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Speaker 1: Hey, this is Sam, this is John, and we are

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Speaker 1: the founding hosts of Okay Storytime Podcast, and we have

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Speaker 1: some foundational stories coming up for you. But the thing

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Speaker 1: is this foundation needs a little support from these sponsors.

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Speaker 1: So we'll stick around two minutes and we'll get into

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Speaker 1: the episode.

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Speaker 2: My wife hid years of cheating and now I'm ending

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Speaker 2: our marriage. Hy this seems justified. My wife and I

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Speaker 2: met when we were nineteen and twenty. We dated for

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Speaker 2: seven years and have been married for fifteen years. I

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Speaker 2: found out she was meeting a guy when I was

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Speaker 2: doing two months of Army basic training. She was twenty

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Speaker 2: two and we had been dating for three years.

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Speaker 3: She said they were just going for coffee.

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Speaker 2: And I stupidly believed it. I always had my doubts,

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Speaker 2: so I asked her about it many times, but she

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Speaker 2: promised nothing happened. By the way, this comes from Humble

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Speaker 2: Athlete twenty two oh two, and if you want to

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Speaker 2: sumit your own stories, go to the r slash Okay

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Speaker 2: Storytime subburn it. I'm Sophia, I'm Angie. Hey, we're and

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Speaker 2: we're here to give good advice complete but we don't

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Speaker 2: have all the answers we all know what we do,

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Speaker 2: so let us know what you would do in the comments.

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Speaker 2: After seven years of dating, we moved to Canada and

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Speaker 2: got married.

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Speaker 3: Woo.

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Speaker 2: Marriage was real good. She supported me well and I

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Speaker 2: had no complaints. We built a good life together and

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Speaker 2: we have two young boys. We lived with my parents

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Speaker 2: for a year and she really took care of them.

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Speaker 2: Six months ago, I found evidence that she might have

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Speaker 2: actually cheated. Mmm bummer boom. So I pressed her. Turned

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Speaker 2: out they had already kissed before I caught them, and

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Speaker 2: she met him again. After I forgave her for meeting him,

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Speaker 2: he convinced her to go to a hotel one night.

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Speaker 2: She said she was extremely nervous and refused to continue

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Speaker 2: having spicy sleep after a few minutes. A few minutes,

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Speaker 2: she's like, we had spicy sleep for ten minutes and

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Speaker 2: then I.

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Speaker 3: Said, whoa, WHOA cool your jet.

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Speaker 2: Nobody would believe this, but she took a PolyGram test

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Speaker 2: and passed.

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Speaker 4: What if we're if we're thinking that someone's cheating and

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Speaker 4: we hook them up to a lie detector, maybe we

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Speaker 4: should like reflect, we should pause and reflect on if

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Speaker 4: it's worth it, And the answer always is no, that's

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Speaker 4: you should never be going to that length, if.

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Speaker 2: You are already untrustworthy. He got mad and yelled at her.

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Speaker 2: That was the last time they met or contacted each other.

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Speaker 2: She also met two other guys during that time, a

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Speaker 2: few dates, some kisses, no spicy sleep. She was twenty

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Speaker 2: two to twenty five years old. All of this happened

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Speaker 2: before we moved to Canada and got married. She did

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Speaker 2: not make any excuses. She just said she was naive, dumb, selfish,

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Speaker 2: and emotional. It has been six months since I found out,

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Speaker 2: and I tried to forgive her because our kids are young,

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Speaker 2: and she treated me very well after we got married.

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Speaker 2: You have kids, Yeah, they have two young kids. Oh god,

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Speaker 2: that's terrible. She was treating me well even when she

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Speaker 2: was cheating. She was a typical cake eater type of cheater.

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Speaker 2: But it feels almost impossible. We both did counseling, and

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Speaker 2: that did not help with my anger. My resentment keeps

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Speaker 2: building up, and I feel like I don't love her anymore.

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Speaker 2: I still care about her, but the love is gone.

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Speaker 2: Three months ago, she moved all her inheritance to my

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Speaker 2: bank account two hundred and fifty thousand dollars. She wrote

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Speaker 2: a separation agreement saying she would give up all her

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Speaker 2: assets and even custody. WHOA, she just wants to be

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Speaker 2: around me and her kids if we get a divorce.

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Speaker 2: Bad move, girl. She begs me to keep her as

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Speaker 2: a housekeeper at least. Girl, what huh? She knows she

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Speaker 2: can get half of everything, but she understands how badly

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Speaker 2: she screwed up because I was always there for her

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Speaker 2: since she was nineteen years old. I no, even if

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Speaker 2: she cheated, I'm sorry if she still wants if she

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Speaker 2: still wants to take her you know, be around her kids. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: that is a very bad decision.

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Speaker 3: Girl.

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Speaker 2: Don't do that. Just get half custody of your kids. Right,

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Speaker 2: what are we doing? A good idea? Two hundred and

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Speaker 2: fifty thousand dollars into hit. No, don't give that money away.

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Speaker 3: That's your money.

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Speaker 2: Don't do that. Like, yes, you cheated, and you guys

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Speaker 2: should divorce because you cheated and broke the trust in

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Speaker 2: your marriage. Sure, but like, whoa, we don't need to

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Speaker 2: go this far. She was emotionally very weak, indecisive, and

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Speaker 2: heavily relied on other people, usually me, and I was

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Speaker 2: totally fine with that. But when I wasn't there for her,

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Speaker 2: she easily built up feelings for the guys who helped her.

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Speaker 2: She knows now they just wanted spicy sleep. She grew

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Speaker 2: as a personal lot since our older son was born.

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Speaker 2: She said, if she lied about any details of her cheating,

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Speaker 2: I can cut her off from my and the kids'

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Speaker 2: lives and punt her out. I can do as many

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Speaker 2: polygraph tests as I want with different questions. I can

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Speaker 2: tell she is very remorseful, but I'm not sure if

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Speaker 2: I can love her like before. She's a serial cheater

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Speaker 2: who screwed up her second chance. I know the cheating

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Speaker 2: was before marriage, and they weren't full blown affairs. It

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Speaker 2: doesn't really matter. She cheated on you. Yeah, but I

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Speaker 2: cannot move on twenty years of lies and there are

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Speaker 2: common there are comments. But do you have any thoughts?

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Speaker 2: Because I do.

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Speaker 4: This is a very unhealthy relationship either way, either way

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Speaker 4: besides the cheating. Oh yeah, like, oh, let me make

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Speaker 4: it up to you. I could do a polygraph yest

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Speaker 4: for you.

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Speaker 2: Well, it seems like she's just shooting herself in the foot. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: and I'm like, whoa girl? Yeah, yes, you cheated, let's divorce.

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Speaker 2: Let's end this relationship.

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Speaker 5: Do it.

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Speaker 2: You don't need to literally like become you know, traveling

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Speaker 2: monk with no money. Yeah, just because you made this

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Speaker 2: terrible mistake in your relationship, it doesn't mean you have

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Speaker 2: to like screw yourself over in every other area of

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Speaker 2: your life. You still have kids who rely on you.

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Speaker 2: You're not the housekeeper, you're their mom. So totally, let's

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Speaker 2: get this divorce, end this relationship that is not working. Yep,

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Speaker 2: you go move into another place with all that money

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Speaker 2: that you have and give fifty to fifty custody because

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Speaker 2: it doesn't seem like she's a bad mom.

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Speaker 4: Like, you don't need to go to all of these

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Speaker 4: things just to keep the relationship.

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Speaker 2: You just see a relationship. Take your money, fifty to

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Speaker 2: fifty custody, be done with it. Like it's exactly. It's

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Speaker 2: too much. Comments common one says, I usually say cheaters

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Speaker 2: are cheaters, But dude, she has literally thrown herself on

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Speaker 2: her sword and given you everything. You admit yourself that

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Speaker 2: she was young, naive, and needed constant affirmation. That doesn't

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Speaker 2: excuse the behavior, but it sounds like she has done

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Speaker 2: more than virtually any person I've ever heard of to

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Speaker 2: make amends. I've been in a relationship with a cheating

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Speaker 2: wife that ended in divorce. She was a serial cheater.

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Speaker 2: Your wife seems like the five percent who totally regrets

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Speaker 2: it and will do literally anything to atone persons. I

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Speaker 2: very politely suggest you personally see a counselor before making

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Speaker 2: a decision. I'm not talking about a marriage counselor. I'm

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Speaker 2: saying for yourself. I am in no way suggesting that

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Speaker 2: you need to change your mind, but I think a

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Speaker 2: professional could help you process your emotions after all this

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Speaker 2: time and see if you can feel that love again.

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Speaker 2: It sounds like she's trying to be a good mother,

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Speaker 2: or it sounds like she is a good mother and

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Speaker 2: is trying hard to be a good wife. I seriously

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Speaker 2: feel for you. Most posts here generally feel pretty cut

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Speaker 2: and dry. This one feels different, and Opie says she

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Speaker 2: regrets her stupid actions. She can't even believe what she

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Speaker 2: did to me. She buried it deep and tried not

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Speaker 2: to think about it. She never protected her phone even before,

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Speaker 2: but now she shares her location and hasn't gone outside

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Speaker 2: by herself for six months. Oh god, kids school is

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Speaker 2: five minutes walking distance from my house, and she brings

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Speaker 2: GoPro with her to leave a footage. She also has

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Speaker 2: installed security cameras everywhere in the house so I can

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Speaker 2: see her when I'm at work. I hate that girl.

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Speaker 5: I hate it.

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Speaker 2: This isn't I think both of them need individual counseling

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Speaker 2: because this is so unhealthy, so unhealthy.

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Speaker 4: I mean, like, obviously she is the a whole flat

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Speaker 4: for cheating. I do wonder whose ideal all that stuff

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Speaker 4: is though about, like the GoPro and the security camera.

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Speaker 2: I say it's hers. I feel like she's like taking

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Speaker 2: on like martyr status, yeah, and hopes that he'll forgive her.

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Speaker 2: But none of it is healthy for either of them. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: not healthy at all. Common two brother. Personally, if it

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Speaker 2: was me, I do everything I could to accept her

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Speaker 2: apologies and explain to her exactly what you're feeling and

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Speaker 2: that it's going to take time to get back to

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Speaker 2: where she wants you to be. There's one thing you

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Speaker 2: have to do. Have to whether you stay with her

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Speaker 2: or choose to leave, you need to sit her down

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Speaker 2: and tell her that you won't be your jailer or

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Speaker 2: probation officer. The situation as it is will cause some

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Speaker 2: serious mental health issues. She seems to truly love you

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Speaker 2: and sounds like she realizes how much she has to lose,

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Speaker 2: yet still offers all the concessions. You need to tell

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Speaker 2: her that you reserve the right to check in at

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Speaker 2: any time, but neither of you can continue with this

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Speaker 2: level of worry. It really comes down to two questions.

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Speaker 2: After all this, do you believe she truly regrets her

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Speaker 2: actions and loves you? Do you, after all this time,

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Speaker 2: trust that she will be faithful if you aren't her

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Speaker 2: digital probation officer. And if the answer to these questions

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Speaker 2: is yes, and the question is truly your residual anger

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Speaker 2: and level of love, I'd explore every avenue of reconciliation.

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Speaker 2: Just for the record, this is the only time I've

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Speaker 2: ever recommended reconciliation. And there is an update. The fact

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Speaker 2: that you even want or allowing, not allowing, but you know,

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Speaker 2: like accepting her doing all of this. Yeah, it's not healthy,

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Speaker 2: not at all. In fact that she's doing it not healthy.

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Speaker 2: The fact that you're like, yeah, I guess you can

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Speaker 2: take a go pro and record everything.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, and I'll watch you while you're at work, Like

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Speaker 4: thanks for the offer. It's like, yeah, no, if anyone

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Speaker 4: offers that to you, even if they betrayed you and

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Speaker 4: you don't trust them anymore.

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Speaker 2: That relationship is over.

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Speaker 3: Not not okay with that.

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Speaker 2: And if you think that you need it, if you're like, yeah,

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Speaker 2: I'm gonna do that relationship over. Update. She did everything

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Speaker 2: right since D Day a year ago. She really helped

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Speaker 2: me get over the initial shock. She moved her inheritance

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Speaker 2: two hundred and fifty thousand to my account to prove

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Speaker 2: she is not with me for money. Girl, I hate

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Speaker 2: that so much. Later, I moved the money to a

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Speaker 2: kid's education fund account. I promised myself not to make

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Speaker 2: an emotional decision, so I thought about everything for a year.

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Speaker 2: Now I am not in shock anymore, and I think

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Speaker 2: I can make a logical decision. I cannot let it go.

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Speaker 2: She was my first and only but she was shopping

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Speaker 2: around with other guys while I was planning our future.

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Speaker 2: I was very cold to her for three to four

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Speaker 2: years after the first D Day, and that probably made

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Speaker 2: her do what she did. But there is nobody to

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Speaker 2: blame but herself. Things got much better after we got married.

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Speaker 2: I did therapy for a year and it helped me

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Speaker 2: get over the initial shock, but at the end of

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Speaker 2: the day, it felt like a brainwashing session. I'm sad,

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Speaker 2: but I'm fine. I cannot find a way to forgive

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Speaker 2: serial cheating and twenty years of lies. I will say,

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Speaker 2: after that first time, when she gets someone else and

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Speaker 2: then you said that he said he was cold for

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Speaker 2: three to four years, Yeah, that's crazy. I am not

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Speaker 2: excusing any type of cheating. Yeah, however, to be cold

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Speaker 2: to your partner for three to four years, just break

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Speaker 2: up with them.

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Speaker 3: Just break up with them.

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Speaker 2: But yeah, that relationship is not going to work out.

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Speaker 2: Three to four years is so long, and your kids

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Speaker 2: will pick up on that.

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Speaker 4: So if you're doing that because you're just like, I'll

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Speaker 4: stay here for the kids, even though it's not that

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Speaker 4: good right now, the kids will notice you're being cold

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Speaker 4: to your wife, Like that's I just this is a

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Speaker 4: crazy relationship.

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Speaker 2: I would not lie to myself to do that, and

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Speaker 2: I will not. So I'll see a lawyer and we'll

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Speaker 2: start our separation with the separation agreement. She promised me.

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Speaker 2: She'll give me full custody and most of our assets.

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Speaker 2: I promised her. I'll help her out financially for a

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Speaker 2: few years and let her visit the kids. One thing

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Speaker 2: I cannot absolutely accept is her introducing a stepfather to

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Speaker 2: them while I am still alive. I may get a

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Speaker 2: condo for I have not told her this. I hate

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Speaker 2: that I promised her I'll help her out financially for

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Speaker 2: a few years and let her visit the kids. She

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Speaker 2: had two hundred and fifty thousand dollars, two hundred fifty

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Speaker 2: thousand dollars. She's two hundred and fifty thousand dollars. Why

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Speaker 2: are we doing it like this?

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Speaker 4: It's cool for you to not keep that money and

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Speaker 4: put it towards the kids, but also like, maybe just

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Speaker 4: give it back to her, Just give it back, give

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Speaker 4: it back to her. I think you should be denying

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Speaker 4: all of this. Unhappy that she's trying.

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Speaker 2: To do well. This is terrible.

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Speaker 4: Then now it kind of feels like you're a little

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Speaker 4: bit in the wrong now I think.

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Speaker 2: I think so that I may get a ricondo. I

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Speaker 2: have not told her this, but she gave me full

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Speaker 2: control of the situation. No, my god, and I know

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Speaker 2: she'll follow through. What I'm doing is very controlling, but

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Speaker 2: she had no problem of me for over twenty years,

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Speaker 2: so I don't feel guilty.

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Speaker 3: That's the ope.

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Speaker 2: I don't know.

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Speaker 4: I mean, super controlling, but like whatever she repeated on me.

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Speaker 3: Okay, that is never never.

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Speaker 2: Okay, but there is a little bit left to this story.

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Speaker 2: Let's just let's just dive, let's just do it. But

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Speaker 2: here is the problem. The kids. They are five and

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Speaker 2: seven years old, and they're very happy, not losing sleep

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Speaker 2: over what she did, but I am losing sleep over

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Speaker 2: what they will have to go through. I am scared

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Speaker 2: how divorce will change them. I am absolutely not blaming

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Speaker 2: myself for it, but I am genuinely concerned how it

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Speaker 2: will change their lives. My wife has been an amazing

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Speaker 2: mother and nobody can replace her, but I also cannot

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Speaker 2: live my life like this. I hate her so much

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Speaker 2: for forcing me to make it a possible decision. Does

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Speaker 2: anyone regret divorcing your spouse because the kids are struggling?

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Speaker 2: I know I would not have been me without my

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Speaker 2: parents unconditional love. Op. My advice again is to divorce

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Speaker 2: her m and then to let her live her life.

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Speaker 2: Yeah without your You're not her parent, you're not her warden.

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Speaker 2: Let her live her life. Go to court, split custody. Yes,

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Speaker 2: you said she was a good parent, Let her be one. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: don't take her money from her? Right even if she

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Speaker 2: offered giving you full custody, not have accepted that you

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Speaker 2: should not have, Like, I'm okay with getting full custody

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Speaker 2: of our children because you lied to me. And this

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Speaker 2: is how you need to This is your punishment for

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Speaker 2: that punishmentation. You can't see your kids unless I say so.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, dude, Sure, she lied for twenty years, but I

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Speaker 4: feel like what you're doing is ultimately worse. Not gonna lie,

295
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Speaker 4: not gonna lie. Yeah, And that's the end of this story.

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Speaker 4: We're going on to.

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Speaker 3: The next one. My girlfriend cheated with a married man

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Speaker 3: and now she wants me back.

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Speaker 2: No, thank you.

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Speaker 4: I was in a long term relationship for seven years.

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Speaker 4: I supported her emotionally, financially and mentally through everything, her studies,

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Speaker 4: her health, and her therapy. I built a future for

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Speaker 4: both of us because I genuinely believed in what we had.

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Speaker 4: Then she betrayed me, first emotionally, starting a connection with

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Speaker 4: a man fifteen years older than her with two kids.

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Speaker 4: She kissed him while we were still together, something that

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Speaker 4: she later confessed. By the way, this comes from at

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Speaker 4: a twelve and if you want to submit your own stories,

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00:15:00,400 --> 00:15:02,320
Speaker 4: go to the r slash Okay story time sep Reddit

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Speaker 4: and I'm Angie, I'm Sophia, and we're here to give

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00:15:04,880 --> 00:15:07,400
Speaker 4: good advice Goofily, but we don't have all the answers,

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Speaker 4: so we're just gonna guess what we would do in

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Speaker 4: this situation. Let us know what you would do down

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Speaker 4: in the comments, and Opie says. After that, she insisted

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Speaker 4: that she needed space to heal herself before.

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Speaker 3: Coming back to rebuild our life.

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Speaker 4: She promised me that we would cut She promised me

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Speaker 4: that she would cut all contact with that man and

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Speaker 4: that she just needed time to be alone and work

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Speaker 4: on herself.

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Speaker 3: I agreed to.

