when

375
00:20:08,200 --> 00:20:12,320
Speaker 1: we said yes every single thing? We were asked to

376
00:20:12,400 --> 00:20:18,160
Speaker 1: do every every pr thing, every pr thing, every everything

377
00:20:18,520 --> 00:20:22,560
Speaker 1: and look everything. While as as newer actresses on a

378
00:20:22,600 --> 00:20:26,400
Speaker 1: newer show, probably a lot of that was valid maybe

379
00:20:26,440 --> 00:20:30,119
Speaker 1: for us to do, but we didn't have maybe every

380
00:20:30,280 --> 00:20:35,200
Speaker 1: single thing like it would have been fine looking back,

381
00:20:35,240 --> 00:20:37,200
Speaker 1: like it would have been fine to either like.

382
00:20:37,359 --> 00:20:39,479
Speaker 3: It would have been fine even to just like, you know,

383
00:20:39,640 --> 00:20:43,720
Speaker 3: make an excuse like a little a little white.

384
00:20:43,880 --> 00:20:46,080
Speaker 1: You know. Sometimes I even tell my kids, like if

385
00:20:46,119 --> 00:20:50,320
Speaker 1: you tell like, my son is eight now, and so

386
00:20:50,640 --> 00:20:54,359
Speaker 1: he's he's and he's very conscious to like other people's feelings,

387
00:20:55,040 --> 00:20:58,240
Speaker 1: and I forget what the like specific thing was, but

388
00:20:58,280 --> 00:21:00,280
Speaker 1: I told him, I said, look, lying is not okay.

389
00:21:00,359 --> 00:21:02,800
Speaker 1: You should never lie. Yeah, but I explained to him

390
00:21:02,800 --> 00:21:04,840
Speaker 1: what like a little white lie is, And I said, like,

391
00:21:04,920 --> 00:21:08,920
Speaker 1: a little white lie to protect someone's feelings is okay

392
00:21:09,160 --> 00:21:12,960
Speaker 1: once in a while, Like that's different, you know. And

393
00:21:13,040 --> 00:21:15,159
Speaker 1: I'm like, and that's okay, Like you have to know

394
00:21:15,200 --> 00:21:17,280
Speaker 1: the nuance of it, you know, and don't use it

395
00:21:17,280 --> 00:21:20,159
Speaker 1: all the time. It's yeah, it's all black and white.

396
00:21:20,320 --> 00:21:24,800
Speaker 1: And like, sometimes it takes a little white lie. I'm busy,

397
00:21:25,040 --> 00:21:29,000
Speaker 1: I'm sick whatever, I have a wedding that day. I

398
00:21:29,080 --> 00:21:33,719
Speaker 1: just don't have time. And sometimes it starts like that

399
00:21:33,920 --> 00:21:36,560
Speaker 1: and you get more and more empowered. I feel like

400
00:21:36,640 --> 00:21:39,320
Speaker 1: that's how it started for me, was like maybe making

401
00:21:39,359 --> 00:21:43,120
Speaker 1: excuses till I got to the point where I was like, no,

402
00:21:43,920 --> 00:21:46,480
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, but no, I'm sorry. No, it's a path, yeah,

403
00:21:46,600 --> 00:21:49,200
Speaker 1: like I'm sorry, but no. Yeah.

404
00:21:49,720 --> 00:21:49,920
Speaker 3: Yeah.

405
00:21:50,160 --> 00:21:51,960
Speaker 1: And then in the first few times you say no,

406
00:21:52,880 --> 00:21:56,280
Speaker 1: and especially when people are like okay, like thanks for considering,

407
00:21:56,359 --> 00:21:59,000
Speaker 1: you know, and they're totally cool with it and they

408
00:21:59,000 --> 00:22:01,080
Speaker 1: respect it, and you're just like, oh my god, oh my,

409
00:22:01,200 --> 00:22:03,280
Speaker 1: could I have said no this whole time? How many

410
00:22:03,280 --> 00:22:04,520
Speaker 1: other things could I have said no?

411
00:22:04,640 --> 00:22:07,199
Speaker 3: About? This?

412
00:22:07,240 --> 00:22:09,639
Speaker 1: Feels amazing. I remember the first few times I just

413
00:22:09,720 --> 00:22:14,080
Speaker 1: flat out said no to something and it felt amazing, amazing.

414
00:22:14,160 --> 00:22:17,480
Speaker 1: I felt I got so much power back. I was like,

415
00:22:17,520 --> 00:22:19,159
Speaker 1: oh my god, is this a secret? Is this a

416
00:22:19,200 --> 00:22:21,959
Speaker 1: secret to like healing my any type of people pleasing

417
00:22:22,080 --> 00:22:24,640
Speaker 1: is like is this? It is this? It practice saying no,

418
00:22:25,440 --> 00:22:28,040
Speaker 1: you know? And like, also, what what that does is

419
00:22:28,080 --> 00:22:32,120
Speaker 1: like it starts to show you who reacts like that,

420
00:22:32,680 --> 00:22:37,200
Speaker 1: who says and then it also shows you who goes well,

421
00:22:37,359 --> 00:22:40,160
Speaker 1: I did all these things for you.

