1 00:00:00,120 --> 00:00:35,560 Speaker 1: Welcome. You are now listening to the Professional profession. Hey, 2 00:00:35,600 --> 00:00:37,879 Speaker 1: Professional home Girls is the kid of a name from 3 00:00:37,880 --> 00:00:40,599 Speaker 1: the PSD podcast, the only place where you would hear 4 00:00:40,840 --> 00:00:43,839 Speaker 1: interviews from black women an honestly on stories that will 5 00:00:43,920 --> 00:00:46,839 Speaker 1: enlighten and expand on taboo topics. Now, if you hear 6 00:00:46,920 --> 00:00:49,920 Speaker 1: someone that sounds familiar, mind the business that pays you child. 7 00:00:50,360 --> 00:00:53,120 Speaker 1: If you like the PhD podcast, please rate, review and 8 00:00:53,159 --> 00:00:57,200 Speaker 1: subscribe on Apple Podcasts. Please five star reviews only hold 9 00:00:57,200 --> 00:01:00,200 Speaker 1: me down, don't hold me up. Merchants now enveloped on 10 00:01:00,200 --> 00:01:02,280 Speaker 1: the site as well as my book list, so please 11 00:01:02,320 --> 00:01:04,320 Speaker 1: make sure you visit the link in the show notes below. 12 00:01:04,959 --> 00:01:06,920 Speaker 1: You can connect with the kid on Instagram at the 13 00:01:06,920 --> 00:01:10,560 Speaker 1: Professional Homegirl and at the PhD podcast. If you are 14 00:01:10,600 --> 00:01:14,240 Speaker 1: on Twitter, please follow me at the PhD podcast now. 15 00:01:14,280 --> 00:01:16,360 Speaker 1: If you are all caught up with episode, listen to 16 00:01:16,360 --> 00:01:19,720 Speaker 1: the bonus episodes by supporting the PSD podcast Patreon account. 17 00:01:19,880 --> 00:01:24,639 Speaker 1: To support, please visit www dot patreon dot com. Forward 18 00:01:24,680 --> 00:01:28,160 Speaker 1: slash the PSD podcast now. Please keep in mind that 19 00:01:28,240 --> 00:01:30,360 Speaker 1: all of my guests are nonnes so let's again this 20 00:01:30,400 --> 00:01:36,800 Speaker 1: week's episode. I am super excited to have my guests 21 00:01:36,800 --> 00:01:39,319 Speaker 1: on the show today as she is an advocate for 22 00:01:39,400 --> 00:01:43,280 Speaker 1: people with disabilities while changing the perception of what disability 23 00:01:43,360 --> 00:01:45,720 Speaker 1: looks like. So, to my guests, thank you so much 24 00:01:45,720 --> 00:01:48,360 Speaker 1: for being a part of the Professional Homegirl podcast. How 25 00:01:48,360 --> 00:01:53,240 Speaker 1: are you doing today? I'm doing great. Thank you for asking. 26 00:01:54,280 --> 00:01:57,040 Speaker 1: I'm just happy that I'm happy that you even asked 27 00:01:57,080 --> 00:02:00,200 Speaker 1: me to come on here. Honestly, it's a pleasure of Yes, 28 00:02:00,280 --> 00:02:02,720 Speaker 1: I saw your page, I said, oh she lit, I 29 00:02:02,760 --> 00:02:08,240 Speaker 1: got time for this one. It also happy related birthday? 30 00:02:08,400 --> 00:02:11,240 Speaker 1: What did you do? Oh my god? Thank you? Oh god? 31 00:02:11,280 --> 00:02:14,760 Speaker 1: My birthday was crazy. So like I always celebrate my 32 00:02:14,800 --> 00:02:18,839 Speaker 1: birthday as if it's like a holiday. Honestly, I'm big 33 00:02:18,880 --> 00:02:21,200 Speaker 1: on birthday. It's like my mother. I've always had a 34 00:02:21,200 --> 00:02:23,360 Speaker 1: birthday party, like my mother made sure of it. I 35 00:02:23,400 --> 00:02:26,240 Speaker 1: was the only child for ten years, so I always 36 00:02:26,440 --> 00:02:29,520 Speaker 1: had great birthday. So this year I did the first day, 37 00:02:29,560 --> 00:02:31,320 Speaker 1: like on the actual day of my birthday is my 38 00:02:31,320 --> 00:02:34,560 Speaker 1: birthday is June seventeen. I'm a Gemini for everybody living. 39 00:02:34,720 --> 00:02:37,160 Speaker 1: So I got out to my gyminis out there because 40 00:02:37,200 --> 00:02:41,600 Speaker 1: everybody hates us, but I love us period and um 41 00:02:41,680 --> 00:02:43,520 Speaker 1: this on the on the day of my birthday, I 42 00:02:43,520 --> 00:02:45,320 Speaker 1: went out to eat and then I went to a 43 00:02:45,360 --> 00:02:48,320 Speaker 1: lounge and then the next day I did like a 44 00:02:48,400 --> 00:02:51,360 Speaker 1: P Valley theme, like so if anybody doesn't watch P Valley, 45 00:02:51,360 --> 00:02:54,040 Speaker 1: it's a stripper shell or whatever. So I had like 46 00:02:54,160 --> 00:02:57,760 Speaker 1: my cousin, she's a full instructor. She came through and 47 00:02:57,800 --> 00:03:00,359 Speaker 1: her Instagram is like c Fitness and shot her out 48 00:03:00,480 --> 00:03:04,799 Speaker 1: and she gave pout of her poles and she showed 49 00:03:04,919 --> 00:03:06,960 Speaker 1: people some tricks and she was up there doing anything. 50 00:03:06,960 --> 00:03:08,600 Speaker 1: And then we all had to dress up as if 51 00:03:08,600 --> 00:03:11,639 Speaker 1: we were a part of P Valley. So it was nice, cute. Yeah. 52 00:03:11,639 --> 00:03:13,680 Speaker 1: I saw some pictures like that your person in your page. 53 00:03:13,720 --> 00:03:17,200 Speaker 1: I'm like, okay, but I little name party. Those are 54 00:03:17,240 --> 00:03:21,000 Speaker 1: so much fun, especially when it's like everybody follows suit. 55 00:03:21,280 --> 00:03:24,480 Speaker 1: So everybody came, everybody came dressed up, everybody had a 56 00:03:24,520 --> 00:03:27,959 Speaker 1: good time. Everybody looked beautiful like I love it, and 57 00:03:28,080 --> 00:03:30,799 Speaker 1: the drinks was flowing and everybody was feeling good. The 58 00:03:30,960 --> 00:03:34,560 Speaker 1: music was on point. It really felt like P Valley 59 00:03:34,600 --> 00:03:36,680 Speaker 1: and it was right in my apartment. It was so dope. 60 00:03:37,000 --> 00:03:39,840 Speaker 1: Oh nice, nice, And I saw congratulations you just got 61 00:03:39,880 --> 00:03:44,480 Speaker 1: new apartment. Oh thank you. Yes, I've been here since November. 62 00:03:44,960 --> 00:03:47,560 Speaker 1: It's this is my first time living on my own. 63 00:03:47,600 --> 00:03:50,320 Speaker 1: I've done with my mom so since I was until 64 00:03:50,320 --> 00:03:52,720 Speaker 1: I was twenty five, now just during twenty six. So 65 00:03:53,120 --> 00:03:54,880 Speaker 1: shout was to my mom for keeping me there that long. 66 00:03:54,960 --> 00:03:59,320 Speaker 1: But I mean my mom and I lived with my 67 00:03:59,320 --> 00:04:03,160 Speaker 1: mom and my grand mam and now now in my 68 00:04:03,200 --> 00:04:06,760 Speaker 1: own place, you know, and it's because it's me and 69 00:04:06,800 --> 00:04:08,600 Speaker 1: my son and he has his own room now, so 70 00:04:08,680 --> 00:04:11,280 Speaker 1: he gets to go and you know, just be creative 71 00:04:11,280 --> 00:04:13,720 Speaker 1: and do what he doesn't be bad as we honestly 72 00:04:14,120 --> 00:04:15,560 Speaker 1: let me be third real listening to him up on 73 00:04:15,600 --> 00:04:18,720 Speaker 1: the frontal here he is bad and good. Shout out 74 00:04:18,720 --> 00:04:20,400 Speaker 1: see your mom for holding you down, because you know, 75 00:04:20,480 --> 00:04:22,600 Speaker 1: some people don't have that luxury to be to still 76 00:04:22,600 --> 00:04:27,000 Speaker 1: be at home where they mom. Help my mother, my mother, 77 00:04:27,120 --> 00:04:30,440 Speaker 1: that's my that's my heart right there. Like she she's 78 00:04:30,440 --> 00:04:32,880 Speaker 1: the best because you know, we go through our things 79 00:04:32,920 --> 00:04:35,520 Speaker 1: just like any other mother and daughter would. But at 80 00:04:35,560 --> 00:04:37,719 Speaker 1: the same time, my mother never gave up on me. 81 00:04:37,960 --> 00:04:40,720 Speaker 1: She's there for my son like they have the best born, 82 00:04:40,839 --> 00:04:44,200 Speaker 1: like they're gone. It's so cute, like like she really 83 00:04:44,240 --> 00:04:48,160 Speaker 1: think that's her son, but no, she's so cute together. 84 00:04:48,240 --> 00:04:50,279 Speaker 1: And I'm the first child. So it's like I'm the first, 85 00:04:50,279 --> 00:04:53,400 Speaker 1: I had the first grand baby, you know, so, oh yeah, 86 00:04:53,960 --> 00:04:56,560 Speaker 1: got the best man. I missed my grandma she was everything. 87 00:04:57,760 --> 00:05:01,160 Speaker 1: Oh my god, I'm sorry to Mike Nolan to thank you. 88 00:05:02,120 --> 00:05:04,279 Speaker 1: So why do you think there is such a stigmas 89 00:05:04,320 --> 00:05:09,960 Speaker 1: around and disability because people just think like, oh, disability, like, oh, 90 00:05:10,640 --> 00:05:12,360 Speaker 1: you know what I mean, Like that's what people think 91 00:05:12,440 --> 00:05:15,920 Speaker 1: and that's not the case. Like because even if someone 92 00:05:16,040 --> 00:05:19,440 Speaker 1: doesn't respond or react the same way that you do, 93 00:05:19,480 --> 00:05:22,480 Speaker 1: because it's not always a physical disability. Some disabilities people, 94 00:05:22,520 --> 00:05:25,559 Speaker 1: you know what I mean, sometimes semental disability or something, 95 00:05:25,720 --> 00:05:27,839 Speaker 1: you know what I mean, a cognitive disability. There's different 96 00:05:27,880 --> 00:05:32,160 Speaker 1: things people just automatically get to oh, like they get 97 00:05:32,200 --> 00:05:35,359 Speaker 1: scared or they just get really curious and they ask 98 00:05:35,480 --> 00:05:39,360 Speaker 1: rude questions thinking that it makes sense. But no, we're people, 99 00:05:39,560 --> 00:05:42,360 Speaker 1: like we're all alive, we're all breathing air. God put 100 00:05:42,440 --> 00:05:44,760 Speaker 1: us here for a reason, whether you understand it or not. 101 00:05:44,920 --> 00:05:48,080 Speaker 1: So it's like we're gonna be here, like we're here 102 00:05:48,120 --> 00:05:50,240 Speaker 1: to say. So people need to wake up and stop 103 00:05:50,240 --> 00:05:53,920 Speaker 1: being ignorant and just thinking like, oh, someone disabled, like 104 00:05:54,040 --> 00:05:57,080 Speaker 1: I'm we're less than you know what I mean, and 105 00:05:57,160 --> 00:06:00,120 Speaker 1: that's not the case. Like when God maybe even the 106 00:06:00,200 --> 00:06:02,320 Speaker 1: mistakes when he put me in his wheelchair was no mistakes. 107 00:06:02,839 --> 00:06:06,760 Speaker 1: Everything for a reason. So what would you say, are 108 00:06:06,800 --> 00:06:11,000 Speaker 1: some misconceptions of being disabled? I mean, see, I can't 109 00:06:11,000 --> 00:06:13,919 Speaker 1: speak for every disability, and that's another thing because I 110 00:06:13,960 --> 00:06:17,680 Speaker 1: have a spinal cord injury. So from my from my 111 00:06:17,800 --> 00:06:22,000 Speaker 1: perspective on that, um, I just think that people just 112 00:06:22,000 --> 00:06:24,960 Speaker 1: automatically assumed like I need help with everything. Like they 113 00:06:25,160 --> 00:06:27,400 Speaker 1: here and they're like, oh, she needs let me help her, 114 00:06:27,480 --> 00:06:29,240 Speaker 1: you know what I mean? Like I go outside and 115 00:06:29,800 --> 00:06:32,400 Speaker 1: they're like, oh do you do you need to They 116 00:06:32,480 --> 00:06:34,360 Speaker 1: seen me rolling and stuff, They're like, oh, sure, what 117 00:06:34,440 --> 00:06:36,240 Speaker 1: she's doing all the stuff? Like I thought Willie's some 118 00:06:36,279 --> 00:06:39,080 Speaker 1: of the people get excited. But now that I have 119 00:06:39,160 --> 00:06:41,520 Speaker 1: my son and even it's not even worse because people 120 00:06:41,560 --> 00:06:43,240 Speaker 1: just assumed like, oh my god, she has to baby, 121 00:06:43,279 --> 00:06:44,480 Speaker 1: Like what is she doing with you know what I mean? 122 00:06:44,520 --> 00:06:47,000 Speaker 1: What is she the baby? How can she do this? 123 00:06:47,080 --> 00:06:49,080 Speaker 1: How is it possible? But I wrote my son right 124 00:06:49,120 --> 00:06:53,000 Speaker 1: in my life, we'll be out. But he'd be pushing you. Yeah, 125 00:06:53,080 --> 00:06:55,599 Speaker 1: he pushed it. Listen, he lazy. Now that was that 126 00:06:55,680 --> 00:06:58,720 Speaker 1: was before now you're like mommy, he said, he's got 127 00:06:58,760 --> 00:07:06,440 Speaker 1: my legs like mommy, I'm tired, but I'll go ahead. No, no, 128 00:07:06,480 --> 00:07:08,000 Speaker 1: I was gonna say, I'm not gonna lie. I feel 129 00:07:08,000 --> 00:07:09,760 Speaker 1: like when I watch your videos and stuff you do 130 00:07:09,880 --> 00:07:16,600 Speaker 1: make it look like like it's easy. It's pretty easy, honestly, 131 00:07:16,720 --> 00:07:19,240 Speaker 1: because it's when you want to get something done, it's 132 00:07:19,320 --> 00:07:21,080 Speaker 1: just like, all right, I gotta do this, you know 133 00:07:21,120 --> 00:07:23,560 Speaker 1: what I mean. And the pushing of the chair part, 134 00:07:23,640 --> 00:07:26,480 Speaker 1: the physical aspect of it. No, because I'm a girl, 135 00:07:26,520 --> 00:07:28,240 Speaker 1: I don't want to sit there and push myself around 136 00:07:28,240 --> 00:07:32,240 Speaker 1: all day, like right, So sometimes I don't. But I 137 00:07:32,360 --> 00:07:36,200 Speaker 1: used to be out honestly, before I had my baby 138 00:07:36,200 --> 00:07:39,360 Speaker 1: and stuff like I used to be physically like flying 139 00:07:39,440 --> 00:07:41,760 Speaker 1: down the street. Now I got more cautious, you know 140 00:07:41,800 --> 00:07:43,120 Speaker 1: what I mean. Like I used to be rolling. I 141 00:07:43,200 --> 00:07:45,000 Speaker 1: used to roll on the street. Now I'm more cautious. 