WEBVTT - A Surprising Silver Lining + Chasing More Money at Work (Couch Talks) 0:00:00.050 --> 0:00:02.050 While we hope couch talks can be a tool that 0:00:02.110 --> 0:00:04.850 helps and supports wherever you are in life, couch talks 0:00:04.910 --> 0:00:08.000 does not serve as a replacement or substitute for therapy 0:00:08.130 --> 0:00:09.500 or any mental health services. 0:00:11.490 --> 0:00:14.770 One, two, three. 0:00:15.350 --> 0:00:18.370 If you ever have feelings that you just want some, 0:00:18.489 --> 0:00:22.040 Amy and Kat got you covered like an arm, brother. 0:00:22.079 --> 0:00:25.239 Ladies and fellas, we just follow in the spirit where 0:00:25.280 --> 0:00:28.460 it tells us. From the real stuff to the chill 0:00:28.480 --> 0:00:32.990 stuff and the in-between. Sometimes the best thing you can 0:00:33.050 --> 0:00:34.990 do is just stop. 0:00:35.010 --> 0:00:36.910 And feel things. 0:00:37.010 --> 0:00:39.350 This is Feeling Things with Amy and Kat. 0:00:40.200 --> 0:00:42.839 Happy Thursday. Welcome to Couch Talks, our Q & A 0:00:42.880 --> 0:00:44.979 episode to the Feeling Things podcast. I'm Amy. 0:00:45.020 --> 0:00:45.580 And I'm Kat. 0:00:45.940 --> 0:00:47.860 And we're going to kick things off with a voicemail 0:00:48.000 --> 0:00:50.940 that is in response to a previous episode where we 0:00:50.979 --> 0:00:57.690 had a listener asking us how to, I guess, accept 0:00:58.370 --> 0:01:02.310 that your abusive ex has now seemingly moved on and 0:01:02.350 --> 0:01:05.650 living this happy life and you're left picking up the 0:01:05.690 --> 0:01:09.110 pieces and they just get to like move on. And 0:01:09.550 --> 0:01:12.149 someone felt like they wanted to call and offer some 0:01:12.209 --> 0:01:15.060 encouragement to that listener, which I love. And she says 0:01:15.080 --> 0:01:17.399 a couple of times in the clip, we don't have 0:01:17.440 --> 0:01:18.979 to play the voicemail. And I don't know if that's 0:01:19.000 --> 0:01:21.720 because I feel like if she wanted to remain anonymous 0:01:21.780 --> 0:01:23.690 or she didn't want her voice, she would say specifically 0:01:23.720 --> 0:01:25.729 don't play it. Or if she felt like, I don't 0:01:25.750 --> 0:01:27.490 really know if this is going to be helpful. You don't, 0:01:27.530 --> 0:01:29.009 you don't have to play it, but somehow can you 0:01:29.050 --> 0:01:32.210 pass this along? But I think that this encouragement could 0:01:32.230 --> 0:01:37.750 be good for A lot of people to hear. So 0:01:38.069 --> 0:01:40.789 we're just going to play it. Even though you're going 0:01:40.810 --> 0:01:42.360 to hear her say you don't have to play it. 0:01:42.410 --> 0:01:43.970 Because Kat and I were listening to it. We're like, 0:01:44.350 --> 0:01:47.350 this is so good. We've got to play it. So 0:01:48.030 --> 0:01:51.480 that's what we're going to do. I believe she is 0:01:51.540 --> 0:01:54.280 anonymous herself, though. We just have her voice, right? 0:01:54.480 --> 0:01:56.080 She tells us her name, where she's from. 0:01:56.120 --> 0:02:01.220 Just kidding. Well, the file is saved as anonymous. Negative 0:02:01.260 --> 0:02:02.100 attention off of you. 0:02:02.120 --> 0:02:03.360 Oh, well. 0:02:04.810 --> 0:02:06.440 She doesn't say anonymous in the voicemail. 0:02:07.180 --> 0:02:09.619 But we'll leave it. Except for she, I don't know. 0:02:09.720 --> 0:02:10.760 Now I'm getting worried. 0:02:10.780 --> 0:02:13.679 I think that might be just what it was labeled as. 0:02:14.060 --> 0:02:14.340 I think. 0:02:14.580 --> 0:02:15.880 But why label it as that? 0:02:16.580 --> 0:02:17.579 She didn't label it that. 0:02:17.760 --> 0:02:20.669 I know, but I'm just making sure we have all 0:02:20.710 --> 0:02:21.070 the right. 