422
00:22:40,720 --> 00:22:44,439
Speaker 3: I did this for you. Like who in your life

423
00:22:44,760 --> 00:22:45,639
Speaker 3: starts to guilt you?

424
00:22:45,720 --> 00:22:47,959
Speaker 1: Who in your life starts to guilt you make you

425
00:22:48,040 --> 00:22:53,159
Speaker 1: feel bad for taking your space and for saying no,

426
00:22:53,440 --> 00:22:55,679
Speaker 1: or for putting up boundaries or saying I don't like that,

427
00:22:55,960 --> 00:22:59,000
Speaker 1: or for saying I'm not going to do that. My husband,

428
00:22:59,359 --> 00:23:04,840
Speaker 1: we have a friend who has that tendency sometimes to

429
00:23:05,440 --> 00:23:07,880
Speaker 1: be like, well, I did this for you. He doesn't

430
00:23:07,880 --> 00:23:09,119
Speaker 1: do it anymore. You used to do it like a

431
00:23:09,119 --> 00:23:12,040
Speaker 1: lot more when we were younger, and my husband had

432
00:23:12,040 --> 00:23:14,439
Speaker 1: the best response to him one time I thought was

433
00:23:14,480 --> 00:23:19,399
Speaker 1: so wise. He said, I love you, and I am

434
00:23:19,440 --> 00:23:21,840
Speaker 1: your friend, and all of the things that I do

435
00:23:22,040 --> 00:23:25,080
Speaker 1: for you I do not ever expect any of them

436
00:23:25,119 --> 00:23:30,120
Speaker 1: in return. I do not ever expect you to do

437
00:23:30,200 --> 00:23:32,439
Speaker 1: certain things because I did it for you, Like I

438
00:23:32,560 --> 00:23:35,200
Speaker 1: just do it because I love you and that's it, yes,

439
00:23:36,080 --> 00:23:38,439
Speaker 1: and you cannot ask that of me. And it was

440
00:23:38,480 --> 00:23:41,800
Speaker 1: such a clear boundary, but it was also fucking true.

441
00:23:42,200 --> 00:23:45,000
Speaker 1: Like he was like, I will pick up the phone

442
00:23:45,119 --> 00:23:46,840
Speaker 1: in the middle of the night, I will get on

443
00:23:46,920 --> 00:23:50,320
Speaker 1: a plane for you, I will do whatever. But if

444
00:23:50,359 --> 00:23:53,240
Speaker 1: you don't pick up the phone, I am not going

445
00:23:53,320 --> 00:23:54,840
Speaker 1: to be hurt by that. I'm not going to think

446
00:23:54,880 --> 00:23:57,200
Speaker 1: that you're less of a friend. I'm not going to

447
00:23:57,280 --> 00:24:02,560
Speaker 1: think anything. Yeah, but it was like, you know, he

448
00:24:02,600 --> 00:24:06,280
Speaker 1: would ask us to like drive somewhere far and we

449
00:24:06,320 --> 00:24:08,399
Speaker 1: had the kid, and we'd be like, no, man, we can't,

450
00:24:08,440 --> 00:24:09,920
Speaker 1: Like we love you, but like we're not going to

451
00:24:09,960 --> 00:24:13,720
Speaker 1: fucking drive an hour to go like do this thing whatever,

452
00:24:13,880 --> 00:24:18,040
Speaker 1: you know, and like then sometimes getting offended and it

453
00:24:18,119 --> 00:24:20,320
Speaker 1: was just like, well we were just doesn't mean we

454
00:24:20,359 --> 00:24:23,760
Speaker 1: love you less. Like it's just we just have a

455
00:24:23,840 --> 00:24:26,159
Speaker 1: life and can't see you and we can't see you, right,

456
00:24:26,160 --> 00:24:28,840
Speaker 1: I can't do that. Just like this measuring it can't

457
00:24:28,880 --> 00:24:30,320
Speaker 1: be it's not a Tit for tat you know what

458
00:24:30,400 --> 00:24:33,840
Speaker 1: I mean, Like, that's not what friendship is. And I

459
00:24:33,840 --> 00:24:35,080
Speaker 1: thought that that was so wise.

460
00:24:35,560 --> 00:24:39,399
Speaker 3: I remember an old friend that's no longer a friend.

461
00:24:39,960 --> 00:24:45,000
Speaker 3: I remember her getting so upset with me because I

462
00:24:45,040 --> 00:24:50,040
Speaker 3: didn't buy her a good enough birthday present. And instead

463
00:24:50,040 --> 00:24:53,879
Speaker 3: of seeing that that was a totally terrible red flag

464
00:24:54,600 --> 00:24:55,840
Speaker 3: for the next like thing.

