WEBVTT - What The Heck is A Divorce Coach? 0:00:13.160 --> 0:00:14.880 Welcome back to I Do Part two. 0:00:15.200 --> 0:00:18.639 I'm one of your hosts, Jenny Garth, and today I 0:00:18.720 --> 0:00:21.079 wanted to bring in a guest to talk about something 0:00:21.200 --> 0:00:23.320 that I've never even heard of before. 0:00:23.360 --> 0:00:23.800 You guys. 0:00:24.120 --> 0:00:28.200 She is a divorce coach and a certified divorce mediator. 0:00:28.520 --> 0:00:31.440 She has been at this for over ten years. I 0:00:31.520 --> 0:00:34.040 love her TikTok, and she is the co host of 0:00:34.080 --> 0:00:37.720 her own podcast, Divorce with Sam and Leah. I can't 0:00:37.720 --> 0:00:41.720 wait to talk with Samantha Boss Samantha. What the heck 0:00:42.159 --> 0:00:43.560 is a divorce coach? 0:00:44.440 --> 0:00:49.560 A game changer, a lifesaver, a financial saver? Well, okay, 0:00:50.080 --> 0:00:51.400 I mean it's a little bit of like we're the 0:00:51.800 --> 0:00:54.640 catchup all trades. It just kind of depends on what 0:00:54.920 --> 0:00:58.960 your case needs and what I'm finding my clients need. 0:00:59.280 --> 0:01:02.800 They're typically a high conflict divorce, meaning it's not going well, 0:01:02.920 --> 0:01:06.039 court is dragging out, co parenting's not starting off on 0:01:06.040 --> 0:01:09.319 the right foot. And they're usually women that have been 0:01:09.319 --> 0:01:12.640 in some type of toxic, abusive relationship and they don't 0:01:12.760 --> 0:01:16.160 know themselves yet because they were not happy in the marriage, 0:01:16.240 --> 0:01:18.520 and then they're going divorce, but there's this trial period 0:01:18.520 --> 0:01:22.600 where they're like segueing from the abuse to independence, and 0:01:22.600 --> 0:01:24.000 that's when all the decisions happen. 0:01:24.520 --> 0:01:28.680 Yeah, even if you're not abused per se, like you've 0:01:28.760 --> 0:01:32.000 just been in this situation that wasn't serving. 0:01:31.640 --> 0:01:34.160 You and you come out and you don't even know 0:01:34.200 --> 0:01:34.960 which ways up. 0:01:35.000 --> 0:01:39.479 So my only question really for this entire interview is 0:01:39.520 --> 0:01:41.720 why weren't you there when I needed you? 0:01:42.480 --> 0:01:44.840 Why wasn't I round when I was going? I mean, 0:01:44.920 --> 0:01:47.440 my divorce lasted forever. That's what everybody says when they 0:01:47.440 --> 0:01:49.040 meet me and they catch the vibe and they know 0:01:49.120 --> 0:01:51.600 what services I can offer, and it's like, where were you? 0:01:51.600 --> 0:01:53.240 Where were you? You know I found you too late? 0:01:53.280 --> 0:01:55.080 Where were you two years ago? You know I wasn't 0:01:55.120 --> 0:01:55.800 on your feed yet. 0:01:55.880 --> 0:01:59.360 Now I want to know what is it specifically that 0:01:59.480 --> 0:02:00.440 you do here? 0:02:00.920 --> 0:02:04.360 Well, my specialty and my bread and butter, which I 0:02:04.480 --> 0:02:06.760 just I could sit on stage and talk for hours about, 0:02:06.840 --> 0:02:11.120 is parenting plans, because that's where mine went wrong. Parenting plan, 0:02:11.320 --> 0:02:14.639 you know, customizing them, making sure they're detailed, making sure 0:02:14.639 --> 0:02:17.000 they're protecting you and not you know, leaving a bunch 0:02:17.080 --> 0:02:19.560 of gray area for a high conflict personality to take 0:02:19.600 --> 0:02:22.480 over you. Getting your parenting plan all the way from 0:02:22.520 --> 0:02:25.880 diapers to diploma. So I customize parenting plans for people 0:02:26.080 --> 0:02:27.880 because when you again, you're in that middle phase. You 0:02:27.880 --> 0:02:30.000 were married and you want to be single parent, but 0:02:30.040 --> 0:02:32.320 you're in this phase of decision making and you just 0:02:32.400 --> 0:02:34.680 don't know. You know, if you're divorcing with kids that 0:02:34.720 --> 0:02:38.360 are two, three, five, seven