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Speaker 4: Give her that space because I truly believed she was

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Speaker 4: confused and needed to heal. During this separation, she kept

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Speaker 4: kissing me, hugging me, telling me she loved me, fueling

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Speaker 4: my hope. Every single week for three months. She even

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Speaker 4: said things like when we get back together and you're

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Speaker 4: the love of my life, I can't imagine a future

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Speaker 4: without you, all while hiding the fact.

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Speaker 3: That she was having spicy sleep with that man yikes.

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Speaker 4: When I eventually confronted her about why she hadn't cut

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Speaker 4: contact as she promised, she told me that it had

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Speaker 4: been very hard for her because he kept calling her

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Speaker 4: crying and that she's a very empathetic person and didn't

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Speaker 4: know how to handle it.

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Speaker 2: That's such a terrible excuse for cheating. I'm such an EmPATH. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: I don't understand I had to cheat on you. I'm

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Speaker 2: such an.

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Speaker 3: EmPATH, right, you should love me for my empathy.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, and like sorry that my empathy just includes having

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Speaker 4: spicy sleep.

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Speaker 3: With other people because they feel so bad, they're so sad.

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Speaker 4: When she finally confessed, her defense was that technically we

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Speaker 4: weren't together and that she was just discovering herself. She

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00:16:36,520 --> 00:16:41,120
Speaker 4: minimized everything, blamed my lack of masculinity her confidence for

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Speaker 4: her loss of attraction, and even said that I should

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00:16:43,160 --> 00:16:46,440
Speaker 4: have been stronger instead of suffering. She she got the

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Speaker 4: ick from you, from you being upset about.

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Speaker 2: Her cheating on people. Wow, most men, a real man

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Speaker 2: would have just been vine.

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Speaker 3: That's crazy.

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Speaker 4: The therapist who was supposed to go us through a

352
00:17:00,600 --> 00:17:04,320
Speaker 4: healing process ended up normalizing everything, minimizing my trauma and

353
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Speaker 4: suggesting that maybe we could rebuild it, maybe holds on

354
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Speaker 4: longer than I should have. But she never did come back. Eventually,

355
00:17:11,560 --> 00:17:16,440
Speaker 4: the weight of betrayal, confusion, and dishonesty and dishonesty became unbearable.

356
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Speaker 4: I cut all contact two weeks ago. I changed therapist

357
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Speaker 4: good I started the hard, painful, slow work of rebuilding

358
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Speaker 4: myself from the ground up.

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Speaker 2: I'm not gonna lie.

360
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Speaker 4: There are days when the pain feels overwhelming, when the

361
00:17:28,960 --> 00:17:31,320
Speaker 4: intrusive thoughts hit, when I fear I'll never be the

362
00:17:31,320 --> 00:17:35,600
Speaker 4: same again, that I will never be loved again, never desired. Honestly,

363
00:17:35,680 --> 00:17:38,359
Speaker 4: if anyone has gone through something similar and can share

364
00:17:38,440 --> 00:17:41,639
Speaker 4: that it really does get better, I would appreciate it

365
00:17:41,680 --> 00:17:42,480
Speaker 4: more than you know.

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Speaker 2: Anyone who's ever been through a breakup has felt this, dude, right,

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Speaker 2: and this is the most common feeling in the world. Yeah,

368
00:17:50,400 --> 00:17:54,040
Speaker 2: you feel like, ah, this is it. I've had one relationship,

369
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Speaker 2: never gonna have another one exactly, And you do. Yeah,

370
00:17:58,000 --> 00:18:01,240
Speaker 2: you get through it. It takes a while, takes longer

371
00:18:01,280 --> 00:18:03,160
Speaker 2: for some than others, but you get through it.

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Speaker 3: But we do have an update.

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Speaker 4: She betrayed me, minimized it, and now she's resurfacing with

374
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Speaker 4: quote clarity. It's been five weeks in full no contact.

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Speaker 4: I've been trying to rebuild my life after the betrayal,

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Speaker 4: the emotional abandonment, and the way she minimized everything she

377
00:18:19,520 --> 00:18:22,159
Speaker 4: did to me. I've been holding the line, working on

378
00:18:22,200 --> 00:18:25,960
Speaker 4: myself and little by little finding moments of peace until

379
00:18:26,040 --> 00:18:30,280
Speaker 4: this week she messaged me. She opened with high and

380
00:18:30,359 --> 00:18:33,119
Speaker 4: how are you and said that she didn't want to

381
00:18:33,119 --> 00:18:36,000
Speaker 4: bother me, but wanted to see me, know how I

382
00:18:36,119 --> 00:18:39,120
Speaker 4: was doing, and express how she felt if I let her.

383
00:18:39,680 --> 00:18:42,200
Speaker 4: When I didn't answer immediately, she followed up with another

384
00:18:42,320 --> 00:18:45,280
Speaker 4: high question mark and then, well, since I'm not going

385
00:18:45,280 --> 00:18:47,119
Speaker 4: to get a response, I'll just let you know what

386
00:18:47,160 --> 00:18:51,040
Speaker 4: I think here. So I don't think that's what that means. Girl,

387
00:18:51,280 --> 00:18:54,560
Speaker 4: I think you're not getting the message of silence.

388
00:18:54,800 --> 00:18:56,840
Speaker 2: Yeah. I feel like if there's silence, we just.

389
00:18:57,040 --> 00:18:59,679
Speaker 4: Eventually, I replied, after taking time to process, and she

390
00:18:59,720 --> 00:19:02,640
Speaker 4: told me she had written something important but would rather

391
00:19:02,720 --> 00:19:05,040
Speaker 4: say it in person. She said she wasn't trying to

392
00:19:05,040 --> 00:19:06,840
Speaker 4: pressure me, but if it were up to her, she'd

393
00:19:06,880 --> 00:19:09,040
Speaker 4: come to see me right now. I told her I

394
00:19:09,080 --> 00:19:11,240
Speaker 4: wasn't sure it was a good idea to meet because

395
00:19:11,320 --> 00:19:14,080
Speaker 4: too little time had passed since everything happened. I said

396
00:19:14,119 --> 00:19:16,560
Speaker 4: I didn't feel ready for that conversation and I needed

397
00:19:16,600 --> 00:19:20,040
Speaker 4: to protect myself in my healing process. She answered that

398
00:19:20,080 --> 00:19:22,640
Speaker 4: she understood, but then added that she had been reflecting

399
00:19:22,680 --> 00:19:24,840
Speaker 4: a lot. That she had held back from writing to

400
00:19:24,880 --> 00:19:26,720
Speaker 4: me for a long time because she wanted to be

401
00:19:26,760 --> 00:19:29,600
Speaker 4: one hundred percent sure of what she felt, and thought

402
00:19:30,240 --> 00:19:33,160
Speaker 4: that now she was certain and really wanted the opportunity

403
00:19:33,200 --> 00:19:37,399
Speaker 4: to express it. Her exact words were, I have a

404
00:19:37,440 --> 00:19:39,520
Speaker 4: lot to say to you, and I really need you

405
00:19:39,560 --> 00:19:42,480
Speaker 4: to know it. I've been reflecting deeply. I held back

406
00:19:42,520 --> 00:19:45,080
Speaker 4: so I wouldn't message you in confusion. I'm very sure

407
00:19:45,080 --> 00:19:47,119
Speaker 4: of how I feel now, and I just asked that

408
00:19:47,160 --> 00:19:50,640
Speaker 4: you give me the opportunity to express it. I don't

409
00:19:50,680 --> 00:19:52,360
Speaker 4: want you to be left with the idea of who

410
00:19:52,440 --> 00:19:54,760
Speaker 4: I was the last time we spoke. I replied that

411
00:19:54,800 --> 00:19:56,640
Speaker 4: I didn't think enough time had passed for that kind

412
00:19:56,640 --> 00:19:59,800
Speaker 4: of conversation, that I wasn't healed yet, and that doing

413
00:19:59,840 --> 00:20:03,560
Speaker 4: the now would only set me back emotionally. I also

414
00:20:03,600 --> 00:20:05,320
Speaker 4: told her that maybe I'd be able to hear from

415
00:20:05,359 --> 00:20:07,560
Speaker 4: her from another place in the future, but I couldn't

416
00:20:07,560 --> 00:20:11,320
Speaker 4: promise when she responded, Okay, but I still want to

417
00:20:11,320 --> 00:20:11,920
Speaker 4: send you what I.

418
00:20:11,880 --> 00:20:13,920
Speaker 2: Wrote, even if you don't read it right now.

419
00:20:13,960 --> 00:20:16,520
Speaker 3: Otherwise I'll regret it even more than I already do.

420
00:20:17,040 --> 00:20:17,640
Speaker 2: Oh my god.

421
00:20:18,240 --> 00:20:21,040
Speaker 4: And that's when I said, right now, I don't want

422
00:20:21,080 --> 00:20:22,640
Speaker 4: to read it, and I don't think you should send

423
00:20:22,640 --> 00:20:24,040
Speaker 4: it if you still respect me.

424
00:20:24,320 --> 00:20:27,000
Speaker 2: She does not. Ye, she's never respected.

425
00:20:26,560 --> 00:20:29,720
Speaker 3: Me, clearly does not. Yeah, even her excuses for this

426
00:20:29,960 --> 00:20:30,480
Speaker 3: or yeah.

427
00:20:30,840 --> 00:20:34,280
Speaker 4: She paused, then replied, Okay, I don't want you to

428
00:20:34,320 --> 00:20:36,439
Speaker 4: think I don't respect you, so I won't send it.

429
00:20:36,880 --> 00:20:39,720
Speaker 3: I'm sorry, I'll stop bothering you. And that was it.

430
00:20:40,240 --> 00:20:43,160
Speaker 4: How I'm feeling now, Guilt for being so blunt, even

431
00:20:43,200 --> 00:20:46,199
Speaker 4: though I was calm and respectful, temptation to read what

432
00:20:46,280 --> 00:20:49,000
Speaker 4: she wrote, to hear what she has to say, fear

433
00:20:49,160 --> 00:20:53,159
Speaker 4: of missing the opportunity to understand everything, sadness because I

434
00:20:53,200 --> 00:20:55,640
Speaker 4: wanted her to reach this point for months, and now

435
00:20:55,640 --> 00:20:57,920
Speaker 4: that she's here, I'm too wounded to even open the door.

436
00:20:58,520 --> 00:21:01,280
Speaker 4: The worst part, the ball is in my court. She

437
00:21:01,400 --> 00:21:03,480
Speaker 4: already acted, and now I have to carry the weight

438
00:21:03,520 --> 00:21:06,199
Speaker 4: of maintaining the boundary. That's the hardest part in all

439
00:21:06,240 --> 00:21:07,840
Speaker 4: of this, because the part of me still wants to

440
00:21:07,840 --> 00:21:08,280
Speaker 4: reach out.

441
00:21:08,680 --> 00:21:09,520
Speaker 2: I need support.

442
00:21:09,680 --> 00:21:11,760
Speaker 4: I need to be reminded that I'm not being cruel,

443
00:21:12,160 --> 00:21:14,640
Speaker 4: that this pain is normal, and that setting a boundary

444
00:21:14,680 --> 00:21:18,920
Speaker 4: when someone suddenly seems better, is still valid. I'm tired,

445
00:21:19,200 --> 00:21:22,359
Speaker 4: I'm confused, trying to protect myself, but my heart is

446
00:21:22,400 --> 00:21:25,320
Speaker 4: making a thousand counter arguments. If anyone's been in this

447
00:21:25,440 --> 00:21:28,280
Speaker 4: exact moment when the one who hurt you suddenly shows

448
00:21:28,359 --> 00:21:31,480
Speaker 4: up with clarity, I'd love to hear how you resisted

449
00:21:31,520 --> 00:21:35,400
Speaker 4: the poll and how you handled the guilt. Thanks for reading. Truly,

450
00:21:35,560 --> 00:21:37,679
Speaker 4: I'm holding on, but it's really effing hard. And we

451
00:21:37,760 --> 00:21:39,120
Speaker 4: do have a second update.

452
00:21:40,000 --> 00:21:43,360
Speaker 2: But what do you think you hold on? Don't let

453
00:21:43,359 --> 00:21:48,840
Speaker 2: her in, keep her out. She doesn't have anything good,

454
00:21:49,240 --> 00:21:55,200
Speaker 2: no good intentions from her. Uh and I just yeah,

455
00:21:55,320 --> 00:21:57,920
Speaker 2: she's not she's she's not a good person. Yeah.

456
00:21:58,000 --> 00:21:59,840
Speaker 4: No, I feel like all of what you're feeling is

457
00:22:00,080 --> 00:22:03,000
Speaker 4: very justified and very normal. I feel like everyone would

458
00:22:03,040 --> 00:22:05,080
Speaker 4: feel this, Like I would totally want to hear what

459
00:22:05,240 --> 00:22:08,439
Speaker 4: they what she would have to say. Yeah, but you

460
00:22:08,560 --> 00:22:11,160
Speaker 4: have to kind of like you have to like think

461
00:22:11,200 --> 00:22:13,480
Speaker 4: with your head and your heart at the same times.

462
00:22:13,520 --> 00:22:15,560
Speaker 4: Like your heart is telling you all these different emotions

463
00:22:15,600 --> 00:22:18,240
Speaker 4: that you're feeling and all this stuff, but your head

464
00:22:18,280 --> 00:22:19,920
Speaker 4: needs to kind of look out for you and take

465
00:22:19,960 --> 00:22:25,240
Speaker 4: care of yourself and make the right decision to do that. So, yeah,

466
00:22:25,400 --> 00:22:27,879
Speaker 4: just try to block her and just just distract yourself

467
00:22:27,920 --> 00:22:30,560
Speaker 4: as much as possible. It's gonna just kind of be

468
00:22:30,680 --> 00:22:34,600
Speaker 4: the same as as going through the breakup, just with

469
00:22:34,680 --> 00:22:38,920
Speaker 4: added complications here. But we do have a second update though,

470
00:22:39,119 --> 00:22:43,359
Speaker 4: So update number two. Six months of no contact, moving

471
00:22:43,400 --> 00:22:47,200
Speaker 4: on until she broke the silence. About six months ago,

472
00:22:47,560 --> 00:22:49,600
Speaker 4: I found out my ex of seven years had betrayed

473
00:22:49,640 --> 00:22:52,320
Speaker 4: me emotionally and physically while still being in the relationship.

474
00:22:52,840 --> 00:22:56,720
Speaker 4: It was the most painful experience of my life. Lies gaslighting, her,

475
00:22:56,760 --> 00:22:59,560
Speaker 4: telling me that I wasn't masculine enough or attractive enough.

476
00:23:00,080 --> 00:23:02,080
Speaker 3: The first months of no contact were eck.

477
00:23:02,520 --> 00:23:05,760
Speaker 4: I was drowning in pain, ruminating, barely able to work

478
00:23:05,840 --> 00:23:09,119
Speaker 4: or sleep. Slowly, I started rebuilding. I hit the gym,

479
00:23:09,200 --> 00:23:11,560
Speaker 4: reconnected with my friends and family, took a trip to

480
00:23:11,640 --> 00:23:13,920
Speaker 4: Japan that reminded me who I was before her.

481
00:23:14,080 --> 00:23:15,360
Speaker 2: I even started.

482
00:23:15,119 --> 00:23:18,400
Speaker 4: Dating again, went on a few dates yeah, and had

483
00:23:18,440 --> 00:23:22,480
Speaker 4: a casual, spicy related encounter. It was a big milestone

484
00:23:22,480 --> 00:23:25,760
Speaker 4: for me because for months I felt undesirable and broken.

485
00:23:26,280 --> 00:23:28,520
Speaker 2: For the last few weeks, I was actually doing better.

486
00:23:28,640 --> 00:23:31,400
Speaker 4: I wasn't waking up thinking about her, I wasn't wondering

487
00:23:31,440 --> 00:23:33,840
Speaker 4: what she was doing. I felt more calm and even

488
00:23:33,880 --> 00:23:35,040
Speaker 4: excited about my future.

489
00:23:35,760 --> 00:23:37,639
Speaker 3: And then the email came.

490
00:23:38,080 --> 00:23:41,240
Speaker 6: No, No, that's.

491
00:23:41,080 --> 00:23:44,679
Speaker 2: What they do. Yeah, they do. They like they want you.

492
00:23:44,800 --> 00:23:47,840
Speaker 2: She wants you to like she I don't know. She

493
00:23:48,000 --> 00:23:52,320
Speaker 2: like keeps making herself her presence known. Right. She doesn't

494
00:23:52,440 --> 00:23:53,520
Speaker 2: quite let you leave.

495
00:23:53,960 --> 00:23:55,560
Speaker 3: It's a very selfish thing.

496
00:23:55,680 --> 00:23:57,240
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's like I'm still here.

497
00:23:57,200 --> 00:23:59,879
Speaker 4: Out of nowhere, breaking no contact. I had fought so

498
00:24:00,200 --> 00:24:02,639
Speaker 4: hard to maintain I blocked her on everything, or so

499
00:24:02,720 --> 00:24:06,720
Speaker 4: I thought it. Dang, she said me this, hi OPI.

500
00:24:07,160 --> 00:24:09,119
Speaker 4: I hope I'm not bothering you too much with this letter,

501
00:24:09,280 --> 00:24:11,520
Speaker 4: but I need to say I'm sorry.

502
00:24:11,680 --> 00:24:13,919
Speaker 3: You were always enough. You meant the world to me.

503
00:24:14,320 --> 00:24:17,080
Speaker 4: Thanks to you, I was able to grow mature, understand

504
00:24:17,119 --> 00:24:20,240
Speaker 4: her myself a little bit, better understand others. With you,

505
00:24:20,320 --> 00:24:24,320
Speaker 4: I was happy, really happy. I want you to know

506
00:24:24,480 --> 00:24:26,200
Speaker 4: that I recognize my responsibility.

507
00:24:26,640 --> 00:24:27,320
Speaker 3: I act up.

508
00:24:27,680 --> 00:24:30,840
Speaker 4: I hurt you and acted impulsively and immaturely. I'm not

509
00:24:30,880 --> 00:24:33,119
Speaker 4: here to ask you for anything, not even your forgiveness.

510
00:24:33,359 --> 00:24:35,399
Speaker 4: I just want to acknowledge how much I messed up.

511
00:24:35,480 --> 00:24:37,199
Speaker 4: That I hurt you, and then I didn't have the

512
00:24:37,200 --> 00:24:40,280
Speaker 4: maturity to manage my emotions better. I still don't have

513
00:24:40,359 --> 00:24:42,119
Speaker 4: all the answers. I have a lot of work to

514
00:24:42,119 --> 00:24:44,520
Speaker 4: do on myself. She's like, I'm still cheating on other partners.

515
00:24:44,920 --> 00:24:48,879
Speaker 4: Don't but I'm figuring it out taking time. Right now,

516
00:24:49,040 --> 00:24:51,720
Speaker 4: I'm struggling with a deep depression with the help of

517
00:24:51,720 --> 00:24:56,439
Speaker 4: a psychiatrist and medication. But I want to get But

518
00:24:56,480 --> 00:24:58,399
Speaker 4: I want to get to the other side and truly

519
00:24:58,440 --> 00:24:59,560
Speaker 4: grow again.