465
00:24:55,880 --> 00:24:57,560
Speaker 1: I think it was like Christmas or something. I bought

466
00:24:57,560 --> 00:25:02,240
Speaker 1: her a leather jacket. Oh well, see that's easy kind

467
00:25:02,280 --> 00:25:06,600
Speaker 1: of yeah. It was very people pleasey. It was very like, oh,

468
00:25:06,640 --> 00:25:09,200
Speaker 1: I have to show her that I like, really care

469
00:25:09,240 --> 00:25:10,560
Speaker 1: about her because I didn't.

470
00:25:10,320 --> 00:25:12,480
Speaker 3: Buy her a good enough present. Meanwhile, like, you know,

471
00:25:12,640 --> 00:25:16,400
Speaker 3: cut to ten years later and I'm like, what, like.

472
00:25:16,760 --> 00:25:19,520
Speaker 1: Yeah, I can't believe I did that, you know, like

473
00:25:19,600 --> 00:25:22,520
Speaker 1: I can't believe I did that. And the thing is,

474
00:25:22,600 --> 00:25:26,000
Speaker 1: and it sounds like, Henri, we're just gonna say his

475
00:25:26,040 --> 00:25:31,880
Speaker 1: name different ways every time. Oh, we're so sorry, we're

476
00:25:31,920 --> 00:25:33,600
Speaker 1: not making fun of your name. We're not so sorry,

477
00:25:33,640 --> 00:25:37,720
Speaker 1: We're so sorry. It sounds like because h mentioned like

478
00:25:37,840 --> 00:25:41,679
Speaker 1: toxic relationships. And while I will say, is if that

479
00:25:41,880 --> 00:25:46,720
Speaker 1: story that Stephanie just told resonates with you, I think

480
00:25:46,760 --> 00:25:48,840
Speaker 1: the other part of that. That's hard to see when

481
00:25:48,840 --> 00:25:51,479
Speaker 1: you're in those relationships because it can be really scary

482
00:25:51,560 --> 00:25:56,399
Speaker 1: to end friendships because you're afraid of being alone or

483
00:25:56,440 --> 00:26:00,000
Speaker 1: lonely or not having that support system. But also while

484
00:26:00,119 --> 00:26:04,240
Speaker 1: you stay in those relationships, there's no room for new ones,

485
00:26:04,800 --> 00:26:06,840
Speaker 1: Like there's no and there's no room for you to grow,

486
00:26:06,920 --> 00:26:09,479
Speaker 1: there's no room for you to grow, and like it

487
00:26:09,560 --> 00:26:13,320
Speaker 1: is scary to end them. But in that process and

488
00:26:13,480 --> 00:26:16,080
Speaker 1: you eventually make room for new friends that are actually

489
00:26:16,160 --> 00:26:18,440
Speaker 1: good to you and that are like the people you're

490
00:26:18,560 --> 00:26:21,119
Speaker 1: that are you're supposed to be around and that you know,

491
00:26:21,320 --> 00:26:23,919
Speaker 1: and you can actually have a real chance of finding

492
00:26:23,920 --> 00:26:29,280
Speaker 1: your community. And so I think, you know, you have

493
00:26:29,320 --> 00:26:31,000
Speaker 1: to have a bit of like hope and faith in

494
00:26:31,040 --> 00:26:34,440
Speaker 1: that and like you know, like we talked about in

495
00:26:34,440 --> 00:26:36,960
Speaker 1: that other episode, go on awkward friend dates, but like

496
00:26:38,119 --> 00:26:40,440
Speaker 1: you know, but then you really have the chance to

497
00:26:40,520 --> 00:26:44,680
Speaker 1: like find your people. Cause yeah, it's true, man, It's

498
00:26:44,720 --> 00:26:48,240
Speaker 1: like those responses when you put up a boundary tell

499
00:26:48,280 --> 00:26:50,600
Speaker 1: you so much more about that person than yourself.

500
00:26:50,960 --> 00:27:01,680
Speaker 4: I mean, I want to.

501
00:27:01,640 --> 00:27:06,720
Speaker 1: Read this is from Buzzweed. Okay, these are quotes that

502
00:27:06,800 --> 00:27:10,320
Speaker 1: isis our producer found from twenty one former people pleasers

503
00:27:10,320 --> 00:27:12,359
Speaker 1: are sharing the dumbest things I've ever done for someone,

504
00:27:12,400 --> 00:27:14,080
Speaker 1: and I just want I just want to go through

505
00:27:14,080 --> 00:27:16,280
Speaker 1: a couple of these. Oh my god, please the first one.

506
00:27:16,480 --> 00:27:18,960
Speaker 3: Then the night after I gave birth, I gave my

507
00:27:19,040 --> 00:27:22,640
Speaker 3: ex husband the hospital bed because he was complaining NonStop

508
00:27:22,680 --> 00:27:24,600
Speaker 3: about how uncomfortable he was in the chair.