142 00:07:45,040 --> 00:07:49,200 Speaker 1: I'm still out. I just don't. I just I used 143 00:07:49,200 --> 00:07:50,560 Speaker 1: to take the train. I used to take the bus 144 00:07:50,640 --> 00:07:53,040 Speaker 1: because I'm from New York, so we you know, we 145 00:07:53,120 --> 00:07:55,080 Speaker 1: take the train in the bus everywhere. It's no point 146 00:07:55,080 --> 00:08:00,200 Speaker 1: in cars because traffic everywhere, and I um, and I 147 00:08:00,200 --> 00:08:04,760 Speaker 1: lost my train of thought. I am fried. Wait do 148 00:08:04,800 --> 00:08:08,080 Speaker 1: you smoke before the inter of you? Oh my god, 149 00:08:08,360 --> 00:08:15,520 Speaker 1: do not snitch on me. You could be yourself. Listenquestional 150 00:08:15,520 --> 00:08:21,320 Speaker 1: home girls about honey, I am quitting marijuana. I'm putting 151 00:08:21,360 --> 00:08:26,320 Speaker 1: marijuana in July. So why are you quitting because I'm 152 00:08:26,360 --> 00:08:28,640 Speaker 1: just taking a break from it. It's like, you know, 153 00:08:28,720 --> 00:08:31,520 Speaker 1: because I get skinny, Like I get really sinning that smoke, 154 00:08:31,720 --> 00:08:37,880 Speaker 1: so it curbs my appetites. Don't you think you addicted? No, 155 00:08:38,120 --> 00:08:40,600 Speaker 1: I'm not addicted because I can stop. I've stopped smoking 156 00:08:40,640 --> 00:08:44,720 Speaker 1: for years. Do you people can't get addicted. Of course, 157 00:08:44,800 --> 00:08:47,360 Speaker 1: you can get addicted to any weed as a drug. 158 00:08:47,440 --> 00:08:50,520 Speaker 1: People don't want to admit it or whatever. It's a drug, 159 00:08:50,600 --> 00:08:53,240 Speaker 1: so you can get addicted to it anything like that. Yes, 160 00:08:53,840 --> 00:08:55,800 Speaker 1: but no, I don't have an addicted personality. I can 161 00:08:55,880 --> 00:08:59,160 Speaker 1: quit anything like I love. I used to love drinking. 162 00:08:59,559 --> 00:09:02,520 Speaker 1: I stopped like once I got pregnant. I had this 163 00:09:02,640 --> 00:09:04,360 Speaker 1: and I was breastfeeding for a two and a half years, 164 00:09:04,360 --> 00:09:06,800 Speaker 1: so I wasn't smoking for a long as so like 165 00:09:07,160 --> 00:09:09,760 Speaker 1: I wasn't one of the women that was smoking. No 166 00:09:10,040 --> 00:09:12,040 Speaker 1: judgment of y'all, I wouldn't do I don't do it. 167 00:09:12,080 --> 00:09:16,320 Speaker 1: But you know that's just me. But I can quit smoking. 168 00:09:18,559 --> 00:09:26,600 Speaker 1: I think I was listening to either your show. I 169 00:09:26,640 --> 00:09:28,400 Speaker 1: was listening to something you were talking about, and you 170 00:09:28,440 --> 00:09:32,280 Speaker 1: made a joke about. Another misconception is about how people 171 00:09:32,320 --> 00:09:35,000 Speaker 1: think that, um, you get like a crazy amount check. 172 00:09:36,280 --> 00:09:40,320 Speaker 1: Oh yeah, they think we get paid. Oh my god, 173 00:09:40,440 --> 00:09:44,080 Speaker 1: they think we get money that ship. Listen. You know, 174 00:09:44,400 --> 00:09:47,679 Speaker 1: I'm grateful, but at the same time, it's like, it's 175 00:09:47,720 --> 00:09:51,760 Speaker 1: not what y'all think. It's really not honestly, because I 176 00:09:51,840 --> 00:09:56,520 Speaker 1: still have to go outside. You know what I'm saying. Aside, 177 00:09:56,520 --> 00:09:59,880 Speaker 1: I don't do anything but socialist. I don't know ship, 178 00:09:59,880 --> 00:10:04,240 Speaker 1: but it so good. This is not this is not it. 179 00:10:04,360 --> 00:10:06,880 Speaker 1: It's like, especially living in New York. Oh sad, I 180 00:10:06,920 --> 00:10:08,800 Speaker 1: don't even give me some Oh my god, the amount 181 00:10:08,840 --> 00:10:11,679 Speaker 1: they give you and the course of living doesn't add up. 182 00:10:12,280 --> 00:10:17,000 Speaker 1: It's like, now, oh my goodness, Yeah, thank god I 183 00:10:17,080 --> 00:10:18,680 Speaker 1: don't drive because and I would have to pay that 184 00:10:18,720 --> 00:10:22,360 Speaker 1: gut thing got my cheer. Don't roll on, guys, no, seriously, 185 00:10:22,360 --> 00:10:26,760 Speaker 1: because everything is so fucking expensive. Like no, it's literally 186 00:10:27,000 --> 00:10:29,160 Speaker 1: I don't even drive, but I see the prices and 187 00:10:29,200 --> 00:10:32,120 Speaker 1: I'm like, this is sad. But wait, aren't you learning 188 00:10:32,120 --> 00:10:34,480 Speaker 1: how to drive? Oh? I already know how to drive. 189 00:10:34,520 --> 00:10:36,160 Speaker 1: I just gotta get my license. I have the hand 190 00:10:36,240 --> 00:10:39,400 Speaker 1: controls and everything I learned last year, and it's really cool. 191 00:10:39,440 --> 00:10:41,640 Speaker 1: It's easy. It's just it's honestly, I feel like it's 192 00:10:41,640 --> 00:10:44,240 Speaker 1: easier than walking because I've practiced driving with my dad 193 00:10:44,240 --> 00:10:46,560 Speaker 1: when I was walking and stuff. But with the hand 194 00:10:46,600 --> 00:10:49,840 Speaker 1: controls is really just just like a video game. No, 195 00:10:50,080 --> 00:10:53,000 Speaker 1: that's lit. It's them. It's the tests and the same 196 00:10:53,120 --> 00:10:57,840 Speaker 1: or it's like it's a different procedure. It's the same test. Okay. 197 00:10:58,040 --> 00:11:00,120 Speaker 1: They obviously give you some you know, they get you 198 00:11:00,240 --> 00:11:03,080 Speaker 1: more courtesy, like the same way you would get like 199 00:11:03,200 --> 00:11:05,839 Speaker 1: special needs or like extra you know, extra time and 200 00:11:05,840 --> 00:11:08,000 Speaker 1: stuff like that. Like they'll do that, but it's the 201 00:11:08,040 --> 00:11:12,400 Speaker 1: same test. They'll fail you the same way. They can 202 00:11:12,440 --> 00:11:14,360 Speaker 1: feel every day. We don't care about you being in 203 00:11:14,400 --> 00:11:21,080 Speaker 1: the wheelchair. It'll give a thing in wheelchairs in the car. What. 204 00:11:22,360 --> 00:11:25,160 Speaker 1: But what it is, though, is the price being that 205 00:11:25,280 --> 00:11:27,480 Speaker 1: it's not that many disabled people that try and go 206 00:11:27,640 --> 00:11:31,240 Speaker 1: and drive the prices that they charged to learn how 207 00:11:31,280 --> 00:11:36,200 Speaker 1: to do it. It's way up really right though, it's 208 00:11:36,240 --> 00:11:38,720 Speaker 1: expensive as like where you pay forty dollars a lesson. 209 00:11:38,760 --> 00:11:43,280 Speaker 1: I pay two hundred two hundred. That's a lot for 210 00:11:43,360 --> 00:11:46,000 Speaker 1: a lesson, and I had to do an evaluation fee. 211 00:11:46,840 --> 00:11:50,000 Speaker 1: Oh my good. An evaluation fee was four hundred dollars. 212 00:11:50,600 --> 00:11:52,600 Speaker 1: But do you think it's more people were prone to 213 00:11:52,600 --> 00:11:54,600 Speaker 1: take the test? If they do? You think people know 214 00:11:54,679 --> 00:11:58,840 Speaker 1: about it? I think people know about it. But it's 215 00:11:58,880 --> 00:12:02,880 Speaker 1: also like too many young people are like get injured 216 00:12:03,200 --> 00:12:05,360 Speaker 1: with my injury, you know, like with the spinal injury. 217 00:12:05,400 --> 00:12:07,040 Speaker 1: Not too many young people get it. It's mostly in 218 00:12:07,120 --> 00:12:09,320 Speaker 1: older people or like car accidents and stuff like that. 219 00:12:09,400 --> 00:12:11,800 Speaker 1: So people don't think like, hey, let me like senior 220 00:12:11,800 --> 00:12:14,000 Speaker 1: citizens and stuff. They already drove and the ship, so 221 00:12:14,040 --> 00:12:16,160 Speaker 1: they don't think like that. But now that there's more 222 00:12:16,160 --> 00:12:19,640 Speaker 1: and more people obtaining injuries and stuff like that, it's 223 00:12:19,720 --> 00:12:21,880 Speaker 1: like they should get out there and do it. I 224 00:12:21,920 --> 00:12:23,560 Speaker 1: know a lot of people that do drop, but they're 225 00:12:23,600 --> 00:12:26,280 Speaker 1: not doing it least, you know what I mean. Not so. 226 00:12:26,920 --> 00:12:28,760 Speaker 1: But that's the funk up part about it, because it's 227 00:12:28,760 --> 00:12:30,880 Speaker 1: like our damn. It's like do I spend not this 228 00:12:30,960 --> 00:12:32,360 Speaker 1: money or do I just risk it? You know what 229 00:12:32,440 --> 00:12:35,079 Speaker 1: I mean? Right, especially now that's a lot of that's 230 00:12:35,120 --> 00:12:37,040 Speaker 1: a lot of money to be spending, especially when they 231 00:12:37,040 --> 00:12:38,400 Speaker 1: give us just like, how do you think we could 232 00:12:38,400 --> 00:12:43,640 Speaker 1: afford this when we were on this right right? Another 233 00:12:43,640 --> 00:12:47,240 Speaker 1: good point that you made was, um, you said something 234 00:12:47,280 --> 00:12:50,040 Speaker 1: about how it can sometimes be annoying when people are 235 00:12:49,960 --> 00:12:53,920 Speaker 1: always asking if you need help. Yeah, it's it's it's 236 00:12:53,960 --> 00:12:56,319 Speaker 1: really fucking annoying because it's like, if I needed help, 237 00:12:56,360 --> 00:12:58,880 Speaker 1: I'd be outside. I'd hire somebody to fucking help me. 238 00:12:58,960 --> 00:13:01,680 Speaker 1: You understand what I'm saying. I can have that happen, 239 00:13:01,960 --> 00:13:03,600 Speaker 1: like I could pull one of my friends if I 240 00:13:03,640 --> 00:13:06,800 Speaker 1: needed help, which I don't need. You. It's like people 241 00:13:06,960 --> 00:13:09,439 Speaker 1: just assume and it gets freshing because I know people 242 00:13:09,480 --> 00:13:11,440 Speaker 1: mean well, but it's like you don't know me, So 243 00:13:11,520 --> 00:13:13,200 Speaker 1: would you ask somebody you know, you know what I'm saying, 244 00:13:13,200 --> 00:13:15,080 Speaker 1: and you wouldn't ask someone else since you're asking me 245 00:13:15,120 --> 00:13:17,120 Speaker 1: this because you feel like I need you. And then 246 00:13:17,160 --> 00:13:20,040 Speaker 1: people do it not to actually beat you. Some sometimes 247 00:13:20,040 --> 00:13:21,679 Speaker 1: they don't do it just be good people. Sometimes just 248 00:13:21,800 --> 00:13:24,760 Speaker 1: sometimes people just do it just for like self satisfaction, 249 00:13:24,920 --> 00:13:27,000 Speaker 1: like they just do it to feel good about themselves, like, yeah, 250 00:13:26,960 --> 00:13:28,560 Speaker 1: I did this, you know what I mean? Like the 251 00:13:28,559 --> 00:13:30,360 Speaker 1: people that go and post what they did for people 252 00:13:30,480 --> 00:13:35,160 Speaker 1: like I did this today. No, No, I'm not the one. 253 00:13:35,360 --> 00:13:38,120 Speaker 1: You're not. You're just trying to I'm not. I'm not 254 00:13:38,160 --> 00:13:39,560 Speaker 1: a charity you know what I mean. I'm not a 255 00:13:39,640 --> 00:13:43,360 Speaker 1: charity case. I don't need your sympathy. I don't need 256 00:13:43,400 --> 00:13:45,960 Speaker 1: your help, like, let me live my life. If I 257 00:13:46,000 --> 00:13:48,400 Speaker 1: need help, I'll ask for it because there is times 258 00:13:48,440 --> 00:13:50,200 Speaker 1: that I need help, and when I do, I'm not 259 00:13:50,240 --> 00:13:52,319 Speaker 1: afraid or ashamed to ask for it. But when it's 260 00:13:52,320 --> 00:13:55,080 Speaker 1: constantly like all day, all day, it's like especially when 261 00:13:55,080 --> 00:13:56,840 Speaker 1: I'm outside of my baby, because it's offensive. It's like 262 00:13:56,920 --> 00:13:58,640 Speaker 1: I'm his mother. I have to protect to him, you 263 00:13:58,720 --> 00:13:59,880 Speaker 1: know what I mean. If I didn't feel like I 264 00:14:00,000 --> 00:14:02,080 Speaker 1: to do that, I wouldn't go outside with him alone. 