520
00:25:00,040 --> 00:25:00,760
Speaker 2: I'm so sorry.

521
00:25:01,040 --> 00:25:04,080
Speaker 4: I deeply regret my actions how I handled things, being

522
00:25:04,160 --> 00:25:05,200
Speaker 4: immature and weak.

523
00:25:05,600 --> 00:25:07,880
Speaker 3: I gave up when I should have fought by your side.

524
00:25:08,040 --> 00:25:10,919
Speaker 4: I should have chosen our relationship, but I let fear,

525
00:25:11,240 --> 00:25:16,440
Speaker 4: insecurity and empty impulses dominate me. I'm not looking for excuses,

526
00:25:16,520 --> 00:25:18,439
Speaker 4: just to say that I'm sorry and thank you for

527
00:25:18,480 --> 00:25:21,679
Speaker 4: all the years in which you made me happy, feel loved,

528
00:25:21,760 --> 00:25:25,679
Speaker 4: and accompanied. I also want to apologize for telling you

529
00:25:25,720 --> 00:25:28,160
Speaker 4: I wanted you to be more masculine. Oh my god,

530
00:25:28,440 --> 00:25:31,600
Speaker 4: that was unfair and hurtful for me. You are a

531
00:25:31,640 --> 00:25:35,199
Speaker 4: wonderful person exactly as you are. Nobody is perfect, but

532
00:25:35,359 --> 00:25:38,600
Speaker 4: you are always incredible and very special. I hope with

533
00:25:38,640 --> 00:25:40,399
Speaker 4: all my heart that things are going well for you.

534
00:25:40,600 --> 00:25:42,639
Speaker 4: That you're happy and that you feel supported by the

535
00:25:42,680 --> 00:25:45,679
Speaker 4: people who love you. I love you and will always

536
00:25:45,800 --> 00:25:47,119
Speaker 4: love you genuinely.

537
00:25:47,320 --> 00:25:51,120
Speaker 2: I feel like whenever you get an apology from an ex, yeah,

538
00:25:51,680 --> 00:25:55,600
Speaker 2: like it's just it's for them, for sure, it's for them.

539
00:25:55,720 --> 00:25:57,679
Speaker 2: It never makes I feel like, it never makes you

540
00:25:57,720 --> 00:25:58,240
Speaker 2: feel good.

541
00:25:58,560 --> 00:25:59,960
Speaker 3: No, if you have.

542
00:26:00,240 --> 00:26:04,160
Speaker 2: This, if you've cheated on a partner or whatever what

543
00:26:04,440 --> 00:26:07,040
Speaker 2: you should be doing is, or like just betrayed your

544
00:26:07,080 --> 00:26:09,320
Speaker 2: part like hurt your partner in some way, broke up,

545
00:26:10,800 --> 00:26:14,000
Speaker 2: you've said your peace in the beginning. Yeah, just don't

546
00:26:14,000 --> 00:26:18,480
Speaker 2: come back after months to keep apologizing. Yeah, just just

547
00:26:18,560 --> 00:26:20,320
Speaker 2: let like the best thing that you can do is

548
00:26:20,440 --> 00:26:23,920
Speaker 2: just let them have their own life. Yeah, exactly.

549
00:26:24,200 --> 00:26:28,200
Speaker 4: At first, it triggered everything I had already processed, the nostalgia,

550
00:26:28,320 --> 00:26:31,560
Speaker 4: the longing, the sadness. I woke up crying at night again,

551
00:26:31,760 --> 00:26:34,520
Speaker 4: sleeping all day, feeling like I was back at the beginning.

552
00:26:34,960 --> 00:26:36,760
Speaker 4: It made me miss her, even though I know she

553
00:26:36,800 --> 00:26:39,840
Speaker 4: had manipulated me, gas lit me, and caused pain not

554
00:26:39,880 --> 00:26:42,400
Speaker 4: only to me but also to my family and friends.

555
00:26:42,640 --> 00:26:44,000
Speaker 3: But there is a little bit more to the story.

556
00:26:44,040 --> 00:26:47,040
Speaker 3: But yeah, that is all exactly what I would expect.

557
00:26:47,040 --> 00:26:49,560
Speaker 2: From a text like that. Mm hmm, it's like you're

558
00:26:49,640 --> 00:26:51,119
Speaker 2: just it just makes you feel bad.

559
00:26:51,320 --> 00:26:54,639
Speaker 4: Yeah, you're bringing back all of the emotions that you

560
00:26:54,880 --> 00:26:58,480
Speaker 4: worked a year to like yes or however long huh

561
00:26:59,000 --> 00:27:00,680
Speaker 4: to push pass and then they're.

562
00:27:00,480 --> 00:27:02,440
Speaker 2: Like, ah, dang, I'm right back here again.

563
00:27:02,520 --> 00:27:06,639
Speaker 4: Yeah, it's like this just you have continued to not

564
00:27:06,840 --> 00:27:09,119
Speaker 4: consider my feelings in this situation. But there is a

565
00:27:09,160 --> 00:27:12,640
Speaker 4: little bit more. It also pissed me off. She never

566
00:27:12,720 --> 00:27:15,720
Speaker 4: says I betrayed you. She frames it as being weak

567
00:27:15,960 --> 00:27:20,800
Speaker 4: or having made mistakes, as if it wasn't conscious decisions

568
00:27:20,800 --> 00:27:24,040
Speaker 4: that destroyed me. She talks about her depression, her guilt,

569
00:27:24,160 --> 00:27:26,919
Speaker 4: but doesn't mention the concrete ways she hurt me, the

570
00:27:26,960 --> 00:27:30,399
Speaker 4: manipulation or the devastation that she caused around me, and

571
00:27:30,480 --> 00:27:33,240
Speaker 4: most of all, it broke my boundary. She knew I

572
00:27:33,280 --> 00:27:35,359
Speaker 4: didn't want to read the apology letter because I refused

573
00:27:35,440 --> 00:27:38,199
Speaker 4: last time she tried, and she still forced her words

574
00:27:38,240 --> 00:27:38,920
Speaker 4: into my life.

575
00:27:39,640 --> 00:27:40,640
Speaker 3: I know I can't respond.

576
00:27:41,080 --> 00:27:43,600
Speaker 4: Breaking no contact again would only hurt me, But right

577
00:27:43,640 --> 00:27:46,680
Speaker 4: now I'm angry, sad, and exhausted. I just needed to

578
00:27:46,680 --> 00:27:48,800
Speaker 4: share this with people who get it and hear your

579
00:27:48,840 --> 00:27:49,520
Speaker 4: thoughts about it.

580
00:27:49,920 --> 00:27:51,240
Speaker 3: And that's the end of that story.

581
00:27:51,320 --> 00:27:53,840
Speaker 2: Well, you've heard her thoughts, you have that.

582
00:27:54,200 --> 00:27:55,800
Speaker 3: We had so many thoughts in that.

583
00:27:56,160 --> 00:27:59,280
Speaker 2: Yeah, so frustrating, tough, tough, tough. Yeah. I think that's

584
00:27:59,320 --> 00:28:03,320
Speaker 2: a good idea to not respond. Yeah, don't respond. Yeah again,

585
00:28:03,960 --> 00:28:07,639
Speaker 2: keep that blocking. In the first couple months of after

586
00:28:07,680 --> 00:28:09,680
Speaker 2: a breakup, it's really hard. You're like, I want to

587
00:28:09,720 --> 00:28:13,760
Speaker 2: talk to you. Sometimes you do and then and then

588
00:28:13,800 --> 00:28:17,719
Speaker 2: you get through that and you're like, okay, Yeah, it's like, no,

589
00:28:17,840 --> 00:28:20,520
Speaker 2: thank you. Not what I thought I would get from that.

590
00:28:20,880 --> 00:28:21,120
Speaker 3: Yeah.

591
00:28:21,359 --> 00:28:24,520
Speaker 2: Never, it never feels good. Nope. And that's the end

592
00:28:24,520 --> 00:28:25,040
Speaker 2: of this story.

593
00:28:25,160 --> 00:28:27,359
Speaker 3: We're going on to the next one.

594
00:28:27,520 --> 00:28:29,600
Speaker 1: Hey, it's Sam. We'll get back to the stories. But

595
00:28:29,720 --> 00:28:31,760
Speaker 1: here's three minutes of ads from our sponsors.

596
00:28:32,080 --> 00:28:36,080
Speaker 2: My boyfriend had multiple affairs and now wants my forgiveness.

597
00:28:36,200 --> 00:28:38,360
Speaker 3: Well, too bad, you don't get any.

598
00:28:38,760 --> 00:28:42,040
Speaker 2: I Female twenty five just ended things with my boyfriend

599
00:28:42,120 --> 00:28:46,640
Speaker 2: of five years, Male twenty five after he disclosed cheating

600
00:28:46,680 --> 00:28:50,920
Speaker 2: on me with five different women over the course of

601
00:28:51,000 --> 00:28:54,960
Speaker 2: one year. Cool cool, Yeah. Yeah, one was a long

602
00:28:55,040 --> 00:28:57,680
Speaker 2: term affair and the other four were just spicy sleep

603
00:28:57,760 --> 00:29:00,840
Speaker 2: and not important to him. I tried working things out

604
00:29:00,920 --> 00:29:03,440
Speaker 2: for six weeks, but it only got worse, so I

605
00:29:03,560 --> 00:29:07,480
Speaker 2: ended the relationship before it destroyed me. Good job, Good job.

606
00:29:07,800 --> 00:29:10,880
Speaker 2: Despite this, I am completely devastated and miss him every day.

607
00:29:11,480 --> 00:29:14,160
Speaker 2: For context, we lived only ten minutes away from each

608
00:29:14,160 --> 00:29:17,760
Speaker 2: other throughout our entire relationship. About four years in he

609
00:29:17,800 --> 00:29:20,520
Speaker 2: moved out of state for work and we became long distance.

610
00:29:20,960 --> 00:29:23,320
Speaker 2: By the way this comes from, use her name and

611
00:29:23,400 --> 00:29:24,880
Speaker 2: if you want to submit your own stories, go to

612
00:29:24,880 --> 00:29:27,440
Speaker 2: the r slash Okay story time severed it. I'm Sophia,

613
00:29:27,960 --> 00:29:30,600
Speaker 2: I'm Angie, I'm Carly, and we're here to give good

614
00:29:30,600 --> 00:29:32,800
Speaker 2: advice cooofully book. We don't have all the answers, we

615
00:29:32,880 --> 00:29:34,560
Speaker 2: only know what we'd do, so let us know what

616
00:29:34,600 --> 00:29:38,000
Speaker 2: you would do in the comments, and op says. One

617
00:29:38,040 --> 00:29:39,840
Speaker 2: day he called me at work and told me he

618
00:29:39,880 --> 00:29:42,040
Speaker 2: had been having an affair with a woman in his

619
00:29:42,160 --> 00:29:46,080
Speaker 2: new state that lasted over two months. She found out

620
00:29:46,080 --> 00:29:48,480
Speaker 2: he cheated on her with me when he visited our

621
00:29:48,480 --> 00:29:51,480
Speaker 2: home state and ended things with him. It took him

622
00:29:51,480 --> 00:29:53,800
Speaker 2: a month and a half to finally tell me. I

623
00:29:53,840 --> 00:29:59,280
Speaker 2: was absolutely gutted and devastated, sick to my stomach. We talked,

624
00:30:00,280 --> 00:30:03,719
Speaker 2: decided to try and mend the relationship. I told him

625
00:30:03,760 --> 00:30:06,320
Speaker 2: I was willing to forgive as long as he finally

626
00:30:06,360 --> 00:30:08,840
Speaker 2: went to therapy, something I had begged him to do

627
00:30:08,920 --> 00:30:12,160
Speaker 2: for several years and also wanted us to eventually do

628
00:30:12,280 --> 00:30:18,360
Speaker 2: couple therapy. He apologized profusely and agreed to my stipulations. However,

629
00:30:18,400 --> 00:30:21,440
Speaker 2: it became clear very quickly that this wasn't a typical

630
00:30:21,520 --> 00:30:25,160
Speaker 2: cheating situation. I had always heard about cheating partners doing

631
00:30:25,280 --> 00:30:28,479
Speaker 2: everything in their power to fix the relationship, whether that

632
00:30:28,560 --> 00:30:33,719
Speaker 2: meant apologizing, constantly love bombing, or immediately getting into therapy.

633
00:30:34,360 --> 00:30:37,320
Speaker 2: But I soon realized that wasn't what this situation was like.

634
00:30:38,160 --> 00:30:41,720
Speaker 2: The entire six weeks I spent attempting to mend things

635
00:30:42,200 --> 00:30:46,200
Speaker 2: consisted of him being extremely emotional about his mistress. He

636
00:30:46,240 --> 00:30:49,880
Speaker 2: would flip flop between being completely infatuated and obsessed with

637
00:30:49,920 --> 00:30:54,400
Speaker 2: her to thinking she was discussing and horrible. He constantly

638
00:30:54,440 --> 00:30:56,160
Speaker 2: talked about how he felt she was the love of

639
00:30:56,200 --> 00:30:58,480
Speaker 2: his life, that he wanted to marry her and have

640
00:30:58,520 --> 00:31:00,640
Speaker 2: her kids, that he missed her, and that if she

641
00:31:00,760 --> 00:31:03,600
Speaker 2: came back he would go with her, even though we

642
00:31:03,600 --> 00:31:07,560
Speaker 2: were working on fixing our relationship. My God, this devastated

643
00:31:07,600 --> 00:31:12,680
Speaker 2: me in a way I cannot describe girl. Yeah, I yeah,

644
00:31:12,800 --> 00:31:17,800
Speaker 2: I can't even help you genuinely. I'm like, what nothing

645
00:31:17,840 --> 00:31:21,760
Speaker 2: I tell you will make you leave him. On the

646
00:31:21,800 --> 00:31:25,880
Speaker 2: flip side, he would describe how self absorbed, emotionally, unavailable,

647
00:31:25,920 --> 00:31:29,360
Speaker 2: and unkind she was. Based on her social media, she

648
00:31:29,400 --> 00:31:31,760
Speaker 2: did seem to be that kind of person. He would

649
00:31:31,760 --> 00:31:35,200
Speaker 2: talk about how she made him feel neglected, disliked physical touch,

650
00:31:35,720 --> 00:31:37,680
Speaker 2: talked down to him, and made fun of him for

651
00:31:37,760 --> 00:31:39,840
Speaker 2: having emotions or being in physical pain.

652
00:31:40,160 --> 00:31:40,680
Speaker 3: Why are we.

653
00:31:40,640 --> 00:31:41,800
Speaker 2: Talking about her so much?

654
00:31:42,360 --> 00:31:44,040
Speaker 3: Wow? How does this keep coming up?

655
00:31:44,200 --> 00:31:48,960
Speaker 4: I don't, and you're I don't constantly saying multiple things

656
00:31:48,960 --> 00:31:51,320
Speaker 4: about him because you can't be flip flopping that much

657
00:31:51,320 --> 00:31:52,320
Speaker 4: in the same sentence.

658
00:31:52,800 --> 00:31:53,160
Speaker 3: I know.

659
00:31:53,640 --> 00:31:54,840
Speaker 2: I don't get it.

660
00:31:54,920 --> 00:31:55,640
Speaker 3: I don't get it.

661
00:31:56,960 --> 00:31:59,440
Speaker 2: He said. He felt like he couldn't be himself around

662
00:31:59,480 --> 00:32:02,240
Speaker 2: her and all always had anxiety about saying the wrong

663
00:32:02,320 --> 00:32:05,400
Speaker 2: thing because she would threaten him. This made me extremely

664
00:32:05,480 --> 00:32:08,200
Speaker 2: upset because I couldn't believe he would waste any time

665
00:32:08,240 --> 00:32:10,000
Speaker 2: on a person like this at the risk of our

666
00:32:10,040 --> 00:32:13,600
Speaker 2: five year relationship and future. He repeatedly said he agreed

667
00:32:14,040 --> 00:32:16,240
Speaker 2: and that this was why he couldn't choose between both

668
00:32:16,280 --> 00:32:20,440
Speaker 2: of us. But what are you doing? He told me

669
00:32:20,560 --> 00:32:24,160
Speaker 2: I was caring, emotionally available, and loving in ways she wasn't.

670
00:32:24,640 --> 00:32:27,320
Speaker 2: This gave me hope we could get past this, because

671
00:32:27,360 --> 00:32:29,520
Speaker 2: why on earth would you throw a relationship with someone

672
00:32:29,560 --> 00:32:32,640
Speaker 2: who is honest, loving, caring, forgiving, and committed to you.

673
00:32:33,600 --> 00:32:36,560
Speaker 2: He also told me she had extremely disgusting habits, which

674
00:32:36,600 --> 00:32:39,360
Speaker 2: made her realize how down, bad and delusional he was

675
00:32:39,480 --> 00:32:40,400
Speaker 2: in his loneliness.

676
00:32:40,800 --> 00:32:43,200
Speaker 3: Well, but he wasn't that to you?

677
00:32:43,480 --> 00:32:46,280
Speaker 2: Exactly what I was saying, so exactly what I was thinking,

678
00:32:46,280 --> 00:32:49,720
Speaker 2: You should throw it away. She didn't believe in using

679
00:32:49,840 --> 00:32:54,680
Speaker 2: body wash or soap, and instead use shampoo because it

680
00:32:54,720 --> 00:32:57,280
Speaker 2: was cheaper, so she smelled musty. She also told him

681
00:32:57,280 --> 00:33:00,000
Speaker 2: she slept with twelve men, and now he's telling you,

682
00:33:00,600 --> 00:33:03,720
Speaker 2: some of whom were strangers she found on vacation. She

683
00:33:03,760 --> 00:33:05,600
Speaker 2: had a file on her phone with pictures of every

684
00:33:05,600 --> 00:33:07,720
Speaker 2: man she claimed to have kissed, and there were forty

685
00:33:07,760 --> 00:33:10,480
Speaker 2: to fifty different men in the file. This was mind

686
00:33:10,480 --> 00:33:14,280
Speaker 2: boggling to me that he would risk our relationship, disrespect me,

687
00:33:14,720 --> 00:33:17,480
Speaker 2: and put both of us at risk of contracting STDs

688
00:33:17,520 --> 00:33:20,600
Speaker 2: from someone who behaved this way. It's mind boggling to

689
00:33:20,640 --> 00:33:25,360
Speaker 2: me that you're risking your health, yeah, by being with

690
00:33:25,920 --> 00:33:29,880
Speaker 2: a man. Yeah, like this. But then he started saying

691
00:33:29,880 --> 00:33:31,840
Speaker 2: he also wanted to be with her because she could

692
00:33:31,880 --> 00:33:34,760
Speaker 2: provide things I couldn't. For reference, I live in the

693
00:33:34,840 --> 00:33:38,400
Speaker 2: DMV area, which is expensive. I'm also a law student

694
00:33:38,480 --> 00:33:41,280
Speaker 2: and work full time at a courthouse. I live with

695
00:33:41,320 --> 00:33:43,560
Speaker 2: my parents at home, but we had discussed moving out

696
00:33:43,640 --> 00:33:46,920
Speaker 2: once he finally moved back. The state he moved to

697
00:33:47,080 --> 00:33:49,560
Speaker 2: is in the Deep South and extremely cheap to live in.