509
00:27:24,720 --> 00:27:28,000
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, I'm sorry, ma'am what, I'm sorry? What? What?

510
00:27:29,600 --> 00:27:33,040
Speaker 1: And he took it like he slept in the bed.

511
00:27:33,320 --> 00:27:35,520
Speaker 3: You guys can't see us, but I'm making the Chick

512
00:27:35,600 --> 00:27:39,000
Speaker 3: fil A girl face the no Chick fil A sauce what?

513
00:27:40,400 --> 00:27:44,000
Speaker 1: Like, I can't believe it. That's not even people pleasing.

514
00:27:44,080 --> 00:27:47,480
Speaker 1: That's like, I am so happy that sentence says ex husband.

515
00:27:47,640 --> 00:27:50,000
Speaker 1: I am ex husband because if it said husband, I

516
00:27:50,040 --> 00:27:54,320
Speaker 1: would have a million following questions. Yeah. No, that's all.

517
00:27:54,359 --> 00:28:00,879
Speaker 1: That's horrible. That's that is horrible. Not okay, Oh okay,

518
00:28:01,119 --> 00:28:02,639
Speaker 1: I said that. I was. It was all right.

519
00:28:02,680 --> 00:28:04,959
Speaker 3: When my ex forgot about my birthday, I told him

520
00:28:05,080 --> 00:28:07,480
Speaker 3: I don't like my birthday anyway, so he'd feel less

521
00:28:07,480 --> 00:28:12,600
Speaker 3: guilty for forgetting. Oh that's so sad, that's so sad.

522
00:28:12,640 --> 00:28:14,320
Speaker 1: But you know, I feel like I did some version

523
00:28:14,359 --> 00:28:16,320
Speaker 1: of that when I was younger, like not maybe with

524
00:28:16,400 --> 00:28:20,600
Speaker 1: a birthday, but like an anniversary or something. When I

525
00:28:20,680 --> 00:28:22,640
Speaker 1: was young, just be like, oh, it's so big deal,

526
00:28:22,720 --> 00:28:25,600
Speaker 1: like who even cares? Like, but I obviously like I cared.

527
00:28:25,640 --> 00:28:27,480
Speaker 1: I was like, you couldn't buy a fucking In my head,

528
00:28:27,480 --> 00:28:29,200
Speaker 1: I'm like, you couldn't just like buy a card. You

529
00:28:29,200 --> 00:28:31,399
Speaker 1: couldn't just like put a reminder on your phone, Like

530
00:28:32,840 --> 00:28:35,040
Speaker 1: oh that. I feel like a lot of people would

531
00:28:35,040 --> 00:28:39,120
Speaker 1: relate to that one. But oh yes, yes, okay, listen

532
00:28:39,120 --> 00:28:41,800
Speaker 1: to this one. I took out a loan from my

533
00:28:41,840 --> 00:28:44,800
Speaker 1: boyfriend because I supported him in his business dreams. His

534
00:28:44,880 --> 00:28:46,960
Speaker 1: credit was awful, so he'd ask me to help him

535
00:28:47,080 --> 00:28:49,920
Speaker 1: and sign the papers, promising me he'd make all the payments.

536
00:28:50,440 --> 00:28:51,960
Speaker 1: You can imagine how that turned out.

537
00:28:52,280 --> 00:28:59,000
Speaker 3: Oh oh my god, that makes me so mad.

538
00:29:01,160 --> 00:29:02,600
Speaker 1: What that makes me so mad?

539
00:29:02,880 --> 00:29:03,240
Speaker 4: Dick?

540
00:29:05,560 --> 00:29:09,440
Speaker 1: So it makes me so mad. This is discussion money

541
00:29:09,440 --> 00:29:09,959
Speaker 1: and friends.

542
00:29:10,000 --> 00:29:14,400
Speaker 4: But oh yeah, okay.

543
00:29:13,400 --> 00:29:15,680
Speaker 1: Going to all of those Mary kay Avon and other

544
00:29:15,800 --> 00:29:17,800
Speaker 1: MLM parties, it was a huge waste of my time

545
00:29:17,800 --> 00:29:21,760
Speaker 1: and money just because I couldn't say no to the invitations. Okay.

546
00:29:21,840 --> 00:29:24,479
Speaker 1: I just remembered something when I used to teach workout

547
00:29:24,480 --> 00:29:27,680
Speaker 1: classes I first moved to LA there was another teacher

548
00:29:27,720 --> 00:29:32,080
Speaker 1: who was a workout like an instructor, and she was like, oh,

549
00:29:32,240 --> 00:29:34,160
Speaker 1: I would like I would love to meet some of

550
00:29:34,160 --> 00:29:37,240
Speaker 1: your friends and like we should do like a a

551
00:29:37,960 --> 00:29:39,640
Speaker 1: like don't you live in this neighborhood, like we should

552
00:29:39,640 --> 00:29:42,480
Speaker 1: buy some some girls from the studio, blah blah blah whatever.