years old, you're raising kids 0:02:38.360 --> 0:02:40.880 for the first time. You don't know what's ahead even 0:02:40.960 --> 0:02:44.200 in a good situation, let alone you know a situation 0:02:44.240 --> 0:02:46.160 where you're not getting along with your co parent now. 0:02:46.240 --> 0:02:48.680 So I customize those parenting plans. I get you wherever 0:02:48.680 --> 0:02:51.000 you're at with your kids, whatever age the youngest is, 0:02:51.040 --> 0:02:52.600 and I get you all the way to high school, 0:02:52.639 --> 0:02:57.280 and I cover everything that you can think of from education, extracurricular, religion, 0:02:57.320 --> 0:02:59.960 and medical and everything in between. And we covered all. 0:03:00.360 --> 0:03:03.480 You sound like an expert. I to really love this conversation. 0:03:03.560 --> 0:03:07.680 I want to know, though, about your journey, because you know, 0:03:07.720 --> 0:03:11.960 there's yeah, there's nothing I love more than when you 0:03:12.000 --> 0:03:15.280 work with someone who has actually walked the same path 0:03:15.360 --> 0:03:19.639 that you've walked. And you were in a high conflict 0:03:19.919 --> 0:03:23.720 divorce situation and ended up being taking a lot of 0:03:23.840 --> 0:03:25.920 years probably off of your life and a lot of 0:03:25.960 --> 0:03:27.079 money out of your account. 0:03:27.440 --> 0:03:29.440 Yeah, And so as I was going through that, I 0:03:29.480 --> 0:03:31.960 was highly educated. I came from a good family. I 0:03:32.000 --> 0:03:34.040 was the first person to get divorced, and so there 0:03:34.080 --> 0:03:36.720 was a lot of shame and guilt of like, why 0:03:36.760 --> 0:03:39.400 couldn't I make this work? So I went into it 0:03:39.440 --> 0:03:41.480 acting like I was fine. So I hired a really 0:03:41.520 --> 0:03:44.040 good attorney. I was fine. I had a good, good attorney, 0:03:44.080 --> 0:03:46.440 so I thought, you know, and as I was going 0:03:46.440 --> 0:03:49.240 through this process, because it was taking so long, people 0:03:49.400 --> 0:03:51.720 friends and family started asking me questions as they went 0:03:51.720 --> 0:03:54.200 through a divorce, and I kept on teaching because I 0:03:54.200 --> 0:03:55.720 was an educator at the time. And I went through 0:03:55.720 --> 0:03:57.360 My divorce took about four years, and we were in 0:03:57.400 --> 0:03:59.720 court another four years after that over petty stuff that 0:03:59.760 --> 0:04:02.480 we just you know, couldn't help ourselves. We love the courtroom. 0:04:02.880 --> 0:04:04.800 And as I was going through that and helping friends 0:04:04.800 --> 0:04:07.840 and family, I realized like my true passion was correcting 0:04:07.880 --> 0:04:11.240 my mistake. I felt joy when I helped people. I 0:04:11.280 --> 0:04:14.000 felt like, Okay, don't do that because that's what I did. 0:04:14.040 --> 0:04:16.160 You know, don't answer it that way, because that's what 0:04:16.240 --> 0:04:18.120 I did. And it was a lot of healing in 0:04:18.160 --> 0:04:20.599 that and then when I met my now husband, Jared, 0:04:20.960 --> 0:04:23.440 he was like, why don't you quit teaching kids and 0:04:23.480 --> 0:04:26.000 teach adults about divorce? And at first I was like, 0:04:26.040 --> 0:04:29.960 you are absolutely insane, Like who would pay me to 0:04:30.000 --> 0:04:31.880 help them? You know? And he's like, people call you 0:04:31.920 --> 0:04:34.919 every day like people, and you're doing it for free. 0:04:35.279 --> 0:04:37.280 And there it went, and he just said, hey, why 0:04:37.279 --> 0:04:39.279 don't you become a mediator? So I did that at first, 0:04:39.360 --> 0:04:41.520 and I was getting couples all the time and that 0:04:41.640 --> 0:04:44.560 was great, but it wasn't my story. My story. We 0:04:44.600 --> 0:04:47.159 didn't work out a mediation, we did not get along. 