WEBVTT - A Christmas Gift for You from Danielle Moodie 0:00:08.880 --> 0:00:11.760 Good morning, peeps, and welcome to Okay f Daily with 0:00:11.960 --> 0:00:15.560 Meet your Girl. Danielle Moody recording once again from the 0:00:15.680 --> 0:00:21.840 Brooklyn Bunker. I cannot believe that it is Christmas Eve, 0:00:22.560 --> 0:00:26.960 that we have almost made it to the end of 0:00:27.760 --> 0:00:33.879 yet another tumultuous year. Before I dive into all of 0:00:33.920 --> 0:00:37.640 the things that we have lived through and seen throughout 0:00:37.640 --> 0:00:41.839 this twelve months of twenty twenty one, or rather twenty 0:00:41.920 --> 0:00:47.520 twenty the sequel, I want us to give a lot 0:00:47.840 --> 0:00:52.240 of grace and gratitude to ourselves for where we are 0:00:52.520 --> 0:00:57.400 at this point in the year. If you are feeling exhausted, 0:00:57.720 --> 0:01:01.880 if you are feeling deflated, if you are feeling weary, 0:01:02.320 --> 0:01:05.679 know that you are not alone. It has been a 0:01:05.800 --> 0:01:09.520 very arduous year. It has been an arduous couple of 0:01:09.640 --> 0:01:14.280 years in America. You know, I have been doing a 0:01:14.319 --> 0:01:19.240 lot of reflection over the last couple of weeks. You know, 0:01:20.080 --> 0:01:26.240 I'm a person that believes in spiritual awakenings and renewals 0:01:26.240 --> 0:01:29.759 and the universe and that there are no coincidences, and 0:01:30.480 --> 0:01:34.119 you know, I realize that a lot of us, whether 0:01:34.319 --> 0:01:37.840 you are a person that believes in, you know, the 0:01:37.920 --> 0:01:41.600 spiritual verse, or you are a person that subscribes to 0:01:42.280 --> 0:01:45.440 a form of religion that we do so we reach 0:01:45.480 --> 0:01:49.680 out or look for connections because sometimes we feel just 0:01:49.800 --> 0:01:55.000 so very disconnected from what is happening in front of us. 0:01:55.880 --> 0:02:00.840 And I realize lately that my weariness is coming from 0:02:02.440 --> 0:02:11.040 a place of discontent and confusion about what forward looks 0:02:11.080 --> 0:02:14.160 like for twenty twenty two. Usually at the end of 0:02:14.200 --> 0:02:20.320 most years, right outside of you know, the last two 0:02:22.440 --> 0:02:24.440 usually at the end of the year, you kind of 0:02:24.480 --> 0:02:28.520 take stock on what some of your highlights were, what 0:02:28.639 --> 0:02:31.839 some of your low lights were, and you know, you 0:02:32.080 --> 0:02:36.560 give gratitude, you create vision boards for what's next, and 0:02:36.639 --> 0:02:41.320 you give gratitude for what has transpired. What I realize 0:02:41.360 --> 0:02:45.240 that I'm struggling with as we countdown the days to 0:02:45.360 --> 0:02:49.240 twenty twenty two on this Christmas Eve, what I'm struggling 0:02:49.280 --> 0:02:54.760 with is what to expect next. And this is where 0:02:54.880 --> 0:02:59.440 I think faith, regardless of what you subscribe to, comes in. 0:03:00.600 --> 0:03:04.480 I think that faith comes in because friends, we have 0:03:04.560 --> 0:03:09.920 no idea what to expect, and it's the uncertainty, the 0:03:10.040 --> 0:03:15.040 instability of the times that we are living in that 0:03:15.120 --> 0:03:22.200 I feel has us so weary and deflated and just tired. Frankly, right. 0:03:24.360 --> 0:03:27.040 It's because it's hard to create a vision board and 0:03:27.080 --> 0:03:30.799 to plan for the year ahead, right, or to think 0:03:30.800 --> 0:03:34.399 about what you want to manifest in terms of your 0:03:34.440 --> 0:03:38.200 goals when you have no idea what to expect from 0:03:38.240 --> 0:03:41.640 one day to the next. You know, it was only 0:03:41.680 --> 0:03:45.400 a couple of weeks ago, three in fact, that omicron 0:03:45.600 --> 0:03:51.320 was discovered by scientists in South Africa, and in that 0:03:51.680 --> 0:03:55.600 span of time, that span of time, which is so short, 0:03:56.360 --> 0:04:00.680 the world has turned upside down. Thing that we thought 0:04:00.720 --> 0:04:03.800 that we were passed, or at least had hoped, had 0:04:03.840 --> 0:04:06.960 hoped that we were passed. We had seen in New 0:04:07.040 --> 0:04:12.440 York Broadway reopened, We saw restaurants reopen and filled to 0:04:12.520 --> 0:04:16.520 the brim with excited customers, you know, ready to return 0:04:16.600 --> 0:04:20.240 and leave the confines of their homes. We were able 0:04:20.320 --> 0:04:24.960 to get through a summer, right that was filled with 0:04:25.040 --> 0:04:30.240 warm sunshine and hopefully beach trips and outdoor gatherings and 0:04:30.360 --> 0:04:36.360 backyard gatherings and rooftops, and so we felt that, you know, 0:04:36.960 --> 0:04:41.120 as a as a nation, as a people, that we 0:04:41.120 --> 0:04:45.440 were adapting well to our new normal. I think that 0:04:45.520 --> 0:04:48.840 all of us had slowly begun to recognize that we 0:04:48.839 --> 0:04:51.840 were never going to go back to before, Right, we 0:04:51.839 --> 0:04:55.760 were never going to be back to that PC place, 0:04:56.080 --> 0:05:02.280 pre COVID, before COVID, that the those days twenty nineteen 0:05:02.560 --> 0:05:07.760 and all that came before, we're just going to be memories. 0:05:08.480 --> 0:05:11.080 There wasn't going to be a time when you would 0:05:11.600 --> 0:05:15.360 be in supermarkets or walking on the street and not 0:05:15.440 --> 0:05:18.920 see people with mass of course, unless you lived in 0:05:18.960 --> 0:05:24.040 Tennessee or Texas or out east on Long Island where 0:05:24.040 --> 0:05:27.640 my parents are, where it seemed that, as many Republicans 0:05:27.640 --> 0:05:32.880 had said, real America was done with COVID, whatever that meant, 0:05:33.200 --> 0:05:38.479 because a virus doesn't know what political affiliation you have, 0:05:38.680 --> 0:05:44.600 let alone your geography. Nonetheless, we'd all kind of moved 0:05:44.640 --> 0:05:49.200 into this space where we believed that for those of 0:05:49.320 --> 0:05:51.800 us that had been following the rules and had done 0:05:51.839 --> 0:05:56.240 the right things and followed the CDC guidelines, that we 0:05:56.279 --> 0:06:01.000 had adapted and we lived to see a fight another day, 0:06:01.160 --> 0:06:06.560 which sadly, over eight hundred thousand Americans would not. And 0:06:06.600 --> 0:06:14.080 then omicron. On the side of good news, we are 0:06:14.200 --> 0:06:20.200 seeing signs in South Africa where scientists discovered the variant 0:06:20.480 --> 0:06:24.839 that it seems as if they have peeped we can't 0:06:24.880 --> 0:06:29.479 really use South Africa though as our guide, because they 0:06:29.520 --> 0:06:35.640 had very low vaccination rates but very high COVID rates, 0:06:35.720 --> 0:06:38.960 so meaning that a lot of these people who had 0:06:38.960 --> 0:06:45.240 contracted the omicron variant had already had delta or alpha. 0:06:45.320 --> 0:06:50.880 So while we're trying to understand this virus and use 0:06:51.120 --> 0:06:56.760 different cities and countries as models for what we can anticipate, 0:06:57.400 --> 0:07:01.120 nothing is one hundred percent. We live in a country 0:07:01.160 --> 0:07:06.000 where only sixty percent of the population is vaccinated. Millions 0:07:06.000 --> 0:07:10.280 have contracted COVID, but millions have not. Some are boosted, 0:07:10.560 --> 0:07:15.320 some are not. Right. It's an entirely different climate, it's 0:07:15.320 --> 0:07:21.000 an entirely different geography, and so we unfortunately will have 0:07:21.160 --> 0:07:25.560 to see, as doctor Jonathan Metzel told us, over the 0:07:25.600 --> 0:07:29.240 next four to six weeks, what COVID looks like in 0:07:29.280 --> 0:07:32.520 the United States. What we know right now is that 0:07:32.560 --> 0:07:36.160 we are seeing record breaking numbers that we haven't seen 0:07:36.240 --> 0:07:39.600 since twenty twenty two the UK, I means, excuse me, 0:07:39.680 --> 0:07:44.200 since twenty twenty the UK is reporting for the first 0:07:44.240 --> 0:07:47.680 time one hundred thousand