553
00:29:44,000 --> 00:29:47,080
Speaker 1: She threw an MLM party at my house like I

554
00:29:47,160 --> 00:29:50,360
Speaker 1: thought we were doing. She showed up with some supers.

555
00:29:50,440 --> 00:29:51,600
Speaker 1: She showed up and.

556
00:29:51,720 --> 00:29:54,320
Speaker 3: With her total She was like, I'm gonna do a

557
00:29:54,360 --> 00:29:56,120
Speaker 3: hand scrub for everyone in the bathroom.

558
00:29:56,160 --> 00:29:58,720
Speaker 1: And I was like, what's going on? Like I didn't know, Like.

559
00:30:00,200 --> 00:30:02,760
Speaker 3: It was so embarrassing because I'd invited a bunch of

560
00:30:02,800 --> 00:30:06,080
Speaker 3: girls over to like I think it was like we were.

561
00:30:05,960 --> 00:30:08,400
Speaker 1: Doing like sushi night. We're like making sushi or something.

562
00:30:08,440 --> 00:30:10,720
Speaker 1: And then she came with, oh, it was so embarrassing.

563
00:30:10,800 --> 00:30:12,800
Speaker 3: I was like, I cannot believe I'm throwing an MLM

564
00:30:12,880 --> 00:30:16,040
Speaker 3: party right now, girl, mortifying.

565
00:30:16,120 --> 00:30:18,120
Speaker 1: I don't want to tell you to throw a party

566
00:30:18,200 --> 00:30:20,959
Speaker 1: at your house. Listen, I don't even want to admit this.

567
00:30:21,080 --> 00:30:22,760
Speaker 1: I don't want to tell you about all the Essential

568
00:30:22,760 --> 00:30:25,880
Speaker 1: oil I bought, and I feel like I did buy

569
00:30:25,920 --> 00:30:30,400
Speaker 1: Mary Kay in my twenties. And there was another one too,

570
00:30:31,080 --> 00:30:33,400
Speaker 1: and I did. I was in those. It was I

571
00:30:33,400 --> 00:30:36,240
Speaker 1: did the essential oils. It was always actor friend, you

572
00:30:36,280 --> 00:30:38,600
Speaker 1: know what I mean or like, and there was our differends,

573
00:30:39,320 --> 00:30:43,760
Speaker 1: and I was like, oils would change your life, and

574
00:30:43,800 --> 00:30:47,040
Speaker 1: you're like, oh, yeah, okay, and you'll do it. And

575
00:30:47,080 --> 00:30:49,440
Speaker 1: then my brain would go like, oh man, like I

576
00:30:49,480 --> 00:30:51,920
Speaker 1: respect the hustle man, like you know, this is a

577
00:30:51,960 --> 00:30:54,200
Speaker 1: tough job we have, and like I said no, But I.

578
00:30:54,200 --> 00:30:56,240
Speaker 3: Should have just said no because I didn't use that ship.

579
00:30:56,360 --> 00:30:58,040
Speaker 3: I should have said no, I didn't use it, use

580
00:30:58,080 --> 00:31:00,360
Speaker 3: that shit. And not only did I not use shit,

581
00:31:00,440 --> 00:31:03,960
Speaker 3: I forgot to cancel my subscription and spent so I

582
00:31:04,120 --> 00:31:04,840
Speaker 3: still have.

583
00:31:05,480 --> 00:31:07,320
Speaker 1: Still have a drawer Essential.

584
00:31:07,440 --> 00:31:10,880
Speaker 3: Oh i'll show it to you next time.

585
00:31:11,080 --> 00:31:12,800
Speaker 1: These are toils. I will say it was like a

586
00:31:12,840 --> 00:31:15,800
Speaker 1: little bit better because I did use those. I still

587
00:31:15,920 --> 00:31:20,440
Speaker 1: use them, I know. Like so on psychology today, Oh yes,

588
00:31:21,120 --> 00:31:23,640
Speaker 1: people people pleasing tests that you can take. So we're

589
00:31:23,680 --> 00:31:25,520
Speaker 1: gonna go through it really quick because there's only a

590
00:31:25,520 --> 00:31:27,640
Speaker 1: few questions. All right, Ready, here we go.

591
00:31:28,320 --> 00:31:30,880
Speaker 3: I try to meet the expectations.

