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Speaker 1: It's the radio segment that was scheduled to make six figures,

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Speaker 1: taking over for Slow as the new progressive insurance spokespur sign,

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Speaker 1: but they had to call it off after the progressive

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Speaker 1: folks caught him stuffing his apron. It's embarrassing. Laser Stories segment,

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Speaker 1: where we read weird news stories around the globe, just

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Speaker 1: like everyone else does, except we have a laser. There's

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Speaker 1: other pillow rubbers, just don't his first Laser Stories. Out

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Speaker 1: of Michigan, a local school district's having to fight back

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Speaker 1: at one of the strangest rumors that they've ever dealt with.

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Speaker 1: It was going around Midland public schools that officials had

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Speaker 1: put litter boxes in the bathrooms for students who identify

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Speaker 1: as furries. A bad joke. Yeah, I mean that sounds

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Speaker 1: like something like the high schoolers like yeah, imagure, yeah Joe.

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Speaker 1: And the story spread like wildfire online though, and the

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Speaker 1: school board was flooded with complaints from parents. Oh my god.

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Speaker 1: One mom, Lisa Hansen, alleged that the litter boxes we're

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Speaker 1: in a unisex bathroom quote for the kids that identify

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Speaker 1: as naughty cats. Quote. You're going to use your fifteen

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Speaker 1: minutes of fame on Lisa. The school was so overwhelmed

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Speaker 1: with phone calls and emails that had to resort to

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Speaker 1: releasing a public statement. There is no truth whatsoever to

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Speaker 1: this false accusation. There have never been litter boxes within

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Speaker 1: our schools. It's such a source of disappointment that we

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Speaker 1: feel the necessity to communicate this message to you. Oh gosh,

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Speaker 1: we gotta go because it's time for our walk. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: don't mind the big ball of yarn. The school district's

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Speaker 1: asking parents that if they hear wild rumors to not

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Speaker 1: act like high schoolers and instead stop spreading them. That's

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Speaker 1: a big ass I've never heard of the internet, Jeff, yeahading,

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Speaker 1: that's all it is. For the students. They're just rolling

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Speaker 1: with it, and they're bringing in their own litter boxes

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Speaker 1: to school now so they can take selfies in the

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Speaker 1: bathrooms for lights on social media and then apparent seasons

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Speaker 1: like see yeah, just trolling their own moms and dads.

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Speaker 1: That's actually funny. This next laser story is out of Switzerland.

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Speaker 1: Former banking CEO pieren Vin Says is on trial for

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Speaker 1: fraud and some amusing things that have come up in

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Speaker 1: court recently due to his now very public exploits. In fact,

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Speaker 1: he just told a judge the other day that the

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Speaker 1: two hundred and eighty thousand dollars that he spent making

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Speaker 1: it rain at strip clubs were one hundred percent for

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Speaker 1: business expenses. That is, the girls just needed financial help,

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Speaker 1: she being an advisor. I think I spent forty dollars

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Speaker 1: at a really cheap strip club once and I've never

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Speaker 1: gone back. Two hundred thousand. Wow. But it wasn't just

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Speaker 1: the club money that Peeren had to explain. He also

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Speaker 1: told the court that he'd spent seven hundred and sixty

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Speaker 1: dollars on a dinner with a woman he met on

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Speaker 1: Tinder because he was thinking of hiring her for a

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Speaker 1: real estate job. I think that woman was an old

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Speaker 1: bloss of yours, hiring people off of tender. Yeah. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: he's like, she's a great real estate agent. I showed

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Speaker 1: her my bedroom. Yeah. When you asked about another four

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Speaker 1: thy five hundred dollars charge by a five star hotel, wow,

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Speaker 1: here and had a very business related reason for that

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Speaker 1: one too. Sure. He explained that he and the stripper

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Speaker 1: went back to his room to discuss business and it

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Speaker 1: ended in a massive fight. Is it like every time

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Speaker 1: he uses business, he puts up the air quotes with

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Speaker 1: his fingers. Yeah, is that what he's doing. We needed

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Speaker 1: space to fight, so I upgraded us to a four

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Speaker 1: bedroom suite. Yeah. As long as you keep your tie

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Speaker 1: on whatever you're doing, he's still business. The forty five

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Speaker 1: hundred was another business expense for the damages and curves.