698
00:33:49,880 --> 00:33:52,160
Speaker 2: His mistress was a homeowner with extra money to do

699
00:33:52,240 --> 00:33:55,560
Speaker 2: things I simply cannot afford. She took him on weekend trips,

700
00:33:55,640 --> 00:33:59,040
Speaker 2: planned vacations with him, cooked dinner every night, had her

701
00:33:59,040 --> 00:34:01,320
Speaker 2: own place, and could work from home. He told me

702
00:34:01,360 --> 00:34:04,960
Speaker 2: he didn't see himself marrying me because he wanted to

703
00:34:05,000 --> 00:34:07,720
Speaker 2: get married as soon as possible and have kids a sap.

704
00:34:08,560 --> 00:34:11,200
Speaker 2: He also said before having kids, he wanted to travel,

705
00:34:11,239 --> 00:34:14,120
Speaker 2: which is also a huge dream of mine, But because

706
00:34:14,160 --> 00:34:17,400
Speaker 2: of my pending law school debt and living situation, he

707
00:34:17,480 --> 00:34:20,319
Speaker 2: claimed I didn't fit the life he wanted. I was

708
00:34:20,360 --> 00:34:22,919
Speaker 2: devastated and told them we could work these things out

709
00:34:23,440 --> 00:34:26,640
Speaker 2: and that we shouldn't end our relationship over materialistic things,

710
00:34:27,280 --> 00:34:31,160
Speaker 2: especially if the alternative person wasn't loving or caring.

711
00:34:31,360 --> 00:34:34,960
Speaker 4: Okay, so yeah, now we've officially gone into manipulator territory.

712
00:34:34,960 --> 00:34:36,120
Speaker 2: All it is.

713
00:34:36,080 --> 00:34:40,160
Speaker 3: So girl to see you fall into this op.

714
00:34:40,360 --> 00:34:41,160
Speaker 2: What are you girl?

715
00:34:41,480 --> 00:34:45,560
Speaker 4: Geez, he's starting off with craping on this other girl.

716
00:34:45,680 --> 00:34:46,880
Speaker 2: Say, oh my god, No.

717
00:34:46,800 --> 00:34:47,479
Speaker 3: She didn't worry.

718
00:34:47,480 --> 00:34:49,399
Speaker 4: I didn't even like her because she's like this, which,

719
00:34:49,440 --> 00:34:51,719
Speaker 4: by the way, if anyone does that, even if they

720
00:34:51,719 --> 00:34:55,520
Speaker 4: didn't cheat, that's like still like, don't do that to

721
00:34:55,560 --> 00:34:57,680
Speaker 4: try to reassure me, because now I'm just hearing you

722
00:34:57,719 --> 00:34:58,680
Speaker 4: crap on other people.

723
00:34:58,719 --> 00:35:00,520
Speaker 2: Yeah, like you're like if you're like, oh yeah, my

724
00:35:00,600 --> 00:35:03,719
Speaker 2: ex was terrible and it I hate I never liked them,

725
00:35:03,840 --> 00:35:05,160
Speaker 2: or like, you don't need to worry about this girl.

726
00:35:05,200 --> 00:35:08,359
Speaker 4: I think she's so ugly. She when she like her

727
00:35:08,400 --> 00:35:11,319
Speaker 4: body is like like, let's say so much better. It's like,

728
00:35:11,600 --> 00:35:14,680
Speaker 4: I don't want you to crap on anybody. What Like

729
00:35:15,560 --> 00:35:18,759
Speaker 4: he's telling you these things so that he can try

730
00:35:18,800 --> 00:35:21,520
Speaker 4: to change you because he doesn't feel bad about this.

731
00:35:21,600 --> 00:35:23,680
Speaker 4: There was a reason he cheated, and it was because

732
00:35:23,719 --> 00:35:25,560
Speaker 4: he wanted to still cheating.

733
00:35:25,840 --> 00:35:27,200
Speaker 2: Yes, he's still cheating.

734
00:35:27,280 --> 00:35:29,600
Speaker 4: Yes, that's the crazy part, the fact that he's like

735
00:35:29,800 --> 00:35:33,320
Speaker 4: looking for something in these other people and then trying

736
00:35:33,480 --> 00:35:36,359
Speaker 4: to and telling you all of these details about her

737
00:35:36,440 --> 00:35:40,439
Speaker 4: life to try to get you to this point of like, oh, yeah,

738
00:35:40,480 --> 00:35:43,080
Speaker 4: well she's so much better than you. And I actually

739
00:35:43,080 --> 00:35:45,399
Speaker 4: didn't think I was going to marry you because you

740
00:35:45,480 --> 00:35:47,399
Speaker 4: don't have this in this and this that she does.

741
00:35:47,800 --> 00:35:51,200
Speaker 4: So now I'm going that's why I'm cheating is because

742
00:35:51,239 --> 00:35:54,200
Speaker 4: you're doing this. And now oh he's begging for it back,

743
00:35:54,239 --> 00:35:55,480
Speaker 4: and it's just so hard.

744
00:35:55,239 --> 00:35:59,160
Speaker 2: To watch, exhausting. After this, he started saying that he

745
00:35:59,200 --> 00:36:02,080
Speaker 2: also didn't see himself marrying me if I didn't become

746
00:36:02,160 --> 00:36:06,319
Speaker 2: more wife material. He said I was too overweight and

747
00:36:06,360 --> 00:36:08,200
Speaker 2: he needed me to lose weight so he could be

748
00:36:08,200 --> 00:36:11,399
Speaker 2: attracted to me again. Oh my god, and check back

749
00:36:11,400 --> 00:36:13,719
Speaker 2: into our relationship, because right now he only loved me

750
00:36:13,800 --> 00:36:16,840
Speaker 2: as his best friend, not a romantic partner.

751
00:36:17,000 --> 00:36:19,479
Speaker 3: He does not love you as his best friend.

752
00:36:19,560 --> 00:36:21,080
Speaker 2: I can tell you that much. I doesn't love you

753
00:36:21,120 --> 00:36:23,279
Speaker 2: at all. If my best friend said any of these things,

754
00:36:23,280 --> 00:36:25,280
Speaker 2: I'd be like, WHOA, You're not my friend.

755
00:36:25,360 --> 00:36:27,640
Speaker 3: No, he's treating you so terribly.

756
00:36:28,400 --> 00:36:31,759
Speaker 2: During this time, I called different therapists every single day

757
00:36:31,800 --> 00:36:34,800
Speaker 2: to get appointments, filled out intake forms on his behalf

758
00:36:34,880 --> 00:36:37,520
Speaker 2: because he was too depressed to do them, and all

759
00:36:37,560 --> 00:36:40,640
Speaker 2: I needed was his insurance card to officially book appointments.

760
00:36:41,360 --> 00:36:45,040
Speaker 2: On several occasions he procrastinated giving me his insurance card.

761
00:36:45,640 --> 00:36:47,719
Speaker 2: Then he would look up whatever therapist I found and

762
00:36:47,760 --> 00:36:50,040
Speaker 2: tell me he didn't like something about them. Oh god.

763
00:36:50,080 --> 00:36:52,080
Speaker 2: It has happened two to three times until I told

764
00:36:52,120 --> 00:36:54,600
Speaker 2: him he needed to find his own and that I

765
00:36:54,640 --> 00:36:59,279
Speaker 2: would support him however he needed. Unsurprisingly, as of when

766
00:36:59,320 --> 00:37:01,960
Speaker 2: we broke up to weeks ago, he still had not

767
00:37:02,080 --> 00:37:05,640
Speaker 2: gotten a therapist. Eventually, he came to visit me for

768
00:37:05,719 --> 00:37:09,000
Speaker 2: Labor Day and we had a full weekend of reconnecting.

769
00:37:09,160 --> 00:37:12,279
Speaker 2: Stop it, stop It. This was the second time we

770
00:37:12,320 --> 00:37:15,120
Speaker 2: had visited each other since D Day. The first time

771
00:37:15,200 --> 00:37:17,239
Speaker 2: I flew to him a week after finding out about

772
00:37:17,239 --> 00:37:20,440
Speaker 2: the affair, and it was terrible. All we did was

773
00:37:20,600 --> 00:37:24,600
Speaker 2: sob the entire time. However, this second trip was amazing

774
00:37:24,600 --> 00:37:27,480
Speaker 2: and finally felt like old times. I thought we were

775
00:37:27,520 --> 00:37:29,400
Speaker 2: finally on the up and up. But at the end

776
00:37:29,400 --> 00:37:31,359
Speaker 2: of the trip when I was when I was taking

777
00:37:31,440 --> 00:37:33,120
Speaker 2: him back to his parents' house, so they could drive

778
00:37:33,200 --> 00:37:36,480
Speaker 2: him to the airport. He burst into tears. I thought

779
00:37:36,520 --> 00:37:39,000
Speaker 2: he was crying because we were about to be separated again,

780
00:37:39,440 --> 00:37:41,960
Speaker 2: but then he looked at me and said, I feel

781
00:37:42,000 --> 00:37:44,760
Speaker 2: really bad because I had an amazing time this weekend,

782
00:37:44,800 --> 00:37:46,360
Speaker 2: but I wish she was here instead.

783
00:37:47,640 --> 00:37:53,879
Speaker 4: Dude, if you dude for real, skes ef you dude,

784
00:37:54,680 --> 00:37:59,600
Speaker 4: for what the freak? This is officially not in manipulator territory.

785
00:37:59,760 --> 00:38:06,000
Speaker 4: This is officially in emotional abuse territory. And this is

786
00:38:06,160 --> 00:38:13,240
Speaker 4: so like, so frustrating. There's all these highs and lows

787
00:38:13,320 --> 00:38:17,320
Speaker 4: in this relationship, and girl, please, I hope the story

788
00:38:17,440 --> 00:38:21,080
Speaker 4: ends with you understanding that there are much better people

789
00:38:21,080 --> 00:38:21,680
Speaker 4: out there.

790
00:38:21,640 --> 00:38:24,040
Speaker 2: And you will find them. You can't write all of

791
00:38:24,080 --> 00:38:29,160
Speaker 2: this and not see that. Hopefully, please hopefully, dude. Hearing

792
00:38:29,200 --> 00:38:33,640
Speaker 2: that broke me. I cried, screamed, pleaded, yelled, got angry,

793
00:38:33,680 --> 00:38:35,799
Speaker 2: and then said for the rest of the day, I

794
00:38:35,840 --> 00:38:38,319
Speaker 2: begged him and argued with him, telling him I would

795
00:38:38,360 --> 00:38:40,880
Speaker 2: be gone forever and he was throwing our relationship away

796
00:38:41,000 --> 00:38:44,680
Speaker 2: over his infatuation and lust for another woman who clearly

797
00:38:44,719 --> 00:38:47,800
Speaker 2: didn't care about him based on her actions. In addition,

798
00:38:47,920 --> 00:38:50,840
Speaker 2: his friend in his new state had recently seen our hinge,

799
00:38:51,239 --> 00:38:54,400
Speaker 2: so clearly she wasn't hung up on him either. At

800
00:38:54,440 --> 00:38:56,319
Speaker 2: the end of the day, after he flew home and

801
00:38:56,360 --> 00:38:58,960
Speaker 2: we had been fighting for hours, I said, I don't know.

802
00:38:59,360 --> 00:39:00,960
Speaker 2: I feel like I should reach out to her and

803
00:39:01,000 --> 00:39:03,160
Speaker 2: tell her we were together for five years. If I

804
00:39:03,239 --> 00:39:05,800
Speaker 2: were her, I would want to know this girl cheated

805
00:39:05,800 --> 00:39:10,359
Speaker 2: on him with forty men. She wouldn't care. She don't care.

806
00:39:10,440 --> 00:39:13,040
Speaker 2: She doesn't care all about you. No one cares about

807
00:39:13,080 --> 00:39:14,839
Speaker 2: you in this story, o pee ya, and you need

808
00:39:14,880 --> 00:39:17,359
Speaker 2: to leave them for context. He told me she knew

809
00:39:17,440 --> 00:39:19,680
Speaker 2: he slept with someone else, but was still unaware of

810
00:39:19,719 --> 00:39:21,480
Speaker 2: who it was, and that I was his partner of

811
00:39:21,480 --> 00:39:24,520
Speaker 2: five years. When I said this, he got extremely quiet

812
00:39:24,520 --> 00:39:28,040
Speaker 2: and said, you don't want to do that in a

813
00:39:28,120 --> 00:39:32,719
Speaker 2: taunting way. Scary. I asked why, and he said, trust me,

814
00:39:33,000 --> 00:39:39,399
Speaker 2: you're gonna regret that. Terrifi ek, terrify ek. What is this?

815
00:39:40,080 --> 00:39:42,640
Speaker 2: I pushed until he finally told me that if I

816
00:39:42,719 --> 00:39:45,000
Speaker 2: reached out to her, I would actually end up finding

817
00:39:45,040 --> 00:39:47,080
Speaker 2: out about other women he had slept with in his

818
00:39:47,160 --> 00:39:49,920
Speaker 2: New state, women he hooked up with whenever his a

819
00:39:49,960 --> 00:39:52,640
Speaker 2: fair partner made him angry. So instead of his mistress

820
00:39:52,680 --> 00:39:55,239
Speaker 2: knowing about me, his long term partner of five years,

821
00:39:55,239 --> 00:39:58,040
Speaker 2: who stood beside him and loved him. She actually knew

822
00:39:58,040 --> 00:40:00,080
Speaker 2: about a bunch of random women from Hinge that he

823
00:40:00,120 --> 00:40:01,400
Speaker 2: had casual hookups with.

824
00:40:01,840 --> 00:40:05,080
Speaker 3: Okay, why do you want to hurt her more?

825
00:40:05,160 --> 00:40:05,480
Speaker 2: Though?

826
00:40:06,040 --> 00:40:07,560
Speaker 7: Like if I went back and found out that it

827
00:40:07,600 --> 00:40:10,800
Speaker 7: wasn't just casual hookups, it was a full fledged five

828
00:40:10,960 --> 00:40:14,920
Speaker 7: year relationship, she's already hurt. We don't need to, like

829
00:40:15,760 --> 00:40:16,799
Speaker 7: she's down.

830
00:40:16,960 --> 00:40:19,480
Speaker 4: Right, because honestly, like the thing about her being with

831
00:40:19,520 --> 00:40:22,480
Speaker 4: like forty to fifty other man could totally be a lie.

832
00:40:22,400 --> 00:40:25,719
Speaker 7: Right, he could like I'm fully team, Like he's just

833
00:40:26,080 --> 00:40:26,879
Speaker 7: lying right now.

834
00:40:27,160 --> 00:40:30,440
Speaker 3: He's lying, and everything is just a lie.

835
00:40:30,760 --> 00:40:33,240
Speaker 4: All of the positive things he's saying, all the negative

836
00:40:33,239 --> 00:40:33,840
Speaker 4: things he's saying.

837
00:40:34,080 --> 00:40:34,919
Speaker 3: Everything's a lie.

838
00:40:35,120 --> 00:40:36,719
Speaker 2: Keep you, keep you ber.

839
00:40:36,920 --> 00:40:40,719
Speaker 7: Yeah, But the details of who and how long and

840
00:40:40,760 --> 00:40:43,719
Speaker 7: how many are relevant because there's too many.

841
00:40:43,880 --> 00:40:44,440
Speaker 2: There's too many.

842
00:40:44,640 --> 00:40:47,640
Speaker 7: We're already at that point of like pain and her like, yeah,

843
00:40:47,680 --> 00:40:49,160
Speaker 7: she doesn't need to know exactly.

844
00:40:49,840 --> 00:40:52,799
Speaker 2: I was broken beyond words. I ended the relationship the

845
00:40:52,840 --> 00:40:55,680
Speaker 2: next morning, even though I didn't want to. Oh, please

846
00:40:55,719 --> 00:40:59,719
Speaker 2: stay away, Yeah, please stay away. Since then, he has

847
00:40:59,760 --> 00:41:02,560
Speaker 2: caught me repeatedly begging me not to leave him and

848
00:41:02,600 --> 00:41:04,759
Speaker 2: telling me he loves me. No he doesn't, but when

849
00:41:04,760 --> 00:41:06,359
Speaker 2: I tell him why I won't come back, he gets

850
00:41:06,440 --> 00:41:09,120
Speaker 2: nasty and angry and tells me he hates me. During

851
00:41:09,120 --> 00:41:11,759
Speaker 2: one of these exchanges, I realized his timeline to the

852
00:41:11,760 --> 00:41:14,160
Speaker 2: four women in the New State didn't make sense, so

853
00:41:14,200 --> 00:41:16,480
Speaker 2: I told him I realized he was still lying exactly.

854
00:41:16,760 --> 00:41:18,719
Speaker 2: I said it was unfair that he had lied enough

855
00:41:18,719 --> 00:41:21,719
Speaker 2: and I wanted the entire truth. After pulling it out

856
00:41:21,760 --> 00:41:23,759
Speaker 2: of him, he ended up disclosing that the first time

857
00:41:23,800 --> 00:41:27,799
Speaker 2: he cheated was with a woman on several occasions back

858
00:41:27,880 --> 00:41:30,560
Speaker 2: in our home state one year ago while I was

859
00:41:30,560 --> 00:41:33,120
Speaker 2: recovering from throat surgery. But there's a little bit left

860
00:41:34,600 --> 00:41:38,319
Speaker 2: to finish it. Then he cheated with one woman in

861
00:41:38,360 --> 00:41:40,800
Speaker 2: the New State for about a month. I even visited

862
00:41:40,840 --> 00:41:43,919
Speaker 2: him during that time. After that, he was with another

863
00:41:43,960 --> 00:41:46,399
Speaker 2: woman for about a month as well. He also came

864
00:41:46,440 --> 00:41:48,840
Speaker 2: to visit me. Then, not long after, he met the

865
00:41:48,840 --> 00:41:52,640
Speaker 2: affair partner and made her his second girlfriend, which lasted

866
00:41:52,680 --> 00:41:55,040
Speaker 2: for about two and a half months. During a fight

867
00:41:55,080 --> 00:41:56,719
Speaker 2: with her, he cheated on both of us with a

868
00:41:56,719 --> 00:41:59,920
Speaker 2: one night stand that lasted only a day, something she

869
00:42:00,120 --> 00:42:03,560
Speaker 2: eventually discovered about two months later. Since then, he has

870
00:42:03,560 --> 00:42:06,000
Speaker 2: continued to reach out to me, begging me to come

871
00:42:06,040 --> 00:42:09,120
Speaker 2: back and saying he misses me. I keep telling him

872
00:42:09,160 --> 00:42:11,560
Speaker 2: I love him, but that I cannot and will not

873
00:42:11,640 --> 00:42:15,440
Speaker 2: be with him anymore. I'm heartbroken and miss him so much.