592
00:31:30,080 --> 00:31:34,560
Speaker 1: Of others, I don't really like. I'm like, nahue, I

593
00:31:34,560 --> 00:31:39,520
Speaker 1: think I agree on that one. If I know someone

594
00:31:39,600 --> 00:31:42,400
Speaker 1: has an expectation of me, I'm just like gotta get

595
00:31:42,400 --> 00:31:47,320
Speaker 1: that a oh god, I agree with others just to

596
00:31:47,400 --> 00:31:51,120
Speaker 1: keep the peace medium, i'd say, like right in the middle. Yeah,

597
00:31:51,240 --> 00:31:56,720
Speaker 1: me too. I'm afraid to say no to people hard disagree. Yes, same,

598
00:31:57,000 --> 00:31:59,920
Speaker 1: because I am in my say no era of life.

599
00:32:00,080 --> 00:32:00,320
Speaker 1: They know.

600
00:32:01,440 --> 00:32:03,400
Speaker 3: I rarely share my opinions because I don't want to

601
00:32:03,440 --> 00:32:04,080
Speaker 3: upset anyone.

602
00:32:06,000 --> 00:32:09,880
Speaker 1: I don't think so I probably should share less opinions.

603
00:32:09,960 --> 00:32:13,160
Speaker 1: But unfortunately that one does not ring true for me.

604
00:32:15,280 --> 00:32:16,080
Speaker 1: Listen to this one.

605
00:32:16,400 --> 00:32:18,600
Speaker 3: I feel responsible for the happiness of the people in

606
00:32:18,600 --> 00:32:20,680
Speaker 3: my life. A hard agree for that one for me.

607
00:32:21,880 --> 00:32:27,640
Speaker 1: Oh god, that's heavy. That's heavy. That's heavy, especially when

608
00:32:27,640 --> 00:32:34,240
Speaker 1: you're a parent or you're caretaker or yeah. Like like yeah,

609
00:32:34,320 --> 00:32:38,640
Speaker 1: I catch myself sometimes like questioning if my happiness is

610
00:32:38,680 --> 00:32:41,800
Speaker 1: dependent on the happiness of my family.

611
00:32:42,440 --> 00:32:45,800
Speaker 3: Yeah, I just feel like responsible for it.

612
00:32:46,000 --> 00:32:49,440
Speaker 1: Like, yeah, I can feel happy, but I just feel

613
00:32:49,480 --> 00:32:51,960
Speaker 1: like they also, I need to make sure that they

614
00:32:52,000 --> 00:32:55,720
Speaker 1: are also happy. I gotta you know, yeah they Yeah,

615
00:32:56,120 --> 00:33:00,000
Speaker 1: standing up for myself can be hard. Yeah. Yeah, sometimes

616
00:33:00,000 --> 00:33:03,760
Speaker 1: I'm in the middle. Yeah. I need the validation of others.

617
00:33:05,920 --> 00:33:08,719
Speaker 1: I mean, we do a job. We're like the validation

618
00:33:09,040 --> 00:33:12,160
Speaker 1: is sort of dependent on me. Need this, we need

619
00:33:12,200 --> 00:33:16,280
Speaker 1: the clapping employment. Yeah, yeah, we literally need people to clap.

620
00:33:17,400 --> 00:33:19,800
Speaker 1: I'm going to go in the middle there because yes,

621
00:33:20,080 --> 00:33:22,880
Speaker 1: in job, but like no in other parts. Yeah, I

622
00:33:22,880 --> 00:33:25,840
Speaker 1: feel terrible when another person is unhappy with the decision

623
00:33:25,880 --> 00:33:28,640
Speaker 1: I've made. Sometimes yeah, I kind of feel bad, but like,

624
00:33:28,760 --> 00:33:34,040
Speaker 1: oh wow, yeah, I gotta protect my peace. Yeah.

625
00:33:34,920 --> 00:33:38,160
Speaker 3: I rarely disagree with others. I'd rather be like no.

626
00:33:39,360 --> 00:33:44,000
Speaker 1: Sorry, low key, low key at all, low key. I

627
00:33:44,080 --> 00:33:47,840
Speaker 1: love disagreeing with people. I know you do, I know

628
00:33:47,920 --> 00:33:49,400
Speaker 1: you do. Okay.

629
00:33:49,520 --> 00:33:51,760
Speaker 3: I often seek reassurance from others.

630
00:33:51,920 --> 00:33:56,920
Speaker 1: Ooh wow, oh burn right here at the end, Wow,

631
00:33:57,520 --> 00:34:01,720
Speaker 1: yeah I do, I do? I do? Okay. Last question.

632
00:34:02,840 --> 00:34:08,080
Speaker 3: I rarely take on responsibilities that are not mine. Oh

633
00:34:08,600 --> 00:34:09,799
Speaker 3: let me read that again, because I had a frog

634
00:34:09,800 --> 00:34:10,239
Speaker 3: in my throat?

635
00:34:12,920 --> 00:34:19,400
Speaker 1: Is the frog? Okay? How's the frog? Okay? Geez I

636
00:34:19,400 --> 00:34:23,960
Speaker 1: I feel like I do do that again. So I'm

637
00:34:23,960 --> 00:34:26,480
Speaker 1: gonna because yeah.