0:02:21.310 --> 0:02:22.970 We don't want what to happen with Sweet D to 0:02:23.010 --> 0:02:24.110 happen again. I know. 0:02:25.290 --> 0:02:27.790 Well, you have to use the voice changer. This is 0:02:27.810 --> 0:02:30.390 something if you can't tell, Kat and I really get 0:02:30.889 --> 0:02:33.700 worked up about whether or not we're respecting y'all's privacy 0:02:33.960 --> 0:02:34.220 or not. 0:02:34.910 --> 0:02:39.210 Well, imagine if you think somebody is going to– it's 0:02:39.230 --> 0:02:42.130 like getting exposed. Yeah. I would feel responsible. I would 0:02:42.160 --> 0:02:44.560 be responsible. Let's just– how about we do this? To 0:02:44.940 --> 0:02:45.959 be safe. We'll have you. 0:02:45.880 --> 0:02:46.859 Say beep her name out. 0:02:46.880 --> 0:02:47.100 Yes. 0:02:47.580 --> 0:02:49.980 So we'll beep out– yeah. So we'll beep the name. 0:02:50.120 --> 0:02:50.840 Okay. Here it is. 0:02:52.680 --> 0:02:56.680 Hey, this is from Virginia Beach, and you don't have 0:02:56.700 --> 0:02:59.700 to play this, but I did want to offer this 0:02:59.760 --> 0:03:05.899 perspective for– the listener that wrote in about her ex-boyfriend 0:03:05.940 --> 0:03:09.640 being really abusive and that she had a daughter with him. 0:03:09.680 --> 0:03:11.760 And now she's saying that he's moved on and seems 0:03:11.780 --> 0:03:14.120 to be in a committed relationship. I just want to 0:03:14.139 --> 0:03:18.780 offer this perspective. I was married before now. And during 0:03:18.820 --> 0:03:24.059 my divorce, my now ex-husband got a girlfriend and that 0:03:24.100 --> 0:03:27.760 was really hurtful. But as time went on, I realized 0:03:27.800 --> 0:03:29.780 what a gift it was to me that he had 0:03:29.820 --> 0:03:33.410 that girlfriend because he It took his attention off of 0:03:33.530 --> 0:03:36.850 me and the attention he was giving me was negative. 0:03:37.450 --> 0:03:40.350 And so it was like it shifted his perspective and 0:03:40.390 --> 0:03:44.330 his attention to her. And so now I'm so grateful 0:03:44.850 --> 0:03:48.130 for her because it took his attention off of me. 0:03:48.830 --> 0:03:52.610 Hurtful as it is, I really hope this means the 0:03:52.670 --> 0:03:56.650 negative attention that he put on you, like now it's shifted. 0:03:56.670 --> 0:03:59.280 And hopefully he's not doing it to that girl anymore. 0:03:59.870 --> 0:04:02.010 but now at least it's off of you and your daughter. 0:04:02.030 --> 0:04:06.790 And so that new relationship could be in your favor. 0:04:06.810 --> 0:04:10.290 It kind of sounds selfish me saying that, but that's 0:04:10.330 --> 0:04:12.030 kind of how I saw it and how I see 0:04:12.090 --> 0:04:15.140 it now. And I'm so grateful for that. And so 0:04:15.900 --> 0:04:19.400 I hope one day she'll get there and I hope 0:04:19.420 --> 0:04:21.320 you guys have the day you need to have. 0:04:22.100 --> 0:04:24.660 I thought that was very helpful. And that's giving a 0:04:25.240 --> 0:04:31.340 new filter to that, that, listener that originally wrote in 0:04:31.400 --> 0:04:35.260 or any other listener that might be in a similar situation, 0:04:35.279 --> 0:04:38.070 you have a new lens to look through thanks to 0:04:38.130 --> 0:04:41.270 this other listener and her perspective and her story and 0:04:41.310 --> 0:04:41.930 her sharing that. 0:04:42.150 --> 0:04:42.330 Yeah. 0:04:42.850 --> 0:04:46.349 And my only thought, because we don't know, I guess 0:04:46.370 --> 0:04:50.560 we don't know about this caller's relationship and why they 0:04:50.820 --> 0:04:56.180 didn't work out. My only thought is I would be 0:04:56.760 --> 0:04:59.120 a little hesitant. I'm glad I would be glad the 0:04:59.140 --> 0:05:01.500 attention is taken off me, but I wouldn't want another 0:05:01.540 --> 0:05:04.500 person to be in that situation either. So if that's 0:05:04.600 --> 0:05:06.719 the attitude I would take, I would say, I hope 0:05:06.760 --> 0:05:09.360 he did change. So he's not doing that to somebody else. 0:05:10.000 --> 0:05:11.760 And his attention is off of me. 0:05:11.960 --> 0:05:12.560 Yeah, of course. 