265 00:14:02,520 --> 00:14:03,800 Speaker 1: I know I can say, you know what I mean, 266 00:14:03,800 --> 00:14:05,600 Speaker 1: Like I know I can talk my child in first 267 00:14:05,640 --> 00:14:10,000 Speaker 1: and almost God got me, Okay, God got I don't. 268 00:14:10,040 --> 00:14:12,800 Speaker 1: I don't need nobody. I don't need know because God 269 00:14:12,840 --> 00:14:17,440 Speaker 1: helps me, you understand, right. And Also, if I didn't 270 00:14:17,440 --> 00:14:19,440 Speaker 1: think that I was able to protect my child, wouldn't 271 00:14:19,440 --> 00:14:23,360 Speaker 1: have had my child like hello, right, hello, I can 272 00:14:23,400 --> 00:14:27,000 Speaker 1: see how that hello him a little offensive when I 273 00:14:27,040 --> 00:14:29,360 Speaker 1: gave birth. You would have thought you would have thought 274 00:14:29,440 --> 00:14:32,680 Speaker 1: Jesus was being born all the doctors because I pushed 275 00:14:32,720 --> 00:14:37,600 Speaker 1: him out. Yeah, I heard all the doctors random, like 276 00:14:37,680 --> 00:14:40,440 Speaker 1: every single one because they just oh my god, and 277 00:14:40,440 --> 00:14:42,480 Speaker 1: they just was watching and they was like, oh my God. 278 00:14:42,600 --> 00:14:44,880 Speaker 1: Like my doctor was like my first over Joe and 279 00:14:45,200 --> 00:14:48,320 Speaker 1: she was crying. It was so cool. So we're gonna 280 00:14:48,360 --> 00:14:51,720 Speaker 1: talk about that for sure, because I think that um 281 00:14:51,840 --> 00:14:56,000 Speaker 1: with you and just being who you are and like, um, 282 00:14:56,040 --> 00:14:58,440 Speaker 1: the way you portray yourself, like because you've always been 283 00:14:58,520 --> 00:15:00,800 Speaker 1: lit because I know people cause you're from Queens and 284 00:15:00,840 --> 00:15:03,520 Speaker 1: my best friend is from Queens and he know of you, 285 00:15:03,680 --> 00:15:06,360 Speaker 1: and like, I just know that your story means a 286 00:15:06,400 --> 00:15:09,600 Speaker 1: lot to a lot of people. So that's why I 287 00:15:09,640 --> 00:15:11,120 Speaker 1: was like, just like, come on, please please me be 288 00:15:11,200 --> 00:15:12,400 Speaker 1: on the show. I was in her dean. I was like, 289 00:15:12,440 --> 00:15:14,920 Speaker 1: come on, come on, come on. You know it's you 290 00:15:14,920 --> 00:15:16,680 Speaker 1: know what it was. If I wouldn't seen it right away. 291 00:15:16,720 --> 00:15:18,960 Speaker 1: I have so many message requests, like I'm really I'm 292 00:15:19,000 --> 00:15:21,120 Speaker 1: a message I'm a message holder, you know what I mean, 293 00:15:21,160 --> 00:15:24,240 Speaker 1: Like I checked them like my message request box, like 294 00:15:25,600 --> 00:15:27,240 Speaker 1: I gotta get through that. But when I've seen it, 295 00:15:27,240 --> 00:15:29,360 Speaker 1: and I've seen podcasts because I have my own podcast. 296 00:15:29,440 --> 00:15:31,080 Speaker 1: I was like, let me, you know what I mean, 297 00:15:31,160 --> 00:15:34,000 Speaker 1: let me shout out, let me work with some work 298 00:15:34,040 --> 00:15:36,880 Speaker 1: with another black woman that's trying to build because we 299 00:15:36,960 --> 00:15:38,720 Speaker 1: both did the same thing. We got to support one 300 00:15:38,720 --> 00:15:40,240 Speaker 1: another thing, you know what I mean. So it's like, 301 00:15:40,720 --> 00:15:42,560 Speaker 1: let me get on this. That's why you didn't. It 302 00:15:42,600 --> 00:15:44,880 Speaker 1: wasn't like I was sitting there and just ignoring, you know, 303 00:15:44,960 --> 00:15:48,640 Speaker 1: I literally just and it was also your birthday weekend, 304 00:15:48,680 --> 00:15:50,240 Speaker 1: so I'm like, oh, she's about to get lit. So 305 00:15:52,760 --> 00:15:54,960 Speaker 1: but that's also wise. I checked the message quest because 306 00:15:54,960 --> 00:15:57,000 Speaker 1: it's a bunch of people telling me happy birthday, and 307 00:15:57,040 --> 00:15:58,920 Speaker 1: then I've seen yours, and I say, okay, then check 308 00:15:58,920 --> 00:16:01,240 Speaker 1: her out. And that's in baself, like oh I like that, 309 00:16:01,880 --> 00:16:06,240 Speaker 1: let me do it. Um. Do you feel like the 310 00:16:06,280 --> 00:16:09,800 Speaker 1: media portray people with disabilities in a negative way? And 311 00:16:09,800 --> 00:16:14,360 Speaker 1: if so, why they portrayed us as if we're needing 312 00:16:14,400 --> 00:16:17,880 Speaker 1: and helpless. Um? And then now they're trying to put 313 00:16:17,960 --> 00:16:20,840 Speaker 1: us out there more to look you know, like to 314 00:16:20,960 --> 00:16:23,080 Speaker 1: blend in. Like they're putting us more and like I 315 00:16:23,120 --> 00:16:26,320 Speaker 1: see a lot of commercials and show fashion shows and 316 00:16:26,320 --> 00:16:28,400 Speaker 1: stuff like that. Like trying to make it more inclusive. 317 00:16:28,960 --> 00:16:30,640 Speaker 1: But at the same time, I feel like people just 318 00:16:30,680 --> 00:16:33,560 Speaker 1: feel the media makes it feel like people like, but 319 00:16:33,640 --> 00:16:36,280 Speaker 1: how people really feel like? They feel sorry much? Right? 320 00:16:37,080 --> 00:16:39,400 Speaker 1: Do you think that when people trying to make um 321 00:16:39,520 --> 00:16:41,800 Speaker 1: to make everybody feel inclusive, do you think it's Do 322 00:16:41,840 --> 00:16:46,400 Speaker 1: you think it's performative? I think that it is because 323 00:16:46,400 --> 00:16:49,280 Speaker 1: it's I participate in it because I started modeling, so 324 00:16:49,360 --> 00:16:52,560 Speaker 1: you know, I do certain campaigns and stuff, and I 325 00:16:52,600 --> 00:16:54,600 Speaker 1: feel like, yeah, I feel like it is because it's 326 00:16:54,600 --> 00:16:57,800 Speaker 1: showing people like, look, we're here, we're doing the same. 327 00:16:58,160 --> 00:17:00,240 Speaker 1: We could do the same shiagod and we could do 328 00:17:00,240 --> 00:17:01,920 Speaker 1: it a little bit, but you know what I mean, 329 00:17:01,920 --> 00:17:04,520 Speaker 1: And it's just that it's the way I see it. 330 00:17:05,480 --> 00:17:08,359 Speaker 1: I like it. But but before we get into your story, 331 00:17:08,359 --> 00:17:13,200 Speaker 1: where were your views on people with disabilities? Honestly, never 332 00:17:13,200 --> 00:17:17,080 Speaker 1: really how to you like when because I'm from like 333 00:17:17,119 --> 00:17:19,400 Speaker 1: I was in New York, Like the way the busses are, 334 00:17:19,440 --> 00:17:21,720 Speaker 1: like the disabled people getting on through the front, so 335 00:17:21,800 --> 00:17:23,520 Speaker 1: you have to lift up the seats. So if you're 336 00:17:23,520 --> 00:17:25,879 Speaker 1: sitting in the front seats, you have to get up. 337 00:17:26,280 --> 00:17:27,800 Speaker 1: So I used to just get up, you know, I 338 00:17:27,840 --> 00:17:30,920 Speaker 1: didn't complain. I'd help someone if they were you know 339 00:17:30,920 --> 00:17:33,240 Speaker 1: what I mean, like have a king and crushes. But 340 00:17:33,240 --> 00:17:36,000 Speaker 1: I've never really seen young people in chairs. It was 341 00:17:36,000 --> 00:17:38,440 Speaker 1: always just like older people. So it's naturally like respect, 342 00:17:38,520 --> 00:17:40,760 Speaker 1: like get up, you know what I mean. Like I 343 00:17:40,840 --> 00:17:43,480 Speaker 1: never felt the way towards disabled people. I did have 344 00:17:43,560 --> 00:17:46,600 Speaker 1: a fear of little people when I was younger, but 345 00:17:46,760 --> 00:17:49,040 Speaker 1: now that I'm older, and why did you have a 346 00:17:49,080 --> 00:17:53,080 Speaker 1: fair little people? I was a kid and just so ignorant, 347 00:17:53,840 --> 00:17:58,760 Speaker 1: and I don't know because I was told, I'm told. 348 00:17:58,880 --> 00:18:01,439 Speaker 1: So just seeing someone that's older than me, little moor 349 00:18:01,480 --> 00:18:03,120 Speaker 1: than you know what I mean, it's like, oh ship, 350 00:18:04,000 --> 00:18:06,440 Speaker 1: especially when you don't see it a lot, and then 351 00:18:06,440 --> 00:18:08,760 Speaker 1: in the hood, you know, it's the thing that you know, 352 00:18:09,520 --> 00:18:11,399 Speaker 1: like I said, ignorance, I'm not proud of it. I'm 353 00:18:11,440 --> 00:18:13,359 Speaker 1: not saying like I have that vieuny. Now I have 354 00:18:13,400 --> 00:18:17,520 Speaker 1: little people as friends now, you know, in respect. So 355 00:18:17,960 --> 00:18:20,000 Speaker 1: before that was that was that I'm not gonna lie, 356 00:18:20,119 --> 00:18:23,600 Speaker 1: it's that that's fun, you know, so fun. Because I 357 00:18:23,640 --> 00:18:27,080 Speaker 1: interviewed the um little person. She was saying how sometimes 358 00:18:27,119 --> 00:18:29,840 Speaker 1: it's mostly the kids or like younger people who like 359 00:18:29,960 --> 00:18:32,760 Speaker 1: do certain things because they just don't know, like they've 360 00:18:32,760 --> 00:18:35,720 Speaker 1: never seen somebody that was that that little before. That 361 00:18:35,760 --> 00:18:38,119 Speaker 1: was literally when I was a kid exactly because I 362 00:18:38,200 --> 00:18:40,800 Speaker 1: got I got injured when I was stripteam, So I 363 00:18:40,880 --> 00:18:44,520 Speaker 1: definitely you know what I mean, Like I didn't. I 364 00:18:44,640 --> 00:18:47,200 Speaker 1: grew up in the chair practically, you know what I mean, 365 00:18:47,240 --> 00:18:51,080 Speaker 1: Like I was a kid that whole time, right. Um. 366 00:18:51,160 --> 00:18:53,760 Speaker 1: So I was telling my best friend about this conversation 367 00:18:53,760 --> 00:18:55,520 Speaker 1: because I was like, oh, I'm like, I'm pretty sure 368 00:18:55,520 --> 00:18:57,159 Speaker 1: you know her, because I feel like everybody cleans know 369 00:18:57,200 --> 00:19:00,560 Speaker 1: each other, right, And he was I'm like, oh, she 370 00:19:00,640 --> 00:19:04,480 Speaker 1: could read the show I And he was like he 371 00:19:04,640 --> 00:19:07,720 Speaker 1: was like asking questions whatever, and he was like, yo, 372 00:19:07,840 --> 00:19:09,720 Speaker 1: he said, I was supposed to go to that party 373 00:19:09,760 --> 00:19:14,359 Speaker 1: that night. Oh my god, everyone says that. Yeah. He 374 00:19:14,440 --> 00:19:17,359 Speaker 1: said it was like a big dumbass party, like where 375 00:19:17,440 --> 00:19:22,520 Speaker 1: everybody the whole fucking hood was there. Like it was 376 00:19:22,600 --> 00:19:24,480 Speaker 1: so late, it's not going out. It was one of 377 00:19:24,560 --> 00:19:27,080 Speaker 1: the littest parties in my life. That's what he said. Well, 378 00:19:27,080 --> 00:19:28,520 Speaker 1: tell us about that night or tell us about the 379 00:19:28,520 --> 00:19:30,879 Speaker 1: party and stuff that he said that, like the whole 380 00:19:30,880 --> 00:19:38,399 Speaker 1: street was just crazy, like it was insane. Well, I 381 00:19:38,440 --> 00:19:41,840 Speaker 1: was supposed to. It was originally from what I was 382 00:19:41,880 --> 00:19:45,560 Speaker 1: so was supposed to be like a lesbian party, because 383 00:19:45,560 --> 00:19:47,840 Speaker 1: back then I thought it was bisexual, you know. So 384 00:19:48,680 --> 00:19:50,800 Speaker 1: I heard that that's what I That's what I was 385 00:19:50,840 --> 00:19:54,840 Speaker 1: going there assuming. But then like last minute, she wasn't 386 00:19:54,880 --> 00:19:56,480 Speaker 1: picking up the phone, the girl I was staying at 387 00:19:56,480 --> 00:19:58,480 Speaker 1: the time, and then I found out that it wasn't. 388 00:19:58,480 --> 00:20:00,359 Speaker 1: She didn't she been. When I time it was like 389 00:20:00,720 --> 00:20:02,480 Speaker 1: late or whatever, she was like, oh, you know, it's 390 00:20:02,680 --> 00:20:05,560 Speaker 1: it changed or whatever. I was going, I'm still go 391 00:20:05,760 --> 00:20:07,480 Speaker 1: because it's right, it's still at the same place, you 392 00:20:07,520 --> 00:20:09,800 Speaker 1: know what I mean. The address didn't change, so why 393 00:20:09,840 --> 00:20:12,919 Speaker 1: not still go? And when I got there and my 394 00:20:12,960 --> 00:20:15,159 Speaker 1: aunt was there, my father's little sister was there, and 395 00:20:15,200 --> 00:20:18,760 Speaker 1: me and my aunt is like what seven nine years apart, 396 00:20:19,720 --> 00:20:24,000 Speaker 1: and uh yeah, shout us, my auntie love you. But 397 00:20:24,080 --> 00:20:26,000 Speaker 1: you was fifteen, so she was like in her twenties, 398 00:20:26,080 --> 00:20:33,080 Speaker 1: twenty something, yeah, she was like twenty one two. Yeah, 399 00:20:33,200 --> 00:20:36,520 Speaker 1: And you know, so I see my aunt and I'm like, okay, 400 00:20:36,600 --> 00:20:39,520 Speaker 1: you know, ship, you know, I can't well too, you know, 401 00:20:39,600 --> 00:20:41,320 Speaker 1: I'm like I can't well out too much. But then 402 00:20:41,320 --> 00:20:42,520 Speaker 1: I seen on and then she was like you know, 403 00:20:42,600 --> 00:20:45,359 Speaker 1: she was thinkful. Whatever's all that right, and then I 404 00:20:45,440 --> 00:20:47,320 Speaker 1: was just dancing and whatever. I gave my aunt my 405 00:20:47,359 --> 00:20:49,840 Speaker 1: phone because I didn't want to lose it, and blessed. 