new cases in a day. Again, 0:07:47.760 --> 0:07:51.880 those numbers have not been seen since the beginning of 0:07:51.880 --> 0:07:56.320 this global health pandemic in twenty twenty. So far we 0:07:56.400 --> 0:08:00.440 can say that the symptoms seem to be the same, 0:08:01.120 --> 0:08:05.520 while hospitals are still at reaching their breaking point in 0:08:05.640 --> 0:08:10.320 many different regions that those that were vaccinated and were boosted, 0:08:10.920 --> 0:08:14.040 they may fall sick. But again, what was the goal 0:08:14.280 --> 0:08:18.760 of the vaccine that you don't die? Right? We all 0:08:18.840 --> 0:08:22.000 forget that. We think that the goal of the vaccine 0:08:22.080 --> 0:08:25.120 was to go back to to go back to twenty nineteen. 0:08:25.600 --> 0:08:28.240 We thought that the goal of the vaccine was to 0:08:28.280 --> 0:08:32.720 turn the clock back. It's never going to do that, folks. 0:08:32.720 --> 0:08:36.720 And there's a reason why we have these vaccines because 0:08:36.800 --> 0:08:39.679 they've been working on them for years, because there were 0:08:39.720 --> 0:08:45.280 people in labs around the world that we're anticipating some 0:08:45.360 --> 0:08:49.479 type of global outbreak and so had been positioning themselves 0:08:49.559 --> 0:08:53.320 and using technology to be able to give to the 0:08:53.360 --> 0:08:58.200 world the gift that we received back in June of 0:08:58.280 --> 0:09:05.240 twenty twenty one. Right, But what we didn't anticipate while 0:09:05.280 --> 0:09:10.160 we were all, you know, praying, manifesting, meditating, and hoping 0:09:10.760 --> 0:09:14.240 to see brighter days, what we didn't anticipate was that 0:09:14.320 --> 0:09:18.240 the damage that the Trump administration had already done to 0:09:18.520 --> 0:09:23.760 whip up, you know, Trump Americans into believing that this 0:09:23.840 --> 0:09:26.800 was all a hoax into believing that public health was 0:09:26.920 --> 0:09:32.160 nothing but you know, and something to encumber their idea 0:09:32.280 --> 0:09:36.560 of liberty and freedom, that taking care of thy neighbor 0:09:36.679 --> 0:09:39.280 was no longer a tenant of any Bible that they 0:09:39.280 --> 0:09:42.160 ever picked up, and that it was just, you know, 0:09:42.559 --> 0:09:49.320 lord of the flies in this country. We thought, and 0:09:49.360 --> 0:09:52.880 we're sadly mistaken, that once a new administration had come in, 0:09:53.559 --> 0:09:56.840 that they would be able to wipe clean with claros 0:09:58.080 --> 0:10:02.240 all of the grift and the damage and the soils 0:10:04.280 --> 0:10:07.880 that the Trump administration had created over the last four years. 0:10:09.160 --> 0:10:11.880 But alas what we are seeing is that that is 0:10:11.960 --> 0:10:17.079 far from the truth. But as James Baldwin once clearly 0:10:17.160 --> 0:10:20.120 stated and said, is that you can't change things that 0:10:20.160 --> 0:10:25.160 you refuse to face. My problem with COVID nineteen is 0:10:25.200 --> 0:10:29.760 not just around the exhaustion, the collective exhaustion that we 0:10:29.800 --> 0:10:33.000 are feeling, right, and also the thing that we're not 0:10:33.160 --> 0:10:39.280 talking about is what collective trauma looks like living with 0:10:39.320 --> 0:10:45.920 this sense of anxiety and fear, and how depression is 0:10:46.000 --> 0:10:49.880 kind of going back and forth like a seesaw in 0:10:49.920 --> 0:10:54.040 our lives, and what that does right, how it impacts 0:10:54.080 --> 0:10:56.120 the way that we show up in our families and 0:10:56.200 --> 0:11:02.679 our friends and our communities at our job. It's real. 0:11:04.280 --> 0:11:09.640 I am very vocal about the fact that I go 0:11:09.800 --> 0:11:14.800 through in any given day sometimes waves of emotions where 0:11:14.840 --> 0:11:20.000 I am grounded in deep gratitude but then almost feel 0:11:20.120 --> 0:11:26.040 paralyzed with fear about what's to come. Get so paralyzed, 0:11:26.040 --> 0:11:28.920 in fact, I sink myself