874
00:42:15,800 --> 00:42:17,800
Speaker 2: And that is the end of that story. Folks.

875
00:42:17,840 --> 00:42:21,359
Speaker 4: Well, good job, ope that you will not go back

876
00:42:21,400 --> 00:42:24,560
Speaker 4: to him. Yeah, that is very, very good for you

877
00:42:24,640 --> 00:42:25,440
Speaker 4: to understand.

878
00:42:25,520 --> 00:42:27,280
Speaker 2: Stay away, please.

879
00:42:27,000 --> 00:42:29,719
Speaker 4: Yeah, write down the list of every way that he

880
00:42:29,800 --> 00:42:33,719
Speaker 4: screwed you over and every thing that you would not

881
00:42:34,280 --> 00:42:38,640
Speaker 4: accept in a relationship in the future, and really look

882
00:42:38,680 --> 00:42:39,520
Speaker 4: at that list and.

883
00:42:40,560 --> 00:42:43,399
Speaker 2: Looking at it until you memorize it. Yeah, and you

884
00:42:43,480 --> 00:42:44,520
Speaker 2: really understand it.

885
00:42:44,719 --> 00:42:45,200
Speaker 5: Look at the.

886
00:42:45,160 --> 00:42:48,200
Speaker 3: List, reflect on your definition of love.

887
00:42:48,480 --> 00:42:50,879
Speaker 2: Yeah, because I think on it. Yeah.

888
00:42:50,920 --> 00:42:52,440
Speaker 4: I think if you look at that list and you

889
00:42:52,480 --> 00:42:55,719
Speaker 4: really think about it, I think you would find that

890
00:42:55,800 --> 00:42:58,040
Speaker 4: you would not love that type of person that would

891
00:42:58,040 --> 00:43:00,640
Speaker 4: do all of those things. And yeah, yeah, you're going

892
00:43:00,680 --> 00:43:04,400
Speaker 4: to find better people. Please block him on everything, because

893
00:43:04,600 --> 00:43:06,959
Speaker 4: I think you know by now deep in your heart

894
00:43:07,000 --> 00:43:11,080
Speaker 4: that likes he's just flying. He's just doing this stuff

895
00:43:11,080 --> 00:43:14,160
Speaker 4: to get you back and that's just kind of how

896
00:43:14,200 --> 00:43:17,920
Speaker 4: these people work. So even if he says he loves you,

897
00:43:17,920 --> 00:43:20,600
Speaker 4: you can't trust that. You really can't because he's not

898
00:43:20,640 --> 00:43:21,719
Speaker 4: showing it and backing it up.

899
00:43:21,760 --> 00:43:23,719
Speaker 2: And that's the end of this story. We're going on

900
00:43:23,840 --> 00:43:25,280
Speaker 2: to the next one.

901
00:43:25,560 --> 00:43:28,799
Speaker 8: My childhood friend abandoned me and now he wants back

902
00:43:28,840 --> 00:43:29,520
Speaker 8: in my life.

903
00:43:29,760 --> 00:43:33,240
Speaker 6: You know, the cyclical nature of the world doth find

904
00:43:33,239 --> 00:43:35,520
Speaker 6: itself in this reddit here today.

905
00:43:35,360 --> 00:43:40,600
Speaker 8: Trigger warning four fatal car accident backstory.

906
00:43:40,239 --> 00:43:42,320
Speaker 5: Two point five years before the current issue.

907
00:43:43,000 --> 00:43:45,920
Speaker 8: For context, My best friend Tom thirty six male, and

908
00:43:46,120 --> 00:43:48,280
Speaker 8: I thirty four female are.

909
00:43:48,600 --> 00:43:50,680
Speaker 5: Really close as besties are.

910
00:43:51,320 --> 00:43:54,640
Speaker 8: Our father were, our fathers were friends since their teens,

911
00:43:54,719 --> 00:43:58,360
Speaker 8: and our mothers were friends at college. His mom wanted

912
00:43:58,360 --> 00:44:02,200
Speaker 8: a daughter, so when I was born, she became my godmother.

913
00:44:02,760 --> 00:44:04,280
Speaker 5: By the way, this comes from.

914
00:44:04,280 --> 00:44:06,680
Speaker 8: User girly Geek, And if you want to submit your

915
00:44:06,680 --> 00:44:09,640
Speaker 8: own stories, go to the r slash Okay storytime subrendit.

916
00:44:09,800 --> 00:44:13,799
Speaker 5: I'm Dakota, and I'm Riley, and I'm Keon, and we're

917
00:44:13,840 --> 00:44:15,840
Speaker 5: here to give good advice. Goofully, folks.

918
00:44:16,400 --> 00:44:19,960
Speaker 8: But we are not all knowing creatures. We don't have

919
00:44:20,000 --> 00:44:22,040
Speaker 8: all the answers. We only know what we would do

920
00:44:22,120 --> 00:44:24,520
Speaker 8: in any given situation. So if you would do something different,

921
00:44:25,120 --> 00:44:29,279
Speaker 8: let us know. In the comments, op says Tom is

922
00:44:29,360 --> 00:44:32,719
Speaker 8: engaged to Anne. Their wedding is going to be in

923
00:44:32,800 --> 00:44:35,719
Speaker 8: less than two weeks. Tom and I live in a

924
00:44:35,760 --> 00:44:39,680
Speaker 8: different state from our parents, so most of the wedding

925
00:44:39,680 --> 00:44:44,680
Speaker 8: party is Anne's friends and family. Tom wanted his brother

926
00:44:44,840 --> 00:44:48,640
Speaker 8: Jim to be a groomsman and asked me to be

927
00:44:48,719 --> 00:44:49,480
Speaker 8: a bridesmaid.

928
00:44:49,520 --> 00:44:52,560
Speaker 5: With Jim, we're the only two people related to.

929
00:44:52,360 --> 00:44:57,200
Speaker 8: Tom in the wedding party. During dress shopping day, I noticed.

930
00:44:56,880 --> 00:44:59,279
Speaker 5: That all the other girls were very cold towards me.

931
00:45:00,000 --> 00:45:02,960
Speaker 8: I would either ignore my attempts to initiate conversation or

932
00:45:03,000 --> 00:45:06,600
Speaker 8: give very short answers every time I was with them.

933
00:45:06,640 --> 00:45:11,799
Speaker 8: I tried to bound, but I was getting uncomfortable with

934
00:45:11,800 --> 00:45:16,240
Speaker 8: the situation until Anne's cousins started to attend the events

935
00:45:16,560 --> 00:45:20,799
Speaker 8: and interacted with me. My godmother came earlier to help

936
00:45:20,880 --> 00:45:23,799
Speaker 8: Jim move out of Tom's apartment. He's been living there

937
00:45:23,840 --> 00:45:26,319
Speaker 8: since he got a job here last year. They co

938
00:45:26,360 --> 00:45:29,120
Speaker 8: owned the apartment, but he decided to sell his share

939
00:45:29,239 --> 00:45:32,080
Speaker 8: and move out before the wedding. Anne wanted him to

940
00:45:32,080 --> 00:45:34,360
Speaker 8: move sooner, so they could remodel the apartment to be

941
00:45:34,440 --> 00:45:37,920
Speaker 8: more her taste. This would spark a lot of arguments

942
00:45:37,920 --> 00:45:41,120
Speaker 8: between them. Last week, my godmother called me and she

943
00:45:41,239 --> 00:45:43,960
Speaker 8: was very disappointed with my behavior and wanted to talk

944
00:45:44,000 --> 00:45:46,200
Speaker 8: to me. She said she was expecting me in the

945
00:45:46,200 --> 00:45:49,239
Speaker 8: bridal shower that afternoon and I didn't show up, Just

946
00:45:49,360 --> 00:45:52,600
Speaker 8: like in Anne's bachelorette party. I showed her my phone

947
00:45:52,840 --> 00:45:55,640
Speaker 8: and there was no invitation to go to either event

948
00:45:56,080 --> 00:45:59,279
Speaker 8: in which I had no idea they were happening or win.

949
00:46:00,040 --> 00:46:02,240
Speaker 8: I told her about the cold shoulder I was getting

950
00:46:02,280 --> 00:46:04,759
Speaker 8: every time I was doing something with them, and it

951
00:46:04,800 --> 00:46:07,040
Speaker 8: wouldn't surprise me that they wanted to have a party

952
00:46:07,080 --> 00:46:10,520
Speaker 8: without me so they'd be more comfortable among themselves. It

953
00:46:10,520 --> 00:46:12,680
Speaker 8: wouldn't bother me if they had not lied about me

954
00:46:12,840 --> 00:46:16,520
Speaker 8: refusing to participate out of spite for Anne. She promised

955
00:46:16,560 --> 00:46:18,799
Speaker 8: me she wasn't going to talk to either Anne or

956
00:46:18,880 --> 00:46:21,680
Speaker 8: Tom about it because I didn't want to create drama.

957
00:46:22,280 --> 00:46:26,879
Speaker 8: On Monday, Tom called me asking what's going on. His

958
00:46:26,960 --> 00:46:31,240
Speaker 8: mother Anne had a huge argument over the apartment renovations again,

959
00:46:31,719 --> 00:46:34,480
Speaker 8: and after Anne said something like it would have been

960
00:46:34,480 --> 00:46:36,720
Speaker 8: done sooner if Jim had moved to a hotel sooner.

961
00:46:37,400 --> 00:46:41,319
Speaker 8: My godmother blew up, which prompted Anne to admit she

962
00:46:41,440 --> 00:46:45,160
Speaker 8: never wanted us in the bridal party. Tom was angry

963
00:46:45,200 --> 00:46:47,719
Speaker 8: at me for not letting him know I was being

964
00:46:47,800 --> 00:46:50,799
Speaker 8: treated badly before things got to that point, I told

965
00:46:50,880 --> 00:46:52,960
Speaker 8: him I didn't want to add to his plate and

966
00:46:53,000 --> 00:46:56,720
Speaker 8: create more arguments around the wedding. But since Anne never

967
00:46:56,760 --> 00:46:59,680
Speaker 8: wanted me as a bridesmaid, I would step down. I

968
00:46:59,760 --> 00:47:02,560
Speaker 8: knew Jim wanted to step down long ago because of

969
00:47:02,600 --> 00:47:07,840
Speaker 8: the arguments around him moving he didn't for Tom. Now

970
00:47:08,560 --> 00:47:11,440
Speaker 8: Anne's friends are calling me an a hole for stepping

971
00:47:11,480 --> 00:47:14,560
Speaker 8: down so close to the wedding as revenge on Anne.

972
00:47:14,840 --> 00:47:16,680
Speaker 5: You're not doing anything wrong.

973
00:47:17,440 --> 00:47:22,120
Speaker 8: Yeah, bride shouldn't have had you in the wedding party

974
00:47:22,160 --> 00:47:24,719
Speaker 8: at all if she didn't want you there in the

975
00:47:24,760 --> 00:47:29,360
Speaker 8: first place. Now the truth has been revealed, everyone says

976
00:47:29,560 --> 00:47:31,960
Speaker 8: I should just apologize to Anne for all of this.

977
00:47:32,480 --> 00:47:34,880
Speaker 5: Am I the a hole? No? No, you're not.

978
00:47:35,080 --> 00:47:38,280
Speaker 6: No, Maybe everybody should just stop getting married.

979
00:47:38,840 --> 00:47:39,040
Speaker 5: Yeah.

980
00:47:39,080 --> 00:47:42,120
Speaker 6: I feel like a lot of Reddit stories are about weddings.

981
00:47:42,360 --> 00:47:45,720
Speaker 6: Have we what's the common denominator weddings getting married?

982
00:47:45,880 --> 00:47:46,600
Speaker 2: Yeah?

983
00:47:46,760 --> 00:47:50,360
Speaker 8: Checkmate, check mate, here we are here we are okay.

984
00:47:50,560 --> 00:47:53,720
Speaker 8: Tom and I have known each other our whole lives.

985
00:47:53,840 --> 00:47:56,120
Speaker 8: Our families have been close for decades, and his mom

986
00:47:56,200 --> 00:47:59,480
Speaker 8: is also my godmother. He has three older brothers, and

987
00:47:59,560 --> 00:48:03,560
Speaker 8: our parents are really close. Although our families still live

988
00:48:03,640 --> 00:48:06,359
Speaker 8: in another state. Tom and I both moved away years ago.

989
00:48:06,880 --> 00:48:10,000
Speaker 8: His brother, Jim forty, relocated to our state about six

990
00:48:10,120 --> 00:48:13,280
Speaker 8: years ago for work, which brought us all even closer

991
00:48:13,320 --> 00:48:16,440
Speaker 8: for a while. After Tom's wedding, Jim lived with us

992
00:48:16,480 --> 00:48:18,840
Speaker 8: for a few months before buying a place in our building.

993
00:48:19,360 --> 00:48:22,520
Speaker 8: My husband, thirty nine, Mail and Jim had gotten close

994
00:48:22,600 --> 00:48:25,719
Speaker 8: through work and shared interests, so having him around just

995
00:48:25,840 --> 00:48:30,400
Speaker 8: felt natural. A lot of late night gaming too. Meanwhile,

996
00:48:30,480 --> 00:48:34,279
Speaker 8: things with Tom started to shift after wedding drama. His

997
00:48:34,320 --> 00:48:36,880
Speaker 8: wife Anne sent me a set some boundaries when it

998
00:48:36,920 --> 00:48:40,160
Speaker 8: came to me. I respected that, but it changed the

999
00:48:40,239 --> 00:48:43,080
Speaker 8: dynamic between Tom and I. We went from being like

1000
00:48:43,120 --> 00:48:47,000
Speaker 8: siblings to something more distant and careful. For a while,

1001
00:48:47,120 --> 00:48:50,920
Speaker 8: we only really saw each other during family events, birthdays, holidays,

1002
00:48:51,239 --> 00:48:52,480
Speaker 8: or when our parents visited.

1003
00:48:53,200 --> 00:48:55,160
Speaker 5: Then came March of last year.

1004
00:48:56,120 --> 00:48:59,959
Speaker 8: Jim and my husband were coming back from a work

1005
00:49:00,080 --> 00:49:03,800
Speaker 8: trip with two coworkers when another driver tried to pass

1006
00:49:03,840 --> 00:49:07,319
Speaker 8: on a curve and hit them head on day. It's

1007
00:49:07,360 --> 00:49:11,120
Speaker 8: like the third car accident we've had today. Everyone drives safe,

1008
00:49:11,600 --> 00:49:12,040
Speaker 8: what does it?

1009
00:49:12,440 --> 00:49:14,600
Speaker 6: Just be careful, Just be careful out there.

1010
00:49:15,160 --> 00:49:19,160
Speaker 8: The driver of their car passed away instantly. My husband

1011
00:49:19,920 --> 00:49:22,759
Speaker 8: was in the front seat, Jim was behind him. All

1012
00:49:22,800 --> 00:49:26,000
Speaker 8: three survivors were rushed to the hospital. I met my

1013
00:49:26,200 --> 00:49:29,640
Speaker 8: husband at the er. He was conscious but in pain.

1014
00:49:30,160 --> 00:49:32,200
Speaker 8: He kept telling me to check on Jim and that

1015
00:49:32,239 --> 00:49:34,680
Speaker 8: he was going to be okay. That was the last

1016
00:49:34,680 --> 00:49:37,120
Speaker 8: thing he said. He passed away a few hours later

1017
00:49:37,200 --> 00:49:42,280
Speaker 8: during emergency surgery condolences. After his surgery, Jim was taken

1018
00:49:42,400 --> 00:49:45,840
Speaker 8: to the ICU stayed with him until my godmother arrived.

1019
00:49:46,320 --> 00:49:48,839
Speaker 8: I called Tom to let him know. He never came.

1020
00:49:49,440 --> 00:49:51,719
Speaker 8: He only spoke to his mom. I was alone in

1021
00:49:51,719 --> 00:49:54,759
Speaker 8: that hospital for almost two days. The rest of that

1022
00:49:54,880 --> 00:49:58,000
Speaker 8: year is a blur gee, I no wonder. My in

1023
00:49:58,080 --> 00:50:00,680
Speaker 8: laws and parents took her and staying with us. Jim

1024
00:50:00,760 --> 00:50:03,520
Speaker 8: pulled through, but it was months of rehab and panic

1025
00:50:03,520 --> 00:50:06,640
Speaker 8: attacks from survivor's guild. Somewhere in the middle of it all,

1026
00:50:06,880 --> 00:50:08,799
Speaker 8: the three of us, me and my four year old

1027
00:50:08,920 --> 00:50:12,280
Speaker 8: son and Jim just held each other up. I stopped

1028
00:50:12,280 --> 00:50:14,839
Speaker 8: reaching hut to Tom. He didn't reach out to me either.

1029
00:50:15,239 --> 00:50:18,240
Speaker 8: I understood giving his marriage space, but when everything happened

1030
00:50:18,239 --> 00:50:22,040
Speaker 8: and he still stayed away, it broke our friendship. Now,

1031
00:50:22,080 --> 00:50:25,200
Speaker 8: out of nowhere, Tom wants to reconnect. He's planning a

1032
00:50:25,200 --> 00:50:28,160
Speaker 8: family vacation with his brothers, their partners, and kids, and

1033
00:50:28,239 --> 00:50:30,800
Speaker 8: wants me and my son to join like old times.

1034
00:50:31,239 --> 00:50:32,440
Speaker 5: Everyone else is on board.

1035
00:50:32,920 --> 00:50:36,759
Speaker 8: I'm the only one hesitating because honestly, I don't trust him.

1036
00:50:37,200 --> 00:50:39,560
Speaker 8: Tom wasn't there when I needed him most. And I'm

1037
00:50:39,560 --> 00:50:41,880
Speaker 8: not mad he chose his wife. I just wish he

1038
00:50:41,920 --> 00:50:46,360
Speaker 8: hadn't chosen Silence too fair. He says this trip is

1039
00:50:46,360 --> 00:50:49,839
Speaker 8: an olive branch keeps insisting I go, or at least

1040
00:50:49,920 --> 00:50:52,480
Speaker 8: tell him why I don't want to. And the truth

1041
00:50:52,600 --> 00:50:56,200
Speaker 8: is I haven't moved past what he didn't do. I

1042
00:50:56,200 --> 00:50:58,560
Speaker 8: don't want to start anything, but I also don't want

1043
00:50:58,560 --> 00:51:00,839
Speaker 8: to pretend none of it happened. I don't know how

1044
00:51:00,880 --> 00:51:04,239
Speaker 8: to explain that without reopening something. I've worked really hard

1045
00:51:04,239 --> 00:51:08,680
Speaker 8: to survive. Any advice and there are some top slash

1046
00:51:08,760 --> 00:51:11,760
Speaker 8: relevant comments here, I don't.

1047
00:51:11,600 --> 00:51:14,800
Speaker 6: Think a vacation is the way to like like it's funny.