0:05:13.120 --> 0:05:13.820 She even said that. 0:05:14.060 --> 0:05:14.280 Okay. 0:05:14.520 --> 0:05:18.140 Yeah. She said like, this feels selfish to say, and 0:05:18.240 --> 0:05:21.810 we hope that she's not doing it to the next girl. 0:05:21.820 --> 0:05:23.490 The reality is you won't ever know that. 0:05:23.820 --> 0:05:24.000 Yeah. 0:05:25.550 --> 0:05:26.849 But it's not your problem anymore. 0:05:26.950 --> 0:05:27.130 Yeah. 0:05:27.790 --> 0:05:29.880 So wipe your hands of it. Just except you do 0:05:29.900 --> 0:05:31.320 have a child with that person. 0:05:31.880 --> 0:05:37.360 Yeah. So thank you for that encouragement and insight. Yeah. 0:05:37.420 --> 0:05:41.800 Moving on to a new topic for today's episode. This 0:05:41.880 --> 0:05:44.490 is an email that we got. The subject is, do 0:05:44.560 --> 0:05:47.690 I leave a great boss for more money? Hi, Amy 0:05:47.710 --> 0:05:49.690 and Kat. I need help with a work decision that 0:05:49.710 --> 0:05:52.350 I feel like should be way easier than it is. 0:05:52.860 --> 0:05:55.340 I currently have a job that I genuinely like. The 0:05:55.380 --> 0:05:58.260 pay is good, the work is fine, and most importantly, 0:05:58.300 --> 0:06:01.779 I have an amazing boss. She trusts me, respects my boundaries, 0:06:01.860 --> 0:06:04.640 is incredibly supportive, and has created a work environment where 0:06:05.110 --> 0:06:07.309 I don't feel guilty for having a life outside of work. 0:06:08.150 --> 0:06:10.230 I know how rare that is, and I feel very lucky. 0:06:10.529 --> 0:06:14.190 But I recently got an offer for another job that 0:06:14.210 --> 0:06:17.409 would pay me quite a bit more money, enough that 0:06:17.470 --> 0:06:19.790 would make a meaningful difference in my life and allow 0:06:19.830 --> 0:06:23.330 me to save more, travel more, etc., The problem is 0:06:23.390 --> 0:06:25.570 that I have no idea what the new company or 0:06:25.610 --> 0:06:29.100 boss would actually be like. During the interview process, everything 0:06:29.140 --> 0:06:31.760 seemed great, but obviously everyone is on their best behavior 0:06:31.800 --> 0:06:34.100 during an interview. I'm worried that I could leave a 0:06:34.140 --> 0:06:36.240 job I love for more money and end up with 0:06:36.279 --> 0:06:39.700 a boss who constantly texts me at night, expects me 0:06:39.740 --> 0:06:44.150 to work weekends, or makes me miserable. I also feel 0:06:44.270 --> 0:06:47.130 weirdly guilty about leaving my current boss. She has been 0:06:47.529 --> 0:06:49.850 so good to me, and part of me feels like 0:06:49.870 --> 0:06:53.120 I'm betraying her by taking another job. I know logically 0:06:53.180 --> 0:06:56.080 that she would probably understand, but emotionally I'm having a 0:06:56.120 --> 0:06:58.820 hard time with it. So how do you decide when 0:06:58.860 --> 0:07:01.700 a significant pay increase is worth giving up something you 0:07:01.779 --> 0:07:05.020 already know is good? And am I being ridiculous for 0:07:05.060 --> 0:07:08.640 letting my relationship with my boss factor this heavy into 0:07:08.660 --> 0:07:12.380 a career decision? Erin, 32, North Carolina. 0:07:12.400 --> 0:07:14.440 This is a toughie. 