Speaker 1: Where sometimes I think we're in a space where we're
Speaker 1: chasing the relationship to fill our cut.
Speaker 2: People can feel when you are putting on them this
Speaker 2: sort of expectation or this yearning, this wanting for something
Speaker 2: rather than you know, two people just being around each
Speaker 2: other and be like you know I was, I told
Speaker 2: my therapist, I was like, I don't know that I'll
Speaker 2: ever have someone here that I don't want to leave,
Speaker 2: like my house, Like I want people to leave my house.
Speaker 1: You know. You know what we do here destroy shame
Speaker 1: around sex by talking about sex.
Speaker 3: Now let me tell you something messy.
Speaker 1: Hello, wait, okay, before we really get into the show show,
Speaker 1: I wanted to say one, I'm just so grateful that
Speaker 1: you're here and every week new people show up and
Speaker 1: it just means the world to me that you are
Speaker 1: vibing what we're doing here. And so I just need
Speaker 1: your help because we want to continue to grow our community.
Speaker 1: So if you can do me a favorite and rate
Speaker 1: review and subscribe to the podcast, it really helps us
Speaker 1: beat the motherfucking algorithm ogay and get the show to
Speaker 1: more people.
Speaker 3: Get into their ears and your reviews.
Speaker 1: They don't have to be like a long essay you
Speaker 1: could just write like, oh, I love the show, Brandon
Speaker 1: is the best sexist fun whatever it is.
Speaker 3: But it really really does help.
Speaker 1: And I also, you know, y'all, y'all have been sending
Speaker 1: me messages telling me that you've been sharing the pod
Speaker 1: with your friends. Somebody said they shared the Caramo episode
Speaker 1: one of their straight guy friends.
Speaker 3: And that's motherfucking right period.
Speaker 1: Okay, because they will try and make you think this
Speaker 1: show is just for the queers and the ladies, but honey,
Speaker 1: it's for everybody. And we know, we know some of
Speaker 1: these straight men can use these conversations. Okay, then they
Speaker 1: can stand to learn a little bit about the mess.
Speaker 1: All right, so that really helps rate, review, subscribe, and
Speaker 1: share this podcast with anyone you think good vibe. All right,
Speaker 1: thank you so much for being here. All right, now,
Speaker 1: let's really get into the show.
Speaker 2: Show.
Speaker 1: I have a gym crush, well, I have a new
Speaker 1: gym crush. I mean I always have a Jim crush.
Speaker 1: My roster y I have. I have a roster of
Speaker 1: Jim crushes.
Speaker 3: It is ninety five.
Speaker 1: For some of the reason I go to the gym
Speaker 1: is to see my crushes, to check up on them,
Speaker 1: make sure they do it.
Speaker 3: Okay, make sure that our relationship is intact. You know
Speaker 3: what I'm saying. But the last time I talked to
Speaker 3: you all about a Jim crush was a while. I
Speaker 3: don't know if I talked.
Speaker 1: About it on here, but definitely on Instagram, because it
Speaker 1: was like this past summer where my Jim crush, who
Speaker 1: we had been you know, together for a.
Speaker 3: Year, in my in my head, we've been together for
Speaker 3: a year.
Speaker 1: And finally, because I famously don't talk to my Jim crushes,
Speaker 1: I'm a punk guy.
Speaker 3: I'm I don't. I don't talk to them at all. Okay,
Speaker 3: I just I just be. I just be creeping.
Speaker 1: I just be looking and seeing them, spotting them or
Speaker 1: watching them. So he asked me to spot him in
Speaker 1: and a bench press, and then afterwards he confidently said
Speaker 1: thanks TJ. And I said, oh, my name is Brandon.
Speaker 1: He was like brand He started to short circuit, his
Speaker 1: face started to like like spiral, and he was just
Speaker 1: He's like, yeah.
Speaker 3: No, my name is Brandy.
Speaker 1: He had swore that we met and that my name
Speaker 1: was TJ. And so really ruined the fantasy.
Speaker 3: You know, up up to that.
Speaker 1: Point, we were madly in love, you know, our families
Speaker 1: loved each other, our friends got along. We were planning
Speaker 1: a trip to Paris to bench breast under the Eiffel Tower.
Speaker 1: But when you call me another man's name, that is
Speaker 1: just the fantasy was over. So I was in need
Speaker 1: of some new gym crushes. But that's that's that's you know,
Speaker 1: life hack. You always have a roster of drim crushes,
Speaker 1: so when one of them disappoints you, you have a
Speaker 1: whole other list to go back to. You know what
Speaker 1: I'm saying, Because men will disappoint you.
Speaker 3: Honey, that's tea. Sorry.
Speaker 1: Anyways, So I have a new gym crush, and I'm
Speaker 1: We've been together for maybe six or seven months now.
Speaker 1: I saw him when he was taking a tour of
Speaker 1: the gym, and he caught my eye because well, yes,
Speaker 1: he's six shut up, shut up, shut up.
Speaker 3: You know how I feel. Listen, it's my toxic trade.
Speaker 1: And as I always say, when they're that tall, I
Speaker 1: look up the blood rushes to my head and not
Speaker 1: at goofy And this is no exception.
Speaker 3: He's six four.
Speaker 1: He gives very like East Village vibe, which is also
Speaker 1: what I like because you know, I'm from New York.
Speaker 3: But I live in Los Angeles, and Los Angeles has.
Speaker 1: A particular breed of man here and it's fine. But
Speaker 1: like I love a New Yorker because a New Yorker
Speaker 1: really comes with the style, with the swag, especially if
Speaker 1: they're in the village. So he has like an East
Speaker 1: village alphabet city vibe, a dance survibe, but like modern dance.
Speaker 3: And you know what I mean, but that right, like
Speaker 3: you know.
Speaker 1: The ballerinas of them all, they're a little more conservative, respectfully,
Speaker 1: but y'all are whereas the modern dancers, you know, the
Speaker 1: experimental downtown dance. You know what, like a vegan he
Speaker 1: gets very vegan. And I also mean that fabulously respectfully. Right,
Speaker 1: Like it's like he hit the funky pants and he
Speaker 1: wears the beads around the wrists and you know, it
Speaker 1: seems like he wears.
Speaker 3: Like natural deodorant.
Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying, you know, but you know
Speaker 1: what I said it, and you know what I mean
Speaker 1: when I say it, Okay, and you know I say
Speaker 1: it with all the love in the world.
Speaker 3: He's fine as fuck.
Speaker 1: So we've been together for like I said, like seven
Speaker 1: months or so, and I've never talked to him. Uh,
Speaker 1: you know, I'll be on the squat machine, he'll be
Speaker 1: bench pressing. I'll be on the treadmills, He'll be doing abs.
Speaker 1: And you know what I will say about him, Well,
Speaker 1: let's call him. What should you call him? We'll call
Speaker 1: him mister Vegan. We're doing mister Vegan. He never looks
Speaker 1: at me, to the point where I was like, are
Speaker 1: you gay? But he's he's gay, but he never looks
Speaker 1: at me, and it's part of the appeal.
Speaker 3: He don't pay me no mind.
Speaker 1: He treats me terribly, and I kind that's kind of
Speaker 1: my kink because in my real life, you listen, in
Speaker 1: my real life, I don't play that shit. Okay, you
Speaker 1: gonna have to acknowledge all this good good or you're
Speaker 1: not in my life. But in my fantasy, if you
Speaker 1: ignore me, that's kind of hot. It's a little subdom situation,
Speaker 1: a little disrespectful.
Speaker 3: I got to earn you. You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 3: There's it's sick.
Speaker 1: It's sick, but that's why it's a fantasy, so it's safe.
Speaker 1: So yeah, he never pays attention to me, never looks
Speaker 1: at me. You know, you know, I'll look over because
Speaker 1: that's what you do with your Jim crush. When you
Speaker 1: see a Jim crush, you look at them, You're trying
Speaker 1: to catch their eyes, and a lot of times you might.
Speaker 1: But this particular gym crush, mister Vegan, he really play
Speaker 1: a hard get.
Speaker 3: Mister Vegan.
Speaker 1: He ain't paying me no mine anyways. The other day,
Speaker 1: was it yesterday or no? It was last week. Last
Speaker 1: week we were in the locker room together. So I'm
Speaker 1: in the as as you may or may not know, famously,
Speaker 1: I have a whole skincare routine. And the people that
Speaker 1: go in my locker room, the man you know, are
Speaker 1: you lucky if they wash their ass? You know what
Speaker 1: I'm saying. So I'm in the mirror doing my skincare
Speaker 1: of chine. And the funny thing is like when I'm
Speaker 1: I'm doing my like whole thing, I just see just
Speaker 1: the droves of men who have taken a shower and
Speaker 1: they've left, to have come in, who've worked out shower
Speaker 1: and left, and I am still applying I cream. So
Speaker 1: mister Vegan comes out of the comes back from the shower, uh,
Speaker 1: and he's in his towel uh. And he walks by me.
Speaker 1: And how do I say this? Mister Vegan smelled like
Speaker 1: like which was like b oh like he like it
Speaker 1: was it was be o the house down in a
Speaker 1: way that was frightening because he wasn't even that close
Speaker 1: to me, like there was like there was a couple
Speaker 1: of feet between us when he walked by, but it
Speaker 1: was just it was literally just me and him, and
Speaker 1: so it was a me girl like, Listen, I smell
Speaker 1: like amber and lavender, so and coconut oil and shade butter.
Speaker 3: I listen, I know how I smell.
Speaker 1: And he walked by me, which was introducing a new smell, okay,
Speaker 1: and I caught it. I caught it, and my face
Speaker 1: twitched up in a way I said, oh, Lord and mercy,
Speaker 1: not not my man, not my man. And it was
Speaker 1: strange to me because he also had just come back
Speaker 1: from the shower. Now listen, there are you know, you
Speaker 1: might have like medical conditions or things where it might
Speaker 1: affect your boh. But the reason I know that that's
Speaker 1: not the case for mister Vegan is because you know,
Speaker 1: after he dropped his towel and proceeded to put on
Speaker 1: his clothes, he put back on the clothes he had
Speaker 1: worked out in. Yeah, yeah, I'm confused too. I don't
Speaker 1: know you confused, So I'm confused too. There are some
Speaker 1: of y'all who will work out and get sweaty. You'll
Speaker 1: do your squats, you'll do your lifts, you'll do your pilates,
Speaker 1: your yoga, You'll get sweaty and your cardio in them clothes,
Speaker 1: and then you'll shower and then you'll put the same
Speaker 1: sweaty ass clothes back on, which tells me that this
Speaker 1: is a choice that mister Vegan. Mister Vegan, the bo
Speaker 1: is is some kind of rebellion.
Speaker 3: I don't know.
Speaker 1: It's some kind of statement of resistance, resistance, resisting aluminum.