0:04:47.320 --> 0:04:50.120 So I wanted to help me, the former me. So 0:04:50.120 --> 0:04:52.599 then I just started helping one client at a time 0:04:53.120 --> 0:04:55.800 and that's when it just it clicked. It felt right, 0:04:56.000 --> 0:04:59.680 and education is my number one objective. I just want 0:04:59.680 --> 0:05:03.000 people to know what's ahead and to know what their 0:05:03.080 --> 0:05:06.279 options are. I just don't think you get told because 0:05:06.279 --> 0:05:08.880 you're talking to a high priced attorney what your options are. 0:05:08.960 --> 0:05:10.960 So then that's how my business just evolved. I kind 0:05:11.000 --> 0:05:13.160 of I say that I've pivoted no less than nine 0:05:13.200 --> 0:05:15.920 times in my business because I'm trying to fit exactly 0:05:15.960 --> 0:05:19.880 what the former me needed and I needed support, and 0:05:19.920 --> 0:05:22.200 I needed an education and I needed somebody to say 0:05:22.400 --> 0:05:26.400 do this instead of just winging it and hoping that 0:05:26.440 --> 0:05:27.200 it was going to work. 0:05:28.240 --> 0:05:30.920 If you're getting me all fired up over here, I'm 0:05:30.920 --> 0:05:34.320 getting a little angry because I didn't have anybody like you, 0:05:34.400 --> 0:05:35.680 and I was winging it. 0:05:35.880 --> 0:05:37.400 Nobody told me anything. 0:05:37.560 --> 0:05:40.320 I didn't have any kind of knowledge of what anybody 0:05:40.400 --> 0:05:44.479 was talking about, sort as like legal terms and yes. 0:05:44.800 --> 0:05:47.000 And I committed to things that I would not have 0:05:47.040 --> 0:05:49.600 committed to if I had known what I was committing to. 0:05:50.040 --> 0:05:53.080 Yeah, well, I think people have a good heart. There's 0:05:53.080 --> 0:05:55.320 always one person in the divorce that has a good heart, 0:05:55.400 --> 0:05:58.240 has good intentions and once to co parent and once 0:05:58.320 --> 0:06:00.599 to work with the other and will put the kids first. 0:06:00.880 --> 0:06:04.799 But when you're met with resistance and bitterness and angry 0:06:04.920 --> 0:06:09.200 and just hatred the stuff that you agree to, you're like, Okay, 0:06:09.240 --> 0:06:12.240 well it'll get better and they'll come around and it'll 0:06:12.240 --> 0:06:15.080 work out right now. And that's what your lawyer sometimes 0:06:15.120 --> 0:06:16.840 tells you is, hey, don't worry about it, Jenny Wine, 0:06:16.880 --> 0:06:20.680 the ink dries, it's going to go smoother. Eighteen years 0:06:20.720 --> 0:06:23.680 Mine was a bumpy, twisty, windy road that never got smooth, 0:06:24.040 --> 0:06:26.800 and so I think that's where I think people's expectations. 0:06:26.800 --> 0:06:30.000 They go into it different and it stays different, and 0:06:30.000 --> 0:06:32.440 it's not going to go back healed for everybody the 0:06:32.480 --> 0:06:35.119 way you see on TV, or you see your friends 0:06:35.160 --> 0:06:37.080 across the street hell their neighbors and they still do 0:06:37.160 --> 0:06:40.520 Christmas together, and that's great for them. But that's not everybody. 0:06:40.839 --> 0:06:45.040 That's not everybody. I've been on both sides of that river. Yeah, 0:06:45.240 --> 0:06:47.320 spent a lot of time angry and mad and bitter 0:06:47.360 --> 0:06:51.479 and resentful and all the things. And I just reached 0:06:51.480 --> 0:06:53.760 a point in my personal life where I thought, oh 0:06:53.839 --> 0:06:56.919 my god, this is bringing me down. It's bringing me 0:06:57.000 --> 0:07:00.719 down mentally, it's bringing me down physically. Look in the mirror, 0:07:00.800 --> 0:07:04.600 I don't like what who's looking back at me, Honne. 0:07:04.600 --> 0:07:07.919 And I needed to like take charge of, like flipping 0:07:08.000 --> 0:07:10.360 the conversation in my own head so that I could 0:07:10.560 --> 0:07:11.840 come at it from a different way. 0:07:12.240 --> 0:07:13.920 Well, that was the only thing that's going to change. 