0:07:14.460 --> 0:07:17.690 Well, I want to start with that main question of 0:07:17.770 --> 0:07:19.810 am I being ridiculous for letting my relationship with my 0:07:19.870 --> 0:07:24.260 boss factor factor this heavily into a career decision. Cause 0:07:24.280 --> 0:07:27.420 that one I feel is the easiest part to answer. No, 0:07:27.460 --> 0:07:31.440 you're not being ridiculous. It just means you have, you 0:07:31.460 --> 0:07:34.200 like your boss and you care about her and you 0:07:34.240 --> 0:07:36.490 don't want to leave someone that's been really good to you. 0:07:37.200 --> 0:07:41.690 And it's a career decision. She's not going to take 0:07:41.750 --> 0:07:44.650 it personally. If she does to an extent, then that's 0:07:44.690 --> 0:07:49.260 probably an unhealthy relationship with her employee. Like as a boss, 0:07:49.460 --> 0:07:52.800 I would want my people working under me to spread 0:07:52.820 --> 0:07:55.600 their wings fly. If they have an opportunity, I want 0:07:55.620 --> 0:07:58.000 them to go for it, especially if they could make 0:07:58.040 --> 0:08:01.619 more money and it would make meaningful change and impact 0:08:01.640 --> 0:08:05.830 in their life. So no, you're not being ridiculous. And yes, 0:08:05.850 --> 0:08:10.170 you're also being ridiculous. If you, if you actually, if 0:08:10.210 --> 0:08:11.810 that's one of the reasons why you don't take the job. 0:08:12.370 --> 0:08:15.250 Well, I had two thoughts on that. One, your boss 0:08:15.290 --> 0:08:19.110 could also leave at any point. Like, Unless she owns 0:08:19.150 --> 0:08:22.510 the company. I imagine your boss could also, who knows. 0:08:23.330 --> 0:08:26.250 So you don't want to put too much energy into 0:08:26.310 --> 0:08:29.310 that because if you stay for your boss, is your 0:08:29.330 --> 0:08:32.000 boss going to stay in that job for you? And 0:08:32.040 --> 0:08:34.439 then also it made me think of when I left 0:08:35.000 --> 0:08:39.500 a job years ago, I was like sick about telling 0:08:39.540 --> 0:08:43.540 my boss because I felt it was my first job 0:08:43.600 --> 0:08:46.520 out of grad school and I I felt like the 0:08:46.559 --> 0:08:52.190 people there put so much into me and literally made 0:08:52.250 --> 0:08:55.110 me into the therapist I was and took me from nothing. 0:08:55.130 --> 0:09:00.750 And so I felt indebted to them almost. And when 0:09:00.770 --> 0:09:02.589 I finally did tell my boss, I told her, I 0:09:02.590 --> 0:09:04.429 was like, I feel really guilty that you guys have 0:09:04.450 --> 0:09:08.230 done so much for me and I'm leaving. And now 0:09:08.350 --> 0:09:11.050 you're going to be stuck with having to pick up 0:09:11.090 --> 0:09:13.309 the pieces of me not being here. And that's a 0:09:13.330 --> 0:09:15.500 lot of work. And she looked at me and she 0:09:15.520 --> 0:09:18.130 was like, that is quite literally what my job is. 0:09:18.510 --> 0:09:20.930 My job is to hire people when there's job openings 0:09:21.130 --> 0:09:24.490 and train the people that work here. So you don't 0:09:24.510 --> 0:09:27.490 have to feel bad for me having to do my job. 0:09:27.570 --> 0:09:30.020 You did your job, you were paid for your job, 0:09:30.080 --> 0:09:31.580 and now you're going to leave and have a different job. 0:09:32.300 --> 0:09:34.560 And then gave the same sentiment of like, if this 0:09:34.640 --> 0:09:36.400 is going to make your life better, we want that 0:09:36.420 --> 0:09:39.520 for you. And I, it was so simple, but I 0:09:39.559 --> 0:09:42.860 was like, oh, like, I don't have to feel bad 0:09:42.920 --> 0:09:44.160 for you doing your job. 0:09:44.400 --> 0:09:45.260 Yeah. 0:09:45.320 --> 0:09:45.820 That's great. 0:09:46.059 --> 0:09:50.680 Like, oh, this is, that sounds like a healthy response. 