Speaker 1: I don't know, girl. I was hoping for at least
Speaker 1: even like a natural deodoran. But my man didn't even
Speaker 1: put on My man didn't even put nothing on. Like
Speaker 1: like I said, I'm in the I'm in the mirror
Speaker 1: doing my skincare so I could see what other people
Speaker 1: are or not. And he literally took that towel off.
Speaker 1: I think he went to the lotion pump that they provide,
Speaker 1: and they provide the worst lotion.
Speaker 3: Can I have a sidebar here?
Speaker 1: You know, a gym don't have no black people working
Speaker 1: on their beauty team if they provide lotion, like whether
Speaker 1: it's you know, the big gyms or your little class gyms,
Speaker 1: when they provide lotion and the lotion is trash, when
Speaker 1: the lotion don't be rubbing in. Do you know what
Speaker 1: I'm talking about? There are a couple of brands. I
Speaker 1: won't name them, but they're the lotion is. It's just
Speaker 1: wet it don't do nothing, and nobody says nothing. But
Speaker 1: the black folk are like, what the fuck is this?
Speaker 1: But the white folk are like, yeah, I don't know,
Speaker 1: it's great. That's how you know they don't give a
Speaker 1: about us. Anyways, they put he put on that wet,
Speaker 1: slippery ass lotion.
Speaker 3: I bring my own lotion.
Speaker 1: I bring my veno, I bring my shade butter, I
Speaker 1: bring my almond oil because I cannot play games when
Speaker 1: it comes to the moisturizer. So he puts on the
Speaker 1: wet lotion that they provide, and then he puts on
Speaker 1: his sweaty clothes and then he walks by me again.
Speaker 3: My face.
Speaker 1: Literally the nosehairs, which I don't really have because I
Speaker 1: shaved them periodically, but if.
Speaker 3: I did, they would have fallen out. They would have
Speaker 3: fallen out. And he left, and it really won.
Speaker 1: We've broken up, we're no longer we're no longer together.
Speaker 1: But it just made me feel like I need to
Speaker 1: say to y'all, please walk please one please, How do
Speaker 1: I want to say this? Please use soap when you wash. Okay,
Speaker 1: let's say this. Please use soap and warm water when
Speaker 1: you wash. Please wash under your armpits, wash in your
Speaker 1: crotch area, wash between.
Speaker 3: Your toes, and wash your ass.
Speaker 1: I don't And also, like, because we talked about straight
Speaker 1: man earlier, straight man, you have to wash your ass.
Speaker 1: Straight ladies, please not eat no straight man's ass who
Speaker 1: has not washed the ass.
Speaker 3: You have to watch them wash they ass. You know
Speaker 3: what I'm saying. I had a straight girlfriend.
Speaker 1: It was like, my man wants me to eat his ass,
Speaker 1: but it smells. Girl, You got to tell him to
Speaker 1: wash his ass. I don't understand why he's asking you
Speaker 1: to eat that ass if he's not washing it, But anyways,
Speaker 1: you gotta tell him to wash it.
Speaker 3: You're soap and water.
Speaker 1: And then please don't be afraid of a little deodorant
Speaker 1: and you could use that. There are good natural deodorants
Speaker 1: out there if that's your vibe. If you but also
Speaker 1: if you know that that don't work for you, then
Speaker 1: you might have to bite the bullet and get a
Speaker 1: little old spice. Okay, once a day in the morning,
Speaker 1: real fast. Just hit it, just hit it. But I I,
Speaker 1: you are ruining our relationships.
Speaker 3: You are ruining our relationships.
Speaker 1: We we could, we could, we could be married in
Speaker 1: our fantasy right now. But but you fucking playing in
Speaker 1: my face with these smells.
Speaker 3: That's fucking up the fantasy.
Speaker 1: And so all this to say, because this really is
Speaker 1: about me, I feel like he owes me an apology
Speaker 1: for smell us so bad. Okay, this is it, by
Speaker 1: the way, welcome to the show. This is telling me
Speaker 1: something messy. My name is Brandon cok goodness. Some people
Speaker 1: call me messy mom, but you can call me a
Speaker 1: scratch and sniff.
Speaker 3: Okay, okay, because I scratch that itch.
Speaker 1: No no, no, no, no, make that doorbell.
Speaker 3: Haven't made that doorbell? Heaven?
Speaker 1: Now, baby, you know what that means. It is time
Speaker 1: for a guess. And while they get situated, I have
Speaker 1: some fabulous news to tell you. Our podcast told me
Speaker 1: something MESSI has been nominated for a Queerity Award.
Speaker 3: If you don't know what that is, it is exactly
Speaker 3: what you think it is.
Speaker 1: It is an award that celebrates all things queer, and
Speaker 1: we are alongside some incredible and incredible, incredible queer podcasts.
Speaker 1: So you can vote every day from now until February
Speaker 1: twenty fifth, and I hope you.
Speaker 3: Do so that we can win our little award period.
Speaker 3: We'll put the link in the show notes.
Speaker 1: Okay, so again, you can go every day from now
Speaker 1: until February twenty fifth to help tell me something messy
Speaker 1: when its first award.
Speaker 3: Oh my god, I'm so excited.
Speaker 1: Okay, now let us do our hoe manifest stow repeat
Speaker 1: after me aloud or in your head. Grant me the
Speaker 1: serenity to unpack my shame, the courage to heal, the
Speaker 1: wisdom to that sex is not just about penetration, The
Speaker 1: audacity to advocate for my pleasure and boundaries.
Speaker 3: The strength to not call my.
Speaker 1: Ex that fuck boy, fuck girl, or fuck bay, for
Speaker 1: it is better to masturbate by myself in peace than
Speaker 1: to let someone play in my motherfucking face. Let the
Speaker 1: community say, oh helujah, Ugh, I'm very excited. Johnny simply
Speaker 1: is here. Actor and producer Johnny Sibley is known for
Speaker 1: his charisma, versatility, and championing of the LGBTQ plus community
Speaker 1: both on and off the screen. He was most recently
Speaker 1: seen as series regular on Peacock's Queer as Folk and
Speaker 1: as Wilson the water Cup in the Emmy Award winning
Speaker 1: comedy series Hacks on HBO Max. Johnny has also graced
Speaker 1: the small screen as costas Perez in the groundbreaking drama Pose,
Speaker 1: as well as an appearance in season two of Eliza
Speaker 1: on Demand. In addition to his work in television, Johnny
Speaker 1: is a fervent advocate for LGBTQ plus and LATINX rites,
Speaker 1: growing a considerable social following as a result of his
Speaker 1: progressive and comedic voice that includes his popular online character Julisa. Y'all,
Speaker 1: please make some noise for Johnny Sibley, hibb, you look stunting.
Speaker 3: What's the skincare retine?
Speaker 2: Oh god, uh stress, no ime kidding. Actually, I've been
Speaker 2: taking these Ashwaganda gummies that I heard are really good.
Speaker 2: Stressanda's teacher. I couldn't. Honestly, I think it's did you.
Speaker 3: Say, I don't know? We're starting great love it?
Speaker 2: That is so that's so la for somebody like you
Speaker 2: should be taking oshragonda gum. He's no questions asked, just like,
Speaker 2: all right, I got it, I got it.
Speaker 1: You know. Somebody was like, you need some sea moths
Speaker 1: and I was like, bet Amazon, I don't know where
Speaker 1: y'all get that.
Speaker 3: Moss from, but I will take it.
Speaker 2: But that modo baby.
Speaker 1: All right, So let me give you before we get
Speaker 1: into our messy key key, let me give you our
Speaker 1: messy mandates, which is, things get to be unprocessed. Any
Speaker 1: thoughts or opinions shared have the right to evolve, shift,
Speaker 1: or change today, tomorrow or ten years from now. And
Speaker 1: if during the kiki something feels too personal or unintentionally offends,
Speaker 1: we use to say word foosball, which gives us a
Speaker 1: chance to.
Speaker 3: Pivot and address or accordingly. Does that make that fun?
Speaker 1: You got?
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's fun.
Speaker 3: Have you played football foosball?
Speaker 2: Yes? Oh my god? Are you kidding? I grew up
Speaker 2: going to the Boys and Girls Club. That is where
Speaker 2: we stayed, That's where the foozall was at. Oh yeah,
Speaker 2: I learned what was on this show. Yeah, I made
Speaker 2: the safe word. And then somebody was like, do you
Speaker 2: know what it is?
Speaker 3: I said, I do not. Just like that. We don't
Speaker 3: know everything but we like the words. We like the words.
Speaker 1: Okay, let's start with the lube breaker, which is, you know,
Speaker 1: like an icebreaker.
Speaker 3: But are you down for a fun round of fuck
Speaker 3: Mary Block. Oh yeah, yeah, we don't kill people here.
Speaker 3: We just block them. We just we just a block.
Speaker 3: We don't follow.
Speaker 1: Okay, so fuck Mary Block. Ass eating So sitting on
Speaker 1: your face all fours or on their back, and this
Speaker 1: could be you eating them or them eating you, but
Speaker 1: sitting on your somebody sitting on your face all fours.
Speaker 2: That can be a whole different uh, you know, lineup,
Speaker 2: because I'll just go with if I'm the the one
Speaker 2: sitting for dinner, I would say I would fuck the
Speaker 2: face ride. Yes, I would marry the all fours and
Speaker 2: I lock the on your back legs up. Oh but
Speaker 2: that's so oh gosh. They're also wonderful. But I just
Speaker 2: think if I had to get rid of one, because
Speaker 2: there's just nothing like that little arch back with those two.
Speaker 2: You can see it, like you know what I'm saying,
Speaker 2: Yes I do, I do. Yeah, and the and the
Speaker 2: and the and the ride is is really very it
Speaker 2: gives very much coming attractions, Like I don't know, it's
Speaker 2: just yeah, it's like, are you gonna kill me? You
Speaker 2: could kill me?
Speaker 3: You could right now.
Speaker 2: You can kill me right now.
Speaker 3: That's kind of hot, that's crazy.
Speaker 1: But I'm with you, you know, or like, yeah, your
Speaker 1: life is in my hands right now, like your life
Speaker 1: is in my hole right now.
Speaker 3: Yes, I definitely on all fours.
Speaker 1: There's not like it's assume the position like that to me,
Speaker 1: I have to marry that because that because like you said,
Speaker 1: like I get like it's such a perfect the arch.
Speaker 2: That she Depending on what the lighting is, it could be
Speaker 2: really just like you're.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and and the mirrors. Besides, both of us can
Speaker 1: look in the mirror and see delicious. Absolutely, I'm going
Speaker 1: to say I will fuck the face ride because I
Speaker 1: like it.
Speaker 3: I like a good coming attraction. I like roller, you know.
Speaker 3: And then I'll block.