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Speaker 1: Oh damages. That was a big fight. No, no worry

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Speaker 1: it on if he'll be convicted of the crimes that

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Speaker 1: he's been constantly denying. But he has heard that. Our

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Speaker 1: own Alexis is single. I don't know if you're planning

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Speaker 1: a trip to Switzerland sometimes soon. I like to help

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Speaker 1: businessman out. You do that. You're a business woman, I am.

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Speaker 1: This next laser story is out of Food News recently,

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Speaker 1: a big list of weird ways you can make food

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Speaker 1: last longers making the rounds online. I love these, Okay,

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Speaker 1: I don't love it, but I need this because I

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Speaker 1: never left overs. Brook always tells me everything's gonna be okay,

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Speaker 1: So give it, Jimmy, Jeff, Okay, So what everything's all, Caso,

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Speaker 1: everything's all. Sorry. I thought I didn't. I thought you said,

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Speaker 1: oh no, I said, okay, okay, So you know, what

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Speaker 1: it's all Okay anyway, There's a huge subreddit for it,

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Speaker 1: and people have voted up their top four to make

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Speaker 1: food lasts longer. Number four put a paper towel in

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Speaker 1: with extra salad and then cover the bowl with plastic wrap.

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Speaker 1: The towel apparently sucks up the extra moisture so that

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Speaker 1: the lettuce stays crisp. Number three is wrap just the

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Speaker 1: stems of your bananas with plastic wrap and do it

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Speaker 1: while they're still in a bunch. They should stay ripe

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Speaker 1: three to five days longer, especially if they're organic. Tasty.

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Speaker 1: Feeling bad about all the plastic wrap we're using in

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Speaker 1: this cough. Number two don't store potatoes and onions together. Really,

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Speaker 1: onions release a gas that can make potatoes sprout faster,

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Speaker 1: but storing potatoes with apples can actually prevent them from sprouting. Okay,

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Speaker 1: so I need to have lots more bins. Yeah, right now,

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Speaker 1: Everything gets put in the same place, but make sure

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Speaker 1: those bins aren't made of plastic apparently for you, you know.

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Speaker 1: And finally, the number one weird way you can make

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Speaker 1: food lasts longer, according to the Internet, is use cooking

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Speaker 1: spray on leftover guacamole. You keep it from turning brown.

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Speaker 1: That's what it does. It keeps it from turning brown

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Speaker 1: better than lemon juice does. Really, I was gonna say,

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Speaker 1: I have for more lemon juice and eat the brown.

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Speaker 1: What about a half cut? It would work on that too.

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Speaker 1: You can also do it with a half of an avocado.

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Speaker 1: This next laser stories out of the world of what

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Speaker 1: comes around goes around camel. I'm not sure this study

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Speaker 1: sends a very good message, but on the other hand,

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Speaker 1: it does make me feel better about being such a

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Speaker 1: jerk sometimes. A new study found that when you get

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Speaker 1: revenge on someone, it instantly puts you in a better mood.

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Speaker 1: It just feels good. In fact, according to scientists, it's

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Speaker 1: one of the best methods to switch from a bad

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Speaker 1: mood to a good one. Not exercise or meditation. Revenge Okay,

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Speaker 1: it's a fast way to do it. It's like if

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Speaker 1: you need it done instantly, you don't want to work

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Speaker 1: out for an hour. And just to make it even worse,

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Speaker 1: the research was found you don't even need to get

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Speaker 1: revenge on the person who wronged you in order to

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Speaker 1: feel better. How do you get revenge? You could take

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Speaker 1: out your aggression and anger on anybody else, it still

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Speaker 1: makes you feel happier people. Yeah, yay, the internet trolls

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Speaker 1: are actually happy. Oh yeah, that is hard to believe.

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Speaker 1: The science backs it up. Okay, but I'd be careful

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Speaker 1: going down that road personally, because, as the Chinese have

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Speaker 1: said for centuries, when you seek revenge, dig two graves.

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Speaker 1: At least that's what this guy believes. Two graves, one

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Speaker 1: for the left shoe he's just been with, and then

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Speaker 1: one for the right that you're about to just secret.

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Speaker 1: That sounds these ways of chories has come to an

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Speaker 1: end for the day. We'll do it again the same

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Speaker 1: time on Wednesday, Brook and Jeffrey in the morning