0:07:13.920 --> 0:07:16.160 And I think anybody listening that's going through a high 0:07:16.200 --> 0:07:19.280 conflict co parenting journey or even divorce, the only thing 0:07:19.280 --> 0:07:22.360 you have control over is your own journey. You don't 0:07:22.360 --> 0:07:24.880 have control over the other house. Or the other attorney, 0:07:25.240 --> 0:07:27.520 or what your ex is doing, or how they're parenting 0:07:27.600 --> 0:07:30.960 at their house. The only thing you can control is 0:07:31.000 --> 0:07:34.960 how you interpret information, how you receive it, and how 0:07:35.040 --> 0:07:36.840 it comes out of you, you know, when you want 0:07:36.880 --> 0:07:39.480 to go back and talk and have a conversation. And 0:07:39.520 --> 0:07:41.520 I think too many of us are trying to control 0:07:41.560 --> 0:07:44.280 another house or have input about the other house, or 0:07:44.360 --> 0:07:45.120 care too much. 0:07:45.280 --> 0:07:48.160 Oh my god, I wasted so much time trying to 0:07:48.320 --> 0:07:52.200 like know, because I mean, that's brutal, Like you know, 0:07:52.440 --> 0:07:55.280 for me, I was everything. My kids were everything, and 0:07:55.360 --> 0:08:00.000 three little girls, and I giving up basically my life, 0:07:59.760 --> 0:08:03.720 my identity and become so much of a mom to 0:08:03.760 --> 0:08:06.480 these three girls. And I loved every second of it. 0:08:06.520 --> 0:08:08.679 So I wasn't like sad about that at the time. 0:08:09.200 --> 0:08:12.480 But when they did leave, I was like, oh my god. 0:08:12.680 --> 0:08:16.360 I text him, I call him. I try to make 0:08:16.400 --> 0:08:19.160 sure that their safety is this and they're eating that, 0:08:19.360 --> 0:08:21.640 and that they know they have their bags packed the 0:08:21.680 --> 0:08:24.920 proper way like, and all I got was like, click, 0:08:25.200 --> 0:08:27.760 hang up, no, text back, stay out of it. You 0:08:28.360 --> 0:08:30.880 don't belong here, there's no place for you. Don't worry 0:08:30.920 --> 0:08:33.640 about us. I've got it covered. All the things and 0:08:33.679 --> 0:08:35.960 those all those things would just make me so much 0:08:36.040 --> 0:08:39.280 angrier until I did come to terms with the fact 0:08:39.280 --> 0:08:42.880 that I don't get to have any say in my 0:08:43.000 --> 0:08:44.840 daughters once they leave my door. 0:08:45.280 --> 0:08:47.520 Yes, and that is a very and I think that's 0:08:47.520 --> 0:08:50.640 why women stay too long, you know, or just anybody 0:08:50.640 --> 0:08:52.760 stays too long in the marriage. But yeah, it's a 0:08:52.760 --> 0:08:55.240 big pill to swallow. The first couple of weekends they're gone, 0:08:56.080 --> 0:08:59.040 seeing them show up somewhere and their hairs all a mess, 0:08:59.080 --> 0:09:01.960 that they're in a weird outfit, or you get the 0:09:01.960 --> 0:09:04.320 call from the school that hey, you know, little Susie 0:09:04.320 --> 0:09:06.400 doesn't have her lunch today, like what are you doing? 0:09:06.400 --> 0:09:10.160 And you're just like, you know, like you gasp of embarrassment, 0:09:10.240 --> 0:09:12.240 and then you're like, I feel so bad for my child, 0:09:12.320 --> 0:09:14.560 and you're like, get your shit together, you know. But 0:09:14.640 --> 0:09:17.720 you have no control on any of it. But I 0:09:17.720 --> 0:09:19.480 see a lot of people spend so much time and 0:09:19.640 --> 0:09:22.920 energy on obsessing about the other house and the care 0:09:23.040 --> 0:09:26.480 and the quality, and they lose themselves and they lose 0:09:26.600 --> 0:09:27.920 And this is the thing that I did wrong. For 0:09:27.960 --> 0:09:29.839 eight years, I had no boundaries for eight years. I 0:09:29.920 --> 0:09:32.000 let him control my house for eight years in co parenting, 0:09:32.480 --> 0:09:35.560 and until I learned boundaries, my relationship with my children 0:09:35.600 --> 0:09:39.079 was at risk because I was parenting how he wanted 0:09:39.080 --> 0:09:40.800 me to parent, and I