into my couch, I wrap 0:11:29.040 --> 0:11:33.720 myself in a blanket, and I numb myself with any 0:11:34.360 --> 0:11:38.200 stupid Netflix series or Amazon Prime or whatever the fuck 0:11:38.280 --> 0:11:43.040 is streaming, just as a way to suspend thought for 0:11:43.200 --> 0:11:47.400 just a little bit, because I realized that my mind, 0:11:47.679 --> 0:11:54.480 my body, my nerves need a break. But what pains 0:11:54.559 --> 0:11:58.360 me is that Democrats on a daily basis missed the 0:11:58.400 --> 0:12:04.200 opportunity to tell the truth. That is what Representative Jamal 0:12:04.240 --> 0:12:08.880 Bowman said yesterday. It shouldn't be this hard to tell 0:12:08.960 --> 0:12:13.679 the truth, to say we're here because we have an 0:12:13.840 --> 0:12:18.240 entire Republican Party that has turned themselves into a death cult. 0:12:19.240 --> 0:12:23.280 That we are here because they continue to go on 0:12:23.480 --> 0:12:28.600 a news station that lies to the American people about 0:12:28.600 --> 0:12:33.480 how dangerous this virus is and lies to them about 0:12:33.480 --> 0:12:37.680 the ways that they can protect themselves. Why they themselves 0:12:38.440 --> 0:12:42.360 follow protocols and vaccines and get boosters and wear masks. 0:12:48.480 --> 0:12:52.240 You know, I worry, and I think that that's what's 0:12:52.400 --> 0:12:56.280 making this transition into a new year so hard, is 0:12:56.360 --> 0:13:00.640 that I don't know what to expect. Act none of 0:13:00.720 --> 0:13:04.760 us do, you know, Normally as a new year would 0:13:04.760 --> 0:13:07.160 come around, we never know what to expect. Right. We 0:13:07.280 --> 0:13:10.920 love to say things like it's a clean slate, Right, 0:13:11.000 --> 0:13:13.440 we had three hundred and sixty five days in front 0:13:13.480 --> 0:13:17.520 of us to write a different story, and in many 0:13:17.559 --> 0:13:21.880 ways that is still completely true. But I think that 0:13:21.960 --> 0:13:24.520 we also need to afford ourselves with a level of 0:13:24.640 --> 0:13:28.280 nimbleness and the word that I've used, the word that 0:13:28.480 --> 0:13:30.440 I guess if I had to say, what was my 0:13:30.520 --> 0:13:37.040 word of twenty twenty one, it would be grace. It 0:13:37.080 --> 0:13:42.800 would be to give ourselves a level of grace and 0:13:42.920 --> 0:13:48.920 those around us for having gotten this goddamn far. To 0:13:49.080 --> 0:13:52.559 be proud, frankly of the journey that we've been on, 0:13:53.040 --> 0:13:58.079 because it's been a roller coaster and on some days 0:13:58.120 --> 0:14:01.400 it felt like we were headed towards the light, and 0:14:01.480 --> 0:14:03.520 in other days it felt like the light that was 0:14:03.559 --> 0:14:08.400 in front of us was an oncoming train. I think 0:14:08.400 --> 0:14:11.920 what we all need to adapt to is the reality 0:14:12.000 --> 0:14:19.760 that as the seasons get colder, right as years go on, 0:14:21.080 --> 0:14:26.440 that we're going to have to self quarantine, that there 0:14:26.480 --> 0:14:30.640 will always be pop ups of new variants, but God 0:14:30.680 --> 0:14:36.120 willing that the boosters and the vaccines continue to work, 0:14:37.720 --> 0:14:43.080 and that if we recognize that the holiday seasons moving 0:14:43.120 --> 0:14:48.360 forward may be marred continually with anxiety and stress and 0:14:48.440 --> 0:14:52.160 not just about what to get your significant other or 0:14:52.480 --> 0:14:54.520 you know, whether or not you can stretch a dollar 0:14:54.600 --> 0:14:57.960 farther farther enough to get your kids the gifts that 0:14:58.040 --> 0:15:01.400 they want, or you know, things under your tree or 0:15:02.320 --> 0:15:09.040 what have you. That it's going to look different, and 0:15:09.160 --> 0:15:11.960 maybe we need to figure out the ways in which 0:15:12.000 --> 0:15:15.920 to adapt to that. You know, part of the reason 0:15:16.040 --> 0:15:21.680 why I found myself struggling this week is because a 0:15:21.720 --> 0:15:24.280 lot of things