638
00:34:26,239 --> 00:34:30,239
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's hard, I'm going to like soft to disagree,

639
00:34:30,360 --> 00:34:33,479
Speaker 3: Like sometimes I do things that I shouldn't be doing. Yeah,

640
00:34:34,120 --> 00:34:36,920
Speaker 3: so we're in the middle. We're like really square in

641
00:34:36,920 --> 00:34:39,040
Speaker 3: the middle. We got a score of fifty four, okay

642
00:34:39,480 --> 00:34:41,800
Speaker 3: out of one hundred. We are right in the middle.

643
00:34:41,960 --> 00:34:44,520
Speaker 3: You have some tendency to please others. You're not entirely

644
00:34:44,560 --> 00:34:46,600
Speaker 3: secure within yourself. You may hold back from some of

645
00:34:46,600 --> 00:34:49,680
Speaker 3: your opinions, and at times you treated like a doormat.

646
00:34:49,719 --> 00:34:53,080
Speaker 3: How dare you psychology today? You may want to strengthen

647
00:34:53,080 --> 00:34:56,759
Speaker 3: your self worth and insecurity. Well obviously, obviously, Okay.

648
00:34:57,000 --> 00:35:00,400
Speaker 1: Here's the thing, though, we all have like those tendency.

649
00:35:00,280 --> 00:35:01,000
Speaker 2: Do you know what I mean?

650
00:35:01,239 --> 00:35:05,160
Speaker 1: Like we're fucking human trying our best. If we didn't

651
00:35:05,200 --> 00:35:07,279
Speaker 1: have any of those tendencies, I don't know, we'd be

652
00:35:07,320 --> 00:35:11,200
Speaker 1: like a fucking monk somewhere, like living some peaceful lass life,

653
00:35:11,320 --> 00:35:13,960
Speaker 1: or like we never would have been around anyone when

654
00:35:13,960 --> 00:35:17,319
Speaker 1: we were children, because like the first thing you were saying, like,

655
00:35:17,560 --> 00:35:18,040
Speaker 1: I don't know.

656
00:35:18,080 --> 00:35:20,279
Speaker 3: As a child, the people pleaser may have had to

657
00:35:20,320 --> 00:35:24,280
Speaker 3: earn love from an emotionally unavailable, inconsistent parent, or perhaps

658
00:35:24,320 --> 00:35:26,360
Speaker 3: the love they received with conditional.

659
00:35:26,400 --> 00:35:27,799
Speaker 1: Hello, I'm in my hand.

660
00:35:29,560 --> 00:35:31,480
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's real. It's really hard.

661
00:35:31,640 --> 00:35:33,200
Speaker 1: So like the other thing I was going to say

662
00:35:33,280 --> 00:35:36,640
Speaker 1: is like call yourself some slack, Like even saying no

663
00:35:37,280 --> 00:35:39,520
Speaker 1: a little bit is a big win if you have

664
00:35:39,600 --> 00:35:43,640
Speaker 1: a big, big problem with this, yeah, really really hard. Well,

665
00:35:43,719 --> 00:35:45,319
Speaker 1: And the other thing I want to point out too,

666
00:35:45,680 --> 00:35:48,080
Speaker 1: is like if you don't get better at getting out

667
00:35:48,120 --> 00:35:51,360
Speaker 1: of these toxic relationships and like being better about saying no,

668
00:35:51,680 --> 00:35:56,399
Speaker 1: establishing boundaries, Like there was a Harvard trained psychologist that

669
00:35:56,680 --> 00:36:01,680
Speaker 1: found burnout is much higher with people pleasers. They're at

670
00:36:01,680 --> 00:36:06,719
Speaker 1: a much higher risk of burnout. Unsurprising. Yeah, because you're

671
00:36:06,760 --> 00:36:10,120
Speaker 1: just giving, giving, giving, giving, giving, all the time, and

672
00:36:10,880 --> 00:36:14,080
Speaker 1: you know you gotta put that little mask on first, right,

673
00:36:14,200 --> 00:36:16,319
Speaker 1: like they tell you on the airplane, put your mask

674
00:36:16,400 --> 00:36:20,719
Speaker 1: on first before assisting others. Like, yeah, it's that thing,

675
00:36:21,080 --> 00:36:23,680
Speaker 1: it's that thing. Yeah, you have to, like otherwise you

676
00:36:23,760 --> 00:36:26,080
Speaker 1: gonna pass out, honey. Otherwise you're gonna pass out and

677
00:36:26,120 --> 00:36:28,160
Speaker 1: you're not gonna help anyone. You're not gonna be any

678
00:36:28,200 --> 00:36:30,120
Speaker 1: good to anyone at all.

679
00:36:30,400 --> 00:36:32,360
Speaker 3: We'll just be on the floor in a death drop.