0:09:50.780 --> 0:09:51.040 Yes. 0:09:51.470 --> 0:09:54.830 And of course I was sad and they were sad for, like, 0:09:54.929 --> 0:09:57.190 I didn't, I wasn't sad because I was not going 0:09:57.210 --> 0:09:58.510 to be working there because I didn't want to have 0:09:58.530 --> 0:10:00.199 that job anymore, but I was going to miss the 0:10:00.240 --> 0:10:03.480 people and the culture and all that but just because 0:10:03.520 --> 0:10:06.120 something is sad doesn't mean that you have to it's 0:10:06.160 --> 0:10:08.440 saying stay there it just is like that was served 0:10:08.480 --> 0:10:10.500 a really good purpose in in my life for a 0:10:10.559 --> 0:10:13.830 time and I would say to this person I'm not 0:10:13.910 --> 0:10:16.189 in your situation so it's easier said than done but 0:10:17.500 --> 0:10:20.360 If something, you just think about what's more important to you. 0:10:21.220 --> 0:10:24.500 If this is going to change, possibly like actually make 0:10:24.590 --> 0:10:28.309 change in your life, and it's going to grow you, then, 0:10:29.690 --> 0:10:33.850 and that's important to you, then I would go with that. Also, 0:10:35.270 --> 0:10:41.840 can you tell your current company, I'm no negotiator, and 0:10:41.900 --> 0:10:44.940 make sure there isn't anything they can do before you leave. 0:10:46.360 --> 0:10:47.490 For salary or pay. 0:10:47.720 --> 0:10:48.939 A raise or promotion. 0:10:48.960 --> 0:10:50.200 Something more competitive. 0:10:50.300 --> 0:10:53.540 Yeah. I know some places will do that. They don't 0:10:53.559 --> 0:10:55.710 want you to leave. And so they have the capability 0:10:55.750 --> 0:10:59.329 and resources to offer you something to stay. So I 0:10:59.350 --> 0:11:03.690 would explore that before making a decision if that feels 0:11:03.790 --> 0:11:04.630 like a safe thing to do. 0:11:05.690 --> 0:11:09.819 I would also challenge yourself because I could see where 0:11:09.920 --> 0:11:13.089 making a move is scary. Mm-hmm. And now this doesn't 0:11:13.130 --> 0:11:15.770 require you sitting down and really being honest with yourself 0:11:15.840 --> 0:11:20.579 that if clinging to your safe, nice, sweet, kind, awesome 0:11:20.620 --> 0:11:25.020 boss is a way to also not step into the unknown, 0:11:25.080 --> 0:11:29.120 which can be really scary. And then you miss out 0:11:29.140 --> 0:11:34.880 on not only more pay, which you said would, it's 0:11:35.000 --> 0:11:37.820 significant enough to change your life, but you could miss 0:11:37.960 --> 0:11:41.930 out on more growth and opportunities and experience and co-workers 0:11:41.990 --> 0:11:45.170 and networking and sure everybody's great at the interview on 0:11:45.220 --> 0:11:47.780 their bed they're on their best behavior but i feel 0:11:47.800 --> 0:11:49.520 like you could make if you didn't pick up on 0:11:49.720 --> 0:11:53.620 any weirdness some people can be tricky though yeah that's 0:11:53.679 --> 0:11:54.700 true some people. 0:11:54.540 --> 0:11:57.780 Are charmers you know i really appreciated one job i 0:11:57.800 --> 0:12:00.180 had they made me go meet with like three different 0:12:00.200 --> 0:12:04.439 people that worked there and one person they called it 0:12:04.480 --> 0:12:08.000 like dating the company they did They. 0:12:07.900 --> 0:12:09.860 Called this part of the interview process dating? 0:12:09.880 --> 0:12:11.620 Well, so when I first... I'm sure. 0:12:11.679 --> 0:12:13.160 HR already changed that, right? 0:12:13.179 --> 0:12:13.410 Well, it was. 0:12:13.780 --> 0:12:15.020 I will say I didn't stay at this place for 0:12:15.040 --> 0:12:15.560 very long. 0:12:15.580 --> 0:12:19.780 I feel like it's a little risky. 