1048
00:51:14,840 --> 00:51:17,600
Speaker 6: I wonder if in his head he's like, oh, like

1049
00:51:17,760 --> 00:51:21,440
Speaker 6: this is like the olive brands, Like it's this big gesture.

1050
00:51:22,160 --> 00:51:23,680
Speaker 3: It's this big gesture.

1051
00:51:23,360 --> 00:51:25,359
Speaker 6: Of like a vacation and stuff, and that'll be what

1052
00:51:25,760 --> 00:51:29,680
Speaker 6: re sparks this when the truth is you need to talk, like.

1053
00:51:29,600 --> 00:51:31,360
Speaker 2: You don't go straight to the shared vacation.

1054
00:51:32,000 --> 00:51:34,160
Speaker 5: You go to Yeah, you go to the coffee shop.

1055
00:51:34,239 --> 00:51:37,160
Speaker 6: Dude, I wasn't there for you when I needed you.

1056
00:51:37,160 --> 00:51:39,480
Speaker 6: Go to the acknowledging. You go to the talking like

1057
00:51:40,120 --> 00:51:42,600
Speaker 6: and the fact that that he's trying to push.

1058
00:51:42,360 --> 00:51:44,799
Speaker 3: Her to come, like god, heart.

1059
00:51:44,520 --> 00:51:45,279
Speaker 2: Goes out to her.

1060
00:51:45,920 --> 00:51:49,680
Speaker 8: Yeah, we have we have comment from suspicious fan forty

1061
00:51:49,680 --> 00:51:53,000
Speaker 8: one oh five asking for IMPO. Why is Tom's wife

1062
00:51:53,000 --> 00:51:55,359
Speaker 8: suddenly okay with you being invited on a trip if

1063
00:51:55,440 --> 00:51:57,920
Speaker 8: y'all couldn't even be friends after he got married, I'm

1064
00:51:57,960 --> 00:52:00,120
Speaker 8: so sorry for your loss. So Pee that said, you

1065
00:52:00,160 --> 00:52:03,280
Speaker 8: absolutely do not need to tell Tom why you won't

1066
00:52:03,280 --> 00:52:05,480
Speaker 8: go on the trip. It doesn't matter if he's bringing

1067
00:52:05,480 --> 00:52:08,400
Speaker 8: an entire olive tree. His behavior during and after the

1068
00:52:08,440 --> 00:52:11,640
Speaker 8: crisis is reprehensible. He could have at least sent a

1069
00:52:11,680 --> 00:52:14,600
Speaker 8: message instead of silence. You do what you need to

1070
00:52:14,640 --> 00:52:17,399
Speaker 8: do to protect your peace. That's the most important thing.

1071
00:52:17,640 --> 00:52:20,359
Speaker 8: You don't owe him or anyone else a reason why

1072
00:52:20,360 --> 00:52:23,759
Speaker 8: you're not going. Oh, P responds, As far as I know,

1073
00:52:23,880 --> 00:52:26,960
Speaker 8: it's been something my godparents and my parents have been

1074
00:52:27,000 --> 00:52:30,240
Speaker 8: trying to mend. I understand that both our families are close,

1075
00:52:30,320 --> 00:52:33,840
Speaker 8: and his brothers took turns helping us out during Jim's recovery,

1076
00:52:34,120 --> 00:52:36,279
Speaker 8: since I was in no position of driving him to

1077
00:52:36,320 --> 00:52:39,200
Speaker 8: doctor's appointments and all that. I'm close with all of them,

1078
00:52:39,360 --> 00:52:41,759
Speaker 8: and so is my brother. The difference between Tom and

1079
00:52:41,800 --> 00:52:45,000
Speaker 8: I was our close age and shared interests that made

1080
00:52:45,040 --> 00:52:48,640
Speaker 8: us be glued together since childhood. Sidney Brebb says, I'm sorry,

1081
00:52:48,640 --> 00:52:51,360
Speaker 8: but this is confusing. You were married, slash widowed. You

1082
00:52:51,440 --> 00:52:54,479
Speaker 8: lived with your husband Tom and his wife plus Jim

1083
00:52:54,560 --> 00:52:57,359
Speaker 8: for a time in an apartment. Tom is a bad

1084
00:52:57,400 --> 00:53:00,719
Speaker 8: pseudo brother and to you, and a pretty bad brother

1085
00:53:00,800 --> 00:53:03,239
Speaker 8: to his actual brother. He appears to want you to

1086
00:53:03,239 --> 00:53:05,439
Speaker 8: forget all that and just be happy he's gotten through

1087
00:53:05,480 --> 00:53:08,960
Speaker 8: his difficult time. You could suggest to Tom that you'll

1088
00:53:09,000 --> 00:53:10,720
Speaker 8: let him know when and if you're ready to forgive

1089
00:53:10,760 --> 00:53:15,120
Speaker 8: him for his grievoish absence. When you needed him hope,

1090
00:53:15,160 --> 00:53:18,560
Speaker 8: he replies. Tom and Jim had bought a place together,

1091
00:53:18,840 --> 00:53:22,280
Speaker 8: but when Tom proposed his then fiance wanted Jim out.

1092
00:53:22,719 --> 00:53:24,960
Speaker 5: It all blew up A couple weeks before their wedding.

1093
00:53:25,360 --> 00:53:27,640
Speaker 8: While Jim was in a hotel looking for a new place,

1094
00:53:27,960 --> 00:53:30,640
Speaker 8: my husband offered our place for him to crash. He

1095
00:53:30,680 --> 00:53:33,120
Speaker 8: had already received money for his share of the property

1096
00:53:33,280 --> 00:53:35,480
Speaker 8: to invest in a new one. So Jim lived with

1097
00:53:35,560 --> 00:53:37,600
Speaker 8: us for about three months until he moved out to

1098
00:53:37,640 --> 00:53:38,240
Speaker 8: his own place.

1099
00:53:38,840 --> 00:53:41,600
Speaker 5: And there's an update. It's eleven days later.

1100
00:53:42,280 --> 00:53:44,799
Speaker 8: I think you can just say, hey, I don't want

1101
00:53:44,800 --> 00:53:46,560
Speaker 8: it in this context.

1102
00:53:46,600 --> 00:53:48,200
Speaker 5: Maybe let's meet up and talk after.

1103
00:53:48,680 --> 00:53:51,399
Speaker 8: I appreciate the thought, but you really don't need to

1104
00:53:52,000 --> 00:53:54,920
Speaker 8: do like the five paragraph explanation. It's like, save that

1105
00:53:55,080 --> 00:53:57,520
Speaker 8: for when you guys meet up. If that's what you want,

1106
00:53:57,760 --> 00:53:59,759
Speaker 8: let's go ahead and get into the update. I took

1107
00:53:59,800 --> 00:54:03,040
Speaker 8: every everyone's comments into consideration, along with what's been coming

1108
00:54:03,120 --> 00:54:05,800
Speaker 8: up in grief counseling, and made some peace with parts

1109
00:54:05,840 --> 00:54:08,840
Speaker 8: of the situation. I don't hold Tom accountable for not

1110
00:54:08,880 --> 00:54:11,839
Speaker 8: supporting me. You can't demand support from someone who never

1111
00:54:11,840 --> 00:54:14,840
Speaker 8: really offered it. And Tom and I had already grown

1112
00:54:14,880 --> 00:54:17,480
Speaker 8: distant before my husband passed away, but I can't pretend

1113
00:54:17,960 --> 00:54:22,040
Speaker 8: it didn't hurt. Tom went to the funeral, but after that, nothing,

1114
00:54:22,239 --> 00:54:25,440
Speaker 8: not even a text to answer what a few asked. No,

1115
00:54:25,680 --> 00:54:29,400
Speaker 8: I'm not romantically involved with Jim. We've gotten close this

1116
00:54:29,480 --> 00:54:31,880
Speaker 8: past year and my son adores him, but I'm not

1117
00:54:31,960 --> 00:54:34,000
Speaker 8: ready to open my heart again, and Jim is never

1118
00:54:34,080 --> 00:54:37,680
Speaker 8: hinted at wanting more, which you should definitely not do

1119
00:54:37,760 --> 00:54:41,560
Speaker 8: anything romantic with the man who survived the wreck that

1120
00:54:41,719 --> 00:54:45,120
Speaker 8: took your husband. That's going to be a little too charged,

1121
00:54:45,719 --> 00:54:50,280
Speaker 8: okay for a healthy relationship. Our therapist calls our relationship limbo,

1122
00:54:50,560 --> 00:54:54,080
Speaker 8: not quite something but too close to be nothing, especially

1123
00:54:54,160 --> 00:54:56,480
Speaker 8: now with my son asking Jim to go to his

1124
00:54:56,520 --> 00:54:59,719
Speaker 8: Father's Day presentation because he does dad things and now

1125
00:54:59,760 --> 00:55:02,280
Speaker 8: he does and have a dad. So yeah, it's weird,

1126
00:55:02,760 --> 00:55:06,200
Speaker 8: confusing as all get out with a small.

1127
00:55:06,000 --> 00:55:06,800
Speaker 5: Kid in the mix.

1128
00:55:07,200 --> 00:55:10,960
Speaker 8: And now here's the update. I decided to call everyone individually,

1129
00:55:11,280 --> 00:55:15,279
Speaker 8: my parents, godparents, each of Tom's siblings, including Jim. They

1130
00:55:15,280 --> 00:55:18,719
Speaker 8: were all understanding, and they suggested a small trip for

1131
00:55:18,800 --> 00:55:22,640
Speaker 8: my birthday without Tom, which I agreed to. They're right,

1132
00:55:22,800 --> 00:55:26,320
Speaker 8: I do need some normalcy but that doesn't mean pretending

1133
00:55:26,440 --> 00:55:27,160
Speaker 8: nothing happened.

1134
00:55:27,760 --> 00:55:29,240
Speaker 5: I left Tom for last.

1135
00:55:29,719 --> 00:55:32,200
Speaker 8: I was honest with him, and he got frustrated that

1136
00:55:32,280 --> 00:55:34,160
Speaker 8: I wasn't willing to just let it go.

1137
00:55:34,920 --> 00:55:36,359
Speaker 5: He said he hates hospitals.

1138
00:55:36,880 --> 00:55:39,560
Speaker 8: He was scared for his brother and froze, and after

1139
00:55:39,560 --> 00:55:41,719
Speaker 8: some time he just didn't know how to make amends

1140
00:55:42,000 --> 00:55:44,120
Speaker 8: and asked me to not make him the villain. I

1141
00:55:44,200 --> 00:55:47,040
Speaker 8: kept thinking that while he froze, I had news that

1142
00:55:47,120 --> 00:55:49,680
Speaker 8: Jim might never wake up by a doctor, and less

1143
00:55:49,680 --> 00:55:51,600
Speaker 8: than an hour later, I was making calls to let

1144
00:55:51,680 --> 00:55:54,200
Speaker 8: my in laws know that their son was gone. I

1145
00:55:54,239 --> 00:55:56,439
Speaker 8: took care of the funeral because I could not ask

1146
00:55:56,480 --> 00:55:58,399
Speaker 8: my mother in law to do it. She was doing

1147
00:55:58,400 --> 00:56:00,840
Speaker 8: her best with my son at home while also grieving

1148
00:56:00,840 --> 00:56:04,440
Speaker 8: the loss of her son. My parents and godparents took

1149
00:56:04,480 --> 00:56:06,960
Speaker 8: the first flight available, but still it was only on

1150
00:56:07,080 --> 00:56:09,640
Speaker 8: the next day. I let Tom know that it is

1151
00:56:09,760 --> 00:56:12,680
Speaker 8: unfair of him to compare his fears to what I

1152
00:56:12,880 --> 00:56:15,000
Speaker 8: had to endure alone.

1153
00:56:14,840 --> 00:56:18,279
Speaker 5: For those first forty eight hours. He understood we're never

1154
00:56:18,360 --> 00:56:19,680
Speaker 5: going back to what we were.

1155
00:56:20,280 --> 00:56:22,880
Speaker 8: He still organized the original trip with his siblings, but

1156
00:56:22,920 --> 00:56:25,759
Speaker 8: he knows I won't be there. I'm not ready to

1157
00:56:25,800 --> 00:56:29,879
Speaker 8: talk to him again. Beyond this, hopefully my birthday trip

1158
00:56:29,920 --> 00:56:32,560
Speaker 8: will be a good start to move forward and that

1159
00:56:32,719 --> 00:56:36,680
Speaker 8: Tom will respect the space I need without pushing.

1160
00:56:36,960 --> 00:56:39,840
Speaker 5: And we do have some comments to finish off.

1161
00:56:40,080 --> 00:56:43,680
Speaker 8: Relevant comment from Odd Consideration seventy five to four. What

1162
00:56:43,880 --> 00:56:46,600
Speaker 8: confuses me, and maybe I missed it somehow, is why

1163
00:56:46,719 --> 00:56:49,400
Speaker 8: is Tom's wife suddenly okay with op going on the trip.

1164
00:56:49,760 --> 00:56:52,359
Speaker 8: It seems like she would be even more insecure now

1165
00:56:52,360 --> 00:56:54,719
Speaker 8: that she's a widow and technically single, even though I

1166
00:56:54,719 --> 00:56:57,799
Speaker 8: fully understand you wouldn't be interested no matter what. Was

1167
00:56:57,800 --> 00:56:59,560
Speaker 8: Tom not going to tell her about the trip and

1168
00:56:59,640 --> 00:57:01,919
Speaker 8: let her use her mind on a grieving woman when

1169
00:57:01,960 --> 00:57:04,880
Speaker 8: she found out? Or did she know and have intentions

1170
00:57:04,920 --> 00:57:07,439
Speaker 8: of being hurtful to her on the trip? Ope, He says,

1171
00:57:07,440 --> 00:57:09,360
Speaker 8: I truly have no idea if Anne was okay or

1172
00:57:09,400 --> 00:57:10,040
Speaker 8: not about.

1173
00:57:09,800 --> 00:57:12,399
Speaker 5: Me going on on the trip. We don't talk since

1174
00:57:12,440 --> 00:57:12,920
Speaker 5: their wedding.

1175
00:57:13,280 --> 00:57:15,279
Speaker 8: I never really tried to make any amends with her,

1176
00:57:15,520 --> 00:57:18,680
Speaker 8: and after cutting Tom off too, I realized that sometimes

1177
00:57:18,680 --> 00:57:21,960
Speaker 8: a rift is a good thing. The Greek Italian replies,

1178
00:57:22,120 --> 00:57:24,800
Speaker 8: if he wants to just let it go, then he

1179
00:57:24,840 --> 00:57:28,120
Speaker 8: can start by making a proper apology. The very least

1180
00:57:28,120 --> 00:57:30,320
Speaker 8: he could have done was send you a text. He

1181
00:57:30,360 --> 00:57:32,760
Speaker 8: cannot let his own fears and his wife's boundaries be

1182
00:57:32,760 --> 00:57:35,200
Speaker 8: an excuse for his behavior when the rest of his

1183
00:57:35,240 --> 00:57:38,000
Speaker 8: family was still able to reach out and be there

1184
00:57:38,040 --> 00:57:40,440
Speaker 8: for you, not to mention that you helped take care

1185
00:57:40,480 --> 00:57:44,280
Speaker 8: of his brother. I'm quite curious to know where his

1186
00:57:44,320 --> 00:57:47,600
Speaker 8: wife stands with this trip he planned knowing you had

1187
00:57:47,600 --> 00:57:51,360
Speaker 8: been invited. And dope, he says, being honest, I really

1188
00:57:51,400 --> 00:57:53,760
Speaker 8: don't know if Anne was okay or not. We don't

1189
00:57:53,800 --> 00:57:57,480
Speaker 8: talk since their wedding. I remember remarks from while I

1190
00:57:57,640 --> 00:58:00,240
Speaker 8: was in the wedding party. Her friends were always saying

1191
00:58:00,360 --> 00:58:02,840
Speaker 8: it was weird that he lived with his brother and

1192
00:58:02,920 --> 00:58:05,000
Speaker 8: we're still close to his childhood friends.

1193
00:58:05,080 --> 00:58:06,080
Speaker 3: That's crazy.

1194
00:58:06,320 --> 00:58:08,240
Speaker 2: Can I just say something.

1195
00:58:08,000 --> 00:58:12,840
Speaker 6: Yeah, what a sad, dank world to live in where

1196
00:58:12,880 --> 00:58:16,560
Speaker 6: you look at anybody else and like your gut reactions

1197
00:58:16,640 --> 00:58:20,600
Speaker 6: are like, oh, it's weird that they're with living with

1198
00:58:20,640 --> 00:58:22,840
Speaker 6: their family, and it's weird that they're close to their

1199
00:58:22,880 --> 00:58:26,200
Speaker 6: childhood friends. Like just what a sad place that must

1200
00:58:26,240 --> 00:58:29,480
Speaker 6: be to look upon relationships.

1201
00:58:29,600 --> 00:58:33,360
Speaker 8: So just label it as weird and not just like like, oh, like, well,

1202
00:58:33,360 --> 00:58:34,040
Speaker 8: that's nice.

1203
00:58:34,480 --> 00:58:36,920
Speaker 5: Yeah, you're still are friends with your childhood friends. That's good.

1204
00:58:37,280 --> 00:58:39,600
Speaker 8: Yeah, it's like, oh, you can live with your family, Like, okay,

1205
00:58:39,680 --> 00:58:43,200
Speaker 8: that's well, that's that's nice. We come from different backgrounds.

1206
00:58:43,240 --> 00:58:46,120
Speaker 8: Our family is Italian, our grandparents were Italian. We don't

1207
00:58:46,120 --> 00:58:49,800
Speaker 8: get married and leave the family, but make it grow.

1208
00:58:50,760 --> 00:58:53,680
Speaker 8: My husband was also from an Italian household, so for

1209
00:58:53,800 --> 00:58:55,840
Speaker 8: him it made as much sense as it did to me.

1210
00:58:56,360 --> 00:58:58,520
Speaker 8: He was very close to all his cousins, and even

1211
00:58:58,560 --> 00:59:02,040
Speaker 8: after his passing, I'm still close with his family. Just

1212
00:59:02,160 --> 00:59:05,439
Speaker 8: yesterday I was and his cousin's daughter's baptism, not out

1213
00:59:05,440 --> 00:59:09,440
Speaker 8: of politeness, but because I'm still family. Ann's family is different.

1214
00:59:09,600 --> 00:59:12,640
Speaker 8: You get married and only special holidays or events our family,

1215
00:59:13,080 --> 00:59:15,520
Speaker 8: but nuclear always comes first. I don't know if this

1216
00:59:15,600 --> 00:59:17,760
Speaker 8: makes sense to you guys, And that's the end of

1217
00:59:17,760 --> 00:59:21,880
Speaker 8: that story. You know what makes sense to me. Let's

1218
00:59:21,920 --> 00:59:24,560
Speaker 8: just all get along and like each other. It makes

1219
00:59:24,600 --> 00:59:25,040
Speaker 8: sense to me.

1220
00:59:25,720 --> 00:59:30,760
Speaker 6: Yeah, love each other, read boetry, make funny.