was doing things that the 0:09:40.800 --> 0:09:42.640 court wanted me to do, and I was so I 0:09:42.679 --> 0:09:44.200 was still in court. I was going to court all 0:09:44.240 --> 0:09:47.160 the time, and I was just not focused. I was tired, 0:09:47.200 --> 0:09:50.120 I was anxious. I was broke, I was miserable. I 0:09:50.240 --> 0:09:54.400 was drinking too much. I did all the smoking cigarettes 0:09:54.440 --> 0:09:56.400 like a fiend as soon as they went to bed. 0:09:57.120 --> 0:09:59.200 I was doing it all wrong because I wasn't. I 0:09:59.280 --> 0:10:01.319 was so obsessed with the co parenting journey and how 0:10:01.360 --> 0:10:04.560 shitty it was, and the divorce process and what will 0:10:04.559 --> 0:10:06.520 be the thing that'll make the stop. I was obsessed 0:10:06.520 --> 0:10:09.240 with finding the thing that would get us on the 0:10:09.240 --> 0:10:12.320 co parenting journey. I didn't have radical acceptance that I 0:10:12.360 --> 0:10:13.800 was just in high conflict and it was going to 0:10:13.840 --> 0:10:16.559 stay that way forever. But at the eight year mark, 0:10:16.600 --> 0:10:20.240 I hit, you know, the absorbents of boundaries and self 0:10:20.320 --> 0:10:22.960 love and self care. And as soon as I did that, 0:10:23.480 --> 0:10:27.280 my relationship with my children changed. We became unbreakable. My 0:10:27.360 --> 0:10:31.600 relationships with friends and family grew, and I didn't care 0:10:32.080 --> 0:10:34.160 less what he was doing like it was just like 0:10:34.200 --> 0:10:35.600 a switch went off, and I'm like. 0:10:35.880 --> 0:10:38.160 So free. Didn't you feel so free in the peace? 0:10:38.400 --> 0:10:41.000 I mean it was just this warm blanket that comes 0:10:41.040 --> 0:10:43.480 over And then it almost became a laughable game when 0:10:43.480 --> 0:10:46.080 he would try to get to me and I'm like, good, try, 0:10:46.360 --> 0:10:50.840 like like I knew this coming into I teach my 0:10:50.880 --> 0:10:54.600 clients a Bingo card, especially if they're new to figuring 0:10:54.600 --> 0:10:56.920 out their ex. You should be doing a Bingo card 0:10:56.960 --> 0:10:59.320 about every situation. So if you have a school function 0:10:59.400 --> 0:11:01.360 coming up and makes you really nervous because you know 0:11:01.400 --> 0:11:03.640 your ex is going to bring five family members, maybe 0:11:03.679 --> 0:11:06.800 a new significant other, show up late, you know, bring 0:11:07.120 --> 0:11:09.440 everybody and their brother, have your kids show up late, 0:11:09.480 --> 0:11:11.680 you know, not embarrass you with a teacher. Write all 0:11:11.720 --> 0:11:12.680 those on a bingo card. 0:11:12.880 --> 0:11:15.160 Oh my god. I love this idea because. 0:11:14.840 --> 0:11:16.600 Then you know, you sit with you. My mom was 0:11:16.600 --> 0:11:17.960 my rock, so I would sit with my mom and 0:11:18.000 --> 0:11:19.719 we would make a Bingo card about court. You know, 0:11:19.800 --> 0:11:22.000 what's he going to wear, what elevator is he coming? 0:11:22.040 --> 0:11:23.720 Because he always did the same thing. Where's he going 0:11:23.800 --> 0:11:25.679 to part? You know, what's he going to say? Who's 0:11:25.720 --> 0:11:28.280 he bringing with him? You know? Things like that, and 0:11:28.320 --> 0:11:29.760 then at the end of it, I would, you know, 0:11:29.800 --> 0:11:31.559 we would exchange the bingo card and I'd be like, 0:11:31.600 --> 0:11:33.480 oh mom, like you got more than I did. And 0:11:33.880 --> 0:11:38.480 it was this way fun humor to it and expectations 0:11:38.520 --> 0:11:41.800 because then when he did something you know, outlandish in court, 0:11:41.880 --> 0:11:43.679 I was like, damn, I had that one down. 0:11:43.960 --> 0:11:47.079 Yeah, it doesn't anger you as much as it does, yes, because. 