Speaker 1: The The only reason I'll block the on the back
Speaker 1: is because I feel like you need to add like
Speaker 1: a pillow to.
Speaker 3: It, you know what I'm saying, so like we can you.
Speaker 2: Know, sometimes I got to hold the langes back if
Speaker 2: they're not you know, helpful in the situation.
Speaker 1: Yeah, if they're not as FLEXI too, it's just like
Speaker 1: it requires did you stretch before? So blocked that this
Speaker 1: is the last what you saying? Baby, let me tell
Speaker 1: you this right now. He needs to hear this stretch
Speaker 1: the way my hips and knees used to crack.
Speaker 3: And I said, no, this is unacceptable.
Speaker 1: Somebody like blow your back out and then you hear
Speaker 1: popular It's fine, that's just my undergrad.
Speaker 2: I'm just I'm just dandy.
Speaker 1: Okay, last one, fu Mary block kinks, blindfold, hand restraints,
Speaker 1: paddle or whips.
Speaker 2: Block the hand restraintsn't like that. I have not. I've
Speaker 2: seen too many movies.
Speaker 3: What's the movie you've seen in the movie?
Speaker 2: Okay, yeah, that's not You're right, Yeah.
Speaker 3: To say fifty shades of gray. And then you said,
Speaker 3: all right, never mind.
Speaker 2: What I'm saying. Like like the same way I don't
Speaker 2: like to have my back to the door at the restaurant.
Speaker 2: I'm not letting you tie up these hands. Blindfold is
Speaker 2: fine because my other senses will be much stronger when
Speaker 2: I'm blindfolded. So I'm out. Fuck with that one. And
Speaker 2: then the marry, I'll do the little paddles and the
Speaker 2: and the things like the little whips and chains excite me, you.
Speaker 3: Know, Yeah, Oh you are so right. So if I
Speaker 3: trust you.
Speaker 1: I do want them hand restraints because I don't mind,
Speaker 1: but like, you're right, I have to trust you, have
Speaker 1: to know you like going to like a first hook
Speaker 1: up and then being like, let me girl, let me.
Speaker 2: Tell you girl.
Speaker 3: Oh no, no, thank you so much. Let me period.
Speaker 3: That's hard fast for me.
Speaker 1: But I so let me say, I'll fuck the hand restraints,
Speaker 1: I will marry. I'm gonna marry the spanking, and I'll
Speaker 1: block the blindfold. The blindfold isn't like I no, it
Speaker 1: does do something because it heightens those senses. But I
Speaker 1: like to see what's going on. I mean that is
Speaker 1: I like, I like to like, I want to see
Speaker 1: what you what's.
Speaker 3: Going on a little bit, So I'll block the blindfold.
Speaker 1: Yeah, baby, guess what.
Speaker 3: What you want? You want? You won the game. Congratulations,
Speaker 3: you win my unconditional love. So lucky you.
Speaker 1: Season two, there might be money, but right now, right
Speaker 1: now we're just giving our.
Speaker 2: Love is worth a million.
Speaker 3: That's right. That's right, y'all For everyone listening.
Speaker 1: If you have prompts, you can feel free to email
Speaker 1: me at tell Me Something Messy at gmail dot com.
Speaker 1: Speaking of which, Johnny, will you tell me something messy
Speaker 1: something messy.
Speaker 2: Ooh. Oh you know what, I had a really big
Speaker 2: fantasy of like uber drivers, lyft drivers, and yeah, finally
Speaker 2: my fantasy came to reality.
Speaker 3: Wait wait, wait tell me the story.
Speaker 2: Yeah. So I was, you know, because you know, sometimes
Speaker 2: you always get a look at that picture and you're
Speaker 2: like oh, or you're like oh, one day, one day
Speaker 2: I was running errand's. I was so frustrated. I was
Speaker 2: just like I was in another world. I get in
Speaker 2: the lift. I didn't even look at the picture at
Speaker 2: that point, and then I'm just like in there on
Speaker 2: my phone and I like look up and I see
Speaker 2: the eyes looking at me in the rear view. I
Speaker 2: was like oh. And then I like look at the
Speaker 2: profile and I was like oh, like like the side profile.
Speaker 2: I'm like, oh what, I'm over here in my own world.
Speaker 2: I totally missed this beautiful And then we were just
Speaker 2: exchange exchanging glands of exchanging glances, and then you know,
Speaker 2: the touching started to happen of oneself. There was no
Speaker 2: like reaching over. Oh you know, there was like there's
Speaker 2: like levels to it.
Speaker 1: So cause are you like, are you direct? Are you
Speaker 1: behind the passenger seat?
Speaker 2: Correct? So it's like you get that diagonical. You can
Speaker 2: see what they're doing with their hands and whatnot, and
Speaker 2: they can see what you're doing with yours. And so
Speaker 2: we like pulled up to my place and he was like,
Speaker 2: so should I come in? I was like no. I
Speaker 2: was like, but you can pull up over here. And
Speaker 2: he pulled up behind Hamburger Mary's and he got up
Speaker 2: into the back seat and he's like, oh, I want
Speaker 2: to fuck you. I was like, no, I don't think
Speaker 2: that's what we should do now, but we could do
Speaker 2: the other stuff. So we we did, and then we
Speaker 2: you know, we both finished and he dropped me back
Speaker 2: off and people was like and I was like, I
Speaker 2: was like, I forgot. I really forgot.
Speaker 3: You forgot to leave the tip.
Speaker 2: I got to leave the tip, but he got a
Speaker 2: different tip. You know what I'm saying, Like, you know,
Speaker 2: that's right exactly, you know, like that's obviously the easy
Speaker 2: you know, but it really was true. And I was
Speaker 2: just shook. I like texted all my friends. I was like,
Speaker 2: oh my god, I just with my lip driver.
Speaker 3: That is my dream still either one.
Speaker 2: Yeah, So I accomplished that, like I you know, that
Speaker 2: bucket list item and I was like, also, why don't
Speaker 2: I see enough porn about this. I mean, it's probably
Speaker 2: like it's frown upon, but sure, you know, everyone's got
Speaker 2: a job situate like a fantasy.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I love an uber fantasy because I love the
Speaker 1: I mean because you know, as somebody who likes to
Speaker 1: be taking care of it's like you're already driving me,
Speaker 1: which is such a such a loving gesture.
Speaker 3: And then if it, you know.
Speaker 1: And late at night, when you're probably already corny leaving
Speaker 1: the party, you're like.
Speaker 3: I'm going home.
Speaker 1: I have my pizza and cookies. But then like your
Speaker 1: uber drivers.
Speaker 3: Hot, you're like, okay, like I don't have to do
Speaker 3: it work, it's right.
Speaker 1: Here, it is, it's right there. Yeah, that's the universe
Speaker 1: being good to you.
Speaker 2: Yes, the universe loves almost I needed it. Ready for
Speaker 2: messy mail mm hmm, okay, it is time for messy Mail,
Speaker 2: where we read out messy patron stories and submissions.
Speaker 1: As always, your submissions remain anonymous. One of your submissions
Speaker 1: will be my messy pick for a messy key key,
Speaker 1: which is a more in depth.
Speaker 3: Convote with Johnny. So.
Speaker 1: The first one says, Bay lives with his parents. We
Speaker 1: watched a movie while they were home and came seven times.
Speaker 1: I was gonna ask you, how many times have you
Speaker 1: come in a session?
Speaker 2: In one session?
Speaker 3: In one session, well, I think.
Speaker 2: The session lasted. I would say twenty four hours because
Speaker 2: we leave the hotel room, and I think it was nine. Yeah,
Speaker 2: it's giving chafed.
Speaker 3: What was your aftercare for your dick and your.
Speaker 2: More? I don't know, I honestly more well, I think
Speaker 2: also when you're doing it that much, there is a
Speaker 2: level of care that's being taken that's being taken throughout. Yes, so,
Speaker 2: but there was definitely like two days where it was
Speaker 2: it was giving uh you know, church.
Speaker 3: Chriss to speed.
Speaker 2: It was like and not even like I don't know,
Speaker 2: it just felt raw, like it felt like tender. It
Speaker 2: wasn't like there was any stabbing or anything like that.
Speaker 2: I just felt like, oh, I don't want to.
Speaker 1: I don't want to, Like I've used this, I used
Speaker 1: and a little rest. Let the dick rest Sunday and
Speaker 1: on Sunday we rest. I think the most I've come
Speaker 1: in one session, which would have been a couple hours,
Speaker 1: was like three times.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 3: The thing is when I'm.
Speaker 1: Bottoming, you got one come out of me like that's
Speaker 1: kind of it. Like you go one time and then
Speaker 1: you get the fuck out of me here you ain't like,
Speaker 1: what's that co Please get out of me, like you
Speaker 1: got like five pumps. But I'll get out of me.
Speaker 1: And then when I'm topping though, I can, you know,
Speaker 1: I can, I can.
Speaker 3: I can get you A couple I get I can
Speaker 3: feel you up. Baby called me daddy.
Speaker 1: This one says, deep throated, the biggest penis ever this weekend.
Speaker 1: My throat hurts, but MESSI mom didn't worse a punk
Speaker 1: shout out, what's the what's the biggest dick? You've thrown it?
Speaker 2: Well? I don't know if I throwd it. Well, I guess, gosh,
Speaker 2: it's been there's been a couple. I mean, okay, you
Speaker 2: know what's funny, I think because there's been a couple.
Speaker 2: I can't remember the biggest one. But I do remember
Speaker 2: at one point being like, I'm bad at this because
Speaker 2: I couldn't you know what I'm saying. And I realized
Speaker 2: I was victim blaming myself, like I was you shot right.
Speaker 2: It's like they were just too there is too big
Speaker 2: in my opinions. You know, I slapped it around. I slept,
Speaker 2: you know, Oh my.
Speaker 1: God, Sorry, I just pictured your like a cat like pause,
Speaker 1: just like that.
Speaker 2: You know, one of those things that you like punch
Speaker 2: and it comes back. I do those little like things
Speaker 2: that with the have the sand in the bottom that
Speaker 2: are like the swinger.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, you punch it down and then it comes
Speaker 3: back up.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 2: I love that. See I love that. But I like
Speaker 2: to put it inside of any part of me, you know.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you like to play with that, right right, like
Speaker 1: this is crazy. You like to hold it a little
Speaker 1: bit talking like this, so big tap tap?
Speaker 3: Do you want to oh little podcast on that deck?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 3: I get that.
Speaker 1: In another lie season two, our mics will be shaped
Speaker 1: like dicks and no one will stop me.
Speaker 3: I think the biggest dick that I.