406 00:20:49,840 --> 00:20:51,800 Speaker 1: I was happy to see my aunt because it was like, 407 00:20:51,800 --> 00:20:53,640 Speaker 1: you know, guys are pervouse. I'm like, I didn't want 408 00:20:53,640 --> 00:20:56,000 Speaker 1: to go home my expendent, so I'm like, let me 409 00:20:56,080 --> 00:20:58,639 Speaker 1: just talk to my aunt to that that somebody that 410 00:20:58,680 --> 00:21:01,439 Speaker 1: you can trust. You. Yeah, So I gave her my 411 00:21:01,440 --> 00:21:03,439 Speaker 1: phone and she was like, oh, I'm going to the store. 412 00:21:03,480 --> 00:21:06,080 Speaker 1: Like it was so lit, like it was so many people, 413 00:21:06,160 --> 00:21:09,600 Speaker 1: like I've seen probably like half the people I grew 414 00:21:09,680 --> 00:21:12,679 Speaker 1: up with that night and even more people that I 415 00:21:12,720 --> 00:21:15,320 Speaker 1: met along the way. And she went, she was like, 416 00:21:15,320 --> 00:21:16,680 Speaker 1: I'm going to the store. You want to come, Let's 417 00:21:16,680 --> 00:21:18,160 Speaker 1: go to the store. I'm like no, Like I didn't 418 00:21:18,160 --> 00:21:19,680 Speaker 1: want to go to the store because it was so late, 419 00:21:19,720 --> 00:21:22,360 Speaker 1: you know what I mean. And it wasn't even that late. 420 00:21:22,440 --> 00:21:23,800 Speaker 1: It was like a loving something, you know, it's like 421 00:21:23,800 --> 00:21:26,080 Speaker 1: a loving something. So I'm like, no, I'm good on 422 00:21:26,119 --> 00:21:28,919 Speaker 1: the month from the store. And then that's when my 423 00:21:29,000 --> 00:21:30,960 Speaker 1: other friends came there. Was like, yeah, we're going to 424 00:21:31,000 --> 00:21:33,840 Speaker 1: the store to let's go to the store. I'm like, no, 425 00:21:33,960 --> 00:21:36,160 Speaker 1: I'm good, Like I don't want to. I kept saying, 426 00:21:36,200 --> 00:21:40,040 Speaker 1: like now I'm going. I was having fun and everybody 427 00:21:40,119 --> 00:21:42,000 Speaker 1: kept asking to go to the store. And then my 428 00:21:42,119 --> 00:21:46,760 Speaker 1: um my guards like my best friend or whatever called 429 00:21:46,800 --> 00:21:48,879 Speaker 1: my oe. She was in the front, and I had 430 00:21:48,920 --> 00:21:51,200 Speaker 1: to um I was She was telling me like coming 431 00:21:51,240 --> 00:21:52,720 Speaker 1: home on the front of like no, just come to 432 00:21:52,720 --> 00:21:53,880 Speaker 1: the but you know what I mean, like just come 433 00:21:53,920 --> 00:21:56,040 Speaker 1: to the back to the bye, like come back. And 434 00:21:56,040 --> 00:21:59,840 Speaker 1: then if I would have just went to go meet 435 00:21:59,840 --> 00:22:04,280 Speaker 1: her in that moment, I probably would have never got shined. 436 00:22:04,760 --> 00:22:08,399 Speaker 1: But due to the circumstances of what people wanted to 437 00:22:08,440 --> 00:22:12,040 Speaker 1: do and be ignorant, that's what happened. And then it 438 00:22:12,160 --> 00:22:14,919 Speaker 1: was just like you said, what was he trying to 439 00:22:14,920 --> 00:22:18,560 Speaker 1: shoot at somebody? Or like I don't, I don't. I 440 00:22:18,560 --> 00:22:21,440 Speaker 1: don't know anything about that. I don't know who anybody 441 00:22:21,520 --> 00:22:25,359 Speaker 1: was trying to shoot. I know it wasn't me because 442 00:22:25,520 --> 00:22:28,400 Speaker 1: I know it wasn't. No. I like using my ask 443 00:22:28,480 --> 00:22:30,439 Speaker 1: because it's like I remember because I grew up in 444 00:22:30,440 --> 00:22:32,760 Speaker 1: the South, so what you hear the accent and I 445 00:22:32,800 --> 00:22:35,040 Speaker 1: remember just like having house parties and stuff and like 446 00:22:35,119 --> 00:22:36,919 Speaker 1: it was just like what it was like a party. 447 00:22:37,640 --> 00:22:41,160 Speaker 1: So in the South, we didn't really have like people 448 00:22:41,240 --> 00:22:44,000 Speaker 1: wasn't really shooting up shooting up the parties. They were 449 00:22:44,000 --> 00:22:46,679 Speaker 1: just mostly fighting. So when I was talking to and 450 00:22:46,720 --> 00:22:50,080 Speaker 1: doing research about this particular night, I'm just like, damn, 451 00:22:50,200 --> 00:22:52,680 Speaker 1: like for you to come in there and do that, 452 00:22:52,800 --> 00:22:56,959 Speaker 1: like that's crazy. Yeah, no, they was. They was aiming 453 00:22:57,040 --> 00:22:59,359 Speaker 1: for her. I'm sure they had a target, but I 454 00:22:59,359 --> 00:23:02,399 Speaker 1: don't know who was right. But but I know it 455 00:23:02,440 --> 00:23:06,640 Speaker 1: wasn't me, like I said, so they standard, Yeah, they 456 00:23:06,680 --> 00:23:10,760 Speaker 1: came into some ignorant ship and then I mean I 457 00:23:11,720 --> 00:23:14,919 Speaker 1: was on the ground because it was like I was running, 458 00:23:15,160 --> 00:23:18,520 Speaker 1: like once I realized it wasn't firecrackers or whatever. At first, 459 00:23:18,560 --> 00:23:20,560 Speaker 1: I was so fucked up. I thought it was fireworks. 460 00:23:20,600 --> 00:23:23,800 Speaker 1: So I'm running. I'm running and I'm like, oh ship 461 00:23:23,920 --> 00:23:26,199 Speaker 1: like everybody day because i just see people in the grounds, 462 00:23:26,240 --> 00:23:28,080 Speaker 1: I'm like, oh, everbody does. So I'm thinking it's like 463 00:23:28,119 --> 00:23:30,719 Speaker 1: a fucking zombie apocalypse. I know what the was going on. 464 00:23:30,880 --> 00:23:36,320 Speaker 1: So I'm out and then I'm want the next thing, 465 00:23:36,359 --> 00:23:38,560 Speaker 1: you know, I'll see a motherfucking like it was like 466 00:23:38,600 --> 00:23:40,719 Speaker 1: a like a little bull of It's not funny. But 467 00:23:40,800 --> 00:23:43,280 Speaker 1: I'm so I'm sorry. I'm a different type of person. 468 00:23:43,320 --> 00:23:46,800 Speaker 1: I don't take ship seriously like I'm an I don't 469 00:23:46,800 --> 00:23:49,440 Speaker 1: take this seriously. So where something might be like, oh 470 00:23:49,440 --> 00:23:52,760 Speaker 1: my god, you can't you shouldn't say that, I'm not 471 00:23:52,800 --> 00:23:54,879 Speaker 1: that person. I'm gonna laugh at Just tell the story. 472 00:23:55,000 --> 00:23:58,600 Speaker 1: The most important. My bro. My bro posed me to 473 00:23:58,680 --> 00:24:00,639 Speaker 1: the ground, like right when the that she could have 474 00:24:00,680 --> 00:24:02,280 Speaker 1: hit my head. That that bullet. You know what I'm saying, 475 00:24:02,280 --> 00:24:03,919 Speaker 1: because that little bull off it was a bullet and 476 00:24:03,920 --> 00:24:05,560 Speaker 1: it could have hit my head. But he pulled me 477 00:24:05,560 --> 00:24:07,800 Speaker 1: down to the ground. He's like, yo, get down. And 478 00:24:07,840 --> 00:24:09,760 Speaker 1: then I don't know when I got hit. I could 479 00:24:09,760 --> 00:24:11,800 Speaker 1: have got hit when I was running, but I just 480 00:24:11,840 --> 00:24:13,440 Speaker 1: know when I was on the ground, I couldn't get 481 00:24:13,440 --> 00:24:14,760 Speaker 1: back up. And they're like, wait, we don't see no 482 00:24:14,800 --> 00:24:19,440 Speaker 1: bullet because it never when out sign my body Like 483 00:24:19,520 --> 00:24:20,960 Speaker 1: the bullet still in me. I still got it in 484 00:24:21,040 --> 00:24:24,240 Speaker 1: me till this day. Where did you get shot in 485 00:24:24,280 --> 00:24:28,040 Speaker 1: my lower back? Mm hm, not my lower back, bowl, 486 00:24:29,600 --> 00:24:33,240 Speaker 1: my mid my mid back, it's not it's like a 487 00:24:33,280 --> 00:24:35,719 Speaker 1: little bit higher my mid back. I got shot at 488 00:24:35,760 --> 00:24:38,520 Speaker 1: T six. So if for those that don't understand the 489 00:24:38,560 --> 00:24:41,119 Speaker 1: final cord. It's the service. It's the services fine the 490 00:24:41,200 --> 00:24:46,080 Speaker 1: thorastic and then the lumbar, So it's c S for 491 00:24:46,160 --> 00:24:50,440 Speaker 1: service cervical, and then T for thorastic. So I got 492 00:24:50,480 --> 00:24:52,840 Speaker 1: shot in my thorastic at little level six, so that's 493 00:24:52,920 --> 00:24:56,760 Speaker 1: higher up. That would mean that I wouldn't be able. 494 00:24:56,800 --> 00:24:59,880 Speaker 1: I should only be able to use my arms. But 495 00:25:00,080 --> 00:25:02,840 Speaker 1: the grace of God, the bullet travel even though that's 496 00:25:02,880 --> 00:25:05,120 Speaker 1: not always a good thing for people like it went, 497 00:25:05,200 --> 00:25:07,600 Speaker 1: it traveled down lower. So even though I got hit 498 00:25:07,680 --> 00:25:10,760 Speaker 1: higher up, I functioned that somebody with a lower injury 499 00:25:10,760 --> 00:25:14,480 Speaker 1: because the bullet large lowers and they couldn't pick the 500 00:25:14,480 --> 00:25:18,840 Speaker 1: bullet out. I went to Jamaica hospital. They don't say 501 00:25:18,920 --> 00:25:26,120 Speaker 1: nobody to police. Yeah, I'm just saying, wait to get 502 00:25:26,119 --> 00:25:27,720 Speaker 1: the bunk out of there. For like, I was fine 503 00:25:27,760 --> 00:25:30,320 Speaker 1: and they had me overstraints. I was sucking the funk out, 504 00:25:30,840 --> 00:25:32,359 Speaker 1: couldn't wait. Damn me in it for a week and 505 00:25:32,359 --> 00:25:35,720 Speaker 1: I was ski it's enough for me. Do you feel like, 506 00:25:35,760 --> 00:25:37,520 Speaker 1: because I know you mentioned um, I was listening to 507 00:25:37,560 --> 00:25:39,400 Speaker 1: one of your interviews, do you feel like if your 508 00:25:39,440 --> 00:25:41,399 Speaker 1: friends would never try to move you to help you 509 00:25:41,440 --> 00:25:47,440 Speaker 1: get up that the outcome probably would have been different. Honestly, 510 00:25:47,800 --> 00:25:50,520 Speaker 1: I don't think. So. I feel like when something's for 511 00:25:50,600 --> 00:25:52,080 Speaker 1: you is for you. And I was doing a lot 512 00:25:52,080 --> 00:25:55,560 Speaker 1: of wild ship back then, So I honestly feel like 513 00:25:55,600 --> 00:25:58,920 Speaker 1: the chair saved my life. That I know a loud 514 00:25:58,920 --> 00:26:00,600 Speaker 1: when I listened to the story, I so she was 515 00:26:00,680 --> 00:26:06,760 Speaker 1: will left fifteen. Yeah, I was, man, I was, I was, 516 00:26:07,000 --> 00:26:08,600 Speaker 1: and I was and I was living, you know, I 517 00:26:08,640 --> 00:26:10,760 Speaker 1: was living a little rock star like or whatever. And 518 00:26:10,800 --> 00:26:13,600 Speaker 1: then you know, God had to sit me down for 519 00:26:13,640 --> 00:26:15,840 Speaker 1: a while. Sometimes you gotta sit down before, you know 520 00:26:15,880 --> 00:26:19,160 Speaker 1: what I mean. That's the dunny thing. It taught me patience. 521 00:26:19,160 --> 00:26:20,840 Speaker 1: It taught me not to just do because before I 522 00:26:20,880 --> 00:26:22,399 Speaker 1: was just to do, like oh, hey let's go ahead, 523 00:26:22,480 --> 00:26:24,760 Speaker 1: let's go there. And then you learned like, hey, you're 524 00:26:24,800 --> 00:26:26,720 Speaker 1: not even being on the point, you're not paying attention. 