0:11:46.840 --> 0:11:49.280 I expected it. It's a pattern and anybody of high 0:11:49.280 --> 0:11:51.800 conflict it's a pattern behavior. I mean, there's nothing new 0:11:51.800 --> 0:11:53.319 they're throwing at you. Guys. You just need to pay 0:11:53.320 --> 0:11:56.040 attention to the patterns and do bingo cards, and then 0:11:56.080 --> 0:11:58.880 it becomes less toxic for you, like you'll react better, 0:11:58.960 --> 0:12:02.760 you'll stay emotionally raked because it's an expectation versus a 0:12:03.200 --> 0:12:05.000 I cannot believe that happened. 0:12:05.120 --> 0:12:07.480 Well, you know it's gonna happen, yeah, right right, So. 0:12:07.440 --> 0:12:09.559 Write it down and then it becomes something to where 0:12:09.559 --> 0:12:10.800 you get to the point where you don't even have 0:12:10.800 --> 0:12:12.000 to do the car just when you sit in the 0:12:12.000 --> 0:12:13.520 car and you're like, Okay, this is how this could 0:12:13.520 --> 0:12:15.520 go one of six ways. This is going to you know, 0:12:15.600 --> 0:12:17.920 go this way, and then it becomes an expectation and 0:12:17.920 --> 0:12:21.200 a learned behavior and then your responses can get better 0:12:21.640 --> 0:12:24.120 and your piece stays there versus you know, going and 0:12:24.160 --> 0:12:27.320 everything like, well it goes well, it's probably not prepare 0:12:27.360 --> 0:12:30.680 for the probably not you know, have your body ready 0:12:30.760 --> 0:12:32.360 for it? Probably not going well. 0:12:34.120 --> 0:12:38.040 Yeah, it's so you cannot be prepared when this is 0:12:38.040 --> 0:12:41.560 your first rodeo, or even if it's your second rodeo. 0:12:41.600 --> 0:12:44.240 But now you have more little clowns in the in 0:12:44.320 --> 0:12:48.280 your kurt kids take care of like you don't. There's 0:12:48.280 --> 0:12:52.280 so much you don't know when. And divorce is a business. 0:12:52.600 --> 0:12:54.080 I feel like it is. 0:12:54.120 --> 0:12:57.000 I mean it's a it's a billion dollar industry every year. 0:12:58.080 --> 0:13:00.280 And I think just having a divorce coach somebody, people 0:13:00.320 --> 0:13:03.000 like you said, you know what is this. We're the calm, 0:13:03.200 --> 0:13:05.720 We're the educator, we're the handholder. You know, you have 0:13:05.760 --> 0:13:07.800 a very high priced attorney that every time you call 0:13:07.920 --> 0:13:09.920 costs you three hundred to six hundred dollars depending on 0:13:09.960 --> 0:13:12.439 where you live, you know, and sometimes all you want 0:13:12.480 --> 0:13:14.320 to do is just bitch on the phone and have 0:13:14.440 --> 0:13:17.200 somebody say that's not right, Jenny. Let us do that 0:13:17.320 --> 0:13:20.560 for a way more affordable cost to where you can 0:13:20.600 --> 0:13:22.880 get all that emotional stuff out and then we can 0:13:22.920 --> 0:13:25.440 give you bullet points. Okay, take this to your attorney, 0:13:25.800 --> 0:13:28.040 and now you've gotten through the story, and your attorney 0:13:28.040 --> 0:13:30.079 really only has time for bullet points anyways, and they 0:13:30.120 --> 0:13:32.520 really only want bullet points. They don't want the story, 0:13:32.880 --> 0:13:35.080 you know, And so we can cut down costs. The 0:13:35.240 --> 0:13:39.000 education part alone, just educating you about the process, educating 0:13:39.080 --> 0:13:41.920 you about you know, write a first refusal, holidays, vacation, 0:13:42.040 --> 0:13:44.319 how many vacation weeks should we have? And what does 0:13:44.360 --> 0:13:46.080 that look like? Can I take them back to back? 0:13:46.400 --> 0:13:50.640 Explaining all of those options. That alone, just that educational 0:13:50.720 --> 0:13:53.160 part takes away so much anxiety. You know, if you 0:13:53.160 --> 0:13:56.080 have mediation coming up and some attorneys just say, go 0:13:56.240 --> 0:13:59.040 into it with an open mind, okay, but what are 0:13:59.040 --> 0:14:01.480 they gonna ask me? Well, we just let the mediator 0:14:01.559 --> 0:14:03.520 lead it, okay, but what are they going to ask me? 0:14:04.160 --> 0:14:07.200 That's up to your mediator. Okay, that sends me into 0:14:07.240 --> 0:14:12.680 a tailspin. No, So letting us as divorce coaches educate 0:14:12.760 --> 0:14:15.360 you about here's all the things you should bring up 0:14:15.360 --> 0:14:17.440 if even if the mediator doesn't, because at the end 0:14:17.440 --> 0:14:19.280 of the day, when the mediator's out of the picture, 0:14:19.800 --> 0:14:22.840 the lawyers out of the picture. You're with your kids 0:14:23.480 --> 0:14:28.000 using a paperwork to guide you, and if that paperwork 0:14:28.040 --> 0:14:30.600 is horrible, you don't have good guidance, and then what 0:14:30.640 --> 0:14:31.880 do you have to do. You have to either a 0:14:32.320 --> 0:14:34.080 call your ex, which you don't want to do and 0:14:34.120 --> 0:14:36.720 have to have those conversations, or b call a very 0:14:36.760 --> 0:14:39.400 high priced attorney back to have them work it out 0:14:39.400 --> 0:14:42.160 for you. So either way you're doomed. It's not what 0:14:42.240 --> 0:14:44.400 you want to be doing as a single parent. You 0:14:44.400 --> 0:14:46.920 want to move on and have really good paperwork. 0:14:47.160 --> 0:14:59.320 Yep, what was it you said you were a teacher before? 0:14:59.320 --> 0:14:59.960 What did you teach? 0:15:00.920 --> 0:15:02.920 I taught pe, driver's ed and health. 0:15:03.240 --> 0:15:06.880 Okay, and I coached all these sports like those teenagers. 0:15:06.880 --> 0:15:09.080 Junior high in high school. Yeah, that was my bread 0:15:09.080 --> 0:15:12.240 and butter. I loved it. I loved the kids. But 0:15:12.280 --> 0:15:14.040 there was something about and I think that's why I'm 0:15:14.040 --> 0:15:16.520 good is because I was I was formed on teaching. 0:15:16.560 --> 0:15:18.760 You know, that was My background is all teaching and 0:15:18.800 --> 0:15:20.800 teaching and teaching. So I mean, you give me a subject, 0:15:20.840 --> 0:15:22.880 I can talk for hours about divorce. And so that's 0:15:22.880 --> 0:15:25.480 why Jared was like, you have to teach people, like 0:15:25.680 --> 0:15:28.040 let all of the pain that you went through become 0:15:28.080 --> 0:15:31.000 your passion and just teach people better. And I know 0:15:31.080 --> 0:15:34.040 I've seen people thousands of dollars and that's great, but 0:15:34.120 --> 0:15:36.600 I know I've helped people take their power back and 0:15:36.680 --> 0:15:39.800 feel educated and well versed. When talking to their exes 0:15:39.840 --> 0:15:42.560 and with their attorneys. They feel like they know what 0:15:42.600 --> 0:15:45.880 they're talking and they know why. I always explain why something. 0:15:46.040 --> 0:15:48.400 I don't just say, hey, pick this for Christmas. I 0:15:48.480 --> 0:15:50.800 give them an example of why they should pick that 0:15:50.840 --> 0:15:53.040 for Christmas. And then it's like you see all these 0:15:53.160 --> 0:15:55.760 light bulb moments for people that are super distracted right 0:15:55.760 --> 0:15:58.720 now again and that really tough phase of married and 0:15:59.200 --> 0:16:02.160 that divorce phase. You're emotional, you're worried about your kids, 0:16:02.160 --> 0:16:06.200 you're finding yourself again, You're just you're worried about everything. 0:16:06.960 --> 0:16:09.120 Let me guide you. Let me guide you through that 0:16:09.160 --> 0:16:10.920 part because I've been there, done that, did it wrong, 0:16:11.040 --> 0:16:12.680 but now I know how to do it right. Well. 0:16:12.680 --> 0:16:14.720 First of all, I think like, because you had that 0:16:14.840 --> 0:16:18.840 experience teaching and sort of managing. 0:16:19.240 --> 0:16:23.280 A personalities different people, all different shapes and sizes, I. 0:16:23.240 --> 0:16:25.440 Feel like there's you know, a lot of guys who 0:16:25.600 --> 0:16:29.640 kind of stop developing at desertain age until they don't 0:16:29.760 --> 0:16:32.240 can't get away with it anymore. Yep, And I feel 0:16:32.280 --> 0:16:35.520 like that's good on the job training for you for surely. 