1221
00:59:30,480 --> 00:59:35,720
Speaker 8: Bits, yes, that's the funny bits and quips and just

1222
00:59:36,000 --> 00:59:37,040
Speaker 8: snaps and.

1223
00:59:37,560 --> 00:59:41,400
Speaker 6: Maybe maybe even goofs and gaffs. Yes, if you're if

1224
00:59:41,400 --> 00:59:42,360
Speaker 6: you're thinking of.

1225
00:59:42,320 --> 00:59:44,480
Speaker 8: It, And that's the end of this story, then we're

1226
00:59:44,600 --> 00:59:46,040
Speaker 8: gonna move on to the next one.

1227
00:59:46,720 --> 00:59:47,840
Speaker 5: John here, og host.

1228
00:59:47,920 --> 00:59:49,600
Speaker 1: We're gonna get back to these stories, but a quick

1229
00:59:49,640 --> 00:59:51,480
Speaker 1: free minute break from hoss from our sponsors.

1230
00:59:52,000 --> 00:59:55,160
Speaker 6: My friend wanted to get rid of our adopted cat

1231
00:59:55,280 --> 00:59:57,480
Speaker 6: because her boyfriend is allergic.

1232
00:59:58,400 --> 00:59:59,720
Speaker 5: I'm getting rid of your boyfriend.

1233
01:00:00,120 --> 01:00:02,240
Speaker 6: Yesterday was tend all our adoption day at the local

1234
01:00:02,280 --> 01:00:05,960
Speaker 6: animal shelter in my city, so my roommate Ashley twenty

1235
01:00:05,960 --> 01:00:09,200
Speaker 6: female and I twenty five female, decided to go check

1236
01:00:09,200 --> 01:00:11,520
Speaker 6: out the cats. We intended to just love on some

1237
01:00:11,600 --> 01:00:13,480
Speaker 6: kiddies and go home, but we each fell in love

1238
01:00:13,520 --> 01:00:13,840
Speaker 6: with one.

1239
01:00:14,000 --> 01:00:16,480
Speaker 5: Isn't that the story as old as time?

1240
01:00:16,640 --> 01:00:19,520
Speaker 6: Yeah, we are now the proud owners of Socks and Dizzy,

1241
01:00:19,840 --> 01:00:20,600
Speaker 6: very cute names.

1242
01:00:21,320 --> 01:00:21,760
Speaker 2: By the way.

1243
01:00:21,960 --> 01:00:25,240
Speaker 6: This comes from a Crazy Cats sage and if you

1244
01:00:25,320 --> 01:00:27,520
Speaker 6: want to submit your own stories, go to the r

1245
01:00:27,600 --> 01:00:29,360
Speaker 6: slash Okay storytime subreddit.

1246
01:00:29,960 --> 01:00:32,479
Speaker 5: I'm Riley, I'm Dakota, and.

1247
01:00:32,440 --> 01:00:36,240
Speaker 6: I'm Sophia, and we're gonna talk about it. We're gonna

1248
01:00:36,240 --> 01:00:38,120
Speaker 6: talk about it. We're gonna give advice. We're gonna make

1249
01:00:38,160 --> 01:00:41,040
Speaker 6: some goofs and some gafs, but of course that's all

1250
01:00:41,080 --> 01:00:42,240
Speaker 6: we're really qualified to do.

1251
01:00:42,440 --> 01:00:43,320
Speaker 5: That's right.

1252
01:00:43,920 --> 01:00:46,560
Speaker 6: We have no degrees in anything other than goofing and gaff.

1253
01:00:46,680 --> 01:00:48,160
Speaker 5: I don't even have one of those.

1254
01:00:48,720 --> 01:00:49,080
Speaker 3: Dang.

1255
01:00:49,200 --> 01:00:50,880
Speaker 2: But if you've experienced any of this stuff or have

1256
01:00:50,960 --> 01:00:51,680
Speaker 2: stuff to say.

1257
01:00:51,840 --> 01:00:54,200
Speaker 6: Uh, leave it in the comments, the old pie says.

1258
01:00:54,280 --> 01:00:57,000
Speaker 6: Before we adopted the cats, my roommate's boyfriend, Nick twenty

1259
01:00:57,040 --> 01:01:00,360
Speaker 6: four male, made it clear that he was allergic to animals.

1260
01:01:00,400 --> 01:01:04,360
Speaker 6: Not realizing how severe his allergy was, Ashley decided to

1261
01:01:04,440 --> 01:01:08,080
Speaker 6: get the cat and assumed that Nick could just take medication.

1262
01:01:07,760 --> 01:01:11,600
Speaker 2: Before coming over to our apartment. That's super messeduff ready.

1263
01:01:11,360 --> 01:01:14,120
Speaker 5: To No no no, no, no no no no, no, no.

1264
01:01:13,960 --> 01:01:16,640
Speaker 2: No, that's super mess I think it.

1265
01:01:16,640 --> 01:01:21,240
Speaker 8: Is a fair assumption that it's like, Okay, you can

1266
01:01:21,280 --> 01:01:24,600
Speaker 8: probably take some benadru. But as soon as it's made

1267
01:01:24,720 --> 01:01:27,080
Speaker 8: clear that that is not the case.

1268
01:01:26,920 --> 01:01:28,280
Speaker 2: Gotta get cat, Gotta go.

1269
01:01:28,760 --> 01:01:31,880
Speaker 6: When Ashley texted Nick telling him that we got two cats,

1270
01:01:32,320 --> 01:01:35,360
Speaker 6: he texted her back, well, it was nice knowing you.

1271
01:01:36,920 --> 01:01:39,440
Speaker 5: Okay, I mean big.

1272
01:01:39,200 --> 01:01:41,280
Speaker 2: Swing a little background on them.

1273
01:01:41,640 --> 01:01:43,640
Speaker 6: They met at work a while ago, but remained friends

1274
01:01:43,680 --> 01:01:45,680
Speaker 6: as Ashley was seeing another coworker named.

1275
01:01:45,560 --> 01:01:47,520
Speaker 5: Johnny Gross serial coworker dater.

1276
01:01:48,440 --> 01:01:50,160
Speaker 2: When Johnny and Ashley broke up.

1277
01:01:50,480 --> 01:01:52,439
Speaker 6: Nick told her that he would like to sleep with her.

1278
01:01:52,840 --> 01:01:55,360
Speaker 6: She started spending time with him, and the friendship turned

1279
01:01:55,360 --> 01:01:56,320
Speaker 6: into a relationship.

1280
01:01:56,680 --> 01:01:57,280
Speaker 2: The morning we.

1281
01:01:57,240 --> 01:01:59,720
Speaker 6: Adopted our cats, Ashley was telling me that she was

1282
01:01:59,760 --> 01:02:03,520
Speaker 6: having doubts about her two week old relationship with Nick

1283
01:02:03,840 --> 01:02:07,040
Speaker 6: because he was too clingy when they spent time together,

1284
01:02:07,360 --> 01:02:09,360
Speaker 6: he had to constantly touch her, and he took up

1285
01:02:09,400 --> 01:02:11,240
Speaker 6: too much of her space when they went to sleep

1286
01:02:11,280 --> 01:02:14,080
Speaker 6: at night. He also told her he loved her already,

1287
01:02:14,360 --> 01:02:17,760
Speaker 6: but would not say it for real yet because he

1288
01:02:17,800 --> 01:02:20,720
Speaker 6: did not think she was ready. This all freaked her

1289
01:02:20,720 --> 01:02:22,360
Speaker 6: out and she was thinking about taking a step back

1290
01:02:22,360 --> 01:02:22,920
Speaker 6: from everything.

1291
01:02:23,200 --> 01:02:26,240
Speaker 2: She also still had feelings for Johnny and still dreamed

1292
01:02:26,280 --> 01:02:26,880
Speaker 2: about him.

1293
01:02:27,920 --> 01:02:31,120
Speaker 6: I think this is holding her back and her relationship

1294
01:02:31,160 --> 01:02:32,280
Speaker 6: with Nick as well.

1295
01:02:32,400 --> 01:02:32,560
Speaker 5: Yeah.

1296
01:02:32,640 --> 01:02:35,320
Speaker 2: Probably, I think that's in his stue observation.

1297
01:02:35,960 --> 01:02:38,160
Speaker 6: At this point, it is worth mentioning that I also

1298
01:02:38,240 --> 01:02:40,640
Speaker 6: have a boyfriend named Charlie, whom I have been on

1299
01:02:40,800 --> 01:02:43,200
Speaker 6: and off again with for coming up on a year.

1300
01:02:43,760 --> 01:02:47,760
Speaker 6: Charlie has clothes, towels, toiletries, and a toothbrush. Here, Ashley

1301
01:02:47,800 --> 01:02:50,640
Speaker 6: mentioned that although she had been having doubts about Nick,

1302
01:02:51,080 --> 01:02:53,840
Speaker 6: she was looking forward to him, gradually moving his things.

1303
01:02:53,680 --> 01:02:54,360
Speaker 2: In as well.

1304
01:02:54,880 --> 01:02:58,360
Speaker 6: Last night, Nick came over to spend some time with Ashley,

1305
01:02:58,480 --> 01:03:00,920
Speaker 6: and the severity of his allergy became clear.

1306
01:03:01,560 --> 01:03:03,880
Speaker 2: He left saying he did not know if this could work.

1307
01:03:04,320 --> 01:03:06,400
Speaker 6: When I came home from work tonight, I found Ashley

1308
01:03:06,440 --> 01:03:08,600
Speaker 6: on the bed crying and saying that she was going

1309
01:03:08,600 --> 01:03:10,960
Speaker 6: to have to get rid of Dizzy a quick thing,

1310
01:03:11,560 --> 01:03:12,080
Speaker 6: quick thing.

1311
01:03:12,280 --> 01:03:15,160
Speaker 2: I hate to be the pedantic on this.

1312
01:03:15,800 --> 01:03:18,920
Speaker 6: You do have two cats, so just getting rid of

1313
01:03:18,920 --> 01:03:22,520
Speaker 6: the one is not going to solve the situation.

1314
01:03:22,800 --> 01:03:26,320
Speaker 8: Is not the brightest bulbs in the light bulb shed

1315
01:03:26,440 --> 01:03:28,560
Speaker 8: in the tiny oven.

1316
01:03:29,200 --> 01:03:32,200
Speaker 6: Honestly, this seems rash and irresponsible to me. She's already

1317
01:03:32,200 --> 01:03:34,360
Speaker 6: attached to the cat and signed the adoption papers. In

1318
01:03:34,360 --> 01:03:36,480
Speaker 6: my opinion, she agreed to take care of this animal

1319
01:03:36,520 --> 01:03:38,320
Speaker 6: and should uphold her end of that agreement.

1320
01:03:38,520 --> 01:03:40,920
Speaker 2: I agree. Also, even if she gets rid of Dizzy, I.

1321
01:03:40,960 --> 01:03:42,800
Speaker 6: Have no intention of getting rid of Socks, so it

1322
01:03:42,840 --> 01:03:44,440
Speaker 6: will not really solve her boyfriend problem.

1323
01:03:44,560 --> 01:03:45,320
Speaker 2: That's what I'm saying.

1324
01:03:45,600 --> 01:03:47,560
Speaker 6: Dizzy is an older cat seven years and is less

1325
01:03:47,600 --> 01:03:49,560
Speaker 6: likely to get adopted again than the younger cats and

1326
01:03:49,640 --> 01:03:50,480
Speaker 6: kittens at the shelter.

1327
01:03:50,960 --> 01:03:52,600
Speaker 2: He had already been there for quite a while.

1328
01:03:53,080 --> 01:03:56,080
Speaker 6: Considering her doubts about her relationship to Nick, I think

1329
01:03:56,120 --> 01:03:57,360
Speaker 6: it is not a good idea.

1330
01:03:57,120 --> 01:03:57,920
Speaker 2: To get rid of Dizzy.

1331
01:03:58,200 --> 01:04:00,240
Speaker 6: I personally think she will regret it when she nick

1332
01:04:00,280 --> 01:04:02,760
Speaker 6: break up. Plus, she's a huge cat person. There's no

1333
01:04:02,840 --> 01:04:05,760
Speaker 6: way she can date someone long her, long term who

1334
01:04:05,760 --> 01:04:08,240
Speaker 6: does not ever want to be around cats. I asked

1335
01:04:08,240 --> 01:04:11,520
Speaker 6: her if he had ever seriously tried medication, and she

1336
01:04:11,600 --> 01:04:14,160
Speaker 6: said he's tried some over the counter stuff, but has

1337
01:04:14,200 --> 01:04:16,640
Speaker 6: never seen a doctor for the allergy. I told her

1338
01:04:16,640 --> 01:04:18,960
Speaker 6: that it is possible there's a medication that will work.

1339
01:04:19,120 --> 01:04:19,760
Speaker 5: That's crazy.

1340
01:04:19,840 --> 01:04:24,040
Speaker 8: This bozo hasn't even had his allergies attempted to be treated,

1341
01:04:24,360 --> 01:04:25,560
Speaker 8: which you can do today.

1342
01:04:25,600 --> 01:04:27,560
Speaker 5: Doesn't work for everybody, but you.

1343
01:04:27,560 --> 01:04:30,280
Speaker 2: Have to do it shots for years and years, and

1344
01:04:30,320 --> 01:04:32,480
Speaker 2: they didn't really do much for me, but they did

1345
01:04:32,600 --> 01:04:34,560
Speaker 2: minimize some seasonal allergies.

1346
01:04:34,760 --> 01:04:35,480
Speaker 5: Yeah.

1347
01:04:35,520 --> 01:04:38,720
Speaker 6: Anyways, as I am not allergic or in her relationship,

1348
01:04:38,800 --> 01:04:41,160
Speaker 6: I do not quite know how much sense my advice

1349
01:04:41,240 --> 01:04:43,960
Speaker 6: or opinions make. I was looking for some impartial opinions

1350
01:04:44,040 --> 01:04:47,040
Speaker 6: on how to best resolve the situation. Hopefully Reddit can help.

1351
01:04:47,200 --> 01:04:48,000
Speaker 6: You've heard mine.

1352
01:04:48,640 --> 01:04:51,320
Speaker 2: She should take this upportunity to break up.

1353
01:04:51,360 --> 01:04:53,680
Speaker 8: I mean, you should make it clear that it's like

1354
01:04:54,480 --> 01:04:56,320
Speaker 8: I noticed that you're ready to get rid of your

1355
01:04:56,360 --> 01:04:59,160
Speaker 8: cat for your boyfriend so he won't have any allergies. Here,

1356
01:05:00,880 --> 01:05:05,840
Speaker 8: I'm not getting rid of her yet, I'm not getting rid.

1357
01:05:05,680 --> 01:05:07,520
Speaker 2: Of my cat. Comment one.

1358
01:05:08,360 --> 01:05:10,240
Speaker 6: Just point out to her that you won't be getting

1359
01:05:10,320 --> 01:05:12,520
Speaker 6: rid of Socks. There's no point in getting rid of

1360
01:05:12,600 --> 01:05:15,040
Speaker 6: Dizzy if her only issue is the boyfriend being allergic.

1361
01:05:15,440 --> 01:05:17,680
Speaker 6: That being said, I look forward to your next post.

1362
01:05:17,880 --> 01:05:19,919
Speaker 6: My roommate wants me to get rid of my cat

1363
01:05:19,960 --> 01:05:22,680
Speaker 6: for her boyfriend. Fair enough, the slippery slope.

1364
01:05:22,760 --> 01:05:24,680
Speaker 5: Mm hmm haha.

1365
01:05:24,760 --> 01:05:27,200
Speaker 6: Socks is not going anywhere, says Opie. He has a

1366
01:05:27,200 --> 01:05:29,200
Speaker 6: timid cat, and being around all of the people at

1367
01:05:29,240 --> 01:05:31,600
Speaker 6: the shelter took its toll. He was shaking when I

1368
01:05:31,680 --> 01:05:34,040
Speaker 6: met him. He's a totally different cat now. I would

1369
01:05:34,080 --> 01:05:37,640
Speaker 6: never put him through the shelter situation again, poor little bugger. Also,

1370
01:05:37,760 --> 01:05:39,880
Speaker 6: I've pointed this out to her, but she plans to

1371
01:05:39,960 --> 01:05:42,480
Speaker 6: keep her bedroom as a sort of quarantine zone.

1372
01:05:42,960 --> 01:05:45,040
Speaker 3: If she gives back Dizzy, no.

1373
01:05:45,120 --> 01:05:47,440
Speaker 6: Cats will go into her room, so her boyfriend will

1374
01:05:47,480 --> 01:05:50,640
Speaker 6: be able to sleep here, not Drue my family has.

1375
01:05:50,560 --> 01:05:53,240
Speaker 2: Four cats at their house.

1376
01:05:54,680 --> 01:05:58,240
Speaker 6: You sure you can close a door that is not

1377
01:05:58,320 --> 01:06:01,840
Speaker 6: going to create an impenetrable barrier. Whar no cat hair

1378
01:06:02,480 --> 01:06:04,880
Speaker 6: or follicles or what have you.

1379
01:06:04,600 --> 01:06:05,080
Speaker 2: Come and do?

1380
01:06:05,320 --> 01:06:08,200
Speaker 6: As a person with severe cat allergies, I can assure

1381
01:06:08,200 --> 01:06:11,080
Speaker 6: you that won't work one bit. I made another post

1382
01:06:11,120 --> 01:06:12,920
Speaker 6: here somewhere below. I think she should get rid of

1383
01:06:12,960 --> 01:06:16,000
Speaker 6: the cat because she sounds irresponsible as f I'm worried

1384
01:06:16,040 --> 01:06:17,760
Speaker 6: for that cat. If she's flip flopping on such a

1385
01:06:17,840 --> 01:06:20,200
Speaker 6: huge decision as to care for another life like this,

1386
01:06:20,760 --> 01:06:22,680
Speaker 6: I don't know how anyone decides out of nowhere to

1387
01:06:22,720 --> 01:06:25,919
Speaker 6: take care of a hat a cat. It's a huge responsibility.

1388
01:06:25,960 --> 01:06:28,000
Speaker 6: And if she's already going back on her decision, that's

1389
01:06:28,000 --> 01:06:29,120
Speaker 6: a huge red flag.

1390
01:06:29,280 --> 01:06:29,840
Speaker 2: Poor kitty.

1391
01:06:30,280 --> 01:06:32,760
Speaker 6: At least you sound dedicated to your cat.

1392
01:06:32,880 --> 01:06:34,040
Speaker 2: Shed that hair moves around.

1393
01:06:34,120 --> 01:06:35,560
Speaker 6: Unless you have an air lock on that door and

1394
01:06:35,600 --> 01:06:37,360
Speaker 6: change clothes, the apartment will still have a ton of

1395
01:06:37,400 --> 01:06:39,680
Speaker 6: dander in it. I mean she loves on the cat

1396
01:06:39,720 --> 01:06:41,520
Speaker 6: in the main room. Where does she take her clothes

1397
01:06:41,520 --> 01:06:44,560
Speaker 6: off and leave them? Probably the quarantine zone. There's an update,

1398
01:06:44,960 --> 01:06:45,400
Speaker 6: would we.