0:12:20.040 --> 0:12:22.550 He said that there was like different stages. And I 0:12:22.610 --> 0:12:23.309 want to say this. 0:12:23.750 --> 0:12:25.930 Is this the pursuing stage? 0:12:26.110 --> 0:12:28.770 This comes, I feel like, from Dave Ramsey. I think 0:12:28.809 --> 0:12:30.270 that he does something similar like that. 0:12:30.290 --> 0:12:30.950 Like a courting interview? 0:12:32.090 --> 0:12:33.270 Well, I don't know if I was courting them or 0:12:33.290 --> 0:12:36.050 they were courting me. I don't know. But it was 0:12:36.100 --> 0:12:38.900 like the first time I met with the owner, it 0:12:38.960 --> 0:12:41.480 was something. And then he was like, I want you 0:12:41.500 --> 0:12:44.559 to date the company and meet with a couple people. 0:12:45.100 --> 0:12:47.580 And then when I had done that, then I met 0:12:47.620 --> 0:12:53.200 with him again and he was like, now we're engaged. What? 0:12:53.760 --> 0:12:56.179 I honestly never thought it was as weird as it 0:12:56.300 --> 0:13:01.650 is until I'm saying it right now. Uh-huh. So... my 0:13:01.730 --> 0:13:05.940 point in bringing that up is I liked that they 0:13:06.020 --> 0:13:09.360 had me do that because I got different people's perspectives 0:13:09.460 --> 0:13:13.120 and I got to meet people that weren't like in 0:13:13.160 --> 0:13:14.960 what you would call like the C-suite of the company. 0:13:15.000 --> 0:13:17.920 They were just other therapists or other people that were 0:13:18.000 --> 0:13:21.920 on my level that had been there longer. And, and 0:13:22.160 --> 0:13:25.530 one of the meetings, if I would have been more introspective, 0:13:25.550 --> 0:13:27.740 I was really young and So if I would have 0:13:27.760 --> 0:13:29.740 been more introspective, I would have been like, I'm reading 0:13:29.760 --> 0:13:34.690 between the lines. She said a couple things about the 0:13:34.750 --> 0:13:41.189 management of this place that I thought were jokes. I 0:13:41.210 --> 0:13:43.270 thought she was just comfortable with me and was making jokes. 0:13:43.790 --> 0:13:44.830 But then looking back. 0:13:45.630 --> 0:13:46.030 She wasn't? 0:13:46.250 --> 0:13:46.470 No. 0:13:47.100 --> 0:13:49.980 I'm like, oh, you were kind of letting me see 0:13:50.000 --> 0:14:03.309 through the cracks. Yes. I'm like, oh, you were kind 0:14:03.350 --> 0:14:06.870 of letting me see through the cracks a little bit. 0:14:07.030 --> 0:14:10.030 And I just didn't take the bait. And then I 0:14:10.090 --> 0:14:14.050 actually quit because of some of those, not because of 0:14:14.110 --> 0:14:16.350 what she said, but like it aligned what she said 0:14:16.970 --> 0:14:19.770 and what I discovered after working there. I was like, 0:14:20.490 --> 0:14:22.070 I got to get out of here. She wasn't kidding. 0:14:22.310 --> 0:14:25.110 And then she left maybe a year after I left. 0:14:25.350 --> 0:14:31.060 All right. So I just Googled the interview process that's Allegedly. 0:14:31.400 --> 0:14:32.080 So this is a thing. 0:14:32.580 --> 0:14:34.920 The Dave Ramsey thing that you're talking about. It's a 0:14:34.980 --> 0:14:40.450 spousal interview concept. Dave Ramsey emphasizes the importance of a 0:14:40.570 --> 0:14:44.270 spousal interview during the hiring process. This unique approach involves 0:14:44.330 --> 0:14:47.150 both the candidate. Oh, wait, this is totally different. 0:14:47.270 --> 0:14:50.010 Okay. Yeah. Okay. 0:14:50.190 --> 0:14:54.480 And their spouse meeting with the hiring manager. The goal 0:14:54.510 --> 0:14:57.220 is to create a more relaxed environment for evaluation, allowing 0:14:57.260 --> 0:15:00.000 both parties to assess capability and Wait, what does your 0:15:00.020 --> 0:15:01.160 spouse have to do with any of this? 0:15:01.460 --> 0:15:02.160 So, okay. 0:15:02.280 --> 0:15:05.940 I thought you were just acting like you're going to 0:15:05.960 --> 0:15:09.500 be spouses with the, you know, like you're getting married. 