0:16:35.880 --> 0:16:38.640 So yeah, I'm a single mom, say, and I'm going 0:16:38.720 --> 0:16:42.760 through what has become a high conflict divorce and I 0:16:42.800 --> 0:16:45.640 don't know what I need, but I know I need help. 0:16:46.480 --> 0:16:49.040 So a person like you is a person to turn 0:16:49.080 --> 0:16:52.320 to for just to help you have a plan in 0:16:52.400 --> 0:16:54.200 place to give you guidance. 0:16:54.880 --> 0:16:58.040 Yeah, because I think my ideal client would be the 0:16:58.440 --> 0:17:01.320 woman that's at home going gosh, I want to leave, 0:17:01.360 --> 0:17:03.120 and this has given me hope. Like you know, I'll 0:17:03.160 --> 0:17:05.960 contact Sam. I want you to contact me before you 0:17:06.080 --> 0:17:08.520 contact an attorney. And here's why I want you to 0:17:08.520 --> 0:17:11.080 be educated first when you go to that consultation, yes, 0:17:11.280 --> 0:17:13.000 with that attorney, because you should be doing two or 0:17:13.000 --> 0:17:15.920 three consultations to really get a full grab. And I 0:17:15.920 --> 0:17:17.720 would really like to take it a step further and 0:17:17.720 --> 0:17:19.439 not only get an education from me. I have a 0:17:19.440 --> 0:17:22.520 masterclass with a workbook that's phenomenal. It's only ninety seven dollars. 0:17:22.560 --> 0:17:24.399 I keep everything affordable because when I was going through 0:17:24.440 --> 0:17:26.000 my divorce, I couldn't affortue you. 0:17:26.320 --> 0:17:27.240 That's amazing though. 0:17:27.320 --> 0:17:29.560 Yeah, just so a little master class a couple hours long. 0:17:29.600 --> 0:17:32.120 You can learn all the lingo, learn about holidays, learn 0:17:32.119 --> 0:17:34.400 what's going to be asked of you, right, And then 0:17:34.440 --> 0:17:37.240 I would really, if I had like the best wishes 0:17:37.280 --> 0:17:39.040 for you, I would want you to go ahead and 0:17:39.119 --> 0:17:42.760 build your parenting plan. That way, you can get everything 0:17:42.760 --> 0:17:45.119 wrote down of what ideally you would want for your kids, 0:17:45.119 --> 0:17:47.680 from diapers to diploma, and then you use that paper 0:17:48.160 --> 0:17:50.960 to take into your consultations and say, okay, attorney, I 0:17:51.000 --> 0:17:52.960 know you're giving me all the right answers here, but 0:17:53.040 --> 0:17:55.199 I want you to look at this and if you 0:17:55.440 --> 0:17:57.639 really truly believe that you're a good fit for me, 0:17:57.920 --> 0:18:00.119 what do you think of this proposed parenting plan. This 0:18:00.160 --> 0:18:01.919 is how much detail I want to have, this is 0:18:01.960 --> 0:18:04.959 the level of longevity I want to go. And what 0:18:05.000 --> 0:18:06.239 do you think? And I'm going to tell you right 0:18:06.280 --> 0:18:08.879 now that answer will dictate whether that's a good lawyer 0:18:08.880 --> 0:18:11.800 for your situation or not. Because that lawyer may get 0:18:11.840 --> 0:18:14.440 offended that you've already done a lot of work because 0:18:14.440 --> 0:18:17.600 that just decreased their billable hours. That attorney may say, 0:18:17.640 --> 0:18:21.280 absolutely not, We're not doing something like that. No judge 0:18:21.320 --> 0:18:23.200 will go for that, and it's like, well, that's because 0:18:23.200 --> 0:18:25.800 you're still using a template from nineteen eighty four. Okay, 0:18:25.880 --> 0:18:29.400 so things have changed. Kids have modernized, so have relationships, 0:18:29.400 --> 0:18:32.000 and so has personality disorders. We need a little bit 0:18:32.000 --> 0:18:34.199 more detail in here. But there's attorneys out there that 0:18:34.200 --> 0:18:36.920 have seen my parenting plan and they love it because 0:18:37.000 --> 0:18:39.959 because modifications are on a rise, people are coming back 0:18:40.040 --> 0:18:42.320