1399
01:06:45,400 --> 01:06:47,320
Speaker 2: Like to hear it? I love just real quick, I

1400
01:06:47,360 --> 01:06:48,120
Speaker 2: love that it goes.

1401
01:06:48,480 --> 01:06:51,880
Speaker 6: Update immediately followed by this is not so much an

1402
01:06:52,000 --> 01:06:54,640
Speaker 6: update as it is a request for some more advice.

1403
01:06:54,840 --> 01:06:55,040
Speaker 9: Ah.

1404
01:06:56,640 --> 01:06:58,520
Speaker 6: I told my roommate about my post here and not

1405
01:06:58,600 --> 01:07:00,840
Speaker 6: the majority of responders agreed with me on giving up

1406
01:07:00,840 --> 01:07:03,120
Speaker 6: the cat. I also told her that no matter what

1407
01:07:03,200 --> 01:07:05,560
Speaker 6: she did, I would support her. Finally, I told her

1408
01:07:05,560 --> 01:07:07,760
Speaker 6: that if she did not want Dizzy, Charlie and I

1409
01:07:07,800 --> 01:07:10,880
Speaker 6: were happy to adopt him. She got frustrated and huffed, well,

1410
01:07:10,880 --> 01:07:13,120
Speaker 6: that solves nothing. For the last few nights, Nick has

1411
01:07:13,160 --> 01:07:14,880
Speaker 6: been staying with us and she has been kicking Dizzy

1412
01:07:14,920 --> 01:07:17,000
Speaker 6: out of her room. Charlie and I sleep with our

1413
01:07:17,040 --> 01:07:18,840
Speaker 6: door open so that socks can come and go, and

1414
01:07:18,840 --> 01:07:20,040
Speaker 6: Dizzy has been wandering.

1415
01:07:19,720 --> 01:07:20,520
Speaker 2: In to sleep with us.

1416
01:07:20,960 --> 01:07:23,640
Speaker 6: This morning, Ashley came into my room and woke us

1417
01:07:23,680 --> 01:07:25,760
Speaker 6: up to complain that Dizzy was sleeping with us and

1418
01:07:25,800 --> 01:07:26,880
Speaker 6: spending time in our room.

1419
01:07:27,320 --> 01:07:29,680
Speaker 2: Opie was pretty surprised. Honestly, that's fair.

1420
01:07:30,080 --> 01:07:31,640
Speaker 6: If you do not want the cat to sleep in

1421
01:07:31,680 --> 01:07:34,680
Speaker 6: my room, stop locking him out of your room. Not

1422
01:07:34,760 --> 01:07:36,800
Speaker 6: only are Charlie and I letting Dizzy sleep with us,

1423
01:07:36,800 --> 01:07:38,840
Speaker 6: we are feeding him, giving him medication for his upper

1424
01:07:38,880 --> 01:07:42,760
Speaker 6: respiratory infection, changing his litter, etc. We are his caretakers. Yeah,

1425
01:07:42,760 --> 01:07:46,160
Speaker 6: that's your cat. Charlie has started calling both cats our babies.

1426
01:07:46,560 --> 01:07:49,080
Speaker 6: After Ashley left for class this morning, Charlie and I

1427
01:07:49,120 --> 01:07:51,600
Speaker 6: got up and spent the day running errands. We came

1428
01:07:51,640 --> 01:07:54,040
Speaker 6: home around seven pm to night and could not find

1429
01:07:54,080 --> 01:07:54,880
Speaker 6: Dizzy anywhere.

1430
01:07:54,920 --> 01:07:55,720
Speaker 2: I'm concerned.

1431
01:07:55,960 --> 01:07:58,960
Speaker 6: When I went into Ashley's room to look under her bed,

1432
01:07:59,080 --> 01:08:01,400
Speaker 6: I heard Dizzy in the closet. Poor guy had been

1433
01:08:01,440 --> 01:08:04,080
Speaker 6: locked in there all day. When I texted Ashley telling

1434
01:08:04,120 --> 01:08:06,040
Speaker 6: her that she accidentally locked him in there, she was

1435
01:08:06,120 --> 01:08:08,600
Speaker 6: upset not because her poor cat had not been able

1436
01:08:08,600 --> 01:08:10,320
Speaker 6: to eat, drink, or go to the bathroom all day,

1437
01:08:10,600 --> 01:08:12,560
Speaker 6: but because he probably got fur on her clothes and

1438
01:08:12,600 --> 01:08:15,040
Speaker 6: she would have to wash them before spending time with Nick.

1439
01:08:15,600 --> 01:08:17,240
Speaker 5: Your boyfriend sucks, and so do you.

1440
01:08:17,560 --> 01:08:18,880
Speaker 2: Yeah.

1441
01:08:18,880 --> 01:08:20,960
Speaker 6: I love my roommate, but her behavior towards this poor

1442
01:08:21,000 --> 01:08:23,400
Speaker 6: cat is pissing me off because I keep finding myself

1443
01:08:23,439 --> 01:08:25,759
Speaker 6: so mad at her. The shelter we adopted the cats

1444
01:08:25,800 --> 01:08:27,960
Speaker 6: from also pays for a checkup if you make an

1445
01:08:27,960 --> 01:08:30,760
Speaker 6: appointment within the first week after adoption. I made my

1446
01:08:30,800 --> 01:08:32,960
Speaker 6: appointment for socks, but she never made one for Dizzy.

1447
01:08:33,439 --> 01:08:35,799
Speaker 6: Because my name is not on the Dizzy's adoption papers,

1448
01:08:36,120 --> 01:08:37,680
Speaker 6: I cannot take him in and texted her with the

1449
01:08:37,720 --> 01:08:39,800
Speaker 6: vet's numbers so she could make an appointment for her

1450
01:08:39,800 --> 01:08:43,519
Speaker 6: cat too. She immediately asked me to do it for her. Ugh.

1451
01:08:43,880 --> 01:08:44,440
Speaker 5: Gross.

1452
01:08:44,760 --> 01:08:46,840
Speaker 6: This may seem small, but she is taking no responsibility

1453
01:08:46,880 --> 01:08:49,720
Speaker 6: for this creature she adopted, and it is exasperating.

1454
01:08:50,640 --> 01:08:51,000
Speaker 3: Reddit.

1455
01:08:51,439 --> 01:08:53,439
Speaker 6: I am at my wits end, and so is Charlie.

1456
01:08:53,640 --> 01:08:54,760
Speaker 3: What the heck do we do?

1457
01:08:54,960 --> 01:08:56,840
Speaker 6: I do not want to lose my roommate. I just

1458
01:08:56,840 --> 01:09:00,160
Speaker 6: want my level headed friend back. Was your friend and

1459
01:09:00,840 --> 01:09:02,559
Speaker 6: ever level headed?

1460
01:09:02,840 --> 01:09:05,599
Speaker 2: Or are you just now realizing.

1461
01:09:05,720 --> 01:09:07,759
Speaker 5: I don't know. Some people are different when they're dating.

1462
01:09:08,240 --> 01:09:09,040
Speaker 2: That's yeah.

1463
01:09:09,080 --> 01:09:11,880
Speaker 5: And she sounds like she's dating a guy who's not great.

1464
01:09:12,560 --> 01:09:13,600
Speaker 5: It's just a coworker.

1465
01:09:14,439 --> 01:09:16,840
Speaker 6: This guy has clearly changed her priorities, and nothing I

1466
01:09:17,080 --> 01:09:19,240
Speaker 6: do can get her to see that. The way she's

1467
01:09:19,280 --> 01:09:20,839
Speaker 6: treating Dizzy is just wrong.

1468
01:09:22,160 --> 01:09:23,720
Speaker 8: I think you need to make it less about the

1469
01:09:23,720 --> 01:09:26,080
Speaker 8: cat and more about like, why you're dating this guy.

1470
01:09:26,120 --> 01:09:27,440
Speaker 5: And he's like a.

1471
01:09:27,360 --> 01:09:30,200
Speaker 9: Freak weirdo who told you he loved you in two

1472
01:09:30,200 --> 01:09:32,920
Speaker 9: weeks but not really, and he's gonna wait for you

1473
01:09:33,000 --> 01:09:36,200
Speaker 9: to feel it back, and not in like a cute way,

1474
01:09:36,640 --> 01:09:39,240
Speaker 9: like a in like a weird way.

1475
01:09:39,520 --> 01:09:43,760
Speaker 6: Yeah, because that's really the thing is, like, yes, this

1476
01:09:43,880 --> 01:09:45,880
Speaker 6: all started because of the cats, but you are now

1477
01:09:45,880 --> 01:09:50,439
Speaker 6: getting into stuff about responsibility, about like your friendship and

1478
01:09:50,479 --> 01:09:55,120
Speaker 6: your relationship. Surprise, surprise. The advice is have a big

1479
01:09:55,160 --> 01:09:58,600
Speaker 6: old conversation. Since the mini update I posted, things have

1480
01:09:58,640 --> 01:10:02,120
Speaker 6: gotten both better and worse. So I'm scared that there's

1481
01:10:02,240 --> 01:10:05,680
Speaker 6: anything beyond this. I'm scared that there's worse past this.

1482
01:10:06,400 --> 01:10:08,320
Speaker 6: The good news is Ashley broke up with Nick. She

1483
01:10:08,360 --> 01:10:10,240
Speaker 6: finally realized that she was only dating him to get

1484
01:10:10,280 --> 01:10:12,559
Speaker 6: over another guy, and she had no real feelings for Nick.

1485
01:10:12,840 --> 01:10:14,360
Speaker 6: I was so proud of her and really happy for

1486
01:10:14,400 --> 01:10:16,960
Speaker 6: her as well. She seemed happier for about a week

1487
01:10:17,000 --> 01:10:18,400
Speaker 6: and then started dating her boss.

1488
01:10:18,920 --> 01:10:22,280
Speaker 2: Oh stop, oh, stop dating the people that you work with.

1489
01:10:22,400 --> 01:10:23,840
Speaker 3: Oh that was so fun.

1490
01:10:24,000 --> 01:10:26,920
Speaker 8: I mean, honestly, no, keep doing this. Work your way

1491
01:10:26,960 --> 01:10:31,240
Speaker 8: all the way up to the CEO. Marry him, divorce

1492
01:10:31,920 --> 01:10:35,400
Speaker 8: settlement package. Then you can have all the cats you want.

1493
01:10:36,439 --> 01:10:38,560
Speaker 6: That's really the ultimate goal. We're trying to get to

1494
01:10:39,200 --> 01:10:43,000
Speaker 6: as many cats as possible. She has no physical attraction

1495
01:10:43,120 --> 01:10:46,599
Speaker 6: to him. But wants someone to warm her bed and

1496
01:10:46,640 --> 01:10:47,400
Speaker 6: your boss.

1497
01:10:47,800 --> 01:10:50,040
Speaker 8: I mean, if that was my good friend, I would

1498
01:10:50,080 --> 01:10:51,800
Speaker 8: be like, hey, do you not see how maybe your

1499
01:10:51,880 --> 01:10:52,880
Speaker 8: dating pattern is.

1500
01:10:52,840 --> 01:10:56,280
Speaker 5: A little destructive? Oh potentially?

1501
01:10:57,320 --> 01:11:03,000
Speaker 6: Uh, there is another update, but yeah, truly there's like

1502
01:11:03,160 --> 01:11:06,040
Speaker 6: the cat part is up here, and I feel like

1503
01:11:06,040 --> 01:11:08,960
Speaker 6: that's what Opie like thinks the story is about. And

1504
01:11:09,000 --> 01:11:12,000
Speaker 6: then here in the background is the craziest thing going

1505
01:11:12,040 --> 01:11:15,759
Speaker 6: on at whatever this workplace is true, whatever Bowling Alley

1506
01:11:16,520 --> 01:11:18,360
Speaker 6: or law firm that.

1507
01:11:18,320 --> 01:11:21,559
Speaker 2: The roommate works at, sounds like a mess.

1508
01:11:21,600 --> 01:11:23,960
Speaker 5: Maybe it's a Bowling Alley law firm.

1509
01:11:24,280 --> 01:11:28,599
Speaker 6: The update, however, it has become apparent since the split

1510
01:11:28,640 --> 01:11:30,559
Speaker 6: with Nick that Ashley just does not.

1511
01:11:30,640 --> 01:11:32,559
Speaker 2: Care about her cat Dizzy. In general.

1512
01:11:32,880 --> 01:11:34,920
Speaker 6: He's overweight, but she does not put him on a diet.

1513
01:11:34,960 --> 01:11:37,040
Speaker 6: She doesn't change the litter. We take turns doing the

1514
01:11:37,040 --> 01:11:38,760
Speaker 6: litter box, she lies and says she has done it

1515
01:11:38,800 --> 01:11:41,160
Speaker 6: when she is not. She never fills their water, et cetera.

1516
01:11:41,720 --> 01:11:44,680
Speaker 6: All of this is fine. I will take care of

1517
01:11:44,680 --> 01:11:46,960
Speaker 6: the food and litter, and I will buy diet cat food.

1518
01:11:46,960 --> 01:11:49,000
Speaker 6: But Dizzy is sick and she will not take him

1519
01:11:49,000 --> 01:11:49,479
Speaker 6: to a bed.

1520
01:11:49,640 --> 01:11:50,559
Speaker 2: This is so sad.

1521
01:11:51,040 --> 01:11:53,439
Speaker 6: Her excuse is that she has not found one yet.

1522
01:11:53,920 --> 01:11:56,759
Speaker 6: When we adopted him, aye an US upper respiratory infection.

1523
01:11:56,880 --> 01:11:59,320
Speaker 6: The shelter gave us medicine for him and made and

1524
01:11:59,320 --> 01:12:01,400
Speaker 6: we made sure eat it. He was okay for a

1525
01:12:01,439 --> 01:12:03,320
Speaker 6: couple of weeks, but now he's sneezing again and has

1526
01:12:03,360 --> 01:12:03,960
Speaker 6: gooby eyes.

1527
01:12:04,080 --> 01:12:05,880
Speaker 5: No, not the goop goopers.

1528
01:12:06,600 --> 01:12:08,400
Speaker 6: I'm really worried about him, but Charlie and I are

1529
01:12:08,439 --> 01:12:10,680
Speaker 6: barely making ends meet right now. We cannot afford to

1530
01:12:10,720 --> 01:12:12,920
Speaker 6: take Dizzy to the vet. Ashley, on the other hand,

1531
01:12:12,960 --> 01:12:14,280
Speaker 6: is fully capable of taking him.

1532
01:12:14,360 --> 01:12:15,080
Speaker 2: She just will not.

1533
01:12:15,760 --> 01:12:17,840
Speaker 6: I'm worried about Dizzey's health. He's an older cat and

1534
01:12:17,880 --> 01:12:20,120
Speaker 6: I do not want this infection to get worse. The

1535
01:12:20,160 --> 01:12:22,439
Speaker 6: poor guy must be miserable. But Ashley is doing nothing.

1536
01:12:22,640 --> 01:12:24,519
Speaker 6: She actually thinks it is funny to say bless you

1537
01:12:24,560 --> 01:12:27,360
Speaker 6: every time he sneezes. I just want to scream at

1538
01:12:27,400 --> 01:12:29,519
Speaker 6: her to take him to the damn vet. Charlie and

1539
01:12:29,560 --> 01:12:31,479
Speaker 6: I tried once before to take him to the vet

1540
01:12:31,479 --> 01:12:33,200
Speaker 6: with us when we took Socks for his post adoption

1541
01:12:33,360 --> 01:12:36,240
Speaker 6: check up, but the vet said that since Dizzy's microchip

1542
01:12:36,240 --> 01:12:38,280
Speaker 6: has Ashley's name on it, we cannot be the ones

1543
01:12:38,320 --> 01:12:38,960
Speaker 6: to bring him in.

1544
01:12:39,200 --> 01:12:43,679
Speaker 8: Really, that seems a little that seems a little weird.

1545
01:12:43,960 --> 01:12:46,240
Speaker 8: And you just say, I live with this. My roommate's

1546
01:12:46,240 --> 01:12:48,800
Speaker 8: cat live with I live with her. We're just say

1547
01:12:48,880 --> 01:12:51,920
Speaker 8: she can't come, she has work. They'd be like, no, actually,

1548
01:12:51,960 --> 01:12:54,719
Speaker 8: the microchip doesn't have your name on it. I'd be like, okay,

1549
01:12:54,760 --> 01:12:56,519
Speaker 8: so do I just throw this cat away?

1550
01:12:57,120 --> 01:12:57,639
Speaker 5: Like? What?

1551
01:12:58,080 --> 01:12:58,920
Speaker 2: Do I just leave him here?

1552
01:12:58,960 --> 01:12:59,080
Speaker 9: Then?

1553
01:12:59,160 --> 01:13:01,400
Speaker 5: Do I do you have like a do you have

1554
01:13:01,439 --> 01:13:02,439
Speaker 5: a solution for this?

1555
01:13:03,479 --> 01:13:05,599
Speaker 6: Somebody says I would go and talk to the animal

1556
01:13:05,640 --> 01:13:08,600
Speaker 6: shelter who ran the adoption day. Say you think the

1557
01:13:08,640 --> 01:13:11,200
Speaker 6: cat needs medical attention, but your roommate who actually adopted

1558
01:13:11,240 --> 01:13:13,000
Speaker 6: him won't do it, and you can't do it because

1559
01:13:13,040 --> 01:13:15,960
Speaker 6: your name isn't on the microchip. Ask if they can

1560
01:13:16,000 --> 01:13:18,240
Speaker 6: have one of their vets, their vets look at him,

1561
01:13:18,280 --> 01:13:21,400
Speaker 6: and if they can suggest any long term solutions. They

1562
01:13:21,400 --> 01:13:23,519
Speaker 6: may even have the power to revoke the adoption and

1563
01:13:23,560 --> 01:13:26,559
Speaker 6: give him to you. Some of the contracts have fine

1564
01:13:26,600 --> 01:13:29,360
Speaker 6: print about that. Also, you could try another vet and

1565
01:13:29,439 --> 01:13:32,720
Speaker 6: just not mention he isn't yours. Most don't routinely check

1566
01:13:32,800 --> 01:13:34,160
Speaker 6: for ownership before treating.

1567
01:13:34,400 --> 01:13:37,960
Speaker 8: Yeah, like that's that's so weird. I've I've never heard

1568
01:13:38,000 --> 01:13:41,840
Speaker 8: that really being an issue. Don't they have like a

1569
01:13:41,920 --> 01:13:45,800
Speaker 8: vet hippocratic oath where it's like you just you gotta

1570
01:13:45,840 --> 01:13:46,800
Speaker 8: do it.

1571
01:13:46,840 --> 01:13:48,960
Speaker 2: Is that the title? Is there something about an oath?

1572
01:13:49,479 --> 01:13:52,320
Speaker 5: I don't know. Isn't that the hippocratic oath? You gotta

1573
01:13:52,400 --> 01:13:52,720
Speaker 5: do it,