that I had anticipated and been looking 0:15:24.320 --> 0:15:28.480 forward to with regard to the holiday we're going to 0:15:28.520 --> 0:15:33.000 be drastically different. As millions of people got that same 0:15:33.040 --> 0:15:37.560 shocking news, you know, I was watching and as people 0:15:37.840 --> 0:15:42.040 were welcoming their kids back home after being terrified, you 0:15:42.080 --> 0:15:44.560 know that they've been at college all year, just hoping 0:15:44.560 --> 0:15:47.160 to God that they didn't come back with COVID or 0:15:47.200 --> 0:15:52.000 get COVID and then they come home, you test them 0:15:52.040 --> 0:15:54.200 and they find out, oh shit, they do have COVID. 0:15:54.280 --> 0:15:56.520 So now our holiday plans are scrapped. We thought we 0:15:56.520 --> 0:15:59.480 were traveling, now we're not. Now we're all quarantining for 0:15:59.520 --> 0:16:05.200 the next ten to fourteen days. That's where the nimbleness 0:16:05.240 --> 0:16:10.680 comes in. You know what would they used to say that, 0:16:11.000 --> 0:16:16.160 you know, you make plans and God laughs, Right, I 0:16:16.200 --> 0:16:22.680 think in order to save ourselves some deep heartache, that 0:16:23.040 --> 0:16:27.360 we need to just be nimble, right, and that when 0:16:27.400 --> 0:16:31.280 we do have the opportunity to share time, break bread, 0:16:31.960 --> 0:16:36.720 commune with our family, with our friends, that we need 0:16:36.800 --> 0:16:42.000 to enjoy them to the fullest. Right, that we really 0:16:42.080 --> 0:16:48.320 need to squeeze every bit of joy and life and 0:16:48.640 --> 0:16:54.200 love and experience out of those moments so that they 0:16:54.280 --> 0:17:01.440 help to sustain us in our lowest times. You know. 0:17:01.680 --> 0:17:07.600 I it was funny just recently, I'd gone to San Francisco, 0:17:08.640 --> 0:17:12.760 which mighty of you know, form for work for Um 0:17:13.440 --> 0:17:16.800 for Lesbians wu TECH, an organization that I'm an advisor on, 0:17:18.040 --> 0:17:22.480 and I'd seen one of the other and a couple 0:17:22.520 --> 0:17:26.120 of the other advisors that I haven't seen in three years, Right, 0:17:27.400 --> 0:17:33.400 And she remarked and said, my god, we didn't realize 0:17:33.400 --> 0:17:36.840 how good we had it, how good we had it, 0:17:37.200 --> 0:17:41.520 you know, at doing these summits with thousands of queer 0:17:41.600 --> 0:17:44.200 women from around the country, around the world that would 0:17:44.240 --> 0:17:47.960 descend on San Francisco, and you know, it just felt 0:17:48.000 --> 0:17:52.399 like these rock star moments for days on end during summit, 0:17:53.760 --> 0:17:57.480 and she goes, you know, if I knew that our 0:17:57.560 --> 0:18:00.720 last Advisor meeting in twenty nineteen and was going to 0:18:00.840 --> 0:18:04.240 literally be our last Advisor meeting in person, maybe I 0:18:04.280 --> 0:18:07.399 wouldn't have rushed out. Maybe I wouldn't have rushed to 0:18:07.480 --> 0:18:10.160 the airport to go catch a flight, and I would 0:18:10.160 --> 0:18:12.360 have stayed longer, and I would have talked to that 0:18:12.400 --> 0:18:14.919 person in the corner that I didn't get to because 0:18:15.119 --> 0:18:17.199 I was looking at my watch and I needed to go. 0:18:18.760 --> 0:18:23.199 I think that there was something really profound in what 0:18:23.359 --> 0:18:28.720 she offered, which is that the fact that we are 0:18:28.800 --> 0:18:33.680 still alive when so many of our family, our friends, 0:18:34.080 --> 0:18:38.360 our community members, our church friends, our colleagues are not 0:18:40.080 --> 0:18:43.360 provides us with an opportunity to have a do over, 0:18:46.040 --> 0:18:50.080 to really enjoy those moments that we get to share. 