525 00:26:27,080 --> 00:26:29,760 Speaker 1: You're just so comfortable. You can't get comfortable anywhere. Anything 526 00:26:29,760 --> 00:26:32,159 Speaker 1: could happen at any good moment. So it taught me 527 00:26:32,200 --> 00:26:35,480 Speaker 1: that always you know, and then not to be so trusting, 528 00:26:35,640 --> 00:26:37,960 Speaker 1: to be more aware. It told me how to turn 529 00:26:38,000 --> 00:26:39,960 Speaker 1: down invites, you know what I mean, Like I don't 530 00:26:39,960 --> 00:26:43,399 Speaker 1: need to be everywhere, so I'm definitely more wiser because 531 00:26:43,440 --> 00:26:46,080 Speaker 1: of it. It taught me a lot, Like whereas my 532 00:26:46,119 --> 00:26:48,080 Speaker 1: friends were still outside doing them and stuff like, I 533 00:26:48,160 --> 00:26:51,679 Speaker 1: was at home like literally reading, thinking, watching stuff like 534 00:26:51,880 --> 00:26:55,040 Speaker 1: documentaries different shipped right, and write your rap so though 535 00:26:55,040 --> 00:26:58,240 Speaker 1: those on your wrappers, doing a vert of different ships poetry. 536 00:26:58,520 --> 00:27:01,440 Speaker 1: It was really therapeutic on And why do you think 537 00:27:01,440 --> 00:27:04,320 Speaker 1: he was willing so much at a younger age. I 538 00:27:04,440 --> 00:27:06,439 Speaker 1: had my mama and my daddy in my life. I 539 00:27:06,480 --> 00:27:08,959 Speaker 1: don't know, I just chose the streets. It was like 540 00:27:09,080 --> 00:27:10,919 Speaker 1: my father used to make fun of me. It's just 541 00:27:11,040 --> 00:27:13,200 Speaker 1: I don't know if it's starbursts with Skittles, but it's 542 00:27:13,240 --> 00:27:16,240 Speaker 1: the commercial with it was like it was this little um. 543 00:27:16,240 --> 00:27:17,960 Speaker 1: It was this white boy in a bike or a 544 00:27:17,960 --> 00:27:20,000 Speaker 1: school and then he was ronning and he was like, um, 545 00:27:20,000 --> 00:27:22,679 Speaker 1: come inside, how about you comingside me? BLI whatever. He's like, 546 00:27:22,880 --> 00:27:28,560 Speaker 1: no mom, streets And as my father said, I was like, 547 00:27:28,600 --> 00:27:30,480 Speaker 1: I don't know. Like like I said, I have a 548 00:27:30,480 --> 00:27:32,680 Speaker 1: great relationship with my dad. I have a great relationship 549 00:27:32,680 --> 00:27:35,600 Speaker 1: with mom. Have I met all my grandparents? You know 550 00:27:35,640 --> 00:27:37,760 Speaker 1: what I mean? Se for the second, the granddaddies and 551 00:27:37,760 --> 00:27:39,920 Speaker 1: granddadys and daddies only this. I got a few good 552 00:27:39,920 --> 00:27:42,600 Speaker 1: grand dames too, the good ones shoutout see I the 553 00:27:42,680 --> 00:27:48,080 Speaker 1: dead beats, see something, Billy kiss my ass. But other 554 00:27:48,119 --> 00:27:50,800 Speaker 1: than that, yeah, like I don't know, I really don't know. 555 00:27:51,560 --> 00:27:53,800 Speaker 1: I think it was because my great grandma passed and 556 00:27:53,840 --> 00:27:57,399 Speaker 1: she was like big Mama from soul Food. Yeah. So 557 00:27:57,480 --> 00:28:00,479 Speaker 1: it's like when she passed, it's like the family, you know, 558 00:28:00,880 --> 00:28:03,240 Speaker 1: not the immediate like you know, like the aunts and uncles. 559 00:28:03,280 --> 00:28:06,800 Speaker 1: Everybody split up and right it was like we don't 560 00:28:06,800 --> 00:28:08,800 Speaker 1: even got the family no more. We don't got the house, 561 00:28:08,840 --> 00:28:11,480 Speaker 1: you know what I mean, the house Grandma gone. It 562 00:28:11,560 --> 00:28:14,359 Speaker 1: was crazy so and it wasn't didn't feel like I 563 00:28:14,560 --> 00:28:17,520 Speaker 1: didn't feel like I had somewhere be anymore, like when 564 00:28:17,520 --> 00:28:18,840 Speaker 1: I was when my girl with a lot of just 565 00:28:18,880 --> 00:28:21,120 Speaker 1: me and how house, braiding her hair, doing that, different things, 566 00:28:21,119 --> 00:28:23,560 Speaker 1: like one of those people. She knew how to do everything. 567 00:28:23,640 --> 00:28:26,520 Speaker 1: She was a homemaker. So she told us how to soldier, was, 568 00:28:26,520 --> 00:28:30,600 Speaker 1: how to cook, you know, bake, clean man, different things, 569 00:28:30,600 --> 00:28:32,359 Speaker 1: and it was just like it gave me something to do, 570 00:28:32,760 --> 00:28:35,159 Speaker 1: you know. She was like grease my stof and she 571 00:28:35,200 --> 00:28:37,800 Speaker 1: had beautiful hair like she made me. She's the reason 572 00:28:37,840 --> 00:28:39,880 Speaker 1: why I think I like, I like to start doing here, 573 00:28:39,960 --> 00:28:41,880 Speaker 1: you know where I learned to do here from because 574 00:28:42,200 --> 00:28:44,200 Speaker 1: she was just like doing my hand and she didn't 575 00:28:44,200 --> 00:28:48,040 Speaker 1: know how to do here. But yeah, sometimes things like 576 00:28:48,080 --> 00:28:53,200 Speaker 1: that when traumatic ship happens, like like something switch. And yeah, 577 00:28:53,280 --> 00:28:55,080 Speaker 1: I think I just was lashing out like once she 578 00:28:55,160 --> 00:28:57,600 Speaker 1: passed away, that's not But I always kept good grades, 579 00:28:57,680 --> 00:29:00,040 Speaker 1: so that's why my mom let me be outside. I 580 00:29:00,000 --> 00:29:02,840 Speaker 1: I good grades my mom. My parents were younger, so 581 00:29:03,280 --> 00:29:06,120 Speaker 1: they're more understanding, you know, and I was the first child, 582 00:29:06,160 --> 00:29:07,880 Speaker 1: so I'm there for you know, like they don't they 583 00:29:07,960 --> 00:29:11,280 Speaker 1: never did this before. So and then they split on. 584 00:29:11,400 --> 00:29:15,320 Speaker 1: My parents split up too, so that was definitely that. Yeah, 585 00:29:16,120 --> 00:29:18,440 Speaker 1: because daddy was gone, I was like all right by 586 00:29:18,640 --> 00:29:24,840 Speaker 1: you know, my father was filling the house, but the 587 00:29:24,920 --> 00:29:28,800 Speaker 1: factor too. Yeah, two households. It was hard between that two. 588 00:29:28,840 --> 00:29:31,320 Speaker 1: And then you know, your parents started beefing and ship 589 00:29:31,360 --> 00:29:33,920 Speaker 1: and it's just like damn, like I love both of you. 590 00:29:34,040 --> 00:29:37,120 Speaker 1: But then they just like pig But you know, when 591 00:29:37,120 --> 00:29:39,280 Speaker 1: you and then I wrote with my mom, I felt like, 592 00:29:39,320 --> 00:29:42,080 Speaker 1: you know, be on my mom's side. That's what you do. 593 00:29:42,440 --> 00:29:46,720 Speaker 1: You as you get, as you get older, you don't 594 00:29:46,880 --> 00:29:48,560 Speaker 1: you realize you don't have to pick a side in 595 00:29:48,560 --> 00:29:51,040 Speaker 1: those situations because they're both you know, your parents. But 596 00:29:51,800 --> 00:29:53,160 Speaker 1: back then it was like, I guess that was a 597 00:29:53,160 --> 00:29:57,080 Speaker 1: part of it too, honestly, But this is crazy because 598 00:29:57,080 --> 00:29:58,840 Speaker 1: I've never even thought about this. You really got me 599 00:29:58,880 --> 00:30:02,680 Speaker 1: thinking about this. I really, Oh, this is like therapeutic. 600 00:30:04,000 --> 00:30:07,480 Speaker 1: It's definitely, that's definitely a big part of it. Wow. No, 601 00:30:07,560 --> 00:30:10,600 Speaker 1: that was when I was listening to your just doing 602 00:30:10,600 --> 00:30:12,800 Speaker 1: research on you and stuff, and I was like, oh, 603 00:30:13,040 --> 00:30:15,240 Speaker 1: I said, you know, she was lit, like you was wild, 604 00:30:15,240 --> 00:30:19,280 Speaker 1: you was doing pills. You was like exploring your sexuality 605 00:30:19,360 --> 00:30:21,400 Speaker 1: and stuff. But I also feel like as kids, like 606 00:30:21,920 --> 00:30:25,680 Speaker 1: especially since back then, therapy wasn't as attractive as it 607 00:30:25,720 --> 00:30:28,040 Speaker 1: is now, or just having those conversations and learning how 608 00:30:28,080 --> 00:30:30,040 Speaker 1: to express yourself. So maybe this is the best way 609 00:30:30,080 --> 00:30:34,240 Speaker 1: you felt how the like first how he was feeling. 610 00:30:34,920 --> 00:30:38,480 Speaker 1: I thought I was emailed back into I don't know, 611 00:30:38,760 --> 00:30:40,960 Speaker 1: I wasn't so real, and I went to school with 612 00:30:41,000 --> 00:30:43,160 Speaker 1: white people so much. I was a little different, you know, 613 00:30:43,280 --> 00:30:45,800 Speaker 1: like because it's like the white black girls, you're fighting 614 00:30:45,800 --> 00:30:48,360 Speaker 1: the identity. It's like an identity crisis because you're going 615 00:30:48,400 --> 00:30:50,400 Speaker 1: around you know what, I mean, it's like there's a 616 00:30:50,440 --> 00:30:52,720 Speaker 1: lot between that and then I had to learn, like, 617 00:30:52,800 --> 00:30:57,080 Speaker 1: you know, fight the power right, and it was it 618 00:30:57,160 --> 00:30:59,960 Speaker 1: was a lot because you know, when you're thirteen, four 619 00:31:00,000 --> 00:31:01,760 Speaker 1: seam fifteen, you're trying to figure out who you are, 620 00:31:01,760 --> 00:31:03,520 Speaker 1: not realizing that you're not gonna know who you are. 621 00:31:03,520 --> 00:31:09,920 Speaker 1: And yeah, it's going through you, yes, exactly. So there 622 00:31:10,000 --> 00:31:13,600 Speaker 1: was so much boys, you know, you get boy crazy. 623 00:31:14,600 --> 00:31:16,400 Speaker 1: It was crazy. I was so in love with the 624 00:31:16,440 --> 00:31:18,840 Speaker 1: boy that took my originity. You couldn't tell me that 625 00:31:18,840 --> 00:31:22,320 Speaker 1: we weren't gonna get married, kids, saying and I don't 626 00:31:22,320 --> 00:31:25,160 Speaker 1: know where to now, but now I could. Now I 627 00:31:25,200 --> 00:31:28,600 Speaker 1: could give a less dick. I don't have real dick 628 00:31:30,920 --> 00:31:33,640 Speaker 1: with So when did you, Um, when did you find 629 00:31:33,640 --> 00:31:35,640 Speaker 1: out that you weren't going to walk again? How what 630 00:31:35,680 --> 00:31:39,240 Speaker 1: did the hospital tell you? Oh? Ship, they came. They 631 00:31:39,280 --> 00:31:41,120 Speaker 1: came as soon as I woke up out the coma 632 00:31:41,160 --> 00:31:43,120 Speaker 1: because I wasn't a medically induced coma because they had 633 00:31:43,160 --> 00:31:44,600 Speaker 1: to put me to sleep, you know, and to do 634 00:31:44,680 --> 00:31:48,800 Speaker 1: the surgery and stuff. So, um, I woke up and 635 00:31:48,840 --> 00:31:50,520 Speaker 1: it was like what you've seen in the movie is 636 00:31:50,560 --> 00:31:51,720 Speaker 1: like it was like I don't know if it was 637 00:31:51,720 --> 00:31:53,600 Speaker 1: like a comedy skit if I like, because I was 638 00:31:53,640 --> 00:31:57,280 Speaker 1: also high as how because they haven't they hadn't drugged up, right, 639 00:31:57,720 --> 00:32:04,840 Speaker 1: and they were like, oh so yeah him, um, yeah, 640 00:32:04,960 --> 00:32:08,120 Speaker 1: we're sorry to tell you, but you know this happening 641 00:32:08,160 --> 00:32:12,320 Speaker 1: abc D and yeah, you're never gonna walk again, just 642 00:32:12,440 --> 00:32:14,840 Speaker 1: like paralyzed, your paralyzed from the waist down. You're never 643 00:32:14,920 --> 00:32:19,960 Speaker 1: gonna walk again. And I just looked at them and 644 00:32:20,000 --> 00:32:21,600 Speaker 1: I just I was so like I said, I was 645 00:32:21,640 --> 00:32:23,880 Speaker 1: so drugged up, but I've seen everything, like it was 646 00:32:23,880 --> 00:32:26,240 Speaker 1: like a it was a weird experience, like it felt 647 00:32:26,240 --> 00:32:28,080 Speaker 1: like a different type of I've never been there in 648 00:32:28,080 --> 00:32:31,240 Speaker 1: my life, so I've seen what was going on, but 649 00:32:31,320 --> 00:32:33,200 Speaker 1: I couldn't actually feel in that moment because I was 650 00:32:33,240 --> 00:32:36,360 Speaker 1: so drugged up, Like mentally, I was numb. They say 651 00:32:36,400 --> 00:32:39,720 Speaker 1: paralyzed like physically, but I was mentally paralyzed and felt 652 00:32:39,720 --> 00:32:43,320 Speaker 1: like just seeing everything, it just felt like a never 653 00:32:43,480 --> 00:32:46,440 Speaker 1: ending movie, the same thing. Every day. You see the 654 00:32:46,480 --> 00:32:49,360 Speaker 1: doctors walking and now they feed you say four tunes out. 655 00:32:49,680 --> 00:32:52,480 Speaker 1: Everything just became so routine. And then when I finally, 656 00:32:52,560 --> 00:32:56,280 Speaker 1: like when they finally took me off the medication and stuff, 657 00:32:56,680 --> 00:32:58,560 Speaker 1: my mind cleared up. And this was like when I 658 00:32:58,600 --> 00:33:01,040 Speaker 1: got to the SEC. This was literally the seventh day 659 00:33:01,160 --> 00:33:03,360 Speaker 1: because they put me straight up the ivy to the pills. 