0:15:09.580 --> 0:15:10.920 I didn't know if Dave Ramsey did both of these. 0:15:11.040 --> 0:15:13.119 I knew he did this. What? Because I've known a 0:15:13.140 --> 0:15:16.420 couple people that have worked there. I think it feels, 0:15:16.660 --> 0:15:21.060 to me it feels inappropriate and it feels like that's 0:15:21.140 --> 0:15:23.700 like discrimination. Like if they don't like your spouse, they're 0:15:23.720 --> 0:15:26.560 not going to hire you or something. But they're like reasoning, 0:15:26.580 --> 0:15:27.900 I don't know if it says in there behind that, 0:15:27.920 --> 0:15:29.930 it's like we want to make sure you you fit 0:15:29.950 --> 0:15:32.390 with our culture and we have a very close culture 0:15:32.430 --> 0:15:32.970 kind of thing. 0:15:33.210 --> 0:15:35.530 This helps ensure a good fit for both the candidate 0:15:35.600 --> 0:15:36.290 and the company. 0:15:36.430 --> 0:15:38.980 And are you, my thought is like, okay, are they 0:15:39.040 --> 0:15:41.200 interviewing the spouse and being like, do you care if 0:15:41.220 --> 0:15:43.820 he works long nights and weekends? Like, are they making 0:15:43.860 --> 0:15:45.660 sure that the spouse is going to be like, yeah, he'll, 0:15:45.700 --> 0:15:49.970 he'll do whatever or she'll do whatever. I get, I 0:15:50.010 --> 0:15:54.150 get wanting to, I get if you're a small company 0:15:55.070 --> 0:15:58.630 in wanting to meet the person's spouse after they're hired. 0:16:00.010 --> 0:16:01.930 Yeah, but during the interview process. 0:16:02.030 --> 0:16:05.120 I'm like, what if you have to take my husband, Patrick, 0:16:05.130 --> 0:16:06.770 to my interview? And I'm like, Patrick, don't screw this 0:16:06.880 --> 0:16:07.290 up for me. 0:16:07.380 --> 0:16:10.140 Like, what? It does make me think of when I 0:16:10.200 --> 0:16:15.000 was married and my husband was in the Air Force 0:16:15.580 --> 0:16:17.660 and there was the wives group. Well, we'll call it 0:16:17.700 --> 0:16:20.380 spouse because you could have women in the Air Force 0:16:20.460 --> 0:16:21.840 and they could be married to a guy. So the 0:16:21.920 --> 0:16:27.920 spouse group. But there were wives that worked really hard 0:16:28.040 --> 0:16:34.320 in that. group. They worked really hard to elevate their husbands. 0:16:34.420 --> 0:16:40.560 Like it would impact the men's job. Like how their 0:16:40.620 --> 0:16:45.800 wife was with the higher up wives could impact your 0:16:45.820 --> 0:16:46.480 role at work. 0:16:46.640 --> 0:16:47.700 Like get you a promotion. 0:16:48.160 --> 0:16:48.460 Yeah. 0:16:49.080 --> 0:16:49.480 Or not. 0:16:49.920 --> 0:16:53.420 Or your relationship with the high up wife. Now I'm 0:16:53.440 --> 0:16:57.229 doing a lot of generalizing here. Every branch of the 0:16:57.250 --> 0:17:02.050 military might be different or, but I remember I said 0:17:02.070 --> 0:17:05.400 to my husband at the time, like, well, I don't 0:17:05.420 --> 0:17:08.159 know that the, I have no interest in playing these games, 0:17:09.040 --> 0:17:10.889 but he's like, well, it's just kind of part of it. 0:17:11.260 --> 0:17:13.660 It's like what everybody does and it can really help you. 0:17:13.780 --> 0:17:15.780 Or like if one of the, if a wife is 0:17:15.820 --> 0:17:20.080 not liked, it might keep a man from getting moved up. See, 0:17:20.140 --> 0:17:23.180 that's not like if she's not in with like the 0:17:23.500 --> 0:17:24.369 higher up wives. 