Speaker 1: Have sucked, which again was like maybe like a twelve
Speaker 1: inchro but I will say it doesn't you know, the
Speaker 1: throat has its limitations when you get to a certain
Speaker 1: like after a certain size, it's like I'm not getting
Speaker 1: to the ball. I meanan some of y'all can, but
Speaker 1: like I'm like, I'm not getting to the balls. Yeah
Speaker 1: on this dick. So I'm gonna have to use my
Speaker 1: hands and and and also like I will say this
Speaker 1: if it's length that has a better chance of getting further.
Speaker 3: But once you add that girth.
Speaker 2: To right, Yeah, my job is just.
Speaker 3: It's just not no, it hurts.
Speaker 1: But do you even need tips for second me? Yeah,
Speaker 1: tips for a sucking big dick?
Speaker 2: Well I did. I did learn when you're taking it back,
Speaker 2: you you you breathe in because when I breathe in,
Speaker 2: you allow more space in your throat. Yawn, yes you yes,
Speaker 2: like oh you just But I also I'm like never
Speaker 2: trying to prove that I'm you know that girl, like listen,
Speaker 2: I you know I can try that in other ways.
Speaker 2: I don't need to be you know, the gawkak three
Speaker 2: thousand that you tell all your friends about.
Speaker 3: You know what I mean.
Speaker 2: I just need you to say it's good, like it
Speaker 2: was fine, like I had a good time, you know.
Speaker 2: But there's some liberating like they're fucking going to the Olympics, bitch, like.
Speaker 1: Decinate, I'm trying to get that gold medal. I really
Speaker 1: am trying to get gold and I'm gonna take.
Speaker 3: You out of the news if I need to come on.
Speaker 3: I just like I so like I do agree.
Speaker 1: It's the yawn. I always talk about the yawn, like
Speaker 1: like if you yawn. It lists your soft palette. You
Speaker 1: get the dig further back, so when you're on that dick, yawn,
Speaker 1: and then you can get it further back. But also
Speaker 1: I'm with you at a certain point, you're like, listen,
Speaker 1: there are other things that I don't have to be
Speaker 1: great at everything. You know what I'm saying, Like, maybe
Speaker 1: maybe you get a blow job here, maybe over there,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna ask eat, you know, like I don't feel
Speaker 1: like I gotta you know, know your skills. You don't
Speaker 1: have to be a master, be a master of something
Speaker 1: instead of a master of not you know.
Speaker 3: Whatever.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean like there's also there was these I
Speaker 2: went to a sex shop once and they had these
Speaker 2: like little mints that were like watering mints.
Speaker 3: Yes, they make your mouth. Yes, god, those are great.
Speaker 2: If you've been out and you haven't had a sip
Speaker 2: of water in a moment, it's good to just pop
Speaker 2: one of those in if you're you know, at the
Speaker 2: at the hookups house or your friend's house. I don't
Speaker 2: know what you do, but yeah, it really makes your life.
Speaker 1: But but the mints they do, I've heard they're really
Speaker 1: good for this. You know, if you smoke a little
Speaker 1: weed your mouth is dry. Having the mints because you
Speaker 1: need that, you need that water.
Speaker 2: Is part of part of it.
Speaker 1: Yeah, part of the success is that needs to be
Speaker 1: a slip and slide.
Speaker 3: Exactly, exactly, exactly. Okay, we don't want no dry ass mouth.
Speaker 3: You don't want that, all right.
Speaker 1: This one says, Oh, just started a new job and
Speaker 1: a guy I was talking to one grinder and then
Speaker 1: ghosted is my new coworker. I have no no thoughts here.
Speaker 1: Rather than be kind to everyone, because you never know
Speaker 1: who's gonna be your coworker.
Speaker 2: What I mean? Yeah, well that's also the thing. It's
Speaker 2: like I would see I would play coy like I
Speaker 2: you know, like.
Speaker 3: I don't remember you.
Speaker 2: I don't remember you, Hi, Robert, how are you nice
Speaker 2: to meet you?
Speaker 3: Thankful name? Hi Robert.
Speaker 2: I don't remember you, right, And you know he'll he'll remember,
Speaker 2: you know what I mean?
Speaker 3: Of course, because you got that. You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 2: That sounds like, see of course, my my fucking toxic
Speaker 2: guys is like, oh, an opportunity to try again.
Speaker 3: She said, I'm I'm gonna give it a second whirl
Speaker 3: in real life.
Speaker 2: What do you think?
Speaker 3: Who this? You can't go to no more.
Speaker 1: No baby now report is I PM girl just sing back.
Speaker 3: I just want to loop you with.
Speaker 1: Wait have you ever have you ever run into somebody
Speaker 1: that you've ghosted?
Speaker 3: Wait? Hold on, have you ever ghosted anyone?
Speaker 2: Probably?
Speaker 3: I feel like we all have a problem.
Speaker 2: You know what, I don't. I don't ghost people unless
Speaker 2: they don't get a hint, like if they continue, if
Speaker 2: they're like messaging messaging, messaging messaging, and I like one,
Speaker 2: I can't get back to all of the messages, and
Speaker 2: I'm like, that's just I can't. I really don't even
Speaker 2: think I want to know this person because it's getting
Speaker 2: cuckoo mago. But no, I don't. I don't think I
Speaker 2: have watched someone be like, uh remember me.
Speaker 3: Put it in the comments? Anybody?
Speaker 2: I don't. I don't think so. I think I've definitely
Speaker 2: run into people that I no longer fus with. But
Speaker 2: you know, it's very how you do you know? A
Speaker 2: lightless yeah, or like the let me get it, oh,
Speaker 2: let me get out of your way, hold on.
Speaker 3: Obsessed? Yeah, I ran into somebody. So I had the the.
Speaker 1: Most prominent ghost of situation is that where like there
Speaker 1: were so many messages. Yeah, And I've already responded, and
Speaker 1: I was kind of like, this isn't a thing. But
Speaker 1: then they like kept messaging and then I ran into
Speaker 1: them at a party and I wasn't expecting it, and
Speaker 1: it was luckily I was my best friend because I
Speaker 1: like it was like I was walking to the bathroom,
Speaker 1: they were coming out of the bathroom.
Speaker 3: We ran into each other.
Speaker 4: Was like, h.
Speaker 2: Wow, that's that's hard when you're like in close proximity,
Speaker 2: like when you see them from across the room, it's easier.
Speaker 3: Absolutely.
Speaker 1: Actually, In fact, the I got ghosted once and that
Speaker 1: guy I saw at Agbar and he was across the way,
Speaker 1: and that was a fine way to see the ghost.
Speaker 1: And you know, I looked better, So I felt good
Speaker 1: about it, Like, Okay, well.
Speaker 2: Great if I see someone that's ghosted me, rarely have
Speaker 2: I ever felt bad. I'm always like hi, how are you?
Speaker 3: And I'm thriving? How are you?
Speaker 2: You see me? You see me there up here? You
Speaker 2: see that little rope, that little velvet rope. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 2: you fucked up.
Speaker 3: You fumbled this, didn't you. Okay?
Speaker 2: Yeah you could have been sharing his bottle.
Speaker 3: You could be sharing his bottles.
Speaker 2: Cool sparklers.
Speaker 3: Suddenly I'm having the best time.
Speaker 1: Yes, this one says, A chef slid into my d
Speaker 1: MS and I let him make me dinner, then eat
Speaker 1: my ass and pussy for hours, which congratulations.
Speaker 3: I love that.
Speaker 1: Do you have any fantasies because the chef is I mean,
Speaker 1: everyone has the chef fantasy right now with the bear
Speaker 1: and all that, But fantasies.
Speaker 2: Of like who like, yeah, minds are minor, like toxic.
Speaker 2: Of course I love it. Let's go a football player.
Speaker 3: Yeah, you know, like.
Speaker 2: I hate that. I hate that about myself. You're safe, listen,
Speaker 2: you know, I yeah, I there's there was one time
Speaker 2: I was at my friend's wedding and there was like
Speaker 2: a straight football player there, and that man gave me
Speaker 2: so much attention. I don't think he was gay. He
Speaker 2: was just attentive, and I was like, God.
Speaker 3: The night might be that night a football player.
Speaker 2: And I was like, wow, I really thought I had
Speaker 2: had healed from this.
Speaker 4: But yeah, I like an athlete, a wrestler, you know,
Speaker 4: like the single it's always I do think like as
Speaker 4: queer folks or gay malebody men.
Speaker 1: There's something about being bullied, like your bullies, like being
Speaker 1: bullied by the jocks and then having that. Like, also,
Speaker 1: a lot of porn is like the two wrestlers or
Speaker 1: the football player and the basketball player, and so I feel.
Speaker 2: Like, well, it's just it's it's clearly just born out
Speaker 2: of like they wear the tightest ship, so they're showing
Speaker 2: off the male physique. It just so happens that they
Speaker 2: are sometimes the bully. So if I'm really giving myself
Speaker 2: an out here, I would say it's it's only toxic
Speaker 2: because that's how society has made it. For me. I'm
Speaker 2: just really enjoying the physique of I love those those
Speaker 2: shoulder pads and the tight shorts and the hitting the
Speaker 2: butts and things like that. So yeah, I mean if
Speaker 2: it was a gay football player would be the same thing.
Speaker 2: I guess.
Speaker 3: Sure.
Speaker 1: That's funny to me that you're like the slapping of
Speaker 1: the butts was really about the football playing, not the
Speaker 1: football itself.
Speaker 2: Just like I'm not. I don't want to play football.
Speaker 2: I just want to get my ass smacked, like.
Speaker 1: Yeah, snacked, you know, whatever it is, whatever it.
Speaker 2: Is, it's absolutely yeah.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think wrestlers jocks. Somebody had mentioned Barbers as
Speaker 1: a fantasy, which there is something about like the tenderness
Speaker 1: of a barber your head and also you know the
Speaker 1: top of your head and your head on you when
Speaker 1: they do your beer, it's very intimate.
Speaker 2: And when they're looking at you and you're like what
Speaker 2: do I look? What do I look?
Speaker 3: You know, like hey, yeah, absolutely.
Speaker 1: And also I feel like, just like from the neighborhood
Speaker 1: I grew up in, I have like a fantasy about
Speaker 1: those boys, like like like give me a New Yorker
Speaker 1: down like Queen's Harlem, like you know New Yorker.
Speaker 3: Just like that's a toxic thing, all right.
Speaker 1: This one is my messy pick, which says I want
Speaker 1: a relationship, I think, but I haven't had the best
Speaker 1: luck with them. I'm feeling like it's me and I'm
Speaker 1: picking the wrong guys. How do I know if I'm
Speaker 1: really ready for a relationship or how do I become ready?
Speaker 2: From you said you're not ready?
Speaker 3: Tell me what we'll tell me what you mean?
Speaker 2: Tell me that, because there's a lot of self doubt
Speaker 2: in that, and I think you know it's it's it's less.