680
00:36:32,719 --> 00:36:35,839
Speaker 1: Yeah out. Yeah, everyone around you're dead because you didn't

681
00:36:35,880 --> 00:36:38,880
Speaker 1: put your fucking mask on first. Yeah, and you couldn't

682
00:36:38,880 --> 00:36:44,000
Speaker 1: help anybody. Oh No, you're people pleasing you're people and

683
00:36:44,280 --> 00:36:45,400
Speaker 1: everybody else.

684
00:36:51,560 --> 00:36:52,320
Speaker 4: More better?

685
00:36:54,960 --> 00:36:55,520
Speaker 1: That was good.

686
00:36:55,600 --> 00:36:58,279
Speaker 3: I feel I do actually feel a little more better

687
00:36:58,320 --> 00:37:00,880
Speaker 3: about like my own people pleasing.

688
00:37:01,280 --> 00:37:03,799
Speaker 1: So I think that was a really good question. Yeah.

689
00:37:03,880 --> 00:37:05,840
Speaker 1: I do do it a lot, but it's okay. But

690
00:37:05,880 --> 00:37:08,239
Speaker 1: it's okay. I think I think the times that we

691
00:37:08,400 --> 00:37:13,520
Speaker 1: do it and and you know, and the volume which

692
00:37:13,560 --> 00:37:16,719
Speaker 1: we do it is acceptable and it's something that we

693
00:37:16,760 --> 00:37:18,960
Speaker 1: can definitely, you know, try to be more better at,

694
00:37:19,080 --> 00:37:21,800
Speaker 1: but like, yeah, and be aware of That's why I

695
00:37:22,120 --> 00:37:24,800
Speaker 1: really liked this question from on.

696
00:37:26,600 --> 00:37:29,160
Speaker 3: Yeah, Am I doing that to be helpful?

697
00:37:29,200 --> 00:37:31,120
Speaker 1: Am I doing that to be Is it? Is it

698
00:37:31,160 --> 00:37:32,920
Speaker 1: for me? Or is it for somebody else? I think

699
00:37:32,920 --> 00:37:35,080
Speaker 1: maybe that's the that's the core question, right. Am I

700
00:37:35,120 --> 00:37:37,399
Speaker 1: doing this because I really want to? That's it? If

701
00:37:37,400 --> 00:37:39,960
Speaker 1: I don't really want to nail it, maybe I can

702
00:37:39,960 --> 00:37:41,719
Speaker 1: give myself permission to not do it. Yeah.

703
00:37:41,960 --> 00:37:43,440
Speaker 3: Yeah, Oh that was great.

704
00:37:43,480 --> 00:37:47,160
Speaker 1: That was great. That was great, great question. Yeah, okay,

705
00:37:47,480 --> 00:37:49,600
Speaker 1: thanks guys, see you next week.

706
00:37:49,760 --> 00:37:53,440
Speaker 2: Bye bye, more better.

707
00:37:53,960 --> 00:37:55,879
Speaker 1: Dude, you have something you'd like to be more better

708
00:37:55,880 --> 00:37:57,200
Speaker 1: at that you want us to talk about in a

709
00:37:57,239 --> 00:37:59,880
Speaker 1: future episodes. Can you relate to our struggles or have

710
00:38:00,080 --> 00:38:02,239
Speaker 1: you tried one of our tips and tricks. Shoot us

711
00:38:02,239 --> 00:38:05,439
Speaker 1: your thoughts and ideas at Morebetter pod at gmail dot

712
00:38:05,480 --> 00:38:07,920
Speaker 1: com and conclude a voice note if you want to

713
00:38:07,920 --> 00:38:10,960
Speaker 1: be featured on the pod. Ooh, More Better with Stephanie

714
00:38:10,960 --> 00:38:15,880
Speaker 1: Melissa is a production from Wvsound and iHeartMedia's Mikutura podcast network,

715
00:38:16,160 --> 00:38:19,399
Speaker 1: hosted by me, Steffie Beatriz, and Melissa Fumero. More Better

716
00:38:19,480 --> 00:38:23,280
Speaker 1: is produced by Isis Madrid, Leo Clem, and Sophie Spencer Zebos.

717
00:38:23,360 --> 00:38:27,600
Speaker 1: Our executive producers are Wilmer Valderrama and Leo Clem at wvsound.

718
00:38:27,920 --> 00:38:31,080
Speaker 1: This episode was edited by Isis Madrid and engineered by

719
00:38:31,080 --> 00:38:34,520
Speaker 1: Sean Tracy and features original music by Madison Davenport and

720
00:38:34,560 --> 00:38:37,120
Speaker 1: Heylo Boy. Our cover art is by Vincent Remis and

721
00:38:37,160 --> 00:38:41,000
Speaker 1: photography by David Avalos. For more podcasts from iHeart, visit

722
00:38:41,080 --> 00:38:43,960
Speaker 1: the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcast, or wherever you listen to

723
00:38:44,040 --> 00:38:47,799
Speaker 1: your favorite shows. See you next week, Suga bye,