0:17:24.420 --> 0:17:26.350 I don't like that. I know. And I feel like 0:17:26.369 --> 0:17:28.290 that's similar to this. It's like, well, if you don't 0:17:28.330 --> 0:17:30.350 like their wife or you don't like, he really was 0:17:30.430 --> 0:17:33.070 qualified or she was really qualified and met all their 0:17:33.090 --> 0:17:36.470 criteria and we really liked them, but their partner sucks. 0:17:36.710 --> 0:17:41.780 Like that's also, also one, what if you're not partnered? 0:17:43.160 --> 0:17:45.500 And what if you just have like a boyfriend or girlfriend, 0:17:45.520 --> 0:17:47.200 do you have to interview them? Cause that's really weird. 0:17:47.220 --> 0:17:49.100 If I'm like dating somebody for six months and I'm like, 0:17:49.140 --> 0:17:51.600 you have to come to my interview with me. So 0:17:51.940 --> 0:17:53.580 those are two questions I would have. What do you 0:17:53.600 --> 0:17:56.630 do if they don't have a partner? And then when 0:17:56.650 --> 0:17:57.830 they get a partner, do you have to bring them 0:17:57.850 --> 0:17:58.550 in for an interview? 0:17:59.190 --> 0:18:01.889 Well, for the sake of our listener that emailed in, 0:18:01.910 --> 0:18:05.460 we've definitely gotten off track a little bit because I 0:18:05.480 --> 0:18:07.100 don't know if they have a spouse or if they're 0:18:07.119 --> 0:18:08.639 going to have to take their spouse to the interview. 0:18:08.720 --> 0:18:12.400 But when it comes to taking a risk and changing 0:18:12.460 --> 0:18:16.670 your life and leaving a boss, like I think it's 0:18:16.750 --> 0:18:19.990 okay to, to go for it and do it. I don't, 0:18:20.230 --> 0:18:22.770 I don't think you haven't said anything that's a red 0:18:22.850 --> 0:18:25.570 flag as to why you wouldn't go other than everyone's 0:18:25.609 --> 0:18:28.350 on their best behavior at an interview and they potentially 0:18:28.430 --> 0:18:31.450 could be toxic, but you don't even know that. That 0:18:31.550 --> 0:18:34.450 could be any situation. Like you said, her current boss 0:18:34.470 --> 0:18:37.090 that she loves could leave and another boss could come 0:18:37.130 --> 0:18:37.990 in and be toxic. 0:18:40.490 --> 0:18:42.590 She does love her job, it sounds like. So I 0:18:42.590 --> 0:18:45.070 think that's the risk too. It's like, I like my job, 0:18:45.109 --> 0:18:49.830 so I'm leaving something that I think is going to 0:18:49.850 --> 0:18:51.950 be worth it for money. But how do I know 0:18:52.010 --> 0:18:54.710 if money is more important or like me being happy? 0:18:54.970 --> 0:18:57.609 And for some people, money makes them happier. So I 0:18:57.890 --> 0:19:00.450 don't know. But I think what all you said is relevant. 0:19:00.560 --> 0:19:03.600 I just I would I don't want to tell you 0:19:03.640 --> 0:19:05.960 what to do. I would just say what's more important 0:19:06.000 --> 0:19:10.600 to you, the comfortability that you feel or the excitement 0:19:10.619 --> 0:19:13.379 of what could be. And maybe you look at it 0:19:13.420 --> 0:19:15.820 that way because we're looking at through this like this 0:19:15.859 --> 0:19:18.360 could be really bad, but also it could be really good. 0:19:20.390 --> 0:19:22.609 I like that you gave the advice of checking with 0:19:22.630 --> 0:19:25.209 your current company to see if there's anything they can 0:19:25.260 --> 0:19:27.840 do about a pay increase because that's a good place 0:19:27.880 --> 0:19:28.359 to start. 0:19:28.420 --> 0:19:28.879 It's worth it. 0:19:28.960 --> 0:19:31.300 And the worst they could say is no. And then, okay, cool. 0:19:31.560 --> 0:19:35.180 Like now you know that's off the table. This did 0:19:35.240 --> 0:19:37.820 remind me of something I saw on social media of 0:19:37.820 --> 0:19:42.470