0:18:53.080 --> 0:18:56.000 You know, back in twenty twenty, when we were all 0:18:57.200 --> 0:19:03.800 sequestered away. We kept saying that when we got out, right, 0:19:03.880 --> 0:19:08.679 when we got out, that we would dance harder, we 0:19:08.680 --> 0:19:14.160 would hug harder, we would love harder. Well, I think 0:19:14.200 --> 0:19:16.840 that there are going to be a lot of jack 0:19:16.840 --> 0:19:21.240 in the box moments right where you pop out things 0:19:21.320 --> 0:19:24.720 feel great, it's spring, it's summer, and then you go 0:19:24.800 --> 0:19:29.280 back in. But on those moments when we do get 0:19:29.280 --> 0:19:33.000 to pop out and everything does feel like it is aligned, 0:19:34.840 --> 0:19:40.160 let's marinate in that. Let's soak that up. Let's journal 0:19:40.200 --> 0:19:42.920 about it, let's talk about it, let's sing about it 0:19:46.520 --> 0:19:54.160 right because what we recognize over these last few years 0:19:55.960 --> 0:20:04.240 is that it's fleeting. Time is fleeting, and joy is 0:20:04.280 --> 0:20:07.960 something that we have to consistently work at, and that 0:20:08.040 --> 0:20:14.720 when we find ourselves in our low and dark moments, 0:20:15.600 --> 0:20:20.520 we can honor that. We can see that. But let's 0:20:20.520 --> 0:20:29.920 not get stuck in it. Let's allow our memories to 0:20:29.960 --> 0:20:36.119 provide us with the images the warmth of better times, 0:20:36.160 --> 0:20:44.840 so that they booy us forward. I don't know, friends, 0:20:45.040 --> 0:20:52.400 what next year will bring. I have no idea, and 0:20:52.440 --> 0:20:58.080 I think that that not knowing requires us then to 0:20:58.200 --> 0:21:01.800 do what my mother has said for so many years, 0:21:02.000 --> 0:21:05.280 be in the present. The past doesn't matter, in the 0:21:05.320 --> 0:21:13.280 future doesn't exist. We can anticipate, right, we can follow 0:21:13.320 --> 0:21:17.679 the cycles, We can understand these things. But with a 0:21:17.880 --> 0:21:24.040 mid term election coming up, with a white supremacist nationalist 0:21:24.160 --> 0:21:31.960 party gaining momentum and steam by the minute, with a 0:21:32.040 --> 0:21:35.920 Democratic party that seems to once again have lost its way, 0:21:36.000 --> 0:21:43.440 its passion, and its sense of urgency, I only wish 0:21:43.600 --> 0:21:46.720 some days that I could shake a magic eight ball 0:21:46.720 --> 0:21:50.480 and tell you where we will be in November of 0:21:50.520 --> 0:21:56.439 twenty twenty two. I don't know, and neither do you. 0:22:00.119 --> 0:22:03.600 So what I realize, as I've been wiping my tears 0:22:03.640 --> 0:22:08.960 all week, is that then it doesn't make any sense 0:22:10.920 --> 0:22:17.560 to worry about what I don't know is coming. What 0:22:17.760 --> 0:22:22.880 does make sense, though, is to control what we can control. 0:22:23.880 --> 0:22:29.480 And what does that look like. It looks like really 0:22:29.520 --> 0:22:34.560 getting a hold of our health, right. And you know, 0:22:35.320 --> 0:22:38.480 I have been on a weight loss journey, on a 0:22:38.520 --> 0:22:43.879 weight gain journey during the last couple of weeks, and 0:22:45.640 --> 0:22:52.200 I can say that as it pertains to my health 0:22:52.240 --> 0:22:56.640 and wellness, and what I hope to manifest in twenty 0:22:56.680 --> 0:23:01.240 twenty two is just more consistency. I know that when 0:23:01.760 --> 0:23:07.760 I the end of the year is always a working 0:23:07.760 --> 0:23:12.159 at a breakneck pace, and I let a lot of 0:23:12.240 --> 0:23:15.320 things slide so that I can get to the end. 0:23:15.480 --> 0:23:18.480 I always have an end date in mind, and I 0:23:18.600 --> 0:23:21.040 get there and then it's like, woof, you get to 0:23:21.119 --> 0:23:25.960 take you know, these almost you know, ten days to 0:23:26.119 --> 0:23:31.920 fourteen days off, which is very necessary and I feel 0:23:32.000 --> 0:23:34.600 very grateful and blessed and privileged to be able to 0:23:34.640 --> 0:23:39.320 do so. But it's always a mad dash there. So 0:23:39.400 --> 0:23:43.080 a lot of my normal routines fall by the wayside 0:23:43.119 --> 0:23:46.800 because I'm trying to cram in, you know, so much 0:23:46.920 --> 0:23:51.000 into a very little amount of time. So