Speaker 2: I sometimes I feel like you have to pick you
Speaker 2: first and foremost. You have to know what you want
Speaker 2: out of your life before you start letting it in.
Speaker 2: Do you know what I mean, Because if you don't
Speaker 2: know what you want, if you don't know, if you're
Speaker 2: not there ready to be like, I'm ready for love
Speaker 2: because I know that I have enough love that I'm
Speaker 2: ready to give some more. My cup runs over, you
Speaker 2: know what I mean. So I feel like those are
Speaker 2: oftentimes the best times to find a partner. But when
Speaker 2: you're like, I don't know if I'm doing this right,
Speaker 2: I don't know. You know, at the at the end
Speaker 2: of the day, I don't feel like we're any of
Speaker 2: us really know if we're doing everything right. But when
Speaker 2: you don't have enough self confidence in your choices, that
Speaker 2: I don't think breeds a lot of great results when
Speaker 2: it comes to seeking out partnership with others.
Speaker 3: Yeah, how do you get ready?
Speaker 2: I like, you know, it's so it It is so
Speaker 2: cliche to be like, work on yourself, but it is.
Speaker 2: It is of the utmost importance in order to have friendship,
Speaker 2: have connection with literally anyone. It doesn't even have to
Speaker 2: be a romantic connection. But I think the only way
Speaker 2: you get ready is if you know that you're preparing yourself.
Speaker 2: You know, I mean that asking that question is a
Speaker 2: step in the right direction, right you know what I
Speaker 2: mean being saying I think I might be the issue.
Speaker 2: I think I might be, but like know that that
Speaker 2: that there's healing that can come from that that will
Speaker 2: prepare you and will allow you. You might not be
Speaker 2: fully healed. None of us are really ever there, but
Speaker 2: I mean I hope we are. But you know there's Yeah,
Speaker 2: it's not about waiting till the right time. It's more
Speaker 2: about like having enough trust in yourself that like you
Speaker 2: got this.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that you've like poured enough into your cup right right,
Speaker 1: because if we're not looking for perfection, like you'll never
Speaker 1: be perfectly ready. But it's like you've poured enough into yourself, no,
Speaker 1: enough about yourself that you can make a decision about
Speaker 1: a partner, a partnership, which I also think is that
Speaker 1: you know, when we think about boyfriend's girlfriends, husbands, wives,
Speaker 1: I'm like, there's so much focus on the title and
Speaker 1: no focus on the quality of the relationship, no focus
Speaker 1: on That's why I love the term partner because it's like, well,
Speaker 1: if I'm going to do this thing, like it's not
Speaker 1: just to be like this is my boyfriend, Like it's
Speaker 1: where we're building something together which requires both of us
Speaker 1: to be doing work on ourselves, work on this thing,
Speaker 1: just the way that you would have a business partner
Speaker 1: that you're building a business with. I think it's the
Speaker 1: same thing that you have this romantic partner. And yeah,
Speaker 1: it's not about being perfectly ready, yea, but it is
Speaker 1: about getting clarity around I think your intention too, you know,
Speaker 1: like what is my intention of being in this relationship?
Speaker 3: And what do I want? I don't know, like what
Speaker 3: I want.
Speaker 1: Out of the relationship because I think, like sometimes you
Speaker 1: get and tell me what you think. Because how long
Speaker 1: have you been with your partner?
Speaker 3: Now?
Speaker 2: Uh, since December? So little over six nine months?
Speaker 1: Oh my goodness, you're almost almost I mean by the time,
Speaker 1: you probably a year by the time this, yeah is
Speaker 1: out right right October. Now, how did you get yourself
Speaker 1: ready for that?
Speaker 2: Oh? Because I think, you know, it's funny the opposite.
Speaker 3: I was.
Speaker 2: I was ready to never have a partner ever again.
Speaker 2: I was ready, I told my therapist, I said, I
Speaker 2: don't know that i'll ever I mean I wanted it.
Speaker 2: I wanted it, and I thought I was ready. I
Speaker 2: just thought, I don't think I'll ever have that again.
Speaker 2: And I'm okay, like I kind of laid it to rest.
Speaker 2: In a way, I said, if I if I'm eighty
Speaker 2: years old, God willing one day and I can look
Speaker 2: back at my life and say, ooh, that was the
Speaker 2: summer of Jonathan, that was the summer of you know,
Speaker 2: this was the I had many lovers in my life
Speaker 2: that peppered my life with joy and love and passion.
Speaker 2: I'll have lived a good life.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 2: So I'm okay if I don't find someone that person
Speaker 2: to spend my life with or whatever you want to
Speaker 2: whatever society has taught us we have to have. I'm
Speaker 2: okay with not having that so long as I have
Speaker 2: given myself a lot of love throughout with people. You know.
Speaker 2: I think that really like letting go of that, like
Speaker 2: letting go of that idea of what I needed and
Speaker 2: what I've always wanted, allowed me space to really get
Speaker 2: to because my boyfriend, like I was like, no, he's
Speaker 2: so much younger than me, like that, there were so
Speaker 2: many like this probably won't work, and he just kept
Speaker 2: showing me like, bitch, shut up, you don't know what
Speaker 2: you're talking about, you know, And that I feel like
Speaker 2: I was only able to really receive that because I
Speaker 2: was able to let go of expectation and and what
Speaker 2: I thought I needed and wanted out of my life.
Speaker 1: You know, I think that that's so I've been talking
Speaker 1: about this, and so my husband and I have been together,
Speaker 1: We've been married for five years but together for nine,
Speaker 1: and we sometimes talk about like, well, how did this happen?
Speaker 1: And I remember and here for both of us, we
Speaker 1: were not looking for relationships, like I had actually sworn
Speaker 1: off relationships. I was going on dates for material because
Speaker 1: at the time I was doing I was trying to
Speaker 1: do stand up. I was like I was just going
Speaker 1: on dates with everybody, and so my energy was showing
Speaker 1: up like I have nothing to prove to you.
Speaker 3: I mean, you know, like I'm just here.
Speaker 1: To be And that is when somehow I met Matthew
Speaker 1: and like it worked out. And I've been talking to
Speaker 1: a couple other folks who've been in longer term relationships,
Speaker 1: and there is this theme that, like when I asked
Speaker 1: about the beginning of the relationship and where they were individually,
Speaker 1: there's this theme that they're like, oh, I wasn't looking
Speaker 1: for anything. I was like I had, I was happy
Speaker 1: with me. Like they were satisfied with themselves and they
Speaker 1: loved who they were and they were enjoying their lives
Speaker 1: and investing in the dalliances, the lovers, the friends, but
Speaker 1: like they were filling out their plate, and so when
Speaker 1: that person arrived, there weren't stakes.
Speaker 3: And there was also like.
Speaker 1: About what you're bringing to this table, right, because I
Speaker 1: love what's going on. So you're not going to come
Speaker 1: and interrupt the love that I have for the life
Speaker 1: I'm living. You have to be additive to it. Where
Speaker 1: sometimes I think we're in a space where we're chasing
Speaker 1: the relationship to fill our cup, to fill our plate.
Speaker 2: Yeah, there's like a desperation almost, but people can feel that.
Speaker 2: People can feel when yeah, putting on them this sort
Speaker 2: of expectation or this this yearning, this wanting for something
Speaker 2: rather than you know, two people just being around each
Speaker 2: other and be like you know I was. I told
Speaker 2: my therapist. I was like, I don't know that I'll
Speaker 2: ever have someone here that I don't want to leave,
Speaker 2: Like my house, Like I want people to leave my house.
Speaker 2: Say maybe I like them being there, but I want
Speaker 2: them to go. I like my space. But with Philip,
Speaker 2: my boyfriend, now, like I was just like, oh, this
Speaker 2: is a this is a sign when I don't want
Speaker 2: him to leave my space. Yeah, I really enjoy him, Like,
Speaker 2: I'll be sad if he decides that he doesn't want
Speaker 2: to be here anymore. And I was like, oh, that's
Speaker 2: a turning point because I have not felt that, you know,
Speaker 2: for a long time. That's no shade to anyone else,
Speaker 2: it's just you know, sometimes people bring out stuff in you,
Speaker 2: and you know, there was not There was not a
Speaker 2: lot of we were kind of just like doing it,
Speaker 2: you know. Yeah, And a lot of my successful relationships
Speaker 2: have been born out of like long term, like long
Speaker 2: distance situations, and everyone's like, oh, I don't know how
Speaker 2: you do that. I'm like, it's kind of not that
Speaker 2: hard if you have the means to visit each other.
Speaker 2: But it kind of takes out the pressure of les, oh,
Speaker 2: well what are we now? Like are you going to
Speaker 2: meet my friends? Like it's kind of like when we're together,
Speaker 2: we are with each other, and when we're apart, we're
Speaker 2: communicating in ways that we might not if we were
Speaker 2: sitting right in front of each other.
Speaker 1: Oh. I kind of think that this is controversial hot take,
Speaker 1: but I wish that every relationship started long distance. Matthew
Speaker 1: and I our first year was long distance. And the
Speaker 1: way the reason I said that is to say that
Speaker 1: is because it forced us to learn how to communicate.
Speaker 1: So by the time we were in the same city,
Speaker 1: we knew how to communicate through those hard moments, Whereas
Speaker 1: sometimes I think when you are with the person, you
Speaker 1: haven't worked that muscle sometimes and you let certain things slide,
Speaker 1: whereas if you're long distance, we learn very quickly you
Speaker 1: cannot let anything slide. Like also if you're long distance,
Speaker 1: like don't go more than like three or four weeks
Speaker 1: without seeing each other, because you start fighting with each other.
Speaker 1: Like there are these things that you start learning that
Speaker 1: you wouldn't learn if the person was you know, the
Speaker 1: kind of the love bomb of it all right, Like
Speaker 1: sometimes when you meet somebody, it's really super intense, and
Speaker 1: then when you hit the We were just talking to
Speaker 1: doctor Vanessa Marin and she was saying that physiologically, falling
Speaker 1: in love is it looks like doing cocaine. But if
Speaker 1: it can only last for that first like twelve to
Speaker 1: fourteen months, and so after that, what is there?
Speaker 3: So like when you're.
Speaker 1: Past that twelve to fourteen months, now you're like, get
Speaker 1: out of my house. But you also haven't like built
Speaker 1: the muscles for communication, not to say you can't do
Speaker 1: that without long distance, but I think that it forced
Speaker 1: us to figure that piece out, which made it very
Speaker 1: clear if we were to be each other's partner shor not.
Speaker 1: You know, look at us now, which you know I think.
Speaker 1: I also, I don't know how you feel about this.