660 00:33:03,480 --> 00:33:05,160 Speaker 1: And that ship was hard too, because you're coming off 661 00:33:05,160 --> 00:33:07,240 Speaker 1: the drug something that your body got used to. So 662 00:33:07,280 --> 00:33:09,520 Speaker 1: now I'm feeling all these emotions from what they told me, 663 00:33:09,640 --> 00:33:12,400 Speaker 1: plus I'm feeling the physical pain from the injury, you 664 00:33:12,400 --> 00:33:14,560 Speaker 1: know what I mean. So it's like, damn. These people 665 00:33:14,640 --> 00:33:17,000 Speaker 1: walked in and told me like, oh, I'm never gonna 666 00:33:17,000 --> 00:33:19,160 Speaker 1: walk again to that, and my father cursed him out 667 00:33:19,200 --> 00:33:21,480 Speaker 1: because I wasn't They wasn't even supposed to come in 668 00:33:21,520 --> 00:33:23,920 Speaker 1: the room and tell me that without you know, talking 669 00:33:23,920 --> 00:33:26,560 Speaker 1: to them. And then when they came and they just 670 00:33:26,560 --> 00:33:28,080 Speaker 1: told me my post, like why the funk would you 671 00:33:28,080 --> 00:33:29,480 Speaker 1: telling my child that? You know what I mean? My 672 00:33:29,520 --> 00:33:32,040 Speaker 1: mother was so like my mother was just like when 673 00:33:32,080 --> 00:33:35,719 Speaker 1: I got shot, she was so like right, like she 674 00:33:35,760 --> 00:33:38,320 Speaker 1: couldn't like she wasn't there. She was there, but she 675 00:33:38,400 --> 00:33:40,920 Speaker 1: wasn't there, like she was physically there every single moment, 676 00:33:41,280 --> 00:33:44,440 Speaker 1: but like she just looked so she looks so scared, 677 00:33:44,560 --> 00:33:46,240 Speaker 1: like she looked like her help with child. Like I 678 00:33:46,280 --> 00:33:48,160 Speaker 1: felt like I wanted to I needed to get better. 679 00:33:48,240 --> 00:33:51,480 Speaker 1: So that she could feel better. You know, I didn't 680 00:33:51,520 --> 00:33:53,120 Speaker 1: want to. And then that was my first time seeing 681 00:33:53,200 --> 00:33:55,800 Speaker 1: my father looked like that too. He looked you know 682 00:33:55,840 --> 00:33:57,040 Speaker 1: what I mean, he was the same way. But then 683 00:33:57,080 --> 00:33:58,840 Speaker 1: he had to want as he's seen I was still 684 00:33:58,840 --> 00:34:00,600 Speaker 1: alive and getting better. He was just happy, you know 685 00:34:00,600 --> 00:34:02,600 Speaker 1: what I mean. But my mom, this is somebody that 686 00:34:02,840 --> 00:34:04,440 Speaker 1: we go to the Nelson and every you know what 687 00:34:04,480 --> 00:34:07,160 Speaker 1: I mean, every two weeks, every two weeks. We do 688 00:34:07,280 --> 00:34:12,520 Speaker 1: everything together, like you do everything together. Literally, So when 689 00:34:12,560 --> 00:34:16,200 Speaker 1: that happened, it was like what the fuck? She was 690 00:34:16,239 --> 00:34:18,239 Speaker 1: so oh my god. And then she still had my 691 00:34:18,239 --> 00:34:20,080 Speaker 1: brother and just so she was always at the hospital 692 00:34:20,120 --> 00:34:22,759 Speaker 1: with me and my siblings. They're so young, they were 693 00:34:22,760 --> 00:34:25,320 Speaker 1: five and three, you know what I mean. So it's like, damn, 694 00:34:25,360 --> 00:34:27,080 Speaker 1: she gotta she had to get home with them, and 695 00:34:27,120 --> 00:34:28,879 Speaker 1: I had to I had to understand it. But then 696 00:34:28,880 --> 00:34:30,520 Speaker 1: it was also like the kid and me coming out, 697 00:34:30,560 --> 00:34:32,719 Speaker 1: like damn, I just remind me to myself, you know 698 00:34:32,760 --> 00:34:35,800 Speaker 1: what I mean. I had to be my big girl, Pennies. 699 00:34:36,200 --> 00:34:39,040 Speaker 1: Do you think the hospital could have did more? Oh? 700 00:34:39,160 --> 00:34:41,480 Speaker 1: Hell yeah, if I was rich that money, if I 701 00:34:41,560 --> 00:34:45,440 Speaker 1: wasn't a nigger, right, No, seriously, nigger, and I went 702 00:34:45,480 --> 00:34:47,880 Speaker 1: in in and I would have been a Gucci Honestly, 703 00:34:48,280 --> 00:34:50,560 Speaker 1: they all they had to do was give me a 704 00:34:50,560 --> 00:34:55,440 Speaker 1: steroid shot in the spine, and then that would have 705 00:34:55,480 --> 00:34:57,160 Speaker 1: helped my spawn to shown that you know what I'm saying, 706 00:34:57,160 --> 00:35:01,120 Speaker 1: because they obviously just had a some trauma to it, right, 707 00:35:01,200 --> 00:35:04,359 Speaker 1: so it would have strengthened it with the trauma. Then 708 00:35:04,400 --> 00:35:07,880 Speaker 1: attempt to take the fucking bullet out. Like honestly, they 709 00:35:07,880 --> 00:35:09,840 Speaker 1: didn't even attempt because they cut me from the front, 710 00:35:10,280 --> 00:35:12,920 Speaker 1: so they didn't even you know what I'm saying, Like, 711 00:35:13,080 --> 00:35:15,400 Speaker 1: how about you didn't even try. I was just going 712 00:35:15,400 --> 00:35:18,200 Speaker 1: to pull a bullet from my stomach. They was checking 713 00:35:18,200 --> 00:35:20,640 Speaker 1: for they were checking friends general bleeding, and it's a blessing. 714 00:35:20,640 --> 00:35:22,920 Speaker 1: I didn't have any internal bleeding, so I can't really complain. 715 00:35:23,560 --> 00:35:27,240 Speaker 1: I'm my dad, So they could have tried and sucked 716 00:35:27,239 --> 00:35:30,239 Speaker 1: me up, So I gotta be gratefully the way, you know, right, 717 00:35:30,280 --> 00:35:32,640 Speaker 1: but still you could at least try, Like, yeah, but 718 00:35:32,640 --> 00:35:34,880 Speaker 1: what if they tried to me? I don't, I don't know. 719 00:35:35,200 --> 00:35:37,080 Speaker 1: I don't. I would have never knew how. I would 720 00:35:37,120 --> 00:35:38,680 Speaker 1: never knew because it's like I would have just been 721 00:35:38,719 --> 00:35:40,400 Speaker 1: that way. I don't like, Oh, they did this and 722 00:35:40,440 --> 00:35:43,080 Speaker 1: they did their best. Wait were you the only person 723 00:35:43,120 --> 00:35:46,440 Speaker 1: that got injured at the party? No eleven people got shot, 724 00:35:46,560 --> 00:35:49,680 Speaker 1: so I was other than me. It was ten other people, 725 00:35:50,280 --> 00:35:55,320 Speaker 1: so I was a part of that eleven. Oh wow, Um, 726 00:35:55,440 --> 00:36:00,279 Speaker 1: what did forgiveness look like? Did you forgive this person? Yeah? 727 00:36:00,920 --> 00:36:03,920 Speaker 1: I forgave him because I mean, my life is better. 728 00:36:04,000 --> 00:36:07,440 Speaker 1: He has four walls, I have the whole world. And 729 00:36:08,040 --> 00:36:11,800 Speaker 1: you know, he was ignorant. He was young, and people do. 730 00:36:12,280 --> 00:36:16,120 Speaker 1: People make heinous mistakes sometimes, so I had to let 731 00:36:16,120 --> 00:36:18,279 Speaker 1: it go. It wasn't for me. So I couldn't just 732 00:36:18,320 --> 00:36:19,560 Speaker 1: you know what I mean. I couldn't just sit there 733 00:36:19,640 --> 00:36:21,759 Speaker 1: next like this is a be prevented be for vendor, 734 00:36:21,880 --> 00:36:25,719 Speaker 1: a type of thing. It's like, alright, another It hurt though, 735 00:36:25,760 --> 00:36:29,880 Speaker 1: because it was like, whereas a another black person shot me, 736 00:36:30,200 --> 00:36:32,880 Speaker 1: a police officer was saving me. You know what I'm saying, 737 00:36:33,440 --> 00:36:36,360 Speaker 1: It really sucked me up, Like mentally, do you understand? 738 00:36:36,400 --> 00:36:42,879 Speaker 1: It's like, how do you don't? Like? It really did 739 00:36:42,880 --> 00:36:44,719 Speaker 1: something to me. So in order for me to hill 740 00:36:44,760 --> 00:36:47,520 Speaker 1: and start focusing on my journey to getting better, I 741 00:36:47,520 --> 00:36:49,800 Speaker 1: had to sit there and say, like this man doesn't. 742 00:36:49,840 --> 00:36:51,640 Speaker 1: This boy doesn't know me because he's a boy. I'm 743 00:36:51,640 --> 00:36:53,400 Speaker 1: not gonna call my man. I don't know who he 744 00:36:53,520 --> 00:36:55,480 Speaker 1: is today, you know, I don't. I didn't even know 745 00:36:55,480 --> 00:36:57,560 Speaker 1: who he was back then. But from what he did 746 00:36:57,600 --> 00:37:03,360 Speaker 1: to me, this boy, when outside, he obviously had problems 747 00:37:03,360 --> 00:37:06,360 Speaker 1: with someone else. Instead of just taking a head on 748 00:37:06,520 --> 00:37:09,800 Speaker 1: with them, he did the cowardly move and he shot 749 00:37:09,880 --> 00:37:14,680 Speaker 1: from behind offense and shot girls, a bunch of little girls. 750 00:37:15,520 --> 00:37:16,759 Speaker 1: That's what you did. And you shot a bunch of 751 00:37:16,760 --> 00:37:21,319 Speaker 1: little girls and little boys. So shout outs to you 752 00:37:21,560 --> 00:37:24,239 Speaker 1: for that. But it's all like, like I said, forgettn this. 753 00:37:24,360 --> 00:37:27,600 Speaker 1: I never pursued the case. I never even you know, 754 00:37:27,840 --> 00:37:32,560 Speaker 1: he got what he got, but I never right. It's 755 00:37:32,600 --> 00:37:35,759 Speaker 1: like he doesn't even exist to me. What did your recovery? 756 00:37:36,160 --> 00:37:39,319 Speaker 1: Your journey look like? That was fastest ship. It was 757 00:37:39,360 --> 00:37:41,440 Speaker 1: so quick. It was like scary because I wanted to 758 00:37:41,480 --> 00:37:43,520 Speaker 1: stay in the hospital longer than they wanted to keep me. 759 00:37:45,000 --> 00:37:48,439 Speaker 1: Because you know, insurance, once insurance, they they're like, she's 760 00:37:48,440 --> 00:37:49,680 Speaker 1: doing better, you know what I mean? Because I was. 761 00:37:49,719 --> 00:37:52,000 Speaker 1: I was better than everybody. Like I was up. I 762 00:37:52,000 --> 00:37:54,279 Speaker 1: could roll around the hospital. I was outside, I was 763 00:37:54,320 --> 00:37:55,920 Speaker 1: doing me today, like, oh, she could get out. I 764 00:37:55,960 --> 00:37:57,680 Speaker 1: wasn't outside. I was in the hospital. Of the hospital 765 00:37:57,760 --> 00:38:00,560 Speaker 1: so huge, it's like it wasn't one of these. It's 766 00:38:00,560 --> 00:38:02,759 Speaker 1: not like Jamaica House one of thing. It's like it's 767 00:38:02,760 --> 00:38:04,520 Speaker 1: and it was my sign on the city, so it 768 00:38:04,600 --> 00:38:06,320 Speaker 1: was so big it was like damn. And that was 769 00:38:06,360 --> 00:38:08,960 Speaker 1: my third hospital because I was in Jamaica Hospital for 770 00:38:09,000 --> 00:38:11,279 Speaker 1: a week, I was in New York Presbyterian for a week, 771 00:38:11,800 --> 00:38:14,080 Speaker 1: and then I was in Mama Sagna for a month, 772 00:38:14,200 --> 00:38:17,000 Speaker 1: so total for a month and a half. My signa 773 00:38:17,120 --> 00:38:21,319 Speaker 1: mom sonas a rehab so that's where I did my rehabilitation. 774 00:38:22,160 --> 00:38:25,200 Speaker 1: So I basically was healing for you know, physics, like 775 00:38:25,239 --> 00:38:27,279 Speaker 1: you know, I couldn't do much for the first two 776 00:38:27,320 --> 00:38:29,600 Speaker 1: weeks and then that's when they shut me up. And 777 00:38:30,360 --> 00:38:32,319 Speaker 1: from there was just one gum and it was like, oh, 778 00:38:32,360 --> 00:38:36,160 Speaker 1: you can leave there, like you're ready, Well, like I'm 779 00:38:36,239 --> 00:38:38,840 Speaker 1: not ready. And then they got it approved for insurance 780 00:38:38,840 --> 00:38:41,120 Speaker 1: to um let me stay longer. And then the day 781 00:38:41,120 --> 00:38:42,719 Speaker 1: I was supposed to leave, I still ended up leaving. 782 00:38:42,760 --> 00:38:44,160 Speaker 1: I was like, no, I'm gonna do it. And the 783 00:38:44,200 --> 00:38:45,560 Speaker 1: first thing I did when I left, I went to 784 00:38:45,600 --> 00:38:47,960 Speaker 1: the Nelson I wanted to to the Nelson got my 785 00:38:48,040 --> 00:38:50,279 Speaker 1: nails on, my eyebrows done because I was on there 786 00:38:50,280 --> 00:38:52,520 Speaker 1: looking like Wolverine. This before I learned how to do 787 00:38:52,560 --> 00:38:54,799 Speaker 1: it myself. Now I don't do myself, but back then 788 00:38:54,840 --> 00:38:58,640 Speaker 1: I didn't. So we went thre and I went got 789 00:38:58,719 --> 00:39:00,279 Speaker 1: went to the base, but I still got my weave. 