as I'm 0:23:51.000 --> 0:23:53.920 stepping on the scale every day, I'm noticing the numbers 0:23:53.960 --> 0:23:56.720 going up, and normally I would have a major freak 0:23:56.760 --> 0:24:00.880 out and I would start to really, you know, with 0:24:00.920 --> 0:24:04.359 my negative self talk and with all of these things 0:24:04.400 --> 0:24:07.199 like oh my god, I can't believe you can't get controlled, this, 0:24:07.359 --> 0:24:13.240 that and the other thing. And you know, late last 0:24:13.280 --> 0:24:19.439 week I had decided that, oh, I can step on 0:24:19.480 --> 0:24:22.480 the scale and I'll see the number. But you know 0:24:22.560 --> 0:24:25.760 what's different this time than all of the other times, 0:24:25.920 --> 0:24:31.920 is I'm confident and how I get myself healthy. I'm 0:24:32.000 --> 0:24:37.119 confident in the ways that I need to focus, and 0:24:37.200 --> 0:24:41.680 that when I am focused and I am on put 0:24:41.720 --> 0:24:46.960 myself on my own schedule, that things fall away and 0:24:47.119 --> 0:24:51.600 they realign. And so over these next couple of weeks, 0:24:52.000 --> 0:24:54.360 I'm not going to beat myself up because guess what, 0:24:55.080 --> 0:24:57.440 the self talk I had done for years didn't change 0:24:57.440 --> 0:25:02.520 shit anyway. It actually just made things worse. So instead 0:25:02.560 --> 0:25:05.480 of the negative self talk, don eat this, don't do that, 0:25:05.920 --> 0:25:08.600 calling myself all types of names as I head into 0:25:09.200 --> 0:25:13.159 this merry season, so I'm going to give myself a 0:25:13.200 --> 0:25:19.919 break and some grace. Then I will circle back in 0:25:19.960 --> 0:25:23.639 a couple of days when there is no work and 0:25:23.800 --> 0:25:26.800 all I'm focusing on is being with my family and 0:25:27.560 --> 0:25:32.760 rest and relaxation, and then my body will start to 0:25:33.119 --> 0:25:37.680 let go of the cortisol levels and I will look 0:25:37.760 --> 0:25:41.960 to my walking and my exercise as a way to 0:25:42.000 --> 0:25:45.320 give my body back what I depleted from it towards 0:25:45.320 --> 0:25:50.040 the end of the year. And that to me is progress. 0:25:51.640 --> 0:25:55.320 It's a switch in thinking. It's an honoring of myself 0:25:55.359 --> 0:25:57.439 and where I am and what I have the capacity 0:25:57.480 --> 0:26:02.679 to do, and it's giving myself a fucking break. And 0:26:02.720 --> 0:26:06.160 I think too often we don't do that we don't 0:26:06.200 --> 0:26:09.680 give ourselves a break. As a year comes to an end, 0:26:09.720 --> 0:26:12.359 we beat ourselves up. We say, put the pedal to 0:26:12.440 --> 0:26:14.760 the metal. There's only a couple of days left of 0:26:14.800 --> 0:26:18.119 twenty twenty one. Make the best of it. And it's like, 0:26:18.200 --> 0:26:22.479 for the love of God, you know the fact that 0:26:22.480 --> 0:26:28.080 we are here, bravo. You get all of the applause 0:26:28.280 --> 0:26:32.160 from me. If nobody else salutes you, I'm saluting you. 0:26:33.680 --> 0:26:40.000 So let us give ourselves a break. Let's look at 0:26:40.040 --> 0:26:44.760 ourselves in the mirror and say thank you, dear body, 0:26:44.880 --> 0:26:49.760 dear mind, dear heart for carrying me through this tumultuous y, 0:26:49.920 --> 0:26:55.879 or thank you right for the wholeness that stands before me. 0:26:56.000 --> 0:27:00.480 Thank you for getting me to this place. And in turn, 0:27:00.640 --> 0:27:03.560 I will honor you by caring for you and loving 0:27:03.600 --> 0:27:09.440 for you more. When the calendar year turns over. That's 0:27:09.520 --> 0:27:18.359 not a resolution. It's just a recognition, right, It's just 0:27:18.440 --> 0:27:23.960 a recognition of what we've all been through and being 0:27:24.040 --> 0:27:28.760 proud of having gotten to the end and have the 0:27:28.800 --> 0:27:32.919 ability to be able to start anew. And it isn't 0:27:33.080 --> 0:27:35.320 just the new year, you know. I said this year 0:27:35.359 --> 0:27:38.560 because somebody had told me that they look at their 0:27:38.600 --> 0:27:41.560 birthdays as their own personal new year, and I said, 0:27:41.560 --> 0:27:46.800 I love that. I love that so much. But to 0:27:46.840 --> 0:27:50.800 be honest, I look at every day. I want to 0:27:50.840 --> 0:27:54.639 look at every day as a personal new year, because 0:27:54.720 --> 0:27:58.639 yesterday is done, the future has not been written, and 0:27:58.720 --> 0:28:03.440 today's an opportunity to do something a little different. If 0:28:03.480 --> 0:28:05.720 I was hard on myself on Monday, then I want 0:28:05.720 --> 0:28:08.440 to give myself a little more grace on Tuesday. That 0:28:08.480 --> 0:28:10.879 I gave myself a little bit of grace on Tuesday, 0:28:11.119 --> 0:28:14.200 I want to really love up on myself on Wednesday. 0:28:18.960 --> 0:28:25.159 And that's okay. You are deserving regardless of the mansions 0:28:25.160 --> 0:28:28.800 and the cinemas and these politicians that want to portray 0:28:28.880 --> 0:28:36.720 the American people as lazy, as liars, as cheats. That's 0:28:36.760 --> 0:28:41.800 not who we are. But we have allowed capitalism, right 0:28:41.920 --> 0:28:46.200 and the grind, the forced grind, to believe that we 0:28:46.280 --> 0:28:51.640 are undeserving of rest, that we are undeserving of the 0:28:51.760 --> 0:28:54.880 space to provide ourselves if in fact, we do breakdown, 0:28:57.680 --> 0:29:00.600 that we spend so much time beating ourselves up that 0:29:00.840 --> 0:29:04.000 we don't even need anyone on the outside to do so, 0:29:04.120 --> 0:29:12.240 because we're too busy pulverizing ourselves. So if there's nothing 0:29:12.280 --> 0:29:15.240 else that we can do with the last handful of 0:29:15.360 --> 0:29:23.560 days of this year. Let's center grace. Let's allow our 0:29:23.680 --> 0:29:33.480 shoulders to come down from our ears. Let's need out 0:29:33.840 --> 0:29:39.880 the not that has been forming and living in our stomachs. 0:29:43.640 --> 0:29:48.960 Let's return to deep breaths and pushing out the stale 0:29:49.720 --> 0:30:00.080 air of this year. Let's make a pact to just 0:30:00.800 --> 0:30:04.960 use every day as an opportunity to give gratitude, to 0:30:05.120 --> 0:30:08.960 ground ourselves in joy, and to just try and be 0:30:09.160 --> 0:30:14.520 just a little bit better. That doesn't mean to do more, Jess, 0:30:14.640 --> 0:30:19.080 means to be a little bit better than we were 0:30:19.160 --> 0:30:24.160 the day before. Maybe read an extra page of your book, 0:30:24.760 --> 0:30:29.600 Maybe spend another minute in meditation or prayer. Maybe spend 0:30:29.600 --> 0:30:32.640 a little extra time watering and weeding out your plants. 0:30:33.760 --> 0:30:42.200 Maybe dance around your home. Just connect with the fact 0:30:42.280 --> 0:30:49.160 that we are alive and almost a million Americans are not. 0:30:52.600 --> 0:30:57.040 And I don't want us to get stuck in survivor's 0:30:57.200 --> 0:31:01.480 guilt about that, or feeling like the pressure is on 0:31:01.640 --> 0:31:06.040 and we should be doing the most. The fact that 0:31:06.120 --> 0:31:08.320 we have in all as a nation had a collective 0:31:08.360 --> 0:31:14.760 nervous breakdown, I think is doing the most. Just think 0:31:14.760 --> 0:31:20.240 about this. I'll read you the top of the piece 0:31:21.160 --> 0:31:26.680 that I wrote for Zora Magazine, a vertical on medium, 0:31:28.720 --> 0:31:30.240 and I just want you to take it in for 0:31:30.280 --> 0:31:37.600 a second. Take in what you've lived through. This is 0:31:37.800 --> 0:31:42.200 entitled twenty twenty one, the Year of Trauma. Once again, 0:31:43.600 --> 0:31:47.760 here we go. Over eight hundred thousand Americans are dead 0:31:49.000 --> 0:31:53.080 from a global health pandemic. Twenty five percent of the 0:31:53.120 --> 0:31:58.440 American population still refuses to be vaccinated. A violent attempt 0:31:58.440 --> 0:32:02.680 to overthrow the government left five people dead, a once 0:32:02.720 --> 0:32:05.720