Speaker 1: I think in my before Matthew, like when I got
Speaker 1: really clear that I was very happy with being with myself,
Speaker 1: which was also born out of before Matthew, I was
Speaker 1: in an emotionally abusive relationship for a couple of years,
Speaker 1: and so there was years in between that and Matthew
Speaker 1: of like healing and dating and like trying to find
Speaker 1: a new partner and wanting to be in a relationship
Speaker 1: and kind of and then I don't know what I'm
Speaker 1: trying to figure out, like what exactly happened where I
Speaker 1: was like, I'm done, Like I don't want to chase
Speaker 1: I'm pretty sure I read Rene Brown's Gifts of Imperfection,
Speaker 1: and I understood that I'm a perfectionist and I was
Speaker 1: tired of hating myself. I was tired of like criticizing
Speaker 1: and critiquing, and I was tired of trying to shape
Speaker 1: shift myself for a partner or for somebody else to
Speaker 1: like me. It was just getting so heavy and burdensome
Speaker 1: to wake up and be like, oh, I don't like
Speaker 1: this about me, and if I do the change, syste
Speaker 1: this will.
Speaker 3: Make me get attend.
Speaker 1: It's a full time job to self criticize like that.
Speaker 1: And so I think when you get tired enough, you stop,
Speaker 1: or you find a way to interrupt it, or you
Speaker 1: find the resources. You get into therapy, you read more books,
Speaker 1: you watch more videos, you talk to more people. But
Speaker 1: it's like, oh, if something needs to shift. And in
Speaker 1: that shift came a happiness with self. Not complete, but
Speaker 1: it was like, oh, I found ways to fall in
Speaker 1: love with me, which then now means that when I
Speaker 1: am dating or seeking dates, I'm not seeking it as
Speaker 1: a way for validation. You are affirming what I already
Speaker 1: know about myself, which is that I am lovable and
Speaker 1: that I'm a catch. And if I'm not a catch
Speaker 1: for you, it's not because I'm not a catch, it's.
Speaker 2: Just money for you, you know.
Speaker 1: And like that's such a that's such a different mind space.
Speaker 1: And I think so many of us, especially queer folks,
Speaker 1: especially women are trained to shape shift correct. But if
Speaker 1: I might encourage you listeners to check out Lauren Hill's
Speaker 1: unplugged MTV Unplugged album from however, like from how many
Speaker 1: decades ago, which it was it was a period when
Speaker 1: people were calling her crazy, but if you listen to
Speaker 1: it now, all the things we're talking about self care,
Speaker 1: mental health, Like she was talking about it on this
Speaker 1: special and people called her crazy.
Speaker 3: But one of the things she said is she.
Speaker 1: Talks about the story about meeting a partner, one of
Speaker 1: her partners, and how he had commented that she was
Speaker 1: eating like a man, quote unquote, and she and she
Speaker 1: was just like, yeah, I'm eating, Like I'm not going
Speaker 1: to hide how I eat to impress you, Like I'm
Speaker 1: not going to like take small bites to try and
Speaker 1: woo the main because that's what we do in the dating.
Speaker 3: We we do.
Speaker 1: These things and then we wake up next to each
Speaker 1: other ten years later and we're like, who the fuck
Speaker 1: are you right? Because we've been hiding ourselves. And I
Speaker 1: think there's a value in in just being and figuring.
Speaker 2: Out how to just be yourself, right. I think there's there.
Speaker 2: I mean, there's like I talk to friends all the
Speaker 2: time that you know, because we're both very similar. I
Speaker 2: think we're the friend that a lot of our friends
Speaker 2: come to that are like, so, here's what's happening, and
Speaker 2: you know, yes, and I mean listen, I get so
Speaker 2: much I get so much energy from that. But there's
Speaker 2: a lot of times a similar vibe when it comes
Speaker 2: to a lot of friends that is like I just
Speaker 2: don't I'm scared they're gonna see this. I'm scared that
Speaker 2: this is gonna come out. But it's like it will
Speaker 2: come out no matter what, whether you try, whether you
Speaker 2: put your best foot forward on the first day and
Speaker 2: you don't wear the clothes that you usually wear at home, Like,
Speaker 2: eventually they're gonna see the sweater with the stain on it, baby, Like,
Speaker 2: it's just gonna happen.
Speaker 3: Because you are good.
Speaker 2: There's only so much of a veneer that you can
Speaker 2: put up before it starts to chip away, and they're
Speaker 2: going to see the real you. Yeah, that's why I say, like,
Speaker 2: you know, obviously, don't show up like whatever, this is
Speaker 2: me bitch like. But but I would say, like, the
Speaker 2: person that is going to love you is going to
Speaker 2: love you, and they're going to see you and they're
Speaker 2: going to appreciate you. Now. Not everything is going to
Speaker 2: be you know, perfect, but there's you know, there's certain
Speaker 2: things about me that like, I like, I eat like
Speaker 2: a man. Like I eat, I don't My food doesn't
Speaker 2: get very far, you know what I mean. My boyfriend's
Speaker 2: always like he what did he say? Oh, we went
Speaker 2: to the movie theater. First time we went to the
Speaker 2: movie theater together. I got popcorn and I was like, oh,
Speaker 2: you're about to You're about to see me eat like
Speaker 2: a crazy person on this popcorn. And he's like, so,
Speaker 2: you mean like everything else? And I was like, I
Speaker 2: was like, oh. I was like, oh my god, he
Speaker 2: sees me, he sees he clawed me, and like I
Speaker 2: could have been like, oh my god, this is like
Speaker 2: a slobby things I eat too much, but I was
Speaker 2: kind of like, you better you ate that, like because
Speaker 2: ultimately I felt more connected to him in that moment
Speaker 2: because we were you know, I knew it wasn't born
Speaker 2: out of like you're a slob. It was more like
Speaker 2: I see it say.
Speaker 3: Like you like food, you like it food.
Speaker 2: It wasn't like, oh I saw the way he ate
Speaker 2: and I didn't call him back like you know, which
Speaker 2: is fine. If you didn't call me back then we
Speaker 2: probably wouldn't be together, you know. And I think people again,
Speaker 2: like you said, knowing that you are a catch and
Speaker 2: you're lovable, that is that is the work right there?
Speaker 2: You know what I mean that, I think you have
Speaker 2: to know at bottom line that you are worthy of love,
Speaker 2: especially loving yourself. Yeah, and we're we're taught like if
Speaker 2: you just fix this, if you just change this. We
Speaker 2: live in a world of change and perfection. And if
Speaker 2: you just have a little more money or if you just
Speaker 2: have a little more status, you're a little more body
Speaker 2: uh you know, less body fat, like whatever it is,
Speaker 2: you'll be more lovable. But at baseline, we are all lovable,
Speaker 2: like truly, And if you know that, without a shadow
Speaker 2: of a fucking doubt, sure you might want to change
Speaker 2: the little things here and there, that's normal. But if
Speaker 2: you have to just have to know baseline that you
Speaker 2: are fucking lovable, Yeah, that makes it so much less
Speaker 2: scary to be yourself in front of other people. You know.
Speaker 1: You saying that makes me go, like thinking about the
Speaker 1: words that we use, like change, growth, Like growth makes
Speaker 1: sense to me, change might even make sense, but it's
Speaker 1: the fix it right, Yeah, it's what we go, I
Speaker 1: gotta fix this about me. It's like, no, like that
Speaker 1: that is when we start to get into that self
Speaker 1: critical it's like, oh, I got to fix that or
Speaker 1: changed that about me to get whatever.
Speaker 3: It's like you can grow.
Speaker 1: You might decide to do something differently, and that's growth
Speaker 1: because you've got new information. But that still is you
Speaker 1: pouring into yourself, whereas the fixing thing is like trying
Speaker 1: to take shit out right, It's like I'm taking like
Speaker 1: I'm pouring this all this good water, all this good
Speaker 1: stuff out and I think never ends well because at
Speaker 1: some point that it's like, you're gonna have to pay this.
Speaker 2: Bill at some point totally.
Speaker 1: So we can pay this bill at the beginning on
Speaker 1: date one, two and three, or we can pay this
Speaker 1: bill once we're now married.
Speaker 3: There's got there's no prenup.
Speaker 1: At some point, the bill is gonna get paid because
Speaker 1: if we haven't shown who we are, it's gonna it's
Speaker 1: gonna run out at some point. If we're not talking
Speaker 1: to each other, if we're not communicating, that's gonna it's
Speaker 1: gonna reach it's gonna reach.
Speaker 3: Its limit at some point.
Speaker 1: And then I think you know, I find it not
Speaker 1: devastating because I think also we're all on our own journey,
Speaker 1: so it's nothing to say, oh, I did this wrong.
Speaker 3: But I do get sad.
Speaker 1: When I hear about people who are in long term
Speaker 1: relationships and had just never questioned anything and then suddenly
Speaker 1: felt blindsided because the relationship ended or kind of woke
Speaker 1: up and was like, oh, I'm not myself here, right
Speaker 1: because I wasn't. I've been drowning out who I am
Speaker 1: to kind of fit the mold of this relationship or
Speaker 1: what people think about our relationship or to be married
Speaker 1: or to have a wife or a husband. Like there's
Speaker 1: society really gets us with that.
Speaker 2: Yeah, And also but we also get ourselves by not
Speaker 2: asking questions and seeking answers, Like you know, when we
Speaker 2: say like, oh I need to fix this, well why why?
Speaker 2: Why do you? And why do you think you need
Speaker 2: to fix it? Because usually the through line of that
Speaker 2: is either it's it's baked in with some sort of
Speaker 2: like trauma or society or like someone's told you at
Speaker 2: some point that you needed to fix this part of it. Ye,
Speaker 2: your parent might have told you, well fix you you
Speaker 2: stand like that, Oh sorry, I'm such a sloudge because
Speaker 2: I really got to fix that. It's like if we're
Speaker 2: so worried about the fixing instead of really getting down
Speaker 2: to the nitty gritty in the bottom of things, you know,
Speaker 2: Like even in relationships, it's like why why haven't we
Speaker 2: communicated about this? Like I was telling Philip recently, I
Speaker 2: was like, I just have to communicate. We have to
Speaker 2: We don't have to communicate in the moment, but we
Speaker 2: have to talk about things because I've been in relationships
Speaker 2: where things went unsaid and those things build up, build up,
Speaker 2: build up, and then it gets so overwhelming. They're like,
Speaker 2: now there's just there's just too much to talk about. Yeah, there,
Speaker 2: you don't know where to start. So yeah, I feel
Speaker 2: like people just have to ask themselves much more questions
Speaker 2: like why do I feel like I should show up
Speaker 2: on the state like this instead of the way I am?
Speaker 2: Like why why am I, you know, doing this? Why
Speaker 2: do I feel like I need to lose five pounds
Speaker 2: before I go on vacation?
Speaker 1: Like you know, I ask why is a really it's
Speaker 1: a beautiful three letter word that really will free you up.
Speaker 1: I always say, over communicate state the obvious. There are
Speaker 1: no dumb questions like that is tea about community, Like
Speaker 1: just over communicate, state the fucking obvious. There are no
Speaker 1: dumb questions like that. To me is how you keep
Speaker 1: the relationship safe. It is like I'm not gonna assume anything.
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna assume your intentions. I'm gonna just ask
Speaker 1: the question, are you okay? Are we okay? This thing happened?
Speaker 1: I want to be like, don't let it fester? Is
Speaker 1: so important. My other question, my question for you though,
Speaker 1: is how did you Because you know there's a lot
Speaker 1: of self care language around You gotta love yourself, you
Speaker 1: gotta feel worthy.
Speaker 3: How did you?
Speaker 1: And I know it's not a linear process, but what
Speaker 1: are some things that you did to to learn how
Speaker 1: to love yourself? Like, what are some tangible things that
Speaker 1: you did?
Speaker 2: I think there's sometimes having evidence like evidence, and I mean,
Speaker 2: you know, even like when I was a kid, there's
Speaker 2: certain ways I felt about myself until people started telling
Speaker 2: me the opposite. And one of those things was my creativity.
Speaker 2: I was so creative and I knew I was so creative.
Speaker 2: And I loved art and I loved what I you know, acting,
Speaker 2: and I loved like making up stories and doing things
Speaker 2: like it was true. Nobody gave me those permission to
Speaker 2: do that. It was something that was born out of
Speaker 2: my my curiosity, my why. So when I became older
Speaker 2: and I and those things started to happen for me,
Speaker 2: I started to like get a job or like not
Speaker 2: even the job, but like I started to do to
Speaker 2: do plays that really meant something to me that when
Speaker 2: I finished, I felt, Wow, I really like that really
Speaker 2: felt so good in my body. And like you know,
Speaker 2: and then you have friends come and see you in
Speaker 2: the show or whatnot, and you're like, yeah, I was,
Speaker 2: you know, there's It's not like I was seeking validation.
Speaker 2: It was just like, oh, these people see what I've seen.
Speaker 2: So sometimes when you see a mirror of who you
Speaker 2: were then and now there's like sometimes you know, some
Speaker 2: people are good at certain things or you know, and
Speaker 2: it's not only born out of like what you can provide,
Speaker 2: but just knowing that you're like your your your inner
Speaker 2: child has something that they know about that your adult
Speaker 2: also is in touch with, you know. And so I
Speaker 2: feel like sometimes in my in my in my joy,
Speaker 2: I look for where where in my life I felt
Speaker 2: the most joy, and a lot of those those places
Speaker 2: are with self. A lot of those where oh, when
Speaker 2: I was a kid and I was running around the
Speaker 2: trees were really really big, Like going back to those
Speaker 2: parts of what I love about the world and about myself,
Speaker 2: I think really gave me a sort of a permission
Speaker 2: to be like, I really like this about me, you know,
Speaker 2: And sometimes it is you know, there are things that
Speaker 2: are tangible, like you know, your creativity, or you know
Speaker 2: the way that you show up for people, or you're
Speaker 2: good at sports. Like just being just being in your joy,
Speaker 2: I feel like gives you the permission to really understand
Speaker 2: yourself a little better, and so then gives you the
Speaker 2: opportunity to be able to deal with the negative a
Speaker 2: little better because you know the good parts that you have,
Speaker 2: you know, or the parts that make you happy. So
Speaker 2: when things make you sad or make you upset, you're like, Okay,
Speaker 2: how do I like conquer that the way I conquer
Speaker 2: my joy? The way I know how to get back there?
Speaker 2: And I I think like, yeah, I had a job
Speaker 2: fall through, and I really sat back and I thought,
Speaker 2: why am I so obsessed with this?
Speaker 3: Who Ah?
Speaker 2: Who am I if I don't have this? And you know,
Speaker 2: that's when I started to think all the way back,
Speaker 2: and I was like, oh, the reason I love this
Speaker 2: is because I love me doing this. It's not yes,
Speaker 2: you know, it's just not this by itself. It's the
Speaker 2: joy I get out of creating and doing that. That's me.
Speaker 1: You know, that's life changing, honestly. I mean like, and
Speaker 1: I don't say that like with any hyperbole, like finding
Speaker 1: your joy and like trying to remember where you've had joy,
Speaker 1: and because if you think about it, and I'm this
Speaker 1: inner child piece too, I always say like, I didn't
Speaker 1: know there was anything wrong with me. People told me
Speaker 1: there was something wrong with me. Correct, Right, So if
Speaker 1: you really think about like your two four vibe, like
Speaker 1: you're just doing you and then people.
Speaker 3: Say, don't walk like that, don't talk like that? Is
Speaker 3: it up?
Speaker 1: Or like your nose is this? I think about my
Speaker 1: nose all the time. I used to hate my nose,
Speaker 1: and then when I asked the why question, it was like, oh,
Speaker 1: somebody told me that my nose was too exactly, but
Speaker 1: it doesn't mean that my nose is too big. You know,
Speaker 1: like people are projecting their bullshit on you or their
Speaker 1: fears on you. Right, you see a boy being feminine
Speaker 1: and then there's fears get triggered about that masculinity, and
Speaker 1: then you tell that boy don't do that, don't walk
Speaker 1: like that, and then that boy grows up feeling oh,
Speaker 1: I can't, I shouldn't do this, And I think we
Speaker 1: have to. One of our mentors said, after I got that
Speaker 1: emotionally abusive relationship, she said to me, if you were
Speaker 1: your own parent, what advice would you give yourself? Because
Speaker 1: I'm out of this emotionally abusive relationship and I had
Speaker 1: become a strange from my mother, so there was a
Speaker 1: real like I'm on my own, And she said, well,
Speaker 1: now you have to parent yourself. If you were your
Speaker 1: own parent, what advice would you give yourself? And I
Speaker 1: think that that's how we have to start. I think
Speaker 1: that that is a path forward to loving yourself. Is
Speaker 1: how do you protect your inner child? How do you
Speaker 1: let your inner child who was the one who told
Speaker 1: they're do this, they're do that they shouldn't do how
Speaker 1: do you go back and rewrite that and say, hey, no, baby,
Speaker 1: Like the way you walk is beautiful, right, I laugh, perfect,
Speaker 1: that creativity is gorgeous, Like how do you find that
Speaker 1: joy again and be a parent to yourself who encourages
Speaker 1: it as opposed to what you might have experienced at
Speaker 1: home or at school, which was to bash it or
Speaker 1: suppress it. We I mean is It's what's so insiduous
Speaker 1: about all of this is that like the world or
Speaker 1: somebody projects something on us, and then we continue to
Speaker 1: do the work of it.
Speaker 2: Right, But it's also what we choose to pick up,
Speaker 2: you know, because the same way somebody told us that
Speaker 2: we were too talkative or we walk like a girl,
Speaker 2: there were also people in our lives that were like,
Speaker 2: that was a great science project, Johnny, Oh, they should
Speaker 2: be very proud of yourself. Why is it that we
Speaker 2: give so much to the bullies but we don't give
Speaker 2: enough to the people that have championed us. Yes, you know,
Speaker 2: it's sometimes it's when we get an award, it's like
Speaker 2: I just want to thank the people that were riding
Speaker 2: with me. But but ultimately, like I will even I
Speaker 2: will look on a post on Instagram and there will
Speaker 2: be hundreds of sweet comments, and then there's that one
Speaker 2: one that's like, you have your teeth are weird, and.
Speaker 3: I'm like, yeah, my god, I knew.
Speaker 2: I always knew my teeth were weird, but everyone else
Speaker 2: is like beautiful, stunning, da da da, and it's it's
Speaker 2: what I've chosen. And people will say, how come you
Speaker 2: responded to this comment and not to ours that are
Speaker 2: showing you love. Yeah, it's because that is what I'm
Speaker 2: I'm used to picking that up because sometimes self harm is,
Speaker 2: you know, it's just the easier thing. It's like, it's like, oh,
Speaker 2: if you if you think you're bad, you're going to
Speaker 2: see the bad part in that person. But if you
Speaker 2: think you're good, you're gonna be like, yes, I love that.
Speaker 2: I love that, you know, and I know that. I
Speaker 2: thank you for affirming what, like you said earlier, thank
Speaker 2: you for affirming what I already know.
Speaker 3: You know, Yeah, we really do.
Speaker 1: It's like you can get one hundred comments that say
Speaker 1: you're fabulous and that one says bitch, you suck, and
Speaker 1: you're like, and I feel like there's I forget what
Speaker 1: the quote is, but there's somebody basically saying if you can't,
Speaker 1: like essentially like you can't accept the good comments without
Speaker 1: accept like, if you're putting weight on the good comments,
Speaker 1: you also have to put weight on the bad comments.
Speaker 3: And so I think that's.
Speaker 1: Why it really actually is to start with you to
Speaker 1: begin with, right that like you, you get to observe
Speaker 1: what people are saying and when it supports, absorb it,
Speaker 1: but if it doesn't, you also have to have that
Speaker 1: cognizance like this is just another person who also might
Speaker 1: be hurt.
Speaker 2: Who might be doing most.
Speaker 3: Likely it's hurt.
Speaker 1: Because also to fix your fingers to come on my
Speaker 1: good sister's page and say some.
Speaker 3: Dumb shit you hurt, maybe you mad? You know what
Speaker 3: I'm saying.
Speaker 1: So it's like, oh, if I can remember that, oh
Speaker 1: maybe that person is mad or hurt, I don't need
Speaker 1: to take that on. That's also I think freeing. It's
Speaker 1: it's how you again protecting your inner child, because because honestly,
Speaker 1: I think it's it's the thirteen year old who wants
Speaker 1: to write back, right, It's like it's the younger verse
Speaker 1: of yourself who got bullied for X, Y and Z,
Speaker 1: who gets that commedy go.
Speaker 2: And you did and might have not had your voice
Speaker 2: back then. But basically I've got the voice.
Speaker 3: Got the voice now, So I'm ready to go, but
Speaker 3: you kind of have to go. Maybe I don't have to.
Speaker 1: Yeah, maybe it's more loving for myself to not actually
Speaker 1: engage with that and to remind myself that that is false,
Speaker 1: which is why it's so important to know what you
Speaker 1: know about yourself and to do that work, to fill
Speaker 1: your cup, to love yourself, to do take whatever steps
Speaker 1: so that when you are ready for that partnership or
Speaker 1: whatever it's it's affirming even a partner, friends, like whoever
Speaker 1: you're bringing into your life, that it's affirming what you
Speaker 1: know about yourself.
Speaker 2: Right, and to know also, like I always say this
Speaker 2: about friends, because there were times where I'm like, I'm
Speaker 2: just hanging out with too many people. I'm like and
Speaker 2: I'm not and I get home sometimes and I feel drained,
Speaker 2: and I'm like, Okay, I need to remember, yes, who
Speaker 2: I'm with and how I feel after I'm with them. Yes,
Speaker 2: you know if I feel like I could, I could
Speaker 2: have really spent two more hours with those people, I
Speaker 2: really could. I just love who I am when I
Speaker 2: leave that environment. If you if that is how you feel,
Speaker 2: it's kind of like what I was saying. Remember how
Speaker 2: you felt when you were a kid and you the
Speaker 2: happiest moments that you experience. You can still do that
Speaker 2: in your day to day like how did this person?
Speaker 2: Do I feel better from this exchange or do I
Speaker 2: feel worse? And I think that's really I think that's
Speaker 2: also just you know, growing into yourself of kind of
Speaker 2: understanding what you will and will not put up with
Speaker 2: or want to be around. Yeah, not to say everybody
Speaker 2: you know isn't great in their own way, but it's
Speaker 2: like I'm not feeling energized by instraction.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it doesn't mean the person is bad, you're not
Speaker 1: judging it. But I've done that. I've really literally in
Speaker 1: the last year, have cut out social engagements where I
Speaker 1: don't where I know that I'm not going to be
Speaker 1: poured into correct because I'm also somebody and you're this person.
Speaker 1: Like when we show up, we excited energy, and so
Speaker 1: to give all that energy and not feel like it's reciprocated.
Speaker 1: It doesn't mean the people are bad or the place
Speaker 1: is bad. Somebody said it, like, it's just like it's
Speaker 1: my space but not my people. Sometimes right, like we're like, oh,
Speaker 1: like I like I like this party or I like
Speaker 1: this viber, I like I like dinner, but like that
Speaker 1: not with that person, and that's okay.
Speaker 2: And that's also like and the same thing with dating,
Speaker 2: Like people are like, oh, I just hope that he
Speaker 2: thinks this or they you know, I hope that they
Speaker 2: What about? What about? What if you don't like them?
Speaker 2: What if you is? What if the way they eat
Speaker 2: is not what you're into? Like? Why is it that
Speaker 2: we're always placating?
Speaker 3: Oh?
Speaker 2: I hope this person thinks this? What about? What do
Speaker 2: you think?
Speaker 3: Always the chase? Can you flip that?
Speaker 1: That's like as actors too, right, Like I hope they
Speaker 1: cast me. It's like, well, let me ask a question
Speaker 1: to you, like how do y'all work? How do y'all operate?
Speaker 1: Is this where I want to be take back that ownership?
Speaker 3: And can I say that?
Speaker 1: That is actually love? Like love is I want you
Speaker 1: to be happy. I want you to get the win,
Speaker 1: even if it's not with me, because because I'm also
Speaker 1: I'm also gonna win and I'm also wins.
Speaker 2: My win is my win, like you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1: But like if this, if it's you and I are
Speaker 1: not the wind together, I still want to see you
Speaker 1: happy and I'm not gonna waste your time.
Speaker 3: I'm not gonna hold you. Maybe I'm not gonna hold you.
Speaker 3: Don't mind your thing? You know what I'm saying? I
Speaker 3: love that?
Speaker 1: Thank you so much for being here, the loveliest conversation,
Speaker 1: and please come back to La soon.
Speaker 3: I need to to hold you.
Speaker 1: We need a key, key and off mike, key key.
Speaker 1: Thank you for being here, baby, love you baby. You
Speaker 1: know we're hose here, but hose with heart. So before
Speaker 1: I get out of here, I would like to speak
Speaker 1: to yours. You know, Johnny said so many things that
Speaker 1: had me. I'm sure you heard me, just like I
Speaker 1: wanted to do a praise step. But you know some
Speaker 1: of my big takeaways because you know, self love it's
Speaker 1: talked about all the time, and it's to the point
Speaker 1: where it can feel diluted and saturated, and you're like,
Speaker 1: what does that actually mean?
Speaker 3: If I tell you to love yourself? What does that
Speaker 3: actually mean to do that?
Speaker 1: And so I really appreciate just having some tangible moves.
Speaker 1: What is your why? You know, the asking why a lot?
Speaker 1: You know, why does it.
Speaker 3: Have to be that way?
Speaker 1: Why can't it be that way? There is a quote
Speaker 1: by Walt Whitman that I am going to take a
Speaker 1: beautiful second to look up so that I can read
Speaker 1: it to you, and it goes re examine all you
Speaker 1: have been told in school or church and in any
Speaker 1: book and dismiss whatever insults your own soul. I think
Speaker 1: it's so important that we question everything and it's not
Speaker 1: you know, it's not. It shouldn't be in a in
Speaker 1: a way of shame or or to fix right right.
Speaker 1: It's about growth, it's about evolution, It's about healing and
Speaker 1: so being able to ask the why why do I
Speaker 1: think that I need to lose weight or gain weight?
Speaker 1: Why do I think my nose is too big? Why
Speaker 1: do I think I need to do X, Y and
Speaker 1: Z in order to be lovable?
Speaker 3: Why? Why? Why? And again?
Speaker 1: Gently you know, and see what answers come up as
Speaker 1: you start to shift. I also really love finding your joy,
Speaker 1: remembering what made you happy as a kid. What were
Speaker 1: the things that you loved before somebody told you it
Speaker 1: was stupid, before somebody told you that you know, it
Speaker 1: was that's gay, or that's this, or girls don't do that?
Speaker 3: Boy?
Speaker 1: Like, what did you love? What did you gravitate to?
Speaker 1: Was it arts and crafts? Was it doing stand up
Speaker 1: or doing stage work? Was it you know, climbing trees?
Speaker 1: Was it hiking? Like? What are the things that used
Speaker 1: to bring you joy? How can you come back to self?
Speaker 1: How can you come back to that inner child. And
Speaker 1: as I said, reparent, you know, we whether whatever your
Speaker 1: relationship to your parent is beautiful, but like now in
Speaker 1: your adulthood, you're inner child still needs that parent and
Speaker 1: it's you they right, like, give up whatever fantasies you
Speaker 1: have if you don't have a great really with your parents,
Speaker 1: give up whatever fantasies you have about them, fixing that
Speaker 1: they don't need to like, let them be who they are.
Speaker 1: You are now responsible for you. So if you are
Speaker 1: the one that is self criticizing and tearing yourself down
Speaker 1: and telling yourself that you're not lovable, you're not worthy,
Speaker 1: that's your responsibility to change that, to nurture yourself back
Speaker 1: to health. And finally, I really, really, you know, I've
Speaker 1: been working. I'm a perfectionist. I'm a recovering perfectionist, is
Speaker 1: what I say. And so sometimes I slide back like
Speaker 1: I am. I consider perfectionism my addiction. That is something
Speaker 1: that I am with no with no jokes, with no smoke,
Speaker 1: like that is my addiction. I'm very much addicted to it.
Speaker 1: And I have been working on how do I allow
Speaker 1: myself to be messy, which is why this podcast and
Speaker 1: Messy Mondays has been, so I always say it to you.
Speaker 1: It means so much to me because as much as
Speaker 1: I also love talking to you, it reminds me and
Speaker 1: encourag is me to remember that it is okay to
Speaker 1: be messy. And so Johnny framing it like, enjoy the
Speaker 1: mess enjoy it, don't You don't have to. You don't
Speaker 1: have to just like sit in there and be like, ah,
Speaker 1: this is the content of what I'm sitting in it.
Speaker 1: But can you enjoy it? Can you find some joy
Speaker 1: inside of being messy? Can you, you know, remind yourself,
Speaker 1: this is your first time on the planet. You know,
Speaker 1: you might have some other beliefs, this might be your
Speaker 1: second or third time, but in this consciousness, it is
Speaker 1: your first time here. You are not going to get
Speaker 1: it right. There is no such thing as right. You
Speaker 1: won't fuck some shit up. You're not gonna be perfect.
Speaker 1: Can you be okay with that? And can you let
Speaker 1: the journey be the goal? Can you let the journey
Speaker 1: and the messiness be what keeps you alive your humanity?
Speaker 1: It's actually beautiful how imperfect it is. Yeah, that's that's
Speaker 1: I'm interested in what resonated with you, So feel free
Speaker 1: to email me it tell Me Something Messy at gmail
Speaker 1: dot com, or there's that phone line which you know.
Speaker 1: I'm a three six nine, six sixty nine messy girl.
Speaker 1: I was about to give you my real phone number. No,
Speaker 1: don't call my real phone, bitch, call the phone line. Okay,
Speaker 1: I got enough emails and phone calls coming in already.
Speaker 1: Okay these texts, honey, But six nine, six sixty nine messy.
Speaker 3: I pay my taxes. Don't don't, don't don't come for
Speaker 3: me please?
Speaker 2: All right?
Speaker 3: I love you so much.
Speaker 1: And before we get out of here, just another reminder
Speaker 1: that you can rate, review, and subscribe to our podcast.
Speaker 1: It really helps us get it all the way out there,
Speaker 1: share it with somebody you love, and hit those show
Speaker 1: notes and vote for our Queerity Award.
Speaker 3: Baby. Okay, yes, now what else we gotta tell you about.
Speaker 1: You can find me on Instagram as well at Brandon
Speaker 1: Kyle Goodman. You can find our podcast at tell Me
Speaker 1: Something Messy.
Speaker 3: And you can join our community on.
Speaker 1: The Messy Monday's substack. When you subscribe, you'll get weekly posts,
Speaker 1: recommendations on sex and self and so much more. Also,
Speaker 1: I want to hear from you, so send your topic ideas,
Speaker 1: your messy stories, your submissions, your game ideas to tell
Speaker 1: Me Something Messy at gmail dot com. You can also
Speaker 1: call us at six six nine sixty nine Messy That
Speaker 1: is sixty six nine six ninety six three seven seven nine,
Speaker 1: Rate review and share this podcast with all your HOE
Speaker 1: and aspiring HOE friends.
Speaker 3: Really really helps the show out, all right.
Speaker 1: Until next time, ask about the politics of that dick
Speaker 1: before you make it spit, make sure they eat the kitty,
Speaker 1: buffore they beat the kitty before fuckation or suctation communication.
Speaker 1: And in case you haven't heard it yet, today you
Speaker 1: are so deeply loved. I love you, hie. Thank you
Speaker 1: so much for listening to tell Me Something Messy. If
Speaker 1: you all enjoyed the show, send me episode to someone
Speaker 1: else who might like. Tell Me Something Messy was executive
Speaker 1: produced by Ali Perry, Gabrielle Collins and Yours Truly. Our
Speaker 1: producer and editor is Vince Dejohnny. For more podcasts from
Speaker 1: iHeartRadio and The Outspoken Network, visit the iHeartRadio app or
Speaker 1: anywhere you subscribe to your favorite shows.