790 00:39:00,840 --> 00:39:02,680 Speaker 1: And I thought, that's when I used to glue on 791 00:39:02,719 --> 00:39:05,080 Speaker 1: the tracks when a cat, I started out a quick 792 00:39:05,120 --> 00:39:11,040 Speaker 1: weave and then I was right right on Facebook. I 793 00:39:11,080 --> 00:39:14,520 Speaker 1: was right on Facebook, like hey, what fine? And that 794 00:39:14,719 --> 00:39:17,440 Speaker 1: was that and then from there just then then it 795 00:39:17,480 --> 00:39:19,319 Speaker 1: was my first time went outside. Like I wasn't scared. 796 00:39:19,360 --> 00:39:20,879 Speaker 1: My mom was more scared than me, Like she didn't 797 00:39:20,880 --> 00:39:23,319 Speaker 1: want me to go back outside. You understand, she was 798 00:39:23,400 --> 00:39:25,840 Speaker 1: so paranoid. And then I had to explain that. I 799 00:39:25,880 --> 00:39:27,680 Speaker 1: was like, Mommy, somebody could be sitting in the house 800 00:39:27,719 --> 00:39:29,360 Speaker 1: and a bullet could fly through the window. You know 801 00:39:29,400 --> 00:39:31,279 Speaker 1: what I mean, Like you could literally go outside and 802 00:39:31,320 --> 00:39:33,160 Speaker 1: get hit bat com. You could die from cancer, you 803 00:39:33,160 --> 00:39:36,600 Speaker 1: could die from so many things. If you live your 804 00:39:36,600 --> 00:39:39,000 Speaker 1: life and fear, you will never live. And that's why 805 00:39:39,040 --> 00:39:41,120 Speaker 1: I don't. I walk by faith and not by sight, 806 00:39:41,320 --> 00:39:43,800 Speaker 1: you understand, so I don't let anybody in still fearing 807 00:39:43,800 --> 00:39:46,120 Speaker 1: at me. I don't think I fear is God. And 808 00:39:46,120 --> 00:39:49,440 Speaker 1: that's just the facts of it. So when she was 809 00:39:49,440 --> 00:39:51,040 Speaker 1: on that, I broke it down the hunt and you know, 810 00:39:51,080 --> 00:39:53,200 Speaker 1: the first few times she said, my grandmother is somebody 811 00:39:53,280 --> 00:39:54,920 Speaker 1: following me? And think I didn't see them, but I 812 00:39:55,000 --> 00:39:56,080 Speaker 1: used to see it. But I'm like, you know, I 813 00:39:56,080 --> 00:39:58,560 Speaker 1: had to accept it because it's my mom. You know, 814 00:39:59,320 --> 00:40:01,759 Speaker 1: I understand now I was an adult, like with my 815 00:40:01,800 --> 00:40:04,200 Speaker 1: own child, how she feels because I'm so protective over 816 00:40:04,239 --> 00:40:07,640 Speaker 1: my side. Like it was like it wasn't like you're 817 00:40:07,640 --> 00:40:13,040 Speaker 1: a woman now. But back then, that was my soph Moore. 818 00:40:13,080 --> 00:40:16,000 Speaker 1: I was supposed to be UM going to my sophomore year. Yes, 819 00:40:16,040 --> 00:40:19,040 Speaker 1: today year I still did high school, Like I went back. 820 00:40:19,040 --> 00:40:21,800 Speaker 1: I ended up going back to UM my regular high school. 821 00:40:21,920 --> 00:40:27,080 Speaker 1: Shout out to fashion industry, Yeah, but I ended up 822 00:40:27,080 --> 00:40:29,480 Speaker 1: going back. I did my freshman year there my sophomore 823 00:40:29,560 --> 00:40:30,880 Speaker 1: year because by the time I got up to the 824 00:40:30,920 --> 00:40:34,680 Speaker 1: hospitals already October, you know, going towards the middle October 825 00:40:34,760 --> 00:40:38,479 Speaker 1: or whatever. So but then I just finished it off 826 00:40:38,560 --> 00:40:40,920 Speaker 1: doing homeschool. And then I went back from my junior 827 00:40:40,960 --> 00:40:43,759 Speaker 1: and senior year. Now I rolled across the stage and 828 00:40:43,800 --> 00:40:46,839 Speaker 1: I did all that. Then I went to college, dropped out, 829 00:40:47,160 --> 00:40:49,880 Speaker 1: went to beauty school, finished thing. I'm a licensed cousins. 830 00:40:49,880 --> 00:40:55,680 Speaker 1: College is y'all? Okay? Is there a possibility that you 831 00:40:55,719 --> 00:40:58,880 Speaker 1: might be able to walk again? Honestly, I feel like 832 00:40:58,920 --> 00:41:01,880 Speaker 1: everything is possible through um. I'm not trying to sound 833 00:41:01,880 --> 00:41:05,200 Speaker 1: corny or anything. No. I believe anything is possible when 834 00:41:05,520 --> 00:41:08,719 Speaker 1: God is involved. So I know I'm gonna walk again. 835 00:41:08,800 --> 00:41:12,120 Speaker 1: It's just not it's just about not my time, but 836 00:41:12,239 --> 00:41:13,880 Speaker 1: God's time. And I also got to put in the 837 00:41:13,960 --> 00:41:16,719 Speaker 1: work I can't understand. So I tried to be consistent 838 00:41:16,719 --> 00:41:19,239 Speaker 1: and I know I could do it. What were some 839 00:41:19,320 --> 00:41:26,719 Speaker 1: challenges you face while being in a chair? M You 840 00:41:26,800 --> 00:41:33,120 Speaker 1: brought up a really good point about traveling. Traveling, it's 841 00:41:33,160 --> 00:41:36,480 Speaker 1: like not like sometimes elevators, you know what I mean, 842 00:41:36,600 --> 00:41:41,080 Speaker 1: don't work. Sometimes the curb might be too high, like 843 00:41:41,160 --> 00:41:43,480 Speaker 1: certain things like that. But that stuff that I learned 844 00:41:43,480 --> 00:41:45,080 Speaker 1: how to get around. Now I could pop down like 845 00:41:45,120 --> 00:41:49,160 Speaker 1: an eight inch curb and be I like you learned 846 00:41:49,160 --> 00:41:50,960 Speaker 1: over the years. I don't. I don't really know that 847 00:41:51,200 --> 00:41:53,759 Speaker 1: my complaint. I would have complaints back then, but not 848 00:41:53,880 --> 00:42:02,239 Speaker 1: so much now m h. And it's just like what 849 00:42:02,360 --> 00:42:05,920 Speaker 1: can I say? I feel like now the only challenges 850 00:42:05,960 --> 00:42:07,600 Speaker 1: I have is that I want to do more with 851 00:42:07,640 --> 00:42:10,560 Speaker 1: my son as far as like getting on certain rides 852 00:42:10,880 --> 00:42:13,359 Speaker 1: you know, like things that like water slides and ship 853 00:42:13,400 --> 00:42:17,200 Speaker 1: those aren't accessible as of yet, so those things I 854 00:42:17,280 --> 00:42:21,000 Speaker 1: want to do. Um, that's pretty much it. I just 855 00:42:21,000 --> 00:42:23,799 Speaker 1: want to walk for my son. Just so you could 856 00:42:23,800 --> 00:42:27,719 Speaker 1: see me through it. Were you nervous about being pregnant, no, 857 00:42:30,280 --> 00:42:33,520 Speaker 1: or just where you nervous about becoming a mother? No? Mother, 858 00:42:33,640 --> 00:42:36,759 Speaker 1: some of the challenges you afraid of. My siblings are 859 00:42:36,800 --> 00:42:39,160 Speaker 1: old tim plus years younger than me, and like I said, 860 00:42:39,200 --> 00:42:42,160 Speaker 1: when I have so many siblings now, but when I 861 00:42:42,160 --> 00:42:45,359 Speaker 1: got first, I shot my brother and tested was three 862 00:42:45,360 --> 00:42:49,359 Speaker 1: and five. So you know I've did this with them 863 00:42:49,400 --> 00:42:51,200 Speaker 1: in the chair, go out with them, you know. So 864 00:42:51,280 --> 00:42:54,759 Speaker 1: it's like it was no worries there. I'd be around kids. 865 00:42:54,800 --> 00:42:57,799 Speaker 1: I watched people kids, I've been doing it. So it's 866 00:42:57,840 --> 00:42:59,399 Speaker 1: like no, I know, I know how gonna be my baby. 867 00:42:59,440 --> 00:43:01,839 Speaker 1: And then when it's don't want to yes, something like 868 00:43:01,920 --> 00:43:05,120 Speaker 1: you just feel this like you just know like when 869 00:43:05,160 --> 00:43:06,880 Speaker 1: I had when I got friend and my son was playing. 870 00:43:07,280 --> 00:43:09,399 Speaker 1: So it wasn't like, you know, like we knew where 871 00:43:09,400 --> 00:43:11,600 Speaker 1: we were. We were purposely like I took out my 872 00:43:11,600 --> 00:43:14,080 Speaker 1: birth control. He's like, we both agree, like let's do this. 873 00:43:15,560 --> 00:43:18,680 Speaker 1: And then when when I took on my birthmence you 874 00:43:18,800 --> 00:43:22,160 Speaker 1: in June, I got pregnant in Orgust. M I found 875 00:43:22,239 --> 00:43:26,080 Speaker 1: out in September and I quit smoking and at the 876 00:43:26,160 --> 00:43:28,399 Speaker 1: end of July. So that's crazy, Like I didn't even 877 00:43:28,719 --> 00:43:30,040 Speaker 1: I didn't even know I was pregnant. But I was 878 00:43:30,080 --> 00:43:32,440 Speaker 1: just like, no, I don't want to smoke anymore. And 879 00:43:32,480 --> 00:43:34,360 Speaker 1: then the same thing I'm doing now, like I always 880 00:43:34,400 --> 00:43:38,480 Speaker 1: put around the same time, like squear to guy and 881 00:43:38,160 --> 00:43:40,440 Speaker 1: he and then we found out. We was just so hype, 882 00:43:40,840 --> 00:43:44,719 Speaker 1: like so hype, and I don't know, I never had 883 00:43:44,719 --> 00:43:49,080 Speaker 1: no worries. How did your parents feel? My mother was 884 00:43:49,120 --> 00:43:51,560 Speaker 1: happy as fuck. My dad, you know, he wanted me 885 00:43:51,600 --> 00:43:55,919 Speaker 1: to do the traditional way like marriage and maybe you know, yeah, 886 00:43:56,200 --> 00:43:58,840 Speaker 1: my you know, my dad he came around. Now, he 887 00:43:58,920 --> 00:44:00,319 Speaker 1: was in the house. He was in the delivery room 888 00:44:00,360 --> 00:44:02,719 Speaker 1: with me, him and my mom. It was it was 889 00:44:02,800 --> 00:44:06,520 Speaker 1: my mom, my dad, and my son's father. M We 890 00:44:06,520 --> 00:44:08,280 Speaker 1: were all in the delivery room. We weren't all supposed 891 00:44:08,280 --> 00:44:11,640 Speaker 1: to be there. This is before oh yeah, and this 892 00:44:11,680 --> 00:44:13,680 Speaker 1: is yeah. They would have never allowed he my baby faster, 893 00:44:13,760 --> 00:44:16,239 Speaker 1: God have even been in there if you know right, 894 00:44:16,640 --> 00:44:19,080 Speaker 1: How was the labor because I know you mentioned how 895 00:44:19,080 --> 00:44:21,520 Speaker 1: the doctors was like crying and stuff and everybody, Oh 896 00:44:21,560 --> 00:44:24,040 Speaker 1: my god. They induced me because I was so over 897 00:44:24,120 --> 00:44:26,879 Speaker 1: being pregnant because I was, um, whatnot and a half 898 00:44:26,920 --> 00:44:30,320 Speaker 1: months because everybody thinks pregnancy is nine months, it's literally 899 00:44:30,320 --> 00:44:33,799 Speaker 1: ten months mm hmmm. So I'm nine and a half 900 00:44:33,840 --> 00:44:36,280 Speaker 1: months and I'm like, oh no, because it's it's forty 901 00:44:36,320 --> 00:44:40,440 Speaker 1: weeks right, So I'm like not fuck this. It's like, 902 00:44:40,440 --> 00:44:42,640 Speaker 1: I'm ready to get this over with. He was old 903 00:44:42,760 --> 00:44:44,279 Speaker 1: and he was all in my back because I wasn't. 904 00:44:44,320 --> 00:44:46,200 Speaker 1: I wasn't big at ol during my practice, so he 905 00:44:46,280 --> 00:44:48,640 Speaker 1: was mostly in my back. So I'm having old type 906 00:44:48,680 --> 00:44:51,880 Speaker 1: of pain. Kenney. He want my Damn Kenney's gonna p 907 00:44:52,000 --> 00:44:56,040 Speaker 1: every five seconds, can't sleep, can't get comfortable always. Yeah, 908 00:44:56,080 --> 00:44:59,279 Speaker 1: and it was just a lot. So I was like, yeah, 909 00:44:59,360 --> 00:45:02,160 Speaker 1: I went in because I had the bloody show. And 910 00:45:02,280 --> 00:45:04,360 Speaker 1: that's when they were like, oh, you know, you're dilated, 911 00:45:05,880 --> 00:45:07,800 Speaker 1: and I was like, please keep me, please, because you 912 00:45:07,840 --> 00:45:09,880 Speaker 1: know usually to make you go home. I was like, please, 913 00:45:09,640 --> 00:45:12,960 Speaker 1: but my obis they loved me and because I had 914 00:45:13,160 --> 00:45:15,839 Speaker 1: had a obie had a midwife, whatever the case may be. 915 00:45:16,160 --> 00:45:18,800 Speaker 1: And she was like, she was like, if you don't that, 916 00:45:19,000 --> 00:45:23,560 Speaker 1: if you don't dillate this much about tomorrow, you go home. 917 00:45:24,200 --> 00:45:26,160 Speaker 1: And I was so hello, and all of my I 918 00:45:26,200 --> 00:45:29,359 Speaker 1: loved that, all of my OPI's was black m hm, 919 00:45:29,880 --> 00:45:32,839 Speaker 1: so it was really cool, and she was like, you home. 920 00:45:32,920 --> 00:45:34,719 Speaker 1: So me and my baby father had sex in the 921 00:45:34,719 --> 00:45:39,840 Speaker 1: hospital one this right when I got damn bad. And 922 00:45:39,880 --> 00:45:44,560 Speaker 1: then right after though, right hell yeah, that Zaka came 923 00:45:44,600 --> 00:45:46,759 Speaker 1: and check my surveys and it was like, all, rdy, 924 00:45:46,760 --> 00:45:48,560 Speaker 1: we'll keep you or whatever and then we'll we'll keep 925 00:45:48,600 --> 00:45:50,279 Speaker 1: you overnight and we'll see you know what I mean, 926 00:45:50,760 --> 00:45:53,760 Speaker 1: We'll see what happens. Then the next day it was like, oh, 927 00:45:53,960 --> 00:45:58,960 Speaker 1: you're being induced. Congratulations. I was like, thank you. But 928 00:45:59,040 --> 00:46:01,680 Speaker 1: that ship took for ever. Oh my god, because in dude, 929 00:46:01,760 --> 00:46:05,040 Speaker 1: if he he wasn't ready to come out, yeahn't want 930 00:46:05,160 --> 00:46:08,000 Speaker 1: he was comfortable in there. So it was like I 931 00:46:08,040 --> 00:46:11,800 Speaker 1: wasn't laving for what twenty six hours? Oh my god, 932 00:46:12,200 --> 00:46:15,239 Speaker 1: I know you didn't over it bitch, and then with 933 00:46:15,360 --> 00:46:17,600 Speaker 1: my mother and my father, my baby falls in a room. 934 00:46:17,640 --> 00:46:20,360 Speaker 1: Oh my god, I want to everybody to go and 935 00:46:20,520 --> 00:46:25,879 Speaker 1: just shut the funk up. Yes, I love my son. 936 00:46:26,960 --> 00:46:29,440 Speaker 1: He's my favorite person. Like he gets to my last 937 00:46:29,440 --> 00:46:32,120 Speaker 1: God damn nerves and we don't listen. But other than that, 938 00:46:32,200 --> 00:46:34,880 Speaker 1: he's my best friend, Like he's really like that's that 939 00:46:35,000 --> 00:46:37,800 Speaker 1: love that you won't know unless you have one. Honestly, 940 00:46:38,040 --> 00:46:42,759 Speaker 1: it's just unexplainable, like cliches the ship, the ship that 941 00:46:42,800 --> 00:46:44,560 Speaker 1: you've seen in the movies about how people feel with 942 00:46:44,600 --> 00:46:46,440 Speaker 1: their child and stuff. That's just really what it is 943 00:46:46,520 --> 00:46:49,560 Speaker 1: like for me, Like I can't explain it. I just 944 00:46:49,600 --> 00:46:51,799 Speaker 1: look at him and just I still check the three 945 00:46:51,840 --> 00:46:55,560 Speaker 1: and I still check if he's breathing sometimes like he 946 00:46:55,719 --> 00:46:57,560 Speaker 1: and he loves me so much. He wakes up and 947 00:46:57,600 --> 00:46:59,319 Speaker 1: he'd be like, coome morning, mommy, I love you. And 948 00:46:59,320 --> 00:47:01,640 Speaker 1: then we always tell each other we gotta I love 949 00:47:01,680 --> 00:47:03,400 Speaker 1: you song that we sing to each other that I 950 00:47:03,440 --> 00:47:09,280 Speaker 1: made that you know. But like I said, he was playing, 951 00:47:09,360 --> 00:47:11,759 Speaker 1: so I wanted him when I wanted. When I got 952 00:47:11,800 --> 00:47:14,200 Speaker 1: with my son's father, it's crazy to day my son's father, 953 00:47:14,239 --> 00:47:16,720 Speaker 1: I was like, that's only my baby daddy. I literally 954 00:47:16,760 --> 00:47:21,120 Speaker 1: said it because he's my assess. When I dragging, oh, 955 00:47:21,200 --> 00:47:22,400 Speaker 1: I said it. I was like, that's one of my 956 00:47:22,440 --> 00:47:25,920 Speaker 1: baby daddy and it's crazy because I spoke it into existence. 957 00:47:25,920 --> 00:47:27,200 Speaker 1: That's how they say you gotta be careful what you 958 00:47:27,239 --> 00:47:29,040 Speaker 1: say because I went around school. But I was like, 959 00:47:29,080 --> 00:47:33,000 Speaker 1: look at my baby daddy, really serious, honey, and then 960 00:47:33,120 --> 00:47:37,319 Speaker 1: he really became a baby daddy. How I had your 961 00:47:37,400 --> 00:47:39,319 Speaker 1: dating life change? Like has it? Do you see a 962 00:47:39,360 --> 00:47:44,239 Speaker 1: difference in your day life? Well? Through the wheelchair? No, 963 00:47:45,239 --> 00:47:52,399 Speaker 1: the holes is still, the hos still. Are you feel cool? 964 00:47:52,480 --> 00:47:56,120 Speaker 1: And they're gonna talk about the wheelchair she got nigga, 965 00:47:56,600 --> 00:47:58,279 Speaker 1: They don't care about it as long as the pussy word. 966 00:47:58,280 --> 00:48:02,479 Speaker 1: The don't can fuck right, we'll see the mouth. Were 967 00:48:02,480 --> 00:48:07,600 Speaker 1: you nervous about having sex afterwards my first time? Yeah, 968 00:48:07,640 --> 00:48:09,880 Speaker 1: I was nervous, but then I really wasn't. I don't know, 969 00:48:10,000 --> 00:48:13,680 Speaker 1: I'm away, I'm weird. I don't know. God just made 970 00:48:13,680 --> 00:48:16,000 Speaker 1: me different because a lot of things that most people 971 00:48:16,040 --> 00:48:18,399 Speaker 1: will worry about and wonder about, I don't really don't 972 00:48:18,400 --> 00:48:21,359 Speaker 1: really cross my mind because my confidence, like my father 973 00:48:21,440 --> 00:48:23,720 Speaker 1: and my mother, those are two of the most cocky 974 00:48:23,840 --> 00:48:27,000 Speaker 1: is confident motherfuckers in the world. So they raised me 975 00:48:27,040 --> 00:48:29,680 Speaker 1: to be the same way. And they're both capricorns and headstrong, 976 00:48:29,840 --> 00:48:33,840 Speaker 1: so yeah, they raised me the same way. So I 977 00:48:33,840 --> 00:48:36,160 Speaker 1: don't really have any guys about myself, not even in 978 00:48:36,160 --> 00:48:39,040 Speaker 1: a damn chip. You know, when I first first first 979 00:48:39,120 --> 00:48:41,200 Speaker 1: got in the chair, it was like, oh my God, 980 00:48:41,360 --> 00:48:44,120 Speaker 1: like tools toda, and then I just see even more 981 00:48:44,160 --> 00:48:45,880 Speaker 1: holes was on me and I said, oh, ship, this 982 00:48:45,960 --> 00:48:49,399 Speaker 1: is crazy. What's that happened? It was it's unstoppable. I've 983 00:48:49,400 --> 00:48:53,200 Speaker 1: got to be understoppable, dude. It's guys nervous with you. 984 00:48:54,600 --> 00:48:56,520 Speaker 1: Oh God, you gotta hear something. I don't want to 985 00:48:56,600 --> 00:49:05,239 Speaker 1: hurt you. Boy, you're bring that togain right. I've been 986 00:49:05,400 --> 00:49:11,080 Speaker 1: fucking me and keep this fussy nobody about to be hurt. 987 00:49:11,520 --> 00:49:13,640 Speaker 1: I mean, you know niggas live saying don't want to 988 00:49:13,719 --> 00:49:17,040 Speaker 1: hurt you, Like yeah, yeah, they think I'm like a 989 00:49:17,120 --> 00:49:19,560 Speaker 1: glass dog, like I'm a break chap. Please, I will 990 00:49:19,640 --> 00:49:23,480 Speaker 1: not be fucking I'll push your big gass baby out 991 00:49:23,480 --> 00:49:26,840 Speaker 1: of my vagina eyes. I would not be fucking. Please. 992 00:49:27,760 --> 00:49:33,040 Speaker 1: Did your friendship change after the situation? Um, you learn 993 00:49:33,120 --> 00:49:35,680 Speaker 1: who's dirty and who's not. But I still got a 994 00:49:35,680 --> 00:49:38,959 Speaker 1: lot of the same friends. Oh that's good. I even 995 00:49:39,000 --> 00:49:41,560 Speaker 1: got more new ones. But you know, I felt all 996 00:49:41,600 --> 00:49:43,040 Speaker 1: for a couple of people, not because of the chairs, 997 00:49:43,080 --> 00:49:45,360 Speaker 1: just because of life. So everybody that fell up for 998 00:49:45,400 --> 00:49:47,399 Speaker 1: it wasn't because the check because everybody that was my friend, 999 00:49:47,760 --> 00:49:51,160 Speaker 1: very supportive, everybody and carry me before popping me down, 1000 00:49:51,400 --> 00:49:55,319 Speaker 1: stays pushed me down something God will married, whether the 1001 00:49:55,320 --> 00:49:57,319 Speaker 1: city everywhere that I don't want to go on, but 1002 00:49:57,440 --> 00:49:59,480 Speaker 1: you know what I mean. So no, I've I've had 1003 00:49:59,600 --> 00:50:02,879 Speaker 1: good I've had good relationships with people during the chairs. 1004 00:50:02,960 --> 00:50:07,280 Speaker 1: Just you know, it's not it's not always a falling 1005 00:50:09,560 --> 00:50:11,640 Speaker 1: I don't know how to say it's not always a 1006 00:50:11,719 --> 00:50:16,879 Speaker 1: falling off for the falling out. Mm hmm. I don't 1007 00:50:16,880 --> 00:50:18,399 Speaker 1: know how to say. It's not it's not beef. It's 1008 00:50:18,440 --> 00:50:21,239 Speaker 1: as we grew up and grown people, grown people here. 1009 00:50:21,320 --> 00:50:24,120 Speaker 1: That's that's it. Everybody go in different places, and I 1010 00:50:24,160 --> 00:50:25,640 Speaker 1: hope that we all make it to the top and 1011 00:50:25,719 --> 00:50:28,359 Speaker 1: we see each other there. I don't have I ain't 1012 00:50:28,360 --> 00:50:30,200 Speaker 1: gonna be for nobody. I gotta be for being When 1013 00:50:30,239 --> 00:50:32,359 Speaker 1: NICKI said I gotta be for being broke and shout 1014 00:50:32,360 --> 00:50:38,480 Speaker 1: out that is I love, you know, Nicki Minaj is 1015 00:50:38,520 --> 00:50:42,640 Speaker 1: my favorite. I love that bit, y'all. Yes, I'm Nicki Minlage, 1016 00:50:42,719 --> 00:50:50,640 Speaker 1: Nicki Winsky needs like I mean, I ain't even from 1017 00:50:51,040 --> 00:50:55,319 Speaker 1: to makeup. She's like, you gots my and gess my 1018 00:50:55,040 --> 00:50:58,160 Speaker 1: my my house that I grew up in, go up 1019 00:50:58,200 --> 00:51:06,959 Speaker 1: in in bab Please. Oh that's because I don't love 1020 00:51:07,080 --> 00:51:13,120 Speaker 1: me fucking Minagio. I love her wrong, not at all. 1021 00:51:13,239 --> 00:51:17,440 Speaker 1: Shout out to Nay Barbie Barbie. Um, last and not least, 1022 00:51:17,480 --> 00:51:19,400 Speaker 1: what is an advice you would give to our listeners 1023 00:51:19,400 --> 00:51:22,680 Speaker 1: when when it comes to remembering who you are despite 1024 00:51:22,719 --> 00:51:27,640 Speaker 1: what life throws your way. Um, one of my favorite 1025 00:51:27,680 --> 00:51:34,680 Speaker 1: quotes is, m M, I'm not even gonna do. I'm 1026 00:51:34,680 --> 00:51:38,400 Speaker 1: not even gonna do the quote. I'm gonna just quote myself. UM, 1027 00:51:38,440 --> 00:51:42,640 Speaker 1: I just say, you can't worry about other people because 1028 00:51:43,200 --> 00:51:45,719 Speaker 1: you're constantly gonna be around new people. So if you're 1029 00:51:45,719 --> 00:51:47,640 Speaker 1: always warning you know what I'm saying, you'll never get 1030 00:51:47,640 --> 00:51:49,919 Speaker 1: the time to worry about yourself. So you can't worry 1031 00:51:49,920 --> 00:51:52,600 Speaker 1: about what someone's gonna think of you, because there's gonna 1032 00:51:52,640 --> 00:51:54,959 Speaker 1: be people that don't like you. There's gonna be people 1033 00:51:54,960 --> 00:51:56,520 Speaker 1: that don't sunk with there's manny people I don't like 1034 00:51:56,560 --> 00:51:59,680 Speaker 1: you for no fucking reason. They can't explain it, they 1035 00:51:59,680 --> 00:52:01,800 Speaker 1: can't think like they just don't like you. And that's okay. 1036 00:52:02,040 --> 00:52:04,319 Speaker 1: Not everybody is applicated to like you. The only person 1037 00:52:04,320 --> 00:52:06,200 Speaker 1: that has to like you as you. You gotta wake 1038 00:52:06,280 --> 00:52:07,879 Speaker 1: up in the morning, look in the mirror and tell 1039 00:52:07,920 --> 00:52:10,319 Speaker 1: yourself I'm not nigga. Well I'm that bitch, and go 1040 00:52:10,360 --> 00:52:13,879 Speaker 1: about your day. Facts. And if you Caucasian, don't say 1041 00:52:13,920 --> 00:52:19,000 Speaker 1: I'm that nigga out loud, out loud about laying out 1042 00:52:19,040 --> 00:52:26,759 Speaker 1: loud lady. Yeah, but you know that's it. And that 1043 00:52:26,960 --> 00:52:30,160 Speaker 1: so just love yourself. Love yourself because at the end 1044 00:52:30,160 --> 00:52:33,560 Speaker 1: of the day, people won't come and go, but you're 1045 00:52:33,560 --> 00:52:37,160 Speaker 1: still gonna be there. Love yourself and don't worship money, 1046 00:52:37,680 --> 00:52:41,320 Speaker 1: don't worship friendships, don't worship any type of relationships because again, 1047 00:52:41,719 --> 00:52:44,200 Speaker 1: people won't come and go, worship yourself. And if you 1048 00:52:44,200 --> 00:52:46,279 Speaker 1: don't believe in anything, because I believe in God first 1049 00:52:46,280 --> 00:52:48,320 Speaker 1: and foremost. But if you don't believe in anything, believe 1050 00:52:48,320 --> 00:52:53,560 Speaker 1: in yourself facts. That's a fact. Smoke weed, get money, 1051 00:52:53,560 --> 00:53:01,000 Speaker 1: and fuck matches. On that note, if y'all have any questions, 1052 00:53:01,000 --> 00:53:03,440 Speaker 1: call miss un concerns, please make sure to email me 1053 00:53:03,520 --> 00:53:07,200 Speaker 1: at Hello at the PhD podcast dot com. And until 1054 00:53:07,280 